My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani

Episode: “Revisit: Parenting Our Parents (And Dating!) with Yvette Nicole Brown”
Date: September 24, 2025
Host: Reshma Saujani (A)
Guest: Yvette Nicole Brown (B)

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt, honest episode, Reshma Saujani sits down with actress Yvette Nicole Brown to discuss the realities of caring for aging parents, the journey of being a caregiver, and exploring new love in midlife. Yvette shares deeply personal stories about her father’s Alzheimer’s, the sacrifices she made to care for him, and the wisdom she’s gained—about family, culture, self-care, and relationships. The conversation moves fluidly from the demands and joys of the “sandwich generation” to dating, finding love, and thriving in midlife.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Midlife Mindset

(05:16–07:14)

• Yvette reflects on being a lifelong “mother hen” and describes how her 50s brought increased self-prioritization alongside her deep care for others.

  • Quote: “I've always been the one that watched out for everybody... I prioritized yourself. And I really found that to be true. And now I'm in my 50s. I'm 53. And now I'm really like, I. Good luck, everybody... I have finally realized that I'm people too.” (B, 05:33)

• Transitioning from people-pleasing to considering her own needs.

  • “I will think of other people in addition to myself. So that's been the difference, crossing over into 50s.” (B, 06:44)

Game Changers in Her 50s

• Importance of restorative sleep and not overscheduling.
  • “Please do not work and stress and schedule yourself to your own detriment to where you look up and you know your heart is stopping... For what? For what?” (B, 07:25-08:55)

Caregiving: Lessons from ‘Squeezed’

(09:02–18:10)

• Yvette’s podcast "Squeezed" explores caregivers’ stories nationwide, creating a sense of connection.
  • On not feeling alone: “For me, even someone… as a host, when I listen back to episodes, I feel like I'm not alone. I feel like someone else understands.” (B, 09:29)
  • Caregiver “breadcrumbs”: leaving Post-it notes for her father, realizing other caregivers shared similar day-to-day hacks.

Becoming Her Father’s Caregiver

• Yvette recounts the series of incidents that triggered her father's Alzheimer’s diagnosis and led her to step away from her acting contract.
  • “That was when I decided as soon as Community is canceled, I'm going to Cleveland immediately. I'm packing them up and I'm bringing them...I realized I could not take care of my dad and do 16 hours a day. So that's when I asked for permission to be released from my contract.” (B, 12:20-13:55)

The Cultural Imperative

• Both Reshma and Yvette stress cultural norms around family caregiving.

  • “You know, my dad taught me how to use a spoon. You know, if I can't return the favor, what am I doing?... We take care of our people.” (B, 14:51)

• Transitioning her father to a board-and-care home after his health declined, with emphasis on finding ways to remain his daughter, not his nurse:

  • “Do you think he'd rather have you as his nursemaid or as his daughter?... So I found a great boarding care 15 minutes from my house… and I can just go over three or four times a week, sit with him for hours and just be his kid, which has been really great.” (B, 14:51–17:50)

Impact on Career and Identity

• Leaving “Community” was not a loss, but a purposeful step:
  • “If someone pulls up to the McDonald's drive thru and sees me on fries one day... I'm not embarrassed about having to work an honest days, you know, work... I make my decisions based on if it's the right thing to do or not.” (B, 18:45–20:30)

Dating and Finding Love in Midlife

(26:45–36:31)

• Yvette shares her love story: reconnecting with her fiancé Tony Davis after decades apart, illustrating the magic of second chances.
  • “We actually knew each other when we were in our 20s... And we just started talking... and then we both looked up and was like, wow, you're my person. So he's my person.” (B, 27:06–28:28)

On Not Settling

• The importance of not feeling less-than if single, and the harm of societal expectations.
  • “There are some women that don't want to have kids. There's some women who can't have kids. There's some women that don't want to get married.... I defy anybody to say that she wasted her life.” (B, 28:49–29:45)
  • “Don't just grab somebody because you feel like your time is running out, or do you feel... like you have to meet society's expectations of what success is. You'll regret that.” (A/B, 30:47–31:04)

Dating in the Digital Age

• Yvette’s experience with dating apps: “Yeah, I was on the apps... I just didn't find my guy... everything is in divine order.” (B, 31:08–32:44)
• When you know, you know:
  • “When you meet your person, you absolutely know... There was no... I didn't have to ask anybody what he meant because I could go, Tony, what you mean?... So it's, it's really that. It's just easy.” (B, 32:44–34:20)

Relationship Clarity

• No games, just clear mutual intention—a sign of being with the right person.
  • “There should be no chase. You both want to be there. You both are. Like, Tuesday? Sure, I'd love to see you again.” (B, 34:20–35:05)
  • On engagement: “Me and Tony are grown. And me and Tony got engaged quickly... If it's the right one, they know and you know. You just know.” (B, 35:30–36:31)

Wisdom from Caregiving & Relationships

(42:06–47:56)

• How caregiving shaped her view of men, relationships, and what truly matters in a partner.

  • “He was very vulnerable. And so it changed the type of man, the type of relationship that I wanted... you want a kind man more than anything.” (B, 42:06–43:19)

• On self-care (or lack thereof):

  • “I don't have a self care regimen... I just don't have it. I don't know how to do it. And that's something a lot of caregivers I think would say... we're so outwardly focused.” (B, 43:47–45:03)

• “The person will love you the way the Lord loves you. You know, the way Tony loves me... It's like my battery pack. He's like my USB charging station.” (B, 45:28–46:43)

Her Self-Care Advice for Other Women

• “You have to find... you got to put your oxygen mask on first. And... say no to some things. You know, you can't do everything for everybody.” (B, 47:30)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the midlife shift in priorities:
  “I have finally realized that I'm people too... I look out for myself as well.” (B, 05:33)

• Caregiver solidarity:
  “For me, even as a host, when I listen back to episodes, I feel like I'm not alone. I feel like someone else understands.” (B, 09:29)

• The caregiving imperative:
  “You know, my dad taught me how to use a spoon. You know, if I can't return the favor, what am I doing?” (B, 14:51)

• On love in midlife:
  “I'm grateful that my perfect match finally was able to be in my life. But I was really great when I was single. That said, I would have been in a much more horrible place in life had I said yes to one of them knuckleheads I was dating before Tony.” (B, 30:00)

• Finding the right partner:
  “When you meet your person, you absolutely know... I didn't have to ask anybody what he meant because I could go, Tony, what you mean?” (B, 32:44–34:20)

• On kindness in relationships:
  “If number one is not kind, you are doing yourself a disservice. You want a kind man more than anything. I promise you.” (B, 43:19)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [05:16] The midlife mindset: Yvette on boundaries, self-prioritizing
• [07:14] Tips for thriving in your 50s
• [09:02] On ‘Squeezed’ and building caregiver community
• [12:00] How her father’s Alzheimer’s journey unfolded
• [14:51] Cultural context for caregiving and care facility choices
• [18:45] Career sacrifices and values
• [26:45] Yvette’s love story: reuniting with Tony
• [28:49] The harm of settling and societal expectations
• [31:08] On dating apps, fate, and knowing your worth
• [32:44] The right relationship is clear and easy
• [42:06] Caregiving’s lessons about love and what truly matters
• [43:47] The struggle of self-care as a caregiver
• [45:28] Love as replenishment (“USB charging station”)
• [47:30] Final advice: boundaries, self-care, and saying no

Conclusion

This episode is a moving meditation on navigating midlife as a woman: balancing the needs of aging parents, personal boundaries, self-care, and embracing the possibility of love at any age. Yvette Nicole Brown’s vulnerability and humor make complex topics accessible, relatable, and empowering—whether you’re a caregiver, in the dating pool, or just trying to prioritize your own needs.

Listen to Yvette’s podcast Squeezed and follow My So-Called Midlife for more inspiring conversations about living fully, no matter what season you’re in.