Stop Pretending You’re Not in Midlife with Mary Beard

My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani
Host: Reshma Saujani
Guest: Mary Beard
Release Date: January 15, 2025

Introduction

In this compelling episode of My So-Called Midlife, Reshma Saujani welcomes Mary Beard, a distinguished English classicist and author of Women in Power. Together, they explore the nuanced challenges and empowering moments that define midlife for women. The conversation delves into themes of finding one’s voice, navigating societal expectations, and redefining power dynamics in midlife.

Mary Beard’s Perspective on Midlife

Mary Beard opens up about her personal journey through midlife, sharing insights gained over nearly seven decades. Reflecting on her current stage, she states:

"[04:55] Mary Beard: Well, that's quite difficult because I'm 69 and nearly 70... I have rather enjoyed midlife."

Mary emphasizes the confidence and resilience that come with age, contrasting her present satisfaction with the anxieties she experienced earlier in life. She highlights the evolution of her mindset, noting a significant decrease in fear and an increase in self-assurance.

Finding Her Voice in Midlife

A central theme of the discussion is Mary’s struggle and eventual triumph in finding her authentic voice as a writer and speaker. She recounts years of writer’s block and the difficulty in expressing herself authentically:

"[07:14] Mary Beard: It's only been in midlife that I found how to write and how to speak. I found a voice."

Mary shares her breakthrough moment when she realized she could speak and write in a way that truly reflected her thoughts and personality, free from the need to emulate others. This transformation was not solely due to her media presence but stemmed from a deeper personal evolution.

Reshma’s Personal Experiences

Reshma relates Mary’s journey to her own experiences in politics, where she initially attempted to mimic the speaking styles of male leaders. She confesses:

"[10:32] Reshma Saujani: I sound like a fake... I just authentically am just myself."

By discarding scripted speeches and embracing her natural voice, Reshma found greater authenticity and effectiveness in her communication, reinforcing the importance of self-expression over conformity.

Women’s Voices and Public Authority

The conversation shifts to the broader issue of why women’s voices often lack perceived authority. Mary introduces the concept of "muthos" – the authoritative quality of speech that commands attention and respect:

"[18:06] Reshma Saujani: It’s simply that you’re saying it. Yes, you write, it is still the case when a listener hears a female voice, they do not hear a voice that connotes authority."

Mary discusses historical and contemporary examples, such as Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson and Senator Elizabeth Warren, illustrating how women are frequently silenced or not taken seriously despite their authoritative positions. She highlights the inherent biases that undermine women’s spoken authority.

Reevaluating Empowerment Metaphors

Mary challenges traditional metaphors used in feminist discourse, such as "breaking the glass ceiling" and "storming the citadel," arguing that they frame empowerment as an aggressive takeover rather than a collaborative advancement:

"[29:54] Mary Beard: I have got to feel increasingly anxious about the glass ceiling metaphor... it's a violent image."

She suggests that these metaphors create a sense of adversarial struggle between genders, which can alienate potential allies and obscure more constructive paths to equality. Mary calls for the development of new language that better encapsulates the collaborative and inclusive nature of true empowerment.

The Right to Be Wrong

Addressing the double standards in how mistakes are perceived, Mary explains that women are often denied the same grace as men when they err. She illustrates this with the contrasting receptions of political figures:

"[32:08] Mary Beard: Women have to be ridiculously prepared and then some. Men get to be wrong all the time... Women, we do the judging as well."

Mary highlights cases like Diane Abbott and Boris Johnson, showing how women face harsher criticism and fewer second chances compared to their male counterparts. This disparity perpetuates a culture where women must maintain impeccable standards to be taken seriously.

Advice for Women in Midlife

As the conversation draws to a close, Mary offers heartfelt advice for women navigating midlife challenges. She emphasizes the importance of resilience and authenticity:

"[37:52] Mary Beard: Resilience is terribly important... The revolution comes by people not being battered down by feeling that you can say what you want and you won't be shut up."

Mary encourages women to embrace their true selves, use humor and ridicule as tools for leveling the playing field, and reject societal pressures to conform. She underscores that true empowerment arises from within, through confidence and the willingness to speak out.

Conclusion

Reshma and Mary conclude the episode on an empowering note, reinforcing the message that midlife is not merely a period to endure but a time to harness one’s strengths and redefine personal and professional boundaries. Mary thanks Reshma for the engaging conversation, leaving listeners with a sense of inspiration and determination to embrace their midlife journeys authentically.

"[41:35] Mary Beard: Thank you. Thank you. This is exactly the dream meeting that I hoped it would be."

Final Thoughts

Stop Pretending You’re Not in Midlife with Mary Beard is a thought-provoking episode that challenges conventional narratives around midlife and women’s roles in society. Through Mary Beard’s insightful reflections and candid dialogue with Reshma Saujani, listeners are encouraged to redefine their perceptions of midlife, embrace their authentic voices, and pursue empowerment with resilience and grace.

Notable Quotes

• Mary Beard:
  "[04:55] ...I have rather enjoyed midlife."
  "[07:14] ...I found a voice."
  "[18:06] It's simply that you’re saying it."

• Reshma Saujani:
  "[10:32] ...I sound like a fake."
  "[29:54] ...I have got to feel increasingly anxious about the glass ceiling metaphor."
  "[37:52] ...The revolution comes by people not being battered down."

This episode serves as a beacon for women in midlife, offering both solace and actionable insights to navigate this transformative phase with strength and authenticity.