An almost Halloween Special, Lily Allen and The Louvre

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Therapist Ghosted Me

Episode: "An Almost Halloween Special, Lily Allen and The Louvre"

Hosts: Vogue Williams & Joanne McNally
Date: October 31, 2025

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Episode Overview

Vogue and Joanne deliver their trademark mix of playful honesty and unfiltered chat in a loosely Halloween-themed episode that covers everything from midlife crises and dog lookalikes to a deep-dive on Lily Allen’s headline-stealing breakup album and a jaw-dropping heist at the Louvre. Expect gossip commentary, self-deprecating humor, and memorable anecdotes – all with that special off-the-cuff energy these two bring.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Is This Really a Halloween Special? (00:24–01:04)

• The pair joke about the episode’s "Halloween Special" title, with Joanne quipping, "I think I am deceased. Calling this a Halloween special is a bit of a stretch."
• Light bickering and jokes about being on tour, family support for shows, and the challenges of timing live performances.

2. Dog Doppelgängers & The Afghan Hound Saga (01:45–03:13)

• Ongoing banter about Vogue’s past hairstyle resembling an Afghan Hound, linking it to a recent Outlander magazine cover.
• Joanne: "If you were a dog...it would be Afghani Houndy." (03:03)
• Vogue recounts spotting a real Afghan Hound in Chelsea and feeling a “deep similarity” but notes how much upkeep such dogs require.

3. Midlife Crisis Reflections & Therapy Antics (04:11–06:07)

• Vogue describes anxiety after drinking and efforts to set boundaries: "I've decided now that I will drink. But I'm only having a couple. That's my tipping point." (04:49)
• Both discuss the cycle of booking therapy sessions only to feel better by the appointment, but still attending after paying.
• Joanne: "I had a terrible habit of...when the clouds clear...you're back at the game." (05:37)

4. Parenting Ethics: Faking Competition Wins For Kids (06:11–07:13)

• Vogue confesses to faking a phone call to convince her daughter Gigi she’d won a coloring competition, including ordering the promised prize from Amazon:
• Joanne validates her: "It's Gigi. She has to win everything or it's gonna make your life really difficult." (07:13)
• The women muse about which awards they’d want to win; Vogue: "An Oscar. An Oscar!" (07:34)

5. The Lily Allen & David Harbour Drama – A Deep Dive (08:20–18:30)

Album as Therapy, Open Marriages, and Celebrity Realness

• Joanne obsessively breaks down Lily Allen’s new album, its tabloid fallout, and the complexities of the Allen-Harbour split.
• Joanne: "The Lily Allen drama rolls on. My God, the Lily Allen drama rolls on." (08:40)
• Fascination with Allen’s candid songwriting: "It is...a masterpiece in female revenge." (09:03)
• Open marriage theme:
  • "She even says it herself. Trying to be a modern wife and just not being able to figure it out. Also, he broke the rules in an open marriage. Who the fuck opens their marriage? Oh, my God." (10:36)
  • Vogue reflects: "You have to unlearn jealousy. How the does anyone unlearn jealousy?" (10:59)

Album Details, Pain, & Power

• They debate whether Allen’s album is a true “revenge” album, referencing specific songs about betrayal, dissatisfaction, and heartbreak.
• Joanne on sacrificing for love: "She basically sacrificed herself for mental health and her own happiness because she loved him." (16:26)
• Joanne gleefully recounts the “sex palace” incident from Allen’s lyrics: "100 Trojan condoms, lube, butt plugs. Yeah." (17:12)
• Playful speculation about Halloween costumes inspired by the scandal: "Halloween parties as David Harbour this year with a bag full of butt plugs and Trojan condoms. Mark my words." (17:24)

6. The Wild World of Celebrity Rebounds (18:30–24:58)

• Vogue presents a "listicle" of celebrity rebound relationships:
  • Sophie Turner & Chris Martin, Gigi Hadid & Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lopez, Taylor Swift, Pete Davidson ("He's literally like a pinball machine," 24:25)
• Joanne’s advice: "Rebound your tits off. Rebound. Ping, ping, ping...spin that vagina." (24:41)

7. The Louvre Heist Outrage (25:47–30:16)

• Nodding to viral news, they dissect the ease and swagger of a recent, real art heist at the Louvre.
• Joanne: "Three lads basically walked into the Louvre...robbed the crown jewels in seven minutes...They dressed as construction workers...on e-scooters. It's the most Gen ZX thing I've ever seen." (27:01)
• They fantasize about what happens to stolen art and jewelry: "Is there some new lotto winner sitting in our kitchen wearing Napoleon's crown? Just drink a Prosecco?" (28:13)
• Laughing at the lack of security: "I'd say I would have found it harder to rob Claire's Accessories than these lads did." (29:13)

8. China’s Crackdown on Influencer Free Speech (30:47–32:08)

• Vogue shares that China now requires degrees for influencers to discuss topics like law, medicine, or finance:
  • "Not for long, my friend...Oh, no, in China, you now have to have a degree if you want to talk about something." (31:09)
• Joanne jokes about her own (lack of) qualifications for standup in China.

9. Halloween Plans & Parenting (33:43–37:41)

• Plans for trick-or-treating with kids, costume choices ("This year I'm just going as a full length dress vampire," 35:37), and thoughts on the practicality of modern parenting.
• Joanne teases Vogue’s rumored pregnancies, joking about “testing her urine” daily.

10. Self-Reflective Close and Missed Scary Stories (37:53–38:35)

• Episode closes with both hosts joking that they’d prepared ghost stories, but got sidetracked with the “David Harbour and Lily Allen” drama:
  • Joanne: "What would I say? I am problematic. I am problematically obsessed with adultery. And I'm sorry." (38:22)

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Memorable Quotes

• Joanne (08:40): "The Lily Allen drama rolls on. My God, the Lily Allen drama rolls on."
• Vogue (10:59): "You have to unlearn jealousy. How the does anyone unlearn jealousy?"
• Joanne (24:41): "Rebound your tits off. Rebound. Ping, ping, ping... spin that vagina."
• Joanne (27:01): "Three lads basically walked into the Louvre...on e-scooters. It's the most Gen ZX thing I've ever seen."
• Vogue (35:37): "This year I'm just going as a full length dress vampire. I'm taking the kids around."

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Halloween (non-)theme, tour updates: 00:24–01:13
• Afghan Hound resemblance & dog banter: 01:45–03:13
• Midlife crisis and therapy chatter: 04:11–06:07
• Faking kid wins, motherhood hacks: 06:11–07:13
• Lily Allen album + drama deep dive: 08:20–18:30
• Rebound relationships celebrity listicle: 18:30–24:58
• Louvre heist and art theft speculation: 25:47–30:16
• China influencer regulations: 30:47–32:08
• Halloween costumes, trick-or-treat parenting: 33:43–37:41
• End: Scary stories not told & pod sign-off: 37:53–38:35

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Tone and Style

Conversational, irreverent, and deeply personal, with plenty of playful bickering and honest admissions about self-care, relationships, and the absurdities of modern life. The hosts' willingness to overshare and poke fun at each other (and themselves) makes these topics relatable even when the stories veer into the wildly tabloid or celebrity-centric.

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In Summary

This episode is classic "My Therapist Ghosted Me": what begins as a supposed Halloween special becomes an uproarious ride through personal revelations, pop culture scandals (especially the Lily Allen–David Harbour breakup), and a very British-Irish perspective on everything from celebrity rebounds to museum security. It's packed with zingers, confessions, and the kind of half-serious advice only a best mate would give.

Transcript

[A]

This is a global player original podcast.

[B]

I'm on the ground, I pop up from under the bed and I pull him out. I'm trying to talk about Halloween here.

[A]

How did he go down this road? Sorry.

[B]

No, sorry. Pull him in. No, sorry. I mean keep him in. That's what I mean.

[A]

No, you want him out.

[B]

No, because I want you pregnant for my holidays.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So I'm busy trying to push out.

[A]

We're so used to the polite trick, that's all we know. Hello and welcome to the Halloween special of. My therapist ghosted me with me Vogue Williams. Naughty.

[B]

I think I am deceased. Calling this a Halloween special is a bit of a stretch. Welcome.

[A]

Wahaha boo.

[B]

I'm on the road at the moment, as you know. We have added some extra London Apollo shows in February. I have Dublin, Cork, Killarney, and my.

[A]

Sister in law's gone the whole way to Killarney to see you. Why support Marnick? I don't know. Her and all her friends are going to Killarney. I was like, emma, why are you going to Killarney?

[B]

She just always say, because there's earlier tickets. There's tickets this side of Christmas for Killarney, whereas the Dublin tickets that are left are next. Next. Next year. Early next year. Anyway, tell her, tell her to contact me to come back for a drink.

[A]

I will. I'll tell her to go back. I'll tell her. Bottle of wine, her and her pals.

[B]

Great.

[A]

I'd love it. They're good crack. They're good.

[B]

I'd love it.

[A]

Oh, God. Firstly, listeners, right, I am not Samantha the Afghan Hound. I have been.

[B]

Yeah, sorry, no, that was, that was quite the onslaught, I would say. Yeah, Outlander mag or something.

[A]

The Outlander mag, the Afghan Hound. And I've been sent it so many times and it is absolutely amazing and it is a.

[B]

Well, just for reference for anyone who's kind of come into the podcast midway through, about a year ago, I think Vogue arrived onto my screen for one of our zooms and she had a curly blow dry. That wasn't her typical curly blow dry. And I said it was curled. It was a bit of overly. It was a bit overly done, I.

[A]

Think when you and Joe. 15 minutes laughing @ my face. Yeah, I remember.

[B]

With your. With your face. Not at your face, with your face. And I said, you look like an Afghan Hound and then really stuck. And there was obviously an Afghan Hound on the front of Outlander magazine recently. Very Gucci Vogue vibes, like very high end, very bougie. Yeah.

[A]

Prada.

[B]

Was it Prada?

[A]

Yeah, she was wearing Prada and everything. Her name was Samantha. Now I did spot an Afghan hound in Chelsea because that's where they live. They only live there. And I bumped into the owner and I said, Jesus, there's a. There is a deep similarity but. But a lot of work goes into them. A lot of hairbrushing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I do think if you were a dog and we have had these conversations before, that you are definitely. That is, that is the road we would go down. It would be Afghani Houndy.

[A]

What would you be?

[B]

Pug.

[A]

I was going to say Bertie, but I didn't want to offend you.

[B]

XL Bully.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hardcore.

[A]

Yeah. An exile bully.

[B]

I'd be put. I'd have been put. I'd have been put down.

[A]

At this point, what would Jo be? Joe would be a muscle.

[B]

I need to see his face.

[A]

He'd be a mix. So he'd be a springer spaniel mixed with something else.

[B]

Yeah, he's like. I think he's like a black Labrador of sorts. I think quite people pleasing.

[A]

You're not a dog lover like I. You don't go and pet all the. You only like small cute ones. Don't. I never saw you pet a big dog. That's not true.

[B]

I love them all. I had a dream the other night that my mother told me that I could have a dog and that she'd help me raise us.

[A]

She does.

[B]

That's how much I love dogs, folks.

[A]

She's had the big ones or the old ones and I've seen her kick one.

[B]

No, I'm like a middle aged man. I just go for the young shiny hot ones.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm having a midlife crisis.

[A]

I'll tell you about my midlife crisis.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So you know the way I was complaining about my anxiety after drinking and how I just. It's not me anymore. I really went, I went far with this. When I was in the holes of depression after my birthday, I got in touch with my. The therapist and I was like, we need to talk, we need to talk. And it only. The day only arrived yesterday. And by yesterday I was fine.

[B]

Oh yeah, I've done that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So I had to talk to him about my boozing and I was like, I don't even drink that much. And I was like, how can I not drink much anymore? I don't want to drink anymore. And I was like, I was kind of fine with it, but I've decided now that I will drink. But I'm only having a couple. That's my tipping point.

[B]

Oh, very good. Yeah. No, and listen, I totally empathize. Not with the tipping point. I don't understand that at all. But I am.

[A]

My tipping point around you would be zero, let's say. So I'm not allowed to have any range.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And my tipping point is bitter disappointment that you're not having any. But I've done that thing where I booked in therapy sessions and then by the time the session comes around I'm like, I'm absolutely grant. Yeah. I think I had allowed about three sessions. My better health, because I think I keep buying them. And then I'm like, I couldn't be ours now.

[A]

Yeah, but you have to pay for them. So I was like, I have to. I'm following through here. I have to follow through. I'll just remember what I wanted to talk about last week when I was feeling awful and I'll talk about that. And I did.

[B]

It was only when my therapist started saying she's like, I'm going to start charging you anyway whether you turn up or not.

[A]

Oh, they do that anyway.

[B]

Well, I maybe wasn't giving enough cancer, I don't know. But I. I had a terrible habit of in the. When you're in the doldrums of whatever panic attack you're in and then when the clouds clear, cuz you have a shower or eat a meal or leave the house or have a phone call with one of your mates and then you're kind of, you know, you're back at the game.

[A]

I bought like four different natural sleep aids and everything. I was like, I'll never sleep again. I'll never have a nice sleep again. I'll just. I hate this. And I have all this there that's arriving at my house and you know what, Sleeping like a baby at the moment.

[B]

Like a baby.

[A]

I did something to Gigi today and I don't know if it's bad enough because I know that like competitions, like you're meant to be in a competition and like whoever wins, wins and whoever doesn't win, doesn't win. But when we were down at Centre Parks at the weekend, she. There was a competition to. So she entered this coloring competition and it was in the toy shop and someone was obviously going to win by the end of when everyone was staying and she spent like two hours coloring in this thing and it was pretty good. She was doing patterns and everything on it. And so we entered it and then I kind of said to the cash register. I was like, well, we won't be here at one o'. Clock. And she's like, that's when, like, we're giving out the prize. And I was like, oh, God, that means she's not gonna win. Not that she couldn't have won, but today I faked a phone call.

[B]

Oh, good for you.

[A]

I had you. I had. And I was like, what did they say was the prize? And she was like, a Halloween Teddy. I was like, straight onto Amazon when a Halloween Teddy arrives on Thursday. And I was like, is that bad to do?

[B]

No, because it's Gigi. You know, she'll kick off if she doesn't win. Like, the damage is done with her.

[A]

Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Now you just have to lean into the. You have to lean into the consequences of your action. And she has to win. Yeah, she has to win everything or it's gonna make your life really difficult. No, I think that's fine. Will you ring me and tell me I won a bafta? I probably believe you.

[A]

If you could win any award, what would you win? An Oscar. An Oscar.

[B]

Well, you see, you're torn. Like, I just. Do you know this? It's very. Sometimes I think your fantasies or dreams, they have to be a little bit realistic. I just would never even be arsed with an Oscar. I'm like, what am I gonna win an Oscar for? Do you know what I mean? Fate. Street.

[A]

Yeah. We'd have to go to the show and then, like, learn all the lines.

[B]

I've got real Christmas vibes, don't I? This is like, real. Coming to you live from the Horse and Bucket.

[A]

You're like, my integrity. Coming live from the Daventure.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Right. Okay. Come on, hit me. I'm ready. I can't wait. I know that you loved. And I have just. I've been re. I've been. There's too much coming in now. There's even more today. So you tell us what your favorite thing. Well, we all know, if you follow Joanne.

[B]

Well.

[A]

Our special reporter.

[B]

Sometimes I get. I. I focus, but I focus on things. And I'm on the road at the moment. I don't have a huge amount going on outside of sitting in airports and reading. The Lily Allen drama rolls on. My God, the Lily Allen drama rolls on. Apparently for anyone who has been living literally under a rock in Middle Earth or the underground. What's the. What's the. What's the. Under. What's the world called in Stranger Things? The Upside Down. I should have thought of that before the podcast Great Segue, the Office Identity.

[A]

Is that a good show?

[B]

No, David Harper's in it.

[A]

I know, I know.

[B]

I actually forgot it existed after series one. Being totally honest, I completely forgot it existed. It was great. I enjoyed it and I never thought about it again. The fact it's still going was a bit of a shock to me, but it is, and apparently it's very popular. We all know Lily Allen has released, quite quite frankly, a masterpiece in female revenge. It is a no, hells barred thread of the breakdown of their marriage. There, there's voice notes, there is names now, fake names. Obviously. This is the other thing I couldn't believe. Like, obviously we all know it's him, blah, blah. But like, I've written pieces for various newspapers and I'm sure you had with the book Vogue where they're like, you can't. This guy is recognizable. Like, this can't go in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're like, all right, Grant, how on earth. How many obstacles and hoops the legal teams had to jump through to get this across the line? I do not know. But it says inspired, which I think is a way of kind of jumping out of all. It's our. Allegedly. Anyway, the thing is, the album's phenomenal. It's basically tipping all the charts. Five star reviews. Everyone's obsessed with us. Couple of things. One, David Harbour's had to turn his comments section off. Two, they opened their marriage. Like the politics of it. Like, it's like a kind of. I think it's like an example of. She even says it herself. Trying to be a modern wife and just not being able to figure it out. Also, he broke the rules in an open marriage. Who the fuck opens their marriage? Oh, my God. I couldn't think of anything worse. I'd rather gargle silage for a year than have my partner riding someone else and me high fiving them when they come home and ask them about it. I don't think so.

[A]

And I think if you start doing that though, you're gonna just. You're playing with fire. Like, never. You have to unlearn jealousy. That's because I spent time with. With thruffles and things like that when I was filming a TV show. And like, they call themselves the Tripod and like, like you have to unlearn jealousy. How the does anyone unlearn jealousy?

[B]

It's. And a jealousy, I think is something you can probably control if you struggle with it, like if it's unmanageable. But to have none of it. Are you a cyborg no, couldn't.

[A]

But now can I add to this whole thing? And. And I know that you. You absolutely said to Johan, I was like. Because I was reading about it, and I was like, oh, do. Lily Allen said that she cheated on her first husband. And Jimon's like, oh, yeah, I don't mind about that so much that he cheated on her. I don't like that.

[B]

Yeah, it doesn't suit my narrative. I'm a raving hypocrite. I don't care.

[A]

Listen to this. Well, I literally read before I came on the pod. Okay, one thing. David Harbour was spotted out with Lily Allen's kids at Universal Studios. So they're still obviously a friendly. And I kind of liked that. And I thought that that's actually really nice of him to still be, like, hanging out with her kids and making that effort because he was in their life for a long time, don't hate me. Don't hate me.

[B]

I'm the same. But I would say that was a ma. I'd say that was very much a prize response.

[A]

I don't know. Because then Lily Allen came out and had. She did an interview and she said, this isn't a revenge album at all. I didn't mean to be nasty about anyone. And it's like. And then she said she wrote it in 10 days in December when she was obviously in the thick of her breakup. But, like, let's call a spade a spade here. Like, it kind of is a revenge album. And like, if you're gonna. If you're gonna come Spade a spade.

[B]

Let'S call a shovel a machete. It is absolutely a revenge album.

[A]

I know, but she came out and said it wouldn't. And I'm like, don't backtrack. Look, Johannes, like, don't ruin this story for me.

[B]

I'm like, don't listen to Lily. Listen to me, okay? I know more about my problem than Lily all knows herself.

[A]

I don't know. I think that when. When she decided to, like. I don't even think that that's necessarily a modern marriage. Everyone's marriage is very different. And on. On a marriage for everybody is. Is. Is completely different to her marriage, to somebody else's marriage. But I think being able to open a marriage like that, like, that just takes a different kind of person. Like, you can't just decide today. Well, or Lilliana. And she decided to open a marriage.

[B]

No, she didn't decide. She didn't want to. He wanted to.

[A]

Oh, she didn't. Oh, my God. If I didn't want to.

[B]

I'd be like, no, no, it's very clear. First song, West End Girl. She talks about the fact that they got together, they bought one of those brownstone homes. It was all going perfectly look great in paper.

[A]

The house was.

[B]

The house is insane.

[A]

Insane.

[B]

And I saw they put it up.

[A]

For sale and I feel bad for her cuz she had to sell her dream house the last time she broke up with her husband and now she haven't sell that house. But I don't think she wants to live in New York. I mean, I don't know her at all.

[B]

No, no, she went for. She went for him. She went for him.

[A]

Just.

[B]

She's like, I gave up my immigration status. I changed my immigration status for you to treat me like a stranger. Then she got cast into play. That, that 2 1, 2, 2, 2 ghost thing that I think you were almost going to be in at one.

[A]

Stage V. And I, you know. What the are you laughing about? I went to Radha. I went to Radha.

[B]

No, but hold on. I don't think that's it. I don't think that that's like a shady comment.

[A]

No, it's not shady. I just, I didn't. I. I was. Yeah, okay.

[B]

Yeah, you were gonna do it. And then. And Lily got cast in it. She got cast as the lead and she said, she told David that she was cast as the lead. And he said because he was a theater actor before he was a TV actor, he said in a kind of a weird, kind of mean way, I would have had to. I would have had to have auditioned for that. And I know, and you know, and I know Vogue, we're not going to mention names, but we've both been in relationships with men who have. If their career isn't going as well as your career or whatever, sometimes they don't like us. And no more than. I am absolutely convinced that's why Keith Urban left Nicole Kidman. But that's a totally other episode. Anyway, she gets in the plane, goes back, gets cast in West End Girls, starts the rehearsals in May.

[A]

2 and 2.

[B]

Sorry 2. 1, 2. She's sorry 2.

[A]

There was two plays she did. She did. She did really well in them as well. She got like. Everyone's amazed by her.

[B]

You could have done that. Yeah, that could have been you. Did you actually go to rada? I can't.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

Yeah, I just blocked that out.

[A]

I went. I used to do like. I was in the gate. Excuse me. I was in the gated school of acting.

[B]

Well, I mean, no, no shade to the gated school of acting, but that does seem like a more achievable goal. Rada. Is that not like where like Shakespeare went and all?

[A]

I mean, yeah, it was a summer course. It was a Shakespearean based drama course over the summer. Paid for by any overcourse.

[B]

Fine, I understand now, Joanne, when the real students were on their holidays.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Okay. I didn't see you. I didn't see you walking through the rata doors.

[B]

No, I was, I was, I was tap dancing in.

[A]

Oh, were you in?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, no. Okay. I didn't get him. Anyway, so she gets this part, she goes to London, she's in rehearsal, she gets a phone call from David Harbour. She plays out in the song and it's all her responses. You don't hear him. And he's basically saying he wants to open the marriage. And she's like, this makes me really sad. How will it work? This makes me. I don't feel great about this. And then she's like, okay, I love you. I just want you to be happy.

[A]

Oh, I. No, sorry, I wouldn't want.

[B]

I want you to anyone to be.

[A]

Happy, but not at the risk of my own happiness.

[B]

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. She basically sacrificed herself for mental health and her own happiness because she loved him. And she's like, this is what this man needs. And then he had. It was all these rules about there couldn't be any emotion and all this jazz. And then he began an affair with a woman called Madeline. And then she went to drop all his shit off at his apartment, his spare apartment in Upper East, west, north side, whatever the way the New York works. And she let her. She put her key in the door and she opened the apartment and she thought it was a dojo, which I think is like a karate practicing room. And she found his sex palace, as she calls it in the song. His palace. 100 Trojan condoms, Lou. Butt plugs. Yeah. And I guarantee there's going to be people going as to Halloween parties as David Harbour this year with a bag full of butt plugs and Trojan condoms. Mark my words. She goes, I didn't know it's pussy Password. And because her voice is so like, sweet. It's really well done.

[A]

It just like, I don't, I don't want to be mean here, but like, don't really see him like as the butt plug kind of guy.

[B]

Oh, sorry. He's a lad with a butt.

[A]

It's such, It's. I don't know. Well, her album's done well And I think that that play to it but I would. I haven't listened to it yet.

[B]

It should be a musical. I don't see it in the West End.

[A]

I mean there's always a great story like that. I mean did you see during the.

[B]

Summer though she was going I'll play Madeline. Madeline's one we had the affair with. She's not in it which is perfect cuz I'm lazy.

[A]

I'll be David. I'm David.

[B]

You be David.

[A]

Ye. That'll be the next headline.

[B]

We'll have to get one large enough. All those squats. Nothing will stay in the prop department will be driven mad. I got one big enough for her. She want to stop squatting in the interval the after show rehearsals. She's squatting all the time.

[A]

Think he swallowed. Did you see. Sorry. I want to tell you about other couple knees that I saw. This is so random. First of all, Lily Allen I saw she was going out with that guy. Is this. What's his name? Norton. What's his name? That English.

[B]

Yes. Your man who was in House of Guinness.

[A]

Yeah. So he. She went out with him for like five seconds in the summer and then he was just dating somebody else after. Don't obviously know what happened there. It's so interesting.

[B]

They met on Raya.

[A]

Yeah, I heard that. But did you see her one Sophie Turner who used to go out with one of the Jonases. She is now going out with supposedly allegedly Chris Martin.

[B]

I saw that. I'll have to have that confirmed. I'll check my WhatsApp groups does well, I'll drive my van around Hollywood with my satellite dish on the top. When I get my information, I've half the catering staff bugged.

[A]

I just love it though.

[B]

I know. I mean there is a little like. Don't. I will say I get a little bit frustrated now. Am I putting myself in the same bracket of Sophie Turner Chris Martin? I guess I am. But I am jealous of celebrity relationships where they literally jump from one. They have so much access to hot people and they're all obviously just rich and gay and up for riot, whatever. Like I went on. Sorry. I went on a date nap a week ago. Met a guy that I was like, yeah, you seem human, normal. He's like, would you like to go on a date? I said I will. He said, when are you free? I said December 9th. Now I am on tour at the moment but December 9th. How Sophie Turner like are they?

[A]

Did he agree to that? He did, yeah. He's waiting till December 9.

[B]

No in fairness, it's not a good idea. I do have nights off before then, but I'll be honest on those. I have occasional nights off. I want to sit in my bed, watch Love is Blind where she masks and drink.

[A]

Sorry. Get the out of your office and go on the date. December 9th. It's not even November. This is bad. This has gotten real bad now. You need to get on to better help. Got a real problem.

[B]

I'm hurting. It's coughing season. I'm just coughing myself.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

December 9th.

[A]

This is lad you were telling me about two weeks ago.

[B]

Yeah, it said December 9th, and I'm three between six and eight.

[A]

That's why I haven't met anyone at all. Like, why do you think you're literally not available? Look, but, like, I am looking for the rebound. Lily Allen Will. I don't know who she'll get with next, but she was with your man. I just got to call him Ed Norton. What's his name again?

[B]

I know. James Norton. Who? When I. When I did that House of Guinness Netflix interview, I did refer to him as James Croydon several times. Not Croydon. Sorry.

[A]

Cordon.

[B]

What's his name?

[A]

James Cordon.

[B]

James whatever.

[A]

Did you fancy him? Was he hot?

[B]

I didn't meet him. I didn't meet him. He looked hot.

[A]

I used to think about it because. Remember, I used to love a Ginge. George loved a Jean.

[B]

Oh, I was. It was like. Well, I can't say kink is too. That makes it sound. Also, we're not kink, by the way. Not kink. Shaming.

[A]

On the book. I found them.

[B]

On yourself. Just be gentle on yourself.

[A]

Rebounders. Think about. Right. Justin Bieber gone out with riot. Selena Gomez moved on to Hailey Bieber married her rebound, Gigi Hadid.

[B]

Well, I don't know if you can call them a rebound if they're now married with a child.

[A]

Joanne. Sorry. I can.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because that is all I've written down.

[B]

Fine. Perfect. Okay, let's stick to the script.

[A]

And you don't know the end of the story.

[B]

This isn't the Q and A section of the podcast. I understand. I'm here to receive information.

[A]

Gigi Hadid was going out with Zayn Malik, and now she is going out with. What's that hot fella's name who's at the facelift? What's his name? Why don't I know anyone's name? You know your man, the hot one? Who? Gigi Azid. He's the actor.

[B]

Oh, Bradley Cooper. Yeah. He now looks like Barry Manilow. Which I think is a bit harsh, to be honest. I think it'll settle. It'll settle.

[A]

Jennifer Lopez, right, she got rid of her husband, Chris George. Remember the dancer fella?

[B]

Jesus, I forgot all about him.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And then got with Ben Affleck, but then she got rid of Ben Affleck. So he was the rebound there.

[B]

Yeah, that's. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

So my rebounds are working as we go on. Okay. Taylor Swift. Remember she was gone out with that fella. You wouldn't know him. Joe Allen, do you remember him?

[B]

I do. I do know poor Joe. I do know him. He's a very famous actor. But he's an actor.

[A]

I don't. I don't watch tv. I read.

[B]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

Of course, she's gone out.

[B]

I understand. Yeah.

[A]

Well, saying that.

[B]

The New Kardashians, she's got a book under her belt. She's got a book under her belt. She doesn't even know what a TV is anymore.

[A]

Author. Author slash reader. Yeah. So then she got with Matt Healy. Remember him? Yeah.

[B]

Your man, Denise. Denise Welsh's son.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Also in a band. Quite.

[B]

That's his claim to fame. 1975 is the band. But, I mean, ultimately, he is Denise Welsh's son, let's face it.

[A]

That's how we know. And then the ultimate one for rebounding is Pete Davidson. He's literally like a pinball machine. He just goes out with absolutely everybody, but every single ride, you can think of, like Kim Kardashian, Emily Ratajkowski, Phoebe Venier. I can't pronounce her name. Kaya Ger. Margaret Qualy, Kate Beckinsale. Ariana Grande. Imagine us.

[B]

I. I still. I still. Yeah. Everyone feels like Pete Davidson is like a phase in a woman's life, rather than. It doesn't seem like a real relationship. Although he is now engaged, I think, or having a baby.

[A]

Having a baby. Having a baby.

[B]

Yeah. He's after getting something across the line. But I will say in all my 42 years of wisdom, rebound your tits off. Rebound. Ping, ping, ping. Back and forth, back and forth. Keep that light on. Keep it going. Spin that vagina.

[A]

Go, go, go. Not before December 9th, though.

[B]

No, not for December 9th. I'm on a promise. The second you take that foot off the pedestal, things slow down for you and it's very hard to put your foot back on the pedal. December 9th. Buy your hat.

[A]

I'm gonna put that in my diary now.

[B]

December 9th. Yeah. Rick will end up putting a job in or something. And I'm like, I can't make it anymore. Well, thank you for your listicle.

[A]

Thank you. I actually loved doing that. Sorry. By the way everyone, Joe's not here. He's on holidays. What did you notice?

[B]

Didn't even notice. One of my favorite stories from since I've seen you last.

[A]

Yeah?

[B]

The heist in the Louvre.

[A]

Oh, I know. Yeah. Oh God. Like how my initial. My initial reaction is give us your thoughts. They kind of like they want it fair and square.

[B]

Yeah, I think that is the.

[A]

We're all from the Louvre. Like for the live.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, no, no, no. John Lou.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I said. Sorry. Were you educated in France for three months? No, I wasn't. Okay.

[A]

I'd ask Pat for my money back if I.

[B]

That's the meanest thing you've ever said to me.

[A]

Spencer says I have a great French accent.

[B]

That's cuz he's trying to ride you all the time. Say anything.

[A]

Anyway. No, I don't mean that. Cuz like in all honesty, I feel really sad when stuff like that gets stolen. Like because it's just gone. Then they just break it down and just sell it off and then it. That's forever hidden. And I also wonder what happens to the art that gets robbed. Like where is that going? Who's heading?

[B]

I know. Is it just some hermit staring out of Picasso on his own or is there some. Like who. So, okay, couple of things. One, there's. There's a whole industry of. Well there's obviously an industry in high end jewelry heisters. Right? But then there's also an industry in stolen art detectives who. Their whole job is to find stolen art. I was. Listen to your pockets, Red. It's fascinating. They were talking about all the stuff that gets stolen and like obviously for anyone who again has been living under a rock, three lads basically walked into the Louvre just got like padded in of an afternoon and robbed the crown jewels in seven minutes. I don't even think one. They dropped one. They dropped one. I don't even think they set off an alarm. They literally put up. They dressed as construction workers. Your ex job void joke. Strapped a ladder to a wall, climbed up it, walked in, no alarm, smashed a couple of boxes, gone on e scooters. It's the most Gen ZX that I've ever seen. It was almost like it was done so casually. Was almost like they just thought of it while they were passing. It was like. Are we not into the loop?

[A]

Yeah, we'll go in there.

[B]

Yeah, we'll just knock in and see what we can get away with. But anyway, now they're like, what do they do with them? Do they melt them down? Can they sell them individually? Is there some new lotto winner sitting in our kitchen wearing Napoleon's crown? Just drink a Prosecco? Like, what do you do with that stuff?

[A]

Somebody is. Obviously. Someone must be buying it. And I just think that because someone's obviously buying the art because obviously you can break down the jewelry. Yeah, but it's not worth as much if you break it down.

[B]

Well, they were saying they can pull apart the jewels and sell them individually as Jules, you know, But, I mean.

[A]

I know, but I just don't think that would be kind of worth it, really.

[B]

But I always thought, like, do you know the way we have a kind of a very. What would I say, Unrealistic idea of heists from, like, Ocean's Eleven. It's like men in tuxes coming down on strings and, like, trying to, like, not set off the lasers. And the understanding was that places have. Have security.

[A]

Thank God that lasers that you have. This is like, go through, like a web.

[B]

Yeah, I. I'd say I would have found it harder to rob Claire's accessories than these lads did. Taken out of the loop.

[A]

Everyone was too busy looking at the Mona Lisa. That's the problem. They were distracted.

[B]

Yeah, The Mona Lisa's like, excuse me. Why is no one taking me anyway? I'm dying to see what they do with them. I'm waiting to see them cope on Etsy. You know those, like, our vintage folks. Keep an eye on vintage for the crown. Jail us.

[A]

Well, I'll tell you what, if they do.

[B]

They didn't even have a gun.

[A]

They might have to give them back.

[B]

They didn't even like.

[A]

They. Okay. The robbery took eight minutes, but they were only four minutes in the museum. It's four minutes.

[B]

It's sexy. It's hot. Without even a sandwich as a jelly snake to smack someone across the face with. They just walked in and took what they wanted. It's amazing.

[A]

It's absolutely wild, isn't it?

[B]

I can't wait to see them on Facebook. Marketplace.

[A]

Guys, you might. I'd say they're more of a vintage. You're not going to get them on Facebook. Gum tree, gum tree, gum tree.

[B]

Half a crown.

[A]

I bad news for you.

[B]

Brilliant. I love a bit of drama.

[A]

It's only a matter of time before it comes our way to this country.

[B]

You couldn't afford the full crown for my Christmas present. Is that what it is?

[A]

Joanne, we have an understanding. I'm getting you what you're getting me.

[B]

Which is, oh, wait till you see your birthday present.

[A]

Well, that's different. Birthdays are different. Birthdays are different.

[B]

It's been bespoke. And thank God the lads got into the Louvre on time.

[A]

I was worried I'm gonna get a multi colored one of your anxious, preoccupied bags. Okay, it's bespoke, it's spoke. China are cracking down on influencers cultures with new guidelines. Right. So you. The way we kind of talk about things that we don't have a clue about, whether it be medical, whether it be about something scientific.

[B]

Well, as is our right.

[A]

Not for long, my friend.

[B]

That's podcast world. You can talk about anything you want.

[A]

Oh, no, in China, you now have to have a degree if you want to talk about something. So if you're talking about anything like that's got to do with law, finance, education, you actually have to have a degree in one of those things. So we can't say whatever we want about medicine and then say, allegedly we can't do that anymore. Well, in China you can't. We can't hear for next year now.

[B]

Oh, my God. So I'm gonna have to try to be a sommelier from now on if I ever want to talk about my weekend.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's the way it's gonna be. I.

[B]

China fascinates me and I think I'm going there soon.

[A]

China will be nice. You'll enjoy it. It's a very long flight. I've been to. I've been. I've been there myself. No, I can't.

[B]

The problem is for. As a. For standup, because I wanted to do a standup show there, but you have to send them your show beforehand. And there's a lot of, like, rules around us. And obviously if you can't say anything. That's not true. I wouldn't have a lot of a show, really, would I?

[A]

I just wouldn't bother setting yours. You won't be allowed in the. Not only will you not be allowed before, you won't be out of the country. Amber made me film her going around Central parks on her bike and the dark with the Halloween song. I was like, amber, I don't want to do this anymore.

[B]

That's someone committed to making online content.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Now that's what you need. Thank God you have a podcast to her as well. I don't do anything.

[A]

Here. Come here. It's Halloween when this. Happy Halloween, everybody. It's Halloween when this comes out. Is it what Are you dressing up as. Come on, I know you, David Harbour.

[B]

I told you I'm gonna have my David Mead bag or whatever that Mead read.

[A]

Dwayne Reed. I'd say Dwayne Reed.

[B]

Dwayne Reed bag with butt plugs, lube.

[A]

Do you know what grosses me out about that the most? The fact I just know. I know men don't wash things properly and I know that bag must reeked very.

[B]

You're very concerned with odor at the moment. People are going to think you're pregnant. You're very concerned about her a lot.

[A]

Someone commented on that. I did a picture of a suit that I wore that Karina Gaffey got me for the Kim Kardashian thing. And someone goes, oh, look, the pregnancy boobs are right, we know you're pregnant. Or something like that. And I was like, that is the biggest compliment. But no, I am not pregnant there.

[B]

I would know. I check her year round every morning because I'm dying to know when I get my holidays back from the podcast. Every morning I've been there. Crawling in goggles, testing her urine in the. In the toilet every morning.

[A]

If it ever happens again, I'm gonna spite you. And I'm just. I'm literally gonna take a week off. Catherine Meyer was on her podcast like two days later. I'm gonna spite you. Just.

[B]

What?

[A]

I'm just gonna annoy you. I'm gonna say, you know, I don't need a break. I actually need a break.

[B]

I'm busy pulling Spencer out of her. I'm like, if he looks like he's close, I'm like, I'm on the ground. I pop up from under the bed and out. I'm trying to talk about Halloween here.

[A]

How do we got in this room? Sorry.

[B]

No, sorry. Pull him. No, sorry. I mean keep them in. That's what I mean.

[A]

No, you want them out.

[B]

No, cuz I want you pregnant for my holidays.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep.

[B]

Yeah, so I'm busy trying to push.

[A]

We're so used to the pull out trick, that's all we know. What's the keep in one?

[B]

I want the keep in one.

[A]

This. Anyway, I was going to say, everyone, thank you so much for listening and happy Halloween. I am going to be a vampire. Oh, lovely, thank you. Are you going to do.

[B]

Are you going to go around with.

[A]

Appreciate it.

[B]

Oh, God, I'm so delighted for you. But you've come to that decision and are you got. Do you know what I was thinking earlier? I was like, do women you know the way you go like a sexy cat or whatever. Would mothers be going around like delivering their kids for trick or treat and dress like sexy cats?

[A]

No, I kind of never really got into the sec like I was Voldemort one year and then another year I was the Exorcist girl. I kind of never really really. I went down the sexy route once and I've seen a picture in real life that and it. Well in hindsight it wasn't sexy at all. This year I'm just going as a full length dress vampire. I'm taking the kids around. We're going out in Ireland because I. The treats in Ireland are phenomenal. So they have their bags and I have to take an extra excess bag to put all the sweets in because we get so many sweets that their bags are filled up really quick. So it goes into my excess bag and then we go. We only do an extra there. I mean you could.

[B]

Are they name dropping you at the door? Is that what's happening here? More, more. I don't know. My mother, Vogue Williams, but she's down at the end there dressed as a vampire in a full length gown. Oh my mother. My mother would wish she were her daughter. She loves an A line.

[A]

It's a full. I'll send her a picture full lane on. I've got a wig and everything. A red and black wig ready to go.

[B]

So it's a full shift. You're putting in a full shift for Halloween?

[A]

I mean my kids are so young. We go in at half five, we're back at half six. They've got to go to bed.

[B]

Yeah. Could you not just send them out themselves with a drone?

[A]

Could really. And it's around how that's safe enough.

[B]

Chip them. But there's a lair tags in them or whatever that will.

[A]

They all have these watches now where like they can ring and text off the watch. It's not an apple watch, it's some kids watch and you can see wherever they are. But he's obsessed with being allowed to go places on his own now. And I'm just like in center forks when we went I was like allowing him to like he's like can I cycle ahead to the bike bar? And I'd be like okay. Cuz it was like I could see him but like he's so obsessed and he's only seven and he's just desperate to be like go somewhere on his own.

[B]

He's fighting for his independence. That's why I think Halloween would be a great opportunity to Let him out in his own.

[A]

He's going to send him down to my mom's on his own. Just fly him down. There you go, Mom.

[B]

Keep him an ey. Strap the Google doorbell to him. Keep an eye.

[A]

Tata. That's what everyone calls him over here. Tador Taydor.

[B]

Yeah, because that's his actual name. That's it for this week. Thanks for listening to our Halloween special.

[A]

Scary.

[B]

It was freaky. It was spooky as fuck. Let's vape it.

[A]

I spent. Spent 45 minutes reading scary ghost stories on Reddit today and on Esquire. I have them all up here ready to go. And we got through none of them. Do you know why? Because you're obsessed with David Harbour and Lily Allen, that's why.

[B]

Well, I'm sorry, but what? Scary. He's in Stranger Things. That's a spooky show.

[A]

I'll never get that 45 minutes back. And they weren't even that scary. Most of them that I read. I wasn't scared at all.

[B]

And I'm. I would say. What would I say? I am problematic. I am problematically obsessed with adultery. And I'm sorry. Vogue. You know that about me.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

God.

[A]

Thomas. Hi, everyone. This has been a global Player original production.