Transcript

A (0:02)

This is a Global Player original podcast. This is exciting.

B (0:16)

It is exciting.

A (0:17)

We've never done a competition on the podcast before, Vogue, but that is about to change.

B (0:23)

The prize is this. It's you.

A (0:26)

On Saturday 18th of October 2025. Just in case anyone was querying the year, you'll be coming to the event of Apollo in London with two tickets to my soldad show Pedophile. Then you'll come backstage and have a drink at Vogue.

B (0:38)

And I you also, by the way, you'll also get a night in a hotel near the event of Apollo and we're going to throw in £150 cash towards your travel costs.

A (0:47)

That's very generous of us.

B (0:49)

Also, wait. Oh, well, I'm sorry about this. Also a ghosted merch bundle and a copy of Big Mouth thrown in. Why not?

A (0:57)

The competition is to help raise money for Global's Make Some Noise, which funds vital, life changing projects across the uk, delivered by small local charities with the aim of making sure nobody is left facing life's toughest challenges alone.

B (1:10)

Projects tackle a wide range of issues including bereavement, food, poverty, domestic abuse, homelessness and loneliness.

A (1:16)

This is only open to residents of the UK aged 18 and over and who are based in the UK at the time of entry.

B (1:23)

For your chance to win for you and a friend to grab a drink with us, then two tickets to see Joanne's Pedophile show on Saturday 18th October 2025 at the event of Apollo in London. Text Ghost g h o s t to 822 00.

A (1:39)

By entering, you'll have the chance to make a voluntary five pound donation which will be added to your phone bill. 100% goes to Global's Make Some Noise.

B (1:47)

You've got until 10am on Monday 13th October. To enter, keep your phone handy, we may be calling you.

A (1:53)

Standard network rates apply. You must be 18 or over to enter. For full T's and C's including prize date restrictions, visit makesomenoise.com win so text Ghost G H O S T to 82200.

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Therapist Ghosted Me

Episode: Auntie Joanna, Teeth & Bestiality (Again)
Date: September 26, 2025
Hosts: Vogue Williams & Joanne McNally

Overview

Vogue and Joanne bring their signature blend of unfiltered honesty, irreverence, and offbeat humour to a wide range of wild and surprisingly relatable topics this week. The episode flows from the chaos of family life and medical mishaps, to boundary-pushing science, bestiality jokes, oddball celebrity habits, and reflections on digital wellbeing. Listeners are treated to stories from their own lives, observations from the weird and wonderful world around them, and their uniquely candid takes on modern living—always laced with empathy (and plenty of banter).

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Global’s Make Some Noise Competition (00:16–02:13)

Joanne and Vogue launch a new competition for charity, offering tickets to Joanne’s “Pedophile” show, hotel stay, cash, merch, and a copy of “Big Mouth.”
The contest aims to support UK charities tackling issues like bereavement, poverty, and loneliness.

2. Overpreparedness vs. Procrastination (02:13–04:21)

Vogue shows up early for her flu jab. Staff refuse to give it (“They wouldn't take the goddamn money.” – Vogue, 02:32).
Joanne: Contrasts with her own tendency to leave things until the last minute, leading to a dental emergency mid-tour.
Humorous reflections on their differences in planning and organisation styles.

3. Scientific Advancements in Dentistry (04:05–05:11)

Joanne mentions scientists possibly discovering how to regrow teeth, only to riff on the implications:
- “Careful where you put it. Imagine teeth coming out of your palms or anywhere else.” (Joanne, 04:23)
- The conversation devolves into comic speculation about unwanted body parts and animal anatomy.

4. True Crime in Medicine (05:11–06:15)

Joanne recalls the infamous “Doctor Death,” who used hardware store parts in heart surgery, sparking debate on scientific risk versus responsibility.

5. Medical Mishaps & Affairs (06:15–08:26)

Anecdote about a doctor who left surgery midway for a tryst with an anesthetist (“He left the surgery mid-surgery, as you do… bumped into his mistress with his pants down.” – Joanne, 07:14)
Hosts' consensus: It’s wrong, but they find more embarrassment in stories of public masturbation (“I think it's really embarrassing to be caught wanking by anyone.” – Vogue, 08:33).

6. Taboo Topics: Bestiality & Shame (10:10–11:32)

A comedic deep dive into why people commit bestiality.
Vogue is baffled by the mindset: “I'd like to understand the science… Why… would you choose to have sex with your dog?” (Vogue, 10:43)
Joanne jokes about pitching a bestiality documentary (“Channel 4 would take that, big time.” – Joanne, 11:12)
Discussion on social shame and holding back inappropriate behaviour.

7. Family Vignettes: Saving Each Other from Kids (12:01–14:49)

Joanne visits to “save” Vogue from a weekend solo with the kids; her goal is to be the “sound” aunt, promising to get Theodore a snake.
Hilarious recounting of kids’ honest takes on Joanne’s hair—specifically, disliking the black instead of blonde (“She goes, why is Joanne’s hair black?” – Vogue, 13:22).

8. Mantras & Risk (14:49–15:28)

Vogue’s new motto: “I could get hit by a bus”—justifying all sorts of indulgent/exciting behaviour.
Brief chat about the possible risk-manifesting effect of repeated phrases.

9. Screen Time Confessionals (15:44–18:30)

Both check their daily phone usage. Joanne’s is nine hours a day—mostly entertainment (5h 41m), social (1h 49m).
- “I’m single with no kids, Vogue. I have nothing else to do.” (Joanne, 16:15)
Vogue is usually six hours; they resolve to try cutting back an hour.

10. Sober Reflections & Touring Life (18:50–23:37)

Joanne has gone sober (Dry October comes a little early). Prompted by losing her phone on a hangover.
- “I feel unreal. I do. I feel unreal.” (Joanne, 21:16)
Acknowledges temptation on tour, but wants to break bad habits, especially solo drinking as a single person.
Vogue supports the move, admitting drinking is fun but leaves her feeling awful for days.

11. Middle-Age Liberation & Fashion Week Fails (24:02–26:58)

Joanne walks around London (and accidentally through London Fashion Week) in a cycling helmet and gym gear:
- “At 42, I’m literally wearing [my helmet] to save myself having to carry it… I don’t give a.” (Joanne, 24:13)
- Vogue teases her Toad/Yoshi-style helmet choice.

12. Celebrity Oddities: Elton John’s Kneecap Necklace (27:36–30:43)

Discussion of Elton John making jewelry from his own removed kneecap.
- “Fame gone mad!... If I was wearing my tonsils as earrings, people would say something.” (Joanne, 28:35)
Vogue admits she nearly made a necklace from breast milk, introduces the topic of sentimental keepsakes.

13. Dental History & Macabre Curiosities (30:43–33:46)

Joanne brings up the disturbing history of dentures made from dead soldiers’ teeth; ponders why adult teeth are considered strange keepsakes, while baby teeth are not.
Also discusses Marie Antoinette’s supposed braces and the idea of “death masks.”

14. Petty Courtroom Dramas (35:29–38:01)

1999 divorcees split their $5,000 Beanie Baby collection in a courtroom.
- “If you have found someone as weird as you… I would go to a therapist and make that work.” (Joanne, 36:03)
“Jellycat” and toylike obsessions—Joanne confesses to a newfound love (“I’ve tried to start introducing them into my work so I can write them off as a tax expense.” – Joanne, 37:20)

15. Animal Custody Battles (39:39–40:28)

Romanian court let a cow “choose” its owner by walking to one farmer, citing Vogue’s own experience with a dog and an ex.
Reflection on the challenges of joint pet custody after breakups.

16. Elderly Crime & The Pinot Wheelers Plan (41:06–43:53)

An elderly woman kills her 89-year-old roommate with a wheelchair part (“Why can’t an old woman kill? She has the same right to kill as everyone else—which is no right at all.” – Joanne, 42:39)
The Pinot Wheelers: Joanne’s imagined alternative to nursing homes, mutual promise to keep each other out of care homes.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Careful where you put it… Imagine teeth coming out of your palms or anywhere else.” – Joanne (04:23)
“Anyone else turned on?” – Vogue, joking about the surgeon’s affair mid-surgery (07:50)
“I'd like to understand the science… Why… would you choose to have sex with your dog?” – Vogue (10:43)
“I want to be the sound aunt… What you want, a rattlesnake?” – Joanne (12:50)
“At 42, I’m literally wearing [my helmet] to save myself having to carry it… I don’t give a.” – Joanne (24:13)
“I feel unreal. I do. I feel unreal.” – Joanne on going sober (21:16)
“Fame gone mad! If I were wearing my tonsils as earrings, people would say something.” – Joanne (28:35)

Timestamps for Key Segments

Charity Competition Launch – 00:16–02:13
Flu Jabs & Over-Preparedness – 02:13–04:21
Science Advances/Regrowing Teeth – 04:05–05:11
True Crime in Medicine – 05:11–06:15
Medical Mishaps & Doctor Affairs – 06:15–08:26
Taboo Topics: Sexual Behaviours – 10:10–11:32
Family Anecdotes/Saving Each Other – 12:01–14:49
Mantras & Risk – 14:49–15:28
Screen Time Confessionals – 15:44–18:30
Sobriety & Touring – 18:50–23:37
Fashion Week Fails/Middle Age – 24:02–26:58
Elton John Kneecap/Curios – 27:36–30:43
Dental History & Death Masks – 30:43–33:46
Beanie Babies Courtroom – 35:29–38:01
Animal Custody Battles – 39:39–40:28
Elderly Crime & Pinot Wheelers – 41:06–43:53

Tone and Language

Extremely conversational, candid, and irreverent.
Frequent tangents; dynamic and full of in-jokes and playful teasing.
Open-minded, sometimes dark humor, but with warmth and relatability.

For Listeners

This episode is a classic “MTGM” collision of the hilariously mundane and the deeply weird. Whether they’re riffing on dental disasters, fake therapy pets, or the existential crises of touring, Vogue and Joanne’s friendship is the real therapy—and the real entertainment—for listeners seeking laughter, camaraderie, and a bit of well-placed honesty in the chaos.