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- [00:03]
A
This is a global player original podcast. We're back. We are back.
- [00:18]
B
Do you know what? I was full of silage earlier. Remember when we were going on that break and I was like, I don't think we don't need a break. Yeah, let's keep going. And I'm actually very glad now we didn't have the pod to do because I've been up to my tits.
- [00:36]
A
You have been touring. So are you finished anywhere yet? You're not. You're finished the uk.
- [00:42]
B
No, I'm not. I have, I have summer dates. I've got Liverpool and Brighton and Leeds and Manchester in this.
- [00:47]
A
And when are you going to. When are you going to Australia?
- [00:50]
B
April also by the time this comes out I, I've added an extra quirk, an extra Belfast in May that are on sale today. Cuz this is the Friday. I'll just keep going. I'm going to keep the. I'll keep this going. I'm going to tour the show until next Christmas. It'll finish in the 3Arena in Dublin and then good night. I'll be gone for today.
- [01:10]
C
Is the show at the 2 mat or sorry, not Mothers and fathers of children, isn't it?
- [01:15]
B
Yes, it's the matinees, the sports day.
- [01:17]
C
I'm coming.
- [01:19]
A
Are you? Oh, it's the show for the mothers.
- [01:21]
C
And fathers of children.
- [01:22]
B
Yeah, it is, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know, I didn't know you were coming. Fantastic Vogue. Are you coming?
- [01:27]
A
No, I'm not. I'm afraid to say I'm not. Listen, I know you were putting on the matinee for me but we didn't consider half term and I can't stay with the children here in London in half term. I have to get away. Off I go back to Ireland. But I'm going to the Tree Arena. Yeah.
- [01:44]
B
You're from Arena? Yeah. So I have the HRT show at 3pm this Sunday and then I have a late night show at 8:00pm The HT.
- [01:51]
A
Is that what you've called it?
- [01:52]
B
HT show? Yeah, it's for all the women who are kind of parry.
- [01:54]
A
If everyone's locked at that like that will just be the funniest thing in the world if you. If the girl I was going to that managed to get out. Joe, I know you'll be locked cuz you're like, I've got a day off. Like are you taking your wife or not Taking your wife?
- [02:06]
C
Yeah, she's coming.
- [02:07]
A
Taking your.
- [02:07]
B
Oh, fabric.
- [02:10]
A
Oh, have you got back and stay the night or do you have to do you have to go back to the kids?
- [02:13]
C
No, we've got to get back. But. But it doesn't matter what condition we're in. It's fine.
- [02:18]
B
Great. You'd be crawling through the cat flap.
- [02:21]
A
I was reading this thing in the paper about someone was interviewing somebody about not having kids and they were quite rude. I think they were interviewing Charlie xcx. I'm really sure it was. And, and because some people choose not to have kids. I can understand that. I can. Can you, Joe? I can understand it. And I think you made. You have not made an unusual choice. You really haven't. Yeah. Who was interviewing her? And they pissed her. It was an actor that was interviewing her. And like, everyone was like, you can't ask that question. And it's fair enough. I think you have to be careful what questions that you ask people. But like, I can understand the choice.
- [02:55]
B
I never. Yeah, I know there was a, There was a TikTok going around the other night. They were like, show this to anyone who wants to have a child. And it was a little girl throwing a tantrum. But I also feel like you're. It's a bit of a humble brag and the same Brett, like, they're not saying, I deeply regret having my kids. They're going, she's being a nightmare now. But I'm still looking going, she's still really cute. You know, you still love her madly. And you couldn't. Couldn't imagine that's always the narrative, of course.
- [03:19]
A
But like, you do look, you do. Like, I don't know if you do this, you do look at the other side. I look at Alzo and like sometimes I just like to hurt his feelings. And I'm like, yeah, so you ace. Right. I'll be out of the thick of it. And then you're. Let's remember that. Enjoy your cinema, you loser.
- [03:34]
B
But I also think, I think people.
- [03:36]
A
Could be a little.
- [03:36]
B
Oh, and look, as we know, everyone's projecting their own stu all the time and some people find stuff more triggering than others, etc. But I do think there is an. There's a sensitivity around the kids saying that. I don't, I don't mind if people ask me about kids. I talk about it all the time. That, the fact that I do want one and probably do it on my own, blah, blah, blah. Like, I'm sick of listening to myself talk about it. I talk about it so much. But people can be like, how dare. It's like, it's kind of an. You know, now I understand you don't know what people are going through and they might have had a lot of losses and that kind of thing. And it could be a sensitive topic. But I think also, like, you know, it's human nature. People are nosy. I do think it's a topic that should be up for discussion. I don't think it should be kind of blanket copy. No way can you ask that? It's so rude. I don't think that's.
- [04:20]
A
Sometimes I think it. Yeah, sometimes I think it's a natural instinct to just. To ask people, like. But I try. I actually do try and avoid it, but I can ask it so much about having another child that the. The last time I did an interview for a magazine, they asked me if I was going to adopt. It's like they had gotten bored when asking me if I was going to have a fourth child. So they're like, what else can we ask her? This subject. Are you going to adopt? I was. Are you going to adopt? Like, she had kids. I was like, it's just such an. Like, I've never expressed anything about even. Yeah, any of that. I was just like. Just kind of got thrown in the mix out of complete nowhere.
- [04:53]
B
They're always looking for the headline, aren't they? Like, they're always looking for the little angle. Like, that's why they're screaming at celebrities on the red carpet. But what do you think about trans women in sports? Like, they're always just trying to get something that they can lead with.
- [05:08]
A
People the celebs ignore. Ignore people that are shouting at them when they're just kind of walk. Yeah, they're just like. Hi. Hi. Yeah, sorry, wait, What. Hang on, what have you been up to?
- [05:18]
B
Nothing. I've been working. I've been working. I was. I've been on the road. I had a very feral show in Glasgow. Glasgow. Never fail. They never fail to deliver. They never fail, like.
- [05:30]
A
And that was a Sunday night, was it?
- [05:31]
B
It was a Sunday night. There was people removed. There was apparently some sort of fisty cuffs in the. In the stalls or up in the balcony or someone. Apparently someone said, I'll see outside after or something, I don't know. And then girl messaged me saying she was removed. I said, why? And she said I was laughing too loudly and I was like, I do understand. It's a weird. There is a weird balance where people. Even I. Sometimes I'm like, they're laughing really loudly over there. What's going. Like, it's distracting and. But there was a couple of girls in the front row and they were. A drink was taken, as you'd say, and in the middle of the show one of them just stood up and out of nowhere, out of nowhere, I don't know what the motivation was. She's like, you want, you want, you want. I said, yes, cuz you've just stopped the show. I was like, yes. She's standing up at the bar at the, at the Rails. I said, I want you to try on my jacket. So she has this floral length purple metallic coat that she's insisting I try on. And I realized she's not going to stop because I was like, I'm kind of in the middle of something.
- [06:25]
A
Was it gorgeous? Like, was it a shell stopper?
- [06:28]
B
It was, it was a nice coat. I, I, I can't take that away from her. It was, it was, it was, it was a nice jacket. It wouldn't be for me now. I don't wear floor length anything.
- [06:36]
A
I saw you in a long manly jacket like that. That reminds me of that jacket that you have. Yeah, that's long.
- [06:43]
B
I've tried to pull off the lot, the, the floor length thing. I, I've always kind of looked like the Grim Reaper, but anyway.
- [06:49]
A
Well, you would with the boots. You look a bit like Morpheus.
- [06:51]
B
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I think is a hot look. And she, I said, go on then, throw us up the jacket. Now there's a, there's a very girthy orchestra pit in Glasgow in the King's Theater. Yeah, it's like, it's quite wide and it's bit of a death trap to be honest. Anyway, she threw it up, I missed it. It fell into the orchestra pit.
- [07:10]
A
Boo.
- [07:11]
B
And that was from the audience. And she then spent the rest of the evening trying to climb into the orchestra. Orchestra pit to get it back. It was chaos. Yeah. And they were just, they were just doing that thing where some people when they've like, they have a drinking, they chat to you in the, it's like, it's like you're just out for lunch.
- [07:29]
A
Do you know what I mean? I think, I think your show is just so different. Like even I absolutely, like just by accident I walked in there, I was gonna take a flask of tea and a chocolate bar with me. I just took the chocolate bar so I wouldn't look weird. And then I, 4 o' clock in the morning, I went to bed. I was absolutely furious. I don't know what happens at that show.
- [07:48]
B
I cannot be blamed.
- [07:50]
A
Good luck with the matinee, Joe.
- [07:53]
B
I cannot Be blames for any of this. Women are making of their own path. There is. Look, there's a party vibe for sure. But anyway, you're one with the jacket. Ch. She messaged me after. She's really sorry about the whole coat thing. And she was like, I was drinking pints of Prosecco from 1:00pm I was like, don't worry, you're welcome back. As always, I have to.
- [08:14]
A
I can only have. I learned very late in life that I can only have one or two drinks before I go out. And that is all I can have. Otherwise the night is gone and I will black out and I won't remember getting home. And I'm just too old to do that now.
- [08:25]
B
Yeah. Do you remember you prinking in. Prinking and squatting. Do you remember that story?
- [08:31]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [08:31]
B
She had to get her chim in. Yeah.
- [08:34]
A
I was on my balcony doing the gym and I was drinking at the same time. So I had a. I was walking Red Bull. It was pretty much just like a pre workout. So I was pre workouting as I was working.
- [08:44]
B
I mean, that's a great time. That is commitment to the cause. I mean, squatting with the vodka tonic. I mean, I love it now.
- [08:51]
A
Yeah.
- [08:52]
B
Your favorite man, your new favorite man in the world is Jesus.
- [08:57]
A
Bad Bunny. I. He's. I've liked all of his songs. Or am I liked on Spotify? I can't stop. I. I feel like I'm singing Spanish with him. I'm not, but I'm. I'm doing something. The words are sounding the, the words are sounding similar. Juan. Okay, I got four for four grass.
- [09:14]
B
For anyone living under a giant rock, Bad Bunny performs the halftime show at the Super Bowl. By the way, can I just say, I. The super bowl halftime show. I'm assuming loads of people just watch the halftime show and don't watch the Super Bowl.
- [09:29]
A
Yeah. Now, I have to be honest, and I didn't know who was playing in the super bowl, but I, you know about that. Like, the halftime show is the biggest show that you can get. Kendrick Lamar did it last year. He was absolutely unbelievable. Michael Jackson's done it before where he literally stands still for three minutes and does absolutely nothing. And you're just like watching and waiting because it's so exciting. Bad Bunny did it and he's had the most amount of. I think it was like 135 million people watched him, but it was really. So he did a show. He sang all of it in Spanish. Obviously he's from Puerto Rico and he. He was Kind of doing it. He's. He's American. He describes himself as American as well. And he was kind of like, just trying to show that, like. Like uniting everybody together in the face of all things that are happening with ICE because he won a Grammy. And he. He was talking about how awful it is, and it is awful what they're doing. And I think watching him celebrate, like, Puerto Rican identity and Latin culture and he had all these different pockets where, like, it was him winning, him handing the Grammy to him as a child. And, like, there is attack goes down and there was a couple who actually got married on stage. I saw the best meme ever. It was like fair play to that woman getting married in front of Bad Bunny. Because I'd always just be thinking, maybe I'd still have a chance.
- [10:43]
B
I saw a woman say, there isn't a guillotine big enough to cut off the amount of head I'd give that guy.
- [10:53]
A
I absolutely love.
- [10:55]
B
But, like, I had.
- [10:56]
A
I had no. I. I'd heard him. I. I should say through Kendall Jenner. And I had never heard his music, but it was like. It was just a massive Latin street party, and it was unbelievable.
- [11:07]
B
Well, you know what? I think it's. I think it's very. It's. I think it was important, is the term I would use, because whatever. What. Everything that's going on in the States at the moment, with all the immigration and the ICE and all that jazz, and it's horrific. But, like, America invaded Puerto Rico, colonized it. It is. It is an American country. Yeah. And now they're like. They're.
- [11:31]
A
We didn't understand what he was saying.
- [11:33]
B
They forget that. Do you know what I mean? That America's bigger than just, like, Massachusetts.
- [11:39]
A
Yeah. Well, he was. He was calling out all the America. The Latin American countries as well, during the whole thing. And I just thought the whole thing was just really nice and heartwarming.
- [11:53]
B
When the bell goes, it just goes. I say, hello, cuz. Remember, even beat the man stealing all the post. So I try to be a little bit like security. And I'm like, hello. And he just goes, it's the postman. I go, oh, come in. And I buzz him in every time. So I don't know who. Who that is.
- [12:10]
A
So you're talking about. About Puerto Rico. So you know Jake Paul, the brothers, Jake Paul and Logan Paul, they move to Puerto Rico. So loads of people move to Puerto Rico because they've got amazing tax rates for Americans. So a lot of. A lot of them go over there for the Tax rate. Should we. Jake Paul, we should go.
- [12:25]
B
Would you go? Would we go?
- [12:27]
A
I think if you're earning like they are like 130 million or even more maybe.
- [12:31]
B
Oh, I'd be there. Sorry. Now if I was making that kind of cash.
- [12:35]
A
It's besides St. Bart. St. Barth is the same.
- [12:37]
B
The tax man can suck it. I'd be gone in a second. Sorry. I would so go full Bono.
- [12:44]
A
But he tweeted and he was like, everyone should turn. This is the most un American thing I've ever seen. Everyone should switch off and. And hit the networks where it hurts. During the halftime show. Don't show any support for Bad Bunny. And his brother Logan was like, he quote, tweeted it and was like, I have nothing to do with this. I love Bad Bunny. I love Puerto Rico. I live there. And then your man the next day got so much abuse, which loads of people did for slagging off bad money, that he was like, oh, I got hacked.
- [13:09]
B
It's like, oh, the hacking.
- [13:12]
A
Save the hacking for something better.
- [13:15]
B
Come on, say hi. A lot of not imagine having that little self awareness. Your brother is living in Puerto Rico using their tax breaks. And then you're talking about how anti American having a Puerto Rican singer is. But also basically so saying Bethany Franken was at it.
- [13:32]
A
Jill Zaron pulled them all down then because they're like, like, I think Bethany Frankel's daughter told her she was going to get CANC canceled. Or it was the other one's daughter who said it. It's just like, it's so like, can we not listen to the room?
- [13:45]
B
Yeah, read the room also. So the super bowl, the NFL were saying basically the halftime act, the halftime show, it's about growing the super bowl, right? So they were saying, yeah, the super bowl can no longer get any bigger without bringing Latin Americans into it. So they got the young girls with the Taylor Swift stuff. They've more women going to sport. What are they called? Football things.
- [14:05]
A
Whatever. NFL.
- [14:06]
C
Football shows.
- [14:07]
B
Yeah, football shows. Football shows. And they were like, we can't grow this anymore. We need Latin America. It was like a strategic move on their part. And loads of like, Rihanna isn't American. Joe Root is out. Other non American acts who've played the super bowl, there are other people.
- [14:22]
A
Tell you what, the rolling.
- [14:24]
C
You two. The weekend.
- [14:27]
A
You too did it.
- [14:28]
C
Wow.
- [14:32]
B
Sorry, sorry. I think, I don't know. I don't think of Christina Agar there.
- [14:36]
A
Yeah, you two Americans love you too.
- [14:39]
B
They're Shakira, Come on.
- [14:41]
C
She's from Colombia.
- [14:43]
B
Yeah.
- [14:43]
A
God.
- [14:45]
B
But I was watching the video and it was. It was brilliant. It was quite emotive. And I.
- [14:52]
A
Sexual. Not as sexual as his other concerts, which I will be attending.
- [14:56]
B
There was a lot of Dick Robin.
- [14:58]
A
It's called dworking. He does a. Have you. Have you seen him twerking on stage? It's wild.
- [15:03]
B
Is that male twerking?
- [15:05]
A
Yeah. Oh, my God. You have to watch it. He wears these very nice shorts and he works on stage. And I don't know what it is every time. Like, I've just now decided that you need to get with Bad Bundy. He's got a sexy accent. They've got really good tax rates. He twerks. He is. You definitely have stunning children if you chose to have them. Like, they would definitely not be dramatic.
- [15:26]
B
Thank you.
- [15:27]
A
He's loaded and has a house in la. He's young and fun and he dedicated Kendall, so you'd hang out with them. He sings, raps and dances. And one bad point is he's 5 11. And I was actually quite disappointed when I read that. And then I remembered that my husband is 5 11. So it can work.
- [15:45]
B
Bad Bonnie. I'm sorry. That is a deal breaker for me.
- [15:48]
A
No, it can work. Honestly. It was a deal breaker when I first saw it.
- [15:52]
B
Let him down gently for me, please. Vogue. Let him down gently for me.
- [15:55]
A
No, no, you have to have him.
- [15:58]
B
He's now deleted all his Instagram. Have you seen this?
- [16:00]
A
Yeah. What was the crack with that?
- [16:02]
B
I don't know, but he's after, like, willingly ejecting 50 million followers. Send them my way, please.
- [16:09]
A
Yeah, 50 mil.
- [16:11]
B
50 mil. Can you imagine?
- [16:12]
A
It's got something up his sleeve.
- [16:13]
B
He's something up his sleeve. Taylor Swift's done this before. It's like it's either he's getting so much abuse, but I don't think he cared. Like, I don't.
- [16:20]
A
I mean, I just. No, I think it's quite. It's quite divided, but I just don't understand how you can't see how amazing and uniting that is for American. Like, I just don't understand how there's any other aspect to it when you watch another.
- [16:33]
B
And I don't live there. We don't live there. I know, but we're not in the inside scoop.
- [16:38]
A
But I also think people like moaning about not being able to understand an accent. That accent, it's even nicer than a French man.
- [16:45]
B
Well, I think they were saying it's anti America. He was singing in Spanish. That was basically. That was kind of the Man, Trump was saying was anti American. Like I say, there's a lot going on over there at the moment. There's a lot going on, but it was a very powerful performance. He is a bad bunny. And then I. I was like, hold on. Was that Pedro Pascal just kind of. Yeah. Bobbing around in the background there? So obviously I googled it and he had Pedro Pascal, Jessica Alba.
- [17:11]
A
Yeah.
- [17:12]
B
Ricky Martin was singing at it. Lady Gaga was singing.
- [17:14]
A
Yeah, singing.
- [17:15]
B
So they were visibly there.
- [17:16]
A
Sorry. Ricky Martin. What's he doing? He looks fantastic.
- [17:19]
B
How anyone believes he was straight at any point in our lives is mind boggling.
- [17:24]
A
I did when he first came. I was in Spain.
- [17:28]
B
I was like, what?
- [17:28]
A
Ricky Martin? I used to sit in the house, Remy. Only on music channels. I sat in the house in Spain. I didn't even. I wasn't basically not on holidays or anyone else. I just sat going through the music channels waiting for Ricky Martin to go back on.
- [17:43]
B
You loved him.
- [17:44]
A
It's my old holiday.
- [17:45]
B
Yeah. Yeah. He's a hot. My God, he's a good looking man. And like he's aging like wine. Wine. But they're all very. They've been like, there's a. I think bad bunny at one point, like canceled a tour or canceled shows to go back and march in Puerto Rico for, like, kind of political freedom. And he's, you know, he's a political person. So anyway, we loved it.
- [18:06]
A
Loved it. We absolutely. We absolutely love it. Did you hear the other guys from the Super Bowl? Oh, yeah. I love Cardi B, but I would not with Cardi B. No way. So she. She's gone out with this fellow, Stefan Diggs. He was playing in the Super Bowl. I don't know which team he was on. Who won? Seattle won. So he would have been on the patri. That. Right. I don't really care. It's like Coachella.
- [18:26]
B
I don't. I don't. You could tell me the super bowl was Mayo versus Claire, and I believe you. I have no idea.
- [18:33]
A
I look forward. I'll do in those terms. It's easier for you. Okay, so he plays for Claire.
- [18:37]
B
Right.
- [18:38]
A
And he basically. Then he's had. He had four kids with four different women in 2025. And one of the women was Cardi B. But they're in a relationship together. And Cardi B. Had basically organized this super bowl party for him after the super bowl. She spent $1.2 million on it. Neither of them attended because he invited one of his other baby mamas, gave her front row seats with another one of the newborn children. And then Cardi B. Saw it, got absolutely raging and. And dumped him because of it. Because she got front row seats.
- [19:10]
B
I mean, sometimes stories like that make me happy to be single. I couldn't deal with the drama. Now am I suggesting.
- [19:17]
A
I mean, there's a party.
- [19:18]
B
Levels of drama. Probably not.
- [19:22]
A
Oh, my God, not another baby.
- [19:23]
B
Yeah. I'm like, if you bring another baby mama to the sports game with Mayo versus Claire, I'll be absolutely fuming.
- [19:32]
A
But there was all that. They spent $1.2 million on a party and never went. I don't know about you. I feel like the NFL is our new Burberry. You know, the way Burberry just, like, scoff at us and they don't ever invite us to the show. And we've kind of forgotten about it now. They did a big.
- [19:48]
B
They did a huge game in Ireland. They're trying to remember. And liars. I didn't get the nod, actually, because they're trying to branch out now kind of. You're like, into Europe and all. Like, they're on a. They're on a mission. They're on a massive mission.
- [20:03]
A
Well, they're not on that much of a mission because we weren't invited.
- [20:05]
B
I think that it's the same company, isn't it, Joe? Like the NFL.
- [20:09]
A
Yeah. Yeah, it was.
- [20:11]
B
So they've given all the European countries.
- [20:14]
A
Rights to it.
- [20:15]
B
Well, American teams, so I don't know what. I don't know are the Ireland or, like the Bears now or something. Let me actually just check that.
- [20:21]
C
So franchises are called franchises.
- [20:24]
B
Well, they're trying to kind of encourage us to support, like, they're like, okay, Ireland, you've been given this team, and now they're selling all their merch and their jerseys and stuff in town in Dublin. And they're trying to encourage us, you know, the way to kind of get involved. But the team they gave us, I don't think they're great.
- [20:40]
A
Well, I mean, come on. What I will say is I have a lot of NFL jerseys now. I don't know what teams are for. They might be ice hockey as well. Just buy them in the vintage shops in America.
- [20:51]
B
Yeah. Do you remember I went to. I was doing a show in Seattle and I turned up in a. In a. In their basically arch enemies. Varsity top. Like, football top. Because I again, I just like the color. So I went on stage. They're like, boo. And I was like, oh, my God. No, no, I'm.
- [21:07]
A
Yet.
- [21:07]
B
Why are you pooing? I haven't Even opened my mouth and then I real. Yeah, I'd made a big faux pas.
- [21:14]
A
Well, I think next year we should set our sights on going to the NFL. Primark invited loads of people. I don't know what their issue is with us. We've never done anything to hurt them. And I'm actually taking my niece on a shopping spree there next week. So I even spend money in your shop. And I would like to be invited to the NFL. Okay.
- [21:29]
B
While there is no professional NFL team based in Ireland, the Pittsburgh Steelers and New York jets hold official marketing rights on the island as part of the NFL's Global Markets Program.
- [21:39]
A
This is jersey.
- [21:41]
B
The Steelers. The Steelers, with Irish roots, have been particularly active holding watch parties and promoting the game in Ireland. They want us to be Steelers, huh? I will make my own choices. I will not be bullied into supporting a team.
- [21:56]
A
And it depends what color they're wearing and how nice their jersey is.
- [21:58]
B
I want the heated rivals.
- [22:02]
A
That's ice hockey.
- [22:03]
B
Who cares? In Ireland it gets cold.
- [22:07]
A
Do you know what spent on me the other day? What? Baseball players. In America, some of them earn $130 million a year. 130 million because I thought NFL players were the highest paid. But no. Baseball players, then basketball players, then NFL.
- [22:23]
B
Wow. I didn't know. I'll tell you, baseball, it doesn't even look hard.
- [22:28]
A
Yeah, it is. And they, they don't even. They don't even break a sweat. It's like cyclists. Sometimes I see cyclists and they're stopped for another coffee. I'm like, are you even cycling or what are you doing? It's the same with baseball. They kind stand around.
- [22:39]
B
It's all the men trying not to have affairs. So they just cycle around the countryside of the weekend, take themselves out of the mix. That'll be you, Joe. Thank you. Yeah. They have their midlife crisis on a bike rather than on a bike.
- [22:50]
A
Does have a very fancy bike. Well, he just runs when. He just runs constantly to try and get away from me.
- [22:57]
B
Keep him pedaling, you'll keep him out of trouble.
- [23:06]
A
I'm now living somewhere that I'm scared that my packages get robbed.
- [23:09]
B
Cuz you don't have the concier yours anymore.
- [23:11]
A
I don't have peasants. I know. No one's felt it more than myself.
- [23:19]
B
Speaking of sports.
- [23:21]
A
Yeah.
- [23:22]
B
I mean, firstly, let's talk about. Was it the Norwegian guy who, when he was given the bronze.
- [23:30]
A
Did you look at it?
- [23:31]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who announced for. So basically, story, story wise Norwegian Olympian, Winter Olympics, Sterla Home Sterling home got bruin bronze but his ex girlfriend won gold. Because he basically, when he was doing his post show announcement that the journalist, he basically said, a couple years ago I met the love of my life and a few weeks ago, months ago, I cheated on her. And I feel terrible about it. And everyone's like, whoa, where did that.
- [23:59]
A
Yeah.
- [23:59]
B
Come from?
- [24:01]
C
Lines as well. He's been in the relationship for six months. He cheated three months in.
- [24:05]
A
Yeah.
- [24:06]
C
Now he's confessing it.
- [24:07]
A
He said, come on.
- [24:08]
B
He said. He said, a couple of years ago I met the love of my life.
- [24:11]
A
No, no. So, yeah, but also, and I'm not being funny, but like our timeline's not a bit like dusty at the start of relationships because I had to say to spend off the jump. I was like, this is when we started going out each other. Okay. It wasn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is when it was official because like, yeah, you have to try and figure that out. So like it just seems a bit. But Ballin, I thought it was quite sweet, but I just thought, oh God, you go up shite.
- [24:37]
B
Then he did a follow up where later in the day where the journalist was like, do you think it was the right thing to use that time? You're kind of one moment when you've won an Olympic medal to four years.
- [24:49]
A
Of training to admit that you cheated on your ex.
- [24:52]
B
And he went, I don't know, actually. He's like, I haven't heard anything from her, but you know, hopefully she gets in touch.
- [24:59]
A
He literally, he was literally like, yeah, thank you so much. I've worked so hard, dude, I cheated. Oh my God.
- [25:06]
B
I was like, I love this confessional meddling thing. Like, imagine, you know those enhanced games where I said, I'm going to put patent to the gymnastics.
- [25:14]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [25:15]
B
Can you imagine the confessions to be coming out of them? They're off their tits. When they go to collect their medal, they'll be like, thanks for the medal. I've just had an orgy in the sauna. Be like, give us more information.
- [25:25]
A
Thank you for the medal. I just fox your father. Thank you, your father.
- [25:30]
B
These games have been gamey.
- [25:35]
A
I just, I felt. You know what though? When something is eating you up so badly and you feel so guilty about it, you're like, I just have to confess to somebody.
- [25:45]
B
I mean, it was a, it was a sweeping. It was a grand gesture. It was a grand gesture and I.
- [25:51]
A
Think, I think it got it off his chest is what I think it did. Because when I stole my first thing I ever Stole was a Tempe troll rubber. And I was so. I felt so guilty about it at the bus stop. I threw it on the ground just trying to get rid of the evidence. And then I got caught and I had to bring it back to the shop. And, you know, I felt better at the end. I felt like a weight lifted. So I'm sure he feels like a weight has been lifted for him too.
- [26:12]
B
He did look quite peaceful in the second interview. I will say, if I woke up and heard the news that my ex boyfriend had done that, can you imagine the validation of like, knowing I would. To get the most out of it? I would ask each of my friends. I wouldn't do a group discussion because that would just waste the conversation in one go. I would start my arrangements at 8am and I would individually ask all my friends to come together for an hour and I would rehash it again and again throughout the day. It would be the most beautiful experience of my adult life. I would get so much out of it, I would milk it to the death. I mean, we all want to win in a breakup, and when you get cheated on, you feel like, you know, you feel it's bad for morale. And can you imagine if they actually came out and admitted us on global news?
- [27:04]
A
God, that's gonna put me in bad form now because I'm like, God, I didn't win. Like, I didn't get anything like that when I got cheated on. I want that. Yeah, I got nothing. I want that. Well, do you know what we got? We got knowing.
- [27:15]
B
We got knowing their life is without us. Yeah, we got, we got accusations of I can't have any female friends. You're so jealous.
- [27:25]
A
I can't do anything.
- [27:27]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just fell into her. It didn't mean anything. All that I want, I want a confession on global news. That's what I want.
- [27:35]
A
I thought they would have got back together. I. I feel like there's a little romantic side of me, but I mean, it's only six months. Like you, you don't even know someone for six months. And you were. And you broke up after three, so it just doesn't. Do you know what I mean? You met her six months ago. You broke up after three. It's been three. You've only known. You've been out of contact as long as you were in contact.
- [27:52]
B
He's having a breakdown. Like, listen, we all know when you're in the throes of a mental health crisis and that man is clearly in the throes of mental health crisis. The fact that he actually pulled off winning a bronze. I mean, fair play.
- [28:02]
A
I know he said he was upset all week. He sudden got. He couldn't stop crying all week, and he still went out.
- [28:07]
B
There's nothing.
- [28:08]
A
He had been crying. Could have been a gold.
- [28:10]
B
I forgive him.
- [28:11]
A
So would I.
- [28:12]
B
Just for the story.
- [28:13]
A
So did I. And then I'd. And then I had to cheat on him back.
- [28:15]
B
Yeah. Just for his place to win gold at the next. Yeah.
- [28:20]
A
Yeah. With his very best friend. And I would say, huh? That's what you get. There was another thing at the Olympics. Now I'm gonna start it off with allegedly, because I know how ridiculous it sounds, but it's a gen. It's a genuine news story. So, you know, I know a lot about penises. We will call them, because I've done a lot of groundbreaking work on TV where I. I know what men do to try and make them bigger, to try and make them more attractive, all those kind of things. Well, it turns out that the World Anti Doping Agency is investing. Investigating ski jumpers for injecting their penises with hyaluronic acid because it's not banned in spores. And it can increase the circumference by 1 or 2 centimeters, and it lasts for about 18 months after you inject it. But it will increase the surface area of their ski suits during a competition, which could increase their flight in the air. So having a larger penis makes the flight. This is what they're investigating. And the world.
- [29:16]
B
Faster. Makes them faster, fly longer.
- [29:21]
C
Oh, like a little wing.
- [29:24]
A
Yeah, like. Like a baby, Just more surface area. But then I was thinking, what if you're like one of those men who has a very minor package? Then you're fucked. You're not gonna win. You're not gonna win. Because when me and Spen did the jump, remember, I was convinced I'd kick his ass. Like, I was convinced. And then only after I thought about it, when he won, I was like, hang on a second. He's way heavier than me. Of course he's gonna jump further than me. A woman can't beat a man in that because it's. It's too. It's too hard. They're. They're stronger. They're. They're. They're heavier, so they go further.
- [29:55]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [29:56]
A
So I actually never had a chance. So I was robbed is what I'm saying. That shows a farce.
- [30:01]
B
Well, had you. Had you thought it through, you should have put hyaluronic acid into your labia and Flown like a bird.
- [30:08]
A
Would you believe I already had? I always do that.
- [30:12]
B
Ewan says puffy lobbys are huge. Had I known it would increase speed, I would have got it for the Christmas sale.
- [30:17]
A
Imagine going into Katrina and being like Katrina. If you wouldn't mind, just pop a bit in the old labia there. This lip is a bit smaller as well, so. A bit more in that lip. Yeah.
- [30:26]
B
I want to jump. Yeah. I want to fly longer. I want to. I want to imagine. Imagine if I got. Imagine how quick I'd run down to you and Battersea if I had my labia pull.
- [30:33]
A
Loved.
- [30:34]
B
I didn't know an engorged genital would kind of add speed.
- [30:38]
A
Oh, that word engorge is rotten, John.
- [30:41]
B
Well, apparently. Anyway, I. I think they're gonna be stuck with this now because it's not against the rules, because hyaluronic acid, it's not a doping. Like, it's not a joke.
- [30:50]
A
It's still. Yeah, I mean, I think the story was just. I just found it fascinating. It really stuck out.
- [30:55]
B
I. I think it's true. I think it is true. I've seen that story as well.
- [30:59]
A
Yeah, no, it is.
- [31:00]
B
Speaking of sports and Olympics and. And the madness of it all and the things that people are willing to do to win, like. Like putting hyaluronic acid into your penis. The 2000 Sydney Paralympic Spanish basketball scandal involved the Spanish intellectual disability team being stripped of their gold medals after it was revealed 10 of the 12 players had no disability.
- [31:24]
C
What?
- [31:25]
B
The findings investigations confirmed that the required IQ test tests is below 75 for the intellectual disability category were not conducted on most players. They were forced to return their gold medals. I mean, sorry, firstly, if you are in. If you were in the Paralympics or the Olympics, if you're taking part in a sport like that, surely you want your friends and family to come. At what point is your mother gown? Juan, you got 490 in the leaving cert. What are you doing? Playing for teenagers. Sexual disabilities, like, I can't stand by this.
- [31:58]
A
Mothers and their son, it's just a different kind of thing. So of course mothers are going to stop. If it was a. It was a girls team, that wouldn't have happened because the mothers and the door, they'd be like, you cop onto yourself now. Get out of there. You're not meant to be in there.
- [32:10]
B
But the actual gore, like, oh, do you want to see my Olympic medal? Well, look at it from far away because it's got Paralympics written across the foot. I'm like, how did they think they were going to get away with that. I don't sleep at night knowing you've taken a medal of someone with an intellectual disability in a sporting game.
- [32:31]
A
I mean, I think you're a different kind of person if you're planning to do that anyway and you're going the whole way to Sydney to play on the basketball team and you're just bullshitting. So I bet you they have. They have a fake pass for the car park as well. Oh.
- [32:42]
B
Oh, they're on it. They're. They're getting whizzed through the airport. I mean, these people have no ethics and no morals. Where does the grift start? And the grift ends. At what point? Like these. Like, at what point are they performing as some with additional needs? It is so dark and so strange for a medal that absolutely does not belong to them, but they'll take pleasure in winning anyway. It's crazy. So, yeah, so injecting a little hyaluronic acid into the penis, I mean, sure, why not?
- [33:08]
A
They're just trying to keep it. Keep it fresh. It will. It will. It will go over the skin like a honey. A film of honey, Joe, is what it does, and it makes your skin gorgeous. One of my favorite stories this week and the greatest thing I've ever seen written, I actually read it three times because I loved it so much, was the midwife that got struck off because she was caught sucking on the gas and air. Now, first of all, I have to have her corner, in a sense, because one of the greatest things about having a child, maybe even greater than the birth itself, is the gas and hair. Like, you just look forward to it so much. It's so enticing, it's brilliant.
- [33:43]
B
It's one of my main reasons for having a child.
- [33:47]
A
Like, I swear to. I saw. Again, sorry to bring up Katrina Ryan. She did this thing where you have to suck on gas and air. This facial is so, like, invasive that you have to actually be on gas and air. And I was like, I don't even want the facial, but I want the gas and air. So maybe I'd have the facial to get the gas and air.
- [34:00]
B
Can we not just get gas and air in our houses? Like, can you not just get a tank put in in the new gaff?
- [34:06]
A
I asked. I was. When I was in hospital, when I fell off the horse that time when they were cleaning out my coat and I was in bits, and all of a sudden I'm on the gas and air, and I was like, jesus, I was on Amazon and everything lying on the bed. And they were like, you can't buy it. I was like, surely you can buy it. Is it the stuff that they put in balloons? Is that what people are always doing?
- [34:23]
B
Well, that makes your voice weird and stuff. Yeah, I've done balloons before.
- [34:29]
C
Nitrous oxide.
- [34:32]
A
I've done cocaine and balloons.
- [34:34]
B
Imagine the real high pitched voice after the birth.
- [34:42]
A
I. Honestly, when I. The last time I had Otto, I was like, I was. And they're like, do you want the epidural now? No, get out. I know. Like, I literally. I couldn't even talk to the doctor when she came in sometimes because I was so out of it. It was. But this nurse. Anyway, right, so someone had walked in on her a few times. One of the times they saw her and they could see that the thing had been taken off the wall and then she was really unbalanced and fell into a bin. So they concluded.
- [35:08]
B
Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day.
- [35:12]
A
And. And like, the thing about it is she got struck off because they're like, she's not really up to the job if she'. Soaking on gas and air, that stuff only. It's like poppers. It only lasts a short time and then you're back to normal.
- [35:23]
B
Fair. Okay.
- [35:24]
C
Yeah.
- [35:25]
B
Okay, great.
- [35:26]
A
But then another one went into her and she was startled and said she was looking for a medicine ball and then tripped on the way out.
- [35:35]
B
Yeah, she's all for tits. To be honest, I actually, the more we talk about this, I think it's grossly unfair that as a woman who either maybe can't have kids or has chosen not to have kids. Kids doesn't get gas and air. It feels like it's kind of the female experience. I heard great things about the post pregnancy or the post birth tea and toast. Apparently it's the best tea and toast in the world. And now the gas and air. And I think it's very unfair for women like me who don't get access to these things.
- [36:00]
A
I do. I actually truly do believe it is. And I think that it's unfair to have a woman walking around the paternity ward with. With all of us just sitting there saying, pick me, pick me. And she's trying to do her job and just get on with things and then she's enticed and. And she fell. It's just when it's. What does Frank the Tank say when it touches your lips? It's just so good. What? You know, Frank the Tank.
- [36:23]
B
Are you on golf?
- [36:24]
A
Old school? I wish. No, I told you, I Couldn't buy it. It's not on Amazon Vogue.
- [36:29]
B
If anyone could. If anyone could just collab with the maternity hospital.
- [36:33]
A
I've looked into it. I have looked into it. I couldn't. You can't. You can't buy it.
- [36:38]
B
Bitterly disappointing. I wonder how many Salpa Deans you have to put in a pint glass to get the same effect.
- [36:45]
A
You wouldn't. There's no. Because that would just.
- [36:48]
B
Allegedly.
- [36:49]
A
That's just dead. That's not fun. That's dead. Okay.
- [37:00]
B
Imagine having to physically pick up a package off the pavement.
- [37:05]
A
Jesus Christ. I've got to crush the boxes down.
- [37:08]
B
Wash your hands, children. Wash your hands.
- [37:18]
A
Some people in the school used to be soaking deodorant all the time. And I'd just be too scared because I heard those rumors of people, their brain popped and stuff.
- [37:25]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. It's the same with the poppers and all. You're like, this can't be good for me. Like, this just. Just can't be good for me. Like your head feels like it's gonna fall off.
- [37:36]
A
You're like, ow.
- [37:37]
B
I remember when I went to see David Gray years ago, back when the Electric Picnic was. Electric Picnic was originally a festival called Witness. Right. And Witness. It was the first year.
- [37:48]
A
Are you sure? Witness was an oxygen?
- [37:50]
B
Witness turned into oxygen, which then turned it. Oh, sorry, sorry, I'm confused. You're dead right, sorry. Witness was oxygen. Then Oxygen went away because there was a lot of stabbings and fires and it got a bit messy.
- [37:59]
A
I loved oxygen.
- [38:01]
B
Oxygen was feral as. But Witness, anyway. David Gray was playing a witness and we went in and we had poppers for some reason. God knows. I don't know why. I think they were legal at the time. Who knows? I'm in my 40s now. I'm very old.
- [38:13]
A
Watching. Going to David Gray with poppers. Yeah. What? Wrong boys.
- [38:22]
B
We were just, like, rolling around the grass off our tits. Babylon.
- [38:28]
A
You can buy poppers. You can buy poppers in. In a shop. They're not illegal. I remember when I first came over to do RADA in London when I was, like, 18. I used to walk around Oxford street just with poppers. Yeah, A little jar of poppers. Like, gross.
- [38:41]
B
It's kind like sticking your head into a petrol tank and just taking loads of deep breaths. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's not recommended. The gays use it because apparently it kind of relaxes the body and opens up the.
- [38:50]
A
The.
- [38:51]
B
Anus yeah. One of the. The best hires I've seen so far in 2026. Claudia Winkleman is hosting CR.
- [39:03]
A
I know. How fun would that job be? Like, can you imagine? Will we go? Will we go to crs?
- [39:11]
B
Love to go. I say it's sold out.
- [39:14]
A
Find out when it's on.
- [39:15]
B
You know, every Patrick's day, when I was a kid, we'd go to the dog show in the rds with my granddad and a load of sandwiches. I loved it. Yeah. We'd go. So it's in Birmingham, so I'm going to look at houses today. One of my deal breakers is it has a garden. When I get a garden, I'm going to get a dog. I'm going to enter it in Crofts. I might even inject its labia. If it makes it run faster, it.
- [39:38]
A
Will glide along like no one's business whatever.
- [39:40]
B
Whether. Whatever gender the dog. There is going to be some. What's it called? Hyaluronic acid. Yeah. Attached. The poor poopy will be the size of a Ford Focus. It'll be dragging along behind her, but anything, because I want to win Crofts with my new poodle.
- [39:56]
A
Hang on. I just thought of something brilliant. The other night. I was. It was Winnie's birthday the other day and I got really sad and I missed him and I started googling where to get a beagle here. You can't get a beagle here. You can only get them in Australia. And I was like, right, when I move into our forever house, I'm gonna get a beagle ear and get them sent over from Australia so I can have another Winnie. Maybe I could find. Yeah, maybe I could find Winnie's line. But you're going to Australia.
- [40:20]
B
I am, yeah. Yeah. I can bring back.
- [40:22]
A
Why don't you get.
- [40:23]
B
Oh, get one. Oh, I didn't think so.
- [40:28]
A
Service dog. Bring it back. Beagle ears are the best dogs in the world.
- [40:32]
B
I kind of see myself with a Labradoodle.
- [40:35]
A
Oh, Jesus Christ.
- [40:36]
B
I think that's my journey. Have you ever seen the film Best in Show with Jennifer Coolidge?
- [40:40]
A
No.
- [40:40]
B
And your mom from Schitt's Creek and she cast. No, Harry's in it. It is one of the funniest films I've ever seen. It's.
- [40:46]
A
I'm gonna watch that later.
- [40:47]
B
Yeah, it's really funny. It's about these people who bring up, like, they're basically at a dog show and they all have their dogs and they're all kind different characters. No, it's so, so Funny.
- [40:55]
A
Have you guys watched Yellowstone or not?
- [40:58]
B
No.
- [40:59]
A
Oh, I've been holding off watching the fifth series. Now. How long do we have to hold spoilers for it? Do I have. Can I not say it now because you guys.
- [41:07]
B
Well, I don't think. I don't think it's in my. I don't think it's. I'm. It's not my journey. I'm not going to watch Yellowstone. But obviously we are putting in spoiler alerts because as we know, we do tend to spoil things.
- [41:16]
A
Well, this is going to be a spoiler. But like this season I've, I've held off watching this season. I think it's been out for a year or something now. I just haven't watched it because I heard Kevin Costner died in it.
- [41:26]
B
As in, is he dead?
- [41:28]
A
He's dead. He's dead.
- [41:30]
B
He died on that.
- [41:32]
A
Dead. Gone. And I watched it and I was like, maybe, maybe someone. Amber was just taking the piss out of me because she knows how much I love him. In five seconds, there will also be an accidental succession spoiler. But I'm not, I'm not sorry for it because it was eight ages ago. So that is like off limits. Gone. It was like succession, remember? Your man died. What's his name again? Succession is so old.
- [41:56]
B
I've been saving it, like euphoria. I'm saving things.
- [41:59]
A
You're saving Succession. It's like it came out five years ago.
- [42:04]
B
I'm slow.
- [42:06]
A
Very slow. Yeah.
- [42:09]
B
Wuthering Heights. It's not getting great reviews.
- [42:12]
A
What? I booked to go and see it.
- [42:14]
B
It's not getting great reviews. Then I'll still go because it looks like, like it's, you know, I fancy your man and I love her. But I'll go. But like, it's not getting great reviews. It's not getting.
- [42:23]
A
I think, I think, I think people. I think you're Fennel. What's her name?
- [42:28]
C
Emerald.
- [42:29]
A
Emerald. Fennel was basically saying, listen, just don't. It's not by the buy. It's not. If you're a massive Wuthering Heights fan. Like, just. It's very relaxed. The costumes are all different. It is like loosely based on it kind of thing.
- [42:41]
B
Yeah.
- [42:41]
A
I can't wait. I love Margaret, Rob. She just seems like so much crack.
- [42:45]
B
I love Margaret, Robbie. And I love your man whose name I never remember. I don't. Jacob Lord, he is stunning. He's. Do you know what, you know what I think when I look at him and I, I say, I wonder. I'd say Brad Pitt. I'd say Brad Pitt hates him. Do you know when you're like, he's absolutely replaced Brad Pitt. He is that superstar. That hasn't really happened in a very long time. That traditionally incredibly attractive, smooth, like, seductive person. He is what Brad Pitt was before Brad Pitt went a bit mad. But anyway, someone's pulled. Someone's tried to pull the Wuthering Heights poster out of the bus stop outside my flat. They've almost. They almost got it. I don't know why. They gave up. They gave it. They gave up at the last hurdle.
- [43:22]
A
So. Sorry. Tell me you're. You're going to view houses. So I need to know more about this. Joanne obviously is not moving an hour away from me.
- [43:29]
B
I'm. I'm pretty sure with one of them's on your road going to be houses. Show I'm a big girl now so that I can have my garden so I can get my labradoodle.
- [43:40]
A
Yeah, you're not getting a labradoodle. I won't mind it if it's a labradoodle.
- [43:44]
B
Well, you will.
- [43:46]
A
You. No, I won't. You will.
- [43:48]
B
You will.
- [43:49]
A
You'll.
- [43:49]
B
You'll do what you're told. You'll mind the dog and the baby. We've had this conversation. I'm not going to be around that much. I need to.
- [43:54]
A
Okay, fine.
- [43:54]
C
Yeah.
- [43:54]
A
Okay, grand. Well, everyone, that's actually it for this week. I've had a lovely time. I've missed you. I'm glad to be back. Happy to be back.
- [44:00]
B
Happy to be back.
- [44:01]
A
Me miss you fresh. And thank you so much, everyone. We will be back with the bonus on Wednesday. This has been a global player original production.