← My Therapist Ghosted Me
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- [00:03]
Joanne McNally
This is a Global Player original podcast.
- [00:16]
Vogue Williams
Hello, and welcome to my therapist Ghost with me. With me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. I was just reading. Do you follow? Deux. Moi.
- [00:30]
Joanne McNally
Does a Pope defecate in the woods, as they say?
- [00:34]
Vogue Williams
Yes, that is the saying. I think, actually, it's a much better saying than the original.
- [00:38]
Joanne McNally
So does the Pope have a bow movement in the forest, if you will?
- [00:43]
Vogue Williams
Joanne McNally, you are a hoot. A hoot.
- [00:47]
Joanne McNally
Stop the lights. She have a degree in English folk? There's loads more where this came from.
- [00:51]
Vogue Williams
This woman is a mad joke, I'm telling you.
- [00:56]
Joanne McNally
Mad. She's a mad bitch. Look at her there with her two words.
- [00:59]
Vogue Williams
A box of frogs.
- [01:01]
Joanne McNally
Does a pope ejaculate in a bush? Not quite the same. We've hit our. We've hit the wall. Okay, let's carry on. Do I. What does the Pope come in? A sponge. Absolutely revolting.
- [01:18]
Vogue Williams
Revolting. The new Pope is quite young, isn't he? I'd say he does come on a sponge.
- [01:24]
Joanne McNally
He's old enough to come, I can tell you, or he wouldn't get the job.
- [01:29]
Vogue Williams
Anyway, less of the Pope coming. Chat. So there's this. Well, there's a bit of come chat here. Dumois has this page where basically people send in celebrities that they've been kissing or slept with, and they rate them and they send in this whole thing. So, like, you can read about, like, all these hot celebrities and. And what they're like in bed and how they can. And I thoroughly enjoy it. Yeah.
- [01:54]
Joanne McNally
Are we in?
- [01:55]
Vogue Williams
Us? Oh, no, I am. I am hoping I don't appear because it would be 10 out of 10 kissing, for sure. Absolute wet fish in bed didn't move.
- [02:06]
Joanne McNally
Well, that's. You're. You're. You're defamatorying a wet fish because all they do is flop around. That's basically their gig.
- [02:14]
Vogue Williams
A dead, wet fish.
- [02:15]
Joanne McNally
Yeah, there you go. There you go. Yeah, that's what's important. I've had. Well, we've spoken about this before, but, like, I've had sex with people that I didn't want to. Now, I'm not. I'm not saying it was as dark as that sounds. I mean, like, obviously consent was given, but I just. The vibe was not there for me, and I kind of did it out of politeness, really. There's, like, a sexual etiquette that I felt I had to abide by. I can only imagine if they did a sexual yelp on me, the rating would not be great.
- [02:49]
Vogue Williams
Well, Joanne, do you know, I Actually find that insulting. That was one night and I was really tired. Okay.
- [02:55]
Joanne McNally
No, no, I said I wasn't up first. You're always up first. That's why we do that. That's why we do the pod remote. Now I started getting safety issue for me. Yeah, yeah, I know we're here to have a good time, though. But that's not what I call having a good time. Okay.
- [03:18]
Vogue Williams
You have led me on in the past, and that is why I always think I'll just give it a go. I don't know what kind of mood she'll be in today. You never know. You never know.
- [03:25]
Joanne McNally
Leading you on by laughing at your jokes. Indeed. That's literally Jeffrey Dahmer's pickup line. You bloody loved it.
- [03:36]
Vogue Williams
Ryan Gosling, Surprising. He is a great kisser. Lazy in bed. I just.
- [03:42]
Joanne McNally
In defense of Ryan Gosling, and I don't know the man, I've never met him personally or non personally, but what I will say is if someone, If. If someone is taking your sexual activity to a website to review it, and you know, I'm not a fan of reviewers, I'm not going to take it at face value. I would say, Ryan, I'm sorry to whoever wrote this review in. I'd say he wasn't feeling it. That's what I would say. I. I have a sexual bipolar disease. I would say if I'm into it, I am beyond into it. If I'm not into it, my God, it's. It's hostile.
- [04:20]
Vogue Williams
I've got to be honest. If I'm, If I'm. If I.
- [04:24]
Joanne McNally
If I'm going to Ryan, I won't stop it, but I will be very anti it.
- [04:32]
Vogue Williams
You'll know. You will know.
- [04:33]
Joanne McNally
That is my toxic trait.
- [04:35]
Vogue Williams
Ryan Gosling, though, I just think because he's so hot, I wouldn't. That is, like, on a very rare occasion, I wouldn't mind doing all the work. I wouldn't care if he was a dead fish. I'd just be happy to be with the dead fish.
- [04:45]
Joanne McNally
Course you're. You're happy to be in the room.
- [04:47]
Vogue Williams
Okay, I'll tell you about the weird thing that I did. Well, not a weird thing, a fun thing that I did. Today There is about 15 minutes from my mom's house, there is a sanctuary that they, like, save animals. And you can go and, like, there doesn't seem to be any rules or regulations up there because they just. Because they just let you in to pet all the animals. I petted. I petted a sea lion today. Have you Ever touched a sea lion? I know it. Couldn't bloody wait to see what it felt like.
- [05:14]
Joanne McNally
Like. Can I guess?
- [05:16]
Vogue Williams
Yes. You love guessing, Joanne, Love. Imagine her as a child.
- [05:23]
Producer
Can I play guessing?
- [05:24]
Joanne McNally
Please? I just think it adds to things when you're involved, you know, I would say a sea lion feels like a kind of a sticky grape or something. Like, I'd say there's a little bit of resistance there. Or like a. Maybe like a bristly, like. What's those badminton. What are the badminton balls that they use?
- [05:45]
Vogue Williams
Shuttlecock.
- [05:46]
Joanne McNally
I'd say it's like a sticky shuttlecock. The head of it, is it?
- [05:49]
Vogue Williams
No, it is not. But that is a vet. Joe, would you like to guess? I don't want to take anyone.
- [05:54]
Producer
Could I go for an extremely wet and slightly sticky short haired Labrador?
- [06:03]
Joanne McNally
Oh.
- [06:04]
Vogue Williams
Oh, that is not far off.
- [06:07]
Joanne McNally
I would say I'll go again.
- [06:09]
Vogue Williams
Oh, okay. Fantastic. I was hoping so.
- [06:12]
Joanne McNally
I would say, is it like one of those sphinx cats if you dunked its head in gorilla glue?
- [06:18]
Vogue Williams
I've never patted one of them.
- [06:20]
Producer
Well, I mean, with glue on its head.
- [06:22]
Joanne McNally
Yeah, neither have I now, I'll be honest. But that's just where my imagination.
- [06:27]
Vogue Williams
I'd say you got a bit colder there, Joe. It gotten warmer. You've taken it back a bit chillier now. No.
- [06:31]
Joanne McNally
Okay, well, I tell you.
- [06:33]
Vogue Williams
Yeah, okay, fine. So it kind of feels like. Imagine, you know, when your hair is really wet in the shower. Like it's full wet, full of water. It's like that. But if you put a little bit of oil on top of it.
- [06:43]
Joanne McNally
Oh, okay, that's. I think me and Jet. Me and Joe's suggestions are more interesting, but sure.
- [06:49]
Vogue Williams
Okay. Sorry, John. I can't help how a feline, A sea lion feels.
- [06:54]
Joanne McNally
If I was a sea lion, I would not be hiring you as my publicist. That's all I'm saying. There was very little flowering of the language there. It was. It was quite basic. I think you've underselled them anyway. Go on.
- [07:04]
Vogue Williams
Anyway, I pet the sea lion. Did not smell like fish, which surprised me. I was. No judgment about the sea lions, but we all went in to pet them. And you're. Well, you're only allowed pet one of them because the other two bites. But isn't that cool? And then I held it and I held a snake. I know, I know. I was there with the kids. But like they got. I let them. I let them hold them first, but then I held a snake and I touched an iguana. A great day was Had.
- [07:26]
Joanne McNally
Thank you, David Attenborough. This is great feedback for us. Thank you for the nature walk. Can I talk about Bonnie Blue now, please?
- [07:37]
Vogue Williams
God, will we get it over with? Go on, tell me about. You watched it. I knew you'd watched it. I knew you wouldn't be able to help yourself.
- [07:42]
Joanne McNally
Do you want to guess what Bonnie Blue feels like in response to the ceiling? It's pretty much the same.
- [07:48]
Producer
Like an extremely wet, slightly sticky short hair.
- [07:52]
Vogue Williams
Should be very sticky.
- [07:54]
Joanne McNally
That was a good segue. So Vogue refuses to engage with any Bonnie Blue content. She's happy, right? Patting her sea lines. But I. It's the. The podcast or the documentary is everywhere.
- [08:07]
Vogue Williams
Through just general osmosis. I know that her name is Tia Billinger, thanks to Joanne.
- [08:11]
Joanne McNally
It's basically about all her kind of a thousand men and me. And that she wrote these. A thousand men in a day. And there's a lot of accusations of. So she's. She's a rage baiter. She's a troll. We know that. Right. She does it on purpose. It's. How did she get the most traction to get all her money? And she's making millions a month and people are trying to diagnose her with their. Like, she's a sociopath, she's a psychopath. So, blah, blah, blah. So having watched the documentary, I have a diagnosis for Bonnie Blue.
- [08:37]
Vogue Williams
Okay.
- [08:38]
Joanne McNally
She is a man.
- [08:41]
Vogue Williams
Oh, what?
- [08:42]
Joanne McNally
Yeah. No, not. Not in the traditional way of transitioning. I'm not saying she was originally a man and has transitioned. She has a male brain. She is. She is the Alan Sugar of Ryden. She doesn't give a. She is a business. She likes to see her bank balance go up the way I like to see my skin pigmentation go up, go down. She is just money mad. There is no money enough. There will never be enough money. She has no friends. She said. Well, she said she's kind of lost all her friends because she can't go out. She's afraid of getting like acid attacks in the street. She. There is no life outside of what she's doing, but she is just hyper focused. People are accusing her of being autistic and everything. I genuinely think she is just. She's actually just trolling women to get to men. If you get me, like, her whole thing is like, come down, I'll do what your wife won't do, and you can choke me in a glass box. And it's all very strange for women because we don't understand it, because you don't see women who behave like that. That often, but she is. I don't think there's anything wrong with her per se, but I think she has a male brain.
- [09:46]
Vogue Williams
I think though, I think even if she has a male brain, I genuinely don't think that, like she will have a happy life because of everything she's doing. She obviously already doesn't have any friends. She can't go out because she's scared of getting Acid Attack is not a happy life.
- [10:03]
Joanne McNally
It's not because this was my big takeaway from it. What makes her happy is money. She's like the Elon Musk arriving. It's all cash based. So she is absolutely happy out. There is nothing wrong with her. She's just not like us. She's not like a regular woman in the way that she's concerned with, you know, kind of being accepted into a female community, all that stuff. She does not give a shit. She is money, money, money, money, money to the point where everything else. It's a very male way of thinking, in my opinion. She's a numbers guy, she's a business. She's got a great work ethic, I can tell you that much. And I would, I would, I would recommend her for some sort of motivational speaking.
- [10:45]
Vogue Williams
I think that the whole thing is just too weird and too tapped. I think the fact that her family are involved in helping her do it is so fucked up that her mother is like singing proud about all that kind of stuff because it's just. I know, but it's money. Do you know what? Do you know? I would hate it. Like, I actually, I feel sorry for her because that's obviously started from when she was younger. If her own mother is doing that with her, like, her mother, like, how could you, how could you think that you're a good mother if you're gonna allow something like that? And then your daughter's scared to go on the street because she's gonna get acid attack. Even what she does, I don't think that she deserves to have to feel like that. I know she rage, baits people, but to have to actually be that concerned about it, I just think the whole thing is just. I find it really sad. All of it to me is just sad.
- [11:30]
Joanne McNally
I think she's just an unusual person. I think she's just a different gravy. She beats to her own drum. And I think the more that she aggravates women because it's women, she aggravates men. Men just think she's a. Or the writer, like that. It's women. She's aggravating. The more women she aggravates, the less she gives a shit. And she'll say things like, I'm afraid of getting acid attack, but at least these fat women are getting off their couch. Like, she's. It's like she's learned by Roach. It's like she did a master class by Andrew Tate or something. And she. She's like, this is my job now, and she's making so much money, and this is a very unfeminous thing to say, but, like, Heronia overhead or her ankles. That's it. And. And the content guy that she's using, it's all going into her own bank account. And she's absolutely thrilled. But you know that she was kicked off, only fans.
- [12:17]
Vogue Williams
Yeah.
- [12:17]
Joanne McNally
And so she. Her, Hers. Her pay has had, like, a real drop because she was just getting too mad. They're like, not even we can get behind this fucking madness. And now the British government are thinking about kind of rebranding the whole barely legal genre of porn. Because even though, by the way, men have been riding girls with pigtails for fucking years. So I don't know why that she's getting the shit for that, But I was like, wouldn't it be hilarious and hilarious in a very dark way if she had to start doing ads like, who the. Imagine after a gang bang. She's, like, wiping the comb out of her eyes and she's like, I built my website with Squarespace. Like, I just don't know where she's gonna go. Is Emma Mattress gonna be like, oh, you tagged me in that gang bang. It's not gonna happen. Do you know what I mean?
- [13:00]
Vogue Williams
Yeah, but that's why she has. She has a very short shelf life. Like, this will only, like, she. Her stunts aren't going to be interesting to people anymore. This is such a short shelf life. That is why she's probably trying to earn as much money as she can. Keep it all in her bank. Because what is she here?
- [13:17]
Joanne McNally
How much money does she need? This is what I mean. She's that male business brain. And, like, forgive me if that's a very sexist thing to say. I don't think that women lack that. But she. There's a shame switch in her that just is not there. It's like a sensitivity that most women have. I think it just isn't there for her. But you know what? Go. Go, Bonnie. Go for it.
- [13:46]
Vogue Williams
Can you imagine the shame I would be in if I did that? My shame switch is just so horrendous. That, like, if I did something like that, I'd be like, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be able to. I wouldn't survive it. I don't think if there's a tik.
- [14:05]
Joanne McNally
Tok of a lot giving me a hickey, a lot of sh. Be like, I'm emigrating to Albania. You're never going to see me again. Have you had a cocktail?
- [14:25]
Vogue Williams
No, I'm never drinking again. Obviously. Don't bring it up.
- [14:28]
Joanne McNally
Okay, fine. Even when she's saying things that are supposed to be enticing, you'd see her in the documentary. She'll say something like, I can't wait to have my insides rearranged. And it is with. It is with.
- [14:50]
Vogue Williams
God.
- [14:51]
Joanne McNally
It is with the same kind of coldness that cabin crew be like chicken or fish.
- [14:57]
Vogue Williams
I have to be honest with you. I am hungover today. And this is. This is making me feel shame about something I didn't even do. I'm very anxious now. Are we done with Bonnie Blue?
- [15:08]
Joanne McNally
We're done with Bonnie Blue. But the more we push back on her, the. The more belligerent she will come. She is just an unusual woman. That's what I would say. That's my take on her. Okay, let's on to happier things. Come on. Let's talk about Peppa Pig.
- [15:22]
Vogue Williams
Would you. Would you.
- [15:26]
Joanne McNally
Let me show you a rainbow bug and a cupcake?
- [15:29]
Vogue Williams
Well, would you like an update on the labo dolls? Sure.
- [15:33]
Joanne McNally
Yeah.
- [15:34]
Vogue Williams
Big time. So after. Now I've only got two here, by the way. Just two of them. And you're not supposed to cut the tags off, so I hadn't before. You judge me, but. So Theodore has hounded me for how long? For weeks and weeks and weeks about this little booby doll. I mean, Sven made a bet. We were like, how long until he forgets about them? I had said a week. Spanny said, two weeks, two days, two. So now I. Now I personally have three laboos. Because I just don't give a. He doesn't care. He's moved on now. He's moved on. He has shown me a lizard on Amazon three days running. And I said, theodore, I can't. I'm not looking at the lizard again. I'm not looking at the lizard. Three days choosing a color. Lizards that I haven't even said I'd buy him. So now we're onto the lizard. And it's just. I can't. I actually can't bear it. He stopped beside me on this. I was like, get away. I'm not talking about the lizard. I am not. And then it's between a lizard and a dragon now and he's not getting anything else ever again because he just gave up on the Labu dolls and now I have three. I don't even think I like them anymore.
- [16:40]
Joanne McNally
I'm in Margate. I've come to the seaside. It is a Victorian prescription for people with a nervous disposition. I do suffer with my nerves, so I'm here. However, the Victorians also prescribed milk injections and arsenic. So I'm not saying it's going to work, but it is something I'm trying and I do find the sea is very soothing, calming. Of course it's very calming, isn't it?
- [17:04]
Vogue Williams
That's why Howth is so nice, you.
- [17:06]
Joanne McNally
Know, that's why health is so nice. Yes. Well, I was only. I was only thinking about today because Tracy Emmon, the artist, she's kind of like the face of Margate. Yeah. Similar to. You are kind of the face of Hoats.
- [17:23]
Vogue Williams
Thank you. That's the best comment ever given me.
- [17:27]
Joanne McNally
Tracy is very. She's very market focused. She's from Margate and she's very. She's mad about Margate and she's always like promoting Margate and she's very involved in the community. No more than yourself and Hope and Hoof.
- [17:39]
Vogue Williams
Yeah. Cannot get enough of the sea air. I am telling you. I went recording. I was filming something in Cornwall about a month ago and I was in foul form before I went up. And then I went to Cornwall and I looked out the window at the sea and I was like, oh, my God. I just needed to be by the sea. That was. It changed my mood.
- [17:56]
Joanne McNally
It's something about the ions or something. I don't know. I don't know what it is. It's very calming and good for respiratory issues.
- [18:04]
Vogue Williams
Respiratory issues?
- [18:05]
Joanne McNally
Yes, respiratory issues, which is great. Cuz I am vaping at the moment. So I just. I take a couple of puffs to vape and then I. And then I breathe out the window and then everything is fine. Everything is fine.
- [18:16]
Vogue Williams
You're vaping. What flavor?
- [18:20]
Joanne McNally
That's your concern.
- [18:22]
Vogue Williams
I want to know what flavor. I'm interested to know.
- [18:24]
Joanne McNally
It's like I've relapsed. Really? What kind? Well, it's. It's anything. It's more minty. I like. I like a kind of a. Anyway, that's not the point about that. Although speaking of windows, before we came on. So, I mean, I'm staying in this gorgeous hotel. It's kind of like seaside and very bougie and stuff. And. And. But the windows are quite heavy on it. So I pulled up the window, but I couldn't get it to stay open. And it's quite hot at the moment, so I put a coffee cup underneath it to keep it open. And then now, obviously, because the podcast and Joe doesn't allow outside sounds, so I tried to open. I would try to keep the window open, take the coffee cup in anyway. Sure. Did not fall out the other way, smash onto the path outside. And I was like, oh, my God. Because I, like I say I suffer with my nerves. I was like, I've come to Margot to relax and I'm after killing someone. Looked out the window, there was a girl in shock underneath. I said, I'm so sorry. I said, well, that was very scary. I said, I'm so sorry. So I ran down. I should have just run home, to be honest, but I ran down and no one was harmed, only the coffee cup. Thank God. I was like, if that was out of the. If that of the Statue of Liberty, I should be someone to be dead.
- [19:27]
Vogue Williams
Yeah, but this. People have been put in prison for doing stuff like that, for throwing things off high buildings and people.
- [19:33]
Joanne McNally
Yeah, no, it was an accident, but I'd probably be in Riker's Island. Okay.
- [19:37]
Vogue Williams
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So Spenny has been scaring the shite out of me all week long because supposedly NASA have said that there is a spaceship, Unidentified Flying Object, coming towards Earth. It started coming towards Earth 80 years ago when we first ever put satellite signals out. And then this. This spaceship picked it up and came straight towards Earth. It's been traveling towards us for 80 years and they don't know what it's doing and they can't really. They've gotten a couple of pictures of it. Looks a bit like a Christmas decoration. So obviously I think it looks lovely. And it's meant to arrive in November.
- [20:22]
Joanne McNally
Just in time for Christmas.
- [20:24]
Vogue Williams
Yeah, yeah, it's Santa.
- [20:26]
Joanne McNally
Are you sure it's not the new John Lewis ad? This sounds like very. Something like they would do.
- [20:31]
Vogue Williams
Are you not. Are you not even slightly worried?
- [20:35]
Joanne McNally
Is Lily Allen on it by any chance?
- [20:41]
Vogue Williams
No, I'm terrified. I haven't slept well the last two nights because I'm like, oh, my God, what's gonna happen? But there's nothing that we can do.
- [20:49]
Producer
Nothing we can do.
- [20:50]
Joanne McNally
Space is mad. There's always bit cracking off and flying around up there, isn't there? It's like a construction site. It's like getting your Kitchen done. I just wear a hard hat and hope for the best. Like, okay, look, I don't like to fact check fun stories because I think it's fun to think that we're on the receiving end of impending death at times because it kind of keeps things light, keeps things moving, you know. Always good to have a bucket list on hand. However, what I read was that the physicist who has put this narrative out there that it's probably aliens in some sort of. And a sinister alien, not a sound alien, is that it's almost like a drill that they're kind of saying what if? And so other physicists are like, it's just the same as all the other comets flying towards us. It'll crack off and it's not going to hit us. But obviously we have previous trauma from the dinosaurs that were triggered because that was, that was a comet situation. But that there's no real evidence. Evidence in silence. But you know what if it is.
- [21:49]
Vogue Williams
Might be.
- [21:50]
Joanne McNally
If it is, it is. My theory has always been that we're. So there's two ways of looking at this. Yeah. Either we're so thick as now as a civilization that they're like, now's the time because they'll invade and we're all just busy doing the apple dance or whatever that we're not even going to notice.
- [22:06]
Vogue Williams
I think, I don't think they're. I certainly don't think they're coming in peace. I think they're coming to obliterate all of us. I think that we're going to restart.
- [22:13]
Joanne McNally
We've made, We've made coming in peace, though.
- [22:16]
Vogue Williams
Who travels 80 years to come in peace? No, but space travel.
- [22:21]
Joanne McNally
I don't know.
- [22:22]
Producer
Second coming of Jesus Christ.
- [22:23]
Joanne McNally
Jesus could be Jesus.
- [22:26]
Vogue Williams
It's not. It's not Jesus. It's definitely aliens. And they're coming and they're going. Listen, the world, the, the end of the world is a coming and it is happening in November.
- [22:37]
Joanne McNally
I just think there's something to be said for maybe they're coming and saying us could be coming in sexiness. You know, there was a time when Homo sapiens wrote Neanderthals. Maybe it's a cross species thing, you know, that's how we got Labradoodles. I'm happy to ride them if they're. If there's some sort of alien hinge. I'll sign, I'll sign up.
- [23:02]
Vogue Williams
That'd be quite interesting. You never know.
- [23:04]
Joanne McNally
Cross species, you know. Imagine me with fins and a tail. Why not like a lizard tongue, huh? Would you still hang out with me. No, no, no.
- [23:17]
Vogue Williams
Ah, you wouldn't joke. Come on. If she's going around with a fishtail, no one's gonna want to hang out with her.
- [23:21]
Joanne McNally
Honestly, I'm a bit bored at the moment. If it was aliens arriving for Christmas, I'd be like, sound, let them turn on the Christmas lights. Let's get the festive season going. What would you do, Vogue? What would you really, really do if you thought aliens were arriving in November, Real aliens, and we didn't know if they were coming in peace, in crack insaneness, we didn't know. We didn't know their agenda. What would you do? Would you tell the kids? Would you not tell the kids?
- [23:46]
Vogue Williams
I don't think I would tell the kids. I don't think I would tell the kids. But I would just. Basically, I wouldn't leave. I would just. I'd go on holidays for the rest of my time because it's my favorite thing to do. So I would pack up, leave, go on holidays with all my family, friends, and then just kind of wait for it to happen and be somewhere nice and sunny or something.
- [24:03]
Joanne McNally
Okay.
- [24:03]
Vogue Williams
You know.
- [24:04]
Joanne McNally
Yeah, that's a good plan, Joe.
- [24:05]
Vogue Williams
If I've gone out, I want it to be in the sun.
- [24:07]
Joanne McNally
Yeah. And it certainly would be if it's via Comet.
- [24:10]
Vogue Williams
Yeah.
- [24:11]
Joanne McNally
It'll be hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Bareboy Vogue will be out of business pretty quick. There'll be no avoiding that time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [24:25]
Vogue Williams
What would you do, Joe?
- [24:27]
Producer
Well, I always would have said I probably just popped down a pub, but because I've got children now, that does have to change slightly. So I just look for one of the. One of the pubs that has a play area. So we just go to the pub.
- [24:41]
Joanne McNally
With a play area. I really thought you were gonna say something much deeper there. I love that.
- [24:48]
Producer
No, it just means we need. It needs to be a pub with a swan.
- [24:51]
Joanne McNally
Yeah.
- [24:52]
Vogue Williams
What about the rest of your family? You just forgetting about them?
- [24:54]
Producer
Oh, they live a while away. I don't think we're gonna have an awful lot of time when it kicks off. We're not gonna have a lot of time. There's not gonna be time to be sitting in traffic.
- [25:02]
Vogue Williams
Okay. I'd say it's not hard to invite them all, like, for God's sake, I'm going on holidays with all mine. Like, just. Just give them a text.
- [25:11]
Joanne McNally
I would say, Joe. I agree. If it took them 80 years to get here, they're really going to hit the ground running once they arrive. Do you know what I mean? They're not going to be funny and around. It's going to be. It's going to be an efficient takeover.
- [25:22]
Vogue Williams
I would say this is your pre warning. You can go and hang out with your family now. It's happening in November. Don't say I haven't warned you on the day of you're off to the pub without texting your.
- [25:34]
Joanne McNally
Well, not a plot.
- [25:35]
Vogue Williams
Not just a pub.
- [25:36]
Joanne McNally
A pub at the play area.
- [25:37]
Vogue Williams
I never knew there was pubs with players. Probably because I never go into a pub.
- [25:42]
Joanne McNally
Very Ireland in the 80s, I can tell you.
- [25:45]
Vogue Williams
We had no play area in Ireland. I was out playing in skips and collecting beer mats. That's what we did. Yeah.
- [25:52]
Joanne McNally
Look at you, you're Grant.
- [25:56]
Vogue Williams
Well, Grant, I just can't. I. I'm triggered by pubs. That's why I can't go into them anymore. I spent so much, so much time in them as a child. I'm like, God, not there again.
- [26:04]
Joanne McNally
In the 80s, they didn't care about keeping us entertained. They were like, go out there and roll on a barrel. Do you know what I mean? It was like, yeah, throw the ash your cousin like a Frisbee. No one cares. It wasn't like they were building like monkey trees and all that. I think it's actually a really progressive sign that they're putting children play areas in pubs. I think it's great for the community in general.
- [26:22]
Vogue Williams
Well, to be honest with you, I'm sitting here playing Uno non stop with my kids. I have to. They have to be permanently entertained by me and taking places and it's just shit show. That never, never happened with me. Well, I don't think. I don't even know if I had any cards when I was younger. Yeah, nothing. No toys, nothing.
- [26:39]
Joanne McNally
You only have to play Uno till November Vogue and then it's Gates. So lap it up while you can.
- [26:46]
Vogue Williams
I've got to be honest, I'm pretty good at Uno and I've stopped letting them win as well. I'm like, no. Well, we're either playing or we're playing. We're gonna see Joanne with a battle clav on waiting to do bloody Blue next. She's mad about her.
- [27:06]
Joanne McNally
I'd notice those platform Converse anywhere.
- [27:10]
Vogue Williams
I know that shiny metallic.
- [27:14]
Joanne McNally
But you want to know what I would do if the aliens were coming?
- [27:16]
Vogue Williams
Yes, we would.
- [27:17]
Joanne McNally
I would share.
- [27:18]
Vogue Williams
Wait, can we guess?
- [27:23]
Joanne McNally
I'd love you to. I'd. I know I'd love you to. I'd love you to guess and thank you for finally Being involved in the podc.
- [27:31]
Vogue Williams
She. Okay, I'll do my real guess first. Well, to be honest with you, Joanna, what I actually think that you're gonna do is probably sit in your calf on your own.
- [27:39]
Joanne McNally
Yeah.
- [27:40]
Vogue Williams
TikTok.
- [27:41]
Joanne McNally
Yeah.
- [27:41]
Vogue Williams
And ringing your mom. But you might go home to your mom's house. There's potential to go home to your mom's face.
- [27:46]
Joanne McNally
I'd reckon I'd splash out of the rhino if I didn't go home to my mother so I could watch TikTok there. Yeah. Yeah. With her on her finsta. If, If, If I knew that the time was coming to an end, I'd say my mother would have to event. She'd have to finally admit what her fin was. I'd say she'd finally give me the details and I'd want to go home for that face to face. Yeah. Anything else?
- [28:08]
Vogue Williams
What do you think, Joe?
- [28:11]
Producer
I think she's definitely in the bath. If. Whether you're at your mother's or not, you've run a bath. Glass of wine.
- [28:16]
Vogue Williams
You're not a big bath girl, are you?
- [28:18]
Joanne McNally
Oh, I love her when I. When I have access to one. Yeah. I'll dip a toe. Yeah. I find it very soothing.
- [28:24]
Vogue Williams
Is there a bath in a hotel? There's. That's another thing that I just can't bear in hotels. I just can't. I don't think they cleaned the bath properly. And I was so sore after Gladiators. I was like, oh, God, I'm gonna have to get into that bath. And all I could think about was whose aura said satin at last. Really. It puts me off. I can't stand it.
- [28:42]
Joanne McNally
I never think about that.
- [28:45]
Vogue Williams
Honestly. I was. I was crippled after Gladiator, so it's like I haven't. I have no choice but to get in there. I tried to wash it with a shower gel, but I was like, oh.
- [28:54]
Joanne McNally
How'S the body now? How do you feel?
- [28:57]
Vogue Williams
I feel grand now. I'm all right.
- [28:59]
Joanne McNally
A few.
- [28:59]
Vogue Williams
A few cuts and bruises.
- [29:01]
Producer
Joanne, what would you actually do with the alien?
- [29:04]
Joanne McNally
I was saying I would. I would shave.
- [29:06]
Vogue Williams
Okay.
- [29:07]
Joanne McNally
Just in case that there is some sort of opportunity to seduce. For survival.
- [29:12]
Vogue Williams
Yeah.
- [29:13]
Joanne McNally
And I would duck.
- [29:14]
Vogue Williams
Duck.
- [29:15]
Joanne McNally
Yeah. Because I reckon they're gonna land heavy.
- [29:18]
Producer
Yeah.
- [29:19]
Joanne McNally
Do you know what I mean? I don't think it's going to be a gentleman. I think it's gonna be. It's gonna be hardcore.
- [29:25]
Vogue Williams
Do you know what? I do hope. I hope they. I do hope they land. Like, in fairness, I want them to land and at least we get a glimpse of them. If they pull a dinosaur on us, we just won't even know what had happened. It would be like, like it just. We will explode. So there'll be no crack to it. You know what I mean?
- [29:37]
Joanne McNally
Well, the dinosaurs were. And, and me and, and Theodore would know about this because he is a big dinosaur person.
- [29:44]
Vogue Williams
Yeah, that.
- [29:45]
Joanne McNally
The dinosaurs. It was, There was. It wasn't just one hit. It was a combination of catastrophic events. It was like the huge. There was a big comet and then that caused loads of like, tsunamis and sulfurs and everything. They weren't just like knocked out in one go, just for clarity.
- [30:00]
Producer
Blocked out the sun and stuff.
- [30:02]
Joanne McNally
Yeah, exactly. It was like an ongoing issue. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I think the more the merrier. That's what I think.
- [30:09]
Vogue Williams
Do I think she's getting a date out of this? That's what's going on. She's absolutely desperate.
- [30:16]
Joanne McNally
Guys, I can't talk. I'm walked in the Wetherspoons of the Marshall. Good luck. See you next week. He's got 19 dicks bringing the girls an octopenis down the road. I've just matched them on hinge.
- [30:34]
Vogue Williams
Good luck.
- [30:36]
Joanne McNally
I'm doing my Kegels. I don't know how this one's gonna go. Imagine. Imagine me giving birth to a sea lion or something. Be great. Crack.
- [30:44]
Vogue Williams
At least you know what they feel like. Exactly. Such a fright. Yeah.
- [30:47]
Joanne McNally
Be like skin to skin. I'm like, no, I know exactly how this is gonna go because folk told me exactly how this is gonna go.
- [30:53]
Vogue Williams
Did you see Calvin Harris put up a picture of, of his wife Vic's placenta?
- [31:00]
Joanne McNally
She had the baby.
- [31:01]
Vogue Williams
They had the baby. But there was like, gorgeous. And she actually, to be fair, it was in this gorgeous setting in Evita. And she had a water birth. But he just said, like, you're looking through and it's like, ah. Oh. There's like, oh, just a massive placenta. Go and look at it. Interesting. Yeah. She ate it.
- [31:21]
Joanne McNally
Yeah. That's what people do now. Yeah. The Martians will respect that.
- [31:26]
Vogue Williams
I honestly, I just, I, I.
- [31:28]
Joanne McNally
It's very Martian coated.
- [31:29]
Vogue Williams
I would say it reminds me of liver. And I don't like liver, so I just can't imagine. I would like. And I'd know that that's in my body then. Do you know that way.
- [31:39]
Joanne McNally
I'm surprised you're not a placenta gobbler yourself, though, because you're big into protein.
- [31:43]
Vogue Williams
I know. I'm just not mad for placenta to be Honest, it's just real bitter taste. A bitter taste.
- [31:48]
Joanne McNally
It's an acquired taste, I'd say.
- [31:50]
Vogue Williams
Very irony.
- [31:50]
Joanne McNally
I throw a bit of Tabasco on.
- [31:52]
Vogue Williams
It, treat it like it.
- [31:53]
Joanne McNally
Some greens might be all right.
- [31:58]
Vogue Williams
Do you know what? I've been. I've dead. Obviously I'm down on my mom's house and. And so she keeps my mom as a. Did I tell you this? Her serial shopping habits. And she's just getting boxes of clothes sent here, right? Then I have to open the box of clothes, then I have to model the clothes for her on FaceTime. So she decides if I then have to repackage them and send them back for her. No, there's no free ride over here, she said. She's saying it might gap.
- [32:26]
Joanne McNally
Yeah, it's. Yeah. No, no, that wouldn't be for me. Now I remember I tried to sell some bits and bobs years ago. I tried to sell some bits and bobs on. What's the place that you sell bits and bobs?
- [32:36]
Producer
Vintage.
- [32:37]
Joanne McNally
No, they weren't posh bits and bobs. They were like normal bits and bobs. Deep. Deep.
- [32:42]
Vogue Williams
You did deep.
- [32:44]
Joanne McNally
I did. Deep up.
- [32:45]
Vogue Williams
Did you get banned from not sending.
- [32:47]
Joanne McNally
Anything for about three days? I did, Depop. Yeah.
- [32:49]
Vogue Williams
And.
- [32:50]
Joanne McNally
And I was like, all this noise, like, one trip to the post office is enough for any human with, like, I'm now, like. I'm now identifying with. So who suffers with their nerves? I was like, not a hope. And then you come home and you've made all of 3 shillings and your whole day has been spent packing up this rah rah dress and sending it off to Mallow. I was like, no, never again. Not doing it. So I understand your pain.
- [33:17]
Vogue Williams
You get the most insane, insane ideas. You think you're going to sell something.
- [33:26]
Joanne McNally
I had no money. I was skinned. And I was like, I need to. And I. Extra bits of clothes. And I was like, right, well, the best thing to everyone's, you know, sustainably selling. But, like, Vogue. I can understand any sort of repacking or unpacking now.
- [33:41]
Vogue Williams
You should. I'm going to send you the messages she sends me about packing it back up of where the Sellotape has to go. I'm like, so I know where. And you know what she did then.
- [33:50]
Joanne McNally
Back in your box? P intended.
- [33:52]
Vogue Williams
She literally. She's like, I just leave it up there with security. And I was like, there's no. No sticker on this. Like, you know the way you have to print off the sticker and put it on. I was like, I'll say nothing. She told me she just leave it up there. I went up day to get one of my packages, and I was like, oh, the box is still there. I was like, mom, did you not do something right? You know, you actually have to print something off and put it on the box. He said, oh, but I didn't know that I had to do that. So now. So now I have to get all the packages and put the. Put the sticker on the box so then it can get sent off. And that outfit was rotten. There's no. That won't even sell off on Vinted if she gets it back. If it's not in the. In the right time frame for a refund. Rotten.
- [34:30]
Joanne McNally
Now, I hate to break it to you, but I have my three presents.
- [34:33]
Vogue Williams
Oh, I thought you were gonna go back to Bonnie Blue. This is great. Okay, Fab. I'm ready for it. I'm really looking forward to it. Unless it's Bonnie Blue. If don't put her in, she's not in. Okay, Go on. Oh, I'm excited.
- [34:48]
Joanne McNally
These are my nominations for the Irish presidency. Okay, one kneecap.
- [34:54]
Vogue Williams
Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
- [34:56]
Joanne McNally
Nothing. No, no one and nothing has brought this country together more than kneecap since Point baby. That is my professional opinion, Joe, as an outsider. You remember Pint baby?
- [35:07]
Producer
The baby drank the pint baby. I'm. Yeah, I'm well versed with Pint Baby.
- [35:10]
Vogue Williams
The only thing. What a choice. I wasn't expecting that. Great choice.
- [35:14]
Joanne McNally
The only thing.
- [35:15]
Vogue Williams
All three.
- [35:16]
Joanne McNally
All three. All three. And we'll stack them on top of each other in a raincoat. So you can't. You're not allowed to have three. Like. And they're. And they're a little young because you'd be 35. But I was thinking, stack them on top and they look like one of those puppets from Mockness. And I think they'd be a great addition. Addition. And they've. They're bringing back the refreshing. The Irish language. I think it's. I think. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Okay, number two. The man who Slipped on the Ice.
- [35:41]
Vogue Williams
I was gonna say him, but then I just didn't. I didn't. Because I was gonna say him. And I was gonna say the treacherous. The treacherous roads.
- [35:49]
Joanne McNally
Lady Faulkitty. Look, you didn't, so.
- [35:52]
Vogue Williams
Yeah, I did. I didn't.
- [35:55]
Joanne McNally
Because, you know, he's a real candidate and you're embarrassed you didn't consider him serious.
- [36:01]
Vogue Williams
He absolutely doesn't deserve it. And that's why I said no. And Also, you can't go from kneecap. Fine, they're yours. To the. To the Iceman. Whatever. And such a man is better than Iceman. He's brought more to this, to this country.
- [36:14]
Joanne McNally
You nominated your stepfather. I think I have free reign here.
- [36:17]
Vogue Williams
I listened back to the pod and you were going on about how much you were thrilled that it was Neil. So don't you dare turn on him now. You turn ghost.
- [36:24]
Joanne McNally
I think what I mean is there are no rules here. The man who slipped on the ice in 2010. Now the reason I am nominating him is because he is the biggest mystery for anyone who doesn't know. It's very much. It does what it says in the tin. A man slipped on the ice in the back of a News report in 2010 during the big freeze in Ireland and he really went for it. And the fall was quite comical and exaggerated.
- [36:49]
Vogue Williams
Well, it did.
- [36:50]
Joanne McNally
It was quite something and it was live on the telly. And of course, Ireland latched onto it. It was like we'd won the Eurovision. We were thrilled by it. And then there was a manhunt to find out who he was and he never came forward. He rejected his viral moment. I think it's important to note that the Irish presidential role, it's less boss, it's more just vibes, ceremonial. It's more like Michelle Obama vibes. Do you know what I mean? It's like hospitality. It's a lot of hi ing and buying, a lot of meeting and greeting. Yeah, okay. They don't set the law, they just set the tone. The vibe, it's a part, it's a. It's a party planner, ultimately. So the man has slipped on the ice. Did you know there was a plaque installed in 2020 in the. On the 10 year anniversary of the man who slipped on the ice at the Four Courts to commemorate this event? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this person has still knocked on for it. So the reason I would nominate the guy who slipped to the ice is because. I know.
- [37:45]
Vogue Williams
Yeah, he's like Michael, he'd be the most famous man in Ireland. That's why he doesn't want to come forward. He doesn't want his life to be ruined. He won't be able to do shopping anymore.
- [37:54]
Joanne McNally
Exactly. He's like the Banksy of Ireland. He's just like, no, I don't want the fame, I don't want the recognition, I don't want the notoriety.
- [38:01]
Vogue Williams
I don't think I'd want that level of fame. It's too much. Don't Forget that. We are on full video now. You can watch us on YouTube. And we have made an ultra disgrace of ourselves today because we just couldn't. Couldn't get it. Things working.
- [38:23]
Joanne McNally
It's been, I would say, the traditional. I would say the official term is show.
- [38:27]
Vogue Williams
Anyway, enjoy the video.
- [38:28]
Joanne McNally
Enjoy the video. I have two more, which I. One of them was like, I did think that maybe if we could. AI, Sinead o'. Connor. I thought she'd be a great candidate.
- [38:40]
Vogue Williams
Oh, yeah, she'd be good.
- [38:41]
Joanne McNally
Oh, yeah, yeah, she'd be very good for a nostalgic. We. Everyone loves her, obviously. Posthumously. Posthumously, as I say, because everyone. Everyone always loves everyone posthumously. But she laid out her position on most issues while she was alive. And I think if it's just a ceremonial thing, she'd be a great representation. I mean, she'd probably hate the job, actually, the more I think about it. But she'd keep the priests out.
- [39:01]
Vogue Williams
But for that reason alone, I'll probably vote for her. Good. She's a good one.
- [39:11]
Joanne McNally
Yeah. She was ahead of her time, really. And. And. But like I say, the more I think about it, actually, that I think she'd actually hate the rail, because I think she'd hate that kind of formality.
- [39:18]
Vogue Williams
I don't know if she would, because she's very patriotic and I think that she'd be great going around. Going around to the White House and stuff like that. Like, really putting.
- [39:25]
Joanne McNally
She wouldn't go. Can you imagine? She wouldn't. She'd be. She'd be setting fire to Trump's cars. But that was just something I thought in my mind with AI, what could we do with it? But then my fourth and final suggestion is a little wayward. Okay. So if you remove the need for Irish citizenship, just like a little kind of outside the box, I would nominate Lindsay Lohan. Oh, now, reasons being vogue, I haven't put my argument forward.
- [39:53]
Vogue Williams
I know, but I just feel like you kind of caught it back with Sinead o' Connor there and you've. After letting yourself down again.
- [39:59]
Joanne McNally
Well, we all know the lady Sleep on the Ice is getting us if all four of these people are nominated. So these are just a token nomination at this point.
- [40:07]
Vogue Williams
Everyone would prefer the Sushi Man. He was. He was a better option.
- [40:09]
Joanne McNally
Well, I actually contacted Point Baby and asked if he'd like to be involved. He said no.
- [40:15]
Vogue Williams
Why? Lindsay Lohan.
- [40:16]
Joanne McNally
Lindsay Lohan. I find her resurgence and rebranding. I've written it down here. Inspiring and comforting are the two things I've written down. Here she used to go out with the DJ folks, so she'd be big into you and it means she knows how to throw a party. And we'd finally get invited to the president's garden party.
- [40:33]
Vogue Williams
Do you remember when she was dancing in Ibiza? That was one of my all time favorite videos that I've ever seen of anyone. She was dancing up on stage. She couldn't have been having a better time.
- [40:43]
Joanne McNally
The woman can move.
- [40:45]
Vogue Williams
Yeah.
- [40:46]
Joanne McNally
And no better person to meet and greet people coming in and out of Ireland. Also, can we just remember her Irish film which was obviously twee and scarlet, but also one of the most watched films on Netflix in March 2024 was a huge success, yet she never did a disservice of doing an Irish accent. It was not her part, it was not her role. She doesn't patronize, she doesn't condescend.
- [41:09]
Vogue Williams
Okay, well, I, I do you know what? The only thing I would say about Lindsay Lohan, I was quite upset, you know that I don't like when people pretend things that aren't true. When she said that she doesn't. She hasn't done anything to her face because her face, she has had such an amazing glow up and she looks brilliant. But it'd be nice for us to. I know that you said she's inspiring, but like she's pretending that that was just from, from eating nice food and stuff.
- [41:32]
Joanne McNally
Yeah, but she's gonna, at the end of the day she will be a politician, so she needs to know how to fudge the truth. I would also say as a red headed woman and not to say, obviously we know Ireland is a very diverse country, but the redheads I would say are underrepresented in Ireland. Always have been, always will be because of the genetic makeup of it. And why not get them some airtime? Why not platform a redhead. And also remember she was called Fire Crotch by that people. They were kind of picking on her. And I actually think Fire Crotch is a great drag name. And I feel if Lindsay Lohan was present front, she'd be very much involved in the queer culture.
- [42:10]
Vogue Williams
Crotch.
- [42:11]
Joanne McNally
I think Paris Hilton was like bullying her and called her a fire crotch, suggesting that she had red hair down there vibes and then it was used against her. I actually think she should take that and make it and empower herself with us. And I could see her doing drag bingo and drag brunches in Dublin. She'll be down the George. I think she's a great candidate. Plus I think she, you know what? I think she'd take the job. And there you go. There are my four candidates.
- [42:38]
Vogue Williams
I do. I loved. Remember when she was away on holidays and she was like, basically trying to take this child, thinking the child was lost or something.
- [42:44]
Joanne McNally
Exactly.
- [42:46]
Vogue Williams
And then. And then she had that. She had.
- [42:49]
Joanne McNally
She picked up.
- [42:50]
Vogue Williams
She picked up that accent from being somewhere, like, for five minutes.
- [42:54]
Joanne McNally
Exactly.
- [42:54]
Vogue Williams
I'm sorry.
- [42:56]
Joanne McNally
A musical ear. And she's gonna need us in Ireland. She's gonna need it. She's gonna need that musical. Ultimately, I think it has to be the guy that slipped on the eyes. He cannot die without him knowing who he is. Just the Ripper. We need to know who he is.
- [43:10]
Vogue Williams
I think it has to be Michael Flatley. To be fair, where this whole conversation started, I do think that Michael Flatley would be the best choice. Imagine him dancing around, like, in American stuff, showing them how brilliant we are.
- [43:22]
Joanne McNally
Well, let's see who arrives on that ship in November. We might have a fresh candidate. You wouldn't know.
- [43:26]
Vogue Williams
Yeah, well, we'll see.
- [43:28]
Joanne McNally
Martin the Martian could be throwing his hat in the ring. Let's just see.
- [43:34]
Vogue Williams
I was looking up this thing on Tick Tock and there was a woman sitting there and she had about nine snails. Full snails all over her face. These big massive snails. People are now getting a snail facial.
- [43:47]
Joanne McNally
I think the Korean women are punk. And the rest of us, I really do, because I think they're like, these European losers will do anything we tell them to do at this point. And I, yeah, I think this is Ashton Kutcher vibes. I really, really do. Between the snails and the sperm and all that jazz, like, we'll be wanking Labradors off next and they'll be just laughing at us in their factories. They're like cell Kick. They will do anything. That's it from us. Thank you so much for listening. Always remember to like and subscribe if that's your thing. And if not, maybe think about why it's not, you know, support other women. I've been Joanne, she's been Vogue. That's been the producer. It.