Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Gold Pigeon, Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan"

Episode Release Date: March 14, 2025
Hosts: Vogue Williams & Joanne McNally
Podcast: My Therapist Ghosted Me

---

1. Introduction and Lighthearted Banter

The episode kicks off with the signature playful interaction between hosts Joanne McNally and Vogue Williams. Their chemistry is evident as they joke about their roles and personal lives, setting a relaxed and humorous tone for the discussion.

• Joanne McNally [00:02]: "Hello, welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me. It's myself, Joanne McNally, as usual."
• Vogue Williams [00:18]: "And it is unfortunately me again."

This friendly back-and-forth establishes the camaraderie that defines the podcast's engaging atmosphere.

2. Discussing Friendship and Family Life

The hosts delve into personal updates, sharing news about friends and family. They celebrate the joy of having children, humorously speculating on baby names and the dynamics of raising kids.

• Joanne McNally [00:45]: "Joe now has two baby girls, which in my opinion is like winning the baby lottery."

Their conversation highlights the importance of friendship and support systems, blending heartfelt moments with their characteristic humor.

3. Women's Health: Bacterial Vaginosis

Transitioning to health topics, Joanne brings up bacterial vaginosis, addressing it with openness and humor to destigmatize the condition.

• Joanne McNally [02:05]: "I think we should talk more about women's health. So that's a good segue into you having bacterial vaginosis."
• Vogue Williams [02:13]: "I had it off. No, I don't have it."

They emphasize the importance of awareness and honesty regarding women's health issues, even if they joke about their limited expertise.

4. Humorous Take on Religious Stories

The hosts engage in a lighthearted discussion about religious narratives, specifically the concept of immaculate conception, infusing their conversation with witty remarks and playful skepticism.

• Joanne McNally [03:15]: "Maybe she's pulling, maybe she's telling porkies just to give us all a break."
• Vogue Williams [03:39]: "You're like, there's no going back now."

Their approach makes complex or sensitive topics more approachable for their audience.

5. Chelsea Handler's New Book and Personal Growth

A significant portion of the episode centers around Chelsea Handler's latest book. Joanne shares her admiration for Handler's journey of self-improvement, resilience, and the honest confrontation of personal struggles.

• Joanne McNally [07:33]: "I'm reading Chelsea Handler's new book at the moment with my ears. I find her reassuring, fascinating, terrifying. Wildly intelligent."
• Joanne McNally [10:14]: "Chelsea Handler is very generous to her family... she feels like they're kind of her kids."

They discuss themes from the book, such as emotional regulation, overcoming past mistakes, and the importance of self-awareness.

6. Mentorship in Comedy: Chelsea Handler & Sharon Horgan

The hosts explore the idea of mentorship within the comedy industry, expressing their admiration for figures like Chelsea Handler and Sharon Horgan. They humorously speculate on how these mentors would interact with them.

• Joanne McNally [17:42]: "If you could choose any mentor in the world, I thought it used to be Tina Fey, but I wanted to be Chelsea Handler."
• Vogue Williams [18:27]: "Maybe Sharon Horgan."

Their playful dialogue underscores the value of mentorship and the impact influential comedians can have on personal and professional growth.

7. Personal Anecdotes: Anxiety and Coping Mechanisms

Vogue shares a recent experience with a severe panic attack, highlighting the real struggles with anxiety that many listeners may relate to.

• Vogue Williams [06:58]: "7 hours ago I was having what I can only describe as a panic attack. Had like a two and a half hour panic attack."
• Joanne McNally [07:33]: "I think it's a very serious thing to do... I actually am in a very good healthy space at the moment."

Their candid discussion offers comfort and understanding to those facing similar mental health challenges.

8. Reflections on Aging: Embracing Turning 40

A heartfelt conversation unfolds as the hosts reflect on aging and the societal perceptions of turning 40. They share personal fears, societal expectations, and ultimately embrace the positive aspects of entering a new decade.

• Joanne McNally [29:50]: "40 is the sweet spot, I'm telling you."
• Vogue Williams [30:11]: "I'm more excited to be going into my 40s because I remember when I was going into my 30s, that's when I got divorced..."

Their dialogue promotes a positive outlook on aging, encouraging listeners to celebrate personal milestones.

9. Acting Classes and TV Series Discussions: "White Lotus"

The hosts discuss their interests in acting and television, specifically highlighting the series "White Lotus." They admire Parker Posey's performance and share insights into the show's storyline.

• Joanne McNally [31:22]: "Parker Posey did say the director said to her, welcome to the Golden Cage."
• Vogue Williams [33:26]: "I love Amy Lee Wood as well. I think she's brilliant in it."

Their enthusiasm provides recommendations for listeners and fosters a connection through shared entertainment interests.

10. Security on Cruises: A Comedic Take

In a humorous segment, Vogue recounts a TikTok video where a woman performs extensive security measures on a cruise, prompting the hosts to laugh and comment on the exaggerated precautions.

• Vogue Williams [37:37]: "She installed a wireless security camera above her bed... I just don't know why she is doing that?"
• Joanne McNally [39:30]: "Because she's paranoid and insane."

This light-hearted discussion adds levity to the episode, showcasing their ability to find humor in everyday situations.

11. Closing Banter and Promotions

As the episode winds down, the hosts engage in playful banter about glue guns, taxes, and personal anecdotes, maintaining their trademark humor until the end. They also promote their upcoming tours and books, providing listeners with actionable information.

• Joanne McNally [43:27]: "I don't buy that anymore. It doesn't suit me."
• Vogue Williams [44:11]: "If anyone's interested in attending Vogue's book tour or my stand-up tour..."

Their friendly and engaging closure leaves listeners with a sense of connection and anticipation for future episodes.

---

Notable Quotes:

• On Turning 40:
  Joanne McNally [29:50]: "40 is the sweet spot, I'm telling you."

• On Women's Health Awareness:
  Joanne McNally [02:05]: "I think we should talk more about women's health. So that's a good segue into you having bacterial vaginosis."

• On Chelsea Handler's Impact:
  Joanne McNally [07:33]: "I find her reassuring, fascinating, terrifying. Wildly intelligent."

---

Conclusion

In this episode of "My Therapist Ghosted Me," Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally offer a blend of humor, personal insights, and candid discussions on various topics ranging from health and personal growth to reflections on aging and entertainment. Their engaging dialogue and relatable anecdotes create a welcoming space for listeners, embodying the podcast's promise of 100% honesty with a generous helping of laughter.

For more information, live shows, and merchandise, visit mytherapistghostedme.com.

Transcript

[Joanne McNally]

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello, welcome to. My therapist ghosted me. It's myself, Joann McNally, as usual.

[Vogue Williams]

And it is unfortunately me again.

[Joanne McNally]

My work wife and CEO, Vogue Williams.

[Vogue Williams]

A very nice fellow. CEO. Hello, everybody.

[Joanne McNally]

Absolutely not.

[Vogue Williams]

Joanne McNally.

[Joanne McNally]

Vogue Williams.

[Vogue Williams]

Sorry, Joanne McNally.

[Joanne McNally]

Sorry, no, Vogue Williams. I have a question for both of us. What if we're both in London, why are we not together?

[Vogue Williams]

Well, Joe. Joe has had. I don't know, do we. Do we tell his news or do.

[Joanne McNally]

We wait to tell his news?

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, we like to.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, we wrap people late.

[Vogue Williams]

He's had a baby. He had a little baby girl. Yeah, I wasn't sure if we were gonna go that far, but a baby girl. And he has called it Vogue Joanne as you.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, I heard it was Joanne Vog as well, but that's. That's what I'd heard.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, no, I've actually. I've actually seen the birth certificate.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine. Joe now has two baby girls, which in my opinion is like winning the baby lottery. I'd love to.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, two baby girl. They're the best of friends.

[Joanne McNally]

They could raise each other like little dog.

[Vogue Williams]

I was on Lorraine today and I was telling her, I was like, because her granddaughter's called Billy. And I was like, oh, if I ever had another child, I'd love to call it Billy Valentine because I thought it was so cute. And then she was like, yeah, bv. And I was like, oh, no, not. Not bv. Bacterial vaginosis. I was like, oh, I didn't even.

[Joanne McNally]

I don't even.

[Vogue Williams]

Maybe it's just me because I have oj. Otto. Otto James.

[Joanne McNally]

You know, I thought you were going to say cuz you have vaginal bacterial vaginosis. And I was like, oh, okay, good.

[Vogue Williams]

I'm glad.

[Joanne McNally]

I think we should talk more about women's health. So that's a good segue into you having bacterial vaginosis. There's no shame in having it. It is what it is.

[Vogue Williams]

I caught it off. Joanne, if I.

[Joanne McNally]

If I did get it, I'd raise awareness.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, I would.

[Joanne McNally]

I'd raise awareness.

[Vogue Williams]

I would too, but I don't currently have it. I don't have it. I told you, I'm not a. I'm not a real. I'm not a thrush girl. Really.

[Joanne McNally]

Listen, we've made it very clear that we have no understanding of our own bodies or any sort of understanding about female health issues. And. And so no one's coming to us for that. I think that's fair to say.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, we might not be as stupid as we seem around the reproductive system because there has been a recorded case of a woman becoming pregnant. Joanne, you actually showed me the story. Analy anal sex.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, I saw that. And I said, this has a bang of immaculate conception to me. Mary, she got stung and Joseph was gone mad. She's like, oh, you know that story, the kind of. The real story that probably happened where it's like, oh, look, it is yours. It's. It's just. It's also kind of God's. Whatever. This woman, I would say, has been maybe riding around vaginally. Her husband doesn't know that. Maybe he's a big anal man. He's like, well, it can only have happened if it's anal. That was my take on it. Unless she has no walls inside her in the spring or unless the spring sperm has a little hammerhead or something. I don't know. I've never heard the likes of it.

[Vogue Williams]

I like my mother to think that I have never had sex before. So she too thinks that I had an immaculate conception. And you know what, Mary, when she had it, God was just a fella around the corner. He was called God. And she was like, God, it was me. And God had the baby.

[Joanne McNally]

Indeed, yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Where God came from.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, no, I think she. She. She planted a bit more layers on it than that now. She really did. She. There was an angel involved in all. But anyway, look, I'm not here to lecture about Christianity.

[Vogue Williams]

You know, when a lot a lie snowballs.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, there's no going back now. Yeah, it was an angel. It's like a whole thing. Yeah, it's like wings and, like, lights and all.

[Vogue Williams]

There was a donkey.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that. That did happen. Anyway, again, no one's coming to us.

[Vogue Williams]

For.

[Joanne McNally]

Expertism on religion because obviously we're both going to hell. But what I would say is this is actually good for women who. Who aren't into anal sex.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

Because lads would be like, oh, yeah, you can't get bugged. And they're like, well, actually. Yeah, so back off. Yeah, this is good. Maybe that's it. Maybe she's. Maybe she's pulling. Maybe she's telling porkies just to give us all a break.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. And I think as well, I'm gonna say no hand jobs. Don't. No hand jobs anymore. You can get pregnant from a hand job.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. If it's an enthusiastic sperm, it could fly right up. You wouldn't know where to go.

[Vogue Williams]

Sorry. Hand jobs as well, you can't.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Anything you don't enjoy that much, chuck them in.

[Joanne McNally]

It's since the vaccine say that since the vaccine sperm has wings now, so we just don't know where it's going to end up. So it's just fast if we. Yeah. What really turns me on is if.

[Vogue Williams]

You wank yourself off and leave me alone.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm reading while I'm watching Love is Blind. That really gets me off. That's what I love. We're so anti sex folk. We need to change our tune.

[Vogue Williams]

I don't think we are. I don't think we are. We aren't. We're fine.

[Joanne McNally]

We have to move on. We have to move on, folks. Tell me about your week. Tell me about your week.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, you reminded me of something. I was doing a job yesterday for a brand. I was in Ireland working and I was being filmed in the car with a delivery driver for a brand. And, like, we were just kind of told to just have a chat and have. Have a conversation. And I was in the car with him. Lovely man. Hello, Michael. Lovely man. And the conversation obviously takes different turns. I was showing him loads of places around how that I love. I will take you on the same tour soon when you come up. And we were going by the graveyard and you're just talking about God there. And I was like. And I was like, this is why I bless myself. And. And then he sort of blessed himself at a funeral. I was like, I wouldn't you believe in God? And they had to stop filming. They were like, no, no, no, we can't use God chat. Sorry. So I was like, oh, my God, am I being holy? Has it rubbed off on me?

[Joanne McNally]

You took it too far.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, well, they don't want me to talk about God chat. Which is fair enough. I was like, just don't use it. We were just having a private conversation. I wanted to know if he was spiritual.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. And God means different things to different people.

[Vogue Williams]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Joanne McNally]

When I go to AA, which will inevitably happen in the next six to 12 years, I would say I'm gonna. I'm gonna have to choose God. I have to resign to a higher power. It's not gonna work. So I can't be critical because I'm going to need them at some stage or them or he or she.

[Vogue Williams]

Six to 12 years. That's a. It's a great time span. You've. You've given there.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, I was going to say six to 12 months and then panicked that I would publicly Say that. So then I kind of backtracked and said years. Years.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, yeah, give yourself a moment. Oh my God.

[Joanne McNally]

And to be fair, I actually just, I, I shouldn't be always joking about going to AI because it's actually a very serious thing to do. No, I have no idea if that'll happen or not. I actually, I'm really enjoy myself at the moment. I don't. You know, sometimes you have those moments in your life where you're like, oh my God, everything's out of control. I've lost control of everything. And then you kind of get the wheels back on. I, I'm actually in a very good healthy space at the moment. I would say.

[Vogue Williams]

Do you know what I find fascinating? So I'm gonna. 7 hours ago I was having what I can only describe as a, like an episode like of anxiety. So at 2:00 clock in the morning I woke up and I first out of nowhere I just got myself into a panic. Had like a little like basically at a two and a half hour panic attack. I had to wake Spencer up and everything. I just, I don't know, it sometimes happens to me when I get. But you know, I get bad anxiety. And now it's like 11 in the morning and I'm like, you know what? I feel fantastic. I feel like I needed a blowout.

[Joanne McNally]

You know what the best way of thinking about things is? I'm reading Chelsea Hander's new book at the moment with my ears. It's, it's. I just, I needed to hear her voice because I find her.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

Reassuring, fascinating, terrifying. Wildly intelligent. I would maybe see myself as her in 10 years time, except I can't ski. That's something I am trying to fix. I'm gonna learn how to ski. She's big into snowboarding, big into skiing. But she's done a lot of work on herself and she talks about how kind of not letting your feelings take over and that they're just feelings and they pass through you and to sit with them and all this stuff. And also she talks about drinking and drugs and all that stuff and how she has had times in her life where she's gone too far and they just had times in her life where she kind of pulls back. And she had two things actually I wanted to tell you about. She had a great story about. And I'm not going to. This isn't a spoiler in the book or anything. No, but she'd already started her journey, as it were, before this happened. But basically she says she got an Email from Jane Fonda.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, I know, yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

Did you hear the story?

[Vogue Williams]

I think you tell the listeners, because I think you might have told me about that.

[Joanne McNally]

She got an email or a text or a phone call, I can't remember, from Jane Fonda. However Jane Fonda chooses to communicate, God only knows, she probably sent some sort of gold pigeon or something. It's Jane Fonda, for God's sake.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

And she said, chelsea, can you come to my house for dinner, please? Chelsea was like, well, obviously it's Jane Fonda, of course. And she says they were kind of friends and they'd known each other a very long time, and they always got on. And she obviously looked up to Jane because it's Jane Fonda. And Chelsea went, yeah, sure, when she goes tonight. And Chelsea was like, oh, God, this feels like I'm in trouble. So she went over and she said, and I was correct. I was in trouble. Jane sat her down and she said, had you noticed the last time we met, I was quite frosty with you? And Chelsea said, I had noticed, actually, but I tried not to overthink it and just thought maybe you were having a bad day. And Jane was like, well, I wasn't. It was actually your fault. I was being frosty with you on purpose because you came to my birthday party recently and you ruined the night for everyone. You were so rude. You came in with this really dark cloud over you. You're really rude to loads of my guests, and you kind of ruined the night. Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

I think fair play for saying it, though, and not just ignoring it forever.

[Joanne McNally]

Totally. Chelsea said, what a gesture of sisterhood. She said, jane Fonda will never have to have that conversation with me again. And she said. And she was right. I was in a bad place mentally. And she was on something. And Jane was like, I don't know what drugs you were on. And Chelsea said, it's actually nothing to do with the drugs that I'm on. It's where I am in my head.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

And then she started doing all this work on herself. It's just. It's such a good book, I cannot recommend it up. But the reason I. I don't know why, but I really wanted to tell you, you about this part of the book, which I've listened to on repeat. I've listened to it about six times, I would say.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

Chelsea Handler is very generous to her family. She's obviously got buckets of cash. She brings them on these huge holidays. You know, she brings them to Martha's Vineyard, where all the CELEBS love to go.

[Vogue Williams]

I think the presidents go there as well.

[Joanne McNally]

Do they?

[Vogue Williams]

I don't know how I know that, but I think it's true. We might have to fact check that, Emily.

[Joanne McNally]

Is it the American Cotswolds?

[Vogue Williams]

I think it must be.

[Joanne McNally]

Sorry, we have a silent producer.

[Vogue Williams]

Emily's taking over.

[Joanne McNally]

Emily's taking over. Jazz Paternity. We can hear you now, Emily. You're coming through loud and clear. Loud and clear.

[Vogue Williams]

I'm sure Obama or someone was there. How in God's name. I have to stop reading the Daily Mail. Honestly, I know too much about celebrities.

[Joanne McNally]

Whoever this Martha is, she's really cracked it.

[Vogue Williams]

I want to go there. We have. We have Obama Plaza or whatever it's called.

[Joanne McNally]

So, yeah, we have the. We have Obama Plaza, which is basically a little shopping center in the middle of Ireland somewhere. And it has a supermax.

[Vogue Williams]

It's like. It's a petrol station. It's a petrol station. Yeah. Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

But it's a very good one.

[Vogue Williams]

He's been there as well, so.

[Joanne McNally]

Very good one, I think. I don't know if Obama's actually been there. I think he just, like, flew over it once and everyone was like. He looked at us. Come on, let's. Let's. Let's build.

[Vogue Williams]

Everyone needs petrol and a Friday box. Obama was there. Go on.

[Joanne McNally]

So anyway, she brings her family on these huge holidays and she has all these nieces and nephews who she calls the Nuggets. And she's never had children herself, but she says she just wouldn't be able for it, but that she loves her nieces and nephews and she feels like they're kind of her kids, even though she says she offers no parenting advice at all. It's like, I'm not equipped. And she said one time on one of these big family holidays, she realized that she had spoiled her nieces and nephews and they were being rude to her staff. And she said she left the holiday, she went off to film something. And because she said the old Chelsea would have just kicked off and told everyone to go fuck themselves. But the new Chelsea, because she's done the work, because she's quite a Serbic, that's kind of her, like her personality. She's. And I think that is true. I don't think that's put on. Yeah, she wrote this. It was the most beautifully well crafted letter I've ever read with my ears. Listen to. I loved it so much. It was just. It was perfect. She talked about how. How much she loves them all. The nieces and nephews. But the last time she left the family holiday, she was embarrassed and she felt taken advantage of.

[Vogue Williams]

Ooh.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. She's like, I realize now I've spoiled you with these holiday holidays and you're just entitled now. And here are the new rules.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, I like.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, Vogue. I think you'd love it. I don't know why. It really touched me on some level. I actually cried when I listened to it again. I don't know why I don't take my family on holidays. No one takes me on holidays. I don't know why it resonated so much with me. I think it was just the honesty and how well it was crafted. And she was like, I love you. There's nothing you could do to make me not love you.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, but.

[Joanne McNally]

But shit has to change around here. And here are the new rules.

[Vogue Williams]

No one likes to be taken or feel taken advantage of, but I wouldn't say that I ever feel taken advantage of. I'm very close to my family and stuff like that, and we love going on holidays together, but if that shit started going down, I would love you.

[Joanne McNally]

To find the letter online and read it. It's just so well crafted and so balanced and kind, but, like, she's making her point and she talks about rules of being a guest. Don't finish anything.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, oh.

[Joanne McNally]

Don't finish anything unless you're willing to make a fresh batch. Don't finish the Belvedere vodka that I have provided. Say hello to the staff. Don't roll your eyes at my guests because they're older and you're bored by them. They're my very good friends, like all this.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, well, those. I don't really agree with the finishing of stuff. I think that, like, when I'm away, we all, like, we do our supermarket shops and, like, we all just make sure that everything is stocked up, everybody has what they want and what they need, and it's. It's quite nice.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. I think they're teenagers. And she says, I realize now that this is kind of my fault, because you've never had to put your hand in your pocket for anything or just on offer to you. And she said, and in la, they work for me, they don't work for you. Treat them with respect. I want you to say please and thank you. Say hello to my staff. If my staff are carrying something that they need help with, please help them. She was like, I've spoiled you and they shouldn't see the change around here. It just really. I just was like, it's made me see Chelsea Hander in a holy light. I just loved it.

[Vogue Williams]

I know, but can you imagine being 16 and being faced with a bottle of Belvedere vodka? You've, like, taken 10 steps up from the red square. You'd be like. You wouldn't. You wouldn't be able to leave any mind.

[Joanne McNally]

You see, I'm lucky I'm a cheap palette. I'd be like. I'm ground to the glens. Chelsea.

[Vogue Williams]

How is that still going?

[Joanne McNally]

Retractable, scratchy arms.

[Vogue Williams]

I can't believe he's.

[Joanne McNally]

She's back. I found her.

[Vogue Williams]

You lose everything?

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, I found her in the drawer. Looking for one of my AirPods.

[Vogue Williams]

I have now convinced myself that, like, if I buy slightly more expensive booze, I won't feel as hungover. But now I've convinced myself that if I have tequila, I won't be as hungover.

[Joanne McNally]

Tequila's grace. Very good for you.

[Vogue Williams]

I was out last night. I went to the Devonshire. Your mom was asking about you. We were talking about the raw chicken dick.

[Joanne McNally]

That clip about the. How white Irish men are.

[Vogue Williams]

That it?

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. Calm down. Them is a health and safety issue. Yeah. Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

I'm not putting up my mate. It's raw.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, that is. I've started doing clips. You know that I was victoriously invisible online with clips, but just. I might as well plug it.

[Vogue Williams]

Yes.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm on tour, Ireland to the UK. I've added an extra London Apollo date on October 16th. And I'm going to Europe. I'm going to Oslo. I'm adding another Barcelona date, another Amsterdam date, and I'm also going to Berlin and other places. Drama.com. i'm everywhere.

[Vogue Williams]

Everywhere. And it's all on your website. It's actually easy to navigate. So there you go.

[Joanne McNally]

Thanks so much, folks. You're very welcome with the tech feedback.

[Vogue Williams]

Ah. We were laughing about that. But I went out with. I was out with Ryan Tilbury and I was out with John Boyne, who, you know, that I'm obsessed with.

[Joanne McNally]

Yes.

[Vogue Williams]

He's one of my favorite authors because he has agreed to give me a quote for my book.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, lovely.

[Vogue Williams]

I know. And look what I got. I've got a proof of the book. I know it's in my hands, so I'm having to. I kind of threw it at Spencer and I was like, do you want to read it? Don't read it. Do you want to read where you're in?

[Joanne McNally]

It looks great.

[Vogue Williams]

I know. I'm really happy. So It's. It's nearly 100 done. And if anybody would like to come to my book tour, I'm doing two dates in May, one in Vicar street and one in London. And my book is on pre order. It's done. I'm starting an audio for you. Just. Only. Only for you.

[Joanne McNally]

Just for me.

[Vogue Williams]

No, everyone can buy the audio. So I'm starting the audio this week as well, so it's very exciting.

[Joanne McNally]

You have to caveat that.

[Vogue Williams]

Don't worry, I'm not just doing an audio for you on.

[Joanne McNally]

So I gotta know. I got enough of you in my ears, to be honest. I think I'll have to read this one with my eyes.

[Vogue Williams]

That's why I was surprised when I was like, I know that story about Chelsea Hunter, because we don't usually let things slip through the net when we're on the phone to each other. Don't tell me about it. But I must have allowed it.

[Joanne McNally]

I think what I'm trying to say is this week I've been very touched by Chelsea Handler in my cell, and I am. I have no mentor at the moment, and if I could choose a kind of comedy.

[Vogue Williams]

I felt like I was a mentor. When I saw the picture of your room last night and it was gleaming, not one thing on the floor, I was like, yeah, my work here is done.

[Joanne McNally]

That's. That's only the bit that you saw. I'm trying to make an effort to keep my. My spaces kind of tidy for this tour instead of living in chaos.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

Basically. I think if I could choose any mentor in the world. I thought it used to be Tina Fey, but I've. Well, firstly, I haven't heard from her, so I'm guessing that's not on the cards. But I wanted to be Chelsea Handler.

[Vogue Williams]

I think I want mine to be Kristen Wiig. That'd be a nice duo. If we imagine. We imagine we could be friends with them, we'd have a great life.

[Joanne McNally]

Kristen Wiig as your mentor?

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. How does that feel?

[Joanne McNally]

The comic from snl?

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. How does that feel?

[Joanne McNally]

You want Kristen Wiig to be your mentor?

[Vogue Williams]

Chelsea Hander, who's also going down the slopes in a bikini. Okay. Yeah, I see where you're at.

[Joanne McNally]

If you could choose a mentor, though, who would you choose? If you could choose someone you'd access to them and they could advise you and guide you.

[Vogue Williams]

Like a realistic person.

[Joanne McNally]

No. Anyone?

[Vogue Williams]

Maybe Sharon Horgan.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, yeah, that's a great one.

[Vogue Williams]

She's a good one, isn't she?

[Joanne McNally]

I love that. We know she's not realistic. She wouldn't piss on Us if we were on fire. And she's right.

[Vogue Williams]

She's dead right.

[Joanne McNally]

She's dead right.

[Vogue Williams]

We're trash.

[Joanne McNally]

Touch us, Sharon. Yeah, we're trash. We are Irish royalty. Yeah. She wouldn't be seeing dad. Imagine she turned up to mentor us. She'd be in a wig with a big fake nose. She'd be like, you didn't get any of this information from me. If you tag me or say any, tell anyone I'm even interacting. You two dirt birds.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, Sharon, we're just saying if, if you're available, we would absolutely love the opportunity.

[Joanne McNally]

Even if she were to piss on us, if we were on fire, we'd donate enough for years.

[Vogue Williams]

I wouldn't care.

[Joanne McNally]

I wouldn't shower.

[Vogue Williams]

I'd let her piss on me.

[Joanne McNally]

Of course you would. Spit in my face, Sharon. Anything. DNA in my face. Love it.

[Vogue Williams]

You should start going out with her, brother. There's an end for us.

[Joanne McNally]

Men hate me. It's over for me. It's over. It's done. I've given up. I'm. I, It's. They hate me. I hate that, actually. Don't. I love them. But I, I. No, I just. I seem to be hardening.

[Vogue Williams]

I think you're too nice. No, you're too nice to them is what I think.

[Joanne McNally]

Do you?

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, you're too nice. You're too nice.

[Joanne McNally]

Are you? That's. No, that's. That's. That's almost as insane a take as us thinking the Sharon Horton's gonna mentor us.

[Vogue Williams]

I just think that you're very generous and you're very kind and. And I think that when you start to like somebody that they, they get a bit. They get a bit. What's that come. What's that called? They take you for granted.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, they take the. I am hardcore. I'm hardcore. Or like, I think I'm hard to infiltrate. But then once I'm infiltrated, I am goo. I am more in a man's hand. It's actually embarrassing when I look back.

[Vogue Williams]

At certain people that I was going out when I'm like, oh, I can see why that didn't work out. Because you just get. You're like, I don't care about me. I only care about you. Well, what can I do to make you feel better about yourself?

[Joanne McNally]

Morning, King. How can I pleasure please and serve you today?

[Vogue Williams]

You're like, the little jester. Hello.

[Joanne McNally]

Some little bald lad who thinks Link's Apollo's an aftershave. I'm like, what can I do to serve you, King?

[Vogue Williams]

My sweet man child, I love you.

[Joanne McNally]

Yes.

[Vogue Williams]

I will lie in this puddle so you can walk across me. I couldn't.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Your feet to get wet. Don't.

[Joanne McNally]

Get me a towel. That's fine. Your semen can remain on me for the day. I just love it. Love the way it cracks into my skin. Is that gross? So we cut that?

[Vogue Williams]

No, it's funny.

[Joanne McNally]

I would like Chelsea Hannah to be my mentor. You would like Sharon Horgan to be theirs. Let's put it out into the universe. Even though I don't believe in the universe, I. At all. I don't believe in manifesting any of that, but I'll give it a go.

[Vogue Williams]

I think we should try it. I've always said that I'm not really into manifesting, but it's working for some people and it might. And also. Also I wouldn't mind being in what's his name? What's his name again? The Irish actor that I love.

[Joanne McNally]

There's many. There's many.

[Vogue Williams]

No, when I was watching him last night in the thing on Netflix. That doesn't really give it away. I was watching him in a movie. You know him. He's good crack. He was dancing at the SAG Awards. Ah, come on. I mean, I'm telling you to come on and getting angry with you, and I should.

[Joanne McNally]

You don't know his name either, but you're saying you want him to mentor you.

[Vogue Williams]

Scott. Andrew Scott.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, okay. Well, you've ruined that now.

[Vogue Williams]

He'd be a great one. I was watching that. I started re watching the thing on Netflix last night.

[Joanne McNally]

You're like, I can't remember your name, but I'm a huge fan. Do you know what? I had a request from. Do you ever get these requests from universities where they ask you if you'll come in and they can give you a honorary. A doctorate or award or something like this? Well, I had one from an Irish university that came in. I won't say who it was because whatever. But my agent sent it on. He was like, my agent. Which shows he doesn't read emails either. Was like, oh, this is great. Look at this. This is deadly. Look at this. An honorary. Blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, okay. And I read it. It was like. First he was dear Joanna. Then it said. Basically it said to say it had been copy and paste. This had obviously been rejected by 16 people. It was like, we love. We love your contribution to acting, which never acted in my life. And then it said, also your. Your online. Your. Your contribution to the online. Your contribution to The Internet or something. Like. Like, no mention of comedy or anything. And then the end, it said, maybe.

[Vogue Williams]

They didn't like your contributions.

[Joanne McNally]

They were like, we'll ignore that part, but we'll bring you in for that cameo you had. And that Sharon Horgan show, Women on the Verge wasn't even a cameo because the cameo suggests you have a Prof. Wheelie win. They just. I just got a tiny part on it. Then at the end, it said, we hope he is open to our offer. He.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

So I don't know how many people turn it down, but I was like, I think I'll have to pass on this. I would like to be a doctor.

[Vogue Williams]

But no, I. I get that sometimes. And it's like, hey. And it's somebody else's name. Yeah. And then you know who that was. It's like, come on. Like, don't be. Don't be sloppy. Not that sloppy.

[Joanne McNally]

I know. You get an email, and they're like, we really hope Juwan can take part in this. And we're like, can't wait to hear from you, Angela Scanlon. You're like, oh, okay, we know we're.

[Vogue Williams]

Trash, but at least show, like, a little bit of respect.

[Joanne McNally]

Come on. Yeah. Who's writing your copy?

[Vogue Williams]

Someone was asking me for tickets for your gig, and they were like, I can't get onto Joanna. And I was like, well, first of all, I hope you didn't get onto her calling her Joanna, because she's not. I was like, please stop calling her Joanna.

[Joanne McNally]

I'll answer to Anthony Dirty Joanna.

[Vogue Williams]

Happy International Women's Day.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, happy International Women's Day. Vogue. I mean, it's a bit late now, considering I was completely snubbed by your collage of the women who mean the.

[Vogue Williams]

Most of you, I got myself a glue gun. Is that of any interest to you?

[Joanne McNally]

Okay, are we sniffing glue now? Go on. What's the crack?

[Vogue Williams]

I love that. That's your first avenue. No, Joanne.

[Joanne McNally]

Finally something we can do together.

[Vogue Williams]

Great.

[Joanne McNally]

Hit me.

[Vogue Williams]

No, Joanne. I've started crafting. Thank you very much.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, God.

[Vogue Williams]

Listen, it's the. It's the schooling system in England. You have to make Easter bonnets, and I just. I want my child to go in with a great Easter bonnet. So I said, you know what? I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go in on it this year, and I'm gonna make read two really great Easter bonnets, and I need a glue gun for that. And I just. I just really feel like I've. It's like, when I got that Drill that I still haven't used that you wanted to borrow, which, which I'm glad you didn't and weren't able to. It's the glue gun.

[Joanne McNally]

Now, just once, you don't set up a stall in Battersea park, it's selling your own brooches. That's, that's when I will ring your mum. I'll do a wellness check. I just once. Just don't set up an Etsy account. Don't lose the run yourself. Stick to the hats.

[Vogue Williams]

You don't want your, your crochet cushion I made you.

[Joanne McNally]

No, I, I, I, I do, I do, I do.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, you can. It will not fall apart because it's.

[Joanne McNally]

Glued together so I can prove it to show to Sandra you are having a breakdown. I'll be like, see, Sandra, I told.

[Vogue Williams]

You, you need to step in. It's really gone wrong for her.

[Joanne McNally]

I, can, I, can I direct you to the crocheted cushion, please? She's not well.

[Vogue Williams]

If you had a glue gun, you would. Your life would change. Oh, probably for the worse.

[Joanne McNally]

I'd be glueing everything to everything. I, I, anything like that. Like, I just, like, I just like the power of us.

[Vogue Williams]

There's a couple of random things that I wanted to buy this week. The glue gun was one of them and I did follow through on it, but a follower sent me a picture of this taxidermy. Wait for it. And you're going to tell me to buy it because it was fantastic. Ethically. I don't know how it works, but it was there. It was in a shop. A follower sent it to me. Garth the giraffe. Just the neck up. It looked so cool. Garth the giraffe. Imagine him downstairs.

[Joanne McNally]

Sorry. Well, I don't know what the ethics on taxidermy are because we stuff people. So, like, why not animals if they're already dead? Do you know what I mean? Like, if they're dead, they're dead. Maybe they. Maybe. I don't know. But see, because of your privilege and skin color, it's gonna look like you shot it yourself. That's my only concern. That's my concern. When you're giving people a high story, they're like, she shot that thing. It's gonna look like you went into the zoo in Battersea park, shot a giraffe for crack to entertain yourself and your kids. Dragged the thing home and didn't even bother with the car because the body. Because you're like, I couldn't be arsed.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, it's a. You can't hold A whole giraffe. You can't. It's like when Winston kicks the bucket. I can't have the whole bod. It' to be the head.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. The bust. It's the bust. Yeah. Well, I hope when I die, you use my bust. And by bust, I mean just my tits.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, God. Yeah. I'm not going to get rid of them.

[Joanne McNally]

No, just keep the tits. Yeah. They're like J. McNally's bust. And it's literally just my boobs.

[Vogue Williams]

It's the part of you I'd miss the most, to be honest. So that's what I would just want to keep.

[Joanne McNally]

And I want the nipple stuff, so they're always kind of erect. So people remember me as being kind of a sexy person.

[Vogue Williams]

Topless or. Or a little topless.

[Joanne McNally]

Of course topless.

[Vogue Williams]

Okay. Okay. I did think I do have children in the house. I just wasn't sure. I might have to pop you downstairs out of their eyeline.

[Joanne McNally]

Sorry, I. But I am so healthy. Oh. I'll live forever.

[Vogue Williams]

I will be rolling in my grave.

[Joanne McNally]

Yep.

[Vogue Williams]

Because you will still be up there.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Just polluting yourself.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. What will happen is because you're the healthier person, it'll be. Something ironic will happen. And you'll die first.

[Vogue Williams]

That was just. That would just be so unfair.

[Joanne McNally]

You'll die first. I will live a long, long, long, long life. And I will end up befriending Sharon Horgan, and you'll be in your grave.

[Vogue Williams]

That's not going to happen. I'm going to make sure of it. Right. We'll f. We'll fight to the death.

[Joanne McNally]

Did I tell you it was Pat's birthday?

[Vogue Williams]

No. Happy birthday, Pat.

[Joanne McNally]

It was Pat's birthday, and she spent the whole day thinking she was 77. And at the end of the day, she realized she was 76.

[Vogue Williams]

What a birthday treat.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

That's a. That's so nice. I thought you were going to say 78, so that's very good.

[Joanne McNally]

They say that's what happens. You get to a stage where you're like, what am I? What am I? Anyway, yeah. Turns out she's a year younger than she thought she was. Was. Which is obviously great news to me, because obviously my biggest fear in life is that she's going to die at some stage. So it's nice to know I have an extra year with her.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. God, that really scares me. I tend. I tend to get my age wrong, though, as well. I go down, though. I'm like, I'm 38, and then I'm like, no, I'm not 38 and I've had to start thinking about my 40th birthday. I'm really considering it.

[Joanne McNally]

You're on the way to my side, baby.

[Vogue Williams]

It's happening.

[Joanne McNally]

Can't wait to have you.

[Vogue Williams]

I don't feel sad about it at all.

[Joanne McNally]

No, why would you?

[Vogue Williams]

I feel like it really snuck up on me. Like I used to look at 40 year olds and be like, they are ready for the grave and now I am one of them.

[Joanne McNally]

Do you know what they say? They say your 20s and 30s are for learning, making a bit of money, figuring yourself out. And then your 40s, you just get to enjoy all the groundwork you've done. You just get to chill. You're, you're an adult. You're, you're like, there's no disputing adulthood at 40. I still wake up in my own house. I'm like waiting for my mom to come home. Like, I've got a free gap. I'm just remind myself, no, this is your house, you live here, you're a grown up.

[Vogue Williams]

I used to think that I'd love to go back to my 20s, but I wouldn't because the 20s were so messy. You were so unsure of yourself. Like now I might go back for like a sesh when I was 20, just like a part, a two day party. We'll, we'll dip the toe in for a two day party.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm telling you now, 40 is the sweet spot, I'm telling you.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, I'm really trying to figure out what I'm going to do for the 40th because I'm going to have to start. I think I want to do it a little bit earlier because I think I want to do something in my house in Ireland and have it outside. So I need to do it when it's sunny, me. So I'll wait till the kids go back to school because as soon as the kids go back to school, that's when the sun comes out.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, great idea.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. Yeah, always happens every year.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, I'll be there with the giraffe. What's his name?

[Vogue Williams]

Garth.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

I think I'm just more excited to be, to be going into my 40s because I remember when I was going into my 30s, that's when I got divorced and that's when I literally was like, oh, well, that's it for me. I'm never gonna have, I genuinely thought to myself, I'm never gonna have kids. Kids. I'm never going to get married. This is like, I I wanted to be in such a different position in my 30s. Like, I kind of thought I'd ruined everything for myself. And then to think back, that that's nearly 10 years ago and where I am now. It's just. It's so nice to. To see that life moves forward and it does get better.

[Joanne McNally]

And then he ruined everything for yourself by doing those things. You didn't know how good you had it. Now look at you kids swinging off your tits. Right?

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. What silence. I know. I don't even know what silence is. I had silence in my house the other day, and I thought it was haunted. I was like, what the hell is going on here?

[Joanne McNally]

Whereas if I have any noise, I'm like, oh, my God. I've got sensory issues. I've got sensory issues. Parker Posey, who's. Who's the. One of the leads in the White Lotus Series 3, which, by the way, I am loving, even though slower and darker than season one and season two.

[Vogue Williams]

Totally agree.

[Joanne McNally]

Her mother said, a woman has to reinvent herself in her 40s, and I thought, that is actually very observant. You do. You don't have to, but you kind of naturally tend to. And Parker Posey is now having a massive moment. She's 56. And one of the best lines. This was an interview with her in Style Mag. And one of the best lines from the White Lotus is that her character is called Victoria Ratliff. And one of her opening lines in the White Lotus is, someone stole my Larazepam. I'm gonna have to drink myself to sleep. What a woman. We love to see it.

[Vogue Williams]

I love Amy Lee Wood as well. I think she's brilliant in it.

[Joanne McNally]

Brilliant.

[Vogue Williams]

Her and the fella are so funny. It's. I. I actually think it's a really good series.

[Joanne McNally]

She's got a real 70s vibe. She's got those amazing teeth. And you know what I love about her as well is we are. There's so much kind of cosmetic surgery going on and veneers and all that. And I'm sure. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I'm sure she doesn't mind the commentary on. But she's just so. She just looks deadly. She looks like anyone else. She's got her own look and feel, and I love that because I think we can all get a bit. And I said, I put myself in this bracket as well. You can get sucked into this. There's a look, and we all kind of look the same.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, so I regret. My mom always told me I Regretted it, but there was no stopping me. When I was 14, I had a huge. I used to have a huge gap in my, in my front teeth. Just all my other teeth were exactly like they are now. But I got rid of the gap and my mom said, you're gonna regret that. I'm like, oh, my God. I should have kept the gap. It would have been less boring.

[Joanne McNally]

I, I. And you know what you've actually put. You nailed it. When we all get the work done and we all end up kind of looking the same, it's boring. Whereas when you get actual actresses or actors that come through and they look different. Yeah, they have a different look. And you're like, I look. There's just. It just adds so much to it. I just love it. She's also in Toxic Town, which is a great show that I watched on Netflix as well.

[Vogue Williams]

I haven't seen Toxic Town.

[Joanne McNally]

Parker Posey is 56, and she is having a moment. And she was gone. She was just doing indie films for, like, $70 a day. And no one cast her in kind of mainstream stuff because they said she was too indie. And now look at her, 56 and she's banging. She's back, she's having a ball.

[Vogue Williams]

Absolutely Nelly. It's really good, that series. I'm enjoying it.

[Joanne McNally]

Brilliant. And it's this weird, slow. You're like, what's happening is this building weird tension. And I forgot the first episode. There's a big shoot up.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

Getting that. We have to figure out who. Who's shooting it up. And anyway, yeah, it's all. It's a bit of a whodunit.

[Vogue Williams]

But you know what I was surprised by? Because I thought that they swapped the whole cast all the time. But there's two of the cast members from, from, like, the first series are now in this series. So I'm like, like, I know that Jennifer Coolidge can't come back, but I'd love if she'd come back.

[Joanne McNally]

Jennifer Coolidge was in the first and the second series. Yeah, they're planting. It's all this, like, They're a lot of drama and. And then Greg, who went out with Jennifer Coolidge's character in EP in season two, is now in season three. But we know he had her killed. So it's like.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, it's, It's Poirot.

[Joanne McNally]

I love it.

[Vogue Williams]

And Natasha Rothwell is in it. And she was like. She was one of the. She works in the hotel. In the first season, if I won.

[Joanne McNally]

The lotto, I would try and buy my Way into being cast in white lottos. You know they live in those hotels for months and months and months and months and months.

[Vogue Williams]

I know. Can I be honest with you? I am a little plug here for Never Live It Down. I interviewed Ardlohan and Arlo Hanlon. He's out, he's on Monday, so this is out on Friday. So he'll be the episode on Monday. And he's did this show in the Caribbean. He was in Guadalupe and he was like, it sounds like it was a, it was a great job. But he was like. But I was working like 12 hour days, 6 days a week. And then he'd have a day off and he'd leave his family for like six months and he would just be out there on this little island. So it's like you. Yeah, they're working their artists off. I'd say totally.

[Joanne McNally]

Parker Posey did say the director said to her, welcome to the Golden Cage. Because yeah, you're stuck. And it sounds like a dream like, oh, you're in the Four Seasons for seven months. But you know yourself, anything that you can't leave becomes hellish really. But as hells go, I choose the Four Seasons in Thailand if I had to.

[Vogue Williams]

I find when I stay in hotels I get really weird after a while because sometimes I just want to sit and like I just want to have a bowl of cereal. It's kind of hard to make that happen at like 8 o' clock at night.

[Joanne McNally]

I know you're like, oh, another fresh fruit platter. Oh no, this is hell. Sammy took Guantanamo Bay just to spice it up. Just need to change a scene, bring me to a travel lodge.

[Vogue Williams]

I'm too spoiled people. I'm too spoiled rotten. My God. Actually I would do it. I would 100 go and stay in that Golden Cage in Thailand and I'd be very happy about it.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm thinking I might take acting class. I feel like I need to start acting. I want to get cast in something cool.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, as I told you, I did the Gaily School of Acting. I would do an acting class in London with you. That could be our thing that we do together. I used to love going to acting classes.

[Joanne McNally]

I think I'd more like a weekend. I just like to do a 48 hour acting course and then get cast in White Lotus. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.

[Vogue Williams]

It sounds reasonable to me to be honest.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. Or if Sharon Morgan's listening. I'll do a week of acting classes if you put me in Bad Sisters series Three I'll do.

[Vogue Williams]

I'll do four days if you put me in Amanda land season two, which is coming back, by the way. Season. Oh, my God. This is like. I hope Sean Morgan never hears how much.

[Joanne McNally]

I know. It's really embarrassing. Cut all of this.

[Vogue Williams]

It actually sounds a bit stalkerish.

[Joanne McNally]

Maybe there's a. There's a. There's a world where Sharon was like, I might reach out to those two art. And then she hears this, and she's like, wow.

[Vogue Williams]

I couldn't have them around me. They'd be so full on. So, Sharon, what did you do this weekend? Tell me about yourself, Sharon. And what were you like when you were 10?

[Joanne McNally]

I took out a restraining order against you two. That's what I did. Oh. Lessons have been learned. Let that be a lesson to next year. I want a little statue in your garden of me.

[Vogue Williams]

I've actually already started erecting it, would you believe.

[Joanne McNally]

Good. Erect away.

[Vogue Williams]

I just wanted to say erect. Do you remember we were talking about cruises last week?

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Yes. My phone must have been listening to me because my algorithm is now, which I'm not against, is loads of cruises, because I will eventually road test a cruise. But I watched this one of this woman who road test a cruise.

[Joanne McNally]

Do you mean water tester cruise?

[Vogue Williams]

I will water test the cruise. I just find them a bit scary. I don't like hearing about the people that are going overboard and stuff. I just.

[Joanne McNally]

I know it makes it sound like when you spend some time on the Internet, it sounds like every cruise, about 60 people get thrown off board or fall off board or get merged off board. But I'd say it's actually quite far between.

[Vogue Williams]

Like, think of all the cruises and all the thousands of people going. But you just focus on those stories and it's like. And she was never seen again. I'm like. But this woman said she was traveling on her own, right? And she did this tik tok. And Basically, here's her 12 tips. She did this whole story. So she put a deep sleep sign on the door, secure the door with a portable door lock. So she bought her own door lock to add to the door that was already locked. Then she covered the people with. With plaster. Then she locked the doors from opening because she got two hangers out of the wardrobe and then did another lock over the door as well as the lock. Then she rolled a medium towel and put it behind the handle so people couldn't push the handle down. Then she installed a doorstep alarm doorstop. So a little door stop. So if anyone Pushed the door, an alarm would go off. Then she got this chair and put the chair, the chair up against the door. And then she installed a wireless security camera above her bed. And then she went around checking for mirrors, checking the mirrors for hidden cameras. And then she had this hairbrush that basically you could, you could take the end of it off. And she was putting all her money in this hairbrush so it was hidden. And then she went and checked outside to make sure that nothing was there. No, no lurkers or anything, just hanging outside. And then she closed the curtains and used towel clips. I mean that kind of, that kind of scared me again about the cruise. Like, why is she doing that?

[Joanne McNally]

Because she's paranoid and insane. Like, listen, I get it, but like women are vulnerable. There isn't that level of security. And the joy which is our prison in Ireland, like that's ridiculous.

[Vogue Williams]

I'd say, Joanne, I'd say you was left with the door wide open. I remember once in uni, we went away with our, with our whole class and I got absolutely deranged and they all had gone to a nightclub and they had to drop me back and wake up the lecturer who was like this six year old man and basically he had to leave my door open because he was worried something would happen to me. So I just left with the door open on night.

[Joanne McNally]

I have to say, look, I got it. We all need to like be a little bit careful. But if I had to up my security game to that extent, I just knock on the cruise. I mean also, do you know my mother would, this is real. My mother be like, Jesus, she's great notions about herself. That's what my mother would say.

[Vogue Williams]

Sure. Who's want to rob you anyway?

[Joanne McNally]

You've great ideas about yourself. Did you think someone would want to break into your room? That, that would be something my mother would say. Maybe she'd be like, you have notions about yourself. This is the notions 11 situation.

[Vogue Williams]

I mean, she'd be dead right, come on, there's a, there's a bit too much security there. And then I was thinking, what, what are you planning on doing if there's a fire on the ship? You're, you're, you've screwed yourself. You've locked yourself into to like a room that's just gonna hold all this smoke because you can't get the door open.

[Joanne McNally]

If I, even if I was on a cruise in a vert, if I was on a prison boat, and this is more about me because I'm so lazy and I was somehow Involved in taking them to some prison on. What's that? Prison on the rock. Alcatraz. I wouldn't. I wouldn't engage in that level of security now. That's just me. I'm lazy and I've probably got something awful coming to me in my future but I wouldn't bother.

[Vogue Williams]

We've stayed in hotels when we were on tour like some in. I think it was. Where was it? I think it was in Liverpool and it was this gorgeous big old hotel. But I was so scared because they put me like way off and I was actually more scared of like ghosts and stuff. And I had to go down to reception. I was like can I move closer to reception? Because I was stoops was just a bit scared. I was like. But I didn't have a door stop or anything like that. I did like the door stop idea. I'll give her the door stop.

[Joanne McNally]

Sure. I'm still drinking at a hotel kettles. Even though I'm still getting about three stories a week from people saying about what goes on in those kettles. I'm just like ah it whatever. Not going downstairs, you know what I mean? I just move the human feces aside and boil it. I'm just like whatever. Oh my God. Pull out the knickers from someone else. My grand.

[Vogue Williams]

Spoil it a couple of times. It be grand.

[Joanne McNally]

You can overthink things, you know. You can overthink things. That's what my friend Chelsea Hander says. My mentor. So I, I agree with her.

[Vogue Williams]

I've started picking up chewing them off the ground again cuz you know, I'm trying to be more sustainable. I'm not overthinking things.

[Joanne McNally]

That really sounded like you were saying you're going to eat it. Is that what you're trying to build up some. You're trying to build up your gut health or something. What's that about? Is it you throwing it on the ground and then picking it up again?

[Vogue Williams]

No, cuz I used to do that when I was younger. I used to eat chewing them off the ground because I wasn't allowed have chewing them. So I've started doing that again.

[Joanne McNally]

Ye yeah yeah yeah. Ah yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

I swallowed my jam yesterday on a job and everyone was like what the hell is wrong? I was like are you still living in a world where you think that that's going to stay in your stomach for eight years? I swallow chewing them all the time. Sometimes I can't find a bin. I have the bin.

[Joanne McNally]

I have no idea why I know this but apparently chewing gum is Absolutely fine to swallow. I was reading about it for some reason recently. I've. No, do you know what it was? I read about one of those trad wives, she's been making chewing gum from scratch. And I was like, oh, my God. God, if I was making chewing gum from scratch for my kids, I'd want them to just swallow it forever. Like, I wouldn't want to spend all that time cooking something. Yeah. And I was like, can you swallow chewing gum? Anyway, off I went down a chewing gum hell, it's absolutely grand.

[Vogue Williams]

I. I've said. Someone said to me yesterday, it's like rubber. I was like, do you think chewing gum is made of rubber? I was like, of course. It's not made of. Over. It's this tiny thing. I've swallowed loads of chewing gum. I am.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, I'd rather swallow chewing and then halloumi, whatever the that is.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, my God, I love halloumi.

[Joanne McNally]

Dog toy, cheese. Gross.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, John, that's it.

[Joanne McNally]

What?

[Vogue Williams]

That's it for the main app. Yeah, I know. We're having an absolute ball.

[Joanne McNally]

We haven't even started on politics. We always do a political section.

[Vogue Williams]

So what were you thinking about Keir Starmer, then?

[Joanne McNally]

Who? I don't buy that anymore. It doesn't suit me. The sizes are all off.

[Vogue Williams]

I think you're thinking of Jane Norman or something.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, sorry, I thought you meant H.

[Vogue Williams]

M. That was the main app. Thank you so much, everyone, for listening.

[Joanne McNally]

In particular, thank you to Chelsea and Sharon.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. For making up the vast majority of our episode.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm assuming by the time this airs, by the time we record our next pod, I will be in the warm bosom of Chelsea and you'll be in the warm bosom of Sharon.

[Vogue Williams]

I'm actually very excited for our new life, so. So am I. I have a feeling we will just be still in each other's warm bosoms. But we can always hope and pray. Please, God. Please, God. God bless.

[Joanne McNally]

If anyone's interested in attending Vogue's book tour or my stand up tour.

[Vogue Williams]

Yes.

[Joanne McNally]

All the tickets are available, wherever you get your tickets.

[Vogue Williams]

And you can also pre order my book if you would like to. And if you would rather the audio, you can buy that once it's recorded. It's not.

[Joanne McNally]

You should really get me to do that, you know. This is a global Player original podcast.