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Joanna
This is a Global Player original podcast.
Vogue
Bonjour, everybody. Welcome.
Joanna
Bonjour.
Vogue
Will come. And I just. So elastic.
Joanna
Anything else? No. Okay.
Vogue
Will Coleman. Will Coleman to. My therapist ghosted me.
Joanna
It's actually Guten. Guten Tag is hello in German. You just welcomed them. Sorry, I don't. I don't mean to piss near prey, but I did get a C in the junior, so I suppose I might as well use that muscle.
Vogue
Copenha. Is that tie. Is that Thai Copenha?
Joanna
I don't know, actually. No, I think that's. Is that not the cap?
Vogue
Thank you.
Joanna
Is that not the app that we use to make our videos?
Vogue
No.
Joanna
And I still can't. I still can't use it. Obviously, Vogue and I are in the. We're in the. We're in the music video business. Don't know where that came from. We're in the video business, content business. And sometimes Ross, who does my socials, makes my little videos. You know, I can tell maybe he's busy or I just don't want to bother him. And I try to make my own. And the cap cut. I. I find so hard to use. So hard. Contact is hard, guys. Oh, my God. I sound like. Actually, no.
Vogue
Megan Marle. It's.
Joanna
I've markled myself. It's so hard, guys.
Vogue
What was that? My God. She gets some amount of abuse.
Joanna
It's too. It's too much abuse at this point. You're like, it's too much.
Vogue
It's like she is like she gets more abuse than Kim Jong Un.
Joanna
She does. You're right. She actually does. She. Do you know what, folk? You've never said anything more on the ball. That is so true. Kim Jong Un gets less abuse than Meghan Markle. But that interview that she did with your one with the. Your one with the huge big. With the wide smile.
Vogue
Hey. Hi.
Joanna
You work so hard, Meghan.
Vogue
How are you feeling? No one works as hard is you. If Spencer Matthews sends me one more of the videos of that woman, I'm going to have to get rid of him. He honestly can't get enough of her.
Joanna
There's the. There's the. There's the comedian whose name escapes you now who. Who took the piss out of it. And the video is. It's going around and around and it. And it deserves to go around for the rest of time. Joe, maybe you can. You can fact check that for me so I can actually give that comedian the credit that he deserves. But he does, and he has your one on one side and Megan on The other and even has the hair.
Vogue
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Joanna
The hairlines are even. So well done because Megan's hairline is a little forward and Megan's like, I'm just doing my best. It's so funny.
Vogue
You do. You. You have such great energy.
Joanna
Just do. I just do my best.
Joe
Is it Michael Pavano?
Joanna
Yes.
Vogue
Yeah. Very funny. Very.
Joanna
It's really good. Congrats to you, Michael Bavano. It's. It's.
Vogue
I vote Katie does one. Katie needs to do one.
Joanna
Well, Katie. Yeah, she does. K Traps are doing. Yeah, that's a great show. It's a great show.
Vogue
She would be very good.
Joanna
She knows someone resh. You know when someone like a video goes like proper viral, like just, you know, virality beyond the normal virality and so other pages keep sharing it. Every year it kind of gets re.
Vogue
Shared.
Joanna
Do you know one of those. I will enjoy Michael Pavano till I'm getting lowered slowly into the ground or the crematorium. I haven't made my decisions yet.
Vogue
Can you imagine how many hits so hard, Megan? Can you imagine how many hits all those POD videos got because people have watched them? I'm doing that tonight, actually. I feel a bit anxious. I might start watching that woman again tonight.
Joanna
I don't know her name. Apparently she's some huge wellness guru. I don't. I don't know who she is, but physically, in fairness to her, she's quite a distinct look and I'm not one. I'm not slagging her looks. I'm just saying she has very wide smile and her eyes get very small when she smiles. So physically, to take her off, your man did her really well. And then Megan, it's just. It's just Megan. But, but folks, sorry to start back where we began. I do think Megan is overly abused at this point. I'm like, go on, leave her off, will you?
Vogue
The problem is she probably gets a lot of traffic. That's why people are just constantly writing stuff about it. She gets loads of traffic. So it makes sense for them. They're all. They're all basically cashing in. The more they slag her off, the more they're cashing in.
Joanna
I hope she's in on it. That's all. I hope she. I just hope when she says she doesn't listen or she doesn't read or she doesn't care, I hope it's true. Because usually when people say that, like I've since discovered that Mariah says, well, this is what. This is what I. This is My fear, because, remember, we were. We were like, Does Mariah really not know Katy Perry went to space? And she knows full well. And she's always. Apparently, she's like. It's kind of her thing to pretend she doesn't know what Katy Perry's up to. I just hope Meghan is genuinely. I just hope she really doesn't care, that's all. She does deserve that. No one does.
Vogue
How is your bank holiday? Because obviously, I don't know how I work it out. I always miss the bank holiday. If there's a bank holiday in the uk, I'm in Ireland. And if there's a bank holiday in Ireland, I'm in the uk. And they're. The two of you are enjoying the fruits of your labor, your additional Sunday off.
Joanna
Well, when you.
Joe
I mean, we are at work right now.
Joanna
Yeah, we are a little bit.
Vogue
Joe, you're sitting there having a beer. Work.
Joe
I'm drinking at work. And you can support me.
Vogue
I wonder if Joe's gonna leave that in or. Cut it out now. I'm gonna listen back to this. I'm like, Joe's worst.
Joanna
He's behaving. He's behaving inappropriately, but he is still at work. Well, I will.
Vogue
Are you drinking too? You're both behaving inappropriately in that case.
Joanna
Well, I. Well, yeah. Once I see Joe doing it, I'm like, school's out for summer. So I start that. Yeah. And it's the weather outside in. In London. Folks that aren't. The weather in London is like, class outside. Whether. Do you remember in school when the weather was so nice, the teacher would say, let our. You say lessons here, Joe. We'd say, like, class outside. We take whatever. We don't say lessons, really, but you take it outside and everyone would just doodle on the grass. Ah, the glory days. I've had a real.
Vogue
I never had that. What? No. Never had class outside now.
Joanna
They never took it outside for the class in the sun.
Vogue
Oh, it's lovely.
Joanna
Nice. It was so nice.
Vogue
I know, but it's lovely here now. And it's. It's lovely here now because everyone's gone back to school and it always happens. But I was walking down the pier with Megan there, and there was a bunch of these girls. There must have been about probably nine of them. And they were probably. They obviously haven't gone back to school yet. But I was looking at them sitting in bikinis on the pier. I was like, they must be freezing. And they all stood up and they were like, one Two, three, jump into the pier. Lots of boats there, by the way. Not a great place to swim. It's full of oil. Anyway, they all ran towards all nine and then only two of them jumped and the rest of them just stood there laughing.
Joanna
It's very. That's very Vogue coated. I would say it's very Vogue. Living in health counted.
Vogue
I wouldn't have been in there.
Joanna
The oil will give them a nice dark color. Well, also very Vogue coated.
Vogue
That's where Sammy the seals lurking around. I wouldn't be getting in there in case he came over to me. He's very friendly with humans and he'd probably give you a good bite.
Joanna
I woke up this morning having slept for 12 hours last night. I have like a very congested, tiny cough, sore throat. Like one would call it sick. Right? I'm actually, actually better. I'm actually better now for some reason. I think I walked around and kind of. I banged my lymphatic. I banged my lymphatic system like Trini taught me how to in my bathroom that day. I banged it. I think I kind of clear myself. Anyway, I woke up this morning and one of the girls I was on to, she's like, would you consider doing a COVID test? It's like, don't be ridiculous. It's not a thing anymore. She goes, it is, it is. And then, I'm not gonna lie, the buzz, it was like suddenly I was just back and I, I, I, I want. I, I was back in the, in the drama of it. I'm like, I'm gonna be honest. I was like, joanna, I think you want covet anyway once you skip a few. I don't have it. I know, but I put up a tick tock. But the fact I know that I'd failed a pregnancy test, that I really wanted to be positive, and I was like, hopefully. You know, I just know that. I know I won coverage, blah, blah, blah. Hopefully next time. Anyway, I post a video. I totally forgot that there was a cohort of people who have no sense of humor around Covid. I forgot.
Joe
Or anything.
Joanna
Or, or anything. Yeah, but it's. I forgot about the COVID stick. I forgot about the cowboys.
Vogue
Well, the co. Yeah, the COVID abuse that you get. I liked that you doubled down on the video though, because I went and looked at your stories and you reap. You reposted twice, saying you missed it. I missed the COVID times at points. It was. I don't miss running out of toilet paper and stuff, but I missed like the, the like. Remember our Little bubble. Joanne. On Thursday nights, we get locked. And I'd eventually fall asleep on the couch.
Joanna
People were kind of bubbling around. There was a couple of bubbles, wasn't there? No.
Vogue
You were allowed. I think that you were allowed. I know somebody who used to come over from Ireland and tell me the rate. What was the OR rate? And she'd be coming over telling me, and then she'd be telling me about her bubble, and then she'd be telling me about. She had about 15 bubbles. I'm not joking. I was like, you're over here checking the OR, right? And you've been sniffing around 15 different bubbles. Get out of my house.
Joanna
That's. You're bubbling too hot. As the song would go. Bubbling hot. His song is that show. Bubbling hot. Shazam me there. Shazam my voice, Joe. Shazam me live there. Live.
Joe
Just get you.
Joanna
No, don't, don't, don't, don't.
Joe
In order to be recognized by Shazam, I think you're gonna have to do a quite problematic accent. So let's.
Joanna
Oh, fine. Yeah.
Joe
No, but it's. It's Pat o' Banton featuring Rankin. Roger.
Joanna
I'm not gonna lie. I wouldn't. I wouldn't have gotten that.
Vogue
My mom just sent me a message. Do you remember when I told you about her going to the. Peter K just doubled down. She just sent me a message. And it's a screen crop of an article being, like, boards Peter K fans liking his gig to Pontons.
Joanna
It's a numbers game. Do you know what I mean? If and when I ever get to that level, if I do ever get to that level, I'm sure I'll be luckily enough to be on the receiving end of hundreds of people walking out of my shells as well, because the show don't sound. Sandra. My God, she's the toughest crowd of all.
Vogue
Guys, we haven't talked about Will Smith. Has anyone else been seeing the Will Smith stuff, or is it just me?
Joanna
What's he doing now?
Vogue
He's just. I don't know what's happened. He's just, like, releasing all these really, like, weird songs and kind of making me a bit scared.
Joanna
What do you mean?
Vogue
Just like, really strange rap songs that. It's like, what is he doing? It's like, come on, dude. It's just a bit bizarre. I think he kind of lost the plot after the Oscars a little bit. Well, I mean, can you say last. The plot? Can I say that?
Joanna
Yeah.
Vogue
Who.
Joanna
Who does that offend? The who has the plot that they're.
Vogue
I never know who. Someone said I couldn't say sammies anymore. I don't say Sammy's. Amber says sammies, by the way. I know it's disgusting, but someone said that I can't say that anymore. And I was like, why can't I say that? There's a reason you can't say that as well. I don't know what it is, but you're not allowed.
Joanna
Joe and I have no idea what you're talking about. What's a Sammy?
Vogue
A sandwich. Amber says Sami.
Joanna
Oh, well, that's just because it's annoying.
Vogue
No, I think it's illegal to say that.
Joanna
Well, I don't know anything about that, but I, I, I, I just. It's up there with Bracky. Anything, you know. Well, we know how I feel about that, actually. It makes. Anyway. But what. What? You can definitely say lost the plot. Is there. Are there a people of plot? Is there a community of plot people?
Vogue
Not. There's not a plotting community. But I don't know, it's just like. It's a. You can't really say the madness stuff. Fine.
Joanna
Yeah, you can. He can still say mad as a box of frogs and, and. And no one will take that from me. I'm sorry. I don't care if the frogs rise up with the AI Revolution and tell me. I don't give a. I'm not, I'm not letting go of that.
Vogue
No, I don't care. Frogs that you had to.
Joanna
I don't think there is any world where the frogs are going to unionize themselves in a way that they're going to tell me. I can't say it. And even if they do, I'm gonna go full white man, old school Karen, and be like, you're not taking it from me. Frogs and give a. Be intended. That's your choice.
Vogue
I wasn't saying that the frogs. I thought that the frogs would be coming after you. I was saying that the people that you call mad as a box of frogs, they might be the ones that have a problem with the frogs. Will never give a shit.
Joe
Joanne's fine because she counts herself among them.
Joanna
Exactly. It's my people.
Vogue
Oh. Listen, none of us. Joe, you're probably the most normal of all of us, but like, none of us are completely like, what.
Joanna
You know there's no such thing.
Vogue
No, there absolutely isn't.
Joanna
Even today, I was reading an article earlier about like, the, this, the, the kind of. What would you call it? The shift in size of diagnoses and how now instead of just being rejected. There's rejection sensitive disorder. So it's like a disorder now rather than just not wanting to be rejected?
Vogue
My life has been one whole giant rejection.
Joanna
Exactly. And you're Grant.
Vogue
I'm rejected all the time for jobs.
Joanna
Exactly. Oh, well, yeah, there goes another one. But who's pausing to get like. Anyway, Whatever. I could give out about it all day.
Vogue
Sure. In my medelling days, I used to walk in, they'd basically be like, no, ugly out.
Joanna
Yeah, that still happens. Vogue. I've heard them Vogue. Tell us, please fill us in. The hostess with the most as. How was the first of the fortieths in Houts on the Peninsula?
Vogue
That's actually made me feel a lot better because I am on a come down from the party. It was so much fun. Now I'll tell you. Do you remember the way I organized it from 2 to 10?
Joanna
Yes.
Vogue
Do you think anyone arrived at 2?
Joanna
Well, obviously not. Who the. Who on earth arrives at two in the day? We're grown adults folk.
Vogue
I was there at two in the day waiting for all my friends. And then my brother arrived at like three. My mom didn't arrive till quarter past four. And then Frederick, my brother, kept saying to me, will I go down the summit and find you a few mates?
Joanna
Ah, brothers.
Vogue
Classic.
Joanna
Yeah, that's a classic. That is a classic line. Yeah.
Vogue
But. So there was, there was a slight bit of concern from the three bar staff that I had hired for the day.
Joanna
They're like, she's. This woman's deluded.
Vogue
Yeah, they just went around fluffing cushions for a couple of hours. I was like, you guys could just chill out. There's like, obviously there's no point here, but. But no, it was absolutely. I like, I, I'm delighted I did it at home, but also it was a lot of work to do it at home. But like, in hindsight I probably should have hired somebody to help me.
Joanna
It just sounds like you're talking about giving birth for some reason. I don't know why. It sounds like you decided to have a home birthday and like you don't completely regret it, but you don't know if you do it again. That's. That's all I hear.
Vogue
Do you know why? Do you know why I wanted to have it at home? First of all, I love my house here in Ireland. I feel very lucky that I get to live here and I wanted to show it off to my aunts and stuff like that so that they get to see it because I haven't seen it before. But also, I saw someone else's 40th online and it wasn't at their house. And I just thought it looked like no crack. And so I was like, if I have it at home, you're having a big, massive house party. And, like, it's. It will be the most crack ever.
Joanna
Yeah, it's personal. It's per. It's personal.
Vogue
Yeah. And. And also, I would like to. I have to give a personal shout out to Absolute Ireland because they gave me so much booze that it was like. It just. We were having margaritas and espresso martinis, this lovely tequila as well that they gave us, and I just thought it was very sound them, and I was absolutely thrilled. And did you see the cups I had? I nicked you a few. I nicked you five.
Joanna
Did you?
Vogue
I think, yeah. And I'm gonna keep five for myself. Sorry, Absolute.
Joanna
Thank you so much.
Vogue
Jo, do you want five? Joe, how many did you take in total?
Joe
Because we're up to 10 at the moment.
Vogue
You know what? Absolute, don't bother collecting the cups. There's none left.
Joanna
I have to say, considering I'm the drinker amongst the two of us, I find it quite offensive that I have to take your scraps from Absolute and that they haven't contacted me directly to set up a bar in my flat. But sure. Anyway, it is what it is. Everyone has their favorite Vogue as absolutes. You got pissed on Vogue. I saw that.
Vogue
Ah. I was so. I was sick in the morning, you know when you're just like. I was just. There's nothing you can do about the weather. But I literally had my party in August in Ireland, so I'd get the weather, but obviously being Ireland, Friday, stunner of a day. Sunday, stunner of a day. Saturday, pissing. No, it wasn't pissing rain all day. So I had everything set up outside and. And I'd moved all the couches and stuff inside, so there was actually loads of space inside, but everything was set up outside, including the stage. I was like, I'll just risk it. I just don't think it's gonna rain. And it absolutely pissed down just before Davina Devine, who is Ireland's greatest drag queen, in my opinion, I love her so much. She did mine and Joanne's tour with us, but she just. She got completely drenched. I mean, it wasn't drizzling, it was lashing rain. But so Davina did a little set and then I had this amazing DJ called Maria who DJ'd for me and she was absolutely brilliant. So it was kind of the entertainment that like I was glad that I did that and had all those people because they were just such a. It was just so much crack. And then obviously I got Samantha Mumba.
Joanna
Who the moms?
Vogue
Yeah. I was just lucky because she was doing mature Surprise. So I was like, would you, would you do my birthday? And she, she came back and did my birthday and you know what I came home to today? She sent me flowers to say thank you. I was like, I should thank you. Like it was just. Yeah, it was really. She was amazing and everybody absolutely loved her. Do you see the video of Spencer? She's such a hit.
Joanna
Oh, she's always a hit. She's such a hit. We love her.
Vogue
She. She's aged backwards. Have you ever seen her in real life?
Joanna
I met her on the 6 o' clock show a couple of years ago and I obviously know her because when we were growing up she was like the star of Ireland. Do you remember I told you I' had star. I've been, I've been. What do they call it? Star Strokes. Twice. Three times. Three times in my life. One was and. And none of them really. Oh gosh.
Vogue
Come on. Who are they? Samantha Mumba.
Joanna
Samantha Mumble was so. The first one was Bern. Do you remember? And that he is obviously the strangest one. You know he's. He's, you know, he's apparently running for Pratt. He's putting his. Put. Thrown his hat in for president now for. For our non Irish listeners, Bert, you hearn was one of our T shocks back in the day who according to most people in inverted comments around the country into the Grinch.
Vogue
So anyway, I'll be getting my Brian envelopes back out.
Joanna
Yeah, White Men Bounce Back. That's the name of my new documentary White Men Bounce Back not White Men Can't Jump. White Men Bounce Back. That's the name of my documentary. They are just like fucking Teflon. Anyway, so now he's apparently running for president. Good luck to him. But I was dar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I read that today. Now I read it on. I was scrolling the Internet who. But I did read that.
Vogue
Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.
Joanna
Now it could be one of those is considering but I. I'm pretty sure I read it as is going for president. Samantha Mumble was the second woman. I saw her in Paris Court Townhouse, which is a shopping center in Dublin. It was around the time Samantha Mumble was in her. Gotta tell you, she was in the peak of it and she was doing. I was sitting down below Paris Court townhouse in the. In the mezzanine level and she was power walking around the top. I've told this. And I was like. It was like seeing Cher, it was like. It was wild. And then the third time I was starstruck, which I spoke about recently, was when I was interning with McD, who were a big music promoter in Ireland and I was looking after the photographers. The year that Oasis headlined Slain. And I was standing side of stage when Slayer announced and Liam walked out in front of Nell, as it seems to be the tradition and the swagger on him. And I was. And I was like, whoa. It was like. It was real rock star vibes. So the only three times Bertie, Samantha Mumba and Oasis. Can you believe that is literally. And it was more Liam than now because now it's like not as aggressive in his walk. Liam looks like he's gonna come out and deck you and you're just delighted to be decked, you know?
Vogue
Yeah. Liam has that real star quality, I think. Sorry, I'm not. I'm not putting no down. We have made friends since, but Liam just has that always. I don't think I've been starstruck by many people, to be honest. I kind of guess I was a bit when Samantha came up just because like, like it's Samantha Mumba, but like, I knew she was coming so I'd kind of built myself up for it. But like, oh my God, everyone else's face when Samantha Mumba came because I was gonna originally try and hide her. And then obviously all of our friends have massive mates, so like they'd all. It had spread around the party like wildfire, of course, but. But I know you were laughing at me. Two to 10, 10 to 10. We all left the house and walked down to the summer pub. Everybody left the house. I mean, no one wanted to leave the house.
Joanna
I was gonna say you kicked them out. Like let's, let's not make out. Like they were well behaved and they just left. You probably had. Did you tase.
Vogue
If they had arrived at 2 o' clock when they were supposed to, they would have been all party date. But they didn't arrive till 4 o'. Clock. So that's not my problem that they only got a six hour party out of me.
Joanna
I like the idea of a day party. I like that if. But if I was going to a day party, I'd expect day party things like a magician or a petting farm.
Vogue
Joanne. I gave them Samantha Mumba and I gave them Eddie. Did you see the Eddie food truck?
Joanna
She's a bit mature for a day party. No.
Vogue
Okay. Jon, if you want to come to a day party in my house, I'll get you a chicken and you can have the chicken. I had Eddie Rockets down there in my gap. Happy birthday. Nearly didn't happen again.
Joanna
What is it?
Vogue
What the. I had to say to Sven. He was like, oh, really? But it's not your birthday. And I was like, I think I have a cake the size of Gigi.
Joanna
What is wrong with lads? I have a TV idea.
Vogue
Okay, so does it involve holidays? No, I'll do it.
Joanna
Well, it involves travel.
Vogue
Okay.
Joanna
Yeah. So you know the way men have been going to get their legs lengthened?
Vogue
Yes.
Joanna
So men have been going through this very intrusive surgery about getting their legs lengthened and they've been having, like, they can get up to. I think it's. Didn't we discuss this on the pop before? Like a four inches. Five. Eight. Five inches, I think.
Vogue
No, I think it's. No, it's. I think it's centimeters, guys. It's. It's a big four.
Joanna
I don't know the difference between those two things. So. I don't know.
Vogue
It's. It's. It's a year. Okay? 5 centimeters. And it takes a year to recover. A year.
Joanna
Yeah. But it's so worth it for men because women are very much drawn to tall men. But now women are also. And it's all turkey based. No, it's not turkey based. Not turkey based in the. In the traditional festive sense of basting a turkey. I mean, turkey is offering it. You know what I mean?
Joe
Yeah, yeah.
Joanna
So it's turkey based. Now tall women are going and having themselves shortened by having chunks of bone taken out of them. So they're cracking them open by the femur, wherever that is, and then they're cutting off.
Vogue
The most painful bone in your body to break is a femur in your thigh.
Joanna
And they're taking it out to shorten these women who are saying that they're finding it really hard to meet men because they're too tall. So I was thinking, because the men are going to turkey and the women are going to turkey and the men want bone added and the women want bone taken out. You know, Joe, you know what I'm thinking?
Joe
Recycling.
Joanna
Well, I was going to call it bone date. I thought, like, yeah, our love is bound. Something like that. And you put them. Do you know what I mean?
Vogue
Yeah, yeah.
Joanna
And you put them behind very much like a love is blind situation. And you decide before you can see them who you're gonna swap bone wits. And then you're kind of locked into them. It's almost like you've given each other organs or kidneys, but it's more like character based. And then he has your bone, you have his kind of like blood brothers. Like, but the modern romantic day version. Or like, do you know the way couples will spit in each other's mouths or, or, or buy love hearts and crack them in half? This is like the modern day version of that. Do you remember the. Remember the love hearts you'd buy and you'd have one half and I'd have one half. Yeah. So like a modern day version of that, but you'd have each other's bones. Anyway, I thought, I thought Vogue you could host us.
Vogue
I just, I, you know, they're always looking for new dating shows, but you think that's cool.
Joanna
But I think you'd be sacrificed at the end, whereas I don't think they'd bother with me.
Vogue
I've got it.
Joanna
You know what I mean? I think the end, it'd be like, who's Vogue? And you know, and Spencer's small, so he could, he could maybe finally fix that dynamic that's always been nagging, I think, at both of you. And you could fix that as like a kind of come to Jesus moment at the end of the series. Anyway, I've pitched it.
Vogue
So do you know what Channel four would go for that? Definitely. They've agreed they would definitely do it. But it was weird when I read that story about the women doing that. I was like, my dream height is 5cm smaller than I am. So like. But if I had a year to give, I wouldn't actually do it. But like, I, like, I would have loved that when I was younger.
Joanna
I think it's a great reality TV idea for you and Spano. I really, really do.
Vogue
Break our legs.
Joanna
I think Love is bound or. Yeah.
Vogue
I wonder if you could do a leg at a time just so you could still kind of get around a bit.
Joanna
No, rip the band aid off. Get it? Do both legs at the same time. That would be my advice as someone who's already pitched this.
Vogue
Just I have to. So basically in the contract it would have to be both legs at one time.
Joanna
When the pot is finished, Vogue, a man's gonna come and take you and put you in a van and fly to turkey. Spanner's already there waiting in the operation room and there won't be a pod.
Vogue
For a Couple of weeks per fact. Well, do you know what? If this was out when I was younger, I would have done it because I'm after just the girls got me a present for my birthday and it was like one of my favorite things that anyone can ever get you is like a photo album kind of thing. But it was in a book and I honestly, I looked at and I was like, poor baby Vogue. I was just like a giant bloke. And none of the boys had caught up at all. They were all like, up to my shoulder. No wonder they were all repulsed by me. I was just like hovering over them, breathing on them, hoping they'd score me. You were reach me.
Joanna
You're an early bloomer. I was the same. I was like I said before when we played Mummies and Daddies, I was predominantly daddy. I was daddy. Which, you know, has had a long lasting impact that I've tried to negate through therapy, but it never, it never leaves you.
Vogue
You know, luckily I had Amber, so she was always Daddy.
Joanna
I was thinking though, you know the way, like you get to the stage where these women are like, what can I do to kind of attract men before I kind of head to Turkey and get incredibly invasive surgery? I was like, just wear a Joe Rogan T shirt. Like, there's easier ways than like cutting off half your legs. Do you know what I mean? Learn about crypto or some, like, seduce them that way.
Vogue
Are people not gone off kryptonic?
Joanna
No, no, it's still going on. I hear it in clubs. I hear in the comedy clubs the comedians are still talking about crypto. It's still happening.
Vogue
I heard that Iggy Azalea, do you remember the Australian rapper? I heard that she has made an absolute fortune from Crypto and that's why she doesn't do her. That's why she doesn't do her rapping anymore. But I think that her rapping went down. I don't know if I believe her, to be honest with you, but she was on a very expensive yacht.
Joanna
Height is a gift. Do not get rid of it. It's like pulling out your tits of your eyes.
Vogue
Height is a gift, but also if you're small, I know it's an absolute nightmare, but to be going and putting yourself through that like, that is like.
Joanna
Aggressive years to be an easier way.
Vogue
There's two things I feel sorry for lads for. Like, if they're really short, they have a bit of a nightmare. And if they have a small dick, like a really, a really small one, there's not Much you can do because I've done shows on. Look at Joe nodding. We know. What about my wife now?
Joanna
What about trans men, though? Surgery? They get dicks. Yeah.
Vogue
So a trans man, the surgery for that is you either choose from your. From between your wrist and your elbow and that's where you get the skin from. If you want a bigger one, you choose it from your thigh and it's made like that. But if you're a man and you've got a really small dick. Yeah, you, you like, you can cut. There's a. There's a bit of skin, like.
Joanna
I'm so glad you do those documentaries so you can bring the information back to us.
Vogue
So you basically cut the banjo string.
Joanna
Yeah.
Vogue
Not the, the one underneath. Okay. But the thing about it is you'll only get like an extra millimeter or two millimeters. And then if you get an erection, it doesn't go up, it just stays down, but goes hard because obviously that string is gone.
Joanna
So it doesn't, it doesn't lift anymore.
Vogue
And all that for a millimeter.
Joanna
And they can't extend the banjo string and take a slice out of their, out of their arm to add an extension.
Vogue
No, they can't. No, they can't. And there's a little. There is the. A lot of men get filler now in their shops.
Joanna
Oh, yeah, yeah. Good for them.
Vogue
Yeah. This is taking a turn. But a lot of filler, but it would be really expensive. So this surgeon that I was with was saying that it was like one of the biggest operations that he does for men to get filler in it. Some get filler. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Joanna
If I was a man though, I would be probably. I. I would, I'd say. I just feel like. I don't know. But if I was a man, I'd say I'd. Averagely sized. I don't think I'd be. I don't think I gave like well hung energy. I think I'd be. I think I'd be like a dog kind of. Bark is worse than its bite vibes. I think I'd be kind of scrappier than what I physically had to offer. And I'd be okay with that because I think I'd be quite charming and I would laugh women into bed. However, I would definitely be going in for the filler. Just being honest.
Vogue
Also, here's the thing. You don't want it to be too big either, because if it's too big, it's not great.
Joanna
No, but I think this is like when women don't lift weights in case they get too bulky. And it's like you're Grant, you know, you have a long way to go before that's an issue. I think it's the same thing, like, as in, if I only got a bit of filler, I think it'd be.
Joe
Fine for a brief male point of view.
Joanna
I. Oh, God, I forgot we had that. Yeah, go on.
Joe
I think the filler thing, I've never heard about it before, but I think that's a bit like sticking stickers on your car to make it look like a racing car. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's not a racing car.
Joanna
No, I know what you're saying, but no, it's not like they've. Do you know sometimes when you see a prop toe or prop finger put on the top, like a wax addition that drops off? That's what you're suggesting. This would look like this is the real deal.
Vogue
That's just it. Just like, literally.
Joe
I know it. Literally.
Vogue
You can get a penis extender like that. It's like a little jacket, though. But, like, what's. That's not actually.
Joanna
Yeah, you can also get the one that you kind of pump up in your pocket for older gentlemen. You can, like, pump it up, you know? Yeah, like the runners, like when you pump the tongue.
Vogue
No, I think it would be great if we were all happy with what we had. But sure, I'd love bigger boobs, but I wouldn't be arsed doing that either. Joe, am I doing the right thing here?
Joe
Yeah, I think so, yeah. Look, mix it.
Joanna
Yeah, this. It's actually really funny to watch.
Vogue
I wanted to talk about. Because you're so sick. Yeah, guess. You know the way we talked about super syphilis coming back, like syphilis, but, like, supercharged syphilis came back and super gonorrhea was another one of the ones that. To come back. You won't bloody believe what someone's tested positive for.
Joanna
Boing.
Vogue
Boson. The plague. Yeah, the plague. Imagine you have to tell somebody. I have the plague.
Joanna
I'm thrilled.
Vogue
The plague. I wouldn't go near you. Co. I wouldn't be going near you if you had the plague.
Joanna
I'd love to have the plague. Like, what a flex. The plague. I mean, come on, like, how iconic is that? I've got the plague.
Vogue
You.
Joanna
It's.
Vogue
It's a resident of, say, a South Lake Tahoe in California. That means the whole of California knows who that person is. He's recovering at home.
Joanna
He's recovering. That's the main thing.
Vogue
Yeah, he's recovering, but he was bitten by a flea that also had the. The plague. But there's a few rats that have been tested positive for the plague. So do you want to hear the symptoms? Because obviously the plague sounds horrendous. I think it killed like 2 million people or something. 3 million people.
Joanna
Way more. It knocked out 50 of the population of the world.
Vogue
Oh, sorry, 200 million people.
Joanna
There you go. That's more like us.
Vogue
Yeah, 200 million people.
Joanna
I'm not here to raise awareness for the plague, but I am saying, if the plague hadn't happened, can you imagine how busy the world would be? I'd never get a seat in Megan's. I barely can as it is. The world would be like Glastonbury all the time. The world would be like St. Patrick's Day all the time. I'm just saying, can you imagine how packed Ryanair flights would be if there hadn't been the bubonic plague?
Vogue
They definitely have brought in that standing seating things. You remember that. We'd be on the roof, no baggage for anybody. So come here. You feel sick. Have you any of these symptoms?
Joanna
Yeah, I have all of them. I want the plague. I want the plague.
Vogue
Have you got.
Joanna
I want it for my hinge profile. They're like two truths and a lie. I want to say I've the plague. Just as a conversation starter for the lads. That's what I want do to.
Vogue
Have you got blackened skin and tissue?
Joanna
Yes.
Vogue
Have you got fever?
Joanna
I've tanned, so I don't know whether it could be the plague. It could be Bear by Vogue Swipe.
Vogue
You looked like. I thought you'd gotten it. I thought you'd gotten a spray tan. We do spray tan now. I'll send you a spray tan artist whenever you want, my friend.
Joanna
Spray tan artiste. Hello.
Vogue
Yeah. What a sudden high fever, chills and weakness headache. Yes, Joe, she's got the plague.
Joe
It's looking like it.
Vogue
They.
Joanna
No, hold on. So what I read was it's the mnemonic plague. Whereas that's just like. That's very low level plague vibes. The bubonic was where you got the huge big welts and stuff and everyone dropped out.
Vogue
Black and skin and tissue. Doesn't sound great. Yeah, welt over that.
Joanna
We did not love to have to play just for the conversation starter of it all. Coven's jealous of the plague. The plague, it just never goes. It's like Lindsay Lohan. It just. Just keeps rebranding and coming back. It's like the share of diseases.
Vogue
Loads of diseases are coming back. They all come back. I know some people don't want to get vaccinated against like measles and mumps and stuff anymore. So they don't vaccinate themselves or their kids. And then they're all making a comeback.
Joanna
Apparently. The only one that got rid of ever completely gonzo, allegedly. No smallpox. All the rest of them are ready to go at any time. Like you and gladiators, they're like, are you ready? They could come back at any time. Vogue. So you just watch yourself.
Vogue
And you chose smallpox. I read about smallpox now. It was in a book, so maybe it was amplified, but it sounds like one of the most horrendous ways to die in the world.
Joanna
I don't know. It's like you're just pocky and then you're gone. Is this.
Vogue
You're just like. You're basically bubbling away. You just bubble to death and it's not fast enough either. You'd be. You'd be doing that for a little.
Joanna
While, I think now. I mean, look, I'm obviously pro vaccine, so I don't think I'm available for the plague, but I would like it just for the, for this, you know, for the do it for the story vibes.
Vogue
I'm very careful about saying I'm pro vaccine. I still get abused because I gotta go, well, I am sorry, but I tell you what I am, and I don't care who mails me after I say this, I am first in line for the flu vaccine in September. I'm not getting that again. I was you.
Joanna
You do you and I do me and he does him and she does they and they do themselves. And that's just the way it works.
Vogue
I'm sorry, you can't. There's. There's two people that do stuff like this, right? So you know those, like those wellness people who are like all about being well during the week and then, you know, at the weekend they're out getting absolutely bollocks and just doing a lot of pills. It's like, you can't. That's not being wellnessy. And it's also like, we can't sit here and say we're not into vaccines when we get like a lot of injections in our faces.
Joanna
Well, I'm all about. I'm. I'm about the herd. I'm. I've got a herd mentality. I always have and I always will. In all where areas of my life. I'm like, what's Best for the herd. That's my vibe.
Vogue
100.
Joanna
I'm the sheep. I'm happy to get herded. As they say, what's good. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. She's.
Vogue
Jesus. She's very nostalgic today.
Joanna
Nostalgic? Have we been gander before?
Vogue
It sounds like stuff my mom used to say to me when I was younger. Was you mad about his dog?
Joanna
Yeah, sorry, yeah, there's another one.
Vogue
You can't say the boogeyman Vogue.
Joanna
Like, I don't know who's feeding you this information, but they're taking the piss out of you. And thank God me and Joe are here.
Joe
Get off Facebook.
Joanna
Yeah, I got on Facebook.
Vogue
Obviously people have been telling me things like that. But also yesterday someone was like, to me, do you know that they. About just a random person that we know and host. Do you know they have a different dad to their other siblings? And I was convinced of it until I actually asked them and they're like, no, that's just a terrible lie that someone's told. But I kind of believe everything I've been told.
Joanna
Ipso facto. One, two, skip a few. The plague is like glitter. You can try and sweep it under the carpet. It's always coming back. And I for one are pleased to see it. It's like seeing someone play Snake. I'm glad it's back. I missed it.
Vogue
Did you see the traveler King Frank Thompson? He was buried in a full gold coffin. Six figure gold coffin. No one knows the exact amount it costs. And he was taken. His coffin was driven around in a Rolls Royce for six days doing a farewell tour of the uk.
Joanna
Oh my. Like what? I don't even think Princess Diana did that, did she?
Vogue
I want to do three laps of haute.
Joanna
Folk. You get one lap of how and you'll get over yourself. You'll get one lap.
Vogue
A gold coffin, like you can't even be buried in. Judy. Well, you know what? I don't really hear much about grave robbing anymore, so maybe it's all right to be buried in the coffin.
Joanna
Well, I'm pretty sure it's about to come. I'm pretty sure it's back with a bang. As soon as they find out where this grave is. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. When I read the article, I was like, well, that grave is going to need security. And then I remembered grave robbers, they don't just land on top of the grave and start digging. They come in via the side. Like they'll have to come in. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I honest to God, when I die, if I die. Because by the time I die, we don't know where science will be. I wouldn't, I wouldn't bury as much as a Claire's accessory toe ring with me. Because they'll come. Especially if you're having a public ceremony, which of course I will, and folks certainly will too. They know where you are, they know what you have on you. Do you know what I think this is like? This is like telling someone you have a million pound coffin in the ground. It's like walking out to the street and taking a selfie with your Rolex on your wrist and you've no hand and telling everyone where you are and you just have a stump for a wrist. As in you don't even have the hand to wrestle the watch over. No, Joe, I see you making that face, but I stand by what I say. That's how stupid it is.
Vogue
Well, I just feel like for me, it's just a very big waste of money. I mean, why, it's like throwing. It's just throwing money into a grave. I mean, my dad was buried and I considered going back down to get the, the €20.
Joanna
Yeah.
Vogue
I thought. I'm not waiting. Give that back. Actually, Freddie, open that coffin up.
Joanna
I mean, to not even give it to the cat's home, like. And I've, you know, I have no time for cat sounds. I've. I've been very clear about that.
Vogue
Or they do well for themselves.
Joanna
Yeah, I've no, I've no time for the cat's arms. And I'm sorry, but like, I'm just gonna stand on business there and say.
Joe
To get those emails.
Joanna
What I mean is, what's wrong with cats?
Vogue
Why do you hate cats?
Joanna
Nothing. What I mean is, when you hear about these eccentric millionaires dying and they give their money to cat towns and I just feel like there's so many human homes that could do with that money. That's what I mean. Like I've, you know, fine, cats also deserve to have a lovely life, but I do feel that's, to me, it just doesn't, you know, it's a bit odd, but this. Imagine his family. I'll be spitting on the grave as you went into it. I'd be like, are you joking me?
Vogue
Have you built that wicker coffin yet? We can always go up and do a little swap out now. And now.
Joanna
I told you, I'm going in a washing basket.
Vogue
That's my thing.
Joanna
No, Graces, you can get lost.
Vogue
Laundry's my thing. Don't even think about it.
Joanna
Well, listen, I'm more than happy to use one of your baskets if you want to do a collab, but I'm not like. There's no way. I think that lad's only setting himself up. I was gonna say for failure, but sure, he's dead, so. But I mean, for more failure. Yeah.
Vogue
It's really sad that we're gonna have to be buried with nothing, though. I'd feel real naked with no jewelry.
Joanna
Well, you don't have to go for. With nothing, but, like. I know. I know what you're saying. We'd like to go down with a nice hoop, you know, look.
Vogue
Well, I want to look. Well, yeah, a big hoop in our ears.
Joanna
But you. But you have to be realistic. You know, maybe it's a costume coffin. Maybe it's like one of those big fake rings that women wear sometimes to events and it's costume jewelry. It's a costume coffin. No, it's putting a million quid in the ground. Come on. Come on.
Vogue
It's not.
Joanna
Come on.
Vogue
I'd say it's about 100 grand. Six figures. Yeah.
Joanna
Oh, sorry. I meant. Sorry, miscalculated. I take everything back for a plate.
Vogue
1.
Joanna
Sorry.
Vogue
She's not even nearly as outraged now.
Joanna
No, now I'm like, it says money. He can do what he wants with it.
Vogue
See you later, everybody. Thank you for listening and please keep sending your emails into. My therapist ghosted me. I'm sorry, John. You usually do the emails.
Joanna
Come on. The email is hellotgmpod.com.
Vogue
What the hell is wrong with me?
Joanna
Honestly, have you been drinking?
Vogue
Just. I just had a decaf tea. It's pathetic.
My Therapist Ghosted Me
Hosts: Vogue Williams & Joanne McNally
Date: August 29, 2025
In this lively and irreverent episode, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally dive into a rapid-fire, laugh-out-loud chat filled with honest takes on pop culture, pandemic nostalgia, wild medical trends, party dramas, and bizarre headlines. True to their “DIY therapy” style, the duo blend personal stories, witty ridicule, unfiltered opinions, and playful tangents—reminding listeners that laughter is the best therapy (especially when science and sense go off the rails).
“No one will take that from me. I don’t care if the frogs rise up with the AI revolution!” (12:00)
“It was like seeing Cher, it was wild.” – Joanne (19:19)
“He has your bone, you have his, kind of like blood brothers but modern and romantic.” (24:51)
Joanne: “What a flex. The plague! How iconic is that?!” (33:25)
On Meghan Markle Parody Abuse:
“She gets more abuse than Kim Jong Un!” – Vogue (01:55)
On Virality:
“Michael Pavano… I will enjoy Michael Pavano till I’m getting lowered slowly into the ground or the crematorium.” – Joanne (03:46)
On COVID Testing & Nostalgia:
“I miss the COVID times at points. I don’t miss running out of toilet paper and stuff…” – Vogue (08:44)
“Joanne, I think you want COVID!” – Joe (fake accusation, 08:38)
On Defending “Mad as a Box of Frogs”:
“No one will take that from me. I don’t care if the frogs rise up with the AI revolution!” – Joanne (12:00)
On Adult Birthday Parties:
“I was there at 2 in the day waiting for all my friends…there was slight concern from the three bar staff that I had hired for the day.” – Vogue (14:18–15:00)
On Leg Surgery:
“Tall women are going and having themselves shortened by having chunks of bone taken out of them.” – Joanne (24:02)
On Penis Fillers:
“That’s like sticking stickers on your car to make it look like a racing car…” – Joe (31:30)
On Getting the Plague:
“I’d love to have the plague. Like, what a flex…How iconic is that!?” – Joanne (33:25)
“It just never goes—it’s like Lindsay Lohan…it just keeps rebranding and coming back—like the Cher of diseases.” – Joanne (35:45)
On Gold Coffins:
“I wouldn’t bury as much as a Claire’s Accessories toe ring with me!” – Joanne (40:19)
“It’s really sad that we’re going to have to be buried with nothing though. I’d feel real naked with no jewelry.” – Vogue (42:55)
True to the hosts’ signature style, the episode blends tongue-in-cheek honesty, silly sidebar commentary, and frankness about taboo or controversial subjects. Their conversational energy is infectious, jumping between topics with playful jabs and self-deprecating humor. Audience feels like they're part of an inside joke or a gossipy chat between friends who aren't afraid to say the things most wouldn’t.
This episode of “My Therapist Ghosted Me” delivers on its promise of “honest, unqualified therapy” and unapologetic banter, tackling everything from pandemic moods and party FOMO to medical oddities and societal obsessions. Whether you care about celebrity parodies, cosmetic surgery, or just want a good cackle about catching the plague, the hosts prove that no topic is too odd—or too honest—for their podcast couch.