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Vogue Williams
This is a Global Player original podcast.
Joanne McNally
Hello, and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghost. With me.
Vogue Williams
With me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally.
Joanne McNally
Hello. We're just talking about that time when my brother walked into my room, and he shouldn't have walked into it. Now I've decided I don't remember it, that it never happened, because it was the only way to get through it.
Vogue Williams
We're just. Just taking a sweet walk down memory lane, are we?
Joanne McNally
I'd rather it was you, Joanne.
Vogue Williams
I know. No, no, there's something. There's a. There's a brother. Sister sibling situation that Ne. That. That just never needs to enter the. The. The bedroom. My poor brother. I. I don't know how he holds his head high in the office with all the talk I. All my riding talk that I do. Even at the show and all, I sound like I'm riding rings around myself. Not really. Not. Oh, my gosh.
Joanne McNally
Not that busy. No.
Vogue Williams
Tatalia went in for bloods bl. Because I have. I've been scrolling so much tik tok that I was like, I'm perimenopausal. I'm perimenopausal. I'm perimenopausal.
Joanne McNally
You talk privately, but you haven't told the listeners.
Vogue Williams
I'm per menopausal. I'm per menopausal. I was engaged with a man.
Joanne McNally
Okay.
Vogue Williams
Sexually.
Joanne McNally
I gave her a ring and everything.
Vogue Williams
I was in a tryst. I was in a tryst. And. And the. The sex was. It wasn't good. This wasn't good. I don't know why it wasn't good. So why are you pretending to be surprised? You're such a pro. You know every.
Joanne McNally
No, in my mind, it was. I thought you enjoyed it.
Vogue Williams
Hold on a second now. With your man, with the last lad. Are you out of your mind?
Joanne McNally
Oh, no, not that one.
Vogue Williams
No one's talking about this guy. I'm doing that lad.
Joanne McNally
Okay.
Vogue Williams
Not the other one. Anyway, we're gonna need an Excel doc to keep up with these, and I'm.
Joanne McNally
Not riding rings around myself. Are you sure? No, not that one.
Vogue Williams
Not that one. The other one. And she's like, oh, yeah, she knows it straight away. I'm talking about. And anyway, I got it into my head that it was all my fault and went in to get bloods. And I was like, I'm perimenopausal. And the doctor was like, joanne, you're. You're not actually. She's like, do you think maybe just don't fancy your the minor sleeping wits. And I was like, oh, I. That literally had not occurred to me because the female angle on it is. Well, I'm with someone, so I'm just gonna. Yeah, yeah, it's me. It's my fault. It's. I'm. It's my hormones. I'm obviously falling barren. But, yeah, I'm. Grant just didn't fancy your man. Gas, isn't it?
Joanne McNally
It is gas. You kind of. You do kind of tend to be like, oh, well, maybe. Why am I not into it? What's wrong with me? What's wrong? Yeah, maybe I'm not into it because it's crap. I think even in marriage, like, spending and I. We have great sex, but sometimes we don't. Yeah, it's just like. And I'll let you be like, what was that?
Vogue Williams
Well, but at least if you have. If it's good, you know, if it's more good than bad, fine. Oh, God. Yeah. But this was just all bad. And I.
Joanne McNally
Why.
Vogue Williams
I don't know why the two of us took it out. I'll never know. I don't think he knows either. It was very strange. It was like we were trying to fit a square peg into a round hole because other things really worked very well, but that just didn't work work. Honestly, I didn't trust them. That's the bottom line. And if my body doesn't trust you, my body's not going to. It's not going to lean into. It's not going to give, you know, it's not going to do what it needs to do or it's not going to do what it wants to do. If it doesn't. If it's like, that's that, and that's ultimately what happens.
Joanne McNally
You're good. I would like to clear up. I don't want to say Spenny's bad in bed because he's not bad in bed. He couldn't possibly be bad in bed. If he was bad in bed, there'd be real problems after the life he's led. If he was bad in bed, I'd.
Vogue Williams
Be like, do you know what a high body count does not a good rider make?
Joanne McNally
Sometimes he's a good rider. I'd have to give him that. He is. Listen, I'm gonna give him 10 out of 10. You give him a go later and tell me what you. And then Joe, maybe on Friday you pop over and you can grade him and we can all come back together and give a proper mark.
Vogue Williams
I imagine me and Spanner would struggle with the same issues as me in this gentleman struggled with. It would be. It would be very strange and like, oh, hello. Oh, do you mind?
Joanne McNally
Close your eyes?
Vogue Williams
No, we try. I tried that with the last lot. Still doesn't work.
Joanne McNally
And he wasn't there.
Vogue Williams
We were both like, okay, what if this is the ladies? Like, I don't know how to access your feminine energy. He was like, that was the problem. He's like, well, I was like, what if we turn off all the lights, Cover. Cover the keyholes. There's no lights in the room. You know what I mean? And you can pretend I'm someone else and I'll pretend you're someone else. Just wasn't happening for us. Sadly. Not a runner.
Joanne McNally
But anyway, back to the perimenopause.
Vogue Williams
Sorry, don't have it. Yeah, I, like, I just didn't fancy your man gas.
Joanne McNally
People give me the absolute fear about that, I have to say, because mainly people are like, oh, well, if you're anxious now, wait till you hit the perimenopause. And I'm like, that's a really mean thing to say to somebody. Like, stop saying that. I'm. I'm literally terrified of it. My mom was. Okay. I don't remember. She doesn't remember going through anything too bad. So I'm hoping. Really? Yeah, she was all right. She got on the HRT stuff, though.
Vogue Williams
Well, that's the thing that. The thing is the second, like. So I speak to women about who are a little older than me about it now, because obviously I'm 41, so it's my new concern, you know, because you. Because there's no. You don't. The story goes. Because remember, on All Fours, the. The Miranda July book that I read that was all about the menopause and how she lost her mind, but she didn't realize why she was losing her mind, so. And as someone who has previously lost their mind, you don't realize you've lost your mind because it's your reality. Do you get me? And it's only when other people start saying, I think you've lost. I think you've lost your mind. And you're like, what? So it's. Apparently it's the same with the menopause. Anyway, the plan is pump, go. I'm going to keep going in for these tests, and they'll look at my hormones. And then the second it looks like it could be the beginning of something, I'm going to pump myself full of the hrt. I'm going to get in ahead of Us. I'm going to nip that in the bud.
Joanne McNally
I'll keep an eye out too. It's coming for us.
Vogue Williams
Yeah, Anything I do now, like, have you had your hormones checked? It's the time for the.
Joanne McNally
Hi, my bedroom door now. And the Perry's just going to be waiting on the other side of it.
Vogue Williams
Yeah. Joe will be like our gas lighting husband to be like, girls, I think it might be time for the hrd.
Joanne McNally
I heard it affects sleep as well. I'm not bringing up sleep, but that would be one of my very, very large concerns around us. I can deal with it. Sleep. I can't. I can't.
Vogue Williams
Yeah, ahead of us. It's all ahead of us. Joe, not you, not you, Joe. Not you.
Joanne McNally
Sorry.
Vogue Williams
But you know what, actually, do you know what you're doing very well with? Because men. It's hair. Hair loss, I think, is the big issue for men. That's something I do kind of feel a little sorry for. Lads.
Joanne McNally
I know.
Vogue Williams
I feel very lucky in that you have a full head. You have a great head of hair, Joe.
Joanne McNally
You have like three sets of men's heads, really, in the one head, which is particularly lucky and greedy. Joanne, we never spoke about. I mean, you and I were like, this is a great thing to bring to the pod and we were really excited about it and then we never did it. What was your name for us? What was your name for us? We had a name for it.
Vogue Williams
Culture Pocket. No, Culture Pocket. Culture Pocket, Yeah, Culture Pocket. Yeah. I was like, let's start a Culture Pocket where we recommend what we're just kind of like, you know, what we're listening to and, well, that's it. Reading, listening to with our eyes and our ears.
Joanne McNally
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Culture Pocket. Now, it's mainly going to be in the main episode, but considering we forgot it because we went on a tangent of ihouatness. So we want to talk about the Culture Pocket now.
Vogue Williams
Sure, yeah, yeah, hit us. So f. What's in your pocket?
Joanne McNally
In my pocket. Sorry.
Vogue Williams
Terrible.
Joanne McNally
I have no TV currently. I haven't even started watching the White Lotus because I'm. I'm judging the book awards in London and I have to read six books in a month. So I've talked to what you're doing, which is one of the best things in the world, by the way, listening to a book in your ears. I love it.
Vogue Williams
I know, yeah. Fly through them and then you can kind of listen with your ears when you're out and about. And then when, if you want to Kind of a more immersive experience. Experience in the evening. You can kind of check back into the book and. Yeah, it does speed the whole process up. Well, Vogue, I'm very much looking forward to having these book recommendations from you once you're finished reading them. And I will come down and I will. I will. I will steal them from you.
Joanne McNally
But you have to put them back because, you know, I like to collect my books and put them in there. I have bookshelves and I like to go and sit and look at my books and go through bookshelves, no less. I got some bookshelves. Yeah. I should remember a couple of years ago. I wasn't even reading. Let me know.
Vogue Williams
This is quite the rebrand. V. Quite the rebrand.
Joanne McNally
I'm writing, I'm reading. I'm non stop at the book.
Vogue Williams
She's got shelves now. She's got bookshelves.
Joanne McNally
Look at all of them.
Vogue Williams
Yeah. Got a pit on the way. I'm reading. So thrilled for you by Holly Burn. I call it Burn. Actually, do you know what? I don't think so. I think she's English. Although Marion Keys, it has a quote. She has a quote from Marine Keys in the book. But Marion Keys does. She's very generous. She does give a lot of quotes. Anyway, I'm thoroughly enjoying it. Thoroughly enjoying it. That's what's in my pocket. Do you know what in my pocket reminds me of? Janelle Bandaman? It's the. He's the Irish kind of hip hop comic who like raps comedy. He's actually Irish. And it's. He has a song. He has a song. He improvs. Improvs. Hip hop, I guess, is what you call him. I never really understood how to explain a band, a man. He's really saying he's killed. But anyway, he has the song what's in your pocket? And then everyone at the show, like, you pull out what's in your pocket and then he wraps it like he puts it into it. It's so good. So every time I hear what's in your pocket, I. I think of a band of mine just in case he tries to sue me for plagiarism. Rob, I am aware that's it's kind of your thing, but you can't own pockets, Rob. Okay? You can't own pockets.
Joanne McNally
I feel like he might be able to own pockets by the sounds of it. Now. I haven't seen him personally, but. Yeah, okay, fine, yeah. Rob, you can't own pockets. It's not right to ask.
Vogue Williams
Now, you Got to share pockets.
Joanne McNally
Will we do some listener emails?
Vogue Williams
We will indeed.
Joanne McNally
Hi Bogan Joanne, Long time listener, Salpadine's sister. Oh love and a poet who does not know it. I might have resolved this by the time you ever read this, but I just want to check if I'm being unreasonable or perfectly sane. I'm an attractive successful woman in my early 40s and I've been dating the cesspool of men for a long time with but I have not had to divorce or bear children for any of them and I count this as a blessing. I like this woman already. I found that a trigger I have recently is getting to third fourth day territory and allowing the lads back to mine for stimulating conversation and a life fondle. I find myself seeing rage clouds when they come in, presented with large swathes of swaths. Swaths? Swathes or swathes? I like suedes swathes of my personality on display in the form of art, photos, books all over the place. And do any of them notice anything and ask a question to get to know me better? No. Now I must caveat that I have gotten better at choosing the less narcissistic sociopathic types and the last few have been your classic nice lad, but my God, they're dull.
Vogue Williams
Jesus Christ, I could have written this myself. My God this is so weird. This is like a Black Mirror episode. It's like this is the what age is she? 41?
Joanne McNally
In her mid-40s?
Vogue Williams
This is the future me. This is me. I figured I'd try and travel back through a wormhole.
Joanne McNally
Yeah, this is.
Vogue Williams
This is I met my younger self. It's that that trend that's going around. Anyway, go on, focus.
Joanne McNally
Sorry, should I just chill the out and give them more than more time than four weeks? As a current example and one that's prompted me to email, I told current nice lad 44 year old divorced dad that he needs to plan date 5 because I love a man with a plan and I plan everyone's lives for a living and I'm tired or I I'm the planner. I plan everything. Anyway, his suggestion was I go to watch him build his Star Wars Lego.
Vogue Williams
I hear incel off that now the.
Joanne McNally
Thing of it is like she's he's not even inviting her to like do it with him, like just to watch him do it. He has this for his 13 year old son but even when I said I wouldn't help but would drink wine and point out everything he's doing wrong, I don't think he understood my absolute sarcasm. Now I have to tell him point blank that watching live Lego Ma Masters is absolutely not what gets a woman seduced. I'm so exhausted. Am I being unreasonable? I would find that very unusual now if somebody asked me to go and watch them play Lego.
Vogue Williams
Couple of things. I think this woman, she reminds me of myself. She's at. She is probably got her own space. She is what I call problematically independent. She's not malleable. She's not willing to bend. She's not. She doesn't need someone to make her complete, which makes meeting someone much harder because you don't really need them. Because relationships, a lot of it, it's about swapping resources and stuff. So you're like, you don't really. This is. And I'll tell you this, he does notice the art in your house. He does. Because I've had that with lads who come in and they'll say nothing about us. And actually sometimes. And then the ones that come in were going, oh, I love this and that and that. But sometimes what? There was one guy come in and he was actually playing me a little bit by not acknowledging anything in the flat. It was all very strange. But then asked if he could move in when I was in the States.
Joanne McNally
He didn't. He didn't acknowledge that giant lamp, the.
Vogue Williams
Giant one that wasn't here when that particular gentleman was calling. What I mean is, I think men, it's. It's a mess. When you get to your 40s and you're self sufficient, dating gets gnarly. It gets tricky. It's not like it was. You're not. You're just not.
Joanne McNally
It's.
Vogue Williams
You're just super duper. I know, but picky now. And you need to match your level. You're like this. You're bringing nothing to the table. Unless you're bringing something I don't have to the table. You're bringing nothing to the table. And also, I don't eat at the table. And the problem is when you're in your 40s, you start bringing a lot of. To the table because you're 40 years behind you.
Joanne McNally
I know, but you want us. I mean, come on, for anyone, it doesn't even matter. Regardless, if I'm 28 and someone asked me to go play Lego with them, I'm gonna say, dude, like, come on. Like, go play LEGO with your friends. What? He's gonna invite you to the Warhammer shop next. You've got to be careful. Do you want to play some Sega Mega Drive? No, I actually don't not today. Thanks a million.
Vogue Williams
I think this might be.
Joanne McNally
I got you Nintendo switched for your birthday.
Vogue Williams
I know. I just think there's. I think that maybe the Lego is the straw that's broken. The camel's back. There's. There's more going on here. She's bored of these lads. They're not. They're not stimulating her. And now she's like, Lego. He probably sees her apartment, thinks she's quite artistic, she enjoys art. She's like, oh, what can I do to bring something like, new to this woman's life or something interesting? You know, the way lads, God love them, they're always trying to kind of think outside the box with stuff. We're like, I just want to get pissed at dinner.
Joanne McNally
Yeah, get back in your box.
Vogue Williams
I don't want to build the box. I don't build it.
Joanne McNally
If. If he's. If everything else is good, maybe keep him on board for a little while longer, but be like, I'm actually all right for the leg. I did. The Lego was really. I don't. I think you're going to be having sex and you're just going to start thinking of Lego.
Vogue Williams
Caught him. This has to. This. This has to go. It's not for you. You can. I can hear it in her voice.
Joanne McNally
Yeah, yeah.
Vogue Williams
Which is your voice. I can just hear it in the town. Which is your tone. But I just know this isn't. This isn't. This isn't right. This is. This is exactly like me going in, getting tested for the fucking menopause. This is the same thing. Because you're like, this is on me.
Joanne McNally
It's him. Yeah, it's definitely him.
Vogue Williams
It's the system.
Joanne McNally
I need some advice on what might be daddy issues or just my relationship in general. I've been. My boyfriend for four years. He's great, super kind, really nice. But lately things have felt a little dull. Four years. Okay. Recently, I had a weird realization. I've kind of started dressing him like my dad.
Vogue Williams
Okay, now you're talking. Love it.
Joanne McNally
Little sports. What a fantastic sports coach you have on.
Vogue Williams
Little pair of driving gloves. Driving gloves.
Joanne McNally
Dads love Dubari's as well. Dude.
Vogue Williams
They're having a breakdown. Those little gloves.
Joanne McNally
Yeah. It got to the point where when we all met up, they accidentally swapped coats and neither of them noticed for months. Oh, my God. My dad's a BA pilot, so I've grown up flying business class. What? I'm enjoying all the perks. There's been many occasions I've thought I've been born into the wrong family. And again, I feel like I've been born into the wrong family.
Vogue Williams
I want to know what the business class flex has to do with her wanting to write her dad. Keep talking.
Joanne McNally
Anyway, we don't read on. We don't have the best relationship, but it's okay. Here's where it gets even weirder. I've always joked that my boyfriend would make an amazing pilot, and now he's actually applied for the BA sponsorship program. I'm over the moon and would marry him in a heartbeat if he gets in. But is that a red flag? Well, no, because she's mentioned the business class. So, like, I completely understand.
Vogue Williams
100%.
Joanne McNally
100%. I felt like that about chiro factors. I just have a thing. I'm like, wouldn't it be lovely every day to wake up and get cracked?
Vogue Williams
Yeah, that's such a good idea. I didn't. Yeah.
Joanne McNally
Is it strange that my boyfriend is slowly morphing into my dad? Am I subconsciously manipulating him into my father?
Vogue Williams
Or.
Joanne McNally
Or is his life just a bit dull and I'd rather he came home with exciting stories and keep the staff travel benefits. Would love your unsolicited advice on this one. Thanks. Maybe you just want the best room. Maybe that you. Maybe he. Maybe you're just offering him advice on something that he could really enjoy. And he might enjoy being a pilot. And then you get to fly business class at the same time.
Vogue Williams
Love is about safety. So it makes sense that you fall for people who feel like home. They say, like, so it's familiarity, you know, they say it's actually pure narcissism because, you know, the way people are, like, attracted to people who have loads in common with themselves. Like, we've so much in common. Basically what you're saying is I'm mad about myself.
Joanne McNally
Yeah. Yeah. Although I. Spencer did start wearing cool water perfume and Neil wears that, and I was. That was very off putting for me. Now, I have to say.
Vogue Williams
You know, that does make sense because that. Because the. The smell is such a trigger for memory. And if you're. If your husband smells like your dad or if your husband smells like your stepfather, that is definitely an issue. But no, I think this is. This is fine. I think it's nice that if I was her father, I'd be chuffed. I'd be like, oh, this is really sweet. My daughter is trying to turn her boyfriend into me.
Joanne McNally
I think that's right. I'm just raging that I didn't marry a pilot. For God's sake.
Vogue Williams
Do they get the perks that we think they do.
Joanne McNally
I don't like well, though, in fairness, my mom still gets some perks from our lingus from when she works there. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing like that, though. I haven't heard any of the. I don't, I haven't heard any of the business class stuff. I would have remembered that, but.
Vogue Williams
No, I think it's really lovely. I'd love to meet a man who is basically the exact same as my mother. I would. That's how you know. I know I'm gonna get looked after. When Pat passes, who's gonna look after me? You know, I'm hardly gonna start doing.
Joanne McNally
It myself, so I feel like, I feel like that's gonna be my, my torch to bear. Just come down with all her bags in her black outfit.
Vogue Williams
I'm glad you called it a torch to wear, not a cross to wear. It's kind of a mix there of, like, pride, but also sadness. Yeah.
Joanne McNally
Tortilla shutting down or. I'm okay.
Vogue Williams
What?
Joanne McNally
Todt here. Shot and down.
Vogue Williams
I don't speak German. I've told you. I, I, I don't know what you're.
Joanne McNally
Saying to me, Joe. You should know that if you've been working on your Irish duolingo. Yeah, I've not got to that bit yet, but I will know soon. The tiredness of the world is upon me. Not nice.
Vogue Williams
Very dramatic. I think it just means I'm late in Irish. We love a drama. We love a drama. The language is very dramatic.
Joanne McNally
I will say.
Vogue Williams
That's it for this week. Thanks for listening. Please like and subscribe and tell your mates about us if you think they might like to listen to us also.
Joanne McNally
Your mates. That's very good. Yeah. Goodbye, everybody. Sam.
Podcast Summary: "MTGM EXTRA! 'Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?'"
Episode Information
Transcript Time: 00:10 - 00:35
The episode kicks off with Joanne sharing a humorous yet slightly awkward childhood memory:
Vogue joins in with playful banter about sibling dynamics, setting a lighthearted tone for the episode.
Transcript Time: 00:55 - 06:19
Vogue transitions the conversation to her personal experience with perimenopause and how it affects her romantic relationships:
Vogue candidly discusses her struggles with sexual satisfaction:
Joanne empathizes, highlighting the common tendency to self-blame during such experiences:
Vogue shares her frustration with medical professionals' dismissive attitudes:
They discuss the importance of addressing hormonal changes proactively:
This segment underscores the challenges women face in acknowledging and addressing perimenopausal symptoms, especially in the context of relationships.
Transcript Time: 03:38 - 07:00
Vogue brings up her ex-partner, Spenny, in a humorous evaluation of his prowess:
They joke about grading potential partners and envisioning future scenarios involving their ex, adding levity to the discussion around sexual satisfaction.
Transcript Time: 07:18 - 08:47
The hosts reveal their long-awaited "Culture Pocket" segment, a space to share cultural recommendations:
Vogue shares her current reading list and her admiration for audiobooks:
They discuss the benefits of audiobooks and book collections, emphasizing the joy of sharing literary insights.
Transcript Time: 10:02 - 19:58
The heart of the episode revolves around a listener email from "Bogan Joanne," who seeks advice on her evolving relationship dynamics:
Email Overview: Bogan Joanne, a successful woman in her early 40s, outlines her frustrations with dating men who fail to engage meaningfully beyond superficial interactions. Her latest concern centers on her boyfriend seemingly morphing into a paternal figure, leading her to question if she's manipulating him subconsciously.
Key Points Discussed:
Joanne McNally's Reading of the Email (10:15): "Hi Bogan Joanne... I just want to check if I'm being unreasonable or perfectly sane."
Vogue's Initial Reaction (11:22): "Jesus Christ, I could have written this myself."
Analysis and Advice:
Understanding the Dynamics: They explore how Bogan Joanne's independence and high standards make forming relationships challenging, emphasizing the importance of mutual investment and engagement.
Humorous Interjections: The hosts infuse humor by relating the email to their personal experiences and stereotypes about men in their 40s.
Concluding Advice:
They conclude that the issue lies more with the individual's standards and the systemic challenges of dating in their age group rather than with the boyfriend himself.
Transcript Time: 19:54 - 20:36
As the episode wraps up, Vogue and Joanne engage in lighthearted conversation about language learning and their dramatic tendencies:
They share a laugh over language mishaps and the dramatics inherent in their dialogues, reinforcing the show's blend of serious topics with comedic relief.
Final Notes:
In this engaging bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally navigate the complexities of midlife relationships, hormonal changes, and personal growth with candid honesty and infectious humor. From sharing personal anecdotes to dissecting listener dilemmas, the duo offers relatable insights and heartfelt advice, making the episode both entertaining and profoundly resonant for listeners experiencing similar life transitions.