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- [00:03]
A
This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello, and welcome to the bonus episode of. My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Johan McNally, who is in LA.
- [00:18]
B
LA. I always find. I remember when. I remember I was saying this to Ashley V the other day, and I remember when she was in. She's like, I'm just back from la. And I was like, why? It's just like, anyone can come here to. It's not like it doesn't mean anything, just. But I just find it. It's kind of like, oh, God, you're really taking off, aren't you? You're in la. It's like you're free to come into the country if you have the right paperwork, you know?
- [00:44]
A
Chris Dead. I saw Chris o' Dead on the. On the Graham Norton show, and he was talking about that, like, when he'd go home to Ireland because he lived in la and he was just like, sitting at a cafe or something, he'd be like, oh, can I have an orange juice? Oh, an orange juice? Is that what you'd like? And he'd be like, yeah, just. And they've been basically like, oh, he's gone. So la. Because he's always himself. An orange juice. Who do you think you are? You can't have notions when you're Irish. You can't do it.
- [01:10]
B
Not at all. And we don't know where he was, where he asked for the iron. She's. You know what I mean? It might have been somewhere, you know, basic, not orange.
- [01:18]
A
Juicy.
- [01:19]
B
Yeah, yeah, exactly. But, like, when I. When I could have thought, I spent a week in New York and I was like, God, I'm. I'm just. If I came here, I was like, I'm. I'm New York, who I am. It's in my. It's my blood, it's my DNA. And then I came to LA and I was like, oh, hold on a second. Maybe I'm LA in my gym gear.
- [01:37]
A
Yeah.
- [01:38]
B
Taking edibles, drinking juices. I don't know. I guarantee if I was here for any length of time, I would be full Coachella. I would be. I would be cowgirl. It's all very cowboy. Like, there's an. There's a look, there's a style. Is it coin belts? Coin belts, kind of dream catcher tattoos. I'd probably go hard. And then I get canceled for a cultural appropriation.
- [02:00]
A
Yeah. I just feel like la, you know, there's some places and you're like, it'd be a great place to live. But I feel like that's one of the places that you have to be really rich. Like every, like, like, I just feel like there's certain places in the world that, like, if you wanted to live there, like, it's probably, it's not great unless you have loads of money.
- [02:16]
B
Well, there's a big, there's a big homeless community here. But no, there is, there's definitely money in this town for sure. Like the there I saw, there's a lot, you know, they do the valet where they take. I mean, why am I explaining valet? I think people know everywhere in LA does valet. It's valet. And there was a. I assumed there were a couple. They were driving like a Ferrari and then they pulled up to a hotel. I was walking past and it was like, it was, you know, it was very impressive. The car was impressive. The lid was down. Not the lid, the roof was down. And. And they were incredibly good looking. And I was like, who's this? Ooh. But they looked so depressed. Honestly, I don't know if they just had a fight. I don't know. They just look so depressed.
- [02:59]
A
Well, John, that's why I have a Skoda and I don't have a Ferrari. Because I knew that if I got a Ferrari I'd be very depressed.
- [03:05]
B
Very depressed. Yeah. No one's happy sitting in it.
- [03:10]
A
Very, very happy with the Skoda. Yeah, Very happy in the Skoda.
- [03:13]
B
Yeah. It's good for your mental health, keep you humble. But I did wonder, I was like, they're gonna go in there now and it's la, so probably have a kale smoothie with a bit of tequila in it. And then they'll go home and they're under and the cars, it's like whizzing through town. It looks really, really cool. But they looked really sad. So. Yeah.
- [03:31]
A
What's it called? What's that drink called that they all drink now? They don't all drink. I'm really generalizing here. But like whenever I go to some bars, there's a lot of Americans that go there and they drink a drink. It's. It's, it's vodka and orange juice basically. But it's called. Is it called a screwball or something?
- [03:45]
B
Oh, I don't know that.
- [03:47]
A
Oh, what's it called?
- [03:48]
B
Stick a. Stick it on my. To dos.
- [03:49]
A
A screwdriver. So they like to have that at breakfast now. I am generalizing now. But like sometimes, like when we're in the sea in some Barrett's spending, it
- [04:01]
B
always sounds good when you're in the sea.
- [04:04]
A
Okay. With The Americans, Right. They all have like their kind of. Their, their Stanley cup kind of things and like they're not full Sanica. So they're like this size but basically they fill them with tequila and like they're just kind of tipping away.
- [04:17]
B
Yeah.
- [04:18]
A
And I, I like there's a lot. I'm not saying every single American does it, but like a lot of them that I would see are just. And I always wondered. Because they're always standing there in the sea with like a cup.
- [04:28]
B
Yeah. And then. And the Irish get this weird. Well, it's not weird. I suppose it does kind of. We do drink.
- [04:34]
A
I think it's because we can't hold our drink that's the problem. I don't think it's because we drink. I think if I was to stand in the sea.
- [04:40]
B
How. How dare you? How dare you.
- [04:44]
A
I think you don't.
- [04:46]
B
I will speak for yourself.
- [04:48]
A
I'm shameful. I'm. I'm ashamed of. When I have had a drink, I can't hold it at all. It's obvious within two drinks but that I fell asleep at the bar.
- [04:57]
B
That's a good thing. Did you?
- [05:00]
A
Yes. It was so embarrassing. That's my. That's my parents in law's hotel and I fell asleep.
- [05:07]
B
Did you? Yeah. Was it past 6pm? Not really.
- [05:11]
A
It was around 6:30.
- [05:13]
B
Yeah. Well there you. That's your bedtime. And you're a woman of routine. You're consistent.
- [05:22]
A
And then also making a show of himself in the car park. Remember I told you that we're in this lovely hotel that my parents in law own and like I fall asleep at the bar and then my brother is outside vomiting in the, in the car park. And then the security rings Betty's parents and they're like, is Spencer all right? He was vomiting in the car park last night. And Spenny's like hang on a second.
- [05:44]
B
How dare you? Yeah, that was my. It was my Irish in laws making a show of us. Yeah.
- [05:52]
A
So that's. We. We. I do contribute to the, to the Irish problem.
- [05:55]
B
The stereotype. Did you see the photo going around where the. A guy they thought fell asleep at his desk so all his co workers got in to get a group photo and turns out he was dead.
- [06:07]
A
Yeah, but is that real or is it. AI. I never, I never like these things anymore because I don't know.
- [06:11]
B
I don't. I no longer check because it takes the crack out of everything. I watched a parrot. I watched. I spent several minutes watching a parrot. Watching a parrot get a haircut the other day only to discover it was AI. And I was bitterly disappointed. They gave him a bowler. Gave him a bowler and they were putting highlights in it and I was fascinated. I was like locked into this thing and I was like, hold on a second.
- [06:32]
A
Just so, it's, so, it really aggravates me because I just want it to be real. Did you see, did you see the best news story of the entire week? And I've, I've double triple checked it. It's not AI.
- [06:43]
B
Is it me? Is it me putting a bigger room in Vancouver on Pluggy Plug Plug?
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A
No, but I am sorry. Actually, yes, it was.
- [06:50]
B
That's the story. That's the story. Thank you. Thanks for this. Thanks for the segue. Toronto, Vancouver. We've added, we, we've, we've got. Move them to a bigger room, please. Due to demand. You better come now. Because you asked me to do this, so I've done it. You can't leave me sitting in the wind in that venue now. Okay.
- [07:09]
A
Sitting in the wind. Tumbleweed. Yeah, Stage.
- [07:13]
B
I, I, I've done what I've been told to do. I'm, I'm very, I'm very well behaved. You have to come now.
- [07:18]
A
Got to go. Bring your friend, bring your mom, bring everyone. So this news story was there was a man and he was in, he was in the park. He was just living his life. He was trying to be really healthy. He was doing his squats and then all of a sudden he is surrounded.
- [07:34]
B
Oh, my God. I.
- [07:37]
A
All of a sudden he's surrounded by a shitload of snipers. Yeah. Fully armed, pointing guns at them. He's got the lasers on his head and they're like, get down, get down. And so what, what actually happened was he was in the park trying to live his life, trying to better himself, trying to do a little bit of exercise. And then somebody walked by and rang the police and said, there's a man with, with, with a bomb vest on.
- [08:04]
B
Suicide vest. Suicide vest.
- [08:06]
A
Yeah, a suicide bomber vest on. Your man is standing there doing his squats. It's a weighted vest. So he's standing there and then he has to try and explain it to the snipers. And then after the whole incident happened, he wasn't even annoyed. He was like, I kind of, I can understand why they thought that.
- [08:22]
B
Well, sorry now because it, I looked, I had a good look at that weighted jacket and it is massive. It is, it does look like it's, you're there for sinister purposes. It's absolutely how, how he how he walks in the thing I don't like. There must be 60 kilos in it.
- [08:40]
A
Oh, it was a bit. You'd want to watch out with those little legworks.
- [08:42]
B
You go around and I know I'm gonna get taken to the ground and
- [08:46]
A
tasered with any lucky world. Yeah, but you will.
- [08:50]
B
But I didn't know it was that easy to just get to call a sniper team. Like, what. How quick. How long was he squatting for?
- [08:57]
A
Is there a different number? Is there a different number as well? Or is it just 999?
- [09:00]
B
How available are they? Like people say when you call an ambulance, it takes ages to come. Or the sniper's just sitting there waiting. They're probably bored and she must have sent a photo to them. And surely you would think that they would be more trained, that they'd be like, I hear that's a weighted jacket. No, God knows. In they went with their laser guns and their weapons and had him down his knees. I don't know how he got back up with the weight of that jacket.
- [09:23]
A
Imagine the fright you'd get. I be there with my headphones on. You'd just be surrounded by people pointing guns at you. Be awful. Actually. It would be.
- [09:31]
B
It would be awful.
- [09:31]
A
Put you off exercise for life.
- [09:33]
B
And it was in America, wasn't it? Because you don't.
- [09:35]
A
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was in America. You don't.
- [09:37]
B
You don't. With the American police, I can tell you, or the cabin crew. Let me tell you why.
- [09:43]
A
What happens.
- [09:44]
B
You don't. With airport staff and like. So in this. In America. So they don't have. They have this TSA thing where you can kind of skip. They don't have. But I can't sign up to TSA because I'm not an American citizen.
- [09:54]
A
Is.
- [09:55]
B
That's my understanding. But, like, the security cues and you just like. So I. Because I was. I was. I was. When I was flying from. When I was getting the flight from New York, there was a huge traffic incident on the way to the airport. Ross actually missed his plane and it missed his flight and had to get another one. And I was. I was cutting close. I was cutting close, right? So we were an hour longer on the drive to the airborne. And then we got there and the security queue. I mean, it was like. It was. I was in a fire.
- [10:21]
A
I think it's always bad in America.
- [10:23]
B
I was in it for an hour in a security queue, right? And I said to one of the women in the staff and as a. Come here. I'M gonna miss my flight. And in Ireland, I. In Ireland or the uk, I do genuinely believe they'd be like, they. Because they know the queue is super slow. Do you know when you kind of. Do you know when. You know when it just keeps going back on looping?
- [10:43]
A
No.
- [10:44]
B
Oh, my God. Do not tell me there's another loop here. There can't be another loop. And they're just the staff. They're quite. You know, they're not. You know. And listen, I'm sure it's a very stressful job, but it's. Computer says no. And there I was like, she. I was like, I'm going to miss the flight. And she's like, no. And is it. Is it. Are you coming for a connected flight? No, I'm going to miss flight. She basically like, tough shit. You're not skipping the queue. I was like, okay, fine. Because I've seen, you know, usually there is a cue for, like, if your flight's about to take off, that's what. Checking. Anyway, got through. I was like, fine. Got through. Literally, I'd say my flight was boarding and it was about to do its final call, flashy thing. And I asked. There was a man who looks like he was in a position of power, a lovely man with a boogie. And I was like, where? I'm at what gate? And he was like, jump in, I'll drive you.
- [11:34]
A
Amazing.
- [11:35]
B
So we. So I jumped in the back and I think he drove slower than I would have walked, to be honest. And it was. He was making the horn noise with his own mouth. It was so funny. Beep, beep, beep, beep. On the move, car on the move, car on the way. I'll send you the video. And it was so. Everyone's just staring at me as I move at a glacial pace. Airport, New York airport. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. He's doing it with his own.
- [12:03]
A
That's really nice of him.
- [12:04]
B
It was hilarious. I got out and I nearly kissed his hand. I. I want. When I say. When I arrived at the gate, there was four people left to get on the plane. And I wouldn't. I genuinely wouldn't have made it because it. No. Even though he was driving slowly, it was still quicker than I could have potentially walked. And it was like the last gate in the airport. You know what I mean? But what's my point?
- [12:24]
A
People being d. I don't even know. Vogue and Joanne. My name is Lucy and I live in Wandsworth. Hello, Lucy. I Wanted to message in me and all my girls listen to you every single week and then we talk about what you say in the group chat. It's so sad but it gives us life. We love you.
- [12:50]
B
We love you.
- [12:51]
A
I even think I saw Vogue in London the other week but was too scared to say hello. And plus I didn't actually know if it was her but maybe Vogue you can confirm if you're coming out of press on the Strand about a week ago. I don't know when you sent this in but I do frequent a press. If it was the morning time, you can be nearly sure it was me because I'd have been in for the purge. Anyway, the girls bet me that I couldn't get this message read out on the podcast. So if you actually see this or even read us, we'll all freak out and they'll owe me a drink or something. Also, I want to ask you what you think of this. My boyfriend, who I've been with for four years wants to go to the shooting range as a date. It's. Is he trying to murder me? Can you say hello to Ali, Annabelle and Hope? Thank you. Nice work for, for. Joanne. Absolutely. By the way, anyone wants to do get a birthday message for Canada. She loves doing birthday messages.
- [13:48]
B
It's so funny. So we, we and folk have talked about this before. I had no idea before I got into standup or before I got into performing I had no idea that people asking for shout outs on at shows was a thing know was a thing and I don't know how I got several, I got several messages. I'd say especially obviously when I'm on, on tour and we got them for ghosted people asking for shout outs. I was like I just never knew that was a thing. But I, I, I can't do shout outs and shows because it's not in any way entertaining for anyone, only the people getting shouted out. So it's just boring for everyone else. Like you can't do them. But I was like I had no clue that they were that was a thing. But yeah, so we've just done a shout out for someone. We could do shoutouts on the pod. That's fine. It just doesn't work.
- [14:29]
A
I don't, I. Weekly shout outs are going to be fun for anyone either. It's like at the panto, you know at the panto at the end they literally list through people's names with they're
- [14:37]
B
like
- [14:40]
A
Theodore G Auto and that's how quickly they go.
- [14:43]
B
There was a cinema that I used to go to when I was, when I was a child in Glass Hill in, in Dublin and it was like quite old school. There'd be people cartwheeling in the aisles and no one cared and. But during the break in the, in the film they, they used to, used to read out birth like happy. They used to do happy birthday messages over the time. I know, it was great. Everyone loves everyone. Love birthday shout out. They do. Sadly I just can't do them at shows. Do you remember we used to ring up radio stations to try and get birthday shout outs as well. All summer you'd be sitting in your friend's kitchen ringing off the landline long long wave 252 to try and get them to do your birthday shout. It wasn't even your birthday. You thought you were a mad bastard. You're like, haha, it's not even my birthday. It would take you two months to get it across the line.
- [15:23]
A
Ah, you loser.
- [15:24]
B
Yeah. Anyway, your boyfriend taking you to the shooting range? Yeah. He is trying to kill you. So don't go.
- [15:31]
A
I, I went to. Where would you get a shooting range over here is what I'm wondering. But I actually, I went to a shooting range before in America.
- [15:39]
B
Did you?
- [15:40]
A
Yeah, well, for a TV show. I was with this woman who had 250 guns and then her husband had his own gun room and I just thought where do you need all the guns for? God knows if she's still going. I haven't get quite shooty shy in that house. Imagine 500 guns in your gaff.
- [15:58]
B
I. Yeah, you wouldn't want to have a heated argument. See, this is what happens. This is what happens.
- [16:02]
A
I have a terrible temper. You do anything in the house.
- [16:06]
B
I could see you, I'd be on my knees, you have a gun to my head and you'd be like, apologize now.
- [16:11]
A
Okay, fine. Gave you a chance.
- [16:13]
B
Yeah. Pow, pow, down she goes. Yeah.
- [16:17]
A
Yeah.
- [16:17]
B
I haven't. It's funny when you're not used to gun culture, seeing a gun. I remember coming out wild in Vienna.
- [16:23]
A
Yeah.
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B
And the, and the police were armed and I, I remember I was like. It was. I was quite confronting. I was a bit freaked because it's. They're scary.
- [16:32]
A
I don't really trust. I don't trust anyone with a gun. No, don't.
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B
You don't trust a child with a gun. Have you ever seen them?
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A
Yeah. God.
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B
Jesus Christ.
- [16:42]
A
Okay, here's an email. I accidentally hooked up with my best friend three times. Joanne and Vogue. I hooked up my best friend on Saturday. Not Exactly. A brand new development, which is part of the problem. I kind of like that, though. The first time it happened was about, oh, nine years ago.
- [16:59]
B
Is this boy, girl, girl, girl, boy?
- [17:01]
A
I think. I think it's boy, girl. Okay. Afterwards, he told me he loved me for sake. Oh, yeah. Wow. I think that's nice. That would put. Do you know what, though? Put anyone off.
- [17:13]
B
It's the law of physics. You want me, you can't have. It's the push and pull.
- [17:18]
A
If he said, I hate you, this will be a different email.
- [17:21]
B
Yeah. You'd be like, I'm all about it.
- [17:22]
A
Yeah. The second time was two years ago, right before I moved away. I definitely had a bit of a question back then, but he wasn't really in the right headspace for anything. Okay, fast forward to this weekend. We were out watching rugby and having pints. At some point during the night, he apparently had a chat with my cousin about the two of us and what he actually thinks. I have absolutely no idea what was said, but the plot thickens. Oh. Later, we ended up back at his base, made cosmos because obviously that's the next logical step after points. And then he kissed me. One thing led to another. Here's the thing. I feel ridiculously comfort comfortable with them. We've known each other for nearly 10 years now and everyone who sees us together said there's always been a look or some kind of tension between us, which is both validating and deeply unhelpful. The complication is that we live in different cities and I'm slightly terrified of messing up a decade long friendship, but also, what if this is actually something? So the question is, do I risk the friendship but explore it? Or do we pretend the pints, rugby and cosmos were simply a perfect storm? Please advise before the next round happens.
- [18:31]
B
You got to explore it.
- [18:33]
A
You got to. It's great. Imagine getting to marry your best friend.
- [18:40]
B
Any man who drinks Cosmos is tick, tick, tick, tick in my. But do you know what I do think is interesting? I find that men are way quicker to explore a female friendship potential fancying situation than women. Women. I. We're more like we're gonna ruin the friendship. Men are like, I don't care.
- [18:59]
A
Yeah. I mean, you can make more friends. Do you know what I mean?
- [19:04]
B
I want to ride you and I want to see how it feels. And then if we never look each other in the eye again, I'm over it. Whereas women are like, I kind of value the friendship. This man, though, I mean, he's told you he' love with you and I. I believe him.
- [19:16]
A
So that's the thing.
- [19:17]
B
I think this is more than just a, you know, a quick, casual fondle. Yeah, Fondle in the evening. I think you're gonna end up going out with this man and probably marrying him.
- [19:27]
A
This is quite exciting. I feel like. Like, keep us updated. This. I know you live in different cities, but, like, that kind of. He'll move. Tell him.
- [19:34]
B
I would, I would. Oh, I forgot about the different cities thing. Who cares?
- [19:38]
A
Move.
- [19:39]
B
Who cares?
- [19:39]
A
No, he can move. He can move. He'll move.
- [19:41]
B
Or you move for the adventure. Move. Come to la. Live with me in the Hill.
- [19:47]
A
Yeah. Take meetings, take meetings.
- [19:50]
B
Take meetings with me. Take meetings. Take pointless, useless, countless meetings. But I do think if I like. And I also. I'm so like, oh, my God, it wouldn't be so nice to have a crush. Vogue. You must miss that. I miss.
- [20:04]
A
You know what? You are lucky. Yeah. But you can have it. You can do this.
- [20:07]
B
I know. I need to get out there. I was there. I was texting a guy recently, and when I say it put a fizz in my step, I was like, I put a fizz in my step now. It didn't come to anything, but I was like, just a little bit of excitement. Just a little bit of. Just a bit of something.
- [20:23]
A
It's coming to the summer. It's time.
- [20:26]
B
You need a bit of fizz in the step. And I'd have a crush like that. And especially when you know he's got serious feelings for you. And maybe that's what she's. Maybe that's why she's hesitant, because she's like, oh, if we do this, we're, like, doing this.
- [20:38]
A
Yeah, but you kind of have feelings for him too, so.
- [20:40]
B
Yeah, I think so. And I think friendship is the best solid grounding. Weren't you and Spano friends before you started hooking up?
- [20:48]
A
Yeah, for about four and a half minutes. But, yes, we were originally friends. Yeah.
- [20:53]
B
Yeah, for a day. Yeah.
- [20:55]
A
Well, now, in fairness, we were trying to. We were kind of like that we were, like, hooking up, but then it was like, no, we're friends, we're friends, we're not gonna. So, yeah, it's a nice thing.
- [21:03]
B
Yeah, it is. I think friendship is the absolute basis. I've gone out with lads that I got to know over a space of a couple of years and then ended going out with them. And obviously then it all. It all went tits up. But I do think friendship is a great basis.
- [21:16]
A
Agree, everyone. Thank you so much for listening.
- [21:18]
B
Explore that thing. Stick on your head. Torch. Take out your spade and explore that man and let.
- [21:24]
A
Oh, God. Oh, don't ex. Don't go excavating him.
- [21:31]
B
Pull him apart. Pull him apart. Filet him like a fish.
- [21:38]
A
As Joanne says, good luck.
- [21:40]
B
Go four Columbus on him. See what he has to offer.
- [21:48]
A
Everyone, thank you so much for listening. That's been the bonus episode and we'll see you for the main. This has been a global player original production.