B (1:52)

You didn't bring me back. Well, because I was in the taxi and I thought the taxi driver would think I was shown off. Talk about time stood. Okay, I'll give context. Excuse me. I, as any listener will know, I have a deep, probably strange and scary obsession with the Kardashians. I've loved them since day one. I particularly am fond of Kim Kardashian. She is just like. I just love her. I'm sorry. And I'm not sorry as well. She is my. I love her. She's my idol. Some people choose Mother Teresa. I say Kim Kardashian. And I. I got to Disney, asked me to interview her for her new show, All Sphere, and I was interviewing Sarah Paulson, Naomi Watts, Niecy Nash and Tiana Taylor, and Kim Kardashian, who is my dream. So the whole week was kind of like. I was just in this. Just like, not myself, because I was so nervous and so anxious about meeting her. Anyway, went to the premiere, we spoke about that, and time stood still. Not just for me, for everyone, really.

A (2:56)

Now she. I'd say she is more faced, like, oh, natural. Not natural. I mean, obviously, she's doing her bits and bobs, but I'd say up close, she's got quite a. Quite a. I thought, perfect look.

B (3:07)

I thought she'd be more mullet, to be honest with you. That's what everyone was most excited about, to see what she smelled like. She kind of smelled like leather because she was wearing a leather dress. But she wasn't as mullet as I thought she'd be. Like. I thought she was gonna like, have layers and layer like. Like what I look like now and the listeners can't see, but layers and layers of makeup on and, like, you wouldn't really be able to. To see her actual features. But she. She didn't look like that.

A (3:29)

That's refreshing.

B (3:31)

Now, she. Loads of makeup on, but so do.

A (3:33)

I. Yeah, but you forget that these people have pores. Do you know what I mean? You're like, yeah, these people have.

B (3:37)

I didn't see a poor. I didn't suggest a poor. Christ. I didn't see a line or a poor. Obviously.

A (3:44)

Sorry, but.

B (3:46)

So she walked onto the carpet and I've done those red carpet things. Someone said to me as well. They were like, we invited Joanne, but she's. She's on tour. And I was like, this would be Joanne McNally's idea of actual hell. I was like, she would not want to do a red carpet.

A (4:02)

No, I'm not a red carpet, girly. I've just. I'm just not. They just. They just. I don't. I don't like them. Don't like them.

B (4:08)

I said. I was like, sometimes when we walk out of Global, there might be a pop and she'll literally sprint. Like, I've never seen her sprint.

A (4:16)

I do a red carpet if it's a show I'm in myself, but I wouldn't go to that much effort and work for something I'm not in just to Get a little gy image couldn't be ours.

B (4:25)

So here's. Yeah, here's my thing. I have realized that I like working at things, and, like, that's how I go and do it. And then I'll get my pictures taken. But. But when she came onto the carpet, it was like everyone just. Just held their breath and ever. Like, everybody just turned around and stopped what they were doing, turned around and just stared at her. And I was like, that is. I have net. I've never seen it with anyone else. And I've seen famous people on the red carpet. Nobody near what she did. It was like. It was like everybody was just waiting for her. It was mental.

A (4:57)

She's kind of like a hot Jesus, isn't she?

B (5:01)

Yeah, she's hot Jesus.

A (5:03)

Is she like a hot Jesus? Is that like. It's not an insane analogy. She is probably the most famous woman alive. Is she?

B (5:12)

I think so. She's got 350 million Instagram followers. I'd follow her onto the ark. She's like Noah, even at his arc.

A (5:18)

Even after all the Starbucks and the. Even. All the. Even after all her controversy, she still got 350 million. Do you remember people trying to get her canceled?

B (5:27)

It's like.

A (5:30)

Trying to cancel the moon. Like, you can't cancel her. She's too big.

B (5:34)

You can't cancel Kim Kardashian. But I saw Kris Jenner as well. Of course. Go on.

A (5:40)

How's the facelift looking? Let's get into the. Let's get into the big news. The important stuff. Can you see the stitches are there, staples? How are the scars?

B (5:48)

Well, have you seen all that stuff that's going around? And it's like, this is what her facelift actually looks like without all the filters.

A (5:55)

Yes.

B (5:56)

Not true.

A (5:57)

It.

B (5:57)

Now she was wearing sunglasses. I will. And everyone looks hotter with sunglasses. And it does hide a lot, but she looked unreal. She didn't have wrinkles and stuff like that. Her face was taught. And this guy that I was with from Disney had said to her, because he goes to all of them, he was like, oh, my God, you look amazing. And she goes. I know.

A (6:17)

That's what I was saying.

B (6:18)

She does. She had this bag on, around with this massive light as well, taking her pictures. But I got caught in a really uncomfortable position because I was up at this podium and I was talking to Sarah Paulson, who's really, really funny. She's an actress in it. The thing I will say. And I loved doing it, but, like, you're. You have to stick to Certain questions when you're doing stuff like this, like, you know, what if we had someone on the pod or something like that? We'd just be like, blah, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. You can do whatever you want. You have to kind of. Like, you can sneak a few bits in, but you have to be very careful. There's people.

A (6:47)

But.

B (6:48)

So she came over to me and I, like, I was. I was. I was unusually calm, but I felt like I was.

A (6:53)

Sorry, I've lost track. Who are we talking about now?

B (6:55)

Kim? Oh, sorry. I'll tell you about the awkward moment. Sorry. First, the awkward moment before. So I'm interviewing Sarah Paulson, then on my other side is Kris Jenner, and her and Sarah Paulson are talking, but they're talking quite close. And I'm just kind of literally standing there in the middle of them just being like. And one's at one shoulder and one's at the other shoulder. And then. And then like they're talking about going to Chloe's house and that. Like, they wanted to meet Chloe. And I was like, can I come? I'm like trying to get involved.

A (7:22)

Did you do that thing? Remember? Do you remember? I did that in a dressing room once to someone and you were there. I'm not going to say their name. Do you remember?

B (7:30)

You do, you do.

A (7:31)

Do you remember? We went and she said she was going for lunch with Demi Moore.

B (7:36)

Yeah.

A (7:37)

And I jokingly, to kind of break the ice because it felt like such an insane name drop, was like, oh, can I come?

B (7:45)

Haha.

A (7:45)

Like. And she said, no, no, no, no. It's just.

B (7:49)

Yeah.

A (7:50)

She treated it like it was a genuine question.

B (7:52)

Oh, no, no, no, no.

A (7:55)

I don't think so. It's just.

B (7:56)

Pick me. Yeah.

A (7:58)

It's like I'm obviously taking the piss. So you had one of those moments.

B (8:01)

I'm delighted I had one of those moments. Whereas in the middle of the two of them. But anyway, what could you do? Like, I'm like. I'm honestly like, I'm like a sewer rat. Just. Yeah.

A (8:14)

You have to fill your time. That's what I think. Part of those jobs that make them really difficult is there's a lot of filler. You have to fill a lot of stuff. Whether it be time or you have to. There's a lot of time. You're kind of standing on your own, you know, you have to kind of look relaxed all the time.

B (8:27)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (8:28)

I'd be licking the walls.

B (8:30)

I know. But I did have a bit of help with my beta blocker. But Kim Came over then. And. And so basically we were up on this podium. All had been set up for her. And the lighting. You've never seen lighting like this at a. At a premiere. I was mad about myself until I got off the. The. The. The podium. And then I realized I was ugly again.

A (8:48)

Maybe this is why you look so good. Maybe you've just been touched by the Kim. The Kardashians. Maybe just you've.

B (8:53)

You've just rubbed off them.

A (8:55)

And a little bit of their. I don't know, a little bit of their beauty's kind of last.

C (8:58)

She's been anointed.

A (8:59)

You've been anointed. You're like a vision now. It's like you're one in Knock. Like that woman.

B (9:06)

And knock. I was gonna say, like the Hocus Pocus girls.

C (9:10)

Yeah. Do you mean reference points?

A (9:12)

You mean death book? Do you mean death becomes her?

B (9:14)

No. And Hocus Pocus, where Beth middle sucks the youth out of the kids.

A (9:20)

Yes. You're like. You're the witches.

B (9:24)

Yeah. I'm part of their covenant. Yeah. Is it a covenant or a covenant convent Covenant?

A (9:30)

You should know. You're in it. You've joined the Kardashian convent. Keep us in the loop.

B (9:36)

Oh, my God. I gotta be getting younger by the day. But then we had to. They were like, kim can't walk up the stairs. She couldn't walk in the dress. So we had to. We all were, like, running down, like, making sure that we got her. So I only got it. The other two people beside me didn't get her. So I was absolutely thrilled. And then everyone was so happy for me from Disney because they knew how obsessed I was. And they were like. It was like I had, like, won the lottery. They're like, well, I'm so happy for you.

A (9:59)

Are you saying that two other people got all dolled up and did their bits and bobs, got into the red car and then didn't get to interview her?

B (10:05)

They got everyone else. They didn't get him.

C (10:07)

Oh, it's not very practical to wear a dress that you can't use stairs in.

A (10:12)

She's always doing this show. She wore. Remember she wore a Help.

C (10:14)

Remember?

A (10:15)

She wore a thing of bandages before. She was just bandaged up, like a sprained ankle.

B (10:20)

I did ask her. I was like, at the Met gala, could you see or not? She goes, why would I need to see?

A (10:26)

I was like, wow, that's an iconic answer. Everyone just parts the sea. Parts people part people do partner.

B (10:35)

She. She is some kind of messiah. Maybe. Maybe. Did she. Was she born around Easter time?

A (10:44)

That is hilarious. Did we think Jesus would come back and drive a Tesla? No.

B (10:49)

No, we didn't.

A (10:50)

Did we think Jesus would come back and have five Lamborghinis repeatedly given away by Kanye West? No. The world works in mysterious ways.

B (11:00)

Well, anyway, I'm still. I'm still on a high. But then, you know, I came down real hard on Thursday. I was like, I've never had anything like it because I had a busy week anyway. But, like, it was like I crashed and, like, I have to do something on Thursday morning. I had to be really on form. So I managed to get through that, but after that I was like, my brain is not working. That is it? It's on holidays now. And I. I've started to feel normal again today. But I think when you've. I put so much pressure on myself for. Because I was so. Yes about it. That. That. Yeah, I kind of just died yesterday. It's weird. It was like I was hungover, but I hadn't Drunk.

A (11:33)

Yeah, it's your social battery. I had a day off yesterday. No day work, no night work, so a full 24 hours off. I woke up at half 10 in the morning, went absolutely not, Went straight back to sleep, woke up again at half 12, went to the cage, watched two films, opened a bottle of wine at four, drank half it, had three packets of crisps, made some calls, didn't answer a single call me.

B (11:56)

Tried to call me half fist. Yeah.

A (11:59)

Wasn't. She wasn't having it. Didn't accept a single inbound call, canceled all inbound calls, made a couple of outbound calls, then finished the bottle of wine, took a nap, sent some emails that I've been putting off for a while, woke back up again, watched two more films, had a margarita, went back to sleep. When I say I've eaten, I. I don't know how many packets of crisps. There's crisps everywhere in the flat. There's bags of them everywhere. It was one of the most glorious days of my ad. The two of you actually interrupting my morning. I'm in the middle of listening to Lily Allen's new album. Oh, well, well, well.

B (12:41)

Is it loads about the ex?

A (12:43)

It's all about the breakdown of a marriage. People are saying it's like a master class. A friend of mine texted me saying, David Harbour is literally deleting his Spotify and throwing his phone in the Hudson. It is amazing.

B (12:55)

For her, though.

A (12:56)

I don't like him for her. If you didn't like him before, if you didn't like him before. You're certainly not going to like her now. It's brilliant. Lily, Fire. Chef's kiss. It's fantastic. We discussed, we discussed. There's two ways of dealing with like him. You either take the high road, say nothing, and we always respect that. We're like fair play to where she's bit, she's bitten her tongue and said nothing, or you do what Lily Allen does and write a whole album about us.

B (13:20)

I kind of think she's been quite classy about it though, as well. I don't think that she. Well, I haven't listened to the album. I think that she hasn't, she hasn't gone in that harden him on the press, considering what he did firstly.

A (13:30)

Sorry, just to clarify, this isn't a class thing. I think this is wonderful what she's doing. I just think there's two ways of handling a situation and I'm in awe of both of them because we're out here dealing with these lads and, you know, there's. There, it's. It's a. It's an absolute head melt. Like she went into us, she had to. She basically sectioned herself after it. That's how much it affected. But this is word for word what happened. It starts at the very beginning of the, of their relationship where they moved to New York and bought a brownstone and she got cast in that play. The first song is called West End Girl. She got cast in the play as the lead in the play and she says that he was weird about it and she flew home. And that song finishes with a phone call from him where he's basically saying, I, I want to open the marriage.

B (14:09)

Oh, my God.

A (14:10)

And then we're in and we're away.

B (14:14)

I mean, like, it's just. But you know what as well? I think for her, I, I always think success is great revenge as well. And she's been so successful since when she's like, she got like. Everyone thought she was amazing in her place doing another play now she got this album. I like, I love that for her.

A (14:29)

This is phenomenal. It's phenomenal. In fact, I need to wrap this up because I need to go back and finish it. Honestly, Lily, like fair play because, you know, the way, like we've worked with people before Vogue, where they're like, don't, you know, don't drag other people into like a public spot and don't, you know, and, and it is good advice. But my God, this is also. I, I just really admire it, you.

B (14:54)

Know, I'M kind of. I'm kind of jealous of her in a way because there's been loads of times where I have wanted to. Both of you know that as well, that I have wanted to speak out publicly on certain things. And I just. I'm always told not to and just told to leave it. Because if you speak out, it just makes it worse. It does. It just drag more press into it. And like when you're going through a hard time with something and you can't stop it because you can't actually come out and tell the truth about it. You just hope people will know that loads of the shit is and you can't do it. So I'm kind of jealous that she can do it because I'm more of a. Keep your mouth short. It will go away. You know what your own truth is. But at the same time, I just.

A (15:25)

Want to be like, no, yeah, but she. But she's taking revenge on her ex husband, which is different. You're trying to. You're. You. You've been on the receiving end of rumors that weren't true that you were trying to get your. Your side across. Whereas this is. This is only Lily's side. Like, she's speaking her truth and she's. It's about her ex husband because he absolutely destroyed her.

B (15:45)

Do you know what I mean? And he's. And he's no comeback because all of it's true. It's not like she's all have gone through legal and stuff like that because you have to. She's got. If you're speaking, she's using. So like she's.

A (15:55)

There's a whole song called Madeline. I don't know if that's the real woman's name, but it's. The song is called Madeline. The song before it stops with who the fuck is Madeleine? And then the next song is all about Madeleine who, like, it's brilliant. Well done, Lily.

B (16:08)

I can't wait. We love well done, Lily.

A (16:10)

This is. I think it's one of the best albums she's ever brought out. Even though I haven't finished listening to it because obviously, you know, I'm always bet into adultery.

B (16:20)

Dear Joanne Jo. And what is about to be a proud, distressed Vogue. Oh, I'm scared. Oh, yeah, I know.

C (16:28)

You should brace yourself too.

B (16:30)

I know that I will meet you guys in an upcoming event, but would love to tell you this in person just to see the reaction. But my Catholic shame is too great. My boyfriend had a few drinks in him once and our conversation got very intimate. On the topic of fantasies, he nervously suggested that he might like to try pegging.

A (16:49)

Yeah, fine.

B (16:50)

We're in my pleasing my people. Pleasing habits are such that I rushed to reassure him that this was absolutely not an unusual request. Sure. Isn't there a pornhub category for it? Well, actually, I don't know. Do you know there probably is. There's one.

A (17:03)

Of course there is. And I'd have porn category for like soup. Do you know what I mean?

B (17:10)

Well, check it out.

A (17:12)

You know what I mean?

B (17:14)

And I'd have no qualms with it at all. In my vain effort to come across as nonchalant, I even ordered the necessary equipment that night and emotionally prepped for the next few days.

A (17:24)

Amazon bless them. Next day delivery, emergency packing done.

B (17:30)

Yeah, you can probably get that on zap now, to be honest. They've got loads of stuff on there.

A (17:35)

I'll make something from the kitchen utensil cupboard.

B (17:40)

You don't want it to break mid peg on the night. That sounds like I peg. I've never done it, I swear. Never know, I might do in the future. On the night in question, we needed a few drinks to loosen up. But when it came down to it, it was really something we could only manage. With the lights very low, embarrassment was high, confidence and trust were tested and lube was aplenty. Let me repeat that important tip. Lube was aplenty.

A (18:05)

Yeah.

B (18:06)

Afterwards, I nipped the loo, still in the dark, and stripped off, leaving all equipment there to be dealt with in the morning. I was absolutely wrecked. Turns out the male hip thrust is not something the female pelvis is built for.

A (18:18)

Hold on, hold on. I need to, I need to, I need to understand that. Sorry, read that line to me again.

B (18:27)

I was absolutely wrecked. Turns out the male hip thrust is not something the female pelvis is built for.

A (18:32)

Okay. Because I'm not good with logistics. I'm not good with logistics. So she's thrusting it and it's not. She's not thrusting hard enough. Is that it?

B (18:40)

No, she's tired from the thrusting.

A (18:43)

Okay.

C (18:43)

She's knackered.

A (18:44)

I'm okay. Yeah. Got it in my head.

B (18:46)

Okay. Next morning I woke up very smug. I was obviously such a cool girlfriend. This man had not only trusted me with his fantasy, but allowed himself to be so vulnerable with me. I was determined to continue the morning casually and not make a big deal of the whole experience. Bleary eyed, I went to the bathroom, pausing to try process the brown handprint on my white bathroom door as I raised my hand up to assess it. I was shocked and disturbed to see how brained my hand was. Also to such an extent. I turned back to the bed to check if my boyfriend still had his intestine intact. Such was the extent of the smearing.

A (19:28)

Oh God. Yeah, yeah, listen, you fuck around, you find out. Do you know what I mean?

C (19:33)

Well, like this is where we've got to stay strapped in.

A (19:36)

Okay, fine. Okay. Oh.

B (19:40)

To my absolute horror, I saw what can only be described as a murder scene on the bed. Except it wasn't red, it was brown. And yet the smell was extremely pleasant. Oh. Going over to the brown smeared locker drawer, I realized to my horror that the large bottle of lube remained intact. But my ultra dark Bare Bipo tan bottle was dec. Oh my God.

A (20:23)

Oh my God.

B (20:26)

My. Arising from his slumber after a hard night of it, my boyfriend sat up to the image of me naked with slashes of dark brown across my tummy and thighs. The bed sheets mangled into a brown frenzy on his poor arse. Well, let's just say he didn't expose himself for a considerable length of time, but at least the fade was even and there wasn't a streak to scene. Needless to say, that was the end of the kink pursuits. But on occasion, I like to slap on some Bear by Vogue just as a micro power trip and laugh hysterically as I do it. So thank you, Vogue for the multifaceted product. I hope I made you. Bret. Have you not seen the face mist that is shaped like a phallic? You could.

A (21:12)

You didn't even.

B (21:14)

Yeah, you could have used the ultra dark and the phallic face mist. Oh my God, I have to.

C (21:20)

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel like we have to issue a warning. Don't insert Bare by Vogue face mist into yourself. Please don't do that, Joe.

A (21:32)

Who are you to tell women what they can do with Vogue's face?

C (21:36)

I'm just saying we're not a female led podcast.

A (21:38)

Don't. Don't mind. Explain to them how they can get off.

C (21:41)

Put whatever you want. Exactly. That's fine.

B (21:44)

Anyway, I could put this on a trust pilot or something.

A (21:48)

Just.

C (21:51)

Yeah.

A (21:51)

Is it. Is it. It can be used as lube. While not recommended, it has been known.

B (21:56)

To be many uses.

A (21:57)

Yeah.

C (21:58)

Does Bare Boy Vogue come with. Does it say not for internal use.

A (22:06)

When you. Yeah, be surprised.

B (22:08)

Well, I am surprised. Oh, it does come out of your sheets, by the way, so don't worry about that.

A (22:14)

Well done.

C (22:15)

Fantastic scratch.

B (22:16)

You're welcome.

A (22:18)

What A great email.

B (22:19)

Thank you. And aren't you lucky it wasn't the other thing. That wouldn't have been great now. Could have been worse.

A (22:24)

I think you just need to send this woman some bear by Vogue.

B (22:27)

I will send her some new ultra dark. Joe. You have to get her. You have to get her addressed. I don't know. I don't even need to know her name. I won't know your name. Don't worry. I know it's probably a personal. A personal topic you've shared. It's kindly shared with so many people. I fair played you for doing the pegging. Fair play yourself in the back.

A (22:46)

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it is kind to take people's needs on like that, you know?

B (22:56)

Yeah. I don't know if I'd have that.

A (22:57)

I would. I did.

B (22:58)

Would you do.

A (22:59)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If someone I was madly in love.

B (23:02)

Sounds like a woman who has done pegging.

A (23:05)

No, no. But if someone I was madly in love with was like, I'm like, yeah. I'm not going to write anything off. Do you know what I mean? And you can tie my back while we're at us.

B (23:16)

Yeah.

A (23:17)

Because I don't have anyone to tie my back at the moment. Yeah.

B (23:22)

Thank you so much for that email.

A (23:24)

Really sharing you. Yeah. And well done.

B (23:27)

Again. Wonderful. Yeah, well done.

A (23:29)

We're proud of you.

B (23:30)

So.

C (23:30)

Yeah.

B (23:30)

What a sexual deviant you are. I love that for you.

A (23:34)

A streak free sexual deviant. I. I think pegging is actually more common than we think it is. I was on Tick Tock yesterday on my day of glory, and there was a couple talking, a straight couple talking about pegging, and people were accusing him of being gay. And she's like, he's not gay. I'm a woman. He just likes to get pegged. It doesn't mean he's gay, you know.

B (24:00)

And listen, everyone has a different.

A (24:02)

Different strokes, different folks.

B (24:03)

Yes, yes.

A (24:04)

Different tan lines. Could you.

C (24:08)

Could you say that?

A (24:09)

I think that's really how that works.

C (24:12)

No, look, it's 20, 25. It. You can say.

A (24:14)

That's like me saying I'm Jeffrey Dahmer. She's like, you could say I'm a serial killer. I'm not, but you could say it. Well, yes.

B (24:20)

Do you mind, McNally, if the words say I'm a. If I want to say I'm a pegger, I'm a pegger.

C (24:25)

Yeah, whatever you want.

A (24:26)

Whatever you want, folks. It's your right.

B (24:28)

Kindly. Thank you.

A (24:29)

Thank you. That's it for the bonus. Thanks, Amelia, for listening. Listening. I've been Joann McNally. She remains to be Vogue Williams Peg or extraordinaire, allegedly.

B (24:40)

Thank you. Peggy Williams.

A (24:41)

Peggy Williams. And we would recommend when using Bear by lube.

B (24:53)

Ah, that's so funny. Oh, dear. I sense a name change. A bear balloon.

A (25:02)

Recommend using a tanning mesh rather than a pegging instrument. But look, that's just me.