Joe (2:17)

Like, do you know what I have to say?

Joanne (2:20)

They promote my tour and we work together. So, yeah, sometimes, yeah, you do ask for favors. And the book read to me, like, and I, I recommend.

Joe (2:28)

I like that book.

Joanne (2:29)

I recommend it highly. I was in the throes of a breakup when I picked that book up. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget it. I always got. I was on the Megabus coming back from Cardiff to London. I was crying on the streets of Cardiff, like, holding on to bins for support. Like, I was in a really, really bad way. I know, it's so horrible. Even thinking about an Mxuh. It's horrible. And Lily's book was in the window of a shop and I went in, bought it and I read it on the mega was. And genuinely, by the time I pulled into London, I. I was like, I don't. I. I realized I'm not gonna feel like this for the rest of my life. There was something healing about it. It was just something healing about the book. I don't know what it was. It was her honesty, vulnerability. It was like the. The understanding.

Joe (3:16)

Violently.

Joanne (3:17)

Honestly, honest. And you're like, we've all. Everyone goes through the same. This is nothing new. Everyone goes through it. Everyone gets through us. But she did hang out, whichever gal or her brother she rode, but she did it for a reason.

Joe (3:31)

Get her own back. Then she's getting her. Yeah, because that's not fair of him to have done that.

Joanne (3:35)

Exactly.

Joe (3:35)

I don't remember that part of it.

Joanne (3:36)

I think she felt. I think she felt like he hung her. So she was like, in the words of Liliana, fuck you.

Joe (3:42)

Oh, I saw something today on the beach and I said to myself, I'm gonna now have to find one of them and buy it for Joanne.

Joanne (3:48)

Was it a hamburger phone?

Joe (3:49)

No, but I know that you'd like one too. Maybe when you get your. If you get a house, I will buy you a hamburger phone.

Joanne (3:54)

Okay. What was.

Joe (3:56)

Was a woman sitting on the beach and she had a baby umbrella over her phone that attached to the back of her phone so that she could read her messages while she sat in the sun.

Joanne (4:05)

Oh, yeah, I would also love that.

Joe (4:08)

I mean, I know you can get those screen things, but I just thought the screen thing isn't for Joanne. That's too high tech. It's the umbrella for Joanne that I.

Joanne (4:15)

Have to get something nice, a nice fash prop. I was down at Ethan's at my mother the other day. I'm in Dublin at the moment and I went in and there'd all these like easels and kind of oil paintings and art on the wall. To my mother, cuz I'm very self aware. I said I think it's almost time that I spend a stupid amount of money on a load of arts and crafts and easels and paintbrush things that I'll never use.

Joe (4:41)

Oh no, I think you'll have an art room in your new house.

Joanne (4:43)

With the false hope that I'm going to get into art. And she's like I can't listen to this. I went for lunch with my mom, my aunt the other day. My aunt is actually, she's a very talented.

Joe (4:55)

Lady.

Joanne (4:56)

How, what is it? Hammest Seamstress. Seamstress. She's very talented seamstress. And I had obviously said recently I was gonna like buy a sound.

Joe (5:06)

I forgot sewing. Yes, I forgot about that because you do. You're like my kids. Are you sure you don't want a Labubu doll?

Joanne (5:14)

I don't.

Joe (5:15)

That's coming. That's coming. You know what else I'm going to buy you for your new house? Do you remember you used to be able to buy those blow up couches for your room. Going to get your blow up couch.

Joanne (5:23)

I love one of them. And a lava lamp. Lava lamp. Yes.

Joe (5:27)

Lava lamp. Lava lamp. I'm going to. Yeah, I'm going to get you lights for above your bed.

Joanne (5:31)

Love it.

Joe (5:32)

Fairy lights. Yeah. Going to get you all the bits that you need on a fluffy cushion.

Joanne (5:36)

I'd love that. And a goldfish.

Joe (5:38)

I did buy myself a three fake Ralph rentals on the beach today. Cuz they're gorgeous. I was like, I bring them home. No one will know. Everyone will know here because they're on sale on the beach here.

Joanne (5:50)

They won't know. I get my buzz. When you're buying knockoffs is the buzz of someone thinking it's real and then he's straight away going it's a knockoff. That's. It's like the reveal at the like I, that's my buzz. I, I get such a kick out of their reaction when I tell them it's a knockoff. Now maybe they're just being kind and they always knew it was a knockoff.

Joe (6:09)

But that's what I do when people are like your hair is lovely on extensions.

Joanne (6:14)

Yeah, exactly.

Joe (6:16)

Yeah. Gotcha.

Joanne (6:17)

It's the. Thank you. It's the thank you pennies philosophy. When someone says, your dress is so nice and you want to let them know that it cost you two shillings in pennies.

Joe (6:25)

Last thing about Oasis now, what time do they come on? And more importantly, what time do they finish? Because even if it's Oasis, I'll be leaving five minutes early. Only five.

Host (6:33)

They. They are your dream. They publish their set times before they go on.

Joe (6:36)

I mean, I've been listening to their whole set, so I know all the words. I have to remember all the words, but turns out I already know them.

Joanne (6:44)

Such a good point. So I recently got into the Fontaines, like, literally. Oh, yeah, two weekends ago. So I've been really studying them, and a friend of mine was like, come to their gig. I'm going to get. I'm going to their gig in Manchester soon. But I was like, I'm going to have to learn some words. I'm sorry. Otherwise you look like a blow in. And I am a blow in. So I can't let anyone know I'm a blow in. Do you know what I mean? You got it. You got to do the time, don't you, Joe? You got to do the study, you got to do the prep. Yeah, you do. You do.

Joe (7:14)

It's like what I had to do for Aslan every Christmas with the girls from. From secondary school. I had to have to learn the words. I couldn't go, did I want to learn the words? No, it wasn't the music I was into, but I had to.

Joanne (7:24)

That's why I'm never going to go to New Kappa gangs. I'm like, I don't have time to learn Gua.

Joe (7:30)

I mean, they're asking a lot now because you have to learn a different language and you have to learn the song. You know what I mean?

Joanne (7:35)

I don't have time to learn my national language on the dual lingo, so I can't go to Neop anymore because.

Joe (7:39)

Of the Shanghai guys. All I'm saying is you got to get back to the country now. In Ireland, you're going to pick it up again. Because over here, can I have a magnum blanco e calippo fresa, por favor? Like, I've turned Spanish.

Joanne (7:51)

Oh, my God, that is beautiful. You're like Selena Gomez. That is so impressive.

Joe (7:55)

Buenos dias. Buenos dias.

Joanne (7:57)

Wow.

Joe (7:58)

Buenos noches, Mia migo.

Joanne (8:02)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're like one of those women who wakes up with a brain injury and speaks a completely fluent language.

Joe (8:10)

Say more.

Joanne (8:12)

Say Say twas.

Joe (8:18)

Girls, this has to be an On. And I'm too fucking embarrassed to write a long message.

Joanne (8:23)

Okay, Always. Anon.

Joe (8:25)

Always.

Joanne (8:25)

And on.

Joe (8:26)

I had a one night stand with a guy last week and I had to tell you what he shouted as he came. Picture the moment. Picture the moment. The build and the release. And he shouts. I. I can't. What the. What does that even mean?

Joanne (8:47)

I'm sorry. I was really hoping you were gonna draw that out and let me enjoy guess. But you really just ran to the end there.

Joe (8:54)

When someone's gonna about to come, do you think that they're gonna hang away and wait for you idiots to guess it? I had to tell the story as it was written. He came really quick.

Joanne (9:03)

I would have liked a bit attention is all I'm saying. I would have liked that me and Joe had it. We could have suggested. We could have asked questions. You're knocking on the wrong do charades.

Joe (9:12)

You didn't ask for a game of come charades. If you want to have a game of come charades, I will play it with you on the main.

Joanne (9:17)

Well, I. Yeah, well, I just think. I just think you rush that. But anyway, go on. He shaded. What?

Joe (9:22)

Guess.

Joanne (9:24)

Go on.

Joe (9:25)

Yeah, no, you have to guess. You have to guess. Go on.

Joanne (9:27)

Oh, thank you. Okay, so I would think he's going to shade something offensive. It's something kind of like you filthy or please be sexy, please no mommy, cuz that's not sexy.

Joe (9:43)

Or just mama.

Joanne (9:44)

Yeah. Or leave me, leave me alone, Father Brandon, something like that. He's like, oh, I think it's coming out of the wrong hell. Like there could have been loads of things.

Joe (9:56)

Day one. Sh. Day one.

Joanne (9:58)

There you go. Thank you for contributing the com charades.

Host (10:02)

Wrong answers only.

Joanne (10:03)

Yeah, wrong answers only. Although I can't.

Joe (10:08)

I'm starting to get a wrong answer.

Joanne (10:10)

Yeah, it would have been a wrong answer.

Joe (10:12)

Joanne gets me to get involved in these games and then I just think the worst things. I'm not saying anymore.

Joanne (10:17)

Sorry. My mother's just come in and asked me to close the back door because she says the neighbors are in the garden.

Joe (10:25)

Ask pass if she wants to play commissary.

Joanne (10:28)

She's actually sorry. She's eyeballing.

Host (10:34)

She got in trouble.

Joe (10:47)

Does she want to play? Is that what's wrong? Ask her. John, that's rude. Now I feel bad maybe getting involved in commissaries. I know she loves that game.

Joanne (10:54)

Maybe she's saying, would you not get the neighbors in to be all players. She literally.

Joe (10:59)

It's a fantastic Christmas game. It really is. Get the family Together, get them around. It's a really great game to play with the kids.

Joanne (11:05)

You know, Pat's middle name is keep it down. Always. Just. Would you keep it down? Keep it down, Juan. Keep it down. Anyway, your mom couldn't keep it down, could he? What?

Joe (11:20)

So, okay, we need to get some advice on this. I think it could be much worse than I can't. Because you know when you're like, oh, my God, I can't, I can't, I can't. I can't even when you want to do something. So, like, if I. If I. Like, let's say I was gonna. If I was gonna do a bungee jump, I'd be like, oh, no, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. But I really want to do the bungee jump. And I'd be like, oh, no. And then I do, and I'm delighted, but I would have said it. I can't. And then I would have gone and loved it.

Joanne (11:42)

Exactly. That's actually a really good analogy. And also, there's something sexy in doing something you're not supposed to be doing. Very taboo. That's why I get erased by, like, cleaning and stuff. I'm like, oh, folding clothes. I'm like, shut up. Shut up. No, but also, maybe he's saying, wish.

Joe (12:00)

I hadn't given her the packing cubes.

Joanne (12:02)

In real life, because I know.

Joe (12:03)

Very uncomfortable.

Joanne (12:05)

I need you to know I haven't come since because it's just so not to boo. Do you know what I mean?

Joe (12:18)

I'm just like, got your filo facts for Christmas.

Joanne (12:21)

Yeah. And a folder like, yeah, fine. All the cutlery's in the right direction now. I'm dead inside, but.

Joe (12:28)

Collection of Dysons in her wank.

Joanne (12:32)

I don't. Because they're. They're not taboo. It's just Henry and Henrietta Hatter going at each other. That maybe. Maybe he's saying, I can't. I can't cope with feeling this good. Maybe he just didn't finish the sentence, you know?

Joe (12:50)

I can't believe I got to ride.

Joanne (12:52)

Yeah. Yeah. There's. There's. Maybe he was just so. He was so overcome with pleasure that he forgot to finish the sentence.

Joe (13:00)

I can't believe that I was able to get it up again.

Joanne (13:03)

I can't.

Joe (13:04)

Maybe you.

Joanne (13:04)

Yeah. I can't believe you let me inside you. You're so glorious. And this is such an honor and a privilege. Maybe that's what he meant. Joe.

Joe (13:13)

I can't believe what a gorgeous vagina this is. There's so many.

Joanne (13:16)

You know, I have to say, I am like, I. I haven't seen an I can't category on pornhub. Have you, V? You're more. You're more a regular. Yeah.

Joe (13:30)

Can I just say, I haven't been on pornhub in a while.

Joanne (13:32)

I'm not going to congratulate you because I don't think that's a good thing because that means you're perimenopausal. Don't. Don't celebrate your lack of gaminess because.

Joe (13:44)

The problem.

Joanne (13:45)

That's never stopped you before.

Joe (13:47)

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't like to get caught doing that. That would be.

Joanne (13:51)

Mommy's just scrambling something within herself. Don't worry about it.

Joe (13:55)

Stop looking. Why is Mommy so upset? She's not upset. She's actually really happy. That's happy.

Joanne (14:00)

No, you know the way I. Absolutely. Well, you probably don't know because. But I'm telling you now, I love the Jat 2 holiday. Things, like, every single one is so, so funny and they just get better and better and more perverse and strange and dark, and I just love them so much. But one of my mates sent me one and I couldn't figure out what was happening. And there was a girl. It was like a music festival, and she was in the crowd and she was, like, being embraced by this man and her face looked. I didn't know if he was stabbing her. I didn't know what was going on. I was like, what's happening? And she's like, look properly. And then he was basically fingering. I have to whisper now because my mother and the neighbors and. Etc. But he was like fingering her, like, quite frantically. And she was obviously in the. And broad daylight. It had strong latitude vibes and. And yeah, we were. Yeah. It wasn't my. It wasn't. It wasn't my favorite Jatu holiday. I'll be honest.

Joe (14:54)

Do you know where my mind goes with that? And this was. That's because I'm pushing 40. I'm like, God, it has. I wonder who he touched with that hand after without even watching.

Joanne (15:03)

I would never. Isn't that terrible? I'd never think of that. Like, someone was saying that came to my mind. Someone was saying to me earlier that apparently STIs are, like, on the rise in nursing homes because they're all shagging each other. And I was like, well, yeah, because you can't get pregnant. I wouldn't give a. I'd never think of my sexual health not Once. Not once. I never have. Don't even know if I have any.

Joe (15:23)

Did you see that story about this 38 year old woman who moved into a retirement. Don't. You can't eat the crisp.

Joanne (15:30)

Sorry of you doing that. Sorry.

Joe (15:31)

You can't have the keen. While Chris trying to put half of it in her mouth.

Joanne (15:35)

I just thought, I just thought Vogue, you know, she's, she likes chatting. I thought maybe I'd get away with her. Go on.

Joe (15:44)

Not when you're eating it in front of the mic on the top. You can mute away.

Joanne (15:49)

I'll mute it.

Joe (15:50)

Yeah. This 38 year old woman in Australia moved into a retirement village because it's much cheaper to live there. And she said that she has found a new sense of happiness and that she's not worried about being in her 70s or 80s because she's getting to go do all these things with people. 500amonth she pays. Instead of like almost $3,000 in Melbourne. Yeah.

Joanne (16:08)

I mean, sorry, hold on a second. Because me and my mother have an ongoing discussion about like nursing homes and is she, will she go in? She doesn't want to go in. Blah, blah, blah. But they're so expensive. If I Knew they're only 500, I wouldn't have even fought her on it. I'd be like, you're going, are you sure?

Joe (16:27)

I got you a one way and that's in Australia. I think they're really expensive over here.

Joanne (16:31)

I'm like, you'll fly economy. You'll, you'll make your way over. I don't know what she.

Joe (16:35)

I sent a retirement village. She's not in a nursing home. Yeah. So she's not getting like round the clock care or anything like that.

Joanne (16:44)

Got it. Okay. Because I was like, I think she's just in a hostel. But some nice artwork and things. She's somewhere else.

Joe (16:49)

I wouldn't, I wouldn't get away with sending my parents to a retirement home. Not a chance.

Joanne (16:53)

Well, no, no, no. But like they only go if no one can look after them. But I said about. Look, I said, yeah, we'll do our best, but the second you start coughing, you're in. If you, if you forget where your car keys are once you're gone.

Joe (17:11)

Yeah, that's fair enough though. That would be fair enough.

Joanne (17:14)

You're a hindrance now. Good luck.

Joe (17:17)

Yeah, drop kicking her in there. There's a great one in Host. Lovely views. There you go.

Joanne (17:21)

There you go.

Joe (17:25)

Okay, that's it everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Sorry. Joanne really wants to go and have her Keno Crisps. We've had a lovely time. She's on tour. I am on tour. I'll be there, too. Well, I'll be in the back drinking. Drinking all her booze. I know she's got a good rider.

Joanne (17:41)

How dare you? Oh, sorry, Ryder. Yes, I do.

Joe (17:45)

Do you want to be like, where's my bottle of champagne? I like to have after the show. I'm like, oh, I don't know.

Joanne (17:50)

I was like, how dare you out my private and secret relationship? I am in one, but it's a rider. Anyway, good night and good luck. Good night and God bless.