MTGM EXTRA! "I text him: Do you want to die alone?"

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I Text Him: Do You Want to Die Alone?"

Release Date: May 28, 2025

Hosts: Joanne McNally & Bill Williams
Description: Join Vogue Williams & Joanne McNally for a weekly chat with 100% honesty guaranteed. In "My Therapist Ghosted Me," Joanne shares her experience of being ghosted by her therapist, leading her and co-host Bill to offer unfiltered, humorous, and heartfelt advice on various life issues.

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Introduction

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted exchange between Joanne McNally and Bill Williams, setting the tone for their candid and humorous discussion. Joanne introduces the theme inspired by her therapist’s unexpected disappearance from her life, setting the stage for an honest and relatable conversation on mental health and personal struggles.

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Attempting to Quit Drinking

[00:26] Bill Williams:
Bill shares his recent decision to take a break from alcohol, expecting support but encountering resistance from friends and his girlfriend. He humorously recounts, "I was like, I'm just gonna go off the booze for a couple of months. I have never been met with such resistance and unsupport [...] And I had to actually say, okay, I'll have a couple."

[00:42] Joanne McNally:
Joanne empathizes, criticizing the public announcement of quitting drinking as making others feel judged. She advises a more discreet approach, stating, "Just do it in with silent dignity and stop making your drinking friends feel judged and guilty."

[01:59] Bill Williams:
Bill reflects on his struggle, mentioning his initial strict stance softened to "I'll have one or two" to avoid making others feel uncomfortable.

[02:30] Joanne McNally:
Joanne humorously suggests that Bill needs resilience akin to surviving a Bear Grylls camp, highlighting the difficulty of maintaining sobriety amidst social pressures.

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Social Media and Mental Health

[03:54] Bill Williams:
The conversation shifts to social media. Joanne discusses her attempt to detox by deleting Instagram for 24 hours, likening the experience to Ayahuasca, which brought her peace. She shares, "I just read and I didn't engage with the Internet at all. And when I say it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders."

[04:32] Bill Williams:
Bill comments on TikTok's addictive algorithm, admitting his lack of engagement: "I'm not mad for TikTok because I haven't got my algorithm."

[05:03] Joanne McNally:
Joanne criticizes TikTok's toxicity, describing it as a platform where "people are rotting each other out" and expressing frustration over the superficiality and drama she observes.

Notable Quote:

[04:52] Joanne McNally:
"Tick Tock is just people. They're rotting each other out, but they're not saying who. They're rotten out."

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Relationships and Pettiness

[15:46] Bill Williams:
Bill humorously narrates an incident where he became petty over a missing decorative pear. He says, "I then texted him from the other room saying, do you want to die alone?"

[16:09] Joanne McNally:
Joanne elaborates on the story, clarifying that the "pear" was actually a "douche," highlighting the absurdity and pettiness of the conflict: "And the bed was perfectly made and cheater was like etched into the headboard. And there was what I thought was a decorative pear on the pillow. And I was like, wow, I... it turns out the decorative pear was actually a douche."

[20:08] Joanne McNally:
She uses the broken pear as a metaphor for reaching one's breaking point: "You hold your shit together. Like, you keep it all together... someone breaks the wooden pair and you're like, it's carnage."

[20:31] Bill Williams:
Bill shares his frustration over losing a pair of shoes: "Like, it happens maybe once a year. That's how bad it can be."

Notable Quote:

[17:32] Joanne McNally:
"I approve already. Carry on."

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Dealing with Possessions Loss

[18:00] Joanne McNally:
Joanne vents about losing her apartment in a taxi, expressing her frustration: "I left the flat in a taxi. I'm absolutely fuming."

[18:35] Bill Williams:
Bill recounts a domestic mishap involving their dog and precious items: "I returned to find all the baby's toys strewn across the floor and half of my wooden pair missing."

[21:11] Joanne McNally:
She humorously suggests practical solutions for missing items: "Send Radish for the crack."

Notable Quote:

[20:13] Joanne McNally:
"You know what I mean. You hold your shit together... someone breaks the wooden pair and you're like, it's carnage."

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Festival Preparations and Anxiety

[13:03] Bill Williams:
The duo shifts to discussing festival plans, with Joanne preparing for the Wide Awake Festival despite her apprehensions about large gatherings like Glastonbury.

[14:04] Joanne McNally:
She humorously lists her preparations: "I'm going in full rain gear. I've got a poncho, I'm ready to go. Nice 3% battery. What could go wrong?"

[14:12] Bill Williams:
Bill advises bringing essentials over the phone: "You're better off without the phone. You don't need it. Make sure you bring a card for your bits and bobs."

[15:02] Joanne McNally:
Joanne reflects on her journey to re-engage with the world, revealing vulnerability: "I used to love going out and I've kind of dropped the ball on it and I'm trying to re-engage with the world and so this is a journey for me."

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Closing Thoughts

The episode concludes with Joanne and Bill reaffirming their support for each other's personal growth and challenges. They emphasize the importance of teamwork in overcoming life’s hurdles, blending humor with genuine encouragement.

[22:25] Joanne McNally:
Joanne shares her predicament with therapy: "Every time I text my therapist, she assumes it's an absolute crisis."

[22:43] Bill Williams:
Bill concurs, underscoring their commitment to openness and honesty.

Final Notable Quote:

[22:43] Bill Williams:
"I agree, I agree."

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Notable Quotes Summary

• Announcing Sobriety:

  • Joanne McNally [00:42]: "Just do it in with silent dignity and stop making your drinking friends feel judged and guilty."

• Social Media Detox:

  • Joanne McNally [03:54]: "I just read and I didn't engage with the Internet at all. [...] it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders."

• Pettiness Over a Pear:

  • Bill Williams [15:46]: "I then texted him from the other room saying, do you want to die alone?"

• Broken Wooden Pair Metaphor:

  • Joanne McNally [20:13]: "You know what I mean. You hold your shit together... someone breaks the wooden pair and you're like, it's carnage."

• Festival Anxiety:

  • Joanne McNally [13:03]: "I'm going in full rain gear. I've got a poncho, I'm ready to go. Nice 3% battery. What could go wrong?"

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Conclusion

In this episode of "My Therapist Ghosted Me," Joanne McNally and Bill Williams navigate through personal anecdotes, humorous mishaps, and heartfelt discussions on sobriety, social media, relationships, and personal growth. Their authentic and engaging conversation offers listeners relatable insights into overcoming life’s challenges with honesty and laughter.

For more episodes, live shows, and merchandise, visit mytherapistghostedme.com.

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Transcript

[Unknown]

This is a Global Player original podcast.

[Joanne McNally]

Welcome to My therapist ghosted me with myself, Joanne McNally, and my partner in crime, Bill Williams.

[Bill Williams]

Williams, I like what you did there. You shook it up a bit. Well done.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm always trying to spice it up, you know yourself.

[Bill Williams]

I've done my usual. And I told everyone I was off the booze for, like. I was like, I'm just gonna go off the booze for a couple of months. I have never been met with such resistance and unsupport for people in my life. Everyone's like, shut up. And the girls are like. And I had to actually say, okay, I'll have a couple.

[Joanne McNally]

Do you know what, though? And I'm gonna. I'm gonna call this now. I'm gonna say this because it's announcing you're going off the booze. It's up there with announcing or taking a break from social media. You're making people. You're making boozers around you feel nervous and judged. Just do it. Just do it in with silent dignity and stop making your drinking friends feel judged and guilty. Sorry. There's children everywhere. Is that. Are you both keeping your kids under the tables? What's happening?

[Unknown]

Oh, no, I don't hear any kids.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, so it's. It's from me, is it?

[Unknown]

Well, it is.

[Bill Williams]

Joanne, maybe you want to put your kids away, right, and stop sagging us off.

[Unknown]

Try and control.

[Joanne McNally]

I accidentally had a baby again without my own, without knowing.

[Bill Williams]

Hold on.

[Joanne McNally]

They're in the drawer. Hold on, hold on. I'll put them away. Maybe I have one of those diseases where I just hear kids cry. Do you know. Do you know what? I. I went through a phase recently. I was like, I wonder, is there a name for this? Where I kept thinking I saw Denise Welsh from Loose Women.

[Bill Williams]

That's so random.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Bill Williams]

I was like, did, though. Maybe she lives near you.

[Joanne McNally]

I was like, chachi. BT what you call it when you keep thinking you see Denise, Well. Well, from Loose Women. I just. I kept thinking I saw her, but I didn't. Anyway, it's not. It's not a real illness. Oh, the kids stop crying. Oh, great.

[Bill Williams]

Maybe there was a job. Thank you for listening out for my children. I appreciate that. I know what you're saying, though, about the booze, and I feel like I did make a mistake, and Amber is, for one, fed up of listening to it, but I pulled it back a bit because I'm like, oh, I'll have a couple. I don't mean I'm not having any at all. So I'm just like, I won't drink, but I'll have one or two. And then I'll just. At least people won't feel judged.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, drinkers do not want to feel judged by non drinkers. It's up there with veganism and Episcopalians.

[Bill Williams]

I know, but people drink better than I drink is the problem. If I could drink like other people drink, then I wouldn't need to always want to go off it.

[Joanne McNally]

You need to go to some Bear Grylls camp and just grow another labia and just warming up.

[Bill Williams]

I've. I've been there.

[Joanne McNally]

And get ready for Spritz Summer. Spritz Summer is upon us. Me and Ross. My friend Ross, he was over the other night. We were editing videos and we were like, we're gonna really take it easy now. We're gonna turn our lives around. I'm gonna go back to the fitness. And he's like, 100. He's like, no more drinking. Just like herbal teas. And. And he was like, but like, obviously we'll take the summer. And I was like, of course we'll take the summer. And then I was like, well, then it's Christmas. You know what I mean? And so then that's the problem. We're like, March, 2026. That's the detox. That's where it's all happening.

[Bill Williams]

I actually have to wholeheartedly agree with you. But then there's St. Patrick's Day, and then it's coming into Easter and the Lord has risen. We have to toast to that.

[Joanne McNally]

There's a bit of losing on St. Patrick's Day. You can get involved in that without drinking. I'll lose.

[Bill Williams]

I do agree with you though. I think that. And the summer goes on till October. Really? That's when we get our best weather.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. And sure. Then it's Halloween. And sure. What's that? Only a giant session for the ghosts.

[Bill Williams]

Remembering of the dead. We're only remembering.

[Joanne McNally]

There's no time. There's no time to dry out. There's no time, Joe.

[Bill Williams]

I wish I've. I'm taking it back. I take it back. I'm gonna really try not be that person. I'm gonna go into Instagram now and cry in a minute. And then I'm going. I nearly cried the other day on Instagram.

[Joanne McNally]

Get that ring light, baby. At that ring light on those tears.

[Bill Williams]

I'm gonna cry and then I'm gonna say that I'm having a vacation from Instagram.

[Joanne McNally]

Do you know what? And I. I said nothing about it. I said nothing about it, but I deleted Instagram for 24 hours. When I say I am a different person, it was like I'd done Ayahuasca. The peace. I lay in bed all day, no Instagram. And I read. I'm reading the Gathering by Anne Enright. I just read and I didn't engage with the Internet at all. And when I say it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I am hooked on Instagram. I don't for the better.

[Bill Williams]

Did you have the TikTok on the go?

[Joanne McNally]

No, TikTok doesn't engage me in the same way, but it does. Do you know the way if you need a hit of something, it does. It's like a nicotine patch. It'll kind of give you a bit of a hit. But there isn't like the same interaction on TikTok for me. So it's not. It'll give you some. It'll give you the kind of fake scroll. Do you know what I mean?

[Bill Williams]

I'm not mad for Tick Tock because I haven't got my algorithm. You know when they, like, you have to swipe videos to get the videos that you start liking and then it shows you the video. So I haven't got to that. It's so. I don't know how to do that and I just stay away.

[Joanne McNally]

Tick Tock is just people. They're rotting each other out, but they're not saying who. They're rotten out. They're like, well, well, well, wait until I tell you about this famous influencer with blonde hair that I met today. And she was an absolute GE bag. And then everyone's like, who? And they're jumping in the comments and trying to decide who it is. It's so toxic. Instagram is lovely. Instagram is just like kind of a little cloud of fun for me. But Tick Tock is.

[Bill Williams]

I agree.

[Joanne McNally]

It's just apologies and people ratting each other out. It's br.

[Bill Williams]

But you remember. Remember that Tick Tock thing that I found really funny? There was an influencer, supposedly that was pretending to run 5k, and she was. Started recording the first of her 5k, and then she was driving to the next place and recording it. Like, even if someone did that, I think that that is so brilliant. Why anyone. Why anyone would give a why? Why do you care if she's pretending to run 5k? And why do you care if someone drinks when they're. When they said they're not drinking? So what, you're not in charge of them? Get lost.

[Joanne McNally]

Cuz we love to police each other. We love it. We're all just huge guardes with taser gun and hats. We love, we love spying on each other, catch each other out for lying and policing each other. We love it.

[Bill Williams]

Now there's one thing though, and like I've seen this. I think I said it to Amber before. I know a person who basically has gotten a puppy and like was posting all about the puppy and posting about the puppy and then all of a sudden puppy was gone. And then the puppy turned out it wasn't their puppy because the puppy was gone. Everyone's like, where's the goddamn puppy? And then only a few years later, they got another puppy. Another puppy and then that puppy gone.

[Joanne McNally]

Are they eating the puppies? Where are they going?

[Bill Williams]

I don't know. But they got away with. I, I think the puppies are going to people farm. But the actual farm people don't like.

[Joanne McNally]

When people, when people handback dogs, it gets it, it honestly, it ignites more hatred than passing back children as far as I can see. Remember Lily Allen got blasted. Blasted for handing back a dog. She's like, look, we just couldn't handle the dog. Isn't that what happened?

[Unknown]

She took an adopted puppy.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

That ate her family's passports. So she had to return.

[Bill Williams]

Oh yeah, I remember. She gave that back.

[Joanne McNally]

Yes. People went through her like I, I understand, I get it. We don't like to see animals disrespected in that way. But also, you know, we have to fucking rein it in, I guess, cuz they're so vulnerable and stuff. That puppy that you tried to get me to adopt. I did go in. I was having a little look at her and she's gone.

[Bill Williams]

I warned you. I knew she was hot properly. As soon as I saw her face pop up. I thought, Lulu's not gonna have a problem.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Bill Williams]

And with a bio like that sold.

[Joanne McNally]

A locker like that, when you're that hot, the world is your oyster.

[Bill Williams]

I mean, I have to say, it's.

[Joanne McNally]

The halo effect that's, it's the halo effect when you're close.

[Bill Williams]

She's six. A toilet trained can go in and out of a cat flap. No wonder she was snapped up. I even said, I was like, I, I know. I was saying Sveni. I was like, ah, would we, would we take Lulu? And he goes, no, we could have Lulu if Winston bit the bullet. And I do. For a split second I was like, God. I went and looked at Winston and then he's. He, he was kind of just lying there. But all of a sudden, he just, like, jumped up and started wagging his tail. And I was like, damn it. And that's when I knew Lulu was out of my reach.

[Joanne McNally]

DNR do not resuscitate Winston D&OR. Baby, we've got a. We've got fresh meat ready to come in. We've got a young hot dog. She's hot. She's got a great. She's got a great bob or something.

[Bill Williams]

She's absolutely. Her ears look like a bob, but. I'm sorry, have you seen Winston? When I trim Winston's ears, he looks 10 years longer. It's like he's had Botox. I trim the end hairs off his ears and he looks fun. Even the bod's looking good.

[Joanne McNally]

Stretch now. I think that's a stretch.

[Bill Williams]

Winston is. Then. He's the nicest dog you could come across. But Lulu did put a spanner in his works for a split second.

[Joanne McNally]

I get on. On very well with Winston. We have a nice understanding. We don't. He doesn't bother me, and I don't bother him. I used to babysit him. Do you remember?

[Bill Williams]

Yeah. But now that Winston's completely deaf, he's got a great life because he doesn't hear. See that noise that you heard earlier? He doesn't hear any of that anymore.

[Joanne McNally]

And he's not on Instagram anymore.

[Bill Williams]

He is.

[Joanne McNally]

Is he still on Instagram?

[Bill Williams]

Sometimes I pop him on Instagram. Oh, that account that was made, I had nothing to do with that. I don't have time to have accounts for my dogs. I'm sorry.

[Joanne McNally]

Has time for that.

[Bill Williams]

I'm gonna go put. I'm gonna go put him on Instagram right now. Did I tell him every time I do, I get sent broken hearts because everyone thinks he's dead?

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, well, it's. It is. It's. It's like every time I see a photo of David Attenborough in the news, they're like, oh, no. It's just David giving out to us again about the environment. Thank God. Thank God. David's like, every time he pops up my feet. I'm like, david, no.

[Bill Williams]

That's what people do with witty Dad's dad.

[Joanne McNally]

And then it's just David going, I'm gonna be dead soon, and you better look after the environment. That's. That's what he's doing. He's warning us feral children to look after you, to look after the animals he's preserved.

[Bill Williams]

He's gonna go. I'd say he'll be like one of those 120 year olds, we'll. We'll be gone before him. Are you mad?

[Joanne McNally]

He's the. Oh. David Attenborough is the only man alive who I would say has never had an affair.

[Bill Williams]

Oh, definitely hasn't. And loved his wife so much and when she died, he has never had a partner since.

[Joanne McNally]

If David Attenborough passes, if he decides to go, because it will be his choice, because that's how powerful he is.

[Bill Williams]

100 his choice and something comes out.

[Joanne McNally]

About him, some sort of sexual scandal. No, I will hang my hat, whatever that means. I will hang it on something.

[Bill Williams]

You're gonna.

[Joanne McNally]

Whatever that same means. Like the hat will be hung.

[Bill Williams]

No, that couldn't be. That would be desperate. Couldn't possibly be. I mean, there's ones will be in mourning for years. You're just waiting for it with some people, not with him.

[Joanne McNally]

He is someone we trust and love and I just don't let us down. Hide the evidence. If that is. If there is something that you know is. Is going to come out, just hide the evidence. Take it to the Arctic, take it to the North Pole. Next time you're going, just set it free. All the paperwork, let it go. We just can't cope with it. We couldn't cope with it. He's like just the house. He's just wholesome. He's like strawberry jam, tea and toast. He's wholesome, he's reassuring. He is. I've never had a child, but I'm told that after you give birth they give you tea and toast in the hospitals and that it's the girls tell me it is the most delicious meal you'll be ever given. And that is David Attenborough to me for now. Unless something comes out about him and until he destroys the evidence in the North Pole, he's an ug boot. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to communicate the comfort that he brings me.

[Bill Williams]

Who knew Joanne had such a thing for David? Here I am handing out names left, right and center and it's been David Attenborough all these times.

[Joanne McNally]

He's. He's a water bottle on your premenstruls.

[Bill Williams]

He is. He's so kind. His voice is so soothing.

[Joanne McNally]

He's the cranberry juice to your uti. Am I communicating myself clearly?

[Bill Williams]

I think he would absolutely love to hear that analogy himself.

[Joanne McNally]

He's the. He's the caniston to your thrush. It's just.

[Bill Williams]

Oh, that's even better.

[Unknown]

You know, she doesn't like that word.

[Joanne McNally]

Caniston. Yeah. Did everybody tell you by the time I sat hungover, I brushed my cheapness instead of Calgary?

[Bill Williams]

No, that is after. Sorry. Do you not remember you sprayed your whole mouth with dog? Dog food. Cbd. Do you remember that?

[Joanne McNally]

I totally forgot about that.

[Bill Williams]

That was so it's not yours? No, no, it was yours. Someone sent you dog. I don't know. Maybe.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, I got some press back from fucking who Worked like pedigree or something. How did I end up with dog CBD oil?

[Bill Williams]

How did it end up in your mouth?

[Joanne McNally]

She was like, anything in my mouth.

[Bill Williams]

I was like, God, that reeks.

[Joanne McNally]

Anything lying around, I just put it in.

[Bill Williams]

I remember I was using dog shampoo for ages when I was. I was staying with this people that we know in France. And I was like, shan. And I was like, wait, I know that word. Sham. But I thought it was that cn, you know, C, I, E, N. And then I was like, yeah, chat.

[Joanne McNally]

Massive dog, I would say. I wouldn't say that's bad. You know, I wouldn't really.

[Bill Williams]

I got out all the grease, that's for sure.

[Joanne McNally]

Guys, I can't stick around. I've got a gig to go to. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to. I'm going to Wide Out. What's it called?

[Bill Williams]

It's definitely not called Wide On.

[Joanne McNally]

Wake Up.

[Bill Williams]

Wake Up Festival.

[Joanne McNally]

Wake Around. What's it called, Joe, can we get a fact check there?

[Unknown]

I don't know, mate.

[Bill Williams]

Probably. Why would it not be called Wide Awake Festival? Now? Are you gonna go and see any bands?

[Unknown]

Wide Awake Festival.

[Joanne McNally]

Wide Awake Festival.

[Bill Williams]

Wide Awake. Well, you are. What a crazy person.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm just mad. I'm just a mad, you know. Spritz.

[Bill Williams]

Summer, baby, I can't wait to hear you how you get on at this festival for a few hours because then you can really decide about your Glastonbury trip.

[Unknown]

It's a good test.

[Bill Williams]

It's not really a great test. Yo, she's in the middle of London on the festival for a few hours and she's bad.

[Unknown]

Yeah. If she hates this, she'll really hate Glastonbury.

[Joanne McNally]

It's roasting, but I'm going in full rain gear. I've got a poncho, I'm ready to go. Nice 3% battery. What could go wrong?

[Bill Williams]

There's. You're better off without the phone. You don't need it. Make sure you bring a card for your bits and bobs. That's all you need.

[Joanne McNally]

A card. What you mean a credit card?

[Bill Williams]

If your phone goes. You need to have something no one ever goes around with. Cards.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm bringing three grand in cash and I'm on a promise. That's one of the kneecap lots.

[Bill Williams]

Are you going to meet them?

[Joanne McNally]

They don't know that, but yeah, sure.

[Bill Williams]

Just. Does going to watch them in concert count as meeting them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, it does. Joanne.

[Joanne McNally]

Yes, I'll be right up on the. I'll be right up on the fence.

[Bill Williams]

I have.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm gonna get into the photographer's pit. I have contacts.

[Bill Williams]

Do you really? You'll have no interest being in there. Joanne, I think I know you better than you know yourself.

[Joanne McNally]

Folk, you underestimate me. I am mad.

[Bill Williams]

No, you love comfort. You love comfort so much.

[Joanne McNally]

Okay, fine. I used to love going out and I've kind of dropped the ball on it and I'm trying to re. Engage with the world and so this is a journey for me.

[Bill Williams]

Well, do you know what? I'm actually. I can't wait because I can't wait to hear you get on because I believe that you and I need to stop being losers. And we can't do it alone. Have to. This is a team effort. And I was out last week, remember, at the flower show, so that was my doing. And now it's your turn.

[Joanne McNally]

We're t. We're tag teaming. Yeah, we're tagging.

[Bill Williams]

You do.

[Joanne McNally]

You do. You do flower show. I go see Kneecap, then we tag back next week. You go see Prodigy and I'll do. Yeah, crocheting course. Yeah, we'll kind of. We'll keep the balance.

[Bill Williams]

Yeah, we don't get. We don't want to get too used to the one thing.

[Joanne McNally]

Okay, no, keep us on our email.

[Bill Williams]

Pettiness over a pear. Hi, Joanne and Vogue. Now just quick question. I don't know if this is about a pear or not, but would you eat a pear? I'd never think of even looking at a pair.

[Joanne McNally]

One of my friends boyfriends cheated on him. And as revenge, my friend scrolled onto his boyfriend's headboard. Cheater. In, like with the scissors or something?

[Bill Williams]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say with a pear.

[Joanne McNally]

No, but he sent, he sent me a photo of the crime scene to say what I've done. And the bed was perfectly made and cheater was like etched into the headboard. And there was what I thought was a decorative pear on the pillow. And I was like, wow, I. I can't believe in his moment of rage, he made the bed and put a decorative pear but it turns out the decorative pair was actually a douche.

[Bill Williams]

Oh my God.

[Joanne McNally]

So it was a shady. Yeah, it was shade, but I thought it was a decorative pair. Sorry, that's. When you say petty pair, that's what comes to mind.

[Bill Williams]

Wow. Oh my gosh.

[Unknown]

Maybe that's where we're going.

[Joanne McNally]

Tradition. Which is probably what straight should also be done. We're more spontaneous. Which isn't. Doesn't. Doesn't bring great results.

[Bill Williams]

I'm not having this conversation again. I. I thought that's what I'm saying.

[Unknown]

We can only go down this road once a year.

[Bill Williams]

I'm not going down anymore. Okay, well, I haven't personally done it. Is that what you're asking? I haven't done it this year.

[Joanne McNally]

No, no, no. I'm not asking have you done it? I'm just saying. Well, when you look at the work that the gays put in versus the spontaneity of the straights.

[Bill Williams]

Okay, I thought I should share an example of my own petty behavior. Please let me know if you approve or if you think I've become a little unhinged.

[Joanne McNally]

I approve already. Carry on.

[Bill Williams]

Yeah, me too. Well done. No, wait. Actually maybe I won't. I'm a full time mama and a part time teacher so I spent all of my waking hours and sleeping hours with babies and children. I would say I'm a fairly patient mother, wife and teacher. I have very few bugbears. My main one being losing things. I can't stand toys with missing parts or incomplete sets. Joanne. I say the odd little prayer for all your lost airpods and waterfalls. God love them.

[Joanne McNally]

It's more the designer sunglasses but yeah, yeah.

[Bill Williams]

Passports. It's not going to get a lot worse.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Williams]

I'm surprised you haven't lost your apartments.

[Joanne McNally]

Blood results. No, no, it was definitely here, guys. It was definitely here.

[Bill Williams]

Imagine Joanne parking at long term in the airport. She didn't ever find her car again.

[Joanne McNally]

I left the flat in a taxi. I'm absolutely fuming.

[Bill Williams]

My husband was in charge of our 14 month baby. When I took a 10 minute shower at minutes, he decided to let her play with an ornamental wooden pear made up of two parts. It doesn't sound that impressive but it's particularly precious to me. I love that wooden pair. I returned to find all the baby's toys strewn across the floor and half of my wooden pair missing. I lost my. He said it didn't matter and that I should stop being a Karen. I stormed out and immediate. Yeah, I. Oh wow. This has escalated quite quickly. After the pair and I stormed out and immediately hit his car keys, toothbrush, and just one of his work shoes, I considered taking his fancy carbon fiber insole out so he could at least put that in his spare work shoes. But then I got a grip on myself and thought, it hides the whole goddamn shoe. I then texted him from the other room saying, do you want to die alone?

[Joanne McNally]

Wow.

[Bill Williams]

I want to take a picture of this pair.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, wow.

[Unknown]

This has gone naught to 100.

[Joanne McNally]

Is this, like, the original pair? Is this, like, from. Is this Adam and Eve pair? Like, what?

[Bill Williams]

How is it so valuable all for a wooden pair? Is that too petty or was it your husband's douche?

[Joanne McNally]

Is there more to the story? Is it just a wooden bear?

[Bill Williams]

Maybe it represents all the missing parts of myself I have lost to motherhood. And now I'm raging that he won't help me find those pieces to put myself back to together again. All the best. Gee. I think we all have it in ourselves to lose our mind every so often over a wooden pair.

[Joanne McNally]

I think this is what they call in the business the straw that broke the camel's back.

[Bill Williams]

Yes. Yes.

[Joanne McNally]

You know what I mean. You hold your shit together. Like, you keep it all together. The dog dies. When your kids gets expelled, your husband has an affair. You keep it together. You're like, no, no, I can handle it. I can handle it. We move forward and then someone breaks the wooden pair and you're like, it's carnage. Yeah, this is what this feels like.

[Bill Williams]

I really can hold it together. Like, I can hold it together a lot. A lot, a lot. I don't lose my temper often, but when I get to that point, things end up broken and then I'm pissed off myself that, like, I broke my phone screen or something like that. Like, it happens maybe once a year. That's how bad it can be. But that sounds like one of those situations.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. This is the pair that broke the woman's back. I would say. Yeah.

[Bill Williams]

Yeah, I. I think that my kids have one of those pairs. And I wouldn't mind. I can. I can post it to you if that would help. You should.

[Joanne McNally]

Actually, that's a really nice thing to suggest.

[Bill Williams]

I'll find the pair. God damn it. Imagine I could only find half. It wouldn't matter if I only find half, because then you'd have two halves of a whole pair.

[Joanne McNally]

Send Radish for the crack.

[Bill Williams]

I will. Also, why don't you send her the spank puddle that you were meant to give to me? God knows where that is. She has the spank bottle. She has it right beside. Remember that. Remember, Remember the North Face jacket I got for Christmas I was so excited for?

[Joanne McNally]

Still here, folks.

[Bill Williams]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

Your photo, your painting is in the framers.

[Bill Williams]

I was gonna say her spank bottle. She's probably lent it to someone. There's probably pubes on it.

[Joanne McNally]

That's so weird. It's here. Cleaner took us.

[Bill Williams]

What a likely story. Joanne, listen, go off, enjoy your festival. Have fun.

[Joanne McNally]

I can't walk because I spanked myself too hard. My ass full of splinters. But I'll get. I'll get it fixed and sent back to you.

[Bill Williams]

So come here to me. I'm staying in London tonight, so when you inevitably come home from the festival in two hours, just give me a buzz. I'm here, okay?

[Joanne McNally]

How dare you. I'll only be getting going.

[Bill Williams]

Okay, cool. See you at around half seven.

[Joanne McNally]

I had therapy at nine in the morning, so I was like, saying to lads, I can't have a light one. Can't have a one.

[Bill Williams]

Has your therapist ever given therapy to somebody who hasn't been to bed yet?

[Joanne McNally]

Every time I text my therapist, she assumes it's an absolute crisis. She's like, I'm free in 40 minutes because I only go to her when things are like, when I'm. Do you know when you're, like, about to spiral? Like, I'm. I'm about to have a pair. I'm. I'm the. I'm the pair.

[Bill Williams]

The woman with the pair.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, yeah, but in a nice way. It's good to feel your feels and get it out.

[Bill Williams]

I agree, I agree.