MTGM EXTRA! "My ex still niggles at me..."

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: My Therapist Ghosted Me
Episode: MTGM EXTRA! "My ex still niggles at me..."
Hosts: Vogue Williams & Joanne McNally
Date: September 24, 2025

This bonus episode brings Vogue and Joanne together for their trademark candid banter, veering through topics from dental disasters and kitchen gadgets to the long tail of heartbreak. The main theme emerges from a listener dilemma: why an ex who cheated can still haunt your thoughts—even when happiness has seemingly moved on. The pair unpack the emotions, sprinkle in therapy jokes, and offer real, unfiltered advice with their usual humor.

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Laughter and Life Updates

Dental Drama & Tattoos

• Joanne starts off bemoaning a hole in her tooth, imagining a gold filling for style.
  • “Whole gold tooth. Just get rid of the tooth. Go whole gold.” — Joanne, 00:47
• She also reveals she's genuinely getting a tattoo:
  • “I'm getting a little cherub angel... and she has a little martini glass.” — Joanne, 01:14
• Vogue is supportive in her own way:
  • “I just don't stand in your way anymore. You know what you are, who you are, and I love you for it.” — Vogue, 01:54

Alternative Fashion & Body Image

• They joke about body modifications and alternative piercings, with Vogue admitting a mild fear of stretched ear lobes:
  • “It scares me a tiny bit. I can't help the way I feel.” — Vogue, 02:26
• Both reflect (hilariously) on how “no one loves their nose.”

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Nostalgia: University Days & Poverty Meals (04:02–06:50)

• The trio reminisce about college life and student food disasters.
  • “College, you didn't know how good you had it because you'd nothing to do... no responsibilities. Now you know money. But it was wasted on them.” — Joanne, 04:02
• Joanne's classic: “2 minute instant noodles on white toast with Kerrygold... not a single nutrient to be seen in that meal.” — Joanne, 06:19
• Vogue and Joanne agree: "You can have a beige diet and be absolutely fine. Kids survive on beige." — (Paraphrased, 06:43)

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Bizarre Birthday Planning (07:10–09:14)

• Vogue panics over her partner, Spencer, planning a huge, unwanted birthday party.
  • “I'm having a nervous breakdown. I wanted 15 to 20 people... He's mentioned 70 to 100. What's happened here?” — Vogue, 07:10
• Joanne and Joe tease that the surprise might be excessive, and try to reassure her,
  • “It's your 40th. Everyone's allowed to go above and beyond for their 40th.” — Joanne, 08:49
• Hilarity ensues over mixed idioms: “above and beard” / “above and aboard.”

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Coffee Machines, Exes, and Awkward Dating (10:05–14:34)

• Joanne recounts an awful dating story and a “Barry” who relied on her—and his friends—for meals, prioritized his Sage coffee machine, and ghosted her unceremoniously.
  • “He left me sitting in the restaurant... I saw the silhouette of him packing a Sage coffee machine... and his father drove him off.” — Joanne, 11:14–11:58
• Vogue is more sympathetic to Barry’s coffee obsession than his character.
  • “I’d leave my mother on the side of the road for a Sage.” — Vogue, 12:08
• The trio marvel at the absurd prices for fancy coffee machines.
  • “You can spend two grand on one of those.” — Joe, 13:55

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Listener Letter: "My Ex Still Niggles at Me..." (17:42–24:14)

[17:42] Letter Read & Context

A listener writes about ongoing anger towards an ex who cheated on her years ago, despite being happily in a new relationship.

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Major Points & Discussion

1. Lingering Resentment Isn’t Longing

• Vogue assures her: “I don't think you're hung up on him... you're just still really pissed off that he did that to you. And that's totally fine.” (20:55)
• Both hosts reveal similar feelings about their own exes’ bad behavior.

2. The Unavoidable “What Ifs” and Lack of Closure

• Joanne relates: “I was in a relationship... he cheated pretty regularly... There was never any repercussions for him for it.” (21:01)
• She regrets giving too much and seeking friendship even after multiple betrayals.

3. Desire for ‘Cosmic Justice’

• Vogue: “You kind of want everyone to know that they're a wanker... but at the end of the day... that’s who they are.” (21:41)
• Joanne: “A leopard never changes its spots... if he does it with you, he does it to you, he'll do it on you.” (21:56)

4. Do You Need Therapy for Exes?

• Both advocate therapy but frame it as an ongoing self-care tool, not necessarily a “cure” for remembering hurt.
  • “Why don't you just get therapy anyway? I love getting a bit of therapy.” — Vogue, 23:21
  • “Therapy is always the answer.” — Joanne, 23:27

5. Closure: Sometimes You Have to Give it to Yourself

• Joanne: “Sometimes you have to close it for yourself... They're never going to give it to me. I need to just do this myself now.” (24:32–24:41)

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Notable Quotes and Advice

• “If there's hangovers of this stuff, it just sits with you, it stays with you. Like, I dream about loads of my exes.” — Joanne, 23:04
• “Thank God you got someone new and sound. That’s it... it’s not like he’s had a complete lobotomy. That’s who he is.” — Vogue, 23:12
• “Dún an doras”—Let’s close the door (in Irish). — Vogue & Joanne, 24:43–24:55

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Running Gags & Memorable Moments

• The “Sage” coffee machine obsession, with both genuine admiration and parody of how pointless fancy gadgets can be (10:05 and throughout).
• Joanne’s parade of awkward Barry stories (duolingo at dinner, Nando’s date, etc.), culminating in, “I didn’t even know Barry had pockets because he never put his hand in them.” (13:14)
• Language learning and passive-aggressive duolingo streaks as the episode closes (24:55+).

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Key Takeaways

• It’s normal to feel bruised by betrayal years later, even in a new, happy relationship. Lingering thoughts don’t mean you want your ex back.
• Therapy helps—if only to process residual annoyance, but sometimes closure is a DIY project.
• It’s not about the ex “winning” or “losing”—they’re just living out who they are.
• Humor, friendship, and a touch of self-compassion are effective salves for old wounds.

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If you’re still stewing over an ex, you’re in good company. Whether it’s a sage coffee machine or closing your own mental doors—sometimes you have to let go and have a laugh... or at least a podcast chat about it.

Transcript

[Joe]

This is a Global Player original podcast.

[Joanne]

Welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted me. It's the usual crew, you know? You know who we are at this point. Yeah.

[Vogue]

And if you don't, it's Vogue. Joanna Jo. That's. That's who it is. There you go.

[Joanne]

There's wind. Blood whistling through one of my teeth. That's not good, is it?

[Vogue]

What do you mean?

[Joanne]

No, that's not good.

[Vogue]

What do you mean there's a wind in your teeth?

[Joanne]

Like, there's. There's like. I can feel wind blowing through my. As in there's a cow. There's a hole in one of my teeth.

[Vogue]

Oh, God. A filling.

[Joanne]

This is from the.

[Vogue]

Get a gold one.

[Joanne]

A gold filling.

[Joe]

Whole gold tooth. Just get rid of the tooth. Go. Whole gold.

[Joanne]

Kylie, my Torah manager, has a silver cap on the front of her tooth. It looks really cool. I just don't know if I can pull it off. Kylie has a whole look going on. I look like I was at a hen party and I just stuck it up.

[Vogue]

You're wearing some mad T shirt today. That looks like something from. What's that band? Slipknot. You look like you're wearing a slipknot T shirt.

[Joanne]

I've chosen my tattoo design.

[Vogue]

Oh, my God. You're being serious about that.

[Joanne]

I'm getting a little cherub angel with cherub. Cherub. You know, there's a fat little cute angels.

[Joe]

Cherub.

[Vogue]

A cherub. A cherub with the almonds.

[Joanne]

Cherub.

[Vogue]

You said a cherub.

[Joanne]

What they call it cherub.

[Vogue]

Cherubs. Maybe she means shrubs on the back of shrubs.

[Joanne]

I'm getting a bush. Getting a bush on my back. Whatever. They're bloody called cherubs. One of those little fat girls. I love those with the gorgeous pearls on and the angel wings. And she's had. She has a little martini glass.

[Joe]

Oh, no.

[Vogue]

Oh. To make it more Joanski. Okay, yeah, yeah, I like that. I just don't stand in your way anymore. Do you know what you are, who you are? And I love you for it.

[Joanne]

God, I wish you were my mother.

[Joe]

If you say no, she'll only act out more.

[Joanne]

Yeah, exactly. You have to say yes.

[Vogue]

She'll come back with face tats everywhere, and I'll be like, oh, I shouldn't have said a word.

[Joanne]

I'm getting a silver ball put in my forehead. I'm hanging around with Kylie too much. I'm going to start modifying. There's.

[Vogue]

I know, and I'm sorry, but, like, those things scare me a little bit and I know it's not fair cuz everyone deserves to look the way they want. But like the. When people take out those massive earrings in their ears and they have the dangly lobes, it scares me a tiny bit. I can't help the way I feel cuz I'm just real like scaredy of things like that.

[Joanne]

It looks like they've been shot in the ear. Looks like they've been shot in the earlobe. Yeah, I know, yeah. And then they have to get a kind of reaction resize. Sometimes I let it, they leave it. And sometimes they. That wouldn't be for us. We're a little too conservative for that folk.

[Vogue]

Yeah.

[Joanne]

Maybe a little safety pin through the nose. Just something to kind of tide me over so I can get over this.

[Vogue]

Like the idea of a nose ring. I do like that. I think that they can look chic.

[Joanne]

Oh yeah. I love a tiny little stud in the nose. My nose is too piggish to have to hold a nose ring. I'd look like I was actually being sent to a slaughterhouse.

[Vogue]

Everyone has something bad to say about their nose. I don't think I've ever met anyone who's gone, I love my nose. Oh, hang on. Actually, Sven, he's not there. He probably loves his nose.

[Joanne]

But he looks, of course he does.

[Vogue]

He's got a 10 out of 10.

[Joanne]

Because he's in admiring his nose. He's in the mirror just admiring his nose. I had a woman once say to me, because I, I, my, my nose, everyone, you know, we all hate ourselves, etcetera, blah, blah, blah. And a woman asked me when she was like, oh, did you get a nose job? And I was like, what? She's like, your nose is perfect. And I was like, you don't know how much that means to me. I was like, you obviously haven't seen it from the A certain you haven't seen it. And then I was of course like pulling it apart and showing her how bad it was.

[Vogue]

No, look at this angle. Look at this and look up there.

[Joanne]

If my phone opens on the front camera and I'm like, this is it. Yeah. Anyway, I was thrilled. This is the thing me and Joe were just discussing when you, before you joined us, we were talking, I was talking about maybe going back to college and studying Greek and Romans history, I know another. I'll do that after I get my cherub tattoo. Blah, blah. We're just talking. We were saying though, how in college you didn't know how good you had it because you'd nothing to do like you'd know responsibilities. Now you know money. But it was wasted on them. You didn't waste it on them.

[Joe]

You didn't know that you had no money. Because not having any money wasn't stressful. It didn't matter.

[Vogue]

No, but no one had money though.

[Joanne]

It didn't matter.

[Vogue]

Like you could scrape coins together. Bottle of wine for a fiver.

[Joanne]

Yeah. You're borrowing tanners and borrowing fibers and all it was. It was like a lot of bartering going on.

[Vogue]

Why would you remember the Western Union? Do you remember the Western? I used to get my dad when I moved to San Francisco and I was making an absolute fortune but spending it as soon as I got it. And so I used to have to get my dad to send me money and like I used to get him to Western Union me money. Do you remember that? Is that still a thing, the Western Union?

[Joanne]

I don't know. I'm sure it is. Is. It is. Because I remember. I think I had to have it. I think I had to be Western Unionized in Australia once last year. Yeah. On the reg. College. You'd love to go back, wouldn't you?

[Vogue]

I. You see I was in Aberdeen and when I say I went wild, like we went up the walls over there. Cuz I used to have my. Like I didn't live with my parents. I literally was free. I had been set free. And I should do it.

[Joanne]

That's how you should do it. Dublin. Dublin University is different from. Because we. I went to ucd. I lived in Dublin. So there reason to move out and they. My parents paid for it. Exactly. They wouldn't have paid for it. So it's not the same college experience, you know?

[Vogue]

No, no. But I did now Neil was. Because Neil was paying for me to live somewhere in Aberdeen. I got a hundred quid a month. That's what I lived off. And I lived off it. 100 quid a month. That's where my penchant for pasta pesto first arose because it was so cheap to make.

[Joanne]

Yeah. God bless the Italians.

[Vogue]

Oh God. Thank God. And some frozen chips. I used to love a frozen chip. Yuck.

[Joanne]

My favorite cottage meal was two 2 minute instant noodles on white toast with kerrygold.

[Vogue]

Oh, that's.

[Joanne]

And the butter will be like literally bubbling. It'd be so much of it. It'd be like an extra layer of slime on top of the noodles.

[Vogue]

You were hitting the Kerry. Oh, you were living at home.

[Joanne]

Do you know what I was thinking when I was actually thinking around the student time. But I was In. I was in Australia when I did that. Day in day. Not. Not a nutrient to be seen in that meal. Not a single nutrient.

[Vogue]

But it just goes to show you you can have a page diet and be absolutely fine. Kids maybe survive on beige and they're Grant.

[Joanne]

Yeah. Remember your 1. Remember the English woman who was feeding her kid McDonald's and everyone was going mad. Now that is bad. Remember chattering the high street.

[Vogue]

It was just daily life.

[Joanne]

I just love McDonald's.

[Vogue]

Joanne McNally and Joe. What has Spencer organized for my birthday? I am having a nervous breakdown. I wanted 15 to 20 people in my house just having a few drinks. He's mentioned 70 to 100. What's happened here?

[Joanne]

When he asked me for my passport.

[Vogue]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Are we going away? What's happening?

[Joanne]

I've been asked to donate blood, so I'm not sure what's happening, but I'm. I'm guessing it's going to be something intense.

[Vogue]

Have you been asked to perform?

[Joanne]

Imagine like if you did that to me.

[Vogue]

That's all I want for my birthday, John. Yeah, that's all I want.

[Joanne]

You'll pay in like everyone else.

[Vogue]

I'm like a nervous honestly. He's like, this is your problem is that you're too controlling. And I'm like, it's. I just. We cannot fit that amount of people in our apartment. If that's who you think we're inviting somebody. I was like, sorry. I've never even had a drink with that person. I think I've met that person twice. I'm like, why is this happening?

[Joanne]

What's he. What is all this about? Did I feel like he was. Was he. Was he. What's the word?

[Vogue]

I don't know. I think he felt bad because he didn't do anything for my Irish birthday.

[Joanne]

And there we have it. I. I was going to say this sounds like he's trying to make up for something.

[Vogue]

I. I just. I would like to just point out to everyone who's going to see the second batch of celebrations and think she like the F over herself. It's not down to me and I know it looks bad, okay. But I can't stop it because I'm being told I'm being controlling. I think this is good for you.

[Joanne]

I think this is good for you. It's got to tell you a bit embarrassed.

[Vogue]

I feel a bit embarrassed. Don't be.

[Joanne]

But don't be. It's a. It's your 40th. Everyone's allowed going above and beard for their. Everyone's Allowed to go above and aboard for their 40th. Our mutual friend. He just had his 40th.

[Joe]

Sticking with above aboard, are we?

[Vogue]

I just left her to. She got there close enough. She was.

[Joanne]

What is it? What is this?

[Vogue]

Above and beyond. Above and beyond.

[Joe]

Sort of somewhere between above and beyond and going overboard.

[Joanne]

I think I just woke up. I haven't had my. I haven't had my Nespresso yet.

[Vogue]

You need to upgrade to a Sage. I told you, you'll never look back.

[Joanne]

I haven't got a coffee machine. I'm an instant gal. Although my taxi man the other day was telling me that it's viciously carcinogenic. But, like, isn't everything?

[Vogue]

Sorry, the. You're on the. You're still hitting the granules. Yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

Oh, I'd be less surprised.

[Vogue]

Nobody in the entire world is drinking granules except you, John McDonald.

[Joanne]

Couldn't be Arsenal. That business. It's a waste of time and parts, literally.

[Vogue]

Okay, well, then you just don't. Don't get a stage. It's. That's absolutely not.

[Joanne]

Well, now I want one.

[Vogue]

You'll have to buy beans and everything. It's. It's too much for you. It's too much.

[Joanne]

It doesn't matter. I like collecting kitchen things that I don't use. I've an air fryer and a juicer in there I've never touched. And a Soda Stream. A toaster.

[Vogue]

Soda Stream. Yeah, yeah, Soda Stream.

[Joanne]

Oh, leave me for 15 minutes on my own on the Internet, and I'll purchase something for the kitchen that I never go into. I. I have a Sage. I want a Sage.

[Vogue]

I'll do that today. I'm not getting you one. They're really expensive. I've asked for all my aunties to get me one for my mom's house in Spain. Because whenever I go to Spain, I'm like, I can't bear being away from the Sage. And I love the Spanish, but they don't do the best coffee. So, like, I've asked everyone to contribute towards the stage.

[Joanne]

I was. I was seeing. I was seeing a man recently. No. Yeah, kind of a dog. Seeing a man about a dog. I was seeing a dog who was a man, and he. One evening, I was. I. We went for food near his apartment. He was moving out, and his. We bumped into two friends of his, and then we ended up eating with his friends. They were really nice. And then he. This. The. The boy who we will call Barry, he was like, oh, I might. I'm gonna go down and do. I don't know. Take some. I don't know. He went out to meet his father. His father was helping him move out of the apartment. Left me with his friends. Oh, I. His friend then was like, I'll pay for it. And I was like, no, no, I'll get me and the. Me and Barry. And he was like, no, no, it's the. Fine, I'll pay for it. But Barry left me to pay for him.

[Vogue]

And so you were paying for Barry's lunch? Or was it a coffee?

[Joanne]

No, food. It was food drinks. It was food drinks. And then I went. And then he never. Barry never came back. And he was moving away the next day. He never came back. And then he.

[Vogue]

Food and alcohol. Drinks.

[Joanne]

Yes, food and alcohol drinks.

[Vogue]

Barry.

[Joanne]

This was. This was. This was Barry's style.

[Vogue]

What a cheap.

[Joanne]

Yeah. And I left. I. He left me sitting in the restaurant. And I eventually figured he wasn't coming back, so I walked out and saw him. The silhouette of him packing a sage coffee machine. That's why I brought this up into his dad's boot. And his father drove him off. Anyway, he drove the. Drove with the sage coffee machine. And I was like, you care more about that sage coffee machine because he's always talking about that coffee machine.

[Vogue]

I'll tell you what, I was. I was against Barry there until he mentioned the sage. You don't understand. I leave my mother on the side of the road for a sage. Like, it's just.

[Joanne]

Yeah, it is. He just left me, never came back, never said goodbye, and then texted me, I think a couple of days later and just. And I said, oh, I texted him and said, by the way, your friend paid for your food and drinks. You might want to thank him.

[Vogue]

Oh, so you didn't pay for the friend?

[Joanne]

No, the friend ended up paying for all of us, which was completely unnecessary. But. Yeah. Anyway, I'll never forget the image of him because I. I thought he looked so pathetic.

[Vogue]

And I remember it was too triggering for you to have one of them.

[Joanne]

I remember kind of laughing and I was like, joanne, can't. You can't be. Don't waste your time on this. This thing. This is. Look at the state of this now. Dragging a sage coffee machine into his father's car. Goodbye.

[Vogue]

I think that's kind of high end to the left. You'd rather he was dragging a bagginess cafe.

[Joanne]

Get your. Get a taxi. Your father picking you up. You know what I mean? You're 40 odd.

[Vogue]

Sorry, I don't want to stick up for Barry either, but like Pat Gives you lift the airport all the time.

[Joanne]

Yeah, and it's pathetic. That's why no one dates me now. Okay?

[Vogue]

It's Pat's fault.

[Joanne]

I would never have the neck or g to leave someone cover my dinner. Not even ask them. Not even acknowledge that that was happening. The assumption was I would pay for it because I paid for everything with Barry. I didn't even know Barry had pockets because he never put his hand in them. And I saw. And he ran down and grabbed this sage coffee machine and then moved. Moved away.

[Vogue]

Well, I'll tell you what, Barry did have pockets, because those coffee machines are pretty expensive. Yeah, unless. Unless he got a refurbed one. I don't know.

[Joanne]

He was treating it like it was definitely a prized possession.

[Vogue]

Probably the most expensive thing he owned.

[Joanne]

I sat alone in the bar.

[Vogue]

Look at Joe's face. Are you looking up the price of them?

[Joe]

You can spend two grand on one of those.

[Vogue]

What? Oh, well, mine doesn't cost two grand. No, you can't. No wonder you can't.

[Joe]

It's got a little iPad on it. It's a little iPad where you pick a picture of the coffee you want. It's pathetic.

[Vogue]

Okay, Joe, is it pathetic if everyone arrived at your door? How pathetic is it then?

[Joe]

Well, then. Then it's.

[Joanne]

Is it coming? Is one coming for me and Joe?

[Joe]

Take gratitude, guys.

[Joanne]

1.

[Vogue]

I'm having to put. Get all my aunties to pitch in together to get me one. It's not the two grand. Buy your own. I'm not. I'm not in charge of sage.

[Joanne]

That's insane.

[Vogue]

Hang on, Spany. What? You think your nose. Think it's all right? Think it's all right? Yeah, it's growing with time. It's growing with time. Oh, is this. He's more self aware.

[Joe]

They keep growing, don't they? Ears and noses. That's humans.

[Vogue]

My feet are growing. My feet. I used to definitely be a size 7 and now I'm. I'm hitting the 41s. I can't afford for my feet to grow, John.

[Joanne]

That's how I feel about my forehead and Botox.

[Vogue]

My hands are going to start dragging on the ground soon.

[Joanne]

Honestly, your feet usually shrink. I've hit the state. Wait till you're 40. Once you get 45, everything does start shrinking. That's like old people. They look like they've been put. Like if they. When you put a woolly jumper on a hot wash, they shrink down.

[Vogue]

I'm looking forward to that. That's the only thing I'm looking forward to. About getting old since there's someone in my whole egg. Oh, my God. I was watching someone's. Well, it wasn't tick tock. It was on Instagram last night. There was this. For some reason, all this ghost stuff comes up for me now because, you know, I'm mad for ghost stuff. And there was a woman there and she was like, practicing and filming. Can relate to that. She was practicing a dance and filming it, and then this. This voice from behind the curtain started saying, am I your friend? Am I your friend? And she freaked out. And I thought it was a ghost. It was an actual human man standing behind a curtain who had come in the other door. I was standing there and he's like, am I your friend? And she ran to the door and she's like, get out, get out. And I was like, imagine you're just privately trying to practice your dancing and there's a man standing in an orange jumper.

[Joanne]

He was probably trying to practice.

[Vogue]

I'm just trying to practice.

[Joanne]

I'm more worried that I'm going to be graped and killed than to be spotted practicing my dancing. I can't believe I've been spotted practicing my dancing.

[Vogue]

Jesus. I just wanted a bit of privacy here.

[Joanne]

I'm only practicing. It's not. I'm not finished yet, if that's what you're thinking. I have more to learn if it's not good.

[Vogue]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Joanne]

I watch way too much True Crime to sleep with my windows open or doors.

[Vogue]

No. And I. I. That doesn't touch the ground. My bed has to touch.

[Joanne]

Well, that's spirit. That's spirit. That's fear of the. Of ghosts and the afterlife. I have genuine fears of a man being under my.

[Vogue]

Under my bed and grabbing my feet. I'd be more frightened if it was a woman under the bed because I just think that women. If it's a woman under the bed, it's so unusual that she really must have lost the plot because it just seems more of a man thing to do.

[Joanne]

Women don't commit crimes. There, I said it.

[Vogue]

Women are perfect.

[Joanne]

We barely. Barely commit them.

[Vogue]

Isn't it nice how we've just like. We've gone into this, like roles where I read you them, you get to. You get to choose them. And then I just read.

[Joanne]

Yeah, you just kind of decided that.

[Vogue]

I'll swap it at school. And you'd be out. They'd be like, who would like to read? And everyone's like, me.

[Joanne]

Yeah. Yeah, everyone loves reading.

[Vogue]

Although I miss an open it. You can take it. I Don't feel like I'm just hogging it.

[Joanne]

I'm actually not that good. Like I at reading. I, you know, put out loud.

[Vogue]

Okay, Grant. Okay. Dear Joanne and folk girls. Oh my God. I need your sage words of advice.

[Joe]

Hashtag AD.

[Joanne]

She said sage. Did she say sage?

[Vogue]

That is the word of the day. My ex cheated on me a few years ago and I still think about him almost daily. Oh God. To give you a bit of background.

[Joanne]

Sorry, when did he cheat on her?

[Vogue]

A few years ago.

[Joanne]

Okay.

[Vogue]

To give you a bit of background, we met in College. I was 18 and I even fell madly in love with him. The feeling was mutual. We were all over each other. We grew really close and lived in each other's pockets. I was attending all the family functions, little cousins, confirmations, Christmas dinners, etc. His mother and I were great friends and his dad doted over me. I was in their family calendar and there were photos of me on the walls in his home. We had a very happy relationship for two and a half years, right? So I thought one, two, skip a few. And it turns out he was cheating on me with his girl. Best friends. Oh God. I was heartbroken. It absolutely shattered me. My mental health really plummeted after we broke up and I went a little insane. You need to read that Dolly Alderton book about that breakup. And your man just described how insane he went. So don't worry, everyone goes insane.

[Joanne]

Immaterial.

[Vogue]

It became very messy. He tried to get me back a few times and we would get biblical in inappropriate places when we'd meet to check in. Cue coffee by chapel Rome. Anyways, this was a few years ago. I did all the things you're supposed to do to get through a breakup. Gave myself a up haircut, went to therapy and generally hoard around to make myself feel better. I'm in a much better place now. I'm generally very satisfied with my life, my job and my new relationship. I'm head over heels in love with my new boyfriend and I genuinely think he's the one that will go the distance. Man I met in Tinder treats me like a queen and makes me feel so loved and adored. He's wonderful. It's genuinely the best relationship and best sex I could ever imagine. But the ax still niggles at me. I had a dream the other night about sitting watching TV with him and his mom. Sometimes I get angry over again, all over again that he treated me like and I wanted to to go throw eggs at his house. I know from mutual friends Dublin is tiny. That he's still with the girl he cheated on me with. I don't. Oh, I know. That makes it just bloody worse. I don't miss him and I wish I could say I don't care, but part of me is still so annoyed that he treated me like crap and had no repercussions. I have dreams about him quite frequently that range from us doing mundane things to him being injured or dying. What do we think is a time for more therapy? Or will it just go away eventually? Any advice or thoughts will be greatly appreciated. Love the podcast, both of you and Joe, please keep me anonymous. I personally think that you'll like. I don't think that you're hung up on him at all, as you say. I think that you're just still really pissed off that he did that to you. And that's totally fine to be like that. I have exes who did that to me and I, I still would look at them and be like. But like I, it doesn't like, I don't think about them or anything like that. But I'm just a bit like, you're a dick because you just. If they make you feel like, you just want them to feel like.

[Joanne]

Yeah, I, I hard relate to this woman because I was. I was in a relationship. That's the one I, I'm talking about in the show where he cheated pretty regularly. But I never caught like, he, he never. There was no consequences for him for it. Do you know what I mean? Because I was. I just wasn't. I wish I'd. Well, I wish I'd done so. I. So many things I wish I'd done differently. And yeah, I thought. I think I was. I think I was treated quite badly. But there was never any repercussions because we broke up and then there was this big blow up and we never spoke. And then I was still trying to make friends with him even though he cheated on me all the time. So weird. I'm so.

[Vogue]

You kind of. Yeah, you kind of want everyone to know that they're a wanker as well, but at the end of the day, they'll do things in their own life that people will know that they're a wanker. You don't need to feel like even slighted because everyone's kind of letting them away with it as such.

[Joanne]

I'm.

[Vogue]

Karma's a bitch.

[Joanne]

I'm getting angry again just thinking about that. I'm literally. I'm very like it draw. It's so. You know. Yeah. And you know what, Siobhan? Calm yourself. A leopard never changes its spots. And that is the truest truth you'll ever true yourself. And he'll leave you as he finds you, and he'll find you as he leaves you. If he does it with you, he does it to you, he'll do it on you. And. And I was the exact same. He might. This guy I was when I was cheating with his. Well, with everyone but one of them was his female in a verticommas best friend. And I always wondered why she was weird with me when I met her. Obviously it clocked the kind of tracks. Then when I found out they were having us behind my back they're having it. As they'd say, he kind of will.

[Vogue]

Always like, it's not that you. You're gonna like. Well, I mean, I love. I do. I hold grudges and I don't necessarily hold a grudge against people who've cheated on me. I'm just like, God, you're a gobshite.

[Joanne]

God, man. Joe.

[Vogue]

Turn off your camera.

[Joanne]

Joe, turn off your camera now. Sorry.

[Joe]

I mean to say sorry, isn't it?

[Joanne]

You're just. If there's hangovers of this stuff, it just sits with you, it stays with you. Like, I dream about loads of my exes. Do you know what I mean?

[Vogue]

You'll be all right.

[Joanne]

They're in the system. Thank God you got someone new and sound. That's it. And like I say, it's not like he's had a complete lobotomy. That's who he is. Do you know what I mean?

[Vogue]

But also, I think that you don't necessarily need therapy over that, but why don't you just get therapy anyway? I love getting a bit of therapy.

[Joanne]

I always get therapies. I is always the answer.

[Vogue]

Yeah, yeah, it really is.

[Joanne]

I might hit mine up.

[Vogue]

I might hit mine up. If you do yours, I'll do mine. Go on mine. Just text me recently. It's like he knew.

[Joanne]

Did he text you? Said, I've listened to your podcast recently. You sound more insane than usual. Do you want to drop in?

[Vogue]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he said, if you want to send you on my way, I'll give her a 20 discount and family if she block books.

[Joanne]

A friend of mine was walking through. A friend of mine was walking through Clapham and his trainer, who he hadn't been to in a while, called out the window, said something along the lines of you because he had put on a couple of pants sounds. He's like, you look like you need me again.

[Vogue]

Oh, oh, my God.

[Joanne]

I know. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, you know, if you see a client struggling, I can.

[Vogue]

See why therapists make life worse for them. Thank you so much for listening. I hope that you start to feel a little bit better about that as the years go on. You will, but you'll probably always still be a bit pissed off because you were slighted. You were slighted by some.

[Joanne]

Sometimes you have to close it for yourself. Like, I. I've been in situations where I've been wanting closure from the other person and you get to the point where you're like, they're never going to.

[Vogue]

Give it to me.

[Joanne]

I need to just do this myself now.

[Vogue]

Dune on duras, huh?

[Joanne]

Yeah. Dune on mental duras.

[Vogue]

Yeah, Dune on mental duras.

[Joanne]

Let's close the door. Oscoelgajo in our native language that we speak fluently. But we.

[Vogue]

I know that you haven't been doing your duolingo out of politeness.

[Joanne]

We don't speak in front of you, Joe, but we are.

[Joe]

Yeah, my streak has. Has faltered a bit.

[Joanne]

Oh, I forgot you were doing the duolingo.

[Joe]

I'll get back to you.

[Vogue]

Amber does duolingo, but she'll do it. Like she couldn't give a. About the fact that anyone else is sitting there. Like, I'm sitting in the car and I'm like. And she's like, sorry, folk, I'm on a 364 day street. I can't. I can't stop. I'm nearly at a year and like, she won't stop now she's into the year and she's still just sitting in the car and I'm like, can you just put headphones on or something? I have to listen to this.

[Joanne]

I was on a date once and he. Any fit and he like, did his duolingo at the table. It was Barry.

[Vogue]

Oh, Barry is on fire. God bless the next woman who has to meet.

[Joanne]

Who's unfortunate to come across interrupted the dinner. I mean, I. And he. Yeah, and he took me to Nando, I think was the only.

[Vogue]

Was it Barry whose trainer was asking for him Blow up.

[Joanne]

No, no, no, no, man.