MTGM EXTRA! "My friends have chosen a toxic man over me."

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Therapist Ghosted Me

Episode: MTGM EXTRA! "My friends have chosen a toxic man over me."

Date: June 17, 2026
Hosts: Vogue Williams & Joanne McNally (with guest Joe Atawal)

---

Episode Overview

This extra episode of "My Therapist Ghosted Me" combines honest advice, comedic life commentary, and the reading of a listener email describing a painful friendship dilemma. Vogue and Joanne riff on everything from slushy machines and drunken parties to security mishaps and true crime on Netflix, before diving deep into the listener's problem about friends siding with a toxic man over her.

The conversation is candid and relatable, blending playful banter with some surprisingly thoughtful reflection on boundaries, loyalty, friendship group hierarchies, and what to do when you feel like the odd one out.

---

Key Topics & Insights

1. Party Disasters: Slushy Machines and Sober Realizations

• Sober Vogue’s Baby “Hen”: Vogue recounts hosting a daytime pre-baby party—a "baby hen," not a shower (02:20)—where a malfunctioning slushy cocktail machine keeps guests sober until it suddenly works and “the wheels fall off” within an hour (04:07).
• Realizations About Drinking: Joanne admits, “Drunk people are really, really annoying. Even as someone who enjoys a drink...I can't be around drunk people” (05:24). Vogue agrees that day or night, there’s a tipping point when tipsy friends become unbearable (06:14).
• Memorable Quote:
  Joanne: “You're smashing 19 alcoholic clippos in an hour. Like, that’s only going one way. And it’s carnage.” (04:37)

2. Domestic Life, Security Mishaps, and Living Alone

• Coffee and Indulgence: Joanne jokes about being “an instant woman” who doesn’t bother with nice coffee or treating herself because “you're alone, no one cares” (07:52).
• Security Fiasco: Joanne’s delivery of a large security postbox is stolen from her doorstep before she even uses it (10:17), leading to plans for an elaborate lighting and camera setup—"It’s going to be lit up like the White House" (11:10).
• Retirement Home Dreaming: With continued misfortunes, Joanne jokes: “I want to move into elderly accommodation. I want to move into a retirement village.” (12:33)

3. True Crime and Documentary Recommendations

• Recent Watches: The hosts recommend or discuss recent true crime documentaries, including “Paternal Instinct” and “The Crash.” Joanne describes “Paternal Instinct” as “absolute banana time”—the story of a manipulative woman who fakes a pregnancy (15:21).
• Memorable Quote:
  Joanne: “I just want to give a bit of context for maternal instincts...documentary about an absolute nut job...” (14:44)
• Debate on Doc Ethics: Joe questions whether all traumatic stories need to become documentaries (15:28), while Joanne defends the genre.

4. Listener Problem: Chosen a Toxic Man Over Me (Main Segment)

[Starts at 17:08]

Listener Email Summary (17:08)

• The listener feels isolated after friends exclude her for criticizing the new boyfriend of one in their group, describing him as beyond “red flag”, controlling, abusive, and possessing dubious views on consent.
• Despite raising these issues, the listener was accused of jealousy and being controlling, with the group shutting her out. She misses her friends and seeks advice on being a better friend or at least coping with the loss.

Hosts’ Reactions & Advice

• Group Dynamics:
  Joanne: “A collective rejection...I can understand the woman who’s going out with the guy being annoyed, but for all of them to turn on her like that…very strange.” (18:38)
• Playing Devil’s Advocate:
  Both Joanne and Vogue note they’re only hearing one side and caution about scapegoating. Vogue suggests “sometimes you have to look at yourself and think, am I the common denominator?” (20:37)
• Level of Accusations:
  Joanne: “If any man acts verbally abusive or has questionable ideas about consent, call the guards. So I don’t know why your friends have kicked you out—it makes no sense.” (20:19)
• Potential Power Dynamics:
  Joanne theorizes: “Maybe the woman who’s going out with the guy...is quite powerful...and maybe this woman is further down the food chain, so they don’t upset the more powerful friend.” (19:55)
• Key Advice:
  • If it's truly as described, you can stand by what you said, but be prepared for the fallout and let the situation play out.
  • If possible, try to reconnect with the group and move on from the subject but stay firm in your boundaries.
  • Ultimately, serious accusations about abuse shouldn’t be ignored, and if proven true, “that will come out in the wash.”
  • But: “The most important thing is you don’t say it. Would I say that?”—“Think it.” (21:42)

Notable Quotes

• Joanne (on isolation):
  “If this is as you present it, then you can walk away with your head held high and say, I called this. This man is toxic and dangerous. And I stand by what I said.” (21:12)
• Vogue (on introspection):
  “Sometimes you have to look at yourself and think, am I the common denominator?” (20:37)
• Joanne (on being right):
  “If you’re right, you can literally walk...around your house and just keep going, ‘I’m right!’...It’s a great feeling.” (21:50)

---

Notable Moments and Quotes with Timestamps

• On Drunken Parties:
  “I've never seen the wheels fall off so quickly.” – Vogue (04:07)
• On Party Machines:
  “If I knew this was going to be the vibe, I would have attended!” – Joanne (04:57)
• On Security Mishaps:
  “No, before I used it, it got delivered. Someone stole it.” – Joanne (10:20)
• On Coffee Snobbery:
  “I'm now literally trying to train as a barista...” – Joanne (08:27)
• On Feeling Alone:
  “I don't treat myself because I'm like, there's no point...No one cares.” – Joanne (07:52)
• On Drinking & Annoying Friends:
  “Sober people are boring? No, they're not boring. Drunk people are really annoying.” – Joanne (05:25)
• On Friendship Power Dynamics:
  “Maybe this woman is further down the food chain so they don't upset the more powerful friend.” – Joanne (19:55)
• Advice on Being Right:
  “You can go around your house and just keep going, ‘I'm right?’ ...It's a great feeling.” – Vogue (21:50)

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• Party Stories and Slushy Machine: 02:20–06:35
• Security Mishaps and Domestic Life: 09:53–12:33
• Documentary Recommendations and True Crime: 13:33–17:06
• Listener Letter and Advice: 17:08–22:14
• Notable Quotes and Self-Reflection: 20:37; 21:42; 21:50

---

Final Thoughts & Listener Engagement

Vogue, Joanne, and Joe encourage listeners to keep emailing their dilemmas and to like/subscribe (22:22). The tone, though playful and irreverent, is at times gently reflective—perfectly capturing the podcast’s mix of comedy with unvarnished advice.

---

For More

• Email: [e-mail]
• Website: mytherapistghostedme.com

Summary compiled by AI Podcast Summarizer – June 2026

Transcript

[Vogue Williams]

This is a global production.

[Joanne McNally]

I don't treat myself because I'm like, there's no point. You're alone, no one cares.

[Vogue Williams]

It's just. You just have that kind of look. I go away for three weeks and order the.

[Joanne McNally]

I have that kind of look.

[Vogue Williams]

It just. It's so unfortunate. I don't know why.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, this sounds like growth, folk. Sounds like growth.

[Vogue Williams]

Hello and welcome to My therapist ghosted me. With me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally and Joe Atawal.

[Joanne McNally]

This is the magical episode where we give medical advice.

[Vogue Williams]

No, only medical advice. And talk a lot about alcohol and drugs.

[Joanne McNally]

Trained. This is where we give trained, qualified advice and watch Joe's eyes leave his body.

[Vogue Williams]

I've much to say about politics and religion, so settle in.

[Joe Atawal]

What you're now going to hear is quite a large edit and in a few seconds time you'll hear them saying goodbye and that'll be the end of the podcast.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, we do give advice now, Joe. We might go down the political routes. We should give a little bit of it. Yeah.

[Joe Atawal]

Unexpert advice which people can.

[Vogue Williams]

You know what? As a. As a currently sober person, I found myself in a vehicle where I was driving because I was the only sober one and everyone else had had a lot to drink and both religion and politics came up in the car. It did. It did not end well, really. I was about to pull over. It was a car full of adults. I was about to pull over and tell them to get out.

[Joanne McNally]

Was this at the baby shower, Was this a load of women in pink dresses kicking off about politics in the Middle East?

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. I had a baby share based around

[Joanne McNally]

Iran, a politically themed hand. That's what you're saying you had?

[Vogue Williams]

Yes.

[Joanne McNally]

Glovous. That's.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

Instead of a pinata, it was like a global map and everyone, like, chose a country to argue for.

[Vogue Williams]

And again, well, you know. Whose head was on the pinata? I had a pinata of different people's heads and everyone got to choose one.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, that's a great. That's actually a great idea.

[Joe Atawal]

All political views represented.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, actually. Oh, yeah, sorry. At the hand, I was like, not here. Yeah,

[Vogue Williams]

everyone's calling it. My friend Jana was like, it's a baby hen. And I was like, that's exactly what it is. It's not a baby shower, it's a baby hen.

[Joanne McNally]

I actually kept. I just referred to it as a hen. I forgot it was a shower.

[Vogue Williams]

It wasn't really a shower. It kind of was a hen. It was exactly what I had wanted. It was quite Tame to begin with. So I, I'm. I, I had a baby hen. I'm not calling it a shower. I wanted to get some friends together that I won't see when, obviously when I'm not able to travel to Ireland anymore. And the only times I'm going back between now and the baby is when I'm working. So I won't see that big group of friends. So I just.

[Joanne McNally]

When you outgrow them, basically you're like, I'm going to outgrow these people very soon. I won't see them again. Things are going well.

[Vogue Williams]

It was a good. So it was a goodbye lunch. Yes, it was.

[Joanne McNally]

When I'm too killed for these. I mean, like see them now because come 20, 27, baby gone, I'll be gone.

[Vogue Williams]

I did, I said a farewell speech at the end and they've all, they all understand the position. No, but everyone, everyone, everyone really got the brief and, and it was all, you know, it was all going very well. I was like, oh, this is very relaxed. And it was 2:30 in the day. But Amber had got this, this, she loves this slushy machine. Our friend owns it. He owns this company called Remarkable Cocktails. And basically you can, you can also get a slushy version where it's like slushy daiquiris and slushy margaritas. And I've never seen someone so upset because it wasn't turning to slush and we'd had it on since 10 in the morning. It turns out she hadn't got the right switch on. So by half to everybody was complet. Completely sober. Like really, like just. It was. Felt very grown up. It felt like a baby shower. And I was like, this isn't what I wanted. Then the machine turned slush and within one hour.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, really?

[Vogue Williams]

I've never seen the wheels fall off so quickly. I think I lasted 45 minutes after that and I was like, I just, I have to just go upstairs for a minute because everyone.

[Joe Atawal]

Oh.

[Joanne McNally]

Because it's, because it's soluble. So it's like me in the, it's like me in the salpadine. If you just. It's dissolved. It's dissolvable. It's dissolved. So it's hitting the system quicker. I understand completely.

[Vogue Williams]

It's. I don't know what happens, but it's like. And it's also like a cool pup.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Slush puppy. You can't stop.

[Joanne McNally]

That's dangerous. That's like you're smashing 19 alcoholic clippos in an hour. Like that's never, you know, that's only going one way. And it's carnage.

[Vogue Williams]

One of my friends is like, no, I learned my lesson from the last time. After Amber's birthday, I learned my lesson. That same girl had her head under the tap and was opening the tap so it fell straight in.

[Joanne McNally]

God, if v. If I know this was going to be the vibe, I would have. I would have attended, but I know there was going to be dissol soluble dissolved slushy alcohol. I would have booked a flight and got

[Vogue Williams]

it.

[Joanne McNally]

Was not aware.

[Vogue Williams]

So good. It was so funny to watch everybody, though, when you're like, well, but there is a level that you can take where you're like, oh, this is really fun, this. And then I was like, oh, no, no. You're actually just talking complete shite.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

On repeat. I must leave.

[Joanne McNally]

I was talking about something recently and there was. There it was. We were promoting the. The unacceptable panel shows. There were a lot of the promo were getting asked, like, what do you think is unacceptable? What you think is acceptable? It's very, you know, on topic for the promotion of the show. And so it was like, sober people are boring. Acceptable or unacceptable. And I think she thought I was gonna say boo to sobriety. It's like, no, they're not boring. Drunk people are really annoying. Yeah, drunk people are really, really annoying. Even as someone who enjoys a drink and all that jazz, even, I, like, I can't be around drunk people. They drive me absolutely nuts. Now, it's very rarely happened that I'm not involved, but I'm saying on the rare occasions that it does happen, you're an absolute melt. I, like, I can't be. They're, like shouting and they're kind of really overly tactile and they're kind of slapping you and. Yeah, I know it's a lot.

[Vogue Williams]

Everyone gets rough when they drink. Like, everyone is, like, pushing you around and, like, jumping on top of you. It's like, I hate this. And it was weird because it's usually around, like, I gauge that by, like, if I go out at night and I'm like, around 11 o', clock, I'll slip off around 11. Half 11. That's when it gets really messy. But because it was during the day, I was like, half four. I have to leave my own kitchen at half four.

[Joanne McNally]

Like, where do I go from here? Can't even check into a house. When you could. You could barely check into a hotel room. 4 o' clock is usually the time that they let you check in. But you could be sitting. Did it kicked off early. You'd be sitting here, driveway from half three with nowhere to go.

[Vogue Williams]

I just got into the King Citrick and book a room. They'd be like, vogue, you live up the road. I'd be like, yeah, but I, I can't there today. Not today. Other people inhabit up there. But if we ever have a party in London, we have to get. I have a one of those Shark do a slushy machine and they sent me one and I have a slushy machine. Did they just sit there and slush? Yeah. I was like, I'm never going to use a slushy machine. So I put it in storage, stupidly, because that's all I'm ever going to use is a slushy machine.

[Joanne McNally]

In fairness to shark, they're very sound tools. Now, in fairness, we have worked with them. I'm always defending it, like we've a working relationship with them. But as a housewarming gift, they sent me a coffee machine. You know, now I'm an instant woman.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

With all things.

[Vogue Williams]

Unless someone's getting you a coffee or like, you have. It's not like she doesn't like them. It's just she'd rather instant herself.

[Joanne McNally]

I just. For someone who lives alone and has the problem, you can't keep using that as an excuse.

[Vogue Williams]

It's one coffee. What you mean you're like, I live alone. I wouldn't be bothered making a hole.

[Joanne McNally]

I don't. It's tragic over here. But you wouldn't understand. It's really sad. I don't treat myself because I'm like, there's no point. You're alone. No one cares.

[Vogue Williams]

Sometimes when I'm on my own, I'll like, I'll make pasta pesto and start eating it out of the pot. I'm like, I'm not, I'm not wasting another dish.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. You would see me, but they sent me this glorious coffee machine. I mean, this thing is like, ding, ding. A ding, ding, ding. I've gone from being an instant woman. We're talking now. I, I wouldn't go to the Nest Cafe. I'd go Azira. And I, I, I'm, you know, I have some taste.

[Vogue Williams]

A fancy instinct.

[Joe Atawal]

Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

I go with zero to now I'm like literally trying to train as a barista to try and use the thing. I'm like, oh, my God, it an automatic coffee machine. What I'm saying is, if you're coming over now, you can have a lungo. You can have a lungo. You can have a. Once I figure out how to use the thing.

[Vogue Williams]

What the is a lungo? It's.

[Joanne McNally]

It's one of the coffee options on my new barista machine.

[Joe Atawal]

Does it mean it's like a longer coffee? I think that's what it is. I'll Google it.

[Vogue Williams]

Now. Can you do me a flat white?

[Joanne McNally]

I'll do you a lungo. For someone with a torso as long as you, you're having a lungo. I'm matching coffees to personalities. What's Joe flat white. He's now tedx's white man. You're a flat white

[Joe Atawal]

probably right.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, you can come out.

[Vogue Williams]

I'm happy to be a longo and

[Joanne McNally]

watch me rip, like, rip the arts out of that coffee machine. It's fantastic. It's the first time my life was like, oh, I'm out of my depth here. I'm actually. Read the instructions. This is. This is.

[Ad/Announcer 1]

We're going.

[Joanne McNally]

This is big time. We've gone high end.

[Vogue Williams]

I'm so allergic to instructions that I'd rather YouTube it. I'm like, I know. Just. I'll YouTube. I can't bear it. And I've stopped asking spending to do stuff because he is honestly, if something arrives, like, I've ordered a. A bedside crib. And when it arrives, I'm just going to build it myself because no matter what the product, it will arrive. And he'll say, oh, yeah, I'll do that. There's always a screw missing. And I'm like, spenny, this can't be. It can't be everything we order that something's missing.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm sorry, you mean that he. You mean that he thinks there's a screw missing in the delivery? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, no.

[Vogue Williams]

Just makes it up because he's messed

[Joanne McNally]

something up along the way once or once or twice. Sure, sure, mistakes happen. But yeah, I ordered a giant security post box for my house. Does that make sense?

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. So you put. That's where you put your packages. Guess what happened to it Got robbed.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

No, you don't lock it up.

[Joanne McNally]

No, before I used it, it got delivered. Someone stole it.

[Vogue Williams]

Stop,

[Ad/Announcer 1]

Stop.

[Joanne McNally]

So we've had to order another one.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. I was thinking that's such a good idea. Those. I would never nick something. I would never nick something off someone's doorstep. I'd be too scared. But yeah, also because it's wrong, I should say. I say reason one, I'd be too scared. Reason two, it's wrong.

[Joanne McNally]

Okay, I've also ordered. Now I'VE ordered a load of security cameras for the front and the back of the house. Fluid lights, the whole thing. So he's going to be lit out.

[Vogue Williams]

Is this you threatening everyone? Anyone now everyone knows, right? That person who robbed her postwalk. I wouldn't do that again. Because she's ordered a security system.

[Joanne McNally]

It's going to be lit up like the White House. If so much as as a ferret walks past the front of the house, all the sirens are going to go off. And I'm sick of this. Sick of this. It's what happened in Ireland. Wouldn't happen in Ireland.

[Vogue Williams]

Only Jan would have a post box robbed. That was meant to protect her post. Only you couldn't have. I could go on a three week holiday. I don't know what it is because I just know. I just. It's just. You just have that kind of look. I go away for three weeks and order the.

[Joanne McNally]

I have that kind of love.

[Vogue Williams]

It just. It's so unfortunate. I don't know why.

[Joanne McNally]

How dare you victim blame me. I'm also thinking of getting a high security like electric fence at the front of the house, which in keeping with the tone of the rest of the houses would look insane. But I'm just sick of this. I'm sick of it. I had that your man up the road who was coming into the house, taking the post. I thought finally, you know, I've moved out of that crime corner and I'm gonna have my own. I'm gonna be safe down here now crime den. And then the postmen are leaving all. Otherwise Joe Lyset very kindly sent me a plant for my garden. Do you think I saw it? She didn't see it for eight days because they hid it down the end of some stairs in a box behind a bin. I've had it. I've had it.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, at least they hit it because I know that you're. There's. That's a bad. Look out. Hide that now and you drop it off.

[Joanne McNally]

I want to move into elderly. Elderly accommodation. I want to move into a retirement village.

[Vogue Williams]

1 Today I saw a really nice one near the park and I was looking at it, I was like, that would be a nice place to go. My mom and Neil have been up in my house. Amber lives there full time, so she gets funny about people going up and. And she's given them a key reluctantly, so they can go up and use the gym. And Neil starts texting me and he's like, that apartment I never knew you had. Like, I have like a Little apartment downstairs. It's basically one long room and it's got like, it's apartment vibes. It's like a single apartment. He's like, that would be perfect for your mom and me. And then he's on to me again yesterday and he's like, know that the apartment next door just sold. For this amount of money, we really should consider getting. I'm like, if here is what you were saying. No. How much. How much would rent be a year? I'm like, I'm not renting you in a. My downstairs.

[Joanne McNally]

If anyone's looking for a weird and dark documentary when you've probably already seen it or probably seen it served to you. Paternal instinct on Netflix is Banana Town. It's right up my alley. Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Is it. Is it real life?

[Joanne McNally]

Real life. It's all because. Do you know what's. Because the police in America, and I assume here as well, they all have these like body cams and stuff. They're making entire documentaries out of police's body cams.

[Vogue Williams]

Are you talking about like awful stories when mothers.

[Joe Atawal]

Yeah, I think as a pregnant evoke, probably you don't watch that right now.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, it's you. It wouldn't be for you now. No, it's very.

[Vogue Williams]

I did watch. I watched the crash, which you told me to watch, which I. My God. But I also, I really. I said that before Rachel Nickel, that. That is like such a brilliant documentary

[Joanne McNally]

to watch as well.

[Vogue Williams]

And another recommendation of yours that I took. I'm halfway through yesteryear. I will say it's a bit weird.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

I don't think. Joanne. I wouldn't say it's really up your street.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, really?

[Vogue Williams]

I feel it's a touch. It's a touch. Colleen Hoover. And it's like it brings you back in time. But it is kind. It is quite funny. Like I do. I do find it quite funny, but. Okay, halfway. I wouldn't stop.

[Joanne McNally]

I haven't started yet. So this is good information. But I do think I'll. I do. Well, I'm gonna. I'm certainly gonna give it a go, but I just want to give a bit of context for maternal instincts. The documentary about an absolute nut job who gets into a relationship with a guy and starts lying about all sorts of stuff like money and all this stuff. And I obviously, as someone who's been down this road before, I'm like, ahahaha. And obviously I'm watching the documentary, so it's been established that she's nuts. And then she tells him she's pregnant. And then it's like the knock on effect of that and what happens. And she's, you know, it's, it's obvious, like she obviously fakes a pregnancy, but it's like what she does to bring that pregnancy to fruition and it is absolute banana time.

[Vogue Williams]

That doesn't sound that bad to me. I think I could, I could handle that.

[Joe Atawal]

There's a few twists and turns in there.

[Joanne McNally]

It's very.

[Joe Atawal]

My wife was watching it. I saw this in the background and it is. I personally, I said, is there not sometimes where like a documentary possibly doesn't need to be made because it's so horrific? What do we really need to really.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, you know, you know, Joe, firstly, I disagree. But secondly, do you know what I did think was a bit nuts about this particular documentary? Because I was like, usually the documentaries, they do talk about the victim a lot to kind of, for, for, for out of respect. This one, they probably spoke about her at all, which I thought was very odd. She was very.

[Joe Atawal]

Taylor Parker was.

[Vogue Williams]

Yes.

[Joe Atawal]

Perpetrator of the stuff. And then it was Reagan Simmons. Hancock was, was. Oh, dear. Vogue's just read a thing.

[Vogue Williams]

I've just, I've just read it. I mean, there's no spoilers. If you, if you read the. The, you'll know exactly what's gonna happen.

[Joanne McNally]

Anyway, Vogue, I'd recommend. Joe doesn't think he should watch it. I think he should watch it.

[Vogue Williams]

Okay. I actually will watch it. I will watch it. I'll watch it. I'm on a 20 and I are sneaking away on holiday, so I shall watch it then.

[Joanne McNally]

You know, documentary that you, that you watched. Do you know I have women messaging me going, she's innocent. I'm like, are you high? A lot of people psychedelics and it's

[Vogue Williams]

like, it's like, oh, well, I mean, the, the car might have malfunctioned. No, they actually checked that. So it hasn't malfunctioned.

[Joanne McNally]

No, no.

[Vogue Williams]

And she's in. She didn't get that long in prison.

[Joanne McNally]

She did. She does.

[Vogue Williams]

I don't think that's that long. Well, it's long. It's not long for America. Some people get 20 years in prison for stealing a car. She got less than that.

[Ad/Announcer 1]

Whoa.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Okay. Will we read an email?

[Joe Atawal]

Better hand.

[Vogue Williams]

Dear Vogue, Joanne, Joe, I've been feeling really isolated lately and wanted to tell you that your podcasts have kept. Kept me feeling grounded and slightly sane.

[Ad/Announcer 1]

Oh.

[Vogue Williams]

The reason for the isolation is because in a group of friends who I thought would be forever, I spoke out oh, oh. A member of the group had started seeing a lad, and to call him a red flag would be unfair to the reddest flaggiest of flags.

[Joanne McNally]

Okay, yeah, this.

[Vogue Williams]

This guy is 100 times a red flag. Imagine the size of a circus tent, but just all red. Oh, he's a red flag. Yeah, he's controlling. His attitudes to consent, rage, huge questions like, if you want to put that there, maybe let's chat first. And he's verbally abusive before he. He even touches a drink. However, because he walks her home, buys her shite flowers and shite presents, and always says sorry, the rest of our friends give him a pass. After I made it clear that I think this guy is a piece of. I was shut out for being jealous. And the biggest joke of all, I was called controlling. It's incredibly frustrating, upsetting, and I don't know what to do. I won't take back what I said, but I miss my friends. There must be others who agree with me, but for whatever reason, there's this code that says they all need to act like the relationship is the best thing, when in actuality is a story that's unfolded a million times and only ends well. When a woman realizes the situation she's gotten into and leaves. Please help me either be a better friend or stop feeling like I'll never have a social life again. Anon.

[Joanne McNally]

That's how odd. A collective rejection. Like as in, I. That's. I can understand the woman who's going out with the guy being annoyed, but all of them to turn on her like that, they all shot the messenger instead of one person just shooting the messenger. Very strange.

[Vogue Williams]

Is the messenger wrong? I know. No, I get that. I don't think that you should drop a friend over something like that, but yeah, it's kind of sometimes. Sometimes we don't know obviously the full story. We only know one part of the story here. And sometimes I always think it's important to remember who the common denominator is, because usually nearly 100% of the time, the common denominator is the person that's wrong.

[Joanne McNally]

I've had friends going out with people I didn't particularly like. I've gone out with people my friends didn't particularly like, but it never got to this level. So, yes, I would suggest that there's. You're right, folk. There's probably something else going on. Would we say, I don't know, like, if you thought. If he's not obviously a red flag and all your friends have turned against you, I Don't know. That seemed very strange to me. Either they're all collectively morons, or maybe the woman who's going out with the guy, she's the other way. There can be like a hierarchy and friendship groups. Maybe she's quite powerful or something, and maybe they're not. And maybe this woman is further down the food chain so they're, they don't upset the more powerful friend.

[Vogue Williams]

Now, I'm not going against you completely because you've written in, but like, you're, you're, you're, your attitude is very negative. The whole thing around it, like, shite flowers, shite presence.

[Joanne McNally]

Like, what did she give as reasons that she. He's a terrible red flag.

[Vogue Williams]

Controlling attitudes to consent raise huge questions. Verbally abusive.

[Joe Atawal]

It doesn't sound great, does it?

[Joanne McNally]

No, I mean, they're very heavy on one side. You're like, if any man acts like, like in the, like, if any man acts verbally abusive or has questionable ideas about consent, I'm like, my God, call the guards. So I, I don't know why your friends are, have kicked you out. It makes no sense to me.

[Vogue Williams]

I would just say sometimes you have to look at yourself and think, am I the common denominator? Like, even sometimes someone who hates being wrong, such as myself, I, I have found myself where two people disagree with me only yesterday. And I was like, fine, well, fuck them. But I might be wrong.

[Joanne McNally]

Okay, well, this sounds like growth Vogue. Sounds like growth. Sounds like growth. Fair play. There's an awareness there. I'm delighted for you. Well, to this what I would say, if this is as you present it, then you can walk away with your head held high and say, I called this. This man is toxic and dangerous. And I stand by what I said. And I know obviously you've lost friends over it. I mean, is there a space you can go back and be like, look, I still feel how I feel about him, but can we all kind of move on collectively? She's obviously not going to break up with them, but if he is those things, this relationship is going to fall apart at some point anyway. So then you'll probably be in a position to say, I told you so. And the most important thing is you, you don't say it. Would I say that?

[Vogue Williams]

Think it?

[Joanne McNally]

You heavily think, oh, yeah, we can all think it. But like, they're very serious accusations. So, yeah, I, I think.

[Vogue Williams]

And if you're right, you can literally walk. You can go around your house and just keep going. H. I'm right? Yeah. I mean, it's a great feeling.

[Joanne McNally]

They're big accusations. So if your friends are turning on you because you've seen the light that they haven't seen yet, I would just wait because all that will that'll come out in the wash if he is those things that will come out in the wash and hopefully not to the detriment of the woman he's going out with.

[Vogue Williams]

I don't think that we know enough about the whole group dynamic and how many people have choked you out, but I don't think it's fair to chuck anyone out of a group, to be honest with you.

[Joanne McNally]

That's it for today. We'll see you soon. Also, please like and subscribe. I'm listening to all these other podcasts. We're all asking people to subscribe and I. I think we should get involved.

[Vogue Williams]

Please like and subscribe. Yes, we'd really enjoy that and we love your email. So please do keep sending them in.

[Joe Atawal]

And if you're on YouTube, if you're watching on YouTube, drop a comment below because they say that as well. Let us know what you think.

[Vogue Williams]

Have your say drop your comments in. And I was on to everyone in the broadcast channel as well. On Instagram. I like that broadcast channel. I was like, who believes that about Kim? Who believes it about Kim or Lewis? I'm just going to start getting everyone's opinion in there now.

[Joanne McNally]

[e-mail] for your emails also. We love to get them. Joe loves to read them, don't you, Joe?

[Joe Atawal]

I love reading them.

[Ad/Announcer 1]

Hey, it's your ceiling vent. So I'm dripping. Could be the rain. Could be the upstairs bathroom. Yikes. You could hire the guy your neighbor recommended, but I'm pretty sure that's just his cousin. Do we know if he's licensed or does he just own a ladder?

[Ad/Announcer 2]

Listen to your home, go with thumbtack, upload a photo or voice note and we'll diagnose your project and match you with the right pro for the job. Thumbtack. We know homes hire the right pro today.

[Vogue Williams]

This has been a global production.

[Ad/Announcer 1]

Hey, it's your ceiling vent. So I'm dripping. Could be the rain. Could be the upstairs bathroom. Yikes. You could hire the guy your neighbor recommended, but I'm pretty sure that's just his cousin. Do we know if he's licensed or does he just own a ladder?

[Ad/Announcer 2]

Listen to your home, go with thumbtack, upload a photo or voice note and we'll diagnose your project and match you with the right pro for the job. Thumbtack we know, homes. Hire the right pro today.