MTGM EXTRA! "The words no woman should have to hear..."

Summary

My Therapist Ghosted Me: "The words no woman should have to hear..."

Hosts: Vogue Williams, Joanne McNally
Producer/Regular guest: Joe
Date: July 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this extra midweek episode, Vogue, Joanne, and Joe serve up another round of unfiltered, hilarious conversation, delving into cultural faux pas, travel mishaps, bin-related tragedies, and their unending struggle with domestic life. As ever, they swap honest advice, irreverent stories, and plenty of laughs—this week centring on a listener’s saga of having her precious makeup bag crushed by a bin lorry, the words "gone, crushed in the bin," and the universal outrage that follows. Expect confessions, sideways musings on European language barriers, a touch of football commentary, and unmissable banter about mouse infestations and Conor McGregor’s ill-fated comeback.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. International Escapades, Language Mishaps, and Pretending to be Fluent

Timestamps: 00:34 – 04:52

• Vogue is in Spain, attempting to navigate supermarkets and confessing to wandering around "bottomless" due to pregnancy haze ([01:13]).
• The crew mocks the infamous Hilaria Baldwin pretending to be Spanish. "That was wild. It was a wild ride. Pretending you're Spanish... the whole thing was just banana town." - Joanne ([02:12])
• Joe compares the friendliness of Spanish people with the abruptness of French folk when English speakers attempt their language: “In France, I feel like they don’t really have any time for you. They’re like, no, just say it in English… you’re shite at French.” ([02:30])
• Joanne boasts about her (somewhat disputed) past French fluency, only to admit, “I went to a French girl for a week in Dublin.” ([04:09])

2. School Days: Suspensions and the Gift of the Gab

Timestamps: 04:21 – 05:11

• Joe details being suspended from school for talking too much: "I never stopped talking. The only reason I ever got in trouble is because I was so annoying and I never stopped talking." ([04:45])
• Vogue observes, “It befits the job you do now." ([05:04])

3. Gig Confusion & The Beauty of Getting Dates Wrong

Timestamps: 05:10 – 06:46

• Joanne struggles to keep track of her comedy gig locations, amusingly plugging the wrong venue (“Turns out I was in York… I'm in Powder Puff palace in Exeter this Friday… which I would like to plug.”) ([05:55])
• Joe calls out Joanne’s attempt to shift blame: “I have never seen such, such a fantastic swerve. Trying to blame someone else for getting the dates wrong.” ([06:04])

4. Holiday vs. Working Abroad Privilege

Timestamps: 07:10 – 09:03

• Vogue discusses inhabiting her mum’s Spanish house while her mum “disappeared” due to the heat: “Most people would call the police if their mother went missing, but no, Vogue packs up the children.” ([07:37])
• Vogue justifies her trips abroad: “I would like to say that I’m still working over here. I have jewel…what’s it called?...Citizenship. Yeah, Well, I don’t. But like, I live.” ([08:33])

5. Football Fever, Louis Tomlinson’s On-Stage Match Watching, and National Identity

Timestamps: 09:03 – 12:12

• Joe riffs about the “It’s coming home” football slogan, humorously adjusting for his many places of residence: “It’s coming back to the country I sometimes stay in.” ([09:23])
• Joanne is scandalized by Louis Tomlinson watching a football match on his phone while performing on stage: “Sorry, now. That is cheeky AF. If I paid his tickets, like, 200 quid and he’s ringing it in watching TV.” ([09:54])
• The crew jokes about relating too much to their new homes and cultures: “For two immigrants, we’re very gobby about the country.” – Joanne ([13:24])

6. Conor McGregor’s Comeback Flop, Dog Surgery, and The Value of Pet Procedures

Timestamps: 13:49 – 16:11

• Joe gleefully recounts McGregor’s 59-second defeat: “He lasted 59 seconds. His opponent had to say to the ref, will I stop punching him?” ([13:55])
• Joanne, irreverently: “I’ve pissed longer than that.” ([14:14])
• The conversation slides into pets getting medical procedures, with Joanne admitting she’d probably draw the line at two knee replacements for her own mother: “I don’t think I’d even pay for Pat to have two…” ([14:53])

7. Listener Email: The Bin Men and the Crushed Makeup Bag

Timestamps: 16:41 – 23:41

• The main "crime" of the episode: A listener describes her makeup bag, full of expensive products including “my very recently purchased Bear by Vogue face tan overnight mask—a baby barely broken in," mistakenly thrown into the bin by waste collectors ([18:47]).
  • “Then the words no woman should ever have to hear: gone, crushed in the bin. I bald.” ([19:53])
• Discussion ensues about the financial and emotional cost: “There was a man who once fell asleep in a wheelie bin… the same thing happened to him.” – Joe ([19:56])
• The hosts joke about bin men’s wives “with perfectly bronzed faces” possibly benefiting; Vogue points out most bin men probably don’t know how valuable makeup is. ([22:21])
• Joanne gets in a suspicious jab: “Do you reckon one of them just lifted it? There’s a bin man’s wife out there with a perfectly bronzed face…” ([22:09])

8. Mouse Troubles and Humane Trapping

Timestamps: 24:08 – 25:58

• Joanne’s house is full of moving boxes and a mouse—she’s inadvertently been feeding it jam because her traps weren’t set properly: “He’s obviously just coming up licking the jam.” ([24:35])
• They debate the ethics and efficacy of humane vs. lethal mouse traps. “There are humane traps, but…I had 15 humane traps. They just didn’t work.” – Vogue ([25:07])

9. Random News and Animal Dangers

Timestamps: 26:21 – 27:18

• Joanne recounts a woman losing both arms to an alligator after ignoring warning signs while swimming ([26:21]) and Joe notes hippos are statistically worse for fatal attacks, to much amusement ([26:44]).
• Joanne, deadpan: “If you come across a hippo on your way home from York, avoid, avoid.” ([26:58])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “That was wild. It was a wild ride. Pretending you’re Spanish... the whole thing was just banana town.” – Joanne ([02:12])
• “I was never rude to teachers… I just wouldn’t shut up.” – Joe ([04:45])
• “Most people would call the police if their mother went missing, but no, Vogue packs up the children.” – Joanne ([07:37])
• “For two immigrants. Like, for two immigrants. We’re very gobby about the country.” – Joanne ([13:24])
• “Then the words no woman should ever have to hear: gone, crushed in the bin. I bald.” – Listener Email ([19:53])
• “I’ve pissed longer than that.” – Joanne, on McGregor’s 59-second fight ([14:14])
• “Do you reckon one of them just lifted it? There’s a bin man’s wife out there with a perfectly bronzed face…” – Joanne ([22:09])
• “He’s immortal, this lad.” – Joanne, on her resident mouse ([26:04])
• "If you come across a hippo on your way home from York, avoid, avoid." – Joanne ([26:58])

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [00:34] Language mishaps and the Hilaria Baldwin story
• [04:21] School suspension for excessive chatting
• [05:10] Gig location confusion & blame games
• [07:37] Vogue’s mother “missing” and holiday squatting
• [09:54] Louis Tomlinson watching football on stage
• [13:49] Conor McGregor’s short-lived comeback
• [16:41] Listener email: beauty crime and bin men
• [24:08] Mouse trap mishaps and jam
• [26:21] Alligator and hippo attack fears

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Tone & Atmosphere

As always, the MTGM extra is packed with sharp wit, confessions, and the sense of talking to brutally honest mates. The episode oscillates between infectious laughter, heartfelt commiseration, playful insults, and deadpan observations on the ridiculousness of everyday life.

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For anyone who’s missed the episode:
Expect classic MTGM—outrage over bin men, mortifying confessions, mockery of celebrity antics, domestic chaos, and a uniquely Irish take on everything from gig misadventures to rodent woes. All delivered with full comedic force and unpredictable (but always entertaining) tangents.

Transcript

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[Joe]

This is a global production.

[Joanne]

You're parched, obviously, because you've had wine for your dinner.

[Joe]

You should consider writing a book, my friend.

[Joanne]

I'm gonna throw it out here. This could be a mad thing to say, Joe.

[Joe]

Is she going there? Is there? Jo, It's only 9am Your time and I've already thought about you and had a great laugh today.

[Joanne]

Oh, go on.

[Joe]

I was in the supermarket looking for a cucumber because I'm in Spain.

[Joanne]

Were you topless again? Are we about to get hit with another article?

[Joe]

Weirdly, I forgot my underwear and I was just going around bottomless. So I had the top on, but I just had no knickers on.

[Joanne]

It's a new one. Yeah, they wouldn't even notice. You're so pregnant.

[Joe]

I can't even see down there. Do you know, I was in the doctor's night. They make you do like a little wee in a cuff all the time. I have no idea where that's going, but there's very little. By the time I finish, like, so right there,

[Joanne]

you're like. You could just mop that up, can't you? It's kind of raing off into the corners there.

[Joe]

Oh God. That's not why I was thinking of you. Because I was, I was. I was looking for cucumbers and I couldn't find them. Automatically started thinking of Hilaria Baldwin, of course, ended that she was Spanish and. And then I learned the word for cucumber was pepino. And I was like. And she was like, what is the word in English? That was just. That was mad.

[Joanne]

That was wild. It was a wild ride. Pretending you're Spanish and then like trying to back out of it and saying it's just the influence of the culture and that she just really likes Spain. You know, the whole thing was just banana town.

[Joe]

It's funny the way people react to. To like trying to speak. I find the Spanish. Spanish are really like engaging. And he was really impressed that I had come along with chat GBT and said pepino. And I think that they're really nice about it, but now in France, I feel like they don't really have any time for you. They're like, no, just say it in English. We know English. And you're shite at French.

[Joanne]

Remember I used to be fluent in French. So sad. So sad. You. I know you don't believe me. You don't believe half the things I say. I'm not. I'm not Larry Bor. I'm not out here. Griffin.

[Vogue]

Just slightly misremembering it. Yeah. I think that it was fluency.

[Joanne]

No, not.

[Joe]

It's like.

[Joanne]

Not.

[Joe]

It's like I was driving down the road the other day and I was like, how am I going to ask for an iced coffee in Spanish? And then I was like, oh. And I thought about. And I said, jesus Christ, I'm good at Spanish.

[Joanne]

Did you ask Chatgpt?

[Joe]

No, I actually put the. I could put the words together. That's like, probably what you were doing in France. I just. I don't feel like you lose fluency that easily.

[Joanne]

It was. I was.

[Joe]

It comes back to you was 15.

[Joanne]

I was. You know what? Look, I don't know. In France for a year.

[Joe]

Oh, no. Well, there's potential there. And I don't.

[Joanne]

I don't have to prove myself to either of you, but also, I'm going

[Joe]

to have to text Pat and make sure she's being honest about the full year.

[Joanne]

Well, P. Was a school year.

[Joe]

Full school year. P. France.

[Joanne]

Yeah. Well, two semesters. I was. It was a week.

[Joe]

Did you go to a summer camp in France?

[Joanne]

I went to a French girl for a week in Dublin. Okay.

[Joe]

I took French lessons on the side. That's it.

[Joanne]

I did my junior cert. I don't know, like, whatever. But I. No, I was.

[Joe]

My French teacher got me suspended for a week. I'll never forget it. I know her name. I won't mention her by name, but if she's listening, I remember you and what you did.

[Joanne]

She did what?

[Joe]

She got me suspended for a full week.

[Vogue]

What did you do? Why did you get.

[Joe]

By the way, Ms. R. I had a great time because my other friend was suspended at the same time and I'd already been thrown out of home, so my dad didn't give a. What I was doing.

[Vogue]

What.

[Joanne]

Why did you. Why were you suspended?

[Joe]

Never. I never stopped talking. The only reason I ever got in trouble is because I was so annoying and I never stopped talking. Like, I was never rude to teachers. I was never, like. I'd never say swear words or anything like that. I just wouldn't shut up.

[Joanne]

You're disruptive.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Joanne]

Yeah, well, you can be. I can't see that in you.

[Vogue]

It befits the job you do now.

[Joanne]

Yes, indeed. Yeah, it's gone back into your favor.

[Joe]

Anyway, how was your gig in Powderpuff late last night?

[Joanne]

Well, I've been. I've made. There's been some gross errors my. My accuracy and of where I'm going to be performing it is wildly off pissed. Turns out I was in York. As outdoor events go, York was incredibly enjoyable because those gigs can be a bit odd sometimes because it's early doors, it's bright. You know what I mean? You're like, they're. You're outdoors, the acoustics are flying off into the air. Yeah, you love them. They're like matinee shows. But anyway, it turns out I'm in Powder Puff palace in Exeter this Sunday. No, sorry, this Friday. Which I would like to plug.

[Joe]

I.

[Vogue]

That is Friday the 17th.

[Joanne]

Friday at Peterpuff House in Exeter.

[Joe]

I have never seen such, such a fantastic swerve. Trying to blame someone else for getting the dates wrong. Joanne texts the group and she was talking to her agent. I was testing you. And you didn't realize that I had

[Joanne]

said your agents both listen to the podcast. Allegedly. Wink, wink. And I obviously gave out the wrong information.

[Joe]

Text you on if you've heard this.

[Joanne]

Yeah, because I, and I said, oh, Rick. Rick's like. He says like, yeah, good F, mate, good. All, all good on our side just in case we've accidentally said something fascist that we didn't realize. And, and he, and he missed it too. So he was like, so sorry. And I was like, yeah, I was testing you. You obviously don't listen to the podcast.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Joanne]

You lying bastards. I don't listen to it either. So I can't really blame him. But mine's more from a self loathing perspective rather than it could really happy

[Joe]

when you don't listen to it. There's a couple of times where you've jumped on board and it's just. It's a tough. It's a tough three weeks for Joe

[Joanne]

and I. Yeah, it is. No one wants me involved in that regard. So I'm in York Vogue. Where are you?

[Joe]

I am in Spain.

[Joanne]

Of course. Sorry. That's why you're papanas.

[Joe]

Yeah, Pepinos. Pepinos. I'm in Spain with. In my mom's house because she's disappeared. Some people are like, oh, you're going to. On holidays with your. With your parents. I'm like, no, we wouldn't holiday well together. My mom's gone, it's too hot for her. Neil had considered when it was raining in Ireland that he might come back to Spain and we said, no, Spain's booked out. You don't live there now for the summer. Off you go. So we come down and take their house.

[Joanne]

Most people will call the police if their mother went missing, but no folk packs up the children

[Joe]

this year.

[Joanne]

Yeah, don't hang the posters yet. Okay, let's just get a week. Let's get a week out of this and then we can start the search.

[Joe]

I'll do it in October. It starts. The weather starts going down in October, so I won't need the place in October. So then I'll figure out where she is.

[Joanne]

Yeah, we can get forensics involved there. But for now.

[Joe]

Sorry, I'm getting the comments again, though. Oh, are you away again? Someone emailed me that night. I was like, oh, my God. How did you guess? It was a picture of a swimming pool. She'd mailed it on. I was like, how did you guess?

[Joanne]

Hold on, I'm confused. Wash. It was a picture of a swimming pool.

[Joe]

People. So people will comment. You know, when people send you mail, sometimes you see them. So I posted a picture of the swimming pool at my mom's house. And then someone goes, oh, away again with about six question marks. And I said, how did you guess

[Joanne]

you're the Julie of Ireland.

[Joe]

I would like to say that I'm still working over here. I've just. I am. I have jewel. What's it called?

[Joanne]

Citizenship.

[Joe]

Yeah, Well, I don't. But like, I live.

[Joanne]

You're non dominant.

[Joe]

I'll be non dom.

[Joanne]

You're not.

[Joe]

What? Keira Starmer says I'm non dom.

[Joanne]

I'm also. I'm just looking here because I had something in my. In my saved bits that I wanted to. And as we know, this always goes really well for me when I've something in my fan.

[Joe]

Well, we talk about the football. Isn't it interesting now? I was thinking to myself, it might be coming back to the country that I reside in A lot of the time it might be. We could maybe possibly start singing that song. It's coming home to the country I reside in sometimes. It's coming home One of your.

[Joanne]

One of your nationalities.

[Joe]

It's going home to the country that I live in some of the time. No, it's going home to the country. No, it's. I have to cut out home. Sorry. It's coming back to the country I sometimes stay in.

[Joanne]

Yeah.

[Joe]

The words.

[Joanne]

Yes, well, well done. Cut all that, Joe.

[Joe]

Jesus Christ.

[Joanne]

As an Irish podcast. I want no part of this.

[Joe]

It was much cash.

[Joanne]

She's singing the National Anthem. What? She's singing. I just know I'm uncomfortable. What is it?

[Joe]

I didn't say home. I didn't say home. Ireland is home.

[Joanne]

Speaking of, speaking of that, did you see. And like I'm all about like not taking too seriously. Louis Tomlinson was watching the World cup while performing. Did you see this? He had a slit. He had his phone set up on the stage while he was performing and he. And while England were playing and he was watching the match and he was kind of celebrating when they scored and everything. I was like, no, that's, that's rude. Sorry. Now that is cheeky AF go. Like if I paid his tickets, like 200 quid and he's ringing it in. Watching TV.

[Joe]

Well, that is the difference between having a sold out show and having a lot of empty seats. John McNally. And it wasn't that said at the start of his. Well, he had empty seats because people were saying he was watching. I heard he was watching Breaking Bad to begin with.

[Joanne]

Yeah, he's just watching old episodes of Blue Peter like he just couldn't give a. I have to say, as someone who was on Harry Styles only recently, I can tell you now, Harry Styles wasn't watching TV while performing. And Louis, you'd want to have a word at yourself. You've seen him, Cassandra and Guy. But that is just imagine. Sorry, Imagine us on the Ghost of Tour. Imagine me in York last night with what? Watching TV while on stage. It's absolutely. It's so obnoxious. I actually can't get over it and I know it's a big deal for that's really people.

[Joe]

But watching on Repeat, like I watched it with. Well t. Watched the highlights the next day. Watching on Repeat. I thought you were going to say, did you know how much Erling Harland looked like Amber? And I said I was going to say, yes, I do. Do you know that fella, the Norwegian fella?

[Joanne]

Oh, I think you know what, I don't. I think I know who you mean because I don't. I don't see Amber in him. But he is quite an unusual looking fella. Like he definitely looks Gandhi, doesn't. He has a scandi vibe. You can tell he's not maybe from the Midlands.

[Joe]

I always think he looks exactly like Amber. I've thought that for ages now before I even saw him in the World cup when he was playing for his other team.

[Joanne]

If I was your sister. If I was your sister, I would throw you off a cliff for that comment.

[Joe]

I love him. I've been watching loads of stuff on him. He seems like a really. He does guy.

[Joanne]

He does. He seems like a nice guy, but he is quite masculine looking, I would say.

[Joe]

I. I did think that.

[Joanne]

Yeah, well, she's got there. Yeah, there's a Viking vibe there, I would say.

[Joe]

I have been into the World cup, though. I did think the Newton. The Norwegians would have it. So now we. You've got England, Argentina and who else? France are playing. Who are? Francine.

[Vogue]

By the time this goes out, France and Spain has happened. That happened last night. Now, by the time you listen to

[Joe]

this, maybe it's coming home to the hol. The place I'm on holiday at. You never know.

[Joanne]

What does that mean for us, Joe? Can we still stay?

[Vogue]

It means that England might become a bit of a. An irritating place for you to be. More so than usual for a couple of days or weeks.

[Joanne]

I love it. But you'd want to see me. I was. I was here.

[Vogue]

I was.

[Joanne]

I was in a black card the other day. I'd given out about the traffic and I was like, jesus, Joanne, for a woman who's not even from here, you've really dug your heels in. I sent to the driver, I was like, what the is with the traffic it's describing. He's like, I know, I know. We're like giving out about the two bridges being closed. Yeah, I'm giving out about people, even though. I know, I know. It's terrible. It's terrible.

[Joe]

I do that when I go down to the tube and I'm like, the tube is. The tube will be three minutes. I'm like, for God's sake, three minutes. Whereas we'd be waiting for the dart for 25 minutes.

[Joanne]

No, like, for two immigrants. Like, for two immigrants. We're very gobby about the country. Do you know what I mean?

[Joe]

Very well. I think it's nice coming over.

[Vogue]

This is it. There's too many people coming over. It's full, it's full.

[Joanne]

Can't get into town. Disgrace. Shut the airports.

[Joe]

Did Anyone see Conor McGregor's comeback fight?

[Joanne]

Is this something to do with his knee?

[Joe]

Oh, yeah. He lasted 59 seconds. He was going around the ring like the most embarrassing person in the world, thinking that he was going to win his comeback fight. Within 59 seconds, he was out. That his opponent actually had to say to the ref, will I stop Punching him will I just like. Well, I. Will I stop?

[Joanne]

59 seconds.

[Joe]

59 seconds.

[Joanne]

I've pissed longer than that.

[Grainger Announcer]

That's.

[Joanne]

Oh, dear. Connor. Oh, that way. He won't take that well. He scares me.

[Joe]

He's already. He's already proclaiming God again. The Holy Spirit is behind me. I don't think he was behind you, Paul.

[Joanne]

The Holy Spirit. God, knock out his knee.

[Joe]

So that's my good news of the week.

[Joanne]

Does he need a new one? I had dinner with someone last night who told me that her dog has had two knee replacements. Isn't that.

[Joe]

You always say that you won't pay for, like, really expensive things for your dogs, but when it's your dog, when you. And you can. You have to. You can't not. It's like.

[Joanne]

See, I don't think I've even paid for Pat to have to. I'd say you can have one

[Grainger Announcer]

ear

[Joanne]

plate placement and then just get on with us.

[Joe]

Replacement and a walking stick and you'll be grand and you'll be happy about it. Yeah. 2.

[Joanne]

You could chew on a scooter.

[Joe]

What kind of dog is that that would need two near. What's he doing?

[Joanne]

He's a little cute white one. She showed me a photo of my. I. I couldn't tell the breed. Some sort of, like, Chihuahua poodle situation.

[Joe]

I was thinking of getting Bertie a nose job, actually, because I've seen them on Instagram. Do you know those. When Frenchies, they get, like, half their nose? Yeah, Laser. So they can breathe better. I was thinking of getting that for version. A little nose job.

[Joanne]

That'd be lovely. Either for. Well, we. We had a friend, Lola, with the designer vagina. Kind of.

[Joe]

Pug.

[Joanne]

Well, she was a little pug. I was gonna say little pog. Bulldogs. Little pug.

[Joe]

And she's a French bulldog, so.

[Joanne]

She was a French bulldog. I mean, they all look the same to me. Can you say that?

[Joe]

I think in the animal for that. And.

[Joanne]

And she had a little designer vagina because there's. God love them. They're so inbred that they have a lot of internal problems. And they had to redo her vagina. Perfect little vagina at the end. God rest her. Anyway, can we do an email? I have to get a train.

[Joe]

Okay. Oh, oh.

[Joanne]

Can I just also take a moment before we start? Hotel rooms that don't put water in the room. Are we all okay? Are we all okay? Who I like? Am I completely out of touch with reality? Why. Why would you not put a bottle of water in a Hotel. You're waking up. You're like, you're. You're parched, obviously, because you've had wine for your dinner. And then. And then there's no, like. I don't understand it. You're like your tongue stuck to the roof. Anyway, go on. Sorry.

[Joe]

That's what I meant. Oh, hi, Vogue. And Joanne and Joe, I feel a need to report a crime. A beauty crime. A crime against cheekbones, hydration, and women. Just trying to get to work with a full face of products in peace.

[Grainger Announcer]

Whoa.

[Joe]

Yeah, okay.

[Joanne]

Trying to see the connection. Yeah. Okay.

[Joe]

Joanne. Oh, after hearing about your recent Bin man beef, I was thinking about you the other day, because our bin man came around and I went out. I waltzed outside with three cans of ice cold Fonta.

[Joanne]

Did you indeed? I see you've learned from my mistakes.

[Vogue]

But we know why you did it. It's not just to do it.

[Joe]

John asked me, petrified.

[Joanne]

Did you walk out in slow motion?

[Joe]

The hair.

[Joanne]

Yeah, yeah, the hair below that one

[Joe]

that you like from that movie. Easel or whatever her name is

[Joanne]

Easel

[Joe]

from that movie that you played the bloke.

[Joanne]

I was thinking more like. What's your one? The rat. Like the sexy rabbit. Not lies off from the Sound of Music.

[Joe]

Oh. I was thinking, like, prancing around, like, throwing flowers and then just.

[Joanne]

Oh, yeah, sorry.

[Joe]

Okay, Joanne, after hearing about your recent Bin Men beef, I thought, God, how awful. Imagine being personally victimized by waste management.

[Joanne]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, when you put it like that, it's really sad.

[Vogue]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Is she the victim, though? Is she?

[Joanne]

I am. Yes, I am. Today I have a Google doorbell. I can show you all the footage.

[Joe]

Yeah, it happened to me. My boyfriend was leaving the house for work and my makeup bag was in his car. I shouted out the window like a perfectly normal, calm woman. Can you take my bag out and leave it on the grass by the curb? I'll be down in two minutes. Important context. It was not beside the green bin. Oh, no. It was not leaning flirtatiously against the green B. It was not paper, cardboard, or a rogue oak milk carton. It was a leather bag full of gorgeous expensive products. Brushes.

[Joanne]

Oh, no.

[Joe]

And most tragically, my very recently purchased bear by Vogue face tan overnight mask. A new arrival. A baby barely broken in. Oh, get. Get her email and I'll send her a new one.

[Joanne]

I have a feeling that might be the point of this entire. This entire letter.

[Joe]

That's so weird. Something happened to an anxious, preoccupied bag the other day. It was small, neon.

[Joanne]

Something happened to me with A private jet to Ibiza, if anyone wants to step up there.

[Joe]

Yeah, okay. Now we could go on. I ran upstairs for literally two seconds to grab my laptop charger. Then I heard it. The bin truck. My blood ran cold. I shouted to my dad to run outside just to make sure they didn't take the makeup bag. Not because they would, obviously. Because who looks at a leather makeup bag on the grass and thinks, ah, yes, recycling. I ran to the window, Rapunzel in a panic and looked out to see my dad and the bin men waving their arms, pointing at the truck. Then the words no, no woman should ever have to hear gone, crushed in the bin. I Bald.

[Joanne]

So sad.

[Joe]

But there was a man who once fell asleep in a wheelie bin. And then he was put into the bin and then he. The same thing happened to him. Like, they make.

[Vogue]

You're obsessed with the story. That's got time.

[Joanne]

But. But she's. He's not alone. That's. I'm not going to say it's a regular occurrence, but I'm fully aware. There's two stories of. There was a woman, a young woman in Spain. The same thing happened to her. She was on her holidays. And there was another woman in the uk, they think that. Man in the uk, that they either are sleeping in the big bins or they're pissed and they fall in because they've dropped a handbag or something. Yeah, I know. What a way to go, man.

[Joe]

Oh, okay. Like a banshee. Like Kim Kardashian losing her diamond earring in the ocean. Except no one was there to say, kim, there's people that are dying. There are. Because frankly, I was dying. My makeup, my brushes, my lovely products, my face, all compacted into oblivion amongst cereal boxes. Oh, do you ever lose your makeup

[Joanne]

bag and you're like, it's the worst. Because when you rack it all up, like, it's really expensive.

[Joe]

It's. And it's your favorite things that you're dragging the arse out of it.

[Joanne]

Yeah.

[Joe]

You know, you need to get rid of it, but you can't.

[Joanne]

Yeah.

[Joe]

The worst part, I then had no makeup left to cover the panda eyes I'd given myself from crying over the makeup. A vicious circle tragedy about faced pr. You should consider writing a book, my friend.

[Joanne]

We are locked in. We are locked in.

[Joe]

This is Sojo.

[Joanne]

I stand Mar and keys. Who wrote this?

[Joe]

These bin men are out to get us. They're organized, they're swift, they're ruthless. You're talking about them like, you know when the Uber Driver surge Uber at certain points in the day. And you're like, why are they doing this? Yes. And they do not respect a woman's right to bronze moisturized skin. Lesson learned. Never leave anything unattended ever.

[Grainger Announcer]

Anywhere.

[Joe]

You see, you guys have opposite problems. They won't take Joanne, but they'll take anything off you.

[Joanne]

That's kind of wild. I. Do you know what I would say? Listen, I'm. I'm gonna throw it out here. This could be a mad thing to say. Do you reckon one of them just lifted us, like, and is. And so there's a bin man's wife out there.

[Vogue]

You've just fixed it with your binman. Just. And you want to go do this?

[Joanne]

I reckon there's a bin man. There's a pin man's wife out there with a perfectly bronzed face. That's what I reckon. Sorry.

[Vogue]

I'll tell you why that didn't happen. And I'm aware that there are obviously there have been women, but most of the time you see bin men. Right. And usually I'm not happy to speak for all men, but on this occasion, probably certainly all men who don't wear makeup. We don't know how much it costs. We have no idea. I didn't know that it was expensive.

[Joe]

You didn't know makeup was expensive?

[Vogue]

Well, yeah. I wouldn't look at a makeup bag and think, oh, it's five grand in there. I just wouldn't.

[Grainger Announcer]

Yeah.

[Joanne]

I'm telling you now. No, they're not. You're right, they're not. Five grand. Yeah.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Joanne]

Well, I'm just saying. I don't know how a bin man could confuse that and say it's rubbish. I'm saying there's a possibility that there was an. A rogue bin man and he lifted us. That's all I'm saying.

[Joe]

I. I think it was a genuine mistake and there was no harm meant, no harm done. You were personally thrown in the bin yourself. So I would be grateful for that.

[Joanne]

I would like to know where these bin men are operating, because I would like, whoever he is, if he did throw it in the bin on my route, because my man won't take. Every. Every. Every Wednesday morning, I wake up with this pit of stress in my stomach to see if they've taken it or not. It's no way to live.

[Joe]

Why don't you just fly tip around at my house? What are they gonna do about it? There's a skip out there.

[Joanne]

I know. Yeah, I know. I. Well, I have to go. I have so many Boxes at the moment. It's ridiculous with the move and all. Like the place is like, and, and the mouth is just openly living in them now. Like, he's just, he's not even trying to hide anymore. He's just walking around the flat. Like, I guarantee, because I'm gonna, when I go home, because I've been away for a night, I, I'd say he's has his, he's had his friends over and stuff.

[Vogue]

Well, we do need to go because you need to go and get a train. But before we go, Joanne, quickly tell Vogue why your mousetraps weren't working.

[Joanne]

Oh, yeah, well, Joe, I, my maestro. So I put jam in the mouse traps because I don't have cheese. And I read up and, and I've heard that they eat jam. So I, I put some jam in some traps, but, and I, I was like, oh God, he doesn't need jam. Jesus. He's a high end maze. Turns out I hadn't set them. Wasn't that a joke?

[Vogue]

Yeah, they were all, yeah, way around going, oh, look.

[Joanne]

Yeah, because I did think, God, the jams, how is it? It's dissolving into the air. But he's obviously just coming up licking the jam.

[Joe]

Must be the heat.

[Joanne]

I didn't set them properly, so. Yeah, so it's, But I've also been coming down every morning terrified that I'm going to come across him dead in one of the traps. Because I don't, I, I, we kind of, we just kind of live together now, I think. I don't know.

[Joe]

But that's gonna happen. You're gonna come. I want, I, I didn't use mouse traps after I used them years ago in London. And I felt so guilty about it that I was like, I can't ever do this again.

[Vogue]

I think you can get married about humane traps. There are humane traps, but I have been down that road. I had a mouse once. I had 15 humane traps around. Oh, yeah, they just weren't, didn't work.

[Joe]

Did they not.

[Joanne]

So what's the humane trap? You just kind of play music and they walk in.

[Vogue]

It's like a little seesaw thing. So you put the peanut butter inside it?

[Joanne]

Yeah. Okay.

[Vogue]

This little seesaw, it tips down, then they're in a little box and then they can't get out. Yes, maybe they sometimes were. Maybe it's worth a go. Thank you to the people who did send in those messages.

[Joanne]

Maybe I'll give that a go because I am, I don't want to come down and find a Little bit mouse with his neck broken on my sitting room floor. I just don't. So I don't know what. Although I did try and kill us. I mean, look, I'm not. I didn't try. You know, it's all very well and good now to be like, I want to go down the humane route. I've been trying for weeks to kill

[Joe]

him, but the killing route isn't working. So I need to find another way to go.

[Joanne]

He's immortal, this lad. Yeah. But my mom is very determined that I get him out. Because she's like, if you don't get him out, he'll bring his friends in and there'll be loads of them. Yeah. So I am.

[Joe]

Borrow a cash. Borrow someone's cash. Cats don't actually eat them, they play with them. So he'll bring it outside.

[Joanne]

Play with them fakely. You like? Yeah. Do you see? There was a woman in America eaten by an alligator the other day. She went swimming in this. She was hiking with her boyfriend and some friends and she dipped it. Now it says everywhere, do not swim. Like, there's alligator, you know. And she went in and he bit the two arms off her.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. A lot of people get eaten by animals every year. I look into that, obviously, because the kids love knowing stuff like that. There's a lot. Hippos. Hippos are the worst.

[Vogue]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe]

So if you come across a hippo on your way home from York, watch out.

[Joanne]

Avoid, avoid.

[Joe]

No, thank you.

[Joanne]

Yeah, don't be swimming at the Times.

[Joe]

You don't know what. I saw a seal in the Thames before. I was like, what are you doing there?

[Joanne]

God love that seal. Jesus Christ. There's not enough tetanus in the world.

[Joe]

Okay, thank you, everyone, for listening Optical Home. Joanne's in Exeter this weekend.

[Joanne]

Exeter Powder Ham palace this Friday.

[Grainger Announcer]

Granger knows. When you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building,

[Joe]

you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners.

[Grainger Announcer]

Lights about to fail, filters ready to

[Joe]

clog H Vac on its last leg.

[Grainger Announcer]

If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind.

[Joe]

Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24.

[Grainger Announcer]

7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER.

[Joe]

Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Grainger Announcer]

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place, so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Joe]

This has been a global production

[Grainger Announcer]

when you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place, so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click granger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.