Oasis Afterparty, 5am Jolt & Good Journalism

Summary

My Therapist Ghosted Me

Episode: Oasis Afterparty, 5am Jolt & Good Journalism

Hosts: Joanne McNally & Vogue Williams
Date: August 22, 2025

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Episode Overview

This week's episode sees Joanne and Vogue at their irreverent, relatable best, chatting candidly about chaotic travel schedules, hotel mishaps (including an accidental Dyson theft), adventures at an Oasis afterparty, the art of surviving parties, and the highs and lows of being written about in the press. Expect trademark laughs, stories of poor sleep, “hard” party secrets, musings on celebrity weddings, and honest recommendations—plus an iconic take on the state of British journalism.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Domestic Chaos & Candlelit Revolution (00:26–02:00)

• Lightbulb Woes & Hipster Living:
  Joanne recounts her ongoing battle with electricians and light fixtures, joking about working by candlelight because she forgot to buy bulbs. Vogue quips about Joanne's new sustainable lifestyle and how she's milking cows for oat milk, to which Joanne retorts:

  “What would you know, Vogue? You’ve never even met a cow.” (01:41, Joanne)

• Running Jokes:
  The spirit of the segment is lighthearted ribbing about adulting and misguided sustainability.

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2. The Anxiety of Travel & a 5am Wake-Up Call (02:37–04:34)

• Vogue’s Insane Itinerary:
  Vogue describes her whirlwind trip—Dublin, London, Nottingham, Edinburgh, "all in about 32 hours"—and the resulting exhaustion.
• The 5am Jolt:
  After finally getting into bed, Vogue is mistakenly woken at 5am by a frantic taxi driver, causing panic and a lost day of sleep.

  “I felt like crying all day long.” (04:34, Vogue)

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3. Accidental Dyson Theft at the Leicester (04:34–08:47)

• Filming at a Glam Hotel:
  The pair describe filming content at Dublin's Leicester Hotel, getting lost in the glam and fixating on the décor (“the best martini I’ve ever had”).
• The Theft:
  Joanne accidentally packs up a Dyson hair tool belonging to the hotel, not realizing it until much later.

  “Basically, I lifted the Dyson out of the Leinster ... I did return the Dyson and all’s well that ends well.” (08:34, Joanne)

• On Temptation & Hotel Luxury:
  Light-hearted speculation about what else they could have “borrowed” from the hotel—automatic toilets, wallpaper, lightbulbs—ensues.

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4. Oasis Afterparty & Getting Kicked Out at Dawn (10:03–16:36)

• The After-Afterparty:
  Joanne recounts attending the Oasis afterparty at O'Donoghue's. While there’s social media buzz about her “inside info,” the actual experience was more subdued:

  “I’d love to tell you I was in doing poppers with Richard Ashcroft ... but I wasn’t.” (11:34, Joanne)

• Making Up Tabloid Magic:
  The hosts riff on how they could spin wild stories ("I dry-humped Noel Gallagher so much there’s a hole in my tights").
• Staying ’Til Sunrise:
  Joanne is the last to leave the afterparty, finding herself with a mystery family of four and getting gently shooed by the bartender:

  “His eyes were like, bleeding. He went, ‘Yes, please [leave].’” (14:12, Joanne)

• Celebrity Encounters:
  Joanne name-drops Roisin Conaty and Laura Whitmore, emphasizing she was “hobnobbing” rather than wallflowering.

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5. Festival Survival and the Art of the Queue (16:54–18:13)

• Gig Protocols:
  Vogue details her hard-won festival wisdom: always bring your own toilet paper and, if possible, vodka stashed to avoid long bar queues.
  • Both share stories about aggressive fans in queues (one transition from threatening to friendly photo-requester in minutes).

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6. Party Prep & Gift-Giving Anxiety (18:13–22:21)

• Birthday Nerves:
  Vogue is preparing for her big party, feeling overwhelmed but determined to keep the event tame and neighbor-friendly.
• The Art of Getting Presents:
  Joanne admits to planning an especially thoughtful gift, deriding her own history of last-minute presents.

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7. On Iconic Weddings: Saoirse Monica Jackson’s Nuptials (22:29–25:56)

• Ultimate Wedding Inspiration:
  Vogue and Joanne rave over actress Saoirse Monica Jackson’s wedding, waxing lyrical about its “iconic,” “90s punk” styling—and noting their own legendary resemblance.

  “She has rebranded marriage to me as something deadly.” (24:06, Joanne)

• Big vs. Small Weddings:
  Both express admiration for personalized, cool, and authentic wedding celebrations.

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8. Soho Farmhouse & the Price of Bougie Living (25:56–28:13)

• Luxury Retrospective:
  The hosts reflect on Soho Farmhouse’s exclusivity—its price, party atmosphere, and strict photo rules. Joanne’s brief consideration of a “writer’s retreat” is nixed by the cost.
• Notable Quote:

  “I didn’t realize I was trying to buy the Cotswolds.” (26:43, Joanne)

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9. Tabloid Tales & Good Journalism (29:40–34:34)

• Molly Mae 'Cat Fight' Story:
  Vogue gleefully explains a hilarious, totally manufactured Daily Mail story pitting her against Molly Mae and Dani Dyer in a “bitchy cat fight” over laundry detergent endorsements.

  “You can only imagine what Vogue thinks about Molly Mae parking her tanks on Vogue’s lawn—said one associate.” (31:06, quoted by Vogue)

• Meeting the Journalist:
  Vogue encounters the article’s author, Grant Tucker, and thanks him for the comedic relief:

  “It was one of the best pieces of journalism I’ve ever seen. So well done.” (32:42, Vogue)

• The Art of Lightness:
  Both commend “fun journalism” over nasty tabloid tactics and joke about orchestrating future headlines.
  • Joanne:

    “We all know that you and Molly Mae are not going to go jousting over fairy capsules ... that’s fun journalism.” (32:57)

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10. Book News & True Crime Recommendations (35:08–39:08)

• Kevin Federline Memoir:
  Joanne introduces the news of Britney Spears’ ex-husband releasing a tell-all book, wrestling (briefly) with the ethics before vowing to listen to the audiobook for the podcast’s sake—with caveats about “not giving him the money.”
• True Crime Book Recs:
  Joanne strongly recommends Jacqui Connolly’s heartbreaking audiobook (narrated by Cherelle Kelleher) about the murder of her sister and nephews:

  “When I say harrowing, gripping, excellent. So, worth a read—or a listen.” (38:11, Joanne)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I eat them, I don’t meet them!” (01:58, Vogue)
• “There’s a potential to be lit when it gets dark, Vogue. And as it happens, it’s still daytime…” (01:02, Joanne)
• “I did K out of the arse crack of Richard Ashcroft ... and I dry road Noel Gallagher for so long there’s a hole in the crotch of my tights!” (11:45, Joanne—making up wild stories for the tabloids)
• “She has rebranded marriage to me as something deadly.” (24:06, Joanne, about Saoirse Monica Jackson’s wedding)
• “You can only imagine what Vogue thinks about Molly Mae parking her tanks on Vogue’s lawn.” (31:06, Vogue quoting the Daily Mail)
• “We all know that ... you and Molly Mae are not going to go jousting over fairy capsules ... that’s fun journalism.” (32:57, Joanne)
• “I didn’t realize I was trying to buy the Cotswolds.” (26:43, Joanne, on Soho Farmhouse prices)

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Highlighted Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|--------------------| | Lightbulb & Candlelight Antics | 00:26 - 02:00 | | Vogue’s 5am Wakeup/Travel Chaos | 02:37 - 04:34 | | Accidental Dyson Theft | 04:34 - 08:47 | | Oasis Afterparty & Getting the Boot | 10:03 - 16:36 | | Surviving Gig Queues/Festival Wisdom | 16:54 - 18:13 | | Birthday Party Anxiety & Husband’s Cake | 18:13 - 22:21 | | Saoirse Monica Jackson’s Epic Wedding | 22:29 - 25:56 | | Soho Farmhouse—Not for the Faint of Purse | 25:56 - 28:13 | | Tabloid Tales & Grant Tucker Shout-Out | 29:40 - 34:34 | | Kevin Federline, True Crime Book Recs | 35:08 - 39:08 |

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Final Thoughts

This episode perfectly merges comic misadventure and genuine friend-to-friend therapy. Listeners are offered a peek behind the scenes of celebrity travel, afterparties, and the wild stories media run with—always with Joanne and Vogue’s quick wit and chemistry. Highlights include Joanne’s extended night at the Oasis afterparty, their take on the British tabloid machine, and honest (if harrowing) book recommendations. If you missed the recording, this summary gives you every laugh, confession, and side-eye-worthy bit of wisdom.

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Transcript

[A]

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello, welcome to. My therapist ghosted me with myself, Joanne McNally and Vogue Williams and Joe Ashywell.

[B]

Hello, Hello, Here we. Here we are, listeners. You are lucky you don't have to deal with what we have to deal with. As goes a ladder outside. You want. This is the fantastic.

[A]

There was a, There was a little, there was a little double booking around the time the podcast used to be recorded from my personal private home. There was an electrician booked to drill lights into all the walls. But look. Thanks, Ali. He's just left. The house is lit. Lit to the title.

[B]

No. Well, it's actually not lit because Joanna didn't know she had to buy light bulbs. So that was the second part.

[A]

Well, no, no one tells me how many times it's. There's a potential. There's a potential. There's a potential to be lit when it gets dark, Vogue. And as it happens, it's still daytime, so.

[B]

Haha. Okay, off you go to Tesco to get your balls and you won't know which ones to get because I know you.

[A]

Well, actually, Vogue, I'm, I'm, I'm going down a hipster road, so I'm just going to work by candlelight from now on.

[B]

Oh, sustainable. Joanne's back.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, I get the cow into the flat, gonna milk it for my oat milk. I'm doing it all myself from now on.

[B]

Yeah, well, cows don't produce oat milk, but I.

[A]

Okay, what would you know, Vogue? You've never even met a cow.

[B]

I. Excuse me, I have eaten a lot of K's, I'd say. That's not me. An entire cow.

[A]

That's not meat in my mouth. That's not meeting them, that's eating them.

[B]

I didn't meet him.

[A]

I eat them, I don't meet them. And Vogue, you're not, you're not in great form yourself. Were I to bat it back while we were going through the horror of my electrics, folks said she, and I quote, can't cope with this shit and left the laptop to go on photos. Am I? Is that right? And Joe, while I'm. While I'm at it, Joe, you're not looking too rightly yourself. And we're a little bit moody, a little short with me about the Camry.

[C]

If I'm honest, I've got the biggest ulcer that humankind has ever known on the inside of my lip and it makes me want to kill everyone.

[A]

Yeah. So it's just one of those days. We're all coming on. We're coming on, Joe.

[B]

Well, I tell you. Well, I tell you what happened to me. Why my day? So basically I have been. I've been in. I went from Dublin to London to Nottingham to Edinburgh to Dublin in less. In about probably 32 hours. So I was really tired and looked.

[A]

That's why I have to make my own milk, because I'm trying to counteract the damage you're doing to the environment. That's why I've no balls. Sorry. Choo choo.

[B]

I got a train twice.

[A]

Did you get a choo choo?

[B]

I got a choo choo to get.

[A]

Choo choo from London to Edinburgh. It's stunning. It's great scenery. It's really lovely.

[B]

No, I got, I got.

[A]

Did you get a choo choo to the air? Did you get a choo choo to the airport? Is that what you're saying?

[B]

I walked to the airport. I wanted to catch the views.

[A]

Oh, I understand. She got a choo choo to the private Jack.

[B]

I would have had time to walk to the airport. I wish I was on one of those erlingest planes, the little tiny ones. So that like. Because I'll tell you what happened. I'm, I, I'm a person who gets anxious sometimes and when I don't get sleep, it makes it worse. And so last night I was like, brilliant, I'm in bed, I'm gonna get eight hours. And I was jolted out of my sleep at 5am Jolt jolted.

[A]

Excuse me.

[B]

Jolted.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And lovers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Loved it. No, I did not love it, actually. A deep sleep with the, with the person on the phone saying, your, Your taxi's been sitting here 20 minutes. You're late, you're late. And I was like, got up, took off all my clothes. Very unlike me. Took off all my pajamas, packed the bag, picked up my phone. 5:00am I was like, why in God's name is that man ringing me at 5am? He had rung the wrong 5 1/2 hours sleep instead of 7.

[A]

What I love about this is you're so well behaved that you got up.

[B]

Oh, I ran, I legged it around the room. I was like, how could I do this? I don't know what happened. Anyway, I got someone else's wake up call. They probably missed their flight. I didn't get back to sleep and I felt like crying all day long.

[A]

That's. That is. I genuinely feel for you. That's terrible. Speak. But speaking of. And I know you've been around the world in, well, three. Three Days. Speaking of dodgy hotel encounters, I myself and Vogue were filming some content in the Lester Hotel in Dublin. Five stars.

[B]

You've taken it under your wing. I was there twice last week filming certainly have.

[A]

Is. I think, I don't know, is it a five star hotel? I think it is. I'm just saying five star hotel. It's glam. It's glam. As. Best martini I've ever had. And I. I don't say that lightly. And may I say I've had loads of martinis. But it's.

[B]

I just keep walking around, I'm like, I wonder how much they spent on this. Yeah, how much. Look at the wallpaper.

[A]

Stunning.

[B]

How much they spent. I'm obsessed with how much they spent.

[A]

On that stunning, stunning, gorgeous gym as well. The whole thing is like, tick, tick, tick. But anyway, so myself and Vogue were using one of the rooms to do our bits and bobs, put our makeup on, get changed. Because we were filming content around the hotel. And when I was leaving, I had my big shark hair tool that I use and there was also a Dyson hair tool in the bedroom. And Vogue left early because she was going to Oasis. And so I kind of stayed and made sure everything was okay because that's what I do because sometimes I am the boss. And Vogue went off with their navel, showing off to have a great day out with her friends. And I was responsible and I stayed and I packed myself after forgetting her Dyson. I packed it all up anyway. Bought everything back to my mom's house where I was staying. And then I was going back into the town a couple days later and I was like, so where the fog hasn't asked me about her Dyson. Because she'd usually be very like, on top of things like that. And as I was taxiing down the road into town with my taxiing or potsying. No, taxiing. Taxiing. I can only potsy twice a week. She's too old to potsy any more than that. She gets tired. She's like, I can't be driving around. This is getting ridiculous.

[B]

No, I have a gig in Donegal.

[A]

I'm like a mom. Did you get that booking I just sent you there? As he burst into her bedroom. Don't bother sending the paling. Forget about it. I'll get you again. I realized, I was like. It dawned on me, I was like, oh, God, did I? And Vogue said, no, folk, I have your Dyson. That's not my Dyson, Joanne. Yeah, that's the hotel. So my. Basically I lifted the Dyson out of the. The Leinster. But you know what I really respect about the Leinster, they didn't say anything to Van. They didn't say anything now I guess I think they. I think they said something to Vogue and I think they would have eventually cracked and polite. I mean it been the worst crime in history because we very publicly used that room. Like it was kind of. It was like content, you know what I mean? So it's not like I slipped in, called like Mrs. Smith and like rinsed the room. I was very notably in that room as far as they were concerned. But they never. There was no guard involvement, there was no attack. It was all very sound.

[B]

It was like Dyson get robbed from there though. Because I mean it's, it's such a special a piece of equipment. I mean that you would be tempted. They have that in Eden Rock as well. And I said, I said that. I said's mom. I was like how many people rob? And she was like nobody. Nobody robs E's rock, Dyson.

[A]

Yeah, I guess like as much as I do. I do. You know, I'm not going to play the pauper. Like I do stay in some nice places nowadays. But I am still a thing screwed to the wall girl at heart, I think. So like if it's not screwed to the wall. Well, like I say, and I know you, it's something you would have. And I just assumed you had left it there and that I was being sound and supportive of you.

[B]

So I. Nick, thank God I didn't steal the wallpaper because I was considering it. It was so beautiful. But they really would have copped onto us here.

[A]

Like, did you want to leave that automatic toilet there? Because the toilet, the seat pops up and down. It's mental. Every time you walk in it's like zip.

[B]

So you're actually missing a couple taps from the room. Sorry, what are you suggesting here? No, I don't have a Swan tap room. I did not. I didn't touch it.

[A]

All my new light bulbs are straight out of the Lanster. Sorry. I seem to vog left him here. I'm sorry. But yeah, anyway, so apologies to the Lanster but I. I did return the Dyson and all's well that ends well basically.

[B]

But I do wonder back if I was you guys. She's got a few bits.

[A]

Best martini in Dublin. Crispy olives. Stunning.

[B]

Most revolting drinks that has ever passed. And I know I don't like. I don't like alcohol, but that drink is really taking the p. It. It's like someone poured lighter fluid into a glass.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And an olive in on top of it. It's absolutely disgusting.

[A]

It is. It is disgusting. But I think it's like the last drink before you start saging in a wellness retreat. So that's kind of where I am. I've kind of. I've hit the hard liquor. I'd say. I'd say about a year left before I'm kind of, you know, making wicker baskets down in Wicklow. But, like, whatever. For the moment, I'm a very much a martini girl.

[B]

You said that three years ago, but yeah. Did I can. I can see that in your future. I can see. Well, actually, it's a wicker coffin. Oh, Grant, that's the first time you'll see wicker in your life.

[A]

I'm gonna make my own coffin. Of course. Yeah. Because we're all trying to make up for your private chat.

[B]

Gigi and I went and got her nails done for the first time. So I've never taken her to get her nails done. And she had such a great time. And then it was all ruined at the very end because she walked into a table and waxed her face off.

[A]

Oh, God love her.

[B]

So she went in smiling, walked out crying. I was like, oh, no, it's always the way. Joanne, I was sent a video on Instagram of you walking into o' Donoghue's pub for the Oasis afterparty. Would you like to tell me about that?

[A]

I will elaborate. Now, obviously, I'm on the inner circle now. So much like Fight Club. It's not. There's not a lot I can say.

[C]

In order for this podcast to ever exist in future. We sort of needed that video to be AI. I was really hoping it was AI.

[B]

I don't really care.

[A]

She wouldn't even stay up that late. She'd be like, this is.

[B]

Oh, do you know what I did? I'm disgusted. I came home after Oasis. I was home at half 11, sitting in my gaff. Megan came home, my friend, and we're sitting there having a drink, and didn't we leave my house? We left the comfort of my home, walked my friend's house five minutes later, and I didn't get home till three in the morning. Oh, worst mistake of my life. You got sucked in. Sucked or I got sucked out of the gaff? Actually, I was comfortably sitting downstairs with a nice drink and I was like, go on. Sure. It's only a five minute walk.

[A]

I'll go, sure, why not?

[B]

So tell me, tell me, did you see him? Did you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Smell nice. What was he wearing?

[A]

So anyway, that's what happened. Got into the. Got the nod to go into this after party. And I was like, oh, my God. And then, you know what happened when you like, I'd love to have love. Because people are messaging on. What's the gospel? I'd love to tell you. I was in doing poppers with Richard Ashcroft on the shoulders of. No. Got her. But I wasn't.

[B]

Sorry. Hang on, Joe. Say that again. Just. Can you not just tell us? Can you not just make something.

[A]

Sorry. Okay, I was.

[C]

We could just run that again.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Tell us what we want to hear.

[A]

I did K out of the earth crack of Richard Ashcroft.

[B]

I knew it.

[A]

And I draw. I dry road no Gallagher for so long there's a hole in the crotch of my tights.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Sorry. I forgot that you can make shit up, actually. Forgot?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I've sold my story to the Sunday World.

[B]

Fantastic. Eugene Masterson's going to write a big piece on you. Is he?

[A]

I believe so, yeah. Huge piece. But. But it was. Do you know what's gas? When you go into these things, do you know, this kind of like, this exclusivity, the mystique of it all. And then you get in there, it's just people getting paid. Like, there's no. Nothing happens.

[B]

Did you say hello to him? Did you do it? Come on. Did you do anything? Did you.

[A]

No, he's too shy.

[B]

That's the problem.

[C]

Ashcroft.

[A]

No, it's too shy.

[B]

Yeah, you just don't want to be that soft.

[A]

I don't want to say anything. And I was laughing about. Because I did feel. Because. Because I'm. Because I'm Irish and, like, polite. I did feel like. Because it was a free bar and it was like. It was like, you know, it was like a little party. And I was like, I'd love to go up to. No. N. Just say, I told me to be walking around here, like, just kind of drinking a drink. I'd love to say thanks for the free booze. And Vogue was like, joanne, I don't think Nell's paying for the drinks. I think. I think MCG are paying for the drink. Yeah. And I was like, oh, my God. I didn't even think. Imagine, I could not be like. Now, listen, just to ext. Big thanks for the 28 margaritas. But I'll tell you this. Do you know who was the last person to leave out on his.

[B]

Who?

[A]

Your good pal Joanne. No, I When I tell you.

[B]

Tell us what time. What time? What time?

[A]

Well, it was still dark, but there was birds chirping. Richard was gone. I called him Richard. No, was gone. Bonehead was gone. All the band were gone.

[B]

Where was Liam? Was Liam not there?

[A]

Liam didn't go. He's saving his voice, apparently. Apparently he's trying to be good.

[B]

They are friends. I've insider gossip. They actually are friends.

[A]

I was sat down. Everyone was kind of gone. And I realized I was sat with a family of four. A mother and her three children. I don't know how they got in. Don't know how I got in. Anyway, we're having such a lovely time. Her daughter went to Loretta Dorky. We're talking about all the old English teachers. It was very un. Rock and roll. And then we went up to get one last drink off the barman. And I don't know who's. And I realized there was no one in o'. Donoghue. It's only me and this family. And I said to the barman, and I've done his. Do you want us to go? And he. His eyes were, like, bleeding. He went, yes, please. So there must be, I guess, unreal. He was like, I can't ask them to leave, but they're a rock star. Well, kicked out, I'd say Richard was clearly at home with his eye mask and his earplugs in, resting. And I was still drinking the bar. I'd say Nell was like that absolute sea urchin anyway.

[B]

Your own fault for offering you a free bar.

[A]

And they were so nice. So nice. And they were like, no, no. And. And I said, when? When would you like your moment? An hour ago. And I went, say no more. Yeah, say no more. And I grabbed up my family, who I will never see again. I said, family, we're out now. And we all left.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And we stood in the streets. Yeah. And then we went to the canal.

[B]

That's the great thing about Joanne. You can bring her to any party and just ditch her. She didn't go to that party on her own. And she just. She's happy to be ditched. She'll just find new friends.

[A]

I'll always find a new friend. I'll always find someone to chat to, whether they want to or not. Roisin Connady was there. I had a great chat with her. Laura Whitmore was there. Had a great chat with her. Like, I did. I did do a bit of Hobnobbin. Do you know what I mean? I wasn't like Crying in the corner. I did. I did do a bit of Hobnobbin, but I was wearing. There's this Irish designer called Pure.

[B]

Love that top.

[A]

It's cool, isn't it? Yes.

[B]

Send me the link. I need that top. I love it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell her. I'll tell her. Because she's. It's. The brand is called Pure Melter and the top says Melter on it. And of course, when there was the photos of me going into the party, these, you know, the lads are like.

[B]

What the is she doing there?

[A]

You know these. Oasis.

[B]

Oh, no. Imagine I'd shown up. Oh, I would have been egged.

[A]

I think I'm as bad.

[B]

No, no, we're at different levels. We're definitely at different levels.

[A]

It was like they'd seen their wife getting fingered by a ferret. They were horrified. They were like, what is she doing now? She know there's. Oh, you know, all this. But someone. Because I was wearing Melter across the top, someone was like, yeah.

[B]

What?

[A]

She says top. Yeah, that's ab. I. Yeah, that's the joke, you pleb. Do you know what I mean? I'm leaning in. Anyway, I was like, shut up, Darren. But anyway, there you go. So no gas at all. Sorry, I had nothing else to bring. But we had a great night.

[B]

You should have just gone. Why couldn't someone sip side? No, for us.

[A]

I just. I don't like to bother people. V. When I see you out, I don't even say hi to you. I'm like, leave her off.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[A]

Do you know when I come up to thank you for the free bar and you're like, what are you talking about? I haven't paid for any of this. Like, this is global. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah, thanks. Thanks for my margarita the other day, by the way. I didn't say thank you for that. How rich rude. Is that why you stole the dyston and tried to blame me?

[A]

Onwards and upwards. I'd like to say me and the Gallaghers. Gallagher is our best mates, but we'd. No interaction at all. However, you know, never say never.

[B]

Will we go to Wembley and then you can get your friend to get us in. I actually don't want to get in.

[A]

I can't, I can't. I've got my own tour now. Which, by the way, I would like to extend. I would like to extend the offer back to the Gallaghers, if they fancy dropping into pedophile. You know, they're more than Malcolm.

[B]

Do you know what My only thing about Oasis was, right, I think that you have to do. There's a few things, like, if I was going to their gig again, I take my own toilet paper because I don't want to. I don't. You don't want to be drip drying. I ran out of toilet paper. Now, Crow park were very good at only running a toilet paper for a little minute. And then I'd probably strap vodka to the top of my leg because the bar queue was very, very long. It's 45 minutes in the queue and I just made Amber Q. But, yeah, it was a lot, wasn't it?

[A]

There was a woman that was very ratty with me in the queue. She had a couple. She had a couple of drinks. She had a couple of drinks on board and the drink. The queue to the bar was a little chaotic. So there was, you know, these kind of like. There's. You're like, is there four cues? Is there three feeding into two? What's happening? But I was fairly sober at this stage and she thought that I was some. She thought I was kind of stealing her place. And she was. I know, yeah, she was very, very ratty. And then she kind of. Her eyes kind of focused in, and then she recognized maybe from the pod, and then she wanted a photo. I was like, it's a bit rich considering you were threatening to glass me about seven minutes ago. But anyway.

[B]

But, yes, you can have one. You can have one as long as you understand.

[A]

Yeah, I did. And I thought, I'm skipping you. And I did it like a loser. I did it as well.

[B]

Ah, you have to. You have to. Well, I am in full party mode. My party's happening on Saturday. Have you noticed my new face? I went into Katrina on Sunday. That's how dedicated I am.

[A]

Didn't recognize it.

[B]

Hung over into Katrina on Sunday, who smells amazing. And she was off to Oasis and also, love scuba sunglasses. By the way, Katrina is a dermatologist in Dublin, if anyone ever wants to go to one. She's brilliant. And I. Yeah, I'm getting all the party prep. I'm. I think that's what's contributing to the anxiety, to be honest with you. There seems to be a lot to do. I've bitten off more than I can chew.

[A]

I was on to your husband today.

[B]

Do you know what he offered? He went, because I said, now, you haven't really done anything to help with the party. Now, I had an ask, in fairness, and then he's like, after I got a surprise for you and I was like, what is it? Cuz I probably have it because I've been organizing this party pages. He's like, I got you a cake. I was like, no. So my cake arrives on Friday. And he's like, you can't organize your own cake. That's pathetic. I was like, what do you think I've been doing for the last eight years we've known each other, no one's ever gotten me a cake. So you.

[A]

Yeah, you're like that girl online who buys her own cupcakes. Except she was.

[B]

Yeah, but I actually do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What was he on to you about? What's he looking for?

[A]

No, I was on to him because I was like, I really need to step up now and get a nice present.

[B]

Oh, wow. Thank you.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, okay, now come on, let's not. Let's not let this slide. Let's. Let's not.

[B]

Well, because your presence isn't my presence.

[A]

Exactly. I have no presence. Exactly. I have no physical presence. So I have to get a tangible. Sorry. Yeah. I'm not going to be there, basically, so. And I don't want to leave it go as long as I usually do with presence. So I've been giving it some serious thought and I now know after much consideration and your husband being completely useless, I know what I'm gonna get you. Oh yeah, no, no. But it's actually quite sweet if I do say so much, if I manage to pull it off. Oh yeah.

[B]

I'm excited for that.

[A]

It's quite cute.

[B]

Is it an animal? I don't want any more animals.

[A]

Please, God, no.

[B]

Okay, thank God. Because my kids are asking for chicks now. I'm like, listen, I'd love a chick, but I've nowhere to put the chick. We're not gonna.

[A]

No, no, no, no. It's an adult.

[B]

Cheers everywhere. Okay, good.

[A]

This is like one of my. Do you remember when my mother got my two nephews metal detectors and then hid coins all around the sitting room on Christmas Day? The sitting room that we were sitting in.

[B]

It was like a really good idea.

[A]

It's a really good idea. But not in the. All day in the room that we're in.

[B]

I think that's such a good. You should have transmit garden.

[A]

We did. Then we threw them and coins out in the garden. Threw them all out. We're like, get on with us out there, please. But yeah, but no. And I'm. I'm. I'm actually really sorry I'm missing the party. I've had a lot of people text me, tell you I hope you have insurance. People haven't seen years. Or text me going, are you going to the massive session out in Hoats?

[B]

I'm like, I better tell the neighbors now. But there is rules. I'm stopping all the music and everything by 10, as you know. So there's real. I'm sticking with the rules. I'm not Joanne. I'm throwing a party from 2 till 10. Come on. I'm a matinee girl. Leave me alone.

[A]

Hilarious. There's children's parties that go on later than that. Are you giving out party bags at the end?

[B]

I didn't say I was going to be done by 10 o'. Clock. I said, the party's over at 10 o'. Clock. So what I'm doing is I've booked the pub down the road so I can literally walk people out and be like. And I feel like a good eight hour stint. I was considering stopping it at eight and I said, you know what? No, I'll be sound. I'll stop it at 10. A good eight hour stint of a party is enough. I've got like, listen, that's the way it's going to be. I don't know who is going to arrive in the day because I've just invited too many people. The worst part is I don't know who I've forgotten. So that's. That's going to be even worse.

[A]

Well, say it here now. If you feel you should have been invited and you weren't, feel free to turn up.

[C]

That message is out there. You did say that a couple of weeks ago.

[B]

I don't know. Don't feel free to turn up. No. If you're a friend of mine. If you're a friend of mine, shoot me a text and if I answer, then of course you can come. If I don't, then you can't. Black Cat just walked in front of me there in my house and now I'm like, obviously, because I'm an anxious wreck. I'm convinced now that something terrible is going to happen to me and I shouldn't go for a run because I might fall off the cliff.

[A]

Can we please take a moment for Saoirse Monica Jackson? I have never wanted to get married. Except for that. Well, I have actually, a lot of times with the. The lads weren't that into it. But not recently have I had any interest in getting married. And I did think if I was to ever get married, I would just elope to Vegas, do a full Lily Allen and just like ring it in, like, in A chapel kind of thing. And then I saw the wedding of Saoirse Monica Jackson and her, well, husband, now DJ Hector Barber, known professionally as Dennis Salta. And I. Jo, did you see this? Oh, my God. It was very Joanne.

[B]

Now, I did have to double take for a second. I was like, has Joanne gotten married and not told me about it? Because you two, in my opinion, are. We do look pretty much the exact same person. I couldn't. I was like, will I tell her or does she know? She has to know. It's not one of those ones that you look at and you're like, no, I don't look like her.

[A]

No, I see it.

[B]

Image.

[A]

So we get told it a good bit. And then when I was in New York doing shows, she was in a play in New York and we hung out and we just do. You know, when you've, like, had a couple of drinks, you're just kind of like, marveling at how alike you look, but you probably don't look that alike. But anyway, so we just. We got a bit of a buzzer, but we are, we are. She could be my little sister for sure. 100%.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she's so sad and so cool and so sweet. And the dress and the heels. It was.

[B]

I knew.

[A]

It's the. It's. The term iconic is overused. It was iconic. Unreal. I. I haven't seen a wedding like that in so long. It was just cool. I was like, she has rebranded marriage to me as something deadly.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, the whole, like, no shade to anyone who has these enormous, massive weddings in these, like, gorgeous places. But I think there's really cool ways to do weddings. I think if I ever got married again, again, which it would be to Spencer. And we, like, we're eight years married, so we're like, if we get married, if we do it again. Because we didn have, like, the proper big wedding. I know we did the TV wedding, but that wasn't a real wedding. Like, I'd love to do something cool. Like, she did, like, just something really chillaxed where people are having fun and, like, that's kind of not to bring my birthday back into. I just want to have a really fun time. I don't want to be, like, over produced. Hers didn't feel overproduced. She looked cool. She looked like herself. I just.

[A]

But the dress and the veil, it was quite over the top. Like, it did, like, I. It did feel very produced, as in. It was. It was a big event. Like, the. The fashion and the styling was. Well, she was in Vogue. She was in British.

[B]

I know, but I just feel like that that's kind of her vibe anyway. I think that, like, having a really cool, like, comfort, like, she's obviously really comfortable in what she wore. I just. I just. I just. It felt like they all just got pissed and had such a laugh.

[A]

Yeah. But the styling was next level. It was epic. It really, really was. And I. I. I don't know. I was like. There was something kind of 90s about it or something with something kind of punk about kilt, and there was women there in kilts. And I just thought the whole thing was savage. And I just wish we'd made more of a connection in New York. So I would have been invited. It's a wedding I would have loved to have gone to. It really lifted me. I was down. I was actually doing a showdown in Soho Farmhouse, which, by the way. And we're having a very bougie conversation because it's all very luxurious venues we're talking about, but we're working in them. Ultimately, Soho Farmhouse was when the photos of her wedding came through, and they were described as, like, this kind of Celtic epic wedding. And it was just phenomenal. But I was down in Soho Farmhouse doing a gig, and. And so, Joe, have you ever been to Soho Farmhouse?

[C]

I've never had the pleasure, but I understand from the news this week that it's worth £2 billion.

[A]

What?

[B]

The Soho Group. The Soho Group. Well, I don't know. I don't know how true that is.

[A]

Well, we went. Do you remember we went there for your birthday years ago. Vogue.

[B]

Was that for my birthday?

[A]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was your birthday.

[B]

Yeah. We should have a team. A team day. It is.

[A]

It is a really fun spot, but, like, pricey name. It's pricey. I had this idea of, you know, where I get. I get a notion about I'm gonna go on a writer's retreat, except I don't want to go to an actual writer's retreat. So I just want to go somewhere where I can just live my own rules. And I was like, I don't know. I'll do a book, see if. And go to South Farmers for a couple of days. And I priced it. And I was like, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was trying to buy the Cotswolds. What?

[B]

Well, I. So I was gonna go for my birthday this year with the kids. I was like, I'll pop down on the day of my birthday, be lovely and Then I was like, like, there's no popping down.

[A]

You're not popping in there.

[B]

No, I'm not going to pop in there. But it is very beauty. It's very nice. But what I will say is when you go down, like, you're. You're kind of like. It is a bit of a party place. My cousin had his, his. His birthday there. But also there's a lot of people from London, and sometimes when I get out of London, I don't want to see lots of people in London.

[A]

It's bougie, it's high end. The last time we were there for your birthday, Paul Mesca was there and.

[B]

I was like, oh, yeah, he was.

[A]

But, but so this time anyway, because I, I was a bit like, like him, you know, you're like, rip, like, no. And like, listen, hands up. I am a member of the Soho Group, which I probably won't be after this podcast. I think they're quite cutthroat, but. And you can't take photos. It's ever. It's like everyone's on the run. It's like. It's like a fugitive camp. Everyone's just highly anonymous and all that. And you can't even take your phone out. And so they're like. They're like. You're like, sorry, where can I use my laptop? They're like, over there in the bin. You're like, okay, sorry, sorry. But anyway, I was like, it's an absolute rip, blah, blah, blah. But then as part of the gig that I was doing, they gave me a complimentary night there. And then the next day I was like, okay, yeah, it's kind of. It's kind of worth it. I did a peloton, or it's one of those class. I did this one of the spinning classes. And when the class ended, I was like, this is jokes. This guy walked in while we were like doing our cool down with cold towels to hand us all with like a dib dab holder thing that your mom uses to cook.

[B]

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Well done. I had a great stay in a hotel last night as well. That was equally as bougie. But I got four set of bed at 5am and I've been devastatingly anxious ever since. And I'm three beta blockers down for the day.

[A]

I will say, folk, I think beta blockers really suit you. You know.

[B]

I said, I feel like this. I was like, sonny had to be really nice to me today. He's like, what do you mean? I was like, Just anything I say that's weird. You just have to let it slide. Let it. Because I'll start saying, I'll start thinking of. When I'm really anxious. I'll start thinking of mad stuff. And I'm like. I'm like, we need to. This and we need to do that. Look at this. This is like that. And that's like this. And I'm looking at the window. I'm like, that needs to go there. And like, I can't. I actually can't stop. I can't wait till it's bedtime and I close my eyes and I fall asleep.

[A]

Well, I.

[B]

Tomorrow will be better.

[A]

Yeah, of course. And you're not like this very often. And it was a big away. It was Oasis. We're in Ireland. It was so the camaraderie of Oasis being in Dublin. It was like the whole country was like.

[B]

Like.

[A]

It was like a huge chunk of the country was going to the debs together. Everyone's like, what are you wearing? What are you wearing? What are you wearing?

[B]

It wasn't Oasis. That was on Saturday. It's Wednesday today. I'm over that. It was the. It was the shock of being woke. If I get woken up like that, it can ruin my whole day of anxiety because I get such a fright and I'm like, It sets me off on that. That's the. That's the foot I'm on for the rest of the day. Rush, rush, rush, rush, rush.

[A]

Guess where I'm going now.

[B]

Where?

[A]

Evita.

[B]

Oh, I know.

[A]

I invited Vogue. Yeah. She couldn't come. Yeah.

[B]

You know how sometimes people write stories about me in the paper and I see them and there was one story and I thought it was the funniest thing. I probably. Like, I laughed and I laughed and, like, Louisa sent it to me, who's my manager, and, like, the whole office was laughing about it. All the quotes and everything were. It was one of the greatest pieces of journalism I've ever read. I laughed so much. So it was. Here's. Here's the headline. Bitchy cat fight brewing between Molly Mae Vogue Williams and Danny Dyer exposed. As insiders tell Grant Tucker, it feels like blatant copying and they must think we're stupid.

[A]

So the story was, who on earth is Grant Tucker?

[B]

I absolutely love Grant Tucker.

[A]

Him.

[B]

She.

[A]

He. She.

[B]

He. He. He's a journalist and he works for the Daily Mail. He wrote this story, but I was. So basically, the story was about that Molly Mayhag, myself and Danny Dyer had fallen out because we're all working for different laundry detergents. Obviously, Fairy is the best, so I.

[A]

Didn'T fall out with anyone.

[B]

But anyway, I hadn't even heard about this cat fight, but I read this story and some of the quotes in it were just so brilliant that I thought, this man deserves some kind of journalism award. So one of the quotes was, you can only imagine what Vogue thinks about Molly May parking her tanks on Vogue's lawn. Said one associate.

[A]

She got a tank. I thought she drove a Fiat 500.

[C]

You don't have a lawn.

[A]

Yeah, you don't even have a lawn.

[B]

I do in Ireland.

[A]

This is awful journalism. You don't even have a lawn. It's a gravel drive. Everyone knows that.

[B]

There was so much about this story that I just loved. And, like, it was like I was annoyed. I'm basically annoyed because I've been doing it for years and Molly May could at least try to be original. So it's all these. All this fight. But anyway, so I went to this TV dinner, right, and I got a list off of my PR about who was going to the TV dinner because, like, I wanted to know whose faces were there, friend, who I'd. Who I'd be chatting with, who I sit beside.

[A]

Yeah, you're Hobnob and you need to know who you're hobnob with. You need the face of the hob.

[B]

So I got the list. Who was on the list but Grant Tucker. I was like. I was. So it was like, pretty much like I was meeting Liam Gallagher at one point. I was so excited to see him. I was like, he better show up now. And I pulled up late because our train got into Edinburgh and I pulled up late to the venue and he's only standing outside. The first man.

[A]

Do you know his face? You've seen him?

[B]

Yeah, because I got, like, a cheat.

[A]

Sheet of people, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then so I. I got out of the car and I saw him turn around and talk to his friend. And I was like, grant Tucker. And I went over and he was just like, oh, my God. I'm just on my friend. I wrote a story about, yes, you yesterday and now you're here. And I was like, I saw the story. It was one of the best pieces of journalism I've ever seen. So well done.

[A]

Fair play. Yeah, because that's fun. Because it's like, we all know it's not real. Do you know what I mean? We all know that you and Molly May are not going to go jousting over fairy capsules. Do you know what I mean? It's like a bit of crack. That, to me is. That's. That's fun journalism. No.

[B]

Yeah, that's all. Do you know what? Because when you read some of the other, and it's really nasty and it's mean and it's like. It's really got, like, some of the stuff that you read, and it's like, attacks your family and stuff, I was like, thank God for a bit of lightness in the dark. Like, I just. And I was like, if there's any chance you can keep writing stuff like that. And then he says to me, he was like, I was out with Joanne last year after the Fringe. And I was like, were you? What are you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're friends with him. You've done an interview with him.

[A]

Why didn't you tell me that at the start of this section? And then I could have. I could have looked at my cheat sheet and being like, oh, indeed, my good friend Grant Tucker.

[B]

Grant, I think you should write a filthy story about Johan.

[A]

I'm just clean as a whistle. They can't even make up.

[B]

I said, grand footer. Put her at the front of the paper and say, joanne's gone too big for her boot. I spent a long look.

[A]

Is this because I got into the Oasis wrap party? I can feel this. There's a tension rising here. I didn't touch Richard Ashcroft. I told you folk, there's nothing to be jealous of. Let me see. Look at Grant Tucker. I. I know him. I think we. I think we hung out.

[B]

You did hang out. You hung out in Edinburgh. He said he paid you a fortune for a load of stories on me.

[A]

Not enough. Not enough.

[B]

I can tell you. I didn't know. I didn't know you were fraternizing with journalist Joanne McNally after a few drinks and everything. What the hell?

[A]

Wait till you see the exposed air in the Oasis rap party.

[B]

I can tell you, I'll be.

[A]

I'll be. I'll be swimming around in my yacht.

[B]

What am I looking around Poles with a notepad? What did he say there? Okay.

[A]

They're like, it's a free bar. But that little leech over there, she's paying for everything.

[B]

Those are snacks. You have to tell us every detail. There's no snacks. Any crisps? Could you get crisp at the bar? Were they included?

[A]

No crisps.

[B]

A packet of scampi fries. No.

[A]

Big news in Bookland and Brittany land, which is a land that I like to spend a lot of time in.

[B]

Big Mate is still out you are right. Thank you for bringing that up.

[A]

Well, I mean, we, we, we know about Big mate.

[C]

It will continue to exist.

[A]

It will continue to exist. Yeah, that's immortal now. It's in the. It's in the ether.

[B]

Okay, great. Okay. And what's your book news?

[A]

Kevin Federline is bringing out a memoir called you thought you knew Kevin Federline, dancer, father, accidental pop culture icon. I mean, I think that's a stretch. His star rose electrifying stages. Again, a bit of a stretch alongside Pink, Destiny's Child, Elia. Elia and more. But it was his turbulent marriage to pop superstar Britney Spears that made him a household name and triggered a relentless media storm, reducing him to blah, blah, blah. So anyway, the book's on the way out and I, as much as I love a memoir, I do have a moral backbone when pushed.

[B]

Ah, Joanna, I'm counting on you to listen to that now. We were all counting.

[A]

Okay, fine.

[B]

You have to take. Okay, good. Okay, good. Okay, good.

[A]

That didn't take much. But even her ex, Sam, your man Sam is like, this is a disgrace, an ab.

[B]

It just annoys me because she was paying him something like 25 grand a month or maybe more.

[A]

More child.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Huge money. Yeah.

[B]

Kevin Fedline is just a bit yucky. But now, in fairness to him, he did bring up their kids. He did, he did bring up the two boys. The two boys did. And. And also there's always one side of the story, another side of the story. And then there is what they call the truth.

[A]

Well, the kids were. And we. And as much as I obviously pro Britney the chil, a judge did decide the children were better off with Kevin. So like they're, you know, that didn't come from nowhere. So whatever was going on with her at the time, you know, there was a decision made there. We can't be. And Kevin did, you know, fairness. He seems to have done a very good job in them, but the money he's taken over is wild. And as well, apparently he's moving them to somewhere like Hawaii or something because it means that usually when it goes to 18, then you don't pay child support anymore. But I think in Hawaii or somewhere like this, it's 21.

[B]

So he moved to Hawaii?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, he moved there so he could get an extra two years out of her. You know, it's like, it's sketchy and shady. But anyway, I'm glad you asked me to read the book, folks. That is the only reason I will, I'll do it for you. Secondhand. I'll buy it second hand so he's not getting the money. I'll rob it. That's what I do. I'll shoplift the book.

[B]

That book isn't a reading book. That book's a listening book. I think. I don't think you're ever going to read that.

[A]

No, no, it's an. It's a one for the.

[B]

Walking around with that. Imagine.

[A]

It's one for the ears. It's one for the ears for sure. But I will do the research, I will do a deep dive and I will come back with the deets.

[B]

Good. Well, we're looking forward to it. I wonder if he. Is he gonna do the audiobook? He probably would.

[A]

Of course he will.

[B]

Fortune off that. Jesus.

[A]

Can I give a recommendation now? It's not the crack, but it's so good. And sometimes the culture pocket can, you know, take a sad turn.

[B]

I actually went to buy that, so. Yes, go, because I'm gonna go straight on and buy it right now when you say it, because I about it.

[A]

I listened to this audiobook at the weekend when I was down in the Cotswolds, however you pronounce it. So Jacqueline Conley, her sister Clauda was murdered by her husband called Alan Hall. And Alan murdered Clauda and their three boys in Ireland. And it was horrific at the time, but her sister has written this book about it and it was, when I say harrowing, gripping, excellent. So, worth a read or I, I read it with years and I just thought it was fantastic. And I say this, I mean, everyone has their own problems and some people have more problems than most, but it was real. Kind of put things in perspective. Book. You're like, wow, this the what they've been through as a family. The narrator is Cherelle Kelleher.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And she's fantastic. It's a great listen. It's a really great, great listen.

[B]

Well, everybody, thank you very much for listening. That was great fun. Thanks, everybody. Thanks, Joe. Thanks, Joanne. Thanks, listeners. Thanks, everyone. Goodbye, Sam.