Pay Pig, Hamnet & Greatest Hits

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Therapist Ghosted Me – "Pay Pig, Hamnet & Greatest Hits"

Hosts: Joanne McNally & Vogue Williams
Release Date: January 16, 2026
Duration: ~40 min

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Episode Overview

In this lively, irreverent episode, Joanne and Vogue dive into their latest real-life misadventures—ranging from beauty treatments and online weirdos to sex toys, lost sunglasses, book recommendations, and celebrity gossip. Their trademark mix of personal storytelling, candid conversations about relationships, and tongue-in-cheek social commentary is on full display, with plenty of laugh-out-loud moments and playful digs at each other. The episode weaves through themes of shame (or lack thereof), female friendship, societal expectations, and, of course, the bizarre encounters of digital life.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Sunglasses, Under Eye Treatments & Questionable Fashion Icons

00:02–04:03

• Joanne’s Post-Treatment Shades: Joanne sports sunglasses after a dermatology treatment, sparking Vogue’s amusement and a back-and-forth about fashion crimes inspired by infamous figures.
  • Joanne jests about getting called out for her style:
    • "Say what you want about Jimmy, but he'd great style and we're similar. Charity work myself." (00:29, Joanne)
  • They riff on cheap sunglasses, ‘rage-bait’ sunwear, and eye safety, with Joanne realizing why “real” sunglasses are worth the money.

2. Online Oddities: Pay Pigs & DMs

04:04–08:41

• Pay Pig Offers: Joanne reveals men have DM’d her offering money in exchange for being verbally degraded online—a "pay pig" dynamic.
  • "It's a man who wants to be demoralized for money." (04:16, Joanne)
  • Vogue encourages more engagement:
    • "Don't come to us with half a story. Get back there and call him awful name." (05:58, Vogue)
• Wacky Snapchats & Hostile Vibes: Vogue shares tales of explicit videos sent via Snapchat, leading to laughs about the kinds of ‘vibes’ they exude online.

3. Chat Roulette & Dark Web Detours

08:41–11:16

• On the now-infamous Chatroulette (pronounced “Dick roulette” by accident):
  • "It was supposed to be just a form of people and a way of people connecting… And of course, it was ruined." (09:15, Joanne)
• Joanne recalls her brush with the dark web for a past podcast, and they discuss the legality and risks around it in typically self-deprecating style.
  • "Between the tax evasion and the Dark Web, we're gonna have to really chop this one up." (10:25, Joanne)

4. Moving Houses, Gender Stereotypes & Sex Toy Mishaps

11:16–18:59

• Vogue Moves House: Vogue marvels at how hard her (male) movers worked, questioning her own initial gender assumptions.
  • "I was taken aback by how hard they were working, which I shouldn't be doing." (13:05, Vogue)
• Mishaps with ‘Personal Items’: Both reveal embarrassment (or lack thereof) at movers or friends coming across stashes of sex toys or risqué items during moves.
  • Joanne shares: "I have no shame…like, I had, I am away a lot for work…there's a cupboard in my flat that has some, like, kind of bits in it…some cash, some jewelry, and there are some vibes." (18:20, Joanne)
  • Vogue: "I've lost interest in caring. Like, I went to the trouble of hiding the ones…that I actually use, and now they find 30 of those ones." (17:45, Vogue)

5. The Dior Sunglasses Saga: Accusations & AWKWARD Apologies

20:27–25:41

• A classic tale: Vogue couldn't find her Dior sunglasses, suspected Joanne, then a housemate, nearly ruined a friendship—only to discover they were left at a relative’s house all along.
  • Joanne: "I was convinced Joanne had the sunglasses…Me and Joanne decided this person...had stolen the sunglasses." (21:13, Vogue)
  • Eventually, Vogue finds them: "…one of the girls comes around, she goes, Vogue, you left your sunglasses here when you were last year…and it was the Dior shade." (24:20, Vogue)
  • Both reflect on the dangers of jumping to conclusions and relational awkwardness.

6. Sex Dolls, South Korean Drama & VR Wankers

26:00–28:38

• A news story: A discarded sex doll mistaken for a dead body costs South Korean police £54,000 in response costs.
  • "The texture was so similar to that of a real person that even when they touched it, they thought it was a real person." (26:56, Vogue)
  • Joanne speculates this was a man ‘panic dumping’ it before a girlfriend surprise visit.
• Opines on VR porn use among men and new AI developments blocking undressing via prompts.
  • "You can't ask AI to undress someone, which means I have to do my own naked shoots now, which is a pain in the hell." (29:00, Joanne)

7. Book Talk: 'Hamnet,' Abandoned Reads & Culture Corner

30:05–33:23

• Jesse Buckley, Paul Mescal & 'Hamnet': The hosts gush about the new film and novel adaptation featuring Irish leads.
  • Joanne: "As two Irish women, can we just offer our massive congratulations to Jesse Buckley…" (30:05, Joanne)
  • Vogue: "I actually might read the book first. Oh my God. We could do a little date." (30:49, Vogue)
• Book Abandonment: They agree on not forcing through a book if it’s not engaging:
  • "If you don't like a book, ... put it in and get rid of it." (32:23, Vogue)
• Quick cultural shout-outs: Jeanette McCurdy’s next book & TV adaptation, Marty Supreme, Kylie Jenner admiration, and the 'partner' vs 'boyfriend/girlfriend' lexicon.

8. Pop Culture, Relationships & Live Show Plugs

33:23–37:57

• "Partner" Debate: Is it for over-60s? Is it too serious? The word's shifting meaning for relationships is briefly dissected.
  • "Partner to me is an extra layer. So that to me would suggest that maybe he's building up to make her..." (34:43, Joanne)
• Live Shows: Joanne plugs her Australia comedy tour dates, jokes about matinees, and Vogue shouts out their friend Amber on Dancing With The Stars, asking fans to support her with votes.

9. Final Randomness & Sign-Off

37:57–end

• Brief detour: New Bradley Cooper film, comedic origin stories, and encouragement for writing their own TV script someday.
• Amused chaos as Vogue’s kids are heard in the background before the pair sign off:
  • "Thanks for listening, like and subscribe." (39:59, Joanne)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I'm basically wearing two pieces of plastic over my eyes and then walking out into the common, I'm wondering why I can't see anything."
  – Joanne (02:20)

• "It's a man who wants to be demoralized for money."
  – Joanne explaining 'pay pigs' (04:16)

• "Don't come to us with half a story. Get back there and call him awful name."
  – Vogue, urging Joanne to engage with the pay pig (05:58)

• "I don't care if we repeat stories in this podcast. We're only two women and half a man, and there's only so much life we have lived."
  – Joanne (15:27)

• "Getting rid of a sex doll like that, after all the work and love she has put into you, is a bit shitty, isn't it?"
  – Vogue on the “dead body” sex doll news story (27:25)

• "If you don't like a book, ... put it in and get rid of it."
  – Vogue advocates quitting boring books (32:23)

• "You were the common denominator. By the end of it, you were going around eating everyone's from the fridge as well."
  – Vogue, about Joanne’s problematic house-sharing (25:44)

• "Partner to me is an extra layer...Partner feels more solid. Like there's more currency to it."
  – Joanne on relationship terminology (34:43)

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Timestamps for Segments

• Sunglasses, Eye Treatments & Cheap Style — 00:02–04:03
• Pay Pigs & Social Media Oddness — 04:04–08:41
• Chatroulette, the Dark Web & Digital Weirdness — 08:41–11:16
• Moving House, Men Worked Hard, Hidden Vibes — 11:16–18:59
• Sunglasses Accusation Saga — 20:27–25:41
• Sex Doll Police Panic, VR Wankers & AI Laws — 26:00–28:38
• Book Banter: Hamnet, Quick Reads & Rec’s — 30:05–33:23
• Celebs, Partners, Dancing With The Stars — 33:23–37:57
• Random News, Sign-Off — 37:57–end

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Tone & Style

This episode is rich in candid, unreserved banter—marked by self-deprecating humour, friendly teasing, overshares, and spicy commentary about sex, relationships, and the absurdities of modern life. The hosts exude warmth and irreverence, making even embarrassing or awkward stories hilarious and relatable.

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For New Listeners

If you haven’t caught the episode:
Expect outrageous honesty, plenty of giggles, and a wild blend of pop-culture, real-life embarrassment, and the delightful chaos of Vogue and Joanne unfiltered. Highlights include cringe-inducing confessionals, viral internet trends, book and movie tips, and lovable Irish humour. Skip to 04:04 for the wildest DMs, or to 20:27 for the saga of the missing Dior shades.

Transcript

[A]

This is a Global Player original podcast. Welcome to. My therapist ghosted me. We're back. It's me, Joann McNally and Tis herself.

[B]

Hello, Vogue Williams. Joanne. Didn't know you were such a Jimmy Savile fan. Nice, nice shades.

[A]

Listen, Vogue, I'll take criticism of sunglasses from a lot of people, but I won't be you. And say what you want about Jimmy, but he'd great style and we're similar. Charity work myself.

[C]

Did you get those glasses through a charity?

[B]

Do you like hanging around the morgue?

[A]

Do you know who came with these glasses?

[B]

Who?

[A]

Oh, no, sorry, I gave them to myself. I forgot because Deirdre. Okay. And gave me a set of glasses once. I thought they were this, so I bought. Now, the reason I'm wearing spectacles is I've had a little bit of under eye treatment done. I was down in the institute of dermatology getting my bits and bobs, getting a few tweaks here and a few rolls there and a few jabs here and there and I've yet to heal.

[B]

I'm surprised that even concerned you. I actually do like the shades because they are actually my three.

[A]

Listen to that.

[B]

Well, we are in London, Mind. Are you going or not going? Yeah.

[A]

Like, is it an emergency or not? Since you're just trying to decide whether to use the siren to go home for dinner.

[B]

I. I posted my shades when I was skiing. But like, they're ones that I only wear and I feel like I wear them as rage bait because I know they annoy people so much. So I take them on certain holidays and the amount of people ask me where they were from and I didn't. I thought they were taking the piss enemy to begin with, but they actually wanted them. You know the real scuba. Yeah, the black ones.

[A]

Yeah. But they're very. They'd be very cool on the off pissed, as they say, or whatever goes on.

[B]

Half pissed in the upper ski.

[A]

Off pissed. I bought these off Amazon. Why? Who? I don't know. I loved the style of them, but I forgot they were like 15 quid or something.

[B]

But you can say goodbye to your eyeballs.

[A]

Well, do you know what, folks? This is why in many ways you're way smarter than I am and in some ways I'm smarter than you. But when it comes to health, wellness, capitalism, business, mothering, contraception, sexual health, financial issues, you are smarter than me in those areas. And I didn't, it didn't occur to me that there, there's a reason that sunglasses cost money, because they protect your Eyes. I'm basically wearing two plastic, two pieces of plastic over my eyes. And then walking out into the common, I'm wondering why I can't see anything.

[B]

And I would say they actually would bring more sunlight in into the eyes rather than reflecting it because they're like. They're like an orange shade. You'd be worried now. Got a bit of Fred west in there as well. It's just. It's an unusual mix of shade.

[A]

They weren't orange when I bought them. They've burnt from the sun, I think.

[B]

Were they clear when you bought them? And now they've just turned into this are top.

[A]

Those 80s sexual predators ruined sunglasses. They all wore those big aviators and now no one can get away with wearing them. And you know, God damn you pedophiles. I'm here to raise awareness. Bringing them back.

[B]

Well, everyone, guess what? If you want to see the shades in question, you'll have to go over to the YouTube to. To go and see the full episodes of Juan and I on the YouTub YouTube.

[A]

It's not a great sale. Really. Be better if you were topless or something, wouldn't it?

[B]

Well, maybe if you were topless, not a virus. What would be the point of that?

[A]

I'll do one test and you do two. So we're equals.

[B]

I'd have to get something below the. Below the waist out, to be honest, for it to make any difference.

[A]

Is there a guy that comes in? So I have two guys in my DMs at the moment. Great news. One is a pay pig.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

Oh, you don't know what to pay pay pig.

[B]

No. I can probably guess.

[A]

Yeah, it's a man who wants to be demoralized for money. I'm actually reading a book at the moment that I'm thoroughly enjoying, which also mentions pay pigs. It's called Allow me to introduce myself on, you know, Abinelli. Now I probably butchered that and I apologize.

[B]

Show us the.

[A]

Show us the COVID The character has grown up under the spotlight of her stepmother's social media empire. Now this. This could be this.

[B]

Did she write this?

[A]

I was gonna say. Actually, I was reading it and I was like, I must send this to Vogue. Her entire life has been photographed, documented, monetized, shared. Now she's had enough. She's here to take back control.

[B]

Oh, don't deny. Make sure Gigi doesn't find that book. I know she be.

[A]

She be wor. Gigi's got a lot of money coming to her. If she plays her cards Right. There's a lot of money back. There's a lot of back back business money out to that chart.

[B]

Listen, they're not going to say a word. When they see what I'm putting aside for them, they can get lost.

[A]

Yeah, they're going to.

[B]

They're doing well. Delighted.

[A]

Driving around their little tiny. Little tiny Ferraris. Little baby Ferraris. What was I gonna say? Yeah, so sorry. So the PayPal there, it was a weird coincidence because pay pigs are on my mind because she talks about pay pigs in the book. But also I've noticed there is a man who comes into me. Not, not, not like not on a weekly basis. I'd say once a month he comes in and asks me if he can give me money in exchange for me calling him a piece of shit.

[B]

Okay, yeah, hang on a second.

[A]

So no strings. I know it's an online.

[B]

You can do this online.

[A]

We haven't got into the nitty gritty because obviously I'm not engaging with them.

[B]

I not only speak on. On my. On my own behalf, but I speak on the entire ghosted community. And Joe, that you must engage.

[A]

Yeah, I know, you're right.

[B]

I must engage.

[A]

What was I thinking? Sorry.

[C]

Alone.

[B]

That's quite rude actually, that you already haven't done it. Don't come to us with half a story. Get back there and call him awful name. Yeah, Piggy. I'm gonna cut your woody off, Piggy.

[C]

This is your job as a junior.

[A]

You're right. I for. I forgot my safety means nothing. We've a car, we have a podcast to make more.

[B]

Because she got a pure mind, you know, pure in marketing. It's not. She hasn't really tapped on the journalist. So get in there.

[A]

You know what? You're right. I'll put it back on my list of to dos. But basically it's. It's kind of. I wouldn't say it's a common occurrence. It's probably maybe the circles I'm moving in, but I have heard other women talking about it that they just want to be completely humiliated and then in exchange they give money. Now, I don't know. In the book she's made quite a bit of money on them, but I don't know how much money my guys offer me. I'll go back. I might get Rick to chat to him about.

[B]

Right, listen, to be honest, I think that this one you can take a hit and just give him a little. A little bit for free and see what he comes up back with.

[A]

Do you know what you're Actually, so. Right. Pay Pig, if you're listening to this, because he doesn't come up as Pay Pig, but he actually DMS me on Twitter as well.

[B]

He's.

[A]

He's quite keen. He's quite keen.

[B]

Listen to a Vogue Williams. If you wouldn't mind as well, please. Thank you very much. I'd be more than happy to get involved.

[A]

I remember you're married.

[B]

Listen, John, I know you're not gonna. You're not gonna be our. You're not gonna be Arist.

[A]

Okay, Just for calling him a prick.

[B]

You'Ll do it for free? Well, yeah, if you get them to rev you, I suppose we'll have to.

[A]

Pay tax on it. Okay, we'll beep all this out now. We'll say nothing. If I could get a couple of cash deposits now for the year ahead, I'd be thrilled. And I just get to slag a lad to do it. I mean, it's literally my dream job.

[B]

Do you remember Snapchat? I used to get a lot of strange people like that on Snapchat. There was one guy who used to send me wanking videos, like, and it would be. They would be like four minutes long. And I'd sit there and watch some of people look at this madness. And then, like, he would, like, it would go the whole way. And I'm like, who the. What the. I found it was so weird. And then I. I came off the Snapchat, I said, I don't want to see things like this. It's rude.

[A]

I was never on. Am I on Snapchat? No, I'm not on Snapchat, No.

[B]

But again, too young for us.

[A]

I think we have there. We obviously both have a vibe that we put out. And yours is very much yours.

[B]

Oh, that we put out. I thought you meant we just had a vibe that we put out. And I said, no, we don't.

[A]

No, no, no, Sorry.

[B]

I was like, sorry, I think you're off.

[A]

No, no, I don't mean. Well, Bo, I'm not saying like that you deserve to have wanking videos sent to you because you're. Although those thirst traps now, back in the day, the beep beep days, I'm not surprised you got a couple of wanking videos. And I obviously very much put out that. That hostile vibe that you give out to me for, it's about to make me a ton of cash.

[B]

This is true, actually. Who would have thought?

[A]

Do you remember Dick? We're not Dick. Roulette. Sorry? It was called Russian roulette. No, chat roulette.

[B]

Dick roulette. Well, that's all you were waiting for. Sorry about that.

[A]

Yeah, sorry. Freudian slip.

[B]

Click, click, click dick dick. Click, click dick.

[A]

What happened to chat roulette, Joe?

[B]

It was still viewing.

[C]

I think there's a new version now. I don't know if it doesn't exist. It might exist, but there is a new version because I've seen people doing a new version. Hang on, I'll reset.

[B]

I think when you've got shows, those like naked Attraction and stuff, you don't need chat with that as much because you've just got it all there on tv.

[A]

But it was supposed to be just a form of people and a way of people connecting, like, kind of connecting with randomers. It was, wasn't it?

[B]

Like a chat room? Like it was. Yeah, like a chat room.

[A]

Yeah, it was supposed to be like a random chat room. And of course, of course it was ruined.

[C]

Which still exists.

[A]

What does it say about us? We could. We could invest in that. Folk.

[C]

It says ch. The page says chat roulette. Meaningful connections. Wanking though, is it?

[A]

It's just wank.

[B]

Well, I mean, that's two jobs for you. Now you want. I want you to get back to your man and go on to chat roulette tonight and see what's going on there. I. I'd rather it be in your browser history than mine. I don't want it to be in my browser history. Mine's already weird. Sure.

[A]

I still have the Dark Web on my. On my computer. Remember? From doing the. Furby, from doing the surveillance podcast for BBC Sounds. Yeah. Your man Jake came over, the cyber security guy came over and he put the Dark Web on my.

[B]

Oh, you told me.

[A]

Laptop. Yeah, but the problem with it is it's not like you can't just go in and.

[B]

Are you allowed to have it or are you not allowed to have it? I thought, was it not illegal to have the Dark Web? Am I allowed? Yeah. Am I allowed to have a VPN as well? Because I'm watching.

[A]

Between the tax evasion and the Dark Web, we're gonna have to really chop this one up.

[C]

No, it's not illegal to have access to the Dark Web, but there are lots of illegal things that you can expose yourself to.

[A]

Yes, because they can't track your IP address. Isn't that it? So base. I might actually go. Do you know what? All joking aside, I'll go and have a look later and see if I can get at them.

[B]

Yeah, but I think. I think if you start looking for Stuff like that. Like if the police listen this because I'm such a winch. If the. If the police intercept it and you're wearing those sunglasses as well, you'd never get away.

[A]

I look like an assassin. I look like I should be putting up a LinkedIn account on the Dark.

[B]

Web Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas over there.

[A]

I had to have some under eye rejuvenation.

[B]

You're always rejuvenating those under eyes. It's like there's not a bloody wrinkle on you.

[A]

I'm surprised I have any room left for any of those fishes. I've thrown gills at this stage.

[B]

You won't be able to breathe outside of the water soon. Look here, I'm sitting beside a Caroline box. I have got to. I've never. Right, there's a couple of things. Caroline are moving me and I was like. Yesterday I was like, I love moving house. And all day I was like, I love moving house. I love moving house because I'm getting rid of loads of stuff. I was like, why do I love moving house so much? I was so stressed about this. What was I thinking? Then I remembered in my pre Caroline days, before I knew them, I was packing up my whole house. I was renting a van. I was putting everything in the van, then I was taking it out and I was putting all the stuff and unpacking it all. So that's the difference. That's why I love it.

[A]

Yeah. Moving with the company that, like, if you can afford to do it, it's. It does make the whole thing insanely enjoyable.

[B]

Enjoyable.

[A]

But it is a fairly. It's a fairly. It's a fairly. You know, not everyone can.

[B]

No, that is very true. Not everyone can. And this is. I haven't moved in eight and a half years, so this is the first time that I have moved in a way that has been as nice as this feels. But like, I kind of thought something quite misogynistic yesterday and today. So there's. It's. There's. I. I have like six men working here and they're just trying to get all the stuff together. Never in my life have I seen a man work so hard. Never. Not once. And I know. And I said it's something and I felt really bad about it. I don't even know if we can use it in the pod. No offense, Joe, but they never stop. I thought, God, I've never seen anything like it. What's Joe Googling? If that's. I don't know.

[A]

I don't Know why it's bad to say men working hard as bad?

[B]

Because I just thought it was. I was taken aback by how hard they were working, which I shouldn't be doing.

[A]

No, you can be saying that. You're so impressed, but did you think they were just going to come in and take a nap?

[B]

Well, that's usually what they kind of saunter around, is the vibe I usually get when I have someone in the house doing something. There's always a bit of sauntering out of a man, less sauntering out of a woman. But there's no sauntering out of these lads.

[C]

Oh, I know what you mean was. It's not, it's not misogyny because they're, they're men. So it's not misogyny that's always about women. You're. You're a phylogenist.

[B]

I'm a philogenist. There you go.

[C]

Oh, hang on. No, no, you're not. No misogyny against men. What is that?

[A]

Reality.

[B]

Reality, yeah. Truthfulness.

[A]

We love man. We love them.

[B]

We. Well, I do now. I'm telling. You know, they're like locusts going around.

[C]

Misandry.

[A]

That's misandry. We're misandrists. Misanthropists. Joke.

[B]

Honestly, I look in, I look into a room and all of a sudden, bam, it's gone, it's empty. I just. I remember anything quite like it.

[A]

Carolyn was moving me once before. I was. I was living with the lad for a while and he was. He had quite feminine fashion style which always never, never quite. Never sat quite right with me. And he had a kind of a like high end designer kind of. It was a handbag, for want of a better term. And the lads tried to pack us.

[B]

Jacob Elordi loves a handbag, so.

[A]

He does. Yeah. But this was. Yeah, no, you're right, you know, and I can't believe this is like a.

[B]

Clutch situation or something.

[A]

Men should be allowed around bags. We're all equal. Diversity.

[B]

Yeah. You're plan, you phalange.

[A]

I'm a philanthropist, I believe. And he, they tried to pack, they tried to pack some of his, some of his kind of floral shirts and his, and his handbag. And I was like. And the look on there. Because they're lads, you know, these lads. Yeah, yeah, they're like, you know, they're like point lads. Very attractive actually, A lot of them. But anyway. And very attractive. It's hot. It's hot when men can do things. But I said to him, oh, they're actually my boyfriends. And the look on your man's face, he was like, what?

[B]

You know, do you know remember Spen went through his floral trouser phase where he was buying floral trousers from women? Zara, do you not remember that? So my mom's cast offs the best story.

[A]

And I don't care. I know that sometimes you repeat stories in this podcast. I actually don't care because we're only two women and half a man, and there's only so much life we have lived.

[B]

So.

[A]

And I think it's a really funny story. The funniest story about Spencer Matthews was when the women went in to organize his wardrobe. I'll let you tell the story.

[B]

V. They came in to organize his wardrobe and they put all these pieces of clothing into a dressing up box. And Spenny was like, why are they in that box? And they're like, oh, these are for fancy dress. And he was like, no, they're not. They're my clothes. Do you know what happens on this movie? Oh, my God. Okay, I have to explain how this happened. Remember Spenny did a job with Clean Co and Love Honey, that sex company, that sex toy.

[A]

No, I didn't know that.

[B]

Oh, I told you, I have like. So anyway, that's why they sent me.

[A]

The cereal with the vibrant. What?

[B]

I. They. They left a, like, an unusual amount of sex toys in the house. Like a wine sleeve and everything for a man. He used it, said it was all right, anyway.

[A]

2.5 stars.

[B]

But anyway, they left boxes and boxes of stuff. And so when we're viewing this house, first of all, dressing room, and there's boxes of sex toys, like, stacked up by 6:20. There's people coming in and viewing our house. A very prominent reality story came here and viewed this house. She was in boxes of sex toys.

[A]

You're public facing. You need to be more discreet.

[B]

I look like a monster. I look like I belong in those sunglasses. No. But then I'm there with the lads gone through Spenny's wardrobe, and in one of those boxes, there's about 20 sex toys. And I've got three Caroline lads standing beside me. And I was like, guys, now listen. They're all in the box. And they were all laughing. None of them would listen to me. I was like, I swear to God, they haven't been used. And then I was like, they're Joannes. I was, they're Joanne's. You know, the box in the hall? These are also Joanne's.

[A]

Well, in that case, if they're mine. Ask the lads to drop them over. I have no shame. And again, I'm. Once again, I am repeating myself. This is becoming like a greatest hits podcast where. But do you not remember again, when I'm in that same move and Caroline moved me. Do you remember they wrapped up the two spank paddles?

[B]

Oh, God, yeah. Well, I never.

[A]

They're very. They're very meticulous. They're wrapped. Wrapped up. Two spank paddles with dirty horn. Daddy's little, like a. I can't even remember what they were. And individually wrapped them up.

[B]

I know they're gonna think the two of us are very sexually adventurous. Like, I've got about 30 sex toys here that they've seen, and now they've packed, and I've just. I've lost interest in caring. Like, I went to the trouble of hiding the ones. Yeah. That I actually use, and I've hidden them, and now they find 30 of those ones.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I actually find myself with low levels of shame around these kind of things. Like, I had. I am away a lot for work. Right. There's several people who have keys to my apartment for various reasons.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I came home one night and I couldn't get. There's a. There's a. There's a. There's a cupboard in my flash that has some, like, kind of bits in it.

[B]

Some.

[A]

Yeah, some cash that I have. That I have. That is above board and being accounted for.

[B]

Yeah. There's some given to by the pig man. What's it called?

[A]

There's some. There's some cash, there's some jewelry, and there are some vibes.

[B]

Vibes. That's a much better way of saying it. The vibes.

[A]

Right. So obviously, I'm a grown woman. Blah, blah, blah. You kind of accumulate these things over the years. Plus, I get sent a lot of them, Joe, as you know, because they get sent to Joan.

[B]

You're about to get another. Yeah. And I've got another 30 for you. You won't know what to do with yourself.

[A]

Couldn't find the keys to unlock it. I was like, that's very strange. Immediately, I've like. I'm like, I've been robbed. I break into the drawer, Joe. But. But I break. I pull the bottom out of it, and out falls the cash. One piece of the jewelry, another piece missing. And no vibes. No, sorry. One vibe. One vibe, fellas. And I was like. I rang Lauren, my pa. God lover. It's like 7pm I was like, I've been robbed. What do they take A ring and three vibrators.

[B]

I left the cash, Left the cash.

[A]

Left the diamonds and left one. I said, yeah, and they left the vibe. So they've obviously tested, tried it while I was away and took the three. That worked. I was convinced. I was like, there's no other reason. There's no other excuse for this behavior. But obviously, as I began to ring around and tell the story, I realized, you know, when you. When the words come out of your own mouth, I couldn't understand it. And the more. But I was like, look, it doesn't. I know. I know how it sounds, but I'm telling you, they're gone. And like, someone explain it. Anyway, turns out there was. I. I hadn't. I hadn't taken the bottom of the drawer out properly and there was a little bit extra drawing or everything. Everything else fell out. But I hadn't accused anyone. I just taught it in my head. I know I hadn't said anything. I had sent some texts around being like, did anyone open this cupboard or know where the keys are? And everyone said, no, no.

[B]

Do you remember the Sun?

[A]

Maybe they borrowed them because I had come back early. And I was like, maybe they borrowed them and they were going to drop them back.

[B]

Do you remember the Dior sunglasses? Actually, I don't even know where they are now. Remember?

[A]

Oh, do I? What?

[B]

And I blamed. This is a long time ago in the podcast.

[A]

We've told the story again, but let's do it. Let's start it again.

[B]

This was really bad. You remember this, Joe? I had these Diors.

[C]

I don't remember. It bodes well for it. But do stay tuned for, you know, a story that hasn't been told.

[B]

I know I have. I have your Adidas top from that night in. When I was. The night that I'll never forget for us as long as I live. The night that I gave up drinking.

[A]

Yeah, I must get that back.

[B]

Yeah, it's a nice one. It's a nice one. But no. So I had lent Joanne this lovely pair of Dior sunglasses. Like, really nice. I must go down and see where they are. I don't know where they are, actually.

[A]

It's heartbreaking.

[B]

Must have been your one. Anyway, I was convinced Joanne had the sunglasses and Joannie hadn't given me back sunglasses. Like, where are they? Like, I really like those sunglasses. Anyway, me and Joanne decided that this person who was. We saw her wearing the sunglasses in pictures, and we had decided that she had stolen the Sun.

[A]

Oh, I'll tell you. Oh, I'll tell You. I'll tell you the story. I'll tell you the story. I was down at Vogue's, you know, like, as I would be in an age or whatever.

[B]

And like, it's not unusual for it for you to borrow something and forget.

[A]

No, no, but you mean we all borrow. We all borrow and we give back.

[B]

We do.

[A]

And so anyway, and I, I Vogue then says to me, she's like, you've got my Dior sunglasses. I said, I don't, because I at the time, like, I kind of have a couple of nicer bits now, but at the time I really didn't. So I would have really known if I had a pair of Dior sunglasses. Do you know what I mean? This was before we started getting paid to do a podcast. Touch wood. Thank God.

[B]

Anyway, so you'd have the eyes burned out of your head.

[A]

I don't have the eyes behind my head. Fire to smoke and sockets.

[B]

Smoke coming out of my sockets.

[A]

Anyway, she Vogue was like, you absolutely have them. You have them. And I was like, God, this is really awkward because I am a bit cat scratchy with stuff. She was like, you've obviously lost them once you skip a few. There was a new woman had moved into the shared house I was in and we didn't really. We hadn't really gelled at that point.

[B]

No.

[A]

But one of the girls was like, I think you'd really like her. Like, look at her Instagram. She's quite cool because her Instagram is private. And in the, in the photo, she was wearing the glasses.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And that's. Joanne sent me the screen graph and I was like, the.

[A]

Yeah, she's stolen the glasses. So she's lifted them out of the house. And so I'm of course in this really awkward position now because my housemate has done the glasses. So I. And Vogue is like, basically Vogue in fairness here. I was like, I want them, I want them replaced. You're down on your holidays. You're like, I want them back. I want them either back or replaced. So I was like, right, the glasses are about 400 quid.

[B]

Yeah. They weren't cheap glasses now.

[A]

They weren't cheap.

[B]

Very concerned. Where are they? I honestly, I don't have them anymore.

[A]

So anyway, I start texting my housemate. What could I do? I have to text my house by going, hey, you haven't seen. You haven't seen my glasses, have you? Blah, blah. Anyway, I was trying to get the plan to see. No, no. She's like, I haven't done anything. And then I. I ended up screen grabbing the photo of her wearing the glasses and sending them to her. And I was like, oh, these, not the glasses. And she went, no, no, they're. I bought them for really cheap. They're fakes. See, I think she knew I. Me and her didn't really get on.

[B]

Oh, God. And then you were accusing her of stealing.

[A]

I think she knew, and I think she knew she hadn't. And I think she intentionally wouldn't prove to me that she hadn't. I think she was kind of proving a point, which is fair enough. Anyway, she's like, oh, they're gone now. I've lost them. I don't know where they are. So I was of course convinced that I was like, oh my God. So I bought new glasses, fell out with my housemate, accused her stealing, bought the new sunglasses, two pairs of sunglasses.

[B]

By the way, because she decided she'd treat herself and get the pink pair.

[A]

So she got the pair.

[B]

And then I went up to Scotland, up to Spencer's parents place up in Scotland. And I'm sitting at the dinner table and one of the girls comes around, she goes, vogue. You left your sunglasses here when you were last year. And I opened them and I was like. And it was the Dior shade. And then first for a second I was like, I can't. I can't tell her. I cannot tell her what I've done. I can't do it. And then I was like, there's no way because it's too far.

[A]

Funny, in fairness to you, you could have said nothing. But then. So I. But then I realized, I. Then it was then that I realized because everything was stacking up that she had like, she was. It was almost like she was letting me. It was almost like she was letting me think she had. It was like she was kind of putting it up to me. I've been like, are you gonna just come out and say. Because she wouldn't show me the glasses. She would not show them to me.

[B]

Imagine accusing somebody of stealing when they hadn't done it. And you're like. And the two of us were really like, oh my God, what else, what.

[A]

Else has she taken? Weird coincidence though. She. They were the exact same sunglasses.

[B]

It was, it was. And then we were like detectives just barking up the wrong tree. And I mean, you can't come back from accusing somebody of stealing. That's when you had to move out.

[A]

That was kind of the end of the vibe in the house. I mean, the house wasn't vibing at that stage. Anyway, and I was like, I think I should go now. I'm. I'm kind of causing scenes here.

[B]

Left, right.

[A]

I'm the problem. It's me. I'm the. I'm the problem.

[B]

You were the common denominator. By the end of it, You were going around eating everyone's from the fridge as well.

[A]

I ate one of the girls Easter eggs. She went mental. As I said to her on the day, you're too old to have Easter eggs. Anyway.

[B]

That's what I'm thinking, yeah. There was a sex doll in South Korea, and she had a long and lustrous life.

[A]

Only the one.

[B]

Only the one. She.

[A]

She went through the mail, I'd say.

[B]

Well, she did. Anyway, so the doll, before the doll was shown to be a doll, the police basically were told of this dead body that was like lurking in within the woods. Like, you know, like there's an arm or something hanging out. There was a potential murder scene in South Korea. So people had seen, like, arms and legs, like, hanging out of this bush in the middle of this place in South Korea. A passerby had said that. So 50 officers arrived at the scene. They sealed the area off for 31 hours, thinking it was a merger scene. Fifty police officers, of course, because I love to know the price of things. Of course, I had to find out how much that would cost. So to have 50 officers for 30 hours, it cost them £54,000. Right. And after looking at it, first of all, they went and looked at the body and the texture was so similar to that of a real person that even when they touched it, they thought it was a real person. It was only when they took it out that. That they realize it was actually a discarded sex doll. And they spent 54 grand checking out this murder scene, wasting 30 hours of their lives when it was a doll. Now, I actually thought getting rid of a sex doll like that, after all the work and love she has put into you is a bit shitty, isn't it?

[A]

It feels vengeful. Like it feels like it does feel kind of like its own murder in a way. It feels disrespectful, it feels sexist, it feels violent.

[B]

It feels like, you know, it feels like some of the end of my relationships as well. I just felt discarded.

[A]

Do you know what this fit? No. Do you know what that. Sorry, I've just copped on what's happened here. This is a man whose girlfriend is moving in with him, isn't it? And he's like, this is. She's. Maybe she surprised visited him or maybe a long distance relationship and someone flew over to surprise him. So this is, this is a panic. This is a panic. Disposing of a very high end sex doll by the sounds of us.

[B]

This is a very expensive one. It must have been if I was getting into a relationship with somebody. I don't, I don't think I'd be able to accept the existence, pre existence or ever even thought of a sex doll. And there's another thing. You know the lads who wear the, the, what do they call the VR goggles and wank alone to porn. I just think because I don't mind if, if you want to watch porn. Obviously I don't mind about that. But like when you're working on VR goggles and stuff, that's a bit much for me.

[A]

Did you see all the stuff that they're. They're getting rid of AI now won't be allowed. Is it Grok? What's the Elon Musk?

[B]

Oh yeah. What's a crack with Grok?

[A]

Grok is on. It's on. Formerly known Blah X and basically was undressing people. Women and young people, which, you know.

[B]

Kira Starmer.

[A]

Do they address Keira Starmer?

[B]

Elon Musk. Undressed. Undressed.

[A]

Kira's armor, which I was undressing people. So now they've made it illegal for AI. You can't ask AI to undress someone, which means I have to do my own naked shoots now, which is a pain in the hell. I can't catfish anymore.

[B]

Backlog. Use the old ones.

[A]

I looked at my dating profile the other day. I said, you want you in all good faith. You can't move forward with those pictures, Joanne. It's just not who you are anymore.

[B]

Send me them and I'll see which ones that you can still use. But you know when I was going through my knicker drawer because I haven't gone through it in so long, I was going through my nickel drawer. You want to see some of the. I found in there? Like suspenders, like these little red lacy outfits with suspenders.

[A]

I'm like, send them up to me, will you?

[B]

I've binged them. I just don't know when I'd ever be wearing them again. I was embarrassed. And knickers with like, knickers with like, like where they just had like a little, a little triangle where the crack is what?

[A]

As two Irish women, can we just offer our massive congratulations to Jesse Buckley, who I love. There's Oscar chat. So basically Hamnet is the film of the year. Allegedly. And it's two Irish leads, Paul Mescal and Jesse Buckley. And it's. Do you know what's so weird? I literally. So, Maggie o'. Farrell. I was reading a book which I didn't finish. I will go back to. I. I lost it somewhere. So whatever. But it was called this Must be the Place. And then someone was mastering me going, oh, you must read her book called Hamlet. It's brilliant. And then, you know when something just comes in, someone comes into your ether, and then it's all you hear about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, then it was announced they're making a film about it. So I haven't. I'm doing that thing in my head that I won't do. Or I'm like, no, no, I'll read the book first. I won't. But I'm just saying that I might.

[B]

I actually might read the book first. Oh, my God. We could do a little date. Let's. Okay. Let's do a book. Ghosties.

[A]

Very hard, though. And it's all. It's gonna be in all the cinemas everywhere. And it's like. But I. I would. I'd be up for reading the book as well, because apparently the book is fantastic.

[B]

Okay, let's. I'll tell you what. I'm gonna order the book now. Let's read the book.

[A]

Number one bestseller. And there is chat now. There's. There's. It's. It. And I. Do you know what? It's not fair to put the Oscar pressure on because she's just won something incredible. So it's. You know, and it's kind of like if you have a kid, they're like, are you wedding? Are you having another one? She's just won something incredible. Yeah, but they were. I was reading about it today, and they were saying, you know the way sometimes people are really surprised when they win something.

[B]

Yeah, she was.

[A]

She. No, she wasn't. I think it's very clear. No, she was. She was just. She's accepting that this is her moment. And I'm not saying that in a shady way. I think it was really impressive that.

[B]

She'S like, yeah, she's been slogging away, though. She's been. She, like, I think, like, I feel like you don't necessarily recognize her name, but when you Google it, you're like, oh, my God. Yeah, like, I know her. She's in. She's been in so many different things.

[A]

She came up in your man. His name escapes me. Angie Lloyd Weber. Wasn't it his reality TV show. She came up.

[B]

Is that where she came from?

[A]

I think so they wanted her to do it. She's got a great voice.

[B]

You see, I've actually ordered the Housemaid as well, because that's another thing I really want to go and see in the cinema. Well, in the cinema, you know, the book's going to be better.

[A]

Well, you know what, folk? I'm going to tell you now, I must be the only person in the world who didn't enjoy the Housemate. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy it. It was. It was. Everyone was talking about it. I bought it, read it. I didn't even finish. I didn't enjoy it at all. I don't know. It just didn't grab me at all. I don't know.

[B]

You know, what I will say. And I saw Ryan Turbo saying this the other day because he has a bookshelf podcast. Like, if you don't like a book, put it in and get rid of it. I ordered this book, Adults, and I started it and everyone was like, that's the best book you're ever going to read. It's so, so good. And then I started reading and I was like, I'm not enjoying it. And I actually, I just stopped. I was like, I'm not gonna keep reading it if I'm not reading. Really enjoying it. It hasn't grabbed me. And I think if you're reading a book, don't force yourself because it'll put you off reading.

[A]

You feel like a failure, though, don't you? You're like, no, come on, power through. And also, I think because we're such dopamine addicted bags at this point that not.

[B]

Thank you very much.

[A]

Not every. Not every minute of a book is going to be riveting.

[B]

Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Like, sometimes you have to let the slow burn. You have to take you. We're so. We're so. You were so used to, like, really quick hits.

[B]

It should be good. It should be good straight away. But I'm. I've started Slags now, which was another one that people were telling me to read. And I do. Like, I have to say, it's a good book.

[A]

Good. Yeah. And Jeanette McCurdy, who wrote I'm Glad My Mom Died, has a new book coming out called Half Her Age. Half Her Age, Half His Age, something like that. So that's gonna.

[B]

That's gonna be. That's gonna be a TV show as well. The. I'm Glad My mom Died, which I can't wait for. Is it Jennifer Aniston's gonna be in it.

[A]

Jennifer Aniston's po.

[B]

This little movie and TV buffs. This is. What's this called? Our Culture Pocket. Our culture pocket. And did I tell you I went to see Marty Supreme?

[A]

Is it code?

[B]

Well, now I only have an attention span of 53 minutes, but I did enjoy it. But then at about 53 minutes, I was like, I need to get the fuck out of here and just go for a little walk for a second. And I did. But it's not that I wasn't enjoying the movie. I just. I can't. It's very bad for me.

[A]

He doesn't listen. You can say what you want.

[B]

Yeah, I love him. And Kylie Jenner. I'm sorry. I love her so much. She might be my favorite Kardashian. Don't talk him.

[A]

She's certainly having a moment. Because he's having a huge moment. And he thanked her in his speech. His partner of three years. So they've got.

[B]

He said partner twice. Partner feels a bit like something you say in your 60s part.

[A]

You know what the actors are like.

[B]

They're.

[A]

They're all mad as box of fr.

[B]

My partner.

[A]

Your partner. So do you know there was chatting to a lesbian friend of mine recently. She was like, straights have to stop calling their partners partners. Because when I meet a woman and she's like my partner, I assume she's gay. And then her. A fellow walks in. She's your boyfriend. She's not your partner.

[B]

We can't take that word. I agree. I don't like the word partner unless you're over the age of 60/70. And I wouldn't. I don't know. No, I would see his boyfriend now, but not over 60.

[A]

Partner to me is an extra layer. So that to me would suggest that maybe he's building up to make her. Like girlfriend is. Maybe they feel like they've. Yeah, maybe they feel like they've kind of graduated past that. Partner is. It's a big. It's a. It's a big swing of a word for a lot his age. But he's also. I mean, he's an actor. It's Timothy Shalam.

[B]

An actor. Yeah.

[A]

You wouldn't say girlfriend. Girlfriend does feel. Partner feels more solid. Like there's more currency to it. Like it's a kind of a weightier term. Girlfriend or boyfriend just seem a little.

[B]

I still. I can't really get on board a partner. I just. I'd prefer he didn't use it, to.

[A]

Be honest with you. Yeah. Fair enough.

[B]

Thank you. I'm glad that he's listening, that he cares.

[A]

We'll contact him. Australia tour dates, they're still taking along. I still have tickets left for Sydney, Melbourne. I think there's some left. Report then. We're adding an extra. Brisbane, we're adding a 4pm we're adding a matinee.

[B]

Oh, fantastic.

[A]

Also, a bit of good news. I watched Bradley Cooper did an interview with Joe Rogan and I actually watched it on YouTube because he's promoting a new film called Is this On? Is this, Is this thing on? Which is a film about John Bishop. Did you know this, Joe?

[C]

Sorry? The comedian playing John Bishop.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Comedian, yeah.

[C]

He's not doing the accent, is he?

[B]

No.

[A]

So I don't think so. It's basically. Let me get, Let me google.

[B]

You know what I thought you were going to say. The good news about Bradley Cooper was. I thought you were going to say. And he's. He went on this podcast and was admitted to his facelift.

[A]

There's something you need to admit. I think if you've eyes, you know what's going on, but the face has settled. That's what I will say, but good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Is this thing on? Facing middle age and an impending divorce, Alec finds new purpose in the New York comedy scene while his wife Tess confronts the sacrifices she made for their family and Bradley Cooper. So Bradley Cooper's directing a film about John Bishop's life written by Will Arnett. So he's not playing.

[B]

And Will Arnett wrote it.

[A]

I never, I never heard of Will Arnett. That's, he's, that's.

[B]

Google him. You'll know. You'll know. Google him.

[A]

And the, the actor was going around doing stand up and doing the scenes, everything, because John. Basically, the story goes that John Bishop's wife left him and he was in the doldrums and he was kind of drinking his sorrows away in a pub, but he, they had, there was a little room at the back and he didn't want to pay the COVID charge and said, if you don't, if you want to come in, you don't pay the COVID charge. You'll have to get up and do stand up. And he went, okay, grand, I'll do it. And then he started talking about his divorce and that's, that's kind of how it started. And then he got kind of the horn for comedy as you do. And then it's kind of the love story about him and the wife and she walked into a pub one night randomly and he was doing. He was on stage doing stand up. That's John's actual story.

[B]

So his. His wife that he was breaking up with or he got a new wife.

[A]

His wife who he's breaking up with.

[B]

Oh, they're still together. Okay.

[A]

She came and saw him. So it's kind of the story about their. Their journey. But anyway, John was telling the story to someone in LA because he's a hobnobber now. And yeah, they were like, that's a fantastic story. Now Bradley Cooper bought the rights and it's happening. It's rolling. Yeah, it's good, isn't it?

[B]

That is kind of wild. I'd actually go and see this. Absolutely. Well, we should write down our little stories, will we, and see if we can get them right through.

[A]

Great story. How we met and all. You know, our love story. Vogue.

[B]

Yeah. It's such a beautiful fairy tale. Come here to me. I have to add this in as well. Amber is. She got through on her week of Dancing with the Stars and she was a vast improvement from last week where she was like the Tin Man.

[A]

Huge, huge improvement. She is on a journey. She's on a journey, which is what you need to be on these dancing.

[B]

Shows that I'm going to the show this Sunday. So she's doing is hilarious. But please vote for Amber because she is obviously up for the vote off again this week and there's. There's a week I really want her to stay in for. So if you can please vote for Ambrosia. She's. She's making a real effort.

[A]

Where are they getting free sunglasses one week or something? No, but I would, please, God, stay for the freebies.

[B]

We'll get her out around week four because I don't really want her to be there longer than I was. You know.

[A]

Familial competition. Of course.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Well, I watched her and I. I kind of fell in love with her. I love Amber anyway, but she was just. She just looked like she was really enjoying herself. She looks like she's working hard and. And yeah, I hope she goes all the way.

[B]

I saw her, though. There's a video of her in the background and it's like she forgot she was on camera. And she's there doing this like, sticking her fingers up thing in the background and then you just see. And she catches to the camera and she's like, really still. I'm like, amber, you're always on camera. It's a live show for sake.

[A]

Sticking your live tv, baby. Where is she going to go next? She'll be Dancing on the Ice over here soon.

[B]

Dancing on the Ice. That show's over. They don't do that, do they? They don't do Dancing On Ice anymore.

[A]

Oh. This is similar to when I rang my agent and asked why I wasn't doing Mock the Week and he said, because it was cancelled six years ago.

[B]

You're not doing your job properly. Why am I not on Mock the Week?

[A]

Do you know you put in one one one call a month where you're like, what are you actually doing over there, huh? I'm doing all the work. Mock the Week. He's like, joanne, Mock the Week has been cancelled. It hasn't been on the team in years.

[B]

I was like, what a lovely comeback.

[A]

Bring your next one, though.

[B]

Hey, Joanne. Fuck you.

[A]

Yeah, it was very funny. We laughed and laughed and laughed.

[B]

Oh, my God, can you hear my kids killing each other out there?

[A]

Thanks for listening, like and subscribe.

[B]

Bye, everybody. We'll see you next week for the bonus. This has been a global player original production.