Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy"

Episode Release Date: February 21, 2025

In this lively episode of "My Therapist Ghosted Me", hosts Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally delve into a whirlwind of topics ranging from adventurous skiing tales to humorous takes on medical procedures and personal anecdotes about phone theft. Here's a detailed breakdown of their engaging conversation:

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1. Adventurous Skiing Tales

The episode kicks off with Vogue sharing her experiences skiing at Alpen, highlighting the challenges and humorous mishaps that come with the sport.

• Vogue describes Joanne's favorite holiday activity:

  "Honestly, it is just my favorite holiday and I know that like it's... I'm very lucky to be away doing it and skiing with the kids." (00:40)

• Joanne recounts helping a struggling skier:

  "I went and helped him up, not a helmet on. And then realized, oh, hang on, this man cannot ski." (04:02)

Their banter touches on the difference between on piste and off piste skiing, adding clarity to skiing jargon:

"On piste are the slopes that are cultivated for people to ski on. Off piste are the slopes that are not cultivated." (01:03)

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2. Humorous Takes on Medical Procedures

Transitioning from the slopes, the conversation takes a comedic turn towards medical experiences, specifically colonoscopies.

• Vogue humorously shares an unsolicited interview request:

  "He wanted me a colonic irrigation... I wouldn't even be on camera to be my asshole on camera." (08:18)

• The hosts playfully discuss the invasiveness of medical procedures:

  "Imagine they tried to put a camera in my liver. The whole liver would dissolve." (10:34)

Their lighthearted approach makes medical topics both relatable and entertaining for listeners.

---

3. Personal Announcements: Joanne's Book Tour

Joanne reveals exciting news about her upcoming book tour, setting dates and venues with enthusiasm.

• Joanne announces:

  "We're doing Vicar Street, 26 May, and Union Chapel in London on 27 May." (17:22)

• Vogue adds her own humorous commitment:

  "I'll be in the wings serving drinks and oranges." (18:04)

This segment highlights their camaraderie and the fun they anticipate during the tour.

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4. Navigating an ADHD Diagnosis

Vogue shares her journey towards an ADHD diagnosis, involving her mother in the process.

• She candidly discusses:

  "I'm moments away from getting my ADHD diagnosis." (18:36)

• The interaction with her mother adds a layer of humor:

  "She said, 'This has nothing to do with me... Whatever's wrong with her. It's not my problem.'" (18:58)

This personal story offers listeners insight into the challenges and humor found in seeking mental health support.

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5. Lighthearted Phone Theft Incident

A relatable yet funny account of Vogue being a victim of subtle phone theft unfolds.

• Vogue describes the incident:

  "I was walking through Soho and there was a gentle... I felt a light touch of the hand and the phone was gone." (20:08)

• The aftermath involves humorous reflections on lost WhatsApp messages:

  "All my messages are gone. Like, years of messages, and they're not in my cloud." (22:02)

Their ability to find humor in everyday mishaps resonates with many listeners who have experienced similar situations.

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6. Eurovision Extravaganza

The bulk of the episode is dedicated to an animated discussion about Ireland's Eurovision journey, featuring personalities like Samantha Mumba and Donald Scheinrail.

• Joanne sets the stage:

  "Ireland was so good at Eurovision and we won all the time and then we couldn't afford to keep winning, so we passed on the torch." (27:00)

• Vogue expresses her support for Samantha:

  "I'm Team Samantha Mumba." (29:14)

• Their playful critique of the judges and the competition adds depth:

  "She didn't think they've... their feedback wasn't that sound." (30:30)

• The hosts mock the competing contestant Donald Scheinrail humorously:

  "Dustin is an Irish turkey puppet... what a very good comedian behind him." (36:38)

This segment is filled with witty remarks and inside jokes, making it a standout part of the episode for Eurovision enthusiasts and fans of celebrity feuds.

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Notable Quotes

• Vogue on Skiing Equipment vs. Skill:

  "Probably the more you spend on the skis, the less experience you have because you're trying to ski on charisma." (04:56)

• Joanne on Phone Theft:

  "People like us who are not tech savvy, we should have special stickers on our heads, something like that." (21:25)

• Vogue on Life's unpredictability:

  "Life is like a box of chocolates... Lots of chocolates eats the caramel worm." (32:53)

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Conclusion

In "Skiing, Phone Theft & A Colonoscopy," Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally showcase their signature blend of humor, honesty, and camaraderie. From navigating the slopes to tackling personal challenges and celebrity discussions, this episode offers a rich tapestry of conversations that are both entertaining and relatable. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the podcast, this episode promises laughter, insights, and a glimpse into the hosts' vibrant lives.

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For more episodes, live shows, and merchandise, visit mytherapistghostedme.com. To get in touch, email [e-mail].

Transcript

[Vogue Williams]

This is a global Player original podcast.

[Joanne McNally]

Hello and welcome to. My therapist ghosted me with me Vogue.

[Vogue Williams]

Williams and Joanne McNally and. And.

[Joe]

Oh, it doesn't matter.

[Vogue Williams]

It doesn't. Herself indoors. Vogue is coming to us live from the slopes of Alpen.

[Joanne McNally]

Of Alpen. Alpen. Picking the raisins out left, right and center up here.

[Vogue Williams]

Love it.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm having. Honestly, it is just my favorite holiday and I know that like it's. I'm very lucky to be away doing it and skiing with the kids.

[Vogue Williams]

A position of off pissed privilege. On pissed. Are you off pissed or unpist when you're skiing?

[Joanne McNally]

I'm always on pissed. Sometimes I've done a couple of jumps today, to be fair, but mostly on pissed.

[Vogue Williams]

What does that mean, on pissed?

[Joanne McNally]

So on pissed is like the slopes that are. Slopes that are like cultivated for people to ski on. Off piste are the slopes that are not cultivated. But some people. Have you ever seen that on TikTok where some people go. They go up on a helicopter to the top of a mountain and basically ski like mad stuff up for me.

[Vogue Williams]

I dated a man before who got dropped off off the.

[Joanne McNally]

The helicopter.

[Vogue Williams]

No, no, no, no. He went up on the ski lift. Yeah. The sky, Walter.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, every.

[Vogue Williams]

No, no, no, no. That's not the story. There's. I'm not. I'm not like, oh, my God, he did what? That's it. That's it. Yeah. Just got the lift off the top. Never heard from.

[Joanne McNally]

Away from my life.

[Vogue Williams]

Sh.

[Joanne McNally]

He's gone in the gondola. Stop him.

[Vogue Williams]

Off into the sunset. Off he went. Shoopy shoop. I'm on the phone. Hello. Three years later now, he went up on the ski and he got off the sk. I think he's still up there though, just doing laps.

[Joanne McNally]

I think I spotted him at the top there earlier on. I swear to God, I was like, you're your man. Joanne's looking for you.

[Vogue Williams]

She's pissed off you went off pissed. He. Then he was released from the ski lift as is tradition. I believe he went to ski down and realized he was out of his depths. Like, ski wise. He was like, oh, no, no, I can't do this. So they had to get one of those stretchers. Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

No.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, they bring the.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

It's the most undignified thing I've ever seen. They get a stretcher with these absolute beast ski beast men.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Who could like ski across the water. They're just so capable. And they packed them into a sleeping bag and put them on a little Gurney or whatever, minus the wheels and skied and back down. And his friends were taking videos and all. And it was. I will say it was undignified. It was undignified. I was. I was saying to him, I was like, I really wish you hadn't shown me that, to be honest. Like, I wish. I wish I hadn't seen that. God love him. Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

I don't understand how people get it so wrong, though. We. Well, we didn't bump into this man. There's a man lying in a ditch. He'd fallen over. And I was like, oh, God, we'll have to go and help him up. So I went and helped him up, not a helmet on. And then realized, oh, hang on, this man cannot ski. And he was on his own. And I was like. Then I was like, I can't leave him. So I started snow plowing him down. And then I got to the bottom where it was real. I had to pick him up three times. He couldn't.

[Vogue Williams]

Can a peasant ask a question? What's ski plowing? What's snow plowing?

[Joanne McNally]

Or whatever. Oh, so snow playing. It's like a pizza slice. So you put your skis into the skis go into the tip. So it's like you're doing a pizza slice and tell you stop. He couldn't. He couldn't even do that. And then I was like, I took him a part of the way down and then I said, I can't keep helping this guy. I wouldn't mind, but he was wearing like a four grand ski suit or something. He was wearing Moncler. Everything was Montclair. And I was like, you can afford a lesson. I don't get it.

[Vogue Williams]

There's a saying for when someone has all the gear, but no expert, no idea. It works better in an English accent, doesn't it, Joe? Oh, the gift. No, it's. It doesn't sound quite right for us. But yeah, I think it's one of those things. Probably the more you spend in the skis do, the less experience you have because you're trying to. You're trying to ski on charisma, basically 10 steps and hope no one notices. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

Ski on style. Here I go.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, yeah. It's like if you turn up with a huge wedding dress, you're like, she's having an affair. It's like the same kind of philosophy. Yeah. You're trying to overcompensating.

[Joanne McNally]

I think, though, having been here for three or four days now, I think it's. It's it would be such a good holiday for you, Joanne. I think you'd really enjoy it.

[Vogue Williams]

I actually agree, you know, I think.

[Joanne McNally]

She'D just go down the slope in a snow play though. Just like Tea does this, like straight down, absolutely no turning. She's like. But she'd have so much Dutch curves that she'd be like.

[Vogue Williams]

I just get up and just ring the paramedics straight away and be like, I just wanted the ski lift experience. So I'm not. I have no intention of skiing down. I'd be wearing roller skates or something stupid.

[Joanne McNally]

I hear you guys drop people off.

[Vogue Williams]

I'd love popping up, I'd love to take. I'd love to have some lessons.

[Joanne McNally]

It's so. It's so much fun.

[Vogue Williams]

Anyone I know skis speaks very highly of us. I don't know a single person who's come back and went, that was a load of.

[Joanne McNally]

Ah, it's. It's such.

[Vogue Williams]

It's one of those disco party things that everyone's. There's always babies dancing and. What are they called?

[Joanne McNally]

Apres ski. So, yes, you know the way my friend door is short now I'm finished with friends, but tease. There's a kid that he goes to school with and his parents and him are here and I was like, I will go out for lunch with them. And they invited us to lunch and we went for lunch with them today. And then I was really shy though, because I'm like, I don't know them and I get real shy about stuff like that. So anyway, we had the time of our life. You make the best friends skiing. Almost didn't make it back here for the POD because I went a little bit too wild with them. But like, it's so fun. Everyone's on the same buzz. They have like this mental music just going on at like 2 o' clock in the day. It's so much fun.

[Vogue Williams]

But you won't go with me because you don't. You won't do anything with me that I'm not good at.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, I mean, as you say, it.

[Vogue Williams]

Embarrasses you and it frustrates you. So you won't go with me.

[Joanne McNally]

Don't get me wrong, I will go with you. But like, you won't.

[Vogue Williams]

You know you won't.

[Joanne McNally]

I'm all for people trying new things, but you're going off an instructor on your own, like until you get better.

[Vogue Williams]

And then what I would do is I would do some classes on like one of those dry slopes here, Kiltiernan in Dublin, Kilternan.

[Joanne McNally]

That's where I started.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. I'll start in Kiltern. I'll Wrinkle Tiernan. Wrinkle Tiernan. Do you rink Kilterner there now? I'll get Lauren to Wrinkle Tiernan. Let's get this show on the road.

[Joanne McNally]

Now that you're in London, go to Hemel Hempstead. You go on the dry slopes there. You'll have a great time.

[Vogue Williams]

Hampstead, yeah, I'll do that.

[Joanne McNally]

But you and Amber, I don't know if you can come at the same time as each other, to be honest with you. No, I think that you'll be a liability to each other. Amber and Joanne on holidays is something that fears me more to be witnessed. Yeah, I'm too frightened to see that.

[Vogue Williams]

Of the two people I'm looking at, there's only one that's going to actually go skiing with me. It's not vogue.

[Joe]

I mean, we'd be starting on the same experience. I have never actually. No, I've gone down a dry slope once but nearly broke my leg. So we are absolutely on the same sort of experience.

[Vogue Williams]

Have you done the slippery. What's that? What's that slippery thing that the kids do in the summer where they put the washing up liquid on the park and then they go down on a slip and slide? Slip and slide. Oh, I'm a big fan of that.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, I think that's a good start.

[Joanne McNally]

You wrote into the group colonoscopy, which obviously picked my ears up.

[Vogue Williams]

Do you know where you get some interesting interview requests? Yeah, long story short, I got a request from a colonoscopy man.

[Joanne McNally]

Okay.

[Vogue Williams]

He was like. So I don't know if you're interested, but I do colonoscopies and I'd love to interview while you're getting a colonoscopy for our social content. I was like, are you. Hi.

[Joanne McNally]

Wait.

[Vogue Williams]

And he goes, oh, worst case scenario, you get a free colonoscopy. And I was like, that's not the worst case scenario. The worst case scenario is I actually do it and there's social content of me with a tube up my ass while telling you my life story. I was like, no, no. Like I get the brands, I get a collab. I understand it's all back scratching and all that, but that's taking the piss.

[Joanne McNally]

I.

[Vogue Williams]

Or taking the.

[Joanne McNally]

If that had been me like six years ago and someone said, I'll give you what. What's the other one? Not a colonoscopy. The one where you. It clears you out what's that called again?

[Vogue Williams]

I think that that's a colonoscopy.

[Joanne McNally]

No. Yeah, but this one isn't for medical reasons. It clears you out. A colonic irrigation. I reckon if someone had come to me with a colonic irrigation years ago, I would have been like, okay. Oh, my God.

[Vogue Williams]

I totally forgot the different things.

[Joanne McNally]

Sorry.

[Vogue Williams]

He wanted me a colonic irrigation.

[Joanne McNally]

He watched a colonoscopy.

[Joe]

There's a camera, isn't it?

[Vogue Williams]

That's even worse.

[Joanne McNally]

That's absolutely bizarre.

[Vogue Williams]

I wouldn't even be on camera to be my asshole on camera. And when I tell my life story, it's just going through my rectum. Oh, my God. That's actually worse than I thought it was. How did I just be facing the camera with a hose up my ass? But no, the camera will be in my ass. What if it finds a fibroid?

[Joanne McNally]

I think that's the least of your worries. If it finds a fibroid.

[Vogue Williams]

Sorry, I don't even get any screen time.

[Joe]

Well, you do.

[Joanne McNally]

Give your insides a bit of a. Bit of a moment.

[Vogue Williams]

I was like, I understand. We're all. We've all got something to sell. You know, I was slightly insulted. I was like, come on. Now, I know I'm not exactly, you know, I'm not in the COVID of Cosmo, but, like, also, I don't need to be giving you footage from my rectum, but thank you for a 15.

[Joanne McNally]

Second video of your. Of your internal insights, please. Would you mind if we did that?

[Vogue Williams]

Imagine they tried to put a camera in my liver. The whole liver would dissolve. They'd be like, oh, God, we've been holding it together now. Barely.

[Joanne McNally]

Your liver just ran away now. This is too much for us. We put up with enough. I'm done.

[Vogue Williams]

It needs a glow up. Send it to Amanda Byron on the Swan. That liver needs a full set of teeth and a fringe. That's a bit.

[Joanne McNally]

Do you ever go for a smear there and they're like, do you mind if a student nurse comes in?

[Vogue Williams]

At least that's. There's a bit of dignity in people looking at your smear.

[Joanne McNally]

Really?

[Vogue Williams]

Colon's a. It's a different book.

[Joanne McNally]

Colon is a different story. In all fairness, but I can't believe there's a company that would want to do that. Like, who wants to. In fairness, I want to see it on Instagram. Actually, I did have a message from a lovely listener. And she said, oh, Vogue. And Joanne and Joe. The egg comes out too. With the wall shedding unless fertilized by sperm. In which case it sticks to the wall and grows into a baby. Isn't that nice to know?

[Vogue Williams]

I, I, I'm not going to lie. I, I still have no idea what, what, what, what happens.

[Joanne McNally]

I, well, I guess the egg and you guessed the wall. So together we knew it all.

[Vogue Williams]

We embar. We embarrassed ourselves. It was, it wasn't the first time, it won't be the last time. All right?

[Joanne McNally]

And we let it go out. We let it go out.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. Between, between three of us, we've three five children, so I think we get, I think we got it. Okay.

[Joanne McNally]

I knew something was going on there with the egg and stuff.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, we knew something shifted when all of you gave birth. So we got it, we're fine.

[Joanne McNally]

The egg and spoon race, you know yourself, Same thing. Same thing.

[Vogue Williams]

Some loud spoons you ate. You lay an egg Branch and you.

[Joanne McNally]

See Louisa, my manager in the group actually said something I didn't think she would admit to. She didn't know that women had three entrance points. Is that a nicer way to put it or are we disgusting?

[Joe]

Entrance points? I don't think.

[Vogue Williams]

No, I think entrance points, Joe, depending on what you're into.

[Joanne McNally]

Exit or entrance points. Yeah, no, okay, I'll just say women have three holes on. My manager didn't know that.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, yeah, I did and only because I had to learn. I had a joke about a mini golf course or something. I can't remember something about it.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, that's how she learned. I think you should bring that joke back. I should?

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. Stick me under a windmill. You'd never know the difference. Yeah, I mean like I say, like they don't. Why don't we know that anyway? Let's not rehash out embarrassments. But look, we're learning. Every day's a school day.

[Joanne McNally]

We're learning, we're learning. I have three kids and I've, I'm still learning. So I'm glad that they haven't asked me them that three kids, one out each hole.

[Vogue Williams]

Perfect.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what happened, Joanne. I thought this holes had enough, go on to the next one. I don't think that like, T's like, and where does the baby come from? And I'm like, your tummy. I just don't think he's old enough for that. He's six. I can't tell him. That'd be terrifying to hear as a six year old. Well, it may be because he's a man. Not as terrifying. But then he tells Gigi, I have a tip.

[Vogue Williams]

Tell your Kids, they're adopted and then they'll never ask. I swear to God. I was just told. I was. I was told about the adoptive process that everyone, you know, just wanted me so badly that they couldn't decide. I was like a hot jack of potato. And then I ended up with my family, so I was too busy trying to process that, that it never occurred to me to ask how I physically arrived on Earth. I was just. I was just trying to figure out how I arrived on the south side of Dublin.

[Joanne McNally]

Like a hot potato. Everyone wanted you. Who's gonna have her? Who's gonna have her?

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, she's too hot for. She's too hot for us.

[Joanne McNally]

She's just too hot.

[Vogue Williams]

We all want her, but she's. Oh, gosh.

[Joanne McNally]

I don't even. I don't even remember learning about that and finding it. I remember learning about periods and just like literally latching on to that so badly that I was like, please, God, let my period come. And obviously it didn't come to me. Years and years and years. I was 16 at the time. It came. So, sorry, Vogue.

[Vogue Williams]

Have we not just done one and a half episodes and the fact that we don't know what a period is and you've just said it's the only thing you learned in school.

[Joanne McNally]

We've also said that we don't like people talking about holy stuff, so. Bless you. Yes. What? Cuz I was like, please, God, let my period come. Please, God.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, and this is. This is. This is kind of me dropping in the Ambi thing. But the who replaced Ava Lavigne was nominated for an Ambi, which I didn't know what an ambie was, but it's basically an American. It's like the American British podcast awards kind of thing. And I was writing about it. I was doing a post about it because, you know, you obviously have to, you know.

[Joanne McNally]

Excuse me, America. Yes, I think we will.

[Vogue Williams]

Of course. Anything in America. Anything in America.

[Joanne McNally]

No, maybe not Donald Trump, but anything else. Anything else.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, my God, are you joking? I'd be singing. I'd be doing 10 minutes at the inauguration. Make no mistake. I actually didn't know, but I know now what an Abby is. And I was writing a post and I was gonna say, if I could just get Ronan Keating to pray. I know. And then I was like, I don't think. I think. I don't think. I think that's kind of mean.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, is it Rona Keating praying? I think he is a prayer.

[Vogue Williams]

Ask him to pray.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, he's.

[Vogue Williams]

Is he A prayer, though, or are we just slagging him?

[Joanne McNally]

Joanne?

[Vogue Williams]

I can never tell.

[Joanne McNally]

We're not slogging him. He says God bless after every sentence he's got.

[Vogue Williams]

He does.

[Joanne McNally]

He says, God bless. God bless. God bless. I don't know if he's a prayer or not, or that's now just something that comes out like, oh, you're grad.

[Vogue Williams]

You're grad.

[Joanne McNally]

Now his is God bless. God bless.

[Vogue Williams]

Ronan, if you're listening, pray for us. Have a word of the big man, will you? Yeah, thanks. I know you've got connections.

[Joanne McNally]

Pray for us, Ronan.

[Vogue Williams]

We appreciate it. Life's a roller coaster, etc. Big fans, big fan.

[Joanne McNally]

Also, actually, now we're on the topic. I am doing a book tour.

[Vogue Williams]

Yes.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, when I say a book tour, it's two dates. Okay, lads, don't get too excited.

[Vogue Williams]

Vogue. This is how it starts. You don't know what. You don't know what's ahead of you. Get Ronan to pray for you as well. You'll be in Wembley next year, Ronan.

[Joanne McNally]

If you wouldn't mind praying for. Big mate, book tour. I'd really appreciate that.

[Vogue Williams]

What's the big one in the States, Joe? Madison Square Gardens.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, I would. I'd like to square Gardens. Yeah, I'd like to visit NYC with my book tour. But currently we're doing Vicar Street, 26 May, and Union Chapel in London on 27 May, which is very exciting.

[Vogue Williams]

Lovely rooms.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, really nice rooms. And I want to make them, like, really fun, like shows. Not just like sit down, chat about the book, other things. We're gonna. And I'm gonna get cool people to host, which would be fun.

[Vogue Williams]

That'd be really nice.

[Joanne McNally]

So look out for your email.

[Vogue Williams]

I'm not gonna ask. I'm not gonna ask.

[Joanne McNally]

Look out for your email that you on 26th and 27th of May. If you're around.

[Vogue Williams]

I'll be, I'll be in. I'll be doing. I'll be doing stage managing, will I. I'll be in the wings serving drinks and oranges.

[Joanne McNally]

Lights.

[Vogue Williams]

You missed the music queue again, Giovanni. Stupid. I'm like, I'm sorry, Sorry.

[Joanne McNally]

Have we not discussed the way Gollum is while we're recording the. This podcast, she's up on her again. Spencer does that as well. What is that? Is that comfortable?

[Vogue Williams]

Well, I'm, I, I believe I am moments away from getting my ADHD diagnosis.

[Joanne McNally]

Moments.

[Vogue Williams]

And in fairness, I've made a real effort to get it. The diagn. I've. I've made A real effort to get adhd, so I've deserved that. But, yeah, I'm. I'm moments away, so I assume that's. I'm stemming. Am I stemming? No, I'm joking.

[Joanne McNally]

So wait, so you went for your diagnosis? Your mom was there to. She had to answer quite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Pat's so funny for the ADHD diagnosis. The doctor's like, so talk about your man. She's like, well, she's adopted, so I e. This has nothing to do with me. I don't know. Whatever the fuck is. Whatever's wrong with her. It's not my problem. She didn't get it from me. She didn't get a.

[Joanne McNally]

That's the perfect aim for her as well.

[Vogue Williams]

I know. Yeah.

[Joanne McNally]

That's what I'm saying.

[Vogue Williams]

I'm just here to be sound. But I can tell you now, this is nothing to do with me or my family. She came like this. It's not my problem. I'll support as well I can.

[Joanne McNally]

When Otto starts beating Gigi up. I'm like, that's a Matthews gene. That's nothing to Williams's. Don't do that. That is Matthews all over.

[Vogue Williams]

We never lifted a finger on you on the tennis court.

[Joanne McNally]

Absolutely not. I will tell you excus.

[Vogue Williams]

I was the victim of. I was. I was mugged.

[Joanne McNally]

That's really scary.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, I know. I say mugged. It was. I was pickpocketed.

[Joanne McNally]

Which I'd watch is a light mugging. It's a light.

[Vogue Williams]

It's a. It's a diet mugging. It's a diet mugging.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

There was no weapon involved. And do you know what? It's.

[Joanne McNally]

Nor annoying, though, in a way, because you don't see it happening. So you're like, God damn it.

[Vogue Williams]

I don't. I don't even have a story. I just got lightly touched. Do you know what I mean?

[Joanne McNally]

Your phone was gone.

[Vogue Williams]

Phone was gone. Now there's an absolute rampage going on in London at the moment with people robbing phones. So I, I'd. I. I had made my peace with the fact it was going to happen because I always have my phone out. I'm either on my phone or I'm mapping my way around or whatever. So I was like, it's going to go. So I knew it was gonna go. But then, yeah, he took it out from my. I just. I was walking in through Soho and there was a gentle. I felt a light touch of the hand and the phone was gone. And then the guy I was with was like, we go after them. And I was like, I've had five Negronis. What am I gonna bust through Leicester Square? Like, what the fuck am I gonna do? I'll get arrested for drunken disorder and he'll go free and I'll be in a cell like, no, I can't. It has to go. So I just sent it up into the universe. Even though I don't believe in the universe, but I just was like, send it up to Mary or whatever.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, but people like us who are not tech savvy, we should have special, like, stickers on our heads, something like that, to say, listen, don't rob us because we can't sort out our own phone. So, like, rob someone else.

[Vogue Williams]

Do you know what the saddest part of the whole thing is? And, like, I know it's only a phone. And like, I say, I'd sent it up to Jesus, it was fine. Why do I sound like Ra?

[Joanne McNally]

God bless you and God bless your phone.

[Vogue Williams]

And I'm like, maybe this man, you know, it's the Mel Robbins. Let them. I'm like, let them steal. Let them steal the phone. Maybe he needed the phone, you know, maybe he needs the phone to buy milk formula for his baby.

[Joanne McNally]

I don't think so, but I know.

[Vogue Williams]

He was buying gear anyway. But you know what? The most upsetting thing? All my whatsapps are gone.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, I delete them.

[Vogue Williams]

What?

[Joanne McNally]

Well, Spenny and I had a big fight one day. Like, well, I say one day. It was a whole day of fights. And I was like, oh, this isn't going to look great in text. Like, for me or for you. And I was like, delete all your messages there. And he deleted them. And then when I went to delete mine, I was like, hold on a second. 12,000 messages. And then I was like, no, I should. I should. I'll delete what? 12,000 messages.

[Vogue Williams]

Okay, okay, so fine for husbands, but, like, for friends. Like, I've not. All my messages are gone. Like, years of messages, and they're not in my cloud. They were saved to the phone.

[Joanne McNally]

I know, but you're only. As long as none of your friends die in the near future. You're fine because you're never gonna look back on them.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, I said. So I contacted three friends today and said, download our whole conversation and send it to me so I have it downloaded.

[Joanne McNally]

Why are they sick?

[Vogue Williams]

Well, this is exactly what I thought I said, in case you die. I contacted the three friends I thought would die the fastest and said, give me the conversations now. Just in case I'm gonna want them for sentimentality.

[Joanne McNally]

That's good. I'm glad I didn't receive one of those.

[Vogue Williams]

You didn't. You didn't. Because you're healthy. Because you're healthy. Joe, if you could reply to my text, that'd be great. You've gone yellow in the eyes. What?

[Joe]

Can I just apologize to you? Because when you put a message into the group to say that you'd lost your phone, I assumed it was your own fault.

[Vogue Williams]

I knew that. I knew that from the tone of your response. And you can't apologize.

[Joanne McNally]

Before you do the apology joke. Take that back. Let's be honest. Joanne was prime picking for the big pocket in Soho that night.

[Vogue Williams]

So this was the gas thing. The amount of times I've had my phone out and I didn't. It was in my pocket and he left. It was kind of just sticking. It's just sticking out of my pocket. I. So, yeah, Joe, I was the victim of an incredibly gentle, slightly arising crime.

[Joe]

Yeah. And I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry.

[Vogue Williams]

He touched my hand and it felt good. Will Global replace my phone? No, I will. Well, I will be reporting this.

[Joanne McNally]

How did you get a new phone already? I just can't imagine you in a phone shop. Makes no sense to me.

[Vogue Williams]

I. I imagine her in a phone shop.

[Joanne McNally]

What?

[Vogue Williams]

What do you think I do? Do you think I just.

[Joanne McNally]

I don't think you go to phone shops. I just don't. Tell you what, Neil Wilson doesn't go to phone shops. He got banned from a phone shop. My stepdad.

[Vogue Williams]

Why? Why?

[Joanne McNally]

Well, he got a bit upset in there, so he was not invited back.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, did he go full on steam dumpling? Did he kick off?

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah, he had a bit of a nightmare in there and now he's no longer invited back. But that's in Edinburgh. They don't live there anymore. So all good.

[Vogue Williams]

Fine. Yeah. Yeah. Tinder swindler. He's moving around. Fair enough.

[Joanne McNally]

How did you get the new phone? I can't imagine you went to a shop.

[Vogue Williams]

Do you know why I went down and got the phone?

[Joanne McNally]

Why?

[Vogue Williams]

Because the apple shop is in. My local apple shop is beside Tashum, which is my new favorite, favorite restaurant. So I was like, okay. I'm like, you know the horse with the carrots that you get to do things? I'm like, okay, well, if it's around to shoom, I'll get to the shoom. And then whatever the shit job needs to be done, if it's in that local area. I'll be willing to do it because I've had a dishoom.

[Joanne McNally]

Do you know what? Assume. Do one meal that you buy. They give a meal to somebody who can't afford to buy a meal.

[Vogue Williams]

Is it me again? Because love that.

[Joanne McNally]

This girl's lost her phone. She needs the freebie today. Look at the size of Joanne's new lamp. Are you joking me? Oh, my God. That could eat you. Is that AI.

[Vogue Williams]

Can we please discuss. Because some things really tickle my fancy and this story really tickled my fancy. And it's the Samantha Mumba Download Schehan drama that happened in Ireland or e. The Eurovision audition process. Joe, are you aware. Are you making an effort with our country for once?

[Joe]

I've actually seen this and I loved it as much.

[Joanne McNally]

I actually. Very good fun because I knew that you're gonna. So I would like you to tell me and the listeners what happens.

[Vogue Williams]

I just love a celebrity feud and I. This one involves no sexual assault allegations. And they're my favorite because you're like. You're allowed to have the crack with them then. Do you know what I mean? But it is basically our version of Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Without the heavy Ireland. We used to own Eurovision. It was like our thing. And then we lost our way. Everything went poppy fine. So now let me.

[Joanne McNally]

Let me tell you what happens.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, God. Okay, go on.

[Joanne McNally]

So Ireland was so good at Eurovision and we won all the time and we kept winning and then we couldn't afford to keep winning, so we passed on the torch.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, that's why. That's. That's. I love when you turn into Vogue Rogan and go full conspiracy. They're throwing the competition. We're so good. They can't afford us.

[Joanne McNally]

That's what happened. We couldn't afford to run the competition anymore. As we said, you know what? We'll pass the tour. And we got Jedward on board.

[Vogue Williams]

We can't afford Anthony. I will not have a bad word set against Edward.

[Joanne McNally]

I love two of the nicest guys in showbiz.

[Vogue Williams]

So now what we do is there's like a public vote for who goes to the Eurovision. And Samantha Mumba auditioned body to body funky. It's been a while. It's been a while. But she's. You gotta know girl, like. So Samantha Mumba is there was so.

[Joanne McNally]

Cool in art as we were growing up.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah. She. I remember there's only two and a half, three people I've been properly starstruck by. And that was Bertie Ahern. Much to my Shame. I can't. I can't explain it. Can't explain it. It was years ago. It was. It was. It was during the whole kind of Celtic Downfall thing.

[Joanne McNally]

You were funny around me. Hall Martin as well. When we met him, you were funnier.

[Vogue Williams]

I was. I was giddy. I was giddy. Yeah, it's good. Yeah. I. Fatherish. You know yourself.

[Joanne McNally]

Don't let her near the president of Orland.

[Vogue Williams]

Joe. The second. The second you get into politics to put on a suit, good luck to you. I'll be all over you like a rat up a drain pipe. I know power when I smell it. I can smell power. And Samantha Mumba walked through Paris Court townhouse one day. And I was in my. At this point, like, I'd spent my youth wanting to be in the Billy Barry's and go to stage school and dance and perform and sing. And Pat McNally had knocked that out of me with her bare hands. So I just looked on with admiration. And Samantha Mumble walks through Paris Quartanis. And the. And the. And the star quality of that woman, she was like oozing it like a snail. There was like star goo coming out the back of her. Oh, my God. And I was like, oh, my God. Anyway, now we're kind of like friends because we DM sometimes.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, so sorry. You and Samantha are great friends now as well.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, well, I'm Team Mom. I'm team. I'm Team Sammy Mumps.

[Joanne McNally]

She basically, honestly, she added her music to a video in Ireland that they had this video of going around about, like, car crashes and how, like, you had to wear your seatbelt. And it was always the person in the back who did the damage.

[Vogue Williams]

Always the person. Oh, it was. No, sorry, vogue. It was the one in the back. It was the one. It was the one without the belt that did the damage.

[Joanne McNally]

Yes. Joanne and I will never be caught dead without a seatbelt. Same excuse the pun. Thank you, Samantha. Thank you.

[Vogue Williams]

I could not. I could not agree more. No one in Ireland of that generation will forget that Put your fucking seatbelt on. Ad that has probably kept millions of us alive. So Samantha Mumba is basically Mother Teresa.

[Joanne McNally]

That's what I was gonna liken her to. She is like a pop version of Mother Teresa.

[Vogue Williams]

She's Gandhi. Anyway, Samantha Mumba auditioned who. She's successful Irish singer, pop singer. And then she kind of went off and did her own thing. She's in America now. She's had a couple of kids, she's got a hot fella, and she decided to audition for the Irish Eurovision. So she's on the Late Late. And they have a panel of inverted commas experts. And I'm playing devil's advocate here now, even though I am Team Samantha, I'm.

[Joanne McNally]

Staying out of this. So I love you all.

[Vogue Williams]

I think there was a person on the panel. So the panel was. They weren't like big musos, they weren't like pop. They weren't ex pop stars as such, the way Samantha is. And I think Samantha basically was a bit like overqualified for the job and she didn't think they were treated that well. She didn't get through. And she was a bit like, that was shit. That was a shit experience for me. And they kind of undermined me and their feedback wasn't that sound. And I don't think they're really in a position to be criticizing someone who's had an actual pop career, which I think is like grass.

[Joanne McNally]

Who are the judges? Who are the other judges?

[Vogue Williams]

Daniel Skihan.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

Laura Fox and Arthur Garolian. And I know that's not the correct pronunciation, but Arthur Guerillian. Yeah, Right. Brian Darling's fellow. So they were on the panel. Samantha didn't get through and she was pissed off. Not about that, she says, which I believe her because we're best friends, because she likes my story sometimes. And she kind of clapped back and, you know.

[Joanne McNally]

Hang on one. Sorry, hang on one second. I just want to see if Samantha follows me because then I'll know my opinion on this in one second.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, God. I can't. I can't watch this live. Of course she will. She will.

[Joanne McNally]

You better watch it live.

[Vogue Williams]

I'm rigging her. I'm regular.

[Joanne McNally]

No, she doesn't follow me. I'm sorry. I completely agree with Arthur.

[Vogue Williams]

She does.

[Joanne McNally]

She doesn't. But I don't follow her. I'll follow her.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, I mean, you know, you can't expect it back if you don't give it, you know, you can't drag a horse to water.

[Joanne McNally]

He can't drag a horse to water.

[Joe]

You can. You can drag a horse.

[Vogue Williams]

Sorry. The saying is, you can't. You can. Sorry, no. I had two kushas earlier.

[Joanne McNally]

You could drag a horse to water, but you can't make a tree.

[Vogue Williams]

Can't make a tree.

[Joanne McNally]

Do you want. Same thing. Same thing. Joe. Joe, Good luck with this edit show.

[Joe]

Oh, I've not edited that.

[Vogue Williams]

That is staying as it is. It's like my friend Nicola always says, life. Life is long. Girls. We're like, that's not the Sign, Nicholas. That's not the song. It's short. She said, girls, life is long. Anyway, where were we?

[Joanne McNally]

Life is like a box of chocolates is what we were gonna say.

[Vogue Williams]

Lots of chocolates eats the caramel worm.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

So Samantha Mumba's super cool. Donald Schein. I'm not familiar with his work. I know he's a TV chef.

[Joanne McNally]

Oh, he's an amazing chef.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, yeah. I'm not. I'm not saying I don't. I'm. I'm also team Donal.

[Joanne McNally]

I also want to share out his cookbook because my friends will not stop sending that into my friends group of all his recipes. I haven't got it myself. Heard it's good. Anyway. Go on, Samantha Mumba.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, I'm more of an air fryer gal, so I don't think his book is going to really suit me. But Joan looks.

[Joanne McNally]

You try to cook eggs in an air fryer once and you haven't used. I'm an air fryer girl. What else have you cooked?

[Vogue Williams]

Jesus folk. Can I not just lie about anything? No.

[Joanne McNally]

Can I not have a private life?

[Vogue Williams]

Can I. Can I not have a private culinary life? Okay. Yeah. I eat out of the neighbor's bins now everyone knows. I just wait for the neighbors to throw out their leftovers and then I go through them like a fox.

[Joanne McNally]

Do you like it? She threw in. She threw in that she'd had two kombuchas earlier. Okay, Joanne, we know you're a queen of hell. Sorry, hang on while I get my.

[Vogue Williams]

Kimchi remedy sent me Kombuchas and I'm fucking strong outing them. Donal, skiing. Looks like if you asked AI to turn George clooney into a CBeebies presenter. Does that make sense?

[Joanne McNally]

Yes. What a great way of describing him.

[Vogue Williams]

Yeah, I really thought about that. I was like. I looked at loads of photos of Downall. Sorry. Down on. I was like. I need to describe this man so the people who aren't engaged in Irish culinary politics can picture him. And that's what he lives.

[Joanne McNally]

Do you know where he lives?

[Vogue Williams]

Ireland.

[Joanne McNally]

Where in Ireland?

[Vogue Williams]

The kitchen.

[Joanne McNally]

No, the best place in Ireland. The best place in the whole of Ireland.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, for sake.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. How. Yeah, he's a healthy.

[Vogue Williams]

We can't. We can't endorse this Joe.

[Joanne McNally]

All right, listen, John, it's a fact. I'm just saying. We're talking about Donald. He's from Howth.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, he's made a bit. He's probably made a bit of cash now selling the spaghetti's.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah. So He's a very big house in Hoath now.

[Vogue Williams]

Yes. He's got a large. Like a large kind of pasta fed. House in house. When I heard that Donald Skiing was in a pop band, I was like, that is so. Because he's so wholesome, it just. It was like. It'd be like hearing of Dermot o' Leary was a pole dancer.

[Joanne McNally]

He does do some pole dancing at his radio show. I've seen it.

[Vogue Williams]

Well, he does dancing, but it just. It. It was jar. It was a job. It was a jarring thing to learn. Joe, Google him there and you'll see exactly what I mean. He's got Blue Peter vibes, but he's kind of great. Yes, he does look clean. Really clean.

[Joanne McNally]

Yeah.

[Vogue Williams]

But I would have also questioned his credentials, as Samantha Mumba did. She was like, how is this lad telling me? And then it turned out that he was in a band years ago called Industry, which was. Which kind of shocked my core. I have an overactive nervous system. Anyway, so that didn't help. I kind of spasmed when I heard this news. And he auditioned to represent Ireland in the Eurovision the year that Dustin won.

[Joanne McNally]

Shut up. Oh, God. Dustin beat him. Sorry, hang on, hang on a second. We sent Dustin, you see, I told you. We didn't have the money to put the show on, so we said toast.

[Vogue Williams]

It was. It was a lack of respect.

[Joanne McNally]

I love Dustin, but, like, Dustin is no singer.

[Vogue Williams]

For anyone who doesn't know Dustin is an Irish turkey puppet. I don't know how else to explain it, really. He's a turkey purpose.

[Joanne McNally]

But what a very good comedian behind him.

[Vogue Williams]

So he's a great comedian behind him, but he is ultimately that went to the Eurovision of represented Ireland instead of Donald. So we would maybe think that there's a little bit of resentment there in Donald's oven, would we say?

[Joanne McNally]

I'd say he cooks turkey on the daily.

[Vogue Williams]

Oh, yeah. Samantha clapped back. She didn't get through. She didn't think they've. The judges treated her very well or any of the contestants, and she clapped back. And we're always kind of torn between taking the high road and clapping back. And when someone claps back, it's always fascinating.

[Joanne McNally]

I love it.

[Vogue Williams]

She sent them a bag of dicks. She was like, you weren't nice, you weren't kind, you've no credentials. I didn't enjoy the experience. Here's a bag of dicks. And sent all the aubergine emojis. And then Dhalna Skehan clapped back by posting loads of recipes. With aubergines in them. And also kind of defending his position by alerting us all to the fact that he was in industry, which was so shocking, I actually went into anaphylactic shock. It was. I. I couldn't get over it. Well, he couldn't get over it. He looks like he has the rhythm of a bin bag. I'm sorry, Donald. I'm sorry.

[Joanne McNally]

I would. Joanne, I have the rhythm of a bin bag. And if I wanted to be a pop star, you would allow it. You would allow it. I'd be like a paper bag flying in the wind. I'd be that man. You know, those things. I just think, like, I mean, I. Obviously, I. I've done dancing shows where people are like, you did this. This and everything. I never, ever. I don't think I've ever got a nice comment because I can't dance. But I think there's a way of telling people, you know what, you're complete shite. But, like, there's a nice yes. And she's not shite.

[Vogue Williams]

Just give it to the Eurovision. Like, it's like. It's like asking Helen Mirren to audition for Home and Away. It's ridiculous.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, Samantha wanted to do it, but she should have just been, like, Spedway into the Eurovision. She would have won.

[Vogue Williams]

Exactly. Ireland should have been like, oh, Samantha Mumble wants to represent us in the Eurovision.

[Joanne McNally]

But, Joanne, we can't afford it.

[Vogue Williams]

Give her an Adele song or a Coldplay song. No, no, no one's looking at us anyway.

[Joanne McNally]

We can't afford it, Joanne. That's why she wasn't chosen, because we can't afford to have her win and have to put on the competition ourselves. We don't have the national income.

[Vogue Williams]

Sorry, you're right. And 911 is an inside job.

[Joanne McNally]

If you wanna. If you wanna. If you wanna pay for it yourself, Johan, under your own taxes, that's fine, but I'm not. I'm not open my taxes to pay for the Eurovision. I'm happy to watch Dustin and. And Samantha not do it.

[Vogue Williams]

I would just love to see Samantha Mumble singing Yellow by Coldplay without anyone admitting that we've ripped it off from Coldplay and just say that. It's parallel thinking, which is what a lot of people say when they rip something off. That would have been my ideal Eurovision. It didn't happen. I'm Team Mumbas. But I respect Downall and I respect his pop past. But everyone's fine. There's more aubergines been sent. I've never seen so many aubergines flying back and forth. It was the celebrity feud we needed. I hope it goes to the high courts. I'm holding space.

[Joanne McNally]

Well, I was actually thinking Samantha Mumble. I would love to have her play at my 40th birthday party that I haven't organized but she's too pretty and I don't need that at my party to be honest with you. I want to be the, the prettiest girl there. Thank you.

[Vogue Williams]

Wow. I'm invited. That's highly insulting. Wow.

[Joanne McNally]

Have you received the invite? Have you received an invite?

[Vogue Williams]

Here we go.

[Joanne McNally]

Have you received an invite? Unless you've been three.

[Vogue Williams]

You actually sent me three invites. You look, make sure you're there. Make sure you're there.

[Joanne McNally]

You're getting, you're getting a special invite to a different party. That's it for this week. Thank you everybody so much for listening. And we will be back with the bonus on Wednesday.

[Vogue Williams]

It.