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- [00:03]
A
This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello, welcome back to. My therapist ghosted me. It's us again.
- [00:27]
B
Oh, hello, John.
- [00:28]
A
Where are you?
- [00:29]
B
Where are you?
- [00:31]
A
Where are you first?
- [00:33]
B
Okay, just outside of Brighton. It is absolutely gorgeous. I'm filming a show, Renovation Rescue. We're doing a reveal day.
- [00:41]
A
Oh, of course, yes, yes.
- [00:43]
B
And it is absolutely. You want to see this place. They have this beach now there are stones on the beach, which I'm not particularly a fan of, but clear water, these massive houses. Obviously I then had to Google how much they cost. You could probably get a studio flat in London for one of them. It's so nice. It's such a nice villagey feeling. Like an hour from London. So I'm moving in.
- [01:04]
A
Have you had. Now that you're doing the renovation rescue, have you watched any of the old clips where the people, when their rooms are revealed to them start crying?
- [01:16]
B
Oh, crying of happiness.
- [01:18]
A
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- [01:19]
B
Oh no, you're talking about changing rooms. When slow went into anyone's house and did anything, they always cried.
- [01:29]
C
His fault. Sometimes it was the other ones.
- [01:32]
A
There's old clips, I just remember watching them ages ago where couples. Because you know what you're always trying to figure out like how much of it is staged and how much isn't and do they. Have they really never seen the rooms before? There's old American ones and English ones where they bring them in and they kind of reveal them and the wife starts crying and the husband's like, you're going to have to fix it all. You're going to have to put everything back. Like. Cuz sometimes it's. They do kind of the renovations, they do do feel like they're for the TV audience rather than the people in the homes. Do you get me?
- [02:02]
B
I mean it's a. Yeah, it's a very niche kind of thing that they do to someone. Did you ever see that one? It was like it was two couples that were friends and they had swapped houses to do and like with the couple who went in and like were really upset, were like, why do you not like us? Like, have we done something wrong to you? Why did you do this? Why did you do this to us?
- [02:20]
A
Revenge Renovation. That'd be a great TV show, wouldn't it?
- [02:24]
B
Yes, there be a lot of live laugh love signs going around the place. But I know people still love them, but I just don't love them.
- [02:30]
A
No. Well, I mean they're kind of a very, very obvious. They're like they, they just became that stereotypical trope of having no taste at all. Really. Didn't they?
- [02:39]
B
Yeah.
- [02:40]
C
So anyone who still has. You know. It's a. It's a good way to live your life.
- [02:44]
A
Yeah. It's a good mantra to live by. Live. Laugh and love. Three.
- [02:48]
B
You know.
- [02:48]
A
Three Ls three big things. But then it became kind of like a stereotypical. Cuz selling them everywhere the same as it was. They're like the Ramones T shirt off the walls. Yes.
- [02:58]
B
I totally agree with you. I think I had a Ramon's T shirt.
- [03:02]
A
And the other one that's very kind of typical in a woman's kitchen is wine o' clock or.
- [03:07]
B
Oh I know.
- [03:08]
A
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mine starts with that. Always. Why am I always trying to make out of an alcoholic and actually keep this in. Keep this in. I'm not.
- [03:18]
C
Okay. We're editing the edit now. We're editing the edit that.
- [03:20]
A
Yeah. We're editing as we keep it in. I always. You know when you just lean on all the. The old gags and it's like the old gags are vog's really rich and out of touch and I'm an absolute piss head lush. And it's actually not true.
- [03:33]
B
Not true.
- [03:34]
A
It's not true. Completely in touch and hasn't a pot to piss in.
- [03:39]
B
Yeah.
- [03:39]
A
And I've been sober for three years.
- [03:42]
B
That's the truth of it. That's what we're like.
- [03:44]
A
They're all lies as well. Okay. We don't know where the lies begin. Around now. Our kitchen was very much a kitchen of the 80s. I do believe Patricia Pat McNally is an original almond mom. And what so on our fridge was Almond mom.
- [04:00]
B
Almond.
- [04:02]
A
Almond. It's okay. Did we figure this out?
- [04:05]
B
Yeah. Yeah. It's almond.
- [04:07]
C
It's. It's personal taste. The Americans do it.
- [04:11]
A
It's personal taste.
- [04:13]
B
Javon likes to eat tomatoes and basil. And she has her almonds in her coffee.
- [04:17]
A
And herbs. Herbs. Herbs. Is there a reason the Americans won't acknowledge the Haitian herbs? It's right there. Do you know what? As well American saying. It wrecks my head. I could care less. It's. I couldn't. I couldn't care less. Why I could care less makes no sense.
- [04:35]
C
If you could care less then there's an amount of care.
- [04:38]
A
Exactly. I could care less. Means you're measuring the care. And I couldn't care less is the point of the thing to say. I don't measure the care. There's no care here at all.
- [04:46]
C
Lots of.
- [04:46]
B
I know. But it doesn't.
- [04:48]
A
Yeah. Live Lap loved the Americans and their herbs.
- [04:51]
B
But doesn't. That would depend on the argument, really, how much you. Because sometimes you could care a little bit, but sometimes you really couldn't care less.
- [05:00]
A
Well, they're using it. They're using it as if they couldn't care. I couldn't care any less. There's no less care to give, but they say I could care less. Speaking of, now that we're turning this into a tiny little thesaurus session.
- [05:12]
B
Yes?
- [05:13]
A
You know that super, super posh guy who. His name has escaped me.
- [05:17]
B
Spencer Matthews.
- [05:22]
A
Bam. That's the one.
- [05:24]
B
Okay. Who. Come on.
- [05:25]
A
How's he these days? Still running around his little legs.
- [05:30]
B
Still running around in his little shorts and no top?
- [05:33]
A
Yeah.
- [05:33]
B
Yep.
- [05:33]
A
His little legs. Planting thirst traps all around Battersy Park. I see him.
- [05:38]
B
Well, okay, go on. I'll tell you something after.
- [05:40]
A
Do you know the really, really posh guy? I've met him, actually. I met him once and I was like, do you really sound like that? Do you speak like that? And he does a lot of kind language. His instant is where he kind of takes words and he talks about their kind of.
- [05:52]
B
Oh, yeah, Tom Reed Wilson.
- [05:54]
A
Tom Reed Wilson. You know, he has his little. It has his little ghee bag. Blackboard. Yeah, he did key bag.
- [06:02]
B
A Polish person trying to explain what a key bag is.
- [06:07]
A
It was so sweet.
- [06:09]
B
How many times were you sent it?
- [06:11]
A
Oh, plenty of times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I watched it three times. I said, good, Tom. That's. It's. I thought it was very good for Irish and English relations.
- [06:19]
B
Actually, we'll have press next, so we can explain what the press is. And, Joanne, why don't you send in your favorite word, C U N T, and see how he describes that. I'd love to hear him say that in his accent.
- [06:30]
A
Oh, yeah, I've heard him say it.
- [06:31]
B
Have you?
- [06:32]
A
I've never heard him say that off camera. He sounds like a London geezer.
- [06:36]
B
He does. No, I bumped into him on the street and he's so, like, he's so pleasant.
- [06:43]
A
Hey, how's it going? How are you? That's what he sounds like off camera. Yeah. Live laugh love. Yeah, Live laugh love.
- [06:50]
B
You, though.
- [06:51]
A
Sorry. First, did you like my john? I look like I'm working in a call center with the striped shirt and the headphones.
- [06:56]
B
Well, you kind of look like you'd kick the out of me, to be honest with you. When you didn't have the headphones on, I was like, she looks like she's about to batter me in her Fred Poddy.
- [07:03]
A
It's the frat Perry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [07:06]
B
You look great, but why do you look like that? What have you done?
- [07:08]
A
Nothing. I've done.
- [07:09]
B
Get your makeup done.
- [07:10]
A
I'm just really kind.
- [07:12]
C
You look like the referee in Gladiators. You will go on my first whistle.
- [07:16]
A
I'm wearing a striped Fred, Freddy, Fred prairie T shirt. I'm. I'm in. I'm. I'm zooming in from Barcelona where I am doing a show.
- [07:25]
B
Sprayed you with a water gun.
- [07:27]
A
No, I look like a local.
- [07:30]
B
Yeah.
- [07:31]
A
I'm like. I'm like. Bunch of work girls. So they all know that I'm just. I'm. Hola. Hola. Yeah. No, no, no, no.
- [07:39]
B
There's none of that.
- [07:39]
A
There's a lot of signs telling everyone to shut the up. They're saying it a nice way, like, please respect the local. Blah, blah, blah. But I guess now with the dark hair and all, I'm just like. I'm just like a Barcelona chick. Two things. One, Barcelona. It's so cool. Every time I come here, every time I leave, I forget how cool it is. I'm staying. I obviously don't know where I am. I'm just in Barcelona. Barcelona Road. Barcelona. But it's. I'm beside a. I did go out for a little Explorer earlier. I'm beside a film school. So there's loads like these really cool, gorgeous girls. There's. And some sort of fashion something around and they're even smoking and all. They just look so effortlessly cool covered in tattoos. And, you know, the way I have this. This reoccurring horn to get a giant tramp stamp of a dragon or a snake up my neck.
- [08:25]
B
I think if you're going to commit to it, you have to commit to like a full. Like, you need to get a sleeve. You can't just get one singular tattoo. You're going to have to commit and spend hours in somewhere, which I can imagine you doing.
- [08:35]
A
No, no, no, no. You can't get a sleeve. Or you have to build up to a sleeve. You can't just get a sleeve. You know what I mean? You're supposed to. You're supposed to build them up. You know, that's like the traditional way.
- [08:46]
B
This isn't meaning to sound bad, but, like, we don't have time for that. Like, people start getting to. People who start getting tattoos when they're 20. They build up to sleep. You've just got to get the sleeve.
- [08:57]
A
I'm 42. I'm not 87. I've got time on My side, you're.
- [09:02]
B
Not allowed to have. No. You're gonna then start hiding it when you're like 60 because you'll be fed up with a sleeve. So you've only got a real good 18 years with a sleeve. I wouldn't waste time building up. That's all I'm saying.
- [09:12]
A
I'm telling you now, like, it's happening. I want to get a barbed wire heart on my ass, chief. And I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry if that upsets you.
- [09:23]
C
Not to pick apart everything that you said, but it obviously is worth saying that smoking is definitely not cool and we mustn't do it.
- [09:30]
A
Who's smoking? Oh, the Barcelona chicks.
- [09:32]
C
Barcelona ones?
- [09:33]
A
Who said? You. You can say Joe. Smoking Joe, firstly, we're not the Ty Tobbies, okay? This is an adult podcast. Okay? Secondly, still not cool. Secondly, I, I, I, I correct you there. When I do it, it's not cool. You'd want to see these chicks standing outside the film Skill. It's very cool. This is like Quinton Tarantino vibes. They are, like, dressed to impress. They're just. It's all Rollies and all. They're like rolling them properly. Whereas when I roll them, it's it.
- [10:00]
C
I, I smoke and kill.
- [10:02]
B
I have a real thing about. I have a real thing.
- [10:06]
A
Does it, Joe, show me the facts.
- [10:08]
B
I have a real thing about Rollies. I can't. I used to go out with a guy, he used to smoke Rollies and he would leave like it was. He was like the dirtiest smoker. There'd be all the white tips all over the place. There'd be tobacco everywhere, like, I mean, on every floor. And just like that put me off.
- [10:26]
A
R. Do you want to hear something really embarrassing in relation to Rowley's?
- [10:29]
B
Yeah.
- [10:30]
A
When I remember when I. Well, you don't remember because we weren't friends at the time, but when I was younger, I'm saying, remember I told you. Remember I had my stint in France and I came back wearing a floor length leather coat, listening to rap, French rap and all. And I was also came back smoke. I went smoking John pair blue. I came back smoking Rowley's because that was what the Parisian or the, the French kids were doing. But I couldn't, I had to bring a machine with me.
- [10:56]
B
A Rolly machine.
- [10:58]
A
Okay, that's not cool, Irene. Talk about discrediting all the street cred that smoke and Rollies has. When I had to bring out this, like, machine.
- [11:08]
B
Did you not just pre roll them at home? So no. One saw you.
- [11:12]
A
It was like. You know those things that you roll, you know, you see them cooking pasta, they kind of like spin it at one end and the thing kind of rolls off slims. I had this. This little. What would you call it? Like an instrument to use. It was like a wazoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, yeah. I should have kind of rolled him at home. But, yeah, I mean, it was. It was embarrassing. Tres embarrassment. It's French. You obviously a lot of embarrassment.
- [11:43]
B
I just don't want you to think I'm not looking at you, but my phone battery is about to run out and I'm tethering off it.
- [11:48]
A
I'm a megalomaniac. I'm only looking at myself. I forgot you were on the call. To be honest.
- [11:59]
B
I prefer if someone's smoking a real cigarette because the rollies have me triggered from your man. I think as someone who used to smoke vapes, I think smoke bakes. Look. I think vapes aren't cool. I think you look a bit embarrassing, especially those ones that are like the size of your head and you're like. And then you, like this plume of smoke comes out of your face and then it goes into everyone else's face and not into them. And I can say that because I used to smoke vapes.
- [12:24]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now the ones that were there, they're like basically pulling on a car engine. You're like, that's a bit much new. I know.
- [12:31]
B
Do you know what? I fell in love with London a little bit last night. Will I tell you why?
- [12:35]
A
Sure.
- [12:36]
B
Sunday Evening, it's about 9 o' clock and I started feeling a bit sick. I'm not going to tell you what was wrong with me because I don't want anyone to write about it.
- [12:48]
A
Okay.
- [12:49]
B
It's not pregnancy. But anyway, I was feeling a bit sick and it was one of those sicknesses that you're like, actually, do you know what? I really need to get this. Like, I won't be able to sleep unless I get something for this and you need to get a prescription for it. And so I was like, this is gonna sound terrible. It wasn't anything bad, by the way. It's Monday now and it's already gone. But I was like, oh, my God. Sunday night, no doctor, first of all. No. Canvassed open. What the hell am I going to do? I was like, I'm living in London. Thank God. 24 Hour Doctor Online got onto the doctor. She sent me a prescription. Then I found this random place that delivers prescriptions to you. It Took two hours. It didn't get to me till midnight. But between the areas of, like, my doctor's appointment was at 9:45. By midnight I had a prescription on a Sunday night. And I just thought, yeah, yeah, I live here.
- [13:35]
A
Yeah.
- [13:36]
B
But it wasn't. It wasn't drug dealer drugs because actually on this chemist website they said that we do not give out benzos and all those kind of things. Because I'd say there'd be a few people thinking on a Sunday night I might get a few benzos in. Who wants a Zani?
- [13:48]
A
Also, drug dealers are not what they used to be. They usually knock off about 9 or.
- [13:52]
B
10, particularly on a Sunday. They need. They want their spare time too. They want their spare time too. They deserve time off.
- [13:59]
A
Yeah. They're like, dude, I've got to put the kids down. Do you know what I mean?
- [14:04]
B
I've got to count my cash. I've got to count my cash from Saturday night. It was a very heavy night.
- [14:10]
A
They work very few hours. I'm out loud in the drug dealers. I'm in Barcelona. I always. I don't think you're allowed to do the list by you.
- [14:20]
C
You always do it.
- [14:21]
A
So I don't. Sorry.
- [14:23]
C
Isn't it, sorry, Barcelona for that?
- [14:25]
A
It is, yeah. Sorry. The damage has been done. Anyway, I'm here, I'm doing a show, etc. But I got in very, very late. The flight I was. Got. I flew from Edinburgh to here, by the way. Oh, my God. One of the. Someone nearly fell off the top of the balcony in.
- [14:39]
B
In the show.
- [14:39]
A
Edinburgh Playhouse. No, in Kings. Yeah, in King's Theater. Yeah. I heard this kerfuffle when I was on. I was like. And I was like, what's going on? And someone tell me after she was off. Shoot, there's like. Are you like on the road?
- [14:54]
B
Yeah, I'm just. I'm actually recording from a motorbike. I'm just sitting on a bike and I'm recording.
- [14:59]
A
It's like you're inside one of those burger vans in Clapham Common, just sitting on a bench at the lake. That was a fun. That sounded like you were on a motorbike. It was so loud.
- [15:09]
C
It's a good opportunity to acknowledge that recording conditions for today are what I would describe as suboptimal.
- [15:15]
B
We. I mean, we have had an absolute nightmare today.
- [15:19]
A
I left. I left my equipment in the airport. Fog seems to be recording on a main road. My hotel has no Wi Fi, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, look, we lived another day.
- [15:29]
B
We're fine.
- [15:30]
A
I Do you know what? I am in such a good mood today and I have no idea why, because I have no reason to be.
- [15:36]
B
I'm surprised that you are because you had an absolute biggest nightmare this morning to be able to climb yourself out of that bullshit.
- [15:43]
A
I know. I don't know. It's like all my meds have kicked in all at once. I don't know what's going on. So got in late. Oh, yeah, sorry. Your one really fell off the balcony. She didn't. It's fine. But I'm thinking about maybe putting netting underneath the balconies from now on. So if they do fall off, they're kind of like ping back up like a jit. Like a circus, Like a trapeze artist. Anyway, gone to Barcelona. It's very late now. Spain. Barcelona is Barcelona, but Spain, Spain, Barcelona, yeah. Notoriously late diners.
- [16:13]
B
Yeah, they like a 1am dinner and stuff.
- [16:16]
A
They love a one day. I'm dinner. Do you know, I actually googled it to find out why they eat so late and because you think it's because they're so laid back apparently. Now this is like, you know, this is very boring, but kind of interesting. Apparently Franco changed the time zone in Spain to. To. To match Nazi Germany because to be sound, he was a bit of a Nazi sympathizer and he just. They just never bothered changing. So the Spanish was like, all right, it. Okay, we'll eat dinner at nine instead of eight. That's where it originally came from. But they're notoriously late diners. So I came in starving now. I mean, like, you know, ravished. Is that the word?
- [16:48]
C
Famished?
- [16:49]
A
Famished. What the is?
- [16:51]
B
But looking ravishing.
- [16:53]
C
Pretty ravishing.
- [16:56]
A
Yeah, I was, I was, yeah, I was. Yeah, I was ravishly famished. Right.
- [17:00]
B
Yeah.
- [17:00]
A
I look like. As you always do when you get off a plane, the sky does something to my cortisol levels or something. I always look like I've got gauge when I land. Anyway, spinning along in the taxi and I was saying to your man, I'm ravishly famished. And the. And the. And I was like, I better ring ahead to the hotel. Just make sure that I'm gonna get away. Ryan, hotel. And they were like, kitchen's closed. And I was like, okay, whatever. Okay. But like, it's Spain. Come on, come on. I'm expecting like 24 hour, 24. 7 access to Gambas. Come on. Prawns, pilfers. All, all night, all day, like that. It's Spain. Yeah. No, no, Kitchen's closed. I said, okay, listen, dude, like we're, we have a situation here because I, I'm. And I was like, I eat a banana or anything? No, kitchen's closed.
- [17:39]
B
It's an unsleepable hunger.
- [17:41]
A
It's an unsleepable hunger. Vogue you. This. You speak from a woman who knows what it feels to be ravished. It's an unspeakable.
- [17:48]
B
I'm ravished. Every four hours. I become ravaged. To be honest.
- [17:56]
A
It'S non stop ravishing here. And I was like, you're not even gonna. You're not even gonna throw me a bit of an orange from the kitchen.
- [18:06]
B
The last time you needed him back?
- [18:08]
A
The racist. The racist hate crime that I suffered when I first arrived in London.
- [18:12]
B
I'd say you stepped up and on and out.
- [18:15]
A
I screamed top of the morning to you when I bashed into him when he bashed into me at the train station. And I was like, oh, my God. It was the. My first victim. I was victim of racist take on. Anyway, your mom was like, no. Computer says no. So I was like, obviously. I'd had a couple of drinks on the plane, so I was like, I'm shacking into a different hotel. So I went. I went to. Went to another hotel, lived my best life, checked into a different hotel, ate room service till 5am, thrilled with myself. 3 money at the problem.
- [18:45]
B
Now rooms. What did you get from the room service? How good was it?
- [18:48]
A
It was delicious. Now it wasn't. It wasn't. In a sober, lighter day, it was a. It was. It was not a commercially viable decision, which is on. My accountant and me are talking a lot about what's commercially viable.
- [19:03]
B
You wouldn't just go. You would go to a takeaway.
- [19:08]
A
We're doing a lot of work on commercially viable decisions. So someone messaged me this today. Then he was like, would you not have got UberEats? I was like, oh, my God. It never even occurred to me. Instead, I just bought another hotel room like a idiot. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm in the red now. Basically, I'm. I'm losing my balls in Barcelona. But hey, who cares? I have no kids.
- [19:32]
B
She's not making a cent in person. Do you know what?
- [19:34]
A
Oh, God. Not making a sense.
- [19:37]
B
Well, sometimes it's worth it just for the travel experience. When I used to do this travel show, I didn't make a bloody penny because I used to go anywhere. I went, I'd buy myself an outfit and that was it. That was my. My fee was Gone.
- [19:48]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [19:49]
B
It doesn't even matter because I got to see Seattle.
- [19:51]
A
Exactly. Exactly. That's what I. That's the way I look at it as well. I'm like, you're getting paid to travel around. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's an honor and a privilege. But I'll tell you this. The hotel I went to, it's. It's a swanky hotel. Okay? It's a five star hotel. And I actually stayed in one of them, a different one before. And you know, I always wanted.
- [20:09]
B
Did you take yourself to the W?
- [20:11]
C
She's out in you there.
- [20:13]
B
She took herself to the W for a fucking sandwich.
- [20:16]
A
I did, I did, I did.
- [20:22]
B
I recognize the view because I've seen it on people.
- [20:24]
A
I did. Yeah. Do you know what I'd always wanted to see? What? It was like the spot, the one in Barcelona. Yeah, look, I did, I did. Yeah. I did.
- [20:32]
C
You see the moment that she considered lying and saying.
- [20:35]
A
I was like, what are you talking about? It's the Travel Lodge down at the pier.
- [20:39]
B
As Joanne started treating herself again. You love. I have no children.
- [20:43]
A
As I said to my mother, I have no children. And she says, you also have no pension, Joanne. But I say, I have no children. If I can't.
- [20:48]
B
Saving yourself. I'll tell you. I'll text you what those kids cost me a year and you won't even give a. You might book another night in the.
- [20:54]
A
W. Gas, though, like, so. But it's so funny that the way your br. The brain works around saving and cost of costs and all that. I was in Edinburgh airport on the floor ripping all my, like, suitcase apart to save myself £13 because my back was over the limit. So I, like, I was pulling out like runners and everything. And like, I boarded the plane with like, cute, you know, like trout trousers and everything for my suitcase and then arrived in Barcelona after a couple of drinks. I was like, take me to the W, please.
- [21:27]
B
I'm sorry. Hunger. Hunger turns you into a different person. Not a great person. You're. You're not yourself. It's. You weren't in your right mind.
- [21:36]
A
All rules are out the window. All talk, all accountancy check gone out of my head. Everything. I was like, I need to be fed. And yeah, and I went and I went. And you know what I will say about the. Wow. I'm sorry now because it's a. It's certainly not worth while. They're.
- [21:55]
B
Wolverine.
- [21:55]
A
Charlotte, did you get that?
- [21:58]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Understood it. Yeah. We Won't be going there.
- [22:02]
A
Well, no, we won't be going there.
- [22:05]
B
And you won't be getting any discounts in the W when they hear that.
- [22:08]
A
Hey, do you know what I mean?
- [22:10]
B
I. I just like to say to the W, particularly the one in Ibiza. I am. That's Joanne. We're not a duo. We're not a duo. So, like, I'm out my own here. Okay? She doesn't even go there. I'll go. I'll go.
- [22:23]
A
She doesn't even go here.
- [22:24]
B
She's unappreciative.
- [22:26]
A
People are going to think I'm a wanker neighbor. I was so. I was just. I was hangry, as they'd say, and I couldn't believe your mind. This hotel, this hotel now in the hotel where I belong, trying to starve me to death. I went off. I was treating myself to W. Listen, I'm my own screensaver. I'm on a dream old.
- [22:42]
B
You drag yourself back to the old hotel.
- [22:45]
A
Yeah, I can't stay in the W.
- [22:47]
B
With your tail between your legs.
- [22:51]
A
My fed tail. My fed and watered tail.
- [22:57]
B
Did you go to the shop first and bring your own bananas up there, would you?
- [23:02]
A
I looked at my budget. I budget now. We're budgeting. I'm a budget. I'm a budget now. So now so.
- [23:07]
B
She won't even touch the bloody water. She's gone and bought her out and bought her out in the shop.
- [23:12]
A
There'll be nothing eaten or drank. And now again, for the rest of the Barcelona trip. And Garoud will be sleeping on the streets.
- [23:18]
B
Fair enough. Fair enough.
- [23:19]
A
Stick around. Sorry, I blew the budget at the W. So you're sleeping in with me. If you can't treat yourself, who can you treat? Do I do. I do have a little regret over not just ordering new breaths, but there you go. It's okay.
- [23:43]
B
Speaking of us not being a duo, someone mailed me and they were like, my girls are loving your show. They've had the meet and greet and they're looking forward to the second half. And I thought, I'm not her. Why does everyone.
- [23:56]
A
What?
- [23:57]
B
Somebody was at your show? The mother obviously was like, they're having a fantastic time. I'll tell you what, I'll mail her. And then I got the mail. I was like, wow. Well, I'm glad they're enjoying themselves.
- [24:07]
A
I don't know who show they were at because I wasn't doing meet and greets, so I don't know where they. I don't know who show that one.
- [24:13]
B
Was that don't lie. You've started them in Barcelona to try and recoup some cash.
- [24:20]
A
They're obviously at some other show. I think Carrie Catone and Katie Price are doing shows at the moment. They weren't a mine. I don't do meet and greets. I don't do meet and greets.
- [24:29]
B
She's like Avril Lavigne when she meets fans.
- [24:31]
A
Remember that? So funny. One of the funniest things I've ever. They work like, covet photos. Photos where like, you're not allowed to touch anyone.
- [24:38]
B
Sorry, I'd rather, I'd rather her than Chris Brown. I saw a picture of him and he's like, there's a woman who's. First of all, who, who is going to a Chris, Come on. Who's going to his concert? Like, seriously, I just, I cannot understand. And particularly as a woman and so many women. I know, but that's another matter. But there was someone there at the meet and greet and in fairness, he puts a lot into them. And she was pregnant and he had, he was behind her and had his hands on her pregnant belly. I was like, oh, that's so personal.
- [25:05]
A
That's the least I've seen. Women, like gyrating on him and stuff.
- [25:09]
B
Jesus Christ.
- [25:10]
A
I know. He's in Betsy. He hit Rihanna.
- [25:15]
B
But like, there's another thing. There's been other things though. And like, when did you ever see those tick tocks of people going and asking women who are going to the shows, like, do you not like, do you know all this stuff that he's done? And they're like, yeah, but like, that was years ago. It's like, no, I saw that.
- [25:32]
A
Yeah, I know. It's like, he, he hasn't murdered anyone in ages. Yeah, what's the big deal?
- [25:38]
B
Yeah, why are we bringing out this documentary on Fair Dress? That was years ago. It's not his fault anymore.
- [25:43]
A
Yeah, it's been three years since he kicked the out of a woman. Come on, let's all move on.
- [25:48]
B
Anyway, I want to talk about the homework for the week, which sounds terrible. We'll have to come up with another name. But you said you'd watch the catfish fish documentary. And I watched it as my homework. And a spoiler alert for anybody.
- [26:02]
A
Massive spoiler alert. Because Kaylee Trapp aged us recently for. She was. She did some video about us spoiling something, some other story that we spoiled. And we're spoilers. Okay? So we're aware we're spoilers. So we're.
- [26:15]
B
We've warned.
- [26:16]
A
This is a big spoiler alert. Nino, Nino, Nino. Clax and Claxton. Emergency, emergency. Exclamation point. Skip, skip. Okay. Anyway, that was safe. Go. It was the mother.
- [26:31]
C
Oh, there we go.
- [26:33]
A
I just.
- [26:36]
B
I was in deep because I had read the story and Joanne was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know who it is. And then I was watching the show, and it's basically about this young girl in school, in high school, and she's getting trolled for. I think it ended up being 22 months by somebody and no one could figure out who it was.
- [26:55]
A
And her young boyfriend.
- [26:56]
B
Yeah, and her young boyfriend. And as the show was going on, I was like, oh, I. I thought it was the mom, but. But it couldn't possibly be the mother with the stuff that she was saying. She was telling her daughter to kill herself to commit suicide. And then she was saying sexual things, like about the boyfriend, like, he only likes BJ's, and like stuff about sticking fingers in. Like, it was so up and it is crazy in the end. But I was trying to break it down because Benny, who I watched it with, had no interest in doing a breakdown. Deep dive after it with me. And I was like, well, fine, you. I'll talk to Joanne and the listeners.
- [27:35]
A
Yeah.
- [27:36]
B
So there is Joe. Joe's like, he's in his camp. Yeah. And anyone who actually.
- [27:44]
A
It was the mother, Joe. It was the mother. Just joke in case you were planning on doing it. Yeah, it was the mother.
- [27:49]
B
Don't bother because you didn't do your homework. Tough luck. Here's my take on it. I actually do think that the mother fancied the daughter's son. I do.
- [27:59]
A
I think the daughter's part about daughters.
- [28:02]
B
No, the daughters. Sorry. I think that the mother did fancy the daughter's boyfriend because when you think of all the explicit messages and why she would be saying all those things to her daughter, it was like she was really jealous of her and the relationship. And it was just a. Bizarre because it was like she was. She was spending eight hours a day on it. Sometimes she was pretending to go to work and she'd lost her job and all she was doing was at home texting.
- [28:25]
A
Unknown number, the high school catfish. Unknown number.
- [28:28]
B
I know. I have to say, I was given a spoiler from just reading the paper, just going about my daily life. At least if you read an article on the show itself, then it's like, oh, spoiler. If you haven't watched it. But when you're reading the paper and it's like, bam. It just tells you this mother was trolling her daughter. How do you even. How do you even start something like that?
- [28:45]
A
Because she has. She's got the munch.
- [28:48]
B
I was thinking it was the munchie or something weird.
- [28:50]
A
She's got the munch. She's got the munch by proxy. She's got the Munchausen syndrome, that it's. I think she's attracted to the drama. She's obviously mentally unwell. She definitely had a crush on her daughter's boyfriend because even the boyfriend said so.
- [29:02]
B
You agreed with that?
- [29:03]
A
Well, he said it. His name's Owen. He said it himself. He said she was always just a little too attentive. It was just always a bit too much, you know.
- [29:12]
B
But what I was really jealous of the daughter's life as well. But she wanted to keep the daughter close. But the fact that she was even on the show and sitting there and.
- [29:21]
A
Like, it was wild. And she was telling the daughter as the troll because she was scrambling her numbers and all. They couldn't find another telling her to kill herself and everything like this, you know, like it's. It's ultimate. It's completely bizarre. She did prison time. The daughter now is back living with.
- [29:35]
B
Her, which I found because I thought that she wasn't allowed to see her still.
- [29:40]
A
Oh, hold on, let me Google. Because.
- [29:42]
B
Because the thing about it is I kind of get that as the daughter because like her mom's not dead and it's your mom. Like I. I'd probably forgive my mom as well. Like, I would. I'd say, Sandra, what the hell I'd say.
- [29:58]
A
I mean, I'm always slagging Pat, saying I'm. I'm pretty sure she's running our tattle thread.
- [30:05]
B
She is. I agree on her burner that she.
- [30:09]
A
Won'T give me the details for. Do you know what I mean? She. She'll do part to do something. Like she. If. Because if she wanted me to do something, you know, now the way she always wants me to wear more a line skirts and stuff, that'd be. That'll be her.
- [30:21]
B
She'd be.
- [30:21]
A
Set up an account. Poosh Mac noodle. I'd be like, God, I wish she'd wear. Yeah, more a line.
- [30:28]
B
She looks.
- [30:28]
A
She looks terrible in those short skirts. She needs to wear more floor length gowns. That'd be part trying to get stuff across the line.
- [30:34]
B
Watch the catfish. If you haven't watched it, you have to watch it.
- [30:38]
A
What I found interesting was because obviously when police arrest people, especially in the States, I assume it's everywhere. They have the body cam so you're watching the whole thing happen. But the daughter. Now I found the daughter, she was. She's quite a quiet girl. She's quite meek, she's quite reserved. She's not, you know, she's quiet, I would say.
- [30:58]
B
Reminded me a lot of myself. I agree.
- [31:00]
A
Very demure, very like yourself. Very like yourself. And she didn't have huge reactions to anything throughout the documentary at all, really. Now, obviously she's kind of processed it herself, but when they, when they showed us the recording of the police arriving to the door and basically outing the mother for trolling her own daughter and her daughter's boyfriend for 22 months and violent trolling, like awful trolling. Yeah, the daughter just like kind of just took it on that she just rolled with the punches. She didn't seem.
- [31:33]
B
I feel like they, I feel like they kind of didn't explain it to her properly though, because when they were saying it, it was like, are you saying she's done it? Like for a second I was like, are they saying she's doing it or not? And then when the daughter came in, I was like, I don't feel like they told her properly or something. But then even when the dad came back, she kind of didn't really react either. But maybe she was shocked.
- [31:52]
A
And then the dad was like, you need to move out just for a little bit to the wife.
- [31:56]
B
And I said, oh no, the dad dumped her.
- [31:58]
A
Yeah, I want to. You mean she's, she's sending sex to like she's sexting a 14 year old boy. You know, there's flags. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not great for the old marriage.
- [32:11]
B
She's lying about having a job. I think that she was a compulsive liar as well. She was just, she's a really, really odd person. Well, I think it's a little like you were in sex and you're.
- [32:20]
A
No, I wasn't a 15 year old.
- [32:23]
B
So you can lie about whatever the you want.
- [32:25]
A
Thank you for clearing. Thank you for clearing that up. I lied to. I go into college every day. But I mean, whatever. You know, a lot of the talk around, there's a lot of articles now coming out about it. They're talking about the fact that a lot of mothers are jealous of their daughters and it's not spoken about and that that's where it came from. She was jealous of her daughter who had this kind of nice life. She was a very attractive young girl and her boyfriend was kind of like they were Like a cool couple. You know, they were kind of like the cool, hot couple of the school and. And that the mother was actually jealous of her, but look. But also mad about her and was like ringing her every day from prison and everything. Anyway, I don't know. You think Patton, we think we've. I think. Do you know what? Vogue, it just makes us great.
- [33:09]
B
Yeah, well, that's because they definitely aren't jealous of us. They're quite the opposite.
- [33:13]
A
Pandra. Yeah, Pandra, that's their. That's their collaborative name.
- [33:17]
B
They look at our lives and think, not for me.
- [33:19]
A
Yeah. Yes. Jerome McGly coming from Barcelona. Vogue Williams coming from.
- [33:28]
B
Coming a lot of times. But. Well, all right. We've had to.
- [33:36]
A
For Jesus Christ.
- [33:44]
B
Another thing I saw in the papers and I know that you haven't seen it yet, and I want you to Google him right now. Right. There is a new saint on the block. He is a young.
- [33:56]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [33:57]
B
Did you see any of it?
- [33:58]
A
I didn't. I just. I. General osmosis. I know what you're talking about, but I haven't. I don't know the deeds. What's his name? Saint Wash.
- [34:05]
B
He was. He used to be a team gamer as an Italian teenager who grew up.
- [34:11]
A
In the UK and died leukemia at age 15. That is so sad.
- [34:16]
B
He's going to be the first millennial saints. This is happening on Sunday. Carlos Acutus. Don't know why that was so I.
- [34:24]
A
Was gonna say, are we still sainting people? That feels very old school.
- [34:28]
B
Still saying to people. And I was like, what has he been doing to be saintly? Because you have to have, like, perform. Perform certain miracles. But his body anyway, has been on display. And so this boy died in 2006. He was exhumed after something like 16, 17 years. He was exhumed. And look at Joe. His hair is nicer than yours. Go and look at his body.
- [34:54]
C
Well, could very well be.
- [34:55]
A
I did say to you, firstly, gamers, notoriously, are indoor people. Okay? So if he has no direct sunlight, he's nowhere. You know what I mean? There's no sun damage. Remember I said to you that the sun turns your hair.
- [35:08]
B
He's been underground for 17 years.
- [35:10]
A
Exactly, exactly. No sun damage.
- [35:15]
B
No.
- [35:15]
A
You're nowhere safer than in the ground. Vogue. It's the only way. It's the only way. It's the only place the UV rays can't get you.
- [35:23]
B
We'll go to Joanne's. We'll go to Joanne's house and she'll be digging holes in her plants for herself. I. But here. Okay, so I have to give you. So basically now his hair looks great and everything like that, but now his body was preserved in a wax. And I think what the Catholic Church are trying to do is to get more millennials on board with their practices, and that's why they're getting this young saint in. But supposedly he performed two miracles and helped people that were going to die by them going and praying on his body. Listen, who are we to.
- [35:53]
A
I was going to say, were the miracles that he Accessed like Level 7 of Mario Kart or something? What miracles was a game we're carrying out.
- [36:02]
B
Well, he completed it. He completed Mario Kart, which hasn't been done before, and so now he is a saint.
- [36:07]
A
This is the bang of trying to stay relevant off this from the Catholic Church is pathetic.
- [36:13]
B
Well, his mom says that he didn't do anything that, like, young kids would do. He only did, like, nice, kind, saintly things. I think she's trying to hide the fact that he was a gamer. I don't know why. It just doesn't feel.
- [36:25]
A
God love him.
- [36:26]
B
Saint Y set to be canonized by.
- [36:28]
A
The Catholic Church at the end of April. First millennial to become a saint. I mean, next thing, the Vatican are going to be doing the apple dance and all this. It's. You know what? You know what I mean. They're gonna be hanging out with Charlie xcx, having a brat summer. Even though that's all over. They're like, they'll be lip sync into that's been and gone.
- [36:50]
B
The clergy are gonna go to one of your shows just to show that they're on board.
- [36:54]
A
Yeah, we're pinot girlies. No, you're not. You're pedophile's. I'll be like, it's pedophile, not pedophile. Get out.
- [37:05]
B
But isn't that mad? I just thought, like, I know it's great that he's going to be a saint for him and his family and stuff like that, but I just thought his. His exhumed body looks just. I just couldn't believe my eyes.
- [37:14]
A
I'm still scrolling here, and I hope you don't sound insensitive because it's. It's obviously very tragic he died so young. But, like, I'm still. I am still strolling down looking for him.
- [37:25]
B
I'll tell you who's not happy about it. Saint Francis of Assisi. He's like, what the is he doing on my turf? Loads of people used to flock to see St. Francis of Assisi. And now they don't even bother. They just go to your man.
- [37:35]
A
He. They're calling him God's influencer. Wow. Oh my God. This article agrees with me. Church moves too slowly to ever be hip. There will always be a bit of that hello, fellow kids energy. There's also genuine religiosity. Religious. Religious. Apparently the young, the young children, the youngsters are getting back into Jesus. Have we discussed this? Everyone's walking with Jesus now. Everyone's got their steps in with Jesus. This is all the bios now. A lot of the influencers, they're walking with Christ. They're walking with Jesus. Don't know where they're going. They're off. Anyway, congratulations to the young. To God's influencer.
- [38:15]
B
I think that's something nice for. For his parents at least. And as you said, it's gonna. It's gonna bring. People are loving God, you say the pressure.
- [38:24]
A
I. I just hope I don't do anything else. That's good. Because the pressure of knowing when I'm dead, potentially be dug up again. Like it's hard enough trying to stay on top of my grooming when I'm alive, let alone the pressure of thinking they're gonna come back to me in 15 years time.
- [38:39]
B
Fret not, my friend. You will not be. You will not be made as saved.
- [38:46]
A
If I go before you Vogue, just know that I want an extra layer of bare boy Vogue extra dark just to keep me going.
- [38:53]
B
I'll wax you. I'll put the wax on you. That's the way to go. Why aren't they doing that to all of us?
- [38:56]
A
Please, please do make sure and get the little chin hairs, okay? Just in case I end up coming back up. Because when they realize how sound I am after I die, when I'm post humorously decided to be sound, it's.
- [39:09]
B
It's always the way, isn't it? You never know what you've got until it's gone. Huh? Hi, everyone.
- [39:16]
A
So wise. Where'd you come up that yourself?
- [39:19]
B
I did, actually. It's one of the many things I've come up with.
- [39:22]
A
You should write that down. You should coin that. You should.
- [39:24]
B
Oh, I have.
- [39:25]
A
You should know. You should paint us.
- [39:26]
B
Hey, do you want to. Life's a. Then you die, you know? Huh?
- [39:29]
A
Stop that. That's a mic drop moment there.
- [39:33]
C
You should have that on your kitchen wall.
- [39:34]
A
You should put that in a song. Vogue. Hold on.
- [39:36]
B
That's. That's my live laugh, love. Thank you so much for listening before we get cut off yet again. We're gonna say goodbye. Joe. I'm sorry.
- [39:53]
A
I'm going to Bournemouth. If anyone's around, I'm around. That's all. Just born with this. Bournemouth and. And. And Plymouth. Plymouth. They kept changing the venue and we didn't think it was gonna happen nowadays, so of course I didn't try and sell it, blah, blah, blah.
- [40:06]
B
But she loves Plymouth. She was talking about the other day, she can't wait to come and see.
- [40:10]
A
What make it onto the Vatican. It's got an extensive email list.