Podcast Summary

My Therapist Ghosted Me

Episode: THE COLDPLAY KISS CAM SCANDAL! Day 2 of the 12 Laughs of Christmas – Shouldn't Laugh But... Laura Smyth & Carmen Butcher
Hosts: Vogue Williams & Joanne McNally
Guests: Laura Smyth & Carmen Butcher
Date: December 25, 2025

Overview

In this Christmas Day special, Vogue, Joanne, Laura Smyth, and Carmen Butcher provide an uproarious breakdown of holiday traditions, bicker about cheese boards, reminisce about Christmas songs, and—most crucially—dissect the viral Coldplay Kiss Cam scandal for which the episode is playfully titled. Laughter, honest (if unqualified) advice, and cheeky irreverence abound as the group weaves festive banter with the juiciest viral moment of the year, inviting listeners to relish in Christmas gossip and comedic camaraderie.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Festive Traditions and Food (00:15–08:48)

• Christmas Music and Nostalgia:
  The hosts and guests debate their top Christmas songs, expressing love for classics like “Fairytale of New York,” "Feliz Navidad," and Boney M ("Mary’s Boy Child").

  • Laura on “Fairytale of New York”:
    “Oh, number one. Even with the homophobic slurp... They don’t mean it.” (00:52)
  • The conversation takes playful detours, including a rant about Chris Rea’s “Driving Home for Christmas” becoming the soundtrack of repeated forgotten items on a family car trip (02:22-03:11).

• Christmas Breakfast and Secret Santa:
  Traditions are described with comedic envy and confusion—stockings, scrambled eggs, smoked salmon, fizz, and the universally botched family Secret Santa scheme (03:26-04:43).

  • Carmen quips:
    “The Christmas I get is the Christmas I deserve.” (03:56)
  • Secret Santa is universally panned:
    “Secret Santa does not work in a family.” (04:43)

• Presents & Couples:
  The group discusses how, in couples, gifting often fizzles out due to “I do everything already” logic, agreeing on prioritizing birthdays over Christmas and a fondness for sentimental gestures rather than big spending (05:01-06:03).

• Board Games and Family Antics:
  Monopoly gets a shoutout—“That boy is going to be rich... loves taking people’s money”—against a backdrop of cheese boards and board games (06:45-07:07).

• Cheese Boards & Bodily Functions:
  An extended, outrageous debate on cheese board accoutrements ("Mozzarella is dead to me since burrata came along"), digestive risks of pickled onions, and the inevitable farts that ensue.

  • Joanne, tongue-in-cheek:
    “We are going to shit through the eye of a needle.” (07:16)

The Coldplay Kiss Cam Scandal (09:02–17:05)

The Viral Moment Introduction (09:02–10:41)

• The segment opens with a game of charades, serving as a hilarious lead-in to the “Coldplay Kiss Cam” viral debacle.
  • The reveal: “Coldplay, you dumb bitch. I knew it!” (10:23, Laura)

Dissecting the Kiss Cam Scandal (10:41–16:13)

• Why It Went Viral:
  The event is compared to the impact of breaking news, with hosts saying their phones “blew up as if Princess Di died.” (11:09)

• Analysis:

  • The problem wasn’t the on-camera cuddle and kiss—it was the panicked “throw away” reaction of the couple, which made it clear something illicit was happening:
    • “If they’d just brazened it out, it could’ve been innocent. He threw that woman like a sack of Santa’s presents... that gave us the knowledge they were on naughtiness.” (11:22, Laura)
  • Carmen’s infamous pun:
    “It’s proof that affairs can’t fix you—they’ll only make you yellow.” (12:12, Carmen)

• Aftermath & Social Frenzy:

  • Discussion of statements (real or fake) from those involved, speculation about their partners, and the social media explosion, with puns and memes galore.
  • The fact the couple were CEOs made it fair game for “comedic feeding frenzy.”
    • “It was like the submarine that sunk—it was like, they’re billionaires, so we can’t help. The first rule of comedy is don’t punch down... it was open day at the zoo; we could just do what we liked.” (13:58, Laura)

• Internet Memes and the World United:

  • Memes, mascot reenactments, and internet “winning the day” are celebrated:
    • “It was so fun. The best bit as well was when mascots started doing it. It was like the world came together.” (14:25, Vogue)

• Signature Moments:

  • The panel references Carmen’s “sniffing fingers” metaphor as the ultimate tell:
    • “It was the human equivalent of sniffing your fingers—’cause you don’t need to know what happened before. If you’re sniffing your fingers, something shit’s happened before.” (15:07, Laura)
  • The lasting joy:
    “Sometimes CEOs getting divorced and getting caught having affairs is just enough, like the office gossip we all need to sustain us.” (17:12, Laura)

Chris Martin & Reflections (16:40–17:12)

• Amused reflection about how Coldplay’s Chris Martin is now forever linked to the scandal and how he’d react if he discovered the affair.
  • “I don’t know if there’s a worse person to discover an affair, like, because he’s so worthy.” (16:51, Carmen)

Community & Listener Engagement (17:12–19:19)

• The hosts encourage listeners to keep sending in their own Christmas drama and juicy stories, loving the sense of solidarity and crowd-sourced gossip.
  • “We want your gossip as well. Keep writing in!... Was there a thong wrapped up for an old aunt instead of a Werther’s Original?” (17:12, Laura)
• Tribute to George Michael on the anniversary of his death, blending nostalgia with laughter.
  • “Did you give someone your heart—and the very next day, they gave it away? RIP George.” (18:15-18:16)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We are going to shit through the eye of a needle.” – Joanne (07:16)
• “Mozzarella is dead to me since burrata came along.” – Laura (07:51)
• “Coldplay, you dumb bitch. I knew it!” – Laura (10:23)
• “If they’d just brazened it out, it could’ve been innocent. He threw that woman like a sack of Santa’s presents... that gave us the knowledge they were on naughtiness.” – Laura (11:22)
• “It’s proof that affairs can’t fix you—they’ll only make you yellow.” – Carmen (12:12)
• “The world came together. There are victimless crimes and there are victimful crimes, and this was a victimful crime. But the victims were fun to make... They were fun to be victims.” – Laura (14:37)
• “It was the human equivalent of sniffing your fingers—’cause you don’t need to know what happened before. If you’re sniffing your fingers, something shit’s happened before.” – Laura (15:07)
• “Sometimes CEOs getting divorced and getting caught having affairs is just enough, like the office gossip we all need to sustain us.” – Laura (17:12)
• “Did you give someone your heart—and the very next day, they gave it away? RIP George.” – Laura (18:15)

Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |:---|:---| | 00:15 | Christmas music and traditions banter | | 03:26 | Family Secret Santa fails | | 05:01 | Couples and the logic of present-buying | | 06:45 | Board games and cheese board chat begins | | 07:16 | Outrageous cheese-related bodily humor | | 09:02 | Launch into the Coldplay Kiss Cam viral moment | | 10:41 | Kiss Cam scandal: what really happened? | | 11:22 | The “throw away” gives it away | | 12:12 | Carmen’s “affairs can’t fix you”/Coldplay pun | | 13:58 | Why social class made the scandal meme-worthy | | 14:25 | Mascots and the global meme moment | | 15:07 | Sniffing fingers metaphor—the ultimate tell | | 16:51 | Chris Martin as the avatar of “worthiness” | | 17:12 | Crowd-sourcing Christmas gossip; office scandal joy | | 18:15 | George Michael tribute | | 19:19 | Sign-off and Christmas wishes |

Tone & Closing

The tone throughout is brash, cheeky, affectionate, and deeply British—full of festive mischief, familial chaos, and wry honesty about human nature. The Christmas Day special serves up a helping of joyful schadenfreude, affectionate ribbing, and the promise of more outsized gossip to come.

Bosch! Done.