TV Nostalgia, Crustaceans Revisited & Moving To Mars

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: My Therapist Ghosted Me

Episode: “TV Nostalgia, Crustaceans Revisited & Moving To Mars”

Released: April 10, 2026 | Hosts: Vogue Williams & Joanne McNally

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of "My Therapist Ghosted Me," Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally connect from opposite sides of the globe, with Joanne beaming in from Melbourne. The discussion zig-zags from the chaos of comedy tour schedules and Melbourne’s culinary delights, through an increasingly elaborate debate on luxury goods, nostalgia for weird children’s TV, Easter memories, the ethics of fake designer bags, and—for a final silly twist—whether they’d survive in space or on Mars. The pair’s signature blend of raw honesty, sharp one-liners, and affectionate ribbing is front and center, with special attention to tattoo regrets, crustacean art, and the baffling cost and labor of high fashion.

---

Key Discussion Points & Notable Moments

Recording Remotely: Melbourne Stories & Food Obsessions

• [00:43–02:59] Joanne checks in from Melbourne, rhapsodizing over the food (“the sandwiches, works of art”), coffee culture, and her habit of becoming a regular at one café (Juno's).
  • Quote: “If I like something, I like it. I’ll just go back and back and back again, like a radical drainpipe.” – Joanne (01:55)

Tour Trouble: Losing Track of Time (and Space)

• [03:45–07:16] Joanne admits to losing track of time during her Melbourne comedy show, accidentally going 25 minutes over (“an hour forty!”). Vogue jokingly demands penance for pushing the set past 11 pm.
  • Quote: “I would never lie to you to your face, but I will lie to you via text message.” – Joanne (06:05)
  • "You should email each of those ticket holders and say, sorry about the kerfuffle...I'm going to send you a payment link." – Vogue (08:01)

Easter: Childhood Memories & Parental Tactics

• [08:38–13:19] A blend of nostalgia and skepticism as Vogue talks through her kids’ Easter traditions, Gigi’s refusal to participate (“If I feel I'm not going to excel, I'm not doing it”), and Joanne’s memories of Easter Sundays in 1980s Ireland (“absolute carnage, chaos”).
  • Quote: “If I feel I'm not going to excel, I've no f**ing time for it.”* – Joanne (10:35)

TV Nostalgia: 2000s Reboots and Australian Weirdness

• [13:19–17:25] Vogue lists the wave of 2000s reboots: Hannah Montana, 13 Going on 30, Harry Potter, Devil Wears Prada 2, and the failed Buffy revival. The chat then devolves into love for oddball kids’ shows like "Round the Twist" and "Pug Wall."
  • Quote: “Round the Twist was this weird...child version of Black Mirror. One episode...she had fingernails all over her body.” – Joanne (15:20)

Tattoos: Impulse and Regret

• [17:25–22:29] Joanne announces plans to get her first tattoo—possibly “bliss” in a trendy font above her knee—prompting Vogue to recoil in horror and recount Spenny’s regrettable ink.
  • Quote: “Please tell me it's not just something you saw yesterday on the Internet.” — Vogue (17:35)
  • Joanne: “I saw it yesterday on the Internet.” (17:55)
  • Discussion includes joke tattoo ideas ("live laugh love" on her labia bone, "Fungi the Dolphin" chest piece).

High Fashion Absurdity & Ethics

• [22:42–29:12] The duo dissect the excesses of luxury fashion: Hermes surfboards, Dior’s shocking markup (bags produced for $57, sold for nearly $3k), and the revelation of exploitative labor practices.
  • Quote: “Sorry, that is amoral...but it is amoral.” – Joanne (23:54)
  • Vogue’s “toxic trait”: trying luxury items in shops, then hunting for them cheaper on Vinted.

Fake Bags: The Thrill of the Chase

• [29:13–31:20] Joanne reminisces about the “cartel” vibes of buying knockoff bags in New York, complete with furtive alley deals and faux tension with police (“I'm illegal but I'm legal”).
  • “Buying that bag is way more exciting than going into an actual shop...I'd rather be dragged down an alleyway.” – Joanne (30:49)

Crustacean Art & Shopping in St. Barth’s

• [24:26–25:39] Revisiting the story of Spencer’s birthday lobster—now a giant mounted shell in storage—Vogue is looking to buy another crustacean, perhaps a crab, for the collection.
  • “I am buying a crab friend for the lobster. And I’m gonna buy you crabs for your birthday.” – Vogue (25:33)

Space & Artemis 2: Why Bother?

• [32:24–36:16] The conversation shifts to space—the Artemis 2 mission, flybys of the moon, and the enduring indifference both hosts have to space tourism.
  • Space nostalgia: “Space is huge right now. It’s skinny jeans. It’s Juicy Couture...It’s happening.” – Joanne (32:24)
  • “I enjoy gravity. I just like being down here.” – Vogue (33:23)
  • They joke about opening a service station on the moon (“Apple Green”) and what they wish space smelled like.

Notable Factual Detours

• [36:16–38:17] The toilet on Artemis being blocked (confirmed by producer Joe), a callback to past urban legends about “death by falling frozen urine.”
  • “I would never want to be an astronaut. I don't want to go to space.” – Vogue (33:13)
  • “You age slower in space...Scrap everything, we're moving to Mars!” – Joanne (33:48–33:56)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:43 — Joanne in Melbourne, food obsessions
• 03:45 — Comedy tour disaster, going overtime
• 08:38 — Easter, kids’ traditions and Irish nostalgia
• 13:19 — 2000s TV nostalgia and weird kids’ TV ("Round the Twist")
• 17:25 — Tattoo plans and debates
• 22:42 — Luxury goods, price scandals, crustacean art
• 29:13 — Fake bag shopping confessionals
• 32:24 — Artemis 2 mission, space-themed tangents

---

Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If I like something, I’ll just go back and back and back again, like a radical drainpipe.” — Joanne (01:55)
• “I would never lie to you to your face, but I will lie to you via text message.” — Joanne (06:05)
• “‘If I feel I'm not going to excel, I've no f***ing time for it.’” – Joanne (10:35)
• “Please tell me it's not just something you saw yesterday on the Internet.” — Vogue (17:35)
  “I saw it yesterday on the Internet.” — Joanne (17:55)
• “Round the Twist was this weird...child version of Black Mirror. One episode...she had fingernails all over her body.” — Joanne (15:20)
• “You age slower in space...Scrap everything, we're moving to Mars!” — Joanne (33:48)

---

The Hosts' Tone & Chemistry

The episode is classic Vogue & Joanne: sharply irreverent, packed with running in-jokes, plenty of mutual mockery, and heartfelt asides. They embrace the ridiculous in everything from parenting, nostalgia, and impulse tattoos, to questionable shopping decisions and the utter futility (for them) of space travel.

---

Who Should Listen?

Fans of rambling, off-the-cuff comedy chat with no sacred cows; anyone craving adult conversation that manages to be equal parts relatable, bizarre, and insightful—with just enough insanity to make the mundane hilarious.

---

Note: All timestamps MM:SS format as per transcript. Ads/intros/outros omitted for clarity.

Transcript

[A]

This is a global player original podcast. I would be fanny floatering back into the sack. I'd be done. I would never lie to you to your face, but I will lie to you via text message.

[B]

The reason for my trip to some bars is to buy another crustacean. So I have been looking at crabs. Yes.

[A]

No. I don't understand dollars. No. I work in crypto now. Scrap everything. We're moving to Mars. Joe, put it in. Put in the to dos. Put it in the to show we're off. Get first tattoo.

[B]

Please tell me it's not just something you saw yesterday on the Internet.

[A]

I saw it yesterday on the Internet.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Hello and welcome to. My therapist ghosted me. This is probably the furthest apart we've ever recorded. Jan is in Melbourne.

[A]

Melbourne. Melbourne.

[B]

Melbourne.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Melbourne with the bricky.

[A]

I say fogy. Fogy. Now, I can't bear an abbreviation of breakfast when I say, joe, have you ever been to Melbourne?

[C]

I have only ever been to Sydney, Australia. Never Melbourne.

[A]

Oh, God.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Sydney, Stoney. Sydney.

[C]

The people of Sydney.

[A]

So mainstream. It's all about Melbourne, the food. Like, when I. I remember the first time I went to America, I thought I was going to be like, the food was going to be off the charts, and it wasn't. It was just normal food. Like, normal, regular food. The food, no offense, The Americans, obviously. Dramacly.com Full tour, September, October.

[B]

But

[A]

the food in Melbourne is off. Vote. You remember it. The sandwiches, works of art. Like, I cannot get over it. It is insane. The food is.

[B]

Coffee is shocking. It's so good. I just don't understand.

[A]

There's a lot of talk about the coffee. Now, I'll be honest. I. I like it. I like an aera. I like to just power through my. My. I like a Dried Nest Cafe. So the coffee's kind of wasted on me, but there's a. There's a restaurant down the road because. Because I. Because of the way I operate. And like, loads people are the same. If I like something, I like it. I'll just go back and back and back again and again and again, like a. Like a radical drain pipe. And there's a restaurant that I went to originally called Juno's. So I've now been back to Juno's every day for the last 4.5 days. And it is.

[B]

Why, if it's not. If it's not broken, don't fix it.

[A]

I go in, I'm like, hey, Helen. Hey, Dan. I'm in.

[B]

Remember, you did that. You did that in the. In In South Africa as well. I just feel like if you find somewhere. Good now, maybe not to the intensity that you do, but I assume you're working your way through the menu. I assume there has been more than a chicken sal, just.

[A]

No, no, no, no. Poach, chicken, Asian greens and. And a GM martini every day. Poach, chicken, Asian greens. Helen. Hi, Alan.

[B]

O. A gin martini. Is that that disgusting drink that's usually got vodka and the olives in it and then it's. Now it's gin. I die if I had to drink one of them folk.

[A]

Just because. Just because you don't have a developed palate.

[B]

Joanne, that is like putting petrol on a tongue. I have never. It's like.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You could light them and it would go up.

[A]

Yeah. I want to drink a Joe Malone triple with candle. I want to feel the burn.

[B]

Oh, God. Do you know what? That's probably why you're never sick. There's no way anything is getting inside that throat of yours.

[A]

Because I'm always sick. Yeah, exactly. So I'm never sick because I'm all. Exactly. I have no tonsils. I shrank them. I burnt them off. It's gas. It's hilarious. Yeah.

[B]

So what else have you been doing in Melbourne?

[A]

Well, the tour started today. Also, can I just say, I did that thing that I tend to do where I forget that I'm actually, I have a job that I have to sell tickets and I just rock out to Australia and I'm like chilling by the pool, drinking my little glasses of petrol and then, and then Alana the promoter text me going, you know, you still have like 400 tickets to sell in Australia. I was like, I totally forgot. Sydney, Perth, Extra dates, Additionals Websites dramaclide. Com. I went to the first. The opening night of the Aussie tour tonight in Melbourne in the Comedy Theatre. Now the clock, the clock broke on the. Sorry, Juwan. In the words of David Beckham, be honest. The clock didn't break. I just stopped looking at it.

[B]

You broke.

[A]

Guess how long?

[B]

Hour 40.

[A]

How the did you know that?

[B]

Because I can guess. I can guess where you'll go to. I just, I honestly know you so well now that I'm, I could just. I just know because you'd probably.

[A]

You'll.

[B]

You, bro, you wouldn't be able to do more than an hour 40 because you wouldn't. Well, you probably would

[A]

an hour. I can't. So I, I, I, I lost track of the clock and then I wasn't sure and that just didn't make any sense to Me anymore. So I just stopped looking at it.

[B]

Hang on. Did you tell us a lie? Did you then tell.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I've just realized,

[A]

yeah, I did tell you, but I'm going to correct it now. I had to tell you a lie. I had to tell you a lie about.

[C]

Hang on, Just for context, I'll just read the message. Because she said, oh, I've just come off stage. She said, I'm sorry, the whole festival is running over.

[B]

And then she tries to come on here and say, the clock broke. She tried to blame the clock. Nice.

[A]

It was. I, I, I ran over. I ran over. And I'm saying that now because I'm looking you in the eye and I would never lie to you to your face, but I will lie to you via text message. But I ran over an hour and 40. I came off stage, I could sense an unease in the room and I was like, what's going on? And then Alana, my so bone or the promoter, I'm with her partner Joel, he's really, really, really tall. And I saw him get up and leave and I was like, excuse me, Joe, rude. But Ilana, tell me after. She's like our babysitter, Ryan, going, like, I have to go home. Like I'm. I have my own kids to raise. Joe was like, I have to leave. Came on stage. Kylie, my tour manager, who a Vogue, you know, because she was our tour manager. Yeah, she was like an hour for. Hold on, can I do the Aussie accent? An hour, babe, you did an hour 40?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And everyone's looking at me going, because I'm the last. Because I'm the last show in the venue. I'm. I do have a little bit of wiggle room. Anyway, a huge apology to everyone, for context.

[C]

How long was it?

[B]

Sorry, hang on a second. An hour? No, no, you usually do an hour 15. You did an hour 15 when I was there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I think is perfect.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

I also think giving people an hour 40, I don't think it's something to apologize for. You say, you know, you're welcome. That was your tip.

[A]

So, yeah, it's, it's a funny one. Like, if I was in the audience, I'd be fuming.

[B]

Well, Joanne, if I was you, I lost control.

[A]

I lost control of time and space. I lost control and I'm sorry, but I had a ball also for.

[C]

You were coming off stage then that meant at 11pm so we're recording this after your show. It is now quarter to midnight in Melbourne. So you.

[A]

Yeah, people, Melbourne, it's been. It's Melbourne, Joe, Just so you don't make a shower yourself.

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

Melbourne. Yeah, it's Melbourne. It's okay. No, it's okay.

[B]

Can you imagine how furious I'd be if I was sitting there and a show went on till 11 o' clock at night? I'd be like, who the does this person think they are?

[A]

Let's not. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Focus. Let's not pretend. You would sit there, you would have the engine running. Yeah. At the front, G2, beyond the E scooter, and you'd be gone.

[B]

I'd only have seen 40 minutes. Do you know what you should do, though? Because I think people should be grateful because you flew to Australia. What you should do is you should, you should, you should.

[A]

Charity job, basically. I'm not out here in. For the good of my health, I'm out here to donate my services to Australia for free.

[B]

Yeah. But you should email each of those ticket holders and say, sorry about the kerfuffle there, but I did stay on stage an extra 40 minutes. So if you wouldn't mind, I'm going to send you a payment link.

[A]

For an additional $40, I'll do a Vogue apology or email album and be like, sorry that I did an amazing thing for you and I will wait to see your feedback. What you say to me in a positive format.

[B]

I would like. I would like a few more bob, please. Thank you very much.

[A]

Anyway, look, lessons have been learned. Tomorrow night the clock will be working. And I won't. I won't lose the world of myself in the same way.

[B]

That bloody clock. That bloody clock. Honestly, come here to me. I want to talk about Easter. Easter's turning into a thing again.

[A]

I think I've. Now, I've no time for it.

[B]

I. I'm kind of getting more and more into Easter. Spenny was talking to these people we were down at the hotel the other day talking to him. He goes, what even is Easter? Like? I. I know there's Santa Claus, but what about the Easter bunny? And they were Catholics. And they were like, not again.

[A]

He. Sorry. He does this all you. Every Easter. Spencer asks what Easter is. I. We can't keep explaining to him.

[B]

They were like, it's the resurrection of Christ. And he was like, oh, so there's actually something behind it. Well, where did the bunny come from? And I'm like, well, where the did Santa come from? I was like, spinning. The bunny is just a thing. But we had this thing in our house where, because we were over here And James and Brian, our friends, were here and their son Cosmo. And I was like, are we doing the Easter Bunny? Is the Easter Bunny? Like, is that a thing for kids now? Cuz, like, obviously every. All the other things make sense. But I was like, I just. I remember growing up and thinking there was an Easter Bunny, this giant, massive bunny with like, really sharp teeth who was going to scare me. Yellow eyes and stuff. He was coming, dropping off X.

[A]

It sounds like Daniel, like some Donnie Dark. Donnie Darko. Do you remember him?

[B]

Yeah, that's kind of what I. But like, bigger, bigger, more bunny body. Yeah, but like. But then I kind of was like, okay, we're doing it. I suppose that we're doing Easter. Easter's now thing. So we did do Easter and they loved. And we did the Easter egg hunt.

[A]

I know you so well. That's just you trying to get your step count in under the guise of parenting.

[B]

Oh, my God. They absolutely. No, I know you.

[A]

5aM with the Resistance bands saying, she's on. She's looking for Easter eggs. She's not. She's trying to build an arse. I know you so well.

[B]

She. She wouldn't even get involved. I was like, come on, Gigi. She was in the pool. She was like, no, I'm not doing it. I said, gigi, we're all going in. I have a little basket for you to go out and collect the eggs. She didn't want to get involved because she said she's not good at it and everybody will get more eggs than her. So she just didn't want to get involved at all.

[A]

She's a woman after my own heart. I'm the same. If I feel I'm not going to excel, I've no fucking time for it. And I have actually noticed, watching her stories recently, she is getting a little lazy. Even I've noticed that

[B]

she just sits there and colors. That's. That's what she. She does.

[A]

Yeah. She's going to be an artist. Like, just let her be.

[B]

She won't get in the pool because I won't let her wear a bikini. So every day we have bikini where. Yeah, where I bring her because she has one bikini she's allowed wear at home in the pool, which has now made itself its way down to the beach because I just couldn't handle the wars anymore because she only wants to wear a bikini. I'm like, gigi, you're five. You're wearing swimsuits. You're not just getting to wear bikinis. Because I want her Arms and stuff covered up from the sun. So we have full wars about like. And I mean that girl hold out, she's like, I'm not going swimming today and she will not go swimming.

[A]

Can she hold out folk? That's gas. I wonder where that. Wonder where she got that from? I have no idea where. Wonder where she got the stubborn mule. Stubborn mule in a bikini. Where did that aesthetic come from? That's mad. I've absolutely idea. Easter to me growing up was Lent, obviously. Huge thing. Ash Wednesday. You look like got shot in the head for 24 hours, Joe. I don't know if you do that in your land. We go and kind of roll around a priest just kind of thing dumps an ashtray in our firehead for the day. And then everyone kind of smugly walks around being like, I went to mass, I'm better than you, haha. And then Lent kicks off and obviously my mother was like, give up chocolates, give up sweets. Because it was the 80s. So your mother was like, you're fat, right? So then everyone gets the sweets and sugars. And then all my uncles and aunties, every time they visit, they bring sweets and sugars. And then we put them all in a huge biscuit tin and we save them for Lent, for. Sorry, for Easter Sunday. And Then Easter Sunday, 6am I'm down, I'm in the tin. It's feral. There's church. I had mountains of to get through before I could even get to the egg in a whisper cup. And they all came with a whisper. They came in a cup. So ate the whole 10 whole tiny. And then I vomit everywhere because I would eat like nine Turkish delights, seven whispers, couple of more bars marathons as they were called in my day, Joe. And it was just absolute carnage, chaos. It was fucking a mess. And then you start your eggs. Oh God, yeah. And then your mom would dress you up and put you in a little dress and drive it to your auntie breeds. And then you'd eat more chocolate, more sweets, and then you'd pass out at about 9pm and then you get up and you think you're allergic to pineapple because he had a piece of pineapple at about 8:30pm the night before and you got sick. And then he blamed the pineapple.

[B]

We've got a bit of nostalgia stuff going on this year. Hannah Montana 20 year reunion aired. There was also a 13 going on 30 reboot that's been announced. There's a new Harry Potter TV series that's been dropped. The Devil Wears Prada. Two is out soon. Buffy. Well, it was going to happen.

[A]

I don't know what happened there. She won. She's not happy. Sarah Michelle, I think it's.

[B]

Is it because the. I think someone died. Your man died from the cast.

[A]

Yeah, he passed away. And it was actually really sweet. She did this lovely post about the fact that he'd said to her once, it's very hard being, like, near to the limelight, but not in the limelight. And she was like, you were always in the limelight. For me, it was kind of. It was quite sad. I know, I know.

[B]

But did you see what Phoebe from Friends came in and said? She said that no one cared about her on the set of Friends. She was like, the sixth.

[A]

Yeah. He said her. Her agents were like, whatever. She just delighted to be on Friends. Like, there was no. There was no strategy for her career. But I also think it's his tale as old as time that most people on our side, like, we give out about agents. You know, we're always kind of saying they don't do anything, and they do do more than we think they do. But, yeah, Lisa Kudrow is kind of, in a way, at the moment, again, like, a massive resurgence. Her show, the Comeback, apparently, is really, really good. I think that's the third series and she's remaking Romy and Michelle. Jo, Is that right?

[B]

I loved Romy and Michelle.

[A]

I'm pretty sure they're making a reboot of that.

[B]

Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.

[A]

Yeah, I'm pre. I'm pretty sure.

[B]

Do you know what I'd love? I'd love another Clueless. Imagine we got a Clueless two. Or a Full House. Or remember Full House.

[A]

Do you know what I would love?

[B]

What? Say the Last Dance.

[A]

Pug Wall or Around the Twist.

[B]

Oh, around the Twist was so good, wasn't it?

[A]

Have you ever, ever felt like this? When strange things happen and you go around the twist? Joe, you're too young for this.

[C]

I think I am, yeah.

[A]

Round the Twist was this weird. It was like a. It's like a child version of Black Mirror. I remember one episode there, one of the girls, she wouldn't take her clothes off in the gym. And then it turned out she'd fingernails all over her body.

[B]

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, I remember. It was such a weird show.

[A]

It was.

[B]

It was.

[A]

It was dark. It was like. It was Black Mirror. It was like a dystopian foot for. It was a dystopian TV show for kids.

[B]

I'm loving all the Nostalgia, though I

[A]

have to say, we were more hardcore. Joe, you're triggered. We were fucking leaning in to the drama and the violence of it all.

[C]

No, we were born.

[A]

You didn't know you were born. Okay, here we go. It was an Australian show. Rain, the Twist. Australians. Children's comedy drama. Now, when I say this was so dark, like the fact that they're describing as a children's comedy drama. There was like. Kids were like. Do you remember the episode where the woman, the girl wouldn't get into the pool and then it turned out she was a mermaid. Do you remember all this?

[B]

Oh, my God, yeah. But it was so good for us, like growing up. When you're younger, you're like, fast.

[A]

It was weird. It was dark and strange. Program follows the supernatural adventures of the Twist family. Oh, yeah. They used to live in a lighthouse, Remember? Who leave their conventional residence to live in a lighthouse in the fictional coastal town of Port Noranda.

[B]

You should watch one now and tell us what it's like. I bet you it's such a load of shite.

[A]

I'll never forget the fingernails. Like it was. I'll never forget the thing she. I never forgot it. And they were growing out of her body and all. Speaking of nostalgia and such a great point folk. Hillary Duff.

[B]

I know. You know what? I have to be honest. I never really got Hilary Duff at the start. I'm not really getting her name.

[A]

Neither did I. Yeah, I wasn't.

[B]

Huge fan base, though, Hugh.

[A]

I think we're a little out. Like, we're more kind of around the Twist vibes. Whereas there's a generation below us, I would say, that are very like Disney kind of focused.

[B]

Well, that's the Hannah. That's the Hannah Montana kind of vibe. And that's. That's. That's a 20 year reunion. So we were like. Like I was 20 then. I was too old to be watching Hannah Montana. You'd be worried if I was watching Hannah Montana 20.

[A]

Well, I would. Yeah, I would. Guess what I'm doing on Saturday.

[B]

What are you doing on Saturday?

[A]

Getting my first tattoo.

[B]

Oh, God, please, no. I'm sorry. I just. Spenny's on that buzz too. And I had to say to spend each year. Do you know what? You're an adult. Do whatever you want. I can't fight anymore about it. What are you getting? Where is it happening? What's it got to do it. Have you actually put any thought into it? Please tell me it's not just something you saw yesterday on the Internet.

[A]

I saw it Yesterday on the Internet.

[B]

Okay, what is this? What is this work of art going to be? Is it going to be similar to a Ben Affleck back tattoo or are we going a little smaller?

[A]

It's your family's faces all across my. My buttocks.

[B]

Have you and Spencer been in contact? Because he seems to think that he can. He's like, I'm gonna start with a vogue. I'm like, that's disgusting.

[A]

He's trying to get you to agree for him to get like a snake tram stamp. He's like, if I indulge her ego and just get a little vogue tash at the start.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Do you know what? My. One of my exes, the one that people will know he got it. We were like. We were mid argument. We were argument. And he came back and I was getting my hair done and he came back into the hairdressers and he had gotten our wedding date tattooed across his wrist. And if you look at that same wrist now, it has been replaced with a Batman tattoo with a Batman logo. And I don't really remember ever knowing he was into Batman. I was like, whoa, we really fallen out.

[A]

I am so. Well, I mean, you are divorced. Like, I mean, if you still had the date, like, as I. I could still.

[B]

There. It's still under there. It's there for life.

[A]

I'm such a simpleton that if I had a fight with a lad and he came back and he had like a tattoo of anything to do with me, I would be fanny fluttering back into the sack. I'd be done. I'm so pathetic.

[B]

She might make. She'll miss the appointment. It's fine. She'll miss the appointment.

[A]

I won't.

[B]

I won't actually see you there.

[A]

I've set an alarm

[B]

for Saturday. Tell us, what are you getting? What are you getting?

[A]

I'm getting fungi. The dolphin is like a chest piece.

[B]

Okay, fantastic. Yeah, that. Actually, do you know what? If you include a bit of seaweed. I love it.

[A]

It's good, isn't it? Yeah. That's a stylish, classic, timeless piece. I'm getting. I'm getting bliss written in a. In a deadly font across my kneecap. Sorry. For the listeners, I want you to know Vogue is holding her face in her hands. Sorry, Vogue. I can't help. I'm.

[B]

Have you ever heard her use the word bliss? Have you ever heard her say it? Once. Has she said bliss once in the whole five years?

[A]

It's a new word for me, so I'm excited to get it Tattooed on my body.

[C]

I think I saw it on someone's kitchen wall once.

[A]

Yeah, I'm getting live laugh love.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Tattooed across my labia bone. And. Okay, I've no regrets.

[B]

Why don't you get live laugh on your fingers so knuckles like knuckle dusters. Live. And then you could do love on your forehead.

[A]

That's tacky. Vogue.

[B]

Oh, sorry, sorry. Fungi.

[A]

Joe, I haven't. I don't know, I just. I just booked in. I had to tick a box. I said neat.

[B]

I thought you didn't like your knees.

[A]

I don't exactly. Exactly. Yeah, but it's that or get a face drop.

[B]

You're drawing attention.

[A]

So it's above. I'm going to show you now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So this, I'm not sure what this part of the legging is, but I'm

[B]

telling Pat before you do it, I'm

[A]

telling her, no, don't, don't, don't do that.

[B]

I don't tell that.

[A]

Don't do that. You know, she'll fly over and be really embarrassing. She'll drag me out by my hair. Don't do that. I can see Patch, like, at least get your passport number tattooed on you. Something worth. I can see her kind of like trying to turn into like a functional exercise. So the bit of, the bit above the knee, Joe, what's that called? The top leg in your thigh?

[C]

Bottom of your thigh.

[A]

Yeah, well, that's where it's going. And it's stunning. And you know who has it? Kylie has it. My Australian tour manager.

[B]

And I've admired tattoos all over her whole entire body, by the way, so that would make sense. She does. She has now ended up with a Bliss above her knee because she is running out of things to write.

[A]

Yeah, she is tatted to like, to the. She is top to bottom tatted. But her bliss tattoo, and we discussed it and we've been discussing it for a while. I enjoy the philosophy of it. I enjoy the kind of topping out of like, it's kind of good energy. And I like the font and I like. I think my legs are a little bald and I want to add a little pizzazz.

[B]

Okay, well, we are. I don't know about you, Joe, but I am very excited.

[A]

I look forward to seeing your face on Spencer's ass cheek and my Bliss on my leggy.

[B]

She'll miss the appointment, I'm pretty sure. But I'm also going to text Pat, so it's probably not going to happen.

[A]

Please don't text her. Please don't.

[B]

So you know, the way that there's all. Like, sometimes I don't know if anyone else does it. Sometimes I'll go into a designer shop, literally just to go. Seriously. Like if I go into Hermes, for instance, and they're selling a surfboard, it's not her maze. Yes.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

This.

[A]

You're in St. Barth's too long. I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

[B]

Yes, sorry. James and I, because I called Jack Jackamus Jacquemus once and he just. And then he started bringing up that you said Givenchy.

[A]

We love James. He is a violent, aggressive snob. Leave that in. Go on.

[B]

Anyway, so like I go into some of those shops, the really expensive one, like, I mean, Hermes, selling a surfboard for 25 grand.

[A]

Obnoxious.

[B]

So Italian prosecutors uncover that Dior pays 57 to produce the bags that retail for $2,780, which is a markup of 4,800%. And there, there's going to be an investigation into them because there's a broader probe into labor exploitation so that some of the subcontractors who Dior use are paid as little as $2 an hour.

[A]

Sorry, that is a moral. Oh, I mean, it's not like this is news to anyone, but like, it is a moral.

[B]

It's absolutely. Sorry. Do you know what else is immoral? Do you remember when Valencia were selling a roll of sticky tape, just sticky tape, for £3,500. And then they had that crisp packet, which was an empty packet of crisp. £1490. £1490. Sorry, don't know why I said like that. And those rotten crocs that you sent. £690.

[A]

No idea. Like the crocs.

[B]

Oh, God, no. You actually didn't like this.

[A]

Can I interrupt you though? Do you mind me asking you how much was the lobster that you have mounted and framed in your. Remember the lobster you flew back from samples?

[B]

Oh, my lobster. It's. Well, it was actually a gift to Spencer for his birthday. So I wouldn't have enough. I wouldn't have a birdie's notion.

[A]

It's the size of a five year old child. This lobster.

[B]

Still a lobster from the sea. It's not. It's not a golden lobster. It's an actual lobster shell.

[A]

Like it's a Pavo lobster. It's the size of.

[B]

But he wasn't a size of a

[A]

five year old child. I've never.

[C]

This month it's going to be the five year anniversary of the lobster.

[B]

And you know what's nice? I'm actually. That's why I've come to some bars to celebrate the lobster, because this is where he came from. So I'm now going to the shop.

[A]

Did you bring him? He's still in the basement in the. In a glass box.

[B]

He's actually in storage with Kevin. Kevin. Kerry. I didn't want him to get smashed in the house. And I'm over here now. And the reason for my trip to some parts is to buy another crustacean. So I have been looking at crabs.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I am buying a crab friend for the lobster. And I'm gonna buy you crabs for your birthday.

[A]

You're like, if Paris Hilton rode David Attenborough and then like, some sort of tox creature was born where you're like, got tons of cash, but you also care about the environment.

[B]

Do you? Sorry, do you not remember? I tried to buy a flamingo and I was onto this girl and she had a flamingo ready, like, one. A frozen one, and she was getting ready to get them all sorted, but he just wasn't pink enough for me, so I didn't end up buying him. And then I felt like, if I start buying flamingos, where does that end?

[A]

So I'm sorry now.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Spenny's pheasant is going to come back down now. I've gotten rid of it up to Scotland. He'll be like. The first pheasant he ever shot will be coming back down to her house. And I don't. It's not as pretty as a lobster. The lobster is a beautiful piece of art. I do know how much it was, but Spenny's mom bought it for him and she will have gotten a discount in that shop. Sorry. Back to Dior. That's what I was talking about. John. Excuse me. So do you know the way, like. And you go and you buy your fake bags sometimes and they're. They're not a bad price, but fake bags are quite expensive. Even the ones that you got in Morocco.

[A]

Anyway.

[B]

Oh, you were.

[A]

I bought my Louis Futon and I thought I was gonna. Gonna get it all for a tenor. And your mom was charging me. I was like, are you joking me? He's like, genuine facts. I was like, yeah, okay, okay, calm, calm, calm. But like, you're charging me like a.

[B]

On it.

[A]

I. I thought they were basically going to be free, but apparently the bag. The brands are in on the business.

[B]

Well, supposedly the genuine fakes that you buy are coming from the factory that the Bags are made and God knows if it's that, but I always think, right, if you're. Go buy. If you, if you buy a bag, like, I don't feel like I need the brand name on the bag. I'd rather buy a nice bag that's actually good quality leather. That, that looks nice. Rather than spending like five grand on a Chanel bag. But listen to this. So Dior Joanne, minimum in Chanel and they all sell out. But Dior bags are like, like if you ever go into Dior, it's, it's honestly like they're taking the piss out of you.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

I think they're so.

[A]

I think, I think they're mentally ill.

[B]

Guess how much it was found a Christian Dior bag that they're selling for three grand is. Guess how much they pay for the three grand bag. 57.

[A]

You didn't even let me. You didn't even let me guess. Vogue. That's the worst game ever.

[B]

It was a rhetorical question.

[A]

I was going to measure it up against the price of a boxed crustacean in your basement to be like, okay,

[B]

Joe, Joe, cut that bit out. Guess how much a Dior bag.

[A]

No, leave that intro.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's gonna be a very difficult edit, so I think I want people to

[A]

know what I'm dealing with.

[B]

Guess, John. Go on, I dare you.

[A]

57€, you die.

[B]

So close. It was dollars. Nearly at it.

[A]

Oh, I don't understand dollars. No, I work in crypto now.

[B]

Dollars is like, I don't know, like what, €48 or something?

[A]

Just a little bit less Hanner.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, but I think someone's bringing them to. To course over. The fact that they're. Their markup is so ridiculous that they're. It's like you're selling a bag for three grand but you're paying 57 for it.

[A]

It is.

[B]

I won't even go in there to sneer at the bags anymore. I'm not going in. It's obnoxious.

[A]

Now I decided I have to be very careful how I speak about this, considering I do actually own a bag business. I hate handbags. No, I don't. What I mean is, I don't understand. Would you not be nervous walking around holding like they can't grand in your hands?

[B]

You can't walk around London with a Birkin because somebody is going to rip it out of your hand. You just.

[A]

It's literally like walking around with a wad of cash just like free flowing in the air. Like, I don't get it.

[B]

I know it's terrible. Like, I. I always. I just think I'd rather have the money. I'd rather the cash.

[A]

I think it's so impressive getting a good fake. Like, I. I, like, I get a. I have a fake Louis.

[B]

But why did you want to face Futon? I just want a nice bag.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know, because I don't care. I bought a fake Louis Futon in Grand Canal. Canal street in New York, and it's hilarious. So Hannah Berner, Des Bishop's wife, Hannah, who, you know, brought me down, she was like, come on, we go shopping down in. In the fake bag street. And I was like, oh, my God. Buzzing. And, you know, the way it's all new to you, and it's so exciting and thrilling, and it's like you kind of feel like you're. You're in a cartel. Like, you're one of the Kinahans. You're, like, in the mix, you know, in the. One of these kind of like, Asian triads. Like, you're in the. Kind of in the trenches, and the women come up and they're like, fake back. Fake back. And they have these kind of list of stuff that's kind of been cellophaned, and it's all very, very cloak and dagger, right? And I'm buzzing because I'm. I'm illegal, but I'm. I'm legal. And, like. And then you're one. Show me. And then this policeman came over, and I was like, hands up. Hands up. Because I was like, oh, I'm done. I'm buying genuine fakes. I'm done. He knows I'm buying a Louis Futon, and then he chose a bag for his partner or whatever. So they're all in on us. They're all in on it. And the buying that bag is way more exciting than going into an actual shop and just paying money for it. I'd rather be dragged down an alleyway. And, like, I just. I just prefer the drama of the fake purchase.

[B]

I. Yeah, but you get where I'm coming from. I'd rather just not have a. I'd rather not have the brand. Like, I don't want to fake. I just don't. I'd rather just have a bag from Topshop or a bag from Revry than having the actual fake, because I just feel like I don't. I don't really. I don't. I just don't. I don't care that much about. About labels.

[A]

No, no, of course you don't. Oh, no. You've got your crustaceans.

[B]

My new thing is whatever.

[A]

You're like, have you met my. Have you A flamingo box basement. I don't like. I don't like labels now, but that one is.

[B]

Whenever I go into a shop, my new, like, this is my new toxic trace that I just do. I go into a shop, right, And I'm like, God, that's a lovely missoni dress. I leave the shop and I go straight on to Vinted. And I'm like, look, 80 quid, vintage. 80 quid.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

I don't know if I'll ever be able to buy something in a shop again without checking vintage first. Even with that Frankie Shop jacket. I was like, I'm gonna get this fur jacket from Frankie Shop. And I was like, you know what? I'm not. I'm gonna wait till next year, because that'll definitely be unfinished next year. I can't. Can we talk about this? Sorry. Artemis 2. Space. Space is so interesting. They.

[A]

Space is huge right now, okay? It's huge.

[B]

Space is back.

[A]

It's back.

[B]

I can see.

[A]

It's skinny jeans. It's cheese couture. It's been. It's Von Van Dutch. It's happening.

[B]

I. It's. I mean, I just feel like space never went away, but it's really having.

[A]

Because you've got. Because you've got your finger on the pulse for lame people like me and Joe. Space did go away. Announced box.

[B]

Sorry, but, guys, it didn't. Katy Perry brought it back to us. Katy Perry brought. She dabbles up.

[A]

She died, poor girl.

[C]

She went up in a lift.

[A]

She died. She went in a lift.

[B]

She got everyone talking about space again. Not in a good way, but she.

[A]

She's right. She raised awareness. She raised awareness.

[B]

So they. There has been a little group of astronauts. Everyone wants to be an astronaut now, by the way. I have no interest. I will never dip my toe in that field. I never want to be an astronaut. I don't want to go to space. I don't want to leave the atmosphere. I bought an app.

[A]

Don't leave the atmosphere. It's not our vibe.

[B]

No.

[A]

Up.

[B]

I don't want.

[A]

This atmosphere suits us. Down to the ground.

[B]

Down to the ground. I enjoy gravity. I just like being down here. And I have an app that I can see the stars and I can see what's going on up there. I saw the Milky Way yesterday, so

[A]

I'm happy hydrating, I would say. I mean, I like about Panthen on a long haul. I don't know how much for Panther. I'd need to break the atmosphere and go to space. I'm not, I'm not willing to do it.

[B]

You age slower in space. I was looking up some really brilliant space facts that we'd love. Age.

[A]

Yeah, Scrap everything. We're moving to Mars. Joe, put it, put in the to do. Put in the to do show. We're off.

[B]

So it's the biggest new story of the week. It's the Artemis 2 space mission where astronauts are going to fly around the whole moon so that we have never actually seen the back of the moon that is not lit because the sun never hits it. So God knows what's happening back there.

[A]

Trump's dump.

[B]

No, we've never seen it. There might be a bliss written at the back. Bliss written at the back. Fungi, Funky the Dolphin.

[A]

Full blown stuff. Hold on. I've been a little bit absent because I'm focusing on myself right now, but I've seen a lot of talk about a flyby. So my understanding is they're not planning to land or kind of set foot. They're just doing a kind of a drive by of Mars or the moon. Where are they going?

[B]

The moon. The moon. They're having. We have not. We haven't got the capacity to reach Mars just yet. But not saying.

[A]

I heard we have. I heard we can refuel now on the moon because there's water there.

[C]

That's what, that's what this mission is for. They're going to turn the moon into a service station. Stop off there.

[A]

An apple green. An apple green, yeah.

[C]

Quick Starbucks and then on to. On to Mars.

[A]

I do, I do love an apple green.

[B]

I enjoy. Maybe we could do that. What's that? Barack Obama Plaza. Could go up there because they do good breakfast in the morning.

[A]

I go to. I go to the moon if I could get a nice hash brown.

[B]

Do you know the moon? Supposedly space smells like steak. That sounds. Sounds. Yeah, it sounds expensive. Smells like steak is what I've been reading.

[A]

I was kind of hoping for something a bit more affluence, like kind of. Tommy. Tommy girl.

[B]

Tommy girl. That's like 20 quid in the airport, shorty.

[A]

Come on. Something, something space based.

[B]

I thought you should talk about something expensive. I'm like, tommy girl's not expensive anymore. Steak is expensive.

[A]

Well, when I was a publicist I worked on the Links account. And the fact that Links Apollo haven't involved themselves in smelling sinking up space is frankly a shambles on the part of the PR team.

[B]

And Everyone, I don't know. I don't know if they could afford it. Okay, the Astro, the astronauts that have gone up, there's four of them. It's a 10 day mission. They're gonna go around the moon and back. They're not stopping.

[A]

What's the rush?

[B]

Well, they're just having a little look. So there's the first woman has gone displaced in 50 years, but sorry,

[A]

yeah, excuse me. Katy Perry broke the atmosphere. And do you remember the last time they sent a woman to space for a day? Or they gave her 60 billion tampons. Do you remember that? Because she was like, I might. Come on, like. Joe, do you remember this? The lads packed her lunch. The lads packed her lunchbox. And it was very much like when your fella packs your overnight bag when you're about to give birth and puts a load of lingerie and stockings in it. They packed. Google it there, Joe. Google it there. Fact check me there, dad.

[B]

You know what's. Do you know what's been happening up there on Artemis? Supposedly the toilet was blocked like straight away because the, the spaceship was facing like there was no sunlight basically hitting the spaceship at one point froze and they blocked the toilet. So then they had to re. They had to turn the spaceship around a little bit so that it could face the sun and it could melt what was in the toilet and then unblock it.

[A]

No Vogue, you know. No, no, no. Please, please, please. I love and respect you. However, I did spend a year fully believing that a woman was stabbed to death by a frozen shaft of your own from an airplane.

[B]

Yeah, but that.

[A]

Listen, can we fact check the front? Can we factor at the block toilet?

[B]

The blocked wallet is a thing.

[A]

I'm still recovering from Wu Tang Clang and I would. I don't want to make any more errors.

[B]

Nejewan. No shade. Right. But I think out of the two of us, you're probably the one that brings the least factual things to the

[A]

whims, I think is what you're saying. The whimsy.

[B]

Okay, the whimsy. And like the stuff that sounds amazing, like the shaft of piss. I'm sad that that wasn't true because I was looking forward to that being true and then I felt sad that it wasn't. So they're gonna be. Yeah, they're just doing it and they're coming back. They left on the 1st of April. Loads of people saw the spaceship go up that were flying by it. So loads.

[A]

Yeah, there was. I. And that actually, to be fair now that, that, that, that did Kind of make me feel something which, you know is nice. Doesn't happen every day.

[B]

But cool, though, to be on a flight and just see a spaceship going up beside someone.

[A]

I was, I was. I. You know, it really tickled me. So basically, obviously, it. Do you know what I never think about, like, the whole space thing. You're like, oh, God, they're going to space. You don't think about what actually, like, kind of is involved in getting them up there. And there was an airplane and I was trying to see was it AI. But our pilot was like, if he looks the right, you're going to see this, like, rocket, like, passing by, like, breaking the atmosphere, going into the orbit or outside of the orbit. And someone wrote, imagine being on the other side of the plane. So, like, there's this, like a monumental historical moment happening. I'll never forget flying into New York for the first time. And I was in the middle and the guy at the window had his. His window down. And we were flying over, like, all these kind of iconic, like, the New York landscape. And the pilot was like, if you look to the left, you'll see the Empire State or whatever. I can't remember what it was. And I was like, this prick.

[B]

Why didn't you ask him to open?

[A]

I did, I did. I said, would you mind? I said, I've never flown into New York.

[B]

And he didn't open it.

[A]

No, he did. No, he did, he did, he did.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But like, like, okay, it's something I assume, like, I don't know. I just thought, like, you'd kind of. Without me having to be.

[B]

I'd always open it when, like, you have to.

[A]

Well, you have to open it when you land. But that hadn't happened yet. But, yeah, I was like. I was hoping to see, like, the. What's your one with the cone with the 99?

[B]

The Statue of Liberty.

[A]

There you go. I was like, I want to see all the bits and bobs. And he. Yeah. Kept the window shutter down. Anyway, Mars.

[C]

Yes, NASA did ask her if 100 would be sufficient. That's not ultimate, ultimately, how he ended up going. But they did ask that question. And yes, the toilet was and possibly is still broken. And I know Joanne doesn't like toilet details, so it can only.

[A]

I don't mind. I don't mind you broken me down frozen. It's throw me down with your juvenile childish behaviors. Come on.

[B]

I didn't, man. I didn't. I didn't bring it up, but it's all been frozen, so it's all frozen

[C]

and it's fine well they can only use it for the night number two ones you can't use it for the number ones oh that doesn't make sense

[A]

it's usually the other way around it's broken. I mean it's not our money it's the American government money I assume they're American aren't they Joe?

[B]

They are yeah they do they do enjoy spend paying those tax dollars you know if you're you're an American even if you leave America you still have to pay a certain level of tax in America whilst also paying your tax in the UK or wherever else you

[A]

live but sure I pay tax everywhere I go I pay everywhere I go I pay taxes so I gig in the States I picks Australia per talks Ireland. It's it's it's it's immoral it's brutal it's barbaric I don't want to contribute to society I've been very clear from

[B]

the start thanks everyone for listening we will catch you on the bonus. This has been a global player original production that.