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Hello and welcome to My Victorian Nightmare. I'm your host Genevieve Mannion and I'm here to talk about mysterious deaths, morbid fascinations, disturbing stories, and otherwise spooky events from the Victorian era. Because to me there's just something especially intriguing, creepy and oddly comforting about horror and mayhem from the 19th century. So listener discretion is advised. Hello friends and welcome to this, my third minisode. I feel like last week's episode title is far more fitting for this week's episode now. It was marvelous and alarming madness. This will be my mini EST episodes. By the way, I desperately tried to make a real episode this week. I tried to find out how to talk about horrifying things in a horrifying time. And I decided to. For now, rather than struggle with how to do that and probably fail at it, spend that time with brilliant and beautiful friends and family of mine and do my very best to discuss what is true. So I frankly didn't have time to do much of anything else. And anytime I did have, I've been just too deeply in like squiggly thoughts or too deep in a bowl of gummy bears to deliver to you the standard fare. I will get back on my black horse soon, don't worry. But for today, if you would allow me to, for a short time wax on some current affairs, I would be very much obliged. And I apologize because my thoughts are a bit rambling. But here we are, all folks who hoped we were better or could be. Many of us, our thoughts are now rambling. I've had a hard time listening to music the last few days. I know that whatever I listen to is just gonna become like the soundtrack for all this disappointment. So nothing has been feeling right. Except for one thing. I've been listening to the theme from the original 90s Unsolved Mysteries show on a loop. It's on Spotify. If you haven't heard it, or even if you have, I highly recommend a Listen seriously. Pause this show and treat yourself to a masterpiece. Brilliant use of the devil's triad. This is a flat fifth, a tritone, otherwise known as the devil's interval, or diaphragma bullos in musica. The devil in music. It's a like a tonal structure that in the Middle Ages was believed to be like a musical way of communicating with the devil straight up. It's a like a dissonant interval that gives you this terrible sense of dread and unease. And this theme, this Unsolved Mysteries theme uses this tonal structure and has been described as the single scariest theme song for any TV show ever created. Created. It used to make kids burst into tears in the 90s. That's what it did to me. It still does. But I remember before my mom would try to, like, shoo me off to bed before it started, I'd say no, I wanted to stay, knowing how scary it was, forcing myself to listen. Like goosebumps running up and down my arms and wondering what it was. Why is this scaring me so much? And why does it still, even though I am crying, feel so right? Why am I so scared and feel so good? And I cry still. When that key change drops and that pitch falls and rises. You know what I'm talking about? I get a sense of they're still lost, but there's somewhere hoping to be found. The truth is out there. It just hasn't been found and it may never be. And isn't that sad? Because someone needs it to be if they're going to be saved. Why does this terrifying and sad feeling feel so comforting? And I know that's a rather dramatic interpretation of the Unsolved Mysteries theme. I pull a lot out of that, but apparently I'm not alone. Other folks have equally intense feelings about how this track affected them as kids. And they say similar things that I just said. They feel like, this loss and fear and they don't want it to stop. And I think there's a sense that if we're willing to keep our eyes open in the scary, scary dark and try to find someone who is lost, someone will do the same for us. Some of us want to know the truth, even if it makes us cry, even if it makes us scared, because we know what it's like to feel alone in the dark, and we don't want anyone else to feel that way. We know if we look away, no one gets saved. And in these times, these circus times, truth is really difficult to find, isn't it? How do we know what's true. So we know how to help. Who is to blame? Which minority group with little to no political power is to blame? This is a common theme that has arisen. Which majority group with all the power is to blame? Strangely, that argument I'm actually not hearing as much. But you're getting closer. Even if we're not allowing internalized racism or sexism or classism to explain to us what is true, still what is true? If we don't know exactly what's right, how do we know how to fight what's wrong? And where do we go from here? Very good and kind people are having these discussions right now and I think about my role here. What are our roles? What are our talents? What can we contribute to ensure people are taken care of? Now we can at the very least help the helpers. If you are able, please donate to or join any organization that helps women, helps the disabled. They're really going to need it. Donate to the Loveland Foundation, Climate Action. They're already folks much more organized and powerful than you alone. You can help them anytime. Help the helpers Something that you have told me, and it wasn't something that I expected when I started doing this, is that there is something about what I do here that brings you comfort. And this is so touching to me. Very few comments and emails that I get are actually about how much a spooked you. You know, they're how I made you feel nice somehow. And I would like to think that what you're receiving when I tell these stories is that I want people to be taken care of. I am so sad for beings that have not been taken care of or seen. And I myself get so much comfort out of trying to see them, understanding how they were hurt, finding them lost in old newspapers. Frankly, I think the reason why we find ourselves where we are is we always had these monsters, but so many of us thought we could just like ignore them one level deeper. I think we find ourselves here because we thought we could ignore what's true. Because what's true is scary. Our Burning Planet is scary. How this country was founded is scary. And fascism is real scary. So we sit on our phones and as I speak to you, my beloved Prospect park is on fire because it hasn't rained in Brooklyn for I don't even know how long. My apartment is full of the smell of smoke and the idea of disassociating from reality that scares me is very tempting. But no matter how much I try, I can't. I'm that person that has to watch the needle go in, like, even if I pass out. But like I said, you have told me there's something about this thing I'm doing that's making you feel safe. And I think it's because you, like me, want to feel okay in the dark. It's easy to feel safe in the light. The dark is a whole other place. And truth is about to get a whole lot darker in our world, even though it's been rather dark all along. And I consider one of my roles now to be making you feel safer in here. Specifically, you helpers, you folks who did what you could and continue to do what you can to reduce harm. Whenever terrible things have happened in my life, every time I was forced to sit alone in a dark room with dark things, I've learned the best way, the most effective way for me to survive is to decorate the place and invite anyone I can convince to join me. Use my creativity. So thank you for listening to me decorate. And thank you to all of you who did your best to do less harm. You chose less harm for me and my family and my friends. Your family, your friends. Thank you very much for that. And join some kind of group, some group in your communities. A knitting circle, a Buddhist community, a book club, a coven. Anything to make you feel more connected and empowered. And even though I myself wish that sitting alone in my apartment and watching the director's cut of Hell house for the 300th time by myself would make me feel empowered or connected, turns out community is really where that is actually found, after all. So join up and think about what wonderful talents you can offer to ye olde resistance that we need to dust off again. God damn it. No matter how big or small, the helpers need help. I promise you have much to offer. And tell me how you're holding it together in the comments. I would love to hear that. My bowl of gummy bears is getting close to running on empty, so I would love to hear how you're comforting yourselves. Let's share ideas or just drop me a kind note. I'm no doubt gonna get a whole lot of hate for talking about caring about people, which, don't worry, I don't approve unhelpful comments. So you can kinda. You can save it. I. I ban folks who ban books. That's my motto. Going forward, be extra, extra kind to yourselves, and I will see you in your nightmares.