Podcast
Myopia Movies
Hosted by Nic Hoffmann · EN
Welcome to season 11 of Myopia Movies! Each week we watch the movies from the 80s and 90s we grew up watching to address the lies that our memories and Blockbuster video told us. Do they hold up? https://myopiapodcast.com/
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Episodes
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Casino Royale (Daniel Craig) - Summer Reruns
6d ago01:01:50Tap to summarizeThis week on Myopia Movies, we finally gamble big on Bond—real Bond. We dust off a previously paywalled episode as we’re talking high-stakes poker, parkour chases that feel like a personal insult to your hamstrings, and a version of 007 who bleeds, broods, and looks like he might actually lose a fistfight (before winning it anyway). Join us as we break down how Casino Royale rebooted the franchise with all the subtlety of a defibrillator. We ask the important questions: Is this the most emotionally vulnerable Bond, or just the most recently traumatized? How many people need to die over a card game before someone suggests Uno instead? And does anyone in the Bond universe understand what a normal vacation looks like? Featuring one of the greatest Bond villains to ever cry blood and a love story that hits harder than Bond’s torture scene (yes, that one), this episode dives into what makes Casino Royale not just a great Bond film—but a genuinely great film, full stop. Also: we try to explain poker strategy with the confidence of men who absolutely should not be allowed near a casino. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will Casino Royale hold up? Host: Jon Copsey Panel: Nic Directed by: Martin Campbell Starring: Daniel Craig as James Bond Eva Green as Vesper Lynd Mads Mikkelsen as Le Chiffre Judi Dench as M Jeffrey Wright as Felix Leiter Giancarlo Giannini as René Mathis
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AI - Artificial Intelligence
2w ago01:40:24Tap to summarizeThis week on Myopia Movies, we're going full existential crisis with A.I. Artificial Intelligence — the 2001 Spielberg film based on the project Stanley Kubrick spent decades developing and wisely never finished. It's got everything you'd expect from a Spielberg joint: a family torn apart by divorce energy, social dynamics that make you want to lie down, and — in what can only be described as a creative choice — aliens. In the third act. For reasons. A boy robot wants to be a real boy. His mom is not fully on board. His dad is very not on board. A sentient teddy bear named Teddy is, somehow, the most emotionally stable character in the film. Jude Law shows up as a gigolo robot, almost saves the movie, and is promptly sidelined so we can get back to the crying. The film ends. Then it ends again. Then aliens arrive. Then it ends a third time. Joining us this week is the legendary Jiggle O'Joe, who survived this film with us and only had to step outside twice. Myopia Movies — watching the movies you loved, the movies you hated, and apparently now the movies that make you question the nature of love itself. How will AI - Artificial Intelligence hold up? Directed by: Steven Spielberg (from a project developed by Stanley Kubrick) Starring: Haley Joel Osment, Jude Law, Frances O'Connor, Sam Robards, Jake Thomas, William Hurt, and the voice of Jack Angel as Teddy
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Indian in the Cupboard
3w ago01:18:05Tap to summarizeWelcome to another episode of Myopia Movies, where we dig through the dusty toy chest of childhood nostalgia to explain colonialism to kids and ask the important question: “Was this actually magical… or did we all just really want to own tiny murder-capable action figures?” This week, we’re cracking open The Indian in the Cupboard — the movie that convinced an entire generation that putting living beings in locked containers was somehow heartwarming family entertainment and a poster that asks, is this child going to eat a tiny man? Will the effects hold up? Will the emotional trauma of nearly stepping on a real human being hold up? Will anyone question giving a nine-year-old absolute power over sentient life? Probably not. So grab your magic key, hide your Legos before they gain consciousness, and join us as we revisit one of the most aggressively 1990s “children learn responsibility through ethically horrifying fantasy scenarios” movies ever made. It’s The Indian in the Cupboard. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will The Indian in the Cupboard hold up? Directed by Frank Oz Starring: Hal Scardino Litefoot Steve Coogan
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Child's Play 3
4w ago01:21:36Tap to summarizeThis week on Myopia Movies, we head back to military school where the uniforms are crisp, the cadets are angry, and somehow Chucky has access to live ammunition. It’s Child's Play 3 — the movie that asks, “What if summer camp, toxic masculinity, and a killer doll all collided in the least supervised environment imaginable?” Join us as we discuss the rapid-fire sequel production schedule, why every adult in this movie seems wildly unconcerned about obvious murders, and the strange energy of turning a slasher franchise into a coming-of-age military academy drama. We also dig into the evolution of Chucky as a horror icon, the accidental comedy of the paintball sequence, and whether this is secretly one of the most aggressively early-90s films ever made. Plus: weird pervert barbers, carnival death traps, overacting cadets, and the eternal question — why does nobody ever believe the kid about the murder doll? Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will Child's Play 3 hold up? Directed by Jack Bender Starring: Justin Whalin as Andy Barclay Perrey Reeves as Kristen DeSilva Jeremy Sylvers as Tyler Travis Fine as Shelton Dean Jacobson as Whitehurst Andrew Robinson as Colonel Cochrane Dakin Matthews as Sullivan Brad Dourif as the voice of Chucky
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Mannequin
May 700:59:26Tap to summarizeWelcome to another episode of Myopia Movies, where we ruin your childhood one VHS tape at a time. This week, we’re stepping into the neon-lit fever dream that is Mannequin — a movie that asks the important question: “What if a department store mannequin came to life… and immediately dated Andrew McCarthy?” That’s right. It’s the ‘80s, where unemployment was quirky, retail workers had unlimited creative freedom, and absolutely nobody thought to question whether this relationship required psychiatric intervention. Featuring window displays that apparently stop traffic, villainous retail executives who behave like cartoon burglars, and enough synth music to power a mall arcade for a decade, Mannequin is pure Reagan-era fantasy. We’ll talk about Kim Cattrall somehow making “ancient Egyptian soul trapped in a mannequin” feel completely reasonable, why every department store in movies looked like Studio 54, and whether Hollywood accidentally created the world’s most charming horror premise. Plus: Hollywood Montrose steals the entire movie, James Spader continues his career-long commitment to being a smarmy weirdo, and we try to determine if this film is actually sweet… or just deeply, deeply strange. So grab your shoulder pads, crank up Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now, and join us as we ask the timeless question: does Mannequin hold up… or should it have stayed in the display window? How will Mannequin hold up? Directed by Michael Gottlieb Starring: Andrew McCarthy Kim Cattrall Meshach Taylor James Spader G. W. Bailey Estelle Getty
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RoboCop (1987)
May 101:03:06Tap to summarizeThis week, we head to the crime-ridden dystopia of Detroit where corporations rule, criminals laugh like maniacs, and the solution to urban decay is… a heavily armed cyborg cop with excellent posture. Join Nic, Matthew, Keiko, Nur, and Alex as they revisit RoboCop (1987), Paul Verhoeven’s ultraviolent, razor-sharp satire that somehow convinced an entire generation of kids that this was appropriate viewing. We’re asking the important questions: Is this actually one of the smartest sci-fi films ever made… or just an excuse for explosive squibs and corporate slimeballs? Why did we all think ED-209 was just a normal workplace hazard? Does RoboCop count as a superhero, a horror monster, or the world’s saddest HR case study? And how did this movie spawn toys, cartoons, and birthday parties? Along the way, we break down the film’s biting commentary on privatization, media culture, and late-stage capitalism—while also appreciating just how completely unhinged it gets. It’s part Blade Runner, part Die Hard, and part “what if the evening news was written by lunatics?” Does RoboCop (1987) hold up as a masterpiece of satire, or were our childhood brains just too distracted by explosions to notice the deeper themes? Dead or alive, you’re listening to this episode. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will RoboCop (1987) hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Alex, Nur, Keiko Directed by: Paul Verhoeven Starring: Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, Ronny Cox, Kurtwood Smith, Miguel Ferrer, Dan O'Herlihy
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War Games (1983)
Apr 2301:41:10Tap to summarizeThis week on Myopia Movies, we learn that the only way to win is not to play. We watched War Games, a delightful romp about the apocalypse. Ally Sheedy is, like, stooping the whole time to make Matthew Broderick look taller than her, right? 🎙️ Thanks for listening, subscribing, and supporting the show—see you next episode. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will War Games hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Alex, Keiko, Matthew Directed by James Badham Starring: Matthew Broderick, Ally Sheedy, John Wood, Dabney Coleman, Barry Corbin, Juanin Clay, James Tolkan
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Transcendence
Apr 1601:02:34Tap to summarizeThis week on Myopia Movies, we watch Marvel's own Jarvis/Vision fight to stop AI by trying to stop Johnny Depp. It's not as fun as that sounds. We watched Transcendence (2014), wow this movie can't event decide if AI or Johnny Depp is a bad guy. You'd think people would have an opinion at this point. Thanks for listening, subscribing, and supporting the show—see you next episode (assuming this one didn’t break us completely). Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! Host: Nic Panel: Matthew, Keiko, Alex Directed by Wally Pfister Starring: Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, Morgan Freeman, Paul Bettany, Lukas Haas, Cillian Murphy, Kate Mara, Cole Hauser, Xander Berkeley, Clifton Collins Jr.
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APEX (1994)
Apr 901:07:23Tap to summarizeThis week, Myopia Movies kicks off an AI-themed month by diving straight into the bargain bin with A.P.E.X.—a time-traveling, robot-infested mess that wants desperately to be The Terminator and somehow ends up worse than a Power Rangers outtake. Nick, Matt, and Keiko try to untangle a plot involving killer robots, alternate timelines, a mystery virus, and a scientist who may or may not be responsible for ending humanity… repeatedly. Along the way, they wrestle with nonsensical time travel rules, questionable acting, baffling production choices, and the lingering question: why are they still sending robots? Is there a good movie hiding somewhere inside A.P.E.X.? Could a few tweaks have made it work? Or is this just pure, uncut 90s sci-fi chaos? Plus: Mockbusters before mockbusters were a thing The economics of bad CGI vs. hiring actual actors Nostalgia vs. reality (was this ever good?) And one of the bleakest conclusions yet: a movie so bad… it barely exists Final verdict: Skip this and just watch literally anything it’s ripping off. 🎙️ Thanks for listening, subscribing, and supporting the show—see you next episode (assuming this one didn’t break us completely). Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our wish list! We are riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!! How will APEX (1994) hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew, Keiko, Alex Directed by: Phillip J. Roth Starring: Richard Keats as Nicholas Sinclair Mitchell Cox as APEX Enforcer Lisa Ann Russell as Dr. Elara Adam Lawson as Commander
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Super Mario Brothers (1993) Revisited
Apr 301:23:53Tap to summarizeWelcome back to Myopia Movies, where we revisit the films of our youth and ask the important question: Were these movies actually good… or were we just children? And today—Oh boy. In honor of the release of Super Mario Galaxy, today we are revisiting Super Mario Bros. from 1993. A film that answers the question no one asked: “What if a beloved Nintendo property… was filtered through cyberpunk dystopia, industrial sludge, and Goombas that look like they escaped a low-budget episode of Doctor Who?” How will Super Mario Brothers (1993) hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Alex, Keiko, Jeremy Directed by: Rocky Morton & Annabel Jankel Starring: Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, Samantha Mathis, Fisher Stevens, Richard Edson
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