Transcript

Emma (0:02)

Ser podcast.

Berto Romero (0:12)

La cadena ser y hbo max presentan nadie sabe nada con andreu buenafuente y berto romero. Bienvenidos.

David (Perfumista) (0:35)

Venga.

Berto Romero (0:37)

Muchas gracias. Gracias, queridísimo público. Gracias. Muchas gracias. Qué público más majo. Algunos me suenan de Barcelona, de verlos. Porque Barcelona al final es una ciudad mediana.

Andreu Buenafuente (0:49)

Es una ciudad a la medida del hombre.

Berto Romero (0:52)

Exacto. Hay gente que digo yo me pongo.

Andreu Buenafuente (0:55)

Y me la camino entera. Yo me he camino a Barcelona varias veces.

Berto Romero (0:59)

Sí.

Andreu Buenafuente (1:00)

Me la camino de arriba abajo, de lado a lado, de arriba a abajo.

Berto Romero (1:03)

De lado a lado, montaña a mar.

Andreu Buenafuente (1:04)

Diagonal en contradiagonal, por ejemplo, también. ¿Sabéis que Barcelona te ofrece una diagonal? Yo a veces juego a la contra. Digo yo ahora te hago una diagonal contraria.

Berto Romero (1:14)

Qué bueno.

Andreu Buenafuente (1:15)

Y noto como Barcelona qué vas contra la gente.

Berto Romero (1:17)

No estás chocando.

Andreu Buenafuente (1:18)

Barcelona al principio se resiste y luego cede. Luego se abre a mí.

Berto Romero (1:22)

¿Por qué? Porque es una ciudad abierta.

Andreu Buenafuente (1:24)

Ciudad abierta, ciudad de paso. Una ciudad cosmópolita. Exacto.

Berto Romero (1:29)

Por cierto, que esta temporada que está terminando, por así decirlo, este es el penúltimo programa. El siguiente lo vamos a hacer en Madrid.

Andreu Buenafuente (1:37)

Oh, Madrid, una ciudad hecha a la medida de dioses. De dioses.

Summary

Podcast Summary: Nadie Sabe Nada | Dos tontos y tú, tres (March 11, 2023)

Main Theme:
In this characteristically improvisational and humorous episode, Andreu Buenafuente and Berto Romero navigate random topics submitted by the audience, riff on personal anecdotes, discuss cats, tackle urban legends, and even inspire an in-person perfume gift based on a running joke from the show. The episode stands out because it not only maintains their signature absurd banter, but also involves audience participation, touching personal interactions, and spontaneously creates an anthem for the podcast.

Episode Breakdown

1. Opening Banter: Barcelona vs. Madrid (00:35 - 02:24)

The hosts start with playful jabs about their audience and the cities of Barcelona and Madrid.
Notable quote:
- Andreu: "Madrid, una ciudad mastodóntica. Es una ciudad ciclópea... Madrid no se deja caminar" (01:43)
Berto jokes about not running into exes in Madrid, Andreu counters with mock bravado about his romantic history.

2. Improvised Sexual Innuendo & Radio Locutor Alter-Egos (02:24 - 05:16)

The conversation veers into an extended parody about hosting a "sexy radio" show, with invented names like Juan Lúbrico and José Lefa.
They indulge in wordplay and spoof the tropes of erotic radio hosts.
Notable moment: Andreu mentions the French expression "La petite mort" for orgasm, triggering a round of comedic physical descriptions.
- Andreu: “¿Sabes lo que es ‘la petite mort’?” – “El orgasmo.” (04:23)
Discussion about sneezing when aroused, leading to lighthearted, slightly risqué but never lewd territory.

3. The Cat Conundrum: Mascotas y Viajes por la Casa (06:56 - 14:50)

The audience sends in a question: Why do cats sprint around after pooping?
The hosts theorize humorously about physiological reasons for post-defecation feline sprints, comparing it to humans and suggesting an OMS (WHO) recommendation.
- Andreu: “A lo mejor lo que está haciendo el gato es cerrar su ano.” (09:30)
They swap stories about their own cats' peculiar behaviors. Berto’s cat destroys terrace plant life with urine; Andreu’s cat, Agatha, is one-eyed but defies expectations with agility.
- Berto: “La ha quemado con el ácido de sus orines y su caca. Está muerta.” (11:18)
They riff on the “cat slow-blink”, a subtle feline greeting, with comedic results when attempted on Agatha.

4. The Heartfelt Segment: Cumpliendo Compromisos y El Abrazo (16:34 - 19:38)

Berto recounts a recent charity auction for children where he promised an attendee (Emma) she could come to the show and get a hug since she lost out on a winning bid.
The “hug” is performed live, with the hosts discussing the “six-second rule” for sincere embraces.
- Berto: “El buen abrazo de verdad sincero es el que dura más de seis segundos.” (18:12)

5. Movie Sex Scenes and Bedroom Tropes (19:38 - 24:49)

Prompted by a question about awkwardness watching sex scenes with parents, the hosts riff on cinematic clichés: sheets over bodies, the “shirt walk of shame”, and breakfast-in-bed scenes.
- Berto: “Nadie en la vida real se va al lavabo con la sábana. Porque además eso es guarro.” (20:28)
They critique unrealistic romantic gestures, like breakfast in bed, and conclude it’s always better in theory.

6. Announcing Next Show in Madrid / Florida Park Anecdotes (25:31 - 28:13)

Discussion about the next episode being recorded in Madrid’s iconic Florida Park.
Andreu reminisces about TV host José María Íñigo and the legendary “Lola Flores se le pierde un pendiente” live TV moment.
- Andreu: “Allí se produce el mítico episodio de Lola Flores, que eso no se ha superado en la historia.” (27:21)

7. The Perfume That Shouldn’t Exist: Audience Participation & Gifts (28:14 - 39:04)

Two audience members, Miguel Ángel (marketing) and David (the perfumer), present the hosts with a perfume inspired by a joke they made on air, “Cardoner Eau de Colón Sexy Berto Romero”.
They describe the creative process (ingredients: mandarina, romero), and sample the scent.
- Berto: “Noto la mandarina. Correcto.” (36:00)
Honest, comic reactions—Berto likes the smell, Andreu is more skeptical.
Perfume and branded gifts are distributed to audience members.
- Andreu: “Está mi cara... Vosotros vendéis esto con mi puta cara?” (35:14)

8. Memory Lane: Cosas que Sabemos de Carrerilla (39:42 - 42:25)

They ask the audience what things they've memorized since childhood.
An audience member recites Article 1 of the Spanish Constitution.
- Eva: “España es un Estado social y democrático de derecho que propugna como valor fundamental...” (41:58)

9. The (Failed) Anthem of 'Nadie Sabe Nada' (43:06 - 47:01)

Listeners request the hosts improvise an anthem for the show.
Multiple failed, increasingly absurd efforts are made:
- Berto: “Dos tontos y tú, tres. Los escuchas y los ves y te ríes, puede ser, depende si lo hacen bien.” (47:18)
They laugh at their inability (“No me gusta, no me representa.” – 47:39) but agree to revisit the idea.

10. Audience Q&A: Chicken and Pig Alarm Sounds, Friendship, and Telephone History (48:09 - 54:27)

Segments on:
- The famed “Pollo” (chicken sound) and “chancho” (pig sound), recorded for shout-out ringtones. (49:21, 49:32)
- A touching exchange about what they “envy” in each other’s personality—leading to more “perfumed” bonding.
  - Andreu: “Lo que tú tienes y yo no tengo, también lo tengo yo.” (50:18)
- Comic speculation about the world’s first telephone call:
  - Berto: “El invento... no sirvió nadie. Inventó el teléfono. ¿Para qué sirve? No lo sé.” (51:27)
- The show concludes with the promise to see everyone in Madrid, closing with a gentle phone-ring soundscape.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Después de cagar, correr.” —Berto Romero (09:39): Suggesting that humans, like cats, should sprint post-defecation for digestive health.
“El buen abrazo de verdad sincero es el que dura más de seis segundos.” —Berto Romero (18:12): On the science of hugs.
“Nadie va al baño ensabanao. No se va al baño. No.” —Berto Romero (20:46): Dissecting film logic.
“Vosotros vendéis esto con mi puta cara?” —Andreu Buenafuente on the custom perfume (35:14).
“No me gusta, no me representa.” —Berto Romero (47:39): On the failed anthem draft.

Timestamps for Key Segments

Barcelona vs. Madrid banter: 00:35–02:24
Sexy radio parody: 02:24–05:16
Cat poop sprinting & pet ownership: 06:56–14:50
Live on-air hug with Emma: 16:34–19:38
Movie bedroom clichés: 19:38–24:49
Florida Park & TV nostalgia: 25:31–28:13
Perfume surprise/gift segment: 28:14–39:04
Audience memory challenge: 39:42–42:25
Anthem-writing attempt: 43:06–47:01
Chicken ringtone, friendship Q&A, telephone history: 48:09–54:27

Tone and Style

Light, irreverent, and affectionate; the hosts seamlessly blend the absurd with the heartfelt while maintaining a brisk, improvisational rhythm. Audience contributions add intimacy, and frequent callbacks (“Nadie caga nada,” “dos tontos y tú tres”) reinforce the show’s in-joke culture.

Conclusion

This episode is a quintessential “Nadie Sabe Nada”—sharp improv, warmth, audience engagement, and gags that leap from innocent to outrageous and back within seconds. Standout moments include the creation and gifting of the “Cardoner Eau de Colón” perfume (29:14–39:04), the on-air group hug (16:34–19:38), and the anthem attempt “Dos tontos y tú, tres” (43:06–47:01). The result is a deeply entertaining, delightfully unpredictable hour with two of Spain’s top comics at their absolute peak.