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You are listening to the Navigating Adult ADHD podcast with your ADHD coach and expert, Xena. Hello, my friend. Welcome back to Navigating Adult adhd. We are doing it. We're talking about boredom today, and I am looking forward to this one. So what lengths do you. Do you go to to avoid feeling bored? For example, do you hang up on the phone when you're put on hold? Like, even if you are in the middle of, like, resolving an important issue, do you just hang up? Or when you, like, hear the wait time of how long you might have to wait until you get through to somebody, do you just hang up? Do you delay going to bed until you are completely exhausted to avoid the boredom of just having to lie there and kind of wait to fall asleep? Or maybe, like I used to, do you just, like, watch something until you fall asleep? Do you ever start an argument with someone just because you're bored? Maybe eat something and snack when you're not even hungry? I can for sure tick all of those, right? For years, I would actually watch Netflix until I fell asleep. And during the night, whenever I woke up, I'd just turn it off. Like, even today, I read my book until I can barely keep my eyes open. Actually, last night I started reading it and I was just really, really tired. We've just had daylight savings, so I was, like, reading my book and I knew my eyes were practically shut. And at some point I heard my partner, like, click off the light. I've got a little light that shines on my book. It's. And he, like, clicked it off and took the book out of my hands. I fell asleep reading it. Right? So today we are diving into boredom. And this is quite an interesting one. I've done a bit of research on this because from an ADHD brain perspective, I find it quite fascinating. So, According to a 2018 study, one of the key symptoms of ADHD can be this increased tendency to feel bored. So boredom is that uncomfortable feeling that arises when our brain is not getting that stimulation that it craves. Okay? So as people with adhd, we have a higher stimulation threshold, okay? Meaning we need more stimulation than our friends without adhd. So stimulation for us equals dopamine, okay? When something is stimulating, we get the dopamine that we need to power up our brain. Okay? So ADHD brains literally require higher levels of stimulation in order to feel engaged. So it's not like a moral failing, Right? It's just a literal brain wiring difference that we have. And as people with adhd, we experience boredom more frequently and at higher intensities than those without adhd. Okay? Everybody on the planet can experience feeling bored, right? And most people don't like it. But for people with adhd, it can be very uncomfortable. Like, really hard for us. Okay? And here is one of the key reasons why research shows that boredom can be physically painful for us ADHDers. Okay, I'm going to say that one again because I think this is huge and incredibly validating. When we feel bored, right? It can literally light up the pain center in our brain and we can experience physical pain in our bodies. Okay? Boredom can be actually physically painful. Feeling bored usually happens when nothing in your environment captures your interest or your attention. Okay? For example, like if you're sitting in a waiting room waiting for your doctor's appointment, that can be really boring. Or, you know, being on hold. Right? We just use that example. Being on hold. So boring, right? If your work is just dull and uninteresting when you're having to do mundane things, like mundane housework, you know, like laundry and cleaning the kitchen. The kind of shit that, like, needs to be constantly done mundane, right? Right. There was an article I found on attitude.com so a D D. What is it? A D D I T U D e dot com. I use them a lot. They're a great source. But there was an article there, and it had asked people with adhd, what does boredom feel like for you? So I'm going to quote a couple of people who shared their experience. So one, boredom is almost painful, like wearing an itchy coat but you can't scratch. I was like, ooh, yeah. Nothing worse than an itch you can't scratch. Another one. I experience boredom as a profound inner restlessness. It isn't just like, I want to do something else. It's like, I must do something else. It's like that restlessness is crawling under my skin. And one more. My kid used to bite and headbutt as a toddler when she had to wait or, you know, when there was nothing to do. And it's only now that she's older, I understand her situation. And I recognize that the dread that she felt when she was not engaged in something is what was, you know, leading to that behavior. I compare the anxiety and the emotion of overwhelm to feeling the same with underwhelm, where the lack of something to engage in presents itself as fear, physical anxiety. I just thought that those were such great examples of what this experience can be like for us. So I wanted to talk about some of the consequences of boredom. Because when we are so afraid of experiencing boredom, that can lead to some not great things. So let's talk about that. For example, the desire to avoid boredom can lead us to engage in activities that can be problematic, right? For example, if you were, say, in a class classroom setting, like, I see this one with kids all the time. And like, I was this kid, eventually I got to this place when I came, overcame my shy face where, like, you would, like, call out in class and be disruptive, right? Like yelling out when you're not supposed to, throwing, you know, like screwed up bits of paper around the class, like getting yourself in trouble, right? Also, engaging in risky behaviors. Infidelity is another one in, like, relationship problems. Like, if you're feeling kind of like dull and bored in your relationship, then that can course lead to, you know, either infidelity, risky kind of behavior, et cetera. Because emotional regulation is something that is harder for adults with adhd, right? The experience of boredom can be really distressing, right? It can feel so intense that we will do almost anything to escape that. Even things that are not good for us. So ADHD boredom can lead to activities that can make us feel more isolated, right? Such as, like, increased screen time. There was one study I came across, a 2018 study, and it was between ADHD in adolescents and addiction. And they showed that there is a significant link between Internet addiction and ADHD adolescents. Right? And it makes sense because screen time is such an easy go to option that we have, like, we all have access to these days when we are bored, like, we just grab out our phone and start scrolling, right? What is my go to when I'm, like, sitting in the doctor's office waiting to be seen or standing in line at, like, the checkout? What is my go to? It's to grab my phone out my pocket, check my emails, then hop over to Instagram. Start scrolling, right? Another one of the consequences that kind of leads on from that is addiction, right? Becoming addicted to things that can often come with a negative consequence, right? Like, more screen time can lead to more isolation, right? It might be, you know, substance abuse, like, you know, drinking more alcohol, what have you. Because we're trying to numb that pain of that restlessness that. That boredom. There is this beautiful quote. I'm a huge fan of Anna Lemke, right? So she's the author of Dopamine Nation. Everybody should go and read it or actually listen to it because the audio version, like, was so good. She starts with this story that just, like, captured my attention. I was like, what the. Where is this going? It was a wild story. I'm not going to give it away, but it was excellent, right? But anyway, one of the quotes in her book is this. The rest the. Hang on, start again. The relentless pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain always leads to pain. When we are like unwilling to feel bored. Like we're pursuing this pleasure, when we're pursuing this like, stimulation, this need to constantly be occupied doing things, feel good, whatever, right? Like that constant pursuit of pleasure and that avoidance of pain, right? The pain. Being feeling bored feels so uncomfortable and like physically painful. That leads us to pain, right? And she does a beautiful job of explaining it in the book and why that is and like linking it back to dopamine and stuff. Like, I definitely recommend it as a must read. So boredom is one of the things that people with ADHD fear the most. Like we really fear this and we will go to great lengths to avoid experiencing it, right? I can so relate to that one. Right? I used to be absolutely terrified of being bored. Like, I couldn't have told you that that was what was happening. But I would fill every minute of every single day from the moment I woke up in the morning. Like, I was just filling my life with noise and entertainment and, and things that would guarantee I never experienced boredom. Like I would wake up when, when the alarm went off, I would wake up and I would just put Netflix on. Like my iPad mini was sitting next to my bed. I would put the Netflix on. I'd carry it all over the house with me. When I was in the toilet, when I was in the shower, like it was still playing. It was everywhere with me. Then I get in the car. What do I do? I get in the car, I either play music or I listen to a podcast on my lunch break. What am I doing? I'm scrolling on my phone, right? Like it was this constant like thing that I would repeat it, the whole thing again on the drive home. And my iPad, it was like literally within 30 seconds of me walking in the house, it was on the kitchen bench and it would be switched on straight way. I would fall asleep with it playing. Because God forbid, like I had to listen to my own brain or, you know, like I. I could get bored, right? I was terrified of having to listen to myself think of hearing all of the self critical thoughts and judgments I had about myself and my life, right? Boredom is not just boring, it can also be terrifying. It forces us to come face to face with the bigger questions in life. Like about meaning, about purpose, about where we're going what we're doing, right? So, yeah, my friend, boredom is hard. It is uncomfortable. So what can we do about it, right? The opposite of bored is interested. And we know people with ADHD are motivated by interest, right? We have that interest based attention system, right? We know as people with adhd, we require more stimulation in our environment in order to be able to sustain our attention. Right? Again, stimulation equals dopamine. We've got a little bit less dopamine in our brain, so we get that increased stimulation. We produce more dopamine. It helps our brain to function. So in doing research for this episode, right, all of the articles I read, every single one, right? All of the research that I ran through, it talked about ways to avoid boredom, as if that was the solution. And I 100% disagree. I'm not going to tell you how to avoid it. All right? Here's what I know. We already know how to avoid it. In fact, I think we go to great lengths to avoid being bored. The solution is not to avoid it. We already know how to do that. We're good at that, right? And here's the truth, right? Boredom is not something that can always be avoided. Now, my friend, I want to prepare you for what I'm about to say, okay? This is maybe hard to believe, but I want you to hear me out, okay? Sometimes boredom is a good thing. Okay? Stick with me for a minute. Being bored allows us to get creative. Being bored is an opportunity for discovery, right? Sometimes it's self discovery, right? It's an opportunity for invention. And being bored builds resilience, right? So I want to tell you about what I have dubbed the name Project Sunday, okay? Project Sunday. Every Sunday I go device free, meaning no phone and no laptop between the hours of 9 to 5, okay? Now for some people, they'd be like, big deal. I don't know about you, but for me, that's a big fucking deal. Practically, like glued to my phone and my laptop, okay? So every Sunday I go, no phone, no laptop between the hours of nine to five. And what happens? I get bored, right? So I started this last year and I kind of went off track a bit. And I've come back to it again this year. But what I was doing last year is I would spend most of that day, most of that Sunday, like, staying busy. I'd be like, great, okay, this is an opportunity. I get to clean the house, weed the garden, get ready for the new week. So I'm like, I'm gonna, you know, throw in some meat in the O and do some meal prep. I'm gonna throw some stuff out. I'm gonna go for coffee with friends. Like, oh, I'm gonna go over to the beach and go for a swim. Like, I would just fill out my day with all these other things that didn't require a phone or a laptop, right? And while I still do some of those things, right, I now let myself get bored. Right? Instead of having to fill up the day with staying busy and being stimulated, I am now quite deliberate about letting myself get bored. And you know what? I'm not gonna lie. It's been uncomfor, but it's also been so fascinating. Like, I love the human brain. Like, oh, my gosh, ADHD brains are, like, the best thing in the world. Like, ADHD people in general, my favorite people. Like, we're the best humans. Don't get me started on that. Like, we're just so fun. But anyway, like, doing this as, like, an experiment on myself has just been. Yeah. Really uncomfortable, but so fascinating. Okay, so I now have started on most of my Sundays, I start journaling, come kind of, like, mid afternoon. Like, I've got all of these different things, like, floating through my head, and so I want to start getting it out of my head and I want to write about it. So that's how, if you listen to. I think it's maybe two episodes back, I talked about my recent burnout and everything I learned that came from me getting bored and wanting to, like, learn from it and wanting to, like, journal on it and just asking myself all of these fascinating, interesting questions and, like, looking back on it, like, I allowed myself to get bored enough that I wanted to, like, do that. Right? I have been journaling on the most interesting things and having so many, like, discovery moments and, like, interesting questions that I've been, like, exploring and asking about myself, about the ADHD brain. That's, you know, I think, helping me better understand myself and other people, but also helping me better understand my life. Because one of the questions I was prompted to kind of reflect on and explore this past weekend is like, what do I like about my life? And it came from my partner in passing. He said, oh, I really like our life. And I was like, yeah, actually I do too. Why do I like it? What bits do I like? What bits do I not like? Like, it was just such a fascinating thing for me to play with, but only because I was, like, bored at the time, and I was like, oh, that's interesting. Right? My brain grabbed onto it. Also, I have revisited old hobbies right? When you get bored, you start thinking about the stuff that you used to do, the things that you used to enjoy, right? I've started painting again. Like, pulled out some of the craft supplies in the wardrobe, started painting. I started drawing. I used to draw as a kid. I was quite good at drawing and I was like, oh, I might just start drawing. Like, just grabbed out a book, started drawing in it, right? There was this one Sunday where I just wanted to sit in the sun. And we were in this beautiful location where it was the weekend we were away. I've talked about it on the podcast before, but we were away at this like, cabin in the woods. I just wanted to sit in the sun, on the grass and just look at the nature. And like, I watched the bees and the birds flying around and then like the leaves blowing and just like all of the landscape and it was just. I sat there for probably a good 30, 40 minutes just doing that, right? Wild. And for some people it'd be like so boring. But at the time it was just, it was actually a really fun activity, right? I have let myself, like, think about the future, about my goals, about, you know, how I want to make things happen, what I want to keep, what I want to let go of, what I want to do. Like, it's really allowed a lot of creativity. So I'll tell you what, right? Every single Sunday, I know I'm going to get bored, right? And I know I'm going to do this whole nine to five, no device thing, right? By choice. And what happens every Sunday, I experience resistance and discomfort, right? Like every Sunday. But I always get to this place of like, you know, it's in the second half of the day, like, you know, probably sort of from more so like 2, 3 to 5 onwards. Those last sort of few hours, I get to this place where like, I feel a lot of ease. Like, I feel. It's really hard to describe. It's not something I'm very much used to, but it's a lot of ease. But I also find so much joy in the simple things. Like I start looking at a flower and I'm like, man, that's a beautiful flower. Or be like, I've never noticed that before. That's really nice, right? Like, I start to like find joy and appreciation in things that I'm not necessarily seeing or aware of or stopping to look at. And what happens, like, this is fascinating. Every time I do this, by the time five o' clock rolls around, right? And I can go jump on my phone, whatever, and Start scrolling. I don't want to. And that's weird because, like, I, you know, I'm practically attached to that thing. But when I have done this all day and I've got bored and I have found joy in other things, when five o' clock comes around, I'm, like, resistant to get on my phone, right? And that's wild to me. But at the same time, I have joined, enjoyed. I've got to this place of, like, enjoying the space. So I want to acknowledge, right, Boredom can feel scary as shit, right? But it's also the doorway to creativity, to reflection, and to this different kind of rest, okay? A very powerful kind of rest that our brain very rarely gets. And, my friend, boredom is temporary, okay? But what comes from allowing ourselves to get bored can be incredibly rewarding. So I think of boredom as a tool, a tool that we have access to, right? Here's another way that can be quite helpful to think about it, okay? You know Aunt Betty who comes to all of the family functions, and she's like the weird, crazy aunt who says, like, really inappropriate shit and, like, really annoying things and, like, stirs the pot, right? And then she goes home again, right? We tolerate her, right? Boredom can be a bit like that. So, my friend, when was the last time you let yourself be bored? Next time you're in a waiting room, right? Or maybe you're in the checkout line. I invite you not to grab out your phone, not to occupy yourself with, you know, doing something, but instead, I invite you to let yourself get bored just for a couple of minutes and see what happens, right? Remember, just like Aunt Betty, boredom will eventually leave. You don't have to love it, but it will bring into your life good stories and interesting experiences. All right? Huge love, my friend. My wish for you this week is that you allow yourself a few minutes to get bored, okay? Feel free to come hang out on Instagram and tell me all about it. Tell me what happens navigating Adult adhd. All right, Huge love. Take care. I'll speak to you soon. Hey, friend, if you want some more help navigating and thriving with ADHD and some help applying everything that you're learning here on the podcast, then head over to our website, navigating adultadhd.com.