Navigating Adult ADHD – Episode #160

Why ADHDers Stim: The Hidden Purpose Behind Repetitive Behaviours
Host: Xena Jones
Date: April 6, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Xena Jones dives into the world of "stimming"—the repetitive behaviours often seen in people with ADHD (as well as autism). She shares personal anecdotes, science-backed explanations, and coaching strategies to help listeners better understand why these behaviours happen, their purpose, and how to approach them with self-compassion. The episode is practical, honest, and empowering, aiming to normalize stimming and reduce associated shame.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

What is Stimming? (05:31)

• Definition: Stimming (short for "self-stimulatory behaviour") involves repetitive movements, sounds, or sensory actions the brain/nervous system uses for self-regulation.
• Purpose: Can help calm, soothe, settle, or even stimulate the brain. Not exclusive to autism; common in ADHD too.
• Examples:
  • Leg bouncing, toe wiggling, hair twirling, skin or cuticle picking, pen tapping, humming, rocking, playing the same song on repeat, pacing, doodling, chewing gum, rubbing soft fabrics, clicking nails, etc.
• Personal Story: Xena describes how her partner pointed out that she often wiggles her toes unconsciously—a behaviour she's had for years without notice. (03:37)

Notable Quote

“Stimming is just repetitive actions or body movements, and that can also include making noises... It’s your body trying to help you.”
— Xena Jones, (05:58)

Why Do ADHDers Stim? (13:13)

• Regulation: Helps manage sensory inputs, calm down, or stimulate when under-aroused.
• Handling Stress/Overwhelm: Discharges tension or anxiety.
• Expressing Feelings: Both strong positive and negative emotions (e.g., excitement, joy, stress).
• Dopamine Seeking: Stimming provides novelty or satisfaction for dopamine-deficient brains.
• Focus Aid: Movement or sensory input can help the brain stay engaged (e.g., stress balls, fidget rings).

Notable Quotes

"It acts as almost a side quest that helps the main quest to stay alive."
— Xena Jones, (14:38)

“Stimming can be a way our emotions come through our body, how we help to sort of process them, move them through our body.”
— Xena Jones, (18:26)

The Different Faces of Stimming: Joy and Stress (18:41)

• Joy Stimming: When emotion bubbles over into movement or sound (e.g., clapping, flapping hands, bouncing, repeating happy phrases).
• Stress Stimming: Occurs when experiencing anxiety or frustration; may manifest as nail or skin picking, pacing, etc.

Notable Quote

“Sometimes the feeling is so big that it doesn’t just want to stay in your head—it spills out of your hands and your legs and your voice and your body.”
— Xena Jones, (19:07)

Stimming, Fidgeting, and Habits: What’s the Difference? (22:38)

• Overlap Exists: Fidgeting is often one kind of stimming; habits can overlap.
• Key Question: Not what to call it, but what is it doing for you?
  • Is it helping focus?
  • Is it calming?
  • Is it giving needed sensory input?
  • Does it appear more in certain emotional states?
• Patterns Matter: The same stim can occur in different circumstances for different functional reasons.

Notable Quote

"The question is not what do we call it? The question is, what is it doing for me?"
— Xena Jones, (23:04)

Shame, Masking, and Internalized Messages about Stimming (32:45)

• Messages from Childhood: Many ADHDers hear "stop fidgeting, stay still, be normal" and internalize shame.
• Masking: Suppressing stims to fit in or avoid judgement, which is exhausting and unhealthy.
• Compassionate Reframe: Moving your body is not bad; stimming is morally neutral and always has a purpose.
• Shifting the Question: Instead of "How do I stop?" or "What’s wrong with me?", ask, "How is this helping me?"

Notable Quotes

“Trying to hold a beach ball underwater. You can do it for a while, but it’s going to take effort... eventually you’re going to get tired and that ball’s going to come flying back up, probably hit you in the face on the way.”
— Xena Jones, on masking stims (35:13)

“Stimming is always serving a purpose... It’s not rude, you are not broken, it’s not childish and it’s definitely nothing that we should be ashamed of just because someone else does not understand it.”
— Xena Jones, (37:01)

Practical Strategies for Understanding and Supporting Stimming (42:08)

1. Notice Your Patterns
   • Identify what stims you do, when, and in response to what triggers.
   • Observe any attempts to minimize or suppress these behaviours.
   • Example: Doodling during Toastmasters helped Xena pay better attention, despite pressure to “look attentive” by sitting still. (43:32)
2. Look for the Function
   • Ask: Is it supporting focus? Calming? Boredom? Overwhelm? Sensory need?
3. Keep the Helpful Stims
   • Allow yourself supportive stims without shame, even if others don’t get it.
   • Keep fidget items or toys handy (stress balls, fidget rings, etc.).
4. Substitute Unhelpful/Harmful Stims
   • Replace damaging behaviours (e.g., skin picking, cheek biting) with safer alternatives (e.g., fidget rings, putty, “picky stones,” gum, crunchy snacks, chewable items).
   • Focus on substitution rather than suppression.

Notable Quote

“It’s more about substitution rather than suppression, right, my friend?”
— Xena Jones, (49:33)

Key Takeaways & Closing Thoughts (51:12)

• Stimming is normal: Always serves a positive purpose for regulation, focus, emotional expression, and coping.
• Self-acceptance: If it isn’t harming you or others, support your stims instead of shaming or suppressing them.
• Reframe: Your body is helping you, not sabotaging you.
• You’re not alone: The experience of stimming is common, and you have permission to embrace it.

Notable Quote

“Your body has just been trying to help you all along. Your body has been trying to regulate and get what it needs all along, right? Welcome to the team. I am just like you, I do this all the time.”
— Xena Jones, (54:04)

Suggested Further Action (56:00)

• Notice your own stimming with curiosity, not judgement.
• Explore supportive stimming strategies and focus on what helps you thrive.
• For more support and coaching tools, visit navigatingadultadhd.com

Memorable Moments & Quotes with Timestamps

| Timestamp | Quote/Story | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:37 | “My partner...said to me, do you know you're wiggling your toes right now? And I had no idea...” | | 14:38 | “It acts as almost a side quest that helps the main quest to stay alive.” | | 19:07 | “Sometimes the feeling is so big that it doesn’t just want to stay in your head...” | | 23:04 | “The question is not what do we call it? The question is, what is it doing for me?” | | 35:13 | “[Masking stims is like] trying to hold a beach ball underwater.” | | 37:01 | “Stimming is always serving a purpose...it’s definitely nothing that we should be ashamed of...” | | 54:04 | “Your body has just been trying to help you all along... Welcome to the team.” |

Episode Flow Guide

• [03:37] – Xena’s personal stimming anecdotes
• [05:31] – Definition and examples of stimming
• [13:13] – The purpose and function of stimming in ADHD
• [18:41] – Joy stimming vs stress stimming
• [22:38] – Differentiating stimming, fidgeting, habits; functional questions to ask
• [32:45] – Addressing shame, masking, and the social stigma around stimming
• [42:08] – Four steps: notice, function, keep, substitute supportive stims
• [51:12] – Key takeaways and concluding encouragement

Listening to your body and understanding your stimming is a path toward self-compassion and thriving with ADHD.