NearlyParents – “Jamie vs. The LABOUR SIMULATOR” (Oct 5, 2025)

Hosts: Jamie Laing & Sophie Habboo
Produced by: JamPot Productions
Podcast Theme: Hilarious and honest conversations on pregnancy, baby prep, relationship changes, and the journey to first-time parenthood

Episode Overview

In this lively, laugh-out-loud episode, Jamie and Sophie dive into all things pregnancy, focusing on the daily realities they’re facing as they approach parenthood. The highlight: Jamie braves a labour simulator in a comical, revealing segment. The couple touch candidly on sleep struggles, pregnancy anxieties, baby prep, unexpected bodily changes, and the wild world of relationship dynamics when expecting. Expect overshares, expert-level banter, honest confessions, and, of course, Sophie and Jamie’s signature humour and warmth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sleepless Nights & Pregnancy Woes

[02:08–09:54]

• Jamie and Sophie passionately (and humorously) describe their nightly sleep struggles. Sophie wakes up constantly to use the bathroom, battles numb limbs and heartburn, and relates a horror story about pregnancy leg cramps.

• Jamie plays the “doting husband,” fetching Sophie’s massive Stanley water cup nightly, only for it to crash to the floor in the dark.

• Sophie details the weird physical sensations of pregnancy—like the “gag-worthy” feeling when tensing her abs, or the repulsion of biting things with sensitive teeth.

• Jamie, meanwhile, complains (playfully) about his “man down” status and his own sleep–the couple squabble affectionately about whose nightly woes are worse.

  Quote:
  “She does ten wheezing every single night… There is a lot going on at the moment, which is great and I’m very appreciative, but it’s a little bit tiring.” —Jamie Laing [02:55]

• Sophie admits craving lemons constantly and explains how even her sense of smell goes haywire (complaining about Jamie’s “cheesy chips”).

2. Are We Ready for This? Baby Prep and Anxiety

[10:40–15:27]

• Jamie declares Sophie is “on epic form,” but Sophie admits she’s anxious because they feel unprepared.

• Discussion about advice overload—Jamie tends to take strangers’ parenting advice at face value, which frustrates Sophie.

• They comically debate whether babies should literally be bathed in mud to boost their immunity.

• Sophie pleads with Jamie to read just one baby book (“You’ve read the same book for a year and a half!”) [13:31]

  Quote:
  “If anyone comes and kisses my newborn baby, I will punch you in the face.” —Sophie Habboo [12:37]

3. Body Talk: Sex After Birth, Kegels & Laser Hair Removal

[15:27–22:27]

• Unfiltered chat about post-birth bodies and intimacy: Both confess anxiety about sex after childbirth, with genuine (and comical) questions about “Will my vagina bounce back?” and the necessity of Kegels.

• Sophie discusses the cruel irony that years of painful and expensive laser hair removal are reversed by pregnancy hormones.

  Memorable Moments:

  • “I don’t think there’s anything sexy about me lying with my legs open and you shoving your thumb in a U shape in my vagina.” —Sophie Habboo [17:03]
  • Jamie tries to describe Sophie’s pubic hair pattern—Sophie immediately vetoes this overshare! [20:54]

• Sophie’s top tip: Don’t bother with laser hair removal until after pregnancy—just use a razor!

4. Freshers Week Nostalgia & Relationship Histories

[22:27–24:00]

• Both reminisce about their university Freshers Week—debating whether they would’ve hit it off back then.
• Sophie confesses to dodging a uni boyfriend in favour of new potential love interests!

5. “Dictionary Corner” — Pregnancy Edition

[24:00–25:38]

• Sophie quizzes Jamie with pregnancy terms:

  • Stretch and sweep: Jamie guesses (wildly); Sophie explains it’s a method to encourage labour.
  • Milk blister: Both react with mock horror—Sophie is especially grossed out.
  • Discuss nipple milking; Jamie is disturbingly enthusiastic to try.

  Quote:
  “I can milk my nipples.” —Jamie Laing [25:15]

6. Listener Stories & Community Connection

[29:04–36:32]

• Sophie and Jamie read wild, embarrassing, and heartwarming listener messages:

  • A hilariously bad hook-up with a “flumpy dick” (marshmallow analogy) [29:12–31:24]
  • Travel horror story: public “chart” (accidental poo) in Barcelona, complete with frantic bathroom chase [31:30–32:45]
  • A touching love story rekindled through loss and time [33:07–34:23]
  • A candid letter on male infertility and the hidden struggles men face [34:27–36:12]

  Quote:
  “It’s so common, yet hardly anyone ever talks about it… You are incredible. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to struggle. And it’s so important to talk about it.” —Listener message on male fertility [34:27]

7. Jamie vs. The Labour Simulator: “Contraction Reaction”

[36:32–40:49]

• The episode’s main event! Jamie is strapped to a labour pain simulator and must answer rapid-fire baby- and birth-related trivia.

• Every wrong answer cranks up the simulated contractions. Sophie relishes Jamie’s shrieks; Jamie is horrified at the intensity.

• Notable trivia from the segment:

  • Full term pregnancy: 40 weeks [37:25]
  • Most common UK birth month: September (Jamie answers “November”—WRONG, contraction!) [37:32]
  • Newborns’ first poo is black; babies can cry with an accent; brains grow fastest in year one; milk temperature checked on wrist, and more

• The simulator gets up to level 10 before Jamie forces a stop, declaring, “That is abuse!”

  Quote:
  “I can’t do anymore… I think I’ll die.” —Jamie Laing [39:42]

8. Weird Pregnancy Tip of the Week

[40:49–41:12]

• This week’s wildest tip: “Eating guinea pig meat during pregnancy will make the baby’s hair grow.” Both agree… that’s very, very questionable.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Sophie on boundaries: “No one's kissing my baby… I will punch you in the face.” [12:37]
• On post-birth sex: “Imagine, you’ve really been… you’d quite probably like to have sex sooner. I’m just fearful that, you know, it’s dilated to 10cm.” —Sophie [15:56]
• Jamie on the simulator: “Sophie, it’s like a gunshot, I can’t do anymore!” [39:12]
• Sophie on laser clinics: “Anyone who’s getting lasered and you want to get pregnant, just stop. Just do it post-babies… Get the razor, it’s three pounds.” [22:14]
• Listener wisdom: “You deserve support just as much as anyone. After many tests, we’re finally getting closer to the answers and IVF might be our next step. Unless a real miracle happens.” [34:27]

Timestamps for Important Topics

• [02:08] Sleep struggles, “man down,” and late-night antics
• [07:10] Pregnancy pain, muscle cramps, absurd bodily sensations
• [10:48] How are you feeling? Winter excitement + exhaustion
• [11:16] “Epic form,” but unprepared for baby
• [12:36] Boundaries with visitors & dirt debate
• [13:29] Sophie’s plea for Jamie to read a baby book
• [15:27] Sex after birth and the state of the vagina
• [17:00] Kegels, perineal massage, dilation checks discussion
• [20:07] Laser hair removal and pregnancy
• [22:27] Freshers week nostalgia
• [24:00] Pregnancy “Dictionary Corner”
• [29:04] Listener messages: wild hook-ups, travelling disasters, love & loss, infertility
• [36:32] Labour simulator “Contraction Reaction” quiz
• [40:49] Weird pregnancy tip of the week

Overall Episode Vibe

Bubbly, raucous, and deeply candid, this episode balances irreverent humour with flashes of genuine vulnerability. It’s a relatable, often laugh-out-loud account of modern pregnancy and coupledom, unafraid to tackle taboo subjects and bodily realities. Jamie and Sophie’s chemistry and quick-fire banter make even the strangest parenting anxieties feel light (and strangely reassuring).

If you’ve never tuned in before, this episode showcases NearlyParents at its best: a mix of overshares, hilarious “too real” moments, touching listener stories, and the ultimate experiment in empathy—a labour simulator that brings Jamie to his knees.

Contact:

• Instagram: @NearlyParentsPodcast
• Email: nearlyparents@jampotproductions.co.uk
• Voice Note: SpeakPipe