Jamie’s fingers slip somewhere SHOCKING

Summary

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NearlyParents: Jamie’s Fingers Slip Somewhere SHOCKING

Podcast: NearlyParents by JamPot Productions
Hosts: Jamie Laing & Sophie Habboo
Guest: Poppy Child, Doula
Date: September 21, 2025

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Episode Overview

This vibrant, no-filter episode of NearlyParents captures Jamie and Sophie’s hilarious, honest journey through pregnancy. They kick off with playful banter over Jamie’s questionable fashion choices and dive deep into the physical and emotional rollercoaster of impending parenthood—everything from pregnancy mishaps, oversharing on bodily functions, birth fears, and sex, to practical prep (including how to give a perineal massage!). The couple is joined by doula Poppy Child, who provides hands-on advice about birth, pain management, and being a supportive partner, all delivered with gentle humor and candor.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Jamie’s Fashion Sense & Couple Dynamics

Timestamp: 03:09–06:20

• Sophie cheekily roasts Jamie’s outfit: white jeans, black suit socks, and Croc and Jones shoes (“It’s probably what your dad wore”).

  “You have an addiction to bomber jackets. You don’t wear any of them. And they’re all girls.” – Sophie (03:48)

• Jamie confesses he relies on Sophie for outfit approval and feels insecure without her affirmation.
• Their banter is affectionate and loaded with inside jokes about style, sleep habits, and pet peeves.

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2. Pregnancy Realness: Coccyx Disasters, Birth Pain, and Overshares

Timestamp: 07:03–12:00

• Sophie reveals her coccyx has popped out due to pregnancy strain, sharing details about the pain and the unglamorous potential fix:

  “I might have to have a glove...like, the only way I can picture me on all fours... and a blue glove going onto the doctor’s hand and then him shoving his hand in my... Like, that’s a cow. Oh, it’s really glamorous.” – Sophie (08:24)

• Jamie jokingly suggests making a Halloween costume out of her predicament, riffing on cow imagery.
• The pair riff on constipation, piles, misunderstood medical terms (e.g., “coccyxic vein”), and what birth might actually feel like, referencing Sophie’s mom’s harrowing description:

  "It feels like 18 bones in your body have just broken all at once." – Sophie, quoting her mom (10:27)

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3. Sex, Birth, and Induction – Awkward Anticipations

Timestamp: 12:05–16:21

• The topic of sex to induce labor sparks genuinely funny and frank exchanges about body image, awkwardness, and suggested positions as Sophie’s pregnancy advances:
  • “I’d have to be like strapped and like held up in order to do it from the ceiling.” – Sophie, on 69ing while pregnant (13:40)
  • “It might be awkward. It’s been that long.” – Sophie (12:33)
• The discussion exposes both the vulnerability and humor in navigating intimacy during late pregnancy.

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4. Pregnancy Terms & Dictionary Corner

Timestamp: 17:07–18:25

• Sophie tests Jamie on pregnancy vocabulary, with “edema” (swelling) as the word of the day.
• Jamie jokes about Sophie’s swollen “bucket hands” while she laments not fitting her rings.
  • “I swear, when I—I’m losing the breath and the will to live day by day being my—” – Sophie (18:19)

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5. Listener Messages – Wild Stories from the Community

Timestamp: 22:38–28:52

• The couple shares outrageous and sometimes graphic listener anecdotes:
  • Murphy the Cat: Cat jumps into post-coital mess and licks itself clean.

    “He pounced onto the bed—paws landing straight into the cum on my chest with a huge splat.” – Sophie reading listener’s email (23:36)

  • Constipation Woes: Pregnant listener tries the “tiger mum trick” of bum-licking (with a wipe) to finally pass a “chocolate raisin” after days of not pooping.
  • Heartfelt Love Story: Listener Emma shares a moving account of an international relationship during Covid, pregnancy apart, and family finally reunited for their baby's birth.

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6. Enter Doula Poppy Child: Birth Preparation & Partner Guidance

Timestamp: 29:54–47:14

Doula vs. Midwife

• Poppy explains: doulas are not medically trained but provide continuous, holistic support, becoming part of the family.

  “Doulas... get to know you, become part of the family, cook you food, and then they support you during your birth. It’s like continuity of care.” – Poppy (30:16)

Key Birth Partner Tips

• Main role is to “protect the bubble”—keep the mood calm and undisturbed so labor can progress with minimal outside interference.

  “You want to be in the zone, switching off the thinking brain.” – Poppy (31:01)

• Jamie and Poppy riff on how a birth partner’s actions (or franticness) can either help or hinder.

Techniques for Birth & Pain Management

• Sonic Breaths & “Floppy Face”: Making a loose face and vocalizing during contractions helps keep the pelvic floor relaxed.

  “In the birth world, we say floppy face, floppy fanny.” – Poppy (34:15)

• Honesty About Pain: Acknowledges pain is “intense, not harmful”—reframe as functional and productive.

  “No matter how intense this is, these contractions can’t harm me... They’re not causing you harm.” – Poppy (36:41)

Role Play & Setting Boundaries

• Poppy guides Jamie not to bombard Sophie with anxious questions during labor.

  “I really don’t want him to say, ‘are you okay?’” – Sophie (38:36)

  • Jamie admits stress is his “kryptonite” but claims he’s working on it.

Perineal Massage Demo

• Practical, step-by-step demo using a squash! The conversation is both graphic and laugh-out-loud.
  • Lubricated thumbs, U-shape motion, no touching the anus.

  “Are they cut?” – Poppy (re: Jamie’s fingernails, 42:14) “Do not go in there.” – Poppy on the anus (42:30)

• Benefits: Regular perineal massage can reduce likelihood of severe tearing in first-time births.

Sex During Pregnancy

• Poppy is candid: “No, I closed shop.” The group agrees abstinence is common and normal.

“Oxytocin Bubble”

• Poppy plugs her audio track designed to foster calm and deepen connection with baby during labor (47:05).

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7. Memorable Quotes & Banter

• “Your hair looks gorgeous...Just think it’s unique.” – Sophie softens the roast (05:53)
• “I’d like you to be on top. Oh my God. That’s a lot of women. It’s a lot of women on top of me.” – Jamie, on sexual anticipation (13:08)
• “You gobbler.” – Jamie, when Sophie wants two Rennies for heartburn (05:40)
• “All your little nuggets of joy out there, your little poopsicles that you poop on towels...” – Jamie (28:38)
• “This couldn’t be it. But suddenly I realized my pain was gone at last. I stared at this raisin and tipped it into the bowl…” – Anonymous listener (25:09)

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Noteworthy Segments & Timestamps

• Jamie’s Style Offense – 03:09–06:20
• Sophie’s Coccyx Drama – 07:03–09:06
• Sex and Induction Position Game – 12:05–14:24
• Listener Story: Cat Chaos – 22:45–24:49
• Doula Poppy Joins – 29:54
• Perineal Massage Demo – 42:03–45:54
• “Oxytocin Bubble” Resource – 46:44

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Tone & Overall Vibe

• Unfiltered, playful, and irreverent – Jamie and Sophie riff off each other in a way that’s both hilarious and disarmingly candid.
• Supportive and honest – They balance laughs with genuine vulnerability, especially regarding pain, fear, and relationship challenges.
• Educational but lighthearted – Poppy’s presence grounds the episode in practical advice, all while keeping things non-intimidating.

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Conclusion

This episode delivers the ultimate combination of “TMI,” honest support, and practical tips for parents-to-be—or anyone interested in the wild truths of pregnancy and partnership. Whether discussing Jamie’s bold fashion, Sophie’s coccyx escapades, labor pain, or perineal massage techniques with a squash, it’s a wild, warm-hearted ride. Poppy Child’s advice is a standout, demystifying birth fears and offering real, actionable guidance for birth partners and mothers alike.

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For more insights, relatable laughs, or to join the postpartum TMI club, subscribe and follow @NearlyParentsPodcast!

Transcript

[Jamie Lang]

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Nearly Parents Today.

[Sophie Lang]

On the episode, we talk about Jamie's unique fashion sense.

[Jamie Lang]

Sophie talks about having a hand up her asshole.

[Sophie Lang]

Jamie talks about perineal massages or a tantrum.

[Jamie Lang]

And we have a doula on the show. Today's show is really special and amazing. Now, two things I want to say before we start. If you haven't subscribed to the show, please do. It does us wonders. But the second thing is this. I've actually written a book. It's called Boys Don't Cry. And it's an A to Z of everything that we don't talk about. So, anxiety, loneliness, best friend checking in, kindness. So many different things that we don't talk about in this book. And I wrote it because I truly believe that as a nation, we're really not talking about the important things. So if you think someone needs to read this book or you have a friend, a brother, a sibling, an aunt, an uncle, a son that you think would need this book, go and check our podcast description. You can pre order the book right now. And I truly believe it will help so many people who read it. Isn't that right, honey?

[Sophie Lang]

It's amazing, guys. I'm very proud of him. Thank you. Please go support and read.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. Enjoy the episode.

[Anonymous Listener]

Did I talk too much? Can't I just let it go?

[Jamie Lang]

I wish I would stop.

[Poppy Child]

Take a breath.

[Sophie Lang]

You're not alone.

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[Jamie Lang]

Hello, I'm Jamie Lang.

[Sophie Lang]

And I'm Sophie Lang.

[Jamie Lang]

And we've been married for two years.

[Sophie Lang]

And we're having a baby.

[Jamie Lang]

Yes, we are.

[Poppy Child]

Are you ready?

[Jamie Lang]

Let's go. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Nearly Parents. It's Jamie here and this is my wife Sophie.

[Sophie Lang]

And Jamie is wearing, for the listeners who don't watch our YouTube, white jeans with black suit socks. And then what I can only describe as Croc and Jones suit shoes. And if you know what Croc and Joe's are, it's probably what your dad wore. That's what it's giving suit black shoes. Now, I've spoken previously about one of the biggest eggs men wearing their jeans and their suit shoes. It is an illegal combo. You have not only paired jeans with suit suit shoes. You've gone for bold white with the black and then a dark blue tucked in. Now I will say up until the shoes, it's quite okay.

[Jamie Lang]

Do you know what is so upsetting about this whole thing? Sophie was having a lovely massage this morning because she's pregnant and she needs to rest. I'm sorry that I'm not gonna ever do that again. That came out of nowhere and I'm so sorry.

[Sophie Lang]

I hope everyone, like comes for you after this. This is what I deal with on a regular basis. Look, when I first started dating you, okay, yeah, you always wore quite out their outfits. I wouldn't say they necessarily went you then, but they were like whatever. They were you and they were fun and they were cool. You then tried to go like very work wise and it was all the tight TE's and the tight trousuit trousers and look, I get it. You want to be taken seriously in the work environment. But I would argue that the pre the maiden Chelsea Jamie's outfits were much better for me.

[Jamie Lang]

Are you kidding me? Are you saying that what I'm wearing now is not good?

[Sophie Lang]

No, I like the jeans, I like the top, but it's a different look. Like you were very much like a bomber jacket with a baggy teeth. Like it.

[Jamie Lang]

You told me I can't wear, I can't buy any more bomber jackets.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah, because you have an addiction to bomber jackets. You don't wear any of them. And they're all girls.

[Jamie Lang]

No, they're not.

[Sophie Lang]

And they're so big for me.

[Jamie Lang]

So you want Me to start wearing the bomber jackets now?

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

I walked in, Sophie was having a massage. I looked at. I said, can I wear these shoes with this outfit? Because I'm insecure about what to wear unless Sophie gives me credibility with them. She looked at me, she peeled a little eye open and she went, yeah, that looks great. I walk into work, I'm like, great, fantastic. I get in here, King Yui puts them on and pretends to be Michael Jackson doing a moonwalk. And I was a bit like, okay, well, maybe they're quite cool. You walk in and then say, this is all questionable.

[Sophie Lang]

You picked it. I said, it's a unique outfit.

[Jamie Lang]

You picked it.

[Sophie Lang]

I didn't pick it. You come downstairs and I'm mid asleep. I asked you to bring me a Rennie because my. The rote is burning up lava, and you bring me one. Renee doesn't touch the size, and then.

[Jamie Lang]

Said, you wanted a Rene.

[Sophie Lang]

Everyone has two.

[Jamie Lang]

Everyone has two.

[Sophie Lang]

Everyone.

[Jamie Lang]

You big gobbler.

[Sophie Lang]

Then you come down and go, again, disrupt me, and you say, what shoes shall I wear? Do these go? I couldn't see. The light was shining on you. I didn't know what was going on.

[Jamie Lang]

The light was shining on me. Exactly. So you could see me.

[Sophie Lang]

No, it was blinding because they're so shiny. I could you see blinding. So that's that. But I will say, I think your hair looks gorgeous. And I think the jeans are nice. I just think it's unique.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm changing my hair today.

[Sophie Lang]

Oh, I know you. I looked at your diary. You know what? This is an ongoing battle. And so many of you, so many of you write in and tell me you're like, jamie's hair looks so much better. Like, don't let him die again.

[Jamie Lang]

Like, I don't diet.

[Poppy Child]

It's so awful.

[Sophie Lang]

That bleached scalp. Like, they. Everyone, everyone's with me. And I see justice and I appreciate you and I hear you, but you have to understand that I have two options in life. I convince you not to diet. And your hair looks so nice like it does now. Which is, like, naturally sandy blonde with, like, some blonde highlights. Lovely. But the other hand is. Or you diet. But if you keep it like this, I spend every day for the rest of my life you going. Checking yourself out in the mirror and going, doesn't. Do you really like my hair like this? And I'm sick of it. So dye the scalp. I can't hear you. Ask me whether your hair looks nice one more time.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, my God. Okay. On other news, ladies and gentlemen, Sophie's coccyx has popped out. Isn't that right?

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah, my coccyx popped out and there's three men in here and they're gasping for me. Yeah. So when I look uncomfortable after two hours and I'm like, I'm not about. My ass is in so much pain. And I've never told the doctor. I didn't tell anyone because I just thought, it can't be pregnancy related. I honestly couldn't think what I had done to my bum. I was like, why every time do I sit? Is it like stabbing needles?

[Jamie Lang]

Her cocktail has popped out and what you have to do.

[Sophie Lang]

Listen, your coccyx bone, your tailbone goes in. It curves in. Mine's now popped out because of the pressure of the weight on my frame. It's not quite meant to happen at this stage in pregnancy, but you know what? It's all going on for me.

[Jamie Lang]

How painful is it?

[Sophie Lang]

Every time I sit down, just feels like I've broken a bone in my bum. I just sit on the side. I can't remember the last time I. I drive literally, like, I'm lopsided. One bum cheeks there and one's in the air at all times.

[Jamie Lang]

The worst thing about it is Sophie says that the doctor has to put their fingers in her bum and pop it back in.

[Sophie Lang]

We can try and manipulate it out otherwise, but probably you and me.

[Jamie Lang]

How will I be?

[Sophie Lang]

I don't know. I'm gonna go to an osteopath. Or internally is probably the level of my coccyx bone poking out. So I might have to have a glove. Like, I just feel like I'll be a cow. Like, the only way I can picture me on all fours with my others and my huge stomach and a blue glove going onto the doctor's hand and then him shoving his hand in my. Like, that's a cow. Oh, it's really glamorous. Well, you come to.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm gonna paint you black and white and put a trough in front of you. And then we can take photos for Halloween.

[Sophie Lang]

Imagine if the doctor's just doing any looks.

[Advertisement Voice 3]

Done.

[Sophie Lang]

You're just under my.

[Jamie Lang]

What would be funny if you looked around. It was Yui with a glove on. Yui, would you pop Sophie's cocktail back in? Anything for so far.

[Sophie Lang]

I won't go near you, Jamie.

[Jamie Lang]

But why wouldn't you go near my.

[Sophie Lang]

Get in there with all the piles.

[Jamie Lang]

You have piles.

[Sophie Lang]

I don't. You do, Jamie. It was a joke. I don't. Absolutely don't. And you know what? It was it was my coccyxic vein that was not feeling right.

[Jamie Lang]

Yours is like a group of grapes.

[Sophie Lang]

No, it isn't.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm joking. It's so unfunny. It's so unfunny. It's not true either. You have a beautiful. It's clean and it's beautiful and it doesn't. It looks glorious in all of its glory. Can we talk about just quickly, about the actual birth and just that thing? What I find so interesting about you, Soph, is that you're really interested to understand what that feels like. Isn't that insane? Like, Sophie's actually intrigued to know. What if that was me and I was going to. I'm not. I don't want to put fear into you, but if that was me, I'd be like, oh, my God, that feels like a scary moment.

[Sophie Lang]

Can I tell you what my mom described as to me?

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Sophie Lang]

She said, well, you do. The only way I can describe it is it feels like 18 bones in your body have just broken all at once. I went, what? Bones breaking? She said, it's the same pain as bones breaking. I went, what? Why would you tell me that? She went, but you know what's amazing? The minute they come out, you can't fit a thing. I'll do it all over again. I was like, well, it's not come out of me yet.

[Advertisement Voice 2]

Oh.

[Sophie Lang]

So thank you, Sarah Wigley.

[Jamie Lang]

Sarah Wiggly. Are you serious?

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah. Bones breaking, which I can kind of understand because I feel like my ribs have broken a bit. My coccyx definitely broken, and so it's getting me prepared. I also have, like, really weird spasms of, like, trap nerves and, like. Like, pins and needles, but on, like, such a high level, they'll randomly happen in, like, right arm, left arm, right foot, left foot. And I'm like, it's only Mrs. I'm pregnant again. Never told the doctor. So please don't tell me that I've got something really wrong with me. I'm not a very good person at noting the doctor things for me.

[Jamie Lang]

Like, you're not, but you are when they're in a panic. Well, you will be like, right, we've got to go to hospital here. And like, you. You. You have little. Little pains.

[Sophie Lang]

Maybe, like, pins and broken coccyx. I'm just like, it's actually mad.

[Jamie Lang]

It's actually so juicy. Broken coccyx, like, oh, whatever. But. Oh, wait, wait. The baby hasn't kicked for 30 seconds. There must be a problem.

[Sophie Lang]

No, no, I'll. I've had absolutely Outrageous. Massive scans, like to the point. I think it's a borderline strange now, but I'm still gonna go and I love it.

[Jamie Lang]

And you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable, honey.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

You did. Tell me also that when baby does come or when it is going to come, that we get to induce the baby. We can have sex.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah. I lost my breath for a second.

[Jamie Lang]

Do you forget to breathe?

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah, I held it with pure nerves and anticipation around us.

[Jamie Lang]

Going to have sex.

[Sophie Lang]

It might be awkward. It's been that long. It will be awkward, won't it?

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah. Yeah, it will be awkward.

[Sophie Lang]

Can't even get drunk. It will genuinely be awkward.

[Jamie Lang]

It will be awkward.

[Sophie Lang]

Will we be like staring into each other's eyes?

[Jamie Lang]

I don't think so. Yeah, I think you'll have to be doggy.

[Sophie Lang]

You're really winning me out these days.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, fine. It's gonna be missionary. How on earth would I tackle that? Missionary?

[Sophie Lang]

I'm all thinking of what's. What I'll look like at that station. Then you'll be. I'll be like, come on. And you'll be like, do I have to?

[Jamie Lang]

I would like you to be on top. Oh, my God. That's a lot of women. It's a lot of women on top of me.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay, stop.

[Jamie Lang]

Now I got a little game that I want to play with you off the back of that Is positions that you would want to do with me.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Sexual positions that you want to do with me to induce the baby. Okay, I can start with the first one.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

69.

[Sophie Lang]

No, I don't think my body would let me. It would crush the. The stomach. I'd have to be like strapped and like held up in order to do it from the ceiling.

[Jamie Lang]

What, like a swing?

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah, in a swing. Because otherwise they just wouldn't work. The stomach's.

[Jamie Lang]

I could get like one of those.

[Sophie Lang]

Crane. Yeah, you need a crane.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, doggy.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah. Yeah, it's quite easy, really.

[Jamie Lang]

Reverse cowgirl.

[Sophie Lang]

Again. Yeah, you could do that.

[Jamie Lang]

I get a big one. Missionary. I don't think.

[Sophie Lang]

I don't think I'd want to do missionary. I just don't think that's nice at this stage.

[Jamie Lang]

Do you really think it's going to be awkward with me?

[Sophie Lang]

No, obviously not.

[Jamie Lang]

A little bit. Just be totally honest.

[Sophie Lang]

No, I don't. I'm fascinated by what that brings.

[Jamie Lang]

Really, what I'm most excited for is to be in the room with you. In our room, whatever, wherever we're doing it and me just doing this to you. Okay, woman. Breath. Breathe.

[Sophie Lang]

In even that stresses me out.

[Jamie Lang]

It's not stressful.

[Sophie Lang]

We are gonna have lessons on how. Like, how to be less stressful. Because right now you are stressful.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay?

[Sophie Lang]

Everything about you as a person isn't anything but calm. Like, you are the definition of the opposite to calm.

[Jamie Lang]

I am calm.

[Sophie Lang]

No, even. Nothing about you is calm. Even when you're asleep, you're not calm.

[Jamie Lang]

What are you talking about?

[Sophie Lang]

I don't know. The rhythm of your heart isn't. It's not calm.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm calm.

[Sophie Lang]

You're not a calm person.

[Jamie Lang]

Hang on. Let's just try this out. So you're going into labor. Here we go. Sophie, breathe. Just breathe.

[Sophie Lang]

I'm breathing. No, that's not right. It's not right. I would actually go poof at that point. Excuse me.

[Jamie Lang]

So if you just breathe. I'm breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth.

[Sophie Lang]

No, you're doing it way too quickly.

[Jamie Lang]

In through the nose?

[Sophie Lang]

No, as in your breathing too quickly.

[Jamie Lang]

By the way, we have a little guest today. We have Poppy Child coming on. She's going to teach us how to do a perennial.

[Sophie Lang]

She's a doula. Right?

[Jamie Lang]

She's a doula. She's going to teach us how. How. Or me how to do a perennial massage.

[Sophie Lang]

What's that when you're doing that?

[Jamie Lang]

A preannial.

[Sophie Lang]

And what are you rubbing right now?

[Jamie Lang]

The vagine. This is the vagine?

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah. And what bit are you running? The.

[Poppy Child]

No.

[Sophie Lang]

Oh, my God. No. It's in hideous.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm running. I'm rubbing the labia.

[Sophie Lang]

Wait, you. Is the partner meant to be? Yes.

[Jamie Lang]

I do this to you. You can't do it to yourself.

[Sophie Lang]

Yes, you can.

[Jamie Lang]

No. Are you trying with your hand now?

[Sophie Lang]

No, but, like, I definitely could read.

[Jamie Lang]

No, you're gonn all fours. And I'm going to do the perennial.

[Sophie Lang]

Absolutely.

[Jamie Lang]

And we are, honey. We are.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay, well, let's get her in, because I need to know whether that's legit.

[Jamie Lang]

I don't even know what a perennial massage is. Is that how you pronounce it? Kingui?

[Sophie Lang]

No, it's perineal, I think.

[Jamie Lang]

Perineal.

[Sophie Lang]

Perineal.

[Jamie Lang]

Perineal.

[Sophie Lang]

It's not rubbing the labia.

[Jamie Lang]

It is. What is it rubbing the clitoris?

[Sophie Lang]

No, it's rubbing the hole in which the baby comes out to stop it from ripping, which is called the hole. The perennial hole. Perennial hole.

[Jamie Lang]

All right. Okay.

[Sophie Lang]

So hole number one.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay.

[Sophie Lang]

Hole number two is your wee hole. I think a wee hole is hole number one. I think that's Fast, Right. And then hole number two and then asshole's the third.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. All right, I'll tell you what. We're gonna get Poppy on, but before that, it's time for Dictionary.

[Sophie Lang]

Dictionary.

[Jamie Lang]

Dictionary Corner. Pregnancy edition.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay. I have some words for you that are pregnancy and birth related. And I want you, Jamie, to tell me what they mean. Edema. Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Hearing about the mucus plug last week and the dog eating it really is throwing me. Okay, what, what is it?

[Sophie Lang]

The fancy word for swelling. Commonly in hands, ankles and feet. And it happens in the third trimester especially.

[Jamie Lang]

Is this what's happening?

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah, I can't wear my rings anymore. These big old trotters are mine.

[Jamie Lang]

Your feet, do you think they're ever going to go back to normal size?

[Sophie Lang]

They're not so bad. Thank you very much, but we might have to get my rings.

[Jamie Lang]

O when you eat your popcorn now. Give me that one.

[Sophie Lang]

No, stop.

[Jamie Lang]

He's like over lasagna, these bucket hands. No, they're not. Honey, I'm kidding. They're not at all. I can't even notice. I can't notice the difference.

[Sophie Lang]

I swear, when I. I'm losing the breath and the will to live day by day being my.

[Jamie Lang]

Is that the end of Dictionary corner?

[Sophie Lang]

That's the end of dictionary. Dictionary Corner.

[Jamie Lang]

Well, you know what time it is, people. You know what time.

[Sophie Lang]

Listeners. Listeners. Messages.

[Advertisement Voice 4]

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[Jamie Lang]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I don't know if you've heard, but Mint's Premium Wireless is $15 a month. But I'd like to offer one other perk. We have no stores. That means no small talk. Crazy weather we're having. No, it's not. It's just weather. It is an introvert's dream. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Advertisement Voice 5]

Of $45 per three month plan. $15 per month equivalent required.

[Poppy Child]

New customer offer first three months only.

[Sophie Lang]

Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com.

[Jamie Lang]

By the way, can we quickly shout out if anyone wants a real laugh, go and check out.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah. Am I allowed to share Kiwi ui?

[Jamie Lang]

Please do.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah, go big. It's called Kiwi ui. Right.

[Jamie Lang]

Listen, we'll leave a link in the podcast description to everyone.

[Sophie Lang]

Listeners messages. I've got one from Lily. Okay, Lily, I always hope that I wouldn't have a sex story worthy of featuring on listeners messages, but alas, here I am.

[Jamie Lang]

Brilliant. This is going to be good.

[Sophie Lang]

I will preface this. Preface or preface?

[Jamie Lang]

Preface.

[Sophie Lang]

I will preface this by saying my cat sleeps in my bed and usually my fiance will push him off the bed while we do the deed. This particular time, Murphy, my cat was in the other room, so we didn't give him a thought. Anyway, we went at it. My fiance finished on my chest. Oh my God. Graphic.

[Jamie Lang]

I was not expecting that. Finishing on your chest.

[Sophie Lang]

Anyway, we went at it at my fiance finished on my chest. So I lay back.

[Jamie Lang]

Why did you have to redo that?

[Sophie Lang]

Because it's just great. So I lay back while he shut up and let me read it. Boy.

[Advertisement Voice 3]

Okay.

[Sophie Lang]

So I lay back while he fetched a towel to clean me up. Obviously, I'm lying there as still as I can, so none drops off onto the sheets. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Murphy wandering towards the edge of the bed. I tried waving my hand away at him, but it was already too late. He pounced onto the bed. Pause. Landing straight into the come on my chest with a huge splat. My partner and I looked at each other in horror.

[Jamie Lang]

It's terrible.

[Sophie Lang]

It's absolutely terrible.

[Jamie Lang]

That's terrible.

[Sophie Lang]

How much cotton was there?

[Jamie Lang]

Why are you swallowing? What's going. You just gave a big gulp.

[Sophie Lang]

I pushed him off and cleaned myself off thinking that was the end of it. It was in fact not the end of it. Murphy ran into the quarter and proceeded to sit and lick the cum off his paws.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh my God. That is absolutely just. That is so hideous.

[Sophie Lang]

Why is that so wrong? It's so upsetting.

[Jamie Lang]

And also this person's written in their sex version, they're like, I didn't think. And then they straight in go with come on my chest.

[Sophie Lang]

Also, like Paul Murphy, I feel really upset for Murph just in the corner, aimlessly licking his paws, not knowing they had semen all over him. I don't think it's. I've ever been more disgusted, laughed harder in my life. We now joke that he is pregnant. It's so up. Murphy. Pregnant. Safe to say we'll be keeping the door locked while we do the deed from now on.

[Jamie Lang]

Love it. Murphy, You're a legend. Okay, I got a wild story from Anonymous. I was 30 months pregnant and I hadn't pooed in four days. I was so uncomfortable. I had tried everything. Curries, hot sauce, prunes. Nothing was helping. One day I would.

[Sophie Lang]

Sorry, I need a running.

[Jamie Lang]

Sorry. She's getting a heart bumper as I'm reading Alyssa's.

[Sophie Lang]

It's savage. It's like fire.

[Jamie Lang]

Are you gonna crunch it in front of us? I was so uncomfortable. I tried everything. Curries, hot sauce, prunes. Nothing was helping. One day I woke up and had the familiar feeling I'm gonna poo myself. I ran to the toilet, but no, still no poo. I had had enough. I got a towel, lay it on the bathroom floor and squatted on the ground as low as possible. I stayed there for 10 whole minutes. Eight months pregnant, belly squishing between my thighs, and still nothing.

[Sophie Lang]

Why didn't you just go on the low?

[Jamie Lang]

I racked my brain. Then I remembered a wildlife program once said, tiger mums lick their baby's bums to make them poo. The way I was feeling, I would have happily con contorted myself if I could. But instead, I reached for a wet wipe and started gently wiping my bum in a licking motion. Suddenly I felt the movement in my stomach. I thought, this is it. There was no need to push as the wet wipe was the star of the show. And then what I can only describe as a chocolate raisin popped out onto the towel. I crumpled to the floor and bawled. This couldn't be it. But suddenly I realized my pain was gone at last. I stared at this raisin and tipped it into the bowl and thought, how on earth have you caused me so much grief? Nine weeks later, all those aches and pain symptoms were really worth it. When you are welcomed by our sweet baby girl Havana. All the best to be the soon to be the three of you.

[Sophie Lang]

Why didn't she just go on the loo? Why does she have to do it?

[Jamie Lang]

Because I think, didn't she get low enough? She really needed to squat. And then she just. White Maggie walked in and wiping her bum.

[Sophie Lang]

So is squatting. What was the motion? To get a poo out? I don't.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, of course. As you squat. Yes. That's why the loo is like that. Otherwise you just stand up and do it.

[Sophie Lang]

Well, no, you wouldn't because it would drop on you.

[Jamie Lang]

How do dogs do it?

[Sophie Lang]

They.

[Jamie Lang]

They squat?

[Sophie Lang]

Yes. It's lower to the ground.

[Jamie Lang]

No. So your body is a. Gravity is pushing it that way. Your a vacuum. Okay, we have one more listener's message.

[Sophie Lang]

Love story from Emma. Me and my husband met whilst I was traveling and working in Fiji. He is from Fiji and lived there all his life. After dating for only a few months in 2020 lockdown here and I stayed in Fiji with him while the world closed down. We moved very fast with him proposing and finding out we were pregnant very soon after. I struggled with my pregnancy as I was very sick and getting very little health support. So we decided it was best for me to come back to the uk. I flew back alone and we applied for his visa. Six months went past and we still had no response from the home office. My due date arrived with our daughter showing no signs of arriving. Eight days later, I received a call from my husband to tell me his visa was accepted and he was coming. A few hours later I went into labor and brought our beautiful baby girl into the world. With my sister by my side. My husband was finally able to join us three weeks later after many canceled flights and trying to get to the other side of the world whilst Covid continued. Four years on, we have been living together as a family of three in the UK and we are now expecting our second baby. Doing so much of our last pregnancy apart, we are truly making the most of every appointment at scan. And this evening we are going as a family with our daughter to find out the sex of her new little brother or sister. We couldn't feel more blessed to be having a second baby and to be doing it all together. This time our daughter couldn't be more excited that her family is growing. Come on, Emma. Congrats, Emma.

[Jamie Lang]

E double M A that spells Emma. We love you Emma. Emma. We love Emma. Emma, Emma, Emma.

[Sophie Lang]

We love you guys. Let's congrats. Write in and let us know what the sex is.

[Jamie Lang]

To all of you. Pip squeaks. We love them. And all your little nuggets of joy out there, your little poopsicles that you poop on tails and try and rip off those hemorrhoids. Jesus. Ripping that off.

[Sophie Lang]

No, with nail scissors.

[Jamie Lang]

On that note, ladies and gentlemen, keep sending in those freaking messages. Care Send them into that Nearly Parents podcast on our Instagram. You know it. Send into our email. You know it too. Nearly parents@gempod productions.co.uk all right, everybody, that is the end of listeners messages. Okay, guys, we have very exciting guest Poppy child coming on. Who. Listen, for those of you who aren't having children at the moment, thinking, I don't want to. I don't want to hear this. Trust me. It's gonna be interesting for you and everyone who has had kids and have been through it. You understand what this and people who are going through it the same as us. This is gonna be an interesting moment because Poppy's gonna talk us about hypnobirthing. I don't really know what that is. She's gonna talk about massaging the vagina and about being a good birth partner. All of that is about to come. So, Poppy, you ready for this? Sassy.

[Sophie Lang]

Oh, Sasspa, I am ready.

[Jamie Lang]

Welcome to the podcast. It's Bobby.

[Sophie Lang]

Poppy, welcome.

[Poppy Child]

Thank you for having me.

[Jamie Lang]

So, Poppy, thank you for coming on the podcast. Now, you are a doula.

[Poppy Child]

Yes.

[Jamie Lang]

Can you explain what a doula is? For anyone who is not educated enough that know what a doula is?

[Poppy Child]

Sure. So I first need to talk about the difference between a midwife and doula, because a lot of people don't know. Midwives are medically trained, and they can obviously provide you with the emotional support, the physical support. Doulas, on the other hand, aren't medically trained, but they also provide physical, emotional, informational support, and they come to your house as well. So they get to know you, become part of the family, cook you food, and then they support you during your birth. So it's like continuity of care as well. Whereas a midwife, you might see once or twice. I don't know how you found it. And they might not be at your birth as well. So the key with the doula is that they're the constant.

[Jamie Lang]

That sounds great.

[Poppy Child]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

How do you make sure to be a good birthing partner then, in general?

[Poppy Child]

So I think there's a lot of advice about what to do. Get the water set up, the room, affirmations, counter pressure. It's all like you imagine the birth partner kind of running around doing, doing, doing. And actually, the single most important thing is that you protect the bubble, because, Sophie, when you're in labor, you want to be in the zone, switching off the thinking brain. You want to be disturbed. You don't want people asking you questions. And so the person that can protect the bubble is you. And then you'll find Jamie. The labor takes care of itself, and you don't have very much to do because she's now in the zone, contractions are flowing. You're not getting like, you know, how many weeks are you? Or do you want a vaginal examination? And then suddenly you're like, oh, my gosh, I'm now like in my thinking zone.

[Advertisement Voice 2]

Yes.

[Poppy Child]

And not in my body. When I once worked with a doula client who was very much like, I know what I want. And she told me, she was like, I don't want you to fuss. Like, no fussing, no eating. I can't. I don't want to hear like, like crunching sounds. So she was very particular about what she wanted. Anyway, fast forward to the birth. It was the most hands on birth I've ever experienced. Like, she wanted me to hold the fan, wipe her, like sweat away, tie her hair up at points. And then when it got to pushing, like, this is quite a fun, funny story. So when it got to pushing, she was like, you know, trying. It was, it was active pushing. So she was kind of going like this. And the midwife was like, you need to get angry at the pushes. So she was like, how am I supposed to get angry right now? So I got the towel and I put it opposite her and I said, right, pull up like this when you're pushing, pull up. I was like, 1, 2, 3.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay, push.

[Poppy Child]

And she was going, oh, wow. She's like, I'm not angry enough. And she's like, I know what. Shout Andrew Tate. Shout Andrew Tate. So I'm literally like this.

[Sophie Lang]

No way. I'm like this Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate.

[Jamie Lang]

And she's like, oh, my God.

[Poppy Child]

Never in my life would I think I would be shouting Andrew Tate in the laboring room. Like, it was so surreal.

[Jamie Lang]

What could I shout at you that would get you really annoyed?

[Sophie Lang]

I don't know. I was going to say something quite inappropriate.

[Jamie Lang]

What could I shout at you? I could shout. What could I shout you get you.

[Poppy Child]

Really?

[Jamie Lang]

She hates the way I greet, Greet our family's dogs. So I'll go, duffy, hello.

[Sophie Lang]

Hello, Duffy.

[Jamie Lang]

I'll get you so angry. I'm gonna do that.

[Sophie Lang]

Hello, doggies.

[Poppy Child]

But you might not. You, you might not be forcely, forcefully pushing. It might just fly out as well. That's another option.

[Sophie Lang]

Oh, my God.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. When contractions happen.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Do you have any tips or tricks to manage those?

[Poppy Child]

How much time have you got? I've got loads of tips.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, go, go, go, go.

[Poppy Child]

Okay. So your, your mum said, right? She said that in the episode you did with her that childbirth is painful.

[Jamie Lang]

Yes.

[Poppy Child]

And I would agree with her. It's intense. No one wants to sugarcoat it. I don't think that's helpful to any woman to say that, you know, it's going to be a breeze. She also said that the breathing only got her up to a certain point.

[Jamie Lang]

Correct.

[Poppy Child]

So breathing is amazing for early labor. Just getting into the zone, being calm, connecting with your body. But then when you hit transition, or when it gets intense and you're like, ah, you know, get me the epidural or however it's manifesting for you, use the sonic breath.

[Jamie Lang]

What is that?

[Poppy Child]

So, okay, in the birth world, we say floppy face, floppy fanny. Yeah.

[Sophie Lang]

What's a floppy face?

[Poppy Child]

Loose jaw.

[Jamie Lang]

So floppy face, honey. There you go. Now that's it.

[Poppy Child]

That's it, that's it. But loose jaw, nice and loose. Like, loose jaw, loose pelvic floor. It's a nice way of saying, oh, because you're not.

[Jamie Lang]

Because you tense in the face, don't you?

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Poppy Child]

And there's this physiological.

[Jamie Lang]

Make a floppy face.

[Poppy Child]

Yeah, that's it.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay, so. And what's the breathing?

[Poppy Child]

So the breathing I'm going to show you. So it's just inhaling. Yeah. And when you exhale, I want you to do. That's it, but a bit louder.

[Sophie Lang]

Bit louder now.

[Poppy Child]

And now. And now I want you to do another sound that's coming to you. It doesn't have to be R. Just anything.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay, so how long are we doing now? I'd be out of breath. Yeah.

[Poppy Child]

So you're getting nice oxygen. But let me tell you something, Sophie. You're gonna do this whether you're thinking sonic breath or not. You're going to be vocalizing. Most women will be like, you know, like, really quite loud.

[Sophie Lang]

I read. I read a book, the Positive Birth Book. And. And it's obviously a positive birth book, and I think it's amazing, but in it, it said that the women scream out, kill me.

[Poppy Child]

Oh, my gosh.

[Sophie Lang]

When they get to transition.

[Poppy Child]

Well, I mean, I shouted, help. And I. And I was like, help. And I said to my husband, ndula. I was like you. That's so not like me.

[Jamie Lang]

Are you serious?

[Poppy Child]

Unhinged.

[Jamie Lang]

I think the things that are going to come out your mouth are going to be wild.

[Sophie Lang]

Sorry. So what are you, like, scream. Do you hate the doctor at that point or whoever?

[Poppy Child]

I'm going to be really real. I'm not. Because have you been on.

[Sophie Lang]

Have you.

[Poppy Child]

Have you seen. On Instagram, there's lots of, like, calm, breathe your baby out.

[Sophie Lang]

So I'm. I just can't. I'm so inundated by it. It's too much for me to read.

[Poppy Child]

Exactly. And if you look at those videos, you'll start to think, like, maybe that's it. And then when you get to the point, like your mum says, where it's like. Oh, like, really intense, you might internalize. Something's wrong with me for panicking. But actually it's normal to freak out and panic and scream, wipe it out.

[Sophie Lang]

The pain is just so indescribable.

[Jamie Lang]

It's just a weird experience.

[Poppy Child]

Yeah.

[Sophie Lang]

I think that the pain is like that.

[Poppy Child]

The pain is intense, but what I would say is intense. The pain is intense.

[Sophie Lang]

The.

[Poppy Child]

The. Right. This is the best tip, above all, is you have to think of the pain like a healthy pain. So, you know, like working out in the gym.

[Jamie Lang]

Yes.

[Poppy Child]

Reframe it and. And say to yourself, like, no matter how intense this is, these contractions can't harm me. They can hurt and it can be bloody painful, but they're not causing you harm.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay.

[Poppy Child]

Do you know what I mean?

[Sophie Lang]

It's like it's one step closer to getting your baby. Exactly.

[Poppy Child]

Each surge brings me closer to my baby.

[Jamie Lang]

There you go.

[Poppy Child]

And the great thing for you, Jamie, is that if you've reframed it and you think about it, like, functional pain.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Poppy Child]

Healthy pain.

[Advertisement Voice 3]

Yeah.

[Poppy Child]

Then you're not going to be feeling sorry for Sophie. You're not going to be, like, flapping around being like.

[Sophie Lang]

Because that won't help.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm not gonna flap anywhere. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be like, this is healthy pain. Get on with it.

[Poppy Child]

Have a bit more sense.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm gonna have. It's healthy pain, honey. The baby's coming. I don't know why I said that, but it's coming healthy, babe. Probably. Why don't we play some role play? We're in the moment, and I'll give you an answer. Okay. So you're. You're. You're.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay.

[Advertisement Voice 3]

I'm.

[Poppy Child]

So how many weeks are you.

[Jamie Lang]

She's 38.

[Poppy Child]

Okay, so, Sophie, Sophie, Sophie, Sophie.

[Sophie Lang]

You've got to say she's.

[Jamie Lang]

Speak to me.

[Poppy Child]

Can I speak to Sophie?

[Jamie Lang]

She's. She's handling it well. And you can talk to me at the moment. I know everything that she.

[Poppy Child]

How many contractions has she had so far?

[Jamie Lang]

She's had four.

[Poppy Child]

Okay.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah. I've done perennial massage as well. I've done the premier massage. So we decided that at 34 weeks. So she's. Okay.

[Poppy Child]

We don't need to talk about perineal massage right now.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay.

[Sophie Lang]

Fin. That's long gone.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. She. Anything else? I know everything. Also, she loves cereal, so if we can get that piled in at the end when the birth comes out, She'll. She'll love that a lot. Do you want your socks taken off? She loves her feet being rubbed in her back being rubbed. So I'm ready there to do that. Okay, here we go.

[Sophie Lang]

My feet.

[Poppy Child]

Lovely.

[Sophie Lang]

I love my feet being rubbed.

[Jamie Lang]

Loved it. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm gonna do. Floppy face, honey. Floppy face. There you go. Here we go.

[Poppy Child]

Here's a question. What do you not want Jamie to do? What are the kind of things that you're like, do not do that.

[Sophie Lang]

I really don't want him to say, are you okay?

[Poppy Child]

That's a good one. Have you told him that before?

[Jamie Lang]

Never told me that, ever.

[Poppy Child]

That is so good.

[Sophie Lang]

I don't want you to keep going. Are you okay, honey? Or, like, I don't want you to.

[Poppy Child]

What?

[Sophie Lang]

Panic. That's what I'm fearful of. That he's gonna really panic, and then that's gonna panic me.

[Poppy Child]

So when you're stressed just in normal life, what's the dynamic?

[Sophie Lang]

He's panicked.

[Jamie Lang]

Get out of here. That needs to be addressed. He really can't cope better now. I. I realize that me stress is his kryptonite. It's very kryptonite. But not anymore.

[Poppy Child]

Really.

[Jamie Lang]

No, not anymore. I just soak it up. Are you kidding me? Yesterday you were stressed. What was I like?

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah, but I wasn't stressed. I was, like, more vulnerable.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm okay. Do you know what, Poppy? I'm okay now. I've realized that her stress, when she's feeling it, nothing to do with me. It's just her own stress. And I'm here to support and help. You know what? Don't worry about me. I'll just bottle all that stuff up, and later it will come out in some other way. But that's fine.

[Poppy Child]

That's a good idea. And the thing about asking, are you okay? Sometimes birth partners want to know if you're okay for them. If that makes sense.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Poppy Child]

Because women tend to go also inward when we're in labor, and. And we also can get angry, by the way. Jamie.

[Jamie Lang]

That's fine. I can deal with that.

[Sophie Lang]

Really? How angry? This is fascinating.

[Jamie Lang]

Sophie has it. Sophie can have a tendency to be angry.

[Sophie Lang]

So how angry animation. That comes up.

[Poppy Child]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, God.

[Poppy Child]

That is gonna be hormones, like, I've had said. Women, like, you know, pull me, like, and, like. Yeah, my. Do the clients. But I. I say in antenatal classes, do not worry. Anger is a normal emotion. And sometimes we just don't want to be touched. We don't want to be, you know, fussed around.

[Jamie Lang]

What is a preennial perineal massage?

[Poppy Child]

Sophie, I'm sorry to say this, but nine, roughly nine out of ten first time mums will have some tearing, but it's usually superficial. Grazing.

[Jamie Lang]

10 chance you won't.

[Sophie Lang]

What do you mean, grazing?

[Poppy Child]

So, well, I had a gray put.

[Jamie Lang]

Grass in front of you.

[Poppy Child]

So on the labia, there might be a graze as the baby's coming out. And it might just be, you know.

[Sophie Lang]

What, like their fingernail scratches?

[Poppy Child]

Well, with my first birth, it was the shoulder that just went, oh, my God.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay, the labia light scrap. That's fine. A graze is fine. The tear is like that. That makes my stomach flip. Yeah.

[Poppy Child]

So there's things that you can do, like perineal massage, obviously prepares the tissues. It's a great activity to connect with each other.

[Sophie Lang]

What, for the men? Massage your vagina?

[Poppy Child]

Well, I don't know about you, but can you reach?

[Sophie Lang]

Probably back way. Yeah. It's up to you.

[Jamie Lang]

But I can reach much easier.

[Poppy Child]

Well, do you want? Do you want?

[Jamie Lang]

I would love to.

[Poppy Child]

Okay, let's get going.

[Jamie Lang]

I would absolutely love to because I'm going to ask you about this just quickly before we get into it. Sex during pregnancy.

[Poppy Child]

Personally for me. No, I closed shop. Sorry.

[Sophie Lang]

I just. I love people. Yeah, I know.

[Poppy Child]

And I said to Tom, I was like, look, just for now. Like, because.

[Jamie Lang]

Because shop.

[Sophie Lang]

Just for now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Shoppers. Shop is firmly shut.

[Sophie Lang]

Does it open up, like towards the very, very end?

[Poppy Child]

No, not for me.

[Sophie Lang]

I can't imagine mine. I mean, I'm. I'm creeping up to that. Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

But you know what? I've got to a place where I've forgotten what it's like. So I don't care anymore. I don't actually miss it because actually I can't remember. So I'm actually. All right, I'm in a good spot.

[Sophie Lang]

Let's get back to the perineal massage.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, perineal massage. But that might make me a little bit excited.

[Poppy Child]

It might make you both excited.

[Jamie Lang]

It'll definitely make you excited because with these magic fingers.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay, so what do we do?

[Poppy Child]

Okay, firstly, Jamie, can I understand I'm sounding so creepy?

[Jamie Lang]

Yes.

[Poppy Child]

Are they cut?

[Jamie Lang]

Yes, they're cut and clean. And good nails.

[Poppy Child]

Yeah. Washed.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Yes, washed.

[Poppy Child]

They need to be really short. We can't have any, like, Scratching.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, fine. I don't have anything here. Okay, here we go.

[Poppy Child]

Okay, so I'm gonna demo with this one. Can I talk this to you?

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, you can.

[Sophie Lang]

Now we're going for a squash.

[Jamie Lang]

And we're going for a squash. Okay, here we go.

[Poppy Child]

Okay, Jamie, I need you to remember this, okay? The anus is here. This is the anus. Do not, do not go in there.

[Jamie Lang]

Don't go near the anus. What happens if your partner quite likes.

[Sophie Lang]

No, no, no.

[Jamie Lang]

Anus.

[Poppy Child]

Maybe I don't know about doing the anus. And then it's not hygienic. No, that's a bacteria.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, don't do that. Weirdly, quite similar to your. Okay, I'm joking. Here we go. All right, so probably the anus is at the bottom of the squash.

[Poppy Child]

Bottom of the squash.

[Jamie Lang]

And for all of you listeners, we're holding a half cut open squash. And yeah, you know what a squash looks like. Okay, here we go.

[Poppy Child]

Now, two thumbs, two thumbs lubricated.

[Jamie Lang]

I only have. I'm. Hold it. Oh. Because it only hot.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay, so like this.

[Poppy Child]

How about this? Sophie, do you want to hold.

[Jamie Lang]

You hold this.

[Sophie Lang]

Oh, yeah.

[Poppy Child]

So he can fit the technique.

[Jamie Lang]

Lubricated thumbs.

[Poppy Child]

Lubricated, yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay.

[Sophie Lang]

Oil based thumbs.

[Poppy Child]

Or you use olive oil? Coconut oil.

[Sophie Lang]

Coconut oil.

[Poppy Child]

Love coconut oil.

[Jamie Lang]

Apparently coconut oil during sex is incredible.

[Poppy Child]

I don't know. I've never tried it.

[Jamie Lang]

Nor have I. All right, here we go. So lubricate this.

[Poppy Child]

Yes. You would insert your thumbs about 2 to centimeter, 2 to 3 centimeters in. So watch my thumbs.

[Sophie Lang]

Like this. Like this?

[Poppy Child]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Sorry.

[Sophie Lang]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. Yeah.

[Poppy Child]

And then you want to massage up in a U shaped fashion. So watch me first JB up like this. Up and down.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

You're gonna find this absolutely bizarre if I do this to you.

[Poppy Child]

And then to aid the stretching, you get to the bottom and you want to press down. And what you'll feel, Sophie, is a little bit of stinging, which is similar to the crowning stinging, which I personally think then when it's happening, you're not scared of it because you felt that stretch before.

[Sophie Lang]

God. Wow.

[Poppy Child]

And this is. This is harmless, like there's nothing. Yeah. It's your own perineum. It's a husband, it's a massage. It's not many risks.

[Sophie Lang]

Like a crowning.

[Poppy Child]

Exactly. So then, so so essentially you're pressing down, then you're pressing down and you're working up and down.

[Jamie Lang]

And you're working round the vagina opening.

[Poppy Child]

Yes.

[Jamie Lang]

And you're pressing down at the Bottom.

[Sophie Lang]

You're not going to the top of the vagina.

[Jamie Lang]

I know, I know. I'm so.

[Poppy Child]

I'm going U shaped. Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

And. And just. Just so.

[Sophie Lang]

The.

[Jamie Lang]

The vagina's there in front of me.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

And I lubricated thumbs both in.

[Sophie Lang]

Yes.

[Jamie Lang]

And then up and down and press.

[Poppy Child]

Down and press down. And you can actually work your way around pressing.

[Jamie Lang]

Like it's clay.

[Poppy Child]

Exactly. And the idea is that you're stretching those tissues.

[Sophie Lang]

God, that. I can already feel the pain. Does this hurt?

[Poppy Child]

No, it shouldn't hurt, but you should feel some stretching.

[Sophie Lang]

Fine. Like the tissue stretching. Exactly like that. Stretching. Yeah.

[Poppy Child]

And the research says that you're less likely to have a severe tear and an episiotomy as well if you practice this.

[Sophie Lang]

Front to back.

[Poppy Child]

No. So an episiotomy is a. Is a cut to the perineum.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Poppy Child]

To widen the opening. But it's only used in a medical emergency, basically to expedite the delivery.

[Sophie Lang]

They snip you. Exactly. Oh, God, that. No, thank you. No, thank you.

[Jamie Lang]

Whoa.

[Sophie Lang]

No painkillers. And people have to get snipped there.

[Poppy Child]

I think they would. You would have a painkiller on board.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Wow. So it's already. You only had tearing. I mean, grazing.

[Poppy Child]

Just grazing. But I did the perineal massage, like, for what month? From 34 weeks onwards. That's when I did it. And that's the recommendation. And then I did it. They say three to four times a week, but I did it every day because I was like, I just don't want to tear. And for me, I. I was savage.

[Jamie Lang]

You're doing the whole time.

[Advertisement Voice 1]

All the time.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm gonna do that.

[Sophie Lang]

I'm gonna do it all the time, honey.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm gonna do it to you. You just tell me.

[Sophie Lang]

So you only technically have to do it for six weeks.

[Poppy Child]

Yeah.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay. Every day for six weeks. For how long?

[Poppy Child]

Between three to four times a day.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah, three to four times a day.

[Poppy Child]

So three to four times a week.

[Sophie Lang]

I'll be in the loo the whole time at work.

[Poppy Child]

Jamie would be like perineal massage.

[Jamie Lang]

What? Poppy, this has honestly been amazing. Like, truly, you're.

[Sophie Lang]

You've got the nicest.

[Jamie Lang]

You've got such a wonderful energy, and no wonder people. People love working with you. Poppy, you're amazing.

[Sophie Lang]

You're amazing.

[Jamie Lang]

Thank you so much for this conversation. Thank you for what you're doing, and thank you for coming on the podcast. You're. You're brilliant. We're going to leave your Instagram, social channels and everything and anything that you're doing that part outside of the dueling world that you want people to know about.

[Poppy Child]

I have a track called the oxytocin Bubble.

[Jamie Lang]

Amazing.

[Poppy Child]

Which connects you into your baby during labor. And women are listening to it all around the world. And I get texts from midwives being like, what is in this track?

[Jamie Lang]

Wow.

[Poppy Child]

But it's so calming. And I'll send it to you, Sophie. And it just connects you in with your baby, who are, of course, like, the key to the oxytocin as well. So it just helps you to get into that calm state.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah, that's amazing because I'm doing, like, a pregnancy right now, but I need something like that.

[Poppy Child]

I'll send. I'll send you.

[Sophie Lang]

Thank you so much.

[Jamie Lang]

You're the best.

[Poppy Child]

All the best for your journey. It's going to be a big, you know, huge life change. And I think what I'd say is, like, you know, sometimes things don't go to plan, but actually becoming a parent, going through all of this is character building. Like, I find, like it is. There's so many things that you're gonna face, but it will make you grow as people.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, Poppy, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. You're amazing. You're brilliant every way. Thank you so much. That was amazing. Well, that was a Vibey.

[Sophie Lang]

She's a gorgeous woman.

[Jamie Lang]

Gorgeous woman. That was a Vibey V I B E Vibey Vibey episode.

[Sophie Lang]

I have this for when I'm contracting.

[Jamie Lang]

She's got a comb to stick it. We know what to do. Honey, I'm proud of you every single day. You comb. Yeah, you put in your hair like that.

[Sophie Lang]

Looks cool.

[Jamie Lang]

So, everyone, we hope you enjoyed this wonderful episode of Nearly Parents. And we're going to be back next Monday. We're back every Monday.

[Sophie Lang]

Does anyone notice that Jamie's really weird at the minute or is it just me? Like really, really old? God, kooky. If you want to throw when you put those little shoesies on, you get a whole new personality.

[Jamie Lang]

Take me all the way to Oz.

[Sophie Lang]

Clip, clip.

[Jamie Lang]

Remember also to get in touch on our social media at NearlyParents podcast. And you can also send us an email. Nearlyparentsjampadproductions.co.uk we look at all of them. Well, King Yui looks at every single one, everyone. So comment about his if you want. And also remember to keep sending in anything if you have an unsung hero, someone that you think deserves something amazing to happen to them. We want to be those people, to really champion them. So let us know the unsung heroes as well. Okay? If you're getting married, good luck getting divorced.

[Sophie Lang]

Good luck.

[Jamie Lang]

If you're having a baby, oh, we love you. If you're thinking about having a baby, go do it. If you're just single, ready to mingle, and you're just loving life by yourself, go and have the best time ever. And we'll see you next week for another episode of another episode of Nearly.

[Poppy Child]

Goodbye.

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