Proudlock on Parenthood...and the Paranormal?!

Summary

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NearlyParents – "Proudlock on Parenthood...and the Paranormal?!"

Podcast: NearlyParents
Episode Title: Proudlock on Parenthood...and the Paranormal?!
Hosts: Jamie Laing (with Sophie absent), special guest Oliver Proudlock
Date: October 27, 2025
Producer: JamPot Productions

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Jamie Laing is joined by his close friend Oliver Proudlock for a special Halloween and birthday episode. With Sophie away due to advanced pregnancy, the two dive into honest, hilarious – and at times heartfelt – conversations about the challenges of parenthood, friendship, emotional growth, spooky stories, and birthday reflections. Expect real talk about navigating early fatherhood, Jamie’s looming entry into parenthood, the power of patience, emotional vulnerability (and a few tears), plus some ghost stories that are as playful as they are spine-tingling.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sophie's Absence & Oliver's Guest Appearance

• [03:04] Sophie is "extremely pregnant" and too tired to join the episode, so Jamie brings in Oliver, hilariously introducing him:

  "I phoned up someone who is loyal... He's never let me down, ever. He's a person I can rely on every single day of my life. He's a fricking gangster with the coolest get up. Sometimes wears a hat..." – Jamie

• Oliver plays along, poking fun at Jamie for the intro:

  "This started well and then turned into the worst intro ever. Hey, start that bit again." – Oliver ([03:54])

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2. The Realities of Parenting: From One to Two Kids

• [04:47] Jamie asks for real advice on transitioning from having one to two kids:

  "Weekends with kids are pretty full on... I always thought that one kid – which you're about to embark on – was gonna be intense. But two is just a different ballgame." – Oliver

  • The chaos multiplies unexpectedly; “Two feels like three, maybe even four.” ([05:19])

• Key challenge: No downtime when you have two, especially if one parent is sick.

  "If one of you needs to go off...you can tag team it. With two, there's no downtime." – Oliver ([06:06])

• Sweetness of early parenthood:

  "Dude, those first few months are just like, the coziest." – Oliver ([06:35])

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3. Parenting Styles, Patience, and Mind Games

• [07:57] Oliver describes his 5am mornings: his daughter Bon wakes up, calls for “Papa” over the baby monitor, and insists on changing outfits multiple times before breakfast.

  "She wants to get changed probably three or four times. She's big on that... Likes to change her outfit." – Oliver ([08:36])

• Discussion about children exerting control and being “sneaky”:

  "Kids, they like to feel like they have a bit of control. So if they can have control over what clothes they wear..." – Oliver ([09:45])
  "Oh, dude, they're so clever. Like the mind games. Dude, they're so sneaky. 100%." – Oliver ([09:54])

  • Anecdote about Bon asking for yogurt with "crunchies," then refusing it after Oliver makes it.

    "You kind of forget everything... Back downstairs again for another bowl." – Oliver ([10:27-11:02])

• Jamie jokes about being a “weak father” and the two role-play a grumpy breakfast – emphasizing the need for patience, but also poking fun at one another.

  "You're a weak, weak, weak dad." – Jamie ([11:09])

• The key to parenting: patience, especially when exhausted.

  "The patience is, that's where... you sometimes may slip, is when you're exhausted." – Oliver ([12:23])

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4. Emotional Growth, Crying, and the Love of Parenting

• [15:43] Jamie presses Oliver on what makes him tear up:

  "My kids straight up for sure. Obviously. Em's..." – Oliver ([15:49])

• The indescribable love for your child:

  "When you have your baby, the love that you have for that tiny human dude...it's impossible to explain... It is the most beautiful thing in the world. Like, nothing comes near." – Oliver ([16:18])

• Jamie, anticipating fatherhood, shares how he’s already written a dedication to his baby in his book, showing his own emotional shift.

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5. Hospital Bag Prep & The Big Day

• [20:55] Jamie: "Give me the lowdown, what do I need to do? What do I need to pack? What do I need to be ready for?"

• Oliver tells Jamie not to bother with games or wine in the hospital bag:

  "Do not pack any of those... Actually, do you know what I would pack? A very small bottle of champagne just to cheers." – Oliver ([22:16])

• On birth and emotion:

  "The most beautiful moment is when your baby goes over to the mama... That first time, them two together... that set me off. I mean, I was just, like, bawling my eyes out." – Oliver ([22:54])

• The true life change of becoming a parent, memory fades of pre-parent life:

  "My life before... I almost can't remember it." – Oliver ([23:51])

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6. Friendship, Nostalgia & Pre-Dad Life

• Oliver brings in old photos of them together from before either became parents, marveling at how much life has changed.

  "The point is, when you have your baby...you embark on this next chapter and everything before you'll have little pockets of memories, but it's like everything starts [over]." – Oliver ([25:24])

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7. Halloween Special: Do You Believe in Ghosts?

• [25:40] Jamie: "Do you believe in ghosts?"

• Oliver shares a "haunted house" anecdote from their days as roommates, and tells a friend's ghostly story:

  “She wakes up in the middle of the night...she doesn’t want to look but she knows someone’s sitting in the chair.” ([26:15-27:23])

• Jamie teases Oliver for the anticlimactic ending:

  "That's the shit. The shittest story I've ever heard." – Jamie ([27:38])

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8. Listener Spooky Stories Segment

Joanne’s Haunted Bedroom Story

• [32:26 - 34:08] Joanne’s brother saw shadowy figures at the end of the bed as a child. Years later, his niece also has a chilling experience involving a door mysteriously closing and claims, “I didn’t do it. The people did it.”

  "After that, we realized that perhaps the people that visited this room were indeed real...to this day, we are convinced that room was haunted." – Jamie (reading Joanne’s message, [34:06])

  • Both Jamie and Oliver agree it’s a properly haunting story.

    "That is a good story." – Jamie ([34:09])
    "She got little like goosebump on that." – Oliver ([34:11])

More Near-Miss & Hauntings

• Listeners share further stories of potential hauntings or break-ins, with Jamie and Oliver debating whether it’s more frightening to encounter ghosts or real intruders.

  "That's why that story is fucking scary, man. Because it was obviously a real guy." – Oliver ([27:59])

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9. Parenting, Birthdays, and Reflections on Friendship

• The episode closes with discussions of birthdays and how they now wish for experiences or simply quality time with partners, rather than gifts.

  “All I said to Em, I said I just want to have just us time. Because it’s hard when you’ve got two kids and we don’t have any family here in the UK...So we’re gonna just have a full day together. Just like, just be cozy.” – Oliver ([42:02])

• Jamie’s birthday wish:

  "I want a healthy, happy baby. That’s the greatest birthday present could ever ask for." – Jamie ([43:56])
  “It’s pretty insane to think that this is your last birthday before being a dad.” – Oliver ([45:54])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the birthday cake surprise:

  "We just got him a cake. That was the scariest thing about the whole episode. Scared the hell out of me, that did." – Jamie ([42:47])

• On lifelong friendship:

  "You are most loyal, most loving, most talented, most entertaining, best person anyone could ask for. And as much as we joke around with each other, I love you to bits." – Jamie ([47:00])

• On emotions and the transition to parenthood:

  "Let your emotions out, all right? Don’t hold back, buddy. If I see you there holding your emotions, let it out." – Oliver ([23:12])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction & Oliver’s entrance — [03:04]
• Parenting with one vs. two kids — [04:51]
• Morning routines & children’s quirks — [07:57]
• Patience, mind games, parenting strategies — [09:54]
• Emotional vulnerability & love for children — [15:43]
• Hospital bag and birth day tips — [20:55]
• Looking back: old photos & memories — [23:51]
• Halloween/ghost story exchanges — [25:40]
• Listener spooky stories and discussion — [32:26]
• Birthday celebrations & life priorities — [41:03]
• The meaning of friendship — [47:00]

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is amiably chaotic, balancing deep, emotional reflections with irreverent humor and playful banter. There's a sense of camaraderie and honesty, alongside supportive but occasionally brutal honesty between friends (“You’re a weak, weak, weak dad!” / “You’re going to be the best dad ever!”). Parent anxieties and joys are aired without filters, and the podcast maintains its tradition of mixing overshares with warmth.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

Expect an unfiltered deep dive into both the comedy and potential chaos of parenthood, guided by two long-time friends navigating new chapters in their lives. There’s practical advice, reassurance that mistakes (and spooky stories) are universal, and plenty of reminders to embrace the emotion, even when it means a few happy tears.

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Connect:

• Instagram: @NearlyParentsPodcast
• Email: [e-mail]

Next Episode: Sophie returns to the mic, and more listener stories are encouraged!

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Transcript

[Jamie Lang]

Well, hello everybody. Welcome back to Nilly Parents. Now, before we start the show, we have a very exciting episode because we have one of my best friends in the world, Oliver Proudlock on the show and it's his birthday. It's his birthday. So we surprise him for that, which is really exciting. It's also a Halloween episode. Okay, so we're gonna do some spooky stories from the listeners and also Proudlook gives me some fatherly advice on how to be the best dad. All of that coming up on the show. So get ready. If you haven't subscribed already, please click the subscribe button and get ready for another fricking episode of Nelly Parents.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Let's go.

[Oliver Proudlock]

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[Jamie Lang]

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[Oliver Proudlock]

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[Jamie Lang]

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[Oliver Proudlock]

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[Sophie Lang]

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[Jamie Lang]

Hello, I'm Jamie Lang.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And I'm Sophie Lang.

[Jamie Lang]

And we've been married for two years.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And we're having a baby.

[Jamie Lang]

Yes, we are.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Are you ready? Let's go.

[Jamie Lang]

Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Nearly Parents. We have a very special episode today. Now, you're tuning in because you're thinking it's going to be Jamie and Sophie. That's what it is every single week. But we have a little bit of announcement because I'm here. Big news. That's good. That makes it a real good episode, a class episode. Right, Sophie. She's not here. Sophie is very pregnant. Extremely pregnant. And so when you're, when you get that pregnant, as I know, because I've been there, I've been there, she's just exhausted and tired. So I was thinking, right, who do I bring in? It's impossible to replace her in any way whatsoever. But I thought, you know what? I know a person. So I gave this person a call. Now he doesn't do anything. So he's always free. He's either drunk or free.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Can I jump in now?

[Jamie Lang]

Not yet. This is your intro, bitch.

[Oliver Proudlock]

This is started well and then turned into the worst intro ever. Hey, start that bit again.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. All right. So I phoned up someone who is loyal. He's one of the best friends in the world. He's never let me down, ever. He's a person I can rely on every single day of my life. I probably call him most days. He's a fricking gangster with the coolest get up. Sometimes wears a hat. He's got two of the most beautiful kids in the entire world. One of them I'm godfathered to. He's got the most beautiful wife ever. He's a businessman, he's an entertainer. He's an ex podcaster. It's Mr. Oliver Proudlow.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Wow.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Beast.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Now we're talking.

[Jamie Lang]

Freaking go, baby.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I was tired, but now I feel glorious.

[Jamie Lang]

Ah, man, don't you worry about that.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I'm gonna do my best. Obviously, I'm not as good as Soph's, but I'll do my very best.

[Jamie Lang]

You'll do your best. Hey, listen, you're tired, though, aren't you? Because you are a parent.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah. Weekends. Weekends with kids are pretty full on. Like I always thought, you know, having one kid, which you're about to embark on, I always thought that was gonna be intense. But two is just a different ballgame.

[Jamie Lang]

Why give it to me. Tell me why.

[Oliver Proudlock]

It's funny, because when you have your second kid, Ems and I just thought, you know what? We've done this. We're here, we're good. Our daughter was like three at the time, so we thought it's just gonna be the same.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Maybe it's gonna be a little bit easier the second time.

[Jamie Lang]

Of course. Because you know what you're doing.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

We know what we're doing. Yeah, man.

[Jamie Lang]

You can change those nappies.

[Oliver Proudlock]

No, no, no, my friend. No, no, no, no, no, no. 1. You kind of forget everything, which is kind of weird. And then it's the chaos. For some reason. Two feels like three, maybe even four.

[Jamie Lang]

Get out of here.

[Oliver Proudlock]

No, I'm serious. And then the juggling and, like, trying to get back in the zone. And, like, we're lucky now we're at a place where Levi, your godson, is now, he's five months, and he's an absolute legend.

[Jamie Lang]

So you just leave him at home now?

[Oliver Proudlock]

He's a real chiller. He looks after the house, does a little bit of cleaning.

[Jamie Lang]

That's good.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Like, he's a little bit shabby on doing the bed, but he's getting better. He'. So he's. He's. He's handy.

[Jamie Lang]

How intense is it? Also, give it to me. So, so, so one is all right. Why is two having two kids so much more?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Look, obviously you're having to juggle, like, when you've got one.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

If one of you needs to go off and do something or this and that, you can. You can tag team it. Whereas with two, there's no downtime. So, like, this weekend, as you know, I was unwell.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And you just can't be unwell because it's a lot then for your partner to be looking after two kids. And you've got one kid who's three whose energy is through the roof. And so you've really got to have one person on them at all times. And then you've got the other one who's just, you know, you never know what's gonna happen. So it's just like, it's Full on. But dude, one kid is sweet and maybe. Oh, dude, you get so cozy. Especially those first few months are just like the coziest.

[Jamie Lang]

But then my sister in law came over with her kid who, and she's amazing, called Bella, she's what, eight months old now? And it's quite full on. You gotta. You gotta entertain the baby.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, but you're great at that.

[Jamie Lang]

I know. I'm just saying you gotta entertain the baby. You've gotta hold the baby. Kind of let the baby run around.

[Oliver Proudlock]

You gotta hold. Were you surprised that you have to hold the baby? Yeah, it's a big, big surprise. Yeah, well, you thought you could just sort of leave the baby.

[Jamie Lang]

They're on like a constant, like, like, honestly, babies are basically on a constant like suicide mission. I'm not like they are literally running around eating everything, like putting their fingers and everything. It's like, oh my God, what is going on?

[Oliver Proudlock]

It's a bit like you, to be honest. You.

[Jamie Lang]

But I'm not putting my fingers. Yeah, you're out of here, Beast. I'm not putting my fingers in places I'm not sure.

[Oliver Proudlock]

But this is why I think you're going to be such a good parent, because you are. You're like, you're like a baby in the most glorious way. Do you mean just high energy, man? All the time. Just want to be like. Do you know what it always reminds me of? I remember when we used to go on holidays together and if we would be staying in a hotel and let's say Jay wanted to go like, I don't know, get some sweets or like whatever. He just wanted to cruise and like he always wanted to be on the move. He couldn't. You couldn't do it by yourself? No, she'd be like, buddy, would you mind like coming with me? Yeah, that's what it's like when you have kids. Like you have to go obviously everywhere with them. You've got to support them, entertain them.

[Jamie Lang]

Give me your little morning routine.

[Oliver Proudlock]

What do you do?

[Jamie Lang]

You get up, you have a little whiskey.

[Oliver Proudlock]

It depends.

[Jamie Lang]

You get up, you have a little whiskey in the morning.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Are we talking like what day are we talking?

[Jamie Lang]

Monday.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Today? So it was 5am 5am on the monitor I just said Papa, Papa. So that was Bon, obviously waking up to the rain.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So to go up and get Bon.

[Jamie Lang]

But she talks to the monitor.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She knows obviously there's a camera there and that we can hear her.

[Jamie Lang]

That's a good.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Because we can talk back to her.

[Jamie Lang]

So we just Talk back. So, Papa.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Papa. Yeah, don't worry, baby. I'm coming. So go get Bon. And then that's kind of when the day started. So it was five o'.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Clock.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Then she'd be.

[Jamie Lang]

And then you bring her into the.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Bedroom so you like.

[Jamie Lang]

That's the cutest thing I've ever heard.

[Oliver Proudlock]

We're kind of like, if it's close to the morning like that. Yeah, we will. Especially if it's five. And because we've got Levi at the moment, who's in the other bedroom. And so one of us has a good night's sleep, one of us will be with Levi. And then may the day starts, then she wants to get changed probably like three or four times. She's big on that. Likes to change her outfit a few times.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Which is awesome. In the morning, when you're really tired.

[Jamie Lang]

Change it four times.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Maybe three or four times.

[Jamie Lang]

Like her dad.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Apparently when I was a kid, you'd always change. My mum said the same thing. She said I always used to change my outfits.

[Jamie Lang]

Nightmare.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, nightmare. Especially sometimes when we'll be like, leaving the house, like, we're ready to go, and she'll suddenly be like, yeah, Papa, I don't like this outfit. And then it's back in, back upstairs to change the whole thing.

[Jamie Lang]

And you have to say that. You can't just say, look, you look great.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Of course. Always go with, you look great. Like, that's the best outfit I've ever seen. Are you serious?

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, so you don't go, you look shit.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, we tried that.

[Jamie Lang]

We should change that, actually.

[Oliver Proudlock]

But then she goes and changes herself now. So, like, she'll run upstairs, put a whole new look on.

[Jamie Lang]

So she's got Papa's jeans in her. Where. Cause you like styling yourself. You do.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I like clothes.

[Jamie Lang]

You love clothes.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, I do. That's true.

[Jamie Lang]

And so she's seen that and now likes.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yes, this is what this. This is what it is, though. It's. It's a control thing. So kids, they like to feel like they have a bit of control. So if they can have a control over what clothes they wear and changing clothes can.

[Jamie Lang]

Do kids know how to manipulate.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Oh, dude, they're so clever. Like the mind games. Dude, they're so sneaky. 100%.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, so what mind games is bomb play?

[Oliver Proudlock]

What mind games?

[Jamie Lang]

There's no way she plays, like, mind games.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I mean, not your kind of mind games, but like very innocent little ones. Like things where, like, again, I guess it's maybe a control thing. And it's so cute. But she'll, you know, like, let's say yesterday morning in the Brett for breakfast. I'm like, what do you want for breakfast? She'd be like, oh, can I have some. Some yogurt with berries and. And crunchies.

[Jamie Lang]

Nice.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Crunchies. Like a little granola with honey. Great. I'm like, you sure you want grunchies? She's like, yeah, yeah, 100%. You want crunchies? Yeah, baby. I want crunchies. She doesn't say baby to me, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I go make it. You do this lovely yogurt with the crunchies berries, honey. And you go up. I don't. Didn't want Crunchies, Papa. I'm like, what? What do you mean you didn't want crunchies? Like, I. I asked you, like, three times. Crunchies. I even specifically was like, you sure you want Crunchies? She's like, yeah. So guess it's me. Back downstairs again for another bowl.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Okay, then.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Cool.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So then I'll end up eating that bowl and then just go make a bowl without Crunchies.

[Jamie Lang]

Do you know what I get from that?

[Oliver Proudlock]

What do you get from that?

[Jamie Lang]

You're a weak father.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Oh, yeah. Nice.

[Jamie Lang]

That's all I get from that. You're a weak, weak, weak dad. Do you know what I would be like? Let's role play this. Hey, baby. Wow.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Hey.

[Jamie Lang]

Hey. Hey, baby.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Braddock, how you doing this morning? And you'd say, your breath stinks.

[Jamie Lang]

You wanna.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Smells like poo.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm gonna go brush them in a second. Just leave me be. Can you go.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Can you go brush them now? Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. Hold on.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah. Weak father.

[Jamie Lang]

Weak.

[Oliver Proudlock]

No, I'm just weak, Papa.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. Yeah. What do you want for breakfast? Do you want yogurt berries?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Still smells like poo.

[Sophie Lang]

Okay.

[Jamie Lang]

Do you want yogurt berries, Crunchies? Yeah, I'll put some Crunchies on there. There you go.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Here you go.

[Jamie Lang]

You like that?

[Oliver Proudlock]

No, I don't want Crunchies.

[Jamie Lang]

I don't give a. I don't give a. You're gonna eat those crunchies.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I hate you, Papa. You're the worst pupper ever. And your breath still smells like.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, well, you know what? You're the only one I got. I'm the only. I'm the only father you've got. So what are you gonna do about it?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Find another one.

[Jamie Lang]

Run away. Try and run away. That's what I'd be like.

[Oliver Proudlock]

God, that's awesome. That's perfect, dude. That's perfect. That whole role play was perfect. So just act that out in every single scenario.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, yeah. How much patience do you have?

[Oliver Proudlock]

That's the key, dude. The patience is. That's where the scenario, like the yogurt with the crunchies, you know, you just be patient because you have a lot of patience. The thing where your patience is. Is tested and you. You sometimes may slip is when you're exhausted. That's when the. The patience gets tested a little bit.

[Jamie Lang]

And what. What voice goes up? No, I mean, you keep it level because I. If I lose my patience, I'd be. I'd like. I become frustrated. That's why I'm worried about keeping my calm. Because if I become frustrated.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Pretty freaking scary when you lose it.

[Jamie Lang]

You've never seen me lose my patience.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I have. It's scary.

[Jamie Lang]

Get out of here.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I've seen you shout at people. Do you ever.

[Jamie Lang]

When have you ever seen me.

[Oliver Proudlock]

You're already getting a little bit aggressive.

[Jamie Lang]

You've never.

[Oliver Proudlock]

The voice is coming up little bit.

[Jamie Lang]

You've never seen me shout.

[Oliver Proudlock]

When have you? Because you were saying that you occasionally. When did you last get really angry?

[Jamie Lang]

The last time I got really angry is when I had some road rage.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Okay, what happened?

[Jamie Lang]

I was on my scooter like this and going around Hyde Park Corner, which is a roundabout. Roundabout. I turned to go left down Picot. And this car obviously had like, wanted to go as well. And so I had turned, but he had tried to cut me off. So he tried to cut me off. No car. I'm on my Vespa. You kidding me?

[Oliver Proudlock]

No one cuts off Lane.

[Jamie Lang]

No one freaking cuts me off. So this. I didn't really know what to do, right? But I was like in. This is what I did. I was in front of him and I was like, what the hell?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Also, you on that bike with that helmet.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Trying to be aggressive.

[Jamie Lang]

My pink helmet. I was like this. And I went, what the hell? Like that. So I didn't know what to do. So I sat up on my Vespa and spanked my ass at him. I went, ah.

[Sophie Lang]

What?

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Why did you do that?

[Jamie Lang]

This guy went mental.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So it worked.

[Jamie Lang]

It fucking worked.

[Oliver Proudlock]

That spank worked.

[Jamie Lang]

Anyway, he gets his car, drives it up next to me. So we're like this driving neck and neck, and he's going to this.

[Oliver Proudlock]

You still spanking your ass? No.

[Jamie Lang]

And then he. I swear my life. I swear my life pretends to drive into me like that.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I went, what are you doing at this point? You getting pretty scared.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah. And then. And then we basically like, stop in the middle of the road. And then we went for each other, screaming at him. He was screaming. That's the last thing.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Oh, so wait, he pulled over, you got off the road, middle of the road.

[Jamie Lang]

He screeched in front of me and we stopped in the middle and we're screaming at each other.

[Oliver Proudlock]

What were you saying, you freaking idiot?

[Jamie Lang]

Like, oh, I'll get you.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Were you going to. Were you getting right up in his grill, man?

[Jamie Lang]

I was like, you don't even know. You don't even know what I can do.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Have you taken the helmet off or. Helmet was on.

[Jamie Lang]

No, helmet was on.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah. Just in case.

[Jamie Lang]

Just in case he got out. Yeah, yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Helmet fully on, tightened real tight.

[Jamie Lang]

Just a headbutt. Don't come near me.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Okay. Okay. So that was the last time in, like, a public scenario. Where have you last, like, lost your cool or, like, felt like you've lost your patience in, like, a more private scenario?

[Jamie Lang]

I mean, no, I don't really. I have to be pushed quite a lot to really lose it. When you and I used to live together, you were quite aggressive.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I was waiting for that.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, you were really good. You were scary, man. You were like, scary.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

People used to come back and you're like, no, this is proudlocks house. Bang.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I'll just go, bang.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Is that me banging the door?

[Jamie Lang]

No, you just said it. No, we're not aggressive people, though.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Not at all.

[Jamie Lang]

We're more emotional.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was always pretty emotional. You. Until only recently. You've started to let your emotions out. But, dude, that is the perfect time to find your emotions before you have your baby.

[Jamie Lang]

What? If you really think about it, what makes you tear up? Come on, let's get some tears on the show.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I mean, like, my kids straight up for sure. Obviously. M's.

[Jamie Lang]

He's actually going already.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I'm not going.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, he's really tired.

[Oliver Proudlock]

You are looking a little watery over there.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm not looking. Water.

[Oliver Proudlock]

What makes you tear up thinking about.

[Jamie Lang]

Your kids and them? That's what makes me joke. Why did they go and go and talk about them? Here we go. Why does it make you tear up?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Okay, so you love soaps, right? You love your family more than your.

[Jamie Lang]

Friends more than anything.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So when you have your baby, the love that you have for that tiny human dude. I just can. This is what I can't wait for you to feel like. Because it's impossible to explain. You can try and tell someone before they have their kid, but until you have your baby, until you go through that. It is the most insane thing. And obviously, every single stage of being a parent has these challenges, but it's the love that just, like, pushes beyond all of that. And that's why you get. Why I get so emotional. And you probably will when you start thinking about your kids. It's. It's insane. It is the most beautiful thing in the world. Like, nothing comes near.

[Jamie Lang]

That was very beautifully put.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Thanks, buddy.

[Jamie Lang]

I, I, I have my. My book coming up when book's out, actually, by this point. And the last chapter I dedicate to my baby. Right?

[Oliver Proudlock]

That's glorious.

[Jamie Lang]

It's glorious. And the last line, I can't even. I can't even read it because it, like, makes me almost tear up. But. But I basically said, I can't wait to. Can't wait to meet you, little one. Oh. And that even before meeting the little one, it's, like, gets me.

[Sophie Lang]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Guys, I just want to take a moment to talk to you about this episode sponsor, the new Citroen C3 Air Cross. So, if you don't know this, but Citroen actually got in touch with the podcast, and they kind of got me thinking about another family car for when I finally passed my test.

[Sophie Lang]

I insist on something stylish at least.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm looking for comfortability, enough room for a growing family, which is why Soph. Okay. Something like the new Citroen C3 Aircross could be perfect for us. Also, by the way, I think we need to think of some, like, road trip games.

[Sophie Lang]

I love a road trip.

[Jamie Lang]

Want to put the tablet down? No iPads. No, nothing like that at all. And play games like I Spy with my little Eye.

[Sophie Lang]

Well, that's a basic. We've all paid I Spy.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Okay.

[Jamie Lang]

Something more complicated.

[Oliver Proudlock]

All right.

[Jamie Lang]

Going through the Alphabet and have to name countries. I'll start. America.

[Oliver Proudlock]

You go B. Brazil.

[Jamie Lang]

C, Canada. D, Denmark. E, England.

[Sophie Lang]

F, France.

[Jamie Lang]

G, Germany.

[Sophie Lang]

H, Hungary.

[Jamie Lang]

I, Iceland.

[Sophie Lang]

Kilimanjaro. I've got another game. Word associations.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, like, okay, explain this to me.

[Sophie Lang]

So I say a word, and then you say the word that associates with it.

[Jamie Lang]

Here we go.

[Sophie Lang]

Scissors, paper, drawing, crayon.

[Jamie Lang]

Kids, school, nursery, playroom. Scary. I love this game. Okay, these are great, but why don't we think of a, like, new family tradition?

[Sophie Lang]

I love that. It's got to be our personal family game.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Sophie Lang]

I love that we let other people into it if we like them enough.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. We could play something like car Bingo. I'm not even joking. So, like, okay, we have a bingo card. So we pick. We all Pick our like bingo card and then we have to spot on the roads. We who has those similar things, like a number plate beginning with F or a yellow car or three people in the car. All these different things add up to your bingo card. And then when you win, you go bingo. And the person in the car who got the bingo wins the prize.

[Sophie Lang]

I love it. I absolutely love it.

[Jamie Lang]

I think that'd be a good one.

[Sophie Lang]

What about if we play who are we? Where you see a family in the car next year, right. And you just create a whole story about their lives.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, great.

[Sophie Lang]

So like, okay, they're married to, well, school they went to. What I was thinking.

[Jamie Lang]

Give me something. So. So if there's a family in dad and mum and a little girl, or.

[Sophie Lang]

A man and a woman and a little girl. So I'm gonna say that's. That's the mother and then that's the brother of the brother driving. Yeah, driving her brother.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay.

[Sophie Lang]

And they've got the daughter in the back and they are taking her ice skating up north.

[Jamie Lang]

That is random. We're gonna drive in separate cars. That's the rule. We're driving in separate.

[Sophie Lang]

And the little girl is a professional opera singer.

[Jamie Lang]

Well, on that note. Oh, my lord, that got me kind of excited for those road trips.

[Sophie Lang]

And that Citroen C3 aircross would just be perfect for those long, long journeys with me.

[Jamie Lang]

By the way, you're not wrong. First off, it's got seven seats, okay? So you can fit the whole crew. The whole team can go in there. We could even bring our parents along if that's what we wanted.

[Sophie Lang]

And inside, you'll find best in class comfort that turns every journey into just a joyride. We're talking a ride so smooth you won't even notice the mask flying by.

[Jamie Lang]

And here's the best part. It's all yours. Without huge price tag. They've packed it with premium design, top notch quality and smart tech. It's like a lounge in there.

[Sophie Lang]

Search situation C3 aircross. To find out more.

[Jamie Lang]

Talk me about the actual kids. This is going to happen at some point that day when you go to hospital, you get. And you gotta give me the lowdown, what do I need to do? What do I need to pack? What do I need to be ready for? That's what I. Give me. Give me the 101 on that. Oh, so here we go. Oh, water's broken.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Boy. So the thing is ours. Ours was. Em's had a C section, so it's also a different experience. Sure. Get that So I. I don't know.

[Jamie Lang]

But you go to the hospital, but.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, you get the bag.

[Jamie Lang]

What do you pack in the hospital bag?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah. So we. First time round, you didn't pack it? Well, no, we did pack it, but.

[Jamie Lang]

We packed alcohol again.

[Oliver Proudlock]

No, we thought you packed. We thought, you know, oh, this is going to be kind of like, you know, a couple days out. We got a little baby. We took a backgammon board. Thought we'd get a little bit backgammon in.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

What?

[Oliver Proudlock]

I know. Hell, I know. I know.

[Jamie Lang]

You took it back. Gavin. Paul.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I know. But bear in mind, you know, the baby obviously sleeps a lot that beginning time. So we were thinking we'll get some. We'll get a little time, you know, chill, a little bit of gammon, maybe a little picnic. Didn't bring a picnic. Did bring a bottle of rouge.

[Jamie Lang]

There we go.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, because we thought a little bit of pizza, a little bit of rouge.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, yeah. Get a movie on. Kids will be sleeping.

[Oliver Proudlock]

That's what we thought. No, none of that, my friend.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

No.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Baula rouge was not popped. Baggammon was not popped. No, no, no, no. Do not pack any of those.

[Jamie Lang]

Why?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Actually, do you know what I would pack? Yeah, it's just a very small bottle of champagne just to cheers. Just a little cheers. And then put that champagne away because the chaos starts.

[Jamie Lang]

No, no, it doesn't start straight away.

[Oliver Proudlock]

No, it doesn't. So baby comes up, and it was born, and we didn't know if it was a boy or girl for that first one, which was just the most beautiful thing in the world.

[Jamie Lang]

That's amazing.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And then. Are you gonna cut the umbilical cord?

[Jamie Lang]

100 teeth, man.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I gotta get in there. You won't get through it with your teeth, my friend.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, I would.

[Oliver Proudlock]

No, no, no.

[Jamie Lang]

Yes, I would.

[Oliver Proudlock]

No.

[Jamie Lang]

100%.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I'd rip that thing. Buddy. That thing is strong.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah. I'd get through it.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Okay, you try. I want to see that.

[Jamie Lang]

I'd rip it like a rope.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So obviously you do that, and then the most beautiful moment is when your baby goes over to the mama. So. To Sophs. That first time, them two together for the first time, that set me off. I mean, I was just, like, bawling my eyes out. So that will definitely set you off.

[Jamie Lang]

You weren't holding it together.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Oh, no, no, no. Let your emotions out, all right? Don't hold back, buddy. If I see you there holding your.

[Jamie Lang]

Emotions, because you'll be there.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I'll be there.

[Jamie Lang]

You'll be in your scrubs.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I'll be there holding that umbilical cord. If I see you holding back, let it out. But that. And then obviously when the Bubba comes to you, I mean, it's just like. It's insane. Is it really the first time you look at your baby?

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, my God.

[Oliver Proudlock]

What?

[Jamie Lang]

That's mad. Hey.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Hey, buddy.

[Jamie Lang]

Hey. Hey. Hey. I guess this isn't for the next 60, 70 years.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Forever. This is it. 60, 70 years. And that's the new chapter of your life. And the funniest thing for me, it.

[Jamie Lang]

Changes from there, doesn't it?

[Oliver Proudlock]

I just. My life before. Before kids. I almost can't remember it.

[Jamie Lang]

I can remember it.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I know you can, but, like, I can't remember a lot of it.

[Jamie Lang]

Can you not?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, I even do. You know what's crazy? I bought a couple pictures with me today. So. Yeah, I was doing a clear out of the house yesterday.

[Jamie Lang]

You bought some pictures with you today.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And I found this old photo book and there were some pictures of you and me in it.

[Jamie Lang]

No. Yeah, yeah, you've got it here.

[Oliver Proudlock]

But the funniest thing is I don't even really remember this.

[Jamie Lang]

Well, weirdly, that time was a bit weird. I don't remember lots of things.

[Oliver Proudlock]

You were very weird at that time. All I remember is you being really odd.

[Jamie Lang]

But like, let me see.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So these two pictures here.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay.

[Oliver Proudlock]

What?

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, so there's one picture. It's me. You. Where is that?

[Oliver Proudlock]

I think we're in Scotland there. I think this is when. Do you remember when you had that bit of a panic attack?

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, I remember that.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I think it potentially could have been then.

[Jamie Lang]

What was that? And then you got one more.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And then this one's kind of jokes. This is when we used to share office together and I was obviously upstairs, Jay was downstairs.

[Jamie Lang]

I forgot we shared an office together.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And this is like.

[Sophie Lang]

No.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And dude, that's obviously doing a tasting.

[Jamie Lang]

That's a taste test of the first candy can and sweets ever.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And I'm just spinning them in the bin there, which is quite neat.

[Jamie Lang]

That's what you had to do. That is wild.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Probably 10 years ago, producer King Yui.

[Jamie Lang]

Over there, he wants to. He wants us to put them on social. So we're going to put them on social media. Nearly parents podcast. We're going to post them up. That is insane.

[Oliver Proudlock]

They're not even that exciting. But the thing was, it's just funny.

[Jamie Lang]

How long we've known each other.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I know, I know. But also when like these memories for me, I can't even remember being there.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, I can't remember.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Which is crazy. But the point is, when you have your baby.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

It's just like, you embark on this next chapter of your life, dude, and it's just going to be. Yeah. It's just. It's insane. And everything before you'll have little pockets of memories, but it's like everything starts.

[Jamie Lang]

I can't freaking wait The. Okay. It's Halloween.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yes.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. Do you believe in ghosts?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, we had a ghost iPad.

[Jamie Lang]

Shut up.

[Oliver Proudlock]

What do you mean? We live together. Do you remember?

[Jamie Lang]

We didn't have a ghost there.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Do you not remember there was something sketchy in that bathroom?

[Jamie Lang]

What are you talking about?

[Oliver Proudlock]

You don't remember that?

[Jamie Lang]

No.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Maybe it was only me and Boulevard who saw that.

[Jamie Lang]

Wait, what happened?

[Oliver Proudlock]

It felt like a presence, as opposed to like a real ghost, like, figure. But let me give you this one, and I may have told you this one before. So this is a friend of mine. She lives in the countryside.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

This is when she was growing up.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And she was in the house by herself.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And I think they had an outhouse where I think maybe her granny was in. But otherwise she was the only person in the house. This is.

[Jamie Lang]

True story.

[Oliver Proudlock]

True story. And she wakes up in the middle of the night and she's facing towards the door. Obviously, there's windows behind her and there's a chair in the corner of the room.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And she wakes up and she can just feel like she's like, she doesn't want to look, but she knows, like, someone's sitting in the chair. So she's like, thinking to herself, right, what do I do? Do I. Do I sort of, like, shout? Do I make a noise? Her door is slightly open, so she's like, do I just peg it and just run? And she can hear wind whistling through the window. And the window was closed before she went to bed. Right. So she knows someone has come through. Something's come through the window. Whether this is a real person or a ghost.

[Jamie Lang]

Get out of here.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So she pegs it, slams the door, goes downstairs into the kitchen and hides, like, underneath the island and calls to the outhouse, to her granny. Then her granny comes over. They called the police, this whole thing. And they went back up into her room, the doors just wide open of her bedroom and the windows closed.

[Jamie Lang]

That's the end of the story. That's the end of the story.

[Oliver Proudlock]

That's it, buddy.

[Jamie Lang]

So nothing happened.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Who knows?

[Jamie Lang]

What do you mean, who knows?

[Oliver Proudlock]

It was a fricking ghost.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, my God. What I was all about at the Point. You had me listen.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I know I did.

[Jamie Lang]

That's the shit. The shittest story I've ever heard.

[Oliver Proudlock]

The point of the story.

[Jamie Lang]

What? Don't be scared.

[Oliver Proudlock]

No. What is scarier if it was a real person?

[Jamie Lang]

That or a ghost. A real person would be way scarier.

[Oliver Proudlock]

That's the right answer.

[Jamie Lang]

If I woke up, there was a man sitting in my chair at the end of my bed. I would freak out. I know I would freak out.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And that's why that story is fucking scary, man. Because it was obviously a real guy.

[Jamie Lang]

No. No one was there.

[Oliver Proudlock]

What do you mean no one was there?

[Jamie Lang]

You don't know anyone was there.

[Oliver Proudlock]

She went back up to the room. The doors open. The door doesn't just opens itself.

[Jamie Lang]

She might not have slammed it, might have bounced back.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

No.

[Jamie Lang]

How do we know that there's no.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Bounce back on her doors?

[Jamie Lang]

How do we know there isn't?

[Oliver Proudlock]

They were specifically designed.

[Jamie Lang]

No, they weren't. The hinge may have broken.

[Oliver Proudlock]

What about the window?

[Jamie Lang]

Probably shut because of the wind.

[Oliver Proudlock]

No, it was fully closed.

[Jamie Lang]

What then how did the guy get in?

[Oliver Proudlock]

That's a good question.

[Jamie Lang]

Yes, he disappeared in the room.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Listen, don't fuck with the story.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh my God.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I've told that story before and it scared people. Maybe I said that there was a guy. She saw him.

[Jamie Lang]

You thinking about replaying it?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Just. Can we reword it?

[Jamie Lang]

You can't tell a scary story wearing a trilby. I mean, sorry, it's not a trilby. Yeah. Going down races? Pokey blinders. Is that what you've come as? Anyway, listen, ladies and gentlemen, as always in our episode, we get to the moment that we like to call it's listeners messages.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Did I talk too much?

[Jamie Lang]

Can't I just let it go? Thank you so much.

[Sophie Lang]

Take a breath. You're not alone. Counseling helps you sort through the noise with qualified professionals. Get matched with a therapist online based on your unique needs and get help with everyday struggles like anxiety or managing tough emotions. Visit betterhelp.com randompodcast for 10% off your first month of online therapy and let life feel better.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

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[Sophie Lang]

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[Jamie Lang]

All right, remember, the machine knows if you're lying.

[Oliver Proudlock]

First statement.

[Jamie Lang]

Carvana will give you a real offer on your car. All online.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

False. True.

[Jamie Lang]

Actually, you can sell your car in minutes.

[Sophie Lang]

False. That's gotta be true again.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Carvana will pick up your car from your door, or you can drop it off at one of their car vending machines.

[Sophie Lang]

Sounds too good to be true. So true.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Finally caught on. Nice job. Honesty isn't just their policy.

[Jamie Lang]

It's their entire model.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Sell your car today, too, Carvana.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

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[Oliver Proudlock]

Right, Grainger knows you need to understand.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

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[Jamie Lang]

Okay, because it's Halloween edition, we're going to do some spooky stories. Okay? So here we go. I have one. A spooky story from Joanne. When we were teenagers. My brother used to say he could see the people standing at the end of his bed. They were tall, shadowy figures and he felt they were weren't overly friendly, but otherwise never bothered him. We never used to take my brother seriously when he told us these stories as they would often come up.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Wow, buddy. Scary.

[Jamie Lang]

Here we go.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Your reading is scary.

[Jamie Lang]

What did you go to again? Here we go.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Sorry.

[Jamie Lang]

We never used to take my brother seriously when he told us these stories as they would often come out after a night of drinking. So he just assumed it was the alcohol mixed with his overactive imagination. One night around 10 years later, his daughter, my niece, was staying in his old room at grandma and grandpa's house. My niece was very afraid of the dark. So my mum would always leave the door open at night and a light on in the hallway. The next morning, my mum woke up and noticed the door was firmly shut. She thought this was odd, so she went and opened the door to check on my niece. The first thing she noticed was that the door was difficult to open, as if it had been lodged shut. Once she opened the door, she found my niece sitting on her bed, wide awake, looking terrified. When she asked her what was wrong and why she shut the door, my niece replied, I didn't do it. The people did it. After that, we realized that perhaps the people that visited this room were indeed real. My brother had never spoken about them to his daughters. He knew this would have led to endless sleepless nights. So to this day, we are convinced that that room was haunted. That is a good story.

[Oliver Proudlock]

That's brutal.

[Jamie Lang]

That is a good story.

[Oliver Proudlock]

She got little like goosebump on that.

[Jamie Lang]

That is a good scene.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Also, the fact that she. The people wasn't even like shadows or. Yeah. Oh my God. That's terrifying.

[Jamie Lang]

That is actually very scary. When's the. When's the most scared you've ever been?

[Oliver Proudlock]

The scaredest I've ever been.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I mean, I can't even think of anything.

[Jamie Lang]

You've never been scared?

[Oliver Proudlock]

I mean. Cause. But dude, like, when was the last time you were scared?

[Jamie Lang]

So many times.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Okay, give me one.

[Jamie Lang]

I was lying in my bed at night. Bang. Yes, you're scared. Listen, listen here. I was lying in my bed at night.

[Oliver Proudlock]

He's just making up stories.

[Jamie Lang]

I'm not listen to what happened. I was lying in my bed at night.

[Oliver Proudlock]

It's a true story.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, true story. I had a skylight, but it had shutters on it, right. And I was lying down and I put my head on the pillow and I Heard this bang, click, clop, click, click. I did. I heard this clip click.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I was like, what the hell's that?

[Jamie Lang]

So I sat up and I went, hello, Hello? Nothing. Put my head back in the pillow and I had on the skylight. So I got up. Hello?

[Oliver Proudlock]

It was rain.

[Jamie Lang]

Anyone there? As I put my head back on the pillow, the skylight bang, opens up and something drops down into the room. I'm not kidding you. It drops down into the room and then runs out. I'm like, oh my God. I thought it was a man on a zip wire that came into my room because I was playing Call of Duty before I went to bed.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So that's what scares you? Call of Duty.

[Jamie Lang]

And then no. And then so saying, imagine that. Imagine the middle of the night saying, dropping from your ceiling into your thing. I thought then was a panther. Anyway, turns out it was a cat. A cat had dropped through the skylight. That is terrible.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Scared of a cat?

[Jamie Lang]

Yes. And that is terrifying.

[Oliver Proudlock]

What is wrong with you?

[Jamie Lang]

That is terrifying.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Cat.

[Jamie Lang]

That is terrifying. That is terrifying.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So that is like.

[Jamie Lang]

When was that? My friend you met Fox? Yeah, Fox, my friend. He was staying again at Leeds University. How scary is this? He was staying at Leeds University and he came back in holiday time to stay at the house that he rented. And he was lying in his room in the middle of the night in Leeds University. It was like a house, like, you know, in thing, whatever. And he was going to bed that night. Suddenly he heard like movement outside the house. He was like, hell's going on? And he saw a guy come up to his window, put his hands over his eyes, look into his bedroom. Max just lying in bed, frozen. The guy who pushed open the window.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Did he just not do anything?

[Jamie Lang]

He went, yeah, yeah, pretend he was a dog. That's hilarious. Okay, go on, give me one more.

[Oliver Proudlock]

This one doesn't have a name, but it just says scary.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay, we like this.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I have a scary story and want to know if you think it's a real encounter or if my boyfriend has kept this lie to spook me out.

[Jamie Lang]

I like this.

[Oliver Proudlock]

My boyfriend has always claimed that his house is haunted. Since I lived there, I've noticed strange things myself. Footsteps and doors opening and closing upstairs when no one else is home. Is that reoccurring thing the slamming doors? That's why my story was frickin scary. Or seeing the bedroom curtains move violently from outside the house when there's no wind, that's scary. But there's one incident that still shakes us to this day and we have never been able to explain it.

[Jamie Lang]

Just remember the story. I just had a flashback or some reason. I can't wait to tell you for context.

[Oliver Proudlock]

My boyfriend and I live at his parents house but our bedroom is separate from the main house. It's in the garden. At the time we didn't have blinds, just a blanket covering most of the window except for a small gap near the door.

[Jamie Lang]

Loads of outhouses in these stories.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Scary houses is scary.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay.

[Oliver Proudlock]

About a year and a half ago I went into the main house around 10pm to check if our clothes were drying in the tumble dryer. For some reason I can't remember why I told my boyfriend I was going to sleep in the garden. That's pretty scary.

[Jamie Lang]

After I tent or like that. The outhouse maybe, right?

[Oliver Proudlock]

But no, she came from the house. Yeah. Anyways, weird. After I finished inside, I went back out and sat in the garden for a minute. About 5 meters away from our room.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Why did you do that? It was pitch black so he wouldn't have been able to see me. When I saw my boyfriend get up and walk past the window to grab his phone from the charger a moment later he came back to the window, looked out and made a face sticking his tongue out at me before disappearing. Seconds later he opened the bedroom door with his phone flashlight on looking for me. I went inside and asked why did you make that face at me through the window? He looked confused and said what face? I mimicked the face he had made and told him I'd seen him come to the window and do it. He swore he hadn't. No, he said that he walked past to get his phone. He thought he saw me standing right outside the window looking in. Which is why he grabbed the flashlight and opened the door to check. To this day we still have no idea what we saw.

[Jamie Lang]

Okay.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Part of me sometimes wondered if he is still messing with me and won't admit it. But he swears he didn't do it.

[Jamie Lang]

That is scary.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I reckon it was him. I reckon it was probably him. What's your story that you can't say off of?

[Jamie Lang]

It's not. It's a complete tangent but I don't know why. I don't know why I remembered. It was a story from school. Ah, you get on buddy. They used to play pranks on people at school and what they did is they. They basically at school in another house. They got a group of boys together and they played this game where I don't think I can say.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, go on.

[Jamie Lang]

They had to get in a circle. And all had to master.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Sorry, this story's terrifying.

[Jamie Lang]

They played this prank on this pool boy.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I love how you go. They played.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah. I was not there.

[Oliver Proudlock]

You played this prank.

[Jamie Lang]

I was not there.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Jamie played a prank.

[Jamie Lang]

No, there was not. They had to all sit in a circle and they all had to play this game where you had to masturbate and the last person to orgasm would be the loser, right? And so they turned off the lights and they did it all in a room together. And they went, right, three, two, one, go. And they did it. And they turned the lights back on after 30 seconds. And there was just one bloke and it was you.

[Oliver Proudlock]

It was you. You were in the middle of that circle.

[Jamie Lang]

It was Jamie in the middle of the circle.

[Oliver Proudlock]

That is where your trauma started. That's the core.

[Jamie Lang]

It was an obstacle. It was not me. Oh, my gosh.

[Oliver Proudlock]

That's.

[Jamie Lang]

That's. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for running in all your listeners messages. We absolutely love them more than anything. The spooky ones, the great ones, the fun ones, everything. Keep sending them in, please, because we love to hear from them. And Sophie will be back next week, so don't worry, she'll be picking up all of these. Sending that Nearly Parents podcast on Instagram, or you can send us an email. Nearly parentsjampa productions.co.uk everything is in the show description. That's the end of listeners messages. So from one spooky event to the.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Next, that little segue.

[Jamie Lang]

It's Ollie Proudlock's 50th birthday.

[Oliver Proudlock]

It's a big one.

[Jamie Lang]

You got great skin for a man.

[Oliver Proudlock]

That is pretty spooky, huh? Spooky. Can you believe I'm gonna be 50?

[Jamie Lang]

That's insane. I don't think you're gonna be a little bit younger than 50, but we are getting a little bit older that we are. What do you want for a present? Not from me, but from. What do you want?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Well, I want something from you.

[Jamie Lang]

What do you want?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Sure.

[Jamie Lang]

What do you want, man?

[Oliver Proudlock]

What did you get for your last. But do you still get presents?

[Jamie Lang]

Well, I, I'm. I'm quite a big believer in, like, doing like an experience or like, like gifting something. I think that's what I'm much. I think it's really important to keep doing those things in, like, relationships or whatever. Just because. So I. I buy Sophie presents. So her birthday. I just bought her a present.

[Oliver Proudlock]

How was Sophie's birthday this weekend?

[Jamie Lang]

Great, man. I bought her a lovely present. She loved It.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So you went back to where you guys got.

[Jamie Lang]

Got engaged.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So you got engaged at the Rosewood.

[Jamie Lang]

So we go back there every year for like her birthday or like, I think we go back to the Rosewood to have like a moment, which is sweet, really sweet. So I bought her a present. So what are you gonna get for your birthday, do you think?

[Oliver Proudlock]

I all. I said to Em, I said, I just want to have just us time. Me and her, just the two of us. Wow. Because it's hard to get hard when you got two kids and we don't. We don't have any family here in the uk, so it's hard for us to just sort of, you know, even just go for a lunch or a dinner. So we're gonna just have a full day together. Just like, just be cozy.

[Jamie Lang]

Jesus. Oh, my gosh. 50. Happy birthday to you. That scared the hell out of me. That was way scary. That was way scary. Happy birthday dear oh proud log. Happy birthday to you. Make a wish.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Oh, guys, thank you.

[Jamie Lang]

There you go. Hey. Oh, he's just got. We just got him a cake. That was the scariest thing about the whole episode. Scared the hell out of me, that did, coming in there. Look at that. What do we got here?

[Oliver Proudlock]

Look at this.

[Jamie Lang]

That's glorious. So I reckon this is like a Mars bar cake.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Is it really?

[Jamie Lang]

I don't know. Little chockies on top. They're gonna have a little bite off.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Oh, that looks. Yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Mars bar.

[Oliver Proudlock]

You're having the first bite of my cake. I haven't, buddy.

[Jamie Lang]

No way, man.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Cheers, mate. You have that.

[Jamie Lang]

I haven't had a Mars Bar at 10 o' clock in the morning for a while.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I'm gonna join you. Is it good?

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So, mate, what do you want for your birthday? So I obviously just want to spend some good quality time with Ems. What do you want for your. This is your last birthday before being a dad.

[Jamie Lang]

This is a big one. Go and try that. Go and have a bite of that. It's really good. That is good for my present this year because our birthdays are pretty close to each other. I want a healthy, happy baby.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Amen.

[Jamie Lang]

All I care about if that happens. The greatest birthday present could ever ask for.

[Oliver Proudlock]

And then on the actual day, what would you like to do as, like a thing? What would be your perfect birthday day?

[Jamie Lang]

Okay. Perfect birthday day for me. I would get up at 7am yeah, come down. I would then probably go and have like a little workout. Maybe like a sauna, something like that. We would then go and have breakfast together. Sophie and I, then we're going to have a spend the day together. I don't know what we would do in the day. Like, just walking and seeing things and spending time together. Maybe do. I don't know, something. And then we'd go for dinner, an early dinner with, like, friends because Sophie's pregnant. Or just me and her go for early dinner and then maybe, like, a cinema trip or watch a movie at home. Dude, that would be a great day.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Very similar to my day.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, man.

[Oliver Proudlock]

You know, maybe Chuck a massage in there.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, man, that's exactly what I want.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I would almost do the cine in the day. So do you almost have a brekkie? Maybe a little massage, then go for a little.

[Jamie Lang]

Little day cine, and then maybe. And then maybe in the evening, I get lucky.

[Oliver Proudlock]

There you go, buddy. You know what I mean? It's a big day. Oh, yeah.

[Jamie Lang]

Oh, big day. Not with. I don't think I get lucky with Soph.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So who are you getting lucky with?

[Jamie Lang]

Paint my nails on my hands. Hello.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Going back to you in the middle of that circle again, Right?

[Jamie Lang]

What I do is I paint my nails and then sit on my hand for, like, five minutes.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Oh, man. This guy, bro.

[Jamie Lang]

That's what I do.

[Oliver Proudlock]

All right. That's awesome. I now, literally, on your birthday, that's what I'm gonna be. That's. I know what you're gonna be doing that at night. Yeah, night. So I'm just gonna watch one more movie. Yeah, I'll see you in the morning.

[Jamie Lang]

Night.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Bye. Sausage nail, nails done. Ready to go.

[Jamie Lang]

Sat on my hand. Just get us loud. That's what I would do.

[Oliver Proudlock]

That's a great day, bud. It's a big day. Big study.

[Jamie Lang]

Obviously kidding. I'm obviously kidding. I would not do that, but I would spend it with Sophie, and I'd have the best time ever. It would be the most.

[Oliver Proudlock]

It's pretty insane to think that this is your last. Last birthday before being a dad.

[Jamie Lang]

I know. It's amazing, and I'm really excited for it. I feel very blessed at the moment. Feel very lucky. Very blessed for everything.

[Oliver Proudlock]

So exciting.

[Jamie Lang]

Yeah, I. I feel. I feel it's. It feel. Yeah, I feel it's it's exciting times, and I'm just excited to become a dad. And I'm just excited for this next chapter. I'm excited for. I'm excited to join you on the journey. I can't wait to do that. Because then I think what happens is. Because when you have kids and your buddies, when you don't have kids, your buddies have kids. We still connect, like deep never. But you, you don't understand it because you haven't experienced it. You kind of understand the tardness or the love or the whatever it is we didn't quite get it. Once I have it, I can then understand everything. And that's what I'm going to love more than anything in this world.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Yeah, it's going to be glorious, dude.

[Jamie Lang]

Listen, I want to say a big thank you to you for coming on the podcast. Love you, buddy. Love you to bits.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Very proud of you, mate. And I'm. I'm just so excited. It's funny looking back at those photos and I know I say I can't really remember it, but obviously there are so many pockets that I do. And just to think how far we've both come since then and how lucky we are. It was pretty insane.

[Jamie Lang]

It's. It's. It's very insane. And B.C. you're the best. You are most loyal, most loving, most talented, most entertaining, best person anyone could ask for. And as much as we joke around with each other, I love you to bits.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Right back at you, buddy.

[Jamie Lang]

And I'm so excited to get on this journey with you.

[Oliver Proudlock]

I can't freaking wait.

[Jamie Lang]

Let's go, man.

[Oliver Proudlock]

You're gonna be the best dad ever.

[Jamie Lang]

And happy 50th.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Thanks, buddy. Happy 48th.

[Jamie Lang]

Coming, everybody. Listen, Sophie's gonna be back next week. Thank you for tuning in as always. Go and check out Ollie on social media. We're gonna leave all his links in the description. Also, if you wanna get in touch, we wanna hear from you at nearlyparents podcast on Instagram or nearlyparentsampodproductions.co.uk and we're gonna be back next week for another episode of Nearly Parents. Until then, if you're getting married, yeah, baby. If you're getting divorced, nah, baby. If you are single, ready to mingle, yeah, baby. If you're thinking of getting engaged, yeah, baby. If you're having a baby, yeah, baby.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Okay.

[Jamie Lang]

All right. See you later, alligators. In a while, crocodile. See you next week.

[Oliver Proudlock]

Love ya.

[Jamie Lang]

Goodbye.

[Sophie Lang]

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[Oliver Proudlock]

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[Jamie Lang]

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