Would Jamie and Sophie be SWINGERS?

Summary

NearlyParents Podcast Summary

Episode: Would Jamie and Sophie be SWINGERS?
Date: September 14, 2025
Hosts: Jamie Laing & Sophie Habboo

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode of NearlyParents, Jamie and Sophie—in their typical blend of humor, honesty, and chaotic charm—navigate the realities of late-stage pregnancy, changes in their relationship, and, amusingly, imagine what life would be like if they became swingers. Expect their trademark unfiltered overshares as they discuss body changes, couple dynamics, pregnancy mishaps, dealing with “baby brain,” listener stories, whether swinging would ever be on the table, and a hilarious round of "Would You Rather?" with a parenting twist.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Name Anxiety and Pregnancy Dynamics

[02:46–04:00]

• Jamie and Sophie riff on the anxiety of forgetting names, with Sophie admitting her intrusive thoughts about misnaming guests, e.g., Leona Lewis.
• Jamie dons a “fake pregnancy tummy” to experience what Sophie is going through, declaring, “I can hardly breathe!” and Sophie snappily retorting that Jamie’s got it easy compared to the real thing.
  • Sophie: “None of your organs or insides are getting crushed. It’s literally like you are hugging a teddy bear.” [04:25]
• Sophie humorously laments wanting to retreat into silence due to breathlessness: “I just want to sleep on rocks where it’s cold and hard… and just be left in silence for 20 hours a day.” [05:05]

2. Bodily Changes, Bra Size, and Baby Bumps

[06:59–10:34]

• Sophie details what it’s really like to experience her body expanding ("I have no room for nothing...I am the Hulk!"), bra sizing confusion, and the unyielding growth of her back and feet.
• Jamie jokes about Sophie’s new “booty”—cue a comical, slightly awkward exchange:
  • Jamie: “I would eat it up. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.” [07:53]
  • Sophie: “That is SO, SO disgusting.” [07:56]

3. Pelvic Floor, Kegels, and Taboos

[11:12–13:09]

• Sophie admits to newfound awareness about pelvic floor exercises after being prompted by her midwife, and they unpack what “kegels” are for the uninitiated.
• Sophie: “I obviously do it occasionally, but I don’t consciously go, oh, time for my Kegels!” [12:41]
• Jamie, baffled but supportive, realizes how little men can ever fully understand the physical journey of pregnancy.

4. Pregnancy Worries – Braxton Hicks, Symptom Panic & Partner Roles

[14:10–18:37]

• Jamie reflects on the challenge of supporting Sophie through symptoms he doesn’t understand (“I don’t understand the pain, the lack of breath, the hormones.” [14:10]).
• Sophie lovingly but brutally role-plays Jamie’s typically hectic panic when she mentions anything wrong:
  • “You’re NEVER calm. You call every doctor or friend with any medical history the moment I say something hurts.” [15:28]
• The couple demonstrates (with laughs) how partners might gently respond to "false labor" or Braxton Hicks scares:
  • Sophie (ideal partner): “Let’s just get you home and lie down. I’ll make you a hot chocolate and rub your back.” [18:19]
  • Jamie (real self): “I don’t really want you to rub my back. My feet are so wide now!” [18:32]

5. Listener Stories: Hilarious and Raw Overshares

[33:00–37:13]

• Lucy’s Pregnancy Shaving Fiasco [33:00]
  • Lucy called her midwife in panic after noticing blood, only to discover she’d nicked herself shaving her labia because she couldn’t see below her bump:
    • “I just cut my van while shaving because I could barely reach it around my huge belly. We’ve all been there.” [34:04] —Sophie
• Katie’s Mucus Plug/Dog Mishap [35:03]
  • Katie details how she treasured a mucus plug to show her husband…but the family dog ate it:
    • “Piccolo had eaten my mucus plug.” [36:47]
    • Jamie: “If I didn’t feel sick enough today, these have really took me over the edge.” [36:47]
• Charlotte’s Emotional Story [37:20]
  • Charlotte shares losing her father to cancer, naming her son after him, and how her partner’s “big kid” ADHD energy shapes their parenting.

6. Sex, Intimacy, and The Swingers Conversation

[38:58–41:49]

• Jamie, in typical fashion, raises if they’d make good swingers.
  • “Do you think we’d make good swingers? Sophie Charlotte Herbu Lang, born 1994…” [39:28]
  • Sophie: “Absolutely not.” [39:37]
  • Jamie: “If I just approached you and said let’s open up our relationship…?” [39:52]
  • Sophie: “No. Okay, I’ll file for divorce.” [40:01]
• Both agree they're curious but ultimately could never watch the other with someone else (“I’d kill you,”—Sophie [39:51]; “I don’t understand how that works… the thought of me watching you with some other bloke bones you…”—Jamie [40:18]).
• Sophie imagines if they did attend a party, she’d just dress up and people-watch (“I would watch and just voyeur everyone and find out who's doing what.” [41:41]), Jamie spins out into nervous laughter.

7. Would You Rather? Parenting & Relationship Edition

[42:19–45:20] A rapid, raucous round of would-you-rather questions:

• “Would you rather have amazing sex once a year or mediocre sex three times a week?”
  • Jamie: “I would have mediocre sex three times a week.” [44:55]
  • Sophie: “Amazing once, yeah.” [44:27]
• “Would you rather only have sex if your mum watches or my mum?”
  • Sophie: “Your mum over my mum, for sure. I don’t think Penny would care. She’d probably give us some critique, like some pointers.” [45:09]

8. Weird Pregnancy Tip of the Week

[45:27–46:05]

• From listener Willow: “Charge your bump under the full moon to align the baby’s chakras.”
  • Jamie: “Let’s do that tonight.”
  • Sophie: “It’s not a full moon, babes.” [45:59]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jamie stepping into Sophie's shoes (literally):

  • “I can hardly breathe.” [04:25]
  • Sophie: “None of your organs or insides are getting crushed. It’s literally like a teddy bear.” [04:25]

• On intimacy and those wild pregnancy body changes:

  • Jamie: “You basically got this sweet butt that is like a ledge.” [08:03]
  • Sophie: “No, everything’s just a booty.” [07:52]

• Role-playing pregnancy panic:

  • Sophie (on Jamie): “You call every doctor or friend with any medical history the moment I say something hurts.” [15:28]

• Launching into the swingers debate:

  • Jamie: “Do you think we’d make good swingers?” [39:28]
  • Sophie: “Absolutely not...I’ll file for divorce.” [40:01]
  • Jamie: “The thought of me watching you with some other bloke bones you… I just couldn’t do it.” [40:18]
  • Sophie: “I’d just dress up as Ariel the mermaid and voyeur everyone.” [41:38]

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Important Timestamps by Segment

• Name Anxiety & Intrusive Thoughts – 02:46–04:00
• Jamie’s Fake Pregnancy Tummy & Body Chat – 04:00–10:34
• Pelvic Floor, Kegels, and Braxton Hicks – 11:12–18:37
• Listener Overshare: Razor Mishap & Lost Mucus Plug – 33:00–37:13
• Sex, Intimacy & Swinger Scenarios – 38:58–41:49
• Would You Rather Game – 42:19–45:20
• Weird Pregnancy Tip of the Week – 45:27–46:05

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Tone & Style

The episode is unvarnished, raw, and riotously funny, characterized by the pair’s natural chemistry and willingness to laugh at themselves and the messiness of impending parenthood. Sophie’s wry, self-deprecating humor matches Jamie’s energetic and often inappropriate jokes, grounding the conversation in realness that’s both relatable and endearing.

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For New Listeners

You don’t need to be pregnant—or even a parent—to enjoy Jamie and Sophie’s mix of overshare, honesty, and banter. Whether it’s battling strange pregnancy symptoms, fumbling through relationship blunders, or wondering about the wild world of swingers, this episode has moments that will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even learn a thing or two about what it means to be “nearly parents.”

Transcript

[A]

Guys, before we start the episode, I just want to mention two very quick things. Firstly, thank you so much for constantly coming back to this podcast. We love the fact that you do that. That is so kind. Really, really is. If you haven't subscribed to our show already, just click the subscribe button. It does us wonders. Only if you like the show, that is. And the other thing is, this is. I have written a book. It's an agency of everything we don't talk about. And I've written this book because I truly believe that as a generation, we really don't open up and talk about how we're truly feeling. It's called Boys Don't Cry. You can pre order it right now. There's a link in our bio that you can click. It'll take you to the pre order site. It would be amazing if you could possibly do that because I promise you, this book can help so many people. Okay, thank you so much and enjoy the episode. Hello, I'm Jamie Lang.

[B]

And I'm Sophie Lang.

[A]

And we've been married for two years.

[B]

And we're having a baby.

[A]

Yes, we are.

[B]

Are you ready?

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Did I talk too much?

[A]

Can I just let it go?

[C]

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[D]

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[C]

Warning.

[D]

This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[A]

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[B]

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[E]

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[E]

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[A]

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[B]

Try Monday Sidekick AI you'll love to use on Monday.com. hello everyone. Welcome back. It is nearly parents. I am pregnant. And I am Sophie and this is my Husband with a fake tummy on. Jamie Lang.

[A]

Still. Many years in. I. I find it when they say.

[B]

Lang still no everyone else. No one knows how to say the name.

[A]

Yeah, but you might be taking this name on in life, you know, sometimes might have to set. But you set in, like, a real sort of.

[B]

Because you're always laughing at me. If you didn't put so much pressure.

[A]

On embarrassment, I won't look at you.

[B]

I just say, sophie Lang.

[A]

Hey, nailed it. You freaking nailed it.

[B]

You laugh at me, then I get conscious.

[A]

We have that. We both have this thing, and I think a lot of people relate to this when it comes to names. Why is it so intimidating that if you forget their name, you're like, oh, God, I don't know what it is. Sophie said. Sophie said she had it with Leona Lewis on the podcast. She forgot.

[B]

She thought, no, no, it's not that I forget someone's name. I. I know she's called Leona Lewis, but I get an intrusive thought. So I'll say Leona, and then I'll be like, you idiot, her name isn't Leona. And then the whole podcast, I'm just like, what have I done? But I do it to everyone. Like, so honestly sat. Half the time, I'm like, penny. I'm like, did I just call her Penny? She's not called Penny. About your mom, like, it's such bizarre, intrusive thoughts.

[A]

So if you're watching this on YouTube at the moment. I have been given by our team a pregnancy stomach. I've been given some sort of pregnancy stomach right here. I don't know what this blooming thing is, but it's to replicate what it feels like to be pregnant. And my, oh, my. I'm gonna put it out there. It is a show. It is a show, right?

[B]

It's not a show.

[A]

Oh, it's beautiful. I've got my. I don't have a fake baby in here. Like, this is just a tummy. This is the same size as your tummy, the same weight as your tummy. This replicates your tummy. I'm telling you now. You can hear by my breath. I can hardly breathe.

[B]

I'm honestly, like, pissed off with everything you're saying. You can hardly breathe. None of your organs or insides are getting crust. It's stuck on top. It's literally like you are hugging a teddy bear wrapped. Or you've got a hot water bottle wrapped your stomach. It is not inside you. Squeezing all of your stuff up. I've got no room for nothing. Nothing. I can't breathe a single thing anymore. I'm like. I'm like. I have a conversation. I'm so out of breath. I just need to. I need to just become a monk and not speak ever again.

[A]

Monks speak.

[B]

I just want to go to a monk house and just, like, be left in silence.

[A]

You want to go to a monastery?

[B]

I want to go. I just want to sleep on the rocks, hard floor where it's cold and hard and I'm not sinking into the beds, and I just want to be in silence for 20 hours a day.

[A]

Well, you just don't want to talk to anyone.

[B]

I can't. It's just so out of breath. So out of breath.

[A]

And unfortunately, your job is to talk.

[B]

I know. I know.

[A]

If you could change your job right now for anything else, what would it be?

[B]

No, I love doing this.

[A]

Of course you do. I know you do. But if. If you really had a choice, if you really had a choice right now and podcasting and doing the stuff that.

[B]

You do, like, just not have a job.

[A]

No, you have to have a job. You have to have a job. What would it be? What job would you pick?

[B]

Oh, I know the people that massage people masseuses have to practice on. And I'd lay that all day getting massage a whole day just on them. Massaging my feet, learning how to do reflexology. Next day, it's the carve. Next day from start to finish. That's what I do.

[A]

Not a job, honey.

[B]

Secondly, I would.

[A]

What would it be?

[B]

Be one of those models who has to lie in a bed all day and, like, be photographed sleeping, like, Emma's mattress or something?

[A]

We're not like that.

[B]

I would. I sleep all day.

[A]

Not because you then have to go through all the photos and make sure they look good. You'd be stressful.

[B]

I wouldn't. I just close my eyes. I look nice when I sleep.

[A]

Yeah, but then they would go up on billboards and. And you'd be like, hang on a second. I don't like the way that I'm shot.

[B]

Yeah, well, that's my life already.

[A]

I know.

[B]

With you shoving me at every hour. You know, my friends, like, take the most revolting photos of me, and I'm like. They blast it all over their social media. I'm like, thanks. You would die if they're like, oh, sorry. We didn't realize Jamie posts such ugly photos of you. We thought you were just fine with that. I'm like, yeah, I know. I tell him not to.

[A]

Yeah, but things don't have to be so perfect all the time, but you.

[B]

Don'T have to take a photo of me, like, upwards when I've not even opened my eyeballs.

[A]

Honey, the shot that I got is you. That looks like you. This is what I'm wearing right now.

[B]

Yeah. You know what this is, right?

[A]

Okay. Okay, tell me. Because this tummy that I'm wearing is.

[B]

A lot now, which is the stage I'm in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm in a coffee shop. And, you know, there's a queue there, and then there's a queue at the back of the coffee shop. And it's just a small. It's a corridor where people walk to go and get the coffee at the end of the coffee. People can't get back out now because my bump's in the way and I don't realize. So they're like, staring at me. They stand before me and they're like, excuse me. And I'm like, there's a. Like, hello. There's way. There's room. And they look down. They're like, your bump is lit. We can't. So I have to turn to the side to let them out.

[A]

Well, that's. That's cool, though. That's like a. Like an exciting thing to. To be. You're growing our little baby, and our baby is taking up all the room. Give a shit.

[B]

I know, but now people are commenting saying, I'm pregnant at the front, I'm pregnant at the back.

[A]

Sophie has an ass. She has a freaking booty.

[B]

No, everything's just a booty.

[A]

And I would eat it up. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

[B]

That is so, so disgusting.

[A]

I would.

[B]

Okay, you need to rein it in because you're never going near me.

[A]

I' I've completely and utterly knocked. But yeah, I like big butts. Cannot lie. No other something can deny when there should have been bad gum and you got big boobs. And I cannot lie. You basically got this sweet butt that is like a ledge.

[B]

Okay, you're really weirding me out now.

[A]

You need a chill out.

[B]

You need to chill out.

[A]

You need a chill out.

[B]

You commented on it and then you move the conversation on.

[A]

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

[B]

No, it's so weird. I'm so apologetic to everyone in the room. He feels incredibly.

[A]

If you were to pour water Bolognese in that butt.

[B]

Oh, my God, you're so weird and.

[A]

So gross with, like, some garlic bread.

[B]

Okay, let's change this conversation now.

[A]

It's Insane, though. Like, no, just during the pregnancy, you.

[B]

Know, everything just grows. Yeah.

[A]

No, I'm gonna put it out there with my wife. With my wife. I'm saying it.

[B]

No, let. Please stop your weirding me out. I'm fearful of all the things that are about to come out of your mouth. I'm so fearful of them all. But what I will say, you just have.

[A]

You just have everything. You've got a tummy.

[B]

Okay, Jamie. No, I don't like that conversation. Right. What I will say is that the bra situation, it's not the cup that's disturbing me because, like, that's just. That's gone. That's out of control. What do you size? I don't know if I'm like a 55 back now. Like, I am the Hulk. I am, right? I'm gonna say I was a 28 back.

[A]

I don't know what that means.

[B]

I was like. No, 28 is like a small D. Right? That was 28. That was my bra size.

[A]

Just quickly. Just. Just quickly hang on.

[B]

The measuring off my back. Like, the waist.

[A]

So that is. That's inches. Centimeters.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Magda, Is that.

[B]

Yeah, it's. I think it's inches. But you have to add on. I can't. It's been so long since I've had my bra size measured. I think you add on inches to size. So it's. It's your under boob. Under boob. Like the. That bit. It's not the cup.

[A]

It's under your boob. Round your back.

[B]

Yes. I'm now ordering 36. I simply can't breathe with them. So I'm now ordering 40. I can't breathe with them. Like, how is my back expanding this much? I. I don't understand. Like, I can't breathe in any of them. Like, what? I don't understand. Someone needs to measure my back, I hope, but the baby's not up my back. So why. Why is that growing? I don't know.

[A]

I hope everything goes back to normal. Apart from your back.

[B]

My mum said my feet will just go wider and they never quite go back to normal. She said that? She said your feet and hands get wider and they never go back to normal. It is. I'm quite excited for it. I can't wait to. I'll be so good at swimming.

[A]

Unbeliev.

[B]

I know. Forget breaststroke. I'll just do Frankle all over Michael Fowles. See you later.

[A]

Oh, my God. That is hilarious. We went to Doula. The person that we just spoke to, a doula and Doula.

[B]

The midwife.

[A]

The midwife. I don't know, whoever helps with the babies.

[B]

The midwife and the.

[A]

And she said to Sophie, are you doing your pelvic. Pelvic thrusts? And Sophie said, what do you mean, am I meant to? And she said, well, everyone does that, don't they? And Sophie went, I've never done that. This is a completely new thing to me.

[B]

This is where I'm doing it as we speak.

[A]

Talk to me more.

[B]

That's just. You're really pervy today.

[A]

Haven't had sex in yonks.

[B]

You're like Pervy Pete over there.

[A]

Pervy Pete? Well, who's Pervy Pete?

[B]

I don't know. Rings a bell.

[A]

Okay, I, I don't. I, I was unaware of all these things. There's something called Kegels and Kegels.

[B]

Yeah. Do you know what kegel is?

[A]

It's where you, you tense and untense your vagina.

[B]

You just clench your vagina. Yeah.

[A]

For what reason?

[B]

For 10 seconds. I think it's meant to help your pelvic floor. So when you give birth, you don't. You can hold in a wee, but, huh, you can hold in your pee, you don't wet yourself. There are a lot of women who once give birth then pee themselves just.

[A]

Because they can't control.

[B]

I remember at school like there was a girl who just like every time she laughed she'd piss us out.

[A]

My God, that's strange. Really? Is that because I haven't done the kegels?

[B]

Maybe just a low pelvic floor, I don't really know, but.

[A]

Hang on. You also. But, but this person said that lots of women, you should be always doing kegels to tighten the vagina.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I said, poor you. I've never done one before in my life.

[A]

You've never done it too, I think.

[B]

I obviously do it occasionally. Like, I don't. I. It's not a foreign feeling, but I don't consciously go, oh, time for my Kegels. Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

[A]

You don't do that.

[B]

It's. When you think about it, it's weird. But holding in a wee is apparently just practicing your pelvic floor.

[A]

You never hold in the Wii?

[B]

No, I don't. If there is a millimeter, I am going to that loo and squeezing out.

[A]

The tiniest man and all are sleeping.

[B]

My pelvic floor is just. It's shot. There's nothing there. When I give birth, I am going to pee every. My sister, when she gave birth on her first Walk. She said that she just walked. And she suddenly thought in her head, oh, need a way. And then the next minute she's like, what the hell's that? And it was just wet everywhere down her legs. And she didn't understand. She couldn't. She was like. It wasn't like, I thought, bursting, bursting. It just. It pulled out.

[A]

Can I just say, I'm still wearing, obviously, this stomach right now, which is replicating. Sophie, it is quite a lot of pressure on me at the moment.

[B]

God, this cannot be true.

[A]

It's quite a lot of pressure on me. And what is hard when you're going through this whole existence is like, for.

[B]

For.

[A]

From the male point of view, because we talk a lot about, like, the women's perspective. Right. From the dude's point of view, it's very hard to understand what you're going through because I'm not in your brain and in your body. So I don't understand anything. I don't understand the pain, the lack of breath, the pelvic keels. I don't understand your. Your. The hormones. I don't understand anything.

[B]

So the round ligament pain.

[A]

What's the round ligament pain?

[B]

That is a pain when my stomach was stretching open. It's now gone. You know, they said it'll be two weeks and then the pain will go. And it went, yeah, basically, my abs ripped open. And whilst they did it, it was really painful.

[A]

Sophie literally woke up one morning and she said, I think I'm having the baby. And I went. And also, what happens in these situations is so people say to me, I think I'm having the baby.

[B]

No, I never said that.

[A]

No, you never said like that. I'm joking.

[B]

What a weird thing to say.

[A]

No, but as in. As in you feel like.

[B]

Like, why would you lie like that? Those words never remotely came out my mouth.

[A]

No, you. You say in. In like, not a real way, but you're like. It fit. It feels like you're. You're giving labor.

[B]

It feels very strange, what I'm feeling right now.

[A]

Yeah. Which is then these things called Braxton Hicks and lots of people things. Right. That's quite natural. Things that happens. So you. You say these things. And so. And when the guy is. When the husband or partner is standing there, who doesn't understand it? In your head, you're. You're basically outside. You're trying to stay calm. You're like this. You do this. You go, well, it's totally normal and fine, but inside you're going, right, what do we need to do? Pack the bag. Let's get a hospital. You're thinking all these things internally, but you just want to stay calm.

[B]

Well, let me tell you nothing about you. He's calm. This is you. This is you.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

So tell me, tell me, like, what does that mean then? Like, what does that mean if you are having the baby? I said I'm not having the baby. I've just got a Braxton hick, but, so. Okay, right. Well. Shh. Okay, I'm just gonna call around. I'm gonna call every doctor or friend that has any medical history, and I'm just gonna spread some rumors that you've got all these pains, and then you walk, walk, and you're, like, just so hectic.

[A]

Okay, well, why don't we do this?

[B]

And then you do the whole.

[A]

Tell me you're rubbing this one that I've got wearing.

[B]

No, without that.

[A]

Okay, little lady, why don't we do this? Why don't we do a little bit of role play? I will play you, and you play me, and you react how I should be reacting. Oh, I've got. You know, I've got a little bit of pain here.

[B]

What can I do? Take a seat. Give me your bags.

[A]

Okay, Here you go.

[B]

Sit down immediately.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. I'm going to go get you a hot chocolate and let me rub your back. Yeah, that sounds like you asked me.

[A]

Okay, that sounds about right. I don't do any of that, so. Hang on a second. Let me just get.

[B]

So what you do.

[A]

Let me just do this again.

[B]

Let me just do what you do.

[A]

Let me just. No, no. Let me just play that in my head one more time so I remember it. Okay. Oh, I think I've got this. Braxton Hicks. My stomach. Oh, it really hurts.

[B]

So what does that mean? What are Braxton Hicks? What are Braxton Hicks? So our Braxton Tanks. So are you giving birth? So what would it mean if you gave birth Now? Do you think that would be bad? Should we call somebody? Do you think it's. Oh, you know what, Sophie? I think it's because of the vitamin D you're having. How much vitamin D have you had? Have you walked? When did you walk today? Have you sat down? Okay, right. Do you know what? That's it. We're canceling everything. You are never going back to work. You're going to stay in bed for the rest of the eternity. Okay? Right, that's it. We need to sit you down. Sit down on the right side of the road here. Okay? That's it. Sit down there okay, so what do we do now? Should we go to the hospital? Do you think we should go to the hospital? That's what you do.

[A]

Fucking hell. I'm hectic and I'm like.

[B]

I haven't even caught my breath.

[A]

So hang on a second.

[B]

I then take a sip of my sparkling water. Oh, that's what you're doing wrong. You're drinking sparkling water. That's stupid. Sophie. That is stupid. You are so full. That's what he tells me, guys. He goes, it's because you're so full because you're eating so much that you're getting brats and hicks. Just so you all know, I'm just trying. And if you drink the sparkling water on top of all the food you've eaten, it's gonna give you Braxton Hicks because you have no space in your stomach. Jamie, that's just not how it works.

[A]

Okay? So let me get in my mind now and all the blokes who are listening. Maybe in the car or maybe you got your. Your partner's got it on. You're listening in the background. Here we go. Let's take note. Now. This is the best piece of advice you're going to get. Again. Let's do it. So I'm you and I say, ah, stomach hurts a little bit. I think I got Braxton Hicks.

[B]

Don't worry, that's fine. We know Braxton Hicks are fine. You've spoken to the doctor. It's absolutely fine. Let's just get you home, get to lie down. I'll make you a hot chocolate and I'll rub your back.

[A]

I don't really want you to rub my back. I just. I don't.

[B]

Okay, I'll rub your feet.

[A]

But your feet are so wide. My feet are so wide. Now there's a lot of surface area.

[B]

Okay, I'll give you a head massage.

[A]

I'm doing none of this. Damn. Girl, Girl, girl, girl, you just tight me, girl.

[B]

Can I just tell you the funniest story that I got told yesterday? So I'm getting my hair done, right? And my hairdresser, who is just amazing, you know him, Alexi.

[A]

Shout out Alexi.

[B]

He's just. You just need to know him to know how funny this story is.

[A]

Alexi is. How do. Alexi is like a. A. A human cat.

[B]

He's like in a black cat. Italian. Like a black. So chic. Wears Mugler. Like he's just.

[A]

Yeah. And very sort of flamboyant. Flamboyant. And loves fashion and loves doing hair and is outspoken in the best way.

[B]

Right. So I'm pregnant. And I'm like, do you think.

[A]

Who are you?

[B]

So I'm like, do you think we've got one? Do I rebook in or. Or is it gonna. Am I gonna see you after the baby?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's like, well, you could book in, but. Well, I'll tell you about my last client. So he was doing this client's hair. She's due in two weeks and suddenly she's like, I think I'm going to bath. He has to get his scrubs on and he doesn't. Yeah, he showed me.

[A]

You're lying.

[B]

He takes scrubs. Why does he have scru her to the hospital? He stays. They call the hospital. The hospital's like coming in the morning at 7am, like you're in labor, but wait till 7am for they. He stayed up with this woman till 4am he then.

[A]

Client.

[B]

Yeah, client. He dropped cuz her husband was away for work. So it was two weeks before the due date. And he takes her to the hospital and he put on Lana Del Rey and he held the. Held the baby, named the baby.

[A]

No, he gave up to his client.

[B]

Yes. And I was crying of laughter and he just. There's photos of him in his scrubs with his little moo glass shoes on holding this baby. I'm not lying.

[A]

That is so mental. Secondly, the chance of me being able to go away on holiday two weeks before the birth. That ain't happening, girl. I don't know. I can't stop saying girl. That ain't happening, girl.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

All right, girl. Wow. Okay. That's a lot. I'm. I'm brilliantly excited. I'm gonna be there the whole way, baby. Obviously we've made our pregnancy playlist.

[B]

Now we need to make our late get push playlist.

[A]

What is that?

[B]

That's when it's go time. And then you've got to amp it up.

[A]

Like a bat out of hell.

[B]

Like a bat out of hell. Everyone in this room could choose a song. So I'll think of you all whilst I'm pushing.

[A]

Okay? Mine would be. I feel good.

[B]

That wow was good.

[A]

I feel good. That is good. Try to do the wah.

[B]

I feel good last time. Mine's like a baby.

[A]

Mine's really good.

[B]

Okay, no, no, no.

[A]

One more, one more. I feel good.

[B]

Yeah, you're good.

[A]

Thanks, baby. Thanks. You good girl. We hosted a premiere. We hosted the Roses premiere. Which by the way.

[B]

Oh my God, guys, it's so funny. You have to watch it. It is genuinely so funny.

[A]

Sophie, by the way, shout out in your heels, up for six hours. Hosting was like amazing. And your energy was freaking fire.

[B]

It was far until the main people came on.

[A]

It was. No, it was fire until it was.

[B]

Far for about three hours. And then the last three hours it was dipping, I will say. And it was. It was a shame.

[A]

Are you kidding me?

[B]

It was all I was blackout. I didn't know where I was or what I was doing. All I was thinking is, I don't think my shit. We're gonna have to literally take me to hospital and get my shoes surgically removed off of these swollen feet. Like, there was no way they were coming off.

[A]

We had to interview Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman and they came on stage together and we had to announce people onto the Leicester Square red carpet. And if it was Benedict Cumberbatch, I would have to say, please, ladies and gentlemen of Leicester Square, welcome to the red carpet. Oscar nominated actor Benedict Cumberbatch. Olivia Colman came up and I went, sophie, your turn to announce Olivia Colman onto the red carpet. And what did you say, Soph?

[B]

I went, it's Olivia Colman, Amy award winner. And then the minute I said it in. The minute I said it, I then couldn't read the rest of her intro because I was like, what you surely. By the way, she was also right in front of us watching us do it.

[A]

I just thought, you Amy award winner. And then she came up and I think this is the moment where maybe the tiredness has slightly kicked in.

[B]

This was me right peak. I was just. Our head was in the gutter. I didn't know where to look, how to pull myself out of it. I was like, someone inject me with Lucas a please.

[A]

And Sophie had before had a conversation with me. She said, stop talking over me. And I went, all right, I'm so sorry. I don't mean to talk over. Because I always talk over her. So I was like, right, well, you can. We'll just go like ping pong. You do a question, I'll do ping pong.

[B]

Guys, not just Jamie Mu and me, do the whole eight minute interview with them. Because that's the longest interview I'd ran out of questions. And you just looking at me like this. I was like, screw you.

[A]

Anyway, whole thing happened and at the end we had our earpieces in and I went, well, thank you so much to Lesser Square. Enjoy the movie the Roses, it's out tomorrow. And on my script it said, sophie, say goodbye and let everyone go. I went, again, see everyone, you know, it's out tomorrow. Just totally blank. And in our ears, the guy was saying, say goodbye, Sophie. Say goodbye, Sophie. And Sophie was just looking at me.

[B]

No. I then just went, goodbye, totally blank. No one was left at this point. It was like 10 minutes. It was like my brain registered that that guy in my ear was talking to me like a good 10 minutes later. So I was off the stage and I just suddenly thought, oh, he was telling me to say goodbye. Goodbye. No one's there. Silent. Oh, God.

[A]

Oh, God. I have a. I saw this clip the other day, by the way, I have a question for you. When. When guys go to take a poo, a number two, do you know where they put their penises?

[B]

In between their legs. You do know that, but why would you. Because the poo slide next to it, then it's like very close. It's very unhygienic.

[A]

So. So where do you think guys should put their penis if they go to the take a poo?

[B]

On top of their knees. Like in between there. Like in hot. Like, I would like squidge it. So what would you do?

[A]

You.

[B]

I'd be doing Kegels, holding my willy in between my legs.

[A]

Because you're thinking, if it's hanging down, the poo is going to drop onto it.

[B]

Well, it's very close. Bacteria, that's a risk hazard.

[A]

So. Okay, so explain to me. You need a poo, you're a boy, you've got a penis, you go and sit on the loo. What do you do with the penis?

[B]

I would just, like, flop it on one left leg or the right leg.

[A]

Flop it?

[B]

Well, I mean, I don't know. You're not a rat when you're doing shit, surely.

[A]

Sometimes. Because it's called a shank. A In the wank.

[B]

No, I really, really dislike that. I really dislike. The idea of someone wanking whilst doing that is not fun for me at all. And it makes. I really don't like men at the moment.

[A]

What do you mean you don't like.

[B]

I just. I've become pregnant at this stage and I just really dislike all men, including a husband. Unless they're gay, kind of. Yeah. Every man in the gym is like a beast to me. I just want to say they, they, honestly, they are sick to death of this pregnant woman. They're like, get off the machine. Like, they basically. They railroad me off the machines and I'm like, I have every right to be here, but I just quiver because I'm a vulnerable little lady.

[A]

A lot Vulnerable.

[B]

I'm a vulnerable pregnant lady. And these, you know, you know. Can I just describe who it is? It's like the 50 year old man who's like, absolutely shredded within an inch of his life. He's got the gray hat, he's in the cycling shorts. He's clearly spends his whole life just exercising and eating bone broth. He's in the gym and he's like, I'm, you know, I'm 50 and I'm absolutely shredded. Or he could be even 16. Shredded. And good for you, mate.

[E]

Well done.

[B]

Don't try and intimidate me and get me off the machine because I'm gonna do it at the slow snail pace that I am doing it at. But, oh, no, he gives me two longer looks and I have to get off and let him sit down.

[A]

Sit your hand on that.

[B]

Yeah. With his scrawny little balm.

[A]

You go, girl. Oh, God. You're not. You're not a timid little thing, though you're quite a strong alpha.

[B]

No, I'm a vulnerable young woman. I like that.

[A]

So you're hating, but you're not hating your husband too much?

[B]

Not too much, no.

[A]

Out of 10 on a Richter scale, how. What is it?

[B]

Not a lot. When you came home so drunk on Saturday night and decided to go over and over again and tell me how much you and my dad are best friends, I was like, I can't hear it one more time.

[A]

You were angry. Okay, hang on a second. I go out to the football with your dad. We go and have a great time. We then go to the pub afterwards, we get drunk together. I haven't been. I've been drunk.

[B]

I'm talking, Hammond. Like, I wasted.

[A]

Thank God I went home because I was almost embarrassingly drunk. Your dad said to me that when he got up from the table, he felt like one of those drunk old men that he couldn't really quite hold onto the sides. I don't remember coming back, but I ate a whole tub of ice cream.

[B]

You ate more than that, I promise you. The whole house smell of burnt toast. So you were chowing down everything, all the toast that we got in the house. And I'll tell you what else you did. You then went to sleep with your boxing, your weird boxing on your little iPad, by the way. It's like 9pm I'm watching Vampire Diaries in bed. He is all over me with his stinking, stinking alcohol breath. And then you go to sleep and I wake you up after five minutes of you, like passed out and I Said, is the door double locked? And your response was, no, don't worry, it's not a coincidence. That is locked. I was like, what are you on about? And for a good half an hour, I don't know if a devil got in you or you had a brain seizure. I don't know what happened, but you spoke gobblesy gook for me for half an hour. And then you got up and went to the loo. So, like, you were awake, but I don't know if you were asleep and you were like, it's okay, there's a coincidence and if it's convenient for you, I'll just let the door open. I was like, what are you talking about?

[A]

How angry were you?

[B]

For half an hour you stood peeing. I went in and checked on you and you were just still there. But don't think your willie was even in your hands. You're just staring towards the wall.

[A]

That's the most terrifying thing.

[B]

It was so weird.

[A]

That's so terrifying.

[B]

And then you just got in and went back to bed and asleep.

[A]

All right, listen, I'm. My stomach is feeling full. I'm a bit all over the place right now. I think it's time for dictionary pregnancy addition.

[B]

Okay, ready? Right. I have a dictionary corner and I have some words for you that are pregnancy and birth related. And I want you, Jamie, to tell me what they mean.

[A]

Okay, Sophie, you tell me what it is.

[B]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

Pika.

[B]

Picker.

[A]

Picker. Pick her. Pick her. Or one word picker.

[B]

P I, C A. I don't know.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

A pregnancy craving for non food items like chalk or soil. That is. Is bizarre.

[A]

That is mad.

[B]

So people want to like, eat some. Your hair or your finger? Well, maybe that's cannibalism.

[A]

Okay, tell me another one. Come on.

[B]

Relaxing. Oh, yeah, we know about this one.

[A]

Relaxing. Tell me what?

[B]

You know what this is because we keep out getting.

[A]

Tell me what?

[B]

Relaxing hormone that loosens ligaments to prepare for childbirth. That is why I'm feeling like werewolf.

[A]

Well, that was brilliant. Little pregnancy edition. What is it time for now, you little sassy girl?

[B]

It's time for Lista's messenger.

[A]

Talk dirty to me. Did I talk too much? Can't I just let it go? I wish I would stop. Thank you so much.

[C]

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[A]

I use it 5.

[G]

My mom used to say are you. Are you playing me off? That's what's happening, right? Okay, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront.

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[B]

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[B]

Okay right? I've got a pregnancy story from Lucy. When I was 15 weeks pregnant I had a bleed and have had lots of scans and physical checks. Luckily it turned out to be nothing. But I was on really high alert after that. Fast Forward to around 20 weeks and my bump was so big that I completely lost sight of my toes. I was getting ready for work and I decided to have a lovely everything shower to pamper myself. Shaved, exfoliated hair mask, the full works. Oh yeah, I was feeling great until I hopped out the shower and had a wee. After my wee, I Looked down at my tissue and to my horror, I saw blood. This has happened to me too.

[A]

This is really scary, by the way. This is very scary for pregnant people, I guess.

[B]

I immediately rang my word drive, who asked me a few questions. Did I have cramping? How much blood? I grabbed my handheld mirror to take a peek under my huge bum to see how bad the situation actually was. I was narrating to my woodwife everything I could see when I noticed the blood was only coming from the left side. I wiped away the blood only to see a razor cut on my left label. I just cut my van while shaving because I could barely reach it around my huge belly. We've all been there.

[A]

I got from a van.

[B]

My poor midwife held it together for the rest of the phone call. But I just know the second she hung up, she absolutely pissed herself laughing. After the shaving incident and a few dramas along the way, including a fourth degree tear, which is two holes into one for the initiated uninitiated was that during pregnancy. That's from vagina Child.

[A]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[B]

I finally got to meet my beautiful daughter, who we called Honey. She is absolutely as sweet as honey and I do it all again in a heartbeat for her.

[A]

Let's go, let's go.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

I can't see my feet underneath this. So as I was going to shave my veg, I wouldn't be able to see anything.

[B]

Well, yeah, I know that's a problem. Apparently people get their friends to it for them.

[A]

Or husband. I'll shave your veg.

[B]

Absolutely not.

[A]

I'll get underneath and I'll shave the veggies.

[B]

No, you're really weirding me out. This whole podcast, I don't like you've got something bizarre going on with you.

[A]

Hey, I got a wild story. You ready for this?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If I can breathe from Katie. Are you actually, I'm uncomfortable. Yes. It's very tight on me. It's uncomfortable. I'm realizing a bit more what it's like. All right, shake your shoe with me from Katie. I just want to say how much I love you guys and literally laugh out loud on every episode. So I couldn't not share this very funny story with you. When I was pregnant with my first. He's now 13, and having attended the antenatal classes and read all the books, I was very in tune with all the warning signs that are signaled that the birth was imminent. I became obsessed with the mucus plug, which usually comes out after 37 weeks, signaling your body is preparing for labor. Just quickly. The mucus plug doesn't sound.

[B]

That bloody cottage cheese is what it's described as.

[A]

And that just drops out of you. Yep, it's your body preparing for labor, but it can be lost weeks, days or hours before active labor starts. A couple of weeks before my due date, after going for a wee and wiping, I clearly had said mucus. Oh, my God. On the toilet paper. It was semi solid, clear and jelly. Like as the oversharer that I am, I saved it on the toilet paper to show my husband when he came to bed. He took longer than anticipated, so I put it on the floor next to the bed while I waited for him. My husband finally gets into bed and I excitedly announced that I have something important to show him. I reached down to the side of the bed to grab it, only to find my small Maltese terrier, Piccolo, with a piece of toilet paper suspiciously hanging out of the mouth. Piccolo had eaten my mucus plug.

[B]

Guys, if I didn't feel sick enough today, these have really took me over the edge. I've got a love story we need. Oh, God.

[A]

Oh, my God. My husband was absolutely disgusted with me for A, keeping it in the first place to show him and B, that her dog had eaten it. But it still makes me laugh to this day.

[B]

No, just like, I hope your friends then come over and they get kissed by Piccolo and they have no idea.

[A]

With that mucus plug.

[B]

Well, I mean, anyway, I don't like to do that. Anyway. Love story from Charlotte.

[A]

Charlotte.

[B]

My dad was diagnosed with gallbladder cancer in 2013, and in November, he went into remission and he was told he was okay. However, my world fell apart a few days after Christmas when we got the news that my dad's cancer had spread and had just one week left. It devastated our whole family. In January 2014, my dad peacefully passed away surrounded by his family. He was a family man and always told me that he couldn't wait for grandchildren. Mine and my family's lives haven't been the same since. I fell pregnant in 2018, and after 40 hours of labor, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. We called him Matt and his middle name is James, after my dad. My dad's humor mannerisms have carried through to my little boy, and it's given me such comfort to feel like my dad's, like, part of my dad is still with us. Oh, Jamie, I think he'll be such an amazing dad. My partner also has adhd, and since becoming a dad, his ADHD has really brought out his inner Big kid. Which my little boy loves for him. Congratulations again and wishing you both the best of luck with it all. Oh, Charlotte, congrats. I know, because it's just so sad about her dad. Not me to. But it's like so beautiful watching down from above 100.

[A]

Hey, we want to send you guys all the love in the world and thank you so much for sending in your messages. I love them. We love them. We love you. You're the best. Keep sending them in. I said every single time. At Nearly Parents podcast on Instagram. His stomach. Or send us an email Nearly parents@jampa productions.co.uk listeners messages.

[B]

We love you.

[A]

Right, before we get into our next little section, I got a quick question for you. We're not having sex at the moment, understandably. We know this. We've passed it, we've moved on from it. We get it. Do you think we'd make good swingers? Well, do you? Sophie Charlotte Herbu Lang, born 1994, October 19th in Warwick Hospital. Do you think we'd make good swingers?

[B]

So you want to start swinging when I'm this pregnant, chuck our keys into a bowl and pray that some man wants to shag me while I look like this and you're gonna go off and have your way with some women? Absolutely not.

[A]

Your way. Do you think we'd make good swingers, though, if we were invited to a swingers party?

[B]

No, I'd kill you.

[A]

What do you mean you kill me?

[B]

I'd kill you.

[A]

So if I just approached you, right, we're having dinner one night and I said, look, I think we should open up our relationship, what is your response going to be?

[B]

No. Okay, I'll file for divorce.

[A]

Okay, well, let's not then have an open relationship. That's what I would say. But if we were then to go to a swingers party and they started putting yes things in the pet and they said, right, we're playing a little game.

[B]

I wouldn't mind watching it unfold. But if you dare dipped your little toe in.

[A]

I don't understand. I'm the same with you. I don't understand how that works. The thought of me watching you where some other bloke bones you.

[B]

Bones you. You're really weirding me out today. Like, I don't know, you're just like something going on. You're honestly perving away.

[A]

It would just be the most hectic thing in the world.

[B]

No, I'd never forgive you.

[A]

You're watching and I'd be doing it, giving you a thumbs Up?

[B]

Yeah, like, this is good. I don't. It's. I mean, look, each their own. It's really fascinating. Maybe in 10 years time we'll be all over it. It. Who knows? As for now, it's a solid no from me.

[A]

So you think in 10 years time we could organize a swingers party with our friends, get you around.

[B]

I bet there's losers, swingers and people we know, but we. 100.

[A]

There are 100. Some of our friends go to sex parties.

[B]

Our friends?

[A]

I guarantee they do.

[B]

Who?

[A]

I don't know, but I guarantee they do.

[B]

Well, then maybe we need to spice things up.

[A]

Up. I don't think you'd be able to do it. I just don't think. I think you'd start laughing. Firstly, I think you'd find it incredibly awkward.

[B]

Do they wear like gimp outfits?

[A]

You can wear whatever you want.

[B]

Like, do you have your full face out or are you wearing a mask?

[A]

You can wear a mask. Yeah.

[B]

I would go in full fancy dress and I'd have a great time. But I mean, bag on your head. No, I'd like dress up as like Ariel mermaid. Slither in.

[A]

I would be like that Sophia Boo versus Ariel.

[B]

I would have my face painted and I'd look, look cool. And then I would watch and I would just voyeur everyone and I would just find out who's doing what.

[A]

So you would. You would masturbate in the corner? Yes.

[B]

Oh, I just watch for my BDIS until it got a bit too graphic and then I'd probably turn away. But anyone touched me, I'd be like.

[A]

Note ed noted. I want the listeners, you guys to let us know or whoever's watching this on YouTube, if you've ever been to a sex party, let us know anonymously what it was like. We want stories, want to know what has happened. If it was a swingers party, what you dressed up as, what happened? I want to freaking know.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Honey, I have a game for you. It's called would you rather. All right, are you ready for this? Would you rather game? You better be ready. Okay. Would you rather our baby looks exactly like me but has your personality or looks like you but has my personality?

[B]

It looks like me and your personality. Because your personality is so vibrant. I don't have. No, it isn't.

[A]

So you would rather the baby not look like me?

[B]

I want to walk down the street and people go, oh, my God, that baby's a mini you. If I have a choice. Yeah, like a mini me and then your personality, but not my Looks. Well, I don't mind. You're not giving me an option of both.

[A]

All right, Would you.

[B]

I was a really cute baby, though.

[A]

Oh, my God. You keep sending me pictures of her as a baby. I mean, like, oh, look how cute I was. Like. I was like. It was. That's you as a baby. Okay. Would you rather the baby only falls asleep if you play drum and bass on full volume or if you both sing lullabies perfectly in tune?

[B]

Lullabies perfectly in tune. That never happened, though, so we can't.

[A]

Would you rather the baby never stops crying unless Jamie does a TikTok dance? Or unless Sophie reads aloud in a thick Yorkshire accent?

[B]

Oh, me, I love reading aloud in a thick Yorkshire accent.

[A]

Would you rather the pram has squeaky wheels that sound like a fart or it plays the maiden Chelsea theme tune everywhere you go?

[B]

It's gotta be the squeaky wheels that sound. Oh, my God, that's so brutal. It's gotta be squeaky wheels. Imagine the maiden Chelsea bean shooting every oem. That's a criminal offense.

[A]

Would you rather the baby's godparents are all of Sophie's exes or Jamie's exes?

[B]

My exes, obviously. We wouldn't have many if it was my exes. If it was yours, like, it would.

[A]

You would have plenty.

[B]

No, one.

[A]

Look at that. You.

[B]

Well, maybe your ex is then. Because then our baby would have a lot of, like, Christmas presents. Because you have, like, 855 X's.

[A]

Oh, no, it would only be a good thing.

[B]

No, normally.

[A]

Would you rather have amazing sex once a year or mediocre sex three times a week? I know your answer.

[B]

Okay, amazing once. Yeah, it's crushing it. Maybe once. I mean, yeah, I'd be a bit worried.

[A]

You've gone a few months with not rolling.

[B]

I think we're borderline. We could be one year soon, right? It will be one year.

[A]

At one point, I would definitely go mediocre.

[B]

Should we do, like, a test and see if we can make it to one year? No sex?

[A]

Fuck, no. Are you joking? What kind of test is that? I'll go to the swingers party. Okay. I would have mediocre sex three times a week, like.

[B]

Well, I know you would.

[A]

Okay, here we go. Would you rather only have sex when your dad watches or only have sex when your mum watches?

[B]

That's illegal.

[A]

Would you rather only have sex if your mum watches? Only have sex if my mum watches?

[B]

Your mum over my mum, for sure. I don't think Penny would care. She would probably give us some, like, critique, like some pointers.

[A]

I think she was going to cheer us on halfway through.

[B]

Yeah, me too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. She'd probably have a word with you afterwards and be like, I'd change this up if I were you. All right, that's the end of.

[A]

Would you rather. Well, that's all we got time for, folks, on this little week of Nearly Parents podcast. Hey, before we go, we do have our weird pregnancy tip of the week, which is now just a reminder that these aren't science based, but just the weird tips you lot send us. It's from Willow. Thank you. Willow says this charge your bump under the full moon to align the baby's chakras.

[B]

We go onto the moon crystals.

[A]

Yeah, we go under the moon and we do it that way. Let's do that tonight.

[B]

Oh, it's not a full moon, babes.

[A]

All right, babes. When then, when the next full moon is, we do.

[B]

I'll be out there naked, charging my bump.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of our podcast for another week. And don't you fear. Oh, no. Oh, no. Because we're gonna be back next week.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we are. We love you so much.

[A]

If you want to get in touch, you can via our Instagram at Nearly Parents podcast. Also, if you haven't subscribed to the show, please do just click the button. Subscribe. And also you can send us an email Nearly parents@jampo productions.co.uk if you're getting married, we love you. If you're getting divorced, we love you. If you want to become a swinger, go do it. Have some fun. If you're. If you're getting engaged and just thinking.

[B]

About it, go do it.

[A]

And if you're having a baby, we love you.

[B]

Congratulations. Goodbye.

[A]

See you later. Goodbye.

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Can I make my site firmer?

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