In the final episode of our four-part Redefining Masculinity series, we turn to one of the oldest tools for transformation: the rite of passage. Across cultures and generations, rites of passage have marked the moment when boys become men—not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and communally. But in our modern world, these rituals for men are often missing, leading to issues with addiction, loneliness, rage, infidelity, and disconnection.

Today, Tim speaks with two men who have each crossed the threshold into manhood at very different moments in life. These men aren’t gurus nor are they perfect, but they’ve done the inner work and now help others do the same. First, we hear from Alan Jonagan, a grandfather and former banker whose double life unraveled in his fifties. What followed was a painful but redemptive journey through forgiveness, vulnerability, and spiritual awakening, that began with rites of passage. Alan says, “For me, [a rite of passage] was a way to first of all to identify what my core wounds are, process that, and shatter the image of the false self. The true self is always there, but it's just a matter of, how can I find that true self and how can I live into that?” Today, Alan leads Illuman of the Ozarks, a men’s group inspired by the work of Father Richard Rohr working with men in their 40s and beyond who live in Missouri, Arkansas, Eastern Kansas and Southern Illinois.

Next we hear from Tim’s son Sam Shriver, who found his way into men's work in his twenties through rugby, ritual, and raw self-reflection. “I had to sort of begin to take down the scaffolding that I had built in myself. And that led into a moment of uncertainty,” Sam says, “[but the rite of passage] is a framework for managing uncertainty—identity uncertainty.” Sam now works leading what he calls “the most potentially problematic demographic”—white, middle-class men ages 18–35—many of whom are isolated, emotionally unformed, and searching for identity. This episode is about what happens to men when rites of passage are forgotten and what becomes possible for men when we bring them back.

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Sam Shriver is a facilitator, mentor, and guide for young men, ages 18-35, those most at risk for causing harm, navigating addiction recovery and identity formation. Through this work, he helps men process their pain and heal physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Alan Jonagan leads the Illuman chapter in the Ozarks (Missouri and Arkansas, Eastern Kansas and Southern Illinois) primarily helping men in their 40s and older confront grief, break generational cycles, and discover a healthier, more human masculinity.

Learn more about Illuman on their website, illuman.org.

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Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

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