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Holly Gattery
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Misha Oak
Welcome to the New Books Network.
Holly Gattery
Hello everyone and welcome to nbn. I'm your host, Holly Gattery, and I am thrilled to be joined today by the amazing, the resplendent, the always surprising and bubbly Misha Oak to talk about Misha's new book, Rainbow 18 LGBTQ Life Lessons for everyone. Welcome to the show. Misha.
Misha Oak
I'm so happy to be here. Holly. Thank you for having me. What a joy to get to spend any time with you and to talk about books with you Dream come true. I love being here. Thank you.
Holly Gattery
Thank you. I'm particularly happy to be talking about this book. From the first chapter I was in, I was hooked. It was bold, it was happy, but it was also very provocative. So I'm looking forward to dotting into the questions. But for our listeners, I just want to give you all a little bit of an overview of Rainbow Wisdom, joyful life lessons from the LGBTQ community to help you move through the world with more harmony, authenticity and possibility. Rainbow Wisdom is a companion for anyone who wants to live more fully. The LGBTQ experience can inspire us all. Regardless of sexuality or gender, every person is unique and unusual in some way. Drawing on firsthand research, global thought leaders, and personal reflections, renowned educator Misha Ok provides 18 uplifting lessons from the LGBTQ community that will make anyone feel good. Discover how to approach the world with more passion, flair, innovation and liberty to be yourself while you shift humanity forward. Whether you're seeking deeper understanding, stronger allyship, or ways to live more freely, Oak invites you into a space of connection where everyone can draw on LGBTQ experiences to live with more joy and make the world a better place. With practical tools for building more welcoming conversations, spaces and communities, this book will lift you up, push you forward, and remind you that different is powerful. Misha Oak founded LGBTQ Inclusion Training to improve the lives of two SLGBTQ people and support meaningful diversity and inclusion within organizations. With over 20 years of experience as an educator and an 2 SLGB 2/ Advocate, Misha holds a Master's of Education in Social Justice Curriculum, teaching and learning. He gained international recognition as part of the first wave of legal same sex marriages in the world featured on the reality TV series My Fabulous Gay Wedding. His involvement in the queer liberation movement propelled his lifelong advocacy, including expanding transgender and queer inclusion in Canadian schools during his 17 year teacher career. Misha is a Lauren Scholar and an alumnus of Queen's University and the University of Toronto and Memorial University. Shout out to Queen's University. I went to Queen's too. Misha, I'm so excited about. Yeah, Queens is such a. It's such a place for growth, isn't it?
Misha Oak
It's where I certainly tapped into queer joy for the first time in my life. So I am with you. It is a spirit space that, that compels growth in everyone who goes. And I guess education is that for everyone, isn't it? It's like, what can we learn about ourselves through learning?
Holly Gattery
Yes, exactly. I definitely tapped into the the kegs at the Brass Pub in the Skirt Though that, that was my liberation.
Misha Oak
Yeah. I don't think that I knew that doing a keg stand would be part of my, my undergrad experience going in, but I'm glad that's a skill that I have on my resume now.
Holly Gattery
Yeah, now, now you know, now you know. Yeah, I, I, I learned so much. I no longer drink. So. Thank you, queens.
Misha Oak
Absolutely. Absolutely. I had to learn good habits through trying the bad habits first.
Holly Gattery
Exactly. So I really am just so happy this book is out there. I feel like it's going to be such a, a soul expanding resource for so many people. And it's also just a really compelling read. But my first question for you is about where did this book start from? You. You've done so much to enrich the lives of queer people, but also allies and organizations and corporations looking to do better. What made you suddenly think, or maybe it wasn't sudden. That's presumptuous of me. What made you think I want to write a book about it?
Misha Oak
You know, on my journey of traveling all over the country and now all over the world, trying to teach folks how to be more kind and inclusive and empowering for the queer community, I noticed this trend where whenever I come out or I talk about doing queer inclusion work, and I'm always so positive about it. I'm always trying to sprinkle rainbows wherever I go. But I kept seeing this flash in people's eyes. It was this, I don't know, we could call it pity or doubt or shame or this just this overwhelming sense of less than that just kept creeping into my soul from people's eyes. And I thought, gosh, this is something that I want to get rid of. It reminded me of when I first started coming out to the world and I started hearing all these negative things like, oh, life's going to be so hard, or what about your career? Or what about your family? Like, it was just all this negative bs. And I thought, no, I, I want to change that experience. I want to be a part of helping the world see queer people 2spirit LGBTQ people as a source of inspiration. I want to have this moment instead of that look in people's eyes where that heaviness. I want people to look at us when we come out and say, oh, wow. Congratulations. Lucky you. Oh, you are a gift to the world. And so that's where the inspiration for this book came from. Because I know that being queer is a gift, and I've been taught by so many elders that being queer is a gift, and so many Inspiring leaders that being queer is a gift. But I want to help help shape the conversation, conversation, shift the conversation so that people feel really good about queer folks in our community. You know, we all see and hear all this disinformation and misinformation and fear based targeting of queer people in the world these days. Those headwinds are very strong. And so I thought, I'm going to destabilize that from the outset. I'm going to go to the root and help people see that no, being queer is a gift. And there are all sorts of lessons that queer folks are here to teach all of us. You know, broadly, it's about busting out a normal, whatever that word, normal means. Right. But it's this idea of, yeah, let's break free, let's, let, let's unshackle ourselves from all of this discrimination that affects everybody, not just queer people. And let's look to the queer community as a source of inspiration to just be each of us so that we can each be who we're here to be instead of whatever the world is trying to force us to be. So I'm here to change the conversation because I want the people of the future, whenever they meet someone on the rainbow, to feel like, oh yeah, I w, I wish I was on the rainbow too.
Holly Gattery
Yeah, we, we have a theory around a house that nobody is as straight as they think they are. Anyway, I, I, I believe that. And I mean, heteronormative, norm, heteronorm, normative. There we go. I said it. I don't know why that was so hard for me to say.
Misha Oak
It's because of the hard word heteronormativity.
Holly Gattery
Thank you. I couldn't say the word intellectualized the other day either. Or picnic for that matter. So anyways, we're back, we're back on the, we're back on track. It, it hurts people just as much as the patriarchy hurts people. Like the patriarchy hurts men. Heteronormativity hurts straight people as well. Anything that shoves you into a box is, it's demoralizing, debilitating, and I'd say it's, it's detrimental. Whereas the, the rainbow, that spectrum of queerness, I mean, it feels like such a breath of fresh air. So I really, I appreciated this book a lot as someone who did not, you know, realize I wasn't straight until my mid-30s. That's oppression, people. That's, that's shame.
Misha Oak
Absolutely.
Holly Gattery
That's what shame does to you is that it makes you hate yourself and it makes you hate bodies and people like yours. And that leads to one of my first questions. I found that to be such a bold revelation in the book where you talk about your teacher and something you said to a teacher that was incredibly unkind and cruel and you never said anything like it again. But I, I felt like I didn't, I didn't feel stung or that kind of shock at what you said. I felt such a sternum splitting revelation that, you know, about what I said, how shame hurts us all and how like me, I mean, I, I, I don't remember saying anything like that, but I was definitely, I, I, I couldn't understand how anyone could love a woman's body because I hated mine so much for so long. And I, you know, the patriarchy, heteronormativity, I mean, it teaches us to dislike our bodies as women. And I'd love for you to tell our listeners about that. Converse or it wasn't really a conversation, it was a remark you made to a teacher and how that affected you moving forward in your life. Because I found that to be, it's a small part of the book and it's in the first part of the book, but I found it to be so refreshing.
Misha Oak
Thank you. It's, I love that you're bringing up heteronormativity because you're right, that is a plague that dogs so many of us. You know, not just queer folks, but people who feel like they have to be and act a certain way just to be themselves. And that certainly affected me at that time in this story. When I was around grade nine and I was living in a community on the Sunshine coast, growing up with no queer role models, I didn't really even know that being queer existed. My only reference was Will and Grace on tv, which was very abstract for me. And so I was carrying this feeling of being broken only because there was nothing around me to reflect back that, no, I'm just as valid and beautiful as everyone else. And you know, the only reference that I had at that time in my life was being called the fag word over and over again because people could sense this, let's see, diversity in me that was just wanted to shine out of my body. I mean, I couldn't help it. I was a little gay kid walking around in fabulous outfits with my cute girlfriends, being fabulous in my own Grade n way in early 90s British Columbia. But I just, what I knew about being queer was that I didn't want to be called that word. And like everyone else, all I wanted to do was fit in. And, you know, especially at that age, so many of us just want to be the same as everyone else and receive the adoration of our community. And so in that spirit, I remember being in Ms. Wilson's class. One of the most brilliant educators I've ever met in my career and who ended up becoming an inspiration for me to become a teacher later on in my life. And we were reading poetry by Browning and someone in the class mentioned, oh, I think he was gay. And in that moment, I could feel all the eyes in the room turning towards me. Whether they were or not. That's what it felt like. It felt like the world was zooming in on me. And I thought, this is a moment where I have to say something and prove to everybody that I'm not an fag, even though I am. And so I put up my hand in class, totally on my own, out of my own will here, I put up my hand And I said, Ms. Wilson, every queer person should be killed. And I remember when those words came out of my mouth, I thought I would feel good, but I felt empty. Not only because I was saying something so mean, but I. I knew I was saying something mean to myself, but it was actually the look in Ms. Wilson's eyes when she looked back at me of sadness, compassion. She knew I'm gay. She knows that I. She knew that I was gay because she was gay too. And I hadn't realized that yet. So there I was, probably one of the only queer people in the room, saying to the other queer person in the room, the leader, the my role model, that we should be killed. And that flash of sadness and loving compassion in her eyes taught me a deep lesson that to be who I am doesn't have to involve putting others down and doesn't more personally, doesn't have to involve putting myself down. And that's the last time I ever said something like that. And it took me a few more years to even realize that I am gay. I just didn't have the vocabulary. I didn't have that self awareness yet. All I knew is that I had crushes on other boys in class and I would always be looking at their cute hockey butts as they were walking down the hallway. But that didn't mean gay yet in my mind. Mind. But there was something in that look in Ms. Wilson's eyes that taught me profoundly that what I was saying was wrong and that I was hurting myself, I was hurting her, and I was hurting the whole world. And you know, Ms. Wilson came from Ms. Wilson has passed now. But she was from a generation where most people didn't talk about their queer identities. She would tell us about her friend that she lived with all the time. She would speak adoringly about her friend, her friend. And it wasn't until a few years later that I pieced that information together and I realized the gravitas of that moment when I said that in her company. And so that moment not only haunts me to this day, but it also inspires me because I know sometimes those of us that are part of equity deserving groups or have been marginalized by society, sometimes it really hurts having that attention from people when. When people are doing or saying negative things to us. And sometimes we translate that hurt into hurting others. And so that's why when I'm doing my workshops or my. My speeches, I remind people, just because someone says something that's homophobic or transphobic or queer phobic, it might not be an outward reflection. It might be an inward reflection of internalized discrimination. And so we can all be a little bit more compassionate. And when we hear those things or those statements or feelings come out of us, it's a reminder to lean into that learning and lean into that compassion and figure out, my goodness, what, what do I need to do? Or what do I need to learn to shed that queer fear? What, what is something that I can do to move beyond that way of talking about myself or others? And really, that is at the soul of my book, Rainbow Wisdom is how do we shed this queer fear? And whether it's within us or external to us. You know, one of my favorite parts of sharing this book with the world has been chatting with queer elders who have blurbed the book at the front, you know, written their recommendations, their love for my book at the. Like Libby Davies, who is the first out lesbian member of parliament in Canada. And after she read the book, we had this great conversation about how even she, at this point, as being a queer trailblazer and an elder, got things, learnings, LGBTQ plus life lessons that she could apply to her life. So it's not just for allies, although certainly this book is going to inspire allies to be more confident, more joyful. It's also for. For queer folk, you know, that for us to feel great about ourselves, we deserve to feel great about ourselves. And I also like to say every single person on this planet has someone on the rainbow that they care about. And so this book is to help all of us feel really good about the queer community. And I do that in Ms. Wilson's honor.
Holly Gattery
Yeah. That's so beautiful. And like I said, I mean, I have been someone who has said hurtful things when the call was coming from inside the house, you know, like, you know, I. I would like about. I don't remember necessarily about sexuality, but about other things, like trying to pass as not Middle Eastern and to. To hide that part of myself, because being Iranian isn't the. Always the easiest thing to be in an Iran or in a Western. A western country. So I. I identified with that. And I. As I said, I found it so powerful. And, yes, I mean, it was. It was hard to read, but it was hard to read in the way that the book is a mirror. And it reminded me of myself and things I have done and the shame I have felt about myself and my body and in the way that I've been unkind to other women and how it was rooted in a shame of myself, not in. Not. Not in anything to do with who they are. So I. I thought that was such a powerful lesson, and I appreciated it. I. I don't want to call it brave, because when anybody writes nonfiction, we always get told we're brave, but I think it's necessary. And I do, again, want to thank you for that. And speaking of, Ms. Wilson, I do want to talk about the dedication of your book before we get too much further. It's dedicated to the queer heroes who came before us, those who rem. Those we remember, and those who we don't. Can you talk about that and why that was important to you?
Misha Oak
Wow. Thank you. You know, part of writing Rainbow Wisdom, part of the best parts of writing Rainbow Wisdom has been going out to the world and searching for these queer stories that anyone can apply to their life. And in that process, I realized that so many stories have been lost. We. We know the stories of queer trailblazers who are here today or who somehow made a splash. And. And often, though, they made a splash because of the persecution they faced. And I realized in that process that this kind of the sinking feeling of, imagine if all these queer people in history who surely existed, we. We. Queer history has always existed. As long as there have been, there have been humans. Actually, as long as there have been animals, there's been queerness. But as long as there have been humans, queer people have existed. And I. And I've been blessed in the research of this book to find out, like, how queerness is a part of human evolution, even. But in terms of people being queer heroes, I couldn't help but think, gosh, how Many stories have we lost simply because the people that made those discoveries or made the changes in their communities or inspired other people. How could be, how, how many? I just think about how many of those people. We just don't know about their contributions because they were queer, because their story was erased or someone else took credit, right? So I think like, gosh, yes, I want to celebrate all these people that we know. I want to celebrate Stonewall. I want to celebrate, celebrate Tamara Adrian, the who ran against Maduro and was one of the first out trans people elected in the world from Venezuela. Like, I want to celebrate these heroes of today and the heroes we know. But gosh, I wish I could just tell the stories of those people that contributed just as much, inspired us just as much that the trailblazers the person in our small community or who, who compelled, you know, the famous name like Oscar Wilde to be so bold and free in his life. There were other people behind him and we don't know those stories. And I want to acknowledge and send love and gratitude to those people because actually they are just as much part of our story today. They were just as much part of breaking down these barriers and paving this path forward for us. And so I, I know I can't name them, but I don't want their lives and their struggles and their contribution contributions to be in vain. And so it's with them in my heart that I, that I decided to write this book.
Holly Gattery
Girl. Winter is so last season and now spring's got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs, your thirsty for the sun on your shoulders that perfect hang on the patio sundress. Those sandals you can wear all day and all night. And you've had enough of shopping from your couch. Done. Hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear open that envelope. It's time for a little in person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic.
Misha Oak
When you finally find your thing, you want the whole world to know about that thing. So you use a thing called Canva to make it an even bigger and better thing. Whether you want to create flyers for that thing, make presentations for that thing, or design merch for that thing. You can do anything so people can see your thing, feel your thing, love your thing. The next thing you know, it's a thing. Canva, the thing that makes anything a thing.
Holly Gattery
Your next chapter in healthcare starts at Carrington College's School of Nursing in Portland. Join us for our open house on Tuesday, January 13th from 4 to 7pm you'll tour our campus, see live demos, meet instructors, and learn about our associate degree in nursing program that prepares you to become a registered nurse. Take the first step toward your nursing career. Save your spot now at Carrington. Edu Events. For information on program outcomes, visit Carrington. Edu Sci. And what you're talking about is reflected also in lesson 17. Storytelling is an integral part of the human experience.
Misha Oak
Yes.
Holly Gattery
It's how we pass on knowledge and understanding of the world. And I mean, obviously I believe in that or I wouldn't do what I do. I wouldn't read as much as I read. But I think the book is like very meta in a way because it's a book talking about how books and stories and, you know, there's the book, the act of reading, and then there's the act of storytelling. And both are equally valid and equally important. Sometimes they're the same thing. And sometimes or not. Sometimes one's oral, sometimes one's written, it doesn't matter. What matters is that these stories are passed on and that we listen to each other. The act of listening and how important that is, that's something that comes up again and again. But I first noted it when you infiltrated, like the anti queer group or the anti trans.
Misha Oak
Oh, God.
Holly Gattery
Okay.
Misha Oak
Yeah, that was quite the experience because
Holly Gattery
I would have been terrified.
Misha Oak
It was terrifying. Absolutely.
Holly Gattery
I'd love for you to tell our listeners about that.
Misha Oak
Okay, so I, I talk about that story of infiltrating the anti trans rally. And in small town Vancouver island in British Columbia in lgbtq, life lesson number one, and that one is all of that life lesson is called raise the bar. And it's meant to give people inspiration and ways out of really these tricky conversations that this arguing, this merry go round of arguing that so many of us queer folk and allies tend to be on, it just keeps coming our way. And the inspiration for that was a few years ago, there were all these posters going up around my town, you know, just saying really hurtful, harmful things about trans and queer people. And I noticed that they were advertising this hate rally, this meeting, come, come in here. About all the dangerous queer people, transgender people in your community. Let's do something about it. Saying sorts of things like stop the groomers and save the kids and all sorts of horrible things like that. And so I thought, you know what? I'm not going to let these people intimidate me. And so I called a bunch of my friends and I said, let's go check this out. They're posting about this, let's go hear exactly what they're saying and let's find out what's exactly going on. And going into that dimly lit, sad community hall way out in the backwoods of a rural community here, I was not, let's just say I was not surprised. But I what, by what I found, it was a, a room of about 20 to 30 really sad looking people. In my mind they're wearing these shoulder to floor frocks and wearing these long frowns and gosh, they could have even had pitchforks and torches in their hands. You can imagine who they were and what they were like. And yeah, I was scared going in there and that's why I brought my friends and that's why my husband waited in the parking lot ready to go in case we needed to run out of there quickly because we did feel afraid and we knew that, you know, people spouting hate, there was a, certainly a, a risk that we were putting ourselves in. And when we walked in, I was shocked to just hear the lies and the vitriol that these people were sharing and, and saying. And you know, before I started my life as an author and as an inclusion trainer and as a speaker and advising companies and communities on how to empower the queer community, I was a teacher. And a lot of what they were talking about in this hate rally was focusing on what's happening in schools. And they were saying things like, oh, every teacher, every polit politician is a pedophile. Every teacher, every politician is a groomer. And they were even playing these, gosh, they played this disgusting YouTube video of someone who is obviously pretending to be a police officer talking about, you know, what they've seen out there and how they've caught people doing all these nefarious illegal things to kids. It was just anyone with any critical thinking skills would look at this video and say, this isn't real. But the people in the room clearly didn't have those critical thinking skills. And the just the look of passionate intensity where it was almost like they were just waiting to drink up any drop of hate that they would see or hear was so uncomfortable to experience. And I remember there was one moment where they said, okay, well let's read what some of the stuff that these queer people are putting into schools. And they read this passage, this disgusting passage that was all about mother son incest. Okay, now I don't know how that qualifies as queer. That sounds pretty hetero and strange to me. And criminal of course, and you know, disgusting. But the fact that These people in the room conflated that type of, of disgusting, I can't even call it story writing. It was just gross. And the fact that they were just so excited to hear this and leaning in and just craving all this, this dirtiness, you know, was really off putting. But it gave me insight into this desire that they have to hate and this desire that they have to not only hate, but like to. It's almost like they feel like they're peeking through the curtains of another way of life that they've been taught is somehow wrong or different or a sin. But in doing that they just scandalize it so much more and actually totally lose sight of what queer people are and who queer people are. And it's almost like they're, they're watching a horror movie or they want to see this. It's like they're craning their neck when they drive by a car wreck or something. Like, it's just, it's so out of touch with reality and it's so unkind. As I like to say, kind is the new smart and compassion is the true measure of intelligence. And let's just say the people in that room were very unkind and very, and lacked complete compassion. It was. If it wasn't so real and if it wasn't so hate filled, I would almost find it comical because it just seemed so unfathomable. Unfathomable. There's my word. That's hard to say. It's. It just seems so strange. And if it wasn't so close to where I, I live and call home, I would almost just dismiss it. But it gave me insight into the fact that there are a lot of people out there that want to believe this stuff, who crave believing, discrimination. And so they're going to just cling on to whatever piece of garbage they see floating in their sea of ha. And they're going to think it's true because they want to believe it. You know, you want to find any information out there, you can find it on the Internet. And they're out there looking for it and sharing it with each other. And because they don't have the critical thinking skills or the. A sense of connection to the real world, they think what they're finding and searching on whatever they're googling or whatever they're finding on YouTube is actual reality. And they just share it and swirl it together in this cesspool of hate. And that's when I realized I was like, we can't break through to these people. They, they want to be hateful. They want to believe that libraries, that school librarians are passing around stuff about mother son incest. They want to believe, you know, there was a guy in that, in that hate rally, he said, oh, I'm an expert. I used to be a chauffeur of a limousine and I would hear politicians talking all the time. So I know exactly what politicians are like. And then he said would say things like, I've watched videos of kids getting chest surgeries and, and sex changes. And here I'm thinking like, you think queer people are the problem. You're some guy out there watching strange videos of that are not true, obviously totally fake news videos of kids having surgeries. Like, who's the real problem in society? Right? And so I just realized, I was like, these people are gone. We, we can't reach those people, all of us who have been trying to educate through compassion and evidence based research and this, the sharing the stories, the lives lived of people. We're not going to break through to these haters. Actually where we, what we all need to do is redirect our attention towards supporting those who are maybe not comfortable in their allyship yet or are just sitting on the fence or, you know, just wondering or honestly have an open heart or an open mind. That's where we need to spend our energy to make sure that they don't get sucked into that cesspool. And so that's what, how I came up with LGBTQ life lesson number one, which is just raise the bar. And I teach people in that lesson how to change the tone of your conversation so that you can make progress and actually preserve your energy and your sanity to do the good work instead of just wasting all of our energy with, with these haters, with these discriminators who honestly, they want to believe that stuff. So we're not going to waste our time with them anymore. We're going to put our energy into making the world better. And they're going to notice that we're having way more fun over here. It is way more fun to be an ally. It is way more fun to be queer. That's why pride is such a celebration, right? Is we're showing them like, actually come over here, come have fun with us. The world is better when you love everyone. And, and that's how we're going to get them on side and we're going to put our energy into that. Because wasting energy on this exhausting, never ending debate, it's not, it's not going to convince these people. They, they Are they are hooked on their drug of hate. And so we're. We're gonna. We're gonna counter that with goodness and empowerment and showing everyone else that, yeah, being queer is a gift.
Holly Gattery
Thank you for that. And lesson eight, there's a part that says we use joy to support one another through it. And I love that because I. I mean, I also want to say I have science backed that this works. I was watching a documentary on dogs with my kids. Hear me out. And it said that everyone always talks about survival of the fittest, survival of the fittest, but canines in particular. And I really believe this can be applied to humans to show that species survive by survival of the friendliest. I let it. I mean, I'm not trying to compare us to dogs, but I think, you know, maybe we could learn something from dogs in general. That being kind, being friendly. I mean, I'm not saying, you know, ignore trauma, let people walk all over you. I'm never saying that. But that leading with that kindness and compassion is the strongest and bravest thing anyone can do. It's easy to hate. It's easy to let a snide comment out of your mouth. Trust me, I know. I have to check myself a lot. It's easy to put someone down to make yourself feel better. But it is hard and brave and worth it to do the inner work until you can come from a place of confidence and compassion for yourself and show that same compassion for other people. And I think all the lessons, all the 18 lessons in this book, I mean, readers, you and listeners, you. You really have to pick this up. This is a book where, as close as I can say a book would benefit absolutely anyone. I would say this book. Obviously there are people who will. I mean, they probably just don't read books in general, but people who may not be open to this kind of messaging. But if you're an ally, like, even if you're. If you're moving towards allyship, I mean, it's such a wonderful book to read and will enrich your life. And I think even in my case, cause a few cathartic tears. Misha, my last question for you is about what are you working on now, if anything?
Misha Oak
Oh, that is. That is such a big question, Holly. What, What. What to do next? I mean, Rainbow Wisdom came out last week, and today we found out that I'm number two on the Toronto Star bestseller list for. For non fiction, right behind Mel Robbins. So I'll take that as a compliment. And so what I'm working on right now is making sure the world gets this message. And it's very tempting to start thinking about another project. And I, I promise you, I've got lots of projects in this mind of, of how to help the world see the queer community as a source of inspiration for everyone. And thank you for saying that. Yes, this is for everyone. You know, in, in LGBTQ life, lesson number eight, I talk about joy is your secret weapon. And we don't ignore our trauma, but we use joy to support one another through it. Right. And, and so this is a lesson for everyone. And I, I promise you, I have some projects that I'm thinking about and, but really my goal in life is to help everyone realize that being queer is a gift and being different is a gift. And we can all be a part of lifting each other up. And when we lift each other up, up, we can all of a sudden face these huge, daunting challenges of our time. And we need to do this together. We do not need to let the tech bros. Billionaires manosphere split us up. Divide and conquer. Absolutely not. We need a diversity of thinking, of inspiration, of identities across the board. We need to link arms together. Whatever our identity is, whatever our gender, whatever our sexuality, whatever our background, whatever whoever we are in our heart, we need to band together. And my project and my life force is going towards that mission. We're in this together, and we're going to make the world better together.
Holly Gattery
That's so beautiful. It's. And not just because it supports my belief that we, we. We're closer to each other than we are to the systems that seek to oppress us. That is something I say constantly, is that I have more in common with a mega supporter than I do with the systems that tried to oppress that are oppressing both of us. The patriarchy.
Misha Oak
It's so true. It's so true. We're all afraid, right?
Holly Gattery
And we're often afraid of the same thing. I think the difference between someone who is afraid and hateful and someone who's afraid and hopeful is that the people who are afraid and hopeful are willing to, again, do that work and realize that, you know, there's. Everything has to start with us, that some of the things that we're afraid of are the things we're afraid of in ourselves and unpack that and find other people like us and find joyousness. This supportive community, not communities that are fueled by fear and hate. And again, like, that's easy. Fear and hate are so easy. But being willing to do that work, being able to give other people grace, especially when they mess up. And being able to give ourselves grace is one of the most powerful things we can do. And I found these lessons so beautifully reflected back to me in your book that made me think about it and listeners really pick it up. Misha, the, the book is, has that again, I'm using this word a lot for you, but a bubbling lightness to it. But also there's, there's edge, there's force, there's power. It's not effervescent with the purpose of being gumdrops and, and, you know, and candy and, you know, there are rainbows, people. But you know what I mean? It's not all rainbows. Rainbows exist because of rain. They exist when, you know, like, that's what we have to look at. They exist because they're defined by that opposite and they are caused by that opposite. So it's such a, it's a beautiful book and I really hope everyone picks it up because I think it's gonna in a world that is just heavy and dark, this is such a beautiful ray of sunlight. And it's available with page 2 or wherever books are bought or borrowed. Misha, thank you so much for coming and talking to me today about Rainbow Wisdom 18 LGBTQ Life Lessons for everyone. Thank you for listening to this episode of the New Books Network. We are an academic podcast network with the mission of public education. If you liked this episode, please share it with a friend and rate us on your preferred podcast platform. You can browse all of our episodes on our website newbooksnetwork.com Connect with us on Instagram and BlueSky with the handle ewbooksnetwork and subscribe to our weekly Substack newsletter at newbooksnetwork.substack.com to get episode recommendations straight to your inbox.
Misha Oak
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Date: May 17, 2026
Host: Holly Gattery
Guest: Misha Oak
In this heartfelt and energetic interview, host Holly Gattery sits down with educator and author Misha Oak to discuss his new book, Rainbow Wisdom: 18 LGBTQ+ Life Lessons for Everyone. The conversation centers on the empowering potential of LGBTQ+ experiences, how queer wisdom benefits all people, and the necessity of shifting perspectives on what it means to be “different.” Drawing on personal stories, historical context, and actionable advice, Oak makes a vigorous case that queerness should be viewed as a gift—something from which everyone, regardless of their identity, can learn.
[06:46–09:29]
“I want to be a part of helping the world see queer people, 2spirit, LGBTQ people, as a source of inspiration... Instead of that look in people’s eyes where [there’s] heaviness... I want people to look at us when we come out and say, ‘Oh wow. Congratulations. Lucky you. You are a gift to the world.’” —Misha Oak [07:29]
[09:29–11:53]
“That’s what shame does to you: it makes you hate yourself and... bodies and people like yours.” —Holly Gattery [10:33]
[11:53–19:12]
“To be who I am doesn’t have to involve putting others down and doesn’t—more personally—have to involve putting myself down.” —Misha Oak [13:50]
[20:40–23:33]
“So many stories have been lost... I think about how many of those people—we just don’t know about their contributions because they were queer, because their story was erased or someone else took credit.” —Misha Oak [21:40]
[25:13–25:57]
[25:58–35:30]
“It was terrifying. Absolutely.” —Misha Oak [26:02]
“We can't break through to these people... What we all need to do is redirect our attention towards supporting those who are maybe not comfortable in their allyship yet or are just sitting on the fence or honestly have an open heart or an open mind. That’s where we need to spend our energy.” —Misha Oak [33:31]
[35:30–37:23]
“Leading with that kindness and compassion is the strongest and bravest thing anyone can do. It’s easy to hate...but it is hard and brave and worth it to do the inner work until you can come from a place of confidence and compassion for yourself and show that same compassion for other people.” —Holly Gattery [35:47]
[37:23–39:28]
“My project and my life force is going towards that mission. We're in this together, and we're going to make the world better together.” —Misha Oak [39:17]
On shifting societal attitudes:
“I want the people of the future, whenever they meet someone on the rainbow, to feel like, oh yeah, I wish I was on the rainbow too.” —Misha Oak [09:13]
On the activism of joy:
“Joy is your secret weapon. We don't ignore our trauma, but we use joy to support one another through it.” —Misha Oak [37:19]
On queer erasure in history:
“As long as there have been animals, there's been queerness.” —Misha Oak [21:13]
On community:
“Every single person on this planet has someone on the rainbow that they care about. And so this book is to help all of us feel really good about the queer community.” —Misha Oak [17:56]
On the appeal of hate movements:
“It's almost like they're craning their neck when they drive by a car wreck... It's so out of touch with reality and it's so unkind.” —Misha Oak [30:58]
On true courage:
“Kind is the new smart and compassion is the true measure of intelligence.” —Misha Oak [31:37]
The episode is empathetic, candid, sometimes humorous, and deeply hopeful. Both host and guest stress that LGBTQ+ stories have the power to transform not just individuals, but whole societies. Rainbow Wisdom is positioned as an invaluable resource for anyone—queer or not—eager to build inclusive, joyful, and resilient communities. Oak’s central message shines through: being different is powerful, and joy, compassion, and collective storytelling are our strongest tools for progress.
Recommended for: Anyone interested in LGBTQ+ wisdom, allyship, education, social justice, or simply seeking inspiration for a fuller, more authentic life.