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Rachael Renae, "Prioritize Play: Express Your Creativity, Boost Your Confidence, and Foster Deeper Connection" (Balance, 2026)
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New Books Network Announcer
Welcome to the New Books Network.
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Rebecca Buchanan
Hi, this is Rebecca Buchanan, host at New Books Network, and today I'm here with Rachel Renee to talk about her new book, Prioritize Play, Express yous Creativity, boost your confidence and foster deeper connection. Rachel, thanks so much for being here with me today.
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Rachel Renae
Thank you so much. I'm thrilled to be here.
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Rebecca Buchanan
Could you start by talking a little
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bit about how this book came to be and why you decided to write it?
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Rachel Renae
Yes, absolutely. I will try to be succinct, but the maybe not long winded but not short version is that I spent over a decade in a career in engineering career where I tried to fit into that career. I liked my job, but I didn't love it. And I really buried a lot of my own creativity and I felt this sort of discontent in my life and I tried to figure out why, where it was coming from, how I could find my version of creativity and really express it. And so I wrote this book over the course of a year in reflecting on all of the things that I did to allow myself to be the creative person that I was meant to be.
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Rebecca Buchanan
So can you talk a little bit
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before we sort of get into the book, how this book is sort of compiled and put together? Because it isn't just a, like, read the book and you know, then you're done with it.
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Rachel Renae
Absolutely, yeah. So I, I, in the beginning of the book, I say I structured it like a three tiered funfetti cake with an incredible cake topper. So the base tier is finding your creativity and, and really giving a lot of reflection exercises and challenges to help us reflect. So it's, it's part workbook and part my story with a lot of analogies to help and it's really approachable. I use a lot of language like yap and gab and play because I want people to feel comfortable exploring these, these reflections with themselves. So there's finding your creativity. Prioritizing play is the second tier where we really start to get into some ideas for how to incorporate play into your life. And then the third tier is defeating distraction and doubt. Because we are often our own worst enemies when it comes to creativity and sort of living a maybe non traditional life. And then the fun cake topper is go play. Go set some goals for yourself, make them playful and live a big juicy life.
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Rebecca Buchanan
So you kind of coming to this
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book and you sort of do talk about this in the introduction and you talk about this in your author's note is you say kind of a way we wouldn't expect to come to this book. Right.
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So can you talk about what brought
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you really to sitting down and thinking about this and writing this book and what was going. Going on in your life and, and who you are to. Yeah, introduce us to this?
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Rachel Renae
Yeah, absolutely. So like I mentioned, I spent a lot of time working as an engineer, but I've always been a creative person and I had a lot of different side hustles. I did a letterpress stationery business. I explored my personal style and kind of grew a following online where I did these style challenges and encouraged people to express themselves with clothes. And I just have always had these sort of side creative explorations. But I never gave myself permission to truly live that life fully. And I had been sort of working on this language of like, what does it mean to prioritize play? And I didn't get there until I started to talk about style and creativity. And I realized so many adults say I'm not creative. There's something that we experienced in childhood or growing up in our culture where people really don't think they're creative unless they're like a fine art painter. And I just don't agree with that. I think we have lots of expressions of creativity. If you're making a meal plan or you're scheduling a vacation and organizing an itinerary, those are creative tasks. Those things that we like to do that we maybe lose time doing are just our own version of creativity. But in order for me to talk about it and have it resonate with people, I couldn't use that word because it triggered people into thinking like, well, that's not for me. So in my own journey of, of trying to sort of like understand that discontent and, and really why I was yearning for a different life that I felt I wasn't allowed to have, I started signing up for different creative classes and workshops and allowed myself to play with a low expectation, just going in to enjoy the process and learn something about myself. And through all of that, I found this language of, okay, if we can prioritize play in our lives, make play a priority as adults, figuring out what our version of play is, we can be more fulfilled in our day to day lives. Yeah.
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Rebecca Buchanan
And I love that and I so appreciate this because I'll often be like, you know, I love to crochet. I have these things I do. And people are always like, well, how do you have time to do that?
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And I'm like, how do you not
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have time to do it? Right? Like, it's the way to make my brain turn off and not do the kind of intellectual, you know, like.
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And I like both sides of it. But, like, you need, you need to
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play all the time and be creative.
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Rachel Renae
Exactly, yeah. And I think especially in, in our, in today's world, we have this expectation that if we're spending time on a creative hobby, it needs to make us money or it needs to be productive. And so people think like, well, I'm not good at that, so I can't spend time doing it. And it's not about being good. It's about exactly what you said, turning your brain off and just kind of getting into that sort of mindless state of like, I'm enjoying myself. This is helping calm me down. It's helping me process my feelings. And I guess you asked that question. And then I started talking more about the background. But in the intro of the book, I talk about how I wrote it while I was living with my parents, while my dad was dying. And so it really, it was such an interesting dichotomy to be writing a book about play, which is what I care so much about, and creativity and creative expression while also experiencing this, like, very hard low time in my life. But what I found was that the play and the creativity was really a tether to my authentic self. Like, I intentionally brought fun coffee mugs and wore glitter to my dad's like, cancer appointments because I was like, I am going to be the joy and the light in, you know, our lives right now. And me playing isn't frivolous. It's actually, you know, bringing the tiniest bit of levity to this very hard time in our lives. And so I don't think that it's a frivolous thing to spend time on this because at least in my experience, when I made play a priority, when I carved out time to do those creative activities, or my version of play are often creative activities, I feel better, I show up better. I'm able to better connect with my people. And that's why the subtitle of the book is Express yous Creativity, boost your confidence and foster deeper connection. Because when we can give that time to ourselves. We're better able to show up more confidently and for other people.
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Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah. So let's sort of go into these
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kind of layers that you have the sort of parts. So you start with finding your creativity. Can you talk a little bit about like you've mentioned that everybody is creative whether we want to admit it or not.
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But how you kind of look at
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this, I mean, your first chapter is
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like, what kind of magical creature are you? So, yeah, how do you encourage people
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to kind of find that creativity in themselves?
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Rachel Renae
Yeah, I love using that question of what kind of magical creature are you? Because it's a silly question. And I have a chapter on silly questions in the book later in the second tier. I believe in the prioritized play section. But I think giving people an approachable way to do self reflection without having to use like therapy words or speak or getting into these sort of heavier topics, it, it can start to give us permission to explore in a way that doesn't feel so important or severe. And so asking, you know, what kind of magical creature are you? Are you a fairy? A gnome? A hobbit? And then just reflecting on like, why did I answer that way? Like, do I want to be sparkly and fly? Do I want to just eat 12 meals a day and be cozy in my little hobbit home? Those things can, even though they're silly, can start to give us insight into what we value in our lives. And so if we can approach those sort of value conversations and questions from a playful perspective, it will help us kind of work past those blocks that we have, like, oh, I'm not allowed to enjoy rest, but like I really want to be a hobbit. And so it's, it's showing us maybe what we desire in a non traditional way.
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Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah. One of the things I love too
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in that kind of part is you. Your third chapter is about like looking for your buried creativity. And I often, I will say to. Because I teach students who are going to be, I teach future teachers and I'll often be like, there is a point where someone says they, you know, they hate English or they hate math or they hate that. And like it's because somebody told you you weren't good at it and that, that gets internalized and like, so it's this buried thing. And so I love that idea too because like you said, like somebody told somebody along the way, oh, you're not good at that. You will, that won't amount to anything. And they buried that creativity for some reason.
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So can you talk a little bit
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about that and why it's so important to kind of think about who you used to be?
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Rachel Renae
Yeah, I think before we were sort of socially conditioned to want some of the maybe societal markers of success, like go to college, get married, have kids, buy the house, do whatever. And those. Those are not bad success markers, if that's what you actually want. But I think before we were conditioned to see success as, like, climbing the corporate ladder or. Or whatever, we naturally were drawn toward things. And so when we were kids, we were probably playing in the way that we felt most excited to play or we daydreamed about it if we didn't have the opportunity to do so. So one of the things that I ask in the book is for people to reflect on what activities and hobbies they liked to do or dreamed of doing as kids. And my answer is, I love to play basketball. I love to draw. I love to swim, love to dance. I still like to do all of those things as a. As an adult, but when was the last time that I did some of them? And we know what we like, but we don't prioritize it. And I also think that time. Our sense of time seems to move faster in adulthood. We have lots of responsibilities. We always prioritize those. But the last time I actually played basketball was probably, like, two years ago. And that's a shame because, you know, a pickup game on a weekend would probably bring me so much joy, and it would be fun to move my body, to connect with other people, to kind of turn off my brain and focus on. Only on the game. But we just don't prioritize it. But I think if we can reflect on what we like to do as a kid. And then I have this exercise called making a playlist, where it's not a music playlist, but a to do list with only play activities when we can write those things down. Play basketball this summer, go to the beach, have a picnic, go on a water slide. Things that are maybe a little bit more novelty for us as adults, but things we love to do as children that can bring back some of that fulfillment and enjoyment and excitement from childhood that maybe we're not allowing ourselves to have.
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Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah, and I love that.
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I think it's at the beginning in the book, you're like, okay, did you just think about the things that you're gonna write down?
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Or did you just write them down?
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And like, so your book really is made to sit down with yourself. You know, grab a pen or, you know, grab Your favorite pen or pencil or whatever it is and, like, spend
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some time on it and take the
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time to play and write and doodle and whatever else you want to do.
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Rachel Renae
Exactly. Yeah. I think I. I think I say, like, grab your favorite writing tool. Mine's a glitter gel pen. And then, yeah, with that first reflection exercise, I say, did you just pull a Rachel and pretend like you did it and not write it down? Because I'm the same. I mean, so often we're like, efficiency, efficiency, efficiency. I'm gonna read this book, and I'm gonna change my life. But taking the time to really sit with these questions, and I really wanted to make the questions approachable, but they are diving deep into some of our true, like, values and wants in our lives.
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Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah. So can you talk a little bit
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about who you look to when writing this? Right. Like, you have certain, you know, writers and certain thinkers and players that come up for you.
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So can you talk a little bit?
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You know, because some people are like, okay, that's great, but. Or, you know, are you just, like, sort of pulling this out of the air? Right.
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So can you talk about who you
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drew from to think about this and think through play?
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Rachel Renae
Yeah, absolutely. So I think when, like I said at the beginning, so much of this is. Is about my journey of, like, giving myself permission to be creative and. And live a creative life the way I see it. And that permission for me didn't happen until I started going to talk therapy. So I. I, like, shout out my therapist and acknowledgments, but the authors that I read, Julia Cameron's the Artist Way, which has been around for decades now, was very impactful for me when I was really thinking about, like, I want to be an artist, and, like, I'm jealous of those other people living as an artist, and I'm not allowed to do that because of this, this, and this, giving myself all of these excuses. So I love the artist's way. I've done it a few times, and I think a lot of her. Her exercises informed some of the. The. My take on, you know, reflecting on our lives. And I love people writing about creativity. I quote Rick Rubin in the book and his book the Creative Act, Steven Pressfield I really enjoy. He has a book called the War of Art and How We Are Our Own Worst Enemies in terms of, like, distraction and Doubt. And he calls it the resistance where we will be. We'll make excuses for ourselves day in and day out for why we shouldn't be doing our art. But we need to do it so a lot of, a lot of sort of my journey into accepting myself as an artist, allowing myself to be an artist, was reading a lot of these sort of like creative self help type books. Another one is my friend Jacqueline Susskind wrote a urine practice, which is a reflection book with exercises for each season, thinking about how we show up seasonally as humans who are nature and are living in nature. And I just really love people's perspectives on creativity. Mine is so much more kind of like bright colors, glitter in your face, a little bit more playful. Because I want it to be approachable. I don't necessarily think people should read my book and say, okay, now I want to quit my job and be an artist. I want to give people tools to incorporate play into the things that they're already doing their everyday lives to make it more fulfilling. Whereas I think a lot of the books I referenced were for me, like, I did want to quit my job and be an artist, but I don't think we have to to live fulfilling lives.
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Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah. So once people have really thought about
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this and thought about like what those creative or at least some of the creative outlets and sort of bought into the fact that they need to play, you move into like how we prioritize play and how we kind of like, you know, your chapter four is like
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how we rediscover it as an adult. Like how do we do that? So can you talk a little bit
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about that sort of second tier of your cake and how we do the work to prioritize play?
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Rachel Renae
Yeah, absolutely. And speaking of Julia Cameron again, I think she talks about paying attention. There's a quote that I'm going to butcher right now because I don't remember it exactly, but the gift of enjoying your life is the gift of paying attention or that's not right. But something along those lines. And I think so much of our lives, if we allow it to, will just pass us by with routine, with the monotony of day to day life, the chores, the commitments that we regularly do. And so the way that we can kind of like spark that excitement again is to approach life with curiosity and intention. And so, so many of the, the challenges that I give or the games for. Yeah, I talk about gamifying your life really is taking stock of like what being present in the moment. So I talk about staying curious and seeking wonder. I give examples of what I call play attention challenges. So going on a walk outside and trying to find a color in every or a flower in every color of the rainbow or counting the Dogs that you see when you're on a walk or intentionally taking a different route on your walk or your commute to work and just really paying attention. Because how many times have we driven the same route? And you kind of blink and you're like, how did I already get here? I don't really even remember my drive. And that is a perfect analogy for what our lives can be if we don't intentionally build play or joy or creativity into it. So I say we have to be the creative directors of our own lives. We have to decide what the life is going to look like and then intentionally choose activities that support that.
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Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah.
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And I love how you really emphasize this fact that, like, playing and being creative doesn't have to be producing something. Right. Like, it can be. So, you know, and you talked about. I think you talked about, like, looking, finding every dog, and then coming up with names. It's kind of like when you sit, like, where I've done it, when you sit with people and you're like, okay, who are those people over there? Let's make a backstory for them. Right.
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But it's like this.
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You can do these activities, and it just like, retrains your brain to, like you said, not just sort of go through things without thinking about it.
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Yeah.
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Rachel Renae
And it's. We have this sort of belief that creativity needs to be. Yeah. Producing a piece of art and storytelling is creativity. That example that you just. Just used of, like, coming up with the lore of someone that you're looking at, that's fun. That's. That's be. It's creative storytelling. And that's natural. Like, human instinct is to tell stories. You know, like before we had books and music and the Internet, people sat around and told stories, and that's how we connected with each other and shared information and entertained ourselves. And we used to sing and dance all the time. And we don't really do that anymore. We've kind of been conditioned to find our worth and our productivity and our job titles. And so much of what I'm trying to do here is giving people the tools to help them reflect on. Okay. If I, like, untangled my identity from my job title just a little bit, and I put a little bit of that energy into paying more attention when I go on a walk or making a scavenger hunt every week for myself, just to give myself something to look forward to, something that I can connect with other people about, that is bringing back some of those, like, natural human creative urges. So good, so good, so good.
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Rebecca Buchanan
And you, I don't know if it's
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in this part or if another part.
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But you also talk about, because as
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you were talking it reminded me of like really setting like creative play goals for yourself. You know, like so, you know, before I'm X or by this time or I would love to try these things. Like, and so always having those things that you want to try, so you're always keeping yourself sort of curious and seeking wonder.
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So can you talk a little bit
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about that and why that's so important?
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Rachel Renae
Yeah, definitely. I think again, just like if we're not creating a goal for ourselves and I know that me saying goal is kind of counterintuitive to me being like the productivity, the, the work culture. But goals are, I see goals as guideposts. Like if I'm taking a walk in the woods, the guideposts are just like helping orient me in the right direction. And if I'm setting a goal of okay, I want to explore this new printmaking technique and I say that and I keep saying it and I'm talking about it all the time and I'm thinking about it all the time. And I'm collecting a lot of inspiration and I'm saving things on Pinterest and on Instagram and all the places where I can save visual inspiration, but I'm never actually doing it. I'm not moving myself forward. I'm just kind of consuming and not, not creating. And that I feel like, is pretty common for us in the age of scrolling and digital media. It's so easy to get sucked into, oh, I scrolled for two hours and I didn't make anything or I didn't play. And so I like to set creative goals for myself and I try to do it with like the corporate smart technique of, you know, strategic. Oh man, Now I can't remember the acronym for them, but like achievable, measurable and time bound. There are a couple others in there, but basically, like, yeah, by X amount of time, I want to have made 10 paintings. By 2028, I want to have biked a hundred miles, like, thinking about giving those, those goals, those things that we are excited about, things that will help us look forward to our lives and be active participants in them. By creating goals, we're helping give ourselves guideposts. And then I talk about that in this creative goal setting chapter, which I think is maybe chapter 11 or 12, perhaps at the end of the book where, yeah, we talked about all these ways to identify your version of play. And I gave a bunch of ideas in the prioritize play section about creative challenges and play attention challenges and how to be present in your own life and be silly and connect with other people and, and then really think about what do I want my life to look like? How can I set some goals to help orient me in that direction if I don't achieve the goals? That's okay. That's not failure. It's information. Maybe I prioritized something else and I still was playing. But writing things down, being intentional will help us to actually live the lives that we want instead of just dreaming about them.
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Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah, and so one thing too, so
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one of your parts, your, your sort of third layer is this idea of, like, how do we get out of distraction and doubt? And I think it's so important because as you're, you know, we're talking and we're in an age we're just inundated with information and we can just sit for hours and be like, what happened to that time? And I often do you. I do a version of what you did with my students where I'm like, okay, I want you to sit down for like three to five days and write down every time you use technology. Right. Like, and what you use it for. And just so you can figure out how much time are you dedicating to whether it's. You're actually doing homework on a computer or you're sending texts or that kind of thing.
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And so can you talk about like
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some of your ideas for. Let's start with like the distract getting rid of distraction and really thinking about, you know, that kind of thing.
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Rachel Renae
Yeah. So in the, in the defeating distraction and doubt layer of the cake, which is the third tier. Yeah. I think we, number one, we have the ideas, we have the inspiration folders, the screenshots, all the ideas that we could ever want. And I think so many of us get stuck in that sort of ideation phase and it scratches the creative itch. But it's not actually doing the thing, it's preparing to do the thing. And then when it comes to the distractions. Yeah, I have, I have an exercise where it's like for a week, document how you spent your time. You know, how long did you spend in the morning getting ready on your commute on your phone, looking at your screen time on your phone and seeing how long did you scroll? And I don't want anyone to feel shame. I love Instagram. I'm using it all the time. I'm on Pinterest all the time too. But if I'm on there for three hours, can I cut it down to two and use that one hour for something that maybe is more in alignment with those goals that I want to achieve? And the goals can be something as silly as like trying a new sandwich once every month. Like, the goals don't have to be big or life changing. They can. It's just about intentionality and, and making our lives more playful. So with the, with the distraction and doubt. Yeah, just documenting. I think a lot of us kind of live life and, and we get sucked into our routines and we don't really take a moment to reflect on like, is this still serving me? Is it serving me to scroll for two hours? Can I cut it down to an hour and a half and do something like a crochet project where I'm off of a screen and like using my hands and my mind body connection?
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Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah. Another thing you talk about and you
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bring up is like really taking time and resting and doing things where there you don't have to write. It's like, what are the fun things you want to do if you have a day with no responsibilities and how important that is? I know so many people whose their calendars are just full, full, full, full, full.
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Rebecca Buchanan
It's like, why 15 minutes there? What can I plug in? And so can you talk about why it's so important to rest and to not have responsibilities and sort of do some of those things?
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Rachel Renae
Yeah. I added this chapter in because I used to do this group workshop called Prioritize Play. And in it, I was talking about these things. Set goals, make your playlist, fill your. You know, a meeting ends early. Like, look at your playlist. Can you dance to a song for five minutes? And I'm trying to, you know, train our brains to look for the opportunities to be more playful. And one of the participants was like, you know, I'm trying to do this, but I'm exhausted, and I find myself getting home from work, and I lay on the couch and I watch trash tv, and then I feel guilty because I did that. And it helped me realize, like, oh, no, we have to talk about rest because it creates space for creativity. The ideas don't just constantly come, whether it's a creative project or a conversation. You want to have a story you want to write, movement, you want to try a new activity, a new meal that you want to create.
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If.
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Rachel Renae
If we don't give ourselves space for those. Those ideas to kind of ruminate in our brains. And so when we're constantly filling our schedules, which we're all busy, we're all overworked, we're all probably exhausted, and it's so easy to pack all of our free time with all the things. But taking time to rest creates the space for creativity. And so I told that participant, I was like, you know, that's you resting. You need to give yourself that time. And whether that looks like that's what's happening after work, or for me, I kind of go in, like, big, long spurts of creative production. And then maybe one weekend, I just lay on the couch and read an entire book. And that is what needs to happen, because it's like, we need to refill our batteries too. We cannot keep running, filling it a quarter of the way up and then back down and actually playing. I think, especially with those low stakes, not worried about producing a product. Some of those play activities are recharging our batteries so that we have more capacity for maybe the bigger lifts, the big creative projects, the big conversations, the meal parties, dinner parties, things like that.
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Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah, I love that. I Have been trying to just one, either Saturday or Sunday. Just basically. Yes, that's my reading. I'm just going to sit, I'm going to read all day and like, you
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can tell me I'm being lazy because
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I'm reading, but I don't care. Like, yes. And it's so great. Like it's such a lovely. I'm like, you look for where you crave it. Then once you put that in, like you're talking about, you crave having that, like building that time in and carving out that time for yourself. And it's so important.
- [30:43]
Rachel Renae
Absolutely. Yeah. And I think, you know, my tendency used to be again because like our culture really prioritizes productivity. So it's like, I'm not being productive, I'm being lazy. But it's, it's not, it's. It's a. We need to recharge our batteries. Just like we sleep every night. We don't say, oh, I'm not being productive because I slept. It's, it's the same thing we need sort of like almost active resting where we're maybe taking in a story and our bodies are resting and our brains are kind of like in soft focus kind of. And I think like when in the past, when, before I kind of got to doing this, this play based work, when I did that, I would feel so guilty. Like I still needed it and I allowed myself to do it, but then I felt so much guilt and then it almost like canceled out all of the rest that I got because I felt so much shame and guilt. And so I tell people, like, especially if you have a partner that you live with, live with, or you have responsibilities, you know, can you, can you discuss like what that looks like? Like, okay, um, we're gonna let the baseboards get dusty, you know, a little bit longer so that we can have a Saturday to do the reading day or let's do takeout once a week so that we can not have to worry about dishes or cooking so that we can have time for our own projects. Like having those discussions and sort of building those into our schedule will help us get it done. Just like setting it as a goal will help us.
- [32:07]
Rebecca Buchanan
One thing you also talk about in that kind of part, which I think is so important is being bad at things.
- [32:13]
Yes, I have like, I am a type A. I have to tell.
- [32:16]
But I also have a child who, one child who's very much a type A. And I always have to be like, you'll be like, I did so bad on that. I got Like a B. I'm like, no, a B is not bad.
- [32:25]
Right?
- [32:25]
But it's okay if you even don't. And so can you talk about how we have to give ourselves permission for imperfection and making bad things?
- [32:34]
Rachel Renae
Yes. Oh, my gosh, it's so tough. I have. I have a creative community, like a digital community. It's called the juice box. And that is one of the things that people struggle with the most, is the perfectionism. And, like, I. I'm not allowed to do this unless I'm the best at this. And I'm just trying to remind people, like, we actually don't have to be good at something or even aspire to be better to enjoy the benefits of doing the thing. If you are having fun and you are, you know your battery is being refilled. That's the point. That is why we play. That's why kids are running around making up stories, climbing trees. They're having fun. And we've just conditioned ourselves as adults that like that. If it's not for something, if it's not, I'm crocheting to have a craft fair booth to make money to quit my job, then it's not worth it. It's like, you can just crochet. You can do one row and never do it again. And I'm a quilter. And so I talk about this a lot because I really enjoy this sort of creative noodling of like, putting together an improvisational quilt block, like, piecing the colors together and making it up as I go. And I have so many unfinished quilts. And I used to feel really guilty about that, but it's like, the part that I enjoy is the piecing of the puzzle together, and that is helping refill the battery, create space, giving me time to kind of, like, process feelings and emotions. And maybe it will just inform another play, practice. It doesn't ever have to come into a final product. I don't ever have to be good at it if I'm enjoying it. Another example is, like, my friend is a really good dancer, and she invited me to go to this dance workout class. And I was like, okay, I'm going to. I'm going to challenge myself to do something that I feel uncomfortable doing. And I went and I was bad, but I had fun. I was sweating. I was laughing, giggling at how I was offbeat. And it's like, I don't need to be better at that. Like, I enjoyed that process. And so if we can shift the perspective or the expectation on the activity from, I need to produce this to, I want to have fun. Or maybe even intentionally being like, I want to be bad at this. What's the worst version of this thing that I can make that will help us kind of push past that initial discomfort of getting started? And then it's like, okay, I want to. I want to paint a self portrait, but what's the worst version of a self portrait that I could start with? And can I work my way toward that? So, yeah, it's all about shifting the mindset of, like, the expectation of why I'm doing this activity.
- [35:07]
Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah. And I also, like, also allowing people
- [35:10]
to embrace that and telling them that's okay. Like, I know so many people who will say things like, well, if you're. If it's not really hard, if you're enjoying it, then you're not doing it. Right.
- [35:19]
Right.
- [35:19]
Like, if it's really hard, like, I'm making this intentionally hard for you. And I'm like, why would you do that to someone?
- [35:25]
Like, it's already.
- [35:26]
If it wasn't hard for me, I want to make it easier or fun or more playful for you. And you can learn, even if you're having fun, you don't have to be miserable at the same time. Right. And I think that gets at that too. Like, if you're like, hey, look how crappy my, like, fish drawing is, I'm sure you could draw a great fish drawing too.
- [35:44]
Rachel Renae
Exactly. And I think, like, that's why I so intentionally use the language of play. Yap noodle gab. Because I feel like a lot of the creativity books, a lot of it is intellectualized like you, like you were talking about earlier. And I didn't go to art school. I have no formal art training. And so I had a lot of, like, imposter syndrome ideas. Even though I was an engineer, I have, like, a creative problem solving brain. But I didn't feel comfortable kind of approaching some of these, like, more creative artistic areas because I didn't feel like I had the education. And I feel like a lot of times the language can be a barrier because it feels like, oh, I need to understand intellectually why this matters. And I actually don't think that we do. At least how my brain works is like, I need to experience something and play around with it, and then I'm learning something about myself maybe, or about the process. And so I'm very intentional with my language in the book because I want to be the bad fish drawing to show people that, like, they can make a fish drawing too. And it's okay. And so, like, hey, you can just count dogs on vacation, and that's being playful. You can, you know, identify which hot sauce in the hot sauce aisle you would be or your friend would be and why, and just have a silly conversation, and it's you being present in your own life.
- [37:06]
Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah.
- [37:07]
And one thing that comes through with this whole book that's really important that you talk about is how you have to be your own hype person. Right. And you have to live for you. And so can you talk a little bit about why that is so important, too, as. As part of all of.
- [37:20]
Right. We set goals. We do all this, but we also
- [37:22]
have to, like, appreciate ourselves and support ourselves.
- [37:27]
Pepsi Advertiser
Yeah.
- [37:27]
Rachel Renae
And I think, you know, especially women, we're kind of socially conditioned to, like, put other people's needs first. So many. Especially if you're a parent, like, you're putting other people's needs first. Rightfully so. If you have a child, hopefully you're taking care of them. And so we. We sort of do this a lot. And there's this kind of idea that if we are prioritizing our own interests and needs, we are like, it's. It's taking away from the other person's experience, which isn't true. It's just the more that we can take care of ourselves, the more capacity we have to help take care of other people. And so I think we really. Yeah. We have to be able to. To give ourselves permission. And the way that we give ourselves permission is like hyping ourselves up. People might not understand your ideas. They might not understand why you only want to make a quilt block and not a whole quilt. They might not understand why. Why you want to get a tattoo of that thing. Or like, how could you possibly be interested in running? And it's like, we all have different interests. We all have such unique experiences, but we are also a collective. And there are people out there who are interested in the same things as us. But until we find that community of people who are going to hype us no matter what, we have to practice doing it for ourselves. And we are the only ones that are actually going to give ourselves permission to do the thing. So we have to. Yeah. Practice hyping ourselves up.
- [38:54]
Rebecca Buchanan
And I feel like also you. If you hype yourself up enough, if you do it, you're going to find the people who are really into your quirky, goofy thing and be like, oh, here are the other. Like I always say, it's. You should be a nerd about something. It doesn't matter what it is, but pick at least one thing and be a nerd about it or geek about it and like, and you'll find your people or even if you don't, like, that's all the, that's the fun stuff right there.
- [39:17]
Rachel Renae
Yeah. And like, on the other side of that, like, the more that you're you, the more you will repel the people that don't want you, you know, and so it's like, truly the more that we can embrace the things that we're nerdy about or like, I feel like going to. Giving yourself permission to, like, try a class. Like, oh, I'm really interested in a ceramics class. Go take a class at a studio. Join a studio. If you're struggling to find your perfect people, play is a solution for that. Doing what you love, you're automatically going to be surrounding yourself with people who share those interests and potentially values. And so like a ceramic studio, a run club, a dinner. I keep using meal and dinner interchangeably. A dinner party or a meal class, like making, making dinner, using. Using those interests as a way to connect with other people. But if you're. If you're trying to make friends with people that aren't in alignment or dating people that aren't in alignment with, like, the type of life you want to live, it's not going to work out. And the way that you can make it work out is by being so true to yourself. And, and like you said, being a nerd or a geek about at least one topic. But I'm like, be a nerd about it all. Just be enthusiastically into your thing because it will attract the right people.
- [40:36]
Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah. I feel like it's part of, like,
- [40:38]
all of this is also saying it's okay to do things by your on your own. Right. Like to put yourself out there and do things. Like, if you really want to do this and if you really love it, go and do it. Right. Who else is going to, like, you can't wait for other people to tell you to do it without, right? Go and do these things.
- [40:57]
Rachel Renae
Yeah. The example, One of the examples about this that I use in the book is I used to always want a romantic partner to throw me a surprise birthday party. But I never, like, really said that to anyone that I dated. I just was like, I hope they understand me well enough without me having to communicate, which we've learned that that's not gonna work. But when I turned 30, I think I threw myself a party. I was like, wait, I'm gonna throw myself a birthday party. And I'm gonna have a face painter, and I'm gonna have all my friends wear orange, and I'm gonna wear blue, and it'll be a complimentary color party, and. And I'm gonna have a little craft station, and I'm gonna have this. And it was like, oh, my gosh. I just needed to throw myself the birthday party that I had always been dreaming of instead of just, like, hoping and wishing. And I think, like, that is an analogy for what my life was really like. I was like, hoping and wishing that someone else would come in and say, like, we're signing up for this class. I'm your friend now, and we're gonna do this thing. And unfortunately, that just doesn't happen. You have to be able to articulate what you want or explore and to find out what you like and be a little bit brave. And there's probably somebody else that's scared there too, in a. In a new class or a new club. And people are nice. I think generally we. We are afraid of people and we are having more and more isolation with the digital age. And, like, people love to help and have the answers. So if you say, hey, I'm new here, like, could you help me with this? Generally people are good and they want to help, and I feel like doing play activities helps us meet people and connect, and we need that in today's world.
- [42:40]
Rebecca Buchanan
Yeah. So final question, because we've been talking
- [42:42]
a while, we could probably keep talking, but the book is out now, so self promotion. Anything with this book, Anything else you're doing, working on things you want people to know.
- [42:51]
Rachel Renae
Yeah. Thank you so much and thank you for this lovely conversation. Yeah, I could keep going. Absolutely. I want to ask you about your crochet projects.
- [42:59]
Rebecca Buchanan
I have fun. Crochet projects. Amazing.
- [43:03]
Rachel Renae
Yeah. So people can find me on Instagram at Rachelrenae. Both names are spelled a non traditional way. So it's R A C H A E L R E N A E. And I have lots of resources and free downloads at my website, rachelrenae.com and of course, all of the stuff that I've been working on around prioritizing play and accessing our creativity and connecting with other people. I wrote in this book, prioritize Play. Like you said, it's out now. It's available in paperback, ebook, or audiobook, which I narrate. So that's fun. And then I have a digital community, an online community on the Circle platform called the Juice Box, and it opens up quarterly. And we really focus on prioritizing our Play. So we have monthly educational webinars, monthly live calls, we have book clubs, we have work in progress Wednesday posts, We hype each other up, and there are cohorts to help us work on our creative goals together. So that's kind of my realm right now.
- [44:03]
Rebecca Buchanan
I love it.
- [44:04]
Rachel, thank you again for talking with
- [44:06]
me on New Books Network about prioritizing Play.
- [44:09]
Rachel Renae
Thank you so much for having me. What a great conversation.
- [44:12]
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