Podcast Summary

Podcast: New Books Network

Host: Rebecca Buchanan
Guests: Stefanie Mercado Altman, Claire Altman, Stan Altman
Book: Twice Blessed: A Story of Unconditional Love (Fordham UP, 2025)
Air Date: September 22, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features a heartfelt conversation with Stefanie Mercado Altman and her adoptive parents, Claire and Stan Altman, about their collaborative memoir, Twice Blessed: A Story of Unconditional Love. The book recounts Stefanie’s early years as the child of a mother living with AIDS in 1990s New York, her experiences entering a unique supported housing residence, and ultimately her adoption by Claire and Stan after her mother’s death. The episode explores the complexities of adoption, the power of unconditional love, and the innovative housing and support models created during the HIV/AIDS crisis.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Genesis of the Memoir and the Family’s Story

• Claire’s Nonprofit Work & Meeting Stefanie
  • Claire founded the Highbridge Woodycrest Center to offer supported housing for individuals and families with HIV/AIDS in NYC during the early ‘90s (02:05).
  • Stefanie and her mother were the first residents; their arrival marked the start of a lifelong connection.
  • Claire kept detailed notes through the years, eventually inspiring the memoir.
  • The writing project turned collaborative: "I gave her a couple pages... she said, 'Can I have a pen?' So she starts editing. And she said, 'I think I want to join in this effort.'" – Claire Altman (04:38)
  • Stefanie’s organizational skills shaped the process: "She sat us down at our dining table and said, 'Okay, we need an outline.'" – Claire Altman (05:13)

Unique Structure: Three Voices, Three Perspectives

• The memoir is written through three points of view – Stefanie, Claire, and Stan – to reflect their unique experiences and inner journeys (06:01).
• Stan references “Rashomon” as a model for understanding how people can experience the same events differently:
  • “Our unique journeys to how we all came together… made sense to try to do this in our individual voices... it would make this richer." – Stan Altman (06:29)
• The trio discusses how deeply personal reflection informed their choices and allowed each to process their transformation through this journey.

The Meaning Behind the Title "Twice Blessed"

• Stefanie explains:
  • “Just being alive is a blessing, but having a second chance at family as part of that life... is a second blessing. My mom... my first blessing and then the second is my parents and how we formulated to become a family.” – Stefanie Mercado Altman (08:08)

Reconstructing Childhood Memories

• Stefanie reflects on how artistic outlets (comics, writing, acting) helped her record and process early experiences, giving her a unique clarity when writing about her youth (09:17).
• "I have a pretty crisp memory, visceral memory of when I was a kid. And I think one of the things that kept me sharp... was my expressive outlets outside of school..." – Stefanie Mercado Altman (09:38)

Placing the Story in 1990s New York & The AIDS Crisis

• Social Context:
  • AIDS was still seen as a terminal illness and supportive housing was rare, misunderstood, and sometimes opposed.
  • "If you were exposed to somebody with aids, you'd get it... Eventually, Claire... opened up Highbridge, Woodycrest." – Stan Altman (13:26)
  • The residence was seen as revolutionary for integrating wraparound services and social support.
  • Claire leveraged Stan’s $10,000 research grant into a $16 million bond to buy and renovate the building (14:00).

Early Memories and Legacy of Supported Housing

• Stefanie’s memories include being featured in a documentary as a young child at Woodycrest, reflecting the new possibilities and optimism these services created (15:17).
• "Even now... wraparound services... can be innovative in 2025. We have not... what you were doing... was really amazing for that time period." – Rebecca Buchanan (16:43)

The Legal and Emotional Complexity of Guardianship and Adoption

• Standby Guardianship:
  • Claire explains how New York State allowed for standby guardianship — parents could designate guardians to step in upon death or disability (17:48).
  • Stefanie’s mother formally asked Claire (and Stan) to be Stefanie’s guardians.
  • "We took her to the playground... she couldn't do the monkey bars. She said, I can't do it. And that was often the refrain..." – Claire Altman (21:26)
  • Their encouragement (“yes, you can”) became central to Stefanie’s growth and self-perception.
• Navigating Dual Households:
  • Stefanie discusses what it felt like to “dance to two different beats,” conforming in both homes and how it affected her sense of self:
    • "It was like... being in the midst of two homes felt like you were misstepping a lot of the time..." (23:31)
    • "My parents gave me... just being authentically me, even at a young age, to not lose sight of how love does anchor you in the moment." – Stefanie Mercado Altman (24:17)

Parenting, Support, and Allowing Self-Discovery

• Claire and Stan adapted their lives as parents to fully support Stefanie, following her lead in activities and personal development – from chess to musical theater to horseback riding (29:20).
• “We followed her lead and tried to let her do what would help her, because kids know what they want.” – Claire Altman (32:48)
• They emphasize how following the child's cue is crucial in fostering confidence and a sense of agency.

Advocacy, Patience, and Boundaries

• Claire and Stan describe their efforts to advocate for Stefanie, sometimes putting their foot down against well-meaning but misguided resistance (35:44).
• Stan notes: "We put our foot down... She's doing this. Period, end of story." (39:35)
• Keeping links to Stefanie’s birth family and heritage was important, as was remaining patient, even when it was frustrating or emotionally fraught.

Life After Adoption: Family Integration and Ongoing Healing

• The narrative doesn’t end with adoption—the family’s journey continues well past the paperwork.
• The Acknowledgement of Trauma:
  • There is “always a tragedy with adoption” due to the circumstances necessitating it, and Claire highlights the importance of therapy, support, and ongoing connection to birth family and heritage, like celebrating Stefanie’s mother’s birthday or preserving her artwork (41:43).
• Stan shares how raising Stefanie helped him heal his own deep childhood traumas and become emotionally open: "She never let me close my heart to her, no matter how many times I might try. ... That changed my sense of, you know, having, in a way, the guts to just be open again." (44:54)
• A touching moment is when, after years, Stefanie called Claire and Stan “mom and dad” only when she felt fully safe and at home—a milestone that brought them to tears.

Parenting Wisdom: Letting the Child Lead and Honoring Heritage

• The Altmans describe following Stefanie’s lead, accommodating her interests and needs with flexibility and advocacy, and always centering unconditional love.
• Maintaining the memory of Stefanie’s birth mother and integrating her past into family rituals and shared life were essential to healing and growth.

Memorable Quotes

• Stan Altman:

  • “Our unique journeys to how we all came together in this was such that it made sense to try to do this in our individual voices... it would make this richer.” (06:29)
  • “…being involved with Stephanie, raising Stephanie, being, quote, her father, she never let me close my heart to her, no matter how many times I might try. ... That changed my sense of, you know, having... the guts to just be open again.” (44:54)

• Claire Altman:

  • “She sat us down at our dining table and said, ‘Okay, we need an outline.’” (05:13)
  • “We followed her lead and tried to let her do what would help her, because kids know what they want.” (32:48)

• Stefanie Mercado Altman:

  • “My mom was my first blessing and the second is my parents and how we formulated to become a family.” (08:08)
  • "It was like... being in the midst of two homes felt like you were misstepping a lot of the time." (23:31)
  • "My parents gave me... just being authentically me, even at a young age, to not lose sight of how love does anchor you in the moment." (24:17)

Notable Moments & Timestamps

• [02:05] Claire recounts first meeting Stefanie and her mother at Highbridge Woodycrest.
• [06:01] Stan explains the importance of telling their story in three voices.
• [08:08] Stefanie discusses the meaning behind the book’s title, “Twice Blessed.”
• [09:17] Stefanie describes how artistic outlets kept childhood memories vivid.
• [13:26] Stan outlines the context of AIDS housing in 1990s NYC.
• [17:48] Claire explains the legal process of standby guardianship.
• [23:31] Stefanie’s description of the emotional challenge of navigating two households.
• [29:20] Claire discusses the family's approach to supporting Stefanie’s interests.
• [32:48] Claire on the importance of following the child’s lead in parenting.
• [39:35] Stan details when and why they had to “put their foot down” as guardians.
• [41:43] Claire discusses ongoing healing and keeping the memory of Stefanie’s mother present.
• [44:54] Stan on how raising Stefanie transformed him and brought emotional healing.
• [46:42] Claire relays an anecdote showing Stefanie’s creative coping skills in adolescence.

Where to Find the Book and Connect

• Official release date: October 7, 2025
• Fordham University Press preorder (25% discount with code BLESSED25)
• Events & Info: twiceblessed.org
• Upcoming appearances include the Brooklyn Book Festival and events with adoption agencies.

Final Thoughts & Takeaways

This episode provides a rare, nuanced look at the journey of adoption – not just as a legal process, but as a lifelong weaving of stories, identities, challenges, and triumphs. Its power lies in the honesty of all three narrators: their imperfections, doubts, and resilience. Their story models what it looks like to center a child’s needs and allow love – in all its complicated forms – to guide a family’s creation and evolution. It’s an inspiring conversation for adoptive families, adoptees, professionals, and anyone interested in how innovative community support can change lives.