Episode 254 | Friends With Benefits

Summary

Podcast Summary: New Rory & MAL - Episode 254 | Friends With Benefits

Release Date: March 26, 2024

In Episode 254 of New Rory & MAL, hosted by iHeartPodcasts and The Volume, the trio delves into a blend of humorous anecdotes, heartfelt discussions, and listener interactions revolving around friendships, relationships, and personal growth. Titled "Friends With Benefits," this episode captures the essence of navigating complex social dynamics with a mix of levity and sincerity.

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1. Opening Anecdote: Pablo's Antics

Duration: 00:00 – 19:00

The episode kicks off with Rory recounting a particularly awkward memory from his school days involving a man named Pablo. Rory describes Pablo as "the most stereotypical picture of a Mexican" who, despite being a little person, exhibited inappropriate behavior by "pulling his dick out in the hallway at lunch" (00:05). This story sets the tone for a discussion on how such incidents were perceived differently in the past compared to today.

Notable Quote:

• Rory (00:05): "He was the horniest little you'd ever meet in your life... everyone would just laugh."

2. Mental Health Check-In

Duration: 19:50 – 21:04

Transitioning from amusing yet uncomfortable school stories, the conversation shifts to mental health. The hosts acknowledge the importance of regular mental health check-ins, discussing their own struggles and overcoming stigmas associated with admitting vulnerabilities.

Notable Quote:

• Rory (19:50): "How's everyone's mental health? We haven't done a mental health check in in a while."
• Damaris (20:28): "Like I said, bad bitches have bad days, too, Mom."

3. Family Dynamics and Setting Boundaries

Duration: 19:50 – 36:00

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to exploring the challenges of setting boundaries within family relationships. Rory shares his difficulties in establishing limits with his family, particularly with his mother, highlighting the emotional tug-of-war many face when trying to assert personal space.

Notable Quotes:

• Mal (24:20): "If you just fucking a girl, like, I don't think you're interested."
• Damaris (29:35): "My advice to you is that if you're uncomfortable every single time that they are there..."

4. Navigating Half-Siblings and Complex Relationships

Duration: 40:49 – 48:42

The hosts delve into the nuanced relationships with half-siblings, discussing how differing parental bonds can impact sibling dynamics. Mal reflects on his father's battle with addiction and how reconciliation post-tragedy brought the siblings closer.

Notable Quote:

• Mal (47:47): "It's awesome having a relationship with your siblings."

5. Listener Calls: Friends With Benefits Advice

Duration: 50:00 – 80:58

Listeners' voicemails form the crux of this segment, where the hosts address real-life dilemmas about maintaining friendships intertwined with casual relationships. One notable call involves "Moxie from Jersey," seeking advice on transitioning from a friends-with-benefits arrangement to a platonic friendship without causing emotional fallout.

Notable Quotes:

• Damaris (75:53): "Clarity is key."
• Rory (76:07): "Don't be sneaky. Be honest with people."

6. Content Creation and Monetization

Duration: 85:17 – 100:55

Shifting gears, the conversation turns towards the burgeoning world of content creation. The hosts discuss the rise of platforms like OnlyFans and Instagram Subscriptions, debating the viability and ethics of monetizing personal content. They share insights on balancing passion projects with financial stability, emphasizing the importance of having a financial cushion before fully committing to content creation endeavors.

Notable Quotes:

• Rory (89:57): "Save a year's salary. That's extremely hard for anybody."
• Mal (90:02): "You gotta keep money flowing in."

7. Humorous Banter and Closing Remarks

Duration: 100:55 – end

The episode concludes with lighthearted banter about personal grooming habits and the absurdity of certain content creation strategies. The hosts wrap up by reflecting on the depth of today's discussions, appreciating the blend of serious and humorous exchanges that resonate with their audience.

Notable Quote:

• Rory (101:40): "She’s gonna crush the 'I love you' part."
• Mal (94:26): "She got that seasoning. She can make you a seasoned croissant."

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Conclusion:

Episode 254 of New Rory & MAL masterfully balances humor with profound discussions on mental health, family dynamics, and the intricacies of modern relationships. Through relatable stories and candid advice, the hosts offer listeners both laughter and valuable insights, making it a compelling listen for anyone navigating the complexities of personal relationships and self-care.

Transcript

[Rory]

I'm not exaggerating on this at all. His name was Pablo. I know this sounds like a awful.

[Mal]

Course his name was Pablo.

[Rory]

It sounds like an awful bit. He was easily 35, big ass, mustache, the most stereotypical picture of a Mexican. And he was a little person. And he had been at school for like 10 years at that point. And he was the horniest little you'd ever meet in your life. He'd pull his dick out in the hallway at lunch and everyone would just laugh. Like, I guess it was just a different time now that like he was.

[Mal]

A grown man when he did that.

[Rory]

Grown at.

[Damaris]

Was it like a.

[Rory]

Grown in his 30s.

[Damaris]

I just want to know if it was like regular s. Like if they had like regular size dicks or if everything was small.

[Rory]

I guess if we're going off the proportion of his body, he. He was packing something.

[Mal]

That's sick.

[Damaris]

No worry now.

[Mal]

Call up. I'm drinking.

[Damaris]

Let's.

[Mal]

Let's call up.

[Damaris]

And all I care about is money.

[Rory]

And the city that I'm from I'm.

[Damaris]

A sip until I feel it Imma smoke it till it's done I don't really give a fuck My excuse is that I'm young and I'm only getting older. Somebody should have told you I'm on one.

[Rory]

Fuck it, I'm on.

[Damaris]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Hey, guys. No.

[Mal]

Yo, man.

[Rory]

That's how Mara pronounces her. All her ages now.

[Mal]

Yeah, I've been taking like, like, these edibles, like, to help me like, pass out. I'm trying not to smoke as much.

[Rory]

Okay.

[Mal]

So I've been taking these edibles. I took like this shroom edible last night.

[Rory]

Oh, tell me more.

[Mal]

Oh, my God. That was some of the best sleep. Like, I fell asleep. I was asleep with my eyes open. Like, you ever been like, laying down and you're watching something but your brain.

[Rory]

Is not like, oh, like sleep paralysis? Yeah, it sucks. I have it all.

[Mal]

No, not that. It's like you. It's not relaying what you're watching. And then you realize like, oh, shit, I'm like watching tv. Like you're staying at the tv, but your body is so relaxed in bed and you can't, like, you don't even know what you're watching.

[Rory]

So this sounds like good sleep paralysis.

[Mal]

Yeah. No, no, this is. This was. This isn't the one where you think like, somebody snuck in in the middle of the night and drugs you.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Mal]

And is now like going through your house looking for your stuff.

[Damaris]

The Cosby paralysis or sitting out here Chest.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Is there much difference? Like, to try to cut out smoking but do edibles? Like, was that that excuse that I was like, you know, no more cognac, just wine. I'm still drinking.

[Mal]

Yeah, but it's not. As long as you're not a. It's not like an every night thing.

[Rory]

Got you. Okay.

[Mal]

I'm not taking these every night, but I took one last night and I was like, you know, took a shower, popped the edible. And then you start just like getting into that relaxed state. Your body is like, really, really, like, you know, some shit starts moving just a little bit. Not. You're not tripping.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Mal]

But things start kind of swaying a little bit.

[Rory]

Body high.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

As an avid weed smoker, is there a big difference between this new surge of shrooms? Like, when I was younger, you took shrooms to actually hallucinate.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Now they have the micro dose. The chocolates that I've taken, I'm like, this is not the shrooms that I remember. This is kind of more like weed to me.

[Mal]

Well, it's because of the microdosing thing. Like, you don't have to, like, you can take shrooms throughout the day to kind of keep you on a. A certain frequency. You don't have to just take like a bunch and just start tripping out. Like, I'm not really with that. Tripping out. Like, I don't really like that.

[Rory]

Have you done it, though?

[Mal]

Tripped out.

[Rory]

Like, fully tripped out.

[Mal]

Molly one time.

[Julian]

Yeah. You can't really trip on molly.

[Rory]

Yeah. That's just a good time. What I'm talking about, like, actually hallucinating.

[Mal]

I was panicking. I thought was coming to get me off the molly. I was.

[Rory]

That's just paranoia. Like, I think if you take enough molly, like, you have a real problem. Maybe you could start to hallucinate based off, like, not sleeping.

[Mal]

Yeah. I never took enough shrooms to. To trip, though. Thankfully. I don't like that. I don't. I don't want to trip out because then that is gonna scare me to never do it again. I'm never going back.

[Julian]

Like, I do a lot of shrooms and I just never. I don't want to get to the point where I'm tripping heavy.

[Mal]

That's not fun.

[Julian]

Take like a couple caps. That's good enough for me.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

I mean, as someone like the brain, I think I've, like, fully tripped three times. And the first time, when I was 15 or 14, I told the story. I took way too many. We went to the park, the cops Came. My friend said his birthday was on 9, 11. When we were up against the wall and they were searching us, I started laughing.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Told that story a million times going in this two other times. I had, like, strength in my brain to know what was coming. So it wasn't like a crazy paranoia. Your brain kind of meets you where your mind is at when you take them.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

If you go in paranoid, it's gonna go bad.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

If you go in being like, all right, I do have control. I'm ready to embrace this and have fun and have this journey. You'll be fine. So I think you guys should try it at least once to trip. To really trip in the right location. I'm not saying rush it. Like, go do this in the Lower east side. Go out in the desert.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Do it. Do it properly. But I really encourage you to try.

[Mal]

I don't think it's fun to trip out in the streets of Manhattan.

[Rory]

It's. It's ambitious.

[Mal]

Too many things pulling at your sensors. Like, there's lights, there's noise, there's a bunch of people. There's dogs every. Can we. Yo, what is this? Everybody has a dog. Like, when is the last time I did that, bro? Walking on the sidewalks. Everybody has a dog.

[Julian]

Eye everywhere.

[Mal]

I don't understand this. Like, everybody has a.

[Rory]

Well, our generation has kids later, gets married later. So dogs kind of fill that void once you're in your late 20s, early 30s. Like, I do want something, but I'm not ready for kids. And then covet. Everyone got lonely and had disposable income, so they were just creating breeds every other week.

[Mal]

What's the craziest thing you purchased during COVID Oh, craziest.

[Julian]

I don't. I don't know.

[Mal]

Not sex.

[Julian]

I would. I don't need to pay for that.

[Mal]

My bad. Yo. I forgot.

[Rory]

Crazy.

[Mal]

You know what? I saw you sitting there, but I forgot who I was talking.

[Julian]

First of all, none of us sitting there. Don't make this about me.

[Mal]

My bad, My bad.

[Julian]

I bought a bike. But that's not crazy. I just. I bought it.

[Rory]

Everybody bought the vaccine.

[Julian]

Yes.

[Rory]

Or was it covered? I can't remember.

[Julian]

I sold the vaccine.

[Rory]

I don't know if I had any crazy purchases during.

[Julian]

I didn't.

[Rory]

Oh, I mean, the X. I bought an Xbox and became a gamer for, like, a few weeks. That was, I think, as far as I took it.

[Damaris]

I just traveled a lot. I traveled the entire pandemic.

[Rory]

How.

[Mal]

Really?

[Rory]

So many people.

[Damaris]

I were so cheap.

[Julian]

Super spreader over here.

[Rory]

Yeah. So you were part of the problem.

[Julian]

She's a part of the problem.

[Mal]

Remember that? Remember the super spreader thing?

[Julian]

She was going to third world countries and coughing on people. I was talking about. I got my vaccine.

[Damaris]

I was traveling in America.

[Rory]

I will say I did do like a few LA trips when I was making the album during like the height of COVID I stayed at the London for like 75 bucks a night. Nobody was there.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Big ass.

[Mal]

Sweet.

[Rory]

They're like, yeah, just go wherever the you want.

[Damaris]

For real.

[Mal]

That was a good.

[Rory]

That was fun. It was fun, man.

[Mal]

I mean, aside from the people that lost their lives.

[Julian]

Not enough people, allegedly, if you ask me.

[Mal]

CDC keeps rolling back those numbers, but whatever.

[Rory]

What? You didn't purchase anything crazy?

[Mal]

I think a PlayStation.

[Julian]

You gaming is hilarious game together.

[Mal]

Played it twice, played it twice. And I don't know where it's at now.

[Rory]

That's funny.

[Mal]

Like have no idea.

[Damaris]

PS5 or a PS4.

[Mal]

Not a. The 5 wasn't out on.

[Julian]

I don't think it was out yet. Yeah, it wasn't out that.

[Rory]

I feel like you're not a gamer that you were so far behind. It's like PS2 still, right? That's what everyone's on. Bought a Sega, FIFA. What was the first gaming system you guys had as kids?

[Mal]

Either an Atari Nintendo 64. That was your damn. Y'all are young.

[Julian]

I had a Game Boy that was like the first gaming handheld device, but the first like system because my parents wouldn't get us the Nintendo 64. I had a Gamecube.

[Rory]

You look. You look like you would have a Gamecube too.

[Damaris]

Don't do that. I was addicted to Def Jam Vendetta on my GameCube Super Smash.

[Rory]

But it was on every other thing, too. It wasn't just a gamecube.

[Damaris]

I know, but I'm saying. But that's what I played on my game.

[Julian]

But Nintendo. GameCube's Nintendo. So they had Super Smash Brothers and all those. Like the racing games, too. The Mario Kart.

[Mal]

Y'all remember Neo Geo? I don't even remember that.

[Julian]

I know Rel does. Anytime. Mall says some old. I know y'all.

[Mal]

Y'all. Y'all don't know Neo Geo. You know what I'm saying?

[Julian]

Real.

[Mal]

They wasn't playing Neo Geo.

[Rory]

I was very privileged with my first one. I wanted Nintendo, but my dad went out and got me Sega cd. I don't think they made very many of them. It was like a thing that came and went. But SEGA made a video game console that like Was the first with discs. It was during the Nintendo time.

[Julian]

This joint.

[Rory]

Yes. SEGA cd. I was like. It didn't have the cartridge thing. It was legitimately just the disc. I. Yeah, I was very much. I was upper class at that point.

[Mal]

Oh.

[Rory]

Like y'all were still blowing into your cartridges.

[Mal]

You had to see.

[Rory]

I was on the. I was playing Mortal Kombat on a disc.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

I thought I was so fucking.

[Mal]

I used to really be a gamer at one point, though. Like, same. I had every game. I remember.

[Rory]

Fine gamer, though. When. When we were younger, I had everything played.

[Mal]

I had no. I had like. Well, yeah, but I had, like, five systems to do.

[Julian]

What am I, Wealth A game?

[Mal]

No, but I mean, once you have a Sega Genesis and then you get a Super Nintendo and then you get. You know, I'm saying, like, the fucking sega, not the sega. The. What's the one with the first Dreamcast?

[Rory]

Dreamcast.

[Damaris]

Oh, God, I wanted a dream.

[Mal]

Yeah. So once you start. Once you start, just collect. You look under the. Your console. You got like, five systems. You like. Damn.

[Rory]

Yeah, I guess. I mean, N64 was my. My favorite.

[Mal]

I think SEGA Dreamcast is underrated.

[Julian]

I play N64 the most now. A couple of my friends have it, so we'll. That's the only time I'll play video games. Is that 64? Yeah. We'll just around and do, like, Mario Kart or GoldenEye.

[Mal]

Y'all remember the Super Scope for Super Nintendo I never had to see.

[Julian]

Yeah, I know.

[Rory]

What's up. I know I didn't have it. I know what you're talking about.

[Mal]

Super Scope was the. That was my. I love the Super Scope. I actually went online looking for that, like, a few months ago. See if they.

[Julian]

Oh, my God.

[Rory]

It had bad tactics. I remember. I remember correctly.

[Mal]

That was it after you had to.

[Rory]

Be a real professional sniper because it was a delay.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

I don't know if they're accounting for wind.

[Mal]

The Super Scope was my.

[Julian]

You think if kids had this now, they wouldn't go to schools?

[Rory]

No, I think it might encourage them more to.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

And they can actually, like, purchase real scopes.

[Damaris]

What was the one with the. With the. Nintendo used to have to shoot the ducks. What was that?

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

My God brothers had Duck Hunter and had, like, a wall in their basement that they could actually do it properly. Like the commercial.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Oh, my God. I would just, like, show up at their house unannounced.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

And just go downstairs and play Duck Hunter.

[Mal]

You ever realize who was autistic when you were younger? Like, your friends. Like, as you get older, you realize what autism is.

[Damaris]

Yeah. Oh, he was autistic. Yeah, for sure.

[Mal]

Yo. This kid I went to school with, went to his house on, like, one Saturday. Was, like, going to his house to hang out. Like, we was close friends in grade school.

[Julian]

He had trains everywhere.

[Mal]

He literally had every Nintendo game in his basement. Every single game in alphabetical order.

[Rory]

My parents had just screaming at him to stop cleaning his room.

[Mal]

Yo, it was the crazy. I've never seen nothing like this. Like, I went in this basement, and it was just like, yo, who are you? Like, I feel like we go to school, but that was my first time going to his house, going to his basement. We about to play, yo, every single Nintendo game, and it was stacked up on a bookshelf in alphabetical order. Didn't know what that was. Thought, oh, he's just neat. You know, moms make. Mom makes him clean up. That's autism 100%. I've never seen nothing like every single. Imagine going in your friend's room and he has every single Nintendo game. You don't know what to play. Soon as you die, you like, yo, fuck this. Playing another one as soon as you.

[Rory]

Can conveniently find the next game. Did you ever put it back in wrong order?

[Mal]

I know I did one time, and he paused to get. This is how I know it was autism. I put it back in the wrong place.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Mal]

No, I put it back in the wrong place. We were playing the game. He paused it to go put it in the. In the. In his. In the right place. That's autism.

[Rory]

And you were, like, looking for the violin.

[Mal]

Me?

[Rory]

Because that was the only tell sign, I think, when you were coming up, oh, if he plays cello, he's autistic. At that point, organization hadn't reached the doctors yet with that.

[Mal]

A cello. Who plays a cello?

[Rory]

Autistic people. And they're great at it. They're fucking amazing. They make the most beautiful music.

[Mal]

Oh, man.

[Rory]

That in bi. Like, bipolar, I guess, hits in your early 20s severely if you don't have it when you're younger. One of my friends, we just always thought he was weird and high all through high school. And then he went to Drexel for college and had, like, a complete meltdown. And I got that. That call when I was in college. Like, yo, you heard about Brendan? Mental institution now. I was like, I always just thought he was high. Maybe we should have, like, looked into some of those signs before. I, like, even down to the organization thing. Do you think his parents knew in the Bronx that he was autistic.

[Mal]

I think the parents knew. I don't think that they told like. Like his.

[Julian]

Yeah, because that was the thing at the time. Like you could have the diagnosis, but then there was the whole thing about hiding it.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Julian]

From like your peers and the teachers and. Which is weird, but was a thing for a while.

[Rory]

And would it feel like weird is I guess a parent even back then to like let me just go double check my kids. Not autistic or bipolar. I know those are two obviously separate things, but just saying within the mental health space as a parent, if you don't know the signs, like you're not just going to bring your kid on a cold call like doc, figure out if there's something up that's going to happen when he's 23, give him a.

[Julian]

Bunch of candy and watch him organize it. Just leave them in a room full of candy and I'll see what happens.

[Rory]

We had one autistic kid at my.

[Julian]

Separates a skittle by color that you.

[Rory]

Could give him any date. You'd be like March 12, 1956. And he would tell you the exact day of the week it was. And that was just like. That just spread around school. I don't know who figured it out. Like, how do you find that out? Did his parents just bring up a date and he was like, Tuesday? And then they did some more experiments.

[Mal]

Didn't Chrissy. Didn't Chris. Chrissy D. Do that? When we, when we went on his show.

[Julian]

Oh my God. He blurred out a date.

[Mal]

It was like, yo, that's like today. Like what do you.

[Rory]

And I was telling him his name was Z Man. I don't know what his real name was. I don't know if it was up that we gave him a nickname. But Z Man was the autistic kid and we would just ask him random dates. And then there was also a little person. Can't say.

[Mal]

Is that offensive? I always know what they mean. By now.

[Rory]

There was a Mexican that was easily 35 years older.

[Mal]

I think that's like, nah, that's the Mexican part.

[Rory]

No, I'm not exaggerating on this at all. His name was Pablo. I know this sounds like a awful.

[Mal]

Of course his name was Pablo.

[Rory]

It sounds like an awful bit. But that's how 100% Pablo. He was easily 35, big ass mustache, the most stereotypical like Mexican picture of a Mexican. And he was a little person. And he had been at school for, I don't know, like 10 years at that point. And he was the horniest little you'd ever meet in your life. He'd pull his dick out in the hallway at lunch and everyone would just laugh. Like, I guess it was just a different time now.

[Mal]

Like he was a grown man when he did that.

[Rory]

Grown at.

[Damaris]

Was it like a.

[Rory]

In his 30s? For sure.

[Damaris]

Was the dick.

[Rory]

I guess if we're going off the proportion of his body, he. He was packing something.

[Mal]

That's sick.

[Damaris]

I just want to know if it was like regular side. Like if they had like regular sized dicks or if everything was small.

[Mal]

Well, you know, you know, you know grown men have nuts. Yeah.

[Julian]

But it could.

[Rory]

He was mentally challenged little person, Mexican named Pablo that would pull his dick out at any point and jerk off in front of girls.

[Julian]

Yes.

[Rory]

Looking back now, I cannot what's taking.

[Mal]

Place at this in Queens in school.

[Damaris]

He need to be in jail.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

He was working in school. I'm. I'm underselling what he would do at any point if he would. He would go to all four lunches.

[Julian]

He's like Drake on the fl.

[Rory]

And he would just jerk off every. It wasn't like a. Yo, the pep rally's coming. He's going to jerk off every day. You would see his dick like clockwork. Yeah.

[Mal]

He knew what time like.

[Rory]

And I mean you also have a bunch of high school kids laughing and like Molly thinking it's crazy. So that encouraged him even more. But in retrospect, like he used to just pull his dick out in front of teenage girls and jerk off in front of them and laugh and then run away.

[Mal]

It's because. It's because he was a little person that they were now.

[Julian]

Or was it because he was mentally.

[Mal]

He was 6 3. But if he was 63 and he was just pulling out, jerking off, he would have been in jail a long time.

[Rory]

And is it an excuse too because like Z Man wasn't doing that. He was just pumping out dates for us.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

I think it was a him problem. I don't think we can just blame that all on being mentally challenged. I just think you were. You were the rapey version of mentally challenged people.

[Mal]

It was a guy on my block that he could tell what type of car it was just by the sound of the car driving by.

[Damaris]

That's cool.

[Mal]

That was crazy.

[Julian]

Or mechanic.

[Mal]

Like he knew everything about a car. I was just like, how do you know it was info again? You grow up with kids, you don't. You know me. They have little things that. That's weird about them. But you don't know what it is. He would hear a car and be like, oh, that's a. The new camera.

[Julian]

Tesla's must have him up.

[Mal]

Well, yeah.

[Julian]

I just hear wheels.

[Mal]

I just hear. I just hear a machine. I don't hear anything. I don't know what it is.

[Rory]

I'm gonna hit. My man, you. But you buy your yearbook.

[Mal]

Yo, send a picture.

[Rory]

About your yearbook. By chance, can you buy their yearbook photo?

[Mal]

No one has ever just been by their yearbook.

[Damaris]

That is his.

[Mal]

I want to know what do you.

[Julian]

Think Pablo's senior quote was?

[Damaris]

He was never, never graduated. That's something.

[Rory]

So like, I think he was like permanently in the junior class of the yearbook every year because he, he never. Because, you know, seniors, they'll sometimes give like a better portion. Your senior photo. And yeah, then the rest of us get the same shit with the background when we were like this. Yeah, I think they just kept Pablo at junior year. I don't remember a senior photo for him. And when I was a freshman, he was there. Yeah, When I graduated, he was still.

[Julian]

It's one of those flip books where you start on page one, it's just him in the cafeteria. And as you flip his pants, just get lower and lower and then you just. And then you. And then the last shot as you pan out, it's him in front of the entire cafeteria holding his dick. And it's like, congrats, Pablo, on graduating.

[Mal]

I don't think that's how it goes.

[Rory]

I don't. But I know it was a different time, and I do think that's an excuse sometimes. No adult in that school was like, can we not have him do this?

[Mal]

Wait, the adults knew he was doing that? Yes. Okay, that's crazy. I thought he was just doing that in front of the kids. That's.

[Rory]

No, he wasn't like cornering people in like a dark room. It was in the cafeteria, in the hallway.

[Mal]

A little person cornering you in a dark room and, and just backing out on you.

[Rory]

Crazy.

[Mal]

Because you don't know whether to kick it. Like, what do you do?

[Rory]

But I'm sure there's some girls that are traumatized because going to high school in general, some girls that did some other things a very, you know, freshman year, first week. That's a big transition for a lot of people. Especially public high school where it's a lot of kids. It's may not be people you went to junior high, middle school with. Whole new world. You walk in and then this kid just pulls his dick out.

[Mal]

Crazy. Shout out, Pablo, no, no, we're not shouting out.

[Julian]

Why not?

[Mal]

If you know where Pablo is at, please go call the police and have him arrested.

[Rory]

Yeah, I feel like he needed some talking, too. Whatever therapist that I guess was teaching that class needs to be fired, because that's nuts.

[Mal]

Insane.

[Rory]

How's everyone's mental health? We haven't done a mental health check in in a while.

[Mal]

Oh, God. Yeah, we haven't. I'm pretty good. Pretty, Pretty even kill right now.

[Rory]

Have you ever not been even killed?

[Julian]

Yeah. For real?

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Julian]

Do a montage of all of our mental health. Check in.

[Rory]

Yes. One side to side.

[Mal]

Oh, yeah, man. Some days where I'm just like, don't want to get out of bed, don't want to wash my ass, don't want to brush my teeth, don't want to do. You never had those days in marriage.

[Rory]

It's called depression.

[Damaris]

I just never thought you would admit to having them.

[Mal]

Yeah. What? I'm not human? Like, we don't. We don't have. We don't all have, like, bad days.

[Rory]

That's what we've been trying to explain to you for years.

[Mal]

Of course I have bad days. I've talked about a lot of my bad days.

[Damaris]

Like I said, bad bitches have bad days, too, Mom.

[Mal]

Who?

[Damaris]

Megan. Bad bitches have bad days, too.

[Mal]

Especially when they got to take that makeup off. It gets tough.

[Julian]

Is that like a daily activity?

[Mal]

Yeah, exactly. That's when they get depressed, when they had to.

[Julian]

Makeup is so expensive. What a ruse. Man, they really got you guys, Speaking.

[Mal]

Of makeup, I've seen Rihanna's opening a Fenty Beauty in China, which means she's about to make another $2 billion or something like that. Probably more.

[Julian]

Nice.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

She might own that country by the end of the time.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

So everyone's mental health is exactly the same. All right, cool.

[Damaris]

I'm actually doing a lot better.

[Rory]

I thought your quietness, I thought was a tell. No, that's what I was trying to do.

[Mal]

When they don't want to talk about.

[Rory]

It, they're like, all right, I'd rather not.

[Damaris]

He was making fun of them all.

[Rory]

But then sometimes it's like that. That quietness is like, someone ask me.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Ask me directly if I'm okay.

[Mal]

Someone asked me if I'm okay.

[Rory]

Yeah, now that you mention it. How are you?

[Damaris]

I'm doing better. I'm doing really good.

[Julian]

Yeah. So anyway, I know you've had some.

[Rory]

Some feelings with the 20s to 30s.

[Damaris]

Some feelings. Yeah. But outside of that, outside of my birthday, I'm actually Feeling pretty good. I think it's the going to the gym and, like, eating better thing. I guess it really does help.

[Julian]

It's a big thing.

[Damaris]

Yeah.

[Rory]

So. So do you think you'll leave people in. In your 20s?

[Damaris]

No, I feel like I've. I feel like you should have gotten that done by, like, 25. There's no reason you're going into 30. Or like, when people say leaving people in the past year, like, damn, if you did it right the past couple years, you wouldn't have to do that every year. Like, the people in my life are good. I'm good.

[Rory]

I was. I was always on that side. I always find it weird. Like, New Year, new me.

[Mal]

Like, it's the same.

[Rory]

If you're a shitty person, then the. The time change isn't going to.

[Mal]

Yeah, that's not what changes it.

[Rory]

But I don't know if that's what helps you. Like, maybe you need that one point. Like, my 30th birthday, everyone else. That was fucked up out of here. Like, I can pick a day.

[Mal]

It's funny.

[Rory]

Strategy works for people.

[Julian]

It's funny you mentioned that, because I was going. I was shuffling through voicemails the last few days, and someone left a voicemail that reminded me of that. In terms of setting boundaries and importantly, with people that you love that are in your life, but as you become older and you, you know, move into a new apartment or get new things and you're kind of becoming an individual, how do you respect and love those people but also be like, this is my space. I need to be alone. So I kind of wanted to share this one. And I know it's early in the episode, but this conversation just directly reminds me of that. Can I play for you guys?

[Rory]

I would love to hear it.

[Mal]

All right. Please do.

[Rory]

All right.

[Mal]

What's good, y'all?

[Rory]

Was not expecting a guy.

[Mal]

I'm just calling in to tell you all that I really appreciate the pod. I've been listening to it for a while now, and I think you guys are great. Keep doing what you're doing. Thank you, Will.

[Rory]

Main reason for calling y'all, it's anonymous.

[Mal]

I finally got my first, and I'm figuring out how I want to furnish this thing. And I saw something on the pod a while back. I think on one of the Patreon episodes, y'all had some beanbags, and it came with a beanbag ottoman. I thought that was fire, so I wanted to see where y'all got that. Another thing is with the boundaries comes setting new boundaries. For my family. So I don't really have the best relationship with my mom and my sister. You know, you know, we like this. We're tight. You know, it's. I love them to death, but they can be a bit much. And, you know, man, and I'm trying to get in this new apartment and make it my own, and I kind of need to set a boundaries. So what would y'all do in a situation where your boundaries keep getting tested? All right, thank you all.

[Julian]

You have a good one.

[Mal]

Peace. What do you do when your boundaries keep getting tested? I'm assuming by family and friends that always want to come over is what his question was.

[Julian]

Yeah, I'm assuming he must have lived with his parents or at least somewhere where they felt more comfortable just easily coming or, like, being accessible and, like, more in his life. And now with his own space, he's like, chill, this is my apartment. When I want you here, come here. If not, I need my time alone.

[Mal]

I think it's just. I think that's. That's it right there. You just let your family and friends know, like, you know, like, no, I'm not, you know, I don't want a bunch of people in my space or, you know, I'm trying things differently. You know, this is my sanctuary. This is where I clear my head after work or whatever. Like, you know, I mean, you gotta set. You have to set those boundaries. I think it's healthy to set those boundaries. It can come across a little fucked up to family and friends sometimes, but I think if you just let em know, like, you know, sometimes come over, but then at times, like, nah, I don't want no company in my house. I think that's okay to have that in place for your own mental health.

[Rory]

I'm looking for your answers because I very well could have done this exact voicemail. I'm so fucking bad with boundaries. With my family. Yeah, I let my family steamroll me. My house is open to anyone whenever the they want, even if I don't want them there. Anything to do with family boundaries, money, time, resources, anything is on the table. I am a with my family, and I can't stand it. Yeah, I've went, I've talked with multiple therapists about it. Every time I try to put my foot down, I get the, you know, the Irish mother guilt of what do you hate me? Like, what. What about family? And I buckle every single time. Like, then add in a kid. It's like, can't deprive my family of seeing the newest person in Our like, yeah, I'm so bad at this. I have no advice for you. If you figure it out, can you call back?

[Mal]

Give me advice for me?

[Rory]

And then I feel like anytime I go back to therapy and they're like, so how to go this week with what we talked about with boundaries? I'm like, yeah, no, I did what we talked about and didn't work.

[Mal]

Family still there?

[Rory]

My mom must have a better therapist because she sees through all this bullshit and finds her way every single time.

[Mal]

I think that. I mean, because I think the older you get, it's easier to set those boundaries. I think when you're younger, it's like, you know, especially if it's like, your first new apartment and, you know, your family wants to see, like, you know, your space and how you doing? Checking up on you. Friends want to come over. Like, now you got your own spot. We can be here all night if we want. We could crash here. You got to set those boundaries, man, because people will just find a way to fucking abuse it. And, you know, especially when they know that you have a tough time telling them no. People can sense that. Like, they feel that they know. Like, oh, he's not gonna say no. And then the first time you do say no, that shit cuts like a knife. Like, oh, shit. Like, he said, I can't come over. Like, he said, I can't spend a night. Like, yeah, no. Like, I haven't. But I think it gets easier if you have, like. If you have, like, a relationship.

[Julian]

I think it's kind of said he's not the closest with them, even though they're still pushing up on his personal space.

[Mal]

Yeah, but if he. That's. To me, that's. If you're not as close with your family, that's easier to set those boundaries. Like, we. Not like that. Like, why y'all trying to be at my house? Like, no, we can go somewhere. We can go. Go eat or something like that. Hang out outside. But you're not coming in my house.

[Damaris]

I mean, I get what you're saying, Ma, but I think when the relationship isn't super close, it is a little bit tougher. Like, if I was to say, don't.

[Mal]

Come to my house.

[Damaris]

Yes. Because you're. When you're super close with your family, you don't have. No. Like, you have no problem cussing your twin out and going off on her and say. Or whatever. Like, girl. No, but like, somebody who you're close to but not super. Like, it's like, oh, yeah, we love each other. But we're not. You kind of tiptoe around them a little bit more, whereas with your super close siblings, you're like, girl, fudge. You know, leave me alone. I won't be bothered. But you wouldn't talk. Like that was it for me.

[Mal]

Like, if I'm close to my family, it's hard for me to tell them no. Like, that's hard. You know what I mean? But if it's like, you have that cousin that you don't really talk to, maybe once every seven, eight months. No, you not coming to my house. Like, I don't even know. You could be on the run right now. You could have snitched on some niggas in the last eight months, and they looking for you. Like, you're not coming in here.

[Rory]

Like, I love that. That's where your mind goes.

[Julian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mal]

Cause you don't know. If you don't see somebody for a.

[Rory]

While, it's like, they had to have snitched, right?

[Mal]

No, not that they had to have snitched, but you just don't know. You just don't know what they got going on. Like, if I haven't seen you in three years, you know how much shit you could have done in three years and gotten into? I don't know who you are. Like, you're not coming in my house.

[Rory]

I just think if you're raised kind of to what Damaris said, if you're raised in a household where things never get resolved, like, you beef with each other and then move on to the next day like nothing happened. Because we're family and we love each other, and things are never addressed or resolved, that sets a tone where even if you don't feel comfortable with them around or want to express that, hey, I just. This isn't the right time for me. That. That doesn't even exist in that type of family. We could be beefing. It's like, yeah, I'm still coming over. We're family. I'm still. I'm still living here for the next month. Yeah, we're family, Rory.

[Damaris]

Okay. Huh?

[Mal]

Yeah. Like he.

[Rory]

Oh, no, I said.

[Mal]

You can tell he got that off in the mirror before. Like, that Sound like a monologue.

[Damaris]

My advice to you is that if you're uncomfortable every single time that they are there. The what? The feeling. By not setting boundaries, you're trying to avoid the feeling in the shame of, like, letting them down or that awkward uncomfortableness that comes with that conversation. But you only got to have that conversation once or twice. And then the boundary is set and you're done with that discomfort. Whereas if you keep letting them walk all over you and not saying anything, then you're uncomfortable multiple times until. For the rest of your life, until you set that boundary. So do you want to be uncomfortable, really, really uncomfortable one or two times or uncomfortable for the remainder of your relationship? Because you won't set a boundary.

[Julian]

Do they live in the same city? I'm wondering if this is, like, a case of that he just got an apartment in the city that his sister and mom live in. I'm trying to, like, think of this logistically, because if it's about them being in your personal space, then, like, find a coffee shop or, like, a bookstore or somewhere that you can meet. Take that, like, hour, two hours, have your time there together, and then be like, all right, I'm going back to my place. I want to be in my space alone. If it's really about them being in your space, just find somewhere that can be, like, the meetup spot.

[Damaris]

And if they do come to your space without your permission or after you set a boundary, you got to make people uncomfortable.

[Julian]

They don't need the key.

[Damaris]

You have to make people uncomfortable. People come to my house, and I. I come up after them with, like, cleaning wipes. I put. I pick glasses up, put coasters down. I'm cleaning up around. I'm going to make you extremely uncomfortable until you get, like, you want to.

[Mal]

Leave until you, like, I'm never going over there.

[Damaris]

Yeah, exactly.

[Rory]

What happens if they already have a key and know the garage code and know the back?

[Julian]

You got to buy another house, Rory.

[Damaris]

You need to chase that, not tell.

[Julian]

Anybody where it is.

[Mal]

Simple. See what I do? Yeah.

[Julian]

Look at mall. We still. We. Mall's moved how many times? We don't even know where the old place.

[Rory]

My mom will find. Find a way to guilt trip me to give her the new address. Her. Her most recent one.

[Julian]

Your current home has to be the decoy home.

[Mal]

You don't love your mom. Yes, I love you mom.

[Rory]

That. That. That's 101.

[Mal]

Yeah, that's.

[Rory]

That's illmatic. Like, that one. That's a classic. We've been through that. It's celebrated its 25th year. Like, that's. That's whatever her newest one is telling me about her best friend's son, who I know, who's a good guy. I like him a lot. Just how amazing he is. He. He just had a daughter maybe like a year before Mar was born, and just tells me how amazing his relationship is with his mom and the daughter and the grandma and how they all live in this amazing house. Like, that's all she does to try to guilt trip me because the direction isn't working. It's like Machiavelli.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

I would literally ignore her.

[Julian]

Every parent tried. My mom used to try to do, like, that about, like, when we were in high school, compare, oh, so and so's, you know, studying so hard and going to this school, I'm like, good for them. I'm not that person. Yeah, I hate that. My mom, we. We've talked it out.

[Mal]

We're good.

[Julian]

But, like, that was, like, always a thing for a while.

[Rory]

It just. It does get a little, like, demeaning and hurtful when it's like, you're not a piece of. Like, if I was, like, some bum on her couch and was like, oh, look, so and so's son is getting his masters, like, I could see that strategy to, like, try to motivate you. Like, you're on my couch. Like, look what people you grew up with are doing. I'm not a bum. Stop telling me how successful everyone else is just because they have a better relationship with their mother. Maybe you should look in the mirror.

[Mal]

Yeah, maybe it's you.

[Rory]

Maybe you should be more like that mom, and I shouldn't be more like that son.

[Mal]

Exactly.

[Rory]

Did you ever think of it that way, Mom?

[Mal]

And they never can't say that. No flipping.

[Damaris]

Why can't you say that?

[Julian]

All right, clip it.

[Damaris]

Why can't you say that?

[Rory]

Because I know my mom, and it's like, she's at the age where it's. It's over.

[Damaris]

Like, there's no development happening.

[Rory]

Yeah. She's not, like, one day gonna be like, you know what? I think you and I should go to therapy together and, like, really work on our issues. She's setting her ways. It's gonna be that way. So I have to adjust for my own peace to get around that.

[Mal]

That's exactly.

[Damaris]

You're not at peace because she won't leave your abode. So, like, you need to.

[Rory]

But making peace with that will bring me peace rather than try to change her, because that'll never happen and just make me more insane. So, you know, I say those comments to my therapist, and I get them off my chest.

[Mal]

It's interesting, like, getting older, like, and then seeing the dynamic of the relationship between you and your parents. Like, it's an interesting thing. Like, me and my mom have always been, like, super close. But, like, the older I get, the more I'm Noticing like my mom's in this phase of she still, no matter what, she still looks at me like I'm her baby. And I'm just like, she be saying things like, yeah, did you eat? Did you? I'm like, yes, I ate. I'm a grown man. Like, what do you mean that I eat? Yes, I ate. But you gotta understand that parents just, you know, especially depending on relationship, maybe they feel like it was some things that they didn't get to do when you were younger or time they didn't get to spend or, you know, they replaced certain scenarios in their head and they see that their baby is now out in the world doing their own thing and traveling and, you know, making a living for themselves. And they feel kind of like a disconnection maybe where it's like, maybe you don't see your parents as much as you used to. You don't go to your parents house as much as you used to. And I think that they try to hold on by any means. Like, so then they'll throw things in there to remind you of like your childhood. Like, remember, like you always said, no matter what, you always be mama's baby. And it's like, yeah, that's like I.

[Julian]

Was five when I said that.

[Mal]

Yeah, like that's a baby.

[Rory]

That was mama's.

[Julian]

I don't even remember saying that. Yeah, that's how long ago that was.

[Mal]

Yeah, it's like, oh, yeah, I'm always going to be, you know, like, like your son. But it's like I have a life like, you know what I mean? Sometimes. But you gotta understand, it's hard for parents like to accept that their children are now grown and have their own lives.

[Damaris]

Like, especially you're gonna have their own. Especially if they don't have their own life. And when I say their own life, I mean hobbies and things that keep them active and distracted. Yeah, because when my mother is out with her friends and shit like that.

[Mal]

She don't give up, she don't take think about me.

[Damaris]

But any other day she calling me every literally once a day. Yeah, like, what you doing? What did you eat? I just had a chicken tender, it was great. I'm like, okay, mom. Like, she sends me pictures of herself. I'm like, mom, I know what you look like. I have not forgotten what you look like.

[Mal]

Yeah, like, but, but that's parents for you, man. Like, you know, you just gotta understand, like I'm, I'm feeling that with my nephew. He just turned 8 and I could already feel like him now developing into his own little person. Person. And got his friends. And it's like, used to call me every day, FaceTime me every day. Now I gotta FaceTime him. Like, like, yo, what's up with you? Like, you all right? He don't pay me no mind. Like, even if he's on the phone, he's doing something.

[Rory]

And I can empathize with that. But it's like, to the point of you saying your mom tells you you'll always be her baby, that also means she's always the parent. And you have to adjust to what your kid is doing. You're a parent.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

So if that never stops, then the parenting can never stop. And you need to adjust to what's going on in my life. You're my parent. You're the one person that should have to adjust to anything that I'm doing, no matter what.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

And I can see, of course, how that would suck. And I'm sure, you know, once Amara gets old and doesn't want to hang out with me as much, it's going to be fudgeing. Devastating. I'm going to do stupid shit like, text her, like, a selfie, like, hey, remember your dad? I know. I'm going to do that shit, too. But still, as the parent, we're gonna.

[Julian]

Text you that slide video.

[Mal]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Julian]

Remember this day.

[Rory]

No, I do think as. As a kid, God willing, if your parents make it to a certain age, it is your responsibility to take care of your parents. But while they are able, they are still your parent, and they need to give you that grace as their. As a parent.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

We're not friends with your parents. Yes, but that's not. It's parent and then friend. Yeah, we're not friends over parents. So I. I don't owe you the exact same thing. You actually owe me some understanding. You're my parent. Yeah, I know one. We are not afforded any luxury of understanding out in the world. We should get it from our family. So. Yeah, you still have to be a parent. Even if I'm grown and you're older, you still have to parent.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Don't call me. I'll always be your baby if you're not still a parent.

[Damaris]

And a lot of. A lot of parents weren't parenting in that. Like, you weren't my emotional support animal when I was a kid. And now that I'm an adult, you need an emotional support animal, and you need it to be me. We didn't. That was not our relationship when we were. When I was younger. Don't try to make that our relationship when I'm older. That's a relationship that has to start from the very beginning. I'm not talking about all everybody's relationship with their parents because some people do have healthy relationships with their parents. But speaking for me, my mother is like, well why don't you need me like her. Like that's her thing. Like she, you don't need me all the time. And it's like yeah, but when I did need you, you weren't there. So like now it's like I've, I'm super independent. I know how to handle my emotions well.

[Mal]

That's why she's trying to be there now.

[Damaris]

Yeah.

[Mal]

She probably feel like at one point she wasn't.

[Damaris]

I learned how to self soothe and.

[Mal]

That'S parents, you know, that's parents guilt like you know. But I'm, I'm grateful for the relationship that I have with my parents. Like because I see some people's relationship with their parents and I'm like I haven't talked to your mom and years.

[Rory]

Same in no way am I doing like look at me. I, I, yeah, I could, I never want to sound that way. I'm privileged and had a good childhood. Of course my parents are not perfect. We went through our, we go through nobody's perfect. But yeah, no I'm. If we're going down that route.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

I'm, I'm bro. I see some people never imagine some of my friends what they went through with lack of parents and parents that I. Yeah. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Just having a conversation based off boundaries because I have the privilege of having both my parents in my life which I fully appreciate and feel blessed to have. And that's probably also why I cave a lot within shit.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

It's like do I especially my parents getting older. The amount of deaths in the last two years that have happened with my family and like surrounding friends. Like I'm watching my cousins lose their parent. Like this shit is same tough.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

So that's also probably why I give in a lot too because it's like.

[Mal]

And then you realize like man listen man, life is, life is short.

[Rory]

It's not like they snitched. Yeah. Like they, you can come in the.

[Mal]

House, you ain't got a rico. Like it's okay. You come in, come chill man.

[Julian]

Yeah. I think a lot of it is like just remembering for the most part at least like the intentions from your parents are like pure. They're doing it because they care. The delivery might not be the best.

[Mal]

But they love you. It's your.

[Julian]

Yeah.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Julian]

Sometimes how they say, yeah, it's not the best, they mean well.

[Mal]

Yeah. Sometimes how they convey it is a little, like, yeah. Awkward. But it's like, at the. At the core, it's love. And.

[Julian]

Yeah. And whereas when I was younger and say, like, my mom would, you know, constantly. You know, when a parent is so transfixed on you doing one specific thing that they'll just say it a hundred times, and then I'll get to that. I'll snap and be like, shut up.

[Mal]

I got it.

[Julian]

And then it's like, okay, the younger me would do that. But now I'm saying it, but just in a better way now.

[Mal]

Exactly.

[Julian]

Or I'll just do the thing and text my mom, like, hey, by the way, got this done.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Julian]

Just ease your nerves.

[Mal]

Just. Just relax.

[Rory]

Yeah. Can I ask you guys a question? You have half siblings, too, right?

[Damaris]

Yes.

[Rory]

So, yeah, I'm not. We're not here without half siblings, but everyone here has half brothers and half sisters. Is the relate. What is the relationship like, and how does that work as being a sibling? If you may have a great relationship with your pops, but another sibling doesn't? Like, how does that. I'm just. As an only child, I've always been curious about this black household.

[Julian]

Horrible.

[Mal]

Yeah. It's.

[Rory]

Why was it making it a race thing?

[Julian]

No, but it's difficult.

[Mal]

It's difficult to kind of, like, navigate through that. But I think, like, kind of like this conversation, you just reassure, like, yo, listen, man, you know, we don't. We're not gonna have dad forever. We're not gonna have mom forever. Like, yeah, maybe they didn't get it right, but remember, they were just young, trying to figure it out, too. Like, you know, no parent is going to get it right all the time.

[Rory]

But if you guys get same experiences.

[Julian]

Yeah, but to Rory's point, which side of the token were you? Like, because my two older brothers are my half brothers, and they were my dad's first crack at, like, marriage in a household that failed.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Julian]

I'm the family. I'm the result of the one with me and my brother with me, Kendall and I, that he figured it out. So those two. Two sides of the coin, it's like, are you the half that didn't work out with the marriage? Are you the half did.

[Mal]

I definitely didn't work out.

[Julian]

So you were on the not workout.

[Rory]

Are you the Bruce Jenner family or the Bruce Kardashian Family.

[Mal]

I don't get kind of weird.

[Rory]

Well, Bruce Jenner ran from his original family and then raised 10 kids.

[Mal]

Oh yeah, no, no, that weren't his. Like, my dad was just, you know, battling addiction in and out of prison. So none of us really had like 100% dad like around. Like he was, you know, in and out of the system and you know, dealing with his addiction and his, and his mental health and things like that. But as we got older, we started to develop that bond. Dad was around more and you could see him actively trying to make up for the times he wasn't around. But you know, like I tell, you know, me and my brother was talking a few years ago and it was like, you gotta just tell him, like, yo, pop, you don't gotta try to make up for that. Like, it's okay. Like, we're here now, we all have a healthy relationship now. Let's just keep building on that. Don't try to make up for the mishaps in the past. But I think as long as everybody is open minded and willing to get to a place of understanding, forgiveness, love, respect, I think it's pretty easy to navigate. But you have to be at that point of forgiveness and not harboring on shit. You know, you weren't around and you weren't at my first game and it's like he wasn't at none of our first games. Like, what are we talking about?

[Rory]

But you, I mean, you guys sound very mature in that. I think you guys are kind of an exception to that situation.

[Mal]

But no, would you know what he was saying?

[Damaris]

If he wasn't there for any of you, then one of y'all can't be upset with each other. Like, for example, I was, me and my little sister were the kids where like, we were like, my dad's like, crack at like really, really raising like a family. So there at before me and my older siblings relationship developed and we created a stronger bond. I am a certified daddy's girl. When you didn't have your dad to be that to you, hearing your younger siblings say, oh, she's a daddy's girl. Oh, she's this, this and that. It can cause resentment in the eye roll. Like, oh yeah, he's the greatest dad ever. He wasn't a great dad to me.

[Mal]

But that's why I said, you got to be at that point, that place of forgiveness, maturity, understanding. Like, I think we're just all at that place where it's like, pop, it's cool, like, we not tripping, you know.

[Julian]

What I'm saying it doesn't happen with everybody.

[Mal]

It doesn't. Trust me. I know. I got friends that to this day still hate their parents. But you have to get to that place of forgiveness and just understand, like, yo, like, when we're born, we just feel like. Because we just know our parents have always been as. Always being our parents. You don't realize, like, yo, they were teenagers at one point. They were trying to figure out life. They were partying. They were trying to, like, have fun. Like, they were trying to figure shit out. Like, and then add drug addiction into that. It's like, as you become an adult and you out in the world and you start looking around, like, just look at some of the friends that you went to school with and where they at in their lives now. It's like, you understand. Like, damn. Like, we was all just in high school now. Like, this dude is strung out. This dude is dead. This dude got five kids by four different women. Like, you start realizing, like, oh, shit, this is what our parents went through. Like, we are now what our parents were doing, like, or what they were going through and learning what they were learning. Like, so I can't. You can't put so much, you know, weight on your parents of you weren't there. It's like, they may have tried, but then they were human and they were young and they was trying to figure out. And then they got arrested. And, you know, it's like, shit, life happens. And having kids and trying to navigate it is not as easy as people make it out to be. It's like, give some grace to your parents for damn. Like, okay, I understand, but only if you know that your parents genuinely are at a place of, like, damn, I see where I. Now if your parents are still like, well, look, y'all turned out all right. Like, it's like, yeah, but that's not the energy to have, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, you can't. You can't do that. But I am grateful that in a lot of ways that my dad did have a bunch of kids. Because family is so big now. I have a bunch of nieces and nephews that are doing beautiful things. I have a bunch of brothers and sisters that are doing things. And it's like, I get it now. Now I understand it. Like, selfishly, you wanted your parent to be there all the time. But it's like, as you become a adult, you're like, oh, this is pretty cool. Like, I got a brother that lives in Arizona. I got a brother that Live in Florida. I got sister that live in Texas. I got. You know what I'm saying? So you start. I got nieces and nephews all over the map, and they're doing good things and everybody is, you know, striving. It's like, I can't be mad. Like, what exactly would I be mad at?

[Damaris]

Did your mom ever keep you from.

[Mal]

Absolutely.

[Damaris]

Your other siblings?

[Mal]

Oh, no, no, no. Not my siblings. My dad at one point, yes. But only because he was still. Yeah, he was a bad addiction and shit like that.

[Damaris]

But, like, I know sometimes, like, when it comes to, like, the baby mamas, they don't fuck around with each other. It's like, oh, I mean, it.

[Mal]

Was it some of that, you know, when I was young. Now looking back, I could. I know it was some of that. But once we reached a certain age, that energy wasn't. It wasn't gone. My mother was always on the side of, if you want that relationship, then go have that relationship. Build that relationship. She never kept me from it. She, you know, hid certain things for me that she didn't want me to see. You know what I mean? Just because I was young and she, you know, you're just not at an age where that's the type of things you should be exposed to. But as I got older, my mom was 100%, like, champion in building a relationship with my dad and my siblings.

[Damaris]

Like, 100% a relationship with any of your siblings that aren't hers.

[Mal]

Absolutely. My mom got. My mom got one of my brother's job that he still currently has, and he's probably had that job for, like, 20 years, and my mom got him that job. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's like, things like that. It's like, yo, we family. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, no matter what, like, yo, we family, bro. Like, the way it happened, maybe, you know, selfishly, you wanted things to go a different way. It didn't go that way. So what are we gonna do, Just be for the rest of our lives? Like, that's fucking crazy. Like, hell, no, we ain't doing that. But again, you have to be at that space where you're willing to accept that and embrace that. You can't fight against that. Like, yo, embrace it. Embrace. We're family. Love each other. We only here for a short time. Don't spend it being upset because you didn't have a relationship with a man that you wanted and you want him to be around and just only be with you. Like, I get It. But it didn't go that way when.

[Rory]

Your father was like, at the point that it made sense to, like, start, I guess, to make amends and all that entire thing. Were all your siblings on board to have that process or was it kind of staggered in an individual experience with each person? As far as the time it took was this like a group chat, like, hey, we're ready to talk to Dad.

[Mal]

I think it just got to a point where. And it's funny, I think. I think death in the families brought us a lot closer.

[Rory]

Yeah, unfortunately, I can see that. Yeah.

[Mal]

You know, and it's unfortunate, but I think that, like, when my brother passed, that was like the. I think that was the moment where it was like, yo, yeah, we have to be here for each other. We have to love each other. We have to spend time with each other. We have to check in on each other. We have to. That was the moment where it was like, you know, we have to make sure we have this bond and this connection with each other, because we never know. You know what I'm saying? And, you know, one of us goes, it's so many, you know, if you don't have that relationship, it's so many things unanswered. There's so many conversations you didn't get to have, and you start to have resentment to that, and you just realize, like, why didn't we. Why didn't we ever build these moments and these memories and this bond? Like, for what? Like, it's just stupid. And, you know, again, it takes a lot. It takes a lot to get to that space, but it's absolutely worth it. And it's beautiful. Once you get over that hump of personal feelings, personal resentment and shit like that. Once you get over that, Humphrey, on the other side of that is beautiful.

[Rory]

That was really great. Thank you guys for sharing all that. Yeah, I've always been very curious with the half sibling relationship is like growing up. So I appreciate you guys for sharing personal stuff like that.

[Mal]

It's fun get older. It's fun having a relationship with your siblings.

[Rory]

Yeah, that was really cool. Maybe let's. I don't think we're in a damp mood, but let's lighten it up a little bit.

[Julian]

Well, I mean, yeah, let's. Let's fall into our strongest expertise. Relationship advice.

[Damaris]

I got scared.

[Julian]

What?

[Damaris]

Thought that was gonna go somewhere else.

[Rory]

I thought it was boundaries.

[Mal]

I thought. I thought it was boundaries.

[Julian]

Well, honestly, had that conversation not gone that. Which was great, but had it not gone that longer in that direction, I did have a perfect follow up for that, but let's, let's just switch it up real quick.

[Rory]

That's cool.

[Damaris]

Hey, guys, it's Moxie from Jersey Bayon to be exact. Moxie Love Demon. She's like a little sister in my head. So let me just get straight to the point, okay? I've been friends with this guy, we'll call him John, for like 30 plus years. I haven't seen him in maybe about 20 years. So a few weeks ago, he DMs me and tells me that he moved back to my own and he really wants to see me. So I'm like, all right, cool. This is my friend. Let me, you know, let's go meet up with each other. So we meet up with each other and he tells me that he's going through a divorce. So I was like, all right, I'm sorry to hear that, whatever. But then he looks at me and he's like, but you've always been the one that I've always wanted to be with. Which threw me for a loop because. No, it just happened. He was just never my type. Anyway, fast forward, we're hanging out, having a good time. We get.

[Julian]

All right, wait, hold on, hold on. Never his type. Never. He was never her type. What do you think happens between them?

[Rory]

I'm still a little confused.

[Mal]

He was never her type.

[Rory]

They've known each other for 30 years, but haven't seen each other in 20 years. So at 10 years old, they weren't each other's type? He's never been my type.

[Damaris]

How old she is?

[Julian]

She's in her, I was assumed late 30s, early 40s.

[Mal]

So she hasn't seen him in 30 years.

[Julian]

They've known each other for 30 years.

[Rory]

They haven't seen each other in 20 or so.

[Mal]

Oh, so they were probably young, teenagers, like maybe middle school, maybe 12, 13.

[Damaris]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Oh, it sounds young.

[Mal]

Okay, so I know, I know.

[Damaris]

I'm giving her, you know, her little sister. So she's probably around. Like, she's probably between 35 and 40.

[Mal]

All right, so even then, though, he was the ugly duckling, but he was a scrawny nerd in school.

[Julian]

It's not like.

[Mal]

It's not like she didn't see him in 20 years.

[Julian]

We know some girls, like, scrawny. You got Instagram, you got photo. Like, it's not like we're not pen pals. They still know what each other looks like. My point is she's saying he was never. He's never my type. What do you think Happens between the two of them.

[Rory]

Oh, he, they definitely drunk.

[Damaris]

We end up back at my place.

[Rory]

And we, we saw this coming.

[Damaris]

Sleep together.

[Rory]

Swag.

[Damaris]

So that was Friday night, Saturday night I tell him to come over just so we can hang out the next.

[Mal]

Night, talk for a little bit.

[Damaris]

But he said he would come over Sunday. Sunday he comes over and of course we sleep together again. And then that's when he starts telling me how much he misses me, loves me, wants to be with me, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. Bad thing is I don't want to be with him now my question is, how can I let him down easy and tell him I don't want to be with him, but I still do want to be friends with him.

[Rory]

This is, this is the easiest.

[Mal]

Oh, Moxie, you're a demon.

[Julian]

She's playing the dude in this situation.

[Mal]

You took him out of the friend zone, he's playing warm nookie on him and now you trying to put him back in the friend zone.

[Rory]

She made the mistake after.

[Mal]

Yeah, I hate, I hate women like that.

[Rory]

It was up that after he confessed that he really wanted her and you.

[Mal]

Know, he told her that while he was in it, oh, oh, oh, I love you. Oh yeah, I want to be with you.

[Rory]

Like it sounded like he said that before.

[Damaris]

I think he said that before.

[Mal]

He said that while it was missionary.

[Rory]

I think he said it again. But let's go with her story. They met up before and he said that too early. I'm getting a divorce. But you were always the one I wanted to be with. You're my soulmate. Yeah, twin flame.

[Mal]

Then he said, I love you and I want to be with you. While he was hitting it, she was.

[Rory]

Like, oh no, you're not really my type. But then, you know, blame it on the alcohol. They went back. He definitely said that while face to face. And she probably responded, she's up for that. This is the easiest way to let him down. You're going through a divorce. I don't want to get right into a relationship with someone that's coming out of a long term divorce. We could be cool, we could be friends, we could around. But nah, like you be single for a little bit.

[Julian]

You got to stop him.

[Rory]

Agreed.

[Julian]

If she's going to be mature about this, she needs to stop.

[Rory]

You're giving like logical real advice. That's not the world we live in. They're going to continue to forgot we.

[Julian]

Have an account for women brain.

[Rory]

So just tell them yo you're coming. Which is the the truth in my opinion. He's coming out of a woman and.

[Mal]

Somebody you're not attracted to is crazy.

[Julian]

Well, that's why I'm saying that's cap.

[Mal]

Like you do that when you young. That's young shit. You do that when you like.

[Julian]

Clearly you're attracted to him. You fucked him twice in less than.

[Mal]

48 hours and she told him to come back over.

[Julian]

Attracted to him.

[Damaris]

He must, it must have been good if you told him to come back over. It was good. It was good for sure. She just don't want to be with him.

[Julian]

They fucked Friday. She said, let's do this again tomorrow on Saturday. He said, I can't. She said, okay, Sunday you like this guy and I don't enough.

[Damaris]

I wouldn't put like on it. But the sex was good the first time she had it. She said the first time she had it, she was.

[Mal]

Women are crazy.

[Damaris]

She said the first time she had it, she was drunk. It must have been good. So she did it again, man. And you know, and since this is no shade to you, because I don't know you. Some women like the feeling of being wanted and being pursued, but they know they don't want nothing with that man. But it was an ego boost. Men do it all the time too.

[Mal]

But she said she's not attracted to him.

[Damaris]

Yeah.

[Mal]

How do you sleep and lay with somebody you're not attractive?

[Rory]

I thought she said, he's not my type.

[Damaris]

He's not her type.

[Rory]

So I'll ask you a two part question after you with a girl, has she ever said to you, it's crazy this happened in a polite way, it's crazy this happened. Like, you're not even really my type. It's weird that this happened. And two, were you offended by that?

[Mal]

No.

[Julian]

I don't really care if I already hit. You can say whatever.

[Rory]

I've had that conversation with more than one woman. They're like, yeah, this, you're not really my type. It's weird that, like I like you.

[Julian]

You're the only white man I've ever slept with.

[Rory]

There's. That's happened before.

[Mal]

Have you ever been an experimental white boy?

[Julian]

Hell yeah.

[Rory]

More so in college.

[Mal]

I've been experimental black.

[Julian]

I'm always the sidestep experiment.

[Rory]

It happened.

[Julian]

I checked mad boxes because, you know.

[Rory]

In high school everyone's just horny and no one really has like.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Experiences. Once I got to college, that's when I had women like, yeah, I've never slept with a white guy.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

And I, I'll, you know, I know everyone's incredible, and they're amazing, and they've never done anything wrong in their lives. I maybe took advantage of that a few times, man.

[Mal]

I took advantage once. I do like.

[Rory]

All right, Bet I'll be your guinea pig. This white girl you're gonna give me because you just want to do. I know you don't really. It's the. It's the theory. I know you don't like me, but I'm not. But I'm not going to capitalize.

[Mal]

I did it for months.

[Rory]

I was young.

[Mal]

I. That white girl from mother Africa, she.

[Damaris]

Was like, yo, if you ate her, then it wasn't for mother Africa. You ate white in my life. You ate colonizer.

[Julian]

Dr. Umar, of course.

[Mal]

Have I eaten white, colonizer? Hell, yeah. I've white before. Who hasn't eaten white? Are you kidding me, Rory?

[Rory]

I've eaten white, all right?

[Mal]

Are you kidding me, bro?

[Rory]

Definitely eaten white.

[Mal]

Somebody who didn't eat white bread before, like, are you kidding me? Who hasn't eaten white?

[Rory]

Much more dangerous than white pussy.

[Mal]

Absolutely. But I. I did it from other Africa. I was in there trying all kind of on that white girl. She's like, yo, you the first black guy. Word. Watch this all. I think I might have put on.

[Julian]

K on, turn that into Wakanda.

[Mal]

Yeah, I went crazy. Yeah, I went crazy. I did Roots. I did it for Chadwick. I did it for Chadwick. I was like, yo, listen, man, this is for Chadwick. Yeah, I went crazy. I went crazy.

[Damaris]

That wasn't even.

[Rory]

What year was this?

[Mal]

No, this was like. This was like two years ago.

[Rory]

Okay.

[Mal]

This was like three or four years ago.

[Julian]

You ate white pussy for the first time three years ago.

[Mal]

Not for the first time.

[Rory]

You hit it from the back like this the whole time for the Bronx. Oh, no, I'm sorry. It's like this.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Julian]

Yeah.

[Mal]

I did it for the Bronx, though.

[Julian]

Yeah.

[Rory]

But I feel like women do sleep with people that were not their initial type and, like, end up liking them, sometimes men. So I think you're looking at this different. She didn't straight up be like, yo, I found him ugly, as it wasn't really her type. So without an actual conversation or a vibe check or chemistry, wasn't visually what she usually goes for. That happens with women. That happens with men, too.

[Mal]

Yeah. But to. But this is somebody she's known for so many years, and she. She always felt like he wasn't her type. So then now, why all of a sudden now do you give him some pussy?

[Rory]

Well, if you have not seen me in 20 years. You don't know me.

[Mal]

Yeah, true.

[Rory]

You don't know me.

[Mal]

Absolutely. I agree with you on that. But that's.

[Rory]

You haven't seen me in two years.

[Mal]

You know, but that's what makes it. But that's what makes this situation even more weird to me is because, yo, you don't notice per year y'all knew each other when y'all were younger just kind of re. Linked up and kind of getting to know each other again. And then the first time y'all hang out, like, now he gets to have sex.

[Damaris]

Yeah, sis, I'm not gonna lie to you.

[Mal]

Like, and then you want to tell him, like, nah, I ain't feeling you like that. And it's like, she played it like a guy. That's what I'm. But that's what I'm saying. She's a demon.

[Damaris]

You have. You have an easy out. Because in all honesty, this just got a divorce, and he's older, and now he can't go out here in these streets and moved away that he used to move when he was younger and you were a safe thing. Like, oh, I have a great relationship with her. She's attractive. And he romanticized the fuck out of it because he's scared to be alone. Use that. Just say you don't really want me. You're just going through a divorce, and you're looking for a safety net, and I can't be that for you. Let's preserve.

[Mal]

See, that's how niggas end up underneath your car.

[Julian]

I'm sorry, what?

[Mal]

You park when she park and go to work, nigga, lay up under the car and put the belt on like Cape Fear. Remember De Niro did that. That's how that happens. Don't not. Don't put me in the friend zone for 20 plus years.

[Julian]

Okay?

[Mal]

Then take me out and then decide you're gonna put me back in the friend zone. Don't do that to me.

[Damaris]

Well, you gotta let it go now that.

[Mal]

Man, that is fire.

[Rory]

You do it. You do need to let it go. That a lot of episodes that. Should we have her on?

[Mal]

No. Hell no.

[Rory]

Patreon.

[Mal]

No.

[Rory]

We'll blur a face now we cool.

[Mal]

I'm not. I'm not really tripping.

[Rory]

Change your voice.

[Mal]

Just put everything right here. Just put a hologram.

[Rory]

I do. All right, 2008, moved to New Jersey. Mark Anderson, senior on the track team. My first week, pulls me aside, puts his arm around me and says, yo, if it's from Bayonne, leave it alone. And I'VE lived and died by that. And I think tells true here. She's from Bayonne, New Jersey.

[Julian]

Okay.

[Rory]

If it's from Bayonne, leave it alone.

[Julian]

Right across the Hudson.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Granted, I didn't listen to that advice, but maybe this guy should.

[Mal]

Do you remember the first black girl you slept with?

[Rory]

Yeah, you do?

[Mal]

Did you lose your virginity to a black woman?

[Rory]

No. She was halfway Spanish.

[Damaris]

Okay, don't.

[Julian]

Sorry.

[Damaris]

We've been doing so well.

[Mal]

What?

[Julian]

No.

[Damaris]

Sorry.

[Rory]

He was gonna make a molesting joke.

[Julian]

Could have been a black man.

[Mal]

Thank you for that, Julian. You know, you.

[Julian]

I mean, it probably wasn't.

[Mal]

It was.

[Julian]

I mean, most likely, it's a white. They knew that they love doing.

[Rory]

You know, I'm in the room, right?

[Mal]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rory]

I mean, you could tell, you know, like, I'm. You guys are having a side conversation.

[Mal]

I just. All right, my bad.

[Rory]

The second girl I ever slept with was black. The first girl was half white, half Spanish.

[Mal]

Okay, got it.

[Rory]

Like, you know that she looked more like a dirty, poor white, but wasn't fully white.

[Mal]

Okay. All right.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Mal]

Bill's character. Yeah.

[Rory]

Shout out to her.

[Mal]

Shout out to all the One night.

[Julian]

So what's. So what's the. What's the game plan here? She needs to stop playing games.

[Mal]

Yeah, man, stop. Don't do that. You shouldn't. You shouldn't take a guy out of the friend zone that you had in there for 20 plus years. And then he's going through a divorce. Now you give him some sympathy sex.

[Damaris]

Doubling back on this. Yo. Doubling back on it is knowing you still don't want.

[Mal]

Like. Like, that's crazy.

[Julian]

In 48 hours. And, you know, she just left this voicemail. I bet you they're meeting tonight. Or, like, at least.

[Mal]

And you know why? It's really whack? Because he liked her for so many years. He finally got it, and then he just opened. He just, like, dumped like, yo, I love you.

[Rory]

And he's in such a vulnerable place going through a divorce.

[Julian]

She's gonna crush the I love you part. After he hit, he led with that. And then you let him hit.

[Mal]

He led with I love you.

[Julian]

He was like, I've always wanted to be.

[Mal]

That's different. That's different.

[Julian]

It's worse on her part, but no, it's worse.

[Mal]

He didn't leave. What? I love you, though. He said, I love you while they were having sex or right after they had sex.

[Julian]

No, that's not what she said.

[Rory]

When they were.

[Julian]

When they met, he was like, I've always wanted to be with you. I always saw us together, and that was like him airing out his divorce and his regret for his last relationship. And then she slept with him.

[Mal]

And then he said, I love you.

[Julian]

And then he said it again, like, because he meant it the first time before they fucked. And then they fucked again. So now you're gonna tell my man after he poured his heart out twice and you gave him both times, you're gonna be like, actually, I'm good.

[Rory]

She's fucked up.

[Mal]

He up.

[Damaris]

You fucked up.

[Rory]

He empty.

[Mal]

He emptied his heart and his loins.

[Rory]

Which, I mean, if you balance it out.

[Damaris]

23, 24. Not. Not.

[Rory]

Is it worth it? Sometimes I just think she has the easy out because he's coming out of a divorce.

[Julian]

She gotta move.

[Rory]

Like it's an easy easy out. Do you remember the first white girl you slept with? What was your first trip to Morris park as a team?

[Mal]

Who was the first white girl?

[Rory]

What? Italian girl with a racist father in the Bronx. Did you.

[Mal]

The one Italian girl that. I actually dated her. Her father was cool as. He was super cool. I can't remember the first white girl I slept with.

[Julian]

Marilyn Monroe.

[Mal]

I can't. I'm trying to think about who was the first white.

[Rory]

You just get that much pussy?

[Mal]

No, I just lost. I just been fucking for that many years. The first white girl. I cannot remember. Who's the first white girl I had sex with. It's. And that's. That's whack. I don't remember. I cannot remember the first white girl I slept with.

[Rory]

Damaris. Remember the first white girl you slept with?

[Damaris]

I've never slept with a white woman in my life.

[Rory]

Really?

[Mal]

Out there. There's some white warriors out there.

[Rory]

I just feel like there's probably a lot of beautiful, poor white women in Syracuse that we're just giving it up.

[Julian]

Why they got to be poor?

[Rory]

Because there's a lot of poor whites in upstate New York.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Like an abundance support. Like the worst human beings that are.

[Damaris]

I mean, I stuff with a poor.

[Rory]

White to the worst.

[Damaris]

A mixed girl. She was French and black.

[Rory]

Okay.

[Mal]

That's nice.

[Damaris]

She was gorgeous.

[Mal]

Gorgeous little cappuccino, but.

[Damaris]

Yeah. What's wrong? What's wrong with you?

[Rory]

French mother or black mother?

[Damaris]

Black mother.

[Mal]

Wow.

[Julian]

Whoa.

[Mal]

She got that seasoning. She can make you a seasoned croissant.

[Julian]

I like that spicy. A spicy croissant.

[Rory]

That sounds like something Hillary Clinton would eat on the Breakfast Club.

[Julian]

Yeah. Hillary Clinton told me she just put hot sauce on.

[Rory]

Dunk her dunker croissant in the Hot sauce.

[Julian]

I. There's another call that is the inverse of this that I forgot I had on here. I think it'd be a fun follow for this last one. All right, let's do this one.

[Mal]

Yo, what's up? Rory Maul. Julian Damaris back from Chicago. I need your advice, especially from Damaris, as a relationship advice. So I apologize in advance. I'm in this situation with this girl. She and I met through Tinder. We had a really good time together. We click, everything's in sync. But ultimately, my college education comes before anything else. So I told her straight up that I don't want to be in a relationship, but we could be friends. We don't hook up anymore. She says, that's fine. I just broke up with my fiance anyway. But I do still want to hook up, so I'm cool with that. So we were what I considered to be friends with benefits. Now, the reason why I'm asking for advice, because people tell me that I'm misleading her, because we go off her coffee, we go hiking, hang out with her family. She hangs out with my friends. And ultimately, things came to a head when she told me that she feels as though we're in a relationship by every metric but the state but the title. I told her that I thought we were friends with benefits. So friends come first, benefits come second, and sit well with her for some reason. So people are agreeing with her, saying my words were matching my actions. I'm saying by definition, it is because we're friends. So first, hooking up after, you don't go hiking with or grabbing a cup of coffee with your friends.

[Rory]

Can you really see your friends?

[Mal]

Any advice would help, especially from Damaris. Thank you, guys. Have a good one. Peace.

[Rory]

This is another voicemail I want y'all answered to, because when I was in the streets, I was this guy, and I thought it was okay because I thought it was more of a respect level. If I'm with you, I want to go do the things that I also like to do with somebody I enjoy and being around. Then you get this whole stamp of, like, we're doing relationship. Now we're just doing things that I find fun. If we're. And I like to be around you, we're not gonna go go karting.

[Mal]

Right?

[Rory]

I like to go kart.

[Mal]

Right.

[Rory]

We're not just gonna go do. It's not like you're coming to Thanksgiving, so we can't just go have fun. Like, I can't take you to a restaurant I like because I like to eat that food. I'd eat this food if you were here or not. But because you're here and I like your company. I like you. Why can't we eat these tacos together?

[Julian]

Let me.

[Damaris]

So this. This goes into the conversation that we have a lot about what reality versus perception is, right? So technically, he's not wrong. He's treating her like a friend with the added benefits. But when you're in a situation like that or thinking of a situation like that, you have to look at how other people handle, how the majority handles the same situation as you. The majority of men, not all, but the majority of men, do not treat women that they are not in a relationship with, with dignity, respect, or like, they want to spend extra time with each other. Friends with majority. I'm the one that fucks men. None of y'all. What I'm telling you is men are not nice to women that they are not in relationships with a lot, and they don't often take women that they're not in relationships with. All these places that he names. It is not often that women you are just fucking are meeting your family and hanging out and going all these places with you and seeing you regularly. That is not the average man.

[Mal]

If you just fucking a girl, like, I don't think you're interested.

[Julian]

You don't need to meet my damn family.

[Damaris]

Exactly. That's fine.

[Rory]

But what about, like, activities?

[Julian]

He said a coffee walk. That's my bag.

[Rory]

And I'm saying, like, all right, what. What if I'm not ready to be in a relationship? And I make that clear from the beginning. And we know what it is. We're doing the friends with benefit thing. What if I'm also not good at dogging women out? What if I'm not good at, yo, 4:00am yo, bitch come through to get fucked? What if I.

[Mal]

That's sick.

[Rory]

That's like, what if. What if after we. I'm like, you know, it's 9:00am like, hey, I know. I know a really good diner.

[Mal]

Hold me.

[Rory]

Do you want to go get some.

[Julian]

Breakfast or you want to be held?

[Damaris]

Rory definitely won't be held.

[Rory]

Of course I want to be. Yeah, no, y'all don't want to be held.

[Damaris]

No, I. Listen, you guys, I love being little.

[Rory]

School king over here.

[Damaris]

And you're decent people, and people can appreciate that. But what you have to understand is that sometimes you just have to do that with the right person, because the wrong person will attach feelings to that. But I also think that you can do that and still establish boundaries. Throughout that, like, you just got to keep dropping that hint that y'all not in a relationship. Even when y'all doing as friends, you have to keep dropping the hint and, like, keep reiterating. You're the homie with good. Like, you're the homie with good. This is not going anywhere. I've been victim. I've been that girl before.

[Julian]

You got a bus on her face and give her a pound.

[Mal]

All right, so, babe, I just think.

[Rory]

Gray area can exist in it.

[Mal]

Like, so, Damaris, you've been that victim before.

[Damaris]

I've been. I've definitely been victim to that.

[Julian]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

For sure.

[Mal]

Of just getting.

[Damaris]

Okay, hold on. Whoa.

[Rory]

I think every person. Yes, I've been just before, I'm like, damn, that's all she wanted.

[Damaris]

We've all went into situations where originally this was not supposed to be more than what it was, but friend, but a relationship developed or, like, you know, feelings developed in this friends with benefits thing. We're spending time together. We're doing all these activities together. So in my younger years, I have been victim to that.

[Mal]

So you've never just been a. Just hit and then never just stopped speaking to you?

[Damaris]

Maybe when I was, like, maybe 19, 20. Yeah. I feel like every girl's had that happen.

[Julian]

Everybody's been ghosted.

[Damaris]

Yeah, everybody's been ghosted before.

[Rory]

I think most men have had that happen to them.

[Mal]

No, absolutely.

[Rory]

But also, like, all right, another example. Say, I want to go to the Blue Note to see some jazz. I don't want to bring my homeboy. I would want to bring the girl I am currently and like her company. Am I sending relationship signals?

[Julian]

You just have to establish to that. Like, it's just, I think, not listening.

[Mal]

To jazz with somebody's relationship.

[Rory]

But see, that's where I think it's up, because it goes. If I took to the little baby, show not it on her face and said, peace, I'm sending the signs that I was just trying to beat. But what if I just like jazz better?

[Mal]

Taking a girl to the Blue Note, that's some very intimate.

[Rory]

But what if I like the Blue Note? That's. No. I brought the balloon up in particular for this conversation with that girl that.

[Mal]

You just smashed it.

[Julian]

Why? I think, okay, but see, this is.

[Mal]

That's relationship shit. You taking her out, you taking her to a jazz club. That's intimacy. That's like.

[Damaris]

It's either relationship or I'm trying to. I'm trying to court you shit. It shouldn't be considered that. I agree with you. But you can't sit up here and say, well, I don't think of it like this, so the rest of the world shouldn't. It don't work.

[Rory]

Okay, Put it like this.

[Mal]

Put it like this. If you take that same girl to the Blue Note, okay? And then she then hits you like two weeks later, like, in a conversation, like, yo, like, I ain't. I really. I'm really feeling you. Like, now. If she starts developing feeling, you can't be surprised, of course. To the Blue Note to see Terrace Martin and friends. What the are you talking about?

[Julian]

Great job.

[Rory]

That's my bad.

[Mal]

Like, are you kidding me? Like, you got it. That's intimacy. That's like. That's gonna open a woman's emotions up.

[Rory]

So I'm glad you brought that up. That would be my next point. If we have no clear communication of what this is, Yes. I would never be mad at a girl looking at me like, you're courting me right now. But if we start out the way this guy said, him and that girl knew they were friends with benefits. We're friends and we're. If I set that tone from the beginning, and it's an understanding, you can't then turn around and be like, well, you took me to the Blue Note, so things have changed. I've been very clear that this is friends with benefits. And I also love Terrace. Martin, that doesn't mean relationship.

[Mal]

Now you're talking about.

[Rory]

Terrace is not going to wet the king.

[Damaris]

You are clear about. About that eight months ago. It doesn't mean that it's clear now. You might have. Because that's my point. Because.

[Mal]

And you just ain't just.

[Rory]

No, I just drag things. That's what's going on here.

[Julian]

You can't have the conversation once and then go extended months with time doing these things. You have to reiterate. You have to over communicate. When you're toeing the line between friends with benefits and borderline relationship behavior. You have to. It's like just. There's a comedian that has a joke, Nate Bati, about reminding his daughter that the dog is going to die anytime. And he would do it for like six weeks because the doctor said the dog was going to die in like a day, but it never died. So he said, I was so far into it that I just had to keep telling her, you know, you know, so and so sick she's going to die. And then he said when it eventually happened, he told her, and it's as if he was. The first time he told her that news and she lost her shit. In this case, you have to remind her, yo, we're not in a relationship. These things can happen throughout, but it's not going to lead to a relationship. You can't just tell her once and then three months later, take it a Blue Note and be like, why is she feeling this way?

[Mal]

Okay, now listen.

[Damaris]

Her feelings are changing and she thinks that as possible that yours have to.

[Mal]

Let me. Let me. I'm the king of. That. I've been through that. I'm the king of. I'm the king.

[Rory]

How do you say that, though?

[Mal]

I'm the king of.

[Rory]

Yo, did you want to go to the Blue Note just to let you know you're not my girl now.

[Damaris]

She's not gonna like, wait, you're pretty. A suave person. How do you say it?

[Mal]

Don't call me suave. You can.

[Rory]

You're swabish.

[Mal]

Don't call me swabish. You cannot expect because. And I'm talking from experience, I've done that. Yo, this is just. We just hanging out. We just friends. It's not. But if you having sex with a girl for 10 months, you cannot be surprised when she starts developing real feelings. I'm telling you. Cause I've been through this plenty of times. I'm like, damn, that's your bag. That's my bag. So I'm telling y'all, you can't do nothing. You can't do Nothing consistently for 10 months and then be surprised at results. I can't go to the gym for 10 months and then get out the shower and be like, damn, like, I ain't expect to get up, nigga. What you thought was gonna happen after working out for 10 months consistently?

[Rory]

This is how toxic I am.

[Julian]

But what's the wait before? What's the threshold on how long do they get that grace period of just being the friend with benefits before it makes that.

[Mal]

That's.

[Rory]

That's exactly what I'm gonna get into. That's how toxic I was if that conversation didn't happen within two months and we did the ten month thing. Yeah, I think we've entered the realm of we'll probably just be each other forever when we're both single.

[Julian]

Swag.

[Rory]

Which is like I thought, because it never got brought up in that time. I think we've passed the time of this could be a relationship. Because no one said anything.

[Mal]

Right.

[Rory]

And when you go find another guy, I'm not gonna feel away like, you should be able to go date. But when you're single again and If I'm single, we're now in this realm of just text me and we can. Because we like each other's company. And sex.

[Mal]

Fellas, listen.

[Rory]

It's toxic, but that's all you said.

[Damaris]

Clarity is key.

[Mal]

I'm with y'all.

[Rory]

Nah, but there's no fun and clarity.

[Mal]

Trust and believe. If you're dating or having sex with a girl for eight to 10 or a year, she's gonna develop feelings of a girl. She's gonna start feeling like she's your.

[Damaris]

Lady, she's your girlfriend, especially if you don't make. And this is where I want to talk about their conversation. He's doing all this shit, and I'm getting the feeling that he's only doing it with her. So you're only fucking her. You're only doing all these activities and shit with her. You really enjoy her company. Like, so when she says, this is all relationship shit, which you need to come out and make it clearer and say, no. The difference between that, what we're doing in a relationship is the commitment to you, not the commitment to only that I'm only fucking you right now. The commitment to, hey, I have to consider you when I make life choices and I am actively making time for you because this is what I have to do. I am committed to this relationship. He's not committed to Shorty. I'm assuming you're not committed to her. You're doing this because this is what you want to do. For now, if you ever want to stop doing it, you'll do it. And that's the difference between a relationship and not being in a relationship is the commitment that I have to do this with this person because we've made this pack and we've entered into this relationship. So that's what you need to tell her. But, yeah, if you're just only fucking her and only doing all these things with her, I don't blame her for getting things misconstrued, because what she's used to is if a man is doing this, he wants to be with me. So.

[Mal]

And if you have to get to.

[Julian]

The Blue Note, how often are they seeing each other? That's a big part of this, too.

[Mal]

That's a big part of it.

[Julian]

Three days a week. That's a lot.

[Mal]

Three days a week. That's your girl.

[Rory]

Three days a week. That's your girl.

[Mal]

Don't tell me that's not your wifey. If you.

[Damaris]

Three.

[Rory]

Three days a week.

[Julian]

Yeah, well, he didn't say at least three days a week, which. That's relationship.

[Mal]

That's your lady. Like put it like this. If he find out, if he find out she somebody else, he gonna be hurt.

[Julian]

Oh, he's tight.

[Mal]

Yeah, that's your lady.

[Rory]

Three days a week you're gonna be tight. Yeah, that's your lady.

[Julian]

Okay, what if it's two days a week?

[Rory]

How, how are you spreading out the two days?

[Mal]

Is it a Monday, Friday thing?

[Rory]

Cuz Tuesday, Saturday, Saturday, Sunday, that's kind of your girl.

[Damaris]

That's your girl.

[Mal]

File each other on your taxes at that point.

[Rory]

But then again, if you're linking up after work and both you guys work, that's relationship shit too.

[Mal]

Absolutely. Yeah. And here's the thing though. It's okay to have relationships with multiple women if you want to be like, we're not committed, but like, I have a relationship with you, I have a relationship with this other girl. Like, don't say that. This ain't a relationship though. That's a relationship.

[Julian]

Yeah.

[Mal]

Taking a girl to the Blue Note and then like seeing her two days or three days a week.

[Rory]

Friendship.

[Mal]

Yeah, it's a friendship.

[Damaris]

Yeah.

[Mal]

It may not be, yo, this is my girlfriend or this is my, you know, whatever, but that's a relationship. That's somebody that you're in a relationship with and it's okay again, go back to compartmentalize things correctly so that nobody is blindsided, nobody's caught off guard. You know what it is? Just have that real conversation with each other. Like, yo, are we sleeping with other people or not?

[Rory]

Why as humans are we this bad at this? Because people, humans, it's a forever ending.

[Mal]

Because humans always try to have their cake and eat it too. Humans always try to be sneaky and it's dog eat dog.

[Damaris]

You know, humans always fake afraid to hurt somebody feelings, but they're not really afraid to hurt somebody's feelings. They're afraid to make them afraid of uncomfortable.

[Mal]

No.

[Damaris]

Having uncomfortable conversations.

[Mal]

Some people really don't want to hurt people.

[Damaris]

Of course, no, you don't want to hurt people's feelings, but that's not why you tell. Because you know eventually this girl's feelings are going to get hurt. Because that's not why you don't keep reminding her that she's not your girlfriend. Well, you don't want to do that because it up the mood and that's you being self selfish.

[Rory]

There's a cloud in what you're saying. People need to take accountability. People don't want people to find out about how they hurt their feelings because they wouldn't hurt Their feelings if they never wanted to hurt their feelings. Now it's like, I don't want to tell her what's going on because it's going to hurt her feelings. You already did. What? Hurt her feelings.

[Damaris]

Exactly.

[Rory]

So don't say you don't want to.

[Mal]

Hurt her feelings, but sometimes you don't.

[Rory]

Want her to find out and then have to deal with her hurt.

[Mal]

Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you could hurt somebody's feelings unintentionally, of course.

[Rory]

Of course, of course.

[Mal]

That wasn't my intent to hurt. I didn't know that that hurt your feelings. Like, you know what I'm saying? And sometimes that it happens like that.

[Rory]

Also. Humans are scumbags, and we even all make multiple mistakes, even when we know they're wrong only because that person may not find out about it. I could never be like, oh, I didn't want to hurt her feelings. You already did. The act that you knew would hurt her feelings.

[Mal]

Yeah, but maybe you don't want to.

[Rory]

Deal with her knowing that you hurt her feelings. That's really all it is. That's why people have to stop with that list. I just don't. I don't want to hurt her. You already did. She just doesn't know it yet. Yeah, you're not a martyr here.

[Mal]

That was my bad.

[Rory]

You're being sneaky. Or.

[Mal]

No, ghosting a girl because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Ghosting her hurts, like, worse. That was my, like, yo, let me just ghost her because I don't want to hurt her feelings. It's like, that's gonna hurt her. But, I mean, you know, trial and error. You got to go through it a couple times to realize, like, damn, that's up. That's why you can't do that.

[Rory]

Yeah. It just takes accountability and also understanding that we all go through these mismanagements and mistakes of what we think we're doing right and doing wrong and give people grace and just be honest with people.

[Damaris]

It's tough to do, but you need to figure out why you don't want to be. Why you don't want to be with this girl. Because if you're going hiking with her, you're doing all this fun. You're taking her to meet your family. Your family with her. Y'all having sex. I think you said that y'all only having sex with each other. Why don't you want to be with her? Why. Why don't you. Why don't you technically want to be with her? Because I know why he be with.

[Mal]

Her because she somebody he's cool with.

[Rory]

That could be it.

[Mal]

She somebody that he close with and he gonna like, oh, like, yo, you wifed it. Like you. It's that. That's what. Don't. Don't want that on their jacket.

[Rory]

You're not wrong.

[Mal]

The homie.

[Rory]

I didn't think of it that way.

[Mal]

At one point, he was hitting it, and now you hitting it, but you don't want to be the one that's like, no.

[Damaris]

He said he met her on Tinder.

[Rory]

It was your turn and you fell in love.

[Damaris]

He said he met her on Tinder. They met each other on 10.

[Rory]

Okay.

[Mal]

She didn't smash my home.

[Damaris]

No, they didn't. Yeah, but my homie got tender too. They said that they weren't the same way as a relationship, because didn't she say that she had just gotten out of one and he had just gotten out of one? Like, they had just got out of relationships.

[Rory]

You know what? Young people.

[Mal]

And now they back in one.

[Rory]

Young people also, myself included. Like, when you meet a girl in a circumstance that isn't ideal in your brain as the way you wanted to.

[Damaris]

Meet your wife, you can't unseer as that.

[Rory]

Even though it wasn't like a crazy situation at all. It's not like you met her in a train or something.

[Mal]

Right.

[Rory]

You just, you know, especially when I was in my 20s, meeting a girl on Instagram. It's fine now. Yeah, but like, in 2014, that was like, they. I don't know if, like, yeah, I met her. Like, my mom just asked how I met her. It's on Instagram. It comes off in your brain at that time. Very weird. And that can't be your story for your wife. Even though everything about her is perfect, there's nothing wrong in how y'all met, that we get along great. It's just not the fantasy that you had in your head right when you were younger. And that blocks you from amazing. Same because, what, in your 30s, at that point, it's like, I. Who gives a. Do we like each other?

[Mal]

Right?

[Rory]

Bet when you.

[Damaris]

When you meet girls in clubs or if you meet a girl drunk, or even if. When you meet her, if you're. What one of my homeboys told me, I can't speak for all men, is if you meet her and your first thought is, oh, I want to. Like, I want to her, you'll never think of her as, like a whole person.

[Rory]

That's a young, young mentality that I had at one point. Now it's yeah, it would never be that. But you grow out of that type of.

[Mal]

You said now.

[Damaris]

People do.

[Mal]

You said, now. When you see a girl, you don't automatically think like, damn, I want to her.

[Damaris]

No.

[Rory]

What?

[Damaris]

He's basically saying, like, if you meet a girl and your first thought is, oh, I want to her. Like, that's. Your only thought is, oh, I just want to her. You'll never see her as, oh, I want to get to know her. Because when you saw her, she was drunk in the club, having fun with her friends, and your first thought was, I want to her.

[Rory]

Her.

[Damaris]

So now she will always. Your whatever you try to do will always be you just trying to her. You never wanted to get to know her. You never put her in a oh, I could date her scenario.

[Rory]

Yeah. Yeah. Your initial. Your initial first impression wasn't based off. It wasn't disrespect, but it wasn't respect.

[Mal]

It was.

[Damaris]

Yeah, you physically.

[Mal]

Let me give some pushback here. It's been a lot of girls that I'd be like, damn, I want to her. After we. I'm like, damn, I like her.

[Rory]

Oh, no, no.

[Mal]

You get to really know the person. Y'all hang out, spend time. It's like, okay, she cool as it.

[Rory]

Damaris and I are saying the exact same thing you guys are saying that happens. And right now in my life, that's exactly how I would operate. When you're younger, you have a different mentality and your judgment is clouded that way. There's plenty of times in my late 20s, 30s, when I saw you, I want to that girl her and was like, I like her a lot. I'm not judging her based off that. When you're young, you have dumb impressions of how you view people, and you can't get out of your head that that's some drunk girl at the club. Club. Even though you like her a lot, that first impression is not based off the fairy tale you told yourself.

[Mal]

I was never.

[Rory]

We're saying. We're all saying the same thing.

[Mal]

I was never into drunk drunk, but not like.

[Damaris]

Not stupid drunk, but just like, stay in the club.

[Mal]

Like, I mean, having a drink.

[Damaris]

Yeah. Like, she lit.

[Mal]

She would see a girl that's drunk and, like, I want to.

[Rory]

No, not like that. All right. I'm saying just like, having fun, being a little club girl that night. Have I a sloppy drunk girl before?

[Julian]

Why you do do that?

[Rory]

What?

[Julian]

Yeah, it's odd.

[Rory]

No, we're saying.

[Julian]

No, you shouldn't do that.

[Rory]

Like, cute, cute drunk.

[Mal]

Yeah, I know.

[Rory]

What?

[Mal]

You cute drunk?

[Rory]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Julian]

All right. Do you guys remember the gentleman that called in that said he was starting the true crime review channel, YouTube?

[Rory]

I do, yeah.

[Julian]

We asked him for a lot more information. Gave him, I thought, some pretty good advice. Well, he called back to give us an update on what he's done with his YouTube channel and everything since.

[Rory]

So he was asking to, like separate the channels or something like that?

[Julian]

Yeah, a few things he was just starting to monetize. There was a bunch going on. So let's see where he's at.

[Mal]

What's going on, gang? It is Mike, the movie review guy that emailed y'all about a month ago to give you guys an update on what's been going on since I joined the partner program and kind of end off on a bit of an update that could or could not spark another discussion. I'm not sure. So, long story short, I ended up making a separate channel for the true crime stuff. The name of my movie review channel is called Finally Watched it, which was a big reason why I added asked the question in the first place, because obviously doing true crime on the channel called Finally Watched it might seem a bit off. Also, I wanted the true crime stuff to have a different editing style. So I did start a separate channel for the true crime stuff. That channel is called Snap Finger Lore because I cover stuff that like, you know, isn't super popular. Stuff that you got to snap your fingers to kind of remember. Now I also am on Tick Tock and I am going to start posting on Instagram as well. Thank you guys for reminding me about just how many potential eyes I'm missing out on just from not posting on on those other platforms. So I do appreciate that. And I do plan on getting a face cam at some point. I don't have one now because I know that helps with virality and stuff like that and make me more personable. I do plan on getting a face cam at some point. Now to get into part two, like I said in my previous email, I was living with my grandparents. Well, I still am and they don't charge me for rent, which they still don't. But recently my job has been calling for overtime and they said they're going to be like this heading into like the middle of the summer, where it's going to be 60 hour work weeks, 10 hour shifts, six days a week. I'm only going to get one day off and obviously that's going to cause me to really take a step back with content creation. So what I plan on Doing instead is getting the easy little part time job just to keep my bills paid up, that I do have like car insurance and stuff and then just do content creation full time.

[Rory]

Not mad at the strategy? Was it more of a statement than a question?

[Mal]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Julian]

Well, it was an update. Well, it just sounds like he's committing to this, making this more of his permanent stint rather than working around it.

[Mal]

But then he has a new job starting the summer that is going to take most of his time.

[Julian]

But he's saying he's walking away from that.

[Mal]

Oh, he said he's walking away from that job.

[Julian]

He said I'm leaving that because it's six hour, it's six days a week, 10, 10 hour shifts. He said I don't have time to really work on this so I'm gonna go get a part time job so I can do this.

[Mal]

Oh, okay.

[Julian]

Focus on this.

[Rory]

I think that's smart though because I, some people jump out the window way too quickly when they're. Yeah, they have their side hustle and it's like I'm gonna quit my full time job and just do that. Yeah, it's cool to still keep a part time job even if it's, I.

[Mal]

Mean, you gotta keep money flowing in.

[Rory]

Yeah. Even if it's below what you were doing with your full time gig. Like if you want to go get a job at Starbucks because the hours work and you can do your side hustle in the meantime, just at least have some income. I think that's extremely smart.

[Mal]

Sometimes you got to take a step back to, you know, focus on what your passion is and you know, if it means getting a part time job just so you could pay, you know, car insurance, cell phone bill, things like, I mean he's fortunate enough to have grandparents that are letting them live in their house rent free. So he doesn't have like a lot of bills but like you know, just small, his own personal bills. Car insurance, cell phone, food, clothes, sneakers, whatever, like that, that, keep some money coming in. But yeah, good luck man. Focus on your passion. If you're able to, you know, invest in your, in your passion and build on your passions, I salute anybody that's doing that. It's not easy, especially in these times. We know that a lot of people are, you know, struggling. So I salute anybody that's trying to actively pursue and build on their passions.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

So I wanted to, I actually wanted to turn that into a, a, a wider question leading off of what you guys said. There are, there's a huge rise of content Creators because it's like the new entrepreneurial thing because everybody thinks that they can do it. Some people are good at it, some people are bad at it. But a lot of people on TikTok especially who are getting big on TikTok are quitting their jobs and realizing that they actually shit is not as even and is not as promising as they thought it would be. What would you guys advice be to content creators, people who are creating podcasts or just doing content. Content creation on social media? What would be your threshold where you could say, okay, you guys should probably quit your job around here? Like, what do you think that's some loose requirements. Could be obviously not exact.

[Mal]

Everybody's situation is different.

[Rory]

Good question. But it is case by case base. I think it's figuring out what your overhead is, what your expenses are and what type of lifestyle you want to live. Give yourself enough cushion, at least a year's worth of cushions before you quit a job.

[Mal]

Yeah, that's just playing it safe.

[Damaris]

A year.

[Julian]

That's a long Runway that a lot of people don't have the luxury of having.

[Mal]

Yeah, yeah.

[Julian]

But I mean the standard, like a realistic one is three months rent.

[Mal]

That's scary.

[Rory]

And you're jumping into more real.

[Julian]

You're jumping. Having enough liquid income to coast for a year is extremely difficult.

[Mal]

Oh yeah, yeah, for sure it is. But I mean, mean, I'm saying backups.

[Rory]

Like, all right, if he. If someone's going to quit their job because their YouTube channel is popping, that means they have income coming in from adsense. Right. I'm saying you should give yourself a year's worth of cushion for each month. I'm not saying you need a year's worth of money where you have no income coming in that you can survive. But if goes awful this month, you need to have those reserves there. And I think you need it. 12 months of that if you're really gonna quit your job and go out there and be safe and just there's a risk taker. Some people don't give a. Yeah, I've been. I don't give a. Before. I just don't think everyone's built for that.

[Mal]

It's a. It's a scary. It's a scary place to kind of work in though, that I don't give a. And I'm just going for it. That takes a. That takes a certain type of person to kind of do that type of.

[Julian]

I did that.

[Mal]

Yeah. Everybody. But everybody's not built for that. That. You know what I'm saying? A lot of People like to be play. They play. A lot of people spend their. It's unfortunate and I would recommend people don't live this way. But a lot of people lives their lives just playing it safe their entire life.

[Julian]

Oh, God. Yeah.

[Mal]

You know what I'm saying?

[Julian]

People.

[Mal]

Yeah. And I think that's. That's a crazy way to live. Like you're just gonna live your entire life playing it safe. Like, no. So take chances. I would say take smart, educated chances. Like Rory said, you know, kind of have a cushion, something to fall back.

[Rory]

On a reserve, save a year salary. That's extremely hard for anybody. No matter what your income is. Saving a year's salary. I'm saying that each month, knowing your expenses and your overhead, you should have a cushion set aside for each month of the year because you really never know where things are going to go. So yeah, it's a.

[Mal]

And if that don't work out, man, sell your feet on only fans. You know what I mean? It's a world for everybody that's like.

[Rory]

To do Karuchi got athletes foot and I couldn't stop laughing.

[Mal]

Karushi has athletes.

[Damaris]

Has beautiful feet.

[Rory]

I agree. I'm just saying. Someone tweeted Karrueche as athlete's foot dudes. They're saying that she hasn't shown her pinky toe on only fans yet.

[Mal]

It was a whole bunch of saving it. It was a whole bunch of dudes in my mission.

[Julian]

She's saving it.

[Mal]

She hasn't shown her pinky toe.

[Julian]

She's been like leaking photos or teasing photos.

[Mal]

Yeah, but on her only fan she's probably. She's showing her full feet. Like you got to pay for the full feet. That's what she's doing.

[Julian]

This is a trailer people want to pay for.

[Damaris]

Yes, Julian, it's one of the biggest fetishes in the world. Yes. It's something that people really want to pay for.

[Rory]

I don't.

[Julian]

Oh, it's just her feet.

[Mal]

Yeah, yeah.

[Julian]

Nice. Good for her.

[Mal]

Yeah, she probably now you look up and she done made 100k.

[Julian]

I like the bot description. Feet in more feet only.

[Rory]

My girl, if people. If she can make a hundred thousand dollars taking a photo of her foot from her iPhone. More power. I'll take the photo for you.

[Mal]

Yeah, like, you know what?

[Rory]

Plenty of photos.

[Mal]

Get the baby.

[Rory]

What do you want to do?

[Mal]

Get the baby oil.

[Julian]

I got like 35 posts.

[Mal]

Look at Julian.

[Rory]

24.99.

[Julian]

25Amonth.

[Mal]

Jesus Christ, somebody's paying.

[Julian]

That's sick.

[Rory]

Yeah, Netflix isn't Even there, people are.

[Julian]

People are paying that 25 to look at some fees.

[Mal]

Beat. Yeah. Wow.

[Rory]

Good for her.

[Mal]

Good for Karu.

[Rory]

Sure. She's making money.

[Julian]

Has to be. I mean, do they show how many people are there that. Is that private?

[Rory]

I think that's private. Oh, yeah. I don't think they show that.

[Julian]

Damn. Only Fans is crazy.

[Damaris]

What would you guys show on your only fans? Me and Julian started subscriptions on Instagram. This is what's making us ask you.

[Mal]

Yes. Started subscriptions on Instagram.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

For our personal pages, people can subscribe to like a private. You could do like, private posts, private stories just for your subscribers. So it's kind of like Only Fans for Instagram, but it's not.

[Julian]

It's gonna need to slap the only Fans thing on it.

[Damaris]

You basically.

[Rory]

It kind of is, though.

[Damaris]

It is.

[Rory]

Could not be further from the same business model.

[Damaris]

Yeah, I didn't say that. It's. You're showing what you want on Only Fans, but it's the business model people are paying to paywall a subscription.

[Rory]

It's Patreon.

[Damaris]

See? Whatever.

[Julian]

Well, that being said, I am going to do a beer tutorial on my subscription, so I've been getting a lot of requests about what I do for my beard and I'll post it on there with my feet.

[Rory]

I don't know. If I was in a jam and there was a high demand for my.

[Julian]

Only fans, what would they be demanding from you?

[Rory]

I don't think anything. This is a hypothetical. This is based off the question of how far would you take it? I'm not saying I'm in demand at all. I don't think anyone wants to see any of that. But let's say this alternate. The. The upside down. Yeah, let's go with the upside down.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Actually, that has to do with kids. Let me leave that one alone. Yeah, just an alternate reality that there was a high demand for my Only Fans. I don't. I mean, I probably show most of it. Really.

[Mal]

Getting butt ass on Only Fans is sick.

[Rory]

Oh, I would show my dick on Only Fans if I. If I committed to doing the Only Fans thing. I show myself. I just don't think people want to see that.

[Damaris]

What would you show on your subscriptions? Like, what would you show your hats?

[Mal]

People want to see my sneakers. Everybody's been asking to see, like, my sneaker collection.

[Julian]

Pretty close to the feet.

[Mal]

That's.

[Julian]

That's toe territory.

[Mal]

Well, they do go on your feet, but I'm not showing my feet on Onlyfans. Like, or Subscriptions No. Probably like just sneaker collection. Yeah.

[Damaris]

People want to imagine. You could probably rank up on subscriptions.

[Rory]

I would sound like a hater. Imagine paying to go see some sneakers. You could Google image.

[Julian]

Is it like.

[Rory]

It's like that little damn mall got those air forces. Google image.

[Julian]

It's like that little Asian kid on YouTube that makes a kill and just opening toys.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Julian]

And other kids want to watch him open toys.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Julian]

Just go to Target, look at the toy.

[Rory]

Something up with our brain.

[Damaris]

But listen, I can't talk because I be on tik tok watching people organize their fridge. Meanwhile, my is is up, but I'm on tick tock for hours watching people just not even talking. Organize their fridge, clean their bathrooms and like, enthralled for hours.

[Rory]

Yeah, I'm, I'm. I understand. I'm not here to judge anyone. I think it's nuts. But my brain works the same way. I catch myself in rabbit holes. Like, why am I watching this woman fold clothes in her closet?

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Julian]

Oh, there's something nice about folding, though.

[Mal]

It's therapeutic.

[Julian]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

There's a huge influx of male creators who are like, just cleaning their houses and they have huge fam. I will sit up there and watch a man drink Coast House for hours. Like, it's the greatest in the world. And, like, women are going crazy over it. I think it's because, like, there's like, the stigma that men don't clean. Right. So watching a man just like, deep clean his house every day on Instagram. I subscribe immediately.

[Julian]

I could do that. Wait, I do that all the time.

[Damaris]

You should do it.

[Julian]

You see my apartment? She's clean as hell.

[Damaris]

You should, you should do it.

[Rory]

I love cleaning.

[Damaris]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Like, I just thoroughly enjoy it.

[Julian]

Propping a camera up and then walking away and, like, doing stuff as if I'm not being filmed. It's like, it's just like. It's so gay that my mind just won't let me get there.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

They made fun of that dude in Target and Target gave him a brand deal.

[Julian]

It does not make that behavior any less gay in my mind.

[Damaris]

Yeah, well, I thought it was. I thought it's not gay if you're making money from it.

[Mal]

I thought that was a lot of.

[Julian]

Gay comes with money.

[Mal]

Actually, they offer you money to do gay. Like.

[Julian]

Yeah, look at Hollywood.

[Mal]

Yeah, exactly.

[Julian]

The contract in the byline says you.

[Rory]

Think the Pride parade is a 513. They are making money on that property.

[Mal]

100.

[Julian]

Yeah.

[Rory]

I mean, I get a great brand deal.

[Damaris]

It's like shooting A commercial without a team, if that makes sense. You're film. You are filming. You are into.

[Mal]

Yeah, but shooting the commercial. But I'm also the cameraman. That's where it gets weird. Like, I got every. Anymore I got to keep moving the thing, like.

[Julian]

And I would just, like, feel more.

[Rory]

Awkward with my friend holding the camera, watching me sweep.

[Julian]

Yeah, it's just like, I can't. As a someone in production, I can't watch those videos without thinking the how it's made side of things. So, like, when he puts the. When he parks his car, gets out, puts the camera outside the parking space, gets back in his car, and then pulls the car into the spot just for that shot, I'm like, I can't. I just can't separate knowing that he got out of his car, already parked it, put the camera up, and then re reenacted that again like that. You lost me.

[Rory]

Specific to the target. Things like when he sets up the tripod in Target and then walks from outside Target into the building. If I was in that target, I'm taking that tripod and that phone because they sell it at Target. I'm gonna go to the checkout.

[Mal]

Yeah, it's.

[Rory]

I'm going right in my cart.

[Mal]

Content creation is. Is. Is. It's an interesting world, man.

[Julian]

Fam. Look at this. Just that shot alone, that shot, all of these shots. Come on.

[Rory]

You know how long he had to, like, wait for it to be clear in the aisle?

[Mal]

Yeah, that might definitely. Don't.

[Julian]

Don't even give me the distant shot. Look how far the camera is from where he's standing.

[Mal]

That's some serial killer.

[Damaris]

They gave him a deal.

[Rory]

He framed it. He probably put some tape on the floor.

[Julian]

Imagine. Imagine you're the. The minimum wage register person, and this guy's got a camera set up, and you're checking him out.

[Damaris]

They probably know him by now. He goes there so much.

[Julian]

I'm sure. Yeah, he. They know him, but I just can't.

[Rory]

I mean, can you hate, though?

[Damaris]

You can't hate. That's what I'm saying. I'm like. You can say I'm horny, but I'm not.

[Rory]

I'm not on anyone that works at a register at Target by any means at all, but you can't clown someone that's just trying to do their work, too. He's made money. He's. He's. He's at his job, too.

[Mal]

First of all. First of all. First of all, y'all missing. Y'all missing the most serial killer out of all of this. That.

[Rory]

That Drake redid it?

[Mal]

No, that this. Went home. He went to Target, bought groceries. Right.

[Julian]

Okay.

[Mal]

Went home, cooked himself a meal.

[Julian]

True.

[Mal]

He sat down in his home with a shirt and tie on and ate a meal.

[Rory]

Pouring.

[Damaris]

Hungry.

[Rory]

You know, pouring ground beef or ground turkey. Like that is crazy.

[Mal]

With a shirt and tie on.

[Damaris]

On that. That type of content I would do, but it takes so much time with the editing because it's so much footage and so many different shots and so many different cuts. It takes way too much time for me, but I would definitely do that.

[Mal]

And you got to go to Target.

[Julian]

Look how all of his videos are muted. Because I bet you 99 of his videos are Drake songs.

[Rory]

Well, that's why Drake redid his. Yeah, his little sketch thing. Rel. What. What type of retainer would it take for you to like, chill with me on the weekends and go to Target?

[Mal]

And five times.

[Rory]

Watch. Watch me clean my crib.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Julian]

Bringing an actual videographer to shoot that.

[Mal]

Crazy.

[Damaris]

Some of them do. Some of them do. I was trying to fly Yomi out to Turks with me. Can't afford it. She's too expensive. But I wanted to fly Yomi out the Turks with me because my subscription service gonna have all my Turks footage on there. I'm not posting nothing on my regular Instagram. So I want Naomi to shoot it. Shoot us being thoughts. But like in 4D.

[Julian]

In 4D.

[Mal]

Being a thought in 4D is hilarious.

[Damaris]

4D, 4D and 4K.

[Julian]

This is sick.

[Rory]

Doesn't really matter the quality.

[Mal]

No, just. Just do that.

[Rory]

Well, this was fun. I like Evergreen episodes where we just checking on each other and shoot the shits. Checking on the listeners. Have some fun voicemails. This was cool. Yeah, there were some in depth emotional stuff.

[Mal]

Some laughs, some cries.

[Rory]

Yeah, this was. This was great.

[Mal]

Julian cried a little bit, you know.

[Rory]

All right, that just comes with the curls.

[Mal]

Yeah, yeah, it's the curl juice dripping down his face.

[Julian]

I gave myself a haircut yesterday.

[Mal]

Gave yourself a haircut.

[Damaris]

You can tell?

[Mal]

Really?

[Julian]

That's a compliment.

[Rory]

It looks good.

[Julian]

I'm not gonna take you cut your full hair.

[Mal]

Really?

[Julian]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Okay. I have a product in my hair for the first time in my life.

[Julian]

Your hair looks good, man.

[Mal]

Got a little pomade in there.

[Rory]

No, my guy Willis, well connected on Rivington. Whatever his like and Allen. All right, well, no, let's. Do you want the actual number?

[Julian]

No, I just.

[Rory]

So everyone can pull up.

[Mal]

Oh, you're barber, you mean?

[Rory]

Yeah, Willis has like his own line of hair product. Oh, fire first time I've ever put product in my hair before.

[Mal]

Ever in life?

[Rory]

In life.

[Mal]

Oh, 33 years.

[Rory]

Swear to God.

[Julian]

What about when you grew it out last time?

[Rory]

During co. I didn't need to put product in my hair. I was playing Xbox and drinking.

[Mal]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Drinking vodka.

[Mal]

Yeah. Yeah. That was the product.

[Rory]

That was the last time I drank vodka was during the pandemic.

[Mal]

Yeah. I don't know what I'm doing. My hair, I'm just letting it grow, do its own thing right now.

[Julian]

I think we're all doing that. We're on our hair growth phase.

[Rory]

Yeah. Today when I went to the barber after he lined this up, I was like, yeah, I gotta at least cut this down. But I didn't. And this is still the same. Yes.

[Mal]

Some off the side and off the top.

[Rory]

It's none off the top, just the sides and shape up.

[Julian]

Yeah, I like it.

[Mal]

All right, well, this has been a fun episode, gang. We will be back to talk to you guys soon. Be safe, be blessed, enjoy the spring. Spring has sprung. Well, not. Not in New York City as of yet, but soon. We'll talk to y'all soon. Be safe. I'm that nigga. He's just ginger. Peace. New warrior now.