Episode 278 | Steam Room Trauma W/Chris Distefano

Summary

Podcast Summary: New Rory & MAL – Episode 278 | Steam Room Trauma W/Chris Distefano

Introduction and Tour Announcement [00:00 – 02:05]

The episode kicks off with Rory Scovel and Julian McCullough announcing their ongoing tour dates, highlighting performances across major cities including Philadelphia, Detroit, Chicago, London, Toronto, Atlanta, and New York. They emphasize the addition of live performances and special guests, encouraging listeners to purchase tickets via their website.

Personal Struggles and Parenting [01:28 – 23:19]

Rory shares his challenges with sleep training his children, expressing frustration and exhaustion: “Sleep training has not gone the way I thought it was going to go” (01:49). Julian offers encouragement, assuring Rory that he’ll adapt: “You'll get the hang of it” (01:52). The conversation delves into Rory's feelings of emasculation as his partner takes on more DIY projects around the house, leading to humorous yet relatable discussions about modern parenting dynamics and shifting gender roles.

Guest Introduction: Chris Distefano and Interactions [02:32 – 12:44]

The hosts introduce comedian Chris Distefano, engaging in playful banter about his name and reputation. Chris expresses a desire to keep introductions simple, emphasizing his focus on comedy over answering personal questions: “Let me plug my dates, and then I'll get out of here” (03:14). The conversation highlights Chris's straightforward comedic style and his perspective on modern societal issues, setting the tone for an open and candid dialogue.

Discussions on Racism and Societal Issues [05:02 – 14:10]

The trio engages in a spirited discussion about racism, historical power dynamics, and cultural differences. Chris critiques contemporary societal obsessions, remarking, “Why do I care what's happening in Australia” (05:02), and contrasts it with European attitudes towards work and societal values. They touch upon the influence of social media on racial perceptions and the evolving landscape of minority identities, maintaining a comedic yet thought-provoking tone.

The State of the WNBA and Sports Culture [21:35 – 35:08]

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to analyzing the Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA). The hosts discuss the league's popularity, media coverage, and the impact of standout players like Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese. Chris speculates on the future of the WNBA, suggesting that increased visibility and inclusive policies could elevate the league's status: “That's what will happen” (27:16). They debate the role of drama and media in fueling sports entertainment and the challenges the WNBA faces in achieving parity with men's leagues.

Voicemail Segment and Listener Stories [49:07 – 78:09]

Listeners contribute voicemails sharing personal anecdotes and seeking advice. Highlights include:

• Adrian from Jacksonville (49:26): Struggles with unstable living arrangements and friendships, receiving humorous but honest advice from the hosts.
• Kev from Jersey (75:04): Discusses cultural barriers when introducing partners to his Colombian family, with the hosts offering comedic insights on overcoming language and cultural differences.

The segment showcases the hosts' ability to blend humor with genuine engagement, addressing listener concerns with wit and relatability.

A-List Celebrity Debate: Is Chris Rock A-List? [81:28 – 99:41]

A heated debate unfolds over whether Chris Rock qualifies as an A-list celebrity. Rory argues that despite his influence in comedy, Chris Rock doesn’t reach the same A-list status as Hollywood heavyweights like Tom Cruise or Will Smith: “He’s not an A-list celebrity” (83:07). Julian and Chris counter by emphasizing Rock’s widespread recognition and impact on the comedy landscape: “Chris Rock is as known as Will Smith” (90:38). The discussion touches on the criteria for A-list status, including media presence, influence across entertainment mediums, and public recognition, ultimately highlighting the subjective nature of celebrity rankings.

Closing Remarks and Final Messages [99:07 – 100:07]

As the episode wraps up, the hosts engage in light-hearted conversation about upcoming shows and personal anecdotes. Chris promotes his performances, encouraging listeners to attend his shows: “Come through him, man” (99:16). The episode concludes with friendly farewells and a humorous nod to future interactions, maintaining the podcast’s signature blend of comedy and candid dialogue.

Notable Quotes:

• Rory Scovel on Sleep Training: “Sleep training has not gone the way I thought it was going to go” (01:49).
• Chris Distefano on Relationships: “I just want to be direct with you” (60:01).
• Discussion on WNBA’s Future: “That's what will happen” (27:16).
• Celebrity Status Debate: “Chris Rock is as known as Will Smith” (90:38).

Conclusion

Episode 278 of New Rory & MAL delivers a mix of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions on contemporary societal issues, sports culture, and the nature of celebrity. With guest Chris Distefano adding depth to the conversation, the hosts navigate complex topics with their trademark comedic flair, offering listeners both entertainment and thoughtful commentary.

Transcript

[Chris Distefano]

Mall.

[Rory Scovel]

We are back on tour. Tickets are available right now. Rory versus Maul, the campaign. It's an election year and we are outside. What's our first city?

[Julian McCullough]

We're in Philadelphia, July 25. Then we're in Detroit, August 22, followed by Chicago, August 25, then London, September 11 and September 18. We're also in London.

[Rory Scovel]

Then we're in Toronto in October 17, Atlanta, November 22, and then we are back home for the holidays. New York, December 13th and 14th. We're doubling up in London and New York for a specific reason. The second dates, which would be London, September 18, New York, December 14. First time ever. My karma is Beautiful presents Rory Maul and friends.

[Julian McCullough]

Looking forward to this one.

[Rory Scovel]

Some live performances. We're still gonna pod? Yeah, that'll still happen.

[Julian McCullough]

Just have some guests.

[Rory Scovel]

We're adding. Adding some more to this. So tickets available now. Newroariemall.com no warrior now.

[Julian McCullough]

Baby.

[Rory Scovel]

He.

[Chris Distefano]

All right.

[Julian McCullough]

I want to take a minute.

[Rory Scovel]

And we are back right on schedule. I believe we missed it. We haven't missed a day in about three years.

[Julian McCullough]

We haven't. I think we have.

[Rory Scovel]

I don't think so. We've had makeup episodes. I want a vacation.

[Julian McCullough]

We need a vacation.

[Rory Scovel]

Anyways, how are you, Mo?

[Julian McCullough]

I'm good. How you feeling, man? I know you've been dealing with some beaches of Normandy trying to put the baby down.

[Rory Scovel]

Yes. Sleep. Sleep. Training has not gone the way I thought it was going to go.

[Julian McCullough]

It's all right. You'll get it. You'll get the hang of it.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm not a US Marine. I've given up.

[Julian McCullough]

I got a US Marine.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm taking the American flag off.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

The mast right now. I'm done.

[Julian McCullough]

Okay.

[Rory Scovel]

I've. I've given up. Mara One going back. Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

She won.

[Rory Scovel]

Sleep in the bed with us. It's over.

[Julian McCullough]

It. It is what it is.

[Rory Scovel]

I have nothing.

[Julian McCullough]

We are joined today by somebody. We've been trying to sit down with this guy for. Well, we sat down with him, what, a year? About a year ago. Yeah, yeah, we was on his pod. And so now he's coming to join us today. Very funny guy. Working his ass off, too. Just looked at his schedule last month. Chris. Chris. Is it this Distefano or Distefano de Stefano? I say Stefano.

[Chris Distefano]

The Stefano. Yeah. Chrissy. Yeah, whatever. Whatever.

[Julian McCullough]

You want to call me Chris?

[Chris Distefano]

Call me Chrissy. Cop head.

[Rory Scovel]

How is that intro compared to people that bring you on stage or like morning radio hosts that have no idea who you are? How did that Go.

[Julian McCullough]

Who doesn't know who?

[Chris Distefano]

Chris. No, you know what it is? A lot of people. A lot of people can't say my last name.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

At all. I'll get Chrissy.

[Julian McCullough]

Like, New Yorkers can say.

[Chris Distefano]

They could say it. They could say it. Destalopolis. I'll get. I'm like, you're an idiot. I don't. Even if I see somebody really struggling now, I just. I just cut them off. I'm like, listen, guy, you don't care. I don't really care. Let me just plug the dates. Why don't you ask me one stupid question that you Googled off my Wikipedia.

[Rory Scovel]

Can comedy go too far?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. All that. Ask me where I got started. Ask me whatever bullshit. Let me plug my dates, and then I'll get out of here. I don't want to do this. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Your manager didn't send, like, a list of credits, so we just got. You know, he's a funny guy and he works hard.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. That's it, bro. Let's stop with the fake. Just do it. So I want to go home. I mean, none of us want to be here. Let's shut it down.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

That's how I live my life now. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

They morning radio doesn't ask podcasters to come on because I guess we're their competition.

[Julian McCullough]

Oh, I'm mad.

[Rory Scovel]

Like, when we were on the road, we never got to do that circuit of morning radio.

[Chris Distefano]

You could do it. You don't. You don't want to do it. Why do you want to wake up at 6am and no. I feel like it's fun. It's fine to do it, but it is. It's a lot of, like. Yeah, corporate stuff. It's the same basic questions. You know, I just go in there, whatever they ask me, I don't. I just talk about what I want to talk about. Yeah. I'm just like. I'm not going to answer your question. I'm here to talk about Christ.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And how it's changed my life.

[Rory Scovel]

I see the Christian Mike Tyson at the end of a fight.

[Chris Distefano]

Any.

[Rory Scovel]

Any question I'm asked, I'm just going to talk about a lot, say what.

[Chris Distefano]

I want, and then that's it. Because, you know, at the end of the day, you go through this career, you realize nobody really cares.

[Julian McCullough]

Nobody.

[Chris Distefano]

Nobody cares. Nobody's really listening.

[Julian McCullough]

No.

[Chris Distefano]

Nobody's really important.

[Julian McCullough]

No.

[Chris Distefano]

It's a beautiful thing to kind of just accept. I'm 39 years old now, and it's kind of nice to be. It's kind of nice to have given up, but also, I'm working hard, but I've also given up. So now it's like, dude, interesting space. I'm right here, bro. I'm. I, I, I've given up gracefully, but I'm still in the game. Still not. I'm still. I got my whole family, but I don't care at all about anything at all anymore. Bomb them. Don't bomb them. Who would have. Kill whoever you want. I don't give a shit. Let's just get through the day. I put my kids down. I'm in the same boat as you. Got to get them down to sleep, got to eat dinner, and then I want to fall asleep watching Better Call Saul. I'm catching up. That's what I'm doing here. You know, people get all bent out of shape with every issue. I don't care what's going on in Australia.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

My brain hasn't been. We're too connected here. Why do I. Social media has made me have to think about in a split second what's happening in Europe. I don't care. I get a. I'm an ocean away. I care about what's happening on this block, in this room right now.

[Julian McCullough]

But you were just in Europe, though.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I was just in Europe.

[Julian McCullough]

We just did a London, Belfast. Had a few dates over there.

[Chris Distefano]

Good time over there. Show shout out to people. They. They don't care either. They're. They're living a different life in the uk. They, they. They do not get bent out of shape like we get bent. All the mistakes we make here as a society, they made that 200 years ago. They're like, we still got problems, but, like, we're not. Not everything is about being, like, so rich and famous and the most money. It's not like that over there. They're just like, hey, like, put in a good day's work. I respect it.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

They destroyed the entire world, and now they just keep to themselves on that little island.

[Chris Distefano]

You got to give it up for European white people. I mean, they are. I mean, dude, think about how small England was. They took over India, Julian. Your people. I mean, fucking subjugated. Like, you can't imagine, dude, A little group of people took over. You have a continent and guys that look like us. Little island in the middle of nowhere. Just came in and said, we'll take it. And you did nothing. Because the European white is. The European historic white was a bad, badass motherfucker. Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

I'm watching Peaky Blonders now.

[Chris Distefano]

Good. Yeah. Yeah. Second time watching the new white. This new white. This is not. I'm not. This is no good. I don't like this new white. We're weak. We're scared. Old school colonial white. Big deal.

[Rory Scovel]

Our ancestors.

[Chris Distefano]

Big deal.

[Rory Scovel]

White conquered and we do.

[Chris Distefano]

Absolutely not us though.

[Rory Scovel]

I can't even conquer our ancestors.

[Chris Distefano]

Look at you and I. We're women for sure. You're a woman 100. We would be. I'd be women. I. We'd have jizz leaking out of our butts.

[Rory Scovel]

Not even ancestors. The guy that's still alive in my gene pool.

[Chris Distefano]

Let me tell you something. An old school war. Go and conquer Indian 1700s. We're from England, dude. I'm playing the band. I got the drums. Yeah, I'm on the drum. Maybe. Or maybe I'm just with the women. Maybe I'm the guy who's with women. I'm doing the laundry. I'm making the soldiers bread.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm not that kind of guy. I don't have that in me, you know, I want peace. I love everybody. You can't. You know, this is not what they wanted back then.

[Julian McCullough]

No.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm definitely the pussy version of Mel Gibson and the Patriot. Not the one that was chopping off like all the Native Americans heads once his son got died. That was just like. Just let it happen. Take my son.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. So where.

[Julian McCullough]

Stay home.

[Chris Distefano]

We're done now. It's not even about. I think just straight people are done. We're done. We had a nice.

[Julian McCullough]

They're trying to get us out.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. It's not even enough to be black anymore. It used to be black, you guys. You could just be black. You can't do that anymore. You got to be black. And something else now.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah. You're trying to learn another language.

[Chris Distefano]

To learn another language. Yeah. You won't because you won't. You got to be straight.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You can't do that. You're not going to write. No. Got it.

[Rory Scovel]

What do you think your extra thing will be?

[Julian McCullough]

Extra language?

[Rory Scovel]

No, just your extra. Like your plus because you're black. I guess. Republican. That's your little add on.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

That makes you unique.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, well, not anymore.

[Chris Distefano]

That's another thing.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, it's like more of us than I thought.

[Rory Scovel]

It's you, Sleepy Hollow and Candace Owens.

[Chris Distefano]

No, no, no. It's a lot of people now. Yeah, it's a lot. I think. I think the Republican. I think the. The vote. The Republicans. Latinos, big time, dude. Puerto Rico. My family's Puerto Rican.

[Rory Scovel]

They love Donnie the Cubans since McCain.

[Chris Distefano]

Here's the thing, dude. White people, we're not that racist. We get a bad rap. Puerto Rican people, that racist, though.

[Julian McCullough]

Not that.

[Chris Distefano]

Let me tell you something. The most wild shit I've ever heard talked about other races is at a Puerto Rican barbecue idea meal. I have to say, no, you can't say that. What you're saying in public, that is not okay. Hey, Junior. That is not okay. Just going off. Right? But you know, and Asian people, too. Chinese people hate Japanese. They hate Koreans. I'm done hearing about the whites being the worst. Well, I'm not saying we're great, right? But enough with us. Stop it.

[Damaris Johnson]

But doesn't that come from the position of power?

[Rory Scovel]

Power?

[Damaris Johnson]

Because, like, it's.

[Chris Distefano]

What power Do I have talked about.

[Damaris Johnson]

The history of you guys?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, 200. What am I doing, dude? I took the bus here. What am I doing? If you're gonna have a narrative, you got, you know, I just don't want to hear regurgitated on TikTok anymore. I want you to tell me where I'm on the Q53 coming over here.

[Damaris Johnson]

I'm not saying you in particular. I'm saying through the historical lens. The position of power has always been historical.

[Chris Distefano]

Whites, absolutely.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah. So I'm saying when it comes to minorities, I think minorities to. I'm. I'm agreeing with you. I think they're more racist because they're trying to separate themselves. They want to make the other minorities lesser than.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Damaris Johnson]

You always want to be. I'm better than them, even though we're the same. That's not the case.

[Julian McCullough]

Minorities can't be racist, though.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yes, they can.

[Chris Distefano]

We can't be racist.

[Rory Scovel]

Prejudice, I believe, by prejudice.

[Chris Distefano]

Prejudice a better word.

[Peach]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

My uncle married a Cuban woman, and their family by far is the most hateful group I've ever met my entire life.

[Chris Distefano]

Cuban. Yeah, they're bad.

[Rory Scovel]

They're anything. They say if they came out of Donald Trump's mouth, they would hang him.

[Chris Distefano]

They're bad news, baby. Get them all.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, get them all.

[Chris Distefano]

Get them. Get them all. They're bad news. Yeah, dude.

[Rory Scovel]

Every single Cuban. All of them from Daniel Monte down.

[Chris Distefano]

Besides, the Jewish Cubans. Love them, respect them. Oh, my God. Yeah. Diversity, it's just, like, all fake, you know? Wait, this guy knows what I'm talking about.

[Julian McCullough]

This guy? Yeah, he knows. He knows.

[Rory Scovel]

Anytime I need some type of white reassurance, I just look over a peach. We connect eyes, we don't say a word. Yeah, he understands.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, he looks like a guy From Peaky Blinders. He looks old school, guys with the bars.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, you had to see him when we was in London. Oh, man, he was happy to be home.

[Chris Distefano]

He looks. He. This guy. You look like, like an English hooligan.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Like. Like you're just in the stands yelling, you. This is my island. Yeah, dude, your liver is bad. I can tell from here. Your liver is bad, dude. Which is good, though. But you know what? You're living free, bro. You're living good.

[Julian McCullough]

Like, you fail him, but you're good, though.

[Chris Distefano]

He doesn't care about, like, you know, health and wellness. That's like a regular guy. Like, I'm over here like, oh, I have to do yoga. I'm meditating. What is this guy? This guy? Cheeseburgers.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Drinking beers. This guy doesn't care if he drops dead at 50. Probably will. Look at it. It doesn't matter. I respect it.

[Rory Scovel]

He has to stay in shape every four years for the insurrection. That's it.

[Julian McCullough]

That's it.

[Rory Scovel]

In between there. Just do it.

[Chris Distefano]

Julian's, like, in shape, dude. He's gay. Yeah. This guy's like an actual guy. I respect him.

[Julian McCullough]

That's a man, right?

[Chris Distefano]

That's a man.

[Julian McCullough]

That's what.

[Chris Distefano]

That's a man. And that's. And that's kind of. He has the old school conqueror head.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know what I mean? Like, look at his head. It looks like a boulder. His head's too big. He can't fit into hats. These guy could fit into a regular sized hat. Look at his head. That's an old school guy. He doesn't have small heads like us, like, petite. This guy, he just. He just gets up, he eats whatever he want. Lard. And he's. That's it, bro. He just walks around like a. Yeah, dude, it's great. I guarantee you she. She thinks you're the hottest guy even though you're not. But she's most attracted to you even though, like, we're all better and cleaner. But, like, he looks at you and you're just here. You shouldn't be working in technology. Like, that's. You're an actual man.

[Julian McCullough]

You shouldn't be.

[Chris Distefano]

Like. Told you somebody messed with you mentally, was like, this is what you need to do. You need to go and start beating the out of people. The NYPD would come in here and be like, give me this guy. Put a stick in his head.

[Rory Scovel]

He look, he looks like. He doesn't ask questions.

[Chris Distefano]

He looks like, yeah, dude, they would. You just look. You look like you should be recruited 100%.

[Julian McCullough]

He has that old school look.

[Rory Scovel]

The lunchroom Marines worked on 100%, dude.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

Oh, the pull up bar.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, that's it, bro.

[Chris Distefano]

Raw strength. I like them. Yeah.

[Peach]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

I had years of feminism with my.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Just shrunk my head.

[Chris Distefano]

Got a little baby head. We're not God. We're not real guys.

[Rory Scovel]

I was so happy when the trend of the fitteds went over the ears.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

That's how I wear every hat.

[Chris Distefano]

It doesn't look like. I think, like a guy from 200 years ago would look at us. They don't even know what we are. They're like, what is this? This is supposed to be a guy.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, it's.

[Rory Scovel]

It's bad.

[Chris Distefano]

Do we have little. Little dicks now? The guys had way bigger dicks back in the day. True.

[Rory Scovel]

For sure.

[Chris Distefano]

Bigger dicks, bigger balls. We got little. This guy's got a big dick and balls. I bet if you guys went on the Patreon. What's his name? Peaches. Peach. Peach. You put this guy. I guarantee you this guy's the biggest dick in balls out of this whole team. He's a guy. He's an actual guy.

[Rory Scovel]

You got a burrito?

[Chris Distefano]

He's not ticklish. He's not doing any of that.

[Rory Scovel]

No, no way. Peach got circumcised.

[Chris Distefano]

No way. He's not circumcised, bro. His feet are atrocious. He's like a mess. But this is what women want. They don't want, like a guy. He's not taking care of himself.

[Rory Scovel]

It's the Tony Soprano.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, dude, it doesn't matter, bro. This is the guy. I'm telling you, dude, this is what we got to do.

[Rory Scovel]

We need more of that.

[Damaris Johnson]

That's the blueprint.

[Rory Scovel]

But it exists. We're just in our New York City bubble. If you a few exits down to lie, you're gonna run into a bunch of people.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, but yes, yes, for sure. This is him.

[Rory Scovel]

Staten Island. I mean, where's the ferry? You're gonna.

[Julian McCullough]

He's from the Bronx.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, you're from the Bronx. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Old school.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, old school.

[Rory Scovel]

He's from the Bronx and then moved to Kansas like a real fucking man.

[Chris Distefano]

Did you?

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Going back. Yeah. To your people. You migrated there because that's the white. That's where. That's where the whites were going with. Your type of white was pushed so far out of New York that you landed in Kansas. You could not. You were like, how far away from the pride parade do I have to be with a look like that. And you said, there's no way. And at least you said Kansas is all flat. I can see the gays coming. They can't. There's no rainbow. I could see gays and minorities coming. So I'm in Kansas, where I can just have the Eve. I. I understand why you did that.

[Julian McCullough]

Holy.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah, bro.

[Rory Scovel]

So how was Father's Day?

[Chris Distefano]

Father's Day was amazing. Father's Day, good time. I got three kids. My daughters made me pancakes. What do we do? And we did. We went up to Chaz Palminteri from Bronx Tale. That's a gossip, man.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Went up to Chaz's house.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, and it's nice. It's nice to have to, you know, my daughter's play. Beautiful home. Him and his wife, Chaz's wife. Amazing people. But it's nice to have to play, like, actually make believe I'm a guy when I'm with Chaz, because he's all, you know, he doesn't know the real me. He thinks I'm, like, a guy's guy. So I'm sitting there trying to smoke a cigar. I don't even know how to light it. I'm choking, coughing, blaming it on asthma. Yeah. You know, not even that. I was like, I got my lung, you know, I was sawing. I sawed the house in half. So I got sawdust in my lungs. He's like, yeah, respect it. You know, have to kind of talk about the things that we got to talk about when really, like, I just want to talk about, like, history or, like, Christ and my feelings. But with him, I got to be like, yeah, you know, it's my girl. Give her a whack, you know, Put some sauce on it, you know, but that's not really me. I'm gay. And, you know, and so. But it's fun to be with them, you know? Eat. Eat so much pasta and cake. Like, you just got to eat with him. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

You sit like this in front of him.

[Chris Distefano]

No, no, no. Legs open, balls out like this. Talking about the neighborhood. You know, his wife puts out pasta and food. You eat it. Yeah. You know, because if you don't eat it, it's like, well, you. What are you, a fucking girl? Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I eat the food, and I'm like. I've had, you know, I'm like, intermittent fasting. And he's like, nah. So you do that. So you play pretend, and it's. And it's great. And my daughters get to see me at least, like, what they were hoping their father would be like. Because right now they see Mom. Their mom is the one who builds everything. She's the hands on, like, you know, I don't know how to do anything or she puts up Sheetrock. She installs everything. I kind of just sit there. I take care of the kids. I make lemonade. Yeah. And so. So at least one day a year, when we go up to our good friend Chaz's house, they see dad be a guy.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And I think that. That, you know, they want that.

[Julian McCullough]

It helps them.

[Chris Distefano]

Helps them. Yeah. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

My girl's been really into the DIY shit, so she's actually. It was cool in the beginning because she'd make, like, cute shit for the house and set up the bathroom. Now she's, like, really learning how to use, like, electric power tools.

[Chris Distefano]

Whoa.

[Rory Scovel]

So I come home already emasculated. I do a podcast. I'm bottom of the barrel when it comes.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Rory Scovel]

If war happened.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

And then I walk in and my girl's building shelves.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

She has a pencil in her ear, right. She has a protractor. Those still existed?

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Dude, wait until you get springing that stuff into the bedroom. Just get a drill bit in your ass.

[Rory Scovel]

Listen, I'm team Vibrator, so who knows what's next?

[Chris Distefano]

Seriously, dude, she's going to start doing it. Yeah, yeah. I get it, man. We're very emasculated generation.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Of men. But you're not, like, you're a guy's guy. I feel like I would hope so. Yeah. Guys. Guys. Yeah, yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

From a different.

[Chris Distefano]

No, I can tell. He's. He'd be the best at. If we just put out tools. He'd be the best at using them.

[Rory Scovel]

Interesting. He's. He's from that era where he'll get his nails done and painted, but also knows how to operate weaponry with those.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Rory Scovel]

Painted nails.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Rory Scovel]

So, like, yeah, you're. You're on the feminine side of the last era.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Right.

[Julian McCullough]

You'd still murder somebody without generation. A little bit.

[Chris Distefano]

A little bit.

[Julian McCullough]

But we still had to be a certain.

[Chris Distefano]

A certain level of guy to kind of fit in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's. It's interesting. It's interesting what. What's happened, but I think, like, nowadays, man, you, you know, you're finding guys just doing less and less around the house stuff, you know, and then it's like you start to get. You start to question because here's the truth. It's like, I don't know how to build anything. And that's okay to just be a guy who's in a building thing. But then what happens is, is then your brain starts to get away from you, and then you start to be like, well, maybe I like cock. You know, Maybe that's what it is.

[Rory Scovel]

Usually the next time.

[Chris Distefano]

Maybe I'm craving cock.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And you're probably not. I'm probably not. I'm most likely not. I'm just a straight guy that doesn't want to build anything because his father was in jail when he should have been teaching me how to build stuff.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But then, you know, with all this therapy, that's the thing now, to me, it's like, too much of this. There's too much mental health. You're not all that mentally. Shut up. You're not all mentally unwell. Some of you are. Yeah, but not all. You do. You. You don't have to go to therapy every day. How many times you going to talk about your problems? You make them too real. It's like, I got to go to a therapist and talk about how it emasculates me that I. I can't use a hammer and nails. And she's like, well, maybe it's because you enjoy men. And I'm like, no, it's not. It might be that it's not 100% not that, but I don't think it's that.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I actually never thought about it.

[Damaris Johnson]

I had that thought until now.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Until you told. Thanks, Dr. Goldman. Yeah, now I. You know what I mean? Now I'm on Grindr.

[Rory Scovel]

It's really literally, you have to do the work.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

It's not just about being in the therapy session. You have to go out and do the work. So you have to see if you like dick.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Which I don't.

[Rory Scovel]

Homework.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know. That's what happens every time someone puts their dick in balls. I go, ooh. Oh, are you so. I know I'm not gay. I go, fine, I'll lick it.

[Damaris Johnson]

Are you worried about that with your. With your son? I know he's younger than your daughters, but having your son grow up and not seeing you be that model or whatever the. The case may be, like a repeated cycle with.

[Chris Distefano]

No, not really. I think he's. I think he's. You know, listen, he's into video games, so I kind of think, like. I mean, that kid can fly a plane. If the. If literally, if we were on a JetBlue flight and the pilot died, my son could get in there and land the plane because he knows how to do it on video games. So I don't think he needs. I don't think our youth needs. They don't need to do this stuff. I know we say that they need to know how to do it. The bottom line is they don't need to know. They don't even know. My son doesn't have to learn anything. You just go on ChatGPT and I'll tell you everything.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, I hear you. But also like, I live in Jersey City and they're gay. Yeah, super. I mean, it's India trendy now. Big Indian community, big Indian dude. And they're digging up all the pipes now because they're like 150 years old and they just ignored them in a sinkhole happened and they realized, oh fuck, all these pipes are the next generation. Will they be able to fix the pipes?

[Chris Distefano]

Probably not, but AI robots will be able to. They'll be able to control the robots that do it. And I don't, I hate it too. But my kind of thing is like, what am I going to do? This kid doesn't want to do anything. What am I going to do? Hit him? Yeah, my dad, I mean, I want. Yeah, well, he's lefty, so it's tough to fight a lefty. He's a southpaw and so. And so. But I'm like, I don't know, man. There's a part of me, it's like just rather like, you know, his mom gets mad, he's always playing video games. I'm like, well, that's what these kids do now though.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So it's like, let's just make him like something with technology and video games. He doesn't want to go outside, so there's nothing. My daughter, my 9 year old loves being out, she loves playing sports. So I'm like, that one wants to go outside, this one doesn't want to go outside. I mean, how much are we going to force this kid to do something he doesn't want to do?

[Julian McCullough]

But it's interesting with that because we had video games growing up and obviously we love playing video games, but we also love being outside.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Julian McCullough]

This generation though, they just don't want to be outside. Like I drove past a couple parks this weekend and all of the basketball courts was empty. And I was like, yeah, nice day out on the weekend, springtime. All the courts are empty.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, because we had basic video games. They have like augmented reality games. So like they can't. And they can kind of create A better existence for themselves. What they think theoretically on the screen than they can outside. Or they could be like, they cannot be a nerd or not be made fun of in this little area. So they just stay in that area where it's comfortable. They're not. They don't get out of their comfort zone.

[Rory Scovel]

Video games. When we were kids, there was a last level.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

And they communicate like it's all.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Damaris Johnson]

It's all.

[Chris Distefano]

They're all there.

[Julian McCullough]

They can see each other.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

It's nothing but racism and horny going on.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Dude, it's wild.

[Rory Scovel]

What does your father think of your parenting techniques?

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know really. He's. I feel like he's. He's kind of. Well, he lives in Tampa now, so he's. We don't see each other that much, but I think that he'll he his big thing, especially with my daughters. He wants them to know mma. He's like, I just want your daughter. The girls need to know how to defend themselves. The son, whatever. The girls who don't want to defend themselves. So we got them in MMA. But she doesn't want to do. My 9 year old doesn't want to do it. But I will say she's learning. She's learned like arm bars and stuff. And a week ago, her brother was just messing around with her, you know, just whatever. Sibling stuff. And she put him in an arm bar quick.

[Rory Scovel]

Nice.

[Chris Distefano]

And I was like, nice.

[Rory Scovel]

I like the video to death.

[Chris Distefano]

I like that. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, well, I know. I wish I was filming it. And, and. But he's, you know, he. His whole thing is as long as they are not gambling, I'm like, well, they're nine and three, so they're not gambling.

[Rory Scovel]

That's when it starts.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. He's like, as long as he was like, you just get. Keep this DraftKings.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

That's a slippery slope. I'm like, I don't think she's on DraftKings. Like, I'll let my 9 year old watch YouTube. And he's like, make sure there's no gambling on there.

[Rory Scovel]

WNBA now. People are changing.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah, I know. Look at the bit. I know. We care about. We care about women's sports.

[Rory Scovel]

I don't think we care. I think we just found something else to argue about. I don't think anyone's really watching these games for the love of the sport.

[Damaris Johnson]

Hell no.

[Rory Scovel]

It's just so we can disagree with Shannon Sharpe.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I kind of feel like too. Even. Even. And this could just be me. Like, my daughters, like, when she was playing for Iowa, like, we were watching it, loving it, you know, Caitlin Clark and my daughter loved it, you know, whatever, because of the hype of it all. But now she's, like, not watching the WNBA because she's not scoring 50 a game. Yeah, she's a very good player. Yeah. But she's not like, oh, my. She's not like LeBron as a woman.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know what I mean?

[Julian McCullough]

I just. I think that is transferring with. With Caitlin and Angel Reese and this new generation of women's players. I think it's transferring a bit, but I just think that the. The fact that it's the WNBA and then the NBA is such a gap between the two leagues that people are not, you know, they expect the WNBA to just all of a sudden wake up tomorrow and it's on the level of the NBA and that's not going to happen.

[Chris Distefano]

No, the. The NBA didn't get. Most professional sports leagues didn't get like that. Like, you know, these. All these leagues. I mean, the. The ABA almost beat out the NBA. Nobody cared about the NFL until it, you know, merged. So it's like. You're right. It's. It take. It takes time. The problem is, though, I think with the WNBA is now, you know, now it's different. But back in the day, it wasn't men that weren't watching was women that weren't watching. The women were not watching. The women were preferring the NBA. So it's like, what do you. You can't make someone just want to watch something if. If it's not entertaining.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

To them, this is entertaining to people now. And I think a lot of the drama is good for the game. And I kind of personally think the WNBA themselves are fueling the drama themselves. Like what SNL does. They'll make like some, you know, controversial writer or thing, and it's like, it's all in house shit. So you watch the show. It's all like, we're all. We're all pawns.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, so it's like, I don't even know. I would not even be surprised if they have, you know, kind of said for Angel, Reese and Caitlin Clark to create this beef or hype it up a little bit or, you know, I bet you some. I bet you there's like a ghost writer on the wnba, you know, Twitter feed, you know, just tweeting out these people, making them mad, and then making the rivalry more real. I would not be surprised. It's showmanship yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

It's. Entertainment is money.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

I just think that it's, you know, it's good to see players like Caitlyn and Angel. Asia Wilson, who's phenomenal.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

Those type of players. I think they are doing their part, but I do think the fans need to do more.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

People talk about the W. Belf, and I ask people, how many WNBA games have you been to?

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Julian McCullough]

Most people have never been to a WNBA game.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I, I, Yeah, I went to one. I didn't even know the Liberty were playing at the Barclays Center. I thought they were still playing at the Garden. I had no idea exactly what the hell was going on.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Remember when they played at Radio City that year?

[Julian McCullough]

I do remember that. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

For a whole year.

[Damaris Johnson]

Just a game.

[Julian McCullough]

I think it was a game.

[Rory Scovel]

Maybe it was just a game.

[Damaris Johnson]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Rory Scovel]

I wasn't paying attention.

[Julian McCullough]

They've tried, Listen, they've done things around the WNBA to try to give it that allure. It just hasn't transferred. But what Caitlin is doing, obviously, on a media level, there's more coverage now. Obviously. They just had to switch one of the games to a big arena. Two weeks ago, sold out. It was like 20,000 tickets. So obviously players like that are doing their part, but I just think that it's. They just have so, so much farther to go. They have to pay the women more.

[Chris Distefano]

Right. When is the first. When is the first trans woman coming to play trans swimmer? When is the first trans woman coming?

[Rory Scovel]

Change the game.

[Chris Distefano]

It better be next year's draft, if you will. To get the WNBA to the next level, you need to get a trans woman like Leah Thomas on the swim team. You need to get her out there against Caitlin Clark, and then I think it'll start.

[Damaris Johnson]

Brittney Griner is pretty much there, but she's.

[Julian McCullough]

But she's born.

[Rory Scovel]

Was born a woman.

[Chris Distefano]

She was born. I'm talking about. I want.

[Rory Scovel]

This is the, the only place I'd want the transgender to happen with sports.

[Chris Distefano]

Get the NBA.

[Rory Scovel]

She get that.

[Chris Distefano]

Somebody gets dunked on hard.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

So like nuts. Nuts in their face.

[Chris Distefano]

Post op. Nuts on your head.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

Your post op. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Imagine that. Getting a post op tea bag with the rules.

[Rory Scovel]

They could still have. They could still have the equipment there.

[Chris Distefano]

No, no, I want somebody with a post op coming in there. But Diesel.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Like you are. You got testosterone through your veins, buddy. But you have. You have full post op and you are putting it on people. I want one of your stitches to break open in these Girls eyes. That's what I want. And then we'll start watching for real. Obviously, you know I'm kidding. But it's also like you're gonna watch.

[Damaris Johnson]

It's like wanna, man.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

If Leah Thomas, the pen swimmer, you know, male greatest of all time. Greatest of all time. If that was swimming, we don't care about as. Even when Michael Phelps is doing it, you care about it for a hot second. Swimming's not that big of a sport. Yeah. But if that was the wnba, it would be nothing. Imagine you had somebody like Dame Lillard. Levels, Talent.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Coming out like, imagine Dame Lillard was like, I'm trans. And then immediately in the wnba, what would you do?

[Rory Scovel]

I think the closest ticket, the closest.

[Chris Distefano]

I'd be in there, front row, hard.

[Rory Scovel]

The glass we had, but the times weren't right. Was Dwight Howard. If Dwight got drafted as a rookie, right now, I think we may have some hope where he would transition.

[Chris Distefano]

Is he trans?

[Damaris Johnson]

Dwight is gay.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, Dwight Howard's gay.

[Rory Scovel]

But I think if he was in a more open environment, he would have explored that. He was hiding being gay for like 20 years.

[Chris Distefano]

Make no mistake, there's somebody right now alive that's going to happen in the next five years that is. Is transitioning. That is a unbelievable basketball player that will be worthy of the wnba. That will happen. It's not. Yeah, it's not not. It's. It's. It's statistically impossible.

[Julian McCullough]

I mean, they'll get to the WNBA without people actually knowing that they're trans.

[Chris Distefano]

No, I mean, they're going to be open trans. They're going to play on the. On a women's basketball team. Like Leah Thomas was on a women's swim team.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And they are going to make. They are going to be drafted into the wnba. That's what will happen.

[Rory Scovel]

It definitely will.

[Chris Distefano]

Because you can't. Because the rules have changed. You can't. If Leah Thomas did it in Penn.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

University of Pennsylvania, you can. Why? You can play in the women's basketball team. Of course.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So that's what it is. Controversial. It's just what. It's just the world we live in. Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

Well, it's funny you say that because it's. I've. You kind of can't avoid it because there are always such touch point moments on like a high school, collegiate level. Like, I saw this video of this transgender woman running an open 400. Smoked all the other girls, but the time would have been dead last in the men's heat. But she ended up Winning by like a landslide in the course. And you can see in the faces of the other women competing like this is nonsense. Like, like jacked and like three times their size.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, it's up.

[Damaris Johnson]

But it's like in sports that kind of like to your point, fringe on popularity. As soon as this happens in like basketball, it's. Oh yeah, that's when the real world.

[Rory Scovel]

As soon as people start liking it. Yeah, definitely switch over because I think that person will ball out and get more ratings than Caitlin Clark ever got.

[Chris Distefano]

Of course they'll break every record Caitlin Clark ever had.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. So it'll happen. Did you guys see the WNBA Nike commercial that came out, I think last night or two nights ago of the janitor having to clean up the arenas now.

[Chris Distefano]

What? Because everyone's tampons are falling out.

[Rory Scovel]

They cycle together.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm kidding.

[Rory Scovel]

They're teammates. It's a janitor now that has to do his job and how upset he is because people are going to WNBA games now.

[Julian McCullough]

Mr. Earl.

[Chris Distefano]

Mr. Earl's a funny name.

[Julian McCullough]

That's a janitor. Sabrina triple doubled my workload.

[Rory Scovel]

You know, they focus group Mr. Earl too.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

10 white people decided his name for sure.

[Damaris Johnson]

Asia wins.

[Chris Distefano]

Back to back chips. I love a left handed woman.

[Rory Scovel]

Keeps you on your toes.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, that's what this is. And don't get me so what's this?

[Damaris Johnson]

He's saying women are messy?

[Rory Scovel]

No, he's saying that he never had to clean the arena before. Cuz no one wants a game.

[Chris Distefano]

Y'all say it's a good time for women's basketball.

[Rory Scovel]

It's bad for Mr. Earl.

[Damaris Johnson]

I say it's a bad time for Mr. Earl.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, I love when a group full of white execs get together in a conference room, put together a commercial.

[Chris Distefano]

I kind of like it.

[Julian McCullough]

I like that commercial.

[Chris Distefano]

I like Mr. Earl.

[Rory Scovel]

You think he'll get a spin off like this will be a series?

[Chris Distefano]

That'd be dope.

[Julian McCullough]

Mr. Earl's gonna get his own shoe for sure.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh yeah, well, Sabrina Ionescu has her own shoe. Right. That are kind of dope. Yeah, right. That's gonna start happening now. Guys are gonna start rocking like, you know, like a WNBA women's.

[Julian McCullough]

I had the Cheryl Swoops.

[Chris Distefano]

And you liked them.

[Julian McCullough]

For sure.

[Rory Scovel]

What did you match them with? I mean, put together with the Swoops.

[Julian McCullough]

It was Team Jordan, so it was a Jordan sneaker.

[Rory Scovel]

Gotcha.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I don't know, man. We'll see, we'll see. I'm, I'm interested, you know, I mean the Angel, I. You hear a lot of. I see a lot of people comment. We wouldn't even know who Angel Reese is. It wasn't for Caitlin Clark. And maybe that's true, but it's also like, everybody, like, Caitlin Clark exists, but then the nemesis exists too, right? Like, and. Or. Or you know, that you got. You need it all. Like, everybody, you know, like, we're all pieces of the pie here. So I do. I do think, though, that the media, for whatever reason, has hyped up Caitlyn. She is amazing. But it's like, did she break. Like, how much did she break these records? Like, was she the best WM. Women's college basketball player by a landslide? Like, no one's been close to her stats.

[Rory Scovel]

I don't know if it was a landslide, but definitely in the last decade. By far the best.

[Chris Distefano]

She's the best one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it. It is. It is a thing, too, where it's like, you know, you saw this with, like. You know, like, the media can just. They can choose to make a story big, and then we all just follow. But it may not be that big of a deal when you break it down. But I didn't know, like, what her actual stats were.

[Julian McCullough]

I don't put. See, this is. This goes back to. And this is just me. I don't. Just because you have. You hold all of these stats, you're obviously a great player. But when you say the greatest woman's college player, I don't know if just because she holds all of these stats, that automatically makes it that maybe she played more years.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

You know, play more games. You know, it's a million factors. The offense was built differently. Like, it's. She's still a great player. Jalen Clark is a great player, but I. Am I ready to say she's a greater college player than Cheryl Miller?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, she would. Did she score, like, 100 in a game?

[Julian McCullough]

I can't say that. Like, I can't put her above, like, somebody like Cheryl Millen.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, but that.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, that's not very fair. College is weird with that. Like, Kevin Durant played one year. He probably would have went on to be the greatest college player.

[Damaris Johnson]

Kyrie played five games.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

So I think it's unfair six games.

[Chris Distefano]

To do well because he got hurt.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, he got hurt immediately.

[Chris Distefano]

Came back.

[Julian McCullough]

He came back in the tournament all right.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, he played, like, six full games, if that.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, he played. I think he played, like, 11 to 12. And he was. I know he do. He was the first Player that Coach K gave a scholarship to that knew he was only playing one year.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Julian McCullough]

Coach K doesn't give scholarships.

[Damaris Johnson]

11 total games.

[Chris Distefano]

11Amazing.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

Average 17 and a half, three and a half boards.

[Julian McCullough]

Coach K knew he was only playing one year.

[Chris Distefano]

One year.

[Julian McCullough]

Still gave him college. Still still gave him a scholarship. He was just that good.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Oh, With a toe injury.

[Damaris Johnson]

I think with the women's that I. That I enjoy is there's no, like, there's no rush for them to go to the wnba. So the story, like, what we saw with Caitlin since her sophomore year, they can build the narrative, follow the story, follow the progress over four years in college. I think it's kind of what ruined for me, at least the collegiate basketball on the men's side, because it's just. I can't invest in this team if. If all the stars are gone after their freshman year.

[Chris Distefano]

Once they rearrange the Big East, I was out. Oh, it's basketball. Once, like, I was like, what? Who's the Big east now? Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

Oregon. Like, how.

[Chris Distefano]

No, shut up. I was like. I was like, I'm done with you guys. Yeah, I'm done. You know, I do. I don't mind the college kids making money, though.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, close.

[Rory Scovel]

Especially with what we're talking about with kids being online video games. They. Bronnie could be an influencer for the rest of his life and get paid for college basketball. The NBA is not a priority for every single kid.

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Rory Scovel]

So, yeah, they're gonna stay for four years when you get paid. Plus you can make money on your Instagram stream. Anything you want to do. I'm not going straight to the league. I'll actually develop my game for four years and still get paid.

[Chris Distefano]

And it incentivizes education more to me. It's like, you're gonn four years because I make the money. And then you get. At least you get. You get a degree. You stay in school a little bit.

[Rory Scovel]

We know athletes go to class all the time.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I mean, it's a higher chance if you're there.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know. I. I don't mind it at all. My dad would, like, argue with me tooth and nail how, like, it's a disgrace. I'm like, that's an old. You're like an old guy.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You.

[Rory Scovel]

You played college ball. How much?

[Chris Distefano]

Division three.

[Rory Scovel]

Your net worth would be if you could get paid.

[Chris Distefano]

Division I was Division three, college. Honestly, dude, I really could have got a meal plan. Yeah. I honestly think, being div. I think I. I think You, I, I, I would get a thousand dollars a month. That's what I think. I can make a G a month.

[Rory Scovel]

That's confidence.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

I think you're overselling yourself.

[Chris Distefano]

You think? Dude Division three.

[Rory Scovel]

We played this school Pizzeria maybe would sponsor.

[Chris Distefano]

We played Webb Institute one year. They had a girl on the other team that I had to guard. And so I. Thomas Dude Division. But this was like in 2003 when it was like, it was an actual. Just like a regular biological woman.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

That was just on the team because they didn't have enough bodies. And so, like, I cannot, I would think. Yeah, you're right, dude. Maybe, maybe, maybe $100 a month.

[Julian McCullough]

But it has to.

[Rory Scovel]

But it's the thing before taxes.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

If you go to, if you go to a big school, do you want like a Duke?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

And you walk into a game in an arena, a home game, and the entire student body has on your jersey.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Julian McCullough]

And you know, they pay for that at the student store and you don't get nothing from that. That's crazy to think that that player is going to be out on that court and be like, like, yeah, my mom is struggling back home working, getting a college education.

[Chris Distefano]

I agree. Also, like, how many of these kids, they have a great freshman, sophomore, even junior years, they get hurt, they don't get drafted or they fall off because the freshman, you know, comes in and takes their position. And it's just the luck of the draw, you know, getting drafted in the end, it's casting. It's not even like the best. It's not even like the 25 or 30 best players get drafted. It's a casting call. It's like, I don't know, man. Like, you may make it, you may not. Sometimes has nothing to do with talent. So my thing is, like you said, it's like these kids are busting their ass if, if they, especially if they come from a family where, like, they don't have much money. Pay these guys while they're making money for the school now.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Just in case. And I, so I, I respect it. I mean, people that don't understand it, I'm like, what, what, what don't you want? How can you pay a coach $10 million a year and the kids get nothing?

[Julian McCullough]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

That's impossible. Then the coach shouldn't make anything either, Right? Yeah. You know? Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Give them a college education.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

That's a degree in coaching, which is nothing.

[Julian McCullough]

Are you into streaming yet?

[Chris Distefano]

Did you start streaming? No. I know I should, but I just Like, I'm just got to that age where I don't care.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know what I mean? Like, I just. I wish I was a few months. Even if. Even if I was a few months younger, I would have gotten into it. But I just. It's one of those things where I don't. I've kind of now reached that age where I like what I like. I want to do it the way I want to do it. Even if I'm going to lose money, I don't have the energy to come in here and learn anything new. I don't want to do that at all, you know, which sucks, because I probably could be way ahead in my career, but I don't want to. I just don't want to do it at all. Yeah. Like, I don't even. I don't even type. I just write everything down. I still just. I have a pen and paper.

[Julian McCullough]

I just don't. Like, some friend of mine had called me, and he's a little older than us, and he was like, yo, did you watch the Cost or Not? Kevin Hart stream? I was like, first of all, you asking me that is just crazy because why are you watching it? And he was like, yo, it's like nine hours long. Like, every day, I'm just taking an hour and watching. He was like, you gotta watch it. It's the funniest. And I'm like, really?

[Chris Distefano]

No, no, thanks.

[Rory Scovel]

I just don't have that much free time.

[Julian McCullough]

But he's watching it. Like it's an episodic type of like. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't want to have a live look into this guy's bedroom. Like, it. I'm not, you know, it's like, what.

[Julian McCullough]

What are y'all looking at? Like, okay, he's in his basement. He's having some celebrity friends over and they're cracking jokes and they're pranking each other and things. Like.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

For nine hours.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And I get it. I totally get it's the way of the future. I get that's where the money is. I just. I respectfully don't care. I respectfully don't. It's not something I'll ever care about. Ever. I'm never going to watch you stream. And again, I know that's where. You know where. That's where it's lit. Whatever. Great. Yeah, good for you. I don't care anymore. I'm done. You should have caught me a year ago. Yeah, should have caught me a year ago. I would have been in. I would have been influenced.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Now I'm setting my. I've just. Something's happened. I've put my feet down like the cement has dropped. Yeah. For me, I'm like, this is who I. This is how I'll never change my way of thinking. I don't care anymore. You could show me evidence that how I was thinking was radically wrong. I'm like, you know what, man? Maybe if I'll get reincarnated, maybe I'll change. It takes too much work at this point to just change.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm officially a white father.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm setting my ways, baby.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, that's it. Well, I'm a white. I'm a white. I'm a Latino father.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm sorry.

[Chris Distefano]

I am raising Latino children. Yes.

[Damaris Johnson]

What do you.

[Rory Scovel]

What's the struggle of raising the Latina children Latino?

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, everybody's speaking a different language.

[Rory Scovel]

Do you finally see the world through minority eyes?

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

100%.

[Julian McCullough]

You have to.

[Chris Distefano]

100%.

[Julian McCullough]

You know what the struggle is like now?

[Chris Distefano]

Yes. My Latino, my Latino.

[Rory Scovel]

Scared for your safety. Every day.

[Chris Distefano]

Every single day, I'm scared for my safety on Staten Island.

[Rory Scovel]

Well, if anyone Latino had to be scared in New York City, it would be in Stan.

[Julian McCullough]

100.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Well, you just said.

[Damaris Johnson]

Reminded me of a quote from Keanu Reeves where he was, like, weird that you had ad blockers in the way, but he said something along the lines of. Of. I'm at the stage of my life where I stay out of discussions. Even if you say one plus one is five, you're right. Have fun.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes. That's exactly how I feel. I couldn't care. I couldn't care less. Which I know is crazy because I'm a podcast. I have a podcast, and I'm a comedian. I'm supposed to have opinions. Yeah. But I just. I. I couldn't. Like, you can tell me anything, and I'm just like, I. I really. Dude, I don't care. I. I just. I. I'm in my intermittent fasting window. I can eat in a few hours. I'm thinking about food. I just want to make sure. I'm just wanting to take my. I want to push my kids in the swing.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know, dude. You have a lot of time on your hands. Yeah, I get. Yes. And Justin. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's. Welcome to being a human being.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

We all got shit.

[Rory Scovel]

It just gets exhausting when you're met with some issue that you have no idea about. You have no. The history of it, no clue. And now you're forced to look at it and tell the world how you feel.

[Chris Distefano]

Could you imagine me? It's exhausting me. I'm a white. I grew up in Queens, Brooklyn. Could you imagine me having any opinion on Palestine or Israel at all? Do you know. Do you even think I know where it is? Good for you. And you want me to comment publicly on my Instagram guy? I have no idea what you're talking.

[Rory Scovel]

You went to many bat mitzvahs, I'm.

[Chris Distefano]

Sure that's the thing, dude. You grow up. I was Catholic, right? I. You. I grew up in New York City. They the. I think the most amount of Jewish people outside of Israel in New York City. I did not meet or befriend my first Jewish friend Till I was 23 years old in graduate school. Because you. You're so. You're isolated. Even though New York's a melting pot, you get isolated with it. Like, nobody was Jewish on my block.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So you know what I mean? I knew Puerto Ricans. I knew Polish kids. There was one or two black families and Chinese. That was my block. No Jewish.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So I knew all the other stuff.

[Rory Scovel]

You guys ran them out.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, that's it. Maybe they were. I know my block was full German, and. And so Heidi Schweine.

[Rory Scovel]

And so the history of Ridgewood, if we want to get into it.

[Chris Distefano]

It actually is German. It actually is a.

[Rory Scovel]

No, I know, bro.

[Chris Distefano]

You actually want to know something wild? So. So it was an old school German neighborhood, right? My mother is German, so old school German neighborhood. But I grew up across the street. Old guy, cross street. And my grandfather fought in World War II, and he was always talking to this dude. Dude, always. Right? They were buddies. And then he died, you know, like, when I was a little kid. And then. And then I remember I was a few years after, I was maybe a teenager, and I mentioned him to, like, my mom, and she was like, yeah. She was like. I was like, you know, and that was like Gramp's best friend. She's like, well, I wouldn't say best friend. They later on in life became friends. And I was like, well, they would talk all the time and talk war stories. She goes, yeah, war stories. I was like, yeah, war stories. They. Were they in the war together? She was like, they were at the war, in the war at the same time. And I'm like, were they in, like, the same battalion? She was like, he was a Nazi. And I was like, wait a minute. That guy that my grandpa would have coffee and bagel with every day was a Nazi? She goes, yes, he fought with the Nazis and he lived across the street from us. And I was like, oh, I never knew that. And then. Cause she was saying, though she explained. She was like. But he was one of the like, like, he was like. It was like known because a big thing with the Nazis was he fought for Nazi Germany, but not. He was gun to his head. He has. He had to the German army, what they took over his town. They're like, either we kill you and your family right now. You put on the uniform.

[Julian McCullough]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

So he wasn't like a Holocaust SS Nazi. He was like, I don't want to do this.

[Rory Scovel]

German army was called Nazi at one point. It was just a German army.

[Chris Distefano]

There was. Yeah, yeah. He was just a German citizen that had no. He would either kill or I have to do this.

[Julian McCullough]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

So. But. So that's why I guess my grandfather was. Was friendly with them.

[Rory Scovel]

But that's more common than people think. There's a documentary, I forgot the name of it, but about this nice old gentleman that was in the community for years and then the CIA like raided his house when he was like 80.

[Chris Distefano]

Something with the devil. Right, the devil something.

[Rory Scovel]

He was like one of the devil next door. Yes. One of the main Nazis throughout the entire thing. Holocaust. Like Hitler's right hand man.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

And was just chilling in a community for like 40 years. Just like the nice old guy that you know.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Rory Scovel]

CIA, Homeland security raids the house and he goes on trial for like the most heinous war crimes you've ever heard.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

It was just your man's next door. Like, wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. If you were in the SS like the Nazi, then you were a bad dude. Then you were like, you were like Hitler's like people like guards in the Holocaust.

[Rory Scovel]

You ended up Argentina.

[Chris Distefano]

Now if you. Exactly. But if you were just like a guy in the German army, maybe you had those feelings. Of course. But. But there could have been a possibility where you were like, hey man, I don't want to do this either. Yeah. They were just like, we will kill you or you put the uniform on. The draft came back. I saw that.

[Rory Scovel]

I wanted to fact check it because I saw it this week on blog.

[Damaris Johnson]

The House of Representatives.

[Julian McCullough]

But it's not really the draft though.

[Damaris Johnson]

The House of Representatives passed the measure on Friday automatically Registering Men Age 18 to 26 for selective service.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, this.

[Chris Distefano]

See, that's where Peaches comes in. Dude, this has got frontline head. You literally, you are front of the line coming out. Could you imagine him like in pre with an ax. Like a Viking. Like just an ax. I'd be like, yeah, dude, take my wife, you know, on my chest.

[Rory Scovel]

He's a sniper's dream, though.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

That's the only issue.

[Julian McCullough]

You can hit that from 300 miles away. You know what peas reminds me of? Remember the guy in Full Metal Jacket that went crazy?

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Julian McCullough]

That's.

[Chris Distefano]

That's him.

[Julian McCullough]

That's Pete.

[Chris Distefano]

That's it. Yeah. That's a good. They called him Pile, right? Wasn't he Pile? He kept calling him a Pile.

[Julian McCullough]

I forgot what his name was.

[Chris Distefano]

But that's Gomer Pyle. That. Do you believe you look like him. No, he wants to go back to Kansas.

[Rory Scovel]

But this draft could solve our problem of us weak men of this generation.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, I think what's going to go to war.

[Damaris Johnson]

Well, it would target Gen Z. So we get pretty cool footage from the battlefield.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, exactly.

[Damaris Johnson]

Talks.

[Chris Distefano]

The edits would be nuts.

[Damaris Johnson]

Get ready with me to get my head blown off.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, get ready with me.

[Chris Distefano]

It's hilarious. But now here's the thing. Is it just males? Is it just only men?

[Damaris Johnson]

Which. There you go.

[Chris Distefano]

Interesting. Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

It's not very inclusive citizens.

[Julian McCullough]

And male immigrants.

[Chris Distefano]

And male immigrants.

[Julian McCullough]

That's where it gets interesting with this whole open borders. Let the. Let the. Let the immigrants in.

[Chris Distefano]

Interesting, interesting, interesting. Well, that. But that, you know, if you look like history.

[Damaris Johnson]

Like, oh, wow, look at this. Sorry.

[Chris Distefano]

This.

[Damaris Johnson]

Caveat. Transgender people who were assigned male at birth are eligible.

[Chris Distefano]

Interesting. So if you went through the full surgery.

[Rory Scovel]

Can't transcend your way out of this law.

[Chris Distefano]

Interesting. So if you're a male at birth.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yes.

[Chris Distefano]

You're in regardless. Interesting.

[Julian McCullough]

So Mrs. Rosewood at the box in London, if. If he was 18 or 25, he would have to.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah. Thankfully he's 70 and shoving in his ass. Or her ass.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

He just missed.

[Rory Scovel]

I feel like those are the type of people you might need in war.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Rory Scovel]

In a foxhole.

[Damaris Johnson]

I think that's like.

[Rory Scovel]

She'd come through.

[Damaris Johnson]

Shane's bit about the dog general.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

I want that guy.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Be terrified.

[Damaris Johnson]

Just deleting villages.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's. It's interesting, man. It kind of feels like though, if they're coming back with this draft, they know it's about to pop off. Oh, yeah. Like they're. Or they're really. Maybe they don't know because I. Sometimes I think we give the government too much credit where it's like, it is just a group of people. They definitely know a lot more than we do. 100.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But like, this whole conspiracy of we never landed on the moon, it's like. Like you're giving human beings way too much credit here. It's like, you can't. But when the draft thing, they might be like, hey, man, we are very, very close to, like, the brink of this, so we got to be prepared. Which is crazy, though. It's like, why do you need manpower in today's wars? Like, all you need is bomb.

[Rory Scovel]

Hit the button.

[Chris Distefano]

That's it, bro. Because I think if you got rid. If we got rid of all the nukes, then you would go back to, like, a land. Like, then it's like, the army's back. I think the nukes protect us a lot more than we. Than we think.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

You know, we should just go back to the gentleman's game. Stand in the line. Fire, reload, fire. Who's ever left standing. Yeah, that's it. I, like, get some drums, a flute.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, good to go. That's it.

[Julian McCullough]

This man's war. Yeah, man's war.

[Chris Distefano]

Old school gun. What?

[Julian McCullough]

A musket.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, dude.

[Rory Scovel]

Doing that with AR15s would be hilarious.

[Chris Distefano]

Wild.

[Rory Scovel]

That'd be the best squid game ever. Let's do Civil War style Army, but with AR15.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, my God.

[Rory Scovel]

Who can reload faster?

[Chris Distefano]

You've got mail.

[Rory Scovel]

Julian, do we have voicemails?

[Damaris Johnson]

We do. I have a couple fun ones here for Chris, so let's just jump right in here.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, I feel like these could go for a while. So let's start early on our voicemails today.

[Peach]

Yo, what's up, y'all? My name is Adrian. First time on the Patreon. Thought I say, what's up? I'm from Jacksonville. I'm 23, but I want your opinion on something.

[Chris Distefano]

So I got a home where I'm.

[Peach]

Kind of, like, low key at Oswald right now. And it's over. Some stupid to me, but basically, right. Right now, I'm kind of like, in between spots because my lease ended a month ago. So right now I'm at a friend's crib. They told me, yo, I need to be out by my next Thursday. She got family that I need help suing, so I respect it, whatever. But basically, start. My homeboy, he got an apartment, and before he got it, he was like, yo, when I get it, I can move in. You know what I'm saying? Stack money up and be out, right? I was like, all right, bet.

[Chris Distefano]

Appreciate you. Love you.

[Peach]

I see, right? And then he gets in the apartment. He's like, you know what? Nah, I want you in Here. You can't live here. That the third?

[Chris Distefano]

Like.

[Peach]

You did it before.

[Julian McCullough]

Go.

[Peach]

Go figure it out by yourself.

[Chris Distefano]

Go figure it out.

[Peach]

It's not the third, right? So I'm like, all right, damn. So you know what I'm saying? I found the spot. The spot I'm in now. So, you know, I got the news yesterday. I'm at the. Be out by next week, cheap. So I. I hit him again. I'm like, yo, brother, like, I need somewhere to stay and.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Peach]

And he's like, I'm gonna think about it. And then he hung up on me. So I text him like, yo, bro, like, please let me know before he.

[Rory Scovel]

Gave you an answer before I have.

[Peach]

To start applying the spots, you know, start wasting money and hasn't responded.

[Chris Distefano]

Right?

[Peach]

And like, now, you know what I'm saying? Like, I kind of want to cut him off for real. Because it's like, you know, we post we supposed to be brothers, you know, says he loves me and it's like, we be brothers, you know what I'm saying? You rather have me. Have me on the street?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Peach]

Let me know what y'all think.

[Julian McCullough]

He said, we're supposed to be brothers. Said you love me and.

[Chris Distefano]

But what you're paying for. Patreon is hilarious.

[Julian McCullough]

He's not telling us the full story. How does a friend go from, you can stay here and then once you're staying there, say, nah, you can't stay.

[Rory Scovel]

Go figure it out yourself.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, he's doing something.

[Chris Distefano]

He did something disgusting. Up.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, he's up the apartment.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, because you wouldn't just cut your boy off. His actual brother is his boy. Boy.

[Rory Scovel]

I think it's close friends.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that. Yeah, bro. I mean, he definitely got caught beating.

[Rory Scovel]

Off or something, bro.

[Julian McCullough]

Like, and then why is the new spot telling him he has to leave?

[Rory Scovel]

That's why.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, he's in a new spot and they're telling him the same thing. Like, yo, you got.

[Damaris Johnson]

Like, well, I think that was a temporary lease thing. He was like, okay, I'll go here for like a month or two until I'm allowed to be back in your spot.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, bro, my advice is stop doing whatever it is you're not telling us you're doing. You're leaving out a key piece of information.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So you know what that is?

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And if you just stop doing that. I mean, bro, how do you get turned away from two places?

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, well, anyone that tells a 15 second story in a minute 30 is full of shit. Like, he could have told that from gate. Hey, I'm on my ass. My friend won't let me stay. He said I stay.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, he did something. He did something to us.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you keep saying this, that and the third. We need to know what the third is. What's the third? Because we know what the reason is. Yeah. Yes. That's the reason why you're not getting the apartment, buddy. Figure out what the third is.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah. And then come up with your third of the rent.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, seriously. Exactly.

[Julian McCullough]

Come up with your third because that's what it sound like. Sound like he. He not paying that rent.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Julian McCullough]

You know what I mean?

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Maybe he's nasty. I don't know what he could be.

[Julian McCullough]

Doing, but I mean, I've seen hoarders. You can't. He's not nasty than that. But the hoarders, at least they're paying their bills, right? Got a bunch of in there, but the landlord doesn't give a fuck as long as you're paying your rent.

[Damaris Johnson]

Like, Chris, I've heard stories of like early comics moving into like a one bedroom and trying to make it a three bedroom. When you. Did you ever have to do that? I know you're from here, but did that ever happen?

[Chris Distefano]

No. See, that's the blessing.

[Julian McCullough]

Chris is a Nepo comedian.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, bro.

[Julian McCullough]

Born into money.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, born into New York, I would say, like that's the first break I ever got in this business. I was born in New York. I didn't have to like pick up my bags and leave my home to go. I took that train seven stops, bro. I got off at Delance scene. If it didn't work, I just went back home to my mom's house where.

[Rory Scovel]

There was food and everything.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, bro, it's like I did not take a big risk at all. You just find this career. Yeah. I was like, I don't give a shit. Then it doesn't work.

[Rory Scovel]

15 Broadway.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, dude, I'll just go home.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And. And so. So I never had to do that. I never had to do that. But going into some comedians apartments that went on to do like good things now, I mean. Dude, Disgusting. Yeah, disgusting. Disgusting. Bro. What? Forgot what this comics name was. But a bunch of those guys were living together and he was living his spot. He was paying like $150 a month. He was living in the bathtub. So he would put down match like, you know, some type of padding and he just slept in the bathtub. And then when you had to get up for work, he had to wake up. He had to wake up and then take a shower and then dry it off. And then he'd go back in the bathtub and sleep or get up for the day. Like, I was like, dude, just quit comedy.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

What are you doing? Why are you living like this? Yeah, but I've seen that. But I thankfully never had to do it. But, but, but comics at large are truly, truly, truly disgusting. I know.

[Damaris Johnson]

Soder had like an insane, just living situation.

[Chris Distefano]

Dude. Yeah, he was like running a hostel.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, yeah, he was running part of the journey, though.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, it gets it. It got. It got pretty wild, you know, listen, dude, when you open my comic, when you'll do anything to make it, I get it. But yeah, five guys in a one bedroom, that's too much.

[Rory Scovel]

Did it take one big check to get out of your mom's house?

[Chris Distefano]

What was it that finally got me out? No girlfriend. I got a girlfriend and she was like, you know, like, you can't fuck me here. She was like, yeah, you're 28 years old and like, you, you know, you still. Not only do you still live with your mom, you still are in the same bedroom you grew up in with what looks like the same sheets. Yeah, the same. You know, I borders, like Yankees, like, borders all over my room. So she was like, I can't like kind of do this.

[Damaris Johnson]

I'm like the 99 World Series.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. She was like, I'm done. Like, you trying to quietly have sex with me on the floor so your mom doesn't hear.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You're like, I don't wanna. So I. We've got a place. We got a place and then we broke up like three months later. But at least I got out of the house. And then, yeah, I got out when I was 27. Huh.

[Rory Scovel]

Who got the lease?

[Chris Distefano]

Cheap girl, bro. Girls, get it doesn't matter.

[Rory Scovel]

So then you ended up in the bathtub.

[Chris Distefano]

That's. That's when I ended up. No, I actually wound up back at my mother's house. And then I moved. I actually then know, then I did move in with comics. Annie Letterman and Nick Turner. We. We lived together for a while, and then, and then, and then I finally got on Guy Code MTV and I started to make some money and then I got my own place. Gotcha. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Worst purchase. Worst purchase with a guy code check.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, the guy code wasn't any real money. It's like, you know, like you. That. That was like nothing. The worst thing I. Worst purchase I ever did. So. The worst, the stupidest thing I ever did is I got into like a big fight with like my, you know, current lady. You know, we have family together. Whatever. Got into a humongous fight. Moved out, right? Like this was like a fight that, like a fight that would like, you know, like I was being dramatic and she was being dramatic, but I like literally like moved out. I was like living with my family in this apartment we were renting. Moved out and rented another apartment. And then the fight was over like a week later. So then I was stuck with a 12 month lease that I could not get out of. So I had two apartments, but I was like in a happy, loving relationship. But then I had just had this other apartment, so I found a comic to sublet it illegally for like three months. But then he moved to la, so I had to pay eight months of like a luxury dope apartment.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

For no reason at all. Like, I completely wasted the money just because I thought. And this was also stupid. This is the first year I ever made money where I wasn't. I did not understand that taxes are a real thing. So I thought you gave me a check for, you know, 20 grand, whatever. I got 20 grand. It's like, no, no. So then it got to the point where I didn't have enough money in my bank account to pay the taxes, so I had to get, get file extension after extension and I'm paying this apartment. So I was like getting recognized like in the streets, selling tickets, not having like literally like negative money.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Like I had negative income in like 2017. And so, and so now I've gotten like smart. Now I just like, I, I like live within my means. I like invest everything and in my head. Now if you, now if you gave me a check for like 10 grand, I would know that I'm only bringing $3,000 of that money back to my family. Yeah, it's managers, agents, taxes. 70% of my money is just gone. It's the way it is and I've just accepted it and dealt with it. And I'm like, I. On paper, on paper. I'm fucking balling but net. No, sir.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

No, sir. You live in a two floor walk up. Thank you.

[Julian McCullough]

For sure.

[Chris Distefano]

You take the stairs, buddy.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm still on a payment plan from 2020.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

I extended last year's taxes. I'm gonna extend until I die, probably. Yeah, Just put that debt on my daughter.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, bro. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Generational debt. Yeah, that's what I.

[Chris Distefano]

What I said. Got to inherit it. Yeah, yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

You got another voicemail.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah, let's do it. I Figured, it's a room full of men. Let's give a lesbian some advice on how to pick up women.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, naturally, we would be the ones.

[Caller]

Hey, Rory, Mom. Big fan of the pod. Y'all really get me through the work week. My question is, how do y'all approach a baddie? And so for context, I'm from a small conservative town in the South. I came out in 2020, and I recently moved to the DMV. You know, it was Pride month. So I was in D.C. at a gay club, and there's this beautiful, gorgeous woman there. She's there with her friend, having a good time. It's a packed house, good vibes. And I noticed she and I keep making eye contact, lots of stolen glances. She would look at me and look away. I'll look at her and then look away for about 20 minutes or so. And I notice her and her friend keep getting closer and closer to the area that I'm at. So I'm working up the cour to dance with her. Fast forward. She gets close, like within an arm's reach. So I was like, bet this is my chance. Don't be weird.

[Rory Scovel]

Does anyone else turn on within a second?

[Caller]

I don't know what happened, but I started dancing with her friend and I was so disappointed with myself. So my question is, how do y'all approach a baddie? I'm talking about the type to make a real nerve is kind of bad.

[Julian McCullough]

Why does she sound like she's hiding out from a community? Like came out outside, like she's in.

[Damaris Johnson]

The back in the bathroom.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah. I mean, I feel like dancing with the friend.

[Rory Scovel]

That's an old school move, though. I'm not mad at that move of paying attention to the friend to get the attention other person.

[Julian McCullough]

Like if the baddie is what you want.

[Damaris Johnson]

Exactly. Like, that move.

[Julian McCullough]

Was her friend at least bad too? Like, that's my thing. Like is the friend.

[Rory Scovel]

I just think lesbians don't really have rules. So just whip out the strap that's in the jeans and let her know what time it is.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, scissor. I, I, I don't know, man. I think like, you got to just be confident. It's the same thing as, you know, guys to girls. It's like, I don't like playing the game. I don't like being like, I'll do that. I don't like these ulterior motive game because then automatically I feel like nobody trusts anybody.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I just want to be direct with you.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I want to be like, listen I think you're hot right now. You know, I. I want to dance with you. I'm. I'm wildly attracted to you. I don't know how long it's going to last because my therapist thinks I'm gay. But in the moment, right now, I want to dance with you. And I want to. I want to see if. You know, I want to see if I can last more than five pumps.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Or if. And if not, maybe I'm a hot older brother.

[Rory Scovel]

And we can stream together.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Yeah. And we could stream together. I don't know. But I think confidence is key, man. I think, like, you got. I don't like the these, because then you know what? It is, too. I'm, like, exhausted by, like, if I was ever single again. It's like, I. I don't. I don't have the energy to play the game with you anymore. It's like, I want to sit you down right away.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And be like, listen, I wanna. You know, I'm wildly attracted to you. I have blood pressure issues. I could have a stroke.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And it's like, you know, like, until then, like, let's just hang out, see where this goes. I don't want. Like, I'm never gonna get mad at you. You don't get mad at me. I don't want to deal. I don't want to deal with any. I don't want to deal with any drama anymore. I don't want to deal with any anxiety. Like, if my girl right now, everyone's like, it's all like, we're done. I literally. I don't think I'd ever get into another relationship again. I just wouldn't do it because I feel connected. I feel fulfilled by my kids. I feel fulfilled by my career with the girls. It's like, once it's an issue, I'll be like, you know what, dude? I get it. I get why you're mad at me. I don't want to deal with you at all anymore. I. I'm just exhausted. Don't you feel that way sometimes?

[Rory Scovel]

All the time?

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, absolutely. But I don't know if I'm to the point where you, like, you're saying you wouldn't even want to get into another relationship?

[Rory Scovel]

No, I don't even want to get to know anyone again. Just that whole exhausting, like, let me tell you about myself and then. Then we'll move on to the next conversation where we get deeper. I don't want to tell you my childhood. I'm done.

[Chris Distefano]

It's not Even, like, I want to hook up.

[Rory Scovel]

Done it with enough people.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I don't want to hook up with all these girls. I'm not. There was a part of me that used to be like, I just want to. I don't want to do that even either.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, that's dangerous. I don't want to invite strangers into my life. Yeah. I just don't want anyone to be mad at me anymore. Like, I don't want. It's, like, exhausting when it's like, every day some one of these girls is mad at me. My daughters, her, my mom. It's like, I. I just don't want to do. I like it where it's just like, dude, let's just be easy. I want life to be easy.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

You could be a real estate guru. With all those breakups, though, just apartment after apartment.

[Chris Distefano]

Eight times in nine years. That's wild.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Eight full moves, and I still don't know how to pack it up.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, my last spot. I just left it and just moved on.

[Chris Distefano]

Walked away. I respect that. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm not doing this.

[Julian McCullough]

No, no.

[Chris Distefano]

See you later.

[Rory Scovel]

Here's the fee. Go ahead, take it. Just throw it out. I'm done with that.

[Damaris Johnson]

Do you think that stems from having children? Like, for the two of you or.

[Rory Scovel]

For sure.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah. You just don't want to go through that, introduce someone to your daughters.

[Chris Distefano]

That. It's too much. And I'm telling you, I think it's a fulfillment that, like, if you feel fulfilled. I think a lot of people get into relationships, and even me at times. Like, you get it. You. Like, I want. Like, this person completes me. I feel fulfilled here. But if you get. If you're fulfilled by, like, career and. And me, my kids, it's like, I don't need this third fulfillment. I don't. I just don't need it. Yeah. At least at this point in my life, maybe I get to another point in life where you do, but, like, right now, I'd be like, I'm happy with my situation. But if that changed, I'd be like, yo, what am I. What am I chasing here? I could also just throw on VR goggles and watch porn. True. You know what I mean?

[Julian McCullough]

You could definitely do that.

[Chris Distefano]

That's it.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

I also know if I'd want to put another person in that scenario, I couldn't even think of the time I would have to even go out and date, let alone really talk to somebody.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

And now balance that, and then I feel like I'd just be stringing someone along. And now you have to be involved with a. Yeah, it's all.

[Chris Distefano]

There's too many. It's too many things. It's too many things to worry about. Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. But I do think this, this, this lesbo should just be confident.

[Rory Scovel]

I've never met lesbian, though. That's what's crazy. Most lesbians are the most confident people I've ever met.

[Julian McCullough]

Absolutely.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

They'll. They'll grab your dick just to show, like, force.

[Chris Distefano]

100.

[Rory Scovel]

Like, they don't even like dick, but they just want to be.

[Chris Distefano]

Do you know a lesbian? I was listening to a lesbian talk the other day. She was saying that it's about. It's like just bird watching. It's. Yeah, I. I live stream lesbian combos. And she was talking about eating. You got to suck the. Like a guy with, like. You would suck a dick. You suck a. I never knew that. I never realized. I. I lick it, whatever. But she's like, no, you got to suck it. Suck the. Like it's a dick. She was like, that's what you do. You suck that like it's a dick. And that's. And that's. That's how you get them to squirt and that. This is what you got to do.

[Rory Scovel]

It's weird that sucking dick is what made you realize how to eat.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Julian McCullough]

Just put in layman's terms for.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, like, oh, okay, your therapist may have a point.

[Damaris Johnson]

You've gone 39 years without sucking a cliff it.

[Chris Distefano]

I just. I would do it, but I guess I would just do it wrong, you know?

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Get a nice hard clit. You got a nice and hard and you suck it. And I was like, this is it. I didn't never knew.

[Damaris Johnson]

It's like sucking on a small Jolly Rancher.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Yeah. Actually, wait, let me see. I have. I was texting my friend about. Let me pull a clip. Let me collect clips. Hold on, let me see if I can. It was. Where the hell is this? I think when I. I had.

[Rory Scovel]

While he finds that malt, what age did you start eating?

[Julian McCullough]

My first time I ate was. It probably was 19 for the first.

[Rory Scovel]

Time that you ate?

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, probably like 18. 19.

[Rory Scovel]

And when did you lose your virginity?

[Julian McCullough]

16.

[Rory Scovel]

You ate? No. In those three years of being sexually active, you may not be the eight that women make you out to be.

[Julian McCullough]

Well, this is also even questioning that.

[Chris Distefano]

Since that girl said, is it over 20 years ago. Rory, let him develop.

[Rory Scovel]

I've also done research, and women come back with rave reviews. Against mall. I hate it because I thought you weren't.

[Chris Distefano]

You couldn't eat pussy. Well if you had a short tongue. I have a short tongue.

[Damaris Johnson]

Zoom in.

[Chris Distefano]

And so. But then I was measured by this lesbian. No, it's just about sucking. You got to suck the clit. It has nothing to do with the length of your tongue.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Because I was going in, I was always taking a negative mindset into eating, and I wouldn't want to do it. I'd say, I get a sore throat, I'm not good at it. My tongue gets tired. Yeah, it's not about the tongue.

[Julian McCullough]

No.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you suck the clit.

[Rory Scovel]

It's jaw movement.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is. So, so, yeah. So I'm back at it.

[Julian McCullough]

Basically, tongue, you tongue, kiss the clit. Yeah, that's it.

[Chris Distefano]

Thank you.

[Damaris Johnson]

From the gallery.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Julian McCullough]

That's all.

[Rory Scovel]

Respectfully. Do you think that will have your girl thinking you're cheating if you just show up in the bedroom the next day and know how to suck a.

[Chris Distefano]

It might be. Yeah. Because I've been so bad at it.

[Rory Scovel]

That she may have some questions. What's going on here?

[Damaris Johnson]

Bashing your nose on it for however many years.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Like, why? What? You know, and I, and maybe. Yeah. And maybe. I don't know. But that's the thing. It's like, I don't. It's also too. When you have kids, like, nobody, you know, it's kind of sexless.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, you're just too. I'm too tired. I, I, I don't know what it is.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

I subscribe to porn now.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

It's weird.

[Chris Distefano]

You can't. That's the thing is you can't really jerk off.

[Rory Scovel]

But when I'm only in the shower.

[Chris Distefano]

When I'm on the road, what am I supposed to do? As soon as you get into. I'm away from my family for 10 years, I'll jerk off at the front desk. You know, like, that's how you check in. Yeah, bro, I'll check. I'm a Marriott Bon Awards member. I could do that. So elite status.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So. So I, I, you know, I don't, I don't know. But you can't jerk off. It's. It, this is the thing. It's. It's so hard.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. You know, so no advice for the lesbian. For many of us.

[Chris Distefano]

Be confident. That's my advice.

[Damaris Johnson]

Be confident.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

Then it's, it's also, when it's women on women, it's very rare that we see women call out other women for, like, sexual Harassment, Right, right. Not saying that it doesn't happen, but, like, if a guy approaches. It's almost dangerous for a guy to approach a strange woman in a club now.

[Chris Distefano]

Right, Right.

[Julian McCullough]

Because you don't want to offend nobody. You don't know if it's like, yo, is this too aggressive? If I approach her like this?

[Chris Distefano]

Right?

[Julian McCullough]

With women, it's like, y'all know each other. Like, y'all can just.

[Chris Distefano]

You know what I mean?

[Rory Scovel]

Like, if you go through my girl's Instagram comments, it's basically just her friends sexually harassing her.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Julian McCullough]

But women don't look at it from other women.

[Rory Scovel]

Like, nothing but nasty compliments of how amazing. Yeah, yeah, it's all sexual.

[Damaris Johnson]

Same thing with guy on guy, too. It's just.

[Julian McCullough]

Excuse me, how do you know? Research.

[Chris Distefano]

Just.

[Damaris Johnson]

It's. Well, we've seen Gay Cult. It's the same thing. They just saunas everywhere.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

Like, he has a sauna story from London that we have.

[Chris Distefano]

It's wild.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah, it's way crazier.

[Rory Scovel]

We were not aware of this community, bro. So that was happening.

[Chris Distefano]

I was in the sauna.

[Julian McCullough]

One of the sauna mafia in London.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, bro, it was.

[Damaris Johnson]

This is like last week too, right?

[Rory Scovel]

Do this twice.

[Chris Distefano]

And they know it was a sauna situation. So I. I'm in the sauna, right? Just hanging out there, towel on, right? But in the sauna, in a public sauna in a gym.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

This guy comes in and he goes. He was like, oh, you know, like, he knew I was a comedian, right? Because he had seen me in the gym the day before. And he goes. And he goes, oh, how was your show last night? I was like, it was good. And then he was like, oh, good. He was like, what'd you guys do, you know, after the show? And I'm just like, you know, he's like a regular guy.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I was like. I was like, I don't know nothing. You know, we went this place, went this place. And then I said. And, you know, we wound up at this place at 2:00 in the morning. Was called Meat Liquor, but Meat Liquor, Like L, I, Q U, O R. Like Meat and liquor. And I never.

[Rory Scovel]

How'd you miss the signs?

[Chris Distefano]

No, I know, but it's Meat Liquor. And I. And I never even thought about that name. I was like, oh, it's Meat Liquor. And like, my boy, we would just go there. They had, like, really good food and drinks. So we go to Meat. So I said, we went to this place, Meat Liquor. And then he goes, oh, Is that a gay bar? And I said, no. I was like. Like, it was calling. So I was like, that's what I said. I said, I don't think so.

[Rory Scovel]

I was there for the wings and mozzarella sticks.

[Chris Distefano]

Then he goes. Then he goes. Goes. Then he goes, you don't think it was a gay bar? You don't think you're gay? And I was like.

[Rory Scovel]

I was like, you've been talking to my therapist.

[Chris Distefano]

Exactly. I was like, well, we're on betterhelp.

[Rory Scovel]

And so code Rory Moore.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Insert ad here.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And so I was like. I was like, nah, man, I'm. I'm not gay. And then he goes. He goes, yeah, well, you're a beautiful man. And I was like, you're gay. I was like, okay. And then he put his hand on my shoulder, sir.

[Rory Scovel]

Nice.

[Chris Distefano]

And I was like, no. Oh. And I said to him. I said. I was like. I was like, listen, bro. I was like, I respect you and your community. I was like, but don't touch me. I was like. I was like, you know, like, do not. You can't touch me. And then he goes, oh, sorry. Sorry. And then he stops. And then he takes his towel off.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And he takes his towel. He's got his dick. And I was like, holy.

[Rory Scovel]

And then I. I was like, bro, locker room culture.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what I said. I was like, bro, what the. The what the. Yeah. And then he st. Like, the sauna was, like, box shaped. Then he stands in front of the door.

[Rory Scovel]

Nice.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, bro. And I said to him, I was like, I was only in that tower, right?

[Rory Scovel]

Just on the.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Like, yeah. And I was like, I was only here for, like, eight minutes. And I was like. But I'm like, I'm not staying in here.

[Damaris Johnson]

So I was like, you get your full 15.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I was like. I was like, bro, I was like, listen, man. I was like, I don't have to put my hands on you because you're slippery. I was like. Like. I was like, but you need to get the. Out of my way. And then he just, like, looked at me, and I was like, get the. Out of my way. And I kind of pushed him out of the way, and I left the sauna. I sucked my way out. No, I. I left the sauna and I went to take a cold shower because I just want to take a cold shower and, like, like, revitalize my energy. So I went.

[Rory Scovel]

Take a cold shower.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, dude. I take a cold shower for, like, a minute or two, like, freezing cold. Like, whatever. And then I open the thing. He's standing right there. And so now I have shrinkage. I have a turtle dick. Just, like, long balls, no dick. And I'm. And he's looking at me, and now I'm like, not only am I mad, but I'm also embarrassed. I'm like, this guy five minutes ago thought I was hot. Now he's like this. Look at his dick he probably gave me.

[Rory Scovel]

I felt he made a good decision by passing on you.

[Chris Distefano]

And then I was like, bro, get the out of my way. And then he just moved away. And then he just moved out of the way. And I was like, holy. And it was one of those situations where, like, I called my girl and I was like, what do I do here?

[Julian McCullough]

I was like, you felt. You felt disrespected?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I told her this whole story. I told her this whole story, right? And she's like, oh, my God. I was like. I was like, do you think I should tell, like, the owner of the gym? And she's like, what are you gay? And I was like, damn. I guess. So I just pushed it down and I went and did my show.

[Rory Scovel]

Suppress it.

[Chris Distefano]

Just suppressed it, bro. Just added it to the list. But, yeah, dude, sauna culture's so gay, and sauna culture in the UK is like, allegedly, like, you're only going into a public sauna if you. If you want. I did not know that. I was like, I'm going here to sweat out last night.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, I respect his routine, though, because, you know, he's done that a lot of times.

[Chris Distefano]

100, bro. There's no way he hasn't done that.

[Rory Scovel]

He followed every step. First he asked if he went to a gay bar.

[Chris Distefano]

Meat Liquor does sound gay in retro.

[Rory Scovel]

So he thought.

[Damaris Johnson]

He thought he had to shoot him some bail, that he thought he had the jackpot.

[Rory Scovel]

He didn't need to go through his steps anymore. Yes.

[Chris Distefano]

I should have said meat core. Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

It might have been gayer.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

You realized that you weren't gay then. Question. Maybe you don't realize that you are, right. Once that didn't work, establish dominance. Stand in front of the door naked. You know you're gonna have to get past me.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I was like, what? Are you living in my thoughts? Are you my brain?

[Julian McCullough]

We were in. We were in Toronto last year, and Julian sent the text to us in the morning, like, hey, guys, I'm going to the gym to get some steam, if you want.

[Damaris Johnson]

Well, that's okay.

[Rory Scovel]

Is that even a tour group chat?

[Damaris Johnson]

What did you say I worked out? Because I got up and we. We got up the night before we went to Tequila thing, and I still wanted to get a lift, and I was trying to stay on routine. And then after I finished my lift, I said, hey, like, the amenities here are insane. Do you guys, like, I'm going to the steam room. If you guys, like, feel like. I'm not saying join me. I'm saying if you feel like it's available at some point before we go to do. Before we do the show Steam. That's pretty much what I was recommending.

[Julian McCullough]

Okay, and now after your experience in the steam room, was that not pretty?

[Chris Distefano]

It's. I mean, to. To. To kind of say, let's do a team Steam kind of wild.

[Rory Scovel]

That should have been the name of the group chat at that point.

[Chris Distefano]

You should have went to the Steam, did it, and be like, guys, I just steamed. This guy want to go in? It's amazing. But you were like, hey, I'll wait for you guys to steam. Not what I said. You guys want to hang out?

[Rory Scovel]

It was an Uber eats order.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, dude. It's kind of. That's kind of wildly gay. Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

You're not wrong.

[Julian McCullough]

That's all I've been saying. That was crazy.

[Chris Distefano]

You invite your boys to Steam is kind of.

[Julian McCullough]

Crazy.

[Rory Scovel]

It was so gay that no one called him gay in the group chat. Yeah, that's on brand. It was dead quiet for about a day.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

I think I doubled down.

[Julian McCullough]

Like, it's great in here. He's like, it's great in here because.

[Chris Distefano]

The steam is even gayer. Because at least the sauna is, like, free. You. I could see everything. The steam is like, dude, it's just cloudy.

[Rory Scovel]

You could have a dick hit your forehead like this.

[Chris Distefano]

Naked dudes everywhere. And you're like, what? Anything can happen in the steam.

[Damaris Johnson]

Well, that so much is.

[Julian McCullough]

And we know what happens in the steam.

[Rory Scovel]

You have no choice.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah, so much has happened in the Steam at the Equinox in Midtown, I believe it was that they shut it down.

[Chris Distefano]

It's.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah, they shut down. The whole steaming is just. It's a fest. The whole culture is.

[Chris Distefano]

It's crazy, dude. Gay guys get wild in the steam room.

[Damaris Johnson]

And I just learned about that app that you mentioned on your last episode. What was it called? Shiffy. The one where it's like, oh, we.

[Chris Distefano]

Could get happy endings.

[Damaris Johnson]

You just know where you just. It's like a grinder to the max, where it's like, I'm. It's not by Miles. It's by feet. So if I'm on here and it's like, hey, I'm in the sauna at the Dust and such Equinox. I'll be here for an hour, so. And so's 50ft away. And then you can just like, coordinate and hookups or whatever.

[Chris Distefano]

That's it. Yep. Oh, yes. Yeah, I know you're talking. Yeah. That. It's so.

[Rory Scovel]

Pretty much the bathroom attendant that gives gum out is the one that would jerk you off.

[Chris Distefano]

Anybody. Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

Honestly, that'd be a nice side gig. Yeah, that'd be a nice hustle.

[Rory Scovel]

If that's at the club bathroom.

[Damaris Johnson]

If that's your thing.

[Rory Scovel]

But it's like, you're that horny at the club, go home.

[Julian McCullough]

Go home.

[Chris Distefano]

That's the thing.

[Damaris Johnson]

Like the gay. You can just pull up and there's no repercussions.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, that's what it is. It's kind of like. It's animalistic.

[Damaris Johnson]

Especially with prep. Now you can do whatever.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah, with prep, it doesn't matter.

[Damaris Johnson]

Nothing matters with prep.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, Nobody. Because nobody gets AIDS anymore. That was the only thing stopping, you know, like, the gay communities. But AIDS is pretty much eradicated.

[Rory Scovel]

Wait, Biden got rid of the aids. He should run on that prep.

[Chris Distefano]

I didn't know that prep stuff. I think you still get, like, chlamydia and herpes in your butt.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, that's.

[Chris Distefano]

Whatever, dude. Take a pill.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

This is the biggie. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And I don't think you'll get it anymore as long as you're actively taking prep.

[Rory Scovel]

Nice. Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

The cure, it, AIDS.

[Damaris Johnson]

It looks like it became, like, it proved in 2012, so it's been on the market for a while. And then it looks like 2018, like, a better version of it came out. So it's just like the wild West.

[Julian McCullough]

Prep 2.0.

[Chris Distefano]

Kids don't fear AIDS. Like, we used to fear AIDS. You know, kids don't fear. Everybody thought they were getting. Everybody thought they had AIDS at one point, Right? We all thought we had aids. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Anytime.

[Chris Distefano]

We all were convinced we had HIV for sure.

[Julian McCullough]

Now these kids, they're not scared of shit.

[Chris Distefano]

Dude, I was so uneducated about AIDS. I used to. I was, like, 19, and I thought that. I thought that, like, you could get HIV or aids. Like, not like, we didn't have to. Like, you didn't. The girl didn't have to have it, but my DNA mixed with her DNA in some type of bad way. We could create AIDS and one of us would get it like that. So I would ask my aunt, who's a nurse, to test my blood for HIV and aids, like on a weekly basis where they thought I was gay. And I was like, no, I just don't know whose blood and DNA I'm mixing with. And they were like, are you retarded?

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah, but aren't you. I was gonna say, weren't you also studying medicine?

[Rory Scovel]

You're in medical school.

[Chris Distefano]

No, I. That came a few years later.

[Rory Scovel]

Thank God.

[Chris Distefano]

That came a few years later. I mean, I literally was so uneducated about aids. But now. But now I know everything there is to know about me.

[Rory Scovel]

What type of physical therapist do you think you'd be now, dude?

[Chris Distefano]

Well, first of all, I was a. I was a pediatric physical therapist. I was working with the kids.

[Julian McCullough]

Oh, wow.

[Chris Distefano]

And, yeah, and. But now I think if I was going to do pt, honestly, if I was going to go back to physical therapy, I think I'd go back the kids. It's great work. I worked at a school, like a, you know, for disabled old children. It was great. The kids are great. You get out every day at 3:00. Summer's off.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, you're on a school schedule, full health benefits, you know. It was great.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. Make sure they have aids.

[Chris Distefano]

That's it, bro. Nobody's.

[Julian McCullough]

Nobody's getting.

[Chris Distefano]

None of these kids have AIDS anymore.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And then. Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

Great times.

[Rory Scovel]

We have one more.

[Damaris Johnson]

We can do another one, I think this one. I've been saving this one for a while, but it seems fitting for. For Chris.

[Chris Distefano]

Does it have anything to do with aids?

[Damaris Johnson]

Yes. No. Great.

[Chris Distefano]

What's good?

[Caller]

Rory Mall. Julian Damaris. My name is Kev, I'm from Jersey. So I'm calling to get your guys's perspective on something I've been, like, just curious about for a while. So every time I bring somebody home to meet the family, they don't speak Spanish. And I'm first gen Colombian, so my parents speak fluent Spanish and very broken English. I know what their perspective is. Like, we've had that combo. And as long as it's a good person, you know, like, it's a good individual, they don't care who I bring home and like, they'll speak. Speak as much English as they can to get to know the person and kick it. I know my perspective where that's not a deciding factor if I will date somebody or not. But I'm curious of, like, what is it like when you go to a family function or like just meeting your significant other's family and there's that big culture barrier that you, like, it's hard to communicate fully with the parents, with the aunts, uncles, and like, if you're at the dinner table type thing. Like the whole conversation is in a language you can't understand. And like, of course we did the little like translation on the side. Like the cousins could speak English type. But like, you know, Overall it's like 90% something the whole day. You can't really understand what's going on. Like, what does it really feel like being on that side of it? And like, what are like, I don't know, some stories, good or bad that y'all have with that scenario.

[Julian McCullough]

I never had a scenario where I was at a, a girlfriend's family's house and they nobody spoke English. It was obviously Spanish. The one time I was dating an Italian girl, I was scared to meet that family.

[Rory Scovel]

Why?

[Julian McCullough]

And once, I don't know, I just. I don't know why I was scared to meet em. Cause the father was cool.

[Rory Scovel]

They're very progressive people.

[Julian McCullough]

The mother was amazing. But once we went to the dinner, I loved the family and it was like we were family. Like, the uncle greeted me, hugged me, kissed me on the cheek. I was like, kind of weird. I was like, okay, that's what they do. One of the greatest dinners I've ever had in my life, but never had a dinner where I didn't know the language.

[Chris Distefano]

I think too that this, this the world we live in. Like you could just Google Translate everything. There's no reason, like you can literally open up your Google Translate app and it'll listen to it and then put everything you want that they're saying in English. So I don't think that should be a barrier. But I mean, it is. W. I mean, you know, whatever. They can't. They. I mean, I mean, my family speak Spanish. I know they're probably talking about me.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But I just, I mean, whatever. I deal with it.

[Rory Scovel]

Just poke ear up for gringo and that's it, bro.

[Chris Distefano]

So what I guess he's bringing home home. He's saying he's bringing home girls that don't speak Spanish at all.

[Damaris Johnson]

Spanish?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I mean, I mean, that shouldn't be.

[Rory Scovel]

I've dated a lot of West Indian women and it's still broken English. But when you get a family that is like really, really from the West Indies, first generation, it is still very hard to understand full blown Patwa or even Guyanese broken English. They're usually religious. So you sit there and you smile and you say because of God.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Praise God. Just smile.

[Chris Distefano]

Whatever.

[Rory Scovel]

Whatever they're saying, you can say praise God as a response, and you're probably gonna be okay. Anything that they're saying, that's it.

[Chris Distefano]

I love. I would just go, I love roti. I would just say that every few minutes. I love roti. Shout it out. I love roti. I love Sean Paul.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, I. Yeah, we had a. We had a debate on here about a month ago, and I just want to get your perspective on it. We had a debate on whether or not Chris Rock is a. A list celebrity.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

Oh, man.

[Chris Distefano]

Chris Rock. I. Is an A list celebrity.

[Damaris Johnson]

Thank you.

[Julian McCullough]

We felt like that Rory didn't feel like he was A list.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, he's a.

[Julian McCullough]

Because his movies suck.

[Rory Scovel]

I never. All right, see, this is where we. We change narratives on this podcast, which I do as well. Never said his movies suck. I don't think he's A list because he's not Tom Cruise. He's not Brad Pitt. He's not Denzel. He's not Will Smith. Like, these people are box office A listers. It's not an insult to say that Chris Rock is. He's an A list comedian.

[Chris Distefano]

Do you think Jerry Seinfeld's A list?

[Rory Scovel]

Unfortunately.

[Chris Distefano]

Right, but so I'm saying, so. So, like, Jerry Seinfeld doesn't have big hit movies at all.

[Rory Scovel]

And.

[Chris Distefano]

But Chris Rock, you know what I mean?

[Rory Scovel]

They will give Jerry Seinfeld, even though he's tanked on his last few movies, he has gotten every single budget that an A lister would get.

[Chris Distefano]

The same Jerry Seinfeld, but the same way with comedy, the same way you would say, oh, you know that old saying. Like, you know the definition of comedy. You know, you have Jerry Seinfeld's picture in the. You know, Jerry Seinfeld's picture will be next to the definition of comedy. So will Chris Rock, like the most influential. But, but, but.

[Rory Scovel]

I agree, but that's a separate conversation.

[Chris Distefano]

But it's not. But, but, no, but you're saying you're not A list because of the movies.

[Rory Scovel]

He's not an A list celebrity. He's an A list comedian. He's one of the greatest of all time and would never take that away from him. He's not an A list celebrity.

[Chris Distefano]

Is Adam Sailor an A list celebrity?

[Rory Scovel]

He is.

[Chris Distefano]

So you see, See, I think Adam, even though Adam Sandler's made more movies, Adam Sailor and Chris Rock are like, in the same. They're the same guy, the same there. They're on The A list?

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

No, not. Not even close as far as movies go and aist celebrity type thing.

[Chris Distefano]

But, like, why movies? You're getting hom. Like movies is. Is what. Is what makes the A list for you? Like, it has to be.

[Rory Scovel]

It's a. It's a big portion when it comes to A list celebrities. I feel like movies are a big factor in that entire thing.

[Chris Distefano]

It has to be movies. If you're in entertainment, it's a huge.

[Rory Scovel]

Factor in my opinion. A list comedian, for sure, but a list celebrity. No, but I also think Donald Trump is a. A list celebrity. Like, those are A listers that we're talking about.

[Chris Distefano]

But I.

[Rory Scovel]

He's just a. He's just an A list comedian for me.

[Chris Distefano]

A list. A list would be. Be if you have like 90 of the population knows who you are. Like, if you can get nine out of 10 people be like, I know that guy's or person's first and last name. I think Chris Rock. Nine out of 10 people know that is Chris Rock. Absolutely. Also his name, Chris Rock. That is a name synonymous with comedy. Be like, what do you think? You're Chris Rock over here.

[Julian McCullough]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, it's literally part of the lexicon.

[Rory Scovel]

But if that's the case of 90 of people knowing. All right, Ted Bundy, A list celebrity. Like just people just knowing you.

[Chris Distefano]

Absolutely. One of the best.

[Rory Scovel]

What's the point of the Alphabet then? Like, oh, why can't Alphabet is. Now it starts at L. Yeah, just.

[Chris Distefano]

Say you want your A listers to be white. Yeah, just say it. Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

The A list is reserved for whites only.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Rory Scovel]

It's Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise.

[Julian McCullough]

That's it.

[Chris Distefano]

That is. It is funny that when somebody like, asks me, like, who's my favorite comedian? I'll always be like, you know, because my. My. It's Louis ck. I'd be like Louis ck Bill Burr. And then always pay back. I love Chappelle. Love Chris Rock.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Chris Distefano]

Just gotta balance it out racially. Love those. I mean, they're the bad. But I think Chris Rock is 100 an A. I, you know, that's me. A list celebrity jokes that.

[Rory Scovel]

What is the point of doing the ABC list if we're just gonna throw everyone that's notable in a.

[Damaris Johnson]

But that's.

[Julian McCullough]

We didn't throw everybody that's notable.

[Damaris Johnson]

We talked about.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, that's not like, like.

[Damaris Johnson]

Well, I brought up. So this, this whole conversation started because I was in West Village like a few weekends ago and I saw. Saw Alec Baldwin walk by and then a Few minutes later, saw Jon Hamm, and I was like, I had an A list sighting weekend.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Damaris Johnson]

And then Roy was like, well, Alec is a list. Jon Hamm is not.

[Chris Distefano]

No, Jon Hamm is a list.

[Damaris Johnson]

And then I said that.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Damaris Johnson]

And then he was like, no, the. He's not. And then we got on the.

[Julian McCullough]

Chris Rock just started throwing names.

[Chris Distefano]

But it's also like, who. You. Who's like, a big deal. It's also in your world, right? Like, you guys are big in music. There's big music. I don't know. I don't know much about music at all. So, like, I may not know someone that's, like, in arena level. I have no idea who they are. So to me, they're not a list musically, but somebody else might be. So to me, I guess comedy is my world. Of course Chris Rock is a list. And I'm doing that thing where I'm separating it from comedy. I'm saying he's an A lister. I mean, the guy didn't. He. Hasn't Chris Rock, like, hosted the Oscars? Yeah. Right. So, I mean, you can host the.

[Julian McCullough]

Oscars and not be a list.

[Chris Distefano]

You have to be. It is the A list ceremony. It is the.

[Rory Scovel]

Is Ricky Gervais a list.

[Chris Distefano]

Of course, the Oscars, Jimmy Kimmel. They're all a list.

[Rory Scovel]

Jimmy Kimmel is a list.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all. If you've hosted the Oscars.

[Julian McCullough]

But Jimmy Kimmel's a list. But not Chris Rock.

[Rory Scovel]

It's a. It's a difference. He's literally every single night for the last 20 years on TV. That's an A lister. Jimmy Kimmel is an A lister.

[Chris Distefano]

He.

[Rory Scovel]

He moves. He changes the market. Chris Rock is going to sound like I'm hating on him. He's one of my favorite favorite comedians ever. Does not change the market.

[Julian McCullough]

Chris Rocket doesn't change.

[Chris Distefano]

He does, bro. He was the first comic to do a live stream special on Netflix. Wasn't he number one?

[Rory Scovel]

And did the market change?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, people do that now.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah. The roast was live based on how the success of that one. They've done, like, multiple live events.

[Chris Distefano]

His idea, change in the market. He was chosen by Netflix. If they were like, they had a radical idea, let's live stream stuff. They're like, who's the comic that can get us most eyeballs? They pick Chris Rock.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, so back to John Ham as an example.

[Chris Distefano]

Is Dave Chappelle a list to you more than Chris Rock?

[Rory Scovel]

In the streaming era? Yes.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Rory Scovel]

In the streaming era for what? When he Shows up to Netflix and the deals that he gets for the longevity that he does. That is an A lister to me. It's not a talent wise or back catalog wise. Yes, he's more of an A lister than Chris Rock when it comes to the streaming era. Completely.

[Chris Distefano]

See, the thing is, you can have this conversation over because it's a subjective thing. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, I don't know, it's people's opinions, but do you think someone.

[Rory Scovel]

Like Denzel Washington would say, yeah, me and Jon Hamm are peers?

[Chris Distefano]

I. I think. Well, it goes back to. We were talking before the show started, like comedy, like music. You would never. Like, you would say, you would say Jay Z and you know, I don't know Jay Z and like the Beatles are peers, but they are musically totally.

[Rory Scovel]

Different people because those are both A list acts. To your point before of take out our. The little bubble world we live in, even the acts we know can sell out arenas. But some people don't know who they are.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Rory Scovel]

A listers to me are reserved for. Everyone on fucking earth knows who that is, is.

[Chris Distefano]

And I mean, I don't think there's anybody. I mean, dude, like, there's people don't know.

[Rory Scovel]

B list is fine.

[Chris Distefano]

Right. So there's people who don't. But that's like a crazy thing. I mean, there's people who don't know who like the Pope is or like Barack Obama or LeBron James. There's people who are just idiots. They don't know. But I think if you take, if you take a. A normal entertainment consumer, just normal, 90% of them would know who Chris Rock is. So that would make them A list.

[Rory Scovel]

To me from a notoriety stamp. But I think there's more stuff involved in it as far as what budget you get.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Rory Scovel]

What type of movies you do like, who you are within this whole sphere of entertainment.

[Julian McCullough]

Like.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Rory Scovel]

But I think Will Smith and Chris Rock, outside of their whole thing. I'm just saying, if those two walked into a network, do you think that those two A list celebrities are getting the same deal?

[Chris Distefano]

Will Smith and Chris Rock? Yeah, if I do, I think they're worth the same money to network executives.

[Rory Scovel]

Bad Boys franchise just passed a billion dollars yesterday.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, that's.

[Rory Scovel]

Will Smith is an A list actor.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah, but you're talking.

[Chris Distefano]

You're.

[Damaris Johnson]

Now you're.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Is Martin Lawrence A list? No, but he's in them Bad boys movies with Will Smith.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, so everyone that was in a Robert Dairo movie is a. A Lister because they were next to Robert Dairo. My point is, you're y'all talking about.

[Chris Distefano]

You use bad boys as the example, but Martin Lawrence is out important to bad boys as. We'll get this.

[Rory Scovel]

If it was Chris Rock and Martin Lawrence for Bad Boys, do you think it's reaching a billion dollars right now?

[Chris Distefano]

Maybe. Yeah, maybe. I mean you can't do the. Okay, I mean maybe.

[Rory Scovel]

No, I'm saying from, from Inception, Bad boys started with Martin Lawrence and, and Chris Rock. That franchise is reaching a billion dollars in 2024. Chris Rock wouldn't. Exactly.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Damaris Johnson]

Because he's not a. Oh my God, that's such a bad.

[Rory Scovel]

How is that a bad analogy?

[Damaris Johnson]

But also in your point, when, when Chris, like if they walk into the same building, are the executives going to give that. Well, then you're targeting something that Will is better at the acting side of things. Okay. Would they give Will Smith the same amount for a comedy special as Chris?

[Rory Scovel]

No, I'm not even saying movie wise, anything with a series. Chris Rock is. Everyone Hates Chris is one of my favorite sitcoms ever. That's still not proven. The way everything Will Smith has done. He's going to walk in and get a crazy bag where Chris will get a good one. They're just a different level. Which is fine. Fine.

[Chris Distefano]

They're both saying I'm not. I, I would argue Will Smith has more money than Chris Rock because you make more money in the movies than you do on tour. But as far as like notoriety on an A list, I think Chris Rock is as known as Will Smith.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I think they're both equally. As I go by my mother who. My mother who's just a 65 year old white lady who's just consumed. She knows who Chris Rock is and Will Smith is. She knows those.

[Rory Scovel]

And that's why I think Chris Rock is a B list celebrity. Celebrity people know who he is.

[Damaris Johnson]

Oh my God.

[Rory Scovel]

I go off the mom thing as well. But do you think your mom saw Ali or did she see down to Earth?

[Chris Distefano]

My mom.

[Rory Scovel]

Did you see I Am Legend or did she see Pootie Tang?

[Julian McCullough]

Right, but this, this fan.

[Chris Distefano]

But we know that about her. This Will Smith movie, everyone knows that.

[Julian McCullough]

Will Smith movie on Netflix. I've never seen that.

[Damaris Johnson]

When he's like, oh, that awful one where he plays like a cop.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh yeah. Or something like that.

[Julian McCullough]

Everybody has movies that people didn't see. That doesn't mean that, that you're not. Alien list. Some people just have bad.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, seven pounds. New Jack City.

[Julian McCullough]

Should I continue Everybody seen New Jack City?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I feel like my mom's seen that.

[Julian McCullough]

Who hasn't seen New Jack City?

[Rory Scovel]

I would like to question your mom on New Jack City.

[Chris Distefano]

But my mom. But my mom. My mom maybe doesn't watch poetic movies, but she watches his comedy specials. He's just coming up. But I think you're getting hung up on the medium. Like you can be an A lister and you're. Joe Rogan's an A lister. He doesn't have any movies because his medium is different.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, yeah, no, he's a lister for sure. Jimmy Kimmel. I mean, I guess he's in movies.

[Chris Distefano]

But yeah, that's what I'm saying. So like the movies are like saying.

[Julian McCullough]

Joe Rogan is an A lister and Chris Rock is not as crazy.

[Chris Distefano]

Wild thing. It's a wild thing.

[Julian McCullough]

I think Chris Rock is way more known.

[Chris Distefano]

Yo, I hate this podcast.

[Damaris Johnson]

Well, to speaking of, who has more.

[Rory Scovel]

Of a chance of putting together a pre presidential debate, Joe Rogan or Chris Rock? You guys give me examples, then I'm just throwing shit out.

[Damaris Johnson]

Cherry picking things that fit the person. You want to be the A lister. Sure.

[Rory Scovel]

And I'm saying, I think with certain genres there's, There's a ceiling. No offense to comedians.

[Julian McCullough]

No.

[Rory Scovel]

But until they move into acting, there is a ceiling. With stand up comedy, I think that.

[Julian McCullough]

I think that Chris, he could put this together, something amazing with Trump.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

I think Chris Rock and Donald Trump sitting down together would be some of the most amazing we've ever.

[Rory Scovel]

Of course it would be. That would be amazing. But would it happen? No. There's an actual chance that Joe Rogan and Donald Trump will sit down together.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah. Because they.

[Rory Scovel]

Because he's a. A lister.

[Julian McCullough]

Other.

[Chris Distefano]

They.

[Julian McCullough]

With each other. I don't know if Chris Rock with Donald Trump.

[Rory Scovel]

He was definitely in the clubs with Donald Trump.

[Julian McCullough]

He probably was. I just don't know. I seen Joe Rogan and Donald Trump together at some UFC event two weeks. Two weeks ago.

[Chris Distefano]

The way.

[Rory Scovel]

The way for Kevin Hart to have to sell out a stadium doing standup, he had to go into other arenas.

[Chris Distefano]

To do Kevin Hart's an A list. For sure.

[Rory Scovel]

You're saying that without question, but I'm saying he sold out the Phillies. Not Phillies, the Eagle Stadium.

[Chris Distefano]

Him.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, of course, because of a stand up comedy, but that was because he went into other realms with movies and everything else that brought him to that space to do stand up in a fucking stadium. There's a ceiling. As a stand up comedian. It's a huge ceiling. It's fucking arenas. It's great. But you can't move on past that without movies. So that's why I compare Chris Rock and Will Smith in that regard.

[Julian McCullough]

Is Kevin Hart also.

[Rory Scovel]

Chris Rock has been doing movies since the beginning of his career. He's also a movie star.

[Julian McCullough]

Is Kevin Hart as big a celebrity with out doing movies with the Rock?

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Rory Scovel]

That helps. Of course that helps.

[Julian McCullough]

All right, then.

[Rory Scovel]

But he. He was able to do a movie with the Rock as damn near the co star because he had done a million movies before that where he was the lead. Kevin's been an A lister forever.

[Julian McCullough]

Listen, I think that Kevin Hart is an A lister. I think that the Rock is an A lister. I think that Chris Rock is an A lister. Yeah, that's so.

[Rory Scovel]

So then how come Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle for 10 years made jokes about how Kevin Hart is A list and they're not.

[Julian McCullough]

It's called jokes.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, but they were. But they were serious.

[Julian McCullough]

I don't know if they were serious. I think they was kind of laughing at the. Just the circumstances, like.

[Rory Scovel]

No, they made jokes out of a real. They probably feel like we're funnier than him.

[Damaris Johnson]

That's where it derived.

[Julian McCullough]

I know more than this guy.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, now all of a sudden, comedy bits aren't derived from truth?

[Damaris Johnson]

No, we're saying the truth is Kevin's not funny. They're clearly a superior comedian.

[Rory Scovel]

He may not be your style of commercially comm.

[Chris Distefano]

There's levels to an A list, but he's. Chris Rock's on it. If you want.

[Rory Scovel]

If you want to say abcd. How about the alpha?

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, yeah. Then, then. But top of the A list is like. I don't even know. It's like, beyond celebrity. Like, top of the A list would be like Cristiano Ronaldo. Yeah, Cristiano Ronaldo, the Pope, Barack Obama. Like, just figures. You know what I mean? So that's the top. And Tom Cruise. I. I would say. If you ask me, is Tom Cruise more famous than Chris Rock? I would say technically, yes. But they're both on the A list.

[Rory Scovel]

And they've all tried to make me sound crazy. My point this entire time is why can't we just go with the alpha Alphabet? If the Pope is A, why can't Chris Rock just be B?

[Damaris Johnson]

Because there's level.

[Rory Scovel]

Why does he have to be an a?

[Chris Distefano]

Let's celebrate. A one, a two, a three. That's D and E4.

[Julian McCullough]

That's crazy.

[Rory Scovel]

Didn't we have one more?

[Damaris Johnson]

I. I didn't.

[Chris Distefano]

Gordon Ramsay. A list.

[Rory Scovel]

For sure.

[Julian McCullough]

100. Yeah, absolutely. 100.

[Damaris Johnson]

Well, he took a shitty fall on his bike. Good. And he's got. Look at that.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, my God. That's what Peach's liver looks like.

[Rory Scovel]

What do we think really happens here? Fell off a bike.

[Chris Distefano]

That's wild. That's a wild bruise.

[Rory Scovel]

It's very specific. Like. Oh, it's almost, like, shaped up.

[Julian McCullough]

No, he.

[Rory Scovel]

He.

[Chris Distefano]

What is that?

[Julian McCullough]

That's his helmet.

[Damaris Johnson]

That's his helmet after.

[Rory Scovel]

Damn.

[Chris Distefano]

How fast was this guy going? Get on a peloton guy.

[Damaris Johnson]

Nice bike.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, but he tr. He does the triathlons and like that. Like, he. He. Gordon Ramsay is a bike.

[Chris Distefano]

Will you up.

[Julian McCullough]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You'll die on a bike.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, absolutely. Those type of bikes. Said in. In the video, he was like, you know, we have to wear helmets because I'm pretty sure his helmet saved his life.

[Chris Distefano]

I believe it.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah, it looks like it. Based on this, I want to know.

[Rory Scovel]

What he hit on his side.

[Damaris Johnson]

I had a couple bad. Last summer. I had one pretty bad fall that I. It was either smash the curb and destroy my bike or to hit the brakes. See what happens. Because I was either. I was gonna go flying either way.

[Chris Distefano]

What happened?

[Damaris Johnson]

I opted for the brakes. I ended up going, like, 15ft, like, just launched over the handlebars. Like, full front flip and just, like, slit, like, broke the fall of my hands kind of landed, like, ripped the skin off. Ripped both these off clean. And just like, a couple, like, whatever side ended up leaning on me up.

[Chris Distefano]

But in the city.

[Damaris Johnson]

Oh, yeah. On the west side bike path.

[Chris Distefano]

God, you got to feel like such a dick when you get up.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

All the people just like you look.

[Damaris Johnson]

Like there wasn't too many.

[Rory Scovel]

There was just, like, the embarrassment and adrenaline keeps you from feeling pain because you just feel so embarrassed looking around like, oh, my God.

[Julian McCullough]

You gotta grab your handlebars and your hands like spaghetti.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you're just bleeding. Hey, can you help me?

[Damaris Johnson]

Well, I was with my friend, so he was able to help. Since I've been biking for, like, four years now in the city, I've had two. That was the worst fall. I've had one other one, which wasn't as bad. But my instinct every time something that happens is to just laugh because I'm fine.

[Chris Distefano]

What do you want to bike in the city for? For? Why not just walk or take this poor exercise?

[Damaris Johnson]

I'm not, like, going to meet my friends at a bar.

[Chris Distefano]

Peloton.

[Damaris Johnson]

I live in a apartment. Where am I gonna put a peloton?

[Chris Distefano]

Anywhere in the apartment. You're gonna get hit by a car, dude.

[Damaris Johnson]

No, but I. I bike well, I wear a helmet and I. When I'm on a real ride, I'll take the west side path or like, dip into central.

[Chris Distefano]

How do you expect to get when you're wearing a bike helmet?

[Damaris Johnson]

I'm not looking for on the bike.

[Chris Distefano]

Literally. A girl could see it being. Think you're the hottest guy ever and then you're like, let me take my bike helmet off and talk to you. You can't, dude. If you're gonna ride the bike, well, that. You gotta go hard, bro. No shirt on, no protection. This is not what women want. Funny thing.

[Julian McCullough]

Before we get out of here, he named his bike. He has. His bike has a name. My God, dude, it's called Frozone. Frozone. Frozone.

[Chris Distefano]

Let me so. So girl, be like, oh, tell me about. Tell me about this Julian from. From the Roaring Mal podcast. Well, he wears a bike helmet. He named his bike, and he always wants me to go in the steam room. You'd be like, oh, so he may. I think so.

[Rory Scovel]

I was the crew of the steam team.

[Chris Distefano]

The Steam team. If you guys don't rename your group chat the Steam Team, I don't know what you're doing.

[Julian McCullough]

That's happening.

[Damaris Johnson]

Yeah, I gotta. I gotta take some notes from Peach.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Julian McCullough]

All right, well, let's get out of here. Chris. Thank you, man. I know you got a show. I think the 22nd seasons in Atlantic.

[Chris Distefano]

City headline co headlining with Sam Morrell. And then we got a show in July and a show in August. Christy comedy.com for tickies. That's it. That's all I'm doing. I may be. I may be going to go back on the road next winter. You'll say, yo.

[Julian McCullough]

No, say, I gotta catch. I gotta catch. Chris live.

[Chris Distefano]

Come through him, man.

[Rory Scovel]

That's this Saturday.

[Chris Distefano]

This Saturday. Nac. Come down. It's almost sold out, so just come down.

[Rory Scovel]

Well, I mean, just come down. You would list us, I hope.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I was telling to the, you know, the fans in the steam room. Oh, yeah, I'm doing one with the Mesh Patel. Julian. There you go.

[Julian McCullough]

Mesh Patel.

[Chris Distefano]

There it is.

[Damaris Johnson]

There's your.

[Rory Scovel]

I thought that was Julian.

[Chris Distefano]

There's. Yeah, exactly.

[Julian McCullough]

Yeah, I definitely gotta catch. I gotta catch.

[Damaris Johnson]

Oh, you have your. Your glasses here. Didn't these get lost at some point?

[Chris Distefano]

I lost him. Yeah, that's. That's. I'm no longer Chrissy Glass asses.

[Rory Scovel]

Is your dad gonna give you a pep talk before walking into the AC Casinos?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. No, my dad was a big. It's all about sports gambling with him. No card games, so he's just like, I'm not allowed to watch sports, but I don't even know what the hell. My. My dad's in Tampa on dialysis right now. He doesn't know. He doesn't care anymore.

[Julian McCullough]

Shout out Chrissy D. For coming through, kicking it with us, man. We appreciate you. Definitely gonna come catch a show in Atlantic City, hopefully.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, boys.

[Julian McCullough]

It's been another episode of Rory and Ma. I'm that nigga. He's just ginger. Peace.

[Chris Distefano]

No Rory and male.