Episode 345 | Por qué, My Valentine?

Summary

Podcast Summary: New Rory & MAL - Episode 345 | Por qué, My Valentine?

Podcast Information

• Title: New Rory & MAL
• Hosts: Rory Farrell & Jamil "Mal" Clay
• Episode: 345 | Por qué, My Valentine?
• Release Date: February 14, 2025
• Description: New stories, new laughs, new random hot takes that no one asked for... New Rory & Mal

---

1. Valentine's Day Reflections

The episode centers around Valentine's Day, exploring the hosts' personal experiences and societal perceptions of the holiday.

• Cupid Valentino's Greeting:

  • [00:04] Cupid Valentino introduces himself as a modern-day Cupid, wishing everyone a Happy Valentine's Day: “Happy Valentine's Day. I don't think y'all heard me.”

• Hosts’ Personal Takes:

  • Rory expresses empathy: [01:15] “Happy Valentine's Day. This must be a tough day for you.”
  • Mal clarifies his solitude: [01:34] “I'm alone, you know what I mean? Me chilling. I ain't got to worry about phone calls, expectations. I'm chilling.”

2. The Pressure of Valentine's Day

Rory and Mal delve into the societal pressures associated with Valentine's Day, particularly the expectations around relationships and gift-giving.

• Rory’s Frustration with Expectations:

  • [02:05] Rory challenges the notion of phasing out Christmas gifts to avoid Valentine's Day pressures: “Who said you gotta phase them out to not buy a gift?”

• Discussion on Gift-Giving:

  • Damaris shares her strategy to avoid Valentine's stress by phasing out gifts post-Christmas: [02:05] “I think mal started phasing them out around Christmas...”

3. Location Sharing in Relationships

The conversation shifts to the topic of sharing locations with significant others, highlighting both practical safety measures and trust issues.

• Damaris on Safety:

  • [08:28] “Or you can rent, like, a cabin or something... having fun, talking, kicking.”

• Rory and Mal’s Views:

  • [17:04] Mal explains why he rarely shares his location: “I never have.”
  • [21:27] Damaris emphasizes the safety aspect: “I know something's wrong.”

4. Valentine's Day Contest and Voicemails

The hosts introduce a Valentine's Day contest where listeners submit voicemails, leading to humorous and creative interactions.

• Contest Introduction:

  • [30:49] The hosts announce playing voicemails from listeners, setting up a fun segment to engage their audience.

• Voicemail Highlights:

  • [33:35] A humorous voicemail from a "nurse from Toronto" leads to playful banter.
  • [35:53] Another submission reveals Damaris herself as a participant, adding to the comedic element.

5. Celebrity and Music Discussions

Towards the end of the episode, Rory and Mal discuss recent and upcoming music releases, including new projects from Drake, PartyNextDoor, and The Weeknd.

• New Music Releases:

  • [51:03] “Some sexy songs for you. The long awaited and the long anticipated collaborative album from Drake and PartyNextDoor is officially releasing tonight.”

• Album Reviews:

  • [56:15] Mal shares his thoughts on PartyNextDoor’s new song "Tooted," comparing it to older styles: “I just don't like it. It's too obvious.”

6. Introduction of Special Guest: Felipe Esparza

The latter part of the episode features Felipe Esparza, a well-known comedian, who shares personal anecdotes and discusses his latest projects.

• Felipe’s Comedy Journey:

  • [73:00] Felipe recounts winning "Last Comic Standing" and the immediate consequences: “I won Last Comic Standing and $250,000. The next day, my son's mom filed for child support.”

• Comedy Specials and Personal Stories:

  • [75:03] Discussion about Felipe’s Netflix special "Raging Fool," highlighting his dark humor and personal experiences: “Some of the jokes are very dark. In the beginning is good.”

• Felipe’s Early Life Challenges:

  • [86:36] Felipe shares harrowing experiences from his childhood, including overcoming trauma and finding solace in comedy: “I got molested by my uncle too. My mom just told me to not wear those shorts no more.”

7. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Content

As the episode wraps up, the hosts tease future topics and express excitement about Felipe's upcoming performances.

• Upcoming Shows:

  • [100:03] Felipe invites listeners to his upcoming shows: “Catch me on [e-mail].”

• Final Thoughts:

  • [101:00] Rory and Mal express their enthusiasm for Felipe’s work and hint at more engaging content in future episodes.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Cupid Valentino on Valentine's Day:

   • [00:04] “Happy Valentine's Day. I don't think y'all heard me.”

2. Rory on Relationship Expectations:

   • [02:05] “Who said you gotta phase them out to not buy a gift?”

3. Damaris on Safety in Relationships:

   • [08:28] “Or you can rent, like, a cabin or something... having fun, talking, kicking.”

4. Discussion on Location Sharing:

   • [21:27] “I know something's wrong.”

5. Felipe Esparza on Comedy Specials:

   • [75:22] “Some of the jokes are very dark. In the beginning is good.”

6. Felipe Sharing Personal Trauma:

   • [86:37] “I got molested by my uncle too. My mom just told me to not wear those shorts no more.”

7. Felipe Inviting Listeners:

   • [100:03] “Catch me on [e-mail].”

---

Conclusion

Episode 345 of "New Rory & MAL" offers a humorous yet introspective look at Valentine's Day, societal pressures, and personal relationships. The introduction of Felipe Esparza adds depth, bringing in stories of overcoming adversity and finding humor in dark places. Listeners are treated to engaging conversations, relatable anecdotes, and a blend of humor and sincerity, making it a memorable addition to the New Rory & MAL series.

Transcript

[Cupid Valentino]

No warrior.

[Damaris]

Now.

[Cupid Valentino]

My name is Cupid Valentino, the modern day of Cupid. And I just want to say one thing. Happy Valentine's Day. I don't think y'all heard me. I just want to say happy Valentine's Day.

[Damaris]

Every day the 14th.

[Cupid Valentino]

Can y'all dig that? Now, when arrows don't penetrate, See? Yeah. Now look at here. He shoots straight for your heart now. And he won't miss you. But that's all right. Y'all won't believe in me anyway, but.

[Damaris]

You won't believe in me but.

[Cupid Valentino]

About Santa Claus. But see, love will rule supreme. Happy Valentine's Day.

[Rory]

Happy Valentine's Day. M. This must be a tough day for you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Why is that?

[Rory]

Cuz you got them.

[Cupid Valentino]

I have nothing. This is the easiest day of.

[Rory]

Got them.

[Cupid Valentino]

Got him. This is the easiest. This is vacation for me.

[Rory]

Got him. Got him.

[Cupid Valentino]

This is vacation. This is what? My vacation.

[Rory]

Oh, cuz, they. They pamper you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, man. This is the.

[Rory]

This is the time you the Valentine.

[Cupid Valentino]

I'm alone, you know what I mean? Me chilling. I ain't got to worry about phone calls, expectations. I'm chilling.

[Rory]

Damaris, how long are we going to let this. This. I was about to curse, but it's the beginning.

[Cupid Valentino]

What?

[Rory]

How much are we going to let this malarkey continue?

[Cupid Valentino]

Of what?

[Rory]

You ain't got them? I don't have you not talking to nobody tomorrow. No one's expecting anything from you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nobody's expecting nothing.

[Rory]

I don't believe. Started.

[Damaris]

I start. I think m started phasing them out around Christmas. Cuz you got to start phasing them out around Christmas so you don't got to buy them a gift. Valentine's Day is right after.

[Cupid Valentino]

Y'all be forgetting one thing. I'm much older than y'all. I don't have to play games.

[Damaris]

I never forget that. When I tell you I never thought that one thing.

[Cupid Valentino]

I don't have to play those games.

[Damaris]

It'S that you old as fuck.

[Cupid Valentino]

I don't have to play those games. I'm not old as fuck. But you don't have to play. I don't have to play those games. Those are young boy games that y'all talking about. Oh, phase them out. Phase them out.

[Rory]

Who said you gotta phase them out to not buy a gift?

[Cupid Valentino]

What you mean?

[Rory]

I got on and off relationships for 20 years. I never bought a gift around Christmas. Okay, they still there.

[Cupid Valentino]

So.

[Rory]

Yeah, so allegedly, I'm not even.

[Cupid Valentino]

So why are you acting like what I'm saying is foreign to you?

[Rory]

Cause you really got them. I don't have them at all.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, but at one point, you had them, right?

[Rory]

I mean, all right, then I did a little something. I was doing a little something.

[Cupid Valentino]

So if you had them, I had them. Then you know what I'm talking about. You know how I go, nah, I don't do that. If I love you, I love you every day of the year.

[Rory]

Okay, but there's not one that you want to, like, maybe just do a matinee movie with something.

[Cupid Valentino]

I'll do that. If I want to do that. I'll do that on any day of the year. It doesn't matter. But today is a special day, special weekend for the lovers. So shout out to all of the lovers, all of the thuggers. Special Patreon playlist available now. We put together a lot of just.

[Rory]

Just absolute love songs, some interesting people that are really in relationship.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's for the lovers on there. Available now, patreon.com.

[Damaris]

That freaked out. Y'all so freaked out.

[Cupid Valentino]

I mean, this is some good listens. Some good. So we try to set the vibe, the mood, you know, for the weekend for anybody that may be doing something special for their significant others. So, yeah, listen to that playlist and let Rory and myself kind of guide the night and guide the.

[Rory]

I got a. I got Amara, like, all these Paw Patrol Valentine's Day stickers because, you know, I'm just terrified that any move I make is gonna ruin, like, her livelihood for life.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

And, like, maybe if I don't do something now, her Valentine's day when she's 22 will just stir back up and expectations. Yeah. So dedicating my Valentine's Day to Amara tomorrow. Make sure she ends up being an astronaut baby.

[Cupid Valentino]

Well, speaking of astronaut baby D, you got them astronaut boots on today, which must mean one thing. Which must mean one thing. You're stepping out.

[Damaris]

I am indeed stepping out. It's my one night that I could drink this month.

[Cupid Valentino]

Uh. Oh, yeah. This is your. This is your damp. Damp February.

[Damaris]

Yeah, you about to be damp tonight.

[Cupid Valentino]

Real damn up top and under the bottom, under the hood.

[Rory]

I don't know if you're allowed to.

[Cupid Valentino]

What? Man, that's baby dude.

[Damaris]

Somebody wrote in the community.

[Rory]

Somebody wrote in the community.

[Damaris]

Like Damaris is gonna get millions in her lawsuit one day. When you told me to make it.

[Cupid Valentino]

Clap, I say, yo, listen, that's Bab D, man. Come on, man. Come on.

[Rory]

You would just sue him, though, right?

[Cupid Valentino]

N. We ll right that.

[Damaris]

Say Rory and mom.

[Rory]

I lost the credit card. I don't even know what you talking about.

[Cupid Valentino]

Where you going tonight, baby D? Where you stepping out to?

[Damaris]

I'm just going to run over to. Well, me and my homegirl are going to go to cicon's and get some drinks and Valentine's and then we're going to go to some. Some. I guess Dumbo house is having some soiree.

[Cupid Valentino]

Soiree. You know what they have? And it ain't a soiree.

[Rory]

It's a soiree.

[Damaris]

I'm sorry.

[Cupid Valentino]

You know what you was wearing Monday?

[Damaris]

No, I actually. I was on live on YouTube today, and they picked this out for me. I had no idea what I was wearing.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay, so you let the fans put the. Put the fit together.

[Damaris]

They put the fit together. Shout out.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, I hear that.

[Rory]

I was a little tight because Kia was hitting me just now that I got to hurry up so I can pick Amar up because she's doing her Galentine's Day shit with all her friends today. And I was like, you didn't think to ask me if I wasn't doing Valentine's Day? Like, maybe me and Maul had something planned on the 13th. I didn't like that at all.

[Cupid Valentino]

No. The ladies hit me in a DM and they said, our Malentine's is the Super Bowl. That's. I don't know how they came up with that.

[Rory]

And you mall. So how could they do Valentine's Day without you?

[Cupid Valentino]

Well, I thought it was just my day, so. You know what I'm saying? I thought that's what that was for, but I didn't know, baby. D, you didn't tell us that there's a Galentines.

[Damaris]

A whom?

[Cupid Valentino]

Galentines. I saw, like, people hashtaging Galent. These were, like, their gay besties, like, out this week, eating.

[Damaris]

I don't have a gay. I do.

[Cupid Valentino]

You are a gay bestie.

[Damaris]

No, y'all are the gay besties. But I don't know. I don't know. I didn't know about that. Why didn't y'all tell me? We could have, like, did a thing.

[Rory]

I thought that happened in June.

[Cupid Valentino]

I thought that's what you. I thought that you would know, baby. I thought we were late to the.

[Rory]

Nah.

[Damaris]

I. I didn't talk about Galen times. That's kind of fire h. I mean.

[Cupid Valentino]

You know, the gays got to be in love, too. What? Why? We love the gays. The gays love us.

[Rory]

They could just do, like, Valentine's Day, though.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, they can't. But, you know.

[Damaris]

No, but I think it's like a girl and her gay besties.

[Cupid Valentino]

That's. That's exactly what it. That's what I about to say.

[Rory]

So wouldn't homie just be a Galentine's day?

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, that's for the ladies only. He's not the lady.

[Rory]

Oh, my bad.

[Cupid Valentino]

Trump is president again, remember? So we are back this week.

[Rory]

That's why when y'all had Valentine's Day on the start of this list, I was like, this isn't going to go anywhere healthy. I don't know why y'all think it's about to be 30 minutes.

[Cupid Valentino]

We love love. We spread love. We show love. Our community knows.

[Damaris]

I haven't done anything for anybody on Valentine's Day.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Oh, man. Have I. Yeah, absolutely.

[Damaris]

How many decades ago?

[Cupid Valentino]

No, it was a few years ago, but I've definitely.

[Rory]

It was always a few years ago.

[Cupid Valentino]

I've laid it out on Valentine's Day.

[Rory]

For he killing time to try to think of something could say right now. You ain't never done anything for anyone on Valentine's Day.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yes, I have, bro.

[Rory]

What do you.

[Cupid Valentino]

I just. Let me get to it.

[Rory]

Shut up.

[Cupid Valentino]

Was I dressed? You know, I had the whole spot, the whole. Cuz I was out of town, so I had the whole hotel room. I had the housekeeper go buy like 10 boxes of rose petals. She threw them all around the room. I had bought a couple of gifts. Yeah. But I didn't. I didn't feel like going nowhere. So you could kind of pay for those things.

[Rory]

She didn't have to clean the rest of the floor.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. I mean the next day, yeah, she had to come in and vacuum everything. But yeah, I had rose petals all around the room and everything. I bought her a couple gifts. We went to dinner first and then came back to the room and you know, we had a good night and everything. Yeah.

[Damaris]

Okay. Has anybody ever done anything for you for Valentine's Day?

[Cupid Valentino]

Complained? Yeah, they like to complain on Valentine's Day. They do that a lot, you know. You know how y'all do, baby. I start going through the Rolodex remembering something he said in January.

[Damaris]

That's only for N. I don't like that.

[Cupid Valentino]

Don't add up. No, you do that for n. You like to you not on Valentine's Day.

[Damaris]

On Valentine's Day, I want my shit. I'm not causing no argument.

[Cupid Valentino]

What do you want on Valentine's Day?

[Damaris]

What do you mean what do I want gift wise?

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Damaris]

Like my ideal Valentine's Day.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. What's the perfect Valentine's Day for baby D for our homie in Kansas City. Mr. Ride My Tub. He want to know. I'm just. I'm not asking for me either.

[Rory]

He's in New York now.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, he want to know. He's been hitting me all week.

[Rory]

And our special guest. Come on out.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Yeah, he's been hitting me all week. He want to know what you like on Valentine's Day.

[Damaris]

If we are newly dating. I don't know, Something creative. Something like some. If we're newly dating, like, we haven't slept together newly dating. Then I guess like dinner. I don't like celebrating Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day because there's so many fucking people outside. Especially in New York.

[Cupid Valentino]

The restaurant can't get a reservation nowhere.

[Damaris]

It's a whole thing.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Yes. People do stuff for people on Valentine's Day that they haven't slept with.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, of course.

[Damaris]

You can send somebody flowers, somebody. If you're in the process of trying to court somebody and then Valentine's Day comes around, you don't ignore the holiday. Like, you could send, like, a card. Flowers, chocolate, like. Yeah, there's things you can do.

[Rory]

Oh, no. Okay, my bad.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. See, you ain't know how they was giving it up.

[Damaris]

Not a real romantic.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, see, he don't. He don't even know, baby.

[Rory]

Oh. Every day is Valentine's Day with me. I don't know what the you talking about, yo.

[Cupid Valentino]

Love is in your heart. Yeah.

[Rory]

Love is love. Ref. Run. So when.

[Damaris]

So when I came in here, Mal, to finish answering your question. If we're in a relationship, let's do something in the house. Something fun.

[Cupid Valentino]

But you don't want to go out for Valentine's Day. Not relationship or not, you don't want to be.

[Damaris]

Not if we're in New York City.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay?

[Damaris]

Not if we're in New York City. If we're somewhere else, sure. With more space. But in New York City, no.

[Cupid Valentino]

I mean, if you go to any major city, it's gonna be busy On Valentine's Day, so if you go to la, it's gonna be busy. If you go to Houston, it's gonna be busy. If you go to Miami, it's gonna be busy. If you go. You know what I'm saying? Atlanta, it's gonna be busy. You would have to go to, like, you know what I mean? Like, Jackson Hole, Wyoming, to be like, all right, we can go anywhere right now and get a. And get a table.

[Damaris]

Or you can rent, like, a cabin or something like that. Or like, rent Like, I'm cool with if we suite and we order whatever food we want and we're in there in comfy pajamas, like in the hotel suite, having fun, talking, kicking. Like, I love the. The have drinks with your significant other. Like, in the house. Like, I like that just y'all too. Yeah. You know how much information you could get out of a. Once you get him comfortable and drunk?

[Cupid Valentino]

What? Why you gotta fix the elixir?

[Damaris]

Oh, man, those. You get the most information.

[Cupid Valentino]

So you rather be in the house just y'all too.

[Rory]

That's like. That's like mind rapey.

[Cupid Valentino]

But to get him drunk and then.

[Rory]

Get him to jit to try to get info out.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, but that only works on the rookie.

[Rory]

Remember when Dead Prez put out mind sex? That's mind rape.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

What the fuck you trying to just fill him up with liquids.

[Cupid Valentino]

But why do you want to. But baby, that's a dangerous game. Because you don't want the truth on Valentine. That'll fuck up your whole day. If you get the truth.

[Damaris]

No. Cause there's only so many truths. If it's a truth that's gonna hurt me bad enough that it'll ruin the Valentine's Day, then we don't need to be together. And I'm happy that I got that truth.

[Cupid Valentino]

So, Baby D, leading up to Valentine's Day with your significant other, do you make sure that the week leading up, like, you don't upset him? You don't cause no problem.

[Damaris]

I'm so agreeable.

[Cupid Valentino]

Everything is.

[Damaris]

I have no nothing.

[Cupid Valentino]

Why y'all do that? That's a game y'all like to play. Y'all get real nice around February, Christmas.

[Damaris]

Valentine's Day, my birthday. I am.

[Cupid Valentino]

Shut up.

[Damaris]

I'm old 40s housewife. I shut the fuck up.

[Cupid Valentino]

I don't see nothing why that can't be every day.

[Damaris]

Nah, need more of them, right?

[Cupid Valentino]

The everyday.

[Rory]

What's wrong with America?

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, but when it's Valentine's Day. Quiet February 1st, you. You on your best behavior.

[Damaris]

Oh, you gotta start genuine from. Listen. That's what I'm telling you. You can't. You can't fuck up from like Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day.

[Rory]

Oh, shit.

[Cupid Valentino]

Y'all ain't never. Y'all ain't. Y'all not capable of doing that. Ain't no woman on the planet capable of being for three months. Come on, cut the shit.

[Damaris]

You can't do the big stuff. You could do a little small one, but not the big stuff. Like, I'm not bickering because if the week of. It doesn't matter, because if you really love me, you bought the gift two weeks ago.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

So.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay.

[Damaris]

And you're not gonna cancel. So I can argue with you on the 13th. You're not gonna cancel the reservation and everything that you had planned the night before.

[Cupid Valentino]

So you'll be in the house. You rather be in the house, cuddled up, one on one, just y'all. To have a good time, get to know. Okay.

[Damaris]

You know, playing them card games where you get to know each other.

[Cupid Valentino]

Right.

[Damaris]

That stuff. That's. That would be my ideal Valentine's Day.

[Cupid Valentino]

What's your ideal Valentine's Day?

[Rory]

Rory left alone. Sleep man's man far away from me. Let's express our love from distance. I send, like, a text, though.

[Cupid Valentino]

In the same house?

[Rory]

No, no. Like, I'm thinking, like, opposite sides of the country.

[Damaris]

Rory, be serious.

[Rory]

I. I don't know. I'm not a Valentine's Day person. I am romantic, but. All right. So last year, which is why I think mall's a little full of. Because we were all out in LA during Valentine's Day. We were shooting all of my karma's beautiful shit. Mal magically got a stomach bug. Didn't stay with us, and was ghost all of Valentine's Day when we were shooting and everything.

[Cupid Valentino]

When I was coughing up a lung.

[Rory]

Marcy's son.

[Damaris]

I know.

[Rory]

In my hotel room, just conveniently on Valentine's Day.

[Cupid Valentino]

I wish I wasn't.

[Rory]

I got a chef to come to the crib I was staying in. Got a masseuse and did that. I'm romantic on Valentine's Day. I just never. I've never had a woman do anything for me on Valentine's Day because I just don't got it like that. I've always been the person giving.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Rather than receiving.

[Cupid Valentino]

What do you do for your. Your. Your. Your guy on Valentine's Day?

[Damaris]

Things that I've have done. I've bought flowers. I decorated a hotel room. That wasn't Valentine's Day. That was his birthday. Valentine's Day is. I don't know. I'm not gonna lie. Valentine's Day is kind of my day. Like, I'll buy you flowers. I'll buy you things that you're into. So like. Like little, like, kind of like stocking stuffers. I'm not gon for you. That's let. Let's be real. That's for girls. Like, that's for men to do for girls, which I have done. You know, I think my last Valentine's Day I flew my ex girlfriend out. I think possibly. I can't remember, but for men. Yeah, I'll get you like if you like a certain, like, video game or you like a certain cologne, like little stock and stuff for like, things like that. And then a card. I'm a big car person.

[Cupid Valentino]

Hold. Don't roll.

[Rory]

You can't. You can't remember if you flew your ex girlfriend out last Valentine's Day?

[Damaris]

I can't remember.

[Rory]

I'm quiet, man.

[Damaris]

I can't remember if it was last year, year before.

[Rory]

No, time is. Time is a construct. Exactly.

[Damaris]

You can't put a date on it.

[Rory]

But no, it's February 14th. They put a date on.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's an exact date on it, actually. February 14th every year.

[Damaris]

I lead a busy life. But no, like, yeah, I like little things and I like cards. I'm my love. Like, language is words of affirmation. So I'm gonna tell you how much I love you in a card or like expressing it to your face. So what is that?

[Cupid Valentino]

It's tough being single on Valentine's Day.

[Rory]

Is it?

[Damaris]

Is it?

[Rory]

It's just another day. No, if people really take Valentine's Day, that's me.

[Cupid Valentino]

I'm just saying, like, not for me speaking for myself, but for people it is. Cause some people, you know, they get that depressive state where they see people in love and nobody's loving them. And you know how that shit.

[Rory]

To me, Valentine's Day was not really that big of a deal until Instagram.

[Cupid Valentino]

Well, I mean, you talk my language.

[Rory]

That's when I feel like shit completely shifted.

[Cupid Valentino]

Well, yeah, that's.

[Rory]

Cause you, of course you did nice things, but like, it became a fucking show.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

The same way prom became a thing when these kids got Instagram. Now it's like, damn, you doing all that to go to your school Valentine's Day. To me, Instagram is the reason why that is happening.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Just so you can be able to show everyone that this happened for you and all that.

[Cupid Valentino]

You got to be able. You have to compare what you got, what you're doing and what you know. But then it's also the part we don't talk about is how people get jammed up and posting and showing and it's like, hold up. Like you gotta. Well, since when you had a girl, that's how you get jammed up.

[Damaris]

Well, you shouldn't be. But yes, that is how people get jammed up.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, but if the girl is posting, what you gonna do? You can't. You gonna be hiding, not trying to jump in picture, you gonna be like, yo, why you acting funny like that? You know, y'all do shit like that. Women, y'all play. Y'all know when a nigga acting uneasy and he a little nervous on Valentine's Day. Like, why you acting all nervous? Why you acting all jittery? Why you trying to hurry up and get back to the hotel?

[Damaris]

He acting like a crackhead in an airport.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, he don't wanna be seen. He can't be seen outside.

[Rory]

And I get that, but. But in that guy's defense, I did this for you, not for the rest of the world. The fuck you want to show everyone? I don't like it.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, man. Don't count if she don't show it.

[Rory]

Yes, it do. It's tangible. It's in front of my face. I can touch these balloons to you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, but the girl got to show it off. And it's cool. Women are supposed to show that they're being showered with love and things. I mean, if you're in a healthy relationship. Yes. If you creeping around, then.

[Rory]

No, I'm saying, in the healthy relationship, why would you need to show everyone that?

[Damaris]

I don't need to, but I want to. I show people the smoothie that I had. Like, the fucking. I burp on camera. I can't show people the flowers that my loved one got me. I can post my avocado toast, but not the flowers you got me. Yeah, actually, that doesn't make a lick of sense.

[Cupid Valentino]

Well, prepare to see a bunch of arms and Rolexes tonight. Rory, all up and down your timeline.

[Damaris]

You hating. You looking for yours? Cause you know I click. I be in that motherfucking story. Like, looking.

[Cupid Valentino]

Not me, bitch.

[Damaris]

Where you at?

[Cupid Valentino]

Not me. That. But y'all do that. Women, y'all. Y'all got each other's location. Y'all know where y'all go. Everybody gonna see where y'all at tomorrow. Like, y'all got. Women share locations. Do you share locations with guys?

[Rory]

No.

[Cupid Valentino]

You peach. Yeah, I've been there.

[Rory]

Kia was the one that put me on, like, her whole friend group. They all have. I was like, wow. Y'all have everyone's location. Which I guess for safety reasons, I get. But she's like, you don't have that. I was like, no.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. My homeboy accidentally started sharing his location with me one day, and I text him, I said, yo, you all right? Why is it saying it's now Sharon location? I don't care where you at? And it's fucked up, because he could have really been in some trouble. But I saw the alert come through, and it said, now sharing location. And I was like. I texted. I said, yo, why are you sharing your location with me? He was like, huh? I said, yo, you sharing your location? Oh, my bad. Like, that's just. As men, it's just like, yo, what are you doing? I don't care where you at. But women, I do understand, because y'all move around. Y'all travel, so y'all should know where.

[Damaris]

Especially if you going on, like, a date or something like that. Like, girl, you gotta know everything.

[Rory]

Yeah, no, that definitely makes sense. But I still. I don't know. There's plenty of, like, male friend groups I know that do that for their location. We're old, man. It's like a regular thing for the younger generation. Yeah.

[Cupid Valentino]

Men sharing locations. Yes, though I'm not sharing my location with no man, dog. I'm just not. I'm not letting the girl know. Let me know when you got in the house. No, I'm not letting you know when I got in the house. Like, I'm not letting the girl know when I got my height.

[Damaris]

I'm saying, y'all, I don't like that.

[Cupid Valentino]

Let me know when you got in.

[Damaris]

Yeah, I don't like that.

[Rory]

What's wrong with that?

[Damaris]

I'm not gonna fight you over it. But it's. It's a. It's a little thing. Like, it's a chivalry thing. Like, let me know when you got in. Like, you're good. Be happening out here.

[Rory]

No, I'm saying, what's wrong with. Someone's asking that. Let me know when you get in. Nothing. Okay.

[Damaris]

Mall is.

[Rory]

Oh, you think that's weird?

[Cupid Valentino]

You be letting girls know when you got in?

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

So.

[Cupid Valentino]

Sup?

[Rory]

Wait, what's wrong with that?

[Cupid Valentino]

Nothing.

[Rory]

If she asked me when we part. Yo, let me know when you get home. I'm gonna let her know when I got in.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. How do you take your child? I'm home. Yeah, I'm in. You look like you say, I'm in here. This nigga say, I'm in Arrived.

[Damaris]

Or you could just share your Uber low. You know, when. When you in the Uber, Just share it with me.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, we not.

[Rory]

Have you ever shared your location with a woman? Like, have you ever had that relationship? I've definitely had that.

[Cupid Valentino]

What? One of my. One of my close female friends, when she was going to la, she shared her location with me because I wanted to make sure she was not what I'm talking about.

[Rory]

You know, that girl that you are intimate with. Have you ever shared a location?

[Cupid Valentino]

Have I ever shared my location with her?

[Rory]

Yeah, you heard me the first three times.

[Cupid Valentino]

I don't know. I don't think so, Cap. No, I never have. Honestly. Yeah. Why would I be sharing my location with her?

[Rory]

Why not?

[Cupid Valentino]

No, that's not a real answer. That's like, when kids. You sell. Some kid don't do something, they why. No, no, for safety purposes.

[Rory]

If I'm dating a woman, I don't mind sharing my location. Where? For safety.

[Cupid Valentino]

Shit, for your safety.

[Rory]

Oh, everyone's safety.

[Damaris]

Acting like nothing.

[Cupid Valentino]

If she can see you in Queens right now, how's she gonna know something's happening to you? She just know you in Queens.

[Rory]

I mean, if she can, you don't know.

[Cupid Valentino]

Is beating you up in Queens just because she got your location.

[Damaris]

But if that's outside of his realm.

[Rory]

Why is that scenario?

[Cupid Valentino]

To be in Queen. He from Queens.

[Rory]

But why did you have to add in? Got beat up there, too. Like, that's.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, because you said safety. He said safety reasons I don't get beat up there. Damaris, you my girl. I'm sharing my location with you. You see, I'm in Harlem. Niggas would be beating my ass. You got my location. You won't know I got my ass beat until I call you and be like, yo, these niggas just jumped me.

[Rory]

You're trying to put the.

[Cupid Valentino]

Are we talking about.

[Rory]

You try to put logic onto it.

[Cupid Valentino]

Where you at? Let me see.

[Rory]

And they pull up, for some reason, she can't reach me. My phone goes dead. Whatever. Something happens to me. No, maybe something happened. I got a car accident. She can see the last location of where the fuck I was at.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, you watched too much. First 48. So you thinking if you.

[Rory]

You only have 48 hours to solve a murder.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, that's it. After 48, they don't know what happened.

[Rory]

No, they're just like, y. That's ocean, man. We're not even on that.

[Cupid Valentino]

We got some other shit going on.

[Rory]

Right now, which is the craziest law, yo.

[Cupid Valentino]

So you share the location. And so if your girl doesn't hear from you in a few hours, she be like, yo, damn. Like, where's he at? That's what you're saying.

[Rory]

I also prefer it, too. Like, if we're working all day and she's trying to get ahold of me, trying to see where the fuck I'm at. I'm not looking at my phone. Oh, he's at work. Bet now I know to not blow his phone up. It's helpful in certain situations and also.

[Damaris]

When I've had it on in my relationship, is if you're leaving my house and driving somewhere. If I go to check your location in an hour and you ain't home when you said that, I know something's wrong. Not like, I think you're cheating on me, like I know something's wrong. It takes you 20 minutes to get home. It's been an hour. You're not home yet.

[Cupid Valentino]

Baby D. I call Cap and Baby D, if you share locations with your man and he leave your house and you know it, take him 20 minutes to get home and you check that location. It's been an hour. He ain't home yet. You are not thinking something happened to him. You gonna call him and be like.

[Damaris]

Wait, I don't get in relationships with men that I think would cheat on me.

[Rory]

I don't do.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nobody gets in a relationship. All right, well, some women are dumb.

[Damaris]

But it's not gonna be my first thing. Like, immediately. It's gonna be a safety thing. Like, immediately. It's gonna be, yo, what's. Like, are you okay? So if I'm calling and calling and calling and you not answering, I know that's.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, no. At that point.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Cupid Valentino]

If you call and he's not answering, yes, of course.

[Damaris]

Like, I know that something is wrong. So that's gonna be.

[Rory]

You know, Mal, I just wanna be clear. We have been gaslighting you this entire time. All location sharing is to make sure your significant other is not cheating.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, I know that.

[Rory]

True. I want to be honest. Gaslighting.

[Damaris]

I know that's not true, which is.

[Cupid Valentino]

Why I don't share locations.

[Damaris]

That's not true.

[Cupid Valentino]

You me share my location. Get out of here.

[Damaris]

That is. That is not true at all. Yo, I seen somebody that said, don't act. Don't text me saying. Or why I didn't answer the phone. You thought something happened to me. No, you didn't. You thought I was with a. And that I've been laughing at that.

[Cupid Valentino]

Cause it's true. That's why you laughing.

[Damaris]

That's not true.

[Cupid Valentino]

That's why you laughing, baby. To cut this. You laughing because you know that's what y'all be thinking.

[Rory]

No, Once I found out. Cause I thought that that's really what the share location shit was. Once a girl put me on that, she had her iPad and her phone connected. Yeah. And left her iPad location on. That's what somebody was viewing. I was like, I'm not even gonna Play this location game because you guys are now even gaslighting.

[Cupid Valentino]

You know how to throw it off?

[Rory]

Like, she was like, nah, I just switch it over to my iPad so it looks like my location is there. It's sharing on that. I was like, all right, man.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, but you're gonna know where she was at.

[Rory]

That's why I don't do Valentine's Day.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, but you gonna know where she was at when you start pissing oatmeal. It's all good. That's how that. That's a. That's. That tells all you go to the bathroom.

[Rory]

As a. As a chlamydia survivor. It wasn't oatmeal.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's just.

[Rory]

It just.

[Cupid Valentino]

You should get a hoodie.

[Rory]

It was like, little flesh.

[Cupid Valentino]

And then put the year on the back because, you know, people like you.

[Rory]

I think you corny for never getting chlamydia. Honestly.

[Cupid Valentino]

That's corny.

[Rory]

Yeah, that's corny. Cause you don't get.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, I get a lot of. I get clean.

[Rory]

I thought you said how many, how many? How much? What's your body count?

[Cupid Valentino]

No, my life.

[Damaris]

Oh, okay.

[Cupid Valentino]

You think of my life. I never. The marriage.

[Damaris]

But you said I get. I'm like. No, I'm saying I got. Not pat. Ass tick. You say you get, but you just said that you ain't got him. I'm just trying to figure out.

[Cupid Valentino]

I mean, I get, though.

[Damaris]

I'm just trying to get on you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Come on, baby. Dude, don't do that. We're not gonna do that. You know, you can look at me and tell. I gets to it.

[Rory]

Now, Maltern is a guy you clowning on the block, and his only response is, I get, though, right?

[Damaris]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Don't I get no, because, you know.

[Cupid Valentino]

He was trying to make it seem like. Because I ain't catch chlamydia. No, it's just clean.

[Rory]

Sometimes you need a round of applause. Sometimes you gotta get clapped up.

[Cupid Valentino]

Let them know that nasty woman. That. That's. That nasty Harley. That was it.

[Damaris]

Don't do I.

[Rory]

She's not.

[Damaris]

She's very beautiful. We don't do that.

[Cupid Valentino]

What?

[Damaris]

We don't STD shame. We don't shame the people, man.

[Cupid Valentino]

Chick burned me. I'm shaming. I'm at her door. Bitch, who you out here fucking?

[Damaris]

No, because it's just as well if y'all in a relationship. Yes. But if you're both single, just as easy as you got burnt. She probably got burnt. Just as easy. Doesn't make you dirty because you caught a std.

[Rory]

It's 19.

[Cupid Valentino]

Somebody's dirty. If you got an std.

[Damaris]

No, it doesn't make you.

[Cupid Valentino]

I'm not saying it's you, but whoever you slept with is dirty, and whoever he slept with is dirty. Whoever she slept with is dirty.

[Rory]

But you have to take accountability. I shouldn't have been 19 years old in those Newark streets. It was my fault.

[Cupid Valentino]

Newer.

[Damaris]

You survived Newark chlamydia.

[Rory]

I've talked about this on the pod plane.

[Damaris]

I didn't know.

[Cupid Valentino]

You said it was newer. Chlamydia is like wuhan Covid. That's like, you got.

[Rory]

And you guys have clowned me when I was like, nah, I really felt like she was only fucking me.

[Cupid Valentino]

That is how you would catch chlamydia. He thought he had a.

[Damaris]

No.

[Rory]

That's where I was really hurt. I was. I thought it was. I thought we was locked in.

[Damaris]

Damn.

[Rory]

We weren't in a relationship, but I thought we was. You know, we was talking. We was going to the mall and together. I thought it was just me and her.

[Cupid Valentino]

The homies is hitting that for sure. The homies is here.

[Rory]

And then you clown me because I said I beat, you know, later on.

[Damaris]

Rory, what's your worst Valentine's Day, though? Can you remember a worst Valentine's Day?

[Rory]

I don't.

[Cupid Valentino]

Newark chlamydia.

[Rory]

No, that was in the summer.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay, my bad.

[Rory]

Yeah. Oh, nine. I was going crazy. E. Oh, man. Shout out to Sanford Avenue. Anyways, I don't know if I've had a bad.

[Felipe Esparza]

I don't.

[Rory]

I don't know if I've had, like, a really good Valentine's Day or a bad one. That's why when you guys put those points up, I was like, I don't know if I have much to contribute here. It's never really been a huge holiday for me. And maybe that's probably my issue.

[Cupid Valentino]

When I hear people have, like, these crazy dates, like, these stories, sometimes I think they just making shit up. I'm like, yo, somebody really? You really went through that? Like, what type of people do y'all be meeting where it's, like, just insane shit happening? Like, yo, his baby moms found out what restaurant we was at, and she showed up. I'm like, this is real life. This happened. Like, that just sounds like a movie. Like, wait, you were sitting at dinner. Homies, baby moms pulled up with the kids and said, you just left the house.

[Damaris]

Oof. That's real.

[Cupid Valentino]

That don't sound real. I'm sorry. That does not sound like a real.

[Damaris]

Thing happen not to me, because he.

[Rory]

Was sharing his location.

[Cupid Valentino]

That's exactly why his dumb ass. He had Outback that location. He had Outback with his wife, with his side he got his location on. Talking about. I'm picking up butter rolls. No, the. You ain't Outback for the V Day Outback. Yeah.

[Damaris]

You got to take no shaming. I'm no.

[Cupid Valentino]

You know, you got to take the side to the low spot. You got to go to where nobody low. I mean, on Valentine's Day, nobody ain't going.

[Rory]

That's where the family's at.

[Cupid Valentino]

That. That's where the older people go for Valentine's Day, bro.

[Damaris]

No, that's where you going to run.

[Rory]

Into one of her.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nobody on social media is going to Outback Steakhouse on Valentine's Day. That is embarrassing.

[Damaris]

Younger people, they're not posting it, but younger people, definitely. I used to work at a Red Lobster B. Valentine's Day. I used to make it.

[Rory]

First of all, let's not act like Outback and Red Lobster are the same. Red Lobster for Valentine's Day is totally fine.

[Cupid Valentino]

That's like. That's.

[Rory]

That's premium.

[Cupid Valentino]

That's like the Gap in Old Navy. It's the same shit.

[Rory]

No, because Red Lobster is Banana Republic. Those V necks are a little more expensive. It's like universal Red Lobster, the Red Lobster in Harlem, you had to, like, get a reservation a week in advance.

[Cupid Valentino]

You also had to get a gun.

[Damaris]

Harlem was crazy.

[Cupid Valentino]

You also had to get a gun to go in that motherfucker. You go to the Red Lobster hall, you better be strapped. Cause them niggas from the east side is in here tonight. You crazy. You better have your shit on you.

[Rory]

Matter of fact, that's central Harlem. That's where the East End was.

[Cupid Valentino]

Me. Yeah, you bugging. Going to Red Lobster for fucking Valentine's Day. By the Apollo. Yeah, nigga, you crazy going to that Red Lobster on Valentine's Day. You crazy going to that Red Lobster, Valentine's Day. The Bloods think that's they meeting grounds. Like, yo, we in here tonight.

[Rory]

We tried to go there the night Michael Jackson died, you went to Red Lobster. The night we went to the. We went outside the Apollo.

[Cupid Valentino]

This nigga had an appetite. The night Michael Jackson died, I didn't eat for four days. When we lost Mike, I went to Red Lobster. Michael almost threw up.

[Rory]

We was at Fordham running track. We saw that on little tv. Went back to. Went to Grand Concourse, Concourse Village. And we was like, I mean, we got to do, like, something for Mike tonight. And Everyone was like, yo, everyone's going to the Apollo.

[Cupid Valentino]

You ate. I cried for Mike. He died.

[Rory]

It was a block party outside the Apollo when Mike died.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

And then, you know, naturally you work.

[Cupid Valentino]

Up appetite right next door.

[Rory]

And we was like, might as well just go to.

[Cupid Valentino]

That is crazy.

[Rory]

I think they threw someone through that glass window. Oh, that. That Red Lobster. Didn't Nicki Minaj work at that Red.

[Cupid Valentino]

Lobster in home where.

[Rory]

I know he was in the Bronx. She talked about that one time.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, it's no way.

[Rory]

Open up way later. I think it was in the Bronx.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nikki worked at that Red Lobster. We gotta talk to the label. Because there's no reason that opened when.

[Rory]

Nikki was already a star. She worked at one in the Bronx or some that she talked about. And I was like, oh, that's the wild Red Lobster.

[Cupid Valentino]

That's funny, as this had an appetite when Mike died.

[Damaris]

That's crazy.

[Cupid Valentino]

But it's funny. When Mike died. Four nights, I couldn't even. I couldn't cry at. Cause I was out with, like, some old friends, and a friend of mine at the time, he had. That was draft night, and he got drafted that night. So I was like. It was like a happy moment. But then I was like, I can't wait to go home and just, like, be alone and cry. Like, I remember thinking that, like, I can't even really be happy. Like, yeah, yo, you got drafted. Congrats. Soon as I got home, I was crying like a baby. Like a baby when Michael Jackson died.

[Damaris]

Yeah.

[Cupid Valentino]

This nigga went to Red Lobster. How could you break bread? We just lost Mike, like, breaking bread and complaining about the cheddar biscuits.

[Damaris]

Yo, toast them.

[Rory]

Actually, I don't even know it was the Red Lobster, though, because. Was the Red Lobster even there? Because that was. Oh, that was 2009.

[Damaris]

Nine.

[Rory]

Yeah, yeah. No, I was clapped up that day.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Hell, yeah.

[Damaris]

This nigga was outside. Most of y'all smelling like fish.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yo. He was outside, and he had clamped chowder in his underwear. He had clamped chowder in his underwear.

[Rory]

Summer 09. I'm telling you, shit was wild, yo.

[Damaris]

You a wild boy.

[Rory]

No, I never.

[Cupid Valentino]

That chlamydia with Michael Jackson died.

[Rory]

I'll never Forget Walking in 790 Concourse Village west when I was leaving the hospital. Clapped up. All my homies stood up in unison and did a round of applause.

[Cupid Valentino]

Gave you the clap.

[Damaris]

Why would you tell them that, though?

[Rory]

Because I was nervous. And they had all had to clap, too. It was kind of like a. Right.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Somebody had to walk them Through Dirty.

[Damaris]

Dick rite of passage.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, my God. That is hilarious.

[Damaris]

I heard it.

[Rory]

That is not Concourse Village. Is that what they did to it?

[Cupid Valentino]

No, that's not the. That's the. That's the.

[Rory]

That's not Concord.

[Cupid Valentino]

That's not. That's the building on the concl. Flavor Flav grew up in that building. He lived in that building.

[Rory]

I don't know if that right there is Concourse Village.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

Well, since we're talking about Valentine's Day, do you guys want to do the Valentine's Day voicemails before we get into music?

[Cupid Valentino]

Let's do it. Because I. I need to. I need to figure out who we going to put you on a date with. Make sure you say.

[Damaris]

But you know that the contest wasn't just open to just me. It was open to anybody on the.

[Cupid Valentino]

I mean, it was kind of open to you, though, like, who we going to do date with?

[Rory]

What you mean.

[Damaris]

What you mean you.

[Rory]

You have admitted to a fan before. You said you never go back, but we have attracted.

[Cupid Valentino]

Never again. We'll never do it.

[Rory]

She was the one too.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, she was not. What? What you mean she was.

[Rory]

I told you I was hating.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, okay. Yeah, she was. She was.

[Damaris]

I mean, I don't know, Ma. We did get a couple submissions for you. Josh. Josh informed me that we got a. A couple submissions for you.

[Rory]

And let's. Let's make it clear. Maul did agree that he would go on this date.

[Damaris]

He did agree. He did.

[Rory]

So you can't go back on your word. That is recorded, too.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay. So I gotta. So I gotta. We're gonna play something for me today, too, or just.

[Damaris]

We gonna play something for you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, I thought we just playing.

[Rory]

And you know I'm the driver, right?

[Cupid Valentino]

Yo, this is crazy.

[Rory]

No, we agree, Joel. It's in the fine print. It's recorded. I'm driving both y'all dates around.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, my God.

[Rory]

I'm gonna rent, cuz y'all not getting my car.

[Damaris]

Why your car got mad? Backseat room.

[Rory]

Amara threw up on that like, yesterday.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, it's. Nah, let him rent something, cuz if the day goes well, I might want to do something in that back seat, so.

[Damaris]

Yeah, you can't do.

[Rory]

I don't want to do nothing with me driving.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, why not? You my man. I can't get some head in the backseat while you driving. So you ain't a good friend, dog.

[Damaris]

Nope. He hater.

[Rory]

What happens when I have to check my mirrors for safety?

[Cupid Valentino]

He gotta check mirrors. This. Check mirrors when he dropped. Check Mirrors. Drive.

[Damaris]

Check your mirrors. Yo, what you care about parking?

[Cupid Valentino]

You and he. And you know, he got a camera, so he don't even need to look in the mirror. He got a camera right there to see when he back in the reverse. What you looking in the mirror?

[Rory]

Funny. Starting summer 09, going wild. Getting chlamydia, Michael Jackson. All I had a 1993 Chevy Malibu with no power steering and no rear view mirror. When I got another car, I forgot that people had rear view mirrors. Yeah, Like, I was like, oh, I forgot that was a thing.

[Cupid Valentino]

Use this thing. I could use this thing. Don't even.

[Rory]

I never checked a mirror in my.

[Cupid Valentino]

You don't need no rear view mirror. That mirror.

[Rory]

And even when I'm switching lanes, it's a feeling. Is there a car or not?

[Cupid Valentino]

No, you need. No, no, no, no. You need the outside.

[Rory]

It's a feeling.

[Cupid Valentino]

You need the outside mirrors, the mirror inside. You don't need that.

[Rory]

When you. When you. Dom Toretto for real, it's a feeling. Yeah, you gotta feel it.

[Damaris]

The only thing you need the rearview mirror for is to make sure that that black car behind you ain't a cop. Like, when you try to figure, is that a cop or not?

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, crack them windows.

[Rory]

Wait, but also, we. We agreed that there would be a GoPro right where the rear view is. So, I mean, can we monetize your sex?

[Cupid Valentino]

No. No, I didn't know we was. We was recording and all of that.

[Damaris]

Yeah, it's content. What, you thought we was just gonna.

[Cupid Valentino]

Send you on into some and then talk about it?

[Rory]

No, we going to put the sex. He's really an eight. That's going to be the title.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, my God. No, let's do. We can listen to some of the voicemails, though. Let's.

[Damaris]

First voicemail. Okay.

[Cupid Valentino]

I didn't order. I didn't order hot chocolate and fish.

[Rory]

She going to be hot. Hello, Can I speak to Mom?

[Damaris]

Oh, hey, how you doing?

[Cupid Valentino]

I feel kind of silly today doing.

[Damaris]

This, but this is the nurse from Toronto. Yeah, I'm living in NY now, you know, a big fan of the pot.

[Rory]

Yeah, well, I see you on my.

[Damaris]

Screen all the time and, well, I want to win this day and see you in person. And my man be tripping, not acting right. Talking about. I'm sorry, babe. Truth is, I wouldn't mind seeing you.

[Rory]

On the other side of that dinner table. And I bet a hug from you feel like jumping in a pile of fresh laundry.

[Damaris]

Energy.

[Rory]

Can't imagine how the. Let me stop.

[Cupid Valentino]

Anyways, you always Got some flashing on.

[Damaris]

But I think you look fire next to me. So go on now and just pick me. If not, I hope y'all enjoy the creative take. I'll stay blessed.

[Cupid Valentino]

That was very creative.

[Damaris]

She got me giggling. I'm over here blushing.

[Rory]

I'm hard.

[Cupid Valentino]

All right, man.

[Damaris]

All right, let's.

[Cupid Valentino]

You want to bring that back?

[Rory]

She went crazy.

[Cupid Valentino]

That was very, very creative. I like that. All right.

[Rory]

I mean, out the gate.

[Cupid Valentino]

Is that not the winner it sounded. It's. She might be the strongest one. That might be the best one so far that we lifted.

[Rory]

You don't know my name. She said the nurse from Toronto, though. I feel like. Is that something that maybe only you two would understand, that we wouldn't like? She started with a little subliminal.

[Cupid Valentino]

I think she was trying to like.

[Rory]

Like you saw a nurse in Toronto?

[Cupid Valentino]

No, I think she was playing off of the whole, you know, Alicia Keys thing. The waitress from the.

[Rory]

Yeah, no, I get that.

[Cupid Valentino]

I've never been to a hospital.

[Rory]

I get that. But Alicia Keys was telling Mos Def he had been to that spot. I'm the waitress at the diner you go to.

[Cupid Valentino]

Right.

[Rory]

Did you go to a hospital in Toronto?

[Cupid Valentino]

Maybe she worked. No, I didn't go to a hospital. One Toronto.

[Damaris]

Well, we have a. We have another one for you. Mall.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, yeah?

[Damaris]

Yeah.

[Cupid Valentino]

All right, well, let's see the next one.

[Damaris]

You got to pick your. Your favorite one and then the other one, it will go against the ones that we've already done.

[Cupid Valentino]

All right. Bet.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

This message is from Mall. I just have a question. Why are we strangers in this life? Your spirit is familiar. So I can tell that in our past lives we met something to each other. So why not in this one? We need to fix that. Because I hate when things are meant to be but aren't. This isn't any secret admiration. You know who I am. Let me know when you're ready.

[Rory]

Here's the thing. I like the nurse a lot. She gonna rock your fucking world. But here's the thing. You gotta be careful of bitches that are into the moon because that will backfire eventually.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. She said, first night, it'll be the.

[Rory]

Greatest thing on earth. Yeah, but once. Once the tides start shifting. Yeah, that's reliability.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. She said energy feels familiar. But she said we know each other in another life. Yeah, the.

[Rory]

The nurse is gonna give you a beautiful, like, make out session in the rain. It's gonna be great. She's talking about kids. That's a longevity one. You're the nurse that Is gonna rock your world. First night, change your diaper, everything.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, I agree. I think her energy was very. Let's cut the shit. Let's get straight to it. The nurse sounds like the wife. The second lady. I don't know what she. What is she? She even have a job? What is she doing?

[Rory]

She just reached twins. Yeah. Sells crystals on Amazon.

[Damaris]

That's a job.

[Rory]

I'm not saying it's not. It's not a job.

[Cupid Valentino]

I bet it is.

[Rory]

Her and Alex Jones sell vitamins.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Damn. The first one was very creative. The first one was very, very creative. The second one was very like, stop playing with me. I want you. Let's do this right to it. I don't know. I feel like. Damn. Let me think on it. Let me think on it. By the end of the episode, I'll choose who to be.

[Rory]

Who do you think would give you the handy in the backseat? Cause the nurse might be the sleeper there. She acts like the good girl, but she might try to get right to it even before dinner.

[Cupid Valentino]

The nurse. We could kind of play like, I'm sick a little bit, till I have a headache and then pull my pants down now. Like, my. My head hurts.

[Damaris]

Ooh, wrong. Okay.

[Rory]

You know, put a thermometer in my ass.

[Cupid Valentino]

Like, take.

[Rory]

I took it too far.

[Cupid Valentino]

Put a thermometer in my ass, take my. I have a fever and bend over.

[Damaris]

I'll cool you down.

[Rory]

I'll cool you down.

[Cupid Valentino]

I have a fever.

[Rory]

Okay, while you think on that, do we have some for baby?

[Damaris]

All right, but. Well, wait, because we do have one more. Okay, there was three. I messed up. There's one more. We're gonna play.

[Rory]

He got him.

[Damaris]

Why you think on the other two, okay? And try to figure out if you know them. Because one says, she's the nurse from Toronto. One says, you already know who I am. So let's play the third one and see what the third one says.

[Cupid Valentino]

Greetings, Rory, Mo.

[Rory]

Baby D. Baby D. Is this my guy?

[Cupid Valentino]

This is Eric from Casey again. I wanted to give you a call.

[Rory]

And thank you for featuring me first.

[Cupid Valentino]

In the Valentine's Day challenge.

[Rory]

I do realize the rules only permit one entry per cast member, but I felt away because Ma hadn't gotten a voicemail yet, so. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, pause.

[Cupid Valentino]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Rory]

Is this the tongue tyrant going after Maul, too?

[Cupid Valentino]

Wait, wait, wait. Time out, Time out, Time.

[Damaris]

A little jealous.

[Cupid Valentino]

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, fam. I don't want to run.

[Rory]

Wait, hold on. No, no, no, no, no. We can save some money. I'll take him out with both y'all fam.

[Cupid Valentino]

I don't want to be nowhere near three, y'all.

[Rory]

Who's sitting middle?

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, fam, who's sitting middle?

[Damaris]

No, I'm like, y'all playing. I'm mad. How you gonna, like, call for more, too?

[Cupid Valentino]

No, Baby D, you ain't got nothing to be. You can have this nigga all you want. He ain't talking to me. That's all he.

[Rory]

No, he's about to talk to you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, I'm cool now. Talk to.

[Rory]

With Clay, metaphorically speaking, and sculpted a unique Valentine's Day piece just for Mr.

[Cupid Valentino]

Y'all know the last thing.

[Rory]

So let me know if I can.

[Cupid Valentino]

Call back and share this.

[Rory]

Wonderful gift with the world. Oh, wait, so he just call back here? He's just asking permission to shoot at mall.

[Cupid Valentino]

No.

[Rory]

Oh, that's gallant. That's like.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, well, he missed the deadline. He's galent.

[Rory]

We'll have him reach out to Mal's pops, get permission before.

[Cupid Valentino]

He better not call my dad. My dad is an old school. He called my dad. My dad gonna get canceled. What kind of Batiman business is this?

[Rory]

What's funny is sending a poem to Demeritz. And it's even gayer that he asked permission to drink you.

[Cupid Valentino]

He's like, I didn't want to leave him out.

[Rory]

I don't want to be disrespectful.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, now le me out, fam.

[Rory]

He really trying to court you?

[Damaris]

Yeah, Leaving me like, you just so. You just wanted me to get next to my homeboy? Like, that's like you breaking bisexual rules.

[Cupid Valentino]

And then me being the homeboy he trying to get next to is even crazier. Do he not listen to the show?

[Rory]

Maybe he think you. You the one.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, I'm definitely not, fam. But that was gay.

[Rory]

Is that thing in a gay community trying to, like, make straight people gay? Like, some take it as a challenge. That's maybe what he's thinking.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, this ain't no challenge.

[Rory]

Like, you're the final boss.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, I'm cool. But. But how he going? I thought I liked him for Baby D. I thought his poem was dope, you know?

[Damaris]

You literally told him said that he was gonna put me in the trunk. Now you thought the poem was dope?

[Cupid Valentino]

I mean, listen, man, he's a little poetic. He's a little special, but, you know, it's poetic. It's okay.

[Rory]

I think that was the okay for him to send the poem? No.

[Cupid Valentino]

To who? Me? No, no, definitely not me. So you just.

[Rory]

You just said you liked his work, and he's gonna say, well, to his.

[Cupid Valentino]

Work to baby D, not to me.

[Rory]

Or if Baby D ends up picking him, we could then drive after the date to your date, and he could do his poem in person to you.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, I'm cool. But he didn't win that. I'm cool.

[Damaris]

One of them girls that called Maul definitely won the challenge. I think that both of them were better.

[Rory]

I have my winner, but, you know, it's not my decision. Who you thinking?

[Cupid Valentino]

What do you say, Peach? Nurse or Crystal lady? Lady.

[Felipe Esparza]

Nurse.

[Cupid Valentino]

Say nurse. All right, man, so we gotta go with nurse.

[Rory]

Nursing.

[Damaris]

You ain't asked. You just asked peas. You didn't ask anybody.

[Cupid Valentino]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Who do you say? Baby D?

[Damaris]

I would say Crystal Lady.

[Cupid Valentino]

Crystal Lady.

[Rory]

I think you should go nurse because Crystal lady is going to show up anyways whether we like it or not. Right? You don't need to pick. She gonna be there so you can make that decision. If it doesn't work out with the nurse.

[Cupid Valentino]

I thought I told you that I knew you in another way.

[Rory]

She got your location in her brain.

[Damaris]

Josh, what about you? Who you picking?

[Cupid Valentino]

I think he should wait and hear.

[Rory]

What this guy has to say. Josh. Josh said wait it out. Let Eric woo you, sweep you off your feet.

[Cupid Valentino]

This guy out, like, hear what he has to say. So cool.

[Rory]

I mean, I'm not sure if Crystal lady is on planet Earth. She didn't say her location she's in. But we know nurses. We know the nurse is in New York, so we can pick her up. I'm deadly serious about. About this entire date. I already ordered the cap and everything.

[Damaris]

So we picking up nurse. We doing nurse. Final answer.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, I guess nurse it is.

[Damaris]

Okay, well, I'm going to come out, admit that the other one was me. So I'm mad. I lost.

[Cupid Valentino]

Wait, what?

[Damaris]

So he was me?

[Cupid Valentino]

Yes.

[Rory]

And wait, did you change your voice in AI?

[Damaris]

No, that was my voice. That's my. My voice. That's. Y'all don't know that voice, cuz y'all don't see me in that light. But that. I swear to God.

[Cupid Valentino]

Play that again, man.

[Damaris]

Yeah, this message is all. I just have a question. Why are we strangers in this?

[Rory]

See, now I hear it.

[Damaris]

Your spirit is familiar. So I can tell that in our past lives, we meant something to each other. So why not in this one? We need to fix that because I Hate when things are meant to be but aren't. This isn't any secret.

[Cupid Valentino]

I heard it right. There aren't. I should have heard the art. It was the art.

[Rory]

They gonna kill us in the comments, cuz they probably listen to AirPods. AirPods. I could hear that. This distinct beat.

[Damaris]

Spill.

[Rory]

I didn't catch it.

[Cupid Valentino]

I would have never caught that, baby.

[Damaris]

First of y'all done call me all types of to my face. I'm just.

[Cupid Valentino]

Like, stupid.

[Rory]

This probably Aries is stupid.

[Damaris]

Like, y'all was eating me up when he was like, what you think her job is? Like, she ain't got no job. I'm like, yo.

[Rory]

And now the Maris defended herself. Yo, N, that's a job.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, that's a job. Like I said. She said, no, that's a job. Like, hey, fuck.

[Rory]

So I was right. She gonna show up either way.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, she gonna be there either way. Yo, that is hilarious, Baby D. You are stupid for that, man. What's wrong with you?

[Rory]

Where do you want to take the nurse? Where are we setting this date up? And are we doing a double date or are we just doing separate?

[Damaris]

To me, it's just her. It's him and the nurse.

[Rory]

Yeah, but you gotta pick one eventually too.

[Damaris]

No, it's just he that's the winner. There was one overall winner.

[Cupid Valentino]

All right, well, nah, Baby did. We gotta get you on a date with somebody. You tripping.

[Damaris]

I can find my own date. I'm cool.

[Rory]

No, that's not the point.

[Damaris]

It was only one entry per person. She won the contest. Contest.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yo, that is hilarious, Baby D. I would have never guessed that that was you. But the aren't the aunt. I said, like, she sound like she from somewhere with Baby D from Aren't.

[Rory]

And you tried to record it away from the mic so we wouldn't really hear.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, you put the filter on there.

[Damaris]

No, it wasn't. I was in the bathroom. Y'all were all here. I did.

[Rory]

Oh, that's what that echo is earlier.

[Damaris]

Yeah, the echo was I was in the bathroom and oh, yeah, Josh knew I was gonna do it. So when I was on my YouTube live earlier, they were like, who won the contest or who are you gonna pick? And I was like, well, mall has a good submission. And then they were like, yo, you should leave mall one. And I'm like, I should le one. Oh, no. I was saying, I had mad game. That's why men don't approach me. I said, I got mad game. That's why men don't approach me. They said, you should Leave mall a voicemail. So that's what I did.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay.

[Damaris]

Yeah, but Josh knew what was happening.

[Rory]

She just put herself in a bad position. Right, Cuz when she does sue you for sexual harassment, we could play that and be like, yo, your honor. Yeah, she wanted it.

[Cupid Valentino]

She was throwing it.

[Rory]

It's recorded.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's recorded. Thank you.

[Rory]

Baby D. Just got yourself out of that settlement.

[Cupid Valentino]

There we go.

[Rory]

All right, so we will reach out to. To Toronto nurse. I cannot wait is beer.

[Cupid Valentino]

What if Benner was in the bathroom leaving a message.

[Rory]

Over the you don't know my name instrumental is even crazier. We'll get her schedule. But I'd imagine a Thursday, right?

[Cupid Valentino]

Why Thursday?

[Rory]

See, you don't even know the song. That's crazy.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, from the. Oh, okay. I. I see what you did.

[Rory]

No, you got a Riz. You got a Riz back.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, I got it. I got it. Thank you. Yeah, whatever match, whatever day. Works for her, works for me.

[Damaris]

What if she ugly though?

[Cupid Valentino]

Momo, it's just one.

[Rory]

She didn't sound ugly at all.

[Cupid Valentino]

I've been fooled. Plenty of time with.

[Rory]

With voice notes.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Type of nasty catfish you doing out here? The party line?

[Damaris]

No, some people's voice really doesn't sound. Cuz I. I'm not ugly, but my voice doesn't sound. It doesn't match how I look because I've definitely. Like. I remember when I was voice ba. Remember when I was like, I'm mic. But I wasn't on camera and nobody knew what I looked like. When I finally got on camera, all the comments were like, oh, she didn't look how I thought she. She would look from her voice. I was like, damn. Like, I voice fished. Yeah, that's up.

[Rory]

Well, will you come with me on the date with them? Yeah, sit in the front seat.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, but baby D, she got to have a date.

[Damaris]

No, I don't. She won the contest. I don't have to have a date, all right? I'm there to film content.

[Cupid Valentino]

I thought that's what we. I thought that's what we agreed on.

[Rory]

I thought so too.

[Damaris]

It was one winner.

[Rory]

I thought it was. I thought it was a winner between.

[Damaris]

Each one was winner.

[Cupid Valentino]

All right, so it's gonna be you.

[Damaris]

Me and Rory be swerving and stunting in the front seat though.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's all good. I'm gonna be swerving and stunting in the back seat. Just don't turn around.

[Rory]

Do you have a restaurant in mind?

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah. Boy, you can think of something. Red Lobster.

[Rory]

You should take her. Like we should take her to your old block, like, so she could really get to know you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Block?

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Cupid Valentino]

I would never take no no girl to my old block. She crazy. She like this where you grew up at.

[Rory]

I'll see if your sister can come in town, like, so she can meet the family.

[Damaris]

N. Hell, what if y'all get like, Nathan's hot dogs? It's like when it starts getting warmer, Nathan's hot dogs sit outside Yankee Stadium and like, kick it like I some cool.

[Cupid Valentino]

Why not just go inside Yankee Stadium.

[Rory]

Like cuz they don't serve Nathan because.

[Cupid Valentino]

That'S gonna sit outside Yankee Stadium, like that's not. And listen to the game like y'all think somebody hit a double? Just go to the game, sit outside Yankee Stadium is crazy. You know what part of the Bronx. You know what Jerome Avenue was going on? You crazy as hell not sitting on Jerome Avenue.

[Rory]

Speaking of, Nathan should go to Coney island, maybe do, like, some of the rides. We could set up the GoPro. It could look like he got game.

[Cupid Valentino]

Y'all could up here. Yeah, no, I'm not gonna do that.

[Damaris]

Oh, no.

[Rory]

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

[Damaris]

Rory's album release party. Bring her.

[Cupid Valentino]

When is the album release party?

[Rory]

No, we doing this next week.

[Cupid Valentino]

June. Yeah, we can do it. I take Rory's album release part. No, actually, no.

[Rory]

No. By that point, they'll already be. There'll be an item by June. The way she give it up, she gonna woo them all immediately. Just off that voicemail, I know he's gonna be at. At his knees after Coney Island. We should do this next week.

[Damaris]

I don't know, Ma. She might be the one you don't like girls with. Riz.

[Cupid Valentino]

She might be the one you don't like girls with.

[Rory]

Rizz.

[Cupid Valentino]

She was very creative. That was a very creative submission. I will say.

[Rory]

Say that I took Amara to the big snow in Jersey. What could be a fun first date is the two of them going skiing.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Nah, we ain't going to do that either. Like, we ain't going skiing.

[Damaris]

All, like, too many clothes.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, I mean, we could. We could go just dinner talk. It's not loud, you know, get to, you know, I mean, kick it. Have some fun, have some laughs. You know what I mean? Something simple. Nothing too heavy.

[Rory]

Can we. I mean, can we be at the table right next to you?

[Cupid Valentino]

N. That'd be. That's like, weird.

[Damaris]

That's weird.

[Cupid Valentino]

Like, right next to you.

[Rory]

All right, a couple. Couple tables was over.

[Cupid Valentino]

Y'all can be outside in the car. Waiting.

[Rory]

It's. First of all, I think I'm hungry.

[Damaris]

I'mma get some food.

[Cupid Valentino]

Baby, you just told me to sit outside Yankee Stadium. Now you want to come in the restaurant?

[Damaris]

Yeah, I would have had food outside that too. But you're not about to have me waiting in the car while you eating a full steak dinner.

[Cupid Valentino]

All right? So, yeah, we. We can do dinner.

[Rory]

I just want to be clear. Is the apocalypse is I am Legend happening right now? I've never heard a helicopter that loud.

[Cupid Valentino]

Over.

[Damaris]

Yeah, that helicopter. It sound like it landed on the building.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, probably.

[Rory]

Are we.

[Cupid Valentino]

The aliens are here.

[Rory]

Don't walk outside after, like, oh, all right. Yeah, it's over.

[Cupid Valentino]

So good Hope.

[Rory]

Hopefully the nurse is still good.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

All right, we have Music Friday. Big Music Friday. B.

[Cupid Valentino]

Big Music Friday. Big tune.

[Rory]

I don't know if this is the case whatsoever, but I did see rumblings on the Internet that we're getting Eclipse album. We're recording this on the 13th, so.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay. It.

[Rory]

When you're hearing this, I could be completely right or completely wrong, but I did hear we may be getting Eclipse album tonight. Yeah.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay. Okay. Interesting.

[Rory]

Which is just gonna be stepping on more shit I don't wanna talk about on this pod. But the one we do know is some sexy songs for you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Some sexy songs for you. The long awaited and the long anticipated collaborative album from Drake and Party Next Door is officially releasing tonight. Well, if you're hearing this, it's already out in your phone. A lot of people have been waiting to hear this. They dropped a few snippets, few videos that Drake and Party have posted. People like what they're hearing. And again, this is something that I think people wanted for a while, and we're finally getting it.

[Rory]

I'm gonna put Maul in a compromising situation because I know he loves Freddie Gibbs. Did they steal Freddie Gibbs entire creative with the rabbits and the S money through the whole thing, all the art direction look like Freddie Gibbs to me.

[Cupid Valentino]

I'm not gonna say they stole Freddie.

[Damaris]

I'm not really jacking it.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay.

[Rory]

Have you seen the artwork?

[Damaris]

What? For some sexy songs for you?

[Rory]

Yeah, yeah. So that it's not sold. Sold separately. Not the rab. All right, cool. Y'all got it. My bad.

[Cupid Valentino]

Listen, the dollar sign. Well, this. The dollar sign stands for the S's.

[Rory]

No, no, I know. It's. So. So it was the same thing. There was S's and sold, sold separately.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, I get that part, but I don't think that they stole that from Freddy the Rabbit. I Know Freddy calls herself Big Rabbit. Things like that. Big Rabbit.

[Damaris]

I don't. That's.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

Y'all think that's a cool, like, rap nickname? I'm Big Rabbit.

[Cupid Valentino]

I said no. That's what Freddy calls he Rabbit.

[Rory]

He won a few battles.

[Damaris]

I wouldn't call myself that.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's Big Rabbit, right?

[Damaris]

Oh, it is Big. Big Bunny.

[Rory]

They don't say Rabbit.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's not Big Bunny. See? See? Baby D making shit weird.

[Damaris]

How Big Bunny making shit weird.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's not Big Bunny. Where you see Big Bunny at?

[Damaris]

That's a bunny.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's a rabbit.

[Damaris]

Tomato, Tomato.

[Cupid Valentino]

Nah, it's not the.

[Rory]

Listen, I don't know, man. Drake took that from Gibbs. He took the Scorpion from West side. I feel like Drake be paying attention to the underground and stealing. Stealing their sauce, that's all.

[Cupid Valentino]

You are never going to Toronto again.

[Rory]

Like, I'm just, you know.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, I know. You are never.

[Damaris]

You know me.

[Cupid Valentino]

You are never going to Toronto.

[Rory]

Wait, I have. I have been at your side for this whole thing. I better get a citizenship to Canada after this.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's over.

[Damaris]

You got a being able. Yo being able to go to LA or Toronto is up.

[Rory]

That's what's up. Where. I just would love that reality could set in with everyone. That I have been the most objective because both sides hate me. Tde and ovo. How could you be more ob them?

[Damaris]

Don't with you. Either I think you all up, or.

[Rory]

I'm actually the most objective person on the Internet.

[Damaris]

Yeah, I agree.

[Cupid Valentino]

You think you're the most objective person on the Internet.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay. That's what's up. Some sexy songs for you. Available now. Drake and Party Next Door.

[Rory]

Have you heard any of this?

[Cupid Valentino]

No.

[Rory]

Okay. That was a yes. All right. I'm excited to hear it. I really don't have much to this until we actually cover it on Monday, but I am excited for it. I love partying.

[Cupid Valentino]

Valentine's Day weekend. Some. Some R and B. Yeah. I'm looking forward to this project.

[Damaris]

Rory, did you hear tooted?

[Rory]

Did I?

[Damaris]

You tutored it. All right, I'm sorry.

[Rory]

Calm down.

[Damaris]

Sorry. Sorry.

[Rory]

I will say I was excited that new music Fridays that my song was above Cardi and Party. But as soon as I was doing the streaming farm shit for my record, it went right to the new Coi leray song, which is Fire, by the way. And then right to toot it. That was my three. It was who Are you Anyways to Coy Larae. And I had to on repeat, even though it's like it's about 45 seconds. The entire song. It was easy to keep free feet. I miss old Cardi's tone. Like, you could really tell that that was recorded eight years ago. I thought that was kind of like a marketing plan. That was definitely on the hard Drive from 10 years ago.

[Damaris]

No, it sounds like it's from 10 years ago.

[Cupid Valentino]

Well, you like that record?

[Rory]

Hell, yeah.

[Damaris]

Model like it.

[Rory]

What don't you like about it?

[Cupid Valentino]

I just don't like it. It's like, you know what it is? I think it sounds very. The bar sound very, like, captiony very. Like, I've read this on social media media before.

[Rory]

So the shit the party writes regarding, huh?

[Damaris]

Not all of them, but now I get what he's saying. But it's. The song is called Tooted. We knew. We know what it's for.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, we know what to expect. But even if it's called Tooted, I just. Just. The lyrics just felt like I read them somewhere before. Like, as they're saying them, I'm like, these are just quotes from social media.

[Rory]

Like, whatever girl puts as her caption, sucking dick gets me wet. Point me to her ig.

[Cupid Valentino]

You've never seen girls tweet that before? Before?

[Rory]

I feel like I've heard a girl.

[Cupid Valentino]

If you hit refresh right now, girls tweeted that. Like, are you kidding me? Valentine's Day week, and they definitely tweeted that week.

[Rory]

I thought Zuckerberg suppressed all of that.

[Cupid Valentino]

Hell, nah. Yeah, that's that. Well, I mean, I. I don't know. I just don't.

[Damaris]

It's cool.

[Cupid Valentino]

And then it's not for me at the end of the day.

[Damaris]

Yeah, it's cool. I could hear myself twerking to it. I did. I put it on when I was in the gym.

[Cupid Valentino]

Damaris, I'm. I'm going. Just go ahead and say this. I think you will twerk to anything.

[Damaris]

I twerk to at a J. Cole concert to love yours. I will.

[Cupid Valentino]

So you will twerk to anything. So when you say I twerk to. To it, that's like saying, yo, I got. I went no shower when I got wet. Like, duh. Absolutely. That's what's supposed to happen.

[Damaris]

You can tell that it is a Partisan Fontaine record that Cardi promised she would, like, put a verse on. Like, I think that's why I don't party record, but I think that's why.

[Cupid Valentino]

I don't like it because I. Because I. I like Party Partisan so much. Like, and I respect this pen so much that I think I Was just expecting to it. I know. I know where they're going forward to, but I just was expecting a little more slick and clever wordplay out of it.

[Damaris]

Do you fuck with party's music, though? Because Party.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

Okay.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. I think party's underrated. I don't like to say party because people think we're talking about P and D. Partisan, but I fuck with Partisan. Like, yeah, I think his album was. Was underrated. And that's one of my favorite joints on the album. But, yeah, not absolutely. I like him a lot. I think he's super dope. But I just. This record just was like. It was from him and Cardi, I expected. Yeah, just a little.

[Damaris]

I thought they would have just threw it out there when they filmed a video for it.

[Rory]

I was like, well, that's why I will say I was wrong. When they had did the video and doing that announcement, I was like, well, this has to be part of Cardi's rollout. I don't think that at all now. Like, that's just dead ass. Like a minute record that was on a hard drive.

[Damaris]

Yeah, that's a party record.

[Rory]

I don't really know why they did that. Yeah, they could have kept it, but I fuck with it. I just don't know if it's gonna catch because it does sound like eight years ago.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

And I think people are party now.

[Cupid Valentino]

Maybe that's exactly what it is. But it sounds very captioning, and I know that's part of the writing process now. You want to have those lines that people get easily and that they'll post and that girls will take that part of the song and tik tok it and it's. I get that, but I just. It. It's just too obvious. I think with this record, for me, that's what it is.

[Damaris]

I like if you a ball player Toot, toot that ass Toot, toot that ass if you're a ball player. I'm trying to recruit that ass.

[Cupid Valentino]

That was cool. That was. I'm not mad at that. That was a little slick line. I ain't mad at that.

[Damaris]

I like that. Like that bar.

[Cupid Valentino]

But then that was it for me that I heard. And I was like, okay. You know what I mean? But I.

[Rory]

That line was cool, but I'm more on the side. I'm a freak. Sucking dick gets me wet.

[Cupid Valentino]

That was.

[Rory]

That was. That's. That. I was like, oh, okay.

[Cupid Valentino]

That's the one. That bikini.

[Damaris]

You post bikini pics and they be up the net.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, I get it.

[Rory]

Now they just ass naked. That's how you could tell it was eight years ago.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Bikini Pig does nothing k pck that. She's wearing too much.

[Rory]

Get this nun out of here.

[Cupid Valentino]

She's wearing too much. What is she, Muslim?

[Damaris]

Y.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, man, I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. We can hurry Up Tomorrow. We didn't talk about this album when it drop, but I do like the album at this point. I think it's hard for the Weekend to put out a bad album or a bad project. But this Hurry Up Tomorrow album is. Is dope. The one song that I wish he had a longer version of, I think it's called Opening Night. The Opening Nights, I think that record is. Is. Is dope. But the Weeknd is, you know, he's the weekend man. There's nothing bad you can say about an artist like the Weekend, but the album is dope. I enjoy. Enjoyed it, so. Yeah. I don't know about you, Roy.

[Rory]

Did you hear it? Yeah, no, I did. The second half of it picked up the most to me.

[Cupid Valentino]

The intro was hard, too. I like the intro a lot.

[Rory]

Yeah. What do you guys think is gonna stick from this project? That's kind of been my thing.

[Cupid Valentino]

The other thing, the thing that I'm kind of like, damn. But I understand it. Cause the Weeknd is one of those artists where he's not going to cut.

[Rory]

His art short, which is like I.

[Cupid Valentino]

Fucked with dawn album, though.

[Rory]

It just wasn't a lot that stuck. I liked it. But if their goal now is shit sticking, or maybe it's not. I'm just not sure what. What record is going to do it.

[Cupid Valentino]

The album is almost two hours, an hour and 45 minutes. Yeah. Probably a little less than that. But opening nights is. I love that opening night. I love that joint. Honestly. Timeless. Well, timeless, obviously. Niagara Falls I like. I think that's something that could stick. Just the music. It's a dope project. I like this album. I like this album a lot.

[Rory]

Don't mind me.

[Cupid Valentino]

I didn't hear you, so I. I can't mind you. I didn't. Anything you said.

[Rory]

Westside Gun is putting out 12, of course. The 12th edition of what's the name?

[Cupid Valentino]

Hitler. Where's Hermes? What? That's what you mean. I didn't. I didn't say Hell Hitler. I just said Hitler.

[Rory]

I have the. I have the giggles today.

[Cupid Valentino]

I just said Hitler wears. Hers is.

[Rory]

No. 10 is my favorite. I just. I was mad that he had to call it 10.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, like 12. Come on, man.

[Rory]

It ain't 12.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. No, it's not. We know what this is.

[Rory]

No, 12 came in and said, you can't call it that.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, 12 went up to the label.

[Rory]

To all my Jewish friends. I. I apologize for those jokes. This is my favorite Westside Gun series of everything that he does. So I am excited for this. Not because of what the name was originally, just based off the music. I feel like he goes a little extra with this series. So I'm. I'm very much excited for it. I think there was what, like 10 stove God features.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

That's to be the first thing I put on at midnight.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Damaris, you gonna put that on or.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, no, I'm.

[Damaris]

I'm cool. I'm cool.

[Cupid Valentino]

Right?

[Damaris]

No, he's really good at rapping, but I don't listen to that kind of right where I'm really.

[Cupid Valentino]

I thought you would listen to that. I would listen. You listen to rap for real?

[Damaris]

I do, but I would listen to it to say, oh, whether it's a good album or a bad album, but like on a day to day, I'm not.

[Cupid Valentino]

You don't go back to it.

[Rory]

Yeah, not gonna go back to that. Do you think you get me a stove God feature? I have the song already.

[Damaris]

Yes.

[Rory]

Okay. I. I'll pay cash too. Like, he ain't even gotta no wires, no taxes. I mean, I'll drive with you up to. To Q. I don't even think he.

[Damaris]

Doesn'T even live there. But yeah, I can, I can reach out and try to get you one.

[Rory]

Okay. Cuz I. I got the joint. You do? Okay. Is there anything else that's coming out? I always hate doing like the Friday because I. I'd like to just cover this more once it's actually out.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Because you never know what's officially really going to drop. So I hope that you know, I want to hear what the. What the clips do.

[Rory]

I mean.

[Cupid Valentino]

All right.

[Rory]

If we get a clips album tomorrow and it's as good as we think it already is, where am I at with my 2025 predictions?

[Damaris]

Yeah, we do got to run that back and see. See how you're doing. You getting up there.

[Rory]

Because I said clip's gonna have rap album of the year 2025.

[Damaris]

You said Bruno Mars was coming back to take his throne, which that might.

[Rory]

Be the only one I'm wrong about.

[Damaris]

I don't think that you're wrong about that at all. He's number one on. He got a Grammy and he's number one. He was number one on Billboard. So how. You were actually pretty right about that.

[Cupid Valentino]

You talking about the. The record with Lady Gaga?

[Damaris]

Yeah, that's a dope record.

[Rory]

Liangelo Balls record. Got that one. Peach said Sabrina Carpenter's coming. Coming out tonight too. Right. And I said her and Dochi gonna do a song if Dochi on that tomorrow. Like, I better come with the Valentine's Day flowers when I walk in on Monday. Rihanna test the water to trick us. Already batting a thousand. Bruno Mars Cardi B6.

[Cupid Valentino]

Tested the water.

[Rory]

Yeah, she's going. She's on the Smurf project.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, okay.

[Damaris]

But you can't.

[Cupid Valentino]

But Rock Nation is doing that, right?

[Rory]

Am I allowed? Yeah.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay.

[Damaris]

You can't pat yourself on the back until.

[Rory]

Until it's official there's a Rihanna song on that project. You think she's just posting the Smurf.

[Damaris]

But you don't know if she's teasing you yet.

[Rory]

That was my prediction, though.

[Damaris]

Oh, okay.

[Cupid Valentino]

I saw a billboard on the way to work today that was interesting. Disney has a movie coming out called Harlem Ice.

[Damaris]

No, I didn't see. Yeah, I haven't heard of that.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. I was like, what? This is nice. It's a bill. I was like, harlem Ice. I was like, I didn't even hear about this.

[Rory]

Is you skating?

[Cupid Valentino]

I think it's about a black girl that's a figure skater.

[Damaris]

Young skaters from Harlem face challenges and triumphs. Have they.

[Cupid Valentino]

This is season two.

[Rory]

Season two.

[Cupid Valentino]

So when was season one?

[Damaris]

Yo, I'm crying.

[Cupid Valentino]

I gotta watch this. I said, harlem Ice. I never even heard of that.

[Damaris]

Oh, it's a five part documentary series and it's the first episode. Came out February 12, 2025.

[Cupid Valentino]

So what? When is season two coming out? If the first episode came out. Came out.

[Damaris]

That's not true. It's. It comes out. The first episode came out the other day yesterday.

[Cupid Valentino]

I gotta watch that. Harlem Ice Disney. Y'all gotta check it out.

[Rory]

Was that pond. That's in Sugar Hill? Was that park in Sugar Hill?

[Cupid Valentino]

What park is that? Right there.

[Rory]

Is that where it's shot?

[Cupid Valentino]

It might be.

[Rory]

I just want to know where. Like, where the figures.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, that was interesting to see figure skaters and how. I didn't even know that. That was dope. I gotta watch that. It said it's a documentary.

[Damaris]

Yeah, a five part documentary series.

[Cupid Valentino]

I gotta watch that. I saw the billboard and was like, disney Harlem Ice. So then I automatically thought of like, a black girl who's a figure skater from Harlem. Like, and what do you know? It's figure skaters in Harlem.

[Damaris]

Ma. I sent it to the group chat. I don't know if they showed it to you. When we were all in here, when Sean was plastering us with liquor and weed, there was this thing going on, I guess, this Temptation Island. I don't know what country they're in. Does anybody know what country they're in in Spain? So there was. Did you see that?

[Cupid Valentino]

Did you, Montoya?

[Rory]

Yo, don't. Don't act like y'all haven't been sitting there just screaming pork in your head.

[Cupid Valentino]

Not pork. I was a pork. You gotta roll.

[Rory]

It's not pork pouring.

[Cupid Valentino]

You're saying pork.

[Rory]

Pork.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

That ran across. You know how hard it is to run in sand?

[Cupid Valentino]

Wet sand. Like, he ran in the wet part of the sand.

[Rory]

You gotta train for that.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. That's like running in mud.

[Rory]

For those that don't know, there's this show that I'm sure Nick Lachey has.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, Nick Lachey has looked at his.

[Rory]

Wife and said, why the fuck didn't we do this?

[Cupid Valentino]

No, Nick Lachey's behind this. He's definitely behind this.

[Rory]

He's a ghost producer.

[Cupid Valentino]

100%. Absolutely.

[Rory]

Which I don't even fully understand what this show is. I just saw the clip as well. It appears that Montoya is watching his girl get fucking Molly White by another dude in a bed on camera, knowing where the hotel even is. The fact that you would put me that close where I could run.

[Cupid Valentino]

It looks like they're all living in the same house. Right? That type of thing. They're all in the same house. Different couples or different people that were in relationships. And obviously his ex. Girl or his, you know, whoever is sleeping with another cast mate or another guy on the show, and they're letting. They took him to a remote part of the island, thinking that Montoya wasn't gonna run back.

[Rory]

Running distance.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Run back to the villa. Like, they were showing his girl having sex. Sex to him. And the girl is telling him, like, yo, calm down. Calm down. So watching my girl get.

[Damaris]

The purpose of this show, right, obviously, is Temptation Islands. They put a bunch of couples in a villa with a bunch of attractive singles.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

To watch chaos ensue.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

Now, the backstory between Montoya and Anita is that she watched him get a lap dance, and she figured that that was, like, cheating. So that's why she said you were the first one to mess things up.

[Cupid Valentino]

But that's girl math.

[Damaris]

Listen, I'm.

[Cupid Valentino]

He get a lap dance. He get a lap dance.

[Damaris]

I'm really gonna fuck somebody getting dug out. Cause your Nigga got a lap dance is on national TV is crazy.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, she's wild for that. That's absolutely insane. A lap dance does not equate to me having sex with a woman she.

[Rory]

Was currently cheating before that show. There's no way that she was that comfortable on camera getting drilled like.

[Cupid Valentino]

Like that. Yeah.

[Rory]

Over a lap dance. No, she. She been.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

And the rules are you're not supposed to see or, like, you're not supposed to, like, be physical with your partner that you're there with. You're not supposed to hug them, kiss them, no nothing. So she broke the rules. If you saw in the clip, the second clip, the lady kept saying, you're breaking the rules. You're breaking the rules. Because she ran up to him and she hugged him like, please, please don't leave. Like, yeah, she ran up to Montoya.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, Montoya ran up to her.

[Damaris]

I mean, no, afterwards. Words like, can you imagine?

[Rory]

She's a girl after being on camera by someone else trying to hug you.

[Cupid Valentino]

That is crazy.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Rory]

She needs more security.

[Cupid Valentino]

What is with these social experiments? Why would they put people through this type of.

[Damaris]

Why would you volunteer to go through that?

[Cupid Valentino]

And it seems like every year they find a. A whole new group of people that's willing to go through the. They just watched at home the year before, like, oh, yeah, let's go do that.

[Rory]

No, if Clay can start speaking Spanish, he gonna be on season two for sure.

[Cupid Valentino]

Speaking of Clay, he got a. Clay got a. Hold on. Let me get my phone.

[Rory]

You got to get your other phone is crazy.

[Cupid Valentino]

Clay.

[Damaris]

Clay.

[Rory]

To get the Clay phone is nuts.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, this. The. This. The. This. The. This the social media phone Clay got. He's doing something with Boost Mobile, I think, and he posted it.

[Rory]

Oh, shout out. My guy getting bags.

[Cupid Valentino]

I guess we could put the clip somewhere peach. So Clay is on here talking about, like, people are hitting him up. He's like this relationship guru, love guru now. It's a boost. It's a Boost Mobile. Shout out to our guy Clay. I laughed at this clip. Get your money for about 10 minutes last night. Left a comment. Clay responded back laughing. I'm like, dog Clay. It's. It's hard not to love Clay, bro. He's leaning into this whole shit. But it is dope that he was able to land this deal in this partnership with Boost Mobile. So shout out to Clay.

[Damaris]

Oh, go ahead, Rory.

[Rory]

Clay admitting that he likes promiscuous women. Do you think he would have a Montoya moment if he ended up in this situation? Like, you like one. You like those type of Clay, which is cool. I appreciate that you were honest about it. But if you wife one of them, there's a high chance that you could get Montoya'd.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, but I think in. In this scenario, Clay would be the one doing the.

[Damaris]

For sure.

[Rory]

No, I don't know, man. Sometimes that karma creep up.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, but I don't think it would happen on the show. That would happen, like, away from the show. To Clay on with the cameras on. Clay's gonna make sure any man that will leave a woman at the altar in a dress is on camera. He's. He's in the house for sure. Absolutely. Shout out the clay, man.

[Rory]

I really need to tune into that full show, though, because I only saw that clip. I have to know what else is going on.

[Cupid Valentino]

And the fact you got to read the subtitles because it's in Spanish. Love it.

[Rory]

No, he was so hurt. He said you someone that can't even read.

[Cupid Valentino]

He called him a Muppet. He was like that Muppet. That's who you.

[Damaris]

No, the dude called him a Muppet.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, the dude called.

[Damaris]

When he was his girl, right. Right before he. This girl. He called him a Muppet.

[Rory]

That's why I feel like this has kill. Has to be fake. I don't know that there's no way that that could be real, cuz everyone's dying.

[Cupid Valentino]

That look like real emotions, bro.

[Rory]

Pam, the producer next. Everyone's dying like you. The fact that that TV even stayed up is crazy to me that he dropped his. That whole run. Everyone's dying.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, that. That got to be fake. It got to. That got to be fake.

[Damaris]

N. I think it's real.

[Cupid Valentino]

You think they was really in there having sex?

[Damaris]

Yeah. Yeah, I think they was in there pounding.

[Cupid Valentino]

Really? I don't think that's fake. I'm sorry. I think that is all for the cameras. There's no way that's a real. Back to what I said earlier. People do not. This does not happen.

[Damaris]

It does. I think. I think people in other countries are wilder than us when it comes to stuff like that.

[Rory]

Oh, for sure.

[Damaris]

Especially passion. Passion countries. Spanish speaking countries.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

What'd you call them?

[Damaris]

Passion countries.

[Rory]

I got nothing, man.

[Damaris]

Oh, y'all gonna act like y'all never. Y'all. Like y'all don't see.

[Rory]

No, I'm passionate about them.

[Cupid Valentino]

I grew uptown. Like, that's. That's.

[Rory]

I'm passionate about Dyckman. Dyckman is a passion country, Broadway in.

[Cupid Valentino]

Itself that let you sell dope on Their block. You one of their girls.

[Rory]

I order passion hookah. When I get there, you go get killed.

[Cupid Valentino]

One of them girls up there. That's for sure.

[Rory]

No, they're. I think they have more lenience with, like, cheating and other partners than we do over here, but that type of. No, everyone. Everyone is dying.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, man. Shout out to Montoya. Shout out to.

[Rory]

Shout out to Montoya.

[Cupid Valentino]

Shout out to. Por.

[Rory]

How do you go back to. To thank Thanksgiving after that? After, like, we gave Clay a lot of shit and, like, he was on TV and I understand reputation. His mother's super religious. That's got to be a tough thing to go back for holidays after you on tv, what is the pre conversation with all family members when Christmas comes around? Like, all right, I'm gonna have to be very gentle with Montoya. No one bring up. And, you know, there's always one uncle or two that's gonna have to throw one shot at you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, absolutely. I don't think. You gotta just lean into it, man. We on tv. We stars. Now, obviously, this shit is viral. Everybody knows us. While it does look crazy, again, I'm on the side that a lot of this shit is scripted and fake, but if it is real, I mean, families have crazier stories.

[Rory]

One of his uncles, he said, can you pass the Mac? Porque.

[Cupid Valentino]

Speaking of porque, we are going to be joined by a very, very funny guest, Mr. Felipe Esparaza.

[Rory]

That's a wild transition and a racist one at that.

[Cupid Valentino]

I'm sure Felipe would love it, man. That's our guy. Shout out to Felipe Esparaza. We'll be joining him soon, so let's get into that. All right, Rory. Today we are joined by a very special guest. And I say special because not only is he funny, but he has a weird way of thinking. Because on my way home last night, we were talking about him, and as soon as I got home and turned my TV on, he was the face on my screen. So I got a little scared. I'm like, okay, this guy's everywhere. But we are joined by the very funny, the legendary Felipe Esparza.

[Rory]

Yes.

[Felipe Esparza]

What's up, everybody? What's up, fool?

[Cupid Valentino]

Now, Felipe, you got your new special out Raging Fool? Yes, please. I wanted to watch it last year night. I didn't get a chance to watch it, but I will watch it tonight. It just came out, I believe Tuesday or Wednesday. So talk to us, man. How you feeling being in New York?

[Felipe Esparza]

I'm good, man. I like it out here. It's cool.

[Cupid Valentino]

It's not Your first time, though?

[Felipe Esparza]

No, I've been here a long before I came here the first time in 19.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

That was my first time. 24 year, 25 years ago, I was doing a part of a. A tour. We had a. It's funny. We had like a. Comedy Central had Premium Blend at the time, and HBO had Def Jam.

[Cupid Valentino]

So you won last comic standing, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I want. You know it's funny, man. I won last comic standing and $250,000. A quarter of a million dollars. And then my. My son's mom, she filed for child support the next day.

[Rory]

That was just convenient timing.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Rory]

And she was going to file that day regardless. Right.

[Felipe Esparza]

She was my biggest voter. She was the last baby mama standing.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

White tennis shoes for everyone.

[Rory]

Did they say the amount when you won? Yeah, that's up. See, they should have kept that to themselves. You could have said it was like, yo, it was only five grand.

[Felipe Esparza]

She had the county on hold. Hold on.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, let me make sure he wins.

[Rory]

It's on cable.

[Felipe Esparza]

So just check this out. The. The county was going to go straight to NBC and grab the whole check. Right. But NBC talked to me before, okay. And I made friends there. But I'm the kind of guy that walks in like, I'll roll somebody on the way. Hey, what's up? You know, like, okay, what's up, Rick Box?

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

You know, like this.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rory]

You know, I can never unsee that.

[Felipe Esparza]

Ready, bro? You know what's up, Gary Owen? You know what's up? Easy, fast, bro. And, yeah, man. And so I got to know everybody, bro. That's the guy who called me look for igno, you know?

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And so they walked up to me go, hey, man, child support gonna come after you.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Oh, they told you that?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. And they goes. They gave me some. They gave me advice. They said, I want you incorporate yourself. We'll write the check to the corporation.

[Cupid Valentino]

You're right.

[Felipe Esparza]

Then you could just cut a check right. Of the right amount to the county. That's what I did.

[Rory]

Yeah. That's. That's how I got out of my child support. We did an LLC together. So now mall is just as responsible for everything that I owe my baby mother.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

It's called co parenting.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Because I had another. I have another son. And because I remember, I was. I wrote a body of the bed because I used to be a horrible person. I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. Yeah.

[Rory]

What about that is horrible.

[Felipe Esparza]

I would take his money and Give it to her child support.

[Cupid Valentino]

Just keep it in the family.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. My 420 pyramid scheme, to me, that's.

[Rory]

You being a mature co parent.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man. He came up to me, Felipe. I feel like quitting. Come on, bro. Think of your family.

[Cupid Valentino]

So talk to us about raging food. Comedy special, man.

[Felipe Esparza]

A special was like, a lot of jokes, man. I hope it. A lot of jokes, man. More jokes than you ever seen. Like, the best jokes.

[Cupid Valentino]

The best jokes you ever seen.

[Felipe Esparza]

But I packed in a lot of jokes all into a special. I remember reading an article about Ronnie Dangerfield, and He did like 54 minutes in Las Vegas, and I think he had, I'm guessing, 76 punch lines in the jo. In the, like, back to back. One line and one line.

[Cupid Valentino]

His style was very quick hit.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, yeah. So that's how I like to do it. I like to, like, tell a little story, but not too long. You know, I talk slow. I'm gonna lose people. So I have a lot of jokes in the special, like, back to back. I think the first 15 minutes, you have to put it on. Pause that, turn on the subtitles so you could get it, and then go.

[Rory]

Laugh again when you speaking in English. The English subsidy. Yeah, that'll go through.

[Cupid Valentino]

Talk to us about the. The comedy scene growing up in Mexico. Like, what? I know. I never knew that Mexico. I mean, obviously it's great Mexican comedians, but what is the comedy scene like in Mexico?

[Felipe Esparza]

I don't know, bro. What is the comedy scene in Africa? I don't know. I never been to Africa. I never been to Mexico. Mexico?

[Cupid Valentino]

You never been to Mexico?

[Felipe Esparza]

I didn't start comedy in Mexico.

[Cupid Valentino]

You've been, but I'm just saying, I've never heard about the. The comedy scene.

[Felipe Esparza]

I have never either.

[Rory]

Started in Carson, California.

[Felipe Esparza]

Comedy scene in Dublin, bro.

[Rory]

It's not bad, actually.

[Cupid Valentino]

But you would know. You would know about the uprising in.

[Felipe Esparza]

1916, bro, against the British.

[Rory]

Listen, we still need Northern Ireland opening.

[Felipe Esparza]

Up for what was the lifestyle emerge for Bernie Mac?

[Damaris]

You walked into that one.

[Rory]

You didn't read any email.

[Cupid Valentino]

My bad, Felipe. I'm sorry, I just. No, I'm not saying.

[Rory]

Okay. I read the briefing from Netflix.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, I'm just.

[Rory]

He used someone else's passport, got to Carson, California, and then ended up in East LA in the projects. And then Theodore Roosevelt showed up somewhere. That was as fast as I read that Netflix bio. And I was like, all right, man, he's vegan, you're vegan. We'll make this work somehow.

[Cupid Valentino]

But no, I'm in The right podcast.

[Felipe Esparza]

This podcast should be called I Already read the headlines. People in my neighborhood be like, hey, bro, did you hear about the tariffs? And that's all they say. Because that's all they know.

[Rory]

No, we're pretty much like morning show DJs that have five minutes to read something and be like, is it. Is. Is comedy too controversial now? That's all we can do. That's all we got. Tell us about George Lopez. What's he like?

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, he's cool with me, man. He just went to a Dodger game.

[Cupid Valentino]

So that means he's co.

[Felipe Esparza]

I said, give him a kidney, but.

[Rory]

You know, he already has two.

[Cupid Valentino]

I like Felipe. He walked in and he saw my weed roll up on the table. He was like, yeah, I'm in the right place. I like that.

[Felipe Esparza]

I saw that no smoking sign and I got sad.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, you can smoke it. You can absolutely smoke it.

[Felipe Esparza]

But get back to stand up. I started stand up comedy, bro. Before Internet, bro, before social media. So you might as well. Cause I was in Mexico now, and there was no social media. So I had to really go to a library, bro, and look for a book and not for a librarian, and go, I'm trying to find a book on comedy. I want to learn how to write. So she took me, like, upstairs. There was, like, mountains of books, bro. Like old ones, bro. Like Shakespeare writing. And I finally found a good one. It was called Comedy Writing Step by Step by Jean Perret. And I just started reading it and started writing jokes.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

Went up on stage, bombed them. But I got two jokes in, so everybody liked me. And I went back, kept going back. I met Jamie Kennedy the first time I did stand up.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, wow.

[Rory]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

So I started hanging around with that crew for a while, and then I met another people, and I started hanging around with them. So that's learning how to do standup.

[Rory]

This was Jamie Kennedy, pre. What was his punk show that Ashton Kutcher stole?

[Cupid Valentino]

I can't remember the name.

[Rory]

You're older than me.

[Felipe Esparza]

Prank show.

[Rory]

Yeah, the prank show. Whatever that was.

[Cupid Valentino]

Prank show.

[Rory]

Did he involve you in that at all?

[Felipe Esparza]

No.

[Rory]

That's crazy. That's wild that Jamie would do this podcast.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

And he. He. He voted for me on Last Comic Stand. He told everybody to vote for me. He's inside of trading, and we still have the same. The friends that he has when he first started, they're still around, you know, and he takes them to open sometimes, so that's nice of him. And those guys, you know, they've been around for A long time.

[Cupid Valentino]

What are some of the things on a raging fool that I can expect to be laughing at? I know you're going to cover a lot of the crazy that's going on now, but it's dark.

[Felipe Esparza]

Some of the jokes are very dark. In the beginning is good. Yeah, man. It's very dark. And like, I have a joke. We're all. I said. I went to. I talk about. I went to an. I went to a gender revealing party.

[Cupid Valentino]

A gender reveal party. Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. When I got to the woman's test, she got an abortion. Oh, yeah. Then a balloon blew up and sprayed blood everywhere.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

And then the fireworks started. The LA fire.

[Felipe Esparza]

I got hit with the uterus. So it's dark. You know, it's a dark humor. I mean, you cut this off. No, I watch it live on my special.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And get the real effect. Because right now when you say without. No. You know, in a regular.

[Rory]

I got the content.

[Felipe Esparza]

I don't tell my. My joke jokes on. On shows because people take it the wrong way. He really is like that.

[Cupid Valentino]

Like.

[Felipe Esparza]

Because they don't know. They don't know I'm a comedian, but these are the jokes that I say.

[Rory]

What. What gift did you bring to this gender reveal?

[Felipe Esparza]

I brought. I brought a lot of. A lot of people who are from like I'm Tennessee, who can't have one in their states.

[Damaris]

Oh, my God.

[Felipe Esparza]

A lot of. I got a lot of endangered women who are enslaved in their states without a choice.

[Rory]

You could see them at the San Diego Zoo. They're about to go extinct. You can't even. So, guys, what's it like being vegan?

[Felipe Esparza]

He's vegan too.

[Rory]

Yeah, he's gay.

[Felipe Esparza]

Wow. Just like me, bro. People don't believe me. They say, what do you eat?

[Cupid Valentino]

Crops.

[Felipe Esparza]

You're depleting our forest, fool. Will you deep fry lettuce? I get all that, bro. You're fat, bro. You know, you don't like. You know like samaha. If I ordered on teu.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, my God.

[Rory]

You can relate though, cuz all of our listeners think MA is the only fat vegan that exists. Oh, no, bro, you just the joke.

[Felipe Esparza]

He's not even fat like I.

[Rory]

That's a double hoodie. So he hiding a little bit of it.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, man. All right, I'm back.

[Rory]

I'm sorry, What?

[Felipe Esparza]

Ralphie May. I don't know if you know, Ralphie May. Stand up. Rest in peace. He was the first guy to stay that. He's a vegetarian. And when we ever.

[Cupid Valentino]

In history.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. When we hang Out. He was big, and we thought, now what do you be? Crops. We're just joking. Kevin Smith. You know, I think from the. The director of Clerks, I think he might be vegan. And not Russell Simmons, but his partner from Def Jam, oh, Rick Rubin.

[Cupid Valentino]

He's.

[Felipe Esparza]

He's vegan.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

But he got fat off eating Chinese food.

[Rory]

Yeah, naturally. Would you guys do some. Some type of conferences? Vegans? Is there a group chat? Is there email thread?

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay, let's do it.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, not me, man, because I. I still hang around a lot with nothing but meat eaters, bro.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I'm the only vegan in the group, so. And then. And, man, like, I. I could watch people eat meat. Doesn't bother me.

[Cupid Valentino]

Right.

[Rory]

Torn with him.

[Felipe Esparza]

I love the smell, man.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. What made you. What made you go vegan?

[Felipe Esparza]

All right, if you have kids watching this, tell them. Leave the room.

[Rory]

Our demo is. Is 14 and under.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, man. I was on that keto diet.

[Rory]

Okay, okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

But before it was, like, before that guy decided to call it the keto diet, it was an actual diet that was invented by a guy named the Dr. Atkins diet.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Dr. Atkins. So I went full hardcore, bro. Two weeks with all the comics. We were on the road.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

So we would just. Let's just try this. Two weeks. Yeah, we just ate. We ate hamburger meat, like, in and out with no lettuce. Just. Just pure meat and cheese, bro, for two weeks straight. Meat, cheese, Diet Cokes. No water, bro. No. No vegetable, no fruit. Just meat and cheese, bro. Yeah, I would, like, constipated, bro, for at least two. And I had to go to a Lamaze class. You learn how to take a ride, like. Like a woman giving birth.

[Rory]

What was the breathing technique?

[Felipe Esparza]

They told you it was bad, bro. Like. Like, I blew out my, bro. Like, I felt like I got sodomized by a ghost. Like, it was painful, bro. Like. And, like, it's something you could talk comfortably now, but not something you could just pull your friend to the side and go.

[Rory]

No therapy I'm sure will help you get through it.

[Felipe Esparza]

Did your ass burn after eating two slices of pizza?

[Cupid Valentino]

That's a commercial.

[Felipe Esparza]

I'm telling me this does.

[Cupid Valentino]

Your ass burned after eating pizza.

[Felipe Esparza]

But it took a while, man. I was just laying in bed, man, and I had to. My butt was in pain. And then my. I couldn't tell my wife. I was embarrassed. You know, you got to be a man, so. Man. And then, like, she would be on top of me, and I'm, like, going, ah. But it felt like I was Liking it. But I was in pain. I didn't, I didn't just have an orgasm. I'm bleeding out of my ass, you queef. Yeah, it was painful, bro. So this bro, no more meat, no more cheese. I lost a lot of weight, right. And I had. I don't know if anybody ever like, cleansed himself.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

But I had that cleansing poop.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Came out like, like a boot. Like oil, bro. Like, it was black. It was like liver, bro. And I, and I had to like take a picture of it and Google it. And it told me that it was normal.

[Cupid Valentino]

It didn't say it was cancer.

[Rory]

The only time Google will tell you not dying.

[Felipe Esparza]

It felt, it looked like, like, like those things that you go swimming in a river and they get stuck you Like a leech. It felt like a leech.

[Rory]

Like a leech and it blow it out. Is that what happens with you after your, your juice cleansing?

[Cupid Valentino]

This never happened.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, you do juice cleansing?

[Rory]

Oh, he comes in here cranky as on his.

[Cupid Valentino]

Never happened to me.

[Felipe Esparza]

My mom. Mom. When we were little, we didn't want to eat or something. I don't know why we would do that. But they would put her in a room. My dad. My dad would put her in a room and he'll get like this tube like this. And there was a bed pan on the floor. And then he just show it up her ass and then shoot water or something. I don't know what. But everything will come out, bro.

[Cupid Valentino]

Like, like an enema.

[Felipe Esparza]

Like you struck oil.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. Yes.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I never talked about that too. Right now. I think that was torture. I don't know why they did that.

[Rory]

We, we don't king shame, you know, whatever they were into.

[Felipe Esparza]

But what was the point of that? You guys know anybody?

[Rory]

No.

[Felipe Esparza]

Is the wrong show for that.

[Cupid Valentino]

This is the absolute right show for that.

[Felipe Esparza]

Enema. En.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

Something.

[Felipe Esparza]

My mom was my enema.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, man.

[Felipe Esparza]

My dad was my enema.

[Cupid Valentino]

Public enema.

[Rory]

Maul is actually into a lot of that. He, he calls it getting his diaper changed. He's really into like when a woman goes around that area that this thing.

[Felipe Esparza]

That's funny, bro. Cuz I, I, I thought about that, you know? Cuz like I got breath till I was later in life, you know, like real late. Embarrassing late. But like, my mom will breath. Yeah, she will breath me till four.

[Cupid Valentino]

Your mom breastfed you till you four, right?

[Damaris]

Mexican.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man. And, and it was embarrassing, bro, because literally my mom inside the, the, the playground in my school.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

So she had to put boobar bro. Behind the gate.

[Cupid Valentino]

Like through the gate?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, through the gate. I'd be like this like a kid that's outside of Mexico mountain San Diego.

[Rory]

I I thought reduced lunch was cha.

[Felipe Esparza]

And then it's funny because I knew that I was. I was like you bro. Like because you know even though 4 I was still doing baby stuff like playing with my hair and trying to touch my toes baby when like. And I always thought it was sad, you know like for. For cuz I'm not. I'm glad that I didn't take it to the next level and dress up like a baby and want to be baby and want to be showered.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah. Because that would have been weird.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. Cuz you can't hard. You can't find a like it be. You can't find. You would pay a prostitute to do that. Man. You can't have a regular woman do that. She don't want to raise another baby. You know she lives two at her mom's house just to be with you.

[Rory]

Yeah, well she. She probably didn't have a mother. That's why she's in the line of work she's in.

[Felipe Esparza]

But I'll be sad, dude. I think that be the saddest thing. You're driving around just like a baby, man. You. You go to a pro to hey, how much? $200W.

[Rory]

Too much. Do they do they allow your mom around like 200ft within a school at this point or.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh my God.

[Felipe Esparza]

I got a job in the school as a nurse at your school? Yeah, she. She was like a stalker. She want to keep an eye on us.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

So she got a job you had to hire. Yeah. And people would. Man, I would rose battles when my mom worked there.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And they would just roast me all the time, man. That's why I became a comedian because I had to get beat up all the time by people making fun of me. You know you're stupid ass mom. She works the. She's a nurse now that be stealing bandages school district on them.

[Rory]

So. So his cancel culture killed comedy.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh my God.

[Felipe Esparza]

My mom would even take my mom was. Would bring my mom make it bad for her because she would take like the leftover lunch food to our house. So man, we're having a birthday party party and then like the kids could tell that my mom put frosting over the coffee cake from school.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, yeah, easy.

[Felipe Esparza]

So you're eating like a. A frosted cake and people are eating it. Wait a minute man. This is like the one from school.

[Rory]

I mean it was, man.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yours A ticket.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, my. Felipe is crazy. Oh.

[Rory]

Anyways.

[Felipe Esparza]

I'm wearing my glasses. Louis Kane. Ari Spe.

[Damaris]

Sorry.

[Rory]

You both have wide hips.

[Cupid Valentino]

Felipe, you man.

[Rory]

I got. This is the first time I'm ever silent.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yo, I can't watch, sir. Oh, my God. I mean, it's crazy.

[Rory]

Listen, is what Louis CK did wrong?

[Felipe Esparza]

I met him, Lucy K, bro. He gave me a phone call. Well, his manager, Dave, Becky, at the time, ex manager now, he was trying to get a hold of me, and he called the Laugh Factory, called the Comedy Store. Then L. K calls me up, and we're, like, talking in Spanish. He's from Mexico, man. He speaks better Spanish than me, and I'm messing up English, too. And he goes, yeah, when we started talking, and I. And he. He was turning Airbnb A and B, and I met him, Albert Brooks and Greg Daniels.

[Rory]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man. And then all of a sudden, bro, they all started masturbating on me.

[Rory]

Yeah, I heard that's the key to making it in comedy.

[Felipe Esparza]

And he gets canceled, bro. Three minutes, three months later, and nothing happens, bro. Hair still wet. I'm just kidding, man. That story never happened that way. But that's the way I tell the fans when they want to hear a story, and I'm trying to get to my hotel room, tell a story about Hollywood, and it. Once I tell that story, that's it. They leave me alone.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rory]

I would just say, go to Louis CK Route. Pull your dick out. They'd probably leave.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, my God.

[Rory]

That's how he got away from fans.

[Felipe Esparza]

I hear when people say that, people who don't know, like, Hollywood, they say that you got to sleep your way to be famous.

[Cupid Valentino]

No, you don't.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, you don't. Because I slept my way to the bottom.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Rory]

It's the only way. Who did you sleep with that you thought was going to take you there?

[Felipe Esparza]

My uncle, bro.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Damaris]

Oh, okay, right. Podcast.

[Rory]

Yeah. I thought that was going to get me from the kids table at Thanksgiving to, like, I'm still the kids.

[Felipe Esparza]

I have a joke now where I say that because in California, anybody could get a handicap sticker now.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I remember when we were kids, if you had a handicap sticker, you needed one, bro. You wait for him to come out of the car, you know, like a Transformer. I saw a guy in a Tesla side with. You have come out of a. Of a park barking for handicapped people. I said, bro, what happened to you, man? Oh, bro, my dad didn't give me enough hugs growing up. And my. My uncle molested me, man.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And he. And I'm allergic to dogs, so I can't get a sensitive dog.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And then I was thinking, to my. So I got molested by my uncle too. My mom just told me to not wear those shorts no more.

[Rory]

Yeah, I mean, you were asking for it.

[Felipe Esparza]

What you were wearing Miss Funny man. Because when I remember, like D dancing, bro, with no T shirt on in front of the ice cream man. And then my mom was like, more afraid of me being gay than being sexually assaulted by that man. She said, it is hoto. It is puto. Instead of, what are you doing with my son? Why is he in the ice cream truck? Why is he dancing with no T shirt on? But my mother didn't know, man. Ever since then, I went up performing form and he said, whoever takes his T shirt first gets an ice cream. And I was like the fattest kid, right? So.

[Rory]

That'S all it takes, cuz on.

[Felipe Esparza]

Friday night, I want to dance. So I dance.

[Rory]

I dance, dance, dance to the ice cream man.

[Cupid Valentino]

Instrumental oh my God.

[Rory]

Does that uncle still get. Get tickets to the show?

[Felipe Esparza]

No, man, I remember that were like some kid in my neighborhood got kidnapped, bro, when we were little. And I. And I remember, man, he was like the bully kid, but he was like our friend, you know, Everybody has a friend, but he's your bully.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

You know, he hangs around you, but he bullies you. You know, like gives you a. A wedgie or something. But he's still your buddy. Yeah, he don't have your back, but he's your buddy. You know, he's your bully.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And I have a bit, cuz I remember he was taking. They took the food or truck and I was trying to get on the truck too. He goes, get out, you fat ass. They don't want you. A what a dick, bro. Yeah, so they took his ass, dumbass.

[Rory]

Yeah, no, we had someone on my.

[Felipe Esparza]

Blog had a buddy.

[Rory]

We had someone on my blog that was like that too. And we called him Chester the Molester. We had peed and I was kind of tight. He never, like, invited me over. He invited some of my older friends.

[Felipe Esparza]

We peed to sleep. It was this man. They used to be my dad's best friend. And like, he's not. He's not alive anymore and we already beat up half of his kids, so. But it's funny, man, how when that happens, you don't know it's happening, bro. So it's happening. And if you're like. Like, you just don't know, man. And, but anyways, I want to get too deep on this, but. Yeah, man, yeah.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, now you don't want to. You don't tell the story. Now you done told us all of this shit, Felipe, and now you want to.

[Felipe Esparza]

I would be deflecting feelings. But now I got serious. So.

[Rory]

I mean, did he give you the. The firecracker popsicle?

[Felipe Esparza]

He didn't even got that way.

[Rory]

Ice cream sandwich.

[Felipe Esparza]

This guy put this, man, he put his hand inside my stomach like this, you know, rubbing my, my little chubby little 12 year old stomach. And then, and then he took out cash and then he goes, he goes, you want those $10? And I said, I grabbed them, bro. And he was trying to put his hand inside between my, my legs. But I ran, bro. I ran with the 10 bucks.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

But nothing ever happened. But, but you're still like, you still have that feeling, bro, like the feeling, you know, like you're dirty. You know, you feel bad.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Because that never happened to you, man. And you want to tell somebody. Yeah, but you're also so, so, so like you don't know, man, because you don't want to get that person in trouble now. He's your dad, friend. You're gonna be like the, you know, you know, like you're going to embarrass a family. So I let it go, man. And, and then like, bro, 20, when I was 20 years old, we were at his house and we were all partying because my friends, they were natives and their mom was at home and this was a neighbor that was. Their parents were always home. They were always home. They were always home. But this time they weren't home. So, man, it was a big party. We were all getting tattoos. I got my little three dots and. And then my friend was passed out on the couch like this. From the peripheral of my eye, I saw that same man that was trying to grab me like this eight years ago. Yeah, he was in. He was rubbing my friend's pants like this and he go. Then I said, oh, I knew.

[Rory]

I knew your ass.

[Felipe Esparza]

And then my friend said, hell yeah. Then my other friend said, hell yeah, yeah. And one friend said, with all choir. So anyway, that dude that didn't say nothing, he went over there, bro, he beat the out of him and we grabbed. They grabbed him and we tossed that out the window, bro, and went after all his sons.

[Rory]

That's a beautiful ending. Yeah, no, that was, that was poetic. Am I the only one that found that?

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh my God. Felipe win.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man. We all got that tattoos.

[Damaris]

Like before or after the window scenario?

[Felipe Esparza]

After, man.

[Rory]

Can I ask. Can I ask what the tattoo was?

[Felipe Esparza]

No, I got the three dots and I got a. The baby mama that won the. The settlement deal in the back.

[Rory]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And my friend, he got a. He got a little beautiful cheek right here. But it was funny, man, because as soon as the guy did the tattoo, a pimple busted out where the eyeball is. And that two. That two guy was telling, bro, don't pop that pimple, man. Don't pop that. That pimple. And now he popped it. Now the girl look like. Yo, the tattoo look like she was shot in the face.

[Rory]

It's art.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yo, Felipe, when can we catch you on, cuz?

[Rory]

I want to know. After he was thrown out the window.

[Cupid Valentino]

Did he got to come to the show, man?

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, after you throw. We threw him out the window, man. Oh, man, he didn't stop, bro. Out. He was a pinata, bro. Candy was coming out of him after.

[Rory]

Y'All beat the out of him. Did anyone rub his belly after just for. Just for good measure?

[Felipe Esparza]

I don't know, man. We all ran laughing like we just broke a window or something.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, my God. This dude is crazy. Felipe is out of control, man.

[Rory]

Well, this was great.

[Cupid Valentino]

Oh, my God, Felipe, when can we catch you on tour? Because I'm coming, man.

[Felipe Esparza]

At my leisure [e-mail]. i'm coming to the.

[Cupid Valentino]

Town hall.

[Felipe Esparza]

The town Hall. March, March 7.

[Cupid Valentino]

March 7 at the town hall New York City.

[Felipe Esparza]

But all my dates [e-mail]. i'm also on. On the Eric Andre show. I'm the co host of the host the most. Hannibal Burs brought me in and then he quit and I stood there with. With Hannibal Burs Robot. I remember.

[Cupid Valentino]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And I'm also on soup on one episode of Shifting Gears with Tim Allen.

[Cupid Valentino]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

And they don't know none of this.

[Cupid Valentino]

Well, I'm definitely coming to the town hall show. I got to come check you out live.

[Felipe Esparza]

Please go, bro.

[Cupid Valentino]

And check out Raging Fool. Yeah.

[Rory]

Congrats on Netflix.

[Felipe Esparza]

My wife over there, Lisa O. Daniel.

[Cupid Valentino]

Lisa, how do. I don't know how you deal with this maniac, but God bless you. God bless. Bless you.

[Rory]

And don't let anyone know about the child support. That Netflix bag never even happened.

[Cupid Valentino]

Felipe Espada. Netflix Raging fool available now. Stream it. Support this maniac so we don't have to see him again.

[Felipe Esparza]

What's up, fool? Can't wait to be back.

[Rory]

This is what suppressed trauma looks like.

[Cupid Valentino]

We'll talk to y'all soon. Felipe. Espad is up.

[Damaris]

No warrior now.