No Bullsh!t Leadership – Episode 385

Paying the Price of Leadership: 4 Hard Truths Every Leader Must Accept

Host: Martin G Moore
Date: January 13, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Martin G Moore addresses the often-overlooked realities—the "costs"—of true leadership. Inspired by a speech from Georgia Bulldogs coach Kirby Smart, Moore explores the three primary "costs" of leadership rarely discussed: making difficult decisions that hurt people you care about, being disliked despite your best efforts, and being misunderstood without always having the chance to explain yourself. He concludes with four practical mental strategies (“mental hacks”) to help leaders willingly and skillfully embrace these challenges, enabling them to lead with integrity and impact.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Three Costs of Leadership

(Kirby Smart’s framework, applied to business)
Timestamp: 01:43–28:12

• Cost #1: Making Hard Decisions That Negatively Affect People You Care About

  • Every tough call in business has winners and losers—even among people you value.
  • Leaders must care enough to tell the truth, push for growth, and sometimes make choices that adversely impact individuals for the greater good.
  • Example: Moore describes promoting a talented exec to stretch her into a C-level role, realizing she wasn’t ready, and ultimately moving her back despite the personal cost.
    • Quote:

      "I made that decision knowing that it would negatively impact someone I cared about." (08:13)

    • Years later, this individual thanks him for the decision, acknowledging it led to personal and professional growth.

• Cost #2: You Will Be Disliked, Despite Your Best Efforts

  • Pleasing everyone is impossible, given competing interests of employees, leaders, shareholders, and communities.
  • The desire to be liked can undermine necessary leadership decisions.
  • “Respect before popularity” should be every leader's mantra.
  • Example: Driving culture change at an underperforming company led to fierce pushback, lost allies, and continued animosity, but was necessary for improvement.
    • Quote:

      "At least 5% of my people, on any given day, hated my guts for no apparent reason. But that’s okay." (14:23)
      "No noise equals no change." (17:12)

    • Even board members and shareholders weren’t always supportive, but Moore remained committed to “doing the best for the most,” accepting that some would dislike him.
    • Quote:

      "I don't think anyone is going to miss Marty. Well, that was a sure sign that I had paid that price and done the job I needed to do." (20:16)

• Cost #3: You Will Be Misunderstood, and You Won’t Always Have the Opportunity to Defend Yourself

  • Confidentiality concerns and complex contexts often prevent leaders from sharing full reasoning behind hard decisions.
  • People will "fill in the gaps" with their own stories, speculating about motives.
  • Example: Terminating a large, multi-million-dollar renewable energy project led to public and internal confusion. Moore could not disclose contractual and strategic details, leading to widespread rumors.
    • Quote:

      "You have to expect to be misunderstood... In the absence of me being able to explain the full story to all the stakeholders, there was a lot of speculation." (24:22)

2. How to Pay the Price of Leadership: 4 Mental Hacks

Timestamp: 28:12–35:39

Moore provides four actionable techniques to help leaders face these unavoidable leadership costs:

1. Focus on the Result

   • Accept pain as inevitable; focus on delivering value and the best outcome for the most stakeholders.
   • Quote:

     "Making difficult decisions, being disliked and being misunderstood are unavoidable consequences of leadership. The only thing you can control is the result." (28:37)

2. Be Honest with Yourself About Your Intent

   • Regularly question if your decisions really serve the team and the business—or just your need for comfort and acceptance.
   • Quote:

     "Your brain is a sophisticated rationalization engine... Be clear, honest and focused about your intent." (29:27)

3. Choose Your Mantras

   • Adopt mental maxims to stay strong:
     • “Respect before popularity”—when facing unpopular decisions.
     • “I may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb”—when boldness is needed.
     • “I refuse to penalize the many for one non-performer”—for performance management.
     • “Do the right thing, because it’s right.”
   • Use these to focus on outcomes over noise.
   • Quote:

     "Mantras like this are going to help you to focus on the necessity of the outcome, not the noise that the outcome generates." (31:52)

4. Consider the Alternative

   • Ask yourself: Do you want to be a genuine leader or a fraud?
   • If you avoid hard decisions, you undermine your own integrity and it will "eat away at you."
   • Quote:

     "The only alternative to making the best decision you can and paying the price of leadership is being a fraud." (33:22)

Moore closes this section by emphasizing that the greatest challenge is often not skill or capability, but the emotional and psychological toll of leadership:
Quote:

"Deciding to pay the price is an important step in the journey to leadership greatness." (34:00)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On difficult trade-offs:

  "By definition, you should care about all your people... But sometimes that will negatively affect them." (05:21)

• On being disliked:

  "The mantra of all good leaders is respect before popularity." (13:31)

• On real change:

  "If you think you're changing a culture and you're not meeting fierce pushback, passive aggressive resistance and even some outward animosity, then nothing's really changing." (17:03)

• On leaders’ mental battles:

  "This is a battle that you'll fight inside your own head and most people won't even know that you're wrestling with it." (27:59)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:43 Introduction to the theme & Kirby Smart’s speech
• 05:21 Cost #1: Making hard decisions that impact people you care about
• 08:13 Personal example of difficult promotion decision
• 13:31 Cost #2: Being disliked, even when doing your best
• 17:03 On culture change and resistance (“no noise equals no change”)
• 20:16 Leaving an organization and hearing he wouldn’t be missed
• 24:22 Cost #3: Being misunderstood and unable to defend decisions
• 28:12 Four mental hacks for willingly paying the price of leadership
• 31:52 Importance of mantras for leaders
• 33:22 Considering the alternative: becoming a fraud
• 34:00 Emotional and psychological toll of leadership

Takeaways

• Exceptional leadership isn’t about perks or popularity—it’s about accepting and managing the tough, uncomfortable realities.
• True leaders must focus on the big picture, act with clear intent, arm themselves with helpful mantras, and never shy away from being misunderstood or disliked when pursuing what is right for the most.
• The emotional and psychological price of leadership is steep but necessary for making a true impact.