No Dunks Podcast: “Jurassic Park III” Rewatch | Jurassic Pals

Date: August 22, 2025
Hosts: Skeets (A), Tas Melas (B), Trey Kirby (C), JD (D)

Episode Overview

The No Dunks crew continues their Jurassic Pals summer movie rewatch series, diving into the third installment of the Jurassic Park franchise: Jurassic Park III (2001). They recap and roast the movie, debate its place in the series, highlight memorable (and notorious!) moments, and ponder what works, what flops, and why. The conversation is packed with the group's signature humor, sidebars, and deadpan honesty.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setup and First Impressions

• Budget & Box Office: Released July 18, 2001, with a higher $93 million budget and $369 million global box office, despite “mixed reviews.” (00:55)
• The Skinny: The movie is the “pterodactyl one,” with Dr. Grant tricked into returning to Isla Sorna under false pretenses—a lean 92-minute runtime, “but let's be honest, you can take off like a good 10 minutes of credits.” (00:55)

2. Opening Scene and Suspension of Disbelief

• Parasailing Mishap: Trey immediately flags “the one thing that sticks out: pterodactyl attacks.” (03:08)
• Plot Holes: The gang pokes holes in the logic and CG of the opening:
  • “Ben is holding a camcorder... Where the hell did that come from?” (07:05, A)
  • “No blood. Just a bloodless crime by whatever got them.” (05:03, C)
  • “They just disappear… was it the pterodons? Because the pterodons were still in a cage.” (06:25, D)

3. Character Returns & Fan Service

• Dr. Grant & Dr. Ellie Sattler’s Reunion:
  • “I popped because we see them, there’s kids… wow, they’re together!... Nope.” (12:03, A)
  • “Last of my breed. Bit of a humble brag.” (13:45, A)
  • “What is the right age to teach your kids some dinosaurs rip the other one’s throats out?” (14:31, C)

4. The Frauds and the Plot Twist

• Kirby Enterprises:
  • “Dr. Grant, can never get the money... It takes some bad checks to try and do it.” (11:22, C)
  • “He never even tried to cash it!” (16:44, D)
• Bar Scene & Red Flags:
  • “This is red flag number one for Dr. Grant with this massively wealthy couple taking them to the shittiest bar.” (22:04, D)
  • Much humor in parsing Dr. Grant’s “Ice Pick Catfish,” a drink order that stumps the group and leads to a spread of tangents about bartender nicknames and Montana bars. (21:10-23:36)

5. On the Island – Suspense and Setups

• Plane Scene and Dream Sequence Alan:
  • “I legit laughed out loud at the Dr. Grant Dream park, where he falls asleep... and he’s talking to a velociraptor. ‘Alan.’” (25:01, A)
  • “He’s haunted, man!” (25:08, C)
• Landing and Chaos:
  • “No rules laid down by Dr. Grant. He should lay some rules down.” (31:29, B)
  • Amanda Kirby's “megaphone blunder” is labeled the breaking point for JD: “That’s the end of the movie for me. I cannot handle the stupidity anymore.” (31:25, D)

6. New Dinos, More Action

• Spinosaurus vs. T. Rex:
  • “What is this instinct where you have to be like, we need something bigger and scarier than a T. Rex?” (32:02, D)
  • “We are told the Spinosaurus is real, but felt like they made this one up.” (33:14, A)

7. Morons and Marriages

• The group repeatedly mocks the Kirbys’ intelligence and the family-rekindling subplot:
  • “This little B plot of them rekindling the family… hated every second of it.” (38:23, D)
  • “They just seem like complete morons and I wanted them to stay divorced by the end.” (38:53, D)

8. Resourceful Kids and Survival Tactics

• Eric Kirby’s Survival:
  • “This kid’s amazing. Eight weeks! He’s read the books. He’s resourceful.” (54:16, A, 56:28, C)
  • “Dr. Grant holds up a jar with T. Rex pee: ‘How’d you get it?’ ‘You don’t want to know.’ Yes, I do—absolutely!” (54:34, D)

9. Egg Theft and Raptor Smarts

• Billy’s Betrayal and Flute:
  • Grant finds Billy stole the raptor eggs: “Some of the worst things imaginable have been done with the best intentions. You’re no better than the people who built this place.” (62:53, C quoting Grant)
  • Later, “Dr. Grant uses the raptor flute to call off a pack and barter for his life.” (79:10, A)

10. Set Pieces and Humor

• Facility Escape and Vending Machines:
  • Amanda’s phone blunder (“didn’t put the phone back”—46:39, D) and the iconic “funny vending machine scene”:
    • “Billy smashes through & eats snacks, Kirby tries and skulks off empty-handed. What am I watching?” (47:35, D)
• The Birdcage Scene:
  • “This is the set piece of the whole movie... Scary enough.” (65:15, D, 67:57, A)
• Piles of Dino Poop & Cell Phone:
  • “They get the satellite phone from the feces of the spinosaurus. Big Dumper.” (72:22, A)
  • “Charlie gets distracted by Barney. Oh, the irony. It’s a dinosaur, guys.” (76:22, D)

11. Action Climax & Wrap-Up

• Nighttime boat/chase sequence:
  • “The spinosaurus just won’t leave them alone. This dude just won't leave them alone!” (76:36, A)
• Rescue, Billy’s Return & Sequel Seeds:
  • Navy and Marines show up for last-minute rescue linked to Dr. Sattler’s husband’s State Dept. role. (84:27, A)
  • Billy “miraculously alive at the end” sparks speculation it was for sequels or due to actor complaints. (86:16, D)
  • Flyby of pteranodons: “I dare them to nest in Enid, Oklahoma. Oh my God, shut up. I hated that line.” (87:45, A)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the Franchise’s Decline

• “He never even tried to cash it!” (16:44, D)
• “No rules laid down by Dr. Grant. He should lay some rules down.” (31:29, B)

On Character and Plot Absurdity

• “That’s the end of the movie for me. I cannot handle the stupidity anymore.” (31:25, D)
• “All they needed to do was have the raptors drag Udeski off. Nope, snap his neck and move on.” (53:41, A)
• “This little B plot of them rekindling the family… hated every second of it.” (38:23, D)

On Iconic & Absurd Moments

• “I legit laughed out loud at the Dr. Grant Dream park [sequence]… ‘Alan’… It was so pointless, too.” (25:01, A)
• “How’d you get the T. Rex pee? ‘You don’t want to know.’” (54:34, D)

Tangents & Group Chemistry

• “The joke that Billy's smashing snacks out of the vending machine—and Kirby can't even break the glass!” (47:31, D)
• “This guy needs a jarrito.” (75:38, A on mispronounced “bonitos”)
• “Would this work with a dog?” (82:29, C on Dr. Grant’s ‘raptor flute’)

Structured Timeline of Key Segments

00:55 – Budget, release, and box office
03:33 – Trey’s first memory: “the pterodactyl one…”
06:25–06:43 – Parsing the logic of the opening scene
12:03–14:35 – Reunion of Sattler & Grant; parenting & dino violence
16:44 – Grant’s questionable fundraising skills
21:00–23:36 – Ice Pick Catfish bar scene/tangents
25:01 – Raptor “Alan” dream sequence
31:25 – Amanda’s megaphone gaffe; “breaking point”
35:04–36:22 – Spinosaurus vs. T. Rex death match
38:23–39:08 – Kirby family reunion subplot roasted
54:34–56:01 – Dr. Grant asks Eric about the T. Rex pee
62:53 – “Some of the worst things imaginable…” (Grant/Billy eggs fight)
65:15–67:57 – Giant birdcage set-piece
72:22 – Satellite phone caper in the dino poop
76:22 – Charlie & Barney on the rescue phone call
84:27 – Military rescue, Billy’s “miracle” comeback
87:45 – “Dare them to nest in Enid, Oklahoma” line mocked
89:17–90:25 – Hosts share favorite scenes
91:28–92:08 – Favorite dinos and characters
94:40 – Reading unused taglines for Jurassic Park 3
97:45–98:47 – Rotten Tomatoes 49% (critics), 37% (fans)
99:13–103:05 – Rating & rankings panel: Is JP3 better than Lost World?

Ratings & Rankings

Trey: 6.5/10
JD: 3/10 (ranks below The Lost World)
Tas: 5/10 (ranks above The Lost World)
Skeets: 5/10 (ranks above The Lost World)

“Maybe this will not be the lowest ranking in this whole franchise…” (101:05, D)

Overall Split:

• Trey/Tas/Skeets: JP3 > Lost World
• JD: JP3 < Lost World

Conclusion / Final Thoughts

• General agreement: Fast, lean, easier to rewatch than The Lost World, despite dumb plot points and “moronic” characters.
• The central action set pieces (like the aviary escape and raptor facility chase) are fun. The ending and rekindled Kirby romance are not.
• Plenty of absurdity and “so bad it’s good” moments for a lively pod.
• Excitement (with some dread) for the shift to Jurassic World next episode.

Closing Quote:

“Billy was right. No, he wasn’t totally right.” (104:33, C / 104:41, A)
“And remember, it’s just all a dream.” (104:49, A)

Listen to Specific Segments

| Segment | Time | |-----------------------------------------|-----------| | Opening banter & movie stats | 00:10–01:58 | | Parasailing open & logic gaps | 03:33–07:18 | | Sattler & Grant’s reunion | 11:01–14:35 | | Bar scene, Ice Pick Catfish jokes | 21:10–23:36 | | Raptor dream sequence | 25:01–25:14 | | Spinosaurus vs. T. Rex | 35:04–36:06 | | Facility chase & vending machine humor | 45:46–48:33 | | Epic birdcage scene | 65:02–67:57 | | Phone-in-dino-poop silliness | 72:22–74:22 | | Rescue, Billy’s survival, final thoughts| 84:27–90:25 | | Hosts’ rankings & closing | 99:13–104:33 |

For Jurassic franchise fans and critics alike, this episode is both a roast and an affectionate tribute to one of the zanier entries in the series. Next up: Jurassic World!