No Dunks – "Jurassic World Rebirth" | Jurassic Pals

Date: September 19, 2025
Hosts: J.E. Skeets, Tas Melas, Trey Kirby, and JD
Theme: The gang sits down to watch, review, and roast the seventh and (supposedly) final entry in the Jurassic Park franchise, "Jurassic World Rebirth," wrapping up their summer "Jurassic Pals" movie review series.

Episode Overview

In this concluding episode of the Jurassic Pals series, the No Dunks team reviews "Jurassic World Rebirth," the latest and possibly last installment in the Jurassic Park movie saga. The crew dives into the film's plot, cast, notable scenes (good, bad, ridiculous), and how it stacks up against its predecessors—while riffing with their trademark blend of NBA wit and moviegoer snark. Recurring themes include dino fatigue, silly plot devices, and some classic No Dunks camaraderie.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Moviegoing Experiences & Box Office Buzz

[01:33-03:26]

• Trey and JD saw "Rebirth" in the theater, with JD catching an opening day, packed crowd; no costumes, but lots of hype.
• "Jurassic World Rebirth" released July 2, 2025; directed by Gareth Edwards ("Rogue One").
• Box office: $850 million and counting ("Getting close to a billion...Will it eclipse Billy?" – Skeets, 04:24).

2. The Plot: Covert Missions, Mutant Dinos, and Snickers

[03:33-16:00]

• Opening flashback: 17 years ago at "Ile Saint Hubert," InGen’s secret lab loses control of "D Rex," a mutant six-limbed tyrannosaur, due to a Snickers wrapper jamming a door and shutting down containment.
  • "It's not...dare I say, it's almost not a dinosaur. It's a mutant. It's a monster." – Skeets, 07:08
  • Running jokes about the Snickers wrapper as a "work of art" and American Beauty homage.
• Present day: Earth’s climate inhospitable to dinos, except urban stragglers like “Bronto Billy” in Manhattan causing traffic jams [11:51].
• Main Mission: Pharma exec Martin Krebs recruits ex-military Zora Bennett (Scarlett Johansson) and "sexy nerd" paleontologist Dr. Henry Loomis (Jonathan Bailey) to snatch DNA samples from the largest remaining dinosaurs as part of a new heart disease cure.
  • "10 with six zeros—not including the 10." – Martin Krebs (re: Zora's $10M payday), 13:52

3. Characters: New Faces, Unconvinced Performances

[16:15-29:14]

• "Sexiest nerd ever" Dr. Loomis, instant adventurer; chemistry with Zora debated (JD: "Nah...they were trying to conjure some up. Not flying for me.", 15:54).
• Big cast overhaul:
  • Scarlett Johansson's take as the lead commando was roundly critiqued, "Her and her character... it's weird, she's not a good yeller, not a believable badass." – Skeets, 27:38
  • Mahershala Ali as Duncan Kincaid, lauded actor but underutilized—"He does nothing for an hour." – Trey, 28:24
• Family subplot: Delgado family shipwrecks onto Dino Island—new nominees for "worst parents in the franchise."
  • "This family, it would have been great if they had just died right in this opening scene. All of them. I'm sorry to say that." – JD, 31:14

4. Dumbfounding Plot Devices & Franchise Self-Parody

[29:15-45:31]

• Children again at the heart of peril but never in real danger—running joke: carry a kid, survive the island.
• Mission: Obtain samples from three “largest hearts” for medicine: Mosasaurus (sea), Titanosaurus (land), Quetzalcoatlus (air/flying), with parachuting extraction darts—“Does it always land perfectly in their hands? Yeah, it does.” – Skeets, 34:42
• Sillier twists include:
  • Egg heist at the Temple of Doom–esque cliff [51:30].
  • Sudden "stairs" that could have circumvented dangerous rappelling (52:12).

5. Death Tallies & Dino Action

[35:31–61:00]

• "Helper" characters (Nina, Bobby, LeClaire) get picked off in classic Jurassic tradition.
• Notable dino set-pieces:
  • Mosasaurus attacks, spinosaurus chase, "sleeping T-Rex" raft scene praised:
    • "It's nail-biting. That's good!" – Tas, 67:16
    • "My favorite scene is the raft scene." – Skeets, 84:31
  • Mutant “D Rex” set up as main monster, killing Martin Krebs in predictable fashion: "As soon as Martin handcuffed himself to the briefcase, I was like, that arm's getting chopped off." – Skeets, 73:31

6. Franchise Fatigue, Favorite Scenes & Final Takes

[79:12–94:43]

• JD bemoans the growing dino fatigue: "It was just a goddamn chore to watch this." – 92:42
• Standout moments included:
  • Water-based action—“the water stuff was the best part of this movie” (JD, 84:31)
  • Visual homage to earlier movies (e.g., final dolphins–birds call back to classic Jurassic Park, 78:27)
• JD and others question why the franchise doesn't lean harder into parody or just embrace the increasingly wacky tone.
• Ranking consensus: "Rebirth" ranks near the bottom, just above Dominion, with 2–4/10 scores across the table.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Snickers Incident:
  "It’s not a dinosaur. It’s a mutant. It’s a monster. Sort of an alien." – Skeets, 07:08
  "How much did Snickers get paid for just a wrapper... three, four times over and over again as it fell?" – Tas, 08:35

• On Motivation & Money:
  “10 with six zeros – not including the 10.” – Martin Krebs (to Zora), 13:52
  “It’s a big time difference in money.” – Trey (on contract confusion), 14:32

• On the Movie's Family:
  "New leaderboard for the worst parents in the franchise—sorry, Reuben, you’re number one." – JD, 30:04

• On Franchise Diminishing Returns:
  “Suckling at [John Williams’s theme] for seven movies now." – JD, 46:05
  "As a movie, it's a four out of ten. In like the second hour of this, I started thinking of it as a parody." – Trey, 91:12

• On Character Deaths:
  "In the credits, it should just read: Food one, food two, food three..." – JD, 23:29

• On Franchise Future:
  "How many more times can we do this sort of premise?" – Skeets, 94:22
  "We want to go with this franchise, but that's not a kids' movie. Or... get silly, poke fun at yourself, go overboard." – Skeets, 95:58

Timestamps of Key Segments

• [03:35] – Snickers causes dino disaster: "The Snickers thing was hilarious."
• [13:52] – Contract negotiation confusion: "10 with six zeros, not including the 10."
• [15:18] – Dr. Loomis joins the crew: "The sexiest nerd of all time."
• [27:38] – Skeets on Scarlett Johansson’s casting: "Something about it didn’t work for me."
• [31:14] – JD on the Delgado family: "It would have been great if they had just died right in this opening scene."
• [34:42] – On extraction tech: "Does it always land perfectly in their hands? Yeah, yeah, it does."
• [46:05] – JD on franchise music: "How sore is John Williams teats at this point?"
• [66:15] – Water scene praise: "I thought it was cool to see the T-Rex underwater...a cool way to change up the shot."
• [79:12] – Are they celebrating? ("They did their mission...all survived")
• [92:42] – JD’s verdict: "It's a two for me. Just a goddamn chore to watch this."
• [94:22] – Skeets on fatigue and future: "How many more times can we do this sort of premise?"

Final Rankings & Retrospective

• General assessment:
  The group universally slots "Rebirth" at or near the bottom of the franchise with individual scores ranging 2–4/10 (“Definitely done with dinosaurs for a while.” – Skeets, 97:15).
• Top movie: The original "Jurassic Park" (1993), “a perfect movie.”
• Most fun in "Rebirth": Water action set-pieces and any scene where the film tried (even if awkwardly) something new visually.

The No Dunks Tone

Clearly dino-fatigued yet as playful as ever, the hosts roast the movie’s contrivances, vent about franchise overkill, and riff with NBA and pop culture humor throughout. Their banter—on Snickers, mutant dinos, and shirtless boyfriends—delivers the blend of irreverence and nostalgia that’s become their hallmark, even as they wave goodbye (for now) to Jurassic Pals.

Suggested Next Summer Series

Listeners are encouraged to vote for which movie franchise the crew should tackle next (Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Twilight, etc). "The dumber, sillier, the better for these..."

Classic last words:
"Thanks for joining us, and remember: Life finds a way."