← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Alesia Tess Talks All: Grief, Jail, Divorce, MOMager, Drama, CHISME & MORE!!
01:16:52
Loading summary
Transcript272 lines
- [00:00]
Sponsor Host
This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit aura.com defense that's aura.com defens to to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.
- [00:38]
Alan Iced
This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Knowing you could be saving money for the things you really want is a great feeling. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan like a good neighbor stay. State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.
- [01:03]
Alicia Al
We ended it within the marriage without him even leaving the home before it even ended. The kids didn't even know what was going on. He would sleep in one room, I'd sleep in the other, I'd make food. He didn't want to have nothing to do with it.
- [01:32]
Alan Iced
What is up, everyone? I'm your host, Alan Iced. And this is Noche de Pendejadas, your favorite podcast turned talk show and on the yo atus Influencers para platicar y PO s. So without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight, Alicia Al podcast. You guys, let me just say, first of all, I'm so excited that the. Do you remember how this kind of happened? I think it was Adam's birthday party.
- [02:15]
Alicia Al
Yeah.
- [02:16]
Alan Iced
I was like, oh my God. Like, we should do a podcast. La Josie was like ccc that would be so iconic. And I'm super excited, excited to have you sitting down right here with us. For those that are at home, I'm.
- [02:43]
Alicia Al
Alessia Tess and I'm a social media manager for Josie, Alessia, Tessa and Nathaniel. Those are my three babies of social media.
- [02:54]
Alan Iced
Ellas la mamade, Nate, Tessa and Josie. Which we've actually had both of your daughters on the podcast before all the Infinity Stones. I'm so excited and I feel like you've gone through so much and I'm like, you know what? Because this is our Mother's Day special, Estef dialas madresita bien at home. Happy Mother's Day. This is the third to Last Episode how were you growing up?
- [03:52]
Alicia Al
My childhood started off pretty rough. My parents were teenagers themselves and I grew up in San Bernardino, California. Since they were troubled, kind of, I was sent off to grandparents house. And since it was too much for my grandparents, me and my brother were separated. So he got. He had to be with one grandparent, I was with the other. So we were always separated. And then I would say I was like 7 years old. And it was really hard for us because since we did grow up with our grandparents, we finally were reconnected and we were told that we had to move away because our parents, they were trying to get clean, let's say. And they were transferred to Kansas and both of them, they were transferred out to can to Kansas to have, you know, to better their life and to get clean. So we were both ripped from our grandparents, you know, living that stable life. When we went out there, it was between like they were, they were the ones raising us now. And, and it was, I would say it was good for a good couple years and then everything just kind of went.
- [04:56]
Alan Iced
Those papas grew up, you know, I'm assuming doing drugs, you know, very troubled, you know, childhood for them as well. Did you know what was going on? Did you understand why you had to stay with your grandparents? Or was that just kind of like the norm for you? Like, oh, your parents are leaving you with your grandparents.
- [05:17]
Alicia Al
Let's just say that even though you're young, you're very young, you know, I knew and we would always have to have our grandparents help with situations and really bad situations. And when we were told that we had to leave, we didn't want to do it. We already knew. But I think they tried, I think they tried really hard to make it work. And when things started to go bad at such a young age with me, then that's when I didn't really have direction from my parents. So that's why I lived a very troubled teenage life too. I think about it all the time. It's almost very traumatic to where you even think about stuff, even to the point where things that happened in my own life now to where, you know, how when you have things happen to you and then you're like, I'm not doing that. You pick and choose what you want in your life and things that hap. Like everything that happens for a reason. And I feel like things that did happen, I pick, I. I picked and choose what I wanted to bring into my own. That's why with my children, I wanted them to have a better life. And things that I, that they didn't discipline on, I did, like, you know, and then bad parts of things that did happen that I started to. From growing up thinking that that's how you handle things and then noticing, no, I don't want to be like how they were. I changed it. I seen a lot of Dom abuse and the drugs and the alcohol that my, both my parents did at the time. A lot of partying, a lot of, A lot of everything bad that you can think of.
- [06:40]
Alan Iced
Do you feel like growing up and seeing that, did that kind of, you know, make you comuna nina que a la mejor? Always lived on edge. You always felt like, oh my God, I gotta be almost walking on eggshells with my parents because I don't know. Did you ever feel like it kind of made you, I don't know, like very to yourself and not as confident growing up because there was like unstability growing up in your household?
- [07:04]
Alicia Al
Yes. And we moved a lot. Well, when we, when they did try to live a better life out in Kansas, we moved so much. I, I went to every single high school that was there. And then out here in California too. Like, I went to, I, I went to a lot of high schools out here. I, I literally have a stack of IDs of high school IDs. I'm like, there's only four years.
- [07:24]
Alan Iced
But how was that for you? Did you enjoy, you know, the siempre cambiento Te?
- [07:29]
Alicia Al
Literally, I have. I, I would literally be like, okay, I talk too much, I let people know too much in this school. I'm gonna be a new person this time. I'm not gonna do, you know?
- [07:39]
Alan Iced
Yeah, it gave you like a second chance at life every single time.
- [07:42]
Alicia Al
I think I even lied a little bit. This girl walked up to me in high school and she was like, are you Filipino and Mexican? I was like, I'm like, sure.
- [07:50]
Alan Iced
You're like, will that get me cool points?
- [07:52]
Alicia Al
Literally. But I just, I would just agree, like, or if they would, they would say, is your name, how do you say your name? Alicia?
- [07:58]
Alan Iced
And I was like, oh, yeah, you know, we're going through stuff, but did you feel like there was moments where you actually had like a good relationship with either or.
- [08:07]
Alicia Al
Now my dad is my cheerleader. Like, he really is. He. He has gotten clean and he's raising my little sister on his. Well, not on his own, but with his wife. She's 10. So. Josie, Nathaniel and Tessa have a 10 year old aunt. He's doing really good for himself. I Love him to death. The past. I do feel like I may have a little bit of abandonment issues because when they couldn't handle things, we were brushed to the grandparents.
- [08:35]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [08:36]
Alicia Al
So, like, I felt, I think as a child, but now understanding, like, I felt like they don't want me. They didn't, like, you know, like, you felt rejection. Yeah, yeah. But as an adult now, I'm just like, okay. Like, they. I love them for them being at the worst that they were. That they were just like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm glad that my grandparents were there, both of them. My mom still hasn't gotten clean. I really don't know. I haven't talked to her in years. We were. It's really sad on that situation because I would say that we were. We were close the closest that you could, like, how I am with my girls. My parents had a separation and she went downhill and never came back up.
- [09:18]
Alan Iced
Do you feel like that affects you to this day? Like, not being able to, like, call up your mom or just having her in your life, Especially now. Ya coma dulta. Seeing how close you are with your girls and, you know, with your son as well. Does that ever trigger. Trigger you? Like, damn, Like, I wish I had my mom to have these type of moments the same way I'm having these moments with my girls.
- [09:38]
Alicia Al
Yeah. Yes. I think the most of those times were when the kids were younger because I would see women getting help and just the love of a grandparent with their. With their grandbabies or anything like that. I think it was mostly then that's when I felt, like, kind of jealous, I'll be honest. But now it's just that I think the realization of, like, one day, like, we won't be here anymore. And it's just like I don't have access to her at all. Because I tried to reach out sometimes, even though, like, I'll be honest, like, she's in the wrong with a lot of stuff because she has a lot of hardship that she's gone through. But I've always been there, and then now it's just a cut off and. And that's it.
- [10:18]
Alan Iced
I feel like it gets harder too, as you get older, because I'm sure tu ya tienes pues tuvida, you know, tu sijos. You know, as you started getting older to familia, that it just kind of becomes like, fuck, there's like nothing I can to Salvador to better that relationship with your mom. Even if you do want that. Chiquita. Did you ever have Moments where, you know, your parents kind of. Te sentava nitician, mija. Perdona knows this is going on with us. Or was it just kind of like, almost like, oh, there's no need to explain to her. It's just gonna happen.
- [10:48]
Alicia Al
It was absolutely nothing. I was just. It was just live and move on. That's what I do.
- [10:56]
Alan Iced
You're like, that's.
- [10:57]
Alicia Al
I have to admit, that's one thing that I probably do with my own. And maybe I need to work on that, because what I do, when we get into an argument with the girls or anything like that, we just act like nothing happened the next day.
- [11:09]
Alan Iced
Quiero platicaro un poquito mas de otro tema los quince anos, you know, Pier de mejora mila. She passes away. What did this friend mean to you?
- [11:27]
Alicia Al
I would say I was, like, around 14, about to be 15. We were in junior high, and I was in Kansas. I was sitting down at the table. I'll be honest with you. I think I was in trouble. And she walks by me and she says, you're not from here, huh? And I go, no. And then I looked at her up and down, and I go, you're not either, huh? And she goes, no. I said, I could tell. And she goes, I'm from Texas. I go, I'm from California. And it was because, I'll be honest with you, we looked like girls. We were. We had, like, girl clothes on in Kansas. They all dressed like boys. I don't know what television show they watched or what, but they, like, dress. They try to dress like cholos and colas. And I just dressed. I was considered, like. I guess I was whitewashed because I was just like, spaghetti strap and, you know, okay. And I dressed like a girl. And then we just hit it off from there. I'm telling you, every day we would hang out, there was another girl that would hang out with us. It was a trio. It was me, my friend Angie, and Gracie. And we would always hang out with each other, but more me and Angie on our own or more in her, you know.
- [12:35]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [12:35]
Alicia Al
And I'm telling we. When I would. Her mom knew my mom. That's how. Like, you know. And then we had words that meant things that, you know, we would try to make up languages, you know, stuff like that. That's how close we were. I knew her family, she knew mine. And then there was just one night where we were all gonna hang out and she had this new boyfriend, and we were gonna pick her up, but she Went with him. So we were like, go ahead, go in. Whatever. And then we were gonna meet up with her, and she didn't call us, so we were like, okay, whatever. We're gonna do our own thing. That morning, I got a phone call, or we got a phone call, and it was her mom. She couldn't even talk. And then her brother jumped on the phone and just straight up told us, like, as if it was yesterday. I can remember. And, I mean, I've even been told that the mom has wanted to reach out to me. It was, like, years back, and I just can't do it.
- [13:25]
Alan Iced
Like, it triggers you.
- [13:26]
Alicia Al
Yeah. I don't think they even understand, like, how much that traumatized me. They. They never did find out who did it, but I can't imagine, like, I lived that with my own kids. I'm, like, telling them, you can't. That's why I'm so strict with them. I'm like, in an instant, anything can happen in it.
- [13:44]
Alan Iced
Because it happened to me, like, a car accident. It was like, murder, almost.
- [13:50]
Alicia Al
Yes, it was murder. And she was with her boyfriend. It was a fight, and they shot and shot her instead. And then he got like, he's. He's okay. But she didn't make it.
- [14:03]
Alan Iced
Como ta fecto e sobiamente, you know, at 15 and nos cuentas un poquito that you already had lived so much, you know, with your parents. You find this best friend almost like a sister.
- [14:17]
Alicia Al
My God. I think. I don't think I even knew what to even do with myself. My mom was. My mom even went into depression with me because she didn't know how to.
- [14:27]
Alan Iced
Like, deal with it. Yeah.
- [14:28]
Alicia Al
And I acted out. I did things that I wish I could take back, and I wasn't myself after that, and I. And I brought that into my adult life.
- [14:37]
Alan Iced
Do you feel like it was hard for you to, like, cope with the loss? Like, was there moments where you didn't want to accept, like, the reality?
- [14:43]
Alicia Al
I was sitting with my mom one day, and I think it was like. Like, I. I had cried and everything at the very beginning. Then days later went on, and I was. I was not upset. I was not crying, and. And then just out of nowhere, I looked at my mom, and I go, mom, she's gone.
- [14:58]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [14:58]
Alicia Al
And then it just. I just.
- [15:01]
Alan Iced
I feel like that comes with the grief. I feel like. Like you said earlier, like, life just moves so quickly that there's times where you're like, oh, like, my best friend or whoever has passed away standing su casa like you really do kind of envision them in the last place you saw them or knew they were at. And then there's waves where you're like, like they're not home, they're not wherever I think they are, they're no longer here. You know, no squintas that you started acting out. Momentos. What did you do? Were you doing these things to kind of cope and distract yourself from all the pain you were feeling?
- [15:37]
Alicia Al
I think that I did. I don't know necessarily if it was just to like mask everything that was happening after that. I just was like, I don't care anymore. And I was like, if it happened to her, it can happen to me. I'm invisible. Which was not the way to think. But I went on a path of a whole lot of bad things where I had ran away and I ran away to Mexico. Yeah.
- [16:01]
Alan Iced
Tell us more about that. How did that even idea, you know, you think you're in Kansas. How did you think a Mexico.
- [16:08]
Alicia Al
An actual troubled ex boyfriend and he was going to visit his grandmother to help her. I don't know if I don't know exactly what was happening or what. And he was like, I'm going, do you want to go? And I was like, let's go. And I called my friend, she was like, I'm down, let's go. And we just left. And you know, I was the one that was driving. I was like.
- [16:32]
D
Thanks to apartments.com for sponsoring this week's podcast. Finding the one can feel impossible. And in today's world, it's even harder. False profiles, inaccurate pictures, incompatibilities, ghosting on dates. Is this sounding familiar to you guys? But if you're ready to make your move to a new place, it doesn't have to feel like dating. All it takes is a simple search on apartments.com to find your perfect match. Whether you're looking for a three bedroom condo downtown, a two bedroom duplex in a quiet neighborhood, a cozy studio in a walkable city, or even a single family home in a cul de sac. You can find a place that checks all the right boxes. So whichever stage of life you are in, settle down in your perfect home by using apartments.com no more swiping or awkward first dates. Make it easier to get a place that gets you visit apartments.com the place to find a place. Thanks apartments.com for sponsoring this week's podcast.
- [17:32]
Sponsor Host
This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Imagine waking up to find your bank account drained, bills for loans you never took out, a warrant for, your Arrest, all because someone committed a crime in your name. It sounds like a nightmare, but for millions of people each year, it's reality. By the time you get that breach notification email, the damage is done. Your identity stolen, your financial future at risk, and the company that lost your data, they'll just apologize and move on. This can all sound really scary, which is why I'm so glad we're partnering with Aura. Hackers don't wait, so why should you? Aura monitors the Dark Web 247 for your phone number, email and Social Security number. If Aura detects your info, you'll get an instant alert so you can act before the damage is done. Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance and a US based fraud resolution team that works around the clock to shut down fraud fast and get your life back on track. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online, all for free. When you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.
- [19:04]
Alicia Al
I don't think I even have my license yet. We even got stopped. My grandma, she, her, her brother was the sheriff of San Bernardino and they put my pick our picture at the border. Girl, we went all the way through. They stopped us and everything and they didn't say anything. And I didn't even have a license. I had a permit and, and I'm.
- [19:23]
Alan Iced
How long did you stay over there?
- [19:24]
Alicia Al
I, I, I think we stayed for like a week.
- [19:27]
Alan Iced
Oh, okay, okay. And during that time, was there people calling you up?
- [19:29]
Alicia Al
Like we didn't have phones back then, so even if they did, so they went crazy. Let me tell you, when I got back. Oh, oh, right away they were like, hey, the mom and the dad, they've been here every day. They like, they're, they're trying to look for her this and that. I, I, I mean I know the other parents were like looking for like my friend and stuff like that, but mine went overboard. But they went so overboard. Let's just say I got pulled out of the house. Yeah, I got pulled out as I should because girl, I had, I had to get traumatized some way to never do something like that.
- [20:07]
Alan Iced
What do you mean by pulled out? Like arastrada mop. Did you feel like in that moment like it was justified or were you like, like angry, like, what the hell? Because.
- [20:21]
Alicia Al
I knew I. That was at the time where my parents were trying to do good, okay? And I knew I messed up and I was being selfish. A selfish little girl. I was so close to my mom. I told her everything and everything that happened. She told me everything that they did to like find me or anything like that. They had me on their own house arrest. Took the phone, everything away from like the house phone. Yeah, I found another phone.
- [20:45]
Alan Iced
I found my ways.
- [20:47]
Alicia Al
That's crazy.
- [20:48]
Alan Iced
Crazy. Did you ever, like rebel out anytime after that or you kind of like stopped afterwards, girl?
- [20:53]
Alicia Al
I was like, okay. I had my brother, but he ended up moving out early. And so I was considered like an only child.
- [21:00]
Alan Iced
Okay?
- [21:02]
Alicia Al
So, yeah, so within the first week, my mom was such, like, I was such a mama's girl. And then I'm my dad's only baby, so please, can I go out? Please? And then. Okay, yeah, yeah. Because my dad, he was a security at a club and he was like, only because I'm going to be there. I'm like, that's the only place I could. I want to go.
- [21:26]
Alan Iced
Would you get into like the all age ones or like the 21 and over?
- [21:29]
Alicia Al
It was 21 and over, but my dad would have me sit at a table and then he'd watch me and then he. I let. He let me take my friends and we'd get him free and then we would just sit there.
- [21:38]
Alan Iced
But it was your dad. Okay.
- [21:40]
Alicia Al
Okay.
- [21:40]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [21:40]
Alicia Al
And it was the cumbia clubs. It wasn't the thing ratchet or anything.
- [21:43]
Alan Iced
So it's like so poquito mas. I want to go back, you know, to the passing of your best friend. Did that change, like, your outlook in life? You're like, oh, they're not here. Did that make you almost like, you know, cherish everyone that was close to you? Because you kind of in your head were like, you know what? Like, this can be the last time I see this person. May that be your mom, your dad.
- [22:11]
Alicia Al
Or a friend, a thousand percent. Changed my whole perspective of everything, especially with my kids. Because I knew that at any age that, that something like that can happen. And that's why the one time I let Tessa out, Josie, I don't think I ever really let her go out right by herself at that age at all. But the one time I let Tessa out, she messed that up real quick, never letting that happen.
- [22:38]
Alan Iced
Was that the time to the ski nuts with her friend in San Bernardino?
- [22:42]
Alicia Al
Oh, that's time where I had to like, you Know you're like, do some whooping. I just like how I did. But no, this time was I let her go with her friends for the first time, and she ended up taking an Uber home by herself. When she said she had a ride, I went ballistic. I was like, the Uber could take you. Oh, my God. And I'm calling her for. I have all. Whenever they go out with a friend, I go, give me their number. So whenever I can't get a hold of them within the first, like, first ring, she doesn't answer. In first ring, I call the friend.
- [23:10]
Alan Iced
Friend.
- [23:10]
Alicia Al
And when I called the friends, I was like, you guys are never talking to her again. This and that. Like, I. I was just. I was angry.
- [23:16]
Alan Iced
What was her excuse in this momento?
- [23:18]
Alicia Al
Oh, that.
- [23:19]
Alan Iced
She's like, it didn't work out last minute.
- [23:21]
Alicia Al
They wanted to stay, and I didn't want to mess up their time, so. And I knew I had a curfew and I wanted to take my responsibility to not mess their time up. And I just wanted to come home to the point where her phone died and she called the Uber driver and he goes, everything's okay. Everything. I was like.
- [23:39]
Alan Iced
But I feel like that is very smart, though, because you are aware that anything and everything can happen in a split of a second. I feel like as kids, maybe, you know, when you were grounding her, she was like, why is she exaggerating? Like, oh, my God, my mom's too extra. But it really is like. Like when you're cautious of what can happen, you limit the amount of things that can happen because there's. The world is crazy, especially nowadays. I feel like, about the grieving process, Nosquintas that it was really hard for you when it came down to grieving your best friend. What do you think was like, the hardest part when it came to grieving? If you can get someone a piece of advice that is currently going through grief or something similar, what would you tell them?
- [24:27]
Alicia Al
Oh, wow. Enjoy the time that you have with the people that you're around. I. I don't know if anybody ever picked up on it from events or just anybody that comes to my house. The only thing that comes out my mouth. Be careful, Be careful. Like, that's what I. I always. My son, I see him, like, less than the girls, and that's. I just cannot say that enough. Just be careful. When I hear someone sick or when I hear someone's hurt or anything, I will cut them off now. And it's just my mechanism, my coping mechanism, because I feel like if I get too close to them, then it's gonna be too much, because I do have. There's been two traumatic passings that they were really close to me, which was my friend, and then my grandfather that passed away. There was even a point where I even told both of them. Both of them, they were not answering my call. I even yelled at them. And I. And then I go, you know what? I was like. I told my. My family, I said, if anything ever happens, don't tell me. Just don't tell me. And just be like, they're. Oh, they're not here. They're not here. Okay. Okay. I'll live with that for the rest of my life. There is times, too, where I feel a regret, but then it's selfish. I know it's really selfish, but it's just how I'm dealing with it. Like, I had an aunt, a favorite aunt, that she was diagnosed with cancer, and I stopped reaching out to her. And then when she passed, I, I.
- [25:47]
Alan Iced
You bawled out.
- [25:48]
Alicia Al
I did, but it. I didn't. I didn't go. I didn't. I didn't do anything because I didn't want to deal with it.
- [25:54]
Alan Iced
And I think that's very valid. You know, my grandpa passed away last year, too. He's about to be a year. And I feel like I was closer, and I've always been closer to my grandma, but I feel like it's very valid, the not wanting. Wanting to deal with it, because I feel like I always tell my boyfriend and my best friend that I always catch myself. Like, I try to call my grandma as much as I can, but I feel like there's times where I avoid her because it's almost like.
- [26:23]
Alicia Al
Like.
- [26:23]
Alan Iced
And I feel like I hate remembering, and I hate, like, going back and accepting the fact that he's no longer here. So I feel like, on me, it just makes it easier kind of to, like. Like, I don't know. I think that kind of does sound messed up in a way. But it's also, like, how we cope with traumas, how we cope with things. It's almost like our brain is trying to save us from the bigger heartbreak. But I do think it's like a mental thing that our. Our brain kind of shuts off, and they're like, no, you have too much to deal with. One less thing. What do you feel like, are things that you do now that are, like, trying to make you better when it comes to that, or is this something you still struggle with?
- [26:58]
Alicia Al
I think it's something I still struggle With. I think it's just, just because of everything that's going on in my life too. I don't want to put that on to. Yeah, yeah. Onto them, you know.
- [27:08]
Alan Iced
Quiero platicar de otra cosa que paso casa los quince ano. You went to jail or juvie and what was it like for you, the moment that you realized you were getting arrested altogether?
- [27:23]
Alicia Al
I would say that just with our family in general, we were, We've, all of us have always been known as like fighters. Not my kids.
- [27:34]
Alan Iced
My kids.
- [27:36]
Alicia Al
Like I said I wanted thing. I cut off a lot of stuff that, you know, that I didn't want to bring on to my family. But we were always known as fighters. To this day, I think my mom's still going that I, that I've. That I know of.
- [27:51]
Alan Iced
So she was like very into that lifestyle.
- [27:53]
Alicia Al
Yes.
- [27:53]
Alan Iced
Okay.
- [27:53]
Alicia Al
To the point where I know that my aunt, My mom used to have us cousins just fighting and pulling hair just for fun. That's why she's like entertainment. Yeah. She's like wwe. Like, no. So that whenever anything ever happened.
- [28:04]
Alan Iced
Okay, okay. Like almost training you guys. Oh, shit. Yes.
- [28:07]
Alicia Al
That was just. I had just came back from California and I came to visit. We had a bunch of friends over or whatever. It was like a movie. It was like they. A whole bunch of people were there. I ended up fighting this girl. I fought her really bad. The cop came. All I remember is seeing cops. And then a cop drew his gun out on me and I still didn't stop. To the point where like as an adult, I'm like, was I stupid? Like I, I probably like I could have life changing. Things could have just happened and it was just a whole. Yeah.
- [28:40]
Alan Iced
What was that moment like for you? Nos cuentas that, you know, we meant the dream. While it was happening. I'm sure the adrenaline was like going high. You weren't noticing, you weren't realized.
- [28:48]
Alicia Al
Even after that. I was, was just like, oh, they're going to take us to go call our parents and then I'm going to go home. Nuh. That didn't happen for six months.
- [28:56]
Alan Iced
Wait, you were in there for six months?
- [28:58]
Alicia Al
Yes, it was, it was juvenile hall. My parents were out on vacation. So like I'm by myself. Called my grandma in California. She ended up saying, you know, like she was going to get a hold of them and then I'm like, I'm by myself. Like I'm getting my pictures, my mug, you know, everything taken and I'm. I'm getting put in And I'm meeting, I'm seeing people. Like, I'm like, this is not where I need to be. This is not where I should be. Months gone on. I always tell the kids, like correctional officers that were in there or whatever the young girls were saying, like, that one's mine. You better not look at them, girl. When I was. It was like my fourth month in, I was like, don't be looking at it.
- [29:38]
Alan Iced
That's crazy. What was it like in there, though? Like, what were you doing, like, day to day?
- [29:42]
Alicia Al
Was it like 24 hours I was locked up? And so that's what I always tell the kids. I'm like, that got me prepared for marriage. I would wake up clean and then eat, shower, and then go to back to sleep, repeat.
- [29:55]
Alan Iced
Did you ever get in problems with, like, other girls that were in there?
- [29:58]
Alicia Al
Actually, there was. And the correctional officers there were trying to get me to fight her. And I was like. And I go, I'm trying to get out of here.
- [30:05]
Alan Iced
Just.
- [30:05]
Alicia Al
You were like, get her, get her. We need some action. I was like, like, yeah.
- [30:10]
Alan Iced
What was the moment? Like, you know, you stay there six months. How did you get out? Like, did your parents come back? Did you get like a call?
- [30:18]
Alicia Al
I actually had trial and they never had anybody bail out before. My dad got me out and I was on house arrest and I had to pay restitution and I was on probation.
- [30:29]
Alan Iced
Do you feel like you're like, I don't.
- [30:33]
Alicia Al
I was like, I do not belong here. I don't belong in this state. I was like, I need to get out of here. Yeah. It was the environment that I knew and I shouldn't grow up in.
- [30:41]
Alan Iced
You go through that. You, you said that you came back to California. What was life in California then? Do you feel like it kind of shifted you?
- [30:48]
Alicia Al
Well, see, while I was there just trying to live my life because I was on probation, I would see these people, like, just on the street, wouldn't even know who they were or I wouldn't even know that they were there. And I would get rocks thrown at my car window and all that. And I told you, went, drove straight to my probation officer and I said, I need to get out of here, please. Like, my grades are good. Like, I'm trying to, like, better my life. This is when I started getting my wake up call. I was like, I need to. I need to live good. I need to get out of here. He said, you get a plane ticket today. You can go. We didn't have the Internet like that.
- [31:21]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [31:21]
Alicia Al
And we Did a phone call, we showed the proof, and I got out of there asap. And as soon as I did, life was just so much better. I went to my grandma's house, and by myself.
- [31:34]
Alan Iced
Was it hard for you to, like, be in that state? You know, you're so young, and you're almost on your own. Because I'm assuming during this time, you didn't really have your parents to guide you. What was that like, trying to figure out, you know, life.
- [31:47]
Alicia Al
I knew that I had to do a lot of things on my own because, for one, I didn't want to put anything on my grandparents. I would say my grandparents were like a halfway house. They helped all the grandkids that they were always welcoming, always. And my other cousin lived there. My brother lived there. At one point, I think we were all around the same age when they helped us. I remember they would give me, like, two or three dollars. I would not eat lunch. I would save all my money. And there was even one time where I was at school, and we all got dressed, went to P.E. came back, my money was gone. And I was literally livid because I saved up to, like, $27. And I was like, that's the only money I have. The girls, like, they. They stole from everybody in the. In the. In PE Class. They stole from everybody, came back with their nails done, all that.
- [32:35]
Alan Iced
Did you confront them or.
- [32:36]
Alicia Al
No. I was so mad. Yeah, we.
- [32:38]
Alan Iced
Those are my NOW money. That's my now.
- [32:41]
Alicia Al
And then shortly after that, I got into another fight at. In San Bernardino, and the same cop was there. He wrote me a citation, and he goes, you know what? And he ripped it up. He was like, you're just going through too much. And I was like, tell me about it.
- [32:55]
Alan Iced
Do you feel like everything stemmed from, you know, going back a little bit to, you know, growing up with your parents being trouble? Do you feel like because of that?
- [33:05]
Alicia Al
It sounds crazy, but I almost commend them because it made me strong as a child. I did everything on my own. Like, when I ended up meeting my kid's dad and then getting pregnant, I didn't know what the heck I was doing, but I was getting insurance. I was. Was going to places I didn't know, like wic. I was taking care of everything. I was like. But with that, I knew.
- [33:26]
E
I was like, let's talk about Angie. Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Whether you're dealing with daily maintenance, emergency fixes, or even a dream renovation, it's so hard to find the right help. Luckily, Angie's been connecting people with skilled pros for 30 years, and they made it easier than ever to get your home projects done well. Because Angie gives you access to a nationwide network of tradespeople with the right skills. Experts in over 50 categories, from plumbing and landscaping to roofing and remodels. Just bring Angie your project, answer a few questions and Angie connects you with nearby pros who match your needs. You can easily read reviews, check out photos of past work, and request and compare quotes to find your best price. Which means you could tackle that next home project in just a few taps. So join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to take care for their homes. Download the free Angie app today or visit angie.com that's a n g I.com.
- [34:27]
Sponsor Host
Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co founder of Angie, and one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. Because with every fix, update and renovation, it becomes a little more your own. So you need all your jobs done well. For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter, from plumbing to electrical, roof repair to deck upgrades. So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well. Hire high quality pros@angie.com let's talk about Angie.
- [35:00]
E
Anyone who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Whether you're dealing with daily maintenance, emergency fixes, or even a dream renovation, it's so hard to find the right help. Luckily, Angie's been connecting people with skilled pros for 30 years, and they made it easier than ever to get your home projects done well. Because Angie gives you access to a nationwide network of tradespeople with the right Skillsexperts in over 50 categories, from plumbing and landscaping to roofing and remodels. Just bring Angie your project, answer a few questions and Angie connects you with nearby pros who match your needs. You can easily read reviews, check out photos of past work, and request and compare quotes to find your best price. Which means you could tackle that next home project in just a few taps. So join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to take care for their homes. Download the free Angie app today or visit angie.com that's angi.com this is my.
- [35:58]
Alicia Al
Baby, this is my family. And they're going to be good. And I made sure of that.
- [36:06]
Alan Iced
Two daughters and a son who made the first move. And you know eventually. How did you find out you were pregnant? What was their reaction? Your grandparents reaction?
- [36:21]
Alicia Al
How I Met their dad was. There was a kickback, and it was actually so crazy. A friend from mine, from Kansas, came out to California because her father got transferred out to Kansas, too, for the same job. She kept saying, come hang out with me. Come hang out with me. I was like, girl, I'm with my cousins now, you know? And then she was about to leave, and I was like, I gotta see my friend before she goes. And when I went, her dad was there, and I was like, okay, she has friends here. Like, you know, and we ended up talking. I ended up getting pregnant. And then when I found out, it was. It was so crazy because when I let her dad know, he dropped the phone, and then he left. And then his brother picked up and said, he's throwing up. What did you tell him? And then. Yeah, but not just that.
- [37:10]
Alan Iced
How did you find out?
- [37:12]
Alicia Al
My cousin would. Would buy me my.
- [37:14]
Alan Iced
Your pads?
- [37:15]
Alicia Al
Yeah, she would buy me my pads and stuff. And she goes, you have an accident? Asked me yet, and I was like, oh, maybe I'm getting thrown off because of my birth control. I just started. She didn't know. And why did I start birth control? Swear to God. Because, like, I wasn't really active like that. I. I wasn't an active. I was crazy. I partied, I fought, but I was up to there. Yeah. Up to that point. Girls, all it takes is one time. Let me tell you that. When she said that, she. She didn't, you know, I hadn't reached out to her for it. She goes, let's just take a day. And she goes, were you with him? I was like, yeah, only one time.
- [37:45]
Alan Iced
Symptoms or.
- [37:45]
Alicia Al
No, not that I knew of. I was just living life. And, you know, I. I was still, like, hanging out. I think for her, it was just funny.
- [37:52]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [37:53]
Alicia Al
And then when I took it and it was an immediate shock, immediate shaking, and I couldn't even cry. I was just like, oh, my God, what did I do? We're talking about a different time, too. To the point where when you're pregnant, you're done. Like, you're keeping it. You're taking care of your responsibilities. The man is either there, he's not there. That was it. That was done. That was it. At that point, my mind was like, I'm gonna take care of my responsibilities. And it wasn't even a thought in my mind to, you know, do any. Any other options or anything like that. I did call my mom, and my mom's. My mom was happy. Like, what? My dad just said, your body's gonna change. I Think my grandparents were the only ones that were like, they seen. They were the ones taking care of me. They just seen so much more potential. They knew that I could do a lot more. And I think they, they were the ones that were like, damn.
- [38:41]
Alan Iced
In that moment, did you feel disappointed?
- [38:46]
Alicia Al
I would have to honestly say that I felt like I had. No matter who leaves me or where I'm at, I have my family now. No disrespect, but I didn't care if the father didn't even want to be there. I just knew I had my family now.
- [39:00]
Alan Iced
How was your pregnancy overall? Did you have any, you know, kind of complications? Was it a smooth cell? Did you have, like, weird cravings? What was your pregnancy like? And this was a Josie, right?
- [39:11]
Alicia Al
Yes.
- [39:11]
Alan Iced
Okay.
- [39:11]
Alicia Al
I wanted a boy. I wanted a boy, but I think to take care of the rest of my kids in the future because that's what I was always told. And my mom, she has five brothers and I would. I just always like, you know, I just always just thought that that's how it should be. But when I did find out I was gonna have. My girl is like, she's going to be a princess. I don't, I don't like, what is it, bougie on a budget if I don't have the money for, I'll find something to like, make her good and look you so cute, you know, it's like, she's gonna be my little doll. I didn't have any complications with her, I would say, since I was so young. There was a lot of crying, a lot of fighting, and I did put myself into labor early. She was due on my birthday, but she wanted to have her own date. I always tell her so. But she came on the 17th and mine is on the 20th, so she, she came a little early. And I think it was just because.
- [40:07]
Alan Iced
Of a lot of, like, stress and everything going on. Okay. You know, you're a teen becoming a mother. What was that shift for you? You know, was it a hard adjustment or was it something that you're like, you know what, maybe I. I need this in this moment. And if it was hard, which is totally normal, what were the hardest things that you had to adjust to when becoming a first time mom?
- [40:30]
Alicia Al
I was actually told, you need to go out, you need to do things, because once you start showing, you're gonna have to. You're taking care of that baby. And I was like, you don't gotta tell me twice. I immediately took out all the piercings. I started dressing more reserved I was like, I'm a mother now. Like, I. I was. I was very accepting of it. I was. I was happy. I was like. I mean, maybe you can say, I guess living in those times, maybe it was a little small minded because I felt like that's how you needed to. Like, that's what life was all about. Having kids, having a family and then you die. But with me now, like, my perspective has totally changed in the way that. Especially the way that I've raised my kids. I'm like, you guys have. Knowing everything that I went through and all the raising that I did, I'm like, you guys could do that so much later. From my experience. Just know that you have so much life.
- [41:19]
Alan Iced
Was it, like, very overwhelming for you being so young? You don't regret becoming a mother because tienes atos hijos gracadios. But, like, oviemente momento. You're so young, you've gone through so much stuff, and now poniendo te la responsablidade personita. Was that very overwhelming and just hard for you to, like, let that sink in?
- [41:40]
Alicia Al
I think I was so accepting of it. I think I was a little selfish too, because you know how they say, like. Like, you have a village to help you? I did. I did have the help, but I didn't accept the help. I didn't want the help. I wanted to do everything on my own, and I did.
- [41:54]
Alan Iced
Going through so much trauma as a young kid, do you feel like you use that as in, like, okay, like, comunos cuentas, that you use things to, like, what you wanted better in your life? Was that something that was constantly in your head? Like, you know what? Like, this is my baby. Whatever my parents didn't do for me, I'm gonna do that for them.
- [42:10]
Alicia Al
Yep, that's exactly what I did. I was like, I'm not gonna do this. I'm gonna do this. I didn't like how they did this, so I'm gonna do. Yeah, I just. I just. Just wanted to do everything that. That I wanted to and form it to the. The way that I wanted.
- [42:25]
Alan Iced
You know, oyamente is super normal for women, especially after giving birth, to go into postpartum depression. Was that something que sufristes? And I say, momento. You know, maybe at the moment where you. Your hormones were going crazy, you know, this was like a new chapter in your life. Did you experience postpartum?
- [42:41]
Alicia Al
I actually didn't with Josie or Nate. Tessa. I did. And it was kind of funny because I was Sitting at the table. I just put Josie and Nathaniel to sleep. And then I was holding Tessa, and I started crying. I was like, they're gonna think I don't love them as much because I have a baby. They're gonna be jealous of the baby. Like, I literally was crying, like, as if it was a death. Like, I was like, they're gonna. They're gonna hate me because they think I'm showing more love. And they're like, no, you're just taking care of a baby, you know? And it just ended up being a little. It ended up being. Maybe there was a lot of arguments towards that time, but that was when the recession happened, and we didn't have money, we didn't have anything. And I swear we had one present each for all three of them, and it was like coloring books. So we were just going through a lot, too, at that time. I know we were living in an apartment complex. Everybody was going through it, and they actually skipped us and didn't. Didn't reach out to us because we didn't pay the rent. And they ended up getting audited because they found out. So they came later. But I remember there was one time between our little family and the kids father's family. We were trying to scrape change just to get a pizza when my family found out. Because I never reach out to my family because I don't like them knowing anything or anything. When my family found out, my grandfather took. Took me to the grocery store and just bought me groceries and said, don't ever do that again. And I got lectured for that. And. Yeah, but there was even a point where Tessa had a dog, and I loved that dog. And I. I took it to the swap meet and I sold it for diapers.
- [44:16]
Alan Iced
Oh, what did you tell Tessa? Like, it ran away, or did she know that she was. You know, because she was a baby?
- [44:23]
Alicia Al
I mean, she. She was like, you know, she was a toddler, barely about to be a toddler. I think 11 months, maybe, something like that.
- [44:29]
Alan Iced
So she just kind of, like, stopped seeing the dog. Yeah. That's crazy. In moments like that, you kind of have to do what you got to do to get by, you know? What do you think was like, the best thing that came out of becoming a mother?
- [44:41]
Alicia Al
The best thing that has ever come out of being a mother is just the love that you receive back. I don't think that coming from me and my words, no family member, no lover, no. No anything could ever. No Will ever have the love that you have for your children or vice Versa from them back. I think to experience that and to say that you live. That's, that's what it's all about.
- [45:06]
Alan Iced
That was super public a couple years ago and el dos mil veintitres, you and your husband at the time decide to get a divorce. And eliva, you know, I feel like, you know, your daughters being in the public eye almost kinda, you know, made the divorce public as well. You know, what led to the divorce? What made you be like, you know what? Yuyano puedo estar en estar relacion cuenta no poguito Mazda. Everything that you were going through during.
- [45:33]
Alicia Al
That time, I think that every woman has their point where there's just no return. I believe that on. I can't speak for him, but it was probably five years before we ended things. So it took five years where it started getting rocky. Yes, Very, very rocky. It got to the point where we just weren't talking and we ended it within the marriage without him even leaving the home before it even ended. The kids didn't even know what was going on. He would sleep in one room, I'd sleep in the other. I'd make food. He didn't want to have nothing to do with it. I knew what I always, always wanted. I wanted a family. Yeah. So I tried to keep it together and just ignore things and other personal things that was really bad that had led up to where that made me have the decision to leave to the point where I ignored it because I, I'm, I, my grandparents, I think, have been married for like 60 something years. And I was like, you just, you just have to make it work.
- [46:29]
Alan Iced
Did you think that was like part of marriage? Like, you know what, you just ignore things, keep it going, keep it, it moving?
- [46:34]
Alicia Al
Yes. Because I, I mean, marriage is cliche. It's work. I mean, you make vows for a reason. It came to a point where I was like, you know what? I'm not going, going to live with any regrets. I'm going to do everything possible. This is going to be my last, last thing that I'm going to do. I had made him lunch. I took the lunch to his, his job. And I was crying, I was depressed. I was crying every single night before that. I was like, what am I going to do? Like, how am I going to make this work if he doesn't want this? Like, how, how is it that I'm gonna make this like, happen on my own?
- [47:08]
Alan Iced
And during that time, there was already talks between you and him of divorcing. Okay, okay. So you Guys were just trying to, like, work it out in silence, not communicating about it.
- [47:16]
Alicia Al
Oh, no, it was. It. It was, like, months that he said, like, I don't want to be with you. And I was like, okay, I don't want to be with you. But I knew that I wanted, like.
- [47:24]
Alan Iced
You know, you just thought it was like, another one of those fights where.
- [47:27]
Alicia Al
You'Re like, okay, yes, exactly. I know. Know the exact place and spot where it happened. Like, I just. I think that's where it just wants. Set it over edge. And I was just like, wow. But I. I was like, let me make him lunch. Let me take it to him, and I'm gonna show him. Like, I'm gonna make that. I'm trying. This is my. My last attempt to trying because there was a lot of stuff that I was doing. I. I even had. I was even taking pictures of him, like, ignoring me. Like, I was just like, I'm nothing to him anymore. Like, I. I see it, I feel it. I know it. I went to his job, took him to the lunch. He said he didn't want to have lunch. And it was like a switch.
- [48:02]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [48:03]
Alicia Al
And I was like, I'm done. And then I went home. That's when he did come, and I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. He goes, okay, good. As of right now, we are not together. And then he goes, when I come back from Arizona, I'm moving out. And I was like, all right. And we just left that at that. And we were doing. And then he had his moments with his. His own kids where he was fighting battles. Battles with them. There was. There was a lot of tension with them. He just was. I don't know if I don't know what he was going through at the time, but it was really bad with the whole family during that time.
- [48:35]
Alan Iced
Arizona. And when he comes back, it's going to be done. Did you still have kind of, like, in you, like, it's going to work out. Oh, you were already done.
- [48:42]
Alicia Al
It was like a light switch. It was 20 years. Just. I mean, obviously, every. Every marriage, they fight, and you work it out, but it just got too consistent and too. Too much disrespect, and it just needed to just. Yeah.
- [48:59]
Alan Iced
Did you feel guilt? Como mujeri, Como mama? I feel like women a lot of the time, you know, try and try to keep the family together, not just for themselves, but also. Tienes una familia, Tienes tres hijos. During that time, did you ever feel guilt? Like, damn, I couldn't Even keep my family together for my kids. If so, how did you deal with that guilt to make you, like, stop thinking that way and be like, no, like, I got to think about myself, because if I'm not good, my family ain't gonna be good.
- [49:29]
Alicia Al
I would say honestly that I'm still even working on that because I'm a little bit to the point where it's.
- [49:47]
Alan Iced
It's okay.
- [49:51]
Alicia Al
Like, I failed and that any relationship now that I have, and if it fails, like, I blame myself. Like, what am I doing wrong? And that's something that I'm working on.
- [50:07]
Alan Iced
She told us that during that time was really hard for you guys because you guys had to, you know, know, move out of your house. You know, things changed very quickly when it came down to, like, the dynamic of your house and your living. What was that like for you?
- [50:28]
Alicia Al
There's just one thing that was said. I. I mean, I talk a lot to Josie about, like, stuff, but there's only certain things that I can talk to her about. But it was actually. I have lived with this ever since Tessa was in the interview with you. I felt like, women, mothers don't cry in front of their children. They don't let them see anything. They want to be strong for their kids. And one thing that Tessa had said was, my mom is strong. And I literally was sitting there, and I was like, what? And she was just like, yeah, because she's still here and she's still trying. I felt like, dang, they. They do. She does see me strong. And after that, that's when I was like, okay, if I do go through anything, like, and if I am coming out of it, like, as long as. Because I. I went through a really dark time, and. And the. In your mind can think, you know, And I. I had really a lot of dark thoughts and to where they shouldn't go there. And it. Your life isn't over. It really isn't.
- [51:31]
Alan Iced
Did you feel that way at that moment? Like, with the marriage? You felt like, you know what?
- [51:35]
Alicia Al
Like, I think it wasn't even because of the marriage. I, at that point anymore, because my. I was always even told in the marriage. I was always even told. The kids are always first and I'm last. And. And I'm like.
- [51:49]
Alan Iced
Like, you're right.
- [51:51]
Alicia Al
I'm like, no lies were told at that point. It was not more or less that of losing the marriage. It was more or less that I didn't do things on my own. And now everything is going to be all on me. I think my depression was more from coming from that. It wasn't the, it wasn't the loss, it was the. It was just the. I'm going to have this new life that I didn't expect that I was ever going to have. Just to know that everything was going to be on me. And I'm learning. I remember I went jumped from my parents house to my grandparents house to my kids father's house. And now I'm on my own. Now everything is on me. So now I'm learning everything on my own. Because financially he took care of everything. I mean we made our own money and everything. But he still did like majority of. Yeah, he still did the majority of everything. But to the point where someone told me, you know, your registration is expired. And I was like, what is that? And I'm still learning to this day what a whole lot of stuff is. I don't know. And I. I somewhat feel in my mind like this is young girl, like still trying. Like now I have to figure everything out all over again.
- [53:06]
Alan Iced
How hard was it for you? Obia mente. You know, you're going through it emotionally, but you also know that your kids are hurting. You know. Ellos estan perdiendos os papas estando juntos. Was that something hard for you? Was that something in the back of your head? Y como lacias to try to be there for your kids, you know, to try to make sure they were okay emotionally while still trying to hold it down for yourself.
- [53:27]
Alicia Al
I would literally go to them, check to see how they're doing and I would like try to build up to where I had to be strong for that moment and then go back in my room and lock the door just so that they wouldn't hear or know. I would think that they wouldn't hear me, but I was, you know, just trying to hide from them to. So that they wouldn't see or anything. But I just, I think with them though, like even like now in their relationships or even not in Tessa, like when she's not in a relationship. I always don't ever depend on a man. Don't ever do it because then just do learn everything on your own. Do everything on your own so that when you know, like, you know. But I do have to admit that I, I am guilty of having never them depend on me. So it's a little.
- [54:09]
Alan Iced
So you're like, you gotta take them off the. What do they say is that she's the case and get them off the, the chichi. How they say, like, yeah, no more.
- [54:17]
Alicia Al
Breastfeeding the biggest thing to overcome was just losing the family unity. Knowing that everything that I thought, like, it was like a facade, almost like it was not good. We have people that watch. Used to watch the YouTube video. They're like, I thought you guys were so good. You guys look like this happen happy family. But when eternally. Because I know how it was and I. I knew what it was like. When I see some of those videos, I'm like, yeah, you can. Yes. Because you could even see in it in the video where it's like you could just know and see and just. And I'm just like, yeah, that's why.
- [54:51]
Alan Iced
We'Re like, the acting like, oh, this is not how we really are.
- [54:55]
Alicia Al
And then a little bit of the realness does come out. And I'm like, yeah, there it is. No one else could probably see it, but I can't.
- [55:01]
Alan Iced
Like, it was like those red flags you were ignoring in that moment that now you're like, fudge. No, that was their present, you know.
- [55:06]
Alicia Al
Where the kids even see it, notice it themselves.
- [55:09]
Alan Iced
Was it hard for you to, like, try to start finding yourself? What was that like, Obia menti? You know, you go through a period of depression. Is that something you're still struggling with, like, depression and almost like finding yourself again when it comes to, like, feeling yourself when it comes to, you know, feeling happy again. What's been that journey, like, like for you?
- [55:26]
Alicia Al
I feel like since I was at a young age, I lived for my daughter. I lived for, at the time, my ex husband. I lived for everybody, everyone. And I've never had my own personal life. I'm barely getting out of it right now. And it's been a couple years now. I have my days where I is really, really bad, but I'm still figuring it out. But I feel like I'm getting a little bit stronger.
- [55:52]
Alan Iced
Going through a divorce is something that is really hard for anyone at home watching, you know, women specifically, you know. Oh, yes, Madres. What is a piece of advice you can give to any women at home going through a divorce or has gone through a divorce, you know, get through that phase of their life. What's something that you would have wished you would have heard during that time of your life?
- [56:15]
Alicia Al
Please, just like, take it day by day, because it's going to feel like it's. It's the end of the world. Then you're gonna think that you're not gonna get through it. I have to admit, like, after the separation, I did everything possibly wrong. I did what my mom Did. It took a year and a half for me to open up my eyes, and I was like, I don't want to be. Like, I would drink every single day. Every single day. When I woke up to the point where I wasn't even eating and I lost a lot of weight, I. I didn't even want to party. I was just in my room by myself, and I wanted to just drink.
- [56:49]
Alan Iced
Because I wanted feelings away.
- [56:51]
Alicia Al
Yep. I was an occasional drinker, but I was drinking every single day, waking up with shakes, and then I would just wake up sick because I didn't eat. I just wouldn't remember. I wouldn't remember things. I would remember what I did. And I was sick and tired of just waking up, not knowing. And so I fixed it. I had an awakening.
- [57:12]
Alan Iced
What was that moment like for you? Do you remember, like, specifically what you were doing that you're like, fuck. Yo no quiero. Si, quiero, si.
- [57:18]
Alicia Al
It was where I had left my house, and I wasn't in my right mind, and to the point where I could have gotten into some trouble. And it was before Tess's birthday, and I was like, what am I doing? I need to be here for my daughter, babies. And after that, like, I've just been better. I had my days, but I. I feel now I take other avenues of, like, okay, I'm gonna tell her, let's go to Dutch. Let's go do this. Let's go that.
- [57:54]
Alan Iced
Do you feel like your kids have been, like, a huge support system and you starting to feel yourself again?
- [58:00]
Alicia Al
Yeah. Tessa is. She kind of just like. She's there, but she's just like. Like, lets me, you know, feel myself do my thing as. As. I love that because I don't like hoovering, and I like to have my moments to myself. But Josie, like, when I come to her, she's all like. No matter if she doesn't like a situation, she's just there.
- [58:20]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [58:21]
Alicia Al
And I love that. And it's because, like, coming out of. Coming out of, like, this marriage, you. You lose your old high school friends, you don't talk to anybody. So I have nobody.
- [58:33]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [58:34]
Alicia Al
And I don't like telling my family anything. So the new friends that I have made and everything, I love everybody that is in it. And it's crazy because they are people that are in the industry.
- [58:49]
Alan Iced
You go a little bit more to Josie. Do you feel like that has a lot to do more with her being older? Because, you know, Tessa's still growing up. She's. She's still a teen, you Know, and you don't want to, like, put her. Your problems onto her to where that stresses her out. Is that a reason why. To where you're like, you know what? Josie's older. Maybe she might understand a little bit more.
- [59:09]
Alicia Al
Actually, I feel like Tessa understands more and she's, like, more with things. I think I go to Josie more when it comes to that because she's more like me. She doesn't agree with a lot of stuff, and I just like. Like, I do like to hear, like, I don't like to hear a lot of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is hard when it comes to a lot of stuff, too, because she's struggling with things on her own with her stuff. When it comes down to it, like, if I was to give, like, the advice to myself, it would just be like, don't lose yourself. Just know it's not gonna end there. It. I. It's every. Every you scroll on TikTok, you see all these videos, they're telling you this, and then you're just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then. But it really, really is like, it's time. All you have to do is let time go by and then just go day by day. And everybody tells me, like, oh, you just need a routine. No, you do what you want. You do what you want. If you want that routine, do it. If you. If you don't figure, figure it out.
- [60:06]
Alan Iced
Yourself at your own pace.
- [60:08]
Alicia Al
At your own pace.
- [60:09]
Alan Iced
Do you feel like, oh, yeah, to finish this topic, the divorce was so public. Do you feel like that made it even harder because people kind of knew what was going on and they had, like. Like, inputs about what was going on?
- [60:21]
Alicia Al
Well, first of all, like, I've. I've said many times, I don't like my personal life to, like, when it comes to that or to come to the extent of that, I don't want that out there. But since people feel like they are obligated to know, like, it was hard, and then for them to judge or think things, like, even to the point where even family, they, like, they have that side and I have my side. And I just think that everybody should just move on, have their own, live their life.
- [60:48]
Alan Iced
I feel like with social media, you know, I feel like sometimes when you're going through, it makes it even harder when it's in the public eye, because you know what's going on and you know how things happen. And it sometimes can get very upsetting when you see a Cheeseman page claiming something that is far from the truth and you're like, Like, I don't even even have time or energy to like, show face and like this, you know, people see you online all the time. Your three kids are on social media. But how did all this start?
- [61:29]
Alicia Al
It all started with Josie. She. I didn't understand it at first. She was into group chat with, like, Internet people. I was just like. Like, I knew my space now. I did that. But it was with people you knew. You don't accept or be cool with people you didn't know. And then it just. It just evolved and it was just like, oh, this girl. I like the way she dresses or, you know, like, she's popular. I like the way she looks. Like her makeup. And they would just follow. She was getting quite a bit of a following just being popular. And she had an interest in social media people. I took her to a meet and greet and at the meet and greet, they were like, they recognized her. And I. Boom, light went off already. I was like, even these people know her. Like, you know, I was, you know, staying quiet. And then I went with her. Of course I would. I didn't want to, but I'm going to be there with my baby. And she. Then they recognize her. Then they started following her. And when I seen the follow, and then after the follow, the people we paid to go see came, asked if they can come over to the house. I was like, can I get my money back?
- [62:37]
Alan Iced
Can I get a refund?
- [62:39]
Alicia Al
Literally.
- [62:40]
Alan Iced
So that was like your moment where you're like, oh, my daughter.
- [62:45]
Alicia Al
That was when it was starting to cook. Like, mind you, I have mentioned this before publicly that I had in high school, a party crew, and I thought of everything. I used to take all the girls to each party to get bigger and bigger, and I felt like that's literally what it felt like with her.
- [63:02]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [63:02]
Alicia Al
I was like, I can make her big and make her do, you know?
- [63:06]
Alan Iced
And so instantly the mama jerk kicked in.
- [63:09]
Alicia Al
Yeah. And because she was already a popular girl, and I think. I think more or less it was because the way she dressed, the way she did her hair, I would do her hair. I would do everything. Like, even as a. I know you do nails, right.
- [63:23]
Alan Iced
I feel like a lot. Do people know that a lot? I feel like when I first started meeting the girls, I don't know if you do their nails now, but I think when I filmed with Josie the first time, I was so gagged. I remember seeing her nails. Super, like, nice nails, you guys. I'm talking about like 200, 300 nails.
- [63:39]
Alicia Al
Yeah.
- [63:40]
Alan Iced
And I was like, oh, my God, your nails are so cute. My mom did them.
- [63:42]
Alicia Al
And I was like, we even had. I. I don't know the name, but we even had a. Was she a rapper that she reposted and it was because of the nails. And I was like, you're like, that's me. I did that.
- [63:54]
Alan Iced
Did you ever want to become, like, a nail tech at any moment?
- [63:57]
Alicia Al
I'm a licensed cosmetologist, so that was something that I specialized in. But I. With the divorce, I lost interest. But, I mean, it's kind of a domino effect, too, because, like, I have to admit, it does take time. And carpenter.
- [64:10]
Alan Iced
And carpenter.
- [64:11]
Alicia Al
I mean, I make more money, like, being a momager. Yeah.
- [64:15]
Alan Iced
How old was Josie at the time when it was starting to, like, blow up?
- [64:18]
Alicia Al
I would say 14.
- [64:19]
Alan Iced
You start seeing her popularity. When did you start seeing it, like, oh, this can actually become a business for my daughter? Like.
- [64:26]
Alicia Al
Yeah.
- [64:26]
Alan Iced
Was there a moment where you realize, like, what the hell they're paying her to do this?
- [64:29]
Alicia Al
Yeah.
- [64:30]
Alan Iced
And what was that shift for you? Like, you know what? I have to act like her manager so they don't take advantage of.
- [64:37]
Alicia Al
Oh, yeah. I think the day of when she went to go hang out the. It was like. I think it was like the second meet and greet I took her to, dropped her off, went to Nathaniel's baseball game, and she had hung out with one of her friends, and he posted a picture, and I was looking at her. Her Instagram, and she was just grown. Back then, it was. You post with somebody, you blew up.
- [65:03]
Alan Iced
Yeah.
- [65:04]
Alicia Al
And I'm telling you, by the second, thousands and thousands and thousands. And I was like, I'm taking over. You're gonna. I'm gonna get by your clothes. I'm gonna do your hair. I'm gonna do. To the point where like, even just. Just to switch. Even just to switch things up, I even colored her hair. Like, and it hit. And then she grew more. Like, it was like little things. Nowadays, I would say it's drama that does it. And. But back then, it was just like, fashion and stuff like that. So, like, I would switch it, make things. Like, it was more clothes. So I would like, okay, you could do this. And then it was like, being risque with, like, other stuff, like, you know, that mothers wouldn't let them do. And I was like, I don't care what people say about me. I even had family members. You let her wear that? And now it's. You know them.
- [65:49]
Alan Iced
You're like, duh. That's crazy. Were there moments where you didn't believe how popular she was getting.
- [65:55]
Alicia Al
So I think I had my aha moment when I was sitting next to a. A celebrity for the second time and I was like, when you see people repeatedly, like, you end up becoming like, you know, friends, mutuals. And then I was just like, like, wow. Like my daughter did that. Like, I mean, as a team, but.
- [66:14]
Alan Iced
Still she did, you know, you becoming their momager. What is that like for yo. Yeah. Being a mom and a manager. What's your day to day life as their manager and as their mom? And is there moments where you're like, okay, you know what? Me to ca momento. I don't care about the social media. I'm a mom now. Right now.
- [66:31]
Alicia Al
Yeah. Oh, wow. I've had moments to where whenever we make a decision about something or Tessa, I got her a deal and she was just like, I don't want to do that. And then I said, okay, we'll go work a 9 to 5 and then, okay, I'll go do it right now.
- [66:47]
Alan Iced
Like it was like a quick five minute video.
- [66:49]
Alicia Al
But I tell them whenever it comes to like, something and I'm like, this is mom telling you to do this. The manager's telling you to do this. You make the decision. Because I don't want to be that. I do not want to be that mom to where it was. My mom made me do it.
- [67:02]
Alan Iced
My.
- [67:02]
Alicia Al
My mom had me do I. And then for. I want my kids to be kids. At the end of the day, I think in the industry though, it has made like, for instance, Tessa grow up a little faster. I'm okay with that because at the end she's with me. She's not. You know, I know where she's at, I know what she's doing. And it's like she's becoming a boss. So.
- [67:22]
Alan Iced
And I feel like you get a lot of backlash online for that. You know, you go online and you see. See people not just attacking, you know, your children, but also you as a mom. Does that ever affect you or how do you react to situations like that?
- [67:36]
Alicia Al
I think it does to an extent, but not to where it ruins my day. I will mention it and they'll be like, don't let it bother you. And I'm just like, no, it doesn't. I just block, like, you'll never get a chance to ever see my stuff again. You make another account, you say something. Getting blocked again. Like, I could do it all day. I even have an assistant that blocks people. People for me.
- [67:55]
Alan Iced
You're like, I Don't even want to do it anymore. I love that though. But you know what, you guys, to not even to their defense. But one thing I will vouch for is how present you are whenever your girls go out. Even if you aren't at the actual event itself, you are outside waiting. So I think it was with Josie for sure. I think it was Carnaval and I think we were like getting, getting ready to like. I think they were like trying to see the other plans or something and she's like, I can't. My mom's already been outside. Like my mom stayed outside the whole time I was here. That's crazy because I feel like, you know, like to talk and think the way they do, but they don't really know what goes on behind the scenes. You obviously are seeing this like, okay, I' ma let my daughter go because, you know, this is a business move. You know, I want them to be out there, you know, in the industry. Do these opportunities, cool opportunities, but you're also like, no, I want to make sure they're safe too at the end of the day, which I feel like people don't see or don't like to acknowledge at least.
- [68:56]
Alicia Al
And I, I won't if, if anybody, whenever they say anything about me, I'm like, they don't know. They think bad of me, whatever. Like they don't feed me literally. I mean the technically, if you want to keep hating, you do.
- [69:12]
Alan Iced
You're like, wait, actually y' all do. I love that though, because I feel like to be on social media you have to have like thick skin.
- [69:24]
Alicia Al
There's even to a point where there was something very serious that my daughter has discussed and something I wouldn't have brought to online, but she has and I get a lot of, you let her do this, you let her do that. When they're not realizing that she is a teenager and she's. She is going to do things and behind my back or do things that I don't know. And by far would I ever let anything horrible or bad happen to my daughter. And I think that's sick that some people do say you let this happen. And I would never and by far would I let that ever happen.
- [70:00]
Alan Iced
You know, biemente as a mom, how do you protect or at least help when it comes to your kids mental health knowing that social media can be so negative. Is there ever moments when they're going to through stuff online where you kind of have to sit down and be like, look, baby, what is that usually like for you when you have to sit down and talk to your kids.
- [70:20]
Alicia Al
Yeah, I think that that was something that we dealt with with Josie when she first started out. And then we just learned from her. And then of course, Tess is learning and she still does things on her own without talking to us about it. Then the both of us jump on her and say, hey, like, don't do that again. Or do you not remember this is what happened? And then we clear it up. But one thing that with us, if anything does go down or if some, like, anything comes of something for no reason, then we know how to just. All you gotta do is put your phone down.
- [70:52]
Alan Iced
Seeing how bad social media can get, has there ever been moments like, fuck, I shouldn't have, you know, let social media take over our lives, or I shouldn't have let my kids do social media because it has affected them in this way? Or has it always been like, wow, like, I'm so, so grateful to be in the position that we are.
- [71:09]
Alicia Al
I am so grateful and thankful that we are in where we are. I don't think I would take anything back. And for that is because we're living in this day and age, so it was bound to happen if they were the, the watcher or the, or the influencer. So. And they, they're very blessed to be where they're at and working in what they do. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm sure anybody would want to be in their position. I just hope that they keep doing everything positive that they can and not, you know, use it for anything bad. And I'm just proud of all my kids and everything that they're doing.
- [71:44]
Alan Iced
Your kids have gone viral? Or maybe last year, was it like two years ago, you had a very viral moment. There was so many videos made of you, and it was like a whole trend with the, ooh, I want that one. She a bad one. I'm not even gonna lie. Like, some of the videos would make me crack up because I'm like, como chingados? Do people come up with the captions? You know, like, like those stupid ass captions that they would write with all those videos? How did that come to be? How did that happen? And when you saw that video going viral and that trend going viral, how did you react to it?
- [72:21]
Alicia Al
It's kind of funny because I didn't even know it went viral because everybody was sending it. Like, there was a couple people that had sent it to me, but that was at the time where I was like, phone down.
- [72:30]
Alan Iced
Okay.
- [72:30]
Alicia Al
So I didn't really know, as big as it had gotten, I think it was because it was a whole situation that went down with Josie. She did. She did get into an altercation with somebody and I had seen that they were accusing me of doing something, of taking something, and then they just went off from there. And then I think from that, people picked up on it and they were just thinking, let me. Let me just put this, Let me put that.
- [72:54]
Alan Iced
Like the different captions.
- [72:56]
Alicia Al
I never got offended. I. I've never did. I never got offended. I thought it was all funny. And then when I had my. My daughter Tessa, when she came up to me, she was mom do a tik tok with me. I was like, oh, okay. All of a sudden, no.
- [73:11]
Alan Iced
That video was so viral. I swear to God, when ob. I know how it kind of started, but I feel like, you know, I thought it started becoming funny when it kind of left why it started and more when people. People made it more as a funny thing. Like I remember seeing like when the last. When the last bag of hot Cheetos or something. Like when they started getting super creative where it wasn't even like anything to do with the drama or the problem and it started just being like for a captioning for the funs and giggles. I thought it was so funny and it was so iconic. Do you look back at it now and you're like, mood, that is hilarious.
- [73:44]
Alicia Al
When I knew it is. When I seen this guy from Amsterdam mocking me, I was like, oh, okay. I think this one a little too far now.
- [73:53]
Alan Iced
Did you ever like, like playing along with it?
- [73:55]
Alicia Al
I don't really do like stuff like that. I just do whatever I'm in the mood for. But I was letting them know that.
- [74:00]
Alan Iced
I see because that video even got uploaded way before, like the drama or anything happened. People just like went back and grabbed it or not. That's crazy. But you know what? At least you knew it was all for fun and games. I feel like the video, like the whole trend was like, funny. But it's. I'm glad that you got past it. You know, the social media and just the interview in general. Whether that is, you know, your personal life, your life as a momager. Where do you see your kids going? What are goals that you want them to achieve?
- [74:40]
Alicia Al
Oh, wow.
- [74:41]
Alan Iced
I love that. Oh, wow.
- [74:46]
Alicia Al
It's because, like, I see so much for. For them and. Or just in. In general. Like I have Josie to doing a show she's about to do and then us doing our own as a family. My son doing his clothing and I just want them to all achieve great things in their lives and set themselves up so that they can have a good life for themselves. For me, I just want to die. I just wait, you're like, I'm done. As as for me, I just want to be good and happy and healthy and be there for my kids when they need me.
- [75:20]
Alan Iced
I love that. And I just want to say I had a great time because like I said, I feel like they know who you are, but not really know much about you. You know, you let us in a little bit more into your childhood, childhood, things you've gone through. And I know it was really hard to open up and just, you know, be vulnerable. But I really do appreciate.
- [75:45]
Alicia Al
Thank you. Thank you for having me.
- [75:49]
Alan Iced
I'm gonna go ahead and leave her links down below as well as her username on the screen so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much for being here.
- [76:01]
Alicia Al
Thank you.
- [76:02]
Alan Iced
Thank you guys so much for watching and we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye guys. Yay. That was good.
- [76:13]
Sponsor Host
This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit Aura. Com Defense, that's Aura. Com Defense. To sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones, that's aura.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.