← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Alexia Maga Talks All: Missing Dad, Traumas, Healing, Drama, CHISME & MORE!!
01:19:44
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- [00:00]
A
Cuz he was like, no, yeah, I'm having a kid. But like I still want to see you. Like we could see each other like once a month.
- [00:20]
B
What is up everyone? I'm your host, Alan I. And this is no. Your favorite podcast turn talk show and and hear all about. So without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight, Alexia Maga. Hello. Hello. I'm great as well. I'm so excited. I know you drove or flew in from Vegas. How was the drive? How was the flight and what was it like getting yourself to the podcast?
- [01:09]
A
Well, it was good, but then I had to drive two hours because I'm staying all the way in Porter Ranch. But it was worth the drive. You know, I'm. I'm of course gonna do it for you.
- [01:18]
B
Thank you. How was the drive for Vegas?
- [01:20]
A
Oh, no, I flew okay. Yeah, but it was like a 30 minute flight. It wasn't that bad.
- [01:24]
B
I feel like I prefer driving. Do you feel like you're more of a flyer girl or a driver?
- [01:29]
A
I feel like sometimes I prefer driving, but then sometimes I do like flying more because it's way faster. It's just like a 30 minute flight rather than a hour drive. Well, I'm Alexia Maga and I am 20 years old. I'm an influencer slash artist. I'm working on my music. I also stream on cake.
- [01:52]
B
With your childhood. I want to get to know you a little bit more and to do that, what was your childhood like?
- [02:01]
A
I was born in Vegas and then after I went to Mexico because my dad and my mom, they went to Colima. I lived in Colima for like my kinder. And then after La Primaria, Guadalajara, that's where I was raised. Like my whole childhood was in Mexico. It was a good childhood that I had. I had my dad and he was providing for us and then we were just like a family. But then obviously after, like he wasn't really that present. Like later on, like in Guadalajara, he was starting to be absent even though he was alive. But I would have mamitis, you know, I would always be with my mom and everything. But yeah, it was good. Unfortunately he went missing, so then we had to like come to Vegas.
- [02:42]
B
Like he went missing like entirely. Like, yeah, to this day you don't know where he's at.
- [02:47]
A
Yeah, we don't know. We never found out like anything. We never found his body or anything. But yeah, he did go missing.
- [02:56]
B
Do you remember that conversation with your mom? Like, mija, you know, we're gonna grab all her stuff. Do you remember that conversation and what was your reaction?
- [03:05]
A
Yeah, I remember. But it was actually me and my bro idea to leave back to Vegas because we wanted just a fresh start. Like, I feel like being in Guadalajara, it reminded us a lot of our dad. When I was living in Guadalajara, I actually came to Vegas to study for. In middle school. I studied for a year and then I went back to Guadalajara. So I already knew like Vegas and stuff because I had family over here. But then when we moved over here, we just thought like our family was going to be supportive and stuff. And they were supportive, but obviously with my mom, especially because she had helped them out. But then she expected the same in return, especially because. Because my dad wasn't around anymore. And no, they didn't really help her out. Like how we wish they would have helped us out. But it's okay because everything happens for a reason. And I know that made me the person that I am today, that made me independent. And I feel like after that I started doing social media and I started to do my own money and stuff at a young age too.
- [03:57]
B
Did you ever see your mom struggle? Or was it something that she kind of was like dealing on her own.
- [04:01]
A
At 14 is when I started to realize, like, oh, I don't have a dad. Like, I have to provide for myself. And I didn't really like to ask my mom for money just because around that time is when I also started having an addiction, you know, like with weed. Like, I started because I wanted to like, numb the pain because I had realized, like, oh, I don't have a dad. Or I just, I. I don't honestly know. But I was young, so I wanted to like, just, I don't know, smoke my life away or something.
- [04:28]
B
Was there a moment where you realized and you were like, oh, it's not normal to not have your dad in your life. Like, I see my friends, you know, their dads are taking them out, buying them stuff. Was there a mom?
- [04:41]
A
Yeah, low key. But it was back in Mexico. It was in Guadalajara when I was like, what, 8 years old or 9? And I had gotten my calificaciones. I usually would show them to my dad. And then this time I was like, oh my God, I won't be able to show them to my dad. Since I was little, I. I didn't really like crying. So at that time I was like, I started crying and then my mom will say, you could cry, like, let it out. But then I was like, no, I can't cry. And I just wiped my tears and I was like, no, no, no, I can't cry. Cuz like, I seen it as like, kind of like I would victimize myself and then they would be like, oh, poverecita. Like, and then I don't. I don't like that, you know, and they'd be like, because it's like, in your room. Yeah, I love doing that. Like, just being in my own space. Because I don't like victimizing myself. Sometimes I do tend to victimize myself, but for myself. But then I catch myself and then I'm like, no, no, no, Alexia. Like, you're the creator of your reality.
- [05:33]
B
Like, I love that because I feel like sometimes when we do victimize ourselves too much, we almost allow this cycle to continue. You. You can be a victim of the situation. That doesn't mean that's all you are. You start getting older and nos cuentas that at 14, you started getting addicted to weed.
- [05:57]
A
The first time I tried weed was when I was in eighth grade. It was because my friends, they. They brought a wax fan and they were like, oh, do you want to hit it? And I was like, yes. And then I just love the feeling of feeling high since it was my first time too. And then obviously, since you think it's going to be like the next time and then the other time, so then I continue doing it. But then after every time I would get mad or every time I would feel sad, I would just do it. Like, I just started, like, picking up the habit. And then I remember, like, since I didn't have the money to buy a waxman, like, I even went to the extreme to, like, get money from my mom. And she. She caught me. She was like, like, stealing from her. Yeah, I stole from her. But I was literally, it's okay, girl.
- [06:37]
B
I've stolen from my mom too. I feel like everyone has. I feel like if you guys growing up have ever stolen from your parents, it was undo la paos or how much? 20 bucks for your pen.
- [06:50]
A
Like, $30.
- [06:51]
B
Damn. How did she catch you?
- [06:53]
A
She would count the money. So she looks like you took the money, huh? And then I was like, yeah, I did. Like, they would catch me. So then after, I started posting every day on social media, because I would get ready every day for school, and then I would be like, take pictures of me. And then I would post on Instagram every day, use hashtags. And that's how I started blowing up. And I would do it every day. I would be super consistent. That's how I blew up on social media. Friends with Instagram. And then after that, like, they hitting me up for promos for, like, sponsors. And then that's how I started making money. So I actually think the weed, because it was my motivation. I was like, no, I need to buy myself a wax finger.
- [07:29]
B
Yes. Like, I need my bro.
- [07:33]
A
But literally at 14, 15, like, I was so young. Like, now I look back at it and I'm just like, damn. Like.
- [07:38]
B
Like, it's crazy.
- [07:39]
A
Crazy.
- [07:40]
B
Do you remember the moment that you realized that it wasn't normal for a 14 year old to be smoking and consuming that much?
- [07:47]
A
Yeah, I realized that when. Because I was literally six months without being sober.
- [07:52]
B
Oh.
- [07:53]
A
And then my mom would always be like. I would be like, mom, whatever. I buy myself. So I don't need you to tell me anything. That's why I started being independent because I'm like, I already make my own money. Like, whatever you told me, it's. You don't pay for my stuff. Like, I'm independent. But I guess I was reveling out, you know, Like, I was just young. When I would be sober, I would get mad easily. Like, I was spaz out. I would get. I would have anger issues.
- [08:19]
B
Yeah.
- [08:19]
A
You know, and I would just like, spaz out. And then I realized, like, oh, my God, like, that's so bad because I didn't have anger issues like this before, you know? So then that's when I was like, I need to stop smoking because I get so mad easily. And then if I'm not high, like, I'm just like, oh, like, so mad, you know?
- [08:35]
B
Was leaving the weed hard for you?
- [08:37]
A
Yes. And then I also noticed that my eyebags started getting dark and I started, like, just breaking out. And I was like, okay, this is enough. Like, I need to stop. But it was hard, but I did it. I did it. It was like, at first, you can't stop completely. Like, I stopped what, like, for a week? And then after, for like two weeks, months. And then after, like, my friends would come because they would always smoke with me. Like, because I would hang out with older friends too, and they would come and they would be like, oh, like, let's smoke. So I would be like, like, I don't smoke anymore. They're like, let's smoke, let's smoke. And then that's when I. I would smoke with them, but that would just be like once in a month, you know, I stopped hanging out with them. And then that's when I started, like, being sober.
- [09:15]
B
Do you feel like you were using weed to, like, really suppress Your feelings, because, you know, no s cuentes that you weren't really one to show your feelings because you didn't want people to be like, I po. Do you feel like you would use it almost to cope and to like, make you almost not feel anything?
- [09:29]
A
I feel like, yeah. Because I never liked expressing my feelings. I felt like crying was a sort of weakness. Like, people see you as weak. Like, I always wanted to be happy until this day. Sometimes I'm like, no, I need to be happy. I can't be sad. Like, I need to have energy, especially for social media. Like, you always need to be happy. You know, like, you always have to feel like this Persona. You can't, like, actually be sad and depressed. Like, no one likes being sad. You know, no one likes feeling sad and depressed because. Because it. It's just. It's not the best feeling.
- [09:58]
B
What piece of advice can you give a teen watching that is currently maybe struggling with the same type of addiction that you had as a kid?
- [10:06]
A
I feel like you should stop because later on it's going to be harder to. And then it's okay to feel emotions, you know, you don't have to run away from them. Like, it's okay to feel them even if you have to do that alone. Like, just express yourself. Because at the end of the day, it's emotions. They're teaching you something. And don't be too hard on yourself, you know, but obviously it's going to be hard, but just try to replace it with the gym or something else. Or stop hanging out with those people that try to influence you to smoke or try to influence you to drink.
- [10:34]
B
Do you feel like that was, like, a big reason why you would do it because you were hanging out with the wrong crowds?
- [10:38]
A
Yeah, I was hanging out with the wrong crowds. And to this day, I still talk to this one girl that she still smokes, but I don't smoke anymore because I already. So, you know, you're not going back, girl.
- [10:48]
B
Yeah, I feel like it is one of those things. One of the things I tell my nephew and my inside that, you know, they just started high school. I try to, like, tell them not very much directly, like, you better not smoke weed. Because I also don't want to be like, you know, on them like that. But I do always tell them, like, there is going to be a time for everything. There's going to be a time to smoke. There's going to be a time to drink. You know, I waited till I was 21 to try both of them.
- [11:13]
A
Oh, my God.
- [11:14]
B
Yeah, literally. So I feel like. And I feel like it's like if there's any piece of advice that you guys should get from the podcast or this conversation is like, be a kid. Because whatever you want to enjoy in life or try out in life.
- [11:33]
A
I know that's true. But then also like in my case, I grew up too fast. You know, I grew up fast and now I'm 20 that I feel like I'm so mature in so many ways. Like, like compared to my cousin that's 21 and she's barely like growing and she's barely like getting to experience those things. Like, I love that for her, you know. But then me, like now I'm thinking differently where I'm like, okay, now I gotta lock in. I'm not smoking, I'm not drinking. I want to purpose in life. I grew up too fast, you know, and now I have other goals in.
- [12:01]
B
Mind, which I feel like that's good for you because you're like, all right. But like, I don't want to do it anymore, you know? How were you in middle school, high school? Were you the popular girl? Were you the outcast? Were you about your school journey?
- [12:25]
A
8Th grade, I was actually doing boxing. Oh yeah, I was doing boxing. Before I like started smoking, I was doing boxing. I was more like a tomboy. Like I grew up with my brother and then my cousin Sophie, like, she's also like been like just like my vibe. And since we are independent since a very young age, like I feel like we obviously had to have masculine energy because we had to depend for ourselves and we had to make money for ourselves. So I started doing boxing cuz I would have a lot of anger issues, especially because of my dad and everything. And I wouldn't really express those feelings out. Like I wouldn't let them out. Cuz I remember when it was back then, I would always be like, well, I don't have a dad. It doesn't matter. I didn't even like spend time with him the last times he was with me. Like, it wasn't really like that important. I would try and avoid it, you know, I wasn't trying to like heal it. And it's understandable for like a 14, 15 year old, you know. Then I went to boxing and I was actually going there for two years. Like I was locked in. But then I actually got in a fight in eighth grade. Yeah, I got in a fight.
- [13:23]
B
And you knocked her out?
- [13:24]
A
Yeah.
- [13:25]
B
So they're like, we gotta stop giving her these lessons, girl.
- [13:28]
A
I know.
- [13:28]
B
How was that. Come on.
- [13:31]
A
Yeah, I actually got in a fight because she used to be my friend. I started telling her about my story from back then, from Mexico. I was like, oh yeah, like this happened to me. Like my dad this and that. And I was like, yeah, like we had everything because my dad was really like providing for us and he did have money too. So we were good stably. And then after that, she just started being weird towards me. Like she was like, she was like being kind of like a bully, you know. And like even to me in my face, like in front of the class, she would make fun of me. Like just like say little comments that would like obviously make fun of me. And I would be like, why did she say that? Like that's like what? That's looking rude. Well, I remember, I don't remember exactly because Loki, when I started smoking weed, like the memories faded. The. Oh my God, let me think of something. But she would be the type to make up rumors. Cuz this is the time where I was like, okay, that's enough. Like I want you to stop talking about me. Let's fight. Well around that time I was like really like, you know, I was really like, like she wouldn't shut up. So then obviously it was this time where she would like make room where she was like, oh, Alexia doesn't get like she's broke. She doesn't have money to get her nails done because she's broke, you know. And then she would say, oh, Alexia pays for her phone. Like she would just say stupid rumors. But meaning like that I'm broke, meaning that I don't have it like that. Like meaning like, oh, have you ever been scammed?
- [14:58]
B
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- [16:39]
A
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- [17:12]
B
Like almost downgrade.
- [17:13]
A
Yeah, downgrade me. You know, in a way where I was like I never even told you those things. I don't get my nose done because I do boxing. They don't let me have my nose done. And then also like why are you even saying stuff like that to girls? And then they're telling me and why.
- [17:26]
B
Does it matter if I'm broke in eighth grade? Girl, I like, you are probably broke too.
- [17:31]
A
Like I know, but she was 15 at the time, so I was 14. Cuz she had flunked so she felt like she was above everyone. Like you know, and then she would always bully everyone too, not just me. Like she would always, you know, like yeah, cuz she was older. So then after that time I was so mad. Someone had told me like oh yeah, she was saying this about you. And I went up to her, I was like why are you saying this? And she's like you did tell me. And I'm like bro, what? I never even told you. Like that's so stupid. Like why are you making that up? I had to told her like let's just fight like, like let's get this over with. I know. I was like, let's get this over with. And she was like, okay. Then after school. And she wanted to do it in school, but I was like no girl, we're gonna get caught. Like we're gonna do it outside school.
- [18:14]
B
Like to not get suspended, right?
- [18:16]
A
Yes, because she wanted to do it in school so they could separate us. I was like, girl, no, you're gonna get your ass whooped.
- [18:21]
B
And did you know you were doing boxing or no?
- [18:23]
A
Yeah, she did. After school I was like, let's just do it by the 7 11, cuz you walk over there like you're gonna take the bus regardless. So then that's what she was like.
- [18:30]
B
After I beat your ass. Get the on the bus.
- [18:34]
A
I l was like, okay, yeah, let's do it. Then she was like, okay, whatever. And then she started telling everyone, she said I'mma beat her up this and that. And I wasn't saying anything because I was like, okay, let's see how it goes, you know.
- [18:46]
B
Were you scared leading up to it? It was like your first real fight, right?
- [18:49]
A
Yeah, it was my first real fight. Like fist fight. Yeah. Well it was like grenas and everything. Like, but low key. I wasn't nervous, I was just mad as she was telling everyone and people told me that she's like, oh, she said she was gonna do this and that. So then we go to the gas station and then she doesn't want up to me. Like she's in her little groupo and I'm in my little groupo. And then I'm like, how is it going to start? Like they're like, Alexa, go up to her, go up to her. And I was like okay, I'm. I'm going to have to cuz she's not going up to me. So then I'm like, hey, like come. And then boom, boom, boom. We started getting into it and actually the video is on Twitter. Like I have the fight video. Yeah, cuz I did a story on my YouTube. Yeah, I did. You want to see the video after I do. I got you.
- [19:31]
B
That's crazy. What was it like afterwards? Did you guys get caught or no, no.
- [19:36]
A
Yes we did. Because someone sent it to the school. Like the video. They send it to the school. But I think it was her. Yeah, because she got beat up bad, you know, Cuz loki I was like on top of her. But then I was waiting for them to separate us. But then she would try and get up and then I would Put her back down. Because that's the point. Like to have them down and just beat them up, right? And then I was just like, damn, I'm getting tired. I was, someone gonna come and rescue this? Someone come separate us. And then after they just like, break it up. Break it up. They broke us up. And then after that, I remember I was. Was like. I had said something on the video. I was like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm too rich for you. Everyone was like, oh, did you get.
- [20:10]
B
On the bus right after?
- [20:11]
A
No. I don't know what happened after. But then after the cops came, we had to run. And my throat was so dry, cuz I had just fought. And then I had to run so I don't get caught up. I was so tired. My throat has never felt like that. Like, I feel like I had just, I don't know, like, came back to life or something.
- [20:27]
B
Maybe cuz you were yelling like the up. Like, take this beat. Ah, literally. What was it like the next day or the day? Because I'm sure, you know, pasa muncho in schools, you know, even if they get like down after school, you know, then the school gets involved and they're like, hey, we saw this happen. Y' all are still gonna get in trouble. What was that like?
- [20:46]
A
Well, we didn't get in trouble right away, but then after, she would still talk after she was still running her mouth. They were like, oh, she said that you didn't let her get up. And I'm like, I'm gonna let her get up and then. So she can beat me up. No, obviously if you're on. On the floor, that means because I beat you up. You know, like it's just like she wants to again. And I'm like, there's no way I'm doing it again because I already beat you up.
- [21:04]
B
I already, I already won, girl.
- [21:06]
A
I already won. Like, I'm not gonna do it again. She was like, oh, well, she's gonna press charges. Like she was telling me. She's like, because she got a brain tumor. Like she just started making up. I started getting scared. Low key a little bit. I was like, damn. Yeah. But then I told my mom. My mom was like, alexa, to be here. I was like, oh my God. But then after, like, she didn't end up doing anything. And then they send the video to the school. And then they came, came. They were like, oh, Alexia. Like someone sent the video. So, like, we know it's you because I would always wear khaki pants. Like, you know the tumbling ones. Like, I would always wear them. So they're like. That's how we knew it was you. Like, who's the other girl? I thought she had sent the video to the. To the office. So I was like, well, it's for sure her. Like, because who else is gonna send the video to the school? So then I knew for sure it was her family. So then that's when I was like, oh, it's her. They put us in rpc, like, on this program, like, for, like, you don't go to school school. Like, they would, like, put us in a separate room where, like, we were there for, like, one week or two weeks. Like, you didn't. You weren't allowed to go to school. Like, you just had to go there, like, in that room.
- [22:03]
B
Do they make you guys, like, apologize to each other or. No.
- [22:06]
A
Well, yeah. Like, later on. Yeah. Like, towards the end of the year, we were already cool. Like, she was like, oh, yeah. And then she wouldn't say anything anymore, like, because before she would be, like, the one to, like, say stuff to the people, since she would be the older one. But now, like, she would stay silent. Then this one time, too, like, my friend told me in this other class, he was like, I actually was in class, and she was, like, talking back to this other person, and the person was like, oh, shut up before I beat your ass, like Alexia. And then she just shut up.
- [22:32]
B
She's like, oh, yeah. She's like, I can't be doing this no more. I feel like sometimes you do have to, like, stand up to bullying. Do you feel like in school you were bullied a lot or just like.
- [22:41]
A
No, I just feel like her, but. But she used to be my friend. I just feel like after she just started feeling envious, probably, you know, and then she just started bullying me. But then after I. I stood up to it, and then obviously she was doing it to other people, too, because she thought she was older. Like, she was older than us. So she felt like she was the best.
- [22:57]
B
I just thought she could get away with it.
- [22:59]
A
Yeah.
- [22:59]
B
How were school as in terms of applicada? How are you in school?
- [23:06]
A
Literally, in math, I was like, super applicada. My teacher loved me that she even gave me a free trip to Disneyland. Like, you had to pay for it. You know how they do, like, those eighth grade trips. But she actually, like, was like, no, Alexia, since you have the best grade in this class, like, you could go for free. And I was like, oh, I love her so much, Ms. McLoud. I miss her so much. I haven't gotten a hold of her, but I love her. Like, she was the best teacher ever. But I feel like once in high school, that's when I started smoking. I. I would just, like, get like, whatever grades because I didn't really care.
- [23:36]
B
Did you start, like, ditching to go smoke?
- [23:39]
A
Yes. Then sophomore year, senior year, that's when I moved to another school where I wouldn't have my friends that would smoke because we moved houses. And that's where I started being, like, really consistent. On my YouTube, I would do, like, a lot of YouTube, like, get ready with me or wake up at 4:00am, like, to go to school, like, wake up at 5:00am every day for a week. And then I would just do, like, breaking the school dress code. Like, I would do a lot of YouTube content. That's where I was, like, locked in on my senior year is where I was just. I wouldn't even go for school. I would just go for work.
- [24:08]
B
You're like, I'm just trying to get my content in, girl. This video is about me going to school. So I guess I gotta fucking go.
- [24:14]
A
Ah.
- [24:16]
B
So, you know, you started social media at such a young age. What in your mind gave you that idea of, like, you know what? I'm gonna start recording my day because I want to do social media. What was that like for you?
- [24:31]
A
After I stopped with my smoking because I would only do Instagram. But then after I started doing YouTube and tick tock, because that's when I started like, being like, okay, I need to make money. And then since I was in high school, I would see a lot of high school content. So I was like, I could do that myself too. So then I started just like, learning. One of my friends, he taught me how to edit and how to do all of that. So shout out to him, Junior. He's the one that put me on. On YouTube. I would do content every day. And then I started getting a lot of views. I got over 100k followers. Yes.
- [25:00]
B
YouTube is, like, hard to do that nowadays. And even, Even then, no, it's hard.
- [25:04]
A
Now because now I try to pick it up because I did stop now that I'm doing Tick Tock and my music because, like, I try to do everything at once, but it's too much sometimes. But like, yeah, like, back then I was just like, only focusing on YouTube and it did help me and I. I won a lot of money from it too. You know, it was fun. But I wouldn't have that much friends because I would always Be focused on content and then just going back to, like, my house and, like, editing. And I would just have like my two, three friends. I wasn't really like the popular. Probably people knew me because people would go up to me and they're like, oh, are you Alexi? And I'm like, it wasn't like I would hang out with, like a big crowd or nothing or I wouldn't even like, be involved in school that much. It would just be like my two, three friends. But mostly I would just hang out with them at lunch. And then most of the time I would do content. And then outside of there, I would do more content. So I wouldn't be like, that involved in school, you know, Damn, girl, you're.
- [25:53]
B
A whole content machine. You know, at that moment in time, were there people in your life, you know, family members, friends that were like, girl, that's not gonna go anywhere, Get a real job or, like, start a bun into an actual job, because doing little videos ain't gonna pay the bills. Did you ever have people around you at that time say that to you?
- [26:12]
A
No. Lucky, no. Thank God.
- [26:14]
B
Thank God. Yeah.
- [26:15]
A
She's always been super supportive, like, especially because she knows that. Well, I've always had that dream, you know, and she's always like, no, yeah, she supports me. She's like, go, do what you gotta do. And then she obviously seen the results, so she trusts me even more, you know, and then I will help her out too. Like, social media is the way to go now. I feel like if you want to study in college, it's cool. Cool. But like, if you want to be your own boss, like, I would recommend social media, you know, like, social media is everything.
- [26:41]
B
I do really think social media, like, even if you have a business, I feel like social media is so important in today's time and world for anything, you guys, if you run a business, get on social media, promote yourself, promote your business if you want to make it as a musician. Because we see it now even too. A lot of of like our big artists nowadays started off on social media.
- [27:05]
A
Yeah.
- [27:05]
B
Not through a label, not through, like, hey, this is the only people we have for you guys to listen, consume their music. No, nowadays we see a lot of, like, our big artists starting from Tik Tok, starting from a viral sound. And I really do feel like Tik Tok or social media has that power to make you whatever you want to do. Do you remember the first moment you went viral online where you're like, oh, I continue doing this, Like, I for sure sure can make this my full time job.
- [27:31]
A
No, Yeah, I was on YouTube and Tik Tok. Like around senior year I started on Instagram, but then I moved to Tik Tok and then YouTube and then that's where I started going viral. And then I honestly, I've never worked a job in my life. Like I like a regular job. So I'm so grateful and blessed. But I've always been like social media, social media, social media. And that's something that I'm going to do forever, till the day I die.
- [27:53]
B
Literally doing her dances like. Yes. Oh. Being on social media media comes with a lot of good and bad things. What do you feel like are the pros and cons to you when it comes to social media?
- [28:04]
A
Well, there's a lot of people that judge you always because they don't really know the full story. They see a clip or they see some drama and they just think the worst of you. But I feel like that's just going to be life in general. Even if you don't have social media, there's always going to be people that are against you, people that don't believe in you. Like your own family could be against you, you know, and they could always try and see the bad in you and not the good in you. But that's how people are, are. But now that I'm, I've been doing it for a while now, I've learned to accept it. And I'm not really taking it personal because at the end of the day, I know who I am and I just know that they don't really know my full story, you know, and it's okay because they're just gonna hate on me and I'm gonna make more money.
- [28:43]
B
Yes, I really do. You know what's so crazy? A lot of people say that they like to block their haters and I'm like, no, girl, those are the people that are most invested in your life. Those are the people that are watching your story as soon as you post it. Those are the people that have your fake notifications on to comment. And it's like, I like to say, I love my haters.
- [29:04]
A
I love my haters too. I like keep hating, girl.
- [29:07]
B
I swear to God. And also our supporters.
- [29:09]
A
But I feel like being able to.
- [29:10]
B
Thrive, you have to have people that don't like to see you doing good. And that's almost just a reflection of themselves because it's like talking in my comments when you can be using that time to build yourself up.
- [29:25]
A
I know. Yes. That's true. But it's only because they're not doing nothing with their life that that's why they're shading you. They're talking about you. Cuz they don't have nothing going on for themselves. So that's something I realized too. Like it's more about themselves than about you, you know?
- [29:41]
B
You know, I want to go a little bit back to when you were 16. Teaso Al was super traumatic and you finally, you know, maybe this year had the courage to open up about it online. I want to talk about, about that moment. How did you end up in that situation and how did everything play out?
- [30:00]
A
When I was 16, this photographer had invited me to this event with the influencers. And at that time it was when I was being reveled, you know, I had already started smoking, I think, or I don't, I'm not sure. But I had been going through a heartbreak around that time. I ended up going, I know I was so young and I shouldn't have done that. Like I regret it so much. They offered me drinks, like we were obviously drinking and then I lost conscious of like what I was doing. They did take advantage of me because I was young and I was obviously under the influence of alcohol. I'm responsible because I put myself in that position, you know and.
- [30:37]
B
But you were also 16. Did they know you were underage?
- [30:40]
A
Yeah, they knew I was underage. I still don't understand why I did that to myself. But I know it happened for a reason and I should trust God's plan. And I know I shouldn't blame it on God. It's myself that I did it. People always say like, oh, she's talking about this for clout but no one would want to be known for this, like dead as, like this is something really, like really sensitive and really traumatic that happened to me. That I promise you. I. I don't want to be talking about this right now, but I feel like I did talk about it online already especially because recently I had gotten like in this drama involved and they were making fun of this one video. They had said like, oh, this is the reason why she got that because she's sleeping around with other people. And like he was blaming me, saying that I'm sleeping around with a lot of people, that I'm a hoe this and that. But that was not the case. That video that he was making fun of it was because I had gotten taken advantage of and that's why I was talking about it on social media because long story short, I was Just trying to say that. Why is he trying to make fun of this situation where.
- [31:41]
B
Where it was something.
- [31:42]
A
Yeah, it was something serious. Something really traumatic.
- [31:45]
B
What is that momento that you woke up the next day?
- [31:47]
A
I do remember. It was just like, I felt like, oh, my God. What it. What just happened? Like, what did I do? I went back home. I took an Uber back, but I feel like I just had so much regret, and I literally was. I just. I don't know, I feel like, like, really, really bad. Like, I. I didn't even tell my mom right away. Like, I didn't even want to tell anyone. It was really, like, a vulnerable time. Like, I think that's the lowest I've been apart from my dad. Like, that's like, the lowest, lowest, lowest. And I still don't understand why it happened, but I know for sure, like, later on I'll understand because.
- [32:24]
B
Did you ever. Did you ever reach out to the person that took advantage of you? Like, hey, what went on last night?
- [32:31]
A
I didn't reach out. I did reach out, but then they ignored me. And then when they came back to Vegas, they wanted to hang out again. So then that's when I got so mad. I was like, what the. Like, you ignored me and now you want to hang out with me again? Like, and that's when I got mad. And I had sent it to, like, the partner that he was with at that time or he's still with, but I don't even want to talk about it because then they're gonna come on me, and whatever has to happen has to happen, you know, I don't care anymore. But, yeah, like, I got so mad that I sent it to her, and she actually believed me, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, thank God. But then after, obviously, like, guys are always gonna lie, and they're always gonna never admit that in the wrong. I forgive them and whatever happened, happened. But I. I'm not going to stop talking about it just because it did happen and it's my truth.
- [33:22]
B
Yeah.
- [33:22]
A
And at the end of the day, whatever people say is just like, I. God knows the truth, and I know the truth. And then I also got confirmed by one of the photographers, not the one that had invited me, but another photographer that I was. Right. Like, I was in, like, being Dulu, you know? Know, like, it was actually, like, what I'm saying, it's right. The photographer has said, like, oh, yeah, like, this is what happened. But obviously they're not saying that online, you know.
- [33:47]
B
Yeah, I think it is very sad. You Know, Obviously you were 16 and the fact that when you finally opened up about it, there was a lot of grown men making or picking at the situation as if it was something to laugh about, you know, obia mente being so young. Pasa las cosas. You were telling us that you were a little scared to even bring it up to your mom. Do you remember the moment you finally processed what happened, where you sat yourself down and you're like, oh, like this actually happened to me. This is what they did.
- [34:18]
A
Yeah, I did have a moment, like right away. I think I told my mom, like a week after, I'm not sure exactly, like a week after, around there. And she was just like, we can't go to the police. Like, it's already been a week. Like, she obviously didn't know, like, because she thought like, oh yasa of us. Like, no, like you can't do it anymore. And then that's when I was like, okay, like, I can't do anything about it, you know, but obviously, like, I did, like later on, like recently, like I did try and do something, but it's in the process. But obviously, like, since it's been so long, it's just harder to like, take, harder to prove. Yeah. So I think this, like, as of now, I'm gonna just leave it all up to God. Like, I trust God so much, so I know everything will work out. Like, I know he has a plan, you know, and I have faith on him.
- [35:08]
B
Do you feel like it affected your self esteem, your self worth, or even your mental health?
- [35:13]
A
I feel like, yeah, it did. Because like, now that I would have relationships as of now, like, sometimes I would be like, why do I feel used? Like, even though it didn't have to do nothing with the guy, but like, after, I don't know, they would do something, they would trigger a wound. Then I would be like, oh my God, I feel you. Like, and then I would just question, like, why do I feel used? Or why do I feel like, like I don't love myself after 18, that's when I started actually, like healing, you know, like letting out my emotions. I started also getting more spiritual and I started doing a lot of self healing and that really helped me out a lot. Like to just see things from a different perspective rather than victimize myself, you.
- [35:51]
B
Know, how did you react? You know, the moment you open up about this online and you know, you start getting a mix of people, you know, believing you, and then there's these people that are clowning you about the situation and almost making you feel like, you know, you should have almost stayed quiet about it because it's funny to them, you know.
- [36:09]
A
Yeah.
- [36:09]
B
How did that make you feel when you started seeing the reaction of, you know, the audience?
- [36:14]
A
So the first time I had spoke about it actually, like I got a lot of backlash. A lot of backlash that I even stopped doing social media for a while. Like for a month. I didn't want to do like I wanted to. Like I regretted it so bad. I felt. Feel so, so sad, so down. I remember I. I started working out every day. Like I would go to pilates and like just go to the gym so I could like feel more pain and like feel better, you know. And it was about to be my birthday actually. Like I was about to be 18. And I remember I was like, I'm not gonna feel better for my birthday. I don't even want it to be my birthday. I don't care about my birthday. Like I just, I don't even care about nothing. I just don't want anything to do in like I just wanted to like, you know, I just started going to the gym every day and I was off social media before my birthday. I started feeling better. So then that's when I actually locked in really good on YouTube. I did the dressing up like Maddie I. And that one blew up. It got a 1 million views. So then after I started feeling better, like it transformed me, made me better, you know. Cuz every time after you go through something, it's always good to transform it into something positive. Because everything happens for a reason. It's always there to make you stronger, you know. So then I felt better, better. But then obviously it got brought up again like because it's so crazy to me. Cuz I have been doing this mentorship and the mentorship, it was about like healing yourself, you know, internally. And then it said to. Oh no, it was actually about manifesting your dreams. But in order to manifest your dreams you have to heal yourself. The they were like, okay, you have to relieve your, all your traumas. So then I thought of that one immediately. This was after the, when I was 18, you know, like we were about to do this, the Latina house. So it was around that time, like recently. So then I was like, okay, let me write down this trauma. I write it down and then I start crying and I'm just like, why am I crying? This happened so long ago. Like why am I crying? Like I should be over this. I remember I had to go live. I had to do tick tocks that day. So I was like, no, Alex, you can't cry. Like you have to be happy. Like there's no way you can do this. You should heal when you're like rich, like alone. No, no, no. I was thinking like when I'm rich because like right now I don't have have time to heal. Like I have to lock in, like I'll heal whenever. I already I'm at the top, you know. So I literally, that was my mentality like months ago. I feel like God gave me like the warning. He was like, you don't want to heal right now. Okay, that you're gonna have. Yeah, you're gonna have to heal. Like before you get to your goals. You have to heal. So then I ended up like not doing it cuz I had to write down my traumas and relieve that experience. But obviously no one wants to do that, you know, because then you have to cry and like feel sad and depressed. But then I was like, I was trying to avoid it. And then it also said on the exercise that you have to write it like more than one time, like two, three, four, five times until you feel like it's no longer there. And then after, like you have no emotions left. Because every time you go through something traumatic, you suppress emotions because it's something really impactful that like it goes to your subconscious mind and then later on creates a belief system and then it creates experiences. And I'm just getting this girl.
- [39:16]
B
I'm like, oh dear. Damn, I need this workshop, I swear to God.
- [39:20]
A
Oh yeah, it's really good. It's with the mentor. Like he's a really good mentor. Garcia Calvo. He's really good. He sold me a lot. Like I know everything because of him. But then I did that mentorship and I didn't want to do it. I avoided it. I stopped doing that mentorship because I was like, I'm not going to cry. And I was literally like just working, working. I started doing the Latina house. I literally put that to the side because I was like, I'm not going to cry right now. Like I need bit little a lock in. And then fast forward to like recently when we got in that drama with the streamer. And then that's when he started just like attacking us, downgrading us as women. And it was all online. I'm pretty sure you guys have all seen it. But then after he brought up this video from the past, like talking about when I was like when I had went through something really traumatic when I was younger, you know, and he was making fun of it. He said, oh, yeah, because she's been a bop since she was born. Like this and that. Like, she's just been outside, like, and when I seen that, like, since I haven't had healed the wound, obviously, it really affected me.
- [40:22]
B
It triggered you.
- [40:23]
A
It triggered me a lot. It had to happen because God knew that if. If that were to happen, then I wouldn't have never healed, you know? But then it triggered that wound, and then that's when I actually, like, I got away from social media. I literally cried for weeks. Straight, straight. Like, I was so sad because I started relieving that experience because it's like being on social media again. And then it's like, you know, like, now I'm getting all the backlash. Like, I'm getting all the hate. And then obviously it got. It went really big. Like, it. It even went to the Mexican side, which I never wanted it to happen because then they started, like, having their own opinions, and then the people started coming out with their versions, and it was just a. It was, like, big. So I was like, oh, my God, like, why, God? Like, why would you make this happened? Like, why? Like, I just, like, I started feeling it again, like, those emotions like, that I. That I wanted to just. I felt so bad. Like, it was the worst moments in my life, in my. In my whole life. Like, especially because it was relieving that experience, you know? But then after that, like, I went in my own social media for a week. I took that time to cry, to just heal. I went with their, like, therapists, and then they helped me, like, see things from a different perspective. And obviously after, like, the storm, it comes the sunlight and the light, you know? So then after that, I realized that. God, no, even when I was going through it, too, I had realized, like, oh, my God, God made this happen because he had gave me, like, a. Already, like, an opportunity to heal. But I was like, nah, nah, nah, I need to work. So then when this happened, I was like, oh, like, thank God. Like, this happened because it's making me have time for myself and to finally heal this wound because I want to accomplish my goals, but for me to accomplish my goals, I need to heal myself so I can be better and grow, you know? And then God probably knew. Knew that me not healing myself, it wasn't going to get me to where I want to be.
- [42:07]
B
It was going to probably stop you.
- [42:08]
A
Yeah.
- [42:09]
B
While you were trying to get to the top.
- [42:10]
A
Because when you have wounds, they trigger you sometimes, even with friendships. Like, you take Things personal, even though it's not even like that. You take things a different way, where it's like, if you didn't have that wound, you wouldn't be affected by it. You know, it's kind of like when someone touches you and you have a wound, like, it's like, ouch.
- [42:26]
B
Yeah.
- [42:26]
A
But if you don't have it there. No, no, sintes nada.
- [42:28]
B
It's kind of like what they say that people supposed to sometimes respond with their trauma. Like, let's say I say something to you now that Kevin, with, like, anything that you've gone through, you might react, like, triggered because of what you've gone through. But it's like, wait, that's not the way I meant it.
- [42:42]
A
You know what I mean? It is very much like that.
- [42:44]
B
Yeah.
- [42:44]
A
Around that time, too, I had that wound, but then I also had a boyfriend, and I also had my cousin, and I would take things really personal. I noticed that I would take things personal, like, with my relationship and when my cousin as well. But then after I healed that wound, I was like, it's not that deep. Like, I don't care. And I also even ended up, like, not having a boyfriend after because I was like, oh, my God. I think I had a boyfriend because of the wound, you know, because I. Lowkey probably got a boyfriend for validation or for thinking, like, oh, like, because I haven't had a boyfriend since a while. Like, I think since I was younger and I would just never last in relationship. I appreciate him so much because he did teach me so much. But I think it was because of a wound that I wanted to fill up, you know, because after I healed that, like, I probably promise you, I feel like I don't want a boyfriend no more. Like, I just want to look at myself.
- [43:32]
B
That's good. You know, going back to the moment you started going and getting a lot of backlash at that moment, did it ever cross in your mind, like, oh, I should have never spoken up about this. People don't believe me. Which happens a lot. You know, I feel like a lot of victims of similar things that you've gone through. I feel like for the backlash, did that cross your mind? Like, oh, I should have just stayed quiet. I. And just take the trauma and everything as it is.
- [43:59]
A
There was a lot of times where I did think that. And obviously, because no one wants to talk about this online, like, it's because a lot of people see this, and then a lot of people have their own opinions. And it did cross my mind multiple times till this day. But I just have to have faith in God and have to trust his plan because if it wasn't meant to happen, it would have happened. And I just have to accept things of how they are and do the best, best I can, you know?
- [44:25]
B
You know, what piece of advice can you give anyone watching that has gone through a similar experience and are maybe scared to open up and tell their truth or are just trying to find a way to heal that wound?
- [44:37]
A
Really seek a therapist because that really helped me out. Hang out with people that are close to you, like your mom, your friends. Like that will help you heal and understand your point of view. And also just know that you're not alone. Like it happened to me. I'm doing this on, literally like on social media and, and it'll be all right. Like just know everything happens for a reason and you're gonna learn from your mistakes. Obviously whenever you have kids too, like it's not gonna happen to them. Like you're gonna take care of them. And my mom, I don't blame her either because it was all my fault too. Like, because I was the one that was being rebelled, like she turned, tried to stop me and she tried to be like, no, you can't go out, no this, no that. But I would say no. Like I, I'm independent and I feel like it just had to happen, you know, cuz it was something that I, I ended up doing, you know, like, and I was 16 at the time. But everything happens for a reason. But I know sometimes it happens even when like you're at home or in different scenarios and you didn't deserve that. And like no one deserves to go through that because it is not nothing easy to go through. But I do believe that God has a plan and everything always happens for a reason. So just believe that and have faith in him always. Cuz I, I promise everything turns out better than expected always.
- [45:52]
B
I feel like sometimes, you know, like we need to literally see the light at the end of the tunnel. You know, Sometimes we feel like we're stuck in a place where we feel like we might not get out, but it's the fact that we have to get up and do something, something proactively to work towards that, you know, light at the end of the tunnel because. And you're not doing something to really heal yourself or make yourself feel better, you know. And I love the fact, I've been loving this whole. You guys. I feel like I'm the one in therapy. I'm like, damn, you know what? I'm gonna so, look, he's just like, the whole thing with the really good. You know? Know what's funny? My mom actually told me that she did something very similar like that, but it was like you had to write it down and burn it. Like, burn, like, whatever the trauma was. And it made her feel a lot better. Because I feel like, as humans, we sometimes try to suppress our feelings and our traumas and be like, you know what? Like you said, I'm gonna ignore them. I'm gonna go on with my life. Like, I'm not gonna let that define me. But it's okay to, like, not let it define you, but also make sure you're doing that healing.
- [47:01]
A
Yeah. Because so important.
- [47:03]
B
It's gonna catch up. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of things that I went through as a kid that I'm like, oh, it's never gonna catch up. Like, I already lost up. You're like, wait, that hurts. Or I. I'm like, this.
- [47:13]
A
Because this happened, and then it catches up on your relationships and your friendships and just in general and work, like, it gets in between everything. It's so important to heal so you can grow. And you could see things from a different perspective, because we came to this life to evolve, you know? And that's the beauty of life.
- [47:29]
B
I love it. I'm like, your senior quote. I swear to God, from 17 to 19, you were in a relationship that didn't end too well. So, you know, how did you guys meet? Como que fuera sunobia? And what was the beginning of your guys's relationship like?
- [47:48]
A
Well, actually, but it was a love. One of the love of my lives, for sure. We met, actually in my cousin's wedding. She introduced me to him, and I had went. I didn't think nothing of it because that's when I was doing my YouTube. I was, like, locked in, and I didn't want a boyfriend or anything. So she was like, oh, like, someone wants to meet you, because she marries someone that works with him. So then that's when he was just like, oh, yeah, Like, I want to meet her. So then we met at this wedding, and it was just, like, so magical and beautiful. Like, it's kind of like in the movies, like, you know, when you meet, like, moment, literally. There was this time, too, where he was already there. And then I was cold. And then he even brought his sweater, and he put it around me. Like, literally, like the movies. I was so in love. But then after, I for sure think that he came to help me. He heal the wound of My dad, because he was like the same pattern as my dad. Because before my dad went missing, he was barely with us, like, as a family. Like, he wouldn't be with us. He would just be with us on the weekend. And then that whole week he would go to work. But he went with this other side as well. Like he had another side. My mom, I can't imagine what she went through. She definitely has to heal that for sure because she knew that he was cheating on her. But then obviously, like, she just didn't see it because my dad would. Would always be like, no, you're crazy. Like, you know how men are. They're always lying, but not sometimes women.
- [49:13]
B
It's hard to get out of that. Like I say, like, oh, whatever, it happens to everyone. Like, I just got to take it. You know what I mean?
- [49:19]
A
Yeah. Especially with kids involved too. You know, I would barely see him every weekend, but not in the weekday, you know, so then I would be always with my mom. And then he would always provide for us though. But then when this guy came around, like, relationship wise, like, he was the same pattern. I would barely even see him. He would provide for me, but he would always be absent. Like, I would always try and see him and then he would be like, oh, I'm busy. Or he wouldn't even reply. Like, we did text, like, hey, like, good morning for a little bit. But then after when I seen him, then it changed. Like, because we would be on and off, you know, he would do something, he would make me mad, and then I would just stop talking to him. But then I would come back to Mexico, I would see him and then it would just be like the. That toxic cycle. But then I would barely see him. It's literally counted the times I seen him. I met him at 17, but then we stopped talking at 20. But literally it's been like probably five times that I seen him throughout those.
- [50:09]
B
So you guys had kind of like a long distance relationship. How was that?
- [50:12]
A
Like, it was hard because obviously, like, I liked him and stuff. But then when it was on and off, like, he would do something and then I would just like go back to Vegas and forget about him. But then I would come back to Mexico and then I would see him again and then would feel the spark and like the, the butterflies again. And then that's when I was just be like, oh my God, he's the love of my life. But then he would do the same thing again. Like he would post, not text me. Like he was just like doing his own Thing, you know, and we were the same age. We're the same age.
- [50:39]
B
Do you feel like at the time, you know, noas that you almost saw that pattern in your dad with your mom and just you guys growing up, do you feel like at the time you maybe thought that's how guys should level women? Like, you're like, oh, well, that's what happened with my dad. Know that's how he was. This is what every woman should expect. Do you feel like it was like one of those things too?
- [50:57]
A
I did think so at first, but it was because also my mom should be like, no, yeah, Alexia, he's the one. Like, keep him. Because obviously my mom had already went through something similar with my dad. So she thought he was the best man in the world. And I was like, mom. Like sometimes I'd be like, mom, no. Like, I don't like him. And then she would be like, Alexia. But then I would go back to Mexico. I would do it again. I would see him again. Not do it again, but I would see him again. I would see him again. No, because we didn't like, have like nothing sexually till later on. Like in the beginning it was just kind of like puppy love.
- [51:34]
B
And you're like, oh, I know, but.
- [51:39]
A
It was like puppy love. It was so cute. But then obviously, like, he would just be absent. And there was this time where I was like, okay, like, I just want to be with him. I want, I want him like, he's the love of my life. I literally went to Mexico for a whole month to try and see him. More than one time. I was like, I'm going stay for a whole month because I need to see him more. Like, I barely even see him. But then I would blame it on being in Vegas all the time. So then I came for a whole month. Guess how many times I've seen him that whole month?
- [52:07]
B
Twice. Yes, twice. I would have thought you probably were kicking it with him every day.
- [52:13]
A
Literally. He would just not answer. Like, like, cuz obviously his job too. Like, like not and stuff. So I would think like, oh, well, he's busy, he's working. You know, I was.
- [52:28]
B
So you're like, he's working to provide. Literally.
- [52:34]
A
Literally. And then the. Actually the first time is like when I seen him. And I literally only seen him for 30 minutes. Because then he's like, no, I have to go. Like, I'm busy. But then the next time is when I actually seen him. And that's when we broke up. Like that. The next time it was like the last Time I had seen him because then after he tells me, he's like, hey, Alexia. Like, I'm expecting a kid from someone else. And I was just like, bruh. My heart shattered because a day before I had went to therapy because I knew that I was repeating the same pattern with my dad because my dad was barely absent and I knew that. I was like, no, I. I just love him. Like he's the love of my life. And I had told her, like, no, yeah, I want to have kids with him. Like I was already thinking, like I was gonna have a baby with him.
- [53:15]
B
Would he bring that up to you? Like, I want to make you like my kids.
- [53:19]
A
Yes. He would be like, oh. Like. And I was just like, yeah. Like, yeah, maybe. Like I would tell my friends. I was like, yeah, maybe, yo.
- [53:28]
B
Yeah, literally.
- [53:31]
A
Yes.
- [53:32]
B
How did that feel in that moment, you know, Ovia, you know, this fairy tale like story, like, oh my God, I'm gonna marry him eventually. We're gonna have kids. What went through your mind?
- [53:57]
A
I would have been heart like, no, no, no. But my therapist had also, like, because she's spiritual, right? So she. I had told her, like, oh, I'm actually gonna, like, I'm gonna get like, I'm gonna have kids with him. Like he's the one. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no, take a chill pill because you have to focus on yourself. Like, cuz I was, I wasn't even doing social media anymore. Like I was just like, no, he's the one, he's gonna provide. I don't think he wants me to like have anything going on for myself because he has so much money, so I'm good, you know. And I was also thinking, like, I just have to be there for him, cooking for him, everything. I was just thinking, like, you're ready to drop everything. Yes, I was just ready for it, I think. Cuz I was repeating that pattern with my mom and dad. She was like, no, no, no, like you need to do this, you know, Cuz like she obviously this is like some spiritual stuff, but it's not like she like does witchcraft or anything, but like she like she has like psychic abilities. And like her. I. I know this is kind of crazy. Like people are going to be like, but it's like, like magical. Like literally. Like she was like, she was like, oh, por que Los angeles? Like she literally asked me that. And I was like, no. Like, oh, esta. And I was like, no, because the guy had a kid already. Okay, so then. But he wasn't with the girl anymore. And I was like, everyone tells me, even my cousin did, like, the one that she introduced me to him. And then she was like, I don't think he's the one. Like, you need to, like, lock in with yourself.
- [55:26]
B
And you're like, you don't know. I know. I was, like, mad at her. You're like, this is the last therapy session with you.
- [55:32]
A
Literally, I was thinking, like, no, like, I know that I'm. He's probably not gonna be the one, but I'll leave him after the kid. Like, I know I probably have to go through this to learn some experiences.
- [55:45]
B
You're like, I'm still gonna do it. I don't give a. About your advice. Ah, no.
- [55:50]
A
And then the next time I seen him in the. The next day, that's when I have seen him. And he tells me that when he told me that, I immediately thought, like.
- [55:56]
B
Oh, my God, she was right.
- [55:57]
A
She was right. And I was just like, kind of like I. I felt like in my intuition, I was like, no, because I'm super intuitive. So I was just like, yeah, this is not for me. God doesn't want me to go through this. Because I did not want to go through that. Because he was like, no, yeah, I'm having a kid, but, like, I still want to see you. Like, we could see each other, like, once a month. I was like, he wanted to be the side. I know. Because over there in Mexico is so normalized to have a mantes. Like, what the. But then I realized, like, me and my mom were actually thinking about it. We're like, damn, that's the karma of your dad. Because he had a side, and now you're the side. So I was like, no way. But then after, I just stopped talking to him because I was like, no, I do not deserve that. And I even told him that I was like, no, I don't want that. Oh, before he even told me that, he was like, this. Like, what watch do you want? Go check on this page. Maestros Hoyeros. Like, I'll give you a car. This and that. And I was hella, like, delusional. I was like, oh, yeah, this car. Oh, yeah, this watch. But then after he tells me, and I'll say that, because I never cared about materialistic stuff. Like, I cared about peace and love. And I actually loved him so much, you know, because he was trying to, like, buy you.
- [57:03]
B
Almost, like, before he told you what the happened.
- [57:06]
A
After he told me that, I was like, I don't want no Kira. So Paramilit melo mer school. And then he's like. I was like, see, I see the facility. Like, he thought I was gonna be like, no, yeah, that's fine. Like, But I was like, no, like, what you think this was?
- [57:20]
B
He probably had other sides that, like, were making it so easy for him. Like, yeah, like, literally.
- [57:27]
A
And then I realized that that's why he was so busy. That's why I was, like, waiting for him, like, for two months. And he.
- [57:37]
B
Yeah, what was it like? Obviously, you know, you leave that relationship, you leave heartbroken. You love this man. You thought he was going to be the one. What was it like healing from that?
- [57:47]
A
It was around that time where I had gotten my nose done, so I literally took that whole month to heal because I was like, yeah, I need to heal. I did a lot of therapy. I started doing the mentorship with the guy. Like, I started doing the mentorship. I was like, no. Yeah, I have to, like, do my own thing. I have to have my own motion. Like, I have to lock in with myself. Like, why did I leave everything for him? And then I started getting back on social media. I started just doing a lot of healing. And Loki, it did transform me into a better person. So I'm so grateful it happened. And even to this day, I know he came into my life to teach me what I don't want in a man and also to heal that wound of my dad. So even to this day, I'm so grateful for him. I don't hate him. I love him so much. I love everyone.
- [58:30]
B
But I feel like that's good, though, because you're like, you know what? I can take this experience and make it negative and make it that I hate you, but I'm going to take it. All right, you know what? It was meant to happen. I learned something out of it. You took the something positive out of the negative, which I feel like we all should whenever we're going through hard.
- [58:47]
A
In order for you to grow, you have to be optimistic in life. Like those crazy optimistic persons. Like, even if things go south, you have to be like, oh, it happened for a reason, because God is protecting me. You know, you always have to think like that, because if not, you're going to victimize yourself and not. That's going to not make you progress in life. You're always going to just be drained and just be complaining about life.
- [59:24]
B
I swear to God, I feel like. Like, you know what it is? Having that victim mentality and that poita mentality could only get you so far, you know, What? I mean, you almost limit yourself and you make yourself stay in that same place and you don't grow because it's like, girl, no one wants to feel bad for. No one.
- [59:42]
A
Like.
- [59:44]
B
It'S like if you really want something, you have to get up and do it for yourself.
- [59:47]
A
Yeah. Cuz no one is. At the end of the day, everyone has their own life. And yeah, they could probably feel bad for a little bit, but then after, it's not their responsibility. You're responsible for your reality and for whatever you create in this world, you know, via mente.
- [60:01]
B
You've gone through that relationship and you've learned and healed a lot from that. What is your dating life look like now? And what are red flags that maybe back then you used to ignore, but now you're like, as soon as you see them, you're like, no, no, we ignore that. I'm cut this guy off.
- [60:15]
A
Well, my dating life as of now, thanks to my mom, she's helped me see things from different perspectives now and she's helped me healed. So now it's like, I do believe before you date you have to have options. And it doesn't mean you're gonna sleep around with all of them, but you have to have options because once you start talking to one of them and you like them, you start getting delulu, you start ignoring all the red flags and then you just like get attached to him and then it's over. Right. Obviously be focused on your yourself, but if there's guys I want to talk to you, like, yeah, like be friendly. Don't sleep with none of them. That's the number one rule. Like, don't sleep with none of them. Don't do anything. They have to earn you, they have to chase you. So I do believe that like that they have to chase. They have to put in the effort. And you just have to keep in mind like with what they say and what they do. Because sometimes they say something and then they do another thing and they, they don't keep up their words. I 100% believe like you girls should have options but don't see sleep with them. That doesn't mean you're gonna sleep around with all of them.
- [61:14]
B
I do agree though. When you were telling me a little bit about that yesterday, I had told you I was like, my grandpa literally had that same mindset when my sister was younger and she was dating this one guy that my grandpa didn't like for whatever reason. He was like, I mija, you know how like the old school grandpa's like, no, mija, have to like literally see how all these, like, let's say you have three options, you guys, even if you're not, you guys know, you know what I mean? Like I always think about it, like if you have options and as long as you're not, you know, in a relationship, you're like just talking, dating. You're able to see how these three or four or five, six, ten men treat you. And you're able to choose from the best one because you're like, you know what? This guy that I thought was going to be the love of my life doesn't even fucking try one bit. You know what I mean? You have to see, like you said, to make sure their actions match their words.
- [62:17]
A
Yes. And who tries harder. But men love that. They love to chase. Like if you were to give yourself that easy, they're going to take it for granted and they're not going to appreciate it. And later on they're going to replace you with another girl. Because I promise you, that's just how it is nowadays. So you have to be smart about it. And obviously the best thing to do is go slow in relationships because that's something I learned now because my last relationship that I got in, I rushed everything and we dated the first month of getting to know each other. Cuz I had already known him since childhood. But then we haven't had talk, like relationship wise. Like we just started like talking. So then the next month we were like, yeah, let's, let's date already. And then we dated. But then what happened? It burnt out quick. Like Jessica. Well, fun, you know, like it was kind of like. Oh, was, yeah, you get to see their real side and you're just kind of like, oh, like I don't think this is the one for me, you know, Like I don't think he's the one for me. So I do believe that like it's better to get to know someone and then you could consider dating, but you don't really get to know someone till like six months to a year. That's why it's so important to be celibate and focusing on yourself and working on your goals. So then you're not only focused on them, you know, and then you're focused on yourself.
- [63:22]
B
Taking things slow is so real because it's like a lot of people, you know, they start dating, I know a lot of girls that will be like, oh, I've been talking to him for a month, he better ask me out or I'm done. And it's like the third month. You're like, he's acting different. Like, yeah, babes. Like. Like, you got to learn. You got to know these men to know what the fuck you're, like, literally getting yourself into and really see the type of person and human they are before you settle down.
- [63:55]
A
Yeah.
- [63:55]
B
What do you think, like, for you, now is, like, your time frame? Like, you need to be talking to someone.
- [64:00]
A
What?
- [64:00]
B
What? Like six months to a year before you can make it official?
- [64:02]
A
Yeah, six months to a year. And for right now, I don't want a relationship myself, but I feel like that's when you attract the most. I'm not gonna lie. But no, right now.
- [64:10]
B
Are you pulling more right now than.
- [64:11]
A
When you were like, yes, or even when I had the options? That's where I was pulling the most. Where I'm like, it was my first time. And then mom was just like, Alexia. Like, she would tell me that, and I was just like, oh, my God. I have to pick when I feel bad. Bad. But it's like, I'm not doing anything bad. And now I'm not talking to anyone because Loki. I realized that I had to focus on myself. I was putting too much focus on them.
- [64:36]
B
They take too much of your energy. Yes.
- [64:39]
A
But now, next time, if it were to come, like, now I'm gonna be more focused on myself rather than them, you know? So red flags. Well, if they're absent, if they're not putting the effort to see me, like that one relationship I talked about. And also red flags when. When they're trying to control me too soon. Because I feel like, me, I'm young, I'm 20, and it's not like I'm gonna be hoeing around and everything. But obviously I'm learning in life. I'm going through experiences and with social media and with the work that I have, it's like, sometimes, like, you want to travel, sometimes you want to do this hang out, collab. Like, it's just like, you just want to live, like, life. It doesn't mean you're going to do anything bad. It just means you're living through experience. But if I'm talking to someone and they're already trying to be like, don't do this, don't do that, it's gonna make me be like, I'm gonna do it. Because it's like, why are you telling me not to? Especially if we're just getting to know each other. So I do feel like it's like, it's better if you let things be because you always have to let things flow. Because at the end of the day they're gonna go, ask how they. They're gonna go, you know, you can't control everything.
- [65:42]
B
What's the ideal man for you like now with all this experience and all this healing you've been done? What does like the ideal man for Alexia look like? Like, he has to be tall. Baron, you know, uno not change. How would you describe the ideal man for yourself?
- [66:07]
A
I don't really have a type. Like, he needs to be tall. He needs to be like this and this and that. It just depends more on the connection. But I. I do believe that they have to be working on themselves internally and literally have something going on for themselves too. Like, I want them to just be the same as me, but in the men, you know, but obviously a little different. It doesn't bother me.
- [66:27]
B
Do you feel like that gets hard? Because, you know, you are very much your own boss. You're a boss girl, you know, And I feel like sometimes men get intimidated when, you know, a boss girl comes their way, you know, like they want to almost feel like, oh, no, I'm the man. Does that sometimes ever come into conflict?
- [66:45]
A
It has low key, like. But I feel like I'm learning too, as I go. And I probably do think like, down. But it's just the way I am. Like, I'm going to be this way and if a guy is not going to accept me the way I am, then I'm sorry. Like, that's not like you're not the one for me. Respectfully. But I do believe there's going to be someone that's not going to feel intimidated by me. But I do feel that, like, I am so independent. That's. Sometimes they do like feel like, oh my God, like I can't control her or oh my God, like she's going just like she's doing her thing. Probably when I'm in a relationship is different. But, like, right now I am getting to know people. I am single and like, my number one priority right now is my career. So that's the number one thing. Like, nothing's going to get in the way.
- [67:26]
B
I love that you start producing music. Elan says music. You actually launched it really recently, right?
- [67:37]
A
Yeah, I just launched.
- [67:38]
B
I love that. Go stream it, you guys. So what made you be like, you know what? I want to start doing music. Has this been a dream? Now that you're in this situation, you're like, you know what? I can actually make it happen.
- [67:57]
A
It was actually when I was Young, younger. Like when my dad was around. I remember when I was with him when I was in Mexico, I was six years old. I was trying to see what I was going to be when I grew up. You know, it's when you have those questions like, oh my God, what am I going to be? Or what do I want to be when I grow up? And then I remember we were talking about Jenny Rivera, that she was alive at that time. And my dad was like, oh, Jenny Rivera this and that. And I'm like. And then that's when I started being like, oh, I could be a singer, I want to be a singer. And I just started like wanting to be a singer. And then that's when my dad, dad put me in singing classes and I just started like going to singing classes. And I was going there for a while, but then after he went missing, then we came back to Vegas and then that's when I had stopped like singing because I, I think it reminded me of him that I let it go. And then until later on when I was 18, that's when I started picking it up again. And then I just started doing music. I didn't release right away, but then until I had a good song that I knew like, oh, okay, this is a good song. But I, I had have done music since I was 18. Like that's when I.
- [68:56]
B
That's crazy. What's your process like in terms of like, you know, creating a song? Do you write your own lyrics? Do you sit down with the team? What's that whole process like? Because, you know, the public place for a three minute song. But those three minutes is like five, 20 hours of work, you know, or even more. What's that whole process like?
- [69:16]
A
Well, the songs that I've recently released, like Balas, Jolo Se Baby, that's already out. That's the, the recent one. Those. I wrote them myself. And also I have worked with my producers, but I love writing my own songs because that's how I, I could create and that's how I could talk about my experiences. Like, Balas was actually about the guy that I told you about, the relationship with the guy that was being the same pattern as my dad. I wrote that song for him because I was so in love that I was just like.
- [69:47]
B
I love that song. The song what made you be like, okay, I wanted to be also like, Theo is very important because you could have done a sad song. I always swear to God, I know what made you pick that genre.
- [69:58]
A
I just love reggaeton. Cuz I grew Up. Like, even when I wasn't doing like the singing classes anymore. Oh. Cuz I. I started doing singing classes later on. But when I wasn't doing them when I came to Vegas, that's when I. I just love Bad Bunny. Carol G. Like, reggaeton was just my thing and I was like, oh my God, I need to be singing reggaeton. Like, and then that's when I realized, like, I need to do reggaeton. And I obviously want to do other genres as well, but I do want to like do reggaeton for right now. And then also R B and pop.
- [70:29]
B
People have this like bad stigma with like influencers. Right?
- [70:35]
A
Like.
- [70:44]
B
You know, I feel like. But I feel like we do hear that a lot, you know, like, it's like, well, I've always wanted to do it, but now that I have the means to do it, like I'm going to go with it. Was it scary for you to be like, oh my God, like I'mma drop music? Like how are people going to take it? What was that like for you?
- [71:04]
A
Okay, it was scary. But then I was like, no, this is what I want. So I don't care whatever comes with it because this is what I want and what my soul desires. Whatever p price I have to pay, it'll be worth it.
- [71:15]
B
What are dream collabs that you're like, oh my God. Like when I make it in the music industry, I would love to have a song with this artist. What are your top three musical dream collabs?
- [71:25]
A
Oh my God. My top three musicals is Bad Bunny. I love Bad Bunny. Carol G and Puma. Yes. I really love his music because he talks about a lot of real stuff, like real in his music and it just touches my soul. Like every time I hear his songs, like I solicitado. What else? Hollywood, like Nueva Vida. It's just all his songs just hit the heart.
- [71:50]
B
I love him and Kenya together. I'm a big Kenya Os fan. So like when I saw that they were dating.
- [71:54]
A
Can I do top four?
- [71:55]
B
Yeah, do top four.
- [71:56]
A
Can I do top five? Actually.
- [72:01]
B
Honestly, I, I think a Kenya collab would be so fitting. I feel like you guys kind of look kind of similar. So gorgeous in person. I've met her. I had gone to, I went to her first concert when she first started coming to the US and then I went to her second concert that she had here. She was having like, I think they were promoting the, the, the concert. So they had like a little influencer get together type of thing. And I did a video with her and I was so shook, you guys. I think that would be so fitting. That would be so good.
- [72:37]
A
Kenya, too. And Anita, she's. She's so good because she also came from being an influencer and then she transformed into an artist. And I love her. Like, that's how. And she also has had some drama before with, like, these other YouTubers and then Karma.
- [72:54]
B
I don't really care too much for.
- [72:55]
A
The drama involved, but you just see the results, how things turned out.
- [72:59]
B
Like, her life could have literally, like, stopped there, but she kept grinding and working. And M la, you guys, like, she is no longer known as an influencer youtuber now, which I feel like is a big full circle moment for her because, like, she's always said that that's something that she's always wanted to do. Are you currently signed to a label or do you want to do more of, like, the independent route?
- [73:20]
A
No, I'm currently independent right now just because I haven't found a label that fits me, like, what would benefit me too, in the long term. So I feel like as of now, I want to keep releasing music. I want to keep doing it myself so I could get the spark going and I could have that confidence. And then later on, once I blow up or like, once the song blows up, then I could just pick it up from there and then labels will reach out to me and it will be better because then it will be a better deal if I pick it up myself first. Because if I do it with the label, then obviously it could be a 360 deal. Or it could be like.
- [73:51]
B
Like, they can take advantage because they're like, bu. Do you want. Is that something that scares you? Because Escucha Muncho. You know, a lot of these artists or upand cominging artists getting taken advantage from labels, is that, like, something that scares you?
- [74:05]
A
Yeah, that's something that scares me. That's why I'm independent right now. And I always. I'm the type. I'm so intuitive. I love God and I'm. I'm all about the spirituality, but not in the spirituality in the wrong way. It's in the right way, you know, because a lot of people think, like, oh, like you're Taurus and Zodiac signs. No, it's not about that. It's about, like, healing your inner self and like, obviously, like, finding God inside of you. So I do always listen to my intuition, and my intuition always guides me. So it's telling me right now to, like, be independent and just wait it out. Like, I have to be patient. Because we always want to have things really fast. And I'm so impatient sometimes, but I always have to trust the process, you know, And I know everything will work out in the perfect timing. I have to trust God's timing. And it's so crazy. You know, around this time last year, I've been wanting to be in your podcast. So then when you hit me up this time this year, like, right, like recently I was like, oh my God.
- [74:57]
B
It was meant to be.
- [74:58]
A
I manifested my dreams. Like I'm slowly getting to them, you know, And I was, I'm so grateful for to be here. Like, it's so crazy because it's a dream come true. I literally texted him that.
- [75:08]
B
Did you guys? And I, I actually, I'm so glad we had this conversation because I was telling her, you guys. I felt like I was kind of in therapy. I was like, all right, like, let me apply that piece of advice to my life because I feel like, you know, you've been talking a lot about, you know, healing and you've been talking a lot about, you know, your spirituality. And I feel like maybe after this I might want to tap into my spirituality or my healing because I feel like it really does change your whole mindset, you know. Hablando lamusica. Is that like hard fund by yourself? Because you're by yourself. Like the music videos, because the post production. But I'm sure it's expensive.
- [75:50]
A
No, it is expensive. Especially since I'm like putting the music videos and then the like content and also marketing is where it's really at. Because before when I started I was doing music videos, but I wasn't really invested in marketing, so that's why it didn't really do good. But as of now, I understand that I shouldn't invest in my music videos. I shouldn't invest in content, like little clips for YouTube or Tik Tok and then reels as well, but then invest my most money on marketing, like on Tik Tok campaigns, on YouTube ads and all of that, because that's what's going to get you go more viral. And that's what a lot of artists do. Like, I've seen that because I picked it up because they always tell me like, oh, how much would you charge for a tick tock promote or like for to use my sound? So I'm like, oh, they do that. Then I started doing that myself.
- [76:31]
B
You know, I think that's cool though. Like you, you're able to use your experience and everything you've learned being in the industry. As an influencer and you're like, all right, you know, which I feel like it's cool and I'm so excited to see, you know, you're big on manifesting, you're big on making happen for yourself and I can't wait for you to have that moment with Carol G.
- [76:56]
A
You.
- [76:57]
B
Know, I'm so excited.
- [77:03]
A
Well, in five years I do see myself on tour. I already see it like I see myself on tour going to Ve, not to Vegas, cuz that's where I live, but to la, to New York, New York, what else? Mexico, Everywhere, all around the world. And just like all already like being for example, like Kenya.
- [77:25]
B
Yes. Like do a whole 360 with your life.
- [77:32]
A
Complete.
- [77:33]
B
And I'm so excited to see it happen. But with that being said, amigas, if you guys know on all her social medias, which I'll also leave linked down below so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much for being here.
- [77:54]
A
Thank you so much Alanize, for having me in. Noche pendejadas. I love you.
- [77:58]
B
Oh, I love you too. And thank you guys so much for watching and we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye guys. Yeah.