← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Benny Soliven Talks All: Arrested at 15, Fatherhood, AlondraDessy, Music, Grief, CHISME & MORE!!
01:30:39
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- [00:00]
Benny Sullivan
As soon as I turn the corner, I see a cop car. Just get the on the ground.
- [00:04]
Alanized
I was like, what? What is up everyone? And welcome back. I am your host, Alanized and this is no. Your favorite podcast turn talk show and influencers. So without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight, Belly Sullivan. Hello. Hello.
- [00:49]
Benny Sullivan
Thank you for having me.
- [00:52]
Alanized
Right.
- [00:52]
Benny Sullivan
Hey, it's about time.
- [00:53]
Alanized
It's about time. You're like, when the is Alan gonna ask me?
- [00:57]
Benny Sullivan
I was waiting.
- [00:57]
Alanized
Yeah, right. You know what's so funny? I. I like to say this all the time, which is funny because when I build the courage to DM you, I was like, you know what? Benny's always been so chill. I think when it comes to like straight men, I get scared that they're going to be like, I know. You know, I think like that maybe it's my self sabotage, right? Because I've had a lot of straight men on the show that I finally build the courage to ask. And once I film with them, I'm like, you know, they're all flirting with you. I took them home. Just kidding. No, but I swear to God it took me a while because I don't know, for some reason I feel like it's so easier for me to talk to girls. But I was like, you know what? When I was like going through like the people that I wanted to have. You have always been a name that has came up. I've known you for so long, it's been a while. That's why I'm like, I've been seeing.
- [01:49]
Benny Sullivan
The comments too and I'm like, I'm waiting.
- [01:51]
Alanized
You're like, damn.
- [01:54]
Benny Sullivan
I'm liking every comment.
- [01:55]
Alanized
It's all you. It's all on your burner account. No, but I swear to God, I have always wanted to have you on the podcast. And when I finally built the courage Amigas and I didn't even open up like my Instagram and then literally cuz.
- [02:11]
Benny Sullivan
We were going back and forth too.
- [02:13]
Alanized
Like through dms, you guys, I would reply. It would take a day for him to reply. And then it would take me a day. And I was like. And we made it happen. And I'm so excited and know a little bit more about Ben.
- [02:28]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, it's an honor to be here. Thank you for having me.
- [02:30]
Alanized
Thank you for coming. Before we get started.
- [02:36]
Benny Sullivan
Okay, so my name is Benny suliven. I am 30 years young, you guys. I know. What a surprise. Everyone says you're 32, you're old, you're.
- [02:46]
Alanized
Hell, that's how I feel now too, because I'm like, I'm pushing 30. When people say that my age is old, I'm like, how old are you? I'm 27.
- [02:54]
Benny Sullivan
Oh, you're young.
- [02:55]
Alanized
Yeah, I'm still young. Everyone in the industry is like fresh. 21, 19, 18.
- [03:07]
Benny Sullivan
So yeah, I'm, I'm 32. I guess I'm a social media entertainer. I guess you could say social media personality is the best one. I like to vlog my family, I'm a dad, I'm a boyfriend. I love to vlog my life and make music, have fun and just live.
- [03:26]
Alanized
And today I'm so excited to have you in my chair to really get to know a little bit more about Benny. Remember that doctor's appointment you were supposed to make a while ago? The one you meant to book but got totally sidetracked and completely forgot about it? Now you know that dentist appointment for your biannual cleaning or your overdue annual checkup that's been three years in the making. Well, why not book it today? ZocDoc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now. And it's all online. You can find the doctors that are right for you and instantly book an appointment. As I get older, I keep catching myself thinking, should I go to the doctors more? You know, to deal with things like sleep problems or stress from work. But it can be tough to get to the doctor. I want to keep myself healthy, but the system makes it impossible to find the right dog for my my needs. Until I found Zocdoc. They make it so easy to find the right fit and book an appointment fast and directly on their website. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment with Zocdoc. You can book in network appointments with more than a hundred thousand doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent and more. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com Allen to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That is Z O C--O C.com Allen Zocdoc.com Allen now let's get back to today's episode.
- [05:04]
Benny Sullivan
This episode is brought to you by LifeLock. When you visit the doctor, you probably hand over your insurance, your ID and contact details. It's just one of the many places that has your personal info and if any of them accidentally expose it, you.
- [05:17]
Alanized
Could be at risk for identity theft.
- [05:19]
Benny Sullivan
LifeLock monitors millions of data points a second. If you become a victim, they'll fix it guaranteed or your money back. Save up to 40% your first year@lifelock.com podcast terms apply.
- [05:34]
Alanized
The reason why I love the podcast is because it gives like a different inside scoop into the influencers lives. Like you really do get to see, you know, them in a different light in, in a way where you're like dam, you know, savia que pasaro, you know, sabian that they went through that because a lot of the time nos mira and you know, oh my God, they're living so lavish. That was not the case that I love starting with because like I said, I feel like it's super important to dive into your childhood to get a little bit more of an understanding of who you are and what your upbringing was like. So quantos then how was Benny growing up? What were the hobbies you love doing? Quant.
- [06:18]
Benny Sullivan
I was born and raised in Stockton, California. Parents separated my whole life, but I did have both of my parents in my life. So I primarily lived with my mom. Very sheltered as a kid. My mom was very strict on me. You can't go nowhere, you know, I had to ask for permission and always got denied. But it was a good time. I can't complain. You know, my mom took good care of me. I had a very loving, supportive family. And yeah, I mean drug gang violence is very present in Stockton, you know what I mean? And just growing up I was surrounded by it, Family members, friends, people I went to school with. I see it all the time, you know, but for some reason I was never really attracted to that. You know, I think my mom really set it straight for me. She was always on my head, just do good, go to school, get good grades, whatever the case may be. So I was good. You know, I, you know, I did mess up here and there. I, you know, just from influences from friends and stuff like that. But for the most part it was just personal choices that I just made the better choice for myself because I seen, you know, I seen how the gang violence and drug affected people and I just didn't want that for myself. So I'm pretty blessed to say that at a young age I kind of acknowledged that for myself.
- [07:25]
Alanized
You know, growing up in those environments, you know, you see something and it just becomes the normal. Right. What were things that maybe you saw growing up in your neighborhood, you know, your friends or even family members that to you at the time felt like, oh, this is normal, this is them just living life. But now that you're an adult, and you're like, damn, this actually isn't normal. Kids in other environments.
- [07:50]
Benny Sullivan
It's funny you say that, because I think becoming a parent made me realize, like, damn, we were really doing that back. Like, if that was my son doing the things I was doing back then, I'm whooping his ass. You know, like, back in the day, I feel like I remember seeing my friends taking, like, drugs in class, you know, like, pills, whatever, and they're just, like, having a good time, whatever, you know? But at the time, I. I didn't do it, you know, I was like, no, I'm okay. But I would see my, you know, friends do it, and it was just. It became normal, you know, I'm like, oh, this is just history class. She's. She's on a pill over there.
- [08:22]
Alanized
It's crazy.
- [08:24]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, they're like, oh, they're trying to make the class go by faster, you know, like. But at the time, it was like, I didn't think nothing of it. But now that we're older and I look back at it, like, that's crazy. You know, like, taking drugs in high school. Like, we're 15 or something like that. 16.
- [08:38]
Alanized
I grew up in Santa Ana, which I feel like is also kind of considered one of the more ghetto cities or just one of the most, I guess, crime, violent cities in other oc. Like an oc, Right.
- [08:49]
Benny Sullivan
Oh, so you guys were hitting the balloon out here, huh?
- [08:51]
Alanized
Yes. You know what? Actually, I didn't hit. Yes, that was a big thing, but I didn't hit the balloon, maybe until I was an adult. But that was one of the things.
- [09:01]
Benny Sullivan
Right?
- [09:01]
Alanized
Like, you go to parties and everyone's like, hitting the NAS, and you're like, oh, is that a SoCal thing?
- [09:05]
Benny Sullivan
Because in North Carolina, I don't think I've ever experienced people what was, like.
- [09:09]
Alanized
Really popular out there. Like, pills.
- [09:11]
Benny Sullivan
I don't like pills. Or, like, you know, weed or something.
- [09:14]
Alanized
I think weed for us was really normal. My brother, a lot of times got kicked out of schools because not just consumed them. He's like, literally, he's like, has one nug left. He's like. But it did kind of become very much the norm. Very much like you. I think I saw a lot of. And I kind of never wanted that for myself. Right. Did you ever feel kind of, like, the pressure of being surrounded by friends and family that did that? And you're like, you know what?
- [09:44]
Benny Sullivan
Well, I've never taken a pill like that. Like, I've always been like, I don't know, I've been like kind of scared in a way, you know, because I, I would see it the way they act, and I was like, no, I don't want, I don't want to be not in control of myself, you know, like that would be, especially at school, like, no way. Yeah, my mom finds out. I think the fear of my mom finding out was like, what stopped me from doing a lot.
- [10:03]
Alanized
I feel like my anxiety could never at school though, like, like I feel like I'd get caught up. Like, even if I was like on a trip and I was like in the corner and no one was like paying attention to me, I feel like I'd be the person that would be so tripped out. You try to act normally, I swear to God. Because I feel like I'd get scared. See, you know me at 15. You got arrested for tagging. How did you get, you know, involved into tagging? What made you gravitate towards that? What were the consequences, man?
- [10:39]
Benny Sullivan
So, yeah, story time. I got arrested 15 years old for graffiti. I guess that was like the thing that was popular back in the day. You know, it was either you're a gang member, you're a tagger, or like an athlete, you know what I'm saying? Hey, I was, I was five foot tall, so throw that out the window. I was always into drawing my whole life and just, you know, a lot of I had family members that were really big into you know, doing the graffiti. So that just kind of what motivated me to do it. And you know, of course, like I said earlier, I was very sheltered. So my mom wouldn't let me just go out at night, so I had to do it in the daytime. This was after school. I remember I was at, it was like high school. I was 15, freshman in high school. I thought I was cool. You know, this is the time where you want to fit in and be cool and show people like, oh, look, look what I can do, you know. So we walked home from there and as I'm walking home, I'm over here just like writing on signs and boxes and things like that. A front of a middle school. I'm doing this, right? So I see, I see teachers like looking at me as I'm doing this and me thinking, I'm a kid, nothing's happened, gonna happen to me. I'm like, ah, what? They're just looking at me, you know, I'm just gonna do it. So anyways, I went into a creek, right? Cuz when I go into the creek, there's a little Bridge that gets into my. To my neighborhood. And as I'm going, right, we had a lot of haystacks. There's a lot of haystacks for some reason going on. But for some reason, right? I seen all the haystacks just piled on one side. It looked like somebody picked it up and just was piling them. So I thought that was a little weird, right? I'm like, who's piling these haystacks right here? As I'm walking? Turns out it was the policeman. He piled them all here so we wouldn't walk this way. So we would have to walk straight, right? So he blocked one of the exits, right. I'm a kid. I didn't think nothing of it, so I thought, okay, we'll just go this way. We ended up walking towards, like, the neighborhood in there, right? As soon as I turn the corner, I see a cop car. Just get the.
- [12:30]
Alanized
On the ground. I was like, what? Yeah, yeah.
- [12:33]
Benny Sullivan
I'm like, what the hell? I'm just coming home from school. Like, I have my backpack on and everything. And he had a taser really in my face, just like, get on the ground, like, screaming at me. I'm like, bro, like, calm down. Right? It was me and my friend. So we ended up having to, you know, be on the ground. They put us on the ground, knee on our back and everything. We're all like, you know, he's like, really putting force on us. So he really just locked us up, put him. Put us in the back of the car and took us. Yeah.
- [12:58]
Alanized
Did they tell you exactly, like, at that moment what it was for? You were kind of, like, confused?
- [13:02]
Benny Sullivan
No. Yeah, they told us right away. They're like, oh, so you are. You're vandalizing the school? And I was like, what are you talking about? And then he looked at my pockets. I had a fat marker and this and that. So I was guilty. You know, the thing that sucked, too. He started driving around as we're in the back of the squad car, and he's taking. Taking pictures of, like, different graffiti things, right? Even things that I didn't even do.
- [13:21]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [13:22]
Benny Sullivan
Like, he's blaming everything he sees on me.
- [13:24]
Alanized
Oh.
- [13:25]
Benny Sullivan
So he hit me with a fat fine with all of them because you got a pain over. The city fined me for all this. My mom just was pissed.
- [13:33]
Alanized
Do you remember calling your mom? Did you have to call her?
- [13:35]
Benny Sullivan
They called my mom.
- [13:35]
Alanized
Oh.
- [13:36]
Benny Sullivan
So I'm like. They're like, what's your mom's number? And I was like, oh, well, here it is. You Know, and I was like, damn, like, like, this is it for me, you know.
- [13:43]
Alanized
What did your mom tell you as soon as she picked you up from the police station?
- [13:47]
Benny Sullivan
Honestly, she was very calm and collected when she got me. Right. Because she had to talk to the police. As soon as she took me into the car, it was a r. What.
- [13:55]
Alanized
The are you doing?
- [13:56]
Benny Sullivan
Like, why are you doing it? Blah, blah, blah. So we ended up going to court for it and we had to pay like, I don't know, three to $5,000 or something like that. Yeah.
- [14:05]
Alanized
And that's like angry at the time.
- [14:06]
Benny Sullivan
Oh yeah. Cuz at the time, you know, we didn't have money like that, bro. We're. We're living in a duplex. So, you know, I was living, you know, single mom in a home. So of course, you know, she was pissed. So I had to do community service, this and that. Like, it was a big process, you know. But my mom let me go easy. I'm not gonna lie, she did let me go easy a little bit.
- [14:28]
Alanized
During that time, did you kind of feel like, you know what, like maybe I should stop doing this? Or was it kind of like, ah, no. Or do you feel like that scare kind of like put you straight?
- [14:39]
Benny Sullivan
It wasn't even a scare. Like I said, I'm more scared of my mom. At the time I was more, I was more like I didn't want to disappoint her. You know, it wasn't about the cops. It was more so my mom, because she does everything for me, you know, she takes good care of me. So like, why am I acting up like this? That kind of woke me up. But you know, I may still. Dumb decision after. I still did it a little bit after, but I quit, you know. Yeah. Smarter.
- [15:01]
Alanized
You're like, let me do it, but not let me do it at night.
- [15:03]
Benny Sullivan
When it's a little darker for you.
- [15:05]
Alanized
It was more, you know, when you were actually, you know, doing the graffiti and tagging, did it, it feel very much like a criminal activity or was it more of like a self expression thing for you?
- [15:14]
Benny Sullivan
I mean, I knew it was illegal.
- [15:15]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [15:16]
Benny Sullivan
You know, I knew I shouldn't do it. I think I just, I probably didn't even think about it at the time. I was young, you know, I was 15. So I thought it was just cool, you know, that I wanted people to see my name here. Well, it wasn't my name. My name, but it was my tagging name, you know, so it was like people knew I wanted people to see my name Right there. So it was more so that I didn't think of the consequences of it, you know.
- [15:36]
Alanized
What do you do, like, murals or just your tag?
- [15:38]
Benny Sullivan
Nah, just my name, like big block letters or something like that that, you know. Yeah.
- [15:42]
Alanized
Tell us a little bit more about the aftermath with the community service.
- [15:46]
Benny Sullivan
So the community service I kind of lucked out with because we do have, like, family businesses too. So I could just say, oh, I was working at my family business for this many hours and write it off, even though I didn't do it. Yeah. You know, so, like, that's one thing that my mom did for me that I feel like she shouldn't have done for me at the time because I didn't learn my lesson. You know what I mean? So she's being, you know, a nice mom, helping me out. But, like, my grandma was a hair stylist, so my community service was going to the salon and cleaning.
- [16:12]
Alanized
Sweep the floor. Yeah, like, that.
- [16:16]
Benny Sullivan
I didn't do it, you know, so.
- [16:19]
Alanized
Like, a little extra hand wouldn't have hurt her.
- [16:22]
Benny Sullivan
I know, but I feel like, you.
- [16:23]
Alanized
Know what it is? I feel like even me, you know, I've. I've talked about it before. I've never done tagging or gotten arrested for tagging, but I actually got caught at Target stealing makeup. I didn't have money. I wasn't out of the closet. My mom named Quenta Quesuo, so I would still make up with my friend. And it got to the point that I was doing it very regularly. Like, I got to the point that.
- [16:48]
Benny Sullivan
I was like, damn, so you're good.
- [16:50]
Alanized
I got to the point that I was like, no. You know what's so crazy? The last time and the. And the time I got caught, I wasn't even stealing. For me, it was April Fools. I still remember I had gone already to two targets, and I was with a friend. Mike and Alyssa are always trying to outdo each other. When Alyssa got a small water bottle, Mike showed up with a 4 liter jug.
- [17:11]
Benny Sullivan
When Mike started gardening, Alyssa started beekeeping.
- [17:14]
Alanized
Oh, come on.
- [17:16]
Benny Sullivan
They called a truce for their holiday.
- [17:17]
Alanized
And used Expedia trip planner to collaborate.
- [17:20]
Benny Sullivan
On all the details of their trip. Once there, Mike still did more laps around the pool. Whatever.
- [17:26]
Alanized
You were made to outdo your holidays. We were made to help organize the competition expectations. Expedia made to travel. Tron. Ares has arrived.
- [17:36]
Benny Sullivan
I would like you to meet Ares, the ultimate AI soldier. He is biblically strong and supremely intelligent.
- [17:43]
Alanized
You think you're in control of this. You're not on October 10th.
- [17:49]
Benny Sullivan
What are you?
- [17:50]
Alanized
My world is coming to destroy yours. But I can help you. The war for our world begins in IMAX. Tron Ares. Rated PG13. May be inappropriate for children under 13. Only in theaters October 10th. Get tickets now. And I told my friend, she drove. And I was like, hey, if you take me to the last target, this last run is for you. And I got caught the fuck up. You know, they called my mom. Que pagaro at the time, they were like, are you over 18? I was like, maybe, like 16, 15, maybe. And I was like, yeah, I'm over 18. And they're like, okay, well, then if you're over 18, we're going to have to call the cops. Not your mom. Mom. I'm like, no, no, no. And they called my mom. But, like, I think my mom, too. Very much like your mom. Like, yeah, I heard about it, like, the first day, maybe a week.
- [18:40]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, yeah.
- [18:40]
Alanized
But then maybe. Maybe your mom, too. Like, my mom was too consumed with work and just actually providing that, like, the. The actual getting in trouble became more lenient.
- [18:50]
Benny Sullivan
I think it's because the Mexican moms favor the boys. Yeah, right. We get away with a lot.
- [18:54]
Alanized
I was the favorite. Were you the favorite growing up, too, too?
- [18:57]
Benny Sullivan
I mean, I was a single child and for 13 years. Okay, so my. My sister was born when I was 13, so she was only 2 by the time I got arrested. I would say I'm the favorite. Right? I'm the first. Right. I've been there for 15 years.
- [19:14]
Alanized
You know that growing up in Stockton, you saw a lot of things, but you always, or at least at some point, you knew that that wasn't what you wanted for your future? Do you remember, like, the turning point, or maybe you saw someone almost make it out of Stockton? That you're like, you like, I do want a better life other than what I see growing up. Do you remember that moment?
- [19:33]
Benny Sullivan
I think I went through that moment shortly after high school, or I would say in the middle of high school, because I would say the first two years of my high school freshman, sophomore year, I was doing bad. You know, I was not going to class. I wanted to be cool, you know, the cool guy. I was skipping class, having fun, doing this and that my grades weren't there. And then starting junior, senior year is when I, you know, changed everything around. I started doing good, going to all my classes, getting A's, B's. You know. So I think in the middle of high school, I started. Started seeing the changes, you know, because when I was Being, you know, a little rebel. I noticed bad things will happen to me. So I noticed the energy I was putting out, I was receiving it, you know, So I started switching that with myself at a young age. Right. There's people out there that don't ever come to realization of this. They can go their whole life.
- [20:18]
Alanized
Yeah, just. Or they think that's all there is to life.
- [20:20]
Benny Sullivan
Exactly. So I'm just blessed at the fact that I can acknowledge that and change that for myself. And I think a lot of it has to do with my supportive family and showing me that this is what's right, this was. Is wrong and this and that, you know what I mean? I think what motivated me is that I think Stockton does have a bad reputation. And I wanted to let the people know that it's not just that, you know, and let also other people know in Stockton that there's more to life than this city. You know, there's so much more that we can, you know, accomplish in life, you know, because that's one thing that I noticed in that city is that a lot of people, Stockton is their life, everything. This is my life forever. I'm gonna stay here and this and that, you know, and I would always just motivate people to, you know, this is, look, look what you can accomplish outside of Stockton. Leave, go do something else. Look at, you'll travel the world or something. You know, there's more to life than that. So I think that's what motivated me is that I did something different, you know what I mean?
- [21:14]
Alanized
And I feel like that's very normal for people to like, you know, like rep their city. But also it's very important to know, like, you know, what if the circumstances you're in are not allowing you to grow far Bey, you already feel like you've grown in the situation you're in. It's okay to move out, it's okay to go to another city to accomplish your dreams, you know, because, you know, I've never been a Stockton, but I have heard a lot of its reputation, you know, I think it's almost one of like the bad reputation cities in all of California, you know, Ciro scochalo. But I feel like it's important, like you said, to know that there's more beyond the situation you're in, you know, platicamos un poquito de papas. You know, let's go ahead and talk a little bit more about that. How's your relationship with your parents growing up? Do you feel like you were closer to your mom, were you closer to your dad?
- [22:06]
Benny Sullivan
They've been, you know, pretty active in my life. I live with my mom primarily, but, you know, they did have me at a very young age. So they're still in high school. I was in the high school photos, you know, in the graduation photos with them. So I'm sure they were learning, you know what I mean? And they did a good job, you know, for being teenagers, raising me. But for the most part, yeah. I mean, my mom. I see my mom struggle through, you know, different jobs, trying to make sure I got everything that I needed. And I think she did a great job because, honestly, I didn't even notice. We're struggling back then, you know, I've been so used to it my whole life, you know what I mean? And I think the part that really affected me the most was holidays.
- [22:47]
Alanized
Okay.
- [22:48]
Benny Sullivan
Because I always had to, like, divide my time, you know, like, if I'm in Chris on Christmas, I'm, you know, with my mom in the morning. I'm with my dad at night, night. You know what I mean? So those are the times where I felt like I was affected the most because, you know, sometimes we're having so much fun, and my mom's like, oh, like, I didn't want.
- [23:04]
Alanized
I gotta go.
- [23:04]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, I gotta leave, you know, but, like, I'll have good times at both parts, but I just kind of sometimes wish, like, it would all be together. But I think holidays was the hardest for me other than that, you know, I think we divided everything equally. Yeah.
- [23:16]
Alanized
Would you ever, like, talk to your parents about, like, your feelings with that? Like, would you ever be like, oh, I wish you guys were together?
- [23:22]
Benny Sullivan
Oh, of course.
- [23:22]
Alanized
Or would you ever choose sides growing up? Or was it something kind of. That you just dealt on your own?
- [23:27]
Benny Sullivan
I think I did talk. Talk about that when I was younger, so my dad would. I remember when I was younger, younger, my dad would come over to my mom's, you know, family, because my. My family would still embrace my dad. You know, he. They know him. He lived with my. With my aunt for, like, years. So, like, we're everyone. Everyone was pretty close with each other, you know, But I think things are different when he remarried. And, you know, you know, it got complicated, of course, so he didn't want, you know, he wasn't coming over as much. But, yeah, I mean, I just kind of learned how to divide my time. And. And that's pretty much what it was, you know.
- [23:57]
Alanized
You know, cuentas. That your mom almost essentially became a single mom, you know? Raising, you know, what was that like, seeing your mom go through, you know, maybe struggles financially, emotionally? Did you ever see her kind of, like, physically struggle?
- [24:12]
Benny Sullivan
There were signs, for sure, when I was younger, and now that I'm older, I can notice what those signs were. You know what I mean? I remember when I got, like, some money for Christmas, you know, and I used to be so excited just looking in because I put it in, like, a little box, right. And I had the code and everything. Every day I should look at it, like, damn, I got money. I'm ready to buy some, like, toys. No, it was like a hundred dollars or something, Right. So it was a lot for me back then. Right. So I was always excited just looking at every day. And then one day, I looked, right. It was gone. I was like. I was like, hold on. I closed it and I opened it again. I was like. I was like, what the hell's going on? So I asked. I told my mom. Yeah, right. I told my mom, like, where's my money? Like, I lost it and this. And. And she tried to play the part, like, oh, I don't know, mijo. Like this. And, you know, whatever. Turns out, years later, she couldn't pay the rent that month.
- [25:03]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [25:03]
Benny Sullivan
So she had to use that money to help her pay the rent. And at that time, I didn't know that was the situation, you know, I was. I was just upset that I didn't have my money, you know, but those are the little signs that I seen that we did kind of go through a little struggle. But, I mean, she, of course, compensated for that in other ways, you know, So I wasn't really tripping about it too much, but. Yeah, just little signs like that. I kind of noticed that. Yeah, my mom was. I mean, of course she was by herself, you know, probably minimum wage, I don't know, at the time. And two kids. One kid for a while. Two kids by herself. Like, it's hard out there.
- [25:38]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [25:39]
Benny Sullivan
I didn't know how she did it. Plus, she was going to college.
- [25:41]
Alanized
Oh, she's an educated queen.
- [25:43]
Benny Sullivan
Educated queen.
- [25:44]
Alanized
I love that.
- [25:44]
Benny Sullivan
My mom is like my superhero studies.
- [25:47]
Alanized
When she got pregnant with you guys, she was very much like, you know what? Graduated this responsibility. But I want to go to college.
- [25:53]
Benny Sullivan
Graduated, did it all with me. So I'm like, she's. I don't know how she did it, you know?
- [25:59]
Alanized
Do you feel like now as an adult, you know, yaki cuando yate con to mejor of that story? Like, mijo, we were struggling. It was me I came up on it.
- [26:08]
Benny Sullivan
Ah.
- [26:08]
Alanized
You know, after knowing and, you know, as you get older and you mature, do you feel like you're able to, like, almost, you know, see it in a different light? Like, oh, shit. Like, I appreciate that my mom, despite her struggling, she was doing everything she could to, like, raise us. Do you feel like that made almost your guys bond strongers?
- [26:26]
Benny Sullivan
100%. My mom is everything to me, you know, and she knows that. You know, I mean, I love being around my mom. I think a lot of what they do with us as children dictate how our relationship is going to be with them growing up.
- [26:41]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [26:41]
Benny Sullivan
You know what I mean? So right now, I think my mom is my everything. She loves my son unconditionally. She's my, you know, backbone to everything. If I need help, my mom's there. I think about things, too, that make me emotional. Like, the day. Day I lose my mom, I don't mean to make it dark, you know, the day I lose her is gonna be a bad day for me, you know, Like, I don't know how I'm gonna go through that.
- [27:03]
Alanized
I think losing a parent is like, one of those things where you're like. Like, I don't even want to imagine it. But, you know, they also say that a mother should never bury their son. So, you know, que no passes momento. But when it does, you know, I hope that you're able to grieve in a way where it's okay and that you're okay, you know, because it's hard losing, especially someone like your mother, you know, Cuenta no poguito mas de la realacion contus hermanos. You're the oldest. You have a sister, but you also have half siblings. Right. What was your relationship with them growing up? Did you get along? Did you guys argue a lot? And what was your role as the older. Did you ever feel like you had pressures of not up because you have people looking up to you?
- [27:50]
Benny Sullivan
All of my siblings are. Are technically my half siblings. My sister, my oldest one is, you know, she has a different father, but I did live with her because that's my mom's, you know, daughter. But I did have my dad's siblings, which is. I have two brothers and one sister there. But they're all little, they're all small. You know what I mean? So the oldest one, I believe, is around eight, nine, you know, so they're all younger than that. So I was already an adult by the time my dad had other children. Children, you know what I mean? But I Think I kind of grew up with my sister, my oldest one, when my mom's side, we're best friends, you know, I was 13, she was just born, and we're 13 years apart, but still, I mean, I have content with her. When I first started my YouTube channel when she was a little child, you know, so when people see her now, like, oh, my God, you got so big. Yeah. They watch her grow up. So. Yeah. I mean, I think I just had the. I don't feel like I had the pressure of, like, if anything, I just felt like we're just. Just like best friends in a way, you know?
- [28:48]
Alanized
You recently. Well, not recently, but a while back, you had bought in her car, right?
- [28:52]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. So, yeah. Shout out to SeatGeek for helping me. Yeah.
- [28:55]
Alanized
How was that moment for you, you know, to be able to give back to your sister in that way? Was that, like, a big moment for you?
- [29:01]
Benny Sullivan
It was an amazing moment. You know, I just felt like everything I worked for just paid off. Even just me doing my whole YouTube career was very different for my family. You know, I'm the first one out of the family to ever do something like this. So for them to see that happen, it was like, oh, he's doing it, you know, like this. He's actually making his dreams come true, what he said. So that was a very, like, I made it moment for me.
- [29:24]
Alanized
How did that even happen? Like, did you one day wake up and you're like, you know what? SEK is hitting me up. I'm gonna get my sister a car. Was it something you planned?
- [29:34]
Benny Sullivan
One thing about me, I was a big David Dober fan at the time, right? So every vlog, I would see him giving away cars by sea.
- [29:43]
Alanized
Geek.
- [29:44]
Benny Sullivan
And I'm like, at the time, I had a SeaGeek brand deal. I'm like, why can't I do it too? Like, it. So I hit up Seagi. I was like, hey, I want to do this for my sister. You know, what can we do? I was scared to ask. You know, I'm like, that's a big thing to ask. They're like, who the. You're not David Doic, bro.
- [30:01]
Alanized
We'll give you free tickets. Yeah.
- [30:04]
Benny Sullivan
But surprisingly, they were down.
- [30:06]
Alanized
Oh.
- [30:07]
Benny Sullivan
And they're like, you know what? You know, your budget was already this. We will just give you that in the car. That for the car. And I'm like, bet. Let's do it. I ended up making it happen, and, you know, the rest was history. You know, I love that.
- [30:21]
Alanized
For your sister. Yeah. And for you too. Because to be able to grow so much on social media to the point that you have a brand gifting you a car in exchange for a post, it's like, wait, you know, we're actually over free tickets? And the fact that you're getting a whole car is crazy. Crazy.
- [30:36]
Benny Sullivan
It's crazy. I wouldn't even understand how David Dober gets 10 cars at a time.
- [30:40]
Alanized
That's crazy.
- [30:41]
Benny Sullivan
You know, I'm like, that just goes.
- [30:42]
Alanized
To show, like, his reach, right? Like, in viewership, like, what the. A brand is so chill to just give out 10 cars. Let's say, what, 40, $50,000 each?
- [30:52]
Benny Sullivan
And I always think, like, how much is they making money for him? Like, I try to do the math in my head. Like, how many tickets is it buying? 10 cars? Like, I wonder if it is.
- [31:01]
Alanized
Now that you think about it that way. I'm like, wait, how many tickets is David Dobrik selling?
- [31:07]
Benny Sullivan
A lot.
- [31:08]
Alanized
He's done it multiple times.
- [31:10]
Benny Sullivan
Damn near every video.
- [31:12]
Alanized
Literally every video. I'm like, you know, tell us a little bit more about, you know, you and Sconos, that you struggled a bit in school. So how are you in middle school, high school? Would you consider yourself popular? Have you ever been in a physical fight growing up?
- [31:29]
Benny Sullivan
I have. You know, and it was all in school, so. I mean, there was times, I think, in high school when I went through my literal phase of, like, wanting to be, you know, a cool guy, you know? So, of course, you know, you want to be tough. The tough guy, you know, I mean, I wasn't very the aggressor. It was more so people just like, I don't. I don't like this guy.
- [31:50]
Alanized
I'm, like, trying you.
- [31:51]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. So I'm just like, what the. Like, what I do, you know? But it'll just happen like that. And when you meet up to fight after school at a. At a creek or something like that, that's how it happens.
- [32:00]
Alanized
You crazy.
- [32:01]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. Yeah. So it was just little things like that, but I've gotten a couple scuffles. I've been jumped when I was 15.
- [32:06]
Alanized
Oh.
- [32:07]
Benny Sullivan
By like, three guys, you know?
- [32:08]
Alanized
For what?
- [32:09]
Benny Sullivan
I just think they wanted to whip my ass for whatever reason because, like, they came up to me saying some, like, did you call this girl A? I was like, what? You know, I don't even know what they're talking about. I just think they wanted to beat my ass, you know? So how did it feel?
- [32:20]
Alanized
Ah, you're like, horrible.
- [32:24]
Benny Sullivan
Honestly, it happened so fast. I didn't even fall down they just like, boom. I just remember getting hit in the eye one time and I just went like this. And boom, they ran away. I. I just remember my mom picked me up that night and was just kind of quiet like this, and she looked at my face and my face was kind of, like, swollen right there. So that was it, you know? But I didn't tell. I didn't know who it was. Honestly, I'd never seen them before. But just little scuffles like that, you know, it wasn't like, nothing serious.
- [32:45]
Alanized
Like people just kind of trying to press you, going up to you, right?
- [32:47]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, but I think that's normal in high school, you know, especially, like, if.
- [32:51]
Alanized
You said if that was like, the environment you guys grew up, you know.
- [32:54]
Benny Sullivan
Especially the way I dress, too, it.
- [32:55]
Alanized
Could have been that, too. Was that kind of very much like, you know, gang life type of dress.
- [33:00]
Benny Sullivan
I'm the one that dressed with the super big white T shirts that went down to my knees, the. The big Jordans and the, you know, baggy clothes with the. With the red hat and just, you know, I look like some trouble, you know?
- [33:11]
Alanized
What is that word? When they approach you? There's like an actual word. What is that called? Growing up in San. If you wore a certain type of attire and you were out in public and there was like cholos out there, like, what is that word? When they'd approach you, Check, like, where they ask you where you're from.
- [33:30]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, where you're from. They check you.
- [33:31]
Alanized
They check you, right? Is that like, what kind of like.
- [33:33]
Benny Sullivan
It's kind of like that. It's like, if you look the part, they're going to ask you, like, where you from? Where you from, bro? And me, I'm just like, I'm from Stockton, bro. I don't know. Yeah, literally, that's the thing. Like, I just. I dress like that because that's what I see, you know? And that's just what my friends wore, my family wore. But I wasn't ever, like, partaking in the gang violence or anything.
- [33:52]
Alanized
It's just more you were inspired by the culture you were around, going back to growing up in Santa Ana. A lot of my friends, my girlfriends, they were into that life, and I was always the Midoso life or what, the chola life. Like, I swear to God, they were with the street, you know, and they would be like, kind of like the hoes.
- [34:07]
Benny Sullivan
Ah, the cheerleader of the street.
- [34:10]
Alanized
The cheerleader of the street. I would come around with them and I'd be fucking scared because I. They'd bring me around these cholitos, you know, I remember at the time I was starting to do makeup, and there was this one cholito and pastas cancer. Because later I found out he died. He was actually really cool. He used to press me about, like, me wearing makeup. He used to be like, so what? You want people a girl? I told py like, no, no, like me, I'm terrorized. Cuz I was like, did he have.
- [34:34]
Benny Sullivan
Like tattoos on his face? Looking crazy?
- [34:36]
Alanized
He did. And you know what's so crazy? He had a bullet stuck in his head because he. It was going to like, cause him to die.
- [34:44]
Benny Sullivan
No way.
- [34:44]
Alanized
Yes. It was crazy. I'm telling you.
- [34:47]
Benny Sullivan
Did he have like a titanium st right there?
- [34:50]
Alanized
I'm like, I had a worse life than Betty. I just kidding.
- [34:53]
Benny Sullivan
You grew up in the trenches, bro.
- [34:54]
Alanized
I swear to God, it was scary. You know, we were in high school, and I feel like as kids, you kind of don't see that, you know what I mean? You went to school to college, so what were you studying for? And also during college, you dropped out to pursue your YouTube career. Quot what made you decide to drop out?
- [35:16]
Benny Sullivan
Not a lot of people know this, but I was kind of a late bloomer when it came to the social media stuff. I started my social media career when I was like 23, 20, 24, so I was a little older. I went to college straight out of High School, 18 years old at the time, I didn't know what I was going to do. I just kind of went to college because I felt like that's what I needed to do to be successful, you know what I mean? I kind of was going to college for other people just to impress my family or kind of let my family know that I did something with myself the whole time. I kind of really didn't feel like it was for me. That's why I was so quick to be like, I'm done. You know, I was doing a nursing, going into the medical field. I was doing all these, you know, science classes, doing this and that. Right before I made it it to the, to the nursing class or the nursing program, I was like, this is not for me. I'm gonna do YouTube full time. Fuck this. Because at that time, I was a videographer, so I was filming for other people. That's how I started my career.
- [36:04]
Alanized
The intros, I remember, yeah, I was doing intros.
- [36:06]
Benny Sullivan
I was filming quinceaneras, weddings, other YouTubers. I was filming other people and kind of vlogging for myself at the Time. What kept me afloat was working for other people while I was trying to maintain my own career.
- [36:18]
Alanized
Was that like your full time job? Kind of.
- [36:20]
Benny Sullivan
Well, I was working a job too. I was working at Amazon, I was working at a Italian restaurant, going to school and videography.
- [36:28]
Alanized
Your mom being an educated queen, how was it like when you came to her? Like, look, mom, like me, I'm going to take my chances, drop out of college and go pursue that dream. How did your mom take the news and how did you approach her about it?
- [36:42]
Benny Sullivan
It was hard to explain it, but thank God she was very supportive. Very supportive. She's always seen my, my vision, you know, she knew that I was serious, she knew, knew that I was gonna, you know, excel in it. But she always wanted me to have the plan B, like, maybe you shouldn't drop out, like maybe do that on your spare time and still go to college and this and that. But realistically I just didn't have the time to do both. So I was like, you know what, I'm gonna just do this and you support me, you support me, then that's what's up, you know.
- [37:12]
Alanized
Was it scary for you to take that leap of faith? Because, you know, I feel like when you're doing social media, I mean, I dropped out my first three months of college because that's kind of when I, I was like blowing up and making money. But it was kind of scary because social media isn't promised, you know, you're like. And I've always said to be able to succeed in social media, it's scary, you guys, but you really do have to take that like leap of faith, like chinga sumadre. I'm gonna drop everything I'm doing and really focus full time on social media because you gotta lock in. How was that for you? Was it scary to like almost not make it at the time?
- [37:46]
Benny Sullivan
I was not scared scared. I don't know why. I think at the time I was still making a good amount of money, I had a good amount of clients as far as like videography went. So if it didn't work, I would just kind of go back, you know, But. But that was your plan B. Yeah. So I'm like, all right, it didn't work. But I wasn't thinking about, about it at the time. I just like, I'm gonna do this and that's it. You know, I didn't think about if it wasn't gonna work. I didn't think nothing of it. Like, I just believed in myself that much. You know, and I maxed out my credit cards, I bought a camera, computer, all this stuff, and boom.
- [38:19]
Alanized
I really do feel like you really blew up because of your editing style. Yeah, I remember when you were, like, blowing up, because I'm telling you guys, I've known Benny for so long. I want to say almost.
- [38:30]
Benny Sullivan
When did we meet?
- [38:31]
Alanized
I don't fucking know. Maybe I don't.
- [38:34]
Benny Sullivan
I don't remember exactly.
- [38:35]
Alanized
I've been knowing you for so long.
- [38:36]
Benny Sullivan
Though, because I remember when you were doing the intros.
- [38:38]
Alanized
I remember all that. But I do remember, you know, you blowing up. And I really feel like what really stood out about you was your editing style. Your editing style was very particular. Particular in the industry that no one else was doing it. Like, you. How long would that take you?
- [38:55]
Benny Sullivan
I mean, I would spend 12 hours at least on. On vlogs. I would just be at the thing for hours, like, learning how to edit as I'm editing. So, like, I'm like, I want to do this. Let me learn how to do it. And then I would, like, go back to it. And I'm like. I'm like, I always wanted to impress my fans, like, as far as, like, how my videos are, because that's what they expected. Oh, I can't wait for Benny's video.
- [39:16]
Alanized
Because the montages, it was gonna be lit.
- [39:19]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, they're like, oh, I've seen everyone's video, but I can't wait for Benny's because Benny's gonna. Going to be lit, you know? So, like, I had. I felt the pressure of, like, all right, I had to make this one a lit.
- [39:26]
Alanized
So all those editing skills was just you on your own. You never want to.
- [39:30]
Benny Sullivan
I learned it on YouTube, everything.
- [39:32]
Alanized
And that's, like, crazy, because even I tried to learn certain things because you would do those, like, edits.
- [39:39]
Benny Sullivan
I would pop you out and make you go, I swear I put wings on you. You start flying away, dude.
- [39:45]
Alanized
I'm like, damn, AI. Before AI, I swear to God, it.
- [39:48]
Benny Sullivan
Would take a long time.
- [39:53]
Alanized
But you really were doing a lot.
- [39:57]
Benny Sullivan
It paid out. I mean, you guys, it would take me, like, 30 minutes to an hour just for, like, five seconds of the video. Like, it would do. I would do that for the whole video.
- [40:06]
Alanized
Did editing ever become, like, not fun to you because you were, like, putting so much effort into it?
- [40:11]
Benny Sullivan
Honestly, it. It did, you know, And I think a turning point in my career is when I mess. I messed up when I started getting editor myself, because when I started getting more subscribers, more viewers, of course, brands reach out now, you know, now they want you to, you know, place them in your videos. Now you're working on their time, now you're working on their deadlines. So I'm feeling the pressure now, you know, so I'm like, I can't do three videos this week. Like I just don't have time. So I ended up getting editors, you know, and I'm like, all right, so I want you to fit this vibe, but like I need it. But it never fit the exact, you know. So I think that was one part that I kind of struggled with was finding somebody that was going to edit like how I was.
- [40:55]
Alanized
That is in your brain almost.
- [40:56]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. But it was so impossible, you know what I mean? Because when I get it back, like, yeah, it's cool, but I still feel like it needs this, it needs that, you know, like. So it just got to the point where like, damn, like I'm stressed out. It feels like an actual job now, you know. But I'm blessed. It did turn into a point where like it was. It started to get very stressful to keep up with that. And like, you know, I just want. I'm one person, bro.
- [41:18]
Alanized
So also the expectation because like you said, people are already expect this.
- [41:22]
Benny Sullivan
Exactly.
- [41:22]
Alanized
From Benny. So when they see maybe something go from like, oh, Benny, like did it so good in this video and then you get an editor and it's like, oh, what the happened? Yeah, this is not baddie Ben Equality. Like, what the.
- [41:35]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. And people will call it out and be like, yo, what's up with. Like this doesn't feel like, you know. Yeah. And I was like, like people are noticing, you know. So I'm like, damn. So it did get a little stressful here and there, but I think right now it's like I found a good middle point to where I figured out how to do everything.
- [41:53]
Alanized
Before you started making money and blowing up on social media, did you ever have people around you that were like, hi Benny. Like, did you ever have people that almost didn't believe in your vision? If so Quintanos, who and how that made you feel?
- [42:08]
Benny Sullivan
No, honestly, I didn't. A lot of my whole career, a lot of people, everybody was very supportive, bro. You know, I've met other creators that just amplified it for me. Like I have, you know, good friends, Bo Maria from us always. When I met them, they honestly motivated me to work harder, you know, Like I cuz I was by myself in Stockton doing this. There's not a lot of influencers out there that were doing what I was Doing. So when I started coming more south, I started meeting other people that were doing this. And when I met them, I seen them posting almost every day. I'm like, how do you do that even? You know, and being around, like, that's why I'm so, like, I advocate for surround yourself with people that have the same vision as you because that's gonna amplify how you feel to make you do better. And that's exactly how I felt when I got with them. So I think meeting them was a good stepping stone to help me get to where I am today too, and.
- [43:05]
Alanized
To help you stay motivated. Because it's so easy in, you know, this career or in this, you know, professional, whatever the fuck you wanna call it in Estachamba. It's so easy to get fucking, you know, discourage. And it's so easy for when you have that momentum to be like, oh, I'm always going to be on top. Let me just chillax. Let me like, chill out. I always think about that because a lot of people even tell me like, alan, like, you've been doing this for so long and like. And I'm like, it's because you can never get too comfortable. Because the moment you get comfortable.
- [43:40]
Benny Sullivan
I experienced that firsthand, literally.
- [43:42]
Alanized
I feel like we all have, like, we've seen how fast social media moves, you know, social medias. What do you think? Think are the pros and cons of social media and also being in the space, you know, have hate comments ever got into you? If so, what are the type of hate comments or just type of comments that get to you?
- [43:59]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, I mean, hate comments always come. It comes with it, you know, and for me, I felt like it never bothered me, but because I am with Alondra, she a bad, a baddie. That gets a lot of criticism sometimes, you know, I don't know what it is, but people really criticize females online a lot, you know, so I understand where she, you know, how she feels about certain things. So I would always get hate, you know, but it just never would bother me, you know, I'm like, I post it next video, on to the next one, you know. But when I got with her, I started noticing, like, okay, comments do affect people a little bit. I don't know, I mean, for me it never bothered me. But for other people, I noticed. So it kind of like, like now when I got with her, I noticed that I can't say certain things or film certain things.
- [44:41]
Alanized
You almost had be more considerate for.
- [44:43]
Benny Sullivan
Consider for other people in my videos.
- [44:45]
Alanized
Now I know exactly what you mean. Because, like, to me, too, I'm very much like, obviously, yes. I feel like even when I started blowing up, I would get a lot of criticism over my way over how I would talk, but I would be like, ah, girl, like, whatever. Moving on, it's paid.
- [45:02]
Benny Sullivan
Like, yeah, exactly right?
- [45:04]
Alanized
Like, what the. I don't care. But then when you bring, like, for me, what started happening was I started bringing my friends into my vlogs, my family into my vlogs. Even that one. Even if, like, there's 500 comments and one comment was about a friend, I would see how much that one comment would affect them. And to me, I'm like, bitch, ignore it. It's just one person. They don't know you, but it really can affect someone else if they don't have that same mindset. And it does become a little harder as a content creator because you're like, oh, we fuck around like that. Like, it's not that big of a deal. But then when you have that third person, which is the audience almost making you feel like, oh, you're a bitch.
- [45:41]
Benny Sullivan
But I think. I think that point that you. That you made is very important to be successful in this field because a lot of people come up to me and they'll be like, how do you do it? What's. What's your advice? You know, how do you do this? How do you do that? I'm. I'm. My advice to them is don't care what people say and just do it. Like, a lot of people stop because they're afraid of what people think about them. Like, who gives a. Nobody in person tells me the. That I see online.
- [46:05]
Alanized
Exactly.
- [46:06]
Benny Sullivan
Nobody came up to me and will, like, bully me in person.
- [46:09]
Alanized
Like, they. It's because people just fucking get the trolls. Exactly. So you have to fucking accept people for what they are. Lesson of the day, let the trolls be trolls and let you be the winners. I swear to God. But it is very easy to get dismotivated, you know, because at the end of day, we are human.
- [46:25]
Benny Sullivan
I mean, I feel like there's two people in this world. You want to be the consumer or the creator.
- [46:29]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [46:30]
Benny Sullivan
And there's consequences to both. You know, you want to be the consumer.
- [46:34]
Alanized
Then when I first started doing social media, I feel like also because I would post so much.
- [46:40]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah.
- [46:40]
Alanized
I would post Monday through Fridays every single day for, like, three years straight. And when I was doing that, you run out of ideas of what to film. So a lot of my content was replying back to my haters, right? Because I used to think like, hehe, haha, like I'm going to make a buck off of you, bitch.
- [46:55]
Benny Sullivan
So now that you're saying that, right, do you feel like responding to it was a good thing or a bad thing?
- [47:01]
Alanized
You know what I feel now, going back to where you were saying you don't really care going on with your next video, I feel like that's my mindset now. Now if anyone's talking shit about me, thinks something about me, or even, you know, has an idea is far from the truth. I don't even need to address it. Why? Because even when I would address and I'm like, how are you gonna tell me, you know, who I am as a person on a 10 minute video?
- [47:32]
Benny Sullivan
Exactly. And I learned that myself too, you know. And I feel like when once you do get, you know, hate or whatever the case may, may be, you feel like it's very amplified just because it's directed towards you. But your audience don't really see it. So once you respond to it, you're giving that more light now your audiences see it. So I learned that the hard way too because I would respond rarely I would respond to things and when I do, people don't really care, you know what I mean? So I feel like, fuck, I just responded for nothing. Now people, more people know about it.
- [48:00]
Alanized
You know, so literally you're giving them a platform on your platform.
- [48:03]
Benny Sullivan
Exactly. So now I learned to like let it just pass.
- [48:07]
Alanized
Like I really do feel like that, you know, through social media. Sal Munchas, Cosas Bonitas, you know, you also started your music through your social media, you know, so what made you start thinking like, you know what, I want to create songs, I want to do music.
- [48:24]
Benny Sullivan
Honestly, the music thing just kind of came just spontaneous, you know, I just kind of in my vlogs, in the beginning I would just play with my friends, kind of freestyle, like music, we're drunk playing around. And then I just got comments a lot saying man, you should make music like it. This freestyle is good, you should try, actually try. So that's what motivated me is my own, you know, audience was telling me, why don't you actually try to make a song? So I did and they loved it, you know, so I was like it, let's keep going. You know, and I just started making more music and more music. And let me tell you, like the whole music thing just blew up further than my expectations. Like it was insane. It went everywhere. It was on radio, playing in clubs and this and that. I'm like, wow, like, from just playing around.
- [49:07]
Alanized
How was it, like, the first time? What was the first song you ever recorded? And what was it like, you know, hearing yourself back, like, oh, damn. Like, I actually sound legit. Legit. Because I misses when you're around, you're like, ah, no, Like, I'm around. But then when you do it, you're like, damn, this sounds like a legit song.
- [49:22]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, it's different. So my first song I ever wrote and went to the studio for was Broke. That was my very first song I ever wrote, and I was not serious at all. I didn't know anything about music. I didn't know nothing about writing anything. So that was my first. My first one, and people actually liked it. And now even. Not even to mention, that's probably one of the songs I listen to right now, and I kind of cringe a little bit. I was like, oh. Like, it doesn't sound like I could do better. But people love it, though. So it's like, I didn't expect for people to really like this song because it's kind of ratchet, you know, it's like there's no meaning to the song besides partying, you know, so it wasn't, like, too deep, but people loved it, you know, and that's what I think. We're going to. The Montana trip was a big one that people start playing it, and other influencers in the trip were playing it. So that kind of, like, blew it up. Even blew it up more, you know? And then I dropped the one with Alondra, our first one, which went super.
- [50:14]
Alanized
Is that the Put me on one?
- [50:15]
Benny Sullivan
Put you on?
- [50:16]
Alanized
Put you on? Yeah.
- [50:17]
Benny Sullivan
The first one I dropped with her was like, I tell you our love story has to. We have to make a movie out of this, I'm telling you.
- [50:25]
Alanized
What's your process like when creating music? Like, do you start with the beat, with the lyrics? Do you kind of have someone writing it with you? Like, what's that process like, as, you know, an artist?
- [50:35]
Benny Sullivan
At first it was more so just the beat. I'll find a beat. I like this one. Let me write to it, you know, and my writing process is super slow, so I have to be at home doing it, because if I do it at the studio, we're going to be there for 10 hours, you know, like.
- [50:47]
Alanized
You have to come prepared.
- [50:48]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, I'm coming prepared, you know, But I did have some, you know, I met some people in the field, some. Some friends I made music with, with, and then it started becoming to a point where we would all just meet up there and we bounce ideas off each other, like, all right, you help me write this part. All right, I'll write this part. So I did have writers too, you know, that would help me too. So it just became like a fun thing to do, you know, with your friends.
- [51:09]
Alanized
Has it become harder now? You know, I feel like you're a full time dad. You're also a content creator, and you're also trying to pursue your music career. Do you feel like it's gotten harder as the years have gone to, like, focus and lock in into your music because you're trying to juggle so many things?
- [51:24]
Benny Sullivan
Oh, 100%. 100%. I feel like when my son came, everything got put on hold a little bit, you know, because I didn't want to miss no time with him. I. I'm obsessed with being a dad, you know, I love being a dad. That's my number one thing I love being is a dad. Thank you, Alondra, for making this happen for me. You know, like, I. I love her dearly, but she made my dreams come true with being a dad, you know.
- [51:46]
Alanized
And if that meant putting your career on hold, so be it.
- [51:50]
Benny Sullivan
I did. You know, I kind of just.
- [51:51]
Alanized
Just.
- [51:51]
Benny Sullivan
I just, I. I just was soaking up everything. And yeah, I was still uploading at the time, but I wasn't as, like, you know, active. I was more so just being at home, you know, taking care of, you know, my family. It was a big struggle at the time because we were both kind of adjusting to the parent life and we didn't know, you know, we're both tired. We're. Not to mention we both move far from our family, so we had no help. You know, we're just kind of together, figuring things out. So of course we fight with each other. You know, we would be irritated with each other. We're both tired. Tired. Like, we went through it. We went through a rough patch in our relationship, but I think, you know, us going through that made us even stronger today. And I'm just, you know, happy and proud of where we are today. And we have a beautiful, loving family. Our son, very happy, very loving. He has a full, like, crazy personality. I love personality.
- [52:43]
Alanized
And I feel like you guys get that all the time.
- [52:45]
Benny Sullivan
People love him.
- [52:46]
Alanized
He's like a mix, a great mix of you and Alondra together.
- [52:50]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah.
- [52:50]
Alanized
And he's literally his own person. I feel like even sometimes when I watch the Tik Toks, I'm like, I'm not even paying attention, y'. All, like, what is he doing? I swear to God he does.
- [52:59]
Benny Sullivan
People want pictures with him in person. I'm like, yeah, Benny. Anyways, where's at? Where's Lee?
- [53:03]
Alanized
Yeah. They're like, y'.
- [53:04]
Benny Sullivan
All. Yeah, really?
- [53:06]
Alanized
Star, Literally.
- [53:07]
Benny Sullivan
All right. You got to keep the legacy going, man.
- [53:10]
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- [54:20]
Alanized
Tell us a little bit more. Who made the first move and what was the beginning of the relationship?
- [54:27]
Benny Sullivan
Like, do you have time? Because we're gonna be here for a while. No, but yeah, I mean, Alondra came by on my for you page one one day. Yeah, right? This was the time. I was a videographer. I remember the exact time. I was filming a wedding at the time. Right? I was filming a wedding. I had a notification on my phone. Alondra Desi just followed me on Instagram. I was like, you know, I was tripping. I was like, what? Because before that, I knew who Alondra Desi was. You know, I've seen her on my page. I, you know, double tap. I try to get her attention here and there, you know? And I ended up making a Smasher Pass video video that I put her in. It just kind of hopefully it'll get to her, you know? And it did. So that's how she followed me and she posted me on her story saying, oh, Benny's so funny. I love his editing this and that. And I was like, this is a dream come true. I Don't know what it is, you know, and then we ended up, you know, kind of talking, meeting. We met only online. It wasn't in person, you know. And then time passed, you know, we kind of separated a little bit. We, you know, and we met again spontaneously again in Montana in the trip we went to a good. A big influencer trip, you guys. That was the very, you know, the trip that I met Alondra and the rest was history. We honestly did not separate after that.
- [55:48]
Alanized
Did you guys see each other, like, almost every day after? Because. No.
- [55:53]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. So she lived in Los Angeles. I lived in Stockton still, but I flew out of Los Angeles because I was with, you know, us always, which were. They're in Bakersfield, so they went to LAX that way. As soon as I flew back, I didn't go back home. I was. I was there. You know, this is.
- [56:13]
Alanized
It's crazy. What was a moment for you? You know, because, you know, looking back, you know, you guys had that iconic asking her out video. What was it? Cancun or Cancun? Cancun, right? Yes. Which. Yeah, I feel like that was also a very big moment online too. Like, everyone was just waiting for Benny to, like, pull the trigger and ask her out. What was it like leading up to asking her out? What was the moment that you were like, you know what? Like, I actually want to pursue a relationship with her. Did you have a moment where you're like, I'm actually going to take this serious and go all in?
- [56:43]
Benny Sullivan
I knew that from the moment I met her, Alan. I was like, you know what? I'm not letting this one in a million chance just go, like, I'm not going home. Like, this is it. If I go home, it might be it, you know, so I'm like, I'm going stay here, work, you know, try to make this happen. And, you know, I made it happen and I was pretty much it, you know, and a little bit of. Of tea before actually making the official video. We're kind of already, like. Kind of.
- [57:15]
Alanized
Yeah, kind of. You're like, official. Like, you were already excited. Was exclusive. Okay, okay. She was like, it's going to happen, even if it doesn't.
- [57:22]
Benny Sullivan
She just waiting on me.
- [57:24]
Alanized
Yeah, she probably went into that trip, like, if it doesn't happen now, if.
- [57:27]
Benny Sullivan
It doesn't happen here.
- [57:30]
Alanized
Already. And I'm glad it happened. That video was so beautifully made, too. It almost was like a love story in a video to her. It was so nicely edited, produced. You know what it was like at the beginning, beginning dating. Both of you guys being in the limelight, you know, because I feel like once you share something so personal to the public, yet those didn't opinions. What was that like at the beginning? Did you guys get any criticism? Did you guys get any backlash? Or what was it like? You know, just dating in the spotlight.
- [57:59]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. So, I mean, I remember in the beginning when we first came back from Montana, you know, we're kind of, like, laying low. We weren't really, like, posting. I remember I would, like, preview her. Like, I would post close her, like, her hand or her foot. Like, yeah, like her little toe. And then people were like, oh, my God, they're together. Like, people would just love it, you know, so we're kind of like, all right, when should we, like, you know, make it official? Official or whatever. I remember we would go out, right? And people were just like, I remember One Tick Tock went viral because people saw us in public and we're together, and at the time, we weren't, you know, publicly together together. So that went viral and people were like, oh, my God, like, they're together. I know they're together. Like, just kind of like, like picking at it. You know, in the beginning, we're kind of like gatekeeping it a little bit. Like, we weren't going out. We weren't like, publicly showing each other, like, nothing.
- [58:49]
Alanized
Was it more because you wanted to keep it more to you guys? Yeah. Or just because of online?
- [58:54]
Benny Sullivan
It was a little bit of both. Okay. Once you care for something, you want to protect it. You know what I mean? And I knew once we started becoming a little bit more public with it is when people started having a little bit more opinion. Opinions on it.
- [59:05]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [59:05]
Benny Sullivan
You know, so once we did, people were like, oh, but, you know, Benny's not ready. Or Benny's this. Or you know, she's not ready. Like, they. They put it. They chime in a little bit. So that's another reason why we didn't want to, like, fully just say, oh, we're together now.
- [59:22]
Alanized
Would you guys have conversations about those comments, like, in the BTS of stuff? Like, would you be like, let's say you were getting a lot of backlash, like, Alondra Ron, like, he's not ready. Would you be, like, almost reassuring her, like, hey, I know you see the comments. I see them too. But let me just let you know that I want everything with you. What was that like?
- [59:40]
Benny Sullivan
I think we both kind of ignored the comments. We're just like, we're on cloud nine. You know, we both enjoyed each Other so much. We're just like. We're in heaven, you know, we're just. That's just the. We're still in the honeymoon phase till this day. But, like, at the time, we just. We didn't even care to post it. In which I think about it now, now, right? I'm like, there's so many ways we could have monetized it crazier, but we're so into each other that we didn't think about the monetization. It just kind of came with it, you know, so many people were like, dming me that I watched, right? I remember Fouseytube DM me like, you guys are the next family that made it like this now. Like, whoa. Like, this is crazy. You know, I remember getting, like, a bunch of reposts. You know how you could see, like, how many people repost you on Instagram? It was always just unlimited, like, crazy. Hundreds of reposts every. Every day. Every day. And we're all over everyone's for you page. Everything. It was crazy. It was.
- [60:31]
Alanized
How did that feel? Did it almost come with pressure, too? Because, you know, obviously when you're in a relationship, it's you and that person, right? And then you make it public. You guys become the it couple. Everyone's talking about you guys, everyone's inputting. Did it almost come with pressure, too? Like, online at least?
- [60:49]
Benny Sullivan
No, I mean, it. It was pressure, but we enjoyed it. You know, we're like. We knew people were really, like, looking forward to seeing us, you know, so we were just like, yeah, there's pressure, but we're just ourselves, you know, so we just kind of displayed it to everybody, and they're just loving it and loving it, and then, yeah, the rest is history, you know, until now.
- [61:10]
Alanized
When she made you a dad. Let's talk all about that. And, you know, she becomes the mother. Tell you the news. How did you react? Did she have symptoms leading up to her telling you?
- [61:27]
Benny Sullivan
It was one of the biggest surprises I've ever had in my life. Like, I was genuinely surprised when she told me she was pregnant because I did not expect it at all. She's normal of having irregular periods, you know, TMI a little bit. But I was like, ah, you know, it's gonna come, you know, like, it's gonna come. I remember I. I flew out to Stockton, just me. I had something going on, on over there, and I came back once. I flew back, you know, that's when she had the surprise for me. She picked me up at the airport, didn't notice a thing, right? I didn't notice nothing. I was like, all right, whatever. We got. We got back to the house. She was like, I got a gift for you. I was like, oh, that's sweet. You know, she bought me something she missed me.
- [62:05]
Alanized
Louis Vuitton.
- [62:07]
Benny Sullivan
That's cute little guy.
- [62:09]
Alanized
New Dior shoes. I swear, right?
- [62:11]
Benny Sullivan
I was like, okay, hey, like, just a random gift. Cool. Like, it wasn't out of the ordinary for her to gift me things, you know, because we would gift each other things. So I was like, cool. You know what I get this time? You know? And then she gave me a shoe box. I was like, what? No way. And the funny thing, I think back about it, too, is that, like, I grabbed the shoe box and it was light.
- [62:30]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [62:31]
Benny Sullivan
But I didn't think nothing of it. I was like, there's no shoes in.
- [62:33]
Alanized
Here, you know, like, they're Nike Airs.
- [62:36]
Benny Sullivan
Oh, wow. The Nikes are getting better now, huh? But anyways, I'm.
- [62:40]
Alanized
Put it down.
- [62:41]
Benny Sullivan
And I'm like, all right. And then she, like, she's like, recording me. I was like, why are you recording me? These are shoes. You know? And then I opened it. I literally was in shock. Literally in shock. I still have everything. Till this day. She had a. A board with me saying that you're going to be a daddy. A. And at first, I looked at it, and I was like, I didn't even. I didn't even, like, process it, you know? And then I was like, yeah, you call me daddy. Like, and then I seen her, like, kind of crying. I was like, oh, this is serious. I was like, no way. You know? So that was like. Like, life just completely changed. The meaning of life changed right there.
- [63:18]
Alanized
How did you guys tell your guys's families? Like, did you guys do it, like, in a cute way?
- [63:21]
Benny Sullivan
Honestly, it was a bitter sweet feeling for me because at the time, Covid was. It was, you know, when everyone was scared to go out. Everything was shut down. He was a Covid baby pretty much. Right. So my family was all scared, you know, to come around or, like, to travel, whatever the case may be. It was bittersweet, I said, because I had to show them over the phone. So it was more so like, it was. It wasn't in person, but it was like. I FaceTimed everybody and I told them, you know, oh, I'm gonna be dad, so of course it's exciting. I didn't want to tell my mom like that over the phone. So of her. I told her in person, you know, I. I Got dinner with her and I told her. Her in person. And she was actually mad at me when I told her.
- [64:08]
Alanized
Why?
- [64:08]
Benny Sullivan
Not because I was having a kid, but because I told her in. In public, like at a restaurant. Why the would you tell me here? Like I'm crying and like, you know, she. She messed up her whole makeup.
- [64:20]
Alanized
I wanted to go crazy, jump up and down.
- [64:23]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, like she has to contain herself at the restaurant, you know, of course she was happy for me and you know, that's. I feel like he, he was like an angel. Angel sent from heaven. Like he was sent to us for a reason, you know what I mean? And especially for my mom too. I really feel like he was sent here for my mom.
- [64:39]
Alanized
Was that her first mieto? First and only, right?
- [64:41]
Benny Sullivan
Only. Oh, first and only.
- [64:43]
Alanized
So he has a special place in their heart forever.
- [64:46]
Benny Sullivan
First and only. He replaced me. I was like her, you know, everything now. But now he's her little Benny. That's me all over again. So.
- [64:54]
Alanized
Because he has a lot, I feel like, you know what it is? He looks a little, a lot like you, but he has a little bit. I think he has both of your guys personalities, but he's like more Alandra. So it's like a great mix. Like, looks like Benny, acts like Alandra, but also acts like you. And it's a perfect mix.
- [65:11]
Benny Sullivan
He's literally a picture of us merged, literally.
- [65:15]
Alanized
It's like when you do those like AI ones, like how is my baby going to look like?
- [65:18]
Benny Sullivan
I want to do one. I want to see if it comes.
- [65:19]
Alanized
Out, will come out. I probably get all the online pictures. Like it's the exact picture, I swear to God. You know, Alondra has been on the podcast and she shared with us before, you know, that she had a very complicated, you know, pregnancy. So on your point of view, you know, what was it like seeing Alondra go through what she was going through and you know, how did you feel? Were you scared? Did you feel hopeless?
- [65:46]
Benny Sullivan
It was alarming. You know, I did not expect pregnancy to be like this, you know, Know I. My first time dealing with it. Her first time. So it, it, it got to a point where it was just like I was really like concerned for her health, you know, cuz our doctor was so far from us. About an hour, two hours almost. And it got to a point I think what scared me the most is one day, you know, we're, you know, she was showering, whatever, it's hot, steamy in the restroom and I noticed she was like fainting, you Know, like, I was like, what the. You know, like, she's big at this. At this moment, you know, And I'm like, if I wasn't there to really, like, save her from falling, she would have fell just face forward into the ground. Yeah. So I was like, no way. Like, what the is going on? You know, we're just scared. We ended up taking her to the doctor, and she was diagnosed with the hypermysis gravidarum.
- [66:40]
Alanized
Yeah, it is. It is a very, like, tongue twister.
- [66:42]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. Yeah. So she was. She was diagnosed with that, which is morning sickness times a thousand, pretty much. She's like that 24, 7. So it got to a point where she was. I. She had to have a IV in her at home. I was the one, you know, cleaning her IVs and doing all that. So it was hard, you know, I wasn't sure if, you know, the baby was going through it, cuz, you know, she was going through it. So of course, I would assume, you know, our son was kind of going through it too. So I was scared. I didn't know what was going on. Going on. But, you know, that's why it's, you know, more power to her. Like, Alondra really, like, went through hell for this one, you know.
- [67:20]
Alanized
Did you guys have any other, like, almost pregnancy scares in the way where you guys thought things could have gone, left very quickly during her pregnancy, or was it just morning sickness all the time?
- [67:30]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. So, I mean, she kept getting hospitalized over and over again for. For her being very faint, you know, So I wasn't sure because I, you know, from my experience, I thought pregnancy was just, you know, you're gonna be okay, and then you have the baby. So me thinking there's complications of her pregnancy, I'm thinking, like, there's complications with the baby too. So I wasn't sure what was going on, you know, so me being, you know, all paranoid, I was more so just wanting her to go to the doctor constantly and like, you know, check, check, check. What's going on? You know, I had the doctor on speed dial. You know, I was like, hey, bro. Like, he's. She's experiencing this. This. This. I'm over here sending pictures. Like, I was. I was stressed out at the time, you know, and we're both. We couldn't sleep. Like, it was a hard time, you know, but definitely worth the outcome.
- [68:14]
Alanized
Do you feel like it almost made the pregnancy a little bit less enjoyable because you guys were almost on edge all the time, like, oh, my God, like, let's make sure she's okay. Like it almost made it. Not as smooth as, you know, maybe someone that had no complications would have made it.
- [68:30]
Benny Sullivan
I mean, of course, you know, there's a lot of things that we had planned, you know, a lot of shoots we wanted. I wanted her to feel, you know, I wanted her to feel good being pregnant. You know, we had a lot of plans to do content or whatever the case may be like, and she couldn't just. She couldn't do it because she was. We couldn't leave the house. You know, it was very rare for us to leave the house with her being pregnant. So. Yeah, I think we didn't get the full, you know, enjoyment of it. But, you know, I don't know. I mean, do you. I don't know if it's gonna happen every pregnancy because that's why we haven't had another one now because of that, you know.
- [69:04]
Alanized
Is it like a scary thing to think for her? Like, do you guys want more kids? But it's that that's stopping you guys?
- [69:09]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, it's. It's that, you know, and, and I understand her. I don't want, I don't want, you know, to pressure her for anything that she doesn't want to do. So it sucks in that sense, you know, because we do want a big family. I mean, I told her too before, I at least want to at least two kids, you know, at least two boy, girl, you know, even boy, boy or whatever, you know, But I don't know. We'll see, you know, I don't know. We'll see what happens.
- [69:29]
Alanized
You know, I feel like it's so hard being the guy, you know, it's so hard to try to be there for, you know, your pregnant girl because it's like you really don't know what she's feeling, how she's, what she's going through. How do you feel like you were able to be there for her?
- [69:43]
Benny Sullivan
I think we lucked out a lot because we do work online and we make our own schedule, you know what I mean? So I can't imagine someone going through this or while their, their man is out working a 9 to 5, you know, like that sucks. You know, anybody who's going through that, all the men out there, you need to really be there for your girl. Cuz she, they're really going through it, you know, and, and their body's going through all these changes. Even me, like if I feel something going on, I'm over here tripping. I'm going to straight to the doctor. So I can only imagine them, you know, so, yeah, the woman, the female anatomy is crazy.
- [70:16]
Alanized
And I think it is very important, like you said, for. I think sometimes, you know, as the. The guy, it's harder to understand what the women's going through, what their body is going through, because. Right. You're just seeing it firsthand. Like, oh, like, what do I do? I, I. You almost feel, like, hopeless because you're like. Like, I'm sure even at times she would probably be like. Like you're not doing anything, but.
- [70:41]
Benny Sullivan
Exactly.
- [70:41]
Alanized
Just seeing you not being able to do is probably, like, pissing her off because she's, like, dealing with shit, you.
- [70:46]
Benny Sullivan
Know, because not only does it take a toll on you physically, but mentally it does too. You know, I seen her going through it, you know, mentally as well. Like, her body's not, you know, working. I'm sure it does a lot to your head, you know, like, she physically couldn't work, you know, so she felt the stress of not working and this and that, you know, And I kind of had to reassure her that everything's going to be okay. Like, I got you, you know, like, don't worry about it. Like, I'll. You want me to vlog you? I'll do it, you know, like, anything you need, need. So just reassurance, I think, really goes a long way.
- [71:15]
Alanized
Do you feel like it affected you emotionally, too?
- [71:17]
Benny Sullivan
Of course. Yeah. So, I mean, me feeling helpless, you know, I think was a big one. The thing with me, too, is my family was a big support system for me. And I think me moving was like, I got stripped away from my whole support system, you know, So I had to learn myself how to handle all this by myself, you know, so that was a big transition for me as well. So we ended up, you know, having, you know, complications with that, you know, so there's so many things she's going through. Pregnancy, you know, you know, maybe we're going through relationship problems, whatever the case may be. I'm going through family problems. There's so many things that piled up at the time. You know, it did take a toll on me mentally as well. You know, I try not to, like, show it to her, you know, because I gotta, you know, keep strong for her because she's going through it herself. It's not gonna help if both you.
- [72:04]
Alanized
Need to be backbone.
- [72:05]
Benny Sullivan
Exactly. So, you know, deep down, you know, in the back of my head, I didn't know what the hell I was doing, you know, I was just kind of going through it, trying to figure it out myself. And, you know, there are some sacrifices that I made with my own personal life, career, wherever the case may be. But we figured it out, you know, and we. We're here now.
- [72:23]
Alanized
So, you know, after that rocky, you know, pregnancy. Tell us a little bit about that. You know, how did that change your whole world for you after becoming a dad for the first time this time, what was it like also adjusting to becoming a dad because. Right. What was it like now that you're like, wait, we have a big responsibility. Becoming parents is more than just the title. What was that transitional face for you and for her?
- [72:56]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, I remember looking at her. We looked at each other one day. I'm like, are we parents looking know who let us be parents? You know, like, damn. We didn't expect how hard it was gonna be. It's hard, you know, it's really hard. He can really push our buttons, and we lose sleep. Like, it's. It's definitely tough, you know? Yeah, it's cute. You know, a lot of people say, oh, it's cute to have kid, but you better be ready for it, you know, because they're gonna bring a lot out of you. But honestly, the. The reward, like, it just doesn't. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't matter to me. Like, it's a different of type. Type of love that I've never experienced before.
- [73:30]
Alanized
Did you guys have, like, a lot of, like, sleepless nights at the beginning?
- [73:32]
Benny Sullivan
Oh, yeah, of course. We lucked out because he would sleep throughout the whole night. But even my mom, like I said, my backbone. She came when he was born, and for. She stayed with us for two weeks. She helped us out with him and let us, you know, rest whenever we needed rest. So thank, you know, thank her for that. But we lucked out because he slept throughout the whole night. But of course, you know, he wakes up here and there. But my perspective in life really changed a lot, you know, Like, a lot of things didn't even matter to me anymore. I just wanted to be with him 24 7. So it was like, you know, my friends, but, hey, bro, we're gonna go out tonight. You want to hit? You want to come with us? I'm like, nah, I'm gonna be chilling. You know, I'm here with my son. You know what I mean? So, like, I find different joys and different things because I'm in the next chapter in my life. So it's like partying and clubbing. It's like, all right, that. That was fun. I Did that. But this is fun, too, you know, this is a new experience for me.
- [74:22]
Alanized
Becoming parents, especially in, you know, the industry we're at. Because, like I was saying, did it ever. You know, because I just had this conversation with my sw. Like, I have a lot of friends that are parents now. You know, we're pushing 30. You know, a lot of my friends that are parents feel like they're missing out because. Because, like, they see me, you know, going out all the time, not really having any responsibilities other than my dogs. Like, I totally understand where I might feel like I'm missing out, because when my friends are 40, 50, and their kids are 20, 25, and their kids are taking care of my friends and taking them out to eat to do this, like, who's gonna take care of care of me? Not take care, but, like, who's gonna be worried about, like, oh, how's my dad doing?
- [75:14]
Benny Sullivan
You know what I mean?
- [75:14]
Alanized
So I always think about it very much, like, oh, my friends might feel like they're missing out on partying now, where I might feel that way. Did you ever feel that way? Like, maybe seeing your friends, you know, still continuing the lives that they had? Did you ever felt like you were missing out because now you were a dad?
- [75:32]
Benny Sullivan
I think a little bit further in, like, when my. My son got a little older, I think we kind of felt like, dang, damn. You know, we got super obsessed with being parents. That was one thing that I always talk about, too, is, like, we became parent. We're on parent mode for, like, so long that we forgot about us, you know, like, oh, we're. We still need to do our own thing, too, you know? So that's one thing that I like to talk about, is just learning how to divide your time so you don't forget who you are as a person, aside from being a parent. You couple. Exactly.
- [76:02]
Alanized
Yeah. How was that for you guys? You know, obviously, did ever get to a point where, like, hey, you know what? We're putting too much attention to our son. What about us?
- [76:12]
Benny Sullivan
Oh, hell, yeah.
- [76:12]
Alanized
How was that?
- [76:13]
Benny Sullivan
We went through it a lot, man. I mean, there's points where we never went out. You know, we stopped going on our dates. You know what I mean? And things, you know, slowed down, so of course things got rocky. But at the time, we didn't notice that, like, oh, shit. Like, we still need to have our alone time. We still need to do this, still need to do that. So, yeah, of course, we have had a little rocky moment. We didn't prioritize our Relationship.
- [76:35]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [76:36]
Benny Sullivan
So that was a hard moment in our lives, and then we figured that out and now send them off to grandma's whenever we need, you know, and maybe we go on a little trip here and there. But, yeah, so, I mean, it's all. It's all learning experience, you know, and.
- [76:51]
Alanized
I feel like it's very important as couples to like, give yourselves that time, you know. You lost your cousin due to Fentan poisoning, and you've done a lot to raise awareness after his death. What was your relationship like with him prior to his death?
- [77:12]
Benny Sullivan
So everybody, you know, it's all broadcast too. You guys could see all my YouTube videos. You know, our family is very close with each other. He was in the beginning of my videos as well. We are all, all, you know, we're all very, you know, close. We always have, you know, family gatherings so people will see him. Normally, people recognized him and all that. You know, we had, you know, a cousin relationship. Right. We're really close, all the cousins. You know what I mean? Yeah, we all, you know, had a good time together. So. Yeah, I mean, we're. We're really close growing up, for sure, you know.
- [77:45]
Alanized
So did you ever see any signs that he was struggling with, like, drug abuse? And how did you get told the news? By who? And how did you react?
- [77:54]
Benny Sullivan
It's weird because we knew, you know, oh, you know, he. He smoked weed or something, you know what I mean? So it wasn't like we. We didn't see him as, like, he was struggling with. With drugs, you know, like, it kind of just caught us by surprise in, In a way. So I think it was just kind of like a, A. A thing that just happened, you know, it wasn't. Nothing led up to this, you know, we were not prepared. We did not know, like, when it happened, you know. So when I got the news that something had happened, I was in Stockton already. And the thing was, I was going to film with him that day. I was going to film with the whole family. That's why I traveled over there. So it was that morning, I remember it was me and my sister, we went to Dutch Bros. To get some coffee. And that's when I got the phone call that, you know, they said, hey, something happened to. To Junior. And I was like, what's going on? You know, and they said, oh, he. He might have overdosed. And I was like, what? And I didn't know, you know, what to think of it, but at that moment, we just. I remember just driving straight over to my grandma's house. Which. Where he lived. And that's when, you know, everything was there. We saw everything, you know.
- [79:06]
Alanized
Oh, it happened in your. Your house?
- [79:08]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, it was in my. My grandmother's house. Yeah.
- [79:10]
Alanized
When you got there, he was still, like, on the floor or on his bed, I'm assuming.
- [79:14]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. So, I mean, when we got there, a lot of the family was already there. You know, I was one of the. One of the many people that did show up at the same time. And paramedics showed up shortly after. Well, I think around the same time I showed up, the paramedics showed up. So they ran straight into the, you know, to the house, and we were just outside, you know, just, you know, we didn't want to be in the way, of course, you know, so. But one thing was I did have some family members did see the, you know, the actual thing, and one of them was, you know, my aunt Edith, which is the founder of the organization we did bring up. So she was there to witness everything. And. And we all witnessed, you know, everything as well, of him being careful, carried out things like that. So it was. It was a. It was a day just full of emotions. That day.
- [80:07]
Alanized
In that moment, was there any, like, possibility of him making it or when they took him from your guys's house, was there already, like, no esperanzas?
- [80:16]
Benny Sullivan
No, I think. I think it was already too late by the time any of us showed up. At the time, I believe it was just an overnight thing that happened that no one, you know, know, noticed. Noticed. You know what I mean? So, of course, we all had high hopes and hoping that, you know, he was going to make it out. But I think just as time progressed and we knew, you know, I started seeing that the paramedics, their urgency kind of faded away. It kind of like it gave an answer for me already, you know?
- [80:48]
Alanized
Yeah. You know, tell us about how it affected you. You know, obviously, en el moment, though, you're probably shocked. You know, you're like, what the. Is going on? Do you remember, like, the moment it hit you? Like, oh, like my cousin's gone. Like, this is what happened. And how did his passing affect you? Like, what did your days, weeks and months maybe looked like after his passing?
- [81:09]
Benny Sullivan
It was very emotional. I remember that because I. I feel as if, you know, I. That was the first time I've ever experienced the loss of. Close to me. So I didn't know how to really handle it. I just remembered, you know, calling Alondra right at that moment, like, you know, telling her what happened, like, just bawling. My eyes out, you know, I couldn't even speak. The next few months was just the same, you know, I feel as if it was just a bunch of confusion, you know, I don't know why I. I couldn't wrap my head around that he wasn't here anymore, you know, it took some time, you know, and even till this day, it hurts. Actually, his. He passed. Was it September 17th, three years ago? So it just passed. His third year.
- [81:50]
Alanized
He posted about it, right?
- [81:51]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, his third year just passed. Yeah. Honestly, I took his death. Something about it just woke me up, you know, because I feel as if I was in a dark space at that time where he passed. And him passing just put a lot in perspective for me at the time, knowing that, like, life. Life is just so precious and unexpected that I had to do something with my time, more with my time, you know, so that put time in perspective for me, and it woke me up from, you know, a dark side of, you know, a dark place in my life to where I just. That kind of made me want to grind harder for him, in a sense, you know, and also for myself, too. But it was like, you know, this is going to be for you. Like, when we started the foundation, we were like, we're going to continue your name and your legacy, and I have to make sure I continue with mine as well, you know, so it gave me, like, another purpose in life, in a sense, you know.
- [82:45]
Alanized
When you guys got the news that it was fentanyl poisoning, did that come to a shock to you? What was going through your head when you heard the word fentanyl?
- [82:53]
Benny Sullivan
That drug has been going around for some time, and I knew that people were passing from this drug, and I think we had an idea that it was probably something. Something like that when. During the. The time, you know, because of the situation. But it was just a whole new thing that we had to educate ourselves on, too. You know, there's. We started looking into it and seeing how many people were affected by this and how many families, even children, you know, are being affected by fentanyl poisoning, which is crazy. You know, there's a whole epidemic going on that I wasn't even aware of.
- [83:23]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [83:24]
Benny Sullivan
And it affected me, you know, so that's why we brought up the foundation, to bring awareness to other factors. Families and people that are dealing with fentanyl or any substance abuse.
- [83:35]
Alanized
For those watching right now that might not be familiar with fentanyl or how dangerous it is, how would you describe it? And what do you think are, like, the big Misconceptions of people when it comes to fentanyl. Because I feel like a lot of people like to be like, oh, well, I don't do heavy drugs, so it can't affect me. But like you said, it can affect, you know, if even you do. They lace things with so many different things. What do you think are misconceptions and all? Also educate us a little bit on what you found when researching.
- [84:03]
Benny Sullivan
So, yeah, I mean, there's no face to the drug, you know, and a lot of people have the misconception that, oh, it's for, you know, hardcore drug addicts or homeless people or, like, things like that. But it's affecting everybody. Babies, you know, babies, you know, kids, teenagers, it's in school. There's. They find it in marijuana now and, like, it's everywhere. You know what I mean? And once it affected us, we started, you know, doing our research and seeing, you know, how many people are being, you know, affected by this and seeing there's, you know, we still have billboards till this day being posted of, you know, junior, but also so many other victims that are that affected get affected, and everybody looks different, different faces everywhere, different ages 60, down to six months that are being affected to this, you know, and it takes something as small as a grain of salt that can kill somebody.
- [85:02]
Alanized
So it's that dangerous? It's that strong?
- [85:05]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah, it's that strong that just if it's a speck of it in whatever you're consuming, then it's a matter of seconds before it can take your life.
- [85:14]
Alanized
Prior to, you know, your cousin, did you ever think that it was going to be something that you were ever going to deal with in your life or even in your family's life?
- [85:23]
Benny Sullivan
Never. I think we all just kind of got hit with the, you know, a curveball in life, you know, and this is just. That's why life is just unexpected. We did not expect it at all. And it was confusing at the time. But we for sure want to bring light to it.
- [85:37]
Alanized
Tell us a little bit about the foundation, because I know, you know, right after his death, you guys, formato the Jaw foundation, which is a foundation that you guys created to, you know, help those who are struggling with it or have struggled with it or even just educate people. Tell us a little bit more of how that foundation came to be. Whose idea was it? Was this something that, you know, just happened out of nowhere? You guys were like, no, we want to do this because we want to keep his legacy alive, but still help people that could potentially Go through something like this.
- [86:09]
Benny Sullivan
Yeah. So we did make a foundation. It is Fenal destroys all dot org. So we did bring. Create this foundation to educate other people and bring awareness to the fentol epidemic. Poisoning. Right, Fentol poisoning epidemic. And yeah, so pretty much we're just wanting to bring awareness, resources. We take donations as well and also spread it amongst families who need it for whatever they need, whether it be counseling, unfortunate, you know, unfortunately, sometimes for a funeral or something like that, you know, whoever is affected. But we do try to help families or whoever reaches out that is in need for substance abuse. It doesn't have to be specifically for fentanyl, but there's a lot of resources there. Education also. We are in the process of getting narcissists Narcan to give away to anybody who might need it. So if you guys aren't familiar with Narcan, that can be. It's just a little sprayer there. If anybody is, you know, ODing in the process that can potentially save their life and give them extra time to make it to the hospital, things like that.
- [87:20]
Alanized
You know, for the people watching right now, is there, like a specific website they can go to to, like, donate or see this information? Is the donation in that same website? Yeah. Yeah.
- [87:30]
Benny Sullivan
So be on fentanol destroys all.org, aka Joelle's Legacy. That is our family's foundation to bring awareness to the. The epidemic of fenol poisoning.
- [87:39]
Alanized
How important was it for you guys to, you know, start his foundation and keep his name alive?
- [87:44]
Benny Sullivan
Honestly, it's a beautiful thing because we did throw our first event in our hometown in Stockton, California, and a lot of people did show up, show love, and we appreciate everybody who came out. We had a bunch of. Of vendors, good time, you know, so it was very humbling to hear everybody's story too. You know, they came and shared us, shared with us their story of what they dealt with as far as abuse and how they overcame. And I think it was a good place for. For anybody to. If you guys need any resources or if you need to talk to anybody who is going through the same thing, then you'll find it there on the website.
- [88:19]
Alanized
And I also think it's great, those events, events to, you know, connect with people in your community that are also going through stuff like that. Because I feel like sometimes, you know, when one is going through such tragedy, you can almost feel like, just me, why me? Why is this only happening to my family? But maybe it was very almost. I don't want to say healing, but it also gave you guys, comfort that it wasn't just you guys dealing with it. There's so many people that have gone through stuff like that. And I'm happy that you guys, you know, are shedding light and almost making a difference because, you know, it happens a lot. And, you know, there's people that just go on their life and don't really, you know, give back to the community, whether that's with donations or information. And I'm glad that you guys are doing that.
- [89:02]
Benny Sullivan
Oh, thank you.
- [89:03]
Alanized
You know. Yeah. Esta platica. Your podcast. You know, what piece of advice can you give anyone watching that has lost, you know, someone due to substance abuse and is having a hard time grieving?
- [89:14]
Benny Sullivan
My advice to you is just know that you're not the only one out there. Always reach out, speak to somebody and spread the word and let everyone know about the epidemic that's out there and just know that this is not the end and there's resources out there and we can spread love, you know, I love it.
- [89:34]
Alanized
You guys, thank you so much, Benny, for all the platicas we've had today. Thank you so much. Much for opening up, you know, and talking to us about everything we've talked about.
- [89:48]
Benny Sullivan
37, man. Hopefully I am living comfortable with my family. I don't know, somewhere in the hills somewhere, you know, somewhere nice. Somewhere nice and enjoying life. And that's pretty much it. Just enjoying my son, join our family. That's pretty much what life is.
- [90:06]
Alanized
I love that and I can't wait to see all of that happen. I'm gonna go ahead and leave his social medias down below as well as on the screen right now, right here, so you guys can go ahead and follow him so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much, Benny, for being here. Thanks for having me and thank you guys so much for watching. And we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye, guys. Guys, Yay.