Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized

Episode: Chris Cotter Talks All: Toxic Parents, Coming Out, Dealing With DL Men, Drama, CHISME & MORE!!!

Date: January 16, 2026
Host: Alannized
Guest: Chris Cotter

Episode Overview

In this revealing and deeply personal episode, Chris Cotter, a young social media influencer and YouTuber from Houston, sits down with Alannized for a candid conversation covering his upbringing, navigating toxic parental relationships, coming out, confronting cultural and familial pressures, dealing with “down low” (DL) men, and the rollercoaster of influencer life. The discussion bounces between English and Spanglish, staying raw and humorous—yet never shying away from difficult, real-world topics. Chris offers hard-won advice on self-acceptance, protecting one’s peace, and making bold life choices.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chris’s Childhood & Family Dynamics

• Background: Chris, 18, grew up between divorced parents—a white father and Black mother—in Pearland, Texas. His childhood was characterized by frequent moves, divided parental time, and a clash of family cultures.
• Awareness of Identity: Chris didn’t fully understand or “feel” his own Black identity until middle school.
  • “Honestly, I did not know I was black until I was in sixth grade... I grew up mainly with my dad around, and my dad is white...” (02:56)
• Co-Parenting Struggles: Parents often used Chris against each other, resulting in competition, emotional manipulation, and a lack of stability.
  • “Yeah, they definitely sucked at [co-parenting]... They always argued, always fought in front of me... They always tried to outdo each other.” (12:44)
• Impact: Chris reflects on how their rocky relationship shaped his own skepticism and difficulty with romantic relationships.
  • “That definitely has impacted the way that I view relationships... I do struggle with relationships. Dating, talking to guys... It’s very hard for me to believe someone.” (14:10)

2. Coming Out & Parental Reactions

• Coming Out to Mom: Chris’s first coming out was traumatic—he was physically slapped and emotionally rejected by his mother at age 13 (first day of Pride Month, after an innocent DIY shirt project with lipstick).
  • “I just remember sitting on the couch... and telling her, you know, like, I’m gay. And immediately, as soon as those words came out of my mouth, she slapped me right in my face... I just burst into tears.” (19:34)
• Confusion and Gaslighting: Chris’s mom alternately denied his sexuality and made conditional statements of support, leading to confusion and deep hurt.
  • “She promised me that she would love me unconditionally. And so to receive the reaction of me getting slapped was just like, whoa.” (23:57)
• Boundaries & Distance: Rather than reconcile, Chris chose self-preservation and set boundaries, prioritizing his mental health.
  • “Honestly, not at all. Because I’m all about protecting my peace. I always put me first place... I’m never, ever going to stick around somewhere where I feel unwanted, disrespected.” (25:45)
• Relationship Today: Their relationship remains superficial regarding Chris’s sexuality—his mother remains in denial, and Chris avoids the topic for his sanity.
  • “My mom does not know I’m gay right now. She has no idea. She thinks that was a phase...” (31:57)

3. Trauma & Healing

• Sexual Assault: Chris bravely recounts being sexually assaulted at 12 by a classmate—a pivotal but painful moment shaping his “gay awakening” and resulting hypersexuality.
  • “Honestly, my gay awakening... was a sexual assault story. I was in seventh grade and... he basically ended up forcing me... And I was for, like, probably 10 seconds, and I just started crying.” (37:14)
• Dealing with Stigma: School friends didn’t believe him, leading to bullying, self-doubt, and a period of secrecy and shame.
• Coming Out Online: Chris initially came out as bisexual on Instagram Live at 12, but quickly recanted in the face of family pressure.
• Advice on Healing: He emphasizes coping by distraction—sports, creative pursuits, and eventual self-acceptance.
  • “My biggest thing was finding a distraction, finding baseball. I started dancing, I started social media... it truly did help me become like who I am today.” (18:02)
• Advice to Others:
  • “If you don’t want to come out... you absolutely don’t have to... As long as you know who you are and you’re accepting of yourself and you’re comfortable with it, that’s all that matters.” (56:36)
  • “Don’t ever let [parents] get the best of you... Remember this is your life and you have every right to do or say whatever you feel.” (34:31)

4. Navigating DL Men & Difficult Dating

• Experiences with DL Men: Chris details the emotional toll of early entanglements with DL/closeted men—first love, secrecy, being used for sex, and heartbreak.
  • “That was my first ever, like, experience of, like, really liking someone. But to him, it was just sexual interaction and just getting his dick wet.” (47:21)
• Influencer Dating Challenges: Online fame creates trust issues—Chris can’t distinguish between genuine connection and clout-chasing.
  • “I don’t know if guys want me for what I have or if they want me for me... That’s why I find myself just, like, always telling myself, oh, you know what? I’m just going to end up marrying or being with the one guy I’ve ever taken seriously.” (52:19)

5. Baseball, Identity, & Making His Own Path

• Sports as a Coping Mechanism: Baseball was a refuge and a point of family pride, but also a venue for homophobia and exclusion.
  • “I got to take this risk on myself. I got to quit baseball... I just cannot envision myself on a college baseball team, let alone in the major leagues... Can you imagine if a gay person was playing?” (70:45)
• Making the Jump to Social Media: Leaving baseball, Chris bet on his creative talents and quickly built a thriving online presence, citing hard work, independence, and maturity.
  • “New year resolution for 2024 was become a YouTuber. And I did exactly that... once I took that belt on myself and, you know, I took my time to really just invest in me, everything worked out.” (71:29)

6. Life as a Young Influencer

• Achievements: At 18, Chris lives independently (on his second apartment), credits his supporters, and prioritizes self-made stability.
• Online Community: He loves the tight-knit, supportive bond with his fans—but notes the trade-off is more public scrutiny, haters, and the risk of drama.
  • “The cons are 100% just people that are negative for no reason... if you guys also are watching at home, you guys have people who are hating on you... just know that that person is always battling something within themselves...” (79:05)
• Goals: Five-year goals focus on home ownership, financial independence, and possibly moving to a new city (Miami or Chicago), while staying rooted in Houston for family and friends.
  • “23 years old, my Jordan year. Honestly, I want to be a homeowner... I want equity, I want ownership, that’s all... and I want to have my own home down in Houston.” (85:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Mixed Identity:

  “I did not know I was black until I was in sixth grade... I knew that my mom was black and my brother was black, but for some reason, I just didn’t think I got my mom’s genes.” (02:56 – 03:57, Chris Cotter)

• On Parental Gaslighting:

  “My mom feels like we owe her just, like, everything... Even to this day... she is honestly a very materialistic person.” (28:04, Chris Cotter)

• On Prioritizing His Peace:

  “I’m all about protecting my peace. I always put me first place... There’s—it’s my life. Like, what’s wrong with putting you first?” (25:45, Chris Cotter)

• On Social Media Confidence:

  “Social media definitely is just a room for everyone... it helps... I have people reminding me every day, like, you’re not like, you’re that. Like, you know what I mean?” (76:18–77:15, Chris Cotter)

• On Self-Acceptance:

  “If you don’t want to come out... you absolutely don’t have to... it’s not a big deal to be gay. It’s really not. Like, you just like what you like.” (56:36, Chris Cotter)

Important Timestamps

• [02:56–03:57] Chris’s confusion about his own racial identity
• [12:44] Co-parenting struggles and emotional manipulation
• [14:10–15:02] How parental conflict impacted his approach to relationships
• [19:34–22:21] Chris’s traumatic coming out to his mother
• [25:45] Choosing self-protection over toxic family ties
• [37:14–41:16] Story of sexual assault, school bullying, and its aftermath
• [47:21–52:19] Navigating relationships with DL men; struggle for authenticity
• [56:36] Chris’s advice for those struggling to come out
• [70:45–72:34] Quitting baseball and forging his path through social media
• [76:18] Social media as a source of confidence and community
• [85:05] Five-year outlook and dreams

Final Thoughts

Chris Cotter’s episode on Noche de Pendejadas is raw, unfiltered, and inspirational, offering a window into the struggles and resilience required to break free from toxic cycles, come to terms with one’s identity, and build a self-determined life. His story is a testament to the power of self-advocacy, community, and the courage it takes to live authentically—even when those closest to you can’t or won’t accept every part of you.

Essential advice from Chris:
"Follow your heart, do what you please. Whoever you feel comfortable sharing that side of you with, that's completely your business. As long as you know who you are and you’re accepting of yourself and you’re comfortable with it, that’s all that matters." (56:36)

(Ad sections, intros, and outros omitted as per user request.)