← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Chuzzington: Traumatic Childhood, Coming Out, Stud, Construction, CHISME & MORE!
01:21:58
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- [00:01]
Podcast Advertiser
This episode is brought to you by Prime Obsession is in session. And this summer prime originals have everything you want. Steamy romances, irresistible love stories and the book to screen favorites you've already read twice off campus. Elle every year after the love hypothesis, Sterling point and more slow burns, second chances chemistry you can feel through the screen. Your next obsession is waiting.
- [00:28]
Host Alanized
Watch only on Prime Focus features in Blumhouse present Obsession.
- [00:33]
Podcast Advertiser
When I have a crush on a
- [00:34]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
guy no one knows.
- [00:36]
Host Alanized
Be careful.
- [00:37]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I wish Nikki loved me more than
- [00:39]
Host Alanized
anyone in the entire world. Who you wish for? Obsession is 96% fresh on rotten Tomatoes.
- [00:46]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I love you so, so, so, so much.
- [00:49]
Host Alanized
It's blood soaked nightmare fuel.
- [00:51]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Brooke, I suppose you put on her.
- [00:53]
Host Alanized
You have been warned. Obsession. Rated R under 17. Animated without parent only theaters May 15
- [00:59]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
with special engagements in do me for a while. And still to this day, my dad does not accept me. I'm here to say it. He does not accept me still.
- [01:23]
Host Alanized
What is up everyone? I'm your host Alanized and this is no your favorite podcast turn talk show and on the yotrago a tus personitas favoritas. So without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight. Chas, how are you?
- [01:56]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I'm doing good, you know, just vibing out here in la. A little bit nervous. I'm over here shaking.
- [02:11]
Host Alanized
I feel like it's very normal for people to get nervous at the beginning of like the podcast because a veteran in this. I've been doing this for so long, so I feel like people think like I'm so used to it, especially when it's like the first time meeting someone and it is our first time meeting amigas esto that I was actually super excited when I filmed with your sister because I thought I was going to meet both of you guys, Crystal. And I'm super excited. What has your week been like? I know this was like super. We started talking about it. You got on a flight the same week. What was your trip to LA like? Quentos.
- [02:59]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
My whole week? Yes. Like you say it was like kind of quick out of nowhere. Me being at work. I had to end up like telling my boss, hey, you know what? I have like, I have a school meeting meeting. I was like, I have a school meeting. I'm not gonna be able to be here. So, you know, ended up coming, taking the flight and you know, we're here.
- [03:21]
Host Alanized
How was the flight? What was it, like three, four hours?
- [03:23]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
The flight was four hours and actually like this is the first time that in the flight, you know, there was Like a baby crying and then a guy spilled coffee on himself and he started screaming and yelling and running around everywhere. So it was kind of chaotic. But, you know, I got here safe, so, you know, that's the most important.
- [03:43]
Host Alanized
Yeah, guys, I said, what did you do? Did you just go to your hotel, chillax, prep for today? What was like your coming to LA vibe? Like?
- [03:52]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I got to the hotel and then I actually went out to the Santa Monica Pier for the first time. It was actually nice. It was a vibe, you know, I seen the beach and then when I eat in there and the food was good and a lot of people recognized me there, which I didn't think that a lot of people would, like, actually recognize me.
- [04:13]
Host Alanized
Do they recognize you a lot in Atlanta or Masake?
- [04:15]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I think that they recognize me more here in la, to be honest.
- [04:20]
Host Alanized
Yeah, no, I feel like Chesington is worldwide. For maybe anyone at home.
- [04:44]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
As you guys already know, I'm Chessington. My real name is Tanya Izaguire. I do social media. Content creator. I actually work full time at my job in construction as a safety manager and do social media after work when I can. I try to stay consistent, but, yeah, I do both. I'm 30 years old and I'm from Atlanta.
- [05:11]
Host Alanized
You know, you started off helping your sister film her content, almost being her camera. When I feel like you've become a main character over the past couple of months, how does that feel and how does that transition from like, being in the background to now being, like, in the scene? Main character, vibe.
- [05:29]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
My sister has been doing YouTube for a while and she ended up asking me to help her. And I had a camera. She didn't have a camera. I have my camera. So I started helping my sister. She wanted me to help her do pranks. And, you know, I will record for her, take her to the places, get the stuff that we needed it to do. The pranks, drinks or the videos, film. And I'll be behind the camera. And my sister wouldn't like me, like, talking behind the camera. She'll always be like, shut up, shut up. But it's like, I don't know, I just couldn't help it. Like, being on TikTok Live, recording her reading comments. Like, I just felt that need to read people's comments, you know, especially if they were funny and just like, read them out loud. I just couldn't keep my mouth shut, you know. Ended up people telling me, you should do. You should do YouTube or this and that. But I ended up just like, started getting on tick Tock Live and started creating my own content, doing the streaming. And a lot of people showed me a lot of love and ended up liking me a lot, which I didn't expect. But, you know, I really appreciate the love.
- [06:36]
Host Alanized
I really feel like a lot of that has to do with how real you are. I feel like a lot of the time when you see, you know, a creator online, because it's like, oh, my God, who's got. Or if I say this, but I really do feel like you say what's on your mind. Where does that come from? Do you feel like you've always been that way?
- [06:57]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Actually, yes, I've always been that way. I speak my mind, I don't hold back. I say how I feel and, you know, I be myself. Like, you know, like you say, sometimes other creators, they maybe they don't be themselves because they scared that they might be judged. But one thing about me, like, I'm always going to be real. Like, I'm what you see online and what you see me acting, that's actual my real personality, like, on camera and off camera.
- [07:26]
Host Alanized
And I feel like that's why you're gonna go far. And I feel like to do that, I feel like. I feel like we have to start with the beginning, which is your childhood. So we're gonna go ahead and dive into that. Yokiro saber como Tanya, growing up, how was your personality growing up? How would you describe the atmosphere you grew up in?
- [07:51]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
With my child, I've always, yeah, like me, you know, the way I am now, I've always, like, spoke my mind loud. Especially being in school, being the class clown. I'll always get kicked out the class. I'll have everybody laughing in class. And I was just the funny one in the class. And in the whole school, in the school, I wouldn't say, like, I was like. I guess you call it popular, where everybody just, like, you walk around the hallway and everybody just like, what's up? What's up? Like, everybody will always, like, be like, what's up, Tanya? Tanya, this and that. Like, popular, whatever. Like, we'll call it. But a lot of people, like, did like me and showed me love. Then in high school, too, my home life growing up, I would say, was kind of chaotic. Having my parents argue, fight with each other all the time. It was kind of, yeah, like, wasn't really much peaceful. That would definitely trigger me into, like, not wanting to be in the same position that my mom was in or is in.
- [08:57]
Host Alanized
You guys were living in Mexico familia, and at 5 years old with your grandparents and without your parents. Cuenta nos un poquito mas de eso. You know, how did you receive the news that you were coming to the States without your parents? Who told you? How did you react? And what was your journey of coming out here to the States? What was your first impression?
- [09:24]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
So my grandparents were planning to come over here to the United States. My grandparents, they would usually come over here to the United States, go to Mexico. Like, they'll be back and forth. And this one time, my grandma asked my mom, would you let her come with me to the United States? I was like, I don't know if I should go. I was scared. But then also my grandma was like, it's for you to have a better future, learn English. I was still a kid, you know, I didn't know English. All I knew was Spanish. And I know me being a kid, but I was still, like, thinking, like, I might do have a better future, like, especially if I'm gonna learn English. So my mom ended up, like, saying, yes, you could take her. And I ended up, like, saying yes, even though I thought about it a lot, like, maybe I shouldn't go. But then also thinking about having a better future.
- [10:17]
Host Alanized
Did you understand at the time what that meant? Because I feel like at 5 years old, you're, like, thinking like, oh, my God. But then, you know, you really think about the reality, and you're like, oh, I'm gonna leave my whole life behind in Mexico. I'm not gonna be with my parents. Like, did you understand what it meant to come over here? Or was it kind of just more like la, la, la casa, cassette?
- [10:40]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
You know what I actually felt like it was like, la, la, la, la, la. I just wanted to learn English, and I feel like I didn't think of it enough to, like, when I got to the United States, I was like, into a whole new world. He was very sad, like, saying goodbye to my mom, especially because I've been more closer to my mom. She's always, like, took care of us, showed us love. We always had food in the house. She always took care of us, even if it wasn't the most. But she always made sure that we were good. So I definitely cried a bit and, you know, got sad about it. Like, I' ma miss you, but, you know, I might need to learn English.
- [11:24]
Host Alanized
Yeah. Like, I might need a better myself. No. And I feel like that's very real, though. I feel like as a kid, you really don't like that. You're like, oh, my God, it's gonna be the best thing that can happen to you. I think kindergarten, but I feel like when I first arrived in the United States and I come otro pinchimundo. Like, you see the looses and you're like, oh, my God. Like, it almost feels those. Like, have you ever watched, like, any, like, cartoon? And it's like you're in the future. Ah. Like, it almost feels like you're in the future. How was it like for you? What stood out to you the most? And what do you feel like was the hardest things for you to adjust to?
- [12:06]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Aidos it was like a different world getting over here. Like, the houses looked different, the roads looked different, Even the trees looked different. It was just a whole. A whole different planet. And what really stood out to me was actually the school. So my grandma took me to the school, and when I got to the school, I'm like, why is she bringing me to a hospital? Because it was like, the schools in Mexico are very much different from the schools over here. First time seeing a school over here, like, a big building with, like, a bunch of lights and just, like, so nice. So, yeah, the first thing I thought, I'm like, why is my grandmother bringing me to the hospital? Like, why are you bringing me here?
- [12:44]
Host Alanized
I'm not sick.
- [12:45]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Yeah, like, I'm not sick. And then that stood out. And then the food, it didn't give what it was supposed to give because I was so used to the food in Mexico is very different. It's authentic. And being over here and then having the school food, it actually had me sick the first time I tried it and ate it. Later on during the day in school, I ended up getting sick and I was throwing up. I was throwing up because obviously I was not used to the food here. And I had adapt to it. Adapt to it because it was so much different.
- [13:23]
Host Alanized
How was it like learning the English language? Do you feel like you struggled a lot? Was it something or was it something that you really had to be like, okay, you know what?
- [13:38]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
It was actually very hard, but I had a good teacher. I was in esol that that's like, for the students that doesn't know English. So that class is, like, for. For us, like, the students that didn't know English to learn. And I had a good teacher. So little by little, you know, like, by every single word, you know, I would, like, learn, and I ended up learning it. Like, I'll say, like, in a year, I always hear my cousins talk in English and just pointing at me and laughing and I'M like, what? Just, you know, what they saying about me. So I feel like that helped me more. Even, like, when you came over here
- [14:20]
Host Alanized
to the States, you know, you did go through a little rough patch with getting mistreated by numerous of your family members. Quenta no sumpokito maze eso.
- [14:29]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Growing up, like, going to school, I did have my grandmother mistreat me. I don't know if she regretted it bringing me over here or I don't know, but. But I'll remember, like, every time, like, she'll wake me up for school, she'll be angry, and then she'll be, like, pulling my hair. When she'll do my hair, she'll be pulling it real hard and then, you know, hitting me with the brush. Like, I guess she was mad that she'll have to wake up early. It became a time where I started, like, peeing myself on the bed. And I don't know if it was because I missed my mom and just, like, feeling alone over here as a kid, I ended up, like, starting to wet the bed. And my grandma, she would, like, get on me and tell me, like, you better stop, but it's like I didn't have no control over it. I wish I could have, but it just happened. And I remember this one time my grandma took me to school and I did peed myself that morning, or I don't know, but she was like, I'm gonna do this because you won't stop, and maybe this is gonna make you stop. That morning, she took me to school like that with my pants being peed. And we went into the cafeteria, and she started, like, telling all my classmates and, like, all the kids in the school, like, oh, she peed herself. Like, she pee, pee, pee. And it was just a very humiliating moment. Very embarra. And I just felt, like, real, like, I felt like. Like, I felt like. Because it's like you have all these, like, kids just looking at me and where they make fun of you. Yeah. Making fun of me.
- [16:15]
Host Alanized
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- [17:52]
Podcast Advertiser
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- [18:21]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
and my pants were visibly wet, so it was like a very humiliating moment. And yeah, I had to stay like that the whole day, like with my parents. Like that it made me feel so alone. Like, because it was like nobody that I could tell or nobody that could defend me. Obviously my parents were in Mexico and I had nobody to talk to, so that's just like something that I had to get through.
- [18:44]
Host Alanized
Do you feel like you built resentment with your grandma because of how she would treat you? Because nos cuentas that she was the one that had the initial plan of bringing you out here to the States para Capra? And then you say you felt like she kind of regretted it when she kind of had you out here. Do you feel like because of El Maltrato you had kind of some resentment towards her?
- [19:08]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I definitely did have some resentment because it's like you wanted to bring me here first and now it's like you're. You're not even treating me like your grandchild. Like, I didn't give you no reason for you to hate me or treat me that way. You know, me just being a kid, like, what did I do to you for you to treat me this way? She wasn't the only one. I also had an auntie, which is my dad's sister and it's my grandmother's daughter. So she's like a real close auntie. She lived a block away from my grandma's house. And that auntie would always. She just didn't like me because I was actually my grandpa's favorite. My grandpa will be a sweetheart to me. I could say that my grandpa was the only one that treated me with love. That auntie, I felt like she felt some way because I was my grandpa's favorite and she's his daughter. So it's like she's like, why not me? Why her? She's Selos. And I remember that auntie, like, she always like, make fun of me, you know, for my. My eyes being colored, saying, oh, like you look like Chucky or things like that. And I remember one day that she kept insisting me. She kept insisting me, like, come to my house, come to my house. But I never wanted to go to her house because it's like, you, you already treated me weird and bad. Why would I want to go to your house?
- [20:37]
Host Alanized
You already felt that tension.
- [20:38]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I already felt that tension. And this day she was. She was being like, sold. Like, come to my house. Come to my house. Paras chic, abuela. But it's like, who would I go to? Like, even though my grandma was treating me bad, I'm like, staying with her. Like, but that one day I kept telling her and I, you know, decided, okay, I'll go, whatever. So she ended up taking me to her house. And when we got to her house, she asked me. She. She didn't ask me. She told me to feed her dog. Dog. I didn't want to, you know, like, because why am I feeding your dog? I think it's like my cousin was there. Why don't you tell her to do it? Why do I have to do it? She ended up like, you know, giving me the sartain, like with the food or whatever and told me, go feed the dog. It was a. A child. That was a child. And I went to feed the dog and he was like, tied up with the, like on two trees, you know, like with a big cable thing where they get to run around. And so I ended up like, putting the food. And then the dog, he started attacking Me. He attacked me. And somehow he ended up, like, attacking me and taking me, like, against the tree. And all I remember was, like, screaming, screaming like, please get help me. Like, get this dog off of me. And I remember seeing my cousin coming out with the stick, but I'm over here still getting attacked while I'm seeing her with the stick, but she's just like, with the stick holding it. Like, she's just playing. Like she hitting an invisible pinata. Yeah, like, what are you doing? Like, I need you to get this dog off of me. But she, she just stood there with the stick and. Till the dog left me alone himself.
- [22:28]
Host Alanized
Did you have, like, visible bite marks?
- [22:30]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I had like a visible up here on my neck. When I got to the hospital, like, that's when I started noticing that stuff because during that moment, I didn't even know what was going on with me. And then I still have the. A scar on my finger. Like, I still have the scars here on my finger and like, a little bit of my neck. And then that moment. So when I got bitten, I'm still like, you know, in that, like, I don't know what's going on. My grandpa ended up getting to the house and he's like, what's going on? What happened? And, you know, everybody tells him what happened. And my auntie's just worried about her not going to jail because, you know, taking me to the hospital, you have to tell them what happened. And so she didn't want me going to the hospital. And my grandpa said, we're taking her to the hospital no matter what. But my auntie told my grandpa and my grandma, you better not say anything. You better say that a stray dog got you. Like, before we got to the hospital and everything. Like, they had me set up a whole story to tell the doctor. That way, you know, she wouldn't get into problems, arrested or anything because of that dog. And I ended up being in the hospital for like a whole day, two days. And.
- [23:43]
Host Alanized
Oh, so it was bad that. The fact that they didn't just let
- [23:46]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
you go, it was bad. And then this is embarrassing to say, but I' ma just say it because, I mean, it is what it is. So when I got to the hospital, I ended up seeing that I had, like, used the bathroom on myself stuff. And I didn't know until I got there, like. And yeah, that was kind of like very, very like, oh, my God, like, this happened and I didn't even feel it. And then after that, I still had a go. Keep going to the hospital for Checkups and getting shots. So like, because of the dog, you know, having to still deal with and I hate shots. I hate that. And I still had to like keep going after that for like two months.
- [24:36]
Host Alanized
Do you feel like after that situation like you kind of grew more resentment towards your tia or what was that relationship like after that?
- [24:43]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
After that, I would say resentment, but resentment, but also scared of her. Like scared, like evil. Like I don't even want to be around you. But also like, you know, as growing up also I just let it go. Like, especially with family, I feel like that's one of my weaknesses. I feel like I always end up forgiving family, even though sometimes they don't deserve to be forgiven. But, you know, I just let it go. If I see her, you know, I'll give her a hug and, you know, I'll leave everything in the past. Another thing that like, also like living with my grandmother, she used to like leave us in the house, like me and my cousins. And it happened with this one time, it was an older cousin, he wanted to play house. And you know, me being a kid, I don't know, like really was right from wrong. And so he had me doing like something that, now that I know, then look back at it. It was something that, you know, that inappropriate and wrong in that moment. I just kept it to myself. I never told anybody. So basically this is like maybe like the first time I'm telling about it, like I. I kept it to myself. It definitely shaped me the way I grew up, you know, the way how that happened with an older cousin taking advantage and you know, my grandma, my auntie. I feel like it's like coming from family especially, I feel like family just not showing me love. And it just ended up making me feel like I'm not worthy of love. And so it's like I had to grow up like that, like with no love. And I feel like that made me like a strong person.
- [26:32]
Host Alanized
And I feel like it's something which is so sad. It happens more often than not, you know what I mean? Especially the primo. Especially. I feel like it starts with the plain house, right? Like, you know, it's so. It happens too often, which is so sad. And if you're a parent, you know, be on top of your kids, make sure that you know what they're doing, even though their kids, you don't know what the other are being exposed to that like maybe whatever they're being exposed to ya. And I feel like it's very important as parents. Because you don't know what that other person is being exposed to at home, you know, nos cuentas un poquito tolo Que pasas? During the time of your parents not being around because they were in Mexico, how do you feel like everything that happened to you changed the way you saw your parents? Do you feel like at some time you kind of felt resentment? Like, damn, like, y' all really let me come with my grandma, and now all this horrible is happening to me, and you guys aren't around. Would you ever tell your parents of what was going on? What would they say? Tell us a little bit more about that.
- [27:43]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
That I have a little resentment, like, with my parents, because I feel like if I had a child, I wouldn't let my child, like, go. I would not let my child go to the United States with their grandparents. I just also feel like they didn't really care, like, what I went through. I don't know if it was because it was family, I don't know, but I felt like everything was kind of swept under the rug.
- [28:08]
Host Alanized
Do you feel like that made you. You feel like. Like then might as well just not say of what's going on because, like, no one's here to protect me. No one's here to really, you know, amplify my voice?
- [28:21]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Yes, definitely. It's like, you know, I'll say it and tell you guys everything that I went through, and you guys are just, like, not caring about it and just sweeping it under the rug is like, when you're supposed to have that, like, especially your parents to. To be there for you and. And protect you and just, like, to have nobody to, like, understand you or, like, give you that support, you just feel completely alone. And because I know a lot of people go through this and they don't say anything, I feel like, no matter what, just stay strong, keep your head up, and let somebody know, you know, even if it's not a family member, even just a friend that you trust, like. Like, let them know, because it's not good to keep everything to yourself. It definitely not good. And it just. It makes you have to deal with the trauma and all this alone in you, and just keeping it to yourself is just never going to help you.
- [29:20]
Host Alanized
I love that. You know, Mestavas Contando Ayer, that two years after, you know, you came to the United States, You know, how did you find out of the news? Who told you? Like, hey, mija, you know, your parents are coming out here to the States. How did you react to the news? Were you excited, nervous, or Were you at a point in your life where you're like, you know what me abandonaro, quote unquote out here I've been suffering a lot, that I'm kind of mad at my parents, that I don't even care if they're coming. How was that for you when, you know, you got the news?
- [29:55]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
My grandpa told me, oh, you know, your parents are coming. I was just happy because I felt like, you know, finally my parents, like, maybe they're going to be able to protect me and. And you know, finally I'm not going to be alone. And I was just happy. Like, just everything. Like, at least they're going to be here with me. Like, everything that I went through, just whatever. I'm just appreciative that my parents are going to finally be here because it. It felt like something that was never going to happen or something that would be impossible for both of my parents to end up being over here. I feel like maybe that's one of the happiest days of my life that I have head.
- [30:33]
Host Alanized
How do you feel like your life changed after you guys reunited? Do you feel like you were finally at peace or do you feel like more stuff started happening now that they were here?
- [30:47]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I felt like I had to. I had support then because, you know, having both of my parents, I feel like I had support then and them being here, but still, like, you know, just still being a kid and your parents leaving you sometimes alone or. Or you get into arguments with your brothers or anything like that, like, because even still when they were came over here and they were over here, I still had one of my uncles take advantage of me in a situation, even my parents being over here. So me and my older brother will fight a lot. And this one time we went to my uncle house and me and my brother were fighting, we were arguing, and we'll always, like, get physical. My mom will always defend my big brother because, like, that's her first child, so he was kind of like the favorite. And I remember that one day I felt like, oh my God, like I'm so tired of everything. Like, everything just piled up that day in my mind. Like, everything just piled up. And I was like, I give up. Like, I don't even want to be here no more. I ended up running out the house that day. I ran out the house and I was just running fast. Like I knew where I was going. I just started, like running out there, like on the street, out of nowhere. I see my uncle pull up, I see. I see his car and I'M like, you know, so he tells me to get in the car. So I get on because it's like, he's my uncle, you know, I get on. And so he starts, like, driving, and he's not driving us back home. So we ended up getting, like, to this car wash. He took me to, like, abandoned car wash. And he started acting weird. Like, he was like, give me a kiss. Like, hug me. He tried to, like, force me to kiss him and, like, hug me and. And, like, like, started touching me.
- [32:37]
Host Alanized
Yeah.
- [32:38]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
And I started getting, like, real scared and, like, panicked. Like, I was like, oh. Like, no. Like, I'm. I need to leave now. Like, I need to go back to my parents. Like, now. I started like. Like, I need to go now. Like, I'm about to start screaming if you don't take me. And he ended up taking me. But on the way back, back, he kept telling me that I better not say anything. I better not tell nobody, and just to, like, don't ever, like, repeat or talk about it.
- [33:09]
Host Alanized
He's trying to, like, sweep it under the rug.
- [33:10]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Sweep it under the rug.
- [33:11]
Host Alanized
How did you feel in that moment? You know, you're going back home, you're like, did this really just happen? Like, he's over here telling me, you better not tell anyone. Were you scared to tell anyone? Did you tell anyone? If you did, you know, what was their reaction?
- [33:27]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I was. When I came back, I was so scared, and he basically forced me not to say anything. So I didn't say anything. My family didn't know what happened. Everything was, like, normal. Nobody knew. And I kept it to myself for years. And then I ended up telling my family, like, my parents, but it seemed like they didn't really care about it because they still kept going to their house party. So it was kind of, like, still swept under the rug. Like, why did I say it if nobody really cares about it? I backed myself away from going to family house parties. Just kept to myself. I didn't go, like, back to any other parties and just be there because obviously it would be weird and awkward just to have to see him again.
- [34:18]
Host Alanized
What piece of advice can you give anyone who's gone through something similar?
- [34:23]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
A piece of advice? Stay strong. Wrong. Keep your head up. Don't ever keep it to yourself. It doesn't matter if your family might not care about it or nobody cares about it, but it needs to be spoken that way. That person doesn't do it to somebody else. Like, at this point, I understand that it might hurt you or you might think that Nobody cares. Somebody's gonna care. And this is also to help everybody else, girls your age, anybody, not to go through this again. That way that person could, you know, not feel like nobody's gonna say anything and continue to do it to more girls, even boys, you know, like, it doesn't. This doesn't only happens to girls. This also happens to boys. Just don't keep it to yourself. Let's put these people out there. That way they don't continue to damage people because things like that really damage you for life. And there's no help, professional help, therapy, none of this. Because sometimes people think that therapy works. It doesn't. These things stay with you for the rest of their life. And you can never go back and erase it.
- [35:32]
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- [35:52]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
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- [36:33]
Host Alanized
Quiero platicar un poquito about you in school. You know, nos cuentas un poquito that you were the popular girl, that everyone knew you. Tanya Comandas Tanya Vempacar. Tanya, kick it with us. But how are you you in school? Were you like bura? Were you smart? Were you like, ah, you know what? I'm so popular. The classes. I'm here to make friends. What was like your whole school journey like?
- [36:56]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Well, I was a little smart. Not too much, just a little bit. But just enough.
- [37:00]
Host Alanized
Just enough to get through.
- [37:02]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Just enough to get through. Like I told you, I was a class clown. I'll just. It was kind of like going to school and just hang out. I'll just joke a lot and. And just, you know, be vibe in the school. Goddamn. Like, do the work still, but still sometimes kind of have fun.
- [37:22]
Host Alanized
Like, slack off. I'm here to have fun. Literally me as. I feel like that's so normal, though. I feel like kids in general don't really see, like, okay. And I feel like sometimes school is kind of like a getaway from, like, our real life. Do you decide that way?
- [37:46]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Definitely seen that. That way, like, going to school and distract myself. Having friends, people that. Oh, Tanya, what's up? It's so much, so much love shown to me also, like, in school, like, everybody just liking me for my personality and just be happy to see me, like, see me walk by and ah, they get all like, oh, Tanya, Tanya, Tanya.
- [38:05]
Host Alanized
You're like, I love this. You're like, let me walk past them again just so they can give me reassurance. No, I feel like that's. That's very real. Especially when you've gone through a lot of traumatic things or when you're living a very traumatic life at home. Like, you really do go into, like, school and you're like, you know what? I create my own life here. Show out and be who I want
- [38:30]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
to be, who I want to be.
- [38:32]
Host Alanized
You know, being who you are, you know, I want to get into your sexuality. You know, what do you go by? Are you. Do you feel like you're less lesbian or bisexual?
- [38:41]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I feel like I'm straight.
- [38:45]
Host Alanized
Like, what do you consider yourself?
- [38:46]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
No, I consider myself a lesbian. Like, straight for woman.
- [38:50]
Host Alanized
I want to talk all about that, you know, De la Primera that you were like, you know what? Like, I don't know what the fuck I'm feeling, but I feel like I'm feeling way different than, like, the average girl around me. What was like, your gay awakening moment? Like, maybe a celebrity crush that you're like, damn, you know what? I might be into. Girls, tell us a little bit more about your gay awakening moment. Or like, the first time you realized, like, oh, you know what? I may be a little different.
- [39:16]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I feel like in middle school just having crushes. Like, school crushes. Like, seeing a. A girl, pretty girl. Like, oh, my gosh, she's so pretty. Like, things like that. Having crushes. That's when I kind of knew. But then I'm like, this is wrong. Like, I. I told myself, like, oh, my God, like, this is wrong. Because in, you know, traditional Mexican families, they don't accept. It's very hard for. For us to come out to our Mexican families because they're very judgmental. So I knew then, but I just didn't want to come out because I knew that my family wouldn't accept. So I had to kind of play the part.
- [39:55]
Host Alanized
Do you feel like you had to act like straight dating men at a point?
- [39:58]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I had to act like I had. I was straight. Like I, you know, you know, for scared of judgment. But in school, you know, definitely I had that freedom. Like, I'mma be who I really am.
- [40:11]
Host Alanized
It's very scary coming out to, you know, our Mexican families. And I feel like I've talked about this so many times. When I was first going to come out, like, I would constantly hear my dad, you know, make little jokes. He was driving us to school and there was a very flamboyant boy. He would kind of comment on it and it would make me feel like, damn, like, if you feel that way about this random ass person, like, what are you going to feel about me when I come the fuck out? You know?
- [40:36]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Exactly.
- [40:37]
Host Alanized
That something that you were constantly hearing at home or your family in general, do you feel like they were very open or was it very, like, conservative? Where it was like, no, a key boy and female.
- [40:47]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Yeah, very conservative. You know, also I'll see that coming from my dad. You know, like you say like with your dad and I would think the same. Like, damn, he going to get. He going to rust my ass. He going bta, you know, like seeing other girls dress more masculine. Then he'll be like, oh, like, you know how they say it in like los hombres? Like matoras. Yeah, like stuff like that. And that will kind of make me also like, damn, I ain't trying to come out this little chill. Cause he gonna get on my ass. That's why it's. I didn't come out. But in school I ended up having this one crush on this girl. She ended up liking me back, which I was like, oh my gosh, she's real pretty. Like, I don't think I'm gonna get her because she's real pretty. And plus she's telling everybody she's not gay. Like, she'll literally. She was like, yeah, kind of, kind of, kind of. Because she'll go around the school and she'll be like, I'm not gay, I'm not gay. I don't know why she'll do that, but she'll like walk around and like in front of me, I'm not gay, I'm not gay. But you know, like, your text messages
- [41:57]
Host Alanized
are saying different baby girl.
- [41:58]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Ah, that kick up is a little bit kick up.
- [42:01]
Host Alanized
Oh my God.
- [42:02]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Yeah, back Then they had Kick. Yes, it was.
- [42:05]
Host Alanized
Wasn't a streaming app. Is it the same company?
- [42:08]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I don't think so.
- [42:08]
Host Alanized
No, but it was like. It was like kind of like a WhatsApp. And you would kind of just text people. Yes, I remember.
- [42:14]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
How do you know about him?
- [42:15]
Host Alanized
Are we the same age? How old are you?
- [42:17]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I'm actually 30.
- [42:18]
Host Alanized
Well, I'm turning 30 in two years. I'm 28, so, yeah, we're about the same kid. Yeah, I remember. Yes.
- [42:24]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
We ended up having the same class. We became friends. I'm the type of person that. I'm always joking, you know, I like to play around. And I used to mess with her a lot. I used to ball the papers, and I just bother her and throw them at her. She'll, like, bring out snacks, and I'll just hear the little baggie, like, you know, crumble up and stuff. And I'll be like, hey, man, let me get some, like. Or I'll go over there and just take it from her. So we ended up becoming friends. Yeah. So we ended up liking each other. And then. So one time we ended up hugging and kissing in the hallway, and the principal actually seen us, and she exposed both of us.
- [43:01]
Host Alanized
How was that? Like, Obia, at the time, you weren't out of the closet. Now you just got caught kissing another girl. I'm sure they had to tell your parents why you were getting expelled. What was that situation like? Like, senora muchacha, what was going on in your head? What happened when you got home?
- [43:21]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Oh, my God. At that moment. Oh, my God. I was begging that principal not to call my parents. Please don't tell my parents. Because I knew that my parents do not accept. So. And I never came out. So I'm like, this principal literally is trying to pull me out the closet when I'm not ready to be pulled out the closet. So the principal ended up calling my parents. I don't even know what was going on at that moment. Like, everything was a blur because I was so scared to even get home. I didn't even want to go home. So I ended up getting home. My parents were kind of in denial because they were like, oh, they called and. And said you kissed a girl. Were they confused? Like, it was a boy, right? Like, they. They didn't want to accept that, like, that it was a girl. And they were like, oh, you know, it was actually. It was actually a boy, right? And I was like, no, it was a girl. Because at that moment, I felt like I had the moment to lie or the moment to go ahead and. And tell them. I ended up choosing to let it all out and tell my parents. Parents, because it is what it is. I guess it's the right time to tell them now. So I ended up telling them. I was like, it was actually a girl. And my dad went kind of crazy. He. He started, like, talking so much to me, actually both of my parents, but it was mostly my dad. He was like, no, Like, just putting me down, saying that I needed to be with a guy. Like, being so right in there at that moment. Moment. And then my mom too, like, you're so nasty. And my dad too, like, basically I was a disgrace and being disgusted by me. And I remember both of them telling me, okay, since you want to be kissing girls and you want to be gay, you gotta work like a man. Then since you want to be a man and you want to be with a woman, you got to work like a man, so you're gonna start working in construction. And I went through that for like, a while of them just talking down on me, me every single day for so long. I remember being in my room and my mom would randomly open my room door and. And open it and be like, you're so nasty. You eat like, marana cochina, Ted. Like, eso. She'll just come in the room, open the door, yell out, talking about, you're disgusting, you're so nasty, and closing it, and then leave. And then next thing you know, she'll come back again. It was kind of like I was going literally through harassment, like, during that whole time, for a long time, like them just putting me down about it.
- [46:05]
Host Alanized
How would that make you feel? You know, you're also trying to find yourself. It's a very confusing era in your life. You know, you're, like, trying to figure out what these feelings mean. You're like, oh, shit, you know, I'm lesbian. But then you have your parents. No, this is not what you should be. Was it very confusing for you? Like, damn, like, what the is wrong with me? Like, abe insert like, soy el problema. Like, are these people in the situation, your mom and your dad, like, are they right? Am I a marana? Am I a disgrace? Like, what the. How was that like for you emotionally? Do you feel like it? Really, with you emotionally?
- [46:42]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
It definitely with me emotionally. Even though I know that I'm a marana now, I'm just like, you're, like,
- [46:49]
Host Alanized
proud of that pussy.
- [46:55]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
It definitely made me feel like it's wrong, but I can't help it. I need to stay true to myself. So whatever that I go through, and they don't like it. I don't care if y' all like it or not, because I'm not gonna change for nobody and live a life that I'm not living. And I'm not happy for nobody in this world, especially my parents. I love them, but they lived their life when they were young, younger. They did what they wanted it. I'm gonna live my life. I'm gonna stay true to myself. I didn't give up. I kept my head up, and I stayed true to myself. I didn't change.
- [47:29]
Host Alanized
You know, you identify as a stud. Tell us a little bit more about that. Like, when did you first started, like, dressing like that? What was their reaction was like, I know. Ya perdimos an ostraija.
- [47:40]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Because I feel like, you know, when
- [47:42]
Host Alanized
I started wearing makeup, they rapidly were like, oh, quier mujer se va cambier la verga una panocha. Like, you know, transition vibes. Like, you know, they start like, oh, no, querez. And I'm like, no, I just like doing makeup, and I liked it. I feel like I love also to give grace to my parents because it's like a whole new mundo to us, and I feel like we're also breaking. Nosto y siendo que los gay si las lesbianas no existien en suienpose yos porque claro quexistiando. But I feel like we're very much like breaking generational curses, where we're like, you know what. I'm saying? Feel like we really. Like you said, you're staying true to yourself. If you want to talk down on me, I'm gonna still be me. Because at the end of the day, I want to live my true, authentic life for me, not for you. Because, like you said, what was that journey like for you? Finding out who you really were, finding out your style, how you wanted to dress? What was the first time you were like, you know what? Let me go ahead and put on, you know, more masculine fit. How did they react?
- [48:48]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
See, because I used to, like, dress, like, feminine back then, and because of that, because of being judged and, you know, just of fit in, you know, to all the traditional ways. But I wasn't happy. And definitely after I came out and just, like, going through everything that I went through, like, okay, you know, we don't accept you. Because they didn't accept me for a while. And still to this day, my dad does not accept me. I'm here to say it. He does not accept me still. I know recently, he told my mom, like, I don't even want her come to the house. Like, it discussed me seeing her. So, yeah, it's still kind of going on with my. My dad. He still does not accept me. But when I did come out and after a little while, I did started just dressing me like my. Like, more comfortable, like myself, you know, wearing sweatpants or jeans or loose things or, you know, just having my own style, being comfortable with myself. Because, you know, like I said, at the end of the day, they live their life. I'm gonna live my life to the fullest, the way I want to live it. Because at the end of the day, we only have one life. I'm only gonna live this one life. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to live another life on another time, but I know right now I'm living this one life, and I'm gonna live it to the fullest and be as much as happy as I can be. So I started dressing like, you know, more comfortable with myself. The wig. I dress my own style. I ended up getting this back cut, the back of my haircut, and I started, like, getting my cut, getting designs, and just getting. And I remember, like, when I first started getting this cut, my dad will look at me with so much. Discuss like crazy, like, like. And then he'll shake his head and be like, like, you know, and I feel like I'll be like, you know, kind of like, sometimes it makes me, like, even want to hide my haircut because of the way he'll make me feel. I just ended up getting used to it. And, you know, I show him my haircut. Like, he's looking at this way here. Yeah, I'm gonna turn up my ass around, and you gon. The more time passed by, the more I started, like, letting myself loose.
- [50:59]
Host Alanized
You started being more confident with yourself?
- [51:01]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
More confident with myself, yes. It took a while, and I started little by little, but I just let myself loose.
- [51:09]
Host Alanized
Do you feel like it got easier as you started becoming an adult? Because I feel like when you're a child, when you're a teen, I feel like it sometimes can. Can. And still under the care and under the roof of your parents, it can sometimes get like, you know what? Well, if I want to dress masculine and my mom's like, yo tuey compras.
- [51:28]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
You know what I mean?
- [51:28]
Host Alanized
It's like, well, you can't really do much. Do you feel like coming to an acceptance and coming to a confidence level that you are now, do you feel like it also helped with you maybe moving out or just becoming an adult where you're like, you know, what. Do you feel like that came with that?
- [51:47]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Definitely older working and getting my own money definitely helped a lot more because it's like, you know, Nadia, I can't put anything over my head because no matter what, I got my own money. Like, y' all can't like be like, oh, I'm not gonna get you this or I'm not gonna get you that. You know, if you're gay just because you're gay. Like, no, I got my own money, I'm paying my own stuff. Like, it's either you guys accept or not. That's on y' all at this point. Because now I'm making my own money and there's nothing you guys could do today.
- [52:15]
Host Alanized
You have still an amazing relationship with your mom.
- [52:18]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Yes.
- [52:18]
Host Alanized
You know, how did you. Did that change over the past of the years? Where do you feel like your mom opened up to accepting your. To at least try to understand? You feel like there was a moment in time where your mom was like, you know what, Perdona me, I'm so sorry that I made you feel like that I'm human. I made mistakes. Maybe I fucked up by being too hard on you. Did you guys have a moment where you felt like your mom started kind of coming to you and trying to accept you for who you are?
- [52:46]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I ended up realizing because also I feel like part of my mom not accepting me because of my dad's influence. I felt like she couldn't accept me because it's up to him because he doesn't like me, so she don't have to like me either. But actually around the time that my mom accepted me, my sister in law was living with us during that time. And my sister in law ended up talking to my mom a lot because my sister in law was a housewife. So my brother will go to work, but my sister in law and my mom will always spend time with each other, me and my sister in law close. And she ended up talking to my mom about it. And as she kept talking, you know, she's still your daughter. That's just the way she is. Like, you have to accept her because that's your daughter, you know, she's not gonna change. So my mom ended up kind of like realizing and my mom ended up accepting me. And even my mom actually apologized to me for like not accepting me in the first place. And also she felt like the things that I went through, through Was the reason why I am the way I am, like, me being gay because of what I went through.
- [53:53]
Host Alanized
Yeah.
- [53:53]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
And felt like it was her fault for leaving me alone, coming to the United States. But I always told her and give her like, your assurance, like, mom, no, this does not have to do with any of that. I'm just the way I am because I was born like that. Like, I don't want you to feel bad about it. Like, because she'll start crying and telling me, like, even not too long ago, like, she'll say sorry and be like, you know, I'm sorry for what you went through, like, thinking that that's still the reason. But no, it's not. Like, it's. This is just the way I was born.
- [54:23]
Host Alanized
After that reassurance or that acceptance from your mom, do you feel like that was a key turning point for your guys's relationship? Do you feel like. Because I'm sure during the time where both your parents were on you or making you feel bad over your sexuality, I'm sure you distanced yourself and you're like, you know what, if y' all don't accept me, I don't want you guys to be a part of my life or I'm not going to talk to you guys too much about what's going on with me. Do you feel like after she came to you and was like, I'm so sorry, mija. Like, you know what? Like, now that I've talked to your, like, I see things differently. Do you feel like that was the beginning of an even better relationship with your mom?
- [55:03]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
That was definitely a better beginning of a relationship between both of us. After everything I went through and my mom feeling that way, she felt like she had to. To like, support me more and like, show me more love. And it definitely made us closer. And just me being like, I tell you, like, when my family, I have this weaknesses that I always forgive them. And around 20, 21, you know, during the CO CO happened, my dad got CO at the same time as my mom did. But my mom ended up being in the hospital and she almost passed away. She was in the hospital for two weeks. Not many people were there for her. I was basically the. That was actually there for her. Going to the hospital every day, being at work, working long hours and just leaving work just to go see her at the hospital, bring her her favorite food. I will even search up, like, things of what. Cuz she couldn't breathe. So she was like connected to the this oxygen and she couldn't breathe. And I Would like, search her videos. Like, what could be better for her to do? To just breathe better and, and get better better, you know, I will get her her favorite food every day. Mom, what do you want? But at the same time, I'm like, stressing because this might be the last day that I'm gonna see her and, you know, just getting her, like, things for her to be comfortable in there. And I feel like this made a big impact on her, even like, loving me more and kind of like letting that go. It was kind of like a wake up call. Like, it doesn't matter what my daughter is like. She has a heart and she loves me and she's my daughter and she's here for me no matter what because I was literally there for her. Like, I just wanted my mom to be good. And. And after that, the relationship, like, between me and my mom, like, changed, like, completely. Like, my mom has my back now.
- [56:58]
Host Alanized
I hope that that happens one day with your dad too. I hope he one day comes to his senses where it's like, you know, you know, entre mas. He pushes you away. He's really just pushing away his daughter that at heart still is who he thought, you know, he lost. Because I feel like a lot of the time I feel like parents think that, you know, just because of your sexuality, they're like, oh, I lost my daughter. Like, this is not the daughter I raised. This is not the daughter I gave birth to. But it's like, it is, it's just, you know, this is who I am now and this is who I've always been. But now I'm very confident with showing it out and how I look, how I present myself. My sexuality has nothing to do with my heart. You know what I mean? And I'm glad your mom was able to see that. What piece of advice can you give anyone currently right now that is struggling to come out because they're scared of not being accepted or someone that has come out and is dealing with, you know, not being accepted and feeling like their family friends are talking down on them just for the simple fact of loving who they are.
- [58:02]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Just stay true to your yourself 100%. Don't go trying to please this person or that person for who you're not, because that's just like wearing a mask. And at the end of the day, you're not going to feel happy inside. You're always going to feel that uncomfortable feeling like, I'm not like really being myself. I'm playing to be somebody else when I'm not. Tell Everybody who you are, Tell your friends, tell your family. If your friends don't accept you, then they're not really your friends. Because if somebody truly loves you, they're going to stay with you through thick and thin, like no matter how you are. And with parents, I understand that, especially traditional parents, that they might not accept you at first, but it's definitely going to come that one day that they're going to accept you. But either way, you be you even if they don't accept you. And it might be that way where at the end of the day, like I said, you only live one life. They're going to have to accept you one day or another. And if they. They don't, then actually you don't really need nobody to accept you because you're going to live your own life and you're going to be happy with the person that you end up falling in love with. Sometimes we can take family to support us and sometimes we're just going to be on our own and be happy with our. The lover of our life and partners.
- [59:17]
Host Alanized
And I really do truly believe that if a friend or a family is not accepting you, well, it's their loss. They're missing out on an amazing person
- [59:25]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
of an amazing person.
- [59:27]
Host Alanized
Because your sexuality does not define what you have in your heart.
- [59:36]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
It's like the same thing.
- [59:37]
Host Alanized
It's like, why?
- [59:39]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Yes, yes. Because we also could get into that position where we're like, straight. Yeah, get away from me. Or.
- [59:47]
Host Alanized
And it's like Persona in the bedroom.
- [59:52]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Exactly.
- [59:53]
Host Alanized
Because at the end of the day, behind closed doors in her bedroom with her significant other is not. Not gonna affect your life. So I really do to add on to your advice, if you guys are struggling, you guys come out when you're ready, obviously. Because I feel like sometimes it can be scary. Just do it. You know, I wanna, you know, by. I feel like you have a lot of hus. Because I feel like whenever I see the live streams, whenever I see the comments, they're like, oh my God, I want me some chesn. What is for the. I want me some chance. What is the ideal girl for you? Like perfecta candidate to be like, you know, what. Does that girl look like?
- [60:55]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
That girl first of all has to be very genuine with the good heart because that's the most important. Be hungry. Want to be successful. Have goals in life. Wanting to be serious and just, you know, like, look for. For something stable, not something like, okay, we just pass in the moment and this and that. No, like somebody that's going to be real and, you know, work hard, just like me, you know, have that ambition and be a power couple with me,
- [61:32]
Host Alanized
You know, about working hard. Nos how you got into the construction field, right? Like, you come out, your parents are like, You get into the construction field. So what was that interview process like? Were you at first scared to get into, into that field? What exactly do you do? You know, as the manager, would you
- [61:57]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
say you're the safety manager?
- [61:59]
Host Alanized
Safety manager. Lo being in a male dominated world,
- [62:08]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
you know, with my parents, especially my dad, you know, he's like, okay, you now you have to work in construction because you want to be a man at the beginning. Because I actually in construction started from the very, the very, very bottom, a blank piece of paper, not knowing anything, and worked my way up to where I'm at now. I will work with my dad. I work with my dad for about maybe like three to five months.
- [62:31]
Host Alanized
Like his chalan. Is that what they call him?
- [62:33]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Yeah. Right? For like three to five months, he treated me like straight up. He will be like degrading me, making fun of me of like in front of all the men. And it will be like, real, real. Like we feel like real. How could you say that word? Like belgrading. Belittling? Yes, belittling. I remember that I would rush to the bathroom and I would just like start crying my eyeballs out because, like, the degrading would be so bad. And me being a woman and around a whole bunch of men and not knowing anything. I would like literally go to the bathroom, prime up, claws out, wipe my tears off and get back to work. Like, the discrimination that I went through, like, especially by my dad and in front of other guys, like, the guys will feel like they could do it. Like, since my dad would do it to me, they felt comfortable, like, enough to do it to me too. Like, they'll laugh at me, like, if I'm not doing something right, like, oh, she sucks. She don't know how to do it. I ended up asking my brother, like, if I could work with him because my brother also was like a four man in the same company. Company. And it just got for me to a point where I couldn't, like, stand it no more. And I couldn't work with my dad no more because it was like, it literally affected my mental health, like, so bad that I couldn't do it anymore. I ended up talking to the, to the bosses in the company and I asked them, and I asked my brother. I messaged him, like, can I please just work for you? Because I can't work with my dad no more. Like, it's just too much. And I ended up going to work with my brother. I work with my brother for a little bit, too. Like, maybe for, like, six, seven months for a while. And I felt a bit better because, you know, like, I didn't have my dad, like, you know, talking down on me or making me do stuff that, well, everybody will make fun of. I was like a laborer. I didn't know anything. But I'm the type of person that I like to learn. I like to elevate. I don't like to just stay in one place. Composition. So I will look at other guys, like, how they do things and, you know, try to learn from it. Everything that I could learn from them, like, I would try to learn it. I was a labor. So for a labor, you don't really need tools, because laborers don't really do much but bring the people that actually know what they're doing, like, the tools, the material they need. But I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to be the person to just come and bring these guys, like, what they need. No. I wanted to be the star of the show. I'm trying to do the work. I'm trying to be a badass. So I ended up going online on Amazon. I ordered me a harness, I ordered me the hammer. I ordered me all the tools that I needed it. I started showing up to work with the harness, and everybody just looking at me crazy, like, why she got a harness on and this and that. Being a labor, I didn't care. I'm just trying to learn. And as time went by, I ended up working for this other company, which wasn't with my family. I ended up just working alone and just learning from other people, you know, doing concrete, building walls, building forms, cutting a whole bunch of wood, building slabs. Rebar time, rebar. You know, all the guys will look at me crazy, like, dang, like, she know how to tie rebar fast, like this, this. Other guys, that. They don't even know how to tie rebar. Look at how she's working the hammer. Like, she knows how to hammer. While all these other guys, like, they. They don't. I ended up working my way up, and then to where guys ended up respecting me. Because at first, a lot of guys will look at me crazy, and some guys will even talk, like, bad about me and be like, oh, you're. You're supposed to be in the kitchen. You're supposed to be making tortillas right now, like, you, you don't belong here. You. You gotta, you know, be at the house. I would just ignore it and I'll just work my ass off, like, harder and learn everything that I could learned, you know, from going on to the forklifts, machines. Like, everything that I, like, I could say now, today, nowadays, I know how to do everything. And then I ended up getting in the safety field, and then I went to, like, school, took a diploma for the safety. And. Yeah, so now I'm a safety and I make sure everybody works safe. I do audits, fill out a lot of paperwork, do a lot of safety meetings, do a lot of training for guys. And yes, a lot of guys respect me now.
- [66:56]
Host Alanized
I love, love that. I feel like you really did show them. Like, you know what? Because I feel like a lot of the time, especially in construction, it's a very much like, this is not a women's world. Like, this is the man. You know, you hear a lot of machistas, like, you know,
- [67:11]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
and you're showing
- [67:12]
Host Alanized
them, like, do you feel like that bad treatment from your dad and also your co workers, do you feel like that fueled you and be like, you know what,
- [67:31]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Man? To tell you the truth, it fueled me, like, till the gas exploded and the whole gas tank blew up because it made me so strong, and it made me have that anger, like, I'm gonna prove y' all wrong. I'm gonna prove y' all wrong. And. And I did. And I have been until this day. I'm still proving, like, a lot of men in this construction industry, like, that I. I could do it.
- [67:57]
Host Alanized
Did you ever have moments where you're like, you know what? Like, maybe moments of self doubt? Because sometimes when you have so much people piled up on you telling you like, you can't do this, like, this is not a women's world. Like, tortillas. Did you ever have a moment where you're like, you know what? Maybe Tieren Rason, maybe. What the am I doing here? Maybe, you know, f what my dad says that if I want to be lesbian and if I want to, like, act like a man. I got a word. Construction. Let me just quit. Like, did you ever have a moment of, like, you know what? I thought I had somewhere else. Did you ever have a moment of wanting to quit?
- [68:31]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
No, I never had that moment.
- [68:33]
Host Alanized
So you had that, like, yolis and
- [68:36]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I've always had that, like, no, I'm going to show you that I could do it. Like, I'm going to prove you wrong. Like, no, Matter what. Like it angered me so much. Like you know, and guys, you know, just looking at me and even, you know, I even had like bosses that would try to make me quit being a woman and try to like give me 10 times harder work or sending me do like a project by myself because they thought that oh she's not going to be able to do it, go do this and by yourself. Like cuz they wouldn't send me with no help, go do this by yourself. And I feel like they wanted to like to embarrass me or feel like okay now I proved your ass that you, you can't do it every single time. I've done did it by myself and 10 times better and then having them like wanting to make me quit. I'm never going to quit cuz I'm not a quitter. I'm going to make your life miserable by staying here and showing you that I could do it.
- [69:32]
Host Alanized
I love it. Do you feel like now o you've proved yourself worthy of being where you're at, you've proved yourself to dominate in a men's world? Do you feel like construction is still something that you, you want to continue doing? Do you feel like it really does fulfill you or do you ever have plans of like you know what? Yeah, I prove them that I can. Maybe I'm wanting to relax, maybe find another job or maybe even like eventually the. Or do you see yourself there forever?
- [69:59]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I don't see myself there forever. I actually do like my job being a safety manager, making sure you know, that these guys get home safe. And you know, you know, because we do have a lot of guys, I mean yes, they do work hard and they you know, do this to feed their families and love their families. So I do have a big impact on making sure these guys get home safe. But I don't feel like I would do this like definitely if social media worked out for me. I would like leave construction. I will leave construction and give my full time to social media media.
- [70:36]
Host Alanized
I love that. You know, what piece of advice can you give any women not just in the construction field, but I feel like women are constantly in a lot of fields, constantly like talk down about like oh, go to the kitchen, like this is not your world. What piece of advice can you give any women watching that has at some point in their life felt like that pressure that like you know, belittlement by men in whatever industry they at? What piece of advice can you give them of not giving up and really sticking your ground and you know, Fulfilling and really doing what you want to do.
- [71:11]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
The piece of advice that I will give you, guys, girls, women, all of you, even if sometimes you feel like that you can't do it or you weak or so many voices, like especially men telling you you can't do it, ignore those voices and use those voices as a fuel to prove them wrong. We run the world, yes.
- [71:31]
Host Alanized
Who run the world?
- [71:32]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
The world, girls, Literally prove them wrong and show them and just ignore those voices because at the end of the day, you're the one who going to be getting that money. It's not like, oh, they tell you this and you give up. And now you're at home, sitting at home, not making no money and burning your fingers with the tortillas. Like, no, stay strong. Keep your head up. Show them that you could do it. And if you can, can, even if you feel like crying or feel like you're going to show emotion, don't never let them see you that you're weak ever. Even if sometimes you feel weak, you better go to that bathroom or you better do it while nobody's looking at you. Wipe them tears and get back up and do it and prove all of them wrong.
- [72:20]
Host Alanized
How you got into it. You know, you started off as kind of like a background character for your sister behind the scenes with camera, reading comments. Chon is a main character all over social media. But with being a main character and with attracting so many people to your lives, to, you know, the streams, I feel like that comes with a lot of pressure. Right? How do you feel like you deal with those hate comments? Has that ever gotten to you?
- [72:59]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
If so, Quintanas, to be honest with you, I don't feel like they get to me because they don't hurt me. I feel like what I went through my childhood has made me a very strong person and to deal with the hate and to deal with this type of things, so it doesn't get to me. It does make me angry, though. It does make me angry and pissed off because I know me. I don't care about the hate comments or, oh, she's fat, or they're comparing me or y' all make anybody famous. Like, these things I don't care about. I feel like those evil weirdo people that are throwing hate and saying that. I just feel bad for the people that it actually gets to, the people that other people that they may say it to or. Or say things like that and, you know, other people might do let that get to them, you know, And I like these people, like, just out There throwing hate. Yeah. I just feel bad, like, for other people that have to go through it because, like, me, I don't care about it. Like, it don't. Yes.
- [74:02]
Host Alanized
And I love that. I feel like you really do have to have tough skin. Because I feel like online I feel like people, But I feel like people don't have that common sense of, like, you know what, like what you're saying can actually destroy a person. Maybe not you, but like you said, let's say a viral clip goes on about you where people are talking down. Maybe there's a viewer that is the same way or wants to express themselves the same way you do. And then they see all the comments or they see all the negative connotation that comes with it, and they're like, oh, maybe being me isn't okay. Let me stop myself. And if anyone is watching that feels themselves and sees themselves in ch, you know, Stop you guys from being yourselves. Because you're a prime example of if you are true to yourself, if you are. There is. I hate when people say that, oh, y' all make anyone famous. No, there's a reason why people love you. There's a reason why you're famous. You know, the reason is you're yourself. There's a lot of people that look up to you and they're like, you know what? I'm like, her too.
- [75:23]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Yes.
- [75:24]
Host Alanized
I don't give a.
- [75:27]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Yeah.
- [75:27]
Host Alanized
And it's like, salted. You know, especially with social media and kicks, you know, you see a lot of. Especially I feel like with streaming. I feel like with streaming, screaming. It's very easy. And you see it a lot with the clippers for rumors or, you know, misconceptions to be made. What is, like, one rumor misconception you've seen heard about yourself online? That is far from the true. Desmientelo.
- [75:59]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Well, let me just say this. Like, for example, like I told you, last night was the first time visiting San Monica Pier. It was a girl and a guy, and they were working there, and they ended up giving me the wristband for free. And they told me that it was a on them. But I was just so shocked that, like, you guys are really going to, like, give me this wristband and you guys are literally, it's going to be on the house, like, I don't have to pay for this. I was literally in shock at that moment. But, you know, since it's streaming, like, I did see a clip and that clip went viral, and it was a lot of comments where people were saying, she didn't say thank you. She didn't say thank you. I'm always real appreciative and, you know, I really do appreciate. Appreciate that. But there are some people that try to make you look like you're a bad person, but you're not. But I was just, like, really, like, shocked because it's like, it's. I'm shocked to like, see a lot of people show me love because I've never been showed any love. So this is like new to me, you know, that somebody would do something nice for me. You know, I've always had to work for everything and pay for everything. So like, for somebody to just give me something for free or. Or, you know, show me love. It's. It's still kind of shocking to me.
- [77:11]
Host Alanized
You're like, you're giving me this.
- [77:13]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Yeah.
- [77:13]
Host Alanized
And I feel like, especially I feel like that's another thing with the live streams is like Alasa, that this is a real life in real time interaction where it's like you were probably so shocked, like, oh, my God, you want to give me this? You're like, oh. And then you maybe walked off and you're like, oh, thank you, You're here on stream or whatever you're doing. Wants to antagonize a person with a little clip. Stream every single part of your life. But that's the thing.
- [77:58]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
It's true, right? It's like true though.
- [78:00]
Host Alanized
Like, I feel like people expect. It's like a real life interaction. They're so used to like the cookie cutter influencers that like, everything is edited, everything's perfection. Everything is like a little sound over an awkward moment. And it's like, no, this is real life interactions. And I feel like that's why a lot of people support because it's like, even if you guys aren't doing something exciting in the moment, it's like, well, not every single part of the day is exciting. Yeah, sometimes I just want to chill and the cameras stream mean and I'm in the background just chilling,
- [78:34]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
which I'm
- [78:34]
Host Alanized
sure y' all do. You know what I mean? What do you think are the pros and cons of social media?
- [78:38]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
You know, like, the pros. It. It would be like having a lot of people support you and love you, you know, like, for me, that I've never received so much love. It's. It, like, how can I say it? I love the love that they show me. So it's kind of like, it's kind of like, oh, my God. God. Like remembering back then that when I Was a kid like, nobody.
- [78:59]
Host Alanized
Healing your inner child.
- [79:01]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Healing my inner child. You know, odd you guys that like watch me and support me and show me love. I even have people DM me and telling me, you know, thanks to you, I'm going over my, you know, depression or I've been going through things and just watching your clips. It's just, you know, I'm just laughing and making me smile and you know, to have you guys feel that way, like, it makes me real happy. Like it makes me strong to have to keep going. Like I got to keep doing this like for the people that actually support me. And then with the, with the bad things about social media is like, yeah, like things taken in the wrong way because like when you're streaming and they, they clip certain part. Like let's say that they clip this part, but they didn't clip the part where I said oh, thank you or, or this and that they only click with the bad part of it. So that's, you know, that's where the bad thing comes in. And if you don't have a tough skin, it is just not. You just won't make it. Like.
- [80:01]
Host Alanized
And I just want to say thank you Ch because just even having you sitting down here and really getting to know you, That I always finish with, where do you see yourself in. In the next five years? Relationship wise, you know, family wise, content, creating life, work life
- [80:31]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
and Cancun rich as having enough money to help my mom if I'm able to help like people that are in need of help. Help as much as people as I can, you know, having as much as money as I just to be that person to help people that are in need and just live a happy and peaceful life. Probably get married, I don't know. But I see myself being happy.
- [81:05]
Host Alanized
Do you want kids in the future?
- [81:07]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
I do want kids in the future. I mean, the most will be two, but I at least want one kid, period.
- [81:19]
Host Alanized
Thank you so much for sitting down with me and opening up like never before because I feel like you shared a lot of stuff that like, even though I feel like you're such an open book, you haven't really touched too into detail about a lot of the things.
- [81:39]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Sure.
- [81:39]
Host Alanized
You guys go ahead and do. I will leave all her links down below as well as on the screen right here, right now so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much.
- [81:52]
Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
Thank you so much and I appreciate you for even thinking of having me with you here. Just, I really appreciate you.
- [82:00]
Host Alanized
Thank you so much and thank you guys so much for watching and we'll see you guys in the video next. Next one. Bye guys. Yay. You did so good.
- [82:19]
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Guest Tanya Izaguire (Chesington)
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Host Alanized
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