← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
FRASH talks all: Childhood, Bullying, Weightoss, Relationship, Marriage Pressures, Chisme & MORE!!
01:37:25
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- [00:00]
A
Stitch Fix Shopping is hard.
- [00:02]
B
Let's talk about it.
- [00:03]
A
I don't have time to shop for clothes.
- [00:06]
B
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- [00:30]
A
i'm Julio Vaquero of Noticias Telemundo. You can watch Dateline, the hit true crime series on Telemundo. And now you can listen to Dateline as a podcast. Stories of love and betrayal, of secrets revealed of the men and women who stand between evil and justice. Every twist and turn can now be heard in Spanish. With new mysteries arriving every week, just search Dateline en Espanol wherever you get your podcasts and start listening.
- [01:00]
B
I remember walking past them because I had to walk past him to basically leave. One of the girls is like, hey, you. And I'm like, I'm like, oh, my
- [01:10]
A
God, what's gonna happen right now?
- [01:11]
B
And then she's like, yeah, I'm talking to you. Like, turn around.
- [01:31]
A
What is up, everyone? I'm your host, Alan Eist, and this is Noche de Pindejadas, your favorite podcast turn talk show. And on the yote trego atus personitas favoritas. So with that being said, please help me welcome my guest tonight, Ashley and Frankie. What's up, you guys? I'm so excited. Tell us a little bit more about what your day's been like. What was it like prepping for today? What was the drive like?
- [02:18]
B
Well, I didn't drive. He drove. And what was crazier is that we just came back from Arizona, so, like, yesterday. So that was maybe, like, a lot of driving that we did.
- [02:28]
C
Yeah, it has been for sure.
- [02:29]
B
It felt like a normal day for me. Just putting on glam, showering, washing my ass,
- [02:37]
A
extra babe, smell me.
- [02:38]
B
Am I okay?
- [02:39]
C
I'm be like, yeah, same here. Went to the gym, showered, got ready. Usually take like 20 minutes to get ready. So, yeah, no, it's un hassle for me. Pero Esperano. Ashley. I'm like, how long do you take
- [02:50]
A
to get ready, Ashley?
- [02:51]
B
He swears. He says I take like three hours, but it's like an hour and a half. He'll time it. He'll be like. He'll be like, okay, what? What are you doing right Now I'm like, oh, I'm about to do my hair. Okay, I have 30 more minutes. I'm gonna go shower now.
- [03:04]
A
Funny, I was. Who was I telling? Who was in the restroom right now when we're. I think it was you. No, I was telling him and I was like, you know what? I texted Ashley. I was like, hey, let me know your ETA so I know when to go to the studio, you guys, right? Feel like we're on time. Honestly, I feel like you guys were really good with your timing, especially because I know you guys drove super far. How long was the drive? Like two hours at least.
- [03:26]
C
No, hour 35. We're super used to, like, drives like that.
- [03:31]
A
I feel like I could never get used to it. Like, especially because I feel like you guys live like. I really do feel like whenever Karen, Eddie have like, parties, I always be like, la pienzo because the drive is crazy. Like, I don't mind the drive there, but you know, Akele Saco the drive back. Because I'm like, no way. But I always think about it because I'm like, you guys live far. So really thank you guys for driving out here. For maybe those that you at home.
- [04:15]
B
Hi, my name is Ash.
- [04:16]
C
And my name is Frankie.
- [04:17]
B
And we are fresh. Yeah, you guys, we are a couple of five years. We have our own YouTube channel. We also do still work nine of fives, surprisingly. Me personally, I mean, nothing too major. I'm on TikTok social media a little bit here and there. I'm just a regular schmegular girl from Palmdone, California.
- [04:42]
C
Yo, Damien. The Palmdale, California work director of operations. It's my current job position. Oldest of four, both parents still in the house. I try to be a good role model for them. So I always aspire to just, you know, be positive light in a lot of people's lives that I meet. So. Yeah, that's cute.
- [04:59]
A
That's a cute little intro, no? And I'm really excited that the Neros munchos, you guys couple channel. Like, that's crazy how much you guys have grown in the last year. Individually because we are going to get into it, like, getting to know you guys a little bit more. Before you guys became a. Mujeres. How was Ashley growing up? How would you describe your personality? What was the atmosphere you grew up in?
- [05:49]
B
I grew up with a very blessed family. I still have my mom and my dad. They're both definitely good role models growing up. However, it is a very like Hispanic household that I grew up in. My dad worked 24, 7. My mom stayed home to take care of the kids. I grew up in such a really blessed household because they had to get their together really, really soon. Yeah, because they had a couple of other kids. You know, I have my two older sisters and my brother, and then I'm the baby. So I feel like when it came down to having me already, they kind of had, like, a little dynamic already going. You know, they had money or whatever. I didn't get raised, like, in a wealthy family, if you want to call it wealthy. I did grow up in a very loving family, but I feel like in my household, they definitely kept, like, a lot of things to themselves. I didn't really get to see, like, the struggle, if you want to call it struggle. It definitely turned me away from looking to see, like, if we were selling things on the street or if maybe we didn't have enough food or anything like that. I felt like my parents always made me feel like I had everything. You know, they didn't want to make me look like I didn't have anything. However, there were things where, like, growing up, I didn't get to have the shoes that I wanted, or I didn't get to grow up to have, like, the clothes that I wanted or whatever. It was always, like, borrowed clothes or anything like that. I mean, to this day, I love borrowed clothes. Are you kidding me? Like, if you have clothes for me, give them to me. Like, I'll take them. To this day, I'm still like that because I feel like that's just how I grew up. I feel like I grew up very, very humble. And I still, to this day, I feel. Still feel like that I still find out, like, certain things, like, from my family and from my parents. Like, I'll be like, wait, that happened? Oh, my God, that happened? I didn't even know that happened.
- [07:26]
A
Yeah, I thought we were rich.
- [07:29]
C
Liter.
- [07:30]
A
Because I feel like kids. Like, I feel like, as kids, right? Like, because we're so used to, like, living and growing up in that environment, it almost becomes normal. Like, the struggles are normalized. The struggles are very much like, oh, like, you didn't go through that. Like, I thought that was, like, a universal thing. Like, do you remember the time that maybe growing up, you realize that, like, maybe the struggles or like, you wanting things that you couldn't get wasn't maybe something that every child growing up had. Give me some momentum that you're like, oh, like, my friends are getting everything they want, and, like, I can't because, like, my parents are struggling or maybe you didn't know, but that was, like, the moment it clicked for you.
- [08:06]
B
I think it was around, like, maybe once I started realizing, like, what Christmas was. Yeah. And I started seeing, like, my family members, like, opening or, like, my cousins opening certain gifts that they wanted. I'm like, oh, like, I don't even have that. I didn't get that. And then it wasn't until, like, maybe I started realizing, like, the friends that I had in, like, elementary school, they were like, oh, this is what I got. Oh, look, this is my thing. Oh, look. This, this, and this. And I'll be like, like, oh, that's, like, really cool. But I didn't have that. You know, my parents, obviously, they did what they could to give me what I wanted. I remember in elementary school, I was into Polly Pockets. I loved Polly Pockets. I had a whole collection of them. And some of them were, like, also from. My dad usually, like, brings stuff from, like, his jobs. So a lot of them were always, like, from where he, like, hand me downs. Yeah, like, hand me downs. But then some of them were ones that were my parents were able to buy me. And I had a friend, and I told her I loved Polly Pocket. So my friend gave me a sunflower Polly Pocket. And it was the cutest thing ever. And I was just like, oh, my God. At the time, I was, like, super happy and super geeked. And I remember showing my mom, and she was just like, who gave that to you? Like, why did they give that to you? Like, are you sure they were okay giving that to you?
- [09:17]
A
Did you steal it? Yeah.
- [09:18]
B
Because thinking about it now, I'm like, oh, my gosh. She probably had to ask her mom to buy it for me. And, like, her mom had to probably go out and buy it because we're only in elementary school. Like, nobody's, you know, nobody has money to just be buying stuff like that. And I just remember just thinking, like, wow, like, there's families that can do that.
- [09:33]
C
Yeah.
- [09:33]
B
For somebody else. But if I were to ask, like, my mom, like, hey, I want to go buy stuff, or I want to go do this for my friend, she'll be like, I know. Like, no, no, we're not gonna do that.
- [09:45]
A
How was it like growing up, being the baby of the family? And I feel like sometimes you can be the baby of the family in two ways. Either you're the spoiled brat one, or you're also kind of, like, the forgotten one, or where you kind of feel like you 9Mella. Because, you know, my mom's already on her fourth child, you know, I'm the baby. It's kind of like, figured out what was your experience like growing up being the baby of the family.
- [10:08]
B
I feel like my. My family's probably gonna watch this, but I, I. I always felt like my mom didn't like me, so I was always very jealous of the third child, which is my sister. I feel like everything that she wanted, she would get. If we would go to the store, my mom would be like, okay, queres, mija. Like, I'll get it for you. What do you want? And then whenever I would always ask for it, I always be like, they'd always tell me, no. Like, no, you can't have that. Like, no, you can't have this, this and this and this. And I remember one time I was so mad at my sister that I think I was, like, maybe 10 years old, and I was really. I was so upset with her because of the attention that she was getting from my mom that I went into her room and I destroyed everything in her closet. Like, I went in her room. I took out all of her stuff in her closet. Growing up, maybe up to, like, middle school, I feel like in my head, I always had, like, a really bad relationship with my mom. Yeah, I always felt like she hated me. I always felt like she didn't appreciate me, like, growing up, you know. Now, obviously, I would never say that to my mom, but growing up, I'd always tell my mom, like, I hate you. Like, I wish you weren't my mom. You know, I'd always tell her certain things like that, and I know, like, it would hurt her. Obviously, you know, you'd never want to hear that from your kids. To this day, she won't sit here and tell me, like, why or. I don't know, maybe I don't know where I was in my own space, where I felt like maybe I just didn't want to be in this family. But I would say it a lot often, like, I don't want to be in this family. Like, nobody loves me. Nobody does this. Nobody does that. Like, I feel like I'm just. Yeah.
- [11:45]
A
Did you feel like you ever got, like, that closure with your sister? Because I'm sure at one moment, you also not just maybe hated your mom, but you were also like, you know what? I hate you, too, girl, because you're living the life I want. Did you ever kind of, like, because of that, did you and your sister kind of have, like, a rocky relationship growing up?
- [12:02]
B
Kind of. She ended up leaving. I think I was, like, in freshman year, 14 years old, she was like, maybe 17, 18. She ended up leaving the house.
- [12:11]
A
Oh, shit.
- [12:11]
B
Okay. It was literally just me and my parents the whole entire time. So I feel like when she left, I was kind of like, finally, you know, like, I get to have my own time, my own space with my parents. But then like, after a while you start to realize, like, wait, like maybe,
- [12:26]
A
maybe I want her back.
- [12:28]
B
I do need someone to be here and like, tell me certain things or like, help me grow up in a way, you know, Because I. I feel like once she left, the last thing I wanted to do was to do the same.
- [12:38]
C
Yeah.
- [12:38]
B
I didn't want to pick up myself and leave at 16, 17, girl, where was I gonna go?
- [12:42]
C
You know?
- [12:43]
B
I remember telling myself, like, I'm gonna be better. Like I'm gon than her and. And stay here and do what I need to do to make myself better. But then, you know, after a while, I started to feel like, oh, I miss my sister. Like, can she come back? Like, I remember even texting her at times. I'm like, when are you gonna come visit? Or like, when are we gonna do this? And there was times where it was just like, no, I'm not coming back.
- [13:04]
A
Like, do you feel like feeling like that almost built some type of independence? Because when you feel like, you know, you're not seen, or when you feel like maybe your mom didn't love you the way you wanted to be loved, do you feel like it kind of trigger childhood that you're like, you know what? I'm gonna do all these things for myself. I'm gonna become an independent woman. How do you feel like that shaped the person you were?
- [13:27]
B
I definitely did feel like it did create like a good independence for myself. I didn't feel confident enough to even like bother my oldest sister, who she had her whole life figured, not whole life, but she had her own, you know, family already. So I didn't feel like I needed to go to her and be like, hey, can you help me and do this and this? Or even my sister. I felt like I had my own independence. And I was like, you know what? I don't need anyone to tell me what I need to do, to do right or to do wrong. But even like my parents, I feel like I couldn't even come to them to talk about like, certain things or maybe like to be taught grown up things. Because even them, they didn't know how to do certain things.
- [14:03]
A
Like they were still trying to figure it out themselves too.
- [14:06]
B
I mean, if they Needed to have the bills paid. They'll be like, can you come help us? Like, can you do this on your phone? Because it's not like, like, paper mail anymore. Like, it's all on the phone. Can you help this? Oh, the WI fi is down. Can you do this?
- [14:16]
A
Girl, I'm 10.
- [14:18]
B
I was an electrician. I was a WI fi inspector. Like, I was everything growing up with my parents. I mean, to this day, like, I still help them with everything that they need. But, like, growing up, I feel like I was very much aware of what needed to happen for myself at such a young age because there was nobody there to tell me, like, start to teach me, basically, you know, how do
- [14:39]
A
you feel like you reconstructed that relationship with your mom? Because, no, this is que ya and dia. You guys have a better relationship. Do you feel like that came with maturing and growing up where you're like, you know what? Like, yeah, I felt this way, but maybe my mom wasn't trying to make me feel this way. Or maybe something happened where you guys were like, you know what? Like, let's try to give this relationship of mother and daughter a chance.
- [15:01]
B
Yeah, I think it was just, like, growing up and just, like, realizing that. That I. I don't need to act like, that way. Like, maybe I was a brat. Maybe I was like, you know, just maybe I was being. Having attitudes or, you know, doing whatever. And then I just started to realize, like, life is very, very short, and you never want to take advantage or you never want to not feel grateful of what you have right now. And, yeah, it definitely was just, like, growing up and then also noticing, like, maybe my mom did have, like, the best interest in my heart. Like. Like, it may have not showed that at a young age, but, like, how you wanted. Exactly. But she definitely steered me in a way where I feel like my life now is better than what she may have thought it wouldn't have been. My mom probably thought I would have been, like, a chola or, like, pregnant at 16 girl. I mean, I'm 26 now. I don't have a kid or anything. But she definitely did think that. That I was going to be the. The bad seed, which.
- [16:03]
A
And you know what? I think about it, too. Like, sometimes, you know, I've thought about it more. Yeah. Because I felt that way with my dad. So I was the youngest, but I was, like, my mom's, like, favorite growing up. But I also feel like my mom kind of made me her favorite, or at least my siblings thought that, like, I was the favorite because I had not the best relationship with my dad growing up, so I feel like my mom had to kind of, like, over love me to, like, compensate for, like, the love that I wasn't getting from my dad. I used to hold a grudge with my dad, like, so much. Like, it was so bad. My relationship with him was so bad growing up. But also, I feel like as a kid, I was also, like, antagonizing him more than what it really was. Like, now you're like, you know what? Yes. Maybe he was, you know, an. To me. Yeah, maybe he made me feel this way, but I would even take it more to heart because, you know, when you're a child, when you don't really know what's going on in the real world, you know, and now that I'm an adult, I kind of think about my dad. I'm like, you know what? Like, I'm gonna give him grace. He probably said, like, damn, you know what? My son feels that I didn't love him how he wish he would have been loved. The chiquito like a yolo sufro. Do you feel like you had to get to a point in your life where you're like, you know what? I'm gonna let go of that resentment and able to be able to have or start having a better relationship with my mom?
- [17:20]
B
Oh, yeah, 100%. Once we moved out to Palmdale, my mom ended up finding, like, this really good group, like, church group. And I feel like once we started going to church, I feel like a lot of things started shifting, like, in relationships as far as, like, her dad or, like, us at home. And I feel like from there, I was, like, also finding myself with God a little bit. I think that's where me and my mom bonded a little bit more, is because I was so little, I. I feel like I. I was in tuned with the spirits or something like that. I don't know. And I feel like my mom would, like, hearing me talk about, like, Jesus, Yosito, and, you know, all of that and going to church, school and everything. And I feel like once we bonded over that, it was this. It. It was definitely better later on.
- [18:00]
A
You did grow up in a very Catholic household, which I'm. I wasn't really a problem because, you know, like, I was very, very, very, very Catholic to the point that I used to come out in the parades in Mexico Paraca. I used to come out in the praise as Jesus Christ. Imagine Alanize as Jesus Christ himself in the parade, waving his fucking hand. Yeah, that was me. But you know, as I got older, I feel like, you know, I wasn't agreeing with so many of, like, the religious stuff or maybe just because ya cuando you get into, like, that teenage. Do you feel like it got to a point where, like, maybe growing up in a very strict CA household kind of not really became a problem, but was something like you struggled with?
- [18:39]
B
Once I got into high school, I think is when I started to finally understand, like, oh, maybe I don't agree with a lot of Catholic things that are being said. And then again, things started to kind of spiral with me and my mom. The relationship that I had with my dad, it was very different. He was very quiet, to himself. He didn't butt into any arguments, any conversations, because he just didn't want to be, like, in the middle.
- [19:02]
C
Yeah.
- [19:03]
B
The best thing that he ever did was just go to work, come home. Yeah.
- [19:07]
C
Yeah.
- [19:07]
B
He wasn't there to handle the arguments or anything like that. And he definitely, obviously didn't want to make my mom upset or make my mom feel like he wasn't on her side. But there was a time where my dad, like, started to realize that I was getting older and starting to understand, and he would come to my room and tell me, like, look, I don't always agree with your mom, and I definitely want to say what I want to say, but I'm not going to because that's the last thing I want to do, is make your mom upset.
- [19:34]
A
Yeah.
- [19:34]
B
But I'm going to tell you now that you're doing great. You're doing amazing. Like, whatever you've done to upset her is. Has nothing to do with what you're doing in life. I remember my dad would always just put me to the side and be like, your mom's. Not. Just let her be mad. Like, don't listen to her. Don't listen to that. My dad has always been, like, the type of person to just be so chill and, like, relaxing and, like, not make you worry. He didn't care. Like. Like, he obviously was also religious, but he also knew, like, some of the Catholic things that were said wasn't okay.
- [20:03]
A
Like, we all mess up. Like, it's okay. Like, you're young. Like, you're gonna mess up, but just get up or don't do that again. Like, your dad was a little bit more, like, understanding.
- [20:11]
B
Yeah, he was very, very understanding. And I feel like I always had, like, a good relationship, and saying this now is probably, like, so bad. But I always thought, like, if my parents ever got into, like, a divorce, God forbid, Obviously now, like, they're happiest, but. But back then, like, I always told myself, like, if my parents ever got into a divorce, the first person I'm moving in with is my dad.
- [20:33]
A
Yeah.
- [20:33]
B
Like, I don't care to be with my mom.
- [20:35]
A
Like, bye. Yeah, like, as a kid, you probably were like, actually get a divorce because you, like, at one point, you hated your mom.
- [20:42]
B
Yeah, it was so bad. But, like, obviously now I'm just like, oh, no. They both work very, very well together. And obviously, growing up, I, like, definitely understand why certain things were. Were said to me and why certain things were kept for me and why certain things needed to be said.
- [21:01]
A
Yeah.
- [21:02]
B
Just because of, like, my parents or at least my mom just being scared of, like, the worst thing that could happen.
- [21:08]
A
You know what it is? It's kind of like growing up, like, we're like, oh, you know what? They don't want me to go out with my friends. Like, I hate them. Like, they don't want me to have fun. But it's like, yeah, they're potentially like. Like saving you from something bad going on. They don't know who you're going out with. They don't know your friends. They don't know where you guys are going. So it's like, as kids, we sometimes, like, like, oh, my God, you don't want me to have fun. But then as we get older, we're like, you know what? Like, I'm so thankful that my parents did that because they saved me from maybe going the wrong route, you know, maybe doing this or maybe ending up like this. And it is very much like, a thing that I feel like maybe you can agree, like, with age, you start realizing that, like, you know what? Like, at the end of the day, it's my par. They have the best interest in me. Maybe they don't know how to love or show love because they never got that growing up. So they're kind of just in that cycle. And you're like, you know what? I want different for myself in the future. I want to feel or be loved differently than I feel like they're loving me. You know? What piece of advice can you give anyone who's always felt, you know, not loved in a bigger family, who's always felt left out, or who has had a rocky relationship with the parent?
- [22:25]
B
I think just communication. I feel like if I would have had, like, a better communication with my mom, I feel like things would have been a whole different way. It's hard for both of my parents to show, like, affection. I Mean, they love us and we definitely know that, but they definitely show it in a different way. But I also feel like just us growing up now in this generation, I think communication that I've come to realize is, is key. And it is so important whether it's like your relationship, whether it's like your couple relationship, your family relationship, anything, school. I feel like it is so important not feeling like you can't talk to somebody because you don't want to hear what they want to say, or maybe you just don't want to know, like, what the outcome is. You have to, regardless of what it is. I really do wish I would have had a better communication growing up with my mom. And I feel like it also goes both ways.
- [23:23]
A
Yes.
- [23:23]
B
You know, you can't force somebody to, to like, listen to you with an
- [23:28]
A
open heart and an open mind.
- [23:29]
B
Yeah. But I definitely do wish I was the bigger person in the situation. But, you know, but you know what it is?
- [23:36]
A
I feel like also a piece of advice to any parents or young parents watching this. I feel like one of the things that, like, maybe a parent should do is, like, being able to hear your child with an open mind. Because at the end of the day, you know. That maybe to an adult it's like, like, are you not thinking, but, like, realistically, like, a child's mind is still developing. So, like, I feel like maybe you guys can relate. I feel like our parents and I can relate in that sense where it's like, we were scared to tell our parents because it was going to be a Regan. It was going to be like. Or you're depressed. Personally, I just felt like I couldn't really say or feel how I wanted to feel because it was going to be a problem to them. And that just goes to, like, back where my advice is to a parent watching this is like, really, when your child is brave enough or has the trust enough to, like, tell you whatever the situation is, really go in with, like, an open eye and an open mind to want to guide your child in the right direction instead of making them feel maybe like you're gonna get mad or you're gonna complain or tell them something, you know, What was Frankie like growing up? How would you describe your personality? Where and how was your environment growing up?
- [25:03]
C
Hello, everyone. My name is Frankie. Born in Montebello, California. Lived there until I was about 6 or 7ish, moved and then moved to Palmdale, California, where we currently reside. And I've been there for. Well, I'm now 27, so I've been there for two decades now. I've seen the city grow and it's pretty amazing. It's a lot of Los Angeles influence kind of bleeds into there. So the city is growing economically and it's cool. It's. It's definitely, you know, an honor to see something, you know, from the ground up. As I mentioned earlier before, I'm the oldest of four, so it's definitely instilled kind of this role model, personality or mentality within me and go getter attitude because I didn't really have someone to look up to.
- [25:44]
A
Yeah, you had to be the one they looked up to.
- [25:46]
C
Right. And so, you know, there's some pros and cons to it, like the pride of figuring things out by yourself. It's definitely rewarding. But then the cons of like when you fall, it really does hurt, you know, Went to school all throughout their elementary, middle school, high school.
- [26:03]
A
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- [29:10]
C
Even went to my community college out there, the Antelope Valley College and then I transferred into get my bachelor's degree at csun. So yeah, definitely been a nerd all my life for sure. Little gamer kid. Thanks Shout out to my dad. He got me like a Gamecube when I was like 5 years old and that pretty much started it from there like being a hardcore gamer.
- [29:28]
A
What were your favorite games playing growing up?
- [29:30]
C
Well, so definitely Nintendo oriented stuff. Mario Kart, Mario Party, all that good stuff. My parents are bilingual and very fluently in both languages, Spanish and English. They you know, come from educated backgrounds. Both of them went to college and you know, growing up I definitely going back to the growing up part, I definitely didn't see the struggles of things but I was like in a daycare for you know, until I was four years old old while my parents are going to school. And I just saw it as you know, school, you know, but it was a daycare and they were trying to figure things out themselves. We were in a small little apartment in, in Montebello and they gave me everything that they possibly could growing up.
- [30:05]
A
Did you realize that sacrifice? Because you know, it can also, it's also like perspective, right? Like obviously you're older. You're like, you know what? If I was always at a daycare or if my parents weren't around as much, it was because they were, like, working or going to school, like, for the better of my future. Did you feel like growing up, you didn't understand that you were kind of like, okay, I'm back at the daycare. Like, like, what was your mindset like growing up in Asos Momentos, where, like, you didn't realize the sacrifice that your
- [30:34]
C
parents were doing growing up, you definitely reflect and you look back at things like, okay, I see they were, what, 26 and 21 when they had me?
- [30:43]
A
Yeah.
- [30:43]
C
And so, I mean. I mean, they're younger than I am right now. I can only imagine the stress of having this little, little person in the family now and trying to figure things out. So at the time, I didn't. I didn't see the struggle, and I didn't realize they were probably really, really, like, how the heck are we gonna feed this thing?
- [30:59]
A
Yeah.
- [30:59]
C
You know, looking back now, I can definitely see and the struggle, the sacrifice. The only reason why I moved to Palmdale was because the second child was born, and so we needed a bigger house.
- [31:09]
A
Yeah.
- [31:09]
C
And so my mom finished school, finally got into nursing. My dad finished school in it, and so things worked out for them very well. But I often tell them, even right now, I'm like, I'm so proud of you guys. And now that I'm older, I'm able to see, like, the kinds of things you guys went through to be able to do what you did for us for.
- [31:26]
A
It's a lot of sacrifices. Yeah.
- [31:28]
C
They definitely molded us forward to be the best version of ourselves. And, I mean, we're still learning. We're still growing. 27 is still young, so poquito mas.
- [31:37]
A
They've been the oldest growing up, because I'm sure there's a lot of pressure and there's a lot of, you know, like, maybe in you at one point, because your parents weren't around, maybe you almost had to become, you know, the parent at home. What was that like? You know, the pressures of being the oldest. Did you ever feel like, oh, I can't up because my siblings are looking up to me? Or were you more like, you know what? Look up to me, girl. Ah, see me up. What was that like growing up, being the oldest?
- [32:02]
C
Yeah, well, you know, it's a little both things, you know, like, watch me up so that you don't have to kind of stuff, too.
- [32:08]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [32:08]
C
Because, yeah, I Was like a pretty shitty student when it came to education. Yeah, being the class clown, not really prioritizing learning. And it wasn't until after high school that I really locked in and stuff. But because of that, I always tried to instill into them, hey, don't wait until it's too late until after high school. Pay attention. Even when, when I was in high school and they're in elementary, I'm like, yeah, don't mess up like me because now I'm trying to get into this college and I can't anymore because my GPA sucks. Getting my license early too was another thing that I wanted them to see so that they can prioritize, you know, driving and being a little more independent, you know, along that line, taking care of them. When my parents would leave and they'd be both be at work, cuz they both work in Los Angeles growing up, I definitely had to be the man of the house and you know, try to rule with some authority and be
- [32:52]
A
like, okay, take control right there next to you.
- [32:57]
C
Make me a couple noodles,
- [33:02]
A
Turn on the game cube. Ah, that's funny.
- [33:06]
C
No, it for sure was, was making them food. Like that's why you can ask Ashley. That's why I'm like pretty, pretty well known in the kitchen too is I love cooking because I kind of had to do it between you guys. Okay, I was gonna humbly say me, but yeah, I'm gonna take that. I'm gonna take it for sure. It was me. To this day, they're all old now. Like I said, my sister who's the number third child, she just turned 21. So yeah, they're older now, 17, 21 and 22. Yeah, they're all going to school. You know, the, the two sisters that are in the middle, they're going to csun. My youngest brother is in aerospace academy. So I think that they're doing good for themselves and I still want to steer them towards the right direction because, you know, you can be so young and still mess things up with the wrong decisions.
- [33:47]
A
And I feel like that's one of the things, you know, maybe I can't really because I'm not the oldest, but I'm the youngest, you know. And I feel like for me, I always looked up to my siblings of like, oh, damn all, you are fucking up. Like, I don't want to fuck up. So I think that motivated me to like, God, go through like the right path. But I feel like sometimes it might be stressful, it might be a lot of pressure of like, you're also living for the first time. You're also going to fuck up. You're going to fuck up without thinking like how it's going to affect your siblings or how they're going to view it. Because you're also just living your life for the first time. Did you ever have a moment where maybe, you know, you fudged up and then later on you felt like, damn, you know what, Like I fudged up. And like now my siblings think that my fuck up is okay, so maybe they're going to fuck up that same way. Did you ever have those pressures of like even more like where you like, fuck, I feel bad even up because I'm like, girl, it's going to fall on me.
- [34:38]
C
So we have a family car. The name is Big Bessie. It's like a 2007 Yukon, like SUV. It's when I first started learning how to drive too in Palmdale. It's like a lot of desert, a lot of mountainous areas too. And so people often go off roading. And so I remember one time we went, my friends and I, to this like really crazy secluded viewpoint in the mountains and I was like, wow, this is a nice area. You have a whole view of the city at night. This is crazy, crazy. And then a few weeks later passed by and, and I asked my parents, hey, I'm gonna hang out with my friends, like just, can I take the truck? And they're like, okay, fine, sure. I'm like, okay, cool. Not really telling them that my intentions were to go to that very same spot. Yeah, but the thing is it was heavy, like dents and vegetation, bushes, all that good stuff and nasty dips, you know, because it was off roading essentially. So I didn't realize it. I was having the time of my life. I had all my friends in the car, like all that good stuff. I remember the route, so let's get there. There's of a lot, lot of. And I heard scratching on the car as I was driving through like the bushes and stuff. I'm like, it shouldn't be super crazy. Like it shouldn't be something bad. So that night happens or whatever, whatever. It was fun. The next morning though, I. I go to take out the trash and I look at the truck and I notice that there's like, like nasty looking streaks on it. And I'm like, huh? And I look and pretty much both sides of the truck were so like nasty. Damaged with scratches and blemishes and dents from the truck. I didn't realize it. How bad and how much damage I was causing the truck from taking the off roading. And I just hit my pants. Like, literally, I said, and what am I gonna do? I'm like, what, 17 years old. I wasn't working yet. No money to go and try to fix this thing. So I'm like, dad, I up, like, really bad. And so all my. My siblings. My parents went to go see whether. And I just got my ass chewed out, like, pretty bad. My siblings were, like, in middle school. Ish. And so they're. They're able to understand that I was in a world of hurt right there because I was like, yeah, like, that was a really bad one.
- [36:30]
A
Did you ever struggle with, like, your siblings telling on you when they got older? Like, yeah, saliento, Salina. Like, did you ever struggle with your siblings kind of, like, ratting you out growing up?
- [36:43]
C
You know what? Not too much as far as, like, going out, but it'll just be little. Little snitches all the time, for sure. My Frankie's doing this, like, eating in the room. We can't do that in the house. Made me take out the trash when you told him to do it. Like, just things like that, that I
- [36:56]
A
feel like, very sibling, like, very universal. You know, going back to Ashley, you know, platicar about your upbringing. You know, Mestavas contando anoche that when you were in seventh grade, you started experiencing bullying that affected, you know, the way you saw yourself and just kind of like the way you grew up at that time in your life, you know? Quintana, no. So pogito maze eso. When did the bullying first start? What did the bullying look like? And how would the bullying that you would receive at the time affect the way you saw yourself? Yourself?
- [37:26]
B
Thinking about it, like, in seventh grade, obviously, like, there's gonna be, like, really bad little kids. Little kids at that age, they will humble you. Yeah, okay. They humble me to this day still. So, like, I definitely understand back then, I'm like, wow, okay, that's. That's why. But there was just like, a lot of mixture of bullying. I feel like there was, like, online bullying. There was always, like, appearance bullying. There was just always just like. Like, just the way that you look, the way that you dress, the way that you do this, the way you do that. But don't get me wrong. Like, I was also that type of person that would put myself in those situations. Okay. I remember in seventh grade, I had this really good friend of mine, and her sister wasn't so, like, fond of me, and I didn't understand why at the time. Like, I didn't understand, like, why her sister didn't like me, but I'm like, but I'm, like, really cool with yours. Your little sister. Like, I don't get it. I think her sister was, like, two or one year older than.
- [38:20]
C
Than.
- [38:20]
B
Than us. I remember on Facebook, she. Her older sister was talking about something on. On Facebook, me. Just all of a sudden, I was just like, oh, I'm tired of her. Like, let me just say something.
- [38:31]
A
Like, she was sub tweeting vibes.
- [38:33]
B
Not like, of me, but she was saying something like, around the lines, like, oh. Like, oh, why would she do that? Or like, blah, blah, blah, like, talking about somebody else.
- [38:40]
A
And you're like, I took it upon myself.
- [38:44]
B
I was like, oh, I hate this whole, like, why is she talking so much? So I remember, like, saying, like, oh, you wouldn't say this about her in person. Or, you know, like, I basically just like, sticking up for the one that she was talking about. She was like, I don't. Something about, like, her saying, like, I don't know why you're getting in the middle of it, but you basically, like, up, like, now you're, you know, like, seats, Mom. Yeah, basically. And I was just like, oh, my God. Like, what. What did I do? And I'm not the type of person to, like, talk. I don't know how to talk. So I remember just, like, thinking like, like, okay, what's the best next thing to say? Like, oh, I'm not scared of you.
- [39:16]
A
Yeah, like, I'm scared. I'm scared. Come get me.
- [39:22]
B
Literally, I was like, okay, well, I'm not scared of you.
- [39:27]
A
Were you scared, though? Yeah.
- [39:28]
B
Hell yeah, girl. I was so scared. Just because, like, those are fighting words.
- [39:32]
A
Yeah. Yeah, those are. I'm getting my ass whooped.
- [39:35]
B
Those are fighting words. So I'm like, oh, she's probably going to be my ass tomorrow or something. Or she's probably going to have her little sister be my ass or something. Something. No, but then her sister. The next day, I ended up coming to school, and I was, like, kind of paranoid because I'm like, oh, my God. Like, she's probably gonna come and, like, beat my ass or something. I think she was in high school. Now that I'm thinking about it, I think she was in high school already. And so I remember telling her sister, like, hey, did your sister say anything about me? Like, like, what's the tea? What's the gag? You know? And her little sister was just like, no, she didn't tell me anything. I'm like in my head I'm like, oh, okay. But you know, thinking about it now, I'm like, damn. She's probably like, yeah, you know that's her sister.
- [40:09]
A
She's probably covering up her. Yeah, like, yeah, she told me she's beating you up. Wasn't going to tell you that.
- [40:15]
B
And that's exactly what the tea was that she ended up telling her sister. Cuz I remember when we were leaving, her little sister was very eager to like be with me. She was like, oh no, you need to stay with me.
- [40:25]
A
Like she's on the tracker.
- [40:27]
B
Yeah, like you need to stay with me. And I was like, why? Like I'm going to go walk home. Cuz I would always walk home. And she was like, no, you just need to stay. Like I'm going to wait for my ride. Cuz usually like it's either her mom or her oldest sister that would pick her up. And then she's like, just wait, just wait with me. I'm like, okay, sure. And I. There I am, dumbass, just waiting with her. And all of a sudden her sister pulls up with a group of her friends. But I guess she was already there to be somebody else's ass. And then that whole like ramble was happening. I saw it. And then her sister ended up leaving me. So then I'm like, oh, this is my chance. Like I got a girl
- [41:04]
A
silence off this.
- [41:05]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then, and I'm like, oh hell no. So then I end up just like leaving. And I remember like, just like avoiding the situation as much as possible because there's already chaos happening in the front because of that. Luckily I end up getting away from that situation. And then once upon a time I was at church.
- [41:25]
A
At church.
- [41:26]
B
I was at church and there's like these little small groupos for the hoist, like the younger am and I was there with two of my friends and all of a sudden there's this car pulls up. It's the older sister, the sister and a bunch of her friends. And I just see them one by one getting out of this Mustang. I'm like, how the they all fit in there?
- [41:48]
A
Like what the hell?
- [41:50]
B
So I'm like, oh, maybe they're here for, you know, church. Why would anything happen at church? I start noticing that they start walking like towards us. There's like a little lunch ground, like where there's tables and stuff. They sit there and we're kind of like a good feet from them and I'm like feeling uncomfortable Because I'm like. They keep staring at us. Well, me. And I'm like. I'm like, okay. I'm like, well, I'm gonna go back and find my mom. Even so, like, they. She would always send me, like, things on social media, like on Facebook. She would always tell me things. I remember walking past them because I had to walk past them to basically leave. And one of the girls, she. They're all talking, and I'm like, walking past, not making eye contact, because I'm like, oh, I'm not going it to do. Do this. One of the girls is like, hey, you. And I'm like, oh.
- [42:33]
A
I'm like, oh, my God. What's gonna happen right now?
- [42:36]
B
And then she's like, yeah, I'm talking to you. Like, turn around. So then I turn around and she, like, comes. She jumps off of the chair. She comes up to me, and she, like, basically grabs me from my shirt, and I'm like, oh, well, this is where I'm gonna get like, my whole ass beat by all these girls. And it was a lot of them. It was maybe, like, I'm saying, like, five to eight.
- [42:53]
A
Oh,
- [42:55]
B
that's Dos Amigas. They ended up leaving me.
- [42:59]
A
Bye, girl.
- [43:05]
B
Yeah, she basically grabs me, and they're recording me, and they're like, pulling my hair. Not like, they're not hurting me, but they're kind of just like, teasing you. Teasing me? Yeah, they're, like, teasing me. They're, like, pulling my hair.
- [43:16]
A
They call me, like, type.
- [43:18]
B
Yeah, they're calling me names. And the sister's just sitting there, just letting them all, like, just basically do what they. What. What she intended them to come for. And I remember, like, wanting to cry so bad, but I didn't want to look like a. So I was just kind of there just, like, with the straight face, like, just trying to hold it in. I wish one of those girls could just pull up the video. Like, just let me see really quick.
- [43:39]
A
I'm gonna pull it up.
- [43:40]
B
Like, if you're watching this, pull it up. Oh, my God. I remember feeling so embarrassed. I remember feeling, like, so degraded and, like, just. Just, like, so stupid. And then from there, I even told myself, I'm like, I'm. One, I'm never gonna put myself in a situation like that.
- [43:53]
A
Yeah.
- [43:54]
B
Ever again. Because, one, I was scared. Two, I've never been in a situation where, like, there's so many people around me just, like, basically, like, just antagonizing.
- [44:03]
A
Ready to attack you. Yeah, that's scary. Low key.
- [44:05]
B
Like, I was already preparing Myself to get my ass whooped. In that moment, I was just like, yeah, I'm gonna get my ass whooped right here. They ended up letting me go and stuff. And I just remember just like not saying anything to anyone because I'm like, the last thing I want is for anyone to like, make fun of me or like, make me feel a type of way.
- [44:21]
C
Yeah.
- [44:22]
B
Because I feel like back then there were so many fights going on. At least like in our neighborhood or
- [44:27]
A
Palmdale is known for being not quote unquote. I don't want to say, but I've known It's like, it's a very. Isn't it like even like high, like crime rate them vibes. Yeah. So like kind of like at school, everyone would be getting down.
- [44:40]
B
There's fights 24, seven, like, it was crazy. So I definitely did not want to be in that type of environment anymore. Boy. And then I got to high school, girl. I mean, I never got into any fights, but I definitely did experience, like, just boys telling me like, oh my God, you're.
- [44:58]
A
What would they tell you?
- [44:59]
B
Oh, my God, like they'll be like, oh my God, your ass is like flatter than the wall, you know, like, you got a long back type of vibe. And I remember from. From even at a young age, because even I didn't peak. I feel like I didn't peak at all. But in middle school, I remember like, the friends that I had, like, some of them had like big old boobs, a big butt, like, yeah, they're all developed, just nothing. I would always look at myself like, okay, it's your time to shout.
- [45:25]
A
Pinching them out, literally.
- [45:28]
B
And then even like during like the times where the 15s would happen, you know, girls, when they would wear their dresses, like, their. Their boobs would look good. They look good. And for me, no.
- [45:38]
A
How did that affect you? Like, seeing people comment on your body at such a young age? Because I feel like during that time, I feel like it's like those very important development years for especially a young women and even for men, you know, how did that affect you? You know, the feeling almost like, oh, am I not good enough? Do I not look good enough?
- [45:58]
B
No, it affected me a lot. And I don't know why it did, but it did because I mean, it wasn't just one or two comments. It was a lot of just guys just telling me, like, oh, like, your friend is better looking than you, or like, that's why you don't have a boyfriend, blah, blah. And I remember for the longest time It'd be so hard for me to even have a boyfriend.
- [46:18]
A
Because you're worth.
- [46:19]
B
Yeah, because I feel like guys just didn't like me, like for my personality. Like, I feel like at that time, guys would only look for girls that either had like a big boo or a big butt or whatever it was. Personality wise, it was not there. And I felt like that's all I had. It was just personality. But it definitely did affect me. It did make me feel really, really insecure. Growing up, did you feel like you
- [46:40]
A
ever confined it into like anyone? Like how you felt like a friend or even like your parents at one point, like, oh, mom, like I'm getting bullied. Or did you ever even stand up to your bullies? Like, even the guys that would make fun of you, like, you know what, you're chopped as well too.
- [46:55]
B
Like, did you ever confront your bullies again? I think it was just from the, the time of that whole situation that happened, I was so scared to even say anything to anyone because the last thing I wanted was to make anyone upset or make them feel like, oh, she said this. We're gonna go jump her now. I was so scared of just being jumped. So whatever. Anyone had something to say about me, I just let them say it.
- [47:15]
A
Yeah.
- [47:15]
B
Cuz at that point I was just like, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna fight everybody? Like at that point, you know, and then there was at one point in high school where, you know, something did happen that I was involved in and it definitely made the whole school not like me anymore. So I feel like from there even on, everyone had their own opinions about me. People were like me, rumors about me and stuff. And it definitely had affected me a lot because now it's just like, well, like the whole world, how the whole world hates me. It's me against the world, you know, literally.
- [47:48]
A
Especially like in high school, I feel like we. We really do feel like even if it's just five people hating on you, we really do feel like, oh, everyone hates me. Yeah.
- [47:56]
B
No, but it did feel like that because in high school, obviously, like Twitter was a thing. You know, people subtweet. Subtweeting was crazy back. Back in Twitter days. And there was actually this one app on Twitter, it was called like Curious Cat. I don't know if you've ever heard of it.
- [48:10]
A
No.
- [48:10]
B
Did you ever hear of it? Curious.
- [48:11]
A
It's like those anonymous.
- [48:12]
B
Yeah.
- [48:13]
C
Yes.
- [48:13]
A
Okay. We had like Ask fm. We had. There was also this other school, one where I remember would get posted on the same. They all Hate the baddies. Yeah.
- [48:25]
B
Yeah. So there was this thing called Curious Cat. And I remember getting so many messages of, like, people calling me names, like, people telling me certain things, and, oh, my God, it was getting too much. Like, too much where a point where I was like, what do I do with myself?
- [48:39]
A
Did it ever get dark for you?
- [48:40]
B
No. Luckily, it never got to a point where I was like, I don't want to be here anymore. But it did get to a point where. Where I felt very depressed and low because I didn't have someone to talk to about it. Yeah, I only had one friend, and she was very, very supportive. And I remember telling her, like, this is what's going on. And she was like, well, I'm not seeing you this the any different than anyone else's. Like, you're still the same person to me, regardless of what had happened. And I remember just having, like, her always by my side. So I think that's what always helped me, because I feel like if I didn't have anyone, that maybe it would have got a little darker worker. But luckily, no, it didn't get dark. I think I was just very, very depressed. And like I said, if it kept going, maybe, yeah, it would have gotten dark.
- [49:21]
A
What do you feel like was the process for you of finding yourself? Because I'm sure at that moment it almost one made you depressed, crushed all your confidence. You know, it just made you feel so little and so small. What do you feel like was the process for you to finding yourself again, to feeling better about yourself and not letting you know the confidence? Comments like, what was that whole process for you?
- [49:45]
B
I think I finally. I told my mom. I was just like, mom, I'm feeling this way. Like, I need help. I feel really, like, ugly, Like, I don't have anything going for myself. And I remember my mom just, like, grabbing me from the hand one day. She's like, we're going to the gym. We're gonna go sign you up. And I was like, I don't even
- [50:02]
A
know how to work out.
- [50:02]
B
Like, I don't even know how to do anything. And I remember she took me to the gym, signed up and everything. And the first day I went to the gym, I just walked around, went on a treadmill, and went home because I didn't know how to use anything.
- [50:15]
A
Like, this is not for me. Yeah.
- [50:16]
B
And it wasn't until, like, after I started watching videos, like, on YouTube on, like, how to use machines and stuff like that. And then meeting people at the gym.
- [50:24]
A
Yeah.
- [50:25]
B
Is when I started to get, like, a good. A good rhythm there. And I remember the gym was, like, starting to become a second home for me and everyone there at, like, back. I'm gonna say, like, 2018, 2019ish. There was, like, a really good gym community. You know, everyone talked to everyone. Everyone was, like their mentor. Going to the gym, like, by myself sometimes. And then there's people around me being like, oh, don't do that, because you're gonna hurt yourself here. I'm gonna give you this. I remember people giving me, like, straps and bands and stuff. Yeah. Because, I mean, nobody wants to get her at the gym. Definitely at that time, there was a. A bigger supporter, a support system in the gym than it is now. But I feel like the gym was, like, the one thing that helped me. Me, yeah, it become, like, a different person. I mean, I went from being, like, a hundred pounds to, like, 130 within, like, a year.
- [51:18]
A
Damn.
- [51:18]
B
And I felt. Yeah, I felt really, really good about myself, man. I had people that were making fun of me even, like, coming up to me being like, oh, you look good.
- [51:26]
A
I'm like, you're like, y'.
- [51:28]
C
All.
- [51:28]
B
Yeah, don't talk to me. And I even remember, like, some girls, like, in high school, like, talking about me, and they would even come up to me at the gym and be like, oh, my God, girl, I want to work out with you.
- [51:37]
A
What's your workout routine?
- [51:39]
B
I just remember feeling so good about
- [51:41]
A
your, like, accomplished, too. Yeah.
- [51:44]
B
Yes. It made me feel so, so much better just because, like, one, I felt like I was getting myself together, and I was also like, whatever anger, sadness, emotion, whatever I was going through, I would just let it out, you know?
- [51:57]
A
What piece of advice can you give anyone watching right now that is currently or has currently gone through bullying, and they're struggling, struggling with finding themselves, or they're struggling with really letting you know those words that people are telling them, define them, even though if they're far from the truth.
- [52:14]
B
I think it's best to always just make sure you're true to yourself and not to let, like, comments get to you or, like, let anybody's opinions or whatever they're saying about you. I think for it to just not get to you and also just to talk to somebody. I feel like if you hold and bottle everything in of, like, what's going on, on. On the outside world, that that's the worst thing that you can possibly do for yourself, because in the end, you're just gonna hold everything in, and then eventually you're just gonna Explode with all these emotions, and then, you know, you never want to get into that space of where it's black and you don't think. And now you're. You're thinking very negatively about yourself. I think it's just really important to express your feelings and just always talk to someone. Yeah. Whether it's like, your dog or your mom. I mean, nobody wants to talk to their mom about those things, but, like, it could be anyone. And I feel like that's what helped me overcome a lot of things, is talking to my friends by just the one friend that I had, and then also just finding, like, a passion to something, because you can also express yourself in that. In a way like that. I feel like that's where I expressed a lot of my emotions and was at the gym.
- [53:29]
C
Yeah.
- [53:29]
B
So it definitely helped me.
- [53:33]
A
But we're gonna go back to Frankie, That growing up, you know, weight has been always something that you've struggled with. How would you describe that struggle? What was your relationship with food growing up? And at what age did you realize that, you know, your way was, quote, unquote, a problem to people or even to the way you saw yourself?
- [53:59]
C
Yeah, it's definitely been something I've struggled with my majority of my life, even right now. The relationship with food, I mean, I like to say it's positive looking from the outside lens, because food is just so good. And especially being from an Hispanic household, the dishes, like, the culinary dishes are just. I mean, come on. Chiles, rellenos, chilaquiles.
- [54:17]
A
How can you say no?
- [54:18]
C
Exactly. Packed with carbs, tortillas, y la roast, like, and I love that. So that stuff. So, yeah, it's definitely been difficult for me to, you know, stay in shape for as long as I can remember. I think it was almost four years old is when I started getting little gordito. Pretty much went through my entire, like, school like that. Thankfully, I wasn't bullied for it. I think I found, like, a. A segue into it because of being, as I said earlier, the class clown. Yeah. And so I think the humor definitely shadowed the, you know, just being fat because kids can be mean and being fat when you're a little kid in school. I've saw a lot of bowling, but didn't happen to me. I went like that pretty much the first 15 years of my life. What did the switch for me, though, was nothing really impactful or dramatic. It was a simple, simple thing, actually. I was on Instagram. I was 15 years old, Instagram. And I had a buddy of mine that I've known for quite some time who was in shape. He went to the gym or at least worked out at his house, whatever it may be. And he posted a picture of him, like, working out, flexing, and then showed his six pack. I And said, like, we're the same age.
- [55:20]
A
Like, that's possible.
- [55:21]
C
We're the same age. Why does it look so different? You know, literally that same exact night, my parents had an elliptical, which is like the little cardio machine it was in the garage. And I was like, you know what? Fine. Like, I'll do it for. For 20 minutes, see how it does. And I. I put up a good sweat, and I felt really good afterward. From that night onward, I was like, okay, let me just try it. Like, let me just stay true to it. Ever since then again, like, that was, like, the first time that I ever lost weight. I stayed true to it for about nine months. And I went from weighing, like, 225 at 15 years old down to 155. So I had lost, like, 70 pounds over that. It was a summer, actually, going into junior year. It definitely went to my head a little bit in a humble way, though, because I came back junior year in shape, and I was getting this attention that I never had before from the girls and getting confidence, like. Like, wait, Frankie, look. Really, you look different. And I'm like, it felt really good. And so it started in the. In the garage at home, just doing an elliptical to translating into going to the. To our local gym. It's been, like, up and down ever since then, because when high school ended, I got a job, and so I was able to have my own money. And so then I was like, okay, let me go on lunch to Taco Bell.
- [56:33]
B
And.
- [56:33]
C
And so that's where it started coming back again. When I first got my first job, if you were to look at a chart of my weight, it's in fluctuations like crazy. I love the gym, and it's something I'm super passionate about, for sure. I think I just like food a little better.
- [56:45]
A
So I think that's what I was going to say. No, I was literally telling them yesterday that I was like, but it's always been something I struggled with. Which is funny, because as soon as you said that, when you came back from summer, like, you were like, oh, a whole different person coming back from summer, because during the summer breaks, my mom, right. So we'd be home all the time. We had liquor, like, by our house. I used to up the big bags of chips by myself, like, and I would always get anxiety because I would always regue. So I'd be like, oh my God. They're gonna be like this gained hella weight. So it would always give me a lot of anxiety. How did that make you feel? You know, you go back and you're like, oh, like, I'm getting this different treatment. People are treating me different. I'm almost being seen not just as the funny guy, but also like, oh, he looks good. How did that summer change your confidence?
- [57:44]
C
People definitely did treat me differently. Like I said, the attention from the girls, feeling more confident to talk to them, to even make more friends. Like platonic relationships with. With other guys, like, hey, like, you work out or. Or whatever it may be, you know, just making more friendships. Definitely had like a single group prior to then, and then it just kind of expanded. It's definitely kind of translated after high school to, you know, being invited to the parties and then seeing how that whole, like a cool guy. Do you feel like, you know what? That's a great way to say it. Definitely. I think I was like one of the cool kids after that. Yeah. Which was a crazy transition because just being like a class clown that no one really talked to is something different. I loved food too much. I didn't care too much about my appearance because. Because a younger kid. I mean, I didn't really care about having the new shoes yet or. Or trying to smell the best, like with the colognes and stuff. I just, oh, okay, I'm going to school. I only went to school because my parents were making me. I'm like, okay, dude. Like, I hated going shopping for clothes, so I really did not care about my appearance. You know, I was just living life. So, yeah, that switch definitely had a crazy impact on me finally going to lose the weight and. And trying to take care of myself because it's also when. When I did start caring about, oh, like, this looks nice, let me wear it. I can't wait to wear these shoes now. And that switch definitely molded a good foundation to like, how I am today, because I do appreciate the finer things in life because of it. And I do like to think that I care about my appearance. Right. So because of it, you know, I'm currently even on a diet, a very strict diet right now.
- [59:12]
A
How's that going?
- [59:13]
C
It's been going really good. So I started the year off at 275 pounds, which I think think that's the heaviest I've been like, in my life. And I'm now down to 254 so £20 light. Yeah. Right. And so there's still 30 more days. But I think doing these are fun because this is the third year that my friends and I do it and we definitely walk out of it with good habits from it. So hopefully this is the year that I can like maintain some good habits and really get down to like, cuz I haven't seen the number one in front of my weight and like hike.
- [59:45]
A
You're like years.
- [59:47]
C
Yeah.
- [59:47]
A
Do you feel like it ever defined you where you're like, oh my God. That's all I kind of care about, like my appearance, my weight, because that's something I struggle with.
- [59:54]
C
That is a dark side to it too. Right. It kind of consumes you now because then you become too focused on your appearance and that's when, I mean, just go down a rabbit hole. That's when like eating disorders can ensue. Yeah. I've seen documentaries where like the most fit people in the world, bodybuilders and stuff like that, that they have body dysmorphia because, you know, they're just so obsessed with their appearance. Now. Mine wasn't that extreme, but it definitely overtook some parts of me. Sometimes I was like looking in the mirror. Every single time I saw my reflection walking in public, I'd look and just. It took over a little bit. But meeting Ashley humbled it a lot. You know, we. We love eating, like for sure. And so that love for food never left.
- [60:35]
A
Yeah. Like, it just got worse.
- [60:38]
C
And now I had like more because she don't finish her food, so I had leftovers.
- [60:43]
A
She's a problem. I know.
- [60:45]
B
But he would too. Like if we'd be at a party, he'd be like, okay, babe, get yourself another plate. But make it seem like it's for you, but it's really for me,
- [60:56]
A
you
- [60:56]
C
know, that one's a secret.
- [60:57]
A
I'm sure. You know, growing up with that being one of the things you always, like, where in your head about. Do you feel like now that you're older, do you feel like you, you look back at all your, you know, weight loss journeys and like all the successful times you've lost weight, do you feel like it gets to your head where you're like, oh, you know what, this is easy, like give me a month or two and I'll be back on track? Or do you feel like as you gotten older it kind of has become harder to like, get back on track?
- [61:19]
C
There's two paths to that question. Because, yeah, you've done it before. Right. So you think oh, you can do it again. And that's why 75 hard. We start this at the beginning of the year because it's like, okay, we can do it again. Like, let's just lock in come January 1st.
- [61:32]
A
First.
- [61:33]
C
And then there's a second part where it's like, I'm getting older now. The motivation's just not there and the metabolism literally isn't as fast as it used to be. And it becomes a kind of a social norm that once you get older, it's hard to stay in shape. And so you also have less. What's the word? Like, incentive.
- [61:49]
A
What piece of advice can you give anyone watching that is currently or has struggled with their weight journey and where it's maybe become an insecurity and they start seeing themselves differently because of it?
- [62:00]
C
Well, a piece of advice, I think my word could matter a little bit too. Don't compare yourself to others because that's when you're going to lack the, the, the excitement about it. It really just has to be this light that switches on that, okay, you know what? I do want to get in shape. You have to want it for yourself. And if you stay true to it for a week or two and you see the difference in the scale and you feel the difference in, in your mind, it can become addicting. In a good way, though, you know, I like the feeling, feeling of seeing the number on the scale go down. I like the feeling of these pants fitting a little easier than normal. And so it's really about just taking the initiative and staying true to it for a bit. And then you'll, you'll find yourself, like, having a passion for it just naturally. So.
- [62:38]
A
And I feel like, also my piece of advice, you guys, I feel like, also do it for yourself. I feel like sometimes we tend to do things to get the acceptance or to be, you know, seen differently by other people. And I feel like that is where we already fuck up because we're not doing, doing it for ourselves and something that we want to do. So then comes a point where you're like, ah, you know, I don't really care about it. Like, you let it go. So I really do feel like if you really want to proactively do something to, like, be better or feel better, like, You know what this person calls me that, you know, use that as motivation, but don't make it like, oh, I'm only gonna lose lose weight so Alan can think I'm skinny. No, I don't. Don't give a what Alan thinks. Get skinny for yourself because you're gonna live in that body. And you're the only one that knows how you feel and how you perceive yourself, you know?
- [63:34]
B
This episode is brought to you by Redfin. You're listening to a podcast, which means you're probably multitasking, maybe even scrolling home listings on Redfin, saving homes without expecting to get them. But Redfin isn't just built for endless browsing. It's built to help you find and own a home with agents who close twice as many deals. When you find the one, you've got a real shot at getting it. Get started@redfin.com own the dream.
- [64:10]
A
Pero yokiro saber unpokito maze. Who made the first move? What was yalls first impression of each other? What was the first date like?
- [64:25]
B
Once upon a time, I had knew Frankie off of a friend that I had. And you know, him and that friend were in a talking stage that I knew of from then on. That's how I knew of him. And so once I started going to the gym, I started noticing the there a lot more. You know, I was single. I didn't really care. I didn't do anything. I'd always just like, flirt with him, but it never was taken into like, oh, I'm trying to get at him or this and that.
- [64:51]
A
Very nonchalant flirting.
- [64:53]
B
Yeah, it was very nonchalant flirting. He would walk in, I'd be like, hi, Frankie. And he'd kind of just look at me like, what's up? And just like walk away. Obviously, him and that friend or him and my friend, they obviously like, nothing happened. It was kind of like a mutual talk. But nothing ended up occurring after that. And I just remember like feeling like, well, well, I don't see no interest in him just because one, like, he was already with my friend. Two, he's not really like my type, you know. And three, like, I was already going through a whole another situation on, on my end. Well, but it wasn't until we had went on a trip together. We had went to Palm Springs. This is my first time ever going like on a trip with anyone. I mean, we didn't even go like, as together. We weren't even talking. It was just kind of like we're just going just because.
- [65:36]
C
Just to give some more details about it. We saw each other at the gym every so often. We knew of each other because of it. We also had mutual friends that went to the gym and for no particular reason, we just decided to, hey, let's go on a trip to an Airbnb like the most spontaneous thing ever. And us being 20 and 19, me never going on a trip and her either, really, any of us, we're like, that sounds fun. Like we all just pitch in on the night and just do see like how much fun we can have. And yeah, that was actually a very impactful night being because of what ensued from it. It's where we, Ash and I were like able to know each other on a more intimate level. Really hang out with friends and away from like the pressures of parents and being home at a certain time. Like just being like, like, you guys are free.
- [66:22]
B
Yeah, I remember, I think it was like towards the last night, something had happened where I didn't even want to sleep next to him anymore. Cuz we were sleeping in the same room and something had happened and I was just like, you know what? I'm gonna remove myself from this situation because the last thing I want is to feel like he's my boyfriend or the last thing I want is for him to, to tell me things. I'm like, first of all, you're not even my man. Like you're not to tell me what I can or cannot do, you know? And I remember just like separating myself from the situation. I ended up sleeping downstairs on the couch and it was like maybe 12 at night. And I remember just seeing him like coming down with like his blanket and he's like standing over me, he's like, can I sit here with you? I was like, okay, sure. And he sits down and he just starts like basically expressing himself to me. And I'm not one to express myself. Like I hold a lot of emotions in and I remember him like telling me like, I, I want to care for you. Like I want to be there for you regardless of what the situation is. And there I am just like hard headed, like, no, like don't say these things to me because I yet don't feel the same. Like I don't want to hurt you.
- [67:27]
A
But you weren't seeing him with those eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [67:30]
B
Like, yeah, we were having our intimate and like, you know, our own space moments. But at the same time I was just, just like, I want to take it slow. I don't want, I don't want feelings to be there yet. I want us to be friends. I want to take things like as slow as possible because the last thing I want is to rush into something and then it goes so different. But I remember feeling so bad because he was just like expressing himself to me and, and he's only been the only One to, like, express himself, like, truly about how he feels about me and, like, what he wants to do. It wasn't just about him.
- [68:01]
C
It was.
- [68:01]
B
He was involving, like, my feelings. I remember he was like, can I just sleep here with you? And I'm like, okay, like, fine. But I just remember, like, letting him stay there. And I ended up going back upstairs, cuz I was just like, I. I feel like I'm still, like, having him lead on.
- [68:17]
A
You were trying to put boundaries up.
- [68:18]
B
Yeah, still trying to put some type of boundaries on.
- [68:21]
A
How did you feel in that moment? Like, oh, like I'm over here giving her my poem, and she don't even like it. She don't even like me. What was going on in your head?
- [68:30]
C
It was all a front, and it still is. She forgot.
- [68:35]
A
Like, she.
- [68:35]
C
She must have forgot because it was all up front, 1 million percent. Because she's saying, no, she didn't see me with those eyes anymore. Yes, you did, babe.
- [68:47]
B
Yes, I. I did. But again, there was just, like, so much in the back of my head that I was like. Like, he was with your friend. You know, things about him. I was like, I don't know. I. I've been to one too many of this.
- [69:01]
A
Yeah.
- [69:01]
B
The last thing I want again is to be put in a situation and then be left her or be told lies or whatever the case is.
- [69:08]
A
When did that change for you? When were you, like, you know what? Like, he's doing this, or maybe this happened where I really do think I want to be with him and actually take this relationship serious. What happened? Or what was that mind change for you, where you're like, you know what? Like, I actually really do like Frankie.
- [69:24]
B
I mean, it was always in the back of my head, like, getting to know him and, like, seeing who he is and all of that. But it's so crazy because so obviously, like, all of our group of friends, like, we were all starting to get very, very close to each other. I think it was finally to the point where he just stopped, like, caring about me, not caring about me, but he was just kind of like, okay, I'm trying, but now. Now, like, I'm not gonna waste my time. I'm done.
- [69:50]
A
To the next girl, moving on to the next.
- [69:54]
B
So then when I started noticing that, I was like, oh, wait, like, maybe I do like these.
- [70:00]
A
You're like, hold up, hold up.
- [70:02]
B
I think also there was a couple nights after that I was just, like, venting to all of my girlfriends, and I was just like, I'm tired of being left Like, I want to be with someone, blah, blah, blah. Like, someone is this one.
- [70:13]
A
Yeah.
- [70:13]
B
I remember them just like telling me, like, just basically like, just open up to him. Like, we know you like him. We obviously know he likes you. Like, you guys just need to make it happen because if you guys don't try now, there will never be a later. You know, it was kind of just like a, like a wake up call. Like, go talk to him. And I remember after that I was just like, okay. I was like, okay, fine. Like, okay, okay, okay.
- [70:35]
A
Like ask me right now so I know you're serious. Do you feel like you were also scared? Because, I mean, like you said, it's, it's a big commitment, especially. Yeah, you guys were 19, 20. Like, yeah, it's not like we're dating to like marry at the age. But I also do feel like you're also not dating as Chamakos. You're not like high school boyfriends to the point where it's like, who cares? Like, I can ask another girl tomorrow. It's like you're getting more serious. Like, maybe you were scared for that commitment of like, oh, we're older now. Like, this is real, like, type. Do you feel like that was what's holding you back?
- [71:06]
B
Definitely. I think I was just, just cuz like after high school I thought I was in a good relationship with somebody else, but obviously like that turned out to be like a huge lie.
- [71:16]
A
Yeah.
- [71:17]
B
So I think just like me being hurt from that, I think I was just scared to be put in a situation again. I had bad trust issues back then and obviously like, it definitely came into our relationship like in the beginning, but it was definitely like from what I was left with after high school.
- [71:32]
A
Tell us a little bit more about that. You know, that, you know, at the beginning of the relationship, you guys went through like that relationship rocky, almost toxic stage before you guys were able to get into the healthier relationship you guys have now. What do you feel like were the things you guys struggled at the beginning? What were things that both of you guys maybe had to unlearn from your past relationships or even from your upbringings that you guys had overcome during that time to be able to be where you guys are at today?
- [72:02]
C
Going to the upbringings point. Ashley is the youngest of four. Me being the oldest of four, that's definitely introduced some layers of confusion in the relationship. I don't believe in this stuff. Like I'm a Leo. Right. A lot of the arguments ensued because I try to think things or approach things with a Logical standpoint and as very emotional about things. And that would definitely cause us to bump heads a lot because she, you know, and I've learned this now, but girls don't want the logical explanation about things. They just want to be heard about what's frustrating them. That was one of the struggles, for sure. Sure.
- [72:37]
A
I think also to get out of that mind space, because I feel like even me and my partner, we've been together this year, we're going to be 10. I feel like, yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Thank you. But I feel like, you know, when we started dating, we also come from, like, different upbringings. And lesbian. Like, I always felt like I was more. How would I describe that? I feel like I was more. Is the word woke or just more realistic about life? Because I had to grow up faster. I mean, he had to grow up more. He had a lot of traumatic things happen to him. But I feel like a lot of the time, like, maybe he stayed in the trauma. He was very emotional. Right. So he hated being told, like, oh, I'm wrong. Or he hated realizing, like, oh, you know, like, damn, I'm wrong. You know. Did you ever get to a point where you were like, you know what? I need to stop feeling so defensive, or I need to really, you know, take in what he's telling me. Not as, like, I'm attacking you, but more like, I want us to, like, understand or come to an understanding so we can grow from.
- [73:38]
C
From it.
- [73:38]
B
I have struggles still to this day to, like, understand him and like, him understand me, but I feel like it's gotten a lot better before. I feel like before, I wouldn't care what he would say because it would just, like, either piss me off or annoy me because I'm like, no, like, whatever you're saying is not right. Like, yeah, you have to understand it this way right now. I definitely try to think things before I say them.
- [74:03]
C
Yeah.
- [74:04]
B
Just for that reason, because I feel like. I mean, five years is a long time.
- [74:08]
A
Yeah.
- [74:08]
B
You can't keep going with the same patterns or else the relationship is. Is not going to work out. And I love him, and I would honestly do anything to make our relationship, like, work in any way, shape or possible. I definitely feel like I can still learn a lot of things, like, within myself and, like, not be so, like, upset or, like, you know, just how you were mentioning. But I definitely still feel. Feel like I'm right in some of the situations.
- [74:33]
A
You're like most of us.
- [74:36]
B
But there's just times where I'm just like, okay, Ash, Maybe you just need to shut up and just listen to him because sometimes like he is right
- [74:42]
A
as a man, how I want to know that POV of how you approach because this can also be a POV if you're watching this with your significant other, you know, as a man. And you know, I feel like sometimes, you know, women are very emotional, which nothing wrong but you know, my boyfriend tells me especially because with our kunya that she's very emotional. He's like, you have to learn how to talk to her. Like you can't just like throw her the whole thing of like you're up or you're doing this because like right as a man in your pov, like what is the way you navigate, like let's say you guys are having a problem where you know you are correct but you want to make sure you say the correct things to not trigger her. What is your POV of like trying to, you know, get through a little bumpy road.
- [75:29]
C
It started off with me trying to just be stern about things and very blunt with whatever issues occurring, whatever how I think we can solve it. What she's doing that's making maybe pissing me off, whatever it may be. And I just be very let my emotions take over because my frustration was like, why are you doing that? Like what's. Over the course of five years, I mean you get to learn, learn one another for sure. I'd like to say that I have a more gentle approach and a more considerate approach with things now. And you know what I can proudly say too, it's, it's translated onto a lot of aspects of my life. Not just relationship wise, but really internalizing things that frustrate me and then how to formulate my response, whether it be what I say, what I do or what I feel. Yeah, it's, it's helped me a lot. So I can say thanks to like the struggles of things because, Because I mean, what is it? There's, there's beauty in the struggle and it's truth to it for sure.
- [76:22]
A
How about you, Ashley? How do you feel like your mindset has changed, you know, as a woman that maybe, you know, sometimes you don't want to be wrong or you don't want to even. Cuz I feel like a lot of us, I mean women are not, I feel like even when we're wrong, we're like, no, no memo que? Because no, no, no, I'm not wrong. Like how do you feel like your approach during these five years, how has, you know, changed when it's come to, like, getting through the bumpy roads.
- [76:48]
B
Me personally, things are getting heated, like, between me and him, and I'm starting to feel like we're not coming together and agreeing on anything. I personally just like to be. I like to be left alone.
- [77:00]
A
Okay.
- [77:00]
B
Like, at that point, if we can't figure things out, if we can't come to, like, a final say or decision, like, just leave it.
- [77:07]
A
Yeah.
- [77:07]
B
Because I feel like the more we just keep going at it, it. The more I'm gonna get upset, and then the more, like, whatever I'm trying to work on is not gonna work anymore.
- [77:15]
C
Yeah.
- [77:16]
B
Because now at a point, like, I'm upset. Whatever I was trying to do better is no longer taking.
- [77:23]
C
Starting.
- [77:23]
B
We're starting now.
- [77:25]
A
We're backpedaling.
- [77:26]
B
And I feel like that's what had happened, like, a lot of the times, like, you know, going through our struggles and stuff. But I feel like sometimes I also have to just tell myself, like, is it even worth. Yeah, like, fighting? Is it even worth the arguments? Is it even worth this? Like, half of the time, I'll just. Whatever he says, I'll be like, okay, you know what? Like, I'm gonna just stop and listen to you and, like, actually think it through, because I, like, don't want to fight.
- [77:51]
A
You guys have been together for five years, and I feel like being together for that long, I feel like even more for a straight couple comes with a lot of pressure. You know, the. You guys don't live together, so, like, the pressures of, like, when are you guys moving in? You know, the getting married, the kids. What are the type of pressures you guys get from? Who do they come from? And how do you guys feel about that? When people try to put a timeline on your relationship, when maybe you guys are like, we're not there yet.
- [78:16]
B
At least from, like, my side of the family, I think it's more just like my mom and my dad. Sometimes they'll say it, sometimes they won't, but they'll just ask me, like, oh, you know, we're only getting older. Like, where are the grandkids? I mean, they have the grandkids. You know, they have them. But there's at least on my side of the family, there's, like, no babies. There's no little toddlers. They're all older. They're always just like, okay, well, who's. Who's going to be the first one? But I don't think they've ever sat here and said, like, oh, when's the ring? When's the house? Or anything. I don't think my parents want me to leave. If I'm being very truthful, I don't think they want me to move out. My mom has always made a comment like, oh, we could just split the house. You guys can live over here, and then we'll just live on this side. And it's just like, no. Like, I want my own space.
- [79:00]
A
Yeah.
- [79:00]
B
In my own home.
- [79:01]
A
Is that something you guys talk about, like, a lot? Like, moving in together, at least for the moment.
- [79:06]
C
100.
- [79:07]
B
Yeah.
- [79:07]
C
It's a. There's, like a societal pressure that. Not just a side. There's a personal pressure amongst each other, too. You know, we're 27 and 26 right now, not living together. It's introduces its own, like, obstacles within our relationship. Recording, you know, that's another thing, like, hey, can we record at your house? This house? Or do I have to pick you up? And it's. And it's just. I can only envision how much smoother things can be when we live together. Not to go on, like, a. Like a crazy tangent. It's also important because we've known each other for five years, but we don't know how we are when we live together, too. I don't know if she leaves her canones on the floor. I don't know if she'll wash her dishes.
- [79:42]
B
I mean, when we go to Airbnbs and stuff, like, we get a very, very, very little.
- [79:46]
A
But even then, you guys are probably on the best behavior.
- [79:51]
B
No, I mean, we both leave our stuff everywhere. So I'm starting to think I'm like,
- [79:55]
A
well, wait, who's more cocino when it comes to, like, how do you guys feel about the online pressures? Because now, also being online, I feel like a lot of people expect certain things or expect for your relationship to move at the pace that they want it to move. How have you guys dealt with, like, the online pressures? I'm sure you guys get that, right?
- [80:13]
B
Yeah, very minimal.
- [80:15]
A
Okay.
- [80:15]
B
Yeah, very minimal. I. I mean, obviously, obviously, it's people that are like, oh, Frankie, where's the ring? Where's the ring for my girl? But at the same time, I'm like, I. I can honestly go for maybe two more years without one. I feel like still. Five years is still very. Not fresh. Yeah, but you learn a lot still. I mean, just maybe two years ago, I'm. I was, like, feeling very accomplished, like, learning a lot of his ways on how he handles certain things or, like, what I need to change in my verbiage to talk to him or to make him feel like he can talk to me about anything, Anything. So I feel like still growing with years I can still wait for without a ring.
- [80:55]
A
Like, it's like, maybe not 10 years out.
- [81:00]
B
I honestly, I don't. I don't understand what the pressure is to, like, get all that done maybe. Obviously, like, you just see the potential in the people and, like, obviously, getting married is what people want to see. And, like, you know, what's it like for you?
- [81:13]
A
Because I feel like men get more of that pressure. Like, you know, she's saying that, like, hey, Frankie wins the ring coming. Like, how do you navigate those pressures internally and also at the same time letting her know, like, hey, you know what? Like, people are saying this or these little comments that are getting brought up, like, just so you know, like, I really do see a future. Like, how do you navigate that? And what is, like, your POV as a man with those pressures going back
- [81:39]
C
to the point of conversation, I think it's important to constantly have that. That expressing where you see yourself with, you know, said person, your significant other, aligning your goals, making sure that things are, you know, crossing T's and dotting your eyes. As far as, how many kids do you want? Where do you want to live? How. How soon do you want to get married? We know exactly how we want our process to be. We really want to prioritize getting a house first, and then it's when I want to propose, and then it's when I want to have kids. And that's not to say that any other order is wrong, because people go at their own pace, and that is a million percent fine. But it's what I grew up with. And. And she's said express the same way. When I see the comments like, frankie, where's the ring? I wish I can respond to all of them. So I'm like, don't worry. Like, I really want to, you know,
- [82:27]
A
like, there's been conversations about, I can't
- [82:29]
C
wait to marry her. I literally can't wait. It's just, well, first money, right? It's expensive.
- [82:35]
A
Yes.
- [82:36]
C
We can eat, elope, right? And legally get married, but we do want a very big celebration. We want to have all our loved ones and our nearest and dearest friends with us. We want a house first. And it's so expensive here in California.
- [82:46]
A
It is super expensive. I feel like you have to get to a point, because I used to feel a lot of pressures from online. You know, we're talking about 10 years, which it is a lot of Years. But also, like, people act like that conversation is never being had. Just because maybe we're not having that conversation online doesn't mean we haven't been had that conversation for years. You know what I mean? But timing is perfect. What do you guys feel like are the pros and cons of, like, living together and not living together right now?
- [83:11]
B
Not being with him 24 7.
- [83:13]
A
How often do you guys see each other, though?
- [83:15]
B
We try each other.
- [83:16]
A
Yeah.
- [83:17]
B
We try to see almost. Not every week, but there are some weeks where I do see him, like, every single day. And then there's other weeks where I only see him, like, maybe twice or once a week. More weekends we see each other.
- [83:27]
A
Okay.
- [83:28]
B
If anything, like, every weekend, we're probably with each other.
- [83:30]
A
Do you guys think it's kind of hard sometimes to juggle, you know, your individual life, your work life, then your relationship life? Has that gotten harder to, like, schedule out, like, your lives?
- [83:42]
C
Basically, 100%. When we took the, like, the mantle of doing social media In October of 2024, it introduced, like, an entirely different thing to our schedule that we have to plan around and really consider. Consider, you know, what days can we record? What days are free for us? Yeah.
- [83:58]
A
As a couple.
- [83:58]
C
As a couple, things will be a lot smoother when we get a house. Like, I think it's a good investment, and hopefully we actually want to do that this year, period. So we have been looking, and then, like I said, intern will come, marriage and kids. So, like, we want to get. I want to get that done within the next, like, year or two.
- [84:12]
B
We're definitely making what can work for us right now. It was definitely hard in the beginning trying to juggle, like, our relationship, YouTube, our job. But we started to get, like, a good rhythm with, like, all of the things that we're doing.
- [84:24]
C
Yeah.
- [84:24]
A
Yeah.
- [84:25]
B
Hopefully. Yeah. Eventually things would become a lot easier,
- [84:28]
A
and I feel like they will. I feel like it's all, like we've been saying it's a part of. You do everything on your timing. Don't compare yourself to other couples. Like, I always used to do that. Like, oh, like, you know what? Like, we've. We're always talking about marriage, and we have our timeline, but then I compare our timeline that we've already talked about, and it's like, oh, shit. But people are doing what we want to do at an earlier timeline. It's really hard not to compare yourself. It's yalls relationship, not fulano de relationship. So go at your pace with your partner. As long as there's conversations being had. And you know that, like, there's a future with that person buying, say, at your own pace. I'm going to do a little pop quiz for y'. All. I want to see what their answers are to these little pop quiz questions.
- [85:15]
B
Okay.
- [85:16]
A
Who said I love you first?
- [85:17]
C
Me.
- [85:18]
B
He did.
- [85:18]
C
Period.
- [85:19]
A
How long did it take?
- [85:20]
B
A year.
- [85:22]
A
Who's most likely to apologize first after an argument?
- [85:25]
C
Me.
- [85:25]
A
Even if you're wrong?
- [85:27]
C
Yes.
- [85:27]
A
Yes.
- [85:28]
C
Especially when I'm wrong.
- [85:29]
A
Actually, I'm doing double the apology. Who's more sensitive?
- [85:33]
C
Her.
- [85:34]
A
Who's the better communicator?
- [85:42]
B
No, I think it's me.
- [85:43]
C
Really?
- [85:44]
B
Yeah.
- [85:44]
A
Who's more stubborn? You swear?
- [85:48]
C
Babe.
- [85:49]
B
Okay, we both are.
- [85:53]
C
Who has the worst memory lately? Me. Which is I'm scared.
- [85:58]
B
Yeah.
- [85:58]
A
That's how I've been lately. I used to always be like, you know what? Like, I remember from, like, middle school. I have really great memory. But lately my memory has been a little off. But it's okay.
- [86:11]
B
But, like, he'll say the most random things. I'm like, how do you remember this? You couldn't remember a conversation we had two days ago.
- [86:18]
A
That's how I am, too. And then it just becomes not credible because it's like how you remember something from 10 years ago. I. Trust me, I remember that 10 year ago. Fucking t. I literally. Who gets jealous easier?
- [86:30]
B
I don't think we get jealous.
- [86:31]
A
You guys feel like you're past that stage already?
- [86:33]
B
Not past it, but I definitely feel like we. We have, like, boundaries for each other. Okay.
- [86:37]
C
Period.
- [86:38]
A
Who would be messier if you guys live together?
- [86:43]
C
Probably me. Then. Yeah, I'll take. I'll take that one.
- [86:46]
A
To finish this topic. After five years, what is something you guys are most proud of? Your relationship. If you can describe where your relationship is at now, what would that be?
- [86:56]
B
I think just generally, like, the way that we are with each other. I mean, if you would ask me that a year in, I think I would have just said, like, you know, I would have been like, I don't know. But now I feel like I'm so proud of us for breaking out of our shells.
- [87:12]
A
Yeah.
- [87:13]
B
And just, like, being able to give this relationship a try and, like, it becoming such a bigger thing now that it's definitely uplifted like a light in me and I hope in him, too. And I feel like we should just really be proud of ourselves for being able to come at least five years strong. Because not a lot of couples can. Can say five years. Years. And, you know, most of them can, but I feel like the most proud of I am is. Is being able to get through a lot of the hard times.
- [87:42]
A
Yeah.
- [87:43]
C
Yeah. Five years is a long time. Right. So 21. 21. So you're 26. I'm 27. It's a big chunk of our 20s. It's a lot. It's a time when a lot of young adults are still figuring themselves out financially, where they fit in the world, what they want to do for the rest of their lives, who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. And so we've figured out a lot of things together in those last five years. We've accomplished a lot of things. I mean, getting our, like, first ever cars, her in mind, getting our degrees in school, just a lot. And I just know there's, like, a lot more accomplishments waiting for us in the future too. So I'm eager and I'm happy that we have each other's backs the way we do, that we found a good wavelength to stay on with each other. And yeah, I'm just. I'm excited for the future.
- [88:25]
A
You guys opened up your YouTube channel, El Ano Pasado. You guys have grown so much. What inspired you guys to be like, you know what? I'm gonna pick up my camera because maybe this can be a career that we want to go into. What were the early content creating days, like? And at what moment did you guys realize, like, you know what, like, people actually really do with us, that if we really wanted to pursue it, it can be something that can happen.
- [88:49]
B
Our first initial conversation was maybe obviously the year before, where he. He just came up to me and was like, we should do this. This seems really fun. Like, we're getting a lot of love and support from people based off of, like, everyone else's channels that we were on. It was just kind of, like, motivating to see that. Like, people want to see us.
- [89:07]
A
Yeah.
- [89:07]
B
You know, like, who would have thought we would ever become something because the people wanted to see it? But I remember him just telling me, even, like, before, he's like, I always wanted to be an actor. He's like, I always wanted to do something in that general area idea. So the fact that, like, now we're doing this, I'm like, oh, it's a full circle for you. It's a full moment for him. But I think for me, during COVID is when, like, you know, the Tick Tockers and, like, the content creators started to, like, pop off a little bit more. And I remember I wanted to be part of that Crowd Because I'm like, oh, that's cool.
- [89:37]
A
Yeah, like, if they can do it, me too, girl. Yeah.
- [89:39]
B
And I didn't know, like, people were making money off of that. I just wanted to do it just because it seemed fun and people were getting like millions of views and just like, you know, And I remember like making little tiktoks here and there with like the funny trend sounds or even the songs. But obviously it wasn't going anywhere. There was no traction on my end and it wasn't until, like, maybe I just change it into something different, like let me find a different niche of mine. So I try to do makeup because in middle school I wanted to do like, mua. Yeah, that didn't work out for me. So I'm like, let me just bring it back. It was doing okay. It was doing fine. I remember for Christmas I got like a bunch of makeup stuff to just do, but then that fell apart. And then obviously our friends started to do social media. So I. So I'm like, oh, that's really cool. And then we started to get into their videos and I was like, oh, this is fun. Like, this is free will. Like you could just be yourself. And I remember they were doing so, so well in the social media world. I was like, wow. I was like, maybe one day I can do this, but I don't have, like, the courage anymore. Like, that feeling just left. I was like, you know what? Like, maybe it's not for me, maybe it's not. But I guess what I didn't know it was for me, but with someone else to be in the mix of. Of it, which was really, really nice to do.
- [90:48]
C
It's been really fun. The friends that she's mentioning, we. And I always give credit to them. Karen and Eddie.
- [90:53]
A
Yeah.
- [90:54]
C
Very close friends of ours. We love them to death. They've been on the journey for quite some time. And like she said, we would occasionally pop up on their content and people liked us. People were like, wait, that Frankie and that Ashley? Those people, they're. They're really funny. After months of hearing that and reading that, we bit the bullet and we're like, you know what? Fine, let's do it. We've invested in the camera. Camera. And we gave it our first shot. And it's really just been. It's all a blur from then. It's. It's been doing great. And people have been so supportive and so kind. I'm grateful because I know that the Internet can be pretty mean and scary sometimes.
- [91:27]
B
That was my fear.
- [91:28]
A
Yeah.
- [91:28]
B
Going into it, I was like, I don't want to do it because I'm scared. I don't want people. I think it was just back to the whole, like, I don't want people to start talking.
- [91:35]
A
You guys do a lot of couples content. How has it been for you guys? Do you guys ever feel the pressure of, like, fitting the. Like, that perfect couple? And how do you guys navigating, like, okay, you know what? We're gonna be open. We're gonna be authentically ourselves, but also, we need to make sure that, you know, we don't overstay too much because that could potentially damage, you know, our relationship, what we're trying to build. How do you guys find the balance of, like, what do you guys make public and what stays in privacy?
- [92:03]
B
Honestly, I try to be as transparent as we can be, just because I feel like a lot of people like that about us, is that we're very open about stuff, and we don't hold a lot of things back. We don't cut things out that are necessary to cut out. And I feel like I. I had a conversation with him about it, because I remember he would tell me, like, no, we couldn't put. We can't put that in, because people then are going to start saying this and this and this. I'm like, well, babe, people want the raw stuff. Like, people want to see certain things in certain moments, not every little moment, but at least they want to know that we do also get into bickers or we do also make mistakes or we do this or we do that, because. Because then starts to seem scripted at a certain point. If you don't give the people that raw, authentic, you know, self, it just
- [92:47]
A
becomes like a play.
- [92:48]
B
Yeah.
- [92:49]
C
Yeah. It was. It became. That was a hurdle for me. Starting off was, oh, maybe you shouldn't say this. Oh, we shouldn't say that. Are you sure they're gonna like this? And it was something that she had to really nail in my head, like, hey, they appreciate the authenticity. Yeah. So be real with them. And. And that is when it really, really went into first gear for us and it took off. And as she mentioned, we really try to emphasize that we're regular Smegler people, you know, working still and still trying to find time. Trying to uplift people, too, to let them know, we can do it. You guys can, too.
- [93:21]
A
How do you guys also, like, find that balance of, like, as a couple knowing when to turn off the camera or knowing what moments are for camera or what moments are just for you guys?
- [93:31]
B
We do really well separating like our lifestyle, like our outside lifestyle to our social media. I mean we'll go to dates here and there. The one thing is that we do get lazy at times, but at the, at the end of the day we're just like we got to do what we got to do.
- [93:45]
C
Yeah.
- [93:46]
B
So if we want to go like on dates and not record it, we'll go on dates and not record it. If we want to go out and record something, we're going to go out and record something. And I think again we do really, really well on balancing both of them because we're not just sitting at home doing nothing, you know.
- [94:00]
A
And I also feel like if you guys are also being so authentic, it doesn't really feel any different if there's a camera. Cuz you guys would just do whatever you guys would be doing off of camera. You know, we're talking about social media being so hateful. Has there ever been any comments that have stuck out to you guys where maybe you're like damn, you didn't have to go that personal? Or has there ever been a moment or a comment or a situation that has really like, you know, maybe emotionally hurt you guys?
- [94:25]
B
No, not that I've seen a comment. I mean there's obviously here comments here and there that'll just be people being so negative and bitter. But I, there, there hasn't been one where I'm just like, that got me, you know, like
- [94:39]
A
man down, I'm done.
- [94:41]
B
Like damn, she humbled me. No, there hasn't been one. Honestly, some of the comments that people leave that are like kind of mean, I be laughing at them cuz I'm like damn, they are funny.
- [94:49]
A
Like let me like that, like, like you always think about that like how do you think about this stupid comment? Or when they leave like the pictures and they're funny as like the reaction or whatever. I'm just like
- [95:02]
B
where did you come up with this?
- [95:03]
A
Yeah, like where? Because I want to have your head, I want to have your brain.
- [95:07]
C
Yeah, people are funny. People are actually so funny when they're trying to be mean.
- [95:11]
A
Yeah. Where do you guys see yourself in Los proximos cinco de es anos. Whether that be relationship wise, you know, career wise, social media wise and on there.
- [95:26]
B
Wow, I'm like all interview questions.
- [95:28]
C
That's a great question.
- [95:29]
B
Yeah, no, that's always a really good question. In like 5 to 10 years I definitely see myself opening up or at least having my own like business and something. Whether it's like opening up a Business or selling houses or having properties or whatever the case is. But I definitely do see my, myself in a better place that I am now. I see myself with kids obviously in my own home, being a mom. I, I, that's all I can think of is in five to ten years.
- [95:58]
C
Yeah, okay. On a personal level, I would hope to have finally reached my goal physique, my goal weight to finally be in shape and, and keep it there, maintain it. Because like I, it fluctuates, you know, every year, every day to finally find that one good system that works for me and really stick to it. My professional life, I prioritize it so much. And yes, the social media stuff is very fun, a 1 million. But I will always like want to do both in my life no matter how good it gets just because I want to keep my mind busy. I've spent so much time and so much money trying to acquire my degrees that landed me in said positions. So it's something that means true to me. I've always want to be a student, always, always, always. So hopefully with the experience that I'm getting now in my new position I can land something really good and, and have that guaranteed money while still doing social media with Ashley and still having that fun part of life. Hopefully have her be a stay at home mom with our 4 to 5 ish kids in our really nice house. Hopefully YouTube. 5 years, I think like 200000 I think number more.
- [97:08]
A
I think at least half a mil. That's a great, I think so because I feel like if you guys keep grinding fast.
- [97:14]
C
Yeah, I appreciate that belief. Seriously. All right, so five years, we'll do half a million and we'll just be climbing and still enjoying life and making more friends
- [97:24]
A
and all those dreams you guys have. Los Bana complete. Thank you guys so much for taking the time out of your days. Ashley, the Guinness. Frankie, Make sure you guys go ahead and follow them. I will leave other links down below as well as on the screen so you guys can go ahead and follow them. And if you guys haven't followed me, make sure you guys do so you guys won't miss any future episodes. With that being said, thank you guys so much.
- [97:59]
C
Thank you so much. It was a, a blast and we're honored, seriously.
- [98:02]
A
And thank you guys so much for watching and we'll see you guys in the next one.
- [98:06]
C
Bye.
- [98:06]
A
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