Jay Roxxx Talks All: Childhood, Quitting Music, Depression, Grief & MORE!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized Episode: Jay Roxxx Talks All: Childhood, Quitting Music, Depression, Grief & MORE! Release Date: January 3, 2025

Hosted by Alannized & Studio71, "Noche de Pendejadas" offers an intimate and authentic exploration of influencers' lives, blending personal stories with engaging games and discussions.

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1. Introduction to Jay Roxxx

The episode features Jay Roxxx (J Rox), a young artist navigating the complexities of fame, personal struggles, and the music industry. Alannized welcomes J Rox back for a deeper dive into her life over the past two years.

Notable Quote:

"I'm an artist. I mostly sing, but I could rap, I could do whatever."
— J Rox [03:45]

2. Early Life and Upbringing

J Rox shares her roots from El Centro, California, highlighting a childhood marked by shyness and a close bond with her parents. Despite being reserved, she developed a strong sense of self through solitary activities.

Notable Quotes:

"I was very shy as a child, like insanely shy. I was just so scared to talk."
— J Rox [06:06]

"I was always to myself, you know, I was never allowed to spend the night anywhere."
— J Rox [06:20]

3. Relationship with Parents and Siblings

J Rox discusses her unique relationship with her father, who doubled as her manager, fostering a deep friendship built on mutual interests like video games and movies. Her bond with her mother is equally strong, though less highlighted.

Notable Quotes:

"My dad is my best friend. We always say things like watching scary movies together."
— J Rox [08:12]

"I have four siblings, and my little brother is like my baby."
— J Rox [21:25]

4. Struggles in School and Bullying

Despite academic excellence, J Rox felt alienated in school due to her conservative upbringing and unique interests. She endured bullying for her veganism and distinctive fashion choices, which exacerbated her feelings of isolation and depression.

Notable Quotes:

"I always knew I was never going to go to college. I just knew it."
— J Rox [07:56]

"People didn't want to be my friend because I didn't do all these things they were doing."
— J Rox [27:12]

5. Discovering Music and Early Influences

Music became J Rox's sanctuary from a young age. Inspired by her father's Eminem playlists, she began writing lyrics and performing, fostering a passion that would later define her career.

Notable Quotes:

"My dad loaded my first iPod with Eminem songs. I've never taken my earphones out."
— J Rox [47:18]

"I spent the night practicing singing with my dad because I thought it was the prettiest song ever."
— J Rox [47:32]

6. The Turning Point: Signing with MC Magic

At 17, a serendipitous encounter during an MC Magic Instagram Live session led to J Rox getting signed. This pivotal moment was characterized by a spontaneous performance that impressed MC Magic, resulting in a collaborative contract that differed from typical industry agreements.

Notable Quotes:

"I sang the song we wrote, and he fell in love with it. He wanted to record it with me."
— J Rox [59:04]

"MC Magic is a man of his word. He treats me like the daughter he never had."
— J Rox [61:03]

7. Personal Loss and Its Impact

During the album's creation, J Rox faced the tragic loss of her grandfather (tata), who had been a significant influence and supporter of her musical ambitions. This loss deepened her emotional resilience but also introduced profound grief into her life.

Notable Quotes:

"My tata believed I was destined to be a singer from when I was four."
— J Rox [80:43]

"He never got to see me perform, and that makes me so mad."
— J Rox [84:37]

8. Activating Success: Going Viral on TikTok

After a period of mental health struggles and distancing from social media, J Rox's authentic content began to resonate widely on TikTok. Viral videos, especially her cover of "Moonlight" by X, revitalized her career, attracting a global fan base and reigniting her passion for music.

Notable Quotes:

"My 'Moonlight' cover got a million views overnight. It was insane."
— J Rox [96:03]

"When my fans showed up to my concerts just to see me, I knew this was real."
— J Rox [97:15]

9. Challenges in the Music Industry

J Rox touches on the challenges female artists face in a predominantly male industry, particularly the pressure to conform to sexualized images for fame. She emphasizes the importance of authenticity and being a positive role model for her young fan base.

Notable Quotes:

"A lot of big labels force female artists to sexualize themselves, which I'm not okay with."
— J Rox [72:32]

"I want to be the most genuine artist I can be because we need more of that in the world."
— J Rox [77:26]

10. Future Aspirations

Looking ahead, J Rox expresses uncertainty about specific goals but emphasizes a desire for continuous personal and professional growth. She hopes to balance her career with personal happiness, potentially embracing motherhood, while maintaining her authenticity.

Notable Quote:

"I just hope my life continuously gets better. There's nothing specific I see myself doing."
— J Rox [109:56]

11. Conclusion

Alannized wraps up the episode by thanking J Rox for her candid sharing. J Rox reiterates her commitment to authenticity and her passion for connecting with her fans, emphasizing that while she can be serious in interviews, she remains fun and approachable in her online presence.

Notable Quote:

"Life is also not that deep. I just like to have fun."
— J Rox [111:11]

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Key Takeaways:

• Authenticity Matters: J Rox’s journey underscores the importance of staying true to oneself amidst external pressures and industry expectations.

• Resilience Through Adversity: Personal losses and mental health struggles shaped J Rox's character, teaching her resilience and the value of genuine connections.

• Impact of Support Systems: Strong familial support, especially from her father, played a crucial role in J Rox's development and confidence as an artist.

• Power of Social Media: Leveraging platforms like TikTok enabled J Rox to reach a broader audience, highlighting the potential of digital media in modern careers.

Notable Moments:

• [07:56] J Rox Discusses Shyness: Sharing her early life as a shy child and how it influenced her artistry.

• [21:25] Relationship with Siblings: Emphasizing her close bond with her younger brother, whom she considers her "baby."

• [59:04] Signing with MC Magic: Recounting the unexpected opportunity that launched her music career.

• [80:43] Grandfather's Passing: Reflecting on the emotional impact of losing her tata and its influence on her music.

• [96:03] TikTok Success: Describing the viral moment that revitalized her career and expanded her fan base.

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For more insights and episodes, subscribe to "Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized" on your preferred podcast platform.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

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[J Rox]

I was just falling into such a deep depression and I was like you know what? Like music doesn't satisfy me anymore. Like I don't even want to be famous. Like I don't. I don't care about clout. Like all these things got to my head and I was speaking with one of my friends and I was like maybe I just want to like have kids and just be a stay at home mom and kind of just like settle down.

[Alan I]

What is up everyone? I'm your host Alan I and this is no de Pendejadas, your favorite podcast turned talk show. And on the so without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight.

[J Rox]

JRO what's up guys?

[Alan I]

Hello. Hello. How are you?

[J Rox]

I'm good.

[Alan I]

Welcome back. This is JROCK's second time aqu. Nosotros amigas Estuo Conosotros and Junio del Dos. And I thought it was the perfect time to bring her back to really get to know more of you and see what has been up with you the past two years. But it's been a while and I was like, you know what, what's up? So she can tell us a little bit more about what she does and who she is.

[J Rox]

Okay, so what's up guys? My name is J Rox. I'm an artist. I mostly sing, but I could rap, I could do whatever. And yeah, I'm based out of California. I come from really small city, it's called El Centro, California. A lot of people don't know where it's at, but yeah, that's where I'm from. I've been doing music since I was like 14 years old and I'm currently 22. And yeah, that's pretty much it.

[Alan I]

She does a little bit of everything. You guys, how was your drive, cuz? I know it was a long drive. Like you almost got. You got pulled over. Wait, do you want to talk about that or.

[J Rox]

No, don't tell my dad.

[Alan I]

You're like, don't tell my dad. He's all finding out right now. Wait, how was the drive life?

[J Rox]

Okay, but like, to be fair, look, I think that in another life I was meant to be like a NASCAR racer because my dad himself says if my dad watches this, my dad says himself that I would be an insanely good getaway driver. It's not my fault. Like I was blessed with the speed.

[Alan I]

So if I need to run away, I. I hit you up. Like pick me up. I'm about to rob a bank. We gotta get away.

[J Rox]

9. Okay, look, like I speed all the time. My parents know this, so this is not crazy. But I speed all the time, everywhere. It doesn't matter if it's five minutes away. I speed everywhere. Nine out of ten times I don't get caught. Today was the one out of ten times that I. It was a cool cop though. He was super nice.

[Alan I]

He let you go?

[J Rox]

Yeah.

[Alan I]

No ticket.

[J Rox]

You're like, you're like maybe a ticket. No.

[Alan I]

You know what's so crazy though about driving? I don't really like driving too much. So I feel like whenever I do drive I'm very paranoid. So like I hate going fast whenever my boyfriend, cuz my boyfriend I feel like is like, you he will get us in a place that will naturally take us an hour and 30 minutes, maybe 45. You guys better see, you guys told me con because he be like driving that as if there's no traffic. I'd be like, dude, chill. And like there's times where like let's say you're going too fast. I'll be like, hey. Anyways, like I said, I'm so excited to have you back here with us because J Rocks the artist as a human being. The candidates too. Aparte lo que bienes. The artist, the rapper, you know, the singer, Queo con poquito mas. So with that being said, I mean guys, we're gonna go ahead and start off with the question. I always start off with. I want to know about your childhood. How was J Rocks growing up?

[J Rox]

For the most part, I feel like I was very shy as a child, like insanely shy. I was just so scared to talk. I don't know why. I. Overall I think I had a really good childhood. It was different in different aspects, you know, school and then home life obviously. But overall I would say I had a very, very, very good, good very close to my parents. Yeah, I was just mostly just really quiet, just shy. And now I'm not quiet and I just talk kind of too much now. Now my parents wish I was quiet cuz I never shut up. But I grew up very to myself. I think that's why I'm an artist cuz I, I was always to myself, you know, I was never allowed to spend the night anywhere. I was always kind of like left out of things. I wasn't allowed to have social media so I was just always to myself. And that kind of forced me to get to know myself at a very young age because that, that doesn't happen often. And I got into a multitude of things. I used to love writing, I still do like writing novels and I would direct like movies. I'll make my cousins act in them and everything, like full blown scripts. And I learned how to code out of boredom one time because like I like computer code. Yeah. Like I had nothing to do.

[Alan I]

So what would you do? Would you look up like how to code online and then like figure it out?

[J Rox]

I kind of learned because it was just this, it was this website and I used to code like stories, animations and that type of stuff. And there's like a basic tutorial, right? Like a very basic tutorial. But aside from that, like I kind of mostly tell myself and I would go on forums and like learn certain things. But I was like 11, 12 years old doing this. I just think, like, my parents kind of being very strict and having me, like, I guess kind of closed off helped me in a way because it helped develop me more as like, a person, I guess. And I got to know myself really pretty young. I've always loved reading books. To this day, I love, love, love reading. It's one of my favorite things to do. I would just say overall, like, I mostly, mostly had a good childhood. I would just say where I really didn't, like, my childhood was school, but my home life was like, like perfect.

[Alan I]

How was your relationship with your parents growing up? Because for those of you guys that don't know, your dad is actually your manager, and your parents are very involved in your career and just in your life. What was the relationship like growing up? Do you feel like you were more of like a daddy's girl or a mommy's girl growing up?

[J Rox]

It's funny. Cause, like, I feel like maybe not a daddy's girl and not a mama's girl, but like my dad's best friend. It kind of did because my dad didn't have me, like, spoiled princess vibes. He had me like, I'm your best friend, you know? Like, I would say up late every night with him playing video games. So like, 4 in the morning, we would go get McDonald's. He'd be like, don't tell your sister. Don't tell your mom. And it would just be me and him, we would say watching scary movies. Like my dad. I would still say to this day. We obviously had our ups and downs because, like, it's different now. But to this day, my dad is my best friend. And like, I love my dad. Obviously. I love my mom too, and she knows that. But I've always just been super close to my dad. Because me and him, we are. Our personalities are almost like identical. And a lot of things. I think everyone who knows me knows that I'm. I always talk about my dad. I speak so highly. I was just talking about him on the drive over here. I was talking about my dad. But, yeah, I would say he's my dad is like my best friend.

[Alan I]

Do you feel like you saw your parents a lot growing up, or were they very, like, always working to where, like, even though you already said you were kind of forced to be alone, was that also another factor to why you were always kind of left alone because your parents were busy working?

[J Rox]

To be honest, when I was younger, my parents, they would work a lot. They wouldn't get off to like almost Damn near like 6pm so all day long we would be at like my nana's house and we were majority at my dad's mom's so that my dad's side of the family and she had no Internet until I was like 14, I think. So when we would be left there from after school all the way to 6pm, even during summertime, I think summertime all the way up until I was maybe like a. A junior or senior in high school, we spent every summertime waking up at seven in the morning and my dad would drop us off at my grandma's house because we. She would babysit us. But they had. Both of my parents had to work, so I never had a regular summer neither. That's another thing. Every single summer since kindergarten to like, I think my junior year, I want to say we had to wake up at 7am and they would drop us off and that was terrible. That was ass. But 7am just to get dropped off. Yeah. And then they wouldn't pick us up until almost 6 because they would get off like 5, 35, 45, you know, and then traffic and then go pick us up. So by the time I would see my parents, it would be kind of like late. Not gonna lie. But that was more in my early childhood. As we got older, you know, my parents obviously started letting me, my sister, stay home alone with my, with my younger siblings. But yeah, I think when I was younger I felt like I. I hardly saw them because they would work a lot.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

But they still obviously were very extremely present in my life. Like insanely present. So I don't feel like I kind of like missed out on anything or whatever. They're just. My parents are just hustlers.

[Alan I]

Do you feel like growing up, did you feel like your parents understood who you were?

[J Rox]

I would say yes and no. It's both. So my parents, mostly my dad. I hate saying this because my mom gets so like offended and she gets so sad, but mom, if you're watching this, I love you so much, bro. It's not a competition, but it's just I'm like so close to my dad and like, I feel like a lot of my personality came from my dad, like big time. My mom even just told me the other day. She's like, you have your dad's heart. Like, she literally told me because everything about him, I've just always admired him, you know, his music taste, My whole music taste is because of my dad. The way that I like to dress. He doesn't dress like this, obviously, but inspiration, like, I always wanted to wear baggy clothes from my dad. I have a bunch of tattoos because of my dad. Like, I just always wanted to like, be similar to him. And so I think a lot of, a lot of parts of my personality did come from him. But I'm also my own person as well. And I wouldn't say it's like my parents favorite thing. We were just talking about this in the car. Like, my dad will like always ask me sometimes too. He's like, miha, like, why do you make yourself look like that? Like you're so beautiful. Like, I feel like you're hiding it and this and that. And they don't say it in a mean way. It's just they're my parents, so of course they're like, you know, my mom too.

[Alan I]

Like, what do they tell you things.

[J Rox]

About just kind of like how I look sometimes or like I carry myself and like, they don't say it in a mean way because like I said on their kid, obviously everyone wants the best for their kid and sometimes we want. I don't have kids, but like, I know parents, like, they want their kids to be the way that kind of like how they are. And sometimes when they're not reflecting that, they just make comments here and there. I don't really get offended because I don't care. It's like, it's not that deep and I receive criticism all the time. So it's like.

[Alan I]

Did that ever make you feel bad though? You know, no. Squintas. That it doesn't really get to you. But is there ever a moment where you're like, oh, like, this is how I feel. Good. But my parents don't see that and it doesn't resonate, but it's because, like.

[J Rox]

They just don't understand the drip frail. Like, it's not my fault. Like, they don't get it and it's okay. They don't have to get it. They're my parents. Like, parents are always going to be like that. Like I said with their kids. They always want to make sure. Like, you know, and they, they get scared sometimes because, you know, a lot of like the idols that I have or whatever, like, they don't want me to fall into ever using drugs or like depression. And especially the music industry is just like that in general. And sometimes they think like how I portray myself, I might fall into those bad things and stuff. And I'm like, bro, like you guys are the ones who raised me. Like, that's never gonna happen. I Just think that's what scares them. It's not just all about how she looks because I don't think they care that much when they say stuff. Now I don't care anymore. I used to care a lot because I had, like, very, like, people pleaser mentality. But lately I've just kind of been doing my own thing and I feel the happiest like this. And. And this is how I feel the most like myself. And I think my parents are seeing that. They always tell me, like, that they don't really care what I do as long as obviously I'm not hurting someone else or myself and as long as I'm happy.

[Alan I]

Have you always, like, had this, like, style? Because I know that you've talked before that you really do love, you know, dressing baggy because you don't want to be sexualized. You don't want people to, you know, see you as something that you don't want to be seen as. Has that always been a thing, or do you feel like that kind of just more grew as you started, you know, growing on social media and you started seeing, you know, these comments or people trying to sexualize you?

[J Rox]

To be honest, I feel like obviously every young girl, you start to be like, girly things. That's completely normal. I used to always want to dress like this, I think, since I was, like, 12.

[Alan I]

Okay.

[J Rox]

But I didn't know how to. Obviously I was a kid. I didn't have my own money. I didn't. Social media wasn't as available as it is now to where you can look up style, inspiration and. And different esthetics and all that. I always thought it was cool, I guess, to dress like a boy. But one, my mom didn't like it, and two, I didn't have my own money, so I couldn't, you know, like, I was a kid. I was literally a kid. And I think I started getting more into that style in high school because they kind of started letting me express myself a little bit more. And then I think when I became an artist, it really just said it for me. And don't get me wrong, I like to dress girly. I know a lot of people, too, lately have been like, oh, like, she changed how she looks this and that. I've always liked this style. And if you look back at a lot of my old videos and pictures, I always dress baggy. I don't know why they're associating me with one image, but I like to dress like that. But I feel like more for special occasions.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

Because I don't want to be perceived like that. The way you said. I just. I hate it. And I think being on the Internet, obviously, that's my choice to put myself out there. And I know that I'm forever going to be out there as long as I keep being consistent with posting and. And whatnot. And I know that forever, as long as I'm on the Internet, people are not going to see me as a person. Like, they're just not. Because they don't know me personally. They don't have a reason to care about me as an individual that I. To them, I'm just like someone they see online. Exactly. And so I. And I'm aware of that. And so I would rather have an image that doesn't even point to my looks, I guess, and people more focus on my personality and my music because that's all I want them to care about, you know, Like, I could give a less being the baddest bit. I don't. I don't care about none of that. I just. I want people to like me for who I am, and that's always been my biggest thing. And I like to take attention away from something that, in my honest opinion, is just not that important to me. Yeah. Like, I already know, like, I'm. I'm not the prettiest. I already know, like, all these things, and it's not a competition. And that's why I said I just want people to like me for who I am, not because of what they see. Yeah. And then it's just that leads to a whole bunch of other stuff. And. And at the end of the day, I just want people to care about my music. So, you know, your style is so.

[Alan I]

Important to who J Rocks is. You know, obviously we see how you dress, your makeup, your tattoos, even the grills. I feel like that all is who J Rocks is. And I feel like it also is a big thing for people that see you online that might feel the same way you feel. But maybe, you know, maybe there aren't artists, but they feel like, oh, maybe I don't want to feel sexualized, you know, and that want to dress like you. It also is like, you know what? You can do that too. What was that? You have one sister, right? How many siblings are you guys total?

[J Rox]

Four. Oh, you guys are four.

[Alan I]

You're the oldest. What was that like growing up being the oldest? Do you feel like you had responsibilities because you were the oldest? You almost had to become the second mom to your other siblings or what was that like?

[J Rox]

Oh. To be honest, my mom never put me in that position to feel like I guess a second mother maybe now, but that's I'm 22 now. It's way different. I have a car, I can take them place, I have my own money. Like it's way different compared to if I was like a kid or a teenager. You know, my mom has never ever, ever, ever put me in that position to feel like a second mother to my siblings ever. If anything, it's funny because it's kind of like opposite of my family where even though I'm the oldest, I'm like babied the most by everyone, not just my parents, like my Nana, my all my the Esteels, everybody. Like I'm like the baby of the family. So I'm kind of like spoiled emotionally. I feel like I've never really felt like that. I kind of feel like my little sister is my older sister. You know, I feel like she's like wise beyond her years and she always gives me good advice and she's like probably some people would consider like the smarter, more mature sister and I'm kind of more like the kind of immature and like just want to have fun.

[Alan I]

And like still trying to figure it out. Like she's gonna go through and she's gonna learn.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura A Complete Online Safety Toolkit this past summer, national public data reported a breach potentially affecting Every American. Over 2.9 billion records used for background checks were stolen. If safeguarding personal information wasn't a priority before this incident should serve as a critical wake up call. You're more vulnerable than ever in today's digital landscape. That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. Additionally, Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance, offering a robust safety net in the event of a worst case scenario. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online, including a VPN for secure browsing data broker opt out to stop companies from selling your personal information and a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords for a limited time. Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online, all for free. When you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefens to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your Loved ones. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.

[Alan I]

Hey, everybody. My name is Bob the Drag Queen. And I'm Monet X Change. And we are the hosts of Sibling Rivalry. This is the podcast where two best friends gab, talk smack, and have a lot of fun with our black queer selves. Yeah, for sure. You know, we are family, so we talk about everything, honey, from why we don't like hugs to black lives matter to interracial dating to other things. Right, Bob? Yes. And it gets messy, and we are not afraid to be wrong. So please join us over here at Civic Bribery, Available anywhere you get your podcast. You can listen and subscribe for free. For free, honey. So do you feel like your sister. How old is your sister?

[J Rox]

She's 19.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, okay.

[J Rox]

We're two years apart because she's about to be 20, and I just.

[Alan I]

Wait, was that the same sister from that one time when we had your album release party and you were celebrating her too? Oh, my gosh. She's 19 already? So how long ago has that been? I thought it was like, I think two, three years.

[J Rox]

I was either 17 or had just turned 18 when that happened.

[Alan I]

That is crazy, you guys. Which we'll talk a little bit more about that when it comes to, like, her career. But that's crazy. You know, I. I know you had mentioned earlier about, you know, when you became older, your. Your mom. Your mom and your dad let you kind of stay home to take care of your siblings. What was that like? Did they kind of, you know, it was kind of like you, girl. Like you and our mom or dad.

[J Rox]

No, like, my siblings are low key, like, super chill. Like my sister. We're just talking about her too. In the car, we're like nonchalant final boss. Because she's so calm. She causes no problems. She's like, you'll. You have to check on her, if she's even alive because she's just so to herself and. And she doesn't bother me. My other brother's like that as well. He's only 15, and he's super, like, doesn't really bother at all. I would say the crazy one is my little, little brother. He's seven years old, so he's like the newest addition to our family because he was not planned. And he is something else. He's like all over the place, but he's like my twin for real.

[Alan I]

So I look like he's like Travieso.

[J Rox]

Yes. He's been turning he's still super, super sweet, like, insanely sweet. But he's been turning travieso lately, and I feel like I have, like, a little son because he's always doing everything with me. He always wants to go everywhere with me. I would say he's the only sibling that. I kind of feel like he's like, my baby. Because I literally, the day he was born in the hospital, I spent the night with my mom, and I've always, like, taken care of him, but because I wanted to, like, I would always ask her, like, please let me babysit him. Please let him sleep in my bed today. Like, I always wanted to be with my little brother.

[Alan I]

So when you found out that your mom was pregnant with this unplanned pregnancy, were you excited or what was that? Like, how was that? Like, you know, your mom had already had kids, and then she sits you down. She was like, hey, you're gonna have a baby brother. What was that like for you?

[J Rox]

I was super excited. I love babies. A lot of people don't know this, but I love babies. Like, I would love to have a baby one day. Like, I am so, you know, just to touch on that topic, I feel like our generation is so, like, obsessed with teaching women that children are bad. And, like, you should hate children and focus on your career. Like, boss up and you don't need a man and all these things. And I'm just like. Like, I would love to have a kid, and I think that that's one of the most beautiful parts of life. And, like, you shouldn't let, like, social media brainwash you in that aspect, because in my opinion, kids are everything. That's family. Family is everything. And at the end of the day, that's all you're gonna have, you know, when everything else goes away. And I love kids. I love every time I'm in public and say someone wants to take a picture with me and they have, like, a little brother, like, a baby on them, I literally ask them, like, can I hold your baby? They always say, yes. And it's, dude, babies love me. Like, I don't even know why. And, like, I always in public, random babies. Like, I just think they're so cute. And, like, I can't wait to have a baby. So when my mom told me that, I was freaking excited because, like, I love babies so much, and I always wanted to be around him. I would love. I fed him every day, like, because I wanted to. Like, I just loved him. I. I would always be in the room with him, putting him Onto like my music and everything. He was all little.

[Alan I]

Do you remember the first time you gotta hug him in the hospital? Did you go to the hospital or did you get.

[J Rox]

When he came back home, he was born. I spent the night with my mom in the room.

[Alan I]

How was that? How old were you at the time? He was.04. Okay, so you were super young.

[J Rox]

Yeah.

[Alan I]

You've always wanted to be a mom then.

[J Rox]

Not always. I actually used to be. Oh my God, don't even remind me. But I used to be so, like I don't want kids. Like I. Not that because, not never because I disliked kids, but because I was like, I don't want to ruin my body. Like I don't, I don't want to. I mean birth still sounds scary as hell. Like pregnancy, like I like scary. But I've grown, I think into a more mature mindset about it that when the time comes I'm going to be very happy. My mom always would tell me, she's like, yeah, it's like your career, she's like, you can change it anytime you want. Partners, you can break up and date anyone you want. She's like, but like family and like having a kid, it's like that's something forever. Forever. And it's so different. She was just saying how your career is not always going to be there for you. Your friends are not always going to be there for you. Like it's not, you know, she's saying like at a job you could be replaceable. Like you could easily lose those things. And like how I was saying just family. I think it's the most important thing in the, in this world. It's more important than anything.

[Alan I]

You really didn't have, you know, a hard, you know, childhood up until school. How was school for you and why do you feel like you, you know, struggled a lot through school?

[J Rox]

Yeah, in school I always hated school for as long as I can remember. And not because I was a troubled child, not because I wanted to, you know, call caused problems for my parents. It was never for those types of reasons. It was always because like I just felt smarter than what they were teaching me at school. And I was like a pretty well rounded kid. You know, I'd always get honor roll student of the year. Like I was like a good kid in school, but I never liked it. And I think because I saw beyond that. And I also, deep down in my heart, I always knew I was never going to go to college. I just knew it. Like I didn't have an explanation for it. I didn't even know what I was going to do at that point. I didn't know I was going to be a singer. You know, I was like in seventh grade, but I just knew that I wasn't going to go to college. I remember they would try to make us take, like, these dumb classes. Like, I forgot what they're even called because I never cared. But I think, like, AVID or something. But it was to help you for.

[Alan I]

College, like, college, everything.

[J Rox]

And I never did any of those classes. I never cared about none of that stuff. I'd always tell my parents, I just don't want to go. And at that point, like I said, I was very young. I didn't know what the hell I was talking about, but I just knew that I was not going to be one of those kids. I think school. I just. It sucked for me also because, like, I never related to any of my peers. I still don't. Like it was because of the way that I was raised. Raised. Most definitely it was the way that I was raised. I've come to that conclusion. My parents raised me very traditional. They're very strict, very. Like I said, I couldn't have social media. I was never cool ever, ever, ever, ever, ever in my life. I just. I feel like I grew up very different from a lot of kids. And that's honestly what it is. Because sometimes it's not people's fault for the way that they turn out, it's the parenting. Like I said, a lot of it goes down to the parenting. Because now that I'm an adult, I can see this from a completely different lens. And a lot of the kids that I felt I didn't get along with, it wasn't their fault. They were just kids. I was just a kid. And like I said, the way that I grew up, I think it kind of weirdly alienated me from a lot of kids because a lot of people don't. A lot of people, and I hate to say this, it sounds really sad and it's nobody's fault, but a lot of people don't have good parents, and that's not their fault.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And sometimes that can, you know, cause them to act out. They grow up quicker than other kids. They start doing stuff like they try drugs at an early age. They get addicted to partying, addicted to having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. There are so many reasons why kids end up the way that they end up or act out the way that they act out. And I feel like since I had parents that were, like, super present in my life. They never allowed me to even make mistakes, I guess, if that makes sense, because they were so, like, behind me all the time. And, like, I said that weirdly alienated me because so many kids in school, even my own cousins, they thought I was lame, boring.

[Alan I]

Like, you would just kind of kick it by yourself or with, like, one or two friends.

[J Rox]

I always had, like, either one or two friends. And when it got really bad, which was in high school, I used to sit alone. It was so bad that my own little sister felt bad for me, and her and her friends would go sit with me because she was a freshman and I was a senior. There is just a point I would. I want to say, like, in my junior senior year of high school, where I was. I don't know how, but, like, I was developing really bad, like, anxiety and, like, depression. I just always felt very, very, very outcasted. And like I said, even from my own family members at times, like, my own own. Literally, my own cousins. And I just always kind of felt like something was wrong with me. I'm like, what's wrong with me? That, like, people don't want to be my friend? Or. Or they just think I'm weird or, like, they think I'm, like, lame, I guess, because I don't do all these things that they're doing. And I just always felt out of place, you know, And I think that's just really what it was, because at that time, I wasn't that close to my sister neither. We didn't start getting close until she was, like, a junior senior in high school, so. And she was a freshman at that time.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

So I felt very alone because she always had an older sister. I didn't. You know, it was always just me. My parents were a lot of the times busy, so I kind of felt like I just, like, processed a lot of those emotions on my own and not really knowing what the hell to do with them because I was just a kid. And my only outlet I felt was music at, you know, at the time, that's the only thing that made me happy. Nothing else made me happy. I literally used to sit alone at lunch, and I did have friends. I don't want people to think, like, I never had friends. I did have friends here and there, but they were never, like, friends that I had super deep emotional connections with. It was kind of like we would sit together at lunch, had a few classes together, but I didn't have, like, these deep, deep, deep emotional connections with them the way that I would like to because that's. I'm such an emotional person and I just didn't feel like necessarily close to anyone. That's when it really got bad. And I just forever remember people at school making fun of me. Well, one, because I was vegan. I'll never forget this one kid, he took a picture of my project because I was talking about myself. You're supposed to introduce yourself, whatever, put interesting facts and, and whatnot. And I remember I put that I was vegan on there and I said, because I want to save the animals. And like I was like, I think 14 when I wrote it.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And I remember he took a picture of that. He left my full name out on it. And then he put, he, he posted on his Snapchat. He was a super popular guy at the time, right? Like football player, everything. He posted on his snap. And he's like, what a weirdo. Lmao. I remember. And my friends showed me because I didn't have social media. It's like I didn't even know people were even talking shit about me. I'm like, damn, like, what I do. Like, I was so quiet, I hardly even talked in school. And I remember he posted that and like, I never liked him ever since I did because I'm like, I don't even know you. And it's like that's, it's just mean. Like for what did that trigger you.

[Alan I]

In the sense of you're like, oh, people know of this post. Like, you're like, oh, people are talking shit. But like, I'm over here. Just like nothing.

[J Rox]

Yeah. And I remember too, I was very like daring with my fashion in high school. I don't know what the I was doing. And I remember one time I wore Fenty slides, the Rihanna Fendi slides with fur on them. And that was before all that stuff was popular. That's when they first came out. And I remember my mom bought some and she let me borrow them for school and I wore them one time with some crazy ass outfit. And this girl who was also super popular at the time, remember she literally recorded my feet zooming in, walking and everything and just like making fun of the shoes.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And I was just like. And I remember all day people were staring at me. They were staring at my feet all day long that day. I remember. And I remember feeling so weird because I'm like, damn, like, is there something wrong with wearing these? Like, I thought they were so cool. And I just remember people like staring at me that day. And I'm assuming because she posted that and she was also really popular as well. She posted on her Snapchat. One of my friends showed me, and I was like, what the hell? Like, I don't even know people are even talking about me. And just. I used to get my phone up for, like, singing, too. I remember, like, I used to post singing videos on my Instagram because my dad finally let me get an Instagram when I was around, like, 15. But it was only for singing videos. I couldn't really, like, you know, use it for other things. And I would post them. And I just remember hearing a lot, like, hearsay at my school. Like, people just talking crap about me or thinking it was, like, cringy.

[Alan I]

And yeah, you say that you felt like an outcast, but whenever you would see people, like, make fun of you, whether that's for your singing, your fashion, would it ever get to a point where it would get dark for you?

[J Rox]

To be honest, no. Because in my heart, I always knew, like. Like, they're just mean kids.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

It's like I always. My dad would always tell me, he'll be like, my dad always gets me through. I feel like a lot of dark things in my life. I remember when things would kind of get bad, I would talk to him and he would say, you know what, Miha? Like, not everyone thinks the way that you do. And sometimes people are going through things on their own, like these kids that you might not know about, and they're projecting it onto you because they might be going through stuff at home with their parents. Like, he's like. And you never know. He's like. So he's like, the way that they're judging you, he's like. Like, you never judge them because you don't know what they're going through. Just how they don't know what. What you're going through. He's like, but you have to always be the bigger person. And I remember, like, that's why I think the way that I do, because of my dad, honestly, especially this. A lot of girls fall victim to this, but it's just like such like a cat mentality where it's like you always want to be better or than this girl. Like, so the society makes us that way. They try to make it feel like it's always a competition and everything, but I feel like since I was super close to my dad, I never developed that state of mind. I don't feel in competition with nobody. I never saw myself as better than anybody or anyone is lesser than me for whatever reason. I remember I had this Friend in high school. Matter of fact, this is actually kind of like, exactly prove my dad's point. But I had this friend in high school, and she was kind of, like, popular. She was super nice to me in the beginning. And I remember, like, I was really close to her, and she would vent to me a lot about how she had problems with her. Her dad and her. Her mom and dad were separating, and her dad was just, like, crazy. And, like, she was always going through stuff. And I remember I just felt so bad for her, and I just wanted to be there for her, like, all the. All the time I was able to be there for her. And I just wanted to be the best friend that I could. I try to invite her to do things like, so she didn't have to be at her house. Like, I just always wanted to be there. And I guess you know in high school how I told you I used to have crazy outfits every single day? I would do, like, a fit check. And I would ask, like, the girls in the locker room, like, okay, guys, what do you think of this one? Because I was, like, experimenting with fashion and stuff, and I guess that used to piss her off. I don't know why, but I guess that made her mad. And she wrote a long paragraph to one of my. The other girls in my gym class. And she was like, oh, she's always showing off. She thinks she's all that just because her parents have money and this and. And that. And I was like, hold on. Like, it's never even been like that. Like, if anything, I'm probably your realest friend. Because her other friends would get her into stupid all the time, you know, drama. I wanted to bring peace to her life because I knew what she was going through. And I remember one of my friends showed me that message. And then she's like, oh, she's saying that she's gonna beat the out of you next time she sees you if you open your mouth one more time. And I was like, what the.

[Alan I]

And I was like, damn to 0 to 100 real quick.

[J Rox]

And then I remember. So it was like lunchtime. And then when I seen her, it was the day after all those text messages. She was gonna beat me up and everything. And she was, like, yelling at me. She said. She said something. She's like, you're so weird. I don't know why. And I looked at her, and I remember telling her, like, if it bothers you so much, then do something about it. Because I was like, let me see if she's about it for Real like I didn't want to fight her. She's my friend. But I'm like, bro, like that's, that's fake as like I'm over here trying to help you. Like my dad's giving me wisdom and I'm only 14 years old trying to be like, like a good friend to you and, and you have like all these terrible people surrounded by you. And like, and, and when she said that to me, I just, I had to stand up for myself cuz I would never stand up to her. She was one of those friends that like would talk, but kind of playfully so you kind of don't say nothing and that.

[Alan I]

Just brush it off.

[J Rox]

Yeah, and that. And I also brushed it off cuz I knew she was going through a lot of stuff. So I never took that personal. I was just like, that's her way of whatever. And I remember that day, I was like, that was the first time I ever stood up for myself. And she didn't do nothing. She just stayed quiet. And then she kept walking and we never spoke ever again after that.

[Podcast Host]

Hi bald.

[Alan I]

It's me, Trixie Mattel, skinny legend and.

[J Rox]

Board certified H Vac sommelier.

[Alan I]

And me, Katya Zemalachikova, the sweatiest creature in showbiz, reminding you to subscribe to the Bald and the Beautiful podcast. Listen as we cover topics as varied.

[J Rox]

As proper bidet usage, celebrity impression tutorials, and a television show I recently watched.

[Alan I]

That I'll base my entire personality on for six weeks, as well as creative pest control, tasty limeade restaurants, recipes and.

[J Rox]

Fun sex act trend. We also chat about boobs and movies.

[Alan I]

And wigs and stuff, which is obviously.

[J Rox]

The public service part of the podcast. So get ready for screaming, cackling and.

[Alan I]

Some occasional educational moments as two massively unqualified queens talk about what it's like to be the epitome of fabulous. Go subscribe to the Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zomolochkova.

[J Rox]

On Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you're listening right now. And so that was proof to me that like you can even be such a good person to someone and they're just going through their own stuff. And to this day, like, I never hated her, I never talked smack about her, never. Because I knew all the things that she was going through and I just couldn't take it personal.

[Alan I]

He just didn't want to add on to her baggage. He didn't want her to be like, you know what? I'm already going through all this. And now you have to worry about you and her fighting. You know what I mean? And I feel like maybe, like you said, it was projection. Maybe, you know, she was going through so much that even people having a good life around her was triggering her and was, like, making her miserable. But like you said, that's something you can't control. You were trying your best to help her out. Did you ever, you know, confront any of your bullies growing up, or were you just kind of, like, brushing it off as they were making fun of you?

[J Rox]

Yeah, honestly, I would just stay quiet because I never. I've never been a person who's liked drama. I still don't. I just like to just. If there doesn't have to be drama, then just don't make nothing out of it, you know? And I've always been that type of person. So when people would say stuff, I honestly would just ignore it. I'm like, it is what it is. And I always knew because when I was younger, like, middle school, elementary school, I didn't know I was going to be a singer. I didn't even think that that was possible. But when I got older and I started taking music a lot more seriously, and I knew that that's what I wanted to do, I was like, it's okay, because, like, one day, like, I'm gonna have a lot of people that love me, and I'm gonna be on, like, like, a stage performing for people that are gonna pay to see me perform. Like, I just. I knew that I had something bigger in store, so I couldn't let those tiny little, like, setbacks really, like, set you back. Yeah. And, like, oh, get to be ghetto and get in a fight with someone at school and, like, for, like. For what? Because you don't like how I dress? Or you think my videos are cringy? Like, I. It's super dumb. I think I've always been, like, very wise beyond my years, with the help of my dad, because he has always given me a lot of wisdom. I remember that was just his biggest thing. He was like, you just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just.

[J Rox]

Sometimes people are just going through their own thing, and you cannot judge them. And he's like. And that's. You just don't take nothing personal. He would always, always tell me that. And he's like, and even if people make fun of you or try to make you feel bad for being who you are, whatever, he would always say, don't rob yourself from the people that want to meet someone just like you. He would always tell me that, like, literally almost every Freaking day. Because I would get so sad in high school and I would always talk to my dad about it, and I would just feel, like, so bummed out all the time. I'm like, why? Like, do people not think I'm cool? Like, what's wrong with me? Like, why am I never included in nothing? Why am I never invited nothing? Like, and always just questioning myself feels like my whole goddamn life. And so I think now that I finally feel confident in who I am and, like, I do have a really good fan base and people that just, like, love me for being me, I just, like, feel like, wow, like, all of that paid off. Like, I kind of needed that because it developed my character a lot. Because it's like now I go on the Internet and then people talk shit about me on the Internet. But it's like, now I'm ready for that because I already experienced people not fucking with me for no reason. People, like, spewing, like, their hatred because of whatever they're going through, whatever they're projecting. Like, I now take nothing personal. I think another reason why my confidence got boosted as well is because most of the time when people meet me and they become my friend or someone who's a part of my life more often, they always tell me that I'm nothing. Like, what they thought I was going to be, like, but they mean it in a good way.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And I'm like, what do they think.

[Alan I]

You were gonna be?

[J Rox]

Like, Like, I guess, stuck up, a. Like, I don't know, like a terrible person. A lot of my current friends have told me that they're thought you would be so different. And like, most of the time, like, I want to say, like, 99 of the time when I meet people and we just had this conversation too. Like, most of the time they always tell me, they're like, I feel like I've known you my whole life. Or they say, like, they always feel like they have some crazy connection to me because of whatever reason. And they're like, like, dude, like, where have you been all my life? Like this and that. And I just think the reason is because I just feel like I'm always unapologetically myself. Thanks to my dad for always teaching me, like, to just be. Just be you and you'll attract the right people. And I think that's what makes people feel so comfortable. Because, like, I hate judging people. I hate making people feel like they're stupid. I just don't like to make people feel dumb or, like, left out because that's how I Felt my whole life.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And I never want to make other people feel that way, so I think that's, like, a huge misconception about me a lot, that. That people. I don't know why. I guess maybe just because the way I look.

[Alan I]

Yeah. Probably every single time I've gotten the chance to be around you, I feel like you really do, you know, pure. Pure positive energy. Like, you have, like, this aura. I can't explain it, but it really is like, noise. Ma mon amigas. Like, she really is just herself. And I feel like I know what you mean about saying that people really do feel, like, attracted to your personality in that way, because you really do make people feel like they've known you for so long. No s cuentas un poquito. That growing up, you know, you almost would ask yourself and your parents why no one liked you or why, you know, people didn't want to hang out with you. Did you ever feel, like, the want to rebel to be able to fit in with these other people? Did you ever be like, you know what? I see homegirl doing this. Maybe that's what I need to do to, like, fit in? Did you ever have those mindsets growing up?

[J Rox]

All the time. Time. Not all the time. My bad. Let me take that back. Not all the time. I rebelled the most my senior year of high school. Oh, my God. That's the year that changed me. Honestly, you're touching on, like, a crazy topic right now because I, like, feel like I, like, like, blank out that part of my life, because I don't. I just don't want to remember it. But it happened. And definitely when I turned 17. Oh, my God. I was on a sick one. I was on a super sick one. So that's when my parents started letting me express myself how. How I wanted to. As they started letting me dress how I wanted. I had social media. I was finally, like, able to do the things I wanted since I was, like, 11, 12 years old, you know? And I remember I started hanging out with some people that were not the best influences in school. And we were like. Our friend group was really popular, like, super popular. And my. The whole friend group was kind of like. We all look kind of like, I guess, like, emo gothic. Like, it was that vibe. And the whole school, like, literally knew us as, like, a pack. And honestly, looking back, I'm like, what the are you doing? Like, they were cool people, but they had problems that. Deep problems that I could never relate to.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And I now realize, like, those are probably the types of people that my parents were trying to keep me away from. Because clearly, like, you can get negatively influenced by people. Like I said, I don't even judge them. I know it wasn't their fault. We were all kids. But, like, it was crazy. I. We used to sit together at lunchtime, like, by the library. And I had this one friend, he would bring, like, literally, he would bring pills to school every day. He would crush them up, put it on his lunch trader, snort them straight up. And I would be like, what the? Like, what the. And I'm like, damn. Like, during lunch? Yeah, like, literally just straight up right there. And I was like. And it was those types of friends. It was that type of crowd. And. And it was bad. Honestly, it was bad. From the outside, maybe if you judge my style, my appearance, it can maybe seem that I'm that type of person. But on the inside, like, no. My parents have always raised me with strong morals, have a very strong character. Like, so when I'll see that stuff, I'm like, yo, what the fuck?

[Alan I]

You're like, where am I at? Who are the people I'm kicking it with?

[J Rox]

And it's crazy because deep down inside, I knew, like, these are not people that are going to be your friends forever. But I also was so scared of being alone because I had experienced that so much that it's like. Like, I would rather be with people, even if it's at a low vibration, than be alone.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And that's terrible. That's a terrible mentality to let yourself get into. And I remember during that whole time, like, I was doing a lot of dumb stuff, and my parents found out about a lot of things, and they took away my phone for a whole year. So I had to go to school raw. No music, no social media. Like, I had to literally live in the moment. And that's the year that I think my entire life changed. And I think that was supposed to happen because when my parents took away my phone, I'm telling you, I started talking to people in real life because I had to interact with people. If I wanted something, I had to tell someone directly. Literally. I even remember there is, like, this guy that I had a crush on, and I had to tell him face to face. I couldn't, like, swipe up. I couldn't be like. Like, his story, nothing. Like, I just. I had to go up to him, be bold, and, like, after talking to him, like, one conversation, I did not like him. I'm like, never mind. Like, you're. You are just from hearing you Talk. Yeah, yeah. Because he asked me if I had a pen that he can hit in the bathroom. And I'm like, really? Like, I'm over here trying to better yo. Yeah. And. And I was like, nah. Like. And I never talked to him ever again. And honestly, during that time I got really close to my teachers. A lot of my teachers, I would hang out with them. I would just always be talking to them. I remember I was really close to my English teacher because I loved reading. And this is just a random, like, little side quest story, I guess. But we were reading this book one time about this girl who. I forgot what it was called. The Rwanda genocide, something like that. You guys could look it up. It's crazy. And I remember we read her book and it was the most tragic story I have ever read in my life. A book has never made me cry the way that book has need to cry. And the author of the book, like, she's seen her whole entire family die in front of her, like, And I'm not even talking about like, oh, like natural deaths, like murdered. And crazy stuff happened to her. Her little sister, she went through it. And I got to meet her because she went to our school. And I remember, like, I had no phone during this time. And so I was. I had to find things, like, to keep me going in the real world. Like, things that meant something to me because I couldn't put up a fake personality for social media. I didn't have an audience to. To play show for. I just was living in the moment. And I remember I just became so attached to like, the. The woman who wrote that book because I just felt so deeply for her. And then when I met her, it was like meeting a celebrity. And I remember I was so mad because so many people were being rude. And I was like, how can you read her story knowing all these terrible, insane things that she went through, like traumatizing. And you're like, talking over her. You're asking dumb questions, being immature because they were. They had a Q A section and like, people were asking her dumb. And I'm like, like, so disrespectful. And I remember, like, she chose me out of all the kids to like, be in her news segment. So I came out on the news, they interviewed me. You guys might be able to find know. But I was in high school and I came out on the news and we were talking about her story and everything, and they just, they interviewed me about the book and all that stuff. And I remember I talked to her for such a Long time after that. And those were just, like, little key points in high school that I remember so vividly because I didn't have social media. And like I said, I was, like, interacting with people in person. And, like, it felt like such a spiritual shift, like, within me. And. And I started being less shy. I started talking more. I started interacting more in class. Class. I just was very close to all my teachers, and I feel like that gave me even more wisdom because obviously my teachers were way older than me. And I had one teacher I would always talk to about poetry. I had another teacher, music. He would let me play the guitar in his class. Like, we really got along with that. My other teacher, we bonded over reading. Like, I just started to see the beauty in the world around me. And I kind of, like, had this epiphany that there was, like, such a deeper meaning to life. And I was like, I don't want to be on that, like, like, crazy depression no more. And I just wanted to be, like, happy, and I wanted to do well for myself. And so I think I really needed that because that the person that I'm right now, the way I'm talking, and I'm not shy. Like, that's only because I got grounded that for a whole year that one time. Because before that, I would never come out of my shell. I was so quiet, I could not speak up for the life of me. Like, and I just think having no social media for a little while, like, it did wonders to my brain, and I just. I needed that, you know, as a kid who, you know, you have all this peer pressure and pressure from social media, and it honestly changed me as a person.

[Alan I]

I feel like you started getting into music at a very young age. So where did your love for music start and how. And what would you do at a young age to start kind of pursuing that career?

[J Rox]

I started falling in love with music since I was 7 years old. I remember my dad bought me my first little ipod, like, the ones without the screen. I don't even think kids nowadays even know what that is, but it was a little ipod shuffle. It had no screen, and it was just for music. And my dad loaded it with a bunch of Eminem songs, like his music taste, basically. Ever since then, I've never taken my earphones out, even to this day. You always see my mom's walking on my earphones on. If I go out in public, it, like, kind of helps me.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

Because I. I'm beginning social anxiety sometimes. I'm not gonna lie. And I just always have earphones on even if nothing is playing. So that's really where my love for music started. And the story is kind of, like, dumb and funny, but what happened was basically my dad was watching a boxing fight, and there was a girl singing the national anthem, obviously, before the fight started. And I thought that was, like, the prettiest song I had ever heard in my life. And so ever since I heard that, I tried learning it. And I would go in the back room of our house because it had, like, a lot of acoustics. I would practice singing that song in there, and I finally had the confidence to show my mom, and she's like, oh, yeah, like, it sounds really good. Knowing damn well that did not sound good. And she, like, would hype it up a lot. So I'm like, okay, maybe I am good. Good. And I kept singing ever since I was 7. And then, so especially when my dad bought me the ipod, I especially got, like, way more into music because what I used to do. And this is so ridiculous, but back then, it wasn't easy. It's not like Spotify now, how it shows you the lyrics and, like, everyone has a phone nowadays and whatever. Like, back then, all we had was a family computer. That's it. That was our only, like, technology. And what I used to do before we even got the computer, now that I think about it, I. I used to listen to the ipod, and I would. I would let one line of the song play, and then I would write down what I was here. That's how I used to write lyrics. And then that's why to this day, I have almost every single one of my favorite Eminem songs memorized by heart.

[Alan I]

And a composition book.

[J Rox]

Yep. And I used to do that. I used to live, breathe, eat, and sleep writing lyrics. I. I used to love doing that. And I used to get so excited. My dad would come back home from work, and he would have printed out lyrics for me, so I would have to write all of them. That was, like, the highlight of my.

[Alan I]

So your parents were very supportive. Supported from the start.

[J Rox]

My dad. Honestly, I just. I have to give huge props to my dad, because my dad. My dad has, like, boxing coach mentality.

[Alan I]

Okay.

[J Rox]

My dad used to want me to be a boxer. I know I'm getting, like, kind of off track, but long story short, he used to want me to be a boxer. And he told me that boxing is the best sport because he said, it's just like life. You can have all the training, all the coaches, all the best advice, but when you get in the ring, it's just you, you and that other person alone.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

You versus the problem or whatever you're going through in life. And he would always tell me that's why boxing is the best sport, because. Because you don't have a team, you don't have people to back you up. It's just you in there. And he said, that's what life is like. And so he made me, he made me do boxing from age 7 to 12. And how was that? I hated it. But I. My dad always says that I'm like his strongest kid. He's like, bro, like, he's like, miha, like, you have the strongest hand. Like, you have such a heavy hand for a girl. He. His dream still kind of is for me to be a boxer one day. Maybe you're like, do it on the side.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

Because he always tells me that celebrity.

[Alan I]

Boxing match, that would be kind of.

[J Rox]

He just. My dad would always tell me that if I became a boxer, he always thought I would be like a champion. Because he's like, you just, he's like, you have such a heavy hand. And like, there's a video of me on YouTube, you guys might be able to find it. It's of me hitting the Mitts at 7 years old and like those shits are like popping like.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

My little brother is seven years old and I can't even imagine him hitting that hard. Like I was. So I still am like super strong for whatever reason, but my dad always wanted me to be a boxer. And so I think, think since he has that mentality where it's like, you have to believe in yourself more than others and, and anything you want to do, you can literally, like, literally put your mind to it. Like, he's not one of those people that just says an inspirational quote but doesn't mean it or doesn't live by it. My dad lives by everything he says. And he's like my example, you know, My dad's a business owner. He started his own business when he was only 27 years old and he's super successful to this day. My dad never went to college neither. That's another reason why I also felt like I never wanted do school. Cuz I'm like, you don't need to if you know what you're doing.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And so my dad, like I said, always led by example. And so I think that's why when I told him that I wanted to be a singer, he didn't think it was that crazy. Because my dad is the type of dad, that's like, he sees above and beyond and he's just like, he doesn't even see, like, the sky is the limit. It's just like, there's no limits.

[Alan I]

And did your mom think the same way or was she a little bit more skeptical?

[J Rox]

My mom wasn't my mom. Mom wasn't like a hater or nothing, but she was just kind of more like, okay, but like, you still have to do good in school. Like, realistic. Yes. My mom is way more. My mom is a more realistic parent, and then my dad is a more dreamer parent, you know, which is a good combination. You need both of those. You can't just have a dreamer and then nothing ever gets done or, you know what I mean? And like, rely on a dream. My mom also kept me in check as well with a lot of stuff. I went to college because of my mom. Only for one semester, though. And then I dropped out because I wanted to be a nutritionist artist.

[Alan I]

Okay.

[J Rox]

But I also wanted to be a teacher because I. I love working with kids. I love kids. But obviously that didn't happen and I had to drop out because I got signed at 17 years old. And then my whole life changed from there. But, yeah, back to what you were saying, how my parents took it and everything, they. My dad is always, like I said, he's the dreamer parent. So he's always been like, if you're gonna do something, you're gonna be the best at it. Like, like, let's, like, let's go. You know what I mean? And my dad has never let me. Me doubt myself. My dad has never let me let the hate get to me. My dad, every time I cry to him about stuff, he's not one of those dads that's like, oh, like, I miha, like, coddling me like a baby. Like, he's like, you need to be strong.

[Alan I]

Like, yeah.

[J Rox]

Like, he has raised me so, like, to have thick skin, I guess you could say. And I really have to thank him for that, obviously, because, you know, not a lot of people get. Get that. What is it that. That wisdom from that parents to stay strong and all that stuff? Yeah. So like my dad, if anything, I should think my dad a lot because he has never let me quit.

[Alan I]

Was there moments like growing up before you got signed where you're like, you know what? Maybe this dream that I have won't come true. Let me look for another dream. Did you have moments where you wanted to quit and maybe dedicate your time to something else?

[J Rox]

Honestly, I feel like, no. I Think I've always known that I wanted to be a creative of any sort.

[Alan I]

I.

[J Rox]

There's one time where I wanted to be a photographer. I wanted to be a movie director, I wanted to be an author. I've always, like, dove into the creative scene, whether it was music or something else. I just always knew that I was a person, that I need to be able to express myself always, you know, and to have it as my job is even cooler, but I don't think so. Like, I. My whole life, I wanted to be a teacher, but aside from that, I don't think I had any, like, huge, huge, huge dreams to be anything else or, like, really want to cut off what I was doing to be something else. Because my dad, like I said, he made me believe I was the best. And, like, I know I'm not the best, like, realistically, but he made me believe.

[Alan I]

You got to believe that to get done.

[J Rox]

Exactly, yeah.

[Alan I]

You have to have that mindset.

[J Rox]

So because of him, like I said, I was. That's the only reason I was able to ever get any of that stuff done, you know, and to keep believing in myself and. And to just not let hate get to me and to not let stupid people get to me. Obviously, my parents have been insanely supportive of everything that I've done so far. My dad is like, my biggest fan, and I just feel so lucky to have the parents that I have, honestly.

[Alan I]

Oviente, yo me se la historia. But for those at home that don't know the story, nos cuentas that at 17 you get signed, which is crazy to think about. What was that like? You know, tell us the story. How that even became a thing.

[J Rox]

Okay, hear me out. You guys might think I'm crazy. Maybe I'm a little bit crazy, but I just feel like maybe something for me was like, written in the stars or it was supposed to happen. I don't even know, because I remember I would do. I would do music in high school. My parents would always be like, and how do you think you're going to become famous? How do you think this is even going to work out? Like, what's the plan? And I would always say, I don't even know, but I just know it's gonna happen. That's. That was my only answer. Every single time they would ask me, I would be like, I don't know, but I know it's gonna happen. And I remember, you know, I graduated during COVID era, so I didn't have, like, a graduation ceremony or anything. Thank God I did not want to go to that because I was like, I always had, like, social anxiety, and, like, I just talked to people and I hated school. So I was like, yes, like, no graduation. So I was happy. But my mom was like, okay, but just because we're in Kobe, like, you still have to do something with your life. I was doing music heavily at that time. I was making all my own stuff. That's all I would do. All day, all night, all day, all night. I didn't care about anything else but music. I. Music was my life. Like, nobody could tell me anything different. And my mom still, though, she's like, okay, but you have to be realistic. Like, what are you gonna do? Like, on the side, like, you need to have.

[Alan I]

It doesn't work out.

[J Rox]

Yep. And so I went to college. It was. I hated college. It was so boring. I felt like it was so pointless. I was learning things that I just didn't even care about. Regardless of that, I was still a very good student. I was very close to my professors. I would email them all the time. Like, they were super cool, and I would get good grades on everything, but I just didn't like it. Sometime during the first college semester, I was. Was trying to, like, dive into, like, Spanish music.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

I remember telling my dad, I'm like, dad, please help me with the Spanish song, because I'm not very fluent. And he was like, no. He kept saying, no. He's like, no, miha. Like, I'm busy, or like, no. And finally one night, he agreed to sit down with me to write the song. So I wrote this song. It's called Mi Amor. I was, like, 17 when I wrote this. Like, I wrote about myself on the guitar. And I remember being in his room. We wrote it together. I kid you not. Like, two days later, MC Magic was live on Instagram. And I needed to say. I need to tell the story about MC Magic real quick. I hadn't listened to MC Magic in years because, like, I just. I kind of forgot about his music. And then I rediscovered him, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, this. You. These songs used to hit when I was a little girl, like. And I started getting into MC Magic. And I remember I listened to him, like, binge listened to him for a week straight. An entire week straight. And that was the same week that I wrote the Spanish song I was telling you about. And I remember, I'm like. Like, I don't. I never followed MC Magic on Instagram. So I. I looked him up on Instagram, and it's so Funny, because the night before that, literally the night before all this happened, me and my dad emailed MC Magic because we were like, here's my music. Like, let me know, like if we could collab and whatever. Because that's when I finished working, that's when I finished that Spanish song and I really wanted him on it. Obviously it was a stretch, you know, I was a random 17 year old girl from a super small town. I was like a nobody, you know what I mean? And I'm like, what are the odds he would even reply to my email? Like, you know, they don't. People don't check their emails like that, you know? And I had emailed him the night before all of this happened. I remember I'm like, oh wait, like I emailed him, but I didn't even follow him on Instagram. Like, let me follow him. So I, I go to follow him and I seen that he was live on Instagram. So I click on his live. And this is like the butterfly effect or something. Because if I never did this, I don't know what my life would have like, turned out. Like, but I'm on live. But I'm, I was watching and like he's going live with fans and they're like all fangirling and they're like, oh my God, MC Magic, whatever. And I request to go live. And I was like, I told myself up, if you go live with him, don't fangirl even if you want to, just show him your music. Like, this is going to be your only opportunity. And he picked me. And he picked me because he said he thought my username was funny because my username is Antisocial extrovert. And he was like, I just thought it was an interesting username. And so he picked me. And I was like, you know when you're laying down in bed like, and you're just like, get the up. Yeah. I got up immediately, grabbed my guitar and I was like, oh my God. Hi. I'm like, can I sing for you? And he's like, yes, yes, of course. So I sang the song that me and my dad wrote. He freaking fell in love with it. He's like, I want to meet you. I thought it was a scam. I'm like, people always say that there. He's not going to pull up. He's not even going to message me back. He's going to forget. Hell no. And he DM me and he was like, hey, like, let me get in contact with your parents. I need to see if this Is okay, like, I want to, like, record a song with you. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, I think that that was like, unintentional manifestation to the mess, because what the. Like, to this day I'm like, bro, like, that's crazy. Yeah, like. Like after not listening to him for years, and then I binge listen for a week, that same week, I write a song, my first ever Spanish song ever in my life. And then we happen to go live together and he wants to meet me and he wants to record the song with me. I didn't even ask him. He wanted.

[Alan I]

I think what he wanted to do after was a crazier part, cuz it's like, okay, I sang for him, cool, Whatever. He could have forgotten about it, but the fact that he was like, no, I want to meet you, I want to record, and then eventually sign you must have been crazy. What was that? Like when you literally have to tell your parents, like, look at this. What was that?

[J Rox]

Like, they didn't believe it. Like, they were, like, in shock. Like, I remember, I think my mom and dad were eating dinner, I believe. And I'm just screaming. I'm screaming in my room and I'm like, you guys have to come see this. My mom's like, all mad because she was like, eating or something, and she's like, what? What? Like, why are you. Why do you keep yelling? And I'm like, mom, I'm like, shh. Like, just look at my phone. And then both of my parents were like, no way. And then I guess he got in contact with my dad and they set up a time for us to meet and everything. He met my whole family. He went down to my city, and it was supposed to be one song. And when he met me and he got to know me, like, as a person and my parents and everything, he really wanted to sign me. And I was like, like, you're lying. Like, that's insane. Like, just because of one little decision I made on a random freaking, like, Thursday night, probably. It was so crazy. And this was all during COVID as well. So we recorded the entire album in my living room because everything was closed at that time. And we had the virtual party. That's why it was virtual, because Covid was at such a high and you couldn't do. And so my life, I think, just changed ever since then. And that's where sometimes I feel like what is meant for me is, like, it's literally. It's written like, I think, God, the universe has a freaking plan for me. Like, Whether I want it to be that way or not, it's always come full circle. It's always redirecting me to music. It's always, always, always come back to me.

[Alan I]

What was that moment for you? You know, I want to sign you at that moment. You're like, oh my God, yes, let's do it. But then you have to sit back and be like, okay, let's see what that was like, what was that like for you? Was that scary to sign? You know, it was your guys's first time getting into like the music industry in that way. Was that scary? Was that easy? Because like they explained everything, everything to you and your parents.

[J Rox]

To be honest, it was not scary at all. Cuz you know what I will say about MC Magic, no matter what anyone wants to say about him, Y'all don't know him and I do. And I've known him since I was 17 years old. And what I will say about him is that he's a man of his word. Honest to God, he's like, he's a man of his word. And the contract, a lot of artists, I feel like I got so lucky. And this is why I say, I feel like this was just meant for me. Whether I wanted it to be or not, like, like the universe or God, whoever, whatever higher power there is, is always leading me back to that, no matter what. Because like I said before, I had got signed everything, like I was very unsure where my career was going to go. And then this just blossomed, right? And a lot of artists, like I said, they get over. I'm not gonna lie. I have so many friends that have got over. I know other artists that are in terrible situations right now, they're in bad contracts. I know people that are for life and some of their contracts, it's crazy. It's a, it's a like super tough industry. MC Magic's contract was one piece of paper, it was like one paragraph. And ever since then, he's been a man of his word. And the we did exactly what the contract said. It was only for one year, but even after the contract was up, he's always treating me like a daughter. He always says I'm like the daughter he never had. You know, I hate that a lot of people assume very weird things about him. Cuz he is like having another dad, like he's like a second dad. And I have. I hate when people assume stuff about him because he's such a good man. And I've met people in this industry, like they'll just like, chew you up and spit you out. They don't not care what the happens to you. MC Magic always makes sure, like, I'm good. He takes care of me in every way possible to make sure that nothing ever happens to Jay. It's like he treats me like a freaking, like, diamond.

[Alan I]

I love that.

[J Rox]

And he. It's like having a second dad, you know? And I had people assume weird ass about our relationship, which they forget that my dad was my manager of alongside all of this. I was never left alone. And even then, I've never felt uncomfortable around him or anyone else on my team. They've always treated me like family.

[Alan I]

And was that like a no brainer? You know, obviously your dad is your manager. Was that like a thing that kind of just was made out of nowhere like, oh, you're gonna manage me, dad? Like, what was that like?

[J Rox]

Because, okay, my dad, I guess technically has been my manager since I was 14, even though I was like a nobody back then. But he was always, always the one who would, like, he took me to a few studio sessions. You know, he's. He went with me to go record songs sometimes. Like, my dad, like I said, he's like, has like boxing coach mentality and he applies it to life. So even though I didn't end up wanting to do boxing, I still wanted to do something else. That was a tough game. And he's like, I'm gonna be there by your side, like. And he literally felt like he's been coaching me through everything.

[Alan I]

It's giving. Like, your dad is very much not just a person that says he's gonna do things, but more of like, oh, you want to be a singer? Well, then there's work that has to be done.

[J Rox]

Exactly. My dad is not the type of, type of parent that's like. And I hate this misconception as well. Like, a lot of people swear, like, oh, like, her dad just paid to get her feature. Yeah, no, my dad did not, bro. My dad is the definition of you have to work for what you want. Like, he is like the definition of hard worker. My dad has never, ever let me be just like, oh, just sit back and like, it'll come to you. Like, he's like, no, he always says, closed mouths don't get fed. That's. My dad's like, he always says that. And my dad is like. I said he's never treated me like, super, like, oh, princess. So, like, special and, and sensitive. Like, no, he, like, my dad's always been tough on me, but it's like A tough love to make me stronger type of thing, which I now am so appreciative of that as I'm older, you know, and because I can understand now what I couldn't understand before. That's another aspect that I feel very lucky in, is having my dad as my manager for a long time. Cuz that's another thing that a lot of artists get over and they have managers that steal from them, that lie to them, screw them over. My dad would never have those intentions for his own daughter. You know what I mean? I never, to this day, I've never paid my dad a dime for being my manager. And he doesn't make me because I'm his daughter. He's like, you don't owe me that, Miha. Like, you're like, you're literally my daughter. That's nice. He doesn't want me in the hands of someone who's just going to take advantage of me, you know? And as of right now, my dad isn't my manager anymore just because some. A lot of things got rocky, which we could probably talk about like later. But he's on my manager anymore. But it's not like on. It's not for any bad reasons. It's just because I, somewhere along this crazy journey, I was like, I just want you to be my dad for now. Like, I don't want to have business involved in our relationship no more. And you know, it got tough. But overall, like, my dad, dad was always looking out for me. He always had my best interest and that's.

[Alan I]

And I love that because I really do. Every single time I've seen you, I've seen how like, your dad's always like, where's Jay? Let's protect Jay. Like, she's doing amazing. And I love that. You know, via Minte, you signed this deal, you come out with your first album, not your first song, like your album. You come out with a whole album under Nasty Boy Records at the moment it launched. You know, you're kind. It's kind of up in there. You don't realize if it's gonna blow up, how it's gonna do. What was the moment for you that you're like, you know what? This whole thing of being a singer, a rapper can actually work out what was like your aha moment where you're like, oh, like I'm doing it.

[J Rox]

I think when I had hit like a million followers on Tick Tock, this is obviously a few years ago when I first dropped the album. It wasn't like going like crazy. Good like overnight sensation. Obviously, I'm still not even that famous in my opinion. Some people like, consider like my life, like, oh no, you're super famous. But to me, I'm like, I haven't even reached any of the goals that I want to, like, accomplish. Like, truly, truly. Like, I feel like it's like just never enough for me kind of, in a way. Like I said, I was never an overnight sensation. Like, still not super, super famous. Just like kind of like still climbing my way up. But I remember back then I was. Was posting a lot on Tick Tock. That's when it. My life really changed, in my opinion, because of Tick Tock. I started posting videos about my music and everything and they just kept going viral, like back to back to back. And I'm like, what the. Like, that's. I just thought that was insane. And then I ended up hitting like a million followers and I started building a very steady fan base. I feel like I have a very loyal fan base. I have a very. A lot of people tell me that I have a very cult like fan base because even though, yeah, I know I'm not the most famous artist in the world world, my supporters are like, die supporters. They're not just like, oh, yeah, your music is cool. Like, a lot of my supporters look like me. They like to dress like me. They are like, little me is kind of like, I have like a lot of friends that are just like me. And I think that that's so cool. And so like I said, despite, yeah, I might not have the biggest numbers right now and whatever, but I have a lot of love regardless. And when I started building all that, I started seeing people show up to concerts because I was on MC Magic Store. And when I saw them showing up for me, like, they're like, we came like, just for you. Like, we wanted to see you. I'm like, what the. Like, what do you mean? And I just think the fans showing love in person is what did it for me because I'm just like, okay, you're not just like, oh, some little girl who like has clout. And. And that's it. It's just like, people love you in real life. Like, they're buying your merch church, they're going to your shows, they're paying to see you, they're paying to go to your meet and greets. And I'm like, that's insane. And that's when I kind of started knowing. I'm like, wow, this might really be a possibility for me. Because I think growing up In a very small town too. People try to convince you like that.

[Alan I]

You can't, like you can't make it.

[J Rox]

Out of the small town. Yeah, like it's just like, oh, small. They think like small town, you know, small, small dreams. And I'm like, no, like, fuck that shilling.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

You know, like I've always, I've always seen beyond. I think I've known, known since I was in second grade that you were going to do something. I had this feeling in my heart and in my gut. I never knew what it was cuz I was so little, I was like 6 years old. But I so vividly remember, I so vividly remember that in second grade and telling myself, like, I just know that my life is not going to be normal. I just. But I didn't know what it was going to be.

[Alan I]

And you really do at a young age. You really do get those feelings. Because I feel like, same with me. I wanted to be a professional wrestler growing up. Didn't happen. I was closer to a sumo wrestler at the time. But I really wanted to be like a professional famous wrestler. You know, I was thinking like John Cena. I was thinking like, you know, I love WWE growing up and just wrestling in general. And as a kid, I always was like, oh, yo. Yes, her famoso, yo y a ser famoso. I never knew how, but I would always be like, tu queque quiera said un luchador famoso. After I started being like, okay, maybe I'm not gonna be a luchado. But I'm like, okay, yo quiero said famoso. Yo quiero said from. And when I started doing my little videos to watch, everyone, my friends, my family would always clown, mijo, they're hiring at McDonald's. Like, figure it out. Like, be realistic. And I'm like, no, I really do feel like as a child you kind of have like that feeling. And I feel like that's where like the manifestation starts. Because you can have a lot of dreams and if you don't like continue working on those dreams and if you.

[J Rox]

Don'T believe in them, because if you're kind of just like, oh, like I wish I could be famous, but that's it. Like everyone has wishes, you know, Like, I wish I had a million dollars. Like you could wish so many things.

[Alan I]

But you actually got to do about it. Because I feel like a lot of people get stuck on the wishing.

[J Rox]

Yeah.

[Alan I]

And they're like, oh, I have a dream.

[J Rox]

That's the worst thing that you could do to yourself. Because I once seen this thing that was that said it feels rewarding and good to talk about your dreams because you get the same like dopamine that you would get from actually accomplishing them, but you're just talking about them. So you feel accomplished without having to do anything. And then you stay stuck in that cycle forever talking about it because it's less work and just as rewarding because you are kind of like convincing yourself that you are already that without having to do anything or that you almost.

[Alan I]

Paint this story in your head like, oh, you're gonna be that one day. Just let it be your time.

[J Rox]

But it's just like one day, one day, one day. It's like, no, like you have to every day, every day, every day, like make that your reality. You know what I mean? And I, when I, when I read that, I was like, wow, that was such an eye opener to me because it's so true. There's people that just talk a lot and then there's people that just do a lot and I just do both.

[Alan I]

Yeah, you have to a big believer in the. You know what's funny? I kind of get annoyed when people talk a lot and don't do about it. It's like, no. And it starts always says that because it's like a lot of people, you know, I have a lot of people that will tell me like, I want to do this, I want to do that. But then when you really see what they're doing to accomplish all of that, they're not doing anything right. So you just get stuck in the. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna it but never do it. You know what I mean? And I feel like it is very important, you know, like you, you literally like, you know what, maybe he won't reply, but what if he did and he. You know what I mean? Because a lot of people have that mindset. Like I know jrock, that was crazy. That is crazy about you, you being in the music industry. You know, we obviously know. I feel like it's changed a little bit. We've seen a lot of, you know, women make it super big in the music industry, but I feel like it's still very hard for women to be in a man dominated world. Do you feel like you struggled or have struggled in that sense?

[J Rox]

No, I'm like, no, no, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. No, honestly, yes and no. I think no, because I have a really good team. Like I said, they're always protecting me. I'm so protected. Like a lot of people don't have access to me. They never put me in like ghetto situations where there could be a fight or people getting drunk. And like, they just. Yeah, they just, they won't ever do that. Like, I'm just like the most protected thing to my team, you know, like, they will never let anything happen to Jay. And I just think in that sense, I don't feel like intimidated because. Oh. Like it's a male dominated industry because I'm not surrounded by bad people. But on like a deeper sense, I guess, like socially maybe just like how society is. It is a little bit more intimidating because I'm gonna keep it a book. I'm gonna just say it. I think a lot of the times for a female artist to be successful, people need to understand it's a business. And a lot of the times what attracts is you have to give a piece of your soul. And a lot of people do that through over sexualization. And I feel like, like a lot of these big labels, they take these female artists and they kind of are forced to sexualize themselves and be this person that they maybe are truly not to the core. And maybe it's not who they saw themselves being or who they want to the image they want to put out there, but it's kind of like this is the price for fame. You know what I mean?

[Alan I]

And it's what they say, sex sells.

[J Rox]

Exactly. And like that's why I'm saying since I have a really good team, I've never been taught that. And I've always been taught, like, you just do, Jay. Like, you just be you and it's gonna all work out for you. And so that's where like I was saying, I don't feel intimidated in that aspect. I know that I have very good people around me that are always guiding me the right direction and they're always looking out for me. But in general, it is a little bit harder because, you know, to come out as like, I guess a female artist who isn't doing those types of things. People really have to just with you.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

For you as a person and your music to really make it out. I think Billie Eilish is a great example of that. I really like. That's why I like her a lot because she doesn't portray those things that a lot of female artists typically do. And I just. The reason why I don't like that stuff is because at the end of the day, it affects all of us.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

So I might not be like that, but because the majority of women are portrayed that way men will treat me that way because of other portrayals that I don't associate with. And that's why I don't like it. And it's. I always say, like, one of my biggest things is I want to be a good role model genuinely. Because when I go to my concerts, a lot of my concerts are kids. You know, people try to make fun of me and they try to clown me for that sometimes, but I think that's the best audience to have. You know, my fan base doesn't have to be like, intoxicated or, or, you know, doing some crazy shit to enjoy my music. They're present, they have genuine energy. They're literally children. They're teenagers.

[Alan I]

And they also get to grow with you. So I feel like as an artist, you know, I feel like obviously I'm not a singer, I'm not an artist, but when I first started, like my career on YouTube, I would get clowned a lot too, too. Because a lot of the people that would watch me were little kids.

[J Rox]

Yeah, but people are dumb because they forget that we were kids too.

[Alan I]

Exactly. We grew up with like Selena Gomez, like, massage Eminem. Even, like now as adults, maybe we're not like, so consumed in what they're doing, but it still will take us back. Like, if they drop something or if they're doing something major, we're like, oh, my God, I used to love them growing up. It takes you back. So to me, I'm like, I'd rather have kids watching me too, that will grow with me and will be like, oh, my God, there are people. Piece of my childhood, right. This person brings me back to like when I was 10 and I would listen to her music, you know what I mean? Because I feel like I do see people, like, sometimes will judge, but it's like.

[J Rox]

And you know what, though? I think that people forget kids are just like, I just love being around kids, you know, they have such good energy and there's the, the innocence. And they just like, are genuinely in the moment and enjoying you. And like, you know, I walk, walk up to them, they're freaking screaming. And they just like, they love you. They adore you, you know, And I feel like people forget that kids are the ones who want your merch. They're the ones who want to go to your meet and greets. Older people, they're too busy. Sometimes money might be a problem. Or sometimes like, exactly. Like there's more important things to like to prioritize. Obviously when you get older and as a kid, it's Just like innocence and, and kids are just themselves and, and I don't see it as a bad thing. And since I'm aware of that though, like, that a lot of my family base is. It's mostly young girls and it's mostly like, I want to say maybe like 10 to 18 years old is a lot of my fan base, which that's like perfect for me. And I always, since I'm aware of that, I always make sure that I mostly try to be a good influence because I'm not perfect. Yeah, not even a little bit. But I, I'm also aware that I have a platform and I just don't want to put out something that truly isn't who I am for like in exchange for fame or money. Like, I don't, I don't care about that. I would rather have like a genuine fan base. You know what I mean?

[Alan I]

You know, it's so crazy. When I first started doing YouTube, I think even though a lot of my audience were kids, I would sometimes get annoyed. But let me tell you why, because my content, if you guys go back years, when I first started, I was not PG. I feel like I still, I'm not PG 13, you know what I mean? So my whole intro song was. And I know all the familia metica right now is going crazy cuz I have not sang that song in years. Oh my God, I even got goosebumps singing it too because it's not even a part of my intro no more. It used to be my intro for all my videos. And to this day people like will come at me like, bring it back, bring it back, bring it back. But when I was going with that, when I was first starting, you know, I would get parents with their kids come up to me at like stores or anything and the kids would be like, can we sing your intro? And I'd be like, girl, I don't think your mom wants to hear that. Or I would get a lot of moms DM me. I would get a lot of mom's comment like, oh, you're too vulgar. My kid watches you. Like why are you like putting all this junk out? And my kids consuming it? And I would get so annoyed and I'd be like, you know what? Like I'm not the parent, right? Like I would always be like, if you guys go back to my videos, you guys, I will say I used to be like, I never said my content was for kids. It just happened that a lot of people, you know, started liking it. But then at the End of the day, you guys, a lot of these kids liked me because that's what they kind of would see at home. You know what I mean? So it's not like I was teaching them anything. I'm sure they would be at their house, and their mom and dad or whoever's around them would be talking all this. And I used to get annoyed, but now it feels so great. That's what I was telling you. Now it feels so great because whenever I get comments of like, oh, my God, Alan, I remember watching you when I was 10, and now I'm in college, and I'm like, hold up. I'm like, hold up. How old am I? I'm like, y'all make me feel old, but it makes me feel good, too, because I'm just like, wow, these people grew with me. And they'll be like, alan, I remember when this. I remember when that. And it feels great because you're like, wow, I kind of forgot that you make an impact on them that will live with them for, like, a long time. And you also bring back back a memory to their childhood with you about something, which later on, you wrote a song about him with Rob, right? So, you know, que paso de que faye and how he really did influence, you know, that song that you came out with.

[J Rox]

I feel like I'm gonna cry, first of all. But basically, this is where I wish I could just do a documentary at this point, because there's so many things in my life that happen that are so aligned that it's, like, scary. And I wish that I could tell everybody because, like, I just. I want people to believe me. Like, I'm not crazy like that, where I feel like, this is just so deeply written for me. Like, it's crazy because my tata, apparently, when I was, like, 4 years old, he would always tell my mom that I was going to be a singer. And she's like, how do you know that? Like, she's literally a baby. And he would just say, I just know. And that.

[Alan I]

Wait, before you even started having interest in music?

[J Rox]

Yeah, before I even had interest in music. And he just said, I just know. Like, what the. Like, that's crazy. And he would always tell her that, apparently. And she was just like, oh, like, dad. Like, you're just, like, saying stuff, so that's obviously a huge significance. And then my tata had, like, his own little band, so he. He was a drum summer, and my Theo was the guitarist, and my other Theo played the bass, and my other Theo did the keyboard and sang, and they Would play like every Sunday the whole family would get together. And he would always make me sing with them. He would be like, oldies. Like, I want you to sing oldies with Mimi. How? Like all these oldies. He always made me sing Angel Baby. I know a lot of you guys know that song. And he used to always make me sing that and Mary Wells, because that was his favorite artist, oldies artist. And my tata just always like, believed in me too. Like, he just always kind of knew. When we first told him about MC Magic, he was just like, I knew it. Like, I knew this was gonna happen one day. Unfortunately, he passed away during the writing of the album, which was in July 2020, the 4th of July. And it's crazy because this is also like weird and dumb. But I don't really believe in astrology or like numbers and all that type of stuff. But the number four has had deep significance in my life without me, like making it, like putting too much attention. Yeah. Like I'm not, like, I'm not looking for force. It's just like things kind of happen. And so my daughter passed on the 4th of July. Like I said 2020. And then we made the. The song for him. And that was really hard for me. I had to take a break from writing for a whole month because I just. I couldn't do it. I was like, did he pass just.

[Alan I]

From like old age or.

[J Rox]

No, I wish. My tata, he passes from a heart attack. And it's so funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. Oh my God. But like, it's funny because he already had three heart attacks before that. And he did not pass away. Like, he literally survived three heart attacks. And he survived like he was supposed to get his leg cut off. And then they were like, we don't know how, but it's a miracle like that you're even alive. They told him that, and that's why it's funny to me, because I'm like, damn. Like, he survived hella heart attacks. And I guess it was the fourth one that took him out finally. And he passed. That's how he passed away.

[Alan I]

And how did you find out about his passing?

[J Rox]

Like, did someone tell you? Dad told me. He was crying. My dad never cries. I've seen my dad cry like once in my whole entire life. And he was crying. I heard my sister crying and I got scared cuz I loki thought my Theo passed away. I was just thinking that immediately I was thinking it was my Theo. But then when I came out, he was just crying so much and he Said my dad thought passed away, and I was like. Like, just got stabbed in the heart. And I think it kind of, like, messes with me sometimes to this day, because he never got to see me perform. And, like, that makes me so mad. And everybody's like, my fans or my family, they'll tell me. They're like, oh, he's. He's in the crowd watching you. He has, like, the best seat. He's, like, right above you. But it's just, like, it's not the same, you know? And I guess it does make me happy, you know? He always believed in me, though, because that's crazy to call that I'm gonna be a singer at 4 years old. Like, that's just ridiculous. But he just said he always just knew. So I'm like, okay. Like, that's cool. But, yeah, I think it kind of makes me mad because he just never got to see me perform. Like, not even one show. And that sucks bad, but it is what it is. And that really impacted me a lot because my tata, he was just so, like, he loved music. He loved love, love music so much. He loved oldies, and that's why I decided to make an oldie. And we used his lowrider in the music video. It's in the intro. The car that Little Rob is working on, that was my tata's lowrider. We filmed it at my nana tata's house. Like, everything was organic. And that's, like, my most popular YouTube video to this day. Which is another crazy thing, because I'm like, what are the odds? You know, Even Little Rob, the collab that I got with him, he.

[Alan I]

How did that happen? Like, how did that come to life and be like, oh, we're gonna sing about my grandpa?

[J Rox]

To be honest, MC Magic just asked him, and he didn't think Rob was gonna say yes, even though they were friends. He didn't. He even MC Magic didn't think Rob was gonna say yes because he doesn't collab with nobody. Like, he says no to basically every collab that comes his way. And for some reason, he agreed to work with me. He's like, yeah, like, I'll do it. And when he heard the song, he really liked it. And so he obviously added his verses. And then we finished it. Me and Magic finished it together. And I just thought, like, how crazy. Like, it just comes full circle, like, everything. Because I'm sure my tata would have loved to meet him. You know, Little Rob is so iconic, like, to that scene of music and everything. And it was literally an oldie. And I never, like, wanted to make an oldie, but I was like, it's from my tata, so it has to be special. And I know he would have been so happy if you ever got to hear the song. And I didn't want to make the song like, sad. I wanted it to be kind of like, so my nana could reminisce on, like when her and my thought that were teenagers.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

So that's why it's a love song. Because a lot of people get confused. They're like, oh, how is that for your thought? Then I'm like, well, I wanted it to not be so sad, like, oh. Like. Because I don't want to cry every time I heard it or performed it or nothing. So we made it a love song instead. So that's why it's a love song. And it's more of a dedication to him. It's not like about him about him, but it's dedication to him. And there's a dedication at the end of the video as well. But I kind of just. I hate remembering because obviously when. When tragic things happen, you kind of just store it in the back of your mind. But I just think it pisses me off. Like to this day he never got to see me perform like that. It makes me so mad. Like super, super mad. Because I just know he would have been so happy, like out of everyone in my family, aside from my parents, obviously I. My dada would have liked, like, loved it. He would have loved it. Cuz my whole entire family supported. But my thought that was like, he's one of those men that takes so much pride in his family. And he used to brag about me even before I was famous. Oh, like my granddaughter makes music, like, listens to her stuff and everything. And I'm like, you know, was grieving.

[Alan I]

Hard for you because at the same time you were already writing your album. It almost felt like your. The start of your career was like a really prominent moment. Was a grieving even harder to do because of everything you were going through. Yeah.

[J Rox]

I feel like it was weird because it's like, yeah, you just took a huge loss, but the universe is like, life keeps going. Like you have all these concerts, you have all these meet and greets lined up. You have all these things you have to do. And I was like, damn. But you know what? Like I said, my dad like always. My. Both my parents always like, make sure I'm good, you know, and everyone was really there for each other, the whole family. And it sucks. I Feel like nothing has ever been the same since then. Yeah, like no holidays. Everything just sucks now. Not, not everything sucks. Like no shade in my family. Like I love my family, but it is. You feel the difference so different because like you realize how much someone really holds it down, I guess when they're not there no more. And everything is just so different now. And I hate it and it sucks, but it is what it is. And I feel like, like, I mean obviously it was a lot harder on my mom cuz I was her dad. It was hard on us too, but it was way more hard for her.

[Alan I]

She lost a parent, right.

[J Rox]

And like so we were mostly there for her. And I feel like since my life, it sucks. Yeah, you're grieving. But I was also being rewarded with so many blessings as well. It's like, okay, now you just have to move forward. Like you can't just be depressed about this one thing. Like your thought that would be mad if you did that. Like cuz you're missing out on all these opportunities.

[Alan I]

And that's how, how I feel exactly. Because every single time I get sad, I feel like there's times where I don't even have time to be sad because of how busy I am. And I always think about him. I'm like, you know what? This is what he would have wanted about something that happened this year. In July of this year, you took a huge break from social media that left a lot of your supporters wondering where you had gone. Why was this break? You know, you stop producing music, you stop doing content if you feel comfortable.

[J Rox]

To be honest, I just feel like I have gone through like a lot of stuff in my career and even though I'm like very, very blessed and I feel so lucky to have the people that I have around me and, and to not be put in like these terrible situations and stuff, I would still get frustrated. You know, it's like you're putting in all this hard work trying to be a good person at the same time trying to be a good role model. And your whole life just feels like work, work, work. You're slaving away to everything that you do, putting passion into everything that you do. And I'm just like, it's just not paying off the way that I wanted it to, you know, and not only that, but like I feel like I was kind of going through just like a whole identity crisis as well. Like I just, I felt like I lost who I was. I just, I just didn't know who I was anymore. Like I don't really, like, want to touch on this topic, but this is also like a. A part of why this happened. But, you know, like, going through. I went through a pretty bad breakup and that affected me a lot. And then trying to just hold everything else down, like, it's just so many things were coming at me. I feel like at once. And I just completely lost myself. I lost my love for music. I just didn't even want to do it anymore. Like, I just. There was so much hate, hatred. Every time I'll post, it's just like people hating on me and they'll say stuff like, oh, you fell off, you fell off. Like, you know, stuff like that. And I'm just like, all right, bro. And I'm like, well, maybe I'm Loki. Kind of did, like, you know, and I just stopped posting for a long time because I think I just. What I needed more than anything was a peace of mind.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And that was more important than whatever else was going on at the time. And I remember my parents were so scared. They're like, what are you gonna do? Like, you've worked so hard, everything on hold. Like, you're losing followers. Like, they were just worried. They weren't like, my parents are not crazy, like money hungry or clout chaser type of parents. They just. They were worried because they were noticing that, you know, I was losing a lot of followers. I was just posting less and less. I was not doing anything music related whatsoever. I was just very unhappy in that time of my life. Like, insanely unhappy. And I was like, maybe I just need to get away from everything, from everybody. My parents were like, pretty worried because I just lost love for everything. I think that I cared about you myself. Like, I just. Just was in such a state of, like, I do not care. And I just did not know what I wanted to do with my life. I just didn't know anything. I was unsure of everything. And I distanced myself from MC Magic. I distanced myself from a lot of my friends, from basically everybody. I was just so mentally checked out. I feel like.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And this is a part where it was crazy because it was the fourth year since my daughter had passed and it was the fourth of July. And that night, it was so crazy. I had random inspiration. I hadn't written anything in months. Like I said, I was losing my spark for me. I just. I didn't even want to do music anymore. And I remember I went home that night and I wrote a song, like, full blown song with like, such ease. And I think it's a really good song, too. And then the next day, I wrote another one. One, and then another one and then another one. So it was back to back, right? Four songs, four days. And they are all so unique. They're all, like, so beautiful. They're unreleased as of right now, but I remember I was like. I felt like I was on a high, like, for an. For you to understand it, I guess for an artist, when you have, like, a streak of writing good songs organically, you're not forcing yourself. You're not listening to different beats, and you're getting tired of hearing them. Like, it was so organic. And it felt like I had a freaking fairy godmother that just gave me, like, magic to just write songs. And I was like, what the is happening? And back to. Back to back. And I remember that I was like, hold the on. Like, maybe, like, I should start pursuing the music stuff again. Like, I should really start to take this serious again. So then I had a spark in me that I hadn't even seen in myself in months. My parents. Nobody had seen it in months. Months. And I feel like it kind of gave me my spark back. And so I'm working on these songs. I did music videos for them. I was just really tapping back into all that stuff, you know? And then I came back to social media officially, I want to say, like, around October, around my birthday. And that's when I really started pushing everything. And it was just so crazy because even recently with my recent stuff, the story with what recently has been happening is insane, too, because at that little spark that I had on 4th of July, if I didn't have that, yeah, I would probably. Probably be like, all depressed right now. I'm doing. I don't know what the. Like, I just don't even know what I would be doing with my life if that specific day, like, didn't happen the way everything happened. Because in the month of October, like I said, is kind of when I came back to social media and I was like, okay, like, it's time to drop a project. Like, I'm back. I feel alive. I feel better than ever. I'm so excited to, like, like, show my fans my new stuff that I've been working on. Then I got sick. I get really sick. Like, I had to go to the hospital. They did not know what was wrong with me. To this day, they still don't know what. What. What was wrong with me. But I got sick for three weeks straight. Like, I. Every day I was waking up with extreme fatigue. My eyes were so puffy, like, both of them. And. And it was crazy. And I was super, super sick. And we didn't know why. And I was very mad because that was the month that. That I wanted to drop my album. I was like, this is going to be my. My birthday album. This is going to, like, revive everything. It's going to give my fans new content, new music, everything. And then I get sick. And I was like, oh, my God, like, maybe this is a sign from the universe. Like, I just shouldn't do it then. Like. And I was so depressed those three weeks because, like, I couldn't eat nothing. I felt like I had, like, glass in my throat. I had, like, the worst, craziest, random symptoms ever. And I could barely talk. I was just tired all day long. And it sucked. It sucked really bad. And I honestly thought I was gonna die, like, because my mom was crying every single day, like, when I was sick. And she thought that I. I don't think that she thought I was gonna die, but I thought I was gonna die. And especially because she was. She would be crying all the time. And I'm like, damn. Like, do you know something that I don't? Like, are you, like, not telling me about something? And. And I. I was, like, really scared. And I was scared. Yeah, because I just thought I was gonna die. And I'm like, damn. Like, I didn't even get to live out, like, my career and all these things. And I was paranoid. And eventually it just passed. Like, I let it pass and I was like, it. Now I have to drop the album in November. It is what it is. I was super, super, super mad about it, but I'm like, whatever. So I would post videos trying to prom. Promote my new music and. And everything. And they weren't even doing that good. Like, my momentum was so down. I was struggling to, like, get 10,000 views. It was bad. And it was very, like, unmotivating to see that. But I was like, you know, just keep it pushing. Like, just keep going. Like, just keep going. This is another moment that kind of changed everything for me was when one day I was doing a bunch of videos promoting my music. And they. The videos did really bad. Not gonna lie. And I was just in my room and we were about to go somewhere, I don't know, to a store or something. And I was waiting for my sister. She was taking, like, really longs to get ready. So I'm like, okay, might as well post some tik toks in the meantime. I'm just waiting for her. I had Nothing to do, bro. I. I covered moonlight by X because it was stuck in my head. I was like, let me just cover it. And I just didn't take it so seriously because I was like thinking that people were gonna think the video was more funny than like me being frills.

[Alan I]

Or people weren't gonna see it.

[J Rox]

Yeah, like, I just didn't think nothing of it. And I even told myself, I literally told myself, I was like, please, like don't like blow up or nothing because like they're gonna clown me, like they're gonna make fun of me. And I ended up forgetting about it because we left the house. I wake up the next day, it has a million views. And I was like, I was like, no. And I was like, I'm scared. And I was so scared to open the comment section because I'm like, I just know they're talking shit. I was so scared, I opened my comment section. It's all positive comments. And I'm like, no way, this is not real. And then by the end of that night, the video had like, I think 3 million views. And I was just like, no way, way. And every day it would just hit another million, two million. And he kept going crazy. And I wish I had the timeline perfectly set in my head to tell you how all this happened for you to understand my disbelief. And like, there's no way. Because literally, like, I think two days before that happened, I sat down on the couch in the living room, my dad was right there and he goes, Mihai's like, what are you doing with your life? Like what are you gonna do? Like you've been working on like music videos and whatever. He's like, but what about your social media? Like how are you going to make money? Like your streams? He was like, on my. And I was so annoyed. I was so mad. I'm like, damn. Like I can't even just breathe. Like cuz everything's always about what am I going to do with my life. And that's when I was still kind of going through that little rough patch. And I was so mad. And I was like, dad, you don't even know. Like my life. Like I don't tell you everything. Like I was like, I literally have a music video shoot this weekend. Like you don't even know and blah blah, blah. And I was so mad, right? And the said music video shoot that I was talking about, I was literally going to cancel it that day day because I was like, you're not doing good on Tick Tock. You have no Momentum as an artist. It doesn't make sense to invest these thousands of dollars into a music video if nobody's even gonna watch it. Like, I was just thinking it would have. It would have been a waste of money to do this music video. So I was gonna cancel it that day that my dad told me that. And since he told me that out of frustration, I was like, you don't even know what I have going on. Like, I have a music video this weekend. And so because of that, I didn't cancel the music video. And then, like, a day or two later, the moonlight video started going viral. And then throughout that whole week, I kept posting more videos, more covers. They all kept going freaking viral, like, back to back to back to back to back. And I was like, what the. So by the time it got to the day of the music video shoot, I was like, I need to drop this song asap. Like, I have momentum. Like, I'm not stupid. When you're an artist and you get momentum, you always have to use, like, utilize it to the max, because that. Not everybody gets that. That opportunity, Especially since I had been in such a rough spot for a very long time. And so I took advantage of. I started promoting myself, and I started talking about myself, because everyone in the comments was like, you need to be an artist. You need to make music. And I was like, I am. Like, I've been. And so I was like, new people.

[Alan I]

That were finding you.

[J Rox]

Right.

[Alan I]

Okay.

[J Rox]

And I started plugging my shit. And so when I dropped the most recent song, which is you are my star, which is the music video that I was doing, which I was never gonna originally do only because I got mad at my dad had. When I dropped that song, we hit a hundred thousand streams so fast. Like, none of my other songs have ever streamed that fast. We hit a million in, like, three and a half weeks. I think that's never happened to me before with any of my songs. And I was like, what the. Like, if this is not the biggest sign.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

Ever. I just. I really don't know what is, because like I said, I was in a very dark, miserable state of mind. And when I finally shipped, did all that misery and all that energy and everything just, like, to myself and for something positive. Wow. Did I get paid back, like, tenfold? Because I just was not expecting any of that to happen. And ever since then, a lot of my stuff has been doing really good. My recent project that I just dropped has been doing really good. I had a. An album release party slash concert that did really, really good. We almost sold out on the tickets. And I actually did it. And it's a small town called Brawley. That's not my hometown, like where I grew up, but it's literally like 20 minutes away from it because the venue I had it at, they're like close family friends and they've always wanted to host something for me. So I'm like, it, let's do my album for these, party here, like hometown. Have everybody from my city like pull up, like friends, family, whoever wants to go. And I was so scared. I was like, that I wasn't going to sell any tickets because I hadn't done a concert in a long time. I had, like I said, I had no momentum before that. And I was really very scared on what my future was going to look like. And I was so scared. I had so much anxiety planning that event because I. I did everything, I planned all of it. I invested all my money, not all my money, but I invested a lot of money into setting that up. These past few months, all my money has only been going to my music career and literally nothing else. Like I have just been investing in myself because I'm technically not with the label anymore. You know, like Magic is always there for me, but it's not like he's like my freaking bank account and I'm just asking him for money. Like, nobody has been helping me financially with this recent, with these recent projects. So it feels so good to be rewarded. Like my hard work and everything that I put into it and all these things that I kind of had to go through to I guess see all this great stuff that's been happening. And that's when I tell you, like, I literally feel like the universe is just telling me, like, Jay, like, this is what's meant for you. And that that video, the first one that I posted is at like 21 or 22 million right now.

[Alan I]

Crazy.

[J Rox]

And I've had multiple videos after that go viral too. Like I'm talking like 18 million views. Like I always say this. I know I'm not the best singer. Sometimes I even wonder like, why the videos blow up. Cuz I'm like, they're not like that good.

[Alan I]

Like that's not even my best.

[J Rox]

Yeah, it's not, it's not my best. But I just believe that if I just keep saying like authentic to myself and just kind of doing the things that I like, like, it's all going to pay off. And it's funny because a lot of my listeners now are not from the United States. I have a, apparently a big fan base in the UK now.

[Alan I]

Oh.

[J Rox]

And some of the most popular places is the uk, Germany, Czech Republic, like Sweden, like random ass places like that. And I'm like, no way. Like, I'm breaking out of like the norm that I was like, from my normal audience that I would usually have. It's like it's finally breaking out into a bunch of different, different places and people. And I'm like, what the. Like, and I have so many people every single day. I have like hundreds of dms from people, like, please do a European tour. And we need you over here in Germany, we need you in Poland. I don't know, like all these crazy places that I would never even imagine that I could go to, you know, Also like Russia as well. And I just think that that's crazy. And the song that started, I guess, like blowing me up a little bit again on Tick Tock, which is you are My Star is a song I literally like freestyle that and like 30 minutes. I didn't know if it was going to do good or not. I was kind of scared to drop it. Ended up getting over a million streams in less than a month. And everything I feel like, is just kind of happening the way that it needs to be happening. And I'm just like super, super, super focused on myself right now and my career and my life and I only want good things and I don't. I try not to carry negativity in my heart for anything or anyone. Just. I'm just trying to focus on like my future. That's all I. I think about all the time.

[Alan I]

Time when you were going through that rough patch, was that around the same time where you kind of dropped your dad from being your manager? Yeah, that was contendo about that earlier.

[J Rox]

Yeah. Yeah, it was. And I just think that, like, if anybody who's like watching this, like you're a teenage girl or a young adult, sometimes, you know, it gets hard with your dad. Like, especially like when boys become part of the picture, you're growing up and they kind of like can't really accept that. And. And I just think it was kind of hard to have him be like my dad. And then, oh, this is just strictly business, you know what I mean? It was very hard. And there was a point where I was just like, everything kind of felt like too much like business and I just wanted my dad back. Like, I just wanted to like, mess around with him again and just like make jokes and have fun with him and not take everything. So, like, like you know, because he would. He used to be on my ass. I'm not gonna lie. There would be times where I, like, would not want to post or I wouldn't want to do certain things. He would say. He'd be like, you need to post this. You need to promote this. You need to do this. And I just wouldn't want to do it. I don't like when people tell me what to do either. So, like, I just wouldn't want to do it. And then especially the fact that he was my dad, it's different than if you were, like, a stranger, like, that. I'm not related to telling me to do this, you know, like, it was different because he's my dad. So a part of me also kind of, like, wanted to rebel in a way, and I just didn't want to listen to him. And it just made our relationship a little bit like Rocky. And I would never want to go back to that time because I just. I love having my dad as. Just like my dad.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And if he ever wanted to step in and be my manager again, obviously, who more to trust than my dad? But I just think we both don't want that, because I love having him as my dad, and he loves having me as just his daughter. And I told my dad, too. I'm like, I don't even need a manager right now unless I, like, freaking blow up overnight and things get crazy, crazy, you know? So he.

[Alan I]

He's on standby.

[J Rox]

Yeah, exactly. I think we're both, like, enjoying it, though, more, because mixing family with business is just always.

[Alan I]

And I feel like sometimes, too, I feel like when you do mix family and business, it gets to the point where, like, he starts kind of. Maybe he was getting to the point where he was like, oh, I want this for her career. But also thinking what he wants for his daughter.

[J Rox]

You know what I mean?

[Alan I]

And it just gets kind of tricky because you, as an adult, you're like, okay, I have this vision of what I want for me, of how I want my career to play out. And he has that vision, but he also has that vision as a dad. So, you know. Oh, yeah. I think it's for the best if, you know, during that time that you were taking that break, did you ever, you know, talk to your parents or people around you? Like, maybe not wanting to do social media or even sing anymore? Did you ever be like, oh, I want to change my whole career completely?

[J Rox]

Yeah. I had a conversation with one of my friends, actually, recently, before all of this started happening, because I Think the worst thing that can happen to someone who, who is so bright and has big dreams is to feel hopeless. When you lose hope, that is when you will come crashing down. Because, man, like, everything just got shitty after. I really just stopped believing in myself. Like now I understand why my dad kept me the way he kept me, because I couldn't do it on my own, you know, And I was just falling into such a deep depression and I was like, you know what? Like, music doesn't satisfy me anymore. Like, I don't even want to be famous. Like, I don't, I don't, I don't care about clout. Like, all these things got to my head and I was speaking with one of my friends and I was like, maybe I just want to like have kids and just be a stay at home mom and kind of just like settle down and not be, like be famous, not worry about having to stay relevant all the time, being on social media. And I really just wanted to disappear. Like, I wanted to delete all socials, go into a nature retreat street, and then eventually, like, hopefully, you know, to have kids and just kind of like settle down and just live that kind of lifestyle. I was really set on this mentality because I had lost hope. And I, I just saw believing in myself and I was like, wow, like this is what it feels like to kind of like just be so deep, like in your, in your darkest thoughts and stuff. And like I said, music didn't bring me happiness. Nothing brought me happiness. I don't think, like, like at all. You can even ask my parents. They hated seeing me during that time because I was just so, like, sad all the time. And you could tell, you could just see it in my face. Like I was miserable and I was so set on that mentality. And then when all this stuff started happening, it was just like an abundance of love and overwhelmingly positive energy. And all of that only happened because I was pouring into my own cup.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

Finally I started, stopped prioritizing relationships that weren't good for me. I stopped prioritizing, like, always wanting to be out with my friends. I stopped prioritizing things that basically didn't matter as much. And I just started pouring into my own cup. And then the universe was like, okay, like, now this is what I'm gonna give you in return. And I don't know, like, I still sometimes feel like my life is crazy. It doesn't feel real and, and I don't even know. Like, and I just think it's so weird because ever since I was younger, I always felt like I just had a bigger purpose. Like I don't, I don't want to be an artist to just like oh, to be famous or because of clout or money. Like I don't do it for that. I do it for people like who need someone like me, but they just don't have that.

[Alan I]

Yeah.

[J Rox]

And I have a lot of fans, you know, kids, even teenagers that will text me like oh, like you say me from suicide and all these, they'll write paragraphs and that just made me cry before like bad cuz I'm like you just, you don't know what people are going through. Like truly to the core. And some people are just have some up living situations and for, for me to be like, I guess some sort of like safe haven for them. I'm like wow. Like it just, it hits deep because I know these are real people behind the screens because I've been a consumer and now I'm on the other side. Now I'm the artist and I have people that support me and love me and they want me to text them back and they want me to notice them and, and I know what that feels like. So I just feel like my goal is to just be like the most genuine artist I could be. I know I'm not the best, I know like all that stuff. But I just want to be the most genuine artist that has ever been because I just think we need more of that like in the world, you know.

[Alan I]

And I feel like, you know, you're going to be that artist not just for the people that are watching, but for so many, many more that are going to come after, you know. And I'm glad that you didn't let this like rough patch really take you away from this stream that you've been working on for so long, which I've loved because I know I am. We're gonna finish it off with the question that I always love finishing it with. Where do you see yourself in the next five years? Whether that's professionally career wise, wise, personal wise. Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

[J Rox]

I feel like that's a hard question because you just never know what could happen for real. Like maybe I might like be a mom within the next five years or maybe I might be like a super famous artist. Like I just, I genuinely don't know what's going to happen. All I know is that I just hope I'm not suffering or struggling with anything. You know, I hope that my life is just continuously just gets better. And there's nothing specific that I like I could say that I see myself doing. It's just life is, life is crazy and, and things happen all the time and, and I don't know the future. I just, I really don't know. Like I said, I just hope whatever it is that happens, it just gets better. And that's pretty much it.

[Alan I]

And I know every dream along the way in these next five years that you have. I want to say thank you so much for taking the time and sitting. Akiko Nosotros with that being said, Amigas no at jrocks on our social medias which I'll leave down below as well as on the screen right now any future episodes. And with that being said, Amigas, thank you so much.

[J Rox]

Yeah, of course. Thank you for having me. I feel like I was kind of like mostly serious in this interview, but most of the time I'm just like around. So if you guys, you know, ever join my lives and everything, you guys see my videos. I just like to have fun. Cuz as serious as I am, life is also not that deep. So yeah.

[Alan I]

Yes. And thank you guys so much for watching and we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye guys.

[J Rox]

Foreign.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

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