← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Kayla Talks All: Divorce, Anxiety, Depression, Body Dysmorphia, Breakup, CHISME & MORE!
01:23:06
Loading summary
Transcript202 lines
- [00:00]
Kayla Castro
I didn't want to be here anymore. And I remember I had been like researching like, okay, what's the best way to go? Like a way that doesn't hurt.
- [00:22]
Alan I.
What is up, everyone? I'm your host, Alan I. And this is Noche de Pende Cadas, your favorite podcast turn talk show. And then the Yo Trago Atus influencers. So without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight, Kayla.
- [00:49]
Kayla Castro
Hi, guys.
- [00:50]
Alan I.
Hello. Hello. How are you?
- [00:52]
Kayla Castro
Good, how are you?
- [00:53]
Alan I.
Bienvenidal podcast. When did we started planning this?
- [00:56]
Kayla Castro
At the beginning of this month.
- [00:57]
Alan I.
Yes, at the beginning of this month, you guys. And it's finally happening and I'm so excited to sit down with you to get to know you a little bit more. Kim and Vinnie have been on the podcast two seasons ago. Are you a little bit nervous, amiga?
- [01:16]
Kayla Castro
Oh, yeah, I'm a little bit nervous. I think I just want to make sure I say everything I want to say. I think that's the main thing I'm nervous about.
- [01:31]
Alan I.
How was your day? I know you flew in very early. You're all the way in Atlanta. It was like a six hour fl. How was your day?
- [01:37]
Kayla Castro
Honestly, it's been kind of long. It hasn't really hit me though. I think I've just been so excited and nervous. But I'm probably going to knock out when I get back to the hotel.
- [01:45]
Alan I.
Honestly, when we were planning, I was like, oh my God. I didn't know that the flights were that long. I think at the beginning they were like 10 hours long. Yeah, I was like, oh my God, girl, if you don't want to come, it's okay. Because I would not be catching a flight, especially a 10 hour flight, but we were able to look at some flights and I think the one that was like the least amount of time was like a six hour flight. So we're like, tell us a little bit more of who you are and what you do.
- [02:11]
Kayla Castro
Hi, guys. My name is Kayla Castro. I'm 21. I'm a full time college student and content creator. And I would say the kind of content I create is lifestyle comedy and a little bit of dancing.
- [02:29]
Alan I.
Because I feel like you have something in you that you really do kind of like bring people in. You're so funny, you're so outgoing. I like starting with your childhood because I feel like it really does give people a little understanding of who you are and what you've been through. So with that being said, how was Kayla growing up? What was your childhood like? What were hobbies you like to do.
- [02:59]
Kayla Castro
I've always been a very shy person, I think, until you get to know me and I get comfortable, then it's like. And you're like, where was the girl from before? So as a kid, I would say I was pretty shy. But before third grade, I was a little bit more outgoing. And then third grade is actually when my parents got divorced, and I feel like that's when I kind of started keeping to myself more. But aside from that, I was a funny kid. I think I've always been funny. People have always told me, like, oh, it's because you're funny, because you're awkward. It's not because you actually try. I took it as a compliment. I was really involved in school. I did cross country, track, lacrosse. I did any club that I could join. And I would say I was a little bit more on the popular side, but, like, kind of a weird kid, I would say. I didn't understand why the popular kids, like, talked to me and hung out with me because I didn't like any of the same things they liked. And I feel like. I don't know, you know, like in the movies, that, like, typical nerd kid. That's what I felt like. And so I was like, why are. Like, why are they talking to me? But I think it was just because I was able to just be myself and I guess be funny and awkward in a way. I just liked having a good time, and I liked making other people happy. And so I never really saw it as, like, something to be ashamed of, to be myself. I just saw it as, like, oh, like, they're laughing, like, that's a good thing. And that's what I like.
- [04:14]
Alan I.
Remember that doctor's appointment you were supposed to make a while ago? The one you meant to beg, but got totally sidetracked and completely forgot about it until now? You know, that dentist appointment for your biannual cleaning or your overdue annual checkup that's been three years in the making. Well, why not book it today? Zocdoc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now. And it's all online. You can find the doctors that are right for you and instantly book an appointment. As I get older, I keep catching myself thinking, should I go to the doctors more? You know, to deal with things like sleep problems or stress from work. But it can be tough to get to the doctor. I want to keep myself healthy, but the system makes it impossible to find the right doc for my needs. Until I found Zocdoc. They make it so easy to find the right fit and book an appointment fast and directly on their website. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. With Zocdoc you can book in network appointments with more than a hundred thousand doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent and more. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com Allen to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today that is Z O C-O C.com Alan Zocdoc.com shallon now let's get back to today's episode.
- [05:39]
Kayla Castro
The Abercrombie Kids summer sale is in full swing with up to 50% off select styles for the season. Summer plans, vacation and camp days are all covered with new dresses, shorts, tees and swim. Abercrombie Kids has the summer staples they need and the looks that they want to wear. Shop in store online or in the app Offer applies to select styles as indicated. Discount applied at checkout online.
- [06:08]
Alan I.
You know no splatikas un poquito that your kind of life changed a little after your parents got a divorce. I want to talk about your relationship with your parents before the divorce. What was your relationship like with them? Were you more like of a mommy's girl, a daddy's girl? Describe your relationship with them.
- [06:24]
Kayla Castro
Honestly, I wasn't attached to my mom or to my dad. I feel like whenever I would go away for like a long time from them, my friends would be like, you don't miss your parents. Like you don't miss your mom. And I was like, no. Like am I supposed to be like establishing? Because I was like I don't really miss them. But it was also because I was a lot closer to my older sister and I kind of saw her more like my mom than anything. So I feel like my attachment was towards her in general. My dad, I don't really have a lot of memories of him like as a kid. As a kid. But with my mom, she's always been super trusting and I feel like she saw that relationship with my sister so she kind of just let it happen. And actually at one point I think adoption was even talked about because my mom was like, you know what? Like I see yalls bond and like basically like who am I to get in between that?
- [07:06]
Alan I.
Like your mom wanted your sister to adopt you?
- [07:08]
Kayla Castro
Kim or no, my oldest sister Jeanette.
- [07:11]
Alan I.
What was that like? Did you like, did you want that?
- [07:13]
Kayla Castro
Yeah, I wanted, I wanted to leave with her whenever she got married, I was like, please, like, take me with you. Just because I guess I. I had it. Up until that moment, I hadn't really seen my mom, like, as my mom, I just kind of saw her as, like, well, she's there and she loves me, and I know that, but I have a connection with my sister.
- [07:33]
Alan I.
You know, at that time. Quiente de hijo la noticia como te la hieron. And how did you feel in that moment? Did you understand? Were you confused? Like, what the hell is divorce? Like, what do you mean? Mommy and daddy don't love each other? What was that like for you at the beginning?
- [07:49]
Kayla Castro
Honestly, they didn't tell me anything. It was just one day your dad's going to be here and the next day he's not. And I think that made me more confused than anything because as, like, such a young kid, I was having to navigate, like, understanding that and also my emotions. And I remember that whole year, like, that was, I guess the first time I was really sad. I barely went to school. I would, like, make excuses. I'd say my head hurt or my stomach hurt, and I would stay home in. And I was just like, I don't understand, like, why he's not here. I never really opened up to any of my family members about it. And so the way I kind of explained it to myself was, well, you know, as a kid, like, if you do something bad, you're going to have consequences and something that you love is going to get taken away. And so that's kind of how I took it. And so I was like, you know what? I did something and that's why my dad's not here. And. And I feel like that made it even more. Like, it made it worse, honestly, on.
- [08:42]
Alan I.
Like, your mom or your dad never sat down and properly talked to you about it. So it kind of just felt like, oops, sorry, like, taking your dad out of the picture. How did your life change, you know, right after the divorce? Like, did you go live with one parent more than the other? Or what was your life like after the divorce?
- [08:59]
Kayla Castro
When they got divorced, we had actually moved to Texas. And after they got divorced, we moved back to Georgia. And, like, again, all I knew was, your dad's not coming to Georgia with us. But like I said, I don't know if it's like, the trauma response that I don't have a lot of memories with my dad when I was a kid, but whenever we moved in, like with my mom, like, just us, it kind of felt normal. The only thing I really noticed differently was how much she had to work like extra to provide for all of us on her own.
- [09:27]
Alan I.
So you would barely see your dad?
- [09:29]
Kayla Castro
No, I wouldn't. I didn't see him for a few years and then he ended up coming back into our lives.
- [09:33]
Alan I.
Would he look for you guys during that time or would you guys at least have like phone calls, any of that?
- [09:38]
Kayla Castro
As far as I remember at school, anyone that asked me, I was like, no, I don't have a dad. I didn't have any communication with him.
- [09:44]
Alan I.
What was that moment, you know, where he started coming back into your life years later?
- [09:48]
Kayla Castro
I just remember, like slowly, like we'd have calls and then he'd come visit us. And like, I. I liked him being there because at that point I didn't know like why they had separated. So I was like, you know what? Like, I love my dad being here. Like I like my family being together. It was gonna be forever. Like I knew it was just, he's gonna come visit you and be a happy family and then he leaves and that's okay.
- [10:08]
Alan I.
What was your relationship, you know, with your mom during that time? Do you feel like you guys at least got closer? You know, Biamente, you go from having both parents not really present in they got the divorce and then right after, you know, your dad goes away, your mom's kind of in charge of the household. Did your guys relationship kind of get better? Like, do you feel like you guys started having a relationship or. Because she was so busy working, it was almost like you almost never saw her.
- [10:33]
Kayla Castro
Honestly, I feel like it made our relationship worse because since I was involved in a lot of school stuff, like I would see people's like kids, parents showing up and I was like, I wish my mom could show up for me like that. Like, I wish she actually cared and like she knew what I was involved in because she had no idea the clubs that I was in. I would just kind of sign myself up. And I also feel like a big reason why I tried to get so involved in school was because I didn't want to be at home. So I would say my relationship with her kind of stayed the same. I kind of stayed distant munches.
- [11:03]
Alan I.
You know, kids that come from divorced parents, they kind of, you know, become rebellious. They kind of become to themselves to get the attention from the parents. How would you describe how you would behave during that time? Do you feel like now looking back, you're like, oh my God, I used to do this. So. And it was probably because of my parents divorce, that I was acting out that way.
- [11:23]
Kayla Castro
I guess before I found out the reason, there was nothing that really stood out to me aside from just keeping my feelings to myself, not really expressing myself to anybody. But afterwards, I kind of noticed how more than anything affected my relationships with people. I kind of let people walk all over me and I would give them the benefit of the doubt and I was like, no, but they love me. Like, it's okay. That's how relationships are. Like any kind of relationship, like friendships or anything like that. So I feel like that's how it.
- [11:47]
Alan I.
Affected me, you know, Cuentes un poquito. That at a certain time when you were 14, 15, you kind of found out the truth, you know, of why your parents separated. Cuenta, poquito maze momento. Do you remember how you found out? Who told you the truth? And how did finding out the truth affect you mentally, emotionally, and maybe even physically?
- [12:07]
Kayla Castro
I kept trying to think about, like, the exact moment and who told me, but like, no, me polear. I can't remember, honestly, but I do remember the feeling, like, vividly. And it was. My stomach dropped and I just felt like, so much hatred and more than anything, like, disgust and betrayal. I guess because we had found out that. Or I guess I had found out that my dad had cheated multiple times and that was the reason for the divorce. When I found out, I obviously hated him for it. But what made me hate him even more was that for so long I had blamed myself and I had thought, like, I wasn't a good enough daughter. Like, he would have stuck around if I was better. And. And to know that it had nothing to do with me or any of my family, like, it made me hate him even more and resent him. I never reacted differently towards my mom because of the divorce. In a way, I kind of felt the sadness from her and I just. I wanted her to be happy. And I saw how much she was struggling, and so I just wanted her to be happy. And after I found out why, in a way, I. I was angry at her afterwards because I was like, you know what? How. How can you still allow him to be in our lives after he's treated you this way and treated us this way, like, basically disrespected his whole family. I feel like I also felt resentment towards her because I was like, are you just not strong enough to, like, leave him or what? Like, even though they were divorced, I felt like emotionally there was still an attachment there.
- [13:32]
Alan I.
Like she still felt something.
- [13:34]
Kayla Castro
I knew she still believed he could change.
- [13:36]
Alan I.
Did you ever have a moment where you kind of like confronted your dad after you found the news?
- [13:42]
Kayla Castro
I wanted to. There were so many times when he started visiting us. I remember we would be mid conversation and I would leave the room and I would just be like shaking in my room just of like how much anger I felt. And I, I wanted to hold him responsible and I, I wanted an apology. But something my mom like kept repeating to us. She was like, well, at the end of the day like, estu papay lo tes queres petar like no matter what he does. And so I never confronted him or asked like for answers or anything like that.
- [14:09]
Alan I.
How did that feel for you as a kid? Like wanting to tell your dad but knowing like, oh, maybe I shouldn't.
- [14:14]
Kayla Castro
The main reason I wanted to tell him wasn't even for my own forgiveness. It was just I wanted to stand up for my mom and I felt like she had been in my corner for so long and to know like that she was being treated this way, like it just hurt me so bad. It felt like it was happening to.
- [14:31]
Alan I.
Me that you started kind of experiencing anxiety and depression right after finding out the news. So when did you started feeling that way and how did anxiety and depression show up in your day to day life after finding out the news?
- [14:46]
Kayla Castro
The first time I really felt any kind of anxiety was when I was seven and when I barely found out about the divorce. But I think I was too young to really put words to it. But then once I found out the reasoning for it, I don't know, I just started doubting everything. And I think because I come from such a like godly oriented family, I was like, how are you going to say you love God but be doing this behind like closed doors? Like it kind of threw my whole world for a loop and I just felt lost. I had learned the first time to just keep my emotions to myself. That's what I kept doing. And I think in like the secrecy, that's where depression and anxiety gets even worse. And so I feel like that's really when I really started struggling with it.
- [15:28]
Alan I.
Do you feel like your anxiety and your depression ever got really bad to where it really sent you into dark moments where you even yourself didn't know what to do?
- [15:36]
Kayla Castro
There's been two times where it's gone pretty bad. The first time was in high school. And I remember I just, I felt like I had no hope, I didn't want to be here anymore. And I remember I had been like researching like, okay, what's the best way to go. Like, a way that doesn't hurt. And I remember, like, telling myself that no one was even going to care and it was just going to be one less thing for my family to worry about. So that was the first time that it got really bad. And the second time, that one was a little bit more serious. I had been going through some stuff with my mom, and I remember being on the floor of my room and like I said, it just felt like I wasn't there. And, like, all I felt was sadness and like, someone was literally, like, sitting on me. And I remember, like, looking over and I was like, oh, like, you see those scissors? Like, it would be so easy. Like, they would go straight through your skin. When I started, like, actually being like, okay, like, I'm putting actions to my. Like, am I gonna put actions to my words? Like, I got so scared, but I was like, you know what? I don't even care if it hurts. I was sobbing and I couldn't breathe and I don't even know what exactly like, overcame me. When you hear Lululemon, you probably think of Align yoga pants. Weightlessly soft, like you're wearing next to nothing. That's why you see them in class, at the grocery store, and in the park. But did you know about skirts with built in liner shorts so you can still jump for the Frisbee and tanks and bodysuits with Align's iconic stretch, you won't want to take it off. And with endless style options, you don't have to shop in store or online@lululemon.com on WhatsApp, no one can see or hear your personal messages. Whether it's a voice call message or sending a password to WhatsApp, it's all just this. So whether you're sharing the streaming password in the family chat or trading those late night voice messages that could basically become a podcast, your personal messages stay between you, your friends and your family. No one else, not even us. WhatsApp message privately with everyone. But I was. There was like a voice in my head and I was like, no, like, you're. You're more than this. You're worth more. Like, imagine what your mom is going to feel. Imagine what your sisters are going to feel. And like, I got up and like, immediately just started praying. That's honestly the last time I've felt depression. This was earlier this year, actually. And I was even hesitant talking about it because, like, no one in my family knows about it. I feel like I've been saying that I keep a Lot of emotions to myself, and it's something I've been working on, and so I guess this is kind of a step towards that too. But, yeah, I would say the divorce definitely kind of started that journey of depression and anxiety, but then it was, like, the bullying and everything else that just made it ten times worse.
- [18:40]
Alan I.
Did you feel like you had anyone growing up to, like, at least confined into what you were going through with your parents or just in life in general?
- [18:50]
Kayla Castro
That was weird to me because I knew I had people, but I felt like I couldn't go to them for some reason. I think it was just more of, like, I wanted everyone to think that I was just a happy kid. I didn't want anyone to worry about me more than anything. And so I feel like that's the main reason I kept things to myself, because I knew I had people. I knew I had my sisters, and, like, I knew my mom would be there at the end of the day, but I just. I wanted them to just have to worry about their own issues.
- [19:14]
Alan I.
As a kid, me, and as an adult, that kind of keeps all my feelings to myself. I feel like one thing that I don't know if you can relate. I feel like sometimes for me, me specifically, I'm just very much like, okay, I'm not gonna tell anyone my problems. I'm not gonna tell them what I'm going through, because, one, they're not gonna be able to solve them, like, let me go through this. Let me solve it myself. And maybe afterwards, you know, I'll let them know what I went through or what happened during that time. Being so young and already feeling that way of, you know, suppressing your feelings, of keeping everything inside. What do you feel like is the hardest part of being that type of person?
- [19:49]
Kayla Castro
I think it's honestly kind of living a double life, because behind closed doors, like, you could be super sad and crying yourself to sleep, but then as soon as you're around people, like, you're trying to be the funniest in the room. And so I feel like just keeping up both of those lifestyles, it just becomes so draining, and it makes everything so much worse.
- [20:07]
Alan I.
Cuenta los poitomas. How the divorce affected, you know, the way you saw relationships yourself, friendships, nos cuenas de que tupapa. You know, cheated on your mom. I'm sure you kind of were like, oh, my God, real love doesn't exist. You know, I thought my parents loved each other. Did that mess up the way you saw relationships moving forward?
- [20:27]
Kayla Castro
I think it messed it up in A way where I forgave too much. Like, you could do me so dirty. You could, I don't know, yell at me. And I'd be like, no, but it's okay because you're going through things. And I think that was because I saw how my mom reacted towards my dad, because even though he had hurt her so bad, she still treated him with respect and with love. And so I was like, well, you. Yeah, like, that shows, like, no matter what anyone does to you, like, you're still supposed to be there for them. And so I feel like, in a way, that messed me up to just let people to walk all over me.
- [20:56]
Alan I.
Do you feel like now as you've gotten older, you've kind of learned that that's not how you should be?
- [21:00]
Kayla Castro
Probably this year has been, like, the biggest difference I've seen in my life. Just kind of standing up for myself and realizing my worth, basically, and that I deserve to be respected and everyone does.
- [21:11]
Alan I.
I love that because I feel like sometimes, you know, when we come from broken families, I feel like it's a cycle we like to repeat, you know, se mira muncho. You know, it's kind of like monkey see, monkey do. You know, we see how our parents were treated or how they treated each other, and that almost becomes like, oh, that's how a relationship should be, whether, you know, whether it's toxic or not. We kind of know, like, oh, my mom allowed this much. Why can't I? Or I should, too. Like, if my mom did it, she probably did not want that enough because it didn't work out. But I'll say, yo guanto enough. It might work out for me, you know, but sometimes it's great that you learn that, you know, Like. Like, sometimes that your relationship with them is so different. How did that start? When do you feel like things started turning? Or when did you start having thoughts of, like, you know what? Despite everything that happened? And how did forgiveness look like for you in terms of what your dad made you and your family go through? Like, how were you able to be like, okay, you know what? That was what we went through. But at the end of the day, es mi bapa quiero narra lacion conel And I need a como sisa Flip the page and start all over.
- [22:27]
Kayla Castro
I honestly didn't want anything to do with my dad. Even after he started coming back into our lives, I was like, you know what? I've been telling people I don't have a dad. Like, I'll continue telling them I don't Have a dad. I've been doing fine without him. I'll continue doing okay. And so I honestly wanted nothing to do with him. And my mom was really the one that pushed, like, no, he's your dad. You need to forgive him. It's what the Bible teaches us. It's what God would want. And I was like, yeah, okay, like, I'll forgive him. He can be around. But, like you, I. To me, I feel like you have to earn the respect and the title of being a father. And I feel like he had. He didn't deserve it. And so I was like, yeah, like, y' all can be, like, in love. Y' all can do whatever y' all want, but I'm not going to be a part of that. I don't think it was until I really started getting closer to God. And I also started seeing how my sister Kim actually started treating him. And I was like, you know what? Like, how am I going to be going to church and learning about forgiving people, and I can't even forgive my own father? And I would see Kim, like, try to. Like, she would go out of her way to love him and to be there for him. And I was like, how can she do that? Like, knowing what he's done? And I realized, like, at the end of the day, everyone needs grace. And we all have our own battles, mentally and physically, and who am I to judge and who am I to be like, no, you're not forgiven. So I think that's really when I was like, I can't hold onto this hatred in my heart anymore, and I need to let it go more for myself than for him. And I think that's really when my relationship with him started changing. No, they're still not together. No, but he comes a lot more often. Like, at one point, he was coming every weekend to visit us, and it made me happy to see my parents together. But nun camisa la hidea that they were gonna, like, get married again. I just kind of saw it as, like, we're just all happy and we all love each other, and, like, that's good enough.
- [24:16]
Alan I.
How did those beginning, you know, steps look like for you? Because you go from, you know, I don't want anything to do with you. If you come around, cool, come around, but I'm not gonna give my all to you. How did those beginning steps look like for you in terms of, you know what? I'm gonna try? I'm gonna give him a chance. What did you do? Or what were things you had to overcome or heal that allowed you to creating a relationship with him. Yada dulta.
- [24:43]
Kayla Castro
I think a big thing I struggled with was I feel like a lot of Hispanic dads are really machistas. And so that was something that, like, completely irked me because I was like, how are you gonna expect my mom to serve you? Like, I just wanted to be, like, straight up, like, look at what you've done, and she's still serving you. But in those moments, I was like, you know what? Again, it's not my place. I'm not the one that needs to be holding him accountable, and he knows what he's done, and. And, like, he's the one that's gonna have to be living with that. And so I definitely feel like it was a slow journey, but at the end of the day, I. I really did need my dad there, and I did really need that relationship and that love from him. And so I feel like that pushed me to get closer to him and to just get rid of all the hatred I felt.
- [25:26]
Alan I.
Do you remember if there was, like, a specific moment or, like, an act that he did that you're like, you know what? He's really trying. Let me give him, like, a little bit more of me. Like, I see that he's putting effort. Was there, like, a moment that, like, literally shifted everything for you?
- [25:42]
Kayla Castro
Yeah. I remember the first time he ever asked me, like, anything about myself, and he was like, oh, so, like, que de porte juegas. And, like, he. To him, it was just like, he was just asking a question. But, like, after I answered it, I remember I went into my room and, like, I just started crying, and I was like, my dad actually cares about me. Like, he wants to know about me. And it was just little things like that, because I feel like he's a very, like, tough love kind of guy, and so I honestly would just take what I could get. And so, like, little moments like that just meant the world to me.
- [26:11]
Alan I.
Do you feel like, you know, as adults, do you feel like for kids or, you know, for people that have had rough upbringings or didn't have relationship with their parents growing up, do you feel like it's hard to rekindle that relationship as adults? Especially, you know, you having your own life, you know, your dad kind of having his own life? Do you feel like it gets hard as, you know, the years pass by, especially with everything that you guys lived?
- [26:34]
Kayla Castro
I think it does get really hard, but that's when you. It really matters, like, your intentions, and you have to be really intentional about your time. I remember when I was, like, really wanting to be close to him. So he lives in Memphis, Tennessee. So that's, like, about six hours from us. And I remember I spent the whole week with him. Like, I went with him, and even though, like, I was biting my tongue so much and just, like, ignoring things or, like, little comments that he would make, I was like, I'm spending quality time with him. And. And I know that this is showing him, like, you know what? Like, si quier relacion con migo and si me ama. I know it's hard. And, you know, everyone's relationship with their parents is very different. And I would just say that I would. I'm glad that I fixed my relationship with him.
- [27:14]
Alan I.
And I do feel like I can relate with you. You know, obviously, my parents, you know, were together growing up, but I've always been vocal on the podcast that I've never really had had a relationship with my dad. I've always, always felt like he loved my other siblings more. He always loved my sister more because. And I always kind of felt, you know. You know, and I feel like now as an adult, and I've. I used to say, growing up, I hated my dad. My grandma, which is my favorite grandma. Shout out to my grandma. And it's funny because, like, and I would always talk so much to her about my dad. Right. Oya mentea. Because she knew how my dad would make me feel. But I feel like now as an adult, I don't want to say we have, like, the best relationship. I feel like right now, okay, a little bit more of me. I want to be there more for you. And it's hard, you know what I mean? Because I feel like as our parents get older, it's a little harder to, like, make them, you know, change their ways of thinking, make them understand what they've made you go through. But I feel like for me, I'm, like, at a stage of life, like, if I could, I get stuck. I think I've told this to my boyfriend a lot. I'm like, if I get stuck on how he made me feel as a kid or how what he made me go through, like, there's never going to be a relationship to be built. What's a piece of advice you can give to, you know, young Kayla or to any. Anyone watching right now that is currently going through a divorce and feels like it will never get better?
- [28:45]
Kayla Castro
Well, first of all, I want to say that it. It does get better. It just takes time, and it takes a lot of effort from everybody. And not just the parents, the kids as well. And if I could give my younger self or anyone going through this any piece of advice, it would be to speak up and not hold your emotions in, because it only makes it worse. And I feel like something that really helped me see my dad in a different way was he was a kid that went through similar struggles and. And he also didn't have somebody there for him to teach him how to love and how to treat others. And now I can kind of change the narrative and I can change the cycle. So why wouldn't I do that?
- [29:24]
Alan I.
I think that's very important as adults, you know, and as sons and daughters to understand that it's also our parents first time living, you know, but that doesn't mean that they're horrible people. You know, sometimes our parents can fail us, but it's up to us how much we let that consume us or how much we let that make us miserable. You know what I mean? I love the fact that, you know, you really did mention that, because I feel like it's important, you know, we get so stuck on the, you did this, you did that, but you don't really realize, like, oh, what was going on during the time that they did that. Were they going through stuff? Depression, anxiety? And sometimes we forget that our parents aren't immune to that. You know, they also went through that. They also have gone through struggles. And I'm glad.
- [30:19]
Kayla Castro
I have four older sisters.
- [30:21]
Alan I.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So it was like an emotional wreck growing up.
- [30:25]
Kayla Castro
Oh, definitely.
- [30:26]
Alan I.
Muchas pelas. What was that like? Explain to us, you know, what was it like growing up with four girls? What role did you play growing up? Did you guys get along? Tell us all about that.
- [30:37]
Kayla Castro
I would say being the youngest, honest, it kind of took a while for me to get into, like, the cheeseman, all the drama. So for a while, I was just like the middleman. Like, I was like, no, no. Like, back up, guys. Like, let's calm down. Let's calm down. And I remember a big thing was my. My second oldest sister loves to take Kim's clothes. And Kim would get so mad, and she was like, just ask me for it. But she would never ask. And it got to a point where my sister, like, put a lock on her closet it. And Kim was like, no, like, you need to figure out how to open it. And so I was like, yeah, I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. And so I was just kind of like, for whatever they needed me, I was there. And Then I wouldn't say until I got into high school, that then I started having kind of my drama with my sisters. So my closest to age, her name is Abby, and she actually she special needs. So I've never really had the same kind of, like, confrontations with her that I've had with anyone else or any of my other sisters. So I feel like the only other one I could fight with was with Kim. And it was over the same thing. It was about clothes. And she'd be like, just ask me. Just ask me. And I was like, no. Like, I'm afraid you're gonna say no. And so I remember before school, she would be dead asleep, and she's the heaviest sleeper I know, and she'd be dead asleep, and I would, like, crawl into the closet, and I'd grab my outfit, and I'd take it to school. And then, like, Simon Vidava and I would post a picture, and then she was like, is that my shirt? Is that my skirt? And I was like, when I get home, yeah. But I. I think that was, like, our main arguments and, like, drama. It was just basically about clothes.
- [32:08]
Alan I.
Do you feel like being the baby you almost had to, you know, your sisters would take care of you? What was that like? Did they have authority when your parents were gone? And how did you feel with the authority that your parents would give them?
- [32:22]
Kayla Castro
I would follow whatever they would say, especially Kim. Whatever she told me I would do.
- [32:25]
Alan I.
If you're like, yes, sir.
- [32:27]
Kayla Castro
No. She could be on the couch and be like, pass me the control. And I remember I'd be like, the control is right next to you. Just grab it. It. She's like, I'm asking you to pass it. And I was like, yeah, okay. Like, I'll do that for you. I would get mad in the moment, but then I knew that they were doing so much for me that I didn't really mind it at the end of the day. But I was also. I was kind of a snitch. I think that's maybe why Kim sometimes, like, abused her power over me, because there was one time I forgot how old she was. She's maybe, like, 16. Barely could drive. And she took my sister's Camaro, and we all, like, me and her friends all went, like, on a joyride. And then we got back, and I was like, yeah, park it, like. Like this. It's gonna be so perfect. Like, she's never gonna notice. And then my sister got home, and she, like, told me something about her car, and I was like, yep, Kim took It. And she picked up all her friends and we went to go eat food. And then Kim was like, they weren't even. They didn't even know. And you were just, like, snitching on.
- [33:18]
Alan I.
Me without even having an actual probable. I was like, it was Kim.
- [33:22]
Kayla Castro
I was like, you can't tell me anything. Like, I'm sorry.
- [33:25]
Alan I.
Do you feel like that kind of got in the way of your relationship with Kim growing up? Do you feel like she wouldn't trust you or you kind of wouldn't trust.
- [33:31]
Kayla Castro
Her to a certain point? I think she didn't trust me with a lot. But then, like, I was kind of earning my spot. But then it ended up getting better when I. When I got older.
- [33:41]
Alan I.
Were you like, the ch growing up? Cuz I was the baby of the house. And although I. I mentioned I didn't have, like, the best relationship with my dad, I feel like my mom made chiqua because my. My mom would try to make up for what my dad wouldn't do. My mom siempre sicaria argo. Whatever it was, my mom would make it happen. And I feel like my siblings would always be like, no. Do you feel like you were kind of spoiled growing up being the baby?
- [34:08]
Kayla Castro
No. So my mom actually says I was kind of weird as a kid because, well, my mom and my older sister, since I was really close to her, because they would be like, yeah, we would take you to the store and be like, I got a loque quieras. And I'd be like, no, I don't want you to spend, like, no. So I don't know why I would be like that. Because, like, then growing up, I was like, yeah, like, can you buy me this?
- [34:26]
Alan I.
That's too expensive.
- [34:27]
Kayla Castro
Yeah. But they're like, as a kid, like, we would, like, be like, do you want this? Do you want this? And you would always tell us, no. And so they were like, we just thought you were being so considerate. And I was like, I don't know what I was thinking. Honestly, when I did get to that age, like, where I wanted something and it was more expensive, I still was like, I. I feel like I always was really aware, like, of how much work it took to get stuff. So I never really wanted to be like, oh, like, can I get that, please?
- [34:52]
Alan I.
Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan are back in Disney's Freakier Friday.
- [34:58]
Kayla Castro
Yes. Yes.
- [35:00]
Alan I.
On August 8th, we switched bodies. I didn't want to be a part of this family, and now I'm part of some dodgy family curse, and I'm the eldest. The ultimate movie event of the summer arrives. I think I just peed a little. Disney's Freakier Friday in theaters August 8th. Get tickets now. Oh, this is cool. Let's do it. Rating pg. Parental guidance suggested. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. With the price of just about everything going up, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a thing Mint Mobile Unlimited premium wireless. Everybody get 30, 30. Better to get 30. Better get 20. 20, 20. Better get 20, 20. Everybody get 15. 15, 15, 15. Just 15 bucks a month. Sold. Give it a try@mint mobile.com Switch upfront payment of 45 for 3 month plan.
- [35:46]
Kayla Castro
Equivalent to 15 per month required new customer offer for first 3 months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of networks busy. Taxes and fees extra. See mint mobile.com.
- [35:52]
Alan I.
Close your eyes. Exhale.
- [35:54]
Kayla Castro
Feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts.
- [36:02]
Alan I.
In time for this class.
- [36:04]
Kayla Castro
I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.
- [36:08]
Alan I.
And breathe.
- [36:09]
Kayla Castro
Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.
- [36:20]
Alan I.
1-800-Contacts. Quiero blata un poquito de. How was Kayla in school? Cuenta nos de eso. Do you feel like you were smart? Eraquito burrita. Were you rebellious in school? Were you popular? Bullied? Bullied? Cuenta nos todo eso.
- [36:37]
Kayla Castro
I would say I was smart when I wanted to be smart. Like all AP classes except for math. I was. I'm so bad at math. Like, but yeah, I was. I would say I was pretty smart in. In school when I wanted to be. I was definitely, best way I can put it, is like a class clown.
- [36:53]
Alan I.
Okay.
- [36:53]
Kayla Castro
I. I liked making people laugh and like, people never believed me when I was like, yeah, I'm shy. And then they're like, no, you're not. Like, look at you. And I was like, well, it's cuz I'm comfortable now. So I feel like I. In high school, I really came out of my show a lot towards the end and I was just friends with everybody. Like I said, like, I would be like on the homecoming court and stuff like that. And I was like, I swear, like, people don't even like me like that. For real.
- [37:19]
Alan I.
You won homecoming Princess no, but I.
- [37:21]
Kayla Castro
Would always make it to like, the top ones. And I was like, dang, like, how did I make it?
- [37:24]
Alan I.
Like, damn people.
- [37:25]
Kayla Castro
Like, I'd be like, okay, let's go, let's try again.
- [37:27]
Alan I.
You're like, next year I'll win. Literally that from the grades of 7 to 11, you experienced a lot of bullying. Specifically body shaming that really stuck with you. That made you see yourself in a different light. And how did the body shaming at such a young age affect you?
- [37:50]
Kayla Castro
So I can't remember the first time a comment was made. And I think the main, like, reason for that is because it wasn't until recently that I realized it was bullying. Because in my mind, bullying came from people that hated you and that just made fun of you. But the bullying that I was experiencing was coming from like, people that I called friends.
- [38:09]
Alan I.
Okay.
- [38:09]
Kayla Castro
And so I kind of took it as like, well, if you're telling me like this about my body, then it has to be true. Like, it should be a problem. I remember a lot of comments would get made about like, my butt. Like, it'd be, we'd be in groups of people and like, one of my friends would be like, I don't know how it doesn't hurt you to sit. Like, it's just straight bone. Or like, they would call out like, my chest. And they'd be like, look, I remember this one time specifically, me and one of my best friends, we were in the cafeteria, this was I think seventh, maybe eighth grade. And I had made a joke. Nothing regarding body because, like, bodies, because I, I always knew it was wrong. And I never wanted to make people feel like bad about themselves in that way. And so I had just made a joke to her and then she was like, look at your chest. Like, you're like, you look like a little nine year old boy. Like, you're literally a boy. And I just remember like, like looking at her and like just seeing her laughing and no one else thinking it was a problem. And I was like, okay, it's true. Like, I'm, I'm, it's me. Like, I'm the problem. Like, I need to fix this. With being so young, kids don't know how, how strong and how much power their words have over others. But I think experiencing all of that made me even more sensitive to the words that I use towards other people. And I never really felt like, I don't know, I guess, I guess you would think, like, oh, if someone's talking to you like that and they're your friend, like, why don't you just talk back like that?
- [39:31]
Alan I.
I would.
- [39:33]
Kayla Castro
Like, I've thought about that so many times. But I was like, no, because I. Again, like, I took it like, they're being serious. Like, it's. It's an issue that I have. Like, why do my legs look like that? Like, I remember comments would get made about, like, why do I wear leggings? Like, it looks scary. It was always really about, like, how skinny I was. I remember I would go home and, like, I would try to, like, like, just stuff myself with food, and then I would feel disgusted about it. Like, I would look in the mirror, and then I was like, no, you're not. Like, you're not skinny. You're literally fat. And, like, it was just, like, an ongoing battle. And it wasn't until I kind of realized, like, hey, this is an issue that, like, it's not okay to be feeling like this and to be treated like this that I really kind of started making change.
- [40:14]
Alan I.
Before, you know, the comments, did you ever feel insecure about your, you know, your butt or your chest?
- [40:20]
Kayla Castro
No. I think that's what sucks is that, like, I would say I was a very, like, pure kid. 7th and 8th grade. Like, that's when people, like, we're starting to cuss and, like, have boyfriends and girlfriends. And I was over here, like, still playing with my dolls. I was, like, cussing, like, nah, I don't do that. Like, nah. Like, I'm good. Like, boyfriends. Like, I'm okay. Like, yeah, like, that boy's cute. But no. And so I feel like. Because I always kind of thought, like, that, like, I didn't see anything wrong with my body because all I knew was God made me in his image and I was. Was perfectly and wonderfully made. And so whenever they would point it out, I was like, oh, my goodness. Like, I hadn't even realized that, like, things like my forehead or, like, my nose. And I remember every time something new would get, like, pointed out, I started making a list because I was like, there's, like, so many things. Like, I can't even keep track of everything I need to fix.
- [41:05]
Alan I.
Did you ever talk to, like, your siblings or, like, to your mom? Like, hey, mom, like, kids at school are making fun of me. Like, they're saying this or saying that, or was that also something. Something you kind of kept to yourself and you were dealing with on your own?
- [41:18]
Kayla Castro
That was honestly something I kept to myself. Not just because, like, I had been used to keeping my emotions, but I also feel like in. At Least like Mexican culture, like nicknames like Como Canola. And like, they'll be like, oh, flakita. Or like gordita or like they say, they'll say stuff like that. And like, I know they mean it in the best way, but I mean, to a kid, when you're saying stuff like that, like, like I, I took it the wrong way, I guess in a way I was also hearing it at home. But at home they were meaning it for my good. But I kind of combined the two. So I was like, oh, I have no one to talk to about this.
- [41:53]
Alan I.
You know, Mr. That that eventually led to you having body dysmorphia. So when and how did you realize, you know, oh, like this is a problem far beyond maybe what I understand. And how did, did body dysmorphia show up in your day to day and how did it affect your mental health?
- [42:13]
Kayla Castro
So I would say when I really started noticing it was like based off my eating habits. Like, I would starve myself and I wouldn't eat and I'd be like, no, I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry. And then like at night, like, I would just binge eat. And then like next day I'd look at myself and I would just, I'd feel disgusted. And I remember at one point, like, I got rabba tape and like, I would like wrap it around my stomach and I was like, yeah, and then I need to like, wear garbage bags under, like, this is disgust sweat. Yeah. And I was like, this is disgusting. Like, I can't be like this. But then like, otro dia. I would like, look at myself. And I was like, are you kidding me? Like, I can see your bone. Like, this is like, are you not afraid, like, for people to see you like this? And so it wasn't until I had been going through that cycle that I was like, okay, like, there's something's not right because there's no way. Like one day I feel like this way, and the next day it's the complete opposite. And that's kind of when I started, like, paying attention to it. And I was like, you know what? Like, no, this, this is body dysmorphia. And I feel like when I actually put a name to it, that's kind of when I, I realized I needed to fix it or I needed to figure out like, where this was coming from and how I could deal with it.
- [43:25]
Alan I.
How did that look for you? Like, how did you started, you know, realizing, like, how can I make myself not feel this way? What can I do. To get that thought out of my head.
- [43:36]
Kayla Castro
I think the first step I took was realizing that a lot of the bullying that I had been receiving, it wasn't because there was something wrong with me, but it was just people speaking from their own insecurities, and they didn't know how to express themselves. And so I guess, like, putting down others made themselves feel better. And so when I realized that, I was like, you know what? What? I can't take everything that they say to heart. You know, like, they're. Again, like, I. How I explained before, like, I would let a lot of things pass. I was like, they're dealing with their own things. Like, they're. They're fighting their own battles. Like, basically, like, they don't mean it.
- [44:08]
Alan I.
Yeah, they're stuff. Projecting.
- [44:09]
Kayla Castro
Yeah, basically projecting. And so that was kind of the first step. And so then. Then it kind of. And then from there, I had to deal with, like, me mentally, because now in my head, I was. I was, like, calling myself those names and thinking those things.
- [44:23]
Alan I.
You were almost accepting those.
- [44:24]
Kayla Castro
Yeah, accepting it. Yeah. And I think it was when I kind of stepped back and I had been going to the gym. I remember I would wake up and I would go to the gym for, like, two or three hours before school, and then after school, I would go run, and then I would go back to the gym for, like, another three hours. And that was, like, five days out of the week. And I thought that was normal. And then when I was. I, like, realized, like, the whole bullying thing, like, how it was affecting me. And then I was like, well, you know what? When I go to the gym, like, yeah, it makes me feel good. But also, like, the amount that I'm looking at myself in the mirror, like, I don't think that's helping. And so I stepped away from the gym, and I kind of just, like, started accepting myself. And I was like, you know what? Like, I can't compare myself to others. Like, I can't be comparing myself to Summer Rae. Like, she's, like, three times my age, and, like, she works out and she does all these things. Things. And so I think when I stopped comparing myself so much, that's kind of when I started accepting myself. And I was like, you know what? Like, I. I do like how I look, like I am happy with it.
- [45:24]
Alan I.
Were there certain things you would tell yourself that would make you feel better? Because I'm a big believer in, you know, the way you talk about yourself is how you're gonna eventually see yourself. Situ. Teddy says que Nobles nada. You're gonna start believing that even if it's far from the truth. You know, where there's certain. Certain things or things that you would tell yourself to make you feel better that started that journey for you.
- [45:48]
Kayla Castro
Whenever I would get those thoughts, like, oh, like, you're just bones. So, like, when I would have those thoughts, I'm really big on what you speak out. Like, it has a lot of power. And so when I would have those thoughts, like, oh, like, look, you're all bones. Then I would say out loud, like, no, no, you're not. Like, you look at you like, you're healthy, you're doing good. Like, keep going. Like, your family loves you, you love yourself, and that's the most important thing. And so I feel like it was more that than telling myself, like, oh, like, no, you have a big butt. Like, stuff like that. I think it was just talking down the negative.
- [46:17]
Alan I.
Yeah. I think you have to really be nice to yourself. And I feel like that's the number one rule. One thing that. You guys know, my Ashley, my struggles a lot with how she sees herself, right? We can tell her she looks so good, and she'll think it's like a negative comment. She's like, oh, what? Why you think I don't look good all the time? It's like, no, you look really good. Right? But one of the things, like, I've seen her do and one of the things that I've noticed, and I'm like, wow, that's really nice that she does that for herself, is in her restroom, she'll put, like, little sticky notes like that say, you're beautiful, you deserve everything. You have, like, little things that are reminders. And I. I once asked her, I was like, hey, you know, curious, like, how does that help you? You know, I. I really want to know. Like, those little sticky notes. And she's like, I don't know. I just feel like whenever I get up, the first thing I do is get up, go to the rest of the room, brush my teeth, do my hair. And seeing those little notes remind me to be kind to myself. And I feel like that is very important because our mind can with us way more than anyone else. And it's going to be a fact in your life, you know, about how you know your journey with self, love and body acceptance looks like now what do you do to cope when you know you have those old thoughts coming through, especially being online and being so open with people, maybe leaving negative comments now.
- [47:45]
Kayla Castro
Like, sometimes when I see comments, I kind of get flashbacks. And I'm like, oh, like, a few years ago, if you would have told me this, like, I would have gone off the rails. But now I think, again, like, I just keep reminding myself that a lot of the things people say, it's coming from a place of hurt, from themselves. And. And honestly, I feel like a lot of the time it's just people projecting. If anything, it just makes me feel sad for them because, like, it tells me that they're not dealing it with, like, they're not dealing with their emotions, and instead they're just, like, lashing out on people.
- [48:15]
Alan I.
You know, what's a piece of advice you can give to anyone watching right now that is currently going through, you know, body shaming, body dysmorphia at such a young age? What is something that little Kayla would have wished to hear someone tell her? And what. What's a piece of advice overall that you can give to anyone going through something similar?
- [48:34]
Kayla Castro
A big thing I can think of is, or a big thing that helped me was like, look at the people, or in my case, the women that I would look up to and like their bodies and realize that, you know, social media can be really fake sometimes, and it's all about the poses and stuff. And, like, I can even say that for myself. Like, I'll do certain poses, and I'm like, yeah, I look good, but as soon as I do something else, I'm like, all right, like, hold on, on. And so I feel like just remembering that everything you see on social media isn't real. And at the end of the day, if people are body shaming you and are making comments, then it's just a battle that they're. They're dealing with themselves. And unfortunately, they're. They're lashing out on you. And I always said, hurt people, hurt people. And. But that doesn't mean that you need to do it back. And I feel like when that happens, instead of treating people how they deserve, you just need to love them. And maybe that love is what changes them.
- [49:28]
Alan I.
I think that's very important. I feel like if you have, you know, anyone in your life talking down on you, making you feel bad, especially from who they're coming from, if you are taking something that a friend that you know is mentally struggling with, whatever, something at home or something in their personal life, and they're making you feel some type of way, I'm always like, like, you know what? I'm not going to take their little shady comment or their little, you know, talking down on me Anyway, I'm not going to freaking allow whatever they said kind of change the mindset I have. And I feel like that's important, you know, because, like, we've been saying our mind is really powerful. Get to you. That's when it's all going to go downhill. You. Which I want to say, I love your videos because you're so. How should I say it? I feel like your personality is so. I don't want to say it in a bad way, but it's so funny, like, dorky. Is that, like, a good. I don't want to say it in a bad way. It's, like, so dorky that I'm like, oh, my God. Like, she's so funny. She's so random. Like, the things you do. I don't know. I just love the. The stuff you do online. How did that all star. What made you be like, you know what? I'm gonna freaking get my phone, start showing my personality online. I'm gonna let people know a little bit more about Kayla. How did that whole start?
- [50:58]
Kayla Castro
It started, honestly, with me just doing, like, thirst traps. I was just, like, feeling myself. And so I was posting them, not really being serious or anything. And then I remember around that time, Kim started posting, too. And then we would be like, okay, let's post this video and see who does better.
- [51:13]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [51:14]
Kayla Castro
And then, like, it started kind of like that. Kind of, like, little competition. And then she took it more like the serious route. I feel like from the very beginning, she saw the potential in TikTok and in social media in general, and I didn't really. I was just kind of like, yeah, it's for fun. It's whatever. And then I remember I started doing the videos a lot more often and, like, really putting my personality into it, because I was like, you know what? Like, this is actually fun to do. Like, why do I kind of enjoy this? And so I kind of strayed away from the thirst traps and just started showing me. And I feel like that's when people really started liking them. And I was like, hold on. Like, maybe I. I could be doing this.
- [51:49]
Alan I.
I do. I do love that, because I feel like I'll watch a video and you'll start very much like, toasteria, and then you'll, like, drop it. And then you'll be like, I don't know, doing you, Which I love, because it's, like, so de repente. And I'm like, oh, my God. How does she come up with these things? Do you plan them out or do you know?
- [52:08]
Kayla Castro
No, I Feel like whenever I do try to plan them out out, it like, comes off, like, forced. And I'm like, no, like, just hit record and whatever happens. And like, sometimes I'll be editing my videos and I'm like, why? Why did I do that? Like, it kind of looks funny. And I have, like, thought about it before. I'm like, you know what? People probably see this and they're like, oh. She's like, how do you say it? Like, she's making like a joke out of herself. But I was like, I think it's funny and like, I enjoy watching my video, so.
- [52:32]
Alan I.
No, I do too. Do you ever cringe yourself out when before you put post, you're like, oh, my God, should I post it? Well, people think. Think it's funny.
- [52:39]
Kayla Castro
I think I cringe myself out more whenever I try to do like, like thirst traps. That's when I cringe myself out more. But any other video that I've done where, like, I don't know, like, I'm talking seriously and then I start dancing. Like, I've always thought it's so funny.
- [52:53]
Alan I.
I love it. Do you remember, like, your first viral moment where you're like, hold up. This started out as something fun, but I can actually fudgeing do this full time or I can really do something with social media because of a certain video.
- [53:05]
Kayla Castro
I don't think it was a certain video. I think it was just that I realized that all of my videos had been doing, like, pretty good. And I remember, like, Kim, Kim, like, the whole time was motivating me. She was like, take it seriously. Like, this could actually be something for you. Like, come on. And I was just like, yeah, maybe, maybe. And then the reason I really, I guess started taking it seriously and really fell in love with it was because since I am such a shy person, when I first meet people, people, my doing my videos was kind of a way for people to see the real me. And I always get that when I'm like, when I meet people, they're like, oh, but like, on camera, like, you're so, like, outgoing and stuff. But like, right now you're kind of quiet.
- [53:42]
Alan I.
You're like that one, I think, just.
- [53:44]
Kayla Castro
Give me a little second. But yeah, I mean, that's a big reason why I do love doing social media.
- [53:48]
Alan I.
You know, obviously with social media comes a lot of pros and cons. What do you feel are those pros and cons with social media?
- [53:55]
Kayla Castro
Pros, definitely. You kind of can do whatever you want throughout your day. And I, I remember in high School. Whenever I had, like my like, serving jobs and stuff, like, stuff like that. I hated, like, having a set schedule. Like, I hated being like, okay from three to five, like, I'm gonna be like sitting people. Like, I hated doing that. And with social media, it's like every day I kind of get to decide what I'm gonna do. And so, like, if I want to, I don't know, go to Atlanta and try something new, then I'm gonna go. Or if I want to go paddleboarding, like, I'm gonna do that. And so I feel like that's a really big pro. Like, just you can kind of do whatever you want with your time. A big con would be. I feel like you kind of never stop working. Like, even if, like, we're just chilling, like, in my head I'm thinking, like, okay, well tomorrow, what videos am I gonna make? And like, oh, this video didn't do well. So like, I need to do something better tomorrow. So I feel like that's just kind of a con of it.
- [54:51]
Alan I.
How does it feel? You know, we are meant they Kim and Vinnie do it too. So I'm sure it's like, oh, like they understand me. Because I feel like sometimes, you know, when you're around people, family, friends that don't do what you want to do, it's kind of hard to get them to like, understand or like, oh, she's posting her videos because of this. And that. Does it make it easier knowing that, like, your sister and your cunyalo do it too?
- [55:13]
Kayla Castro
Yeah. Honestly, the three months that I lived with them recently, it was like the best time ever because I never went once. Felt like, oh, like I need to record this. Like, I don't want anybody to see me. And if anything, like, we would just be eating and everyone would be like, oh, like, this is a good content idea for you. Like, this would be funny. And so I feel like being with like minded people and people that want the same thing as you definitely makes it funner or more fun and easier in a way.
- [55:40]
Alan I.
We saw that, like, you lived with them. How did that happen? What made you be like, you know what? I'm gonna pack my bags, I'm gonna go live. Live with Kim and Vinnie. How did the idea come to be? What was it like living with them? What was that?
- [55:56]
Kayla Castro
So I'm a very spontaneous person. Like I said, I don't like to do the same thing every day. And I was going to school and I knew I wanted to change my major and I was like, you know what? Like I want to do fully online, but I don't want to be at home. Like, what am I going to do at home? And then I kind of talked to Kim about it, and we had always kind of said, like, like, oh, when are we ever gonna live, like, together again? And then she was like, you know what? Like, why don't you come with us? And I was like, oh, wait for. And I feel like, because we have such a close, like, relationship, like, all three of us, that I was like, yeah, like, let's do it. And so packed all my stuff, moved over there. Originally, I was supposed to stay two months, and then I was like, now let's do one more month. And then the reason I ended up moving out was because my sister, my second oldest sister was giving birth. And so I kind of to.
- [56:41]
Alan I.
Wanted.
- [56:41]
Kayla Castro
Wanted to be there for that and at least for, like, the first few months of the baby. But I'm moving back again. And I feel like every time I explain that to people, they're like, but, like, where do you live? But, like, what do you. Why are you going to go over there?
- [56:53]
Alan I.
And I was stationed. Now you're like, where are you at right now?
- [56:57]
Kayla Castro
I don't know. Wherever my car takes me.
- [56:58]
Alan I.
Honestly, I live in my car, Literally. So right now you don't have, like, an actual, like, place? Place?
- [57:04]
Kayla Castro
No. Like, I have. I left a lot of my stuff at Kim and Vinny's, and then I have some of my stuff with me here.
- [57:10]
Alan I.
Are you excited to go back? Because I do want to say, you know, I love the relationship you three have. I feel like I. I feel like you guys get it all. It's almost like three siblings hanging out together. Not making it weird for Kim and Vinnie, but it does feel like I love. Like, when you guys went to Japan, your guys' content. I sent you a video because I was like, I want to recreate that video. But I feel like your guys's relationship is so wholesome and so good. Has it always. Have you always gotten along with them that good? And also with Vinnie, I've always gone.
- [57:34]
Kayla Castro
Along with Vinnie because I feel like, like, since I met him so young, I kind of just accepted him. And also because he has a little brother that's around my age, so it was kind of like the little group of us, and I was like, oh, wow. Like, I have brothers now. And so I feel like I've always been really close to him, but it wasn't until I got older I got a deeper relationship with him. And I remember it was When I was allowed to start dating, my family's super intentional about being in each other's lives. And so I remember we were all in one room and everyone was going around basically, basically just saying, like, advice that they, like, had to give me. And then I remember when I went to Vinnie, like, I was crying and he was like, you know, like, I see you as my little sister, and, like, I'm always going to be there for you and I'm going to protect you. And I think from then, like, the bond got. I don't know how it could get closer, but it did get closer. And, like, I. I feel like I see him the same way I see Kim. Like, there's never, like, a moment of, like, oh, I can't tell Vinnie this. Like, how is he going to react? Like, it's just. I'm very comfortable with them.
- [58:34]
Alan I.
I love that because I do relate with you in. In a way. When she was 14, I was in Hurricane Senega. So me and my partner have been together for almost 10 years. So we've been together for so long that I feel like I see my. As my sister as well. I always like to say, like, I. I lived with them for a long. For like a year. And my boyfriend would work at the time, and that's when I was barely trying to do, like, social media. And me and her would be like this, like, all the time we're together that even now, I. Whenever I give her advice, whenever I hang out with her, like, I really don't see her as my kunada. I'm like, girl, you're like my little sister. Like, whenever you're going through, I'm going to give you advice, tell you what's up, because I really do want the best for you, and I really do see that with Vinnie and Kim. With you, I feel like they really do. Does it ever feel like that?
- [59:27]
Kayla Castro
No, sometimes it does. Does. But I. I enjoy it because, I mean, like, knowing that Vinnie feels comfortable enough, like, to joke around with me in certain ways, like, it makes me feel good.
- [59:36]
Alan I.
I love that. And I feel like that's the thing too, with my Cunyada. Me and her, like, we can joke about anything, you know. At the ends of March, you went through a breakup. Before we get into all of that, you know how you met your ex? Ex. What was the relationship like throughout those two years that you guys were together? The good, the bad, the real.
- [60:00]
Kayla Castro
So we actually met on Snapchat, and he's a barber, and some guy had posted him. They're like, Hit him up for a cut. And I was like, oh, this would be funny. And so I added him. And then I was like, I'll just wait for him to respond. And that's kind of how the conversation started. And the funny thing is, like, even though I guess it kind of started in, like, a. How a typical relationship start, we saw each other more as friends than anything. I feel like that's why we got close so fast, because we just saw each other as friends. And then it was kind of like one day, like, you know what? Like, I. I see you more as a friend. Like, maybe we should start talking about other things. I think we talked for maybe, like, six months. And since he was, like, the first guy my family, like, met and everything, I was like, yeah, like, you can't ask me out until you've met every single one of my family members. And, like, half of them don't even live with me. So, like, you're gonna have to wait. Wait. And he's like, yeah, like, I'll do whatever. And I remember when he met my mom. Like, my mom sat us down, and she, like, interviewed him, and then she was like, like. Like all these things. And then I was like, okay, so, like, winner. When's the talk with your parents? And then he's like, oh, no. Like, we. We don't do that. And I was like, oh, like, okay. Just my family then. So that's kind of our relationship started and then the whole two years. Honestly, you know how they say, like, the first three months of relationships are like the honeymoon phase? And then, like, todo Cambi. Yeah, I told him. I was like, okay, when is, like, the other shoe gonna drop? Like, when are we gonna start having problems?
- [61:22]
Alan I.
Like, when's the toxicness?
- [61:25]
Kayla Castro
Like, I was waiting for it, and one of us gotta go. But it never got to that point. I feel like I have nothing but good to speak on him and our relationship, because it was honestly one of the biggest blessings of my life. Whenever we got together, that's when I started taking my walk with God really seriously. And prior to meeting me, he, like, didn't go to church or anything. And then we started going together. He ended up getting, like, baptized. And we got super involved in the church. And so I feel like, because we made it really important to put God at the center, it kind of made the whole relationship really easily. So, like, when we would have arguments and stuff like that, like, you know, it's always like, okay, I'm right, you're wrong. Like, stuff like that. That. But with Us. It was like, at the end of the. At the end of the argument, it was like, okay, let's pray about this. And, like, how can we be better, like, so this. This doesn't happen again.
- [62:20]
Alan I.
Did you guys live in the same city?
- [62:22]
Kayla Castro
Yeah, we did.
- [62:23]
Alan I.
Okay. Okay. I thought you. You guys didn't have, like, a lot. Oh, it was only maybe when you lived down here. Okay. Yeah.
- [62:27]
Kayla Castro
When I moved, the last, like, three, two months of the relationship was long distance.
- [62:31]
Alan I.
How was that the long distance?
- [62:33]
Kayla Castro
So I thought it would. It was gonna affect us really badly because we saw each other every single day, like, everything we did together. And so going from that to not being with each other, I was like, oh, my goodness. Like, this is going to be the downfall. But I never felt that way. I felt like, because our communication was so good, like, I never had any issues, like, trust issues or anything like that. And, like, likewise, you know, Cuenta.
- [62:56]
Alan I.
No. So poquito mas about the breakup, you know, in late March, you guys decided to go your separate ways. What do you feel was the reason why you guys, you know, decided to break up? Was it, like, a mutual breakup? You know, did it catch you off gu. And, you know, what was that like for you?
- [63:12]
Kayla Castro
I was actually the one that ended the relationship. And I know, like, people are probably going to be listening and being like, well, you're saying it was so good. Like, so then what? Why'd you end it? But like I said, we had put God at the center so much, and at one point when we were having our. Our struggles, we both were, like, sobbing, and we were like, you know what? If it's. If it's God's will for us to be together, then, like, we're going to figure anything out. And if it's not, then. And we know we were brought together for a reason, and maybe it was just to get closer to God, and that's it. And we're going to be okay with that, so no matter what God, like, God has for us. And so, like, leading up to the breakup, I feel like I. I was struggling a lot, and I was praying, and I was like, you know, like, God, just take these doubts away. Like, I. I love him. Like, why. Why am I having these doubts? Like, why am I having these feelings? Like, in my head, what would come to my head would be like, like, you're only together because I wanted y' all to be closer to me.
- [64:07]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [64:08]
Kayla Castro
And that's the reason. And I wanted y' all to be better people. And now y' all are. And so, like, the season is over, and I, like, didn't want to accept that. I was like, no, there's no way. There's no way. And I think that it took a, like, a big mental toll on me, and I kind of started falling back into, like, my same, like, steps like before when I was dealing with my depression. And that's when I was like, you know what? If. If it is from God, then if I let it go, it's going to come back to me. And we had that conversation and it wasn't easy because, I mean, I still have so much love for him and, like, likewise. We didn't end on bad terms or anything, but I think we're. We're really just trusting God. And I. It's easier said than done because, I don't know, I feel like it's easy to just be like, yeah, whatever God has planned, and then you do your own thing. I don't know what the future holds, but I know where my trust lies and I know where his trust is, too.
- [64:59]
Alan I.
You know, about, you know, the days after the breakup. What were those days like? Were you depressed? You know, were you sad? Were you like, oh, my God, maybe I want to get back with him. Let him. Let me hit him back up. Like, hey, babe, I miss you. What was that like?
- [65:14]
Kayla Castro
So the day of the breakup and the day after the breakup were probably the hardest. I was. I. Like, I remember I'd be driving and I was just. I was just sobbing. And that was the day of the breakup. And then the day after, I. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to leave. I remember I was on the couch and I was just crying, and it was more like, how could I hurt somebody that I loved? Like, did I really love him if I was hurting him in this way? And so it was more like, I guess, like, it was more anger towards myself than anything. But then, like, the days after, I have a really strong support system. My family has all been there for me so much, much, and they. They've been helping me a lot, you.
- [65:57]
Alan I.
Know, how does healing look for you three months later, you know? Yeah. You know, what does that look like now? You know, do you feel like, what. What do you feel like you had to do in order to heal, in order to stop blaming yourself or making yourself feel bad for making that decision? What does healing look like for you now?
- [66:17]
Kayla Castro
I feel like I. I tried kind of everything. Like, I tried the, The. The working out again and just like, getting so busy that I forget about It. And one day, like, I'm not going to be sad anymore. But that wasn't working for me. And I feel like it wasn't until I really went back to my relationship with God and I was like, you know what? If anybody can heal my heart, if anybody can make me feel better and feel that void, it's. It's going to be you.
- [66:40]
Alan I.
You know, relationships. What piece of advice can you give, you know, anyone currently going through. Through a breakup, through any type of relationship struggles that might feel like it won't get better, that might feel like, oh, like, I just threw my whole life away. I was with this person for so long, we're no longer together, my life's over. What piece of advice can you give to anyone who might feel that way?
- [67:04]
Kayla Castro
I would say that I strongly believe everything happens for a reason, and you just need to have trust. And I would also say that. That don't try to just keep yourself so occupied to where you don't deal with those emotions. I honestly, I feel like after a breakup, like, drinking every day and, like, all these hookups, like, I feel like that's not gonna fill that void because, again, you're just distracting yourself. And it's not until you really deal with it that, like, you're gonna be able to process that and actually grow from it. And so I would just say really be in your emotions and. And, like, feel the sadness. Be in the sadness. Just don't stay in it and let it get too bad.
- [67:45]
Alan I.
Growing up, you know, you had a really close relationship with God. And I know a lot in your content that at some point in time, you know, you kind of got a little bit distant, and then you started looking for God later on in your life with God. How did that start? Why did you get distant? And why did you started, you know, wanting to get closer to. To him?
- [68:09]
Kayla Castro
Growing up, I was actually a pastor's kid, so I feel like it was already kind of instilled in me. So I was like, yeah, I go to church, I'm Christian, but it's because my family goes. So, yeah, yeah, like, whatever. And then I didn't really start, like, straying away from God. I think it happened kind of gradually. Like, first it was, like, finding out there that my dad had cheated. And I was like, well, he's a man of God, and he's doing this, like, God, like, for. And then the next thing was the, like, the whole body shaming and everything, because a lot of the people that had been doing it also went to church with Me. And so again I was like, like, should I even be going to church? Like, do I really want to be following a God when, like, this is how the people act that follow him. The thing that kind of put me over the edge was when my abuelita passed away, just seeing how much pain my mom was going through. And, and before she passed away, like, I remember we had all been praying so much and she passed away from colon cancer. And my mom was like, yeah, but God can heal anything. Like, he's healed other people before. And I was like, okay, so he's, he's going to heal her. He's going to heal her. And then when he didn't heal her, I was like, okay, so like, why are we praying to him? Like, what are you doing for us? Really? And after she passed away, it was kind of like, I want to say, like a domino effect effect in my mom's life. Like person after person started passing from cancer and other diseases and just seeing like how hurt my mom was. And she's, I would say she's the strongest believer I know and like the most God fearing. And so knowing like someone like her that follows the Bible and that does everything right is going through all of this. Like, why am I going to put myself through that? And so I started distancing myself and you know, in high school, started doing like the partying and everything. I started cussing. I was doing everything that once I had said I was never gonna do. And like, I didn't see anything wrong with that. I was just like, yeah, I mean, everyone else is doing it, like, whatever, as long as I'm being safe, like, that's all that matters. And then whenever I started dealing like really badly with the depression and with the anxiety, I didn't turn to God. I kind of turned to, to other things. And they never filled that void. And I just, I just kept feeling lost and like hopeless and alone. It was whenever I started seeing my sister Kim fixing her relationship with my dad that I was like, you know what? Like, she started going to church and really taking it seriously. And that's when I saw change in her. And like, I want that too. And so that's when I started taking it seriously. But I was still kind of like living like the double life. And then it wasn't until I met my ex that I was like, you know what, God? Like, I, I want to have a relationship with you and I want to take this seriously. And like, we kind of took that journey together. That's why I say, like, it was one of the biggest blessings being in that relationship because I. There was a lot that I needed to fix about myself. And he, like, helped me through that. And I feel like because of him, I was able to really deepen my relationship with God.
- [71:11]
Alan I.
What is. Does it mean for you to get closer to God? And how do you nourish and practice your relationship with him every day?
- [71:18]
Kayla Castro
To me, what it means is just being more like him. So, like, one of the ways is if someone treats you a certain way, instead of doing it back because they deserve it, it's just loving them and hoping that that love changes them. And I know a lot of people can take it as, like, oh, so, like, you just let people do whatever and forgive them whatever. But I don't. I don't think it's that. I think whenever you. You fight, like, wrongdoing with love, it can really make a difference, not just in your life, but in that person's. So that, like, that's one of the ways. And then I would say the way I nourish my relationship is by spending time with him, because I. The way I see it is he's. He's just like every other person. Like, I can have a conversation whenever I want. Like, he knows everything bad that I do. So, like, you know, and he still loves me. So, like, if I don't know, if I say something about someone, I'm like, God, I know you heard that. Like, sorry, but. So that's like, a way I nourish it. And also just, like, going to church and surrounding myself with the right kinds.
- [72:17]
Alan I.
Of people, you know, nos platicas that before you started getting closer to him again, you kind of were partying, doing things that weren't really, you know, filling that void. You know, how do you feel like, your life changed or in what ways do you. You feel or you see a difference now that God is in your life again?
- [72:35]
Kayla Castro
So whenever I would do, like, the parties and everything, like, in the moment, I felt so happy. And I was like, I love this. Like, when's the next party? Like, let's go. And then the day after, like, I would just be rethinking everything. And I was like, okay, like, but now what? Like, Monday. Monday to Thursday. Like, now what am I gonna do? Like, I just feel, like, empty, like, sad. Like, yeah, it's. It's fun in the moment, but then afterwards, like, I'm just kind of like. Like, whatever. And also, I feel like a part of it, like, having to lie to my mom about that. It also like, affected me because.
- [73:06]
Alan I.
In what way?
- [73:07]
Kayla Castro
Like, I guess just having to keep up with the lies and, like, knowing that my mom was doing so much for me and I was over here like the loca, and, like, lying to her like that, it made me want to change, too, because I. She didn't deserve that. And in the way I kind of saw it, like. Like, she's been lied to enough that I don't need to be doing that to her too, you know?
- [73:27]
Alan I.
No, you kind of started almost not believing in God. You're like, if you're doing this, like, do you really exist? Do you feel like now, or have you had an experience where you felt, you know, God's presence or his guidance? If so, quintos un momento where you really have felt like he really has helped you navigate in, you know, in any moments of your life.
- [73:50]
Kayla Castro
Whenever my grandma passed away, like, I went through that whole, like, phase of resenting God and, like, not believing in him. And then, like, seeing again my mom, like, still being there and still showing up and still, like, being like, hey, like, make sure you're going to church. Make sure you're doing this. Like, seeing her still believing in him, even though she was going through this pain, and I was like, okay, like, is this why she's able to handle it so well? And so I kind of turned that, like, hatred towards God into, like, you know what? I do want to be closer to you because I want to see my grandma in heaven. Like, I, I want to be with her again. And if I don't, if I continue living this life, and if I don't believe in you, then that means I'm never going to see her again. So I feel like that was a really big motivator. And also with the time that I. The second time that I attempted suicide, I think that was also probably the. The most I've ever felt him, like, touch me. Because, like, again, like I said, from that moment, like, this whole year, like, I've had moments where I'm starting to go into that hole, but I, I, it stops. And it's not. I know it's not for my own strength. I know I can't do that. And in that moment when I, like, I, I felt so dark, like, I know I didn't pull myself out by myself.
- [75:05]
Alan I.
I love how you, Kim and Vinnie, are so vocal about your relationship with God online. You know, Los Miramos, you guys are always posting your OTDs, and I feel like with sharing that online sometimes, or criticisms, do you feel like, you know, Sharing your faith online. Have those comments ever gotten in the way with your relationship with God? How do you deal with comments like that where you really do want to, you know, spread your love with God online to your followers? You know, negativity.
- [75:38]
Kayla Castro
There's been comments that have gone to me and that have made me be like, well, yeah, like they're right, like, how can I be doing this stuff? But then I'm going to church, like, there's no way I can be preaching about God, but like, I don't know, going to John Summit concert, stuff like that. But I feel like my goal, as with my content, has always been that I want to show people that you don't have to live this picture perfect lifestyle to be close to God and to call yourself like a daughter or a son of God. And. And like, so, yeah, like, I do like going, going to concerts. I do like going to like John Summit and stuff like that. Like, I like enjoying myself. And you can do all those things. You just have to know how to like, you have to know your boundaries. And I feel like that's what motivates me to keep posting because I, for a while I did want to stop posting my church content because I was like, yeah, I feel like I'm just kind of getting hate about it. And then like when I post it, then they nitpick everything else that I post or like, oh, well, she's using this song, but like she's posting about church on Sunday date. And so I feel like for a while I did feel discouraged to stop, but then I was like, you know what if at least one person can see, like my intentions through this and that's all really that matters.
- [76:40]
Alan I.
And then I feel like a lot of the time people that, you know, are the ones nitpicking and, you know, commenting negatively are people that are not even trying to have a relationship that are really just commenting to comment, you know, And I'm glad that you're not letting that get in the way because. Because it is so easy, especially online. You know, Abe says, uno, open up or talk about certain things that we really do, you know, are passionate about because we're like, oh my God, people are gonna, you know, hate. They're gonna have their opinion. But I'm glad that you haven't let that, you know, get in the way. What advice can you give to anyone watching that, you know, might be having a hard time, time, you know, rebuilding or creating a relationship with God?
- [77:26]
Kayla Castro
I would say God doesn't want you because you're Perfect or because he wants you to be perfect. He just loves you as who you are. And no matter what you do, no matter literally, you can do whatever you want, but God still wants a relationship with you. And I feel like that's so beautiful. And just knowing that there's someone out there that will forgive you no matter what and will always be a shoulder to cry on. And it's just. I feel like it's the most amazing thing. And so one piece of advice I could give is, don't let your mistakes keep you from searching for God, because he doesn't care about them.
- [77:58]
Alan I.
Do you feel like sometimes as human beings, you know, when we mess up or we do something, I'm. I'm piggybacking off that last comment you said. Do you feel like sometimes we don't allow ourselves to have that relationship because we're like, well, I already messed up so much. I'm a horrible person. Why would I. Why would God want me to follow him? Do you feel like that happens a lot?
- [78:19]
Kayla Castro
Yeah, I feel like a lot of the time we bring the shame upon ourselves, but we just say, like, no, it's God. Like, he's like, he's shaming me. But it's. I think it's just more internal. And you're just like, nah, there's no way. Like, I'm. If I'm gonna keep doing this, like, why am I gonna go to him? Even if you're gonna keep doing it, still go to him. Like, you never know what could change.
- [78:37]
Alan I.
I love that because I feel like sometimes, you know, there's no fixing or there's no getting better for me, but it's like, no, it's not. I want to say it's not that you should go to fix yourself. It's more like you want to create a genuine relationship and the fixing is going to happen on its own, you know?
- [78:58]
Kayla Castro
Yeah. I like to say that, like, you go to church not to be perfect and not to be, like, I don't know, like, this Christian image or like this Godlike image, but, like, how you said, like, you're going to get closer to him, but while you're getting closer to him, you're also becoming more like him.
- [79:14]
Alan I.
I love that. And I've been loving this interview. Everything about it that I always love finishing with in the next five years. Career wise, school wise, relationship wise, everything.
- [79:31]
Kayla Castro
I hope I'm married and five years, I want, like, five kids. So in five years, that means I kind of have to get started.
- [79:37]
Alan I.
Get started now, girl. Like, after you leave literally.
- [79:41]
Kayla Castro
Definitely want to be married career wise. I hope I'm still doing social media. What I'm going to school for right now. It's to be working in like hospitals with kids. Like psychology wise. I would love to do that. Maybe like on the side. Maybe I can even make content about that. So that's kind of where I see myself being excited to see.
- [80:06]
Alan I.
Make sure you guys go ahead and follow her right now on our social medias which I'll leave on the screen and down below so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much for being here.
- [80:20]
Kayla Castro
Thank you. I had so much fun.
- [80:21]
Alan I.
I had so much fun also. But I'm so glad.
- [80:31]
Kayla Castro
No, me too.
- [80:32]
Alan I.
And with that being said, you guys, we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye guys. Yay. You did so good.