← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Lourd Asprec Talks All: The Philippines, Toxic Household, Coming Out, Breakup, CHISME & MORE!
01:48:04
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A
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A
I feel like she would only reach out when she needs something. Like, to be honest, I would only like, get like a high or like, hey, from her minutes money wise.
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B
What is up, everyone? I'm your host, Alan Ice and this is Noche de Pinto, your favorite podcast turned talk show. And on the yote Trago atus influencers favoritos para platicar y PO s.
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A
So.
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B
Without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight. Lord Asbr. Hello, honey. How are you?
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A
I'm great.
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B
How are you? I am so excited for us to finally be making this happen.
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A
We've been planning this. Yes.
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B
Forever. I feel like these amazing.
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A
Every time you meet at an event, you're like, hey, so we're like, I'm hit you up.
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B
It never happens, you guys.
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A
But I am so glad you reached out.
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B
I am so happy that you're even in LA right now because I had reached out to him. What like maybe like two, three weeks? A week? Yeah, like maybe like two weeks ago, you guys. And I was like, hey, I know we're always chasing each other down, but this time let's make it happen. Let me fly you out. Let me get all the accommodations out here. Right? You already had plans to be out in la. Tell us a little bit about that. What are you out here for?
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A
So when I come to la, I come here for work and also like for fun. And I came here for a shoot that my friend for his clothing brand. So I was here for that. And then I'm also here for an event. I'm also here for like collabs with like my friends and stuff. Like, that. And also I have, like, family here. There's like, friends and family. So I love, you know, whenever I'm out here, like, I like to hang out with them and, like, spend time with them because, you know, it's like, might as well kill two birds with one stone. So she's busy.
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B
She's busy on this LA trip, you guys, and I'm so glad that you made time for us today. I was talking on the phone with you yesterday and I was telling them that I'm so excited, excited, because obviously a lot of you guys know him, a lot of people love your skits. And I'm so excited that today they're going to be able to get a different side of you. Today they're really going to be able to know the person behind the creator, the person that.
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A
The person behind the wigs literally.
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B
Tell us a little bit more. For those that might not know you, who you are and what you do.
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A
Okay. For those who might not know me, my name is Lord Asprech. I'm 22 years old. I currently live in Houston, Texas. I was born and raised in Manila, Philippines, and I speak fluent Tagalog. I'm currently living with my siblings right now.
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B
I feel like it's really important for people to understand a little bit more about your upbringing. Tell us a little bit more. What was your childhood like? What were hobbies you like doing?
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A
I grew up living with my grandparents and sometimes I would also live with my mom's mom. Like, I would be there for like two weeks and then I'll go with my grandparents house. I basically grew up with my cousins, you know, hanging out with them all the time. And I also grew up with my siblings, and I was just really close with my family to the point where it's like, you know, I didn't really hang out with like, friends, friends outside of school. And that's how I feel like it's really big in the Filipino, like, culture to just hang out with like, your cousins, you know, in the big family gatherings and.
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B
Yeah, you were born in the Philippines. Your mom came to the States when you were very young.
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A
Yes, yes.
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B
And at 10 years old, you were able to come and, you know, reunite with her. Tell us a little bit about your life in the Philippines. What was it like growing up in the Philippines? What was your day to day like there?
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A
Before I moved to the States, I had a really, like, good, like, childhood growing up, because obviously it was my grandparents raising me, and I was really close with them. My grandma, mama Lulu, and Laura Noel, if you're watching this. Hi. They really taught me, like, everything in life. Like, they taught me, like, the manners and, you know, like, doing chores at a really young age and being respectful and, like, really giving me that. What do you call it?
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B
Foundation.
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A
Foundation, you know? Yeah. I would always, like, help her out, like, in the kitchen when, like, she's cooking almost everything. Like, I feel like she was my second mother growing up, since my mom was only there and she moved to the US When I was really young. So I had to, like, adapt, you know, I had to, like, be comfortable with that. And also, I grew up also with my siblings. So me and my siblings were just, like, really, really, like, really close. We're, like, really, really tight. And same with, like, my cousins, like, anytime, like, I would, you know, like, hang out with, like, if I was feeling bored, I was like, hey, can I come over? And stuff like that, and. Yeah.
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B
Do you remember how old you were when your mom came to the States?
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A
I think I would say, like, a rough estimate. I would say, like, six or seven. Like, I was really young to the point where it's like, I didn't even know that she moved to the States. I had to, like, wait until I was more mature to, like, ask her, like, hey, why did you do that? Like, why did you move? You know, like, what was the reason? In a way, the reason why she told me, like, she had to, like, you know, move to the States was to give us a better life. Poverty, like, in the Philippines is, like, really, like, crazy. And she wanted to give us a more of a better life. She wanted to, you know, obviously, like, give us a good future. She wanted to sacrifice herself for us. And obviously the sacrifice was, I'm gonna have to leave my children behind and go to the States. And the reason why she had to move to the States was my real, like, real, real dad cheated on her. It's really big in the Filipino culture, and I don't know if it is or I don't know if it was just, like, my grandparents, but we had three maids in the house, and they were still together at the time. Obviously, I was really young. My mom, like, caught him, like, having sex with one of the maids. When she told me that, I was just like, wait, what the hell? Like, why? Like, why did that have to happen? Like, was my mom, like, like, not worth enough? And I cried, like, when she was talking to, like, me about that. And I think I was 12, 11, 12, 13 when I asked her about that, because I wanted to, like, to Know, because it's like, dad was, like. He was cool. Like, you know, he. Like, I really liked him. To me, that was, like. That was really, like, shocking because it's like, growing up, she was working. Like, she had to work. And, like, with, like, my real dad, he didn't really have, like, anything going on. My dad was a, like. Like a heavy, like, drug user. Like, she didn't want that. Like, she wanted to transition to, like, a new life, basically start her life over.
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B
Do you remember, like, her sitting you down and explaining to you, like, look, I'm gonna be going because I want a better life?
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A
To be honest, there was none of that. I think I was asking either, like, my grandparents or my dad. I think I asked him. I was like, wait, where did mom go? And I think they had to give me, like, like, a lie, you know, so I wouldn't think about it like that. It was basically more of, like, oh, she's just there for work, but she'll come back and stuff like that. She'll come back. But then it was like, it turned into, like, a year, and then it turned to two years, and then it turned into three years. So it's like, where's she at? And so I remember she stopped us one time. She's like, hey, I came here, you know, she basically told us the whole, like, rundown of, like, why she's there. I was so sad. Like, I was sad about it, but then I think my headspace was a little bit more, like. Like, I would say mature, but, like, I understand, like, why she had to, like, move there. I was like, oh, okay. And so I thought about it as more of, like, oh, she's there for work so that she could, like, you know, have money to, like, support us and, like, give us food and stuff like that. Like, I understand, like, what she had to do and what she had to sacrifice. So to me, I didn't really, like, take it to, like, damn, like, mom really just left us. It wasn't like that. So it was more of like, I'm doing it for you. Kids.
- [07:57]
B
Tell us a little bit more about the moment you got the news at 10 years old that you were going to reunite with your mom. How did you find out about the news? How did you react? Were you scared? Happy? Excited? Excited? Tell us all about that.
- [08:09]
A
It wasn't like, hey, surprise, I'm, you know, you guys are coming here. It wasn't really like that. It was more of like, we would be Skyping, like, every weekend to update us. Like, how the papers Are going, like, how it's going, like the update and stuff like that. It was to the point where it's like, oh, my God, I'm so excited. Like, I can't wait for this to happen. When it comes to, like, papers, it takes really long time. It's not like a 1, 2, 3, done. You have to be really patient. And there was, like, actually, like, so many obstacles that she had to, like, face money wise and like, hiring, like a lawyer and stuff like that. And I'll get into that too. And when I came to the states, it was my brother. I have another brother, Lord, actually, if you didn't know, his name is L o r d - l o u r d. My sister Chanel and my brother dandy Javier. He's like the oldest, like the oldest, oldest one. It was basically just Lorde, Dandy and me, we couldn't take our sister because my sister and she was really, really young. Like, very young. She was like three or four years old. And the reason why she couldn't come with us is because my grandmother, she was so close to her. And like, my sister at first thought that, like, her mom was my grandma. She didn't want to leave the Philippines and my grandmother didn't want to let her, like, you know, Chanel go. And so my mom really also had a hard time. So it's like, okay, well, you, lorde, and me and dandy could come first then. And after like one month or two months, she can come after.
- [09:28]
B
How was it like, you know, for you leaving your sister? Were you, like, thinking too much about that where you're like, girl, I'm leaving. I'm going to the states. I'm going with my mom, you can say. Or you kind of like, sad that your sister was enjoying you.
- [09:39]
A
You guys at the time, 50, 50, I would say both because me and my sister, out of all my siblings, like, also, like, lord, if you're watching this, like, I'm not, you know, obviously, like, not very. Me and her are really close. Like, growing up, me and her, we were playing like Barbies. Like, that's how close we were. Like, I would always be like, hey, like, you want to play with me? This and that. And so at that moment, I was like, okay, you know, like, I'm gonna come back. Like, I'm gonna come back for you. Like, you're gonna see us again. At first, I feel like she didn't understand. Like, she also thought of it as like, okay, they're just going on vacation and I'll come back Obviously, like, I was also young, and it's like, wait, why is she not coming with us? And then when my mom explained. Like, when my mom and my grandmother explained it in, like, simple terms, I was like, oh, okay. That makes sense. Okay. Yeah. If I remember it, like, I was crying like crazy because it's like, I'm gonna miss my grandma. Like, they're the ones. I'm gonna miss my, like, my grandfather, like, because it's like, they're the ones that raised me. And also, I'm gonna re. Like, miss my cousins. Like, I was leaving everything behind. It's like, when's the next time, like, I'm gonna see you guys again? You know what I mean? So. Oh, my God. I don't know. Okay. But yeah, like, at first I thought I was like, is this the last time that we're gonna be able to see each other? You know what I mean? My cousins and my family back home in the Philipp. Me feel better because it's like, no, we'll Skype. Like, we'll call, like, and stuff like that. So it's like, don't worry about it.
- [10:43]
B
You fly out from the Philippines to the States. You arrive in Florida, I'm assuming.
- [10:48]
A
No, no. My mom was. When she first moved to the States, she was living in Florida with my stepdad. They were now in Casper, Wyoming. So it was me going to Casper, Wyoming. When I first arrived, I would say, obviously, I was at the airport. It was actually snowing. It was, like, really, like, crazy cold. And in the Philippines, it never snows there. It's, like, really, really freaking hot. And it's like, when I first landed, I was like, wait. Oh, my gosh. It's. It's like. Like, I felt like a polar bear because it's like, it was so freaking cold. And it was like, okay, so this is what I'm gonna have to, like, adjust to. And I liked it because it's like, girl, it's better than freaking, you know, it being hot. It was. Lord. And then dandy. We just landed, and it's like, oh, my gosh, I'm hungry. Like, I want a snack. And I saw a vending machine. I was like, oh, my gosh, I need a snack right here. And then Lord. And Danny was like, no, come on. We have to see mom. We have to see Mom. And it was also, like, my stepdad there. And then two of my. I would say they're my siblings, but it's like. I wouldn't say half siblings, but they're my siblings, too. But it's like my stepdad's blood. And like, I remember I wanted that from the vending machine. And then my brother Dandy and order was like, no, hurry up, we have to see them. And then I looked in my corner. Like, I go like that. I'm like, wait, she looks familiar. I was like, wait, is that her? Is that mom? And I was like, wait, that's her. So. And then I started like running after her and then I started crying because it's like, that's like such. That was such a long time. I would say like three or four years. That's like a long time for you not to be with your mom. You know what I mean? So, yeah. And then she was also crying and I was just glad to see her. Like I mentioned earlier, like, we would be talking on Skype and I would also see my stepdad. And I was like, oh, is this him? And I was like, hi, nice to meet you. To me, it was like, okay, this is going to be like my new dad now, you know? Yeah. I was just so excited. Like, I gave her the biggest hug. I remember that, like, me and her was like hugging so for so long. Yeah.
- [12:22]
B
What was it like, you know, adjusting to your new life? Do you feel like, you know, it was hard, you know, I feel like the culture, the language is different here in the States. Was it hard for you to adjust to, like, your life?
- [12:33]
A
It was, I would say, very, like, because I didn't know, like, to be honest, I didn't know any English. Like, I did not know any of that. When I came to school, I remember I would have to use like Google Translate, you know what I mean? Like, that's how hard it was for me. But then at the same time, it's like English was so universal. I don't know why it was so hard for me to adapt. Maybe because it's just like how this, how my brain works. But over the years of like living there, I started like learning like a bit, you know, like a bit of like how the language worked. Food wise. The food in the Philippines is so good. It's very similar to actually like the Hispanic culture. They have so many similarities. When I found out about the food, it's like, damn, it's just burgers and fries everywhere. Like, is this what I'm gonna eat? But then it's like, I didn't worry about that because I think I mentioned earlier, growing up with my grandma, I know how to cook.
- [13:15]
B
Yeah.
- [13:15]
A
So she taught me the basics and stuff like that. And my mom Obviously, is like. She's also Filipino, so she was cooking, like, adobo, like, panset. Canton. No, pansecanton, Panset and all that, like, good stuff. In Casper, Wyoming, they didn't really have any, like, Filipino restaurants and stuff like that. Didn't have any of that. Obviously, they had it in. Now that I know in Houston and la, they have so many food branches. But growing up at a very young age, when I first landed there, and I was like, okay, can we eat this specific food? I was like, hey, can we have adobo? And my mom and myself would be like, they don't have any of that here, son, so we're gonna have to think of something. So it's like, she would cook it for me if I asked something, and. Yeah.
- [13:51]
B
Is there any Filipino traditions or part of the culture that you still keep very dearly to your heart and practice.
- [13:58]
A
In the Filipino culture? I'm a Catholic, like, really, like, very religiously. When I was young, my grandparents would always bring me to church, like, every Sunday. And at first, I didn't know if that was, like, big here. And, like, in the States, especially in Casper, Wyoming, because I wanted to still, like, keep that, like, really tight, like, with me. And so I would always tell my mom, like, hey, mom, can we go to church? Like, because grandma and grandpa would always take me. Like, grandpa is like, lolo. I'm just gonna say lolo is so much easier for me. And then grandmother is Lola. So, you know, I would always be like, Lola, and Lola would always bring me to church. Like, is there any way we could do that here? And then she basically said, yeah, of course we could do that. But then over the time, obviously, like, with myself, that also growing up, too, he wasn't. He wasn't big on that. So over the time, I ended up losing that because of him, because it wasn't really. He didn't really do that. He said he didn't really join in as a family in a way. So it's like, you know what? I'm gonna have to think of an alternative. Told my mom to buy me, like, a rosary. So, like, at nights before I go to bed, on, like, Sunday nights, I would just pray to myself. Like, I would do that, you know, carry it. Carry it with me. And then I would always, like, also to, like, tell my siblings. But then at the same time, it's like, if, you know, obviously, when it comes to your family, obviously, it was my stepdad, and he didn't really know anything about that. And he was also American but with my mom too, obviously when she moved here, she lost all of that because it's like, now you're living the American way and it's like, okay, how am I gonna go about this? So I would just pray to myself at night and then play with the. Pray to God and with the rosary and stuff like that.
- [15:20]
B
What was your favorite guru growing up?
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A
Favorite guru growing up would be Sinigang, adobo, Dinuguan, lumpia. I could go on and on and on.
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B
The Filipino food is bomb. I need to try Filipino food. I don't think I've ever had any, like, Filipino dishes.
- [15:34]
A
Really.
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B
What's like, your most popular? Like, if you can recommend me a dish that you're like, you know what? This is going to win them over. Pork adobo, what is that like, Karen? Chile.
- [15:43]
A
I don't know how to describe it. It's very, like, not sour in a way, but it's very, like, savory. Like the flavor is there. And also what I also like noticed too, when I first came here, and also with my stepdad, he wasn't really seasoning any of his food. And like, in the Filipino culture, we season everything, like down, like to the tea. And it's like, this is. What is this? Like, I don't taste the flavor and it's like, oh, you're gonna have to fix this. This is chicken.
- [16:10]
B
I love my sauces too. I feel like maybe we are very similar, like the cultures, you know, the Hispanic and the Filipino cultures. Because we be going in, like, there's sometimes that I'm like, girl, I be putting too much fucking seasoning in my food, but it tastes great.
- [16:23]
A
And I don't know if it's the same with the Hispanic culture, but like with our, like when we cook food.
- [16:29]
B
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- [18:13]
A
A massage chair might seem a bit extravagant, especially these days. Eight different settings, adjustable intensity, plus it's heated and it just feels so good. Yes, a massage chair might seem a bit extravagant, but when it can come with a car, suddenly it seems quite practical. The all new 2025 Volkswagen Tiguan, packed with premium features like available massaging front seats. It only feels extravagant. We don't measure, we don't measure anything. We bought eyeball it. We eyeball everything. And it's like this is how we like, you know, cook food.
- [18:49]
B
It's crazy because whenever like I asked like anyone, like my mom, my grandma, like, oh, pass me the Resetta, pass me the recipe. They never give exact measurements.
- [18:57]
A
Yes, yes.
- [19:00]
B
They say it like at your own taste, like whatever you want. And I'm like, girl, what if I fuck it up?
- [19:04]
A
Because sometimes you can't bite down.
- [19:06]
B
But it's like that, ah, you have to have the I for cooking. And you're like, you know what? This is good enough.
- [19:11]
A
And I'm so glad that like I grew up with like my grandma being cuz she was like, I would say the cook of like the house. And I'm so glad that like I grew up in a way where it's like, okay, for example, like my mom would be cooking food. I was like, mom, Lola would put this on there too. Oh, Lola would put this seasoning on there. So it's like I was correcting her in a way. You're all teaching your mom how to cook. I knew the basics. Yeah.
- [19:29]
B
I want to go back and talk about your relationship with your dad, your biological dad. You tell us that once your parents are divorce, the relationship kind of changed. Well how did that relationship change? After your parents divorce, did you continue having a relationship with your dad? Did he become distant? Tell us all about that.
- [19:49]
A
He didn't become distant. He became more of a. I'm so happy for you guys. Like you guys are now in the States and you guys are now living a better life, you know, with your mom, me, my stepdad and like my family in the Philippines didn't really talk as much when I first moved in the States because of the fact that like my stepdad was like them. He live with me now. Like we're your new family. For example, when I would be like, hey, can I Skype like dad? Like can I Skype Lola and Lola? And he would be like no, that's not your family anymore. You're your family now. And it's like what the hell? You know, it's like that's my like that's my real dad. So it's like I had to like tell my mom like I had to be always so like secretive about like, about him. Like when I tell her like hey, can I talk to dad? Da, da, da. We didn't stop talking. I would say we kept in contact with like Skype but it was more of like I had to like keep it a secret from my stepdad because he would get jealous. Like he would be like, why are you talking to your dad in the Philippines? I'm your dad now. Am I not doing enough? You know me, my real dad actually got closer like through like talking on the Skype when I first came to the States because he was basically telling me everything of like why like my mom like divorced him obviously because he was also like a heavy like drug user and stuff like that. And to me that was like, that wasn't really an eye shocker because when I was young I would like catch him like in, you know, in his room like doing this stuff and it's like what is that? Like what are you doing? Like you know, what are you doing that? He would try to like play it off and be like oh, nothing, nothing. There was this one time also where I call him like channa, you know, in like in like in his room I saw like a belt like hanging in one of the pillars and like because in our, in my grandparents house there's this pillars and it's Like, a shared room. And it's like, there's pillars on the thing. And I saw a belt. And, like, he was playing with it, like, around his neck and stuff like that. And I was like, wait, what are you doing that? I was like, nothing. I was just like, like, staring at it to the point where it's like, wait, what is it doing? Like, is he. Like, what. You know, like, what is he doing right now? Son, you need to go over there. Like, play with your games or stuff like that. I was like, no, like, what are you doing with this belt? And I don't know why. Like, I don't know if it was, like, God, because I'm like, really. Like, I really believe in God and stuff like that when it comes to things like that. And it's like, wait, I feel like he's gonna do something. Like, what is he about to do? And I feel like he wanted to, like, end it because it's like he knew that, like, me, like, me, my mom, and, like, my siblings would be reuniting soon. It's like he would be, like, left alone there himself, losing everything. Losing everything. And I felt like I was like, okay, no, Like, I have to do something. So when he was basically telling me, I was like, hey, son, go play your games. Like, go over there. Like, go play with, like, your grandpa. I was like, no, I'm gonna stay here. Like, I don't know what you're about to. I don't know what you're about to do, but I'm staying here. Like, I want to, you know, hang out with you. And then, oh, my God. I ran downstairs. I basically, like, told, like, Malolo. I was like, hey, like, that's doing something upstairs. Like, I don't know what the hell he's doing, but can you check it? Like, can you check it? So he basically went upstairs. Like, he was basically speaking. Can you speak in Tagalog here, too? He was saying, what are you doing upstairs? Like, your son is, like, your son is coming, like, to me, like, downstairs, like, telling me about how you have a belt up here, that Lola was basically like, he's not doing anything. Okay. Like, don't think too much about it. Like, he's not doing anything. I was like, yes, he is. Like, look what he's doing. So out of nowhere, I grabbed scissors and I cut that belt right off. I basically threw it away. And, yeah, and I remembered my dad, like, giving me hugs, saying, like, I love you and stuff like that.
- [22:51]
B
Your stepdad almost was kind of getting in the way. Of, you know, the relationship with your dad. Did you ever bring that up to your mom? Like, hey, mom, like, why doesn't, you know, your new husband? Let me talk to my dad, Like, I want to actually have a relationship with my dad. Did you ever kind of confront your mom about what was happening?
- [23:08]
A
I did, but, like, I would say not as much to the point where it's like, can you explain to him, like, what's going on? Because it's like, I remembered when I, like, confronted her about it, like, hey, can you tell dad about, like, hey, like, that's still my real dad and stuff like that. But, like, over the years, I stopped doing that because when she would leave for work, my stepdad would be like, I heard what your mom, like, told me, like, about, like, what you wanted to tell me. If you wanted to tell your mom, why didn't you tell me? You know, why didn't you tell me about that? And it's like, it was basically, he was saying, like, I'm also, like, like, your step. Like, I'm also, like, your stepdad now. So it's like, why are you coming to your mom, like, you know about this situation, like, talk to me about it? He was basically, like, trying to, like, provoke me to, like, to be, like, be mad. And it's like, trying to, like, let me forget all the memories and, like, my, like. Like, I don't know, my childhood with, like, with my dad. You know what I mean? And it's like, I didn't want that.
- [23:49]
B
Did your mom telling him almost make you not trust your mom? Because, you know, you were coming to your mom, like, oh, maybe she'll talk to him in private. Maybe she'll let him know how I feel in private. And here comes your stepdad, almost, like, mocking you, like, oh, I heard, girl. Did you feel like, you know what? Like, maybe I'm not gonna open up to my mom or tell her how I'm feeling because she's just gonna go tell him, and he's gonna come complain to me about it.
- [24:12]
A
Well, I would always, like, tell her to be like, hey, if that's gonna be the case, is there any way that you can still, like, you know, talk to, like, dad for me? Because also, I was really young. I didn't have any phones, and I didn't have, like, any, like, digital devices. And if I wanted to, like, like, Skype, you know, my family back home, I would literally have to beg my step that I'll be like, please, please, please, like, can I please talk to them? It's like, to me, it's like I started realizing that. Like, damn, like, what did I get myself into? Like, I thought. Because when I first came to the States, it was good. Like, he was really, like, a good father. He was a good father. Like, father figure. But then over the time, he was kind of getting jealous.
- [24:45]
B
He was possessive.
- [24:46]
A
Possessive. He was like, no, you're in my house now. Like, there's rules in here that applies to I don't know where you, like, you know, I don't know what rules you, like, grew up with in the Philippines in the house, but you're like, it's like, you're in my shit now. Like, welcome to my house. It was more like that. And it's like, damn, like, what now?
- [25:02]
B
You know, out of nowhere, your stepdad almost became very strict and almost created a very toxic household for you guys. Talk to us a little bit more about that. How did that look like at home? What were the punishments or what were little things that now you look back and you're like, damn, he would get mad at this. Or, damn, like, why was he overreacting over this? Is there things now that. That you think about that? You're like, damn, it was super toxic.
- [25:25]
A
My two half siblings. It was so unfair to the point where it's like, he would favor them over us, obviously, because that's his kids, you know? And for example, growing up, we didn't. Because obviously, it's big in the American culture where you, like, oh, my gosh, this is so, like, like, so freaking disgusting. But it's like, obviously, like, when you poop, you're like, in the Philippines, we use water. It's called tabo. Like, we use water, and, like, we, like, wash ourselves with water, not just toilet paper. There was this one time I remembered where I had to grab, like, a cup downstairs in the kitchen because there was no tabo. They didn't have that, like, in the freaking at the store. So, you know, I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna use this cup. So, like, I'm gonna give you an example. And, you know, like. Like, when I wanted to, like, take a shit and shit like, that, I needed to be like, okay, how am I gonna wipe my ass? It's like, I'm not just gonna wipe my ass with, like, a toilet paper. Like, I need to clean myself with. And at first, I didn't know that, like, wipes in America existed, so I basically, like, used the cup to freaking, like, wash my ass, like, in the toilet and, like, with the water. In the freaking, like, shower. And then when I was done, I saw that, like, my dad, like, going up. Going up the stairs, and he would be like, why the hell is this cup here? Like, who used this? I'm like, it was me. And I was like, like, why did you use this for? Like, what? Like, what the fuck? Like, you don't need to use this cup. Exactly. That's just literally freaking toilet paper right there. And I was like, well, I had to use it for something. I was like, tell me, like, what is it? Like, what did you have to use it for? And I basically, like, got scared. I was like, fuck, he's yelling at me. And that was the part where it's like, that was the first time he was yelling at me. And I was like, mom, Mom. Like, I don't know what to say. And he basically threw the cup, and it hit my head, you know, it was like that. And it's like, what the hell? I started crying, and I told my mom about it. And so my mom told him, like, why did you have to do that? Da da, da, da. And I was like, I'm here, son. He didn't mean to do that. She was basically, like, giving me. What do you call it? Like, as a lesson. She was like, okay, son. So in America, we use toilet paper and wipes. And I was like, no, because in the Philippines, we use water, and it's like. It's more cleaner in a way. So I had to adapt to that because of him.
- [27:12]
B
Do you feel like she would almost a lot of the time, you know, be there for you? But almost there would be no change, because at the end of the day, she would side with him.
- [27:20]
A
Because that was very that. Yes, it was very that. It was very that. I would say in most of the times. Yes. Because it's like every time I would bring up something to her that, like, my stepdad did, she would be. She would find a way to make it seem like she was defending me. But then at the same time, like, not really.
- [27:36]
B
Did it ever get physical with your stepdad?
- [27:38]
A
Where, like, maybe between her and. No.
- [27:40]
B
Or you with, like, you guys? Like, where he would hit you guys.
- [27:42]
A
Or think about one thing about him. It was like, he. We basically just grew up like him, like, just crazy, like, yelling. He would not get physical. That's what I think I liked about him, because he did not put his hands, like, on anyone. It was basically just yelling. Yelling every day. Not even trying to exaggerate it, but he would just, like, yell like, every day. And he would yell at the most, like, little, like. Like, literally the basic, like, freaking things.
- [28:04]
B
How did that, you know, affect your mental health growing up? Do you feel like living in that environment almost aff, you know, your confidence or just, like, the person you were emotionally?
- [28:16]
A
It did, because obviously, like, growing up, I had to, like, be like, okay, don't do this. Like, do that. Like, it was like I had to be like a robot. Like, okay, don't do this. Oh, I know he got mad over that, so don't do it again. So it was like I was keeping lists on my head the things that he didn't like. And I would also tell my siblings, you know, like, hey, dad just got mad at me for this, so don't do this, because I don't want you to get yelled at. You know what I mean? And I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, but I think after. Is it a year or. No, I think it was, like, after, like, five to six months is when my sister also, like, came along. And she was also very young. She was, I think, six years old, seven years old. And that's when she, like. That's when I, like, Lola, my grandmother basically, like, gave her up. He was like, okay, this is not right. That's. This is, you know, her daughter. Like, why would I keep her with me? I remembered my sister, like, literally, like, crying. Like, she didn't want to leave because it's like she actually. Because she really thought that, like, my Lola, my grandmother, was her mom. It was like she literally raised her. Yes.
- [29:08]
B
Yeah.
- [29:09]
A
So, yeah, she had to, like, tell her, like, hey, we're gonna come and visit you. We're gonna, like, Skype, you know, we're gonna call. It's okay. Like, don't worry about it. She had to adjust. So, like, it made sense to her because growing up, she was young. She didn't know who really mom was. You know what I mean? Like, she didn't know who she was because she was younger than me. So it's like, it was more harder for her to, like, you know, like, know who my mom was. So she had to really, like, get close to her to, you know, have that bond with her.
- [29:29]
B
Do you feel like you almost felt responsible to, like, you know, help your little sister navigate her new life in the States, you know, especially after you already living with your stepdad and living with your mom and noticing that the life here was so much different than at home. Did you kind of almost have to, like, be behind your sister? Like, hey, sister, don't do this or let me, you know, protect you because of, you know, whatever you had gone through.
- [29:52]
A
In a way, yes. Like, for example, let's just say that, like, she wanted to, like, play with me. You know, I would just, you know, like, remember the things that we did in the Philippines, and then I'll apply that to her. Like, let's just say, oh, you want to play barbers with me? Because we used to do this as a kid. I was like, yeah, of course. Let's do it. My stepdad, he didn't really favorite my sister, but he also liked my sister and the two other kids more than me, Lord and dandy. Because also she was only the daughter, like, at the time, like, in the house, you know, so he basically, like, liked her more than us. And so, I mean, that I didn't really care about that because it's like, obviously, this is my sister. Like, I would too, you know, if I was a stepdad. But. Yeah. And so I feel like growing up, too. She would always come to me, like, for, like, anything, for any problems. Like, hey, can you tell dad, like, I want this? Like, at the store? I was like, yeah, of course. Because he would be like, she would be scared because she didn't know. Know she doesn't know who the he is. You know what I mean? So it's like, I had to, like, let mom know. So he would. She would transfer the message to me, and I'll transfer the message to my mom, and my mom would transfer the message to him. Because it's like, I was still trying to get comfortable with my stepdad, you know what I mean? Because I. We were trying to still build that relationship in a way.
- [30:47]
B
Do you feel like at a time maybe you were almost kind of trying to get his approval?
- [30:51]
A
Yes.
- [30:52]
B
Like, you were almost like, okay, he gets mad at this. Let me try to be better or do better so he won't get in a way.
- [30:58]
A
Yes. For, like, to be honest, it was more of, like, a performative. And I'm gonna explain to you how I like why I say that. Let's just say, like, he was on a couch, chilling, watching tv, and I would, like, do chores I want him to do. Like, I want him to see me doing chores. So it's like, okay, okay, he's actually doing chores. So, like, I want to get rewarded and stuff like that. Like, let's just say, like, I wanted. I want a chocolate. You have to. Like, I needed to show him something that would, like, make him look like I deserve that.
- [31:21]
B
Yeah.
- [31:21]
A
It was more like that last night.
- [31:23]
B
We were talking, and you had told me that you moved out at a very young age when you were 18. And I feel like I could kind of relate with your story because I feel like now, as an adult especially, I always say this, that as an adult, I seek my peace at home. I live such a peaceful life. But I come from a family, you know, where my parents were always fighting, physically and also verbally. You know, my brothers were always fighting with my dad or just in general. Even as an adult, when I go to my dad's house, I feel like there's just so much chaos. Like, even if they're not fighting, even just hearing them, like, talk so loudly almost gives me, like, PTSD where I'm like, oh, my God, I need to get the out of here. Like, I don't like, exactly being in, like, situations like that. That's why I feel like with my home now, I pride myself in, like, you know what? Like, I feel so at peace at home. Like, if anyone's doing the motherfucking yelling, it's me, girl. But at least I can tell my dogs to shut the fuck up, you know? How did it feel once you moved out? Do you feel like once you moved out, you were trying to seek for that peace of mind for yourself?
- [32:24]
A
I probably didn't clarify it last night with you, but when I say move out, I didn't really mean move out move out. The reasoning why I also, like, moved out was because obviously, like, the yelling and stuff like that, it was so toxic to the point where at first I had my bunk bed with me and Lorde. When I think I was 16, 17 is when I was like, okay, like, is there any way I could have, like, my own room and stuff like that? But anyways, it got so bad, to the point where it's like, because we had a staircase, and our staircase was, like, creaking, it would creak. I know who's coming up those stairs. Like, I know, like, who's going up and down. So it's like, okay, that's my stepdad. I was like, okay, wait, no, that's my sister, so I'm fine. And it's like, oh, shit, that's my stepdad. So I had to, like. As I passed, I was like, you know, and it's like, it made him think that we were trying to be sneaky. But then at the the same time, it wasn't that, like, we were trying to be sneaky. It was like, this because of you. But it's like, I couldn't confront him because it's like, I didn't want that. Like, I didn't want to fight with him and stuff like that. And growing up, I was the sibling that's like. Let's just say it was. It was like if. If my mom and, like, my dad was, like, yelling, I would be like, hey, let's go over here. Let's go play some games. Hey, you want to listen to this music? You know, like, you want to come play with me?
- [33:25]
B
You would almost protect your siblings so they wouldn't be in that environment. Yeah.
- [33:28]
A
Yeah.
- [33:29]
B
Oh, I love that because I really do feel like that, you know, maybe your. Your stepdad thought you guys were being sneaky, but in reality, you guys were so almost traumatized by his reactions that you guys were like, oh, my God, he's coming. Let me act right. Let me get my together.
- [33:43]
A
I'm not trying to exaggerate it, but living in there was like a jail cell.
- [33:47]
B
Yeah.
- [33:47]
A
And going to school was my only escape. Like, I love school to the point where it's like, it felt like vacation.
- [33:53]
B
Give us a piece of advice for anyone watching that might, you know, be living in a toxic household or might have gone through some. Something similar with you. When it comes to, you know, a step parent or just a parent in general, what advice would you give them?
- [34:07]
A
It's not your fault. And with time, it, like, it'll pass. And also, like, I feel like it's more of, like, a character development, you know, like, with this stuff that I feel like, because with the stuff that, like, I grew up in, it applies to my life now. You know what I mean? Just always remember it's not your fault and you'll figure it out. Like, like, obviously, like, you can't really do much about it. Like, if you're living in a situation like that. Now, a lot of my supporters, like, asking, hey, I'm, like, 15, 16, and like, obviously they went through this, like, the stuff that, like, I went through. And it's like, it's not your fault. Just be patient and you'll get there. Like, just be brave and, you know, just be strong. And yeah, like, you'll figure it out, like, along the way. And it's like, yeah.
- [34:47]
B
And to add to that, I really do think, you know, it's hard. And obviously, if you're going through something that is, like, too toxic to the point that, like, you feel like your life is in danger, obviously speak up. But, you know, like you said, if you're going through something where, you know that's not what you want in your life. Just know that you have, you know, the power to not have that type of lifestyle in the future. You know, obviously when you're a kid and living under your parents roof or it is what it is, you know, almost have to endure that. But like just know that once you know, you get of age and you work hard, you will be able to create like that safe space for yourself. Do you feel like you have that safe space for yourself now?
- [35:25]
A
Yes, like I don't, like I don't have to like, like I don't have to be like wait, is he watching me? Like wait, who's watching? Like I don't have to be like that anymore. I would say also, I think I also moved out at 18 because of the fact that like with my half siblings, I had that relationship with them where it was like, do this or I'm going to tell dad, do this, I'm going to snitch on you. It was like that. It was like if you don't do this, I'm going to make up like a lie. Like why are you like that? Like what? You know what I mean? I'm going to give you an example. They first got their phones before me, like before us, any of our siblings. So it was them getting their phones first like at a really young age too. Like why do you have a phone like before me? So it was my dad basically favoring them over like Chanel, Lorde, Dandy and me. When I mentioned earlier when I said like moving out, I didn't actually like you know, get an apartment and move out and live on my own. I didn't mean it like that. What I meant by that is when I was I think 15, 16, it was my older, older brother Dandy that moved out first because at the time his girlfriend from the Philippines like moved abroad for him and the girlfriend lived there for two months. And so he was like, okay, like I need to find a way. Because it's like him yelling all the freaking time with my stepdad and it's like the girlfriend didn't want that. So. And also like my older brother also was like so freaking tired of his shit where it's like, you know what, I'm moving out. In a way to me I was like, no, don't leave us. Like no, please, like we need you here. I think I was 16 at the time or 17, I don't remember when I moved out. 18. I graduated high school. Color wash. High school. Hi. Yeah, I moved out right after and it's so crazy. I'm not even trying to like exaggerate the this. Right after the day I graduated, I moved out and my mom actually, she was crying, she was like, please stay. Like please say. And it's like, no. I started TikTok freshman year and so I already had like a following on TikTok. Every time I would have to record, I would have to like close the door and I would have to wait for my dad to stop yelling because obviously with my skits it's just me and my voice and it's like. And it's so crazy because a lot of like my supporters don't know this, but with my videos it would take me hours. I think the longest one would be like seven hours. And the script wouldn't be. Not script but, but like the script that I wrote in my head wouldn't even be that long. It would be taking me that long because it's like I had to keep pausing. I had to keep cutting lines. Not lines. I had to keep cutting like the video or like had to keep refilming it because it's like he was yelling in the background and they don't want my supporters to think that. It's like, what the hell is going on in the background? You know, I don't want to think that. So it's like I had to like make it in a way. It's like, okay, I'm living in a healthy like family and stuff like that. To be honest, like, originally I was looking at apartments here in LA. When I was 18, when I was, was thinking of like, okay, like, I want like, you know, my career to like, to like be better. I was like, you know what, let me put that aside first because I wanted to think about my siblings. I didn't want to move to LA and like, forget them, you know what I mean? Because I like, if my brother did that to me, I would be like, no, don't leave us. You know, I would be like, why did you leave us? So I basically told my brother Dandy. I was like, hey, is there any way I could move in with you guys? And I'm willing to pay for the rent and the bills and everything because obviously that's my probation. Yeah, my sister in law's house and like his, you know, not house, apartment. And so he basically said, okay, let's do it. So I basically moved in with, with him and his girlfriend and I had a whole room like by myself.
- [38:22]
B
And now a message from McAfee. I'm not a real kid.
- [38:26]
A
And I'm not a real grandpa.
- [38:27]
B
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- [38:39]
A
Email scams and even deepfakes. So if you whippersnappers meet one of.
- [38:43]
B
Us, you'll know if they're faking it. They're not making it past us. Get award winning scam detection today. McAfee.com KeepItReal.
- [38:56]
A
When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom's 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone. Learn more at WhatsApp.com.
- [39:25]
B
Adjective used to describe an individual whose spirit is unyielding, unconstrained. One who navigates life on their own terms, effortlessly. They do not always show up on time, but when they arrive, you notice an individual confident in their contradictions. They know the rules, but behave as if they do not exist. New Teen the new fragrance by Miu Miu defined by you.
- [39:52]
A
And I was making enough to the point where I was paying the bills and the rent and stuff like that. I had a plan. I didn't really think about my future in a way. I was thinking more of like my siblings, future lord and my sister. They, I mean, for a little bit, they had a grudge. In a way. It's like, damn. So you let, like, you were the first to like, to move out. Like, you just left us here. And it's like they didn't realize that like, I wanted to move out so that like, I could like, make enough more money to the point where I could get an apartment for all of us. And when I moved with my, with my, with my brother, my career actually, like, started flourishing because it's like I was more free. Like, I didn't have to like, like, you know what I mean? Like, what do you call it? Like, I didn't have to like, keep like afloat, you know what I mean? Like, I didn't have to like, like, keep like watching like, oh, who's watching me? Da da. I was more like myself. And also I couldn't really be gay in the house. You know what I mean? Like, I couldn't really, like, do like, any like, like any of that, like, him knowing about, like, my wigs. He only cared because, I mean, like, once. Once my mom, like, told him about, like, my money situation. Once my mom told him, hey, so your son is actually making money off of this. You know what I mean?
- [40:51]
B
Yeah.
- [40:51]
A
So it's like, give him the. Like, give him the wigs. Like, give him the. The freedom to do that stuff. And it's like, in all honesty, when he found out about me putting on wigs and characters like that, obviously, because that was, like, for him, it was like, gay. He, like, hid my wigs, and at first I thought he threw it. Like, he threw it. He actually threw, like, one of my wigs, if I could remember, and he hid it, and it's like, where the hell did it go? Like, it's like, that's my staple. That's literally my niche to my content. I need those back. And so when my mom told him about, like, the whole, hey, so he's actually making money off of this. Give those wigs back to him. He didn't really give a fuck about, like, what content I was, like, creating. He knew he cared more about the money. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Like, it was so toxic, and it's like. Like, sad to the point where it's like I was paying the rent. Like, like, the. The house is, like, not. It was. It wasn't a house. It was like, a rent. It's like a renting, like, house. It was like. Like a rented house. I was basically paying, like, his car insurance, the car payments. And it's so crazy because my mom.
- [41:41]
B
Your stepdad.
- [41:42]
A
Yeah, my mom went behind my back, and I didn't know until I was more, like, mature in a way. Like, obviously, obviously, like, yes, being 18, like, you should have been mature. But it's like I was still. I guess I would say, not naive in a way, but, like, I was still innocent.
- [41:53]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [41:53]
A
My mom basically went behind my back because the bank that was. That was connected to my accounts at the time was. It was in her bank. And I didn't know how much money I was making because she knew the passwords to that. She knew the credentials and all that stuff. But once I started putting pieces together, I was like, where's the money going to? You know what I mean? I found out that I saw one of the email papers at the mail that she was putting down payments on a car for my stepdad with my money. And so I was like, wait, what the hell? Because it's like, I know for sure. I was Making enough money. You know what I mean? And it's like, I wouldn't even get any. Anything, like. Like, I would obviously, like, ask my mom, like, hey, mom, can you buy me this hoodie? Because stuff like that. Because I think I made enough money on TikTok so I could have, like, you know, like, new outfits, like, new wigs and stuff like that. And so I would basically tell her everything. Everything that I needed. But, like, at the same time, I didn't know she was using my money to pay the rent, the bills. She actually, I think, took a year off from work because also, like, she had a surgery. But then I feel like she just.
- [42:48]
B
Like, never went back.
- [42:49]
A
Exactly. She saw the money that was. That I was making, because obviously, like, she also took off from work because of, like, her surgery and stuff like that. But also it's like. Like, once she saw that, it's like, okay, do I still have to work?
- [42:59]
B
Yeah. She's like, I can take another year off.
- [43:00]
A
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It was more. It was like that. And so once I started putting the puzzle pieces together, I was like, hold on. Yeah, no, I can't be here, like, any, like, any longer. And stuff like that.
- [43:09]
B
Did you confront her about that?
- [43:11]
A
I did, in a way. Like, I was more, like, I confronted her, respectfully. I was like, mom, like, you should have, like, told me about this. Like, why weren't you honest? And so she was basically, like, just scared to tell me because it's like she wanted me to think that, like, she was stealing from me in a way. You know what I mean? And also, like. Like, she wasn't. Also, like, my dad, I think he's on a hospital leave. I don't know if he just didn't want to work, but he would always be making up excuses to, like, to my mom, like, why he doesn't have a job. And so I would be the one supporting, like, you know, paying his, like, car payments, paying the bills, water, food. It was just me. And I didn't know that until, like, after I started putting the puzzle pieces together.
- [43:45]
B
How did you feel after?
- [43:46]
A
I felt used. I felt like, like, why weren't you guys, like, honest? You know what I mean? And there was something that, like, he told me that I was so shocked, but I was actually making enough. Enough money to the point where he said that he had a safe downstairs where he had, like, cash. Like. Like freaking cash. And it's like, well, what are you gonna use those cash for? And it's like, well, I'm saving up for a House and like, in Florida. And I was like, well, how did you get the money? I was like, oh, I got it from your mom. I was like, she's on a leave. Like, she's not working. How did you get the money? So he got it from me, obviously. And rough estimate. I think I saw the cash, like, in front of my own eyes because my mom wanted to, you know, obviously, like, show me. I think he was. She. She was working, like, on a plan, like, with him to, like, get a house in Florida. But it's like, once I started putting the puzzle pieces together, obviously I'm gonna mention I moved out. I had to be like, you know what? I need to get my own bank and stuff like that. So once I started, like, noticing the little things that would, like, connect the dots, I'll be like, damn, they're stealing from me. Like, what the hell? You know? Know.
- [44:45]
B
Did that make you lose trust in your parents, in your mom?
- [44:48]
A
Very, like, very. Because it's like, you could have just been honest, you know, I mean, like, I could have, like, helped you with that. It's like stealing from, like, my hard work, like, stuff that I do online for you to buy a house in Florida. Because that's where, like, my sad dad was. My sadad met my mom in Florida. And so he wanted to go back to Florida with, like, using my own money. And it's like, okay, like, what the hell? So that's why I mentioned earlier I moved out because it's like, I wanted, like, my own, like, freedom now. So. So when I moved out, like, a month after I got my own bank, and when I was telling my mom about that, I was like, no, don't do that. She was basically trying to convince me to, like, no, it's not safe for you to do that because you don't know how to take care of your money. Stuff like that. And then in the back of my head, I'm like, girl, because you just.
- [45:28]
B
But you do.
- [45:28]
A
No, literally. No, literally. So my older. Older brother Dandy was like, mom, that's not right. Like, you know, give that to him. So she was also, like, low key, upset and mad because it's like, now she's not gonna gain. Like, I mean, I still, like, actually, like, I still support her like crazy. I'm gonna get more into this. That. But yeah, they basically were like, what? I upset because it's like, now they can't save up for a house. But it's like, why am I obligated for, like, for me to do that? Like, that's not none of my business.
- [45:51]
B
Like, and you know what's crazy? I feel like I don't know how, you know, big that is in the Filipino culture, but in the Hispanic culture, there's a whole thing where almost feel entitled to their kids taking care of them once they get older. And I'm very big on, you know, like, I don't know, maybe if this was ever told to you, like, oh, I've done so much for you guys. You know, I've given you guys the best life. This is the least you can do. You know, you hear it a lot in Hispanic culture, almost as a way to manipulate the child to feel like we owe them something.
- [46:23]
A
Exactly.
- [46:24]
B
It might sound harsh, but I feel like I don't owe my parents.
- [46:28]
A
And I still got those paragraphs from my mom to this day.
- [46:31]
B
Like, but it's manipulation.
- [46:32]
A
You know what I mean?
- [46:33]
B
And I say it very much. I don't want to come off strong, but I just feel like, you know, I help my parents out, but I don't feel like I am obligated.
- [46:41]
A
Exactly, exactly.
- [46:42]
B
You know, I help because, you know, it comes out from the heart. And like you said, you know, you wish your parents could have been like, you know what? We're. We're struggling. Can you help us out? Like, but you knowing, not you, not them going behind your back, you know.
- [46:56]
A
Well, I would say, like, to add more to the story, it was so bad to the point where it's like, I was still mature enough to put the dots together in, like, on a rough estimate, I know that they were still in, like, 50 to $100,000, like, off of me. It was like that. I mean, obviously I still help, like, my mom, like, monthly. I still give her, like, monthly payments because just, like, I don't know, it's just. That's just me also at the end of the day. But, like, I still also want to support her in a way. And sometimes when she. When I would be like, hey, mom, like, I already gave you money. Like, I already gave you enough this month. And one of the things that she would like to do is, like, give me, like, a paragraph to where it's like, okay, so since if you can't support me anymore, make sure, like, you take care of your little brother. It's like, she was basically saying, like, she wants to, like, kill herself because it's like, she. I can't support her anymore. But it's like, like, why would you, like, say, you know, like, why would you, like, say that? And it's like, to me that's like more of like a threat and like a manipulation tactic to like, me. Because now I'm feeling bad and it's like, what do you mean? Like, take care of my siblings like once. Like, I'm not like here anymore. And it's like, like, why would you say that?
- [47:54]
B
Yeah, like, it's not your responsibility at the end of the day, you know, it is what it is, you know, that's your mom's responsibility.
- [47:59]
A
Yes, it would, sometimes it would work because it's like, hey, so I'm gonna go to work tonight and I might not, you know, make it home because this and this and that. And it's like, what do you mean? Like, what are you talking about? And I was like, well, I don't have like enough money to do this. And so sometimes she would, it would work. And so like my brain would like turn on and be like, okay, let's give her more money so she doesn't do that.
- [48:18]
B
How is your guys's relationship now? Do you feel like you guys have a relationship but you're kind of more distant?
- [48:23]
A
I feel like she would only reach out when she needs something. Like, to be honest, I would only like, get like a high or like, hey, from her minutes, money wise. Because to be honest, honest, the last time I actually like had a real conversation with her and like greeting her was Mother's Day, you know what I mean? Like, I don't have that type of connection with her. It's like, hey, mom, so I'm in la. She doesn't even know like where I'm at because it's so hard to have that like, connection with her because she just thinks of me as like, like a walking bank.
- [48:57]
B
Yeah.
- [48:57]
A
If that makes sense. And I accept me like my two half siblings now that like, they're all grown now. I'm mean, I think my little brother is 14 and like my older, older brother is, I think, 16 or 17. They would also reach out, be like, hey, it's the first day of school. I don't really have clothes. Is there any way you can send me money? Like, yeah, of course. Like, I like, like I'm willing to do all of that for them, you know, but it's like, it hurts me because it's like you, it sometimes can be too much. You don't even ask, like, how I'm doing, like, how are you? And it's like, hey. And it's like sometimes like the messages that I get from them is like, hey, do you have $50 like, me and my friends are gonna go out to the movies and a neat bunny and it's like, you know what I mean? It's like, I don't know, it's never.
- [49:36]
B
How are you doing? How's your mental health? How are you doing? How's your life? It starts feeling like a relationship with someone that it shouldn't feel, like that is transactional.
- [49:45]
A
It's transactional. Yeah.
- [49:46]
B
You know what I mean? And it sucks.
- [49:48]
A
Wish I could, like, stop supporting my mom, but then in a way, I'm so scared because, like, she. Because she, she would always, like, bring it up. It's like, I feel like if I stop supporting her, like, you know, she would do something, you know, and it's like, I don't want anything to happen to her because, you know, obviously, like, I love her to death and. Yeah. And to add on to what I was saying with moving out and stuff like that, I was thinking about my siblings. I. It's always been a dream of mine to like, have an apartment in la, like move in la, because obviously that's where everyone is, you know, And I wanted to just be like, like my mutuals online, I'm like, damn, they all live in LA and stuff like that. But to me, it was different because after a year. No, not a year. I think it was after, like a few months after living my. With Dandy with my brother, I wanted to go move to an apartment, like a bigger apartment, because the apartment that he had was like, it was so small and it was more like a small, like, space. So what I basically did was I made enough money to the point where I got three bedrooms and I wanted to basically, like, get an apartment so that, like, I could take like, my Lord with me and then my. My sister Chanel. But then at the same time, I had to wait until my mom approved it. Like, approved it in a way where obviously my sister was still young. You can only move out when you're 18. And it's like she had to let my brother Dandy sign papers so that she could give her to us.
- [51:06]
B
Like legal guardian.
- [51:06]
A
Legal guardian. And she knows that, like, it's gonna hurt her mentally. And also sometimes when I was living with my brother, I wanted to work so hard to the point where I wouldn't have time for myself because I remember my sister would always. I would always, like, my sister would always facetime me and she would be crying like, hey, dad did this, dad did that. And I was low key getting worried because I remember one time my sister facetimed me. She was. She had cuts, like, on her wrist. And I was like, why the are you doing that? Like, don't do that. You know what I mean? So it's like, okay, like, I need to, like, be there. Yeah. Make more money so that I could get her away from that house. You know what I mean? So, yeah, so I made enough money to the point where I got an apartment also in like, a better neighborhood. After that, I. I think I got Lord first. My other brother, I got him first. He moved in with us. And then after a few months, because my mom also, obviously, that's her daughter. Like, it's like, I didn't want her to think that I was taking her kids out of her nest. I didn't want her to think that. I want her to think, like, I want. I want to give your children a better life. You know what I mean? And it hurts me because it's like, I felt obligated. You know what I mean? Like, I felt obligated to do that. So, yeah, like, after she gave the papers, she gave the guardians, like, legality for my brother, I got her in. My sister was basically. I remember when. When I first. When it was finalized. When it was finalized, my sister was crying to me. She basically said, thank you so much. Like, did you save me? You know what I mean? And it's like I felt like if.
- [52:30]
B
I didn't do that, like, who else would?
- [52:32]
A
Yeah. And then something would have happened to her, and I didn't want that. So, yeah, I was just grinding every day to make more money, you know, I love that.
- [52:40]
B
And just by sitting here with you, I can tell how big your heart is. You know what I mean? I feel like even just talking to you, I. I can sense that you like to put a lot of people first before yourself. And, you know, I really hope that your siblings grow up. And I'm sure they're even appreciative of everything you've done with them because, you know, it does take a lot to, you know, really put yourself in the back burner and really focus on things that sometimes aren't your responsibilities. And I love that. And I'm happy that you were able to, like, work your ass off to create that safe space not just for yourself, but for your siblings. You know, I want to talk about, you know, you mentioned how hard it was growing up being gay in your household. Right. I want to talk about a little bit about your coming out story. Tell us a little bit about that. Do you remember the first time growing up that you felt a little different. Did you remember the first time that you're almost like you're gay awakened? Do you remember what that was like?
- [53:37]
A
Yes, I remember.
- [53:38]
B
Tell us all about that.
- [53:39]
A
Okay, so I felt like my gay awakening was strolling through Walmart. I was with my mom. Like, I think I believe we were getting groceries, right? And then I needed new underwear for school. It was the first day of school, and I was like, I need new shit. I was in the underwear section, like, the aisle, and I'm like, holy fuck. Like, these, like, models on here are fine. And it's like I was seeing that, and it's like, wait, what is happening to me? Like, why is this. And it's like I was getting that feeling where it's like, wait, I feel like I'm feeling something. And it's like I couldn't understand it at first. And I was also very young. This wasn't when I moved out. This was also when I was very young. It's like, okay, I think I'm gonna give it time for me to process it. But I was also scared because I didn't know what to tell my mom. Like, and I also couldn't tell my stepdad. Obviously, he was very big on, like, you can't, you know, getting the house. And it's like growing up in that household was very, like. Like stepping on, like, glass. You know what I mean? I had to be careful. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. And, yeah, I feel like that was my awakening. Was looking at the Fruit of the Loom boxers, and it's like, yep.
- [54:34]
B
And then to find out they were all freaking cups. Oh, shit.
- [54:39]
A
Bye.
- [54:40]
B
I don't know know much about the Filipino culture. Educate us a little bit. Being a part of the LGBT community, is that something almost ashamed about growing.
- [54:47]
A
Up in the Philippines? I mentioned earlier where I would be going to my other grandmother by my mom's side.
- [54:52]
B
Okay. Okay.
- [54:53]
A
Because I also had, like, my grandmother on my real dad's side, you know? So I would always go to her because she has a sibling who was also gay. And every time I would go to, you know, their house, I would feel free. Like, I can be myself, you know? And that's why I would, like, like to come over there and, like, you know, sometimes, like, switch up, and it's like a school to day, and I go back because it's like he made me feel, you know, like I was, you know, myself. And we still talk to this day. Like, I thank, like, my Gunko, you know, for that, because he made me Feel free. And then I think that's why, like, I felt like I manifested my whole, like, skit stuff. Because it's like when I was young, I would put a towel around my head and act like I'm in a movie and stuff like that. And then my uncle would be like, okay, show us, like, what you got. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna show you what I got. And then I think that's what made me. He supported me in a way where it's like, I didn't have to, like, act not gay, like, with him.
- [55:37]
B
You know, he made you feel free.
- [55:38]
A
And not have to hide yourself.
- [55:40]
B
You know, you tell us that, you know, for when you started feeling those feelings. You kind of were like, what the hell is this? What were you doing with those feelings? Were you kind of, like, trying to navigate them, like, privately? Would you talk to your mom, like, hey, mom, this is what I'm feeling. Like, is it normal for me to be attracted to the same sex? Was it something that you embraced early on where you're like, you know what? Well, whatever, I'm fumbling, I'm. What was that like?
- [56:05]
A
Before coming out, I actually came out publicly, like, on Instagram, and this was a scary step for me. But then at the same time, it's like, if I don't do it, who's gonna do it?
- [56:13]
B
Wait, so you didn't come out to your parents first? You're like, everyone's gonna get. At the same time.
- [56:18]
A
Yes, yes, yes. I came out public on Instagram and I remembered, I think, yeah, June 15th. And that's. Correct me if I'm wrong, that's Pride month. And I wanted to do it at that time because, like, this is perfect. You know, I basically, like, wrote a whole paragraph and. And low key. I had to delete it because my stepdad made an Instagram because he wanted to, like, stalk me in a way. So it's like, I didn't want him to, like, see that. So I had to end up deleting that. But I kept it up there for a whole, like, month. So it's like a lot of people already, like, knew who I was. Low key, obviously. It was, like, a lot of shock to people. But then at the same time, my really, like, close girlfriends knew, like, I was already gay. After two weeks of posting this of me, my coming out story online, I told my mom and my mom basically said she supported it. She was like, girl, I've been knew you were gay since you came out, vagina. Like, you know what? I Mean, like, I knew. Like, I knew that. Like, you don't have to say, like, playing with Barbies. Exactly, exactly. So she knew that. And my stepdad didn't. Like, he basically wanted to. Like, I needed to hide that from him because he didn't want me to be gay. Like, you know, like, men up, like, stuff like that. And so that's why I think I couldn't really, really get close to him. Like, it was always that wall, you know, like, it was always that wall. And it's like, for example, obviously, like, with me, my niche on social media, it was with the wigs. Believe it or not, when I first started with those content, I would have to wait until he, like, leaves until. Or, like, he's outside the house. He actually had, like, a temporary job, but it's like, he would always get fired because of his mouth. And what I mean by that is, like, he would always be yelling at the other employees, like, he's the manager or something like that. I remember when he had a job, he would always have a new job every, like, three months. And after, I think he had his third job, he just stopped working because obviously he, like, his mouth and him yelling couldn't really get him anywhere. Yeah. When he would always go to work, me and my siblings would feel so free to the point where it's like, dad's gone. We're gonna have our fun. I was like, okay, let me film my videos now. And then when it comes to, like, him going home, I was like, okay, he's coming home now. He's coming home. Act still. Act still. It was so toxic to the point where it's like we were like robots. Like, okay, act still. Act like you're watching a movie. And it's like, you know what I mean? And it's like, if things doesn't go his way, he's gonna yell and stuff like that. If there's something, let's just say there was a spoon or a plate left in a sink. When he comes home, he would, like, like, pick that up and like, you know who the didn't wash this. You know what I mean? Whose spoon is this? And stuff like that. With my mom, too. Where's dinner? Like, why didn't you cook food? Like, I'm home now. Like, what are you doing? And it's crazy because my mom was also working at the time, so she was also tired. And it's like, I didn't. At the time, I didn't understand. Like, it's like, wait, you both came out of work you know what I mean? Like, why are you yelling at her? So to me, it was also bad in a way. So that's why low key. Like, obviously, like, I thank my mom every day for, like, you know, giving us a better life. And I wouldn't be in the States without her. And so that's why I think, like, going back to the. To what I was saying earlier, that's why I still support her because of, like, that stuff, like, she had to, like, endure. And, like, also, like, yes, she really, like, really, like, tried her, like, best, like, you know, to, like, protect us and defend us from him. But what I didn't really understand is why didn't you, like, divorce him? And when I had that conversation with her, like, now that, like, I'm out of the house, she basically said that she don't want my siblings to think, like, oh, you divorced dad because of them. You know what I mean? That's kind of unfair. Like, she didn't want my siblings to think of it, like, as, oh, wow, like, you put them before us.
- [59:18]
B
Your half siblings are from both your mom and your stepdad.
- [59:22]
A
Yes.
- [59:22]
B
Oh, okay. Okay. For some reason, I thought it was just like, your stepdad's kids that he brought on to the marriage. Oh, no, no, no. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
- [59:28]
A
That's why I had to clarify. I feel like she was too in love with him to divorce him, you know, and also, she didn't want to put up with the paper because you know how that goes, the divorce papers. She don't want to put up with that. And so when I was, you know, when I had to, like, put the dots together, I was like, you know what? Okay, then I have to, like, do something then. And that's when I had to, like, the whole thing that I told you, like, move out. I needed to step up for my siblings. If you can't divorce him, then I gotta do what I gotta do what I gotta do.
- [59:53]
B
Did you ever come out to him? If. So how did he take the news of you coming out as gay?
- [59:58]
A
I had to, like, let him know that, like, with my witness wigs, that's just a. Like, me being an actor, like, me being an actress. Like, don't think of it as a real thing. So for him, he had to think of it like that. And then he also thought it was, like, a face. Like, okay, he's not gonna do this for much longer, so let him do what he got to do. So it was like that. Me and him still talk, but to the point where it's like, he's like stalking me in all my social media and wanting one to see what I'm doing in a way, you know, but like, I would still reach out to him for happy Father's Day. I would still give him gifts and I would still give him, like, money. And it's like, that's why, like, I don't really have a good connection with like, myself, that and my mom anymore. Because it's like, they only come to me for that. And it's like. And if low key, like, I think at some point I wanted, like, I told my mom, like, why can't we go to like a therapy, like, for us, like a family therapy? And like, my mom and I said, like, are you fucking stupid? We're not doing that. Like, that's not gonna happen at all. I don't know. I'll probably talk to my mom about it again, bring it up too. Because I really want to have a healthy, like, you know, like, relationship with the both of them. And it's like they can't. They're not making it work. Like they're trying to work against what I'm trying to. To like, you know, better it so.
- [60:57]
B
And I love that because again, going back to what it says about you, the fact that you still want to have a relationship with them after all, you know what I mean? Because a lot of people, especially as they get older, they're like, you know what? Well, I really don't have to have a relationship with you. I'm doing my own thing. Thank God shit's going good for me. I don't need to keep myself in that relationship. But it tells a lot that you're like, you know what? Like, these are my parents. They did everything in their hands to bring me where I am today. And I don't want to just have to forget about them, you know? Did you ever, when you came out, did anyone kind of, you know, take it badly? Like, did anyone not accept you? What did coming out come with? Did it come with new challenges? Maybe bullying? Because I feel like it's so much different. I feel like, you know, as a gay guy, I feel like I. Growing up, I always. When I came out, I hated people saying, I already knew. Yeah, I already knew. I don't care. It's not how I felt. Like coming out feels so much different than even people knowing.
- [61:54]
A
Yeah, exactly.
- [61:55]
B
Like, I came out of people that I already knew they knew. But I'm like, it feels so much.
- [61:58]
A
Like you're not the one. You're not the one that experienced that.
- [62:00]
B
You know, you know what. What was it like after you came out? Do you feel like it came with relief? Do you feel like it came with more challenges? Did people not accept you? Tell us a little bit about the.
- [62:08]
A
After I came out online before school started, and I basically, like, put up a whole paragraph. I think I was in my notes app, and I was. If I could remember, I was crying in my bed making up the paragraph. And it took me. It took me, I think, two weeks to put up that list. Because it's like, I don't know if I could do this. I don't know if I could do that. Some of my closest friends knew already I was gay. Casper was a really, really small town, so everyone was somehow freaking connected. So the people that grew up in middle school and the guy friends that I had in middle school also transitioned to the school that I was going to in high school. And when I came to school, my guy friends, they didn't really give a fuck about me anymore. And it's like, we were literally best friends growing up in middle school. And it's like, now you look at me differently, you know what I mean? And it's like, like, like, don't call me. It's like, don't call me bro anymore. Like, we're not friends, you know what I mean? So I had to, like, stick up with, like, my girlfriends and stuff like that. And to me, in a way, that was an eye awakening, because it's like, if you're dropping me just because I'm gay, then you weren't really a friend to begin with. You know what I mean? Like, to this day, like, I know a lot of people who straight and, like, who loves me for who I am, but it's like, they're comfortable, you know, like, they're. They're not, like, I'm not gonna hang out with him because it's gay. You know what I mean? And it's like, okay, like, that makes sense.
- [63:12]
B
Did it affect you, like, them not, like, almost wanting to continue a friendship with you over the.
- [63:17]
A
That in a way, yes. Because it's like the same people that I grew up in elementary and like, in middle school, those are the same guy friends that I hadn't. Like, I was expecting, you know, I thought at first I was gonna become closer, like, with them, but it's like.
- [63:29]
B
Damn, you know what's so crazy? We were talking about, like, relating right earlier, before we even started filming, like, we were talking about, like, oh, don't worry, people are Gonna relate. Even me as the host, I'm like, I'm relating so much. Because that almost the same exact thing happened to me. I came out my freshman year, but by eighth grade, everyone was already like, are you gay? Are you gay? And I would get pissed off. I had. So I had maybe like seven girlfriends prior to.
- [63:54]
A
Okay, I was about to say that too. My first guest was actually a girl.
- [63:57]
B
So my first kiss, the girl. I still follow her on social media. She just had a baby, too.
- [64:03]
A
What the hell? Wait, yours too?
- [64:06]
B
And my friend's.
- [64:06]
A
That's my best friend, actually.
- [64:09]
B
You know what's so funny? I didn't keep in touch with her like that because. I don't know, I just didn't. We just kind of grew apart. But I do still follow her on social media. She had a baby shout out to her.
- [64:17]
A
Yes.
- [64:17]
B
But it's so crazy because, like I was saying, my sixth grade year, I would hang out with all the soccer guys, right? It was me, my friend Luis and my friend Justin. Yes. I'm gonna name drop them. I actually just had a conversation with Luis. Cause I was like this with him. He was like my straight best friend before I came out.
- [64:32]
A
Right, Right.
- [64:33]
B
And I was like the leader. I'm a cult leader.
- [64:38]
A
I'm just kidding.
- [64:38]
B
No, but I was. It was. It was us three. And then all the soccer guys would follow us, right? Like, anywhere we would go with lunch, it'd be like, literally a possum.
- [64:46]
A
Same thing applies to me about football.
- [64:47]
B
By eighth grade, the rumors started circulating. So the guys started acting weird as fuck towards me. Oh, he's gay. He's gay. Oh, he's probably gonna try. Y' all are ugly as fuck.
- [64:58]
A
No, literally, like.
- [65:00]
B
But it's crazy because it does shift. And then eighth grade, I started kicking it with all the girls. Like, that's when I started being with just my girlfriends. But it is crazy because it makes you feel some type of way where you're like, damn, you're that insecure.
- [65:11]
A
Exactly.
- [65:12]
B
That you think just because I'm gay and you're friends with me yourself, too. It's crazy.
- [65:18]
A
Trust me, I'm not into you.
- [65:19]
B
Like, baby, oh, I stand.
- [65:22]
A
And I don't know if I mentioned earlier, but me coming out was more of a force for me to come out. Because when I was in middle school, I think seventh grade or eighth grade with the MacBook, like school computers, I was playing with. With a photo booth. And I actually posted. It's actually online, like, if you know what I'm talking about. You know, with my supporters. But it was me in a photo booth with, like, a bird around my head. And it was like, me like this. And I forgot to delete that picture on the. On that freaking photo booth. One of the girls that had the MacBook next in the next class saw that, and I was like, wait, is that Lord? She took a picture of that, and she basically aired me out online. And she was like, this is Lord, guys. Like, isn't this gay?
- [65:57]
B
And that was before you were out?
- [65:58]
A
That's before I was out. So to me, like, I felt. Not. I didn't really feel betrayed, but, like, I. She wasn't really a friend either. It was more of, like, like, damn. Like, damn. Like, how nasty do you have to be to, like, do that? You know what I mean? And it's so crazy because when I went to my next class, I was like, I forgot to remove that photo. You know, I.
- [66:15]
B
The whole score.
- [66:15]
A
Sorry, that's not me. I don't know. That's. AI.
- [66:21]
B
To finish off the topic of, you know, coming out, what piece of advice would you. You give someone watching that is currently struggling with, like, accepting their identity and who they are or just simply struggling with coming out because they fear they won't be accepted?
- [66:35]
A
Come out at your own pace. Like, don't feel forced to do it just because of the fact that, like, everyone's forcing you to, like, you know, like, come out. Do it when you're comfortable and do it when it's time. And also, I just want to say, like, you don't really have to announce that you're gay. Like, if people don't, like, you know, like, if people don't like it for who you are, then fuck them. And it's like. Like, to be honest, like, at first, I wasn't actually gonna, like, tell nobody that I was, you know, like, I was gay, because it's, like, it's not in your business. Like, why do you need to know that? I feel like it's gonna be worth it at the end because obviously, if you're still trying to, like, discover yourself and, like, if you're. If you're in a toxic household, just know that it'll get so much better, like, once you're, like, out of the house. And like, once, like, you get over that fear, like, fear that of coming out. My life got so much better when I came out. I didn't feel as, like, I have to live up to people's standards. And when I came out, that's when life got so much better. For me. And that's why bring up the topic that we brought up earlier. That's why I did it before high school started. Because it's like, if I didn't do that, I feel like I wouldn't have the platform that I have now. You know what I mean? So, yeah, I felt so much more freedom that I came out. And if you're scared of coming out, and if you're scared of losing friends, if you're scared of losing family, if you're scared of losing the people that you want so that you know that people that are close to you, then like, you know, and they don't support, like, who you are at the end of the day, then fuck them. They weren't really like your family or friends to begin with. If that's, you know, the case and.
- [67:54]
B
Nothing'S wrong with you guys, I feel like a lot of, you know, people in the community think that something's wrong with them. And I just want to be here with Lord and reassure you guys there's nothing wrong with you. Live out your full truth, you know, come out.
- [68:07]
A
Like you said, it's like when a butterfly is like a cocoon. Yeah, it's a butterfly. Yeah, you have a boss. Literally, like, show your real talent out there.
- [68:16]
B
Exactly. And I feel like, you know, at the end of the day, I feel like once you get older, you realize that even the people that do not support you, they probably don't even love themselves.
- [68:25]
A
Exactly, exactly.
- [68:26]
B
And, you know, they're living a miserable life, so why are you gonna let them dictate how you live yours?
- [68:32]
A
To add on to that, when I was in middle school, obviously I was, you know, I'm like very. I was very big at one point, very big on football. Because obviously with my straight friends, I would always play football with them after, like lunch, you know, we would have free time. And it's like my friends would always be telling me, damn, like, you're actually good at football. You should, like, consider playing football. And it's like, I'm not gonna, like, in person, I'm gonna be like, yes, like, I want to do that. But I'm like, I don't want that, though. Like, I don't want to do that. It's like I already knew I was gay, but then at the same time, it's like it was more of a cover up playing football with them. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't want to become a football player. Like, the hell I want to be. I want to be in Drag.
- [69:01]
B
Like, what the hell? I'm like, giving. Give me the dress and the heels.
- [69:08]
A
Give me that palette. Let me show you what I can do with that.
- [69:10]
B
You know what it is? And I feel like it's very important also to, like, give yourself those years to really, like, find yourself, you know what I mean? Like, you had to go through playing football. Maybe it wasn't what you, like, wanted to do for the future, but you tried it out and you were like, you know what? This is not how I see myself living my life, you know, after this moment. You know what I mean? And I feel like it's important to me. And y' all talking Spanish, he's like, what the fuck?
- [69:36]
A
I'm like, Google Translate. I like duolingo.
- [69:41]
B
I'm trying my best to just be English, you guys, but there is some things that I feel like just roll out so much better.
- [69:46]
A
And if you didn't know, like, in the Tagalog, like, words, we have some.
- [69:50]
B
Really, like, what's like a similar word?
- [69:51]
A
Kamusta. Oh, how are you?
- [69:53]
B
Wait, that's comustas.
- [69:54]
A
Yeah. And then, like, bathroom. Banyo. Banyo is Tagalog for us too. What else? Oh, that's like, how are you?
- [70:01]
B
How do you say, okay, so I have a song that goes.
- [70:12]
A
You actually have a song?
- [70:13]
B
Yes. You're a recording artist.
- [70:17]
A
I'm like, how many monthly listeners do you have?
- [70:19]
B
My intro was like, a little song that says, which translate to how are you dumb? Go to hell, dumb. Suck dick, dumb bitch.
- [70:33]
A
Oh, I love that. Literally dancing.
- [70:36]
B
So it's like, crazy. So that's crazy. I didn't know that. It's almost. Oh, wow. I learned. I learned something.
- [70:41]
A
It's so crazy because in with the Hispanic culture, we're basically cousins. You know what I mean? So it's like, I. And I love that we see you.
- [70:47]
B
All over social media, your iconic skits. Like, I love every single one of them. How did all that start? Ovia mente? You know, you started one day and you're like, you know what? Let me go ahead and start doing the social media thing. How did that come to be? What was your first viral moment where you realized, like, oh, I. If I really put myself to this, I can make this my livelihood. How did that all start?
- [71:10]
A
So I would say it started around, like, the COVID era. I kept hearing, like, people talk about it, and it's like, damn, like, what is it about? You know what I mean? I remember when I first downloaded a tik tok. I was looking at the video So I was like, wait, if they can do that, so can I. If these people are going viral for these type of videos, I can make something like. Like that. To be honest, when I first started creating content, it was a way for me to really escape my stepdad. Like, we're, like, yelling.
- [71:33]
B
Yeah.
- [71:33]
A
So it's like, I wanna. I don't know if this makes sense, but if I've seen a comment saying, oh, my gosh, your videos are so funny, that, to me, would make me instantly happy. And it's probably why I kept going, because it's like, I love it when people are, like, like, laughing and, like, smiling at my, like, on video. So for me, it was an escape to my own, like, reality. You know what I mean? So it was when. When I have, like, when it's time to, like, Press record on TikTok, it's more of like, damn. Like, I love this because it's like, I. Like, I know that it's like, when I upload, like, when I post this video, I know at least one person is gonna. I'm at least gonna make someone's day. You know what I mean? And it's like, sometimes also, like. Like, sometimes, like, when I post a video and it's like, when I'm having a bad day, I'll also watch my own videos to, like, make me smile and make me happy.
- [72:11]
B
This guy's kind of funny. Oh, shit. This guy's me.
- [72:13]
A
No, literally. Literally, Literally. And to be honest, when I first started TikTok, I didn't have a phone. Like, I didn't have anything. And like I mentioned earlier, it was my two half siblings had their own, like, first phones. And so I had to, like, make up a line, be like, hey, can I use your phone to, like, study? I can use your phone to, like, look this up. But in reality, I was filming my videos in my room with my door locks, you know, and it's like, okay, I'll give it to you later. I was like, just give me an hour with this because I have to study. And they didn't know that. Like, I hope they're watching this. Like, I hope that you guys, like, had to, like, understand like. Like, why I had to do that, because so it's like, it was basically like, helping my mental health in a way.
- [72:43]
B
It was like an escape for you.
- [72:44]
A
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- [72:46]
B
Do you remember, like, your first viral moment where you're like, oh, shit, what the hell?
- [72:49]
A
My first viral moment was. And everyone knows this. It was this. And I hate it because it's like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna explain it. It was a spider. It was the me and a spider, like, in a toilet video. It was me to saying like, mom, it's a spider. Ah. And it was like me on the railing, like, everything falling. But then at the same time, the whole thing was planned. Like, it was planned. And sometimes, like with my videos, like, obviously when I first started out making sex with talk, like, everything, like, the ideas was coming, like, in my head, like, it was like, like, like the get go, like on the spot. And now that, like, you know what I was like, you know what? I, like, I have to like, some, like, upgrade it in a way. So it's like, okay, you know what? Let's make a script. So that's when, like, I started making my scripts and that's when my, my skits started, like, like, becoming more production. Yeah, yeah, it was more. And like, I had stay. Like I had these lights in my room. And it's like I needed to, like, do something like, you know, do something like, like upgrade it in a way. So, yeah, what was it like?
- [73:39]
B
You know, you start growing on social media and you're like, oh, my God, like, I felt so alone internally. Now I have all these people, you know, sending me messages, telling me that my content really makes them feel better. What was it like when you started seeing all that love back?
- [73:55]
A
To me, it felt like I had my own family on TikTok, like, I had my own community. And I'm so glad that I've built such a space where I can be myself. Like, I felt like my supporters are like my family that I can run to when I go when things are happening. And it's like, to me, it meant so much to me because growing up, I didn't really have that. And so it's like when I would be seeing DMS on my Instagram saying, hey, you've helped me, like, with depression. I was like, hey, I almost, like, ended it. But when I watch your videos, it helped me. And it's like, damn me. And I'm so happy like that. Like, you know, I'm like, I'm getting those messages because it's like I didn't know that was that. That was my impact in a way. I thought it was just me putting up a phone, propping up a phone and recording. Little did I know that it was actually helping people's depression and stuff like that. And like, to me, that meant a lot because when I started receiving those messages, I wanted to create more And I was like, damn, you guys really love this. So that's when I kept making more and more and more. So people kept returning to my page as if it was like a Netflix show, you know, when's the next one coming out? When's the next one coming out?
- [74:49]
B
So, yeah, I feel like social media is like one of those things that come with so many blessings, but it can also come with so much, you know, almost downside. You know, I feel like sometimes as a creator, we get a lot of crazy comments. We get a lot of people almost thinking they know who we are as a person based on a 10, 15, 20 second video. You know, how do you deal with the hate comments if you do get.
- [75:12]
A
That's such a question. I'm so glad that you brought that up. When I first started noticing like, like hateful, like, like bully or like negative comments, for example, it would be like, are you like trying to be a girl? Like, act like a boy, like you're a man, like, why do you have wigs on? And same, like, it would also happen in reality. Like when I would like go to school, I was like, hey, that's the guy that puts on wigs. Like, like that's he's gay. Like, don't, like, you know, like, don't hang with him, like, stay away from him and stuff like that. But then with what you were saying, like the comments and stuff that, like that I realize, why am I focusing on the negative comments? Like, why am I looking at that? Like, why is that all my focus? Why am I not focusing on like, I love your videos. You're so freaking funny. Make more. Why am I not focusing on that? So I had to flip like a, like a switch in my brain saying, okay, focus on more the positive comments. And I told myself, okay, let's not like, what do you call it? Like, let's not focus on like, like the negative comments, as if it's like crying about it. I remembered when I first started receiving hateful comments, I started crying and it's like, then damn, like, do people like me or not? Like, am I doing something wrong? Am I not enough? But then I slowly had to like, tell myself, okay, let's not focus on that. Let's focus on more the positive comments. And to me, I realized that over the years, when people comment on your videos, it would bring me more booze. It's like, you're giving me more attention, so keep going. You know what I mean?
- [76:21]
B
Keep coming. I love that because I feel like it's very true. I feel like, obviously, it gets to a point like. Like, I was telling you, whether we have 10 people telling us, I love, love you, we'll focus on that one person.
- [76:33]
A
Why?
- [76:34]
B
You know, and it's like, a person with no profile. Why are we let. And it's true. Like, keep talking. Keep bringing the algorithm up. I have a thing where I don't like to block people.
- [76:47]
A
Yeah, same, same, same. Like, okay, now, I'm so glad you brought. Okay, okay, now that you brought that up. The thing is, because I've gotten this question from my friends before, and the thing about that is, is growing up, I have so many, like, bullies, and it's like, I don't. I want to. I want you to see me thrive.
- [77:01]
B
Yes.
- [77:02]
A
Like, I don't want to block you. And it's like, what's the point of, like, me, like, blocking you if it's like, I want you to know what you missed out on if you weren't, like, you know, and it's like, most of my bullies, I was literally, like, friends with them growing up, and it's like now it. It took, like, you know, it. It switched, and it's like, I want you to see what you miss out on. And it's like, obviously, if you're starting up, like, becoming, like, a content creator and influencer, and if you have those negative comments, just let it flow. Like, you're. If you. If you don't have any bullies and if you don't have any haters, you're not doing anything right. You know, you need that to thrive, so.
- [77:31]
B
Yeah, exactly. And I feel like it gets to a point where you're like, what am I gonna let affect me?
- [77:36]
A
Literally, like a.
- [77:37]
B
That is claiming I'm something I'm not, that doesn't know me other than what I put out. Like, thank you so much. Keep it going.
- [77:44]
A
Exactly. Exactly.
- [77:45]
B
I did my block list.
- [77:46]
A
I swear to God, you guys, I've.
- [77:47]
B
Been doing this for over 10 years. I think my block list. I'm not even joking. Is on Tik Tok. Maybe like, five people on Instagram. Maybe like, six. The six being. There's like, this account that literally will even screenshot pictures of my nieces and nephews, like, when they're super young, and it's like a weird screenshot, and they'll send them to me. So those are the people that, like. I'm like, girl, you're doing too much. You're being beyond a hater.
- [78:10]
A
You're being a creep.
- [78:10]
B
You know what I mean?
- [78:11]
A
But Zero.
- [78:12]
B
And I'm literally so you're like, I love that. Like, let people fudgeing, say what the fuck they say it ain't going to affect me. You know, talking about social media, you know, two months ago you opened up and uploaded a video on your YouTube channel titled More than Just a Breakup, you know, where you shared and talked about a relationship that really affected you and really took a toll on you. Tell us a little bit more about that before, you know, we get to the breakup. Tell us how you guys met. You know, what was the relationship like at first? What were the red flags that now looking back, you avoided at the beginning?
- [78:47]
A
I'm 22 now. When I got the apartment for like me and my siblings, I believe I was around 19, 20, 21, I don't know. But you get the gist. In Casper, it's a really small town, low key. Like nobody there was like my type. It was just all like hicks and like cowboys. Like it's not really my type, you know, I mean, my types are more like Asian. You know, I'm not on like any like dating apps and stuff like that because I feel like that to me is like so disgusting and it's like so toxic. Toxic. So to me, I really just kept to myself and it's like, if I like found someone like, bitch, it's like a good thing. And we met because he had a job offering in Casper and I thought he was Asian, but I didn't know Hispanics, low key, they look Asian.
- [79:25]
B
Yeah, my sister in law looks Asian. Well, like you were saying, we're pretty masked. We're like almost siblings.
- [79:30]
A
We didn't like meet in person. It was more of like my friend showing me a picture of him online. I was like, oh, wow, who is that? It was more like that. I told my friend to like hit him up on Snapchat and tell him more about me and so that we could have like a blind date or something like that. So yeah, I met him at a restaurant. We like, we ate dinner and stuff like that. It's the whole YouTube. If you guys want to know more about the Lords, the YouTube video is there and the video is not even monetized. I think I stated that in the freaking intro. And it's like I just want people to know more about, you know, my breakup. And it's like that was my first ever breakup that like really shaped me, who I am today. Low key. Sometimes I'm thinking like, damn, why did that have have to happen to me? But then at the same Time I feel like it had it happened to me so that I could share my experience with your, you know, your audience and my audience so that, like, that wouldn't happen to anyone. But I digress. I met him in like, you know, with my friend, like, setting up a blind date. And then we had dinner. And after that he went to my house. We, you know, like, we were partying. Like, we took shots and all that stuff. I think where I really, like, messed up on is I would say I've never been in a relationship and I didn't know to how. How this goes. Like, you know, I don't know how this works. Literally the day after me, like, meeting him, like, the day after, like, I lost my virginity. Now looking back at that girl, the first freaking day, like, what the hell? You know, like, why? And I thought that, like, at first I thought that was like, normal, but then now that realize looking back at it, like, girl, that's. That was literally one of my biggest mistakes. Because I believe in soul ties.
- [80:56]
B
Yeah.
- [80:57]
A
I believe in that whole thing. And. Yeah. And I felt like that's one of the reasons why, like, I literally had a connection with him at the time. It was literally going so good. And I don't know if that's a thing, but after the three month rule is when he started showing his true colors and now that I understand that, you know, at first I thought he had everything. Like. Like when I first met him, I was like, oh, my gosh, he's literally my type because I thought he was Asian and he was Hispanic, but obviously, still, like, doesn't matter. No, I basically was like, oh, my gosh, I'm ready to give him the world. I'm ready to give him everything. And. And I'm not even lying. I literally took a break on TikTok for like two to three months because I just wanted him to like, hey, like, I love you. Like, you don't need anyone else but me. So it's like I gave him my full attention, not knowing that I was changing myself, like my. Myself for him. And also if you're in a relationship right now and if you're changing yourself, girl, run. That's a red flag. You shouldn't have to change yourself for you to get comfortable with a person, you know, and not looking back at that. That would never happen again. It's like, you know what I mean? I was literally like, low key to the point where I was like, you know what? I'm gonna put like my wigs away because, like, I want him to know who I am, you know? Like, I want him to know me with just me and, like, not with my characters. And it's like, if he doesn't love me with what I do, then he doesn't love me at all. You know, not even a month into our relationship, I put a down payment on a freaking brand new 2024 freaking truck. Like, red seats, leather and everything. It wasn't just that, too. It was basically me paying his rent. I was basically breathing life to him. And at first. First it was going good because he had a job. Like, he had a job offer. Like I said, he had a job offering. And he got. He didn't get fired, but he had. He got laid off. You know what I mean? So it's like, damn, he got laid off. So, like, what now? So, like, he was telling me, if I don't have a job here, I have to go back to his. He used. He lives in Houston.
- [82:36]
B
Texan.
- [82:36]
A
He's in Texas. I was like, no, don't leave yet. Like, please, like, don't. Like, I don't want you to do.
- [82:40]
B
You're so in love.
- [82:41]
A
Yes, I was so in love. And it's like, that was like, my first, like, love. And it's like, I've never been in a relationship before, and I literally wanted to, like, just give him everything. Like, literally, like, whatever you needed, I'm here. Like, you know what I mean? I didn't know that he was manipulating me and gaslighting me until after I realized everything that, like, had happened. Said this in a YouTube video. He brought me to a dealership. He pretended like he was looking at a truck just to look at it. At the time, I was just like. I didn't think nothing of it. But then when we went to the dealership, was like, damn. Like, babe, that's like. That's cute, huh? Like, would you ever get that? I was like, yeah. I was like. And to be honest, he made me think that, like, he had, like, a. Like a. Like a credit score. Like, he. He had saved up money if something like this was to happen. But then at the same time, he didn't have any of that. He knew what he was doing. He had a plan in the back of his head. He knew I had money. He knew I had a good credit score. He knew I was doing good with all that stuff. So he basically had a plan behind his head. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna do this for you. I'll do that to satisfy your needs and shit like that. After that I told him to move in with me because it's like, I was paying his rent, and that's like $1,900 a month, and it's also paying my rent. You know what I mean? I didn't want to add on, like, add on to that for the bills. I was like, okay, you can, like, live with me. So he basically live with me. And that's when I realized I was like, fuck, that's where I fucked up. Because it's like, why is it, you know, I mean, like, why is it here? And it's so crazy because none of my supporters knew this. Like, I had to, like, keep making those skits to the point where it's like, I don't want anyone worried about this. You know, like, obviously my close friends knew about it, but, like, I didn't bring this up online because I didn't want anyone to, like, know about it because I was scared who would up, like, hey, like, my mom, like, has this, like, problem, and it's like he would make up a lie or like, something like that. And it's so crazy because I didn't talk about this in the YouTube video. I would also be helping his. His parents, like, his, like, siblings and stuff like that. Like, I was supporting them, like, financially too. And I don't know if that was real or if that was genuinely, like, they needed my support. But in summary, it, like, I was breathing life to this man and the breakup was so bad to the point where it's like, like, he, like, like, literally, like, exposed me, like, with like, like nudes, like, that type of stuff. And it was so bad to the point where I had to get lawyers and stuff like that. And I didn't even know, like, at first, like, I thought, like, a lawyer was, like, cheap, and it's like, girl, they're expensive. Yeah, that was a pretty coin. Sometimes, like, every day, like, I still, like, ask myself, like, also, like, I'm still trying to heal in a way. Like, sometimes, like, I'll get hit with, like, a random wave of sadness and be like, why does. Why did this have to happen to me? Like, why me? I already went through, like, so much to a point where it's like, I didn't deserve any of this, you know? But then at the same time time, I always try to think of it in, like, a positive way. So it's like this happened to me so that I could share my experience with, you know, my. Your audience and with my audience and my supporters so that it wouldn't happen to Them.
- [85:12]
B
Yeah.
- [85:13]
A
And yeah, I think that was one of the things that shape who I am today. But in a good and bad way. Because, for example, like last weekend I went to WeHo, right? And I told myself that I'm not gonna talk to anyone. I'm gonna continue my goals, like, I'm gonna continue like my dreams and said, like, I not going to be focused on a boy right now. But it's like, if you attract my attention and if, like if I know that you're cute, girl, it has to be one in a million, you know what I mean? I saw this boy and oh my God, he's probably watching right now because I told him about that, like I'm going on a podcast and he's like, okay, I'm going to make sure to watch it. And he was watching this.
- [85:46]
B
Hi.
- [85:47]
A
Yeah, no, I, I saw him like weho and I was so scared to like go up to him because it's like I don't want the same thing to happen, you know, Like, I don't want the same, like that happened to me. Like my ex cheating on me. Should I give them like a little back?
- [85:59]
B
Yeah, give them a little backstory so they kind of. If you guys want the whole. Or you guys go watch his YouTube video. No, it's a two hour video. But it's a good video because you really go in depth. But tell us a little bit more for those that like, don't know.
- [86:11]
A
I could say I was getting lost in his world. Like, I was getting lost in like, I was. I wouldn't necessarily say I love spell, but he was so like toxic and manipulative to the point where I was pushing my own friends and family away because it's like he wanted my full attention. You know what I mean? It's like, if you really love me, then focus on me. Focus on me, you know what I mean? And I was like, okay, you're right. Like I should do that. And it's so crazy because I gave him chance after chance after chance. He cheated on me like five or six times. But I really wanted to see the good in him. I wanted to see if I could change him and stuff like that. Now that I look back at it and it's like, change him. Like, girl, you can't ever. You can't do that. That's not like, you know what I mean? Girl, that's not a thing. If you can't change the fucking person, girl, get out of that environment. You know what I mean? And to me it was. I would Say it was so hard because it's like, what am I doing? Like, what do I do now? And it's like, it's so crazy because at that time, my siblings didn't know any of this. Like, my siblings didn't know that I was buying him a truck. I was paying for his rent, I was giving him, like, everything. And like, after, like, that happened, I had to tell my siblings that. And I didn't even know, to be honest. He didn't love me. I would. Like, he loved what I did for him and like, this stuff, like, the benefits that he was getting from me. You know what I mean? I didn't realize that at the time because I don't know if I was, like, still young and innocent. Innocent. But he just got into my head and I thought that he was much more of a different person because it's like I had this idea of who he was, of who he is, and I thought that was him. You know what I mean? Like, I thought I was building, like, I could change the person. It's like, no. Now, looking back at it, if people show you their true colors for the first time, believe it. Don't be so innocent and don't be so gullible, you know, because it's like, you're just gonna end up hurting yourself at the end of the day. And I felt like my breaking point with him was when he pushed my last button and I saw and I spoke about this on my YouTube video. He basically. Basically, like, went out of his way to, like, piss me off more. He was talking to my, like, situ. Like my situationship that I was talking to, like, a year before, after I met him. And it's like, to me, it's like, wait, how did you even find my. The guy that I was talking to before I was talking to you? And I say situationship because that also fucked me up mentally. Like, that also. I feel like. I think that was like a pre game to, like, my relationship that I was, you know, that I like that I had on with the guy that I'm talking to. But yeah, and when I found out about that, I was just like, what the hell?
- [88:19]
B
You're weird as fuck.
- [88:20]
A
Literally, like, what the hell? Like, how did you even find him? And it's like girl grindr and freaking, all that stuff.
- [88:24]
B
Did you ever catch him, like, cheating on you?
- [88:26]
A
I call him, like, cheating multiple times because obviously, like, there would be signs, for example, like where. Let's just say he would be in the shower and, like, I would see his phone like, going off. And it's like, the freaking messages I was seeing, his phone is like, oh, I love you, babe. And it's like, who is that? Like, who is this? And so when I would confront him about it, it's like, oh, that's just like, you know, my ex that I used to, like, be with when I was using text. And I was like, you're actually ex. Why is he still texting you then? And so to me, I wanted to see the good in him. So it's like, okay, well, stop talking to him. Like, please block him, knowing that. Well, he's not gonna do any of that. Another thing that I noticed was when he came to. Like, when he came to Houston to visit his family and friends, which I also basically, like, supported. Like, I gave him money to, you know, have a vacation there. I would have his location, and he would be in, like, bath houses and shit like that. And it's like, damn. And at first, I didn't know what the hell that was, so I looked it up, and it's like. Like, I was gagged. I was like, wow, he's really. Like, he's really doing this. And so I gave him another chance because it's like, please come home. Like, why are you doing this? Like, I really love you. Like, I'm really. I'm literally the type of guy, like, for you. Like, I'm literally like. And it's so crazy because I was so. Like, I was at a point where it's like, I wanted to settle. Like, I was done, like, with social media, and I wanted to just live my life with him and stuff like that. And so I was basically, like, just telling him, like, hey, like, why are you doing this? Like, please, like, if you really want this relationship to, you know, flourish. Stop. Stop that. So he basically was like, okay, he had to. Like, I don't know. He was just so good at manipulating. Like, he was just so good at gaslighting and stuff like that. It's like, no, I'm not doing this. I'm not doing that. Like, trust, like, don't do this. Don't do that. And it's like, it's so crazy because I could literally see the signs in front of me. I just wanted to ignore it. You know what I mean? Like, those are not red flags. Those are pink flags. Like, what the hell? And it's, like, so crazy because it got so bad to the point where it's his. One of his friends would always. Would also, like, tell me, like, hey, your boyfriend is literally cheating. On you. Like, how do you not see that? And it's like, I don't. Like, I don't see it. And it's like, that's like, you're just trying to make me mad because, you know, that's how much I loved him. And not realizing that he was like, his friend was actually, like, telling me the truth. I would say that whole relationship that I had with him really traumatized me. And really, I would say the way that I see guys now is so different because I think of every guy that I meet. Not me, but I think of every guy that I look now. Like, for example, I was at Riho, and it's like, I look at all those guys, and they're just like, damn. They're just. They're just gonna be the same as my ex. It's like, what's the point? Like, I'm just gonna have fun with my friend. When I saw this person, turns out he was also Filipino. Like, he's Asian, and he was literally in my alley, like, with my type. I remember I had my glasses on. I was with my friends, and I was looking at this way, but really, I was looking that way because he was right there. And I was asking one of my friends, I was like, hey, do you know his name? And he goes, no. And you know what he did? He goes. And he was just like, hey. He was wondering. And then I don't know where. I go like this. I was like, no, no, no, no. And then he saw that, and he goes, what were you gonna say? I was like, nothing. I was like, no, tell me, what were you gonna say? I was like, well, I was just wondering if you want to take a shot. Mind you, I was sober. I didn't pregame or anything like that. And he goes, yeah, of course I'll take a shot with you, but I'm just gonna take a half a shot because I have to drive after. And to me, I was like, okay. Period. Like, okay. And it's like. I don't know if I was just being delusional.
- [91:15]
B
Yeah.
- [91:16]
A
But, like, he wouldn't have taken that shot if he didn't, like, really like me. Like me. You know what I mean? He does that shot with me. And I also took a shot with my friend. He was saying like, hey, what's your name? And where I'm from? And I was basically, like, telling him, like, oh, I'm also Filipino, too. Born and raised in the Philippines and stuff like that. And he was all, you know, he was also born and raised in The Philippines. And it's so crazy because the tension that I had with him was so strong. And I don't know if it was just me feeling my delusions, but. Girl, attention is created by two forces.
- [91:40]
B
Yeah.
- [91:40]
A
There's no freaking way he didn't feel that session too, as I feeling too. But then at the same time, it's so hard for me now because it's like I have my guard up and it's like the whole time, like, I was with him. It's like I feel like there's gonna be just like, my ex. Like, I don't want this to end up just, you know, like. Like me. Like, I don't want this to happen again. Like, you know, like part two, you know what I mean? Of, like, what happened? And it's like, okay, I had to, like, put my guard on, like, a little bit. And, you know, like, obviously, like, I was having fun. Like, we were. We were like, still, like, partying and we were like. We took another shot after that and we were talking. Like, we were talking about, like, what do you do? Like, where are you from? And he lives in LA and stuff like. Like that. And yeah, the whole night we were just. We were together. Like, it's. It was so. I don't know, it. Loki felt like a dream because I don't know where, like, because we were lowkey, like, club hopping, and we were going to our next club, right? And he was like, behind me, and I was right here. And out of nowhere, like, someone touches my hand, it's like, oh, it's him. And to me, that was like, oh, my God. Like, you know, like that. Like, I was like butterflies. I was like, oh, he does like me. And I also really liked him well. But then at the same time, I was like, I can't like him too much. I can't like him too much because I know I'm gonna end up hurting myself.
- [92:48]
B
Pace yourself.
- [92:49]
A
Exactly. Myself. And also, like, I don't know if he really likes me or like that was just the alcohol talking or like, he's just having fun in a way. You know what I mean? But, okay, fast forward after that. The girl there was a little after, so I was like, take your ass home. So we basically, like, went home and stuff like that. And he basically texted me. I was like, hey, are you home? Like, are you. Did you get home safe? And I was like, hell, yes. I got home safe, safe. And to me, when I get messages like that, it's so freaking. Like, it's so hot, you know? What? I mean, like, girl, like, you really care. Like, you really care, you know? I was like, was that the last time I was gonna see him? Like, obviously, like, we hugged after, like, I believe I got home at like 2:00am he also got home at 2:00am and yeah, he had to drive home and stuff like that. I was lowkey, like, not ashamed, but, like, I was loki upset myself because that whole night I didn't really. He wanted. I know he wanted to do more than just holding hands. I know he wanted to do more, like make out. Like, make out. But I didn't want to do that because it's like, that's literally what happened. Like, with my ex, you know, that's what happened. It's like, I don't want that to happen again. And it's like, I promise you. And if you're watching this, I like you. And it's like I. I had to keep my guard up. You know what I mean? Like, I wasn't like, if I'm being honest, like, it's not like, I didn't want him to think that. Like, damn, does he not like me? Yeah, what am I doing wrong?
- [93:55]
B
Or like, why is he being like.
- [93:57]
A
If only you knew what I went through, dude, if only you knew what I went through. I hope you would understand. And coincidentally, before he went home, he's. He was asking me. I was like, hey, are you going to Universal Horror Nights? I was like, yes, I'm going to. Like, I'm going to friend. It's like, coincidentally, he was going with his cousins, so he told me that when I came home. But then at the same time, I don't know if he, like, told me that because if he was like, like, drunk drunk or he didn't mean to say that. But then at the same time, I lowkey wanted to text him if he was still going to Horror Nights because me and my friend sty were going to Horror Nights. But then at the same time, I wanted to ask him, you know, if he was also like, are you still going? Yeah, yeah, no, literally. But then I didn't want him to think like, damn, he's that clingy. Or like, two. I don't want him to think, like, what is it? I don't want him to think, like, I was like, I want him to, like. I don't know I liked him that much, you know, I, like, I wanted to also protect my peace, you know, with obviously with the stuff that I went through. He's. At the same time, it's like, I didn't want to keep that going. It's also. I leave la, like, in freaking four days. It's like, what's the point? But then I didn't know that my friend had his phone. My had his Instagram. He had his Instagram. That phone number he gave me. He gave me his phone number before he, like, before he drove home. I was like, okay, period. So I told him. I literally told Sai my friend to, like, not text him or anything like that. So he. He was so smart. He was basically saying, hey, are you like, are you going to Universal? And it goes, yes. Are you still going with Lord? And it's like, with Lord. You know what I mean? If he wasn't really like, he's asking about me. He's asking about me. It's like, okay, period. And that to me was like, oh, my God, that's so, like, in all that. I was like, oh, yeah, it's meant to be.
- [95:24]
B
Yeah.
- [95:24]
A
I was so excited and stuff like that. Fast forward. We met up at Universal and stuff like. And stuff like that. We didn't really, like, drink in a way, because I wanted. I wanted to have fun. And I don't want to think that, like, I was only there, like, for him, you know, he was. He also, like, he was also there with his cousins. And turns out all his cousins were also Filipino. So I got. I got closer to his cousins. And I also, like, Loki got close to him in a way, but, like, didn't at the same time, for example. And I don't know, like, girl, I'm fast when it comes to, like, oh, my gosh, he's watching this. He's probably watching this whole thing. For example, we were in this, like, bus ride at Universal, right? On the way to, like, the haunted houses. And then I look to my. I look over to my shoulder, and I was literally telling my friend sty this. And he's like, all guys do that. And he was like, no, not all guys do that. He basically had his hand on the railing like this. And I went, like, so bad. I literally wanted to, like, lay it on his shoulders. But it's like, no, I wanted to, like, keep my guard up. At the same time, it's like I wanted to also protect my business. Like, if I did that, I would end up catching feelings since, like. Like, I would be, like, getting emotional and stuff like that. And I know that, like, he wanted me to, like, look. And I feel like Loki, like, he wanted more, like, of a hangout. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like at the Same time, I didn't want, I didn't want him to think that I didn't like him. Like, I really did like him. But it's like, like I can't, like, I can't do that. I can't get too attached and stuff like that.
- [96:35]
B
And I think that's great that you're, you know, especially after everything you've gone through. You know, if you guys take the time to watch his video, go watch it. I feel like you really go watch, go into detail of how up, you know, the guy did you prior to mentally, you know what I mean? He took advantage of you emotionally, physically, and also financially. So obviously you're like, guard up at all times because. And it's normal. Don't feel also bad for yourself. Like, oh my God, I'm not giving myself to him emotionally because of what happened. No, you're taking things slow and you're taking things how you want to take them because you know what you've gone through. You know, you mentioned earlier that with your ex, you know, you almost felt like, you know, whenever you would take them back, you'd be like, oh, this is all you need. Like, am I not enough? Do you feel like, you know, after the breakup, do you feel like it affected almost like your self worth? Like you. Where you didn't feel like enough for.
- [97:28]
A
Anybody in a way? Yes, like, very. That's what I felt when I was, you know, when I was with him. Like, damn, Loki. I was questioning myself like the whole time we were at Universal, like, obviously I was there also, like to have fun. But Loki, I wanted to also also like go to Universal, like to get to know him better.
- [97:42]
B
Yeah.
- [97:43]
A
But then at the same time it's like I'd always be like thinking like, am I like ugly? Like, like, am I not like his type? And it's like probably the whole time he also wanted to take it slow in a way. You know what I mean? So Loki, it left me overthinking. So it's like now that like I, Because I always. I tend to overthink a lot and I freaking hate it because it's like, girl, that's not, that's not gonna happen. You know what I mean? And I was talking to like my friend style about that and it's like, oh my gosh, like you're talking, you're overthinking about it too much. And it's so crazy because after Universal this is gonna. Oh my gosh, it's gonna sound so embarrassing. I felt so bad because I Don't want to think I was boring. Trust me, I'm like, I'm not boring. Like I'm really, if you get to know me, I'm really like outgoing and stuff like that. And obviously yes, like have your fun and stuff like that. Like it don't like, don't take it way too serious and low key. When I like when I got home after Universal I got emotional. Like I lowkey got teary eyed because it's like damn, like this one my ex did to me. Like low key. If I didn't have that heartbreak thing happen to me, I felt like I would have my guard low key just a little bit lower, you know what I mean?
- [98:39]
B
More open.
- [98:40]
A
More open and stuff like that. And I feel like when I got home I felt like he probably thought I was boring and stuff like that. And like he didn't want to talk to me or anything like that. But the heartbreak thing that happened to me also shaped me into who I am today. Obviously my brain is more developed and also I felt like I really liked him too because he told me his age and with that age your whole frontal lobes develop. And he was also mature for his age and like, damn. It's like for me, I don't care if you're cute, I don't care if you're hot, I don't care if you have money. Like obviously, yes. Like girl, you gotta have money. Like girl, I dealt with a broken. Never mind. All right.
- [99:08]
B
Yeah, like that gotta be one of the requirements. Yeah, literally.
- [99:12]
A
But one thing like one of my standards is that like I love a man who's like mature and who's like emotion like emotionally.
- [99:19]
B
That's what they want.
- [99:19]
A
Yeah. Emotionally capable. And I knew he was mature because I noticed. And also one thing about me, I noticed little things you might like sometimes little low key. And it's like low key one of my, that like I'm trying to get rid of. But it's like I like to pretend like I didn't notice it. But then I actually like like saw that, you know?
- [99:34]
B
Yeah.
- [99:35]
A
When we were texting on imessages he was actually so like mature to the point where it's like it didn't take him an hour, two hours, three hours to respond, you know, it wasn't like he wasn't playing hard to get. Yeah, it's like, okay, if I really like him gonna respond to you like fast, you know? And if he didn't like me, he wouldn't have been texting me. He would have blocked me after you know what I mean? So it's like. And I like that for a guy because it's like, if you can understand me on a deeper level. Level, I like that. And also, when I went to Universal, I don't know if I mentioned it, but, like, he introduced me his cousins, and they were also Filipino, and I really had, like, such a great time with. With his cousins, like, would also like my friends that we were also out there with. And I wanted to get to know him better, but obviously I don't live in la, and I don't. I've never done a long distance, and it's like, I'm not gonna do that, you know? So also, in a way, I didn't want to keep that going because it's like, I'm gonna hurt myself when I. When I come back home. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't want that. So. So I'm trying to think of it as, like, just have fun. Like, you know, you're young.
- [100:24]
B
Take it easy.
- [100:25]
A
Take it easy.
- [100:25]
B
What piece of advice can you give someone watching that has gone through a heartbreak and, you know, is trying to find themselves, is trying to heal, all while trying to keep an open mind to love? Because I feel like, you know, sometimes we close ourselves to, like, something beautiful that can happen. And I'm sure you've gone through a whole healing journey. What piece of advice can you give to someone who's got through a really bad breakup that feel like it won't get better?
- [100:49]
A
I would say it does get better. I know it sounds so cliche, but with time, it really does get better. I feel like you can literally accomplish anything after a heartbreak. Like, after my heartbreak, I felt like I was a whole brand new. Like, oh, my gosh, like I'm stepping on a new stone. And it'll literally shape you into who you are. If you're currently in a toxic, I don't know, relationship and you're trying to, like, I don't know, ask yourself, like, what do I do now? Like, I don't know how to go about this. I would say my biggest advice for you is you can't change a person who sees nothing wrong in their actions, so it's not your fault, it's theirs. Don't take it upon yourself, because when I was with my ex, I'll cry myself to sleep every freaking night. And him not even knowing, because it's like, am I not enough? Like, what the hell do I not have that he doesn't want? It's not you girl, it's, it's them. If you're think, if you're thinking like, like, am I doing something wrong? No, you're doing everything right. And, and don't overthink it. And I also believe in the whole, like, don't force yourself into anything. Like, the right person will come to you. So if you're currently, like, oh my gosh, I want to get into a relationship because I feel like it'll be like rainbows and butterflies. Don't think of it like that. Focus on yourself right now. Find yourself for now. Not for now, but like, focus on yourself and like, focus on like your ground, like your grounding. And like love yourself to the point where you don't need to, to get that from anywhere, from anyone else. With my ex too, I feel like I needed him because I felt like the reassurance from him. I didn't, I didn't have that with myself. Like, I didn't find that. And after the breakup, I had to like, find myself. I had to like, love myself and I had to do so much self care to the point where it's like, I don't need, I don't need a man right now.
- [102:26]
B
A man needs me.
- [102:29]
A
Like, you're the treasure, girl. You're the throat freaking throw fee. Like I actually like low key, like now that like, I realize it, obviously, like, I'm not trying to sound cocky or like a china, like trying to like, like all that stuff, but it's like you're the treasure here. Like, you're the main, what do you call it? You're the price. Yeah. You're the prize. You're the main attraction. And that whole time that like, like every time I would be like, you know, like going like, not like really like going out, but when I would be going out in special occasions, I would think to myself, like, damn, like, they must not like me. You know what I mean? But it's like at the same time, which be so secure to yourself that like, you're literally the stand. Like you're the, you stand out from the rest of these people. You know what I mean? Like, know your worth. Like, know your worth to the point where you don't have to question yourself anymore. So.
- [103:08]
B
And it's like, if a guy don't like you. Well, at least I like myself.
- [103:11]
A
Exactly right?
- [103:12]
B
Literally you're like a guy. I don't need a guy to love me.
- [103:15]
A
I'm like, where's my champagne at?
- [103:16]
B
Literally? And I feel like, you know, you'll find someone if it's today, tomorrow that will really like value you and you as a person and it's gonna work out. I feel like, you know, I'm glad that you're not not letting this bad experience really close you off to like what maybe you a beautiful relationship you can experience in the future. You know, now that you went through that, you're like, you know what? I know what red flags to not ignore. I know what to not tolerate. I know what to accept into my life. You know, your self worth. You've been like, you know what? At the end of the day, I am the price. Why am I acting? Why am I chasing a guy that doesn't want to chase me?
- [103:51]
A
Exactly.
- [103:52]
B
You know what I mean? And I know you're gonna find that person. And I'm so excited to finish off the interview. I'm going to go off with the last question that I always end up with. Where do you see yourself in the next five years? What goals do you have for yourself that you want to accomplish? Tell us a little bit about that.
- [104:12]
A
I see myself in five to 10 years. I mean currently. Right now, obviously I live in Houston, Texas. I live with my siblings and obviously it's not my obligation, but I, my sister right now is currently in college for. What is it called? What do you call it? For the like, what do you call it?
- [104:28]
B
Hygienist.
- [104:28]
A
Hygienist. That's a hygienist. She's on there for that and supporting her. And obviously like I told my siblings, like I currently live in a like house. I'm renting like a house right now. I told my siblings like I lowkey want to move to la, you know, to like to. What do you call it? To fulfill your dreams? Yeah, to expand like my dreams and stuff like that. I'm also 50, 50 on it. I feel like I like LA too much to the point where, where I feel like every time I'm out here I'm having fun and when I'm with my siblings, they keep me ground. But at the same time it's like I also want to live here like for, for my career. And it's like not yet. I feel like it's not the time. And sometimes Loki, sometimes I like, I'll think to myself, damn, am I too late? Like, damn, I'm too old to do this now. And it's like, no, you're never too late. Don't ever think that you're too late. Like you're in the right place. Because right now I'm currently also Supporting my brother Dandy for college. He's currently in the Philippines right now. He wants to study abroad. So I give him like a monthly allowance every month. And I'm currently supporting his college. And with my, also with my siblings, I don't want to leave them just yet. Obviously I want to know how it's like to live on like my own. And so I was having like a talk with my siblings about that and I was telling, I was basically telling them, I was like, okay with my sister Chanel. She, like, I still want to support her because it's like she's not making enough to the point where she can live on her own and she's still, you know, she's still a kid. And so I was thinking of, of maybe going back to an apartment because low key, with a house. I don't know if anyone knows this girl. It's literally so much like, I didn't know renting a house would be such a freaking responsibility. Like every, like if there's something that's wrong with the house, the freaking money that you have to comes out of your pocket. But I feel like with an apartment, the maintenance will take care of that, you know what I mean? It's like I didn't know that like having like rent, like having a house is like that much of an obligation and I didn't know that. I see myself and like, I feel like in a year moving into like an apartment in Houston with my sister, sister and, and I don't know if I mentioned this Lord's girlfriend. My brother also lives with us and no one really knows that because obviously it's like a more personal thing, but I'm really like lenient with, with when it comes to things like that. But I feel like now that I've lived in, I think Houston for like two years now, like a year and a half, I would say. And it's like I low key, want my own space, you know. And then I think after I give my sister grace and like after she completes her college and like she makes, you know, enough money, I low key, want to move to other. Like, I want to get like an apartment in LA and I want to see if my career would still like, like, like flourish. You know what I mean? Like, because sometimes I get in my head too much to the point where it's like, damn, like, I don't live in la. Does that mean, like I'm gonna flop? Like, does that mean I'm gonna, like, my career is not gonna, you know, like flourish anymore? Because it's like, I feel like everyone, I don't know, like, I feel like in a way everyone says that, like it's, it's good to live in, like in an environment where you will, like, you will literally flourish and where you're, where you, where you'll take off. But then at the same time, I also come to LA for work and stuff like that and low key. I feel like if I lived out here, I'll be having too much fun and I would not, I feel like I would not be as relatable anymore. Like it would.
- [107:15]
B
Yes.
- [107:16]
A
Exactly who I am. It's like, so I'm still like thinking about it, you know, in a way.
- [107:21]
B
I think, you know, to like finish that off with you feeling like, oh, maybe it's gonna be too late or what if I don't flourish at the end, End of the day, you're the star, not la. You know what I mean? Like, you're the star. And I feel like I've always said this, you know, thank God the only reason why I live even like an hour from LA is because I grew up here, right? I grew up in the OC so obviously. And even when I started making money and I was like, oh my God, let me move to la, I thought about it, but then I was like, no, it's too fast paced. I'll get lost in the mix. You know, you start going out too much.
- [107:51]
A
Exactly.
- [107:51]
B
Like, what about your videos? And it's all drinking and then it's all clubbing and it's great that you're like, you know what? When I come to la, I feel like I'm having fun. I'm on a vacation, work vacation. And when you're back home, you're really grounded and you're really, you know, locked in. And I know whatever dreams you have, you're going to accomplish them. You know, you're a great brother, great son, and just an overall great content creator. And I'm so excited to see what the future has in store for you if you guys haven't already. Already followed him on his social medias. You guys, I'm gonna leave them down below as well as on the screen so you guys can go ahead and follow him, you guys, so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much for sitting down with us and really, you know, talking to us about your life and your upbringing. Yosimos ustedes we're able to connect and really relate with the your story. Thank you so much for being here.
- [108:47]
A
Thank you so much for having me. It was an honor.
- [108:48]
B
And thank you guys so much for watching. And we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye, guys. Yay. You did so good.
- [109:06]
A
And Doug, Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and.
- [109:09]
B
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- [109:20]
A
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- [109:22]
B
We save. That may have been too much feeling.
- [109:25]
A
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- [109:29]
B
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- [109:30]
A
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